Chapter Text
Chapter 5:Final Bet
They take the rocket and land at a random place on the moon, stepping outside into the moon atmosphere
IShowFinance:’’Ok now that we are here, my FinanceGPS tells me that the signal is coming from… the Facebook Lunar Headquarters!’’
The new global economy extended far beyond the borders of earth, soon humanity found itself expanding its commerce even on the moon, the economic boom boosted space research helping people to establish bases and companies on the moon; soon the lunarians took notice of this and were prepared to take this expansion as a full on invasion by earthlings, however once the lunarian leader Watatsuki no Toyohime got offered a ‘’Little Caesar's Pizza’’ as a peace offer, she liked it so much that she declared an alliance between lunarians and earthlings, a social and an economical one, in fact now there are more than 50s Little Caesar’s locations in the Moon Capital alone.
Facebook was one of the many companies that managed to establish a moon base to improve their operations, after the people of Gensokyo were exposed to the magic of the internet and social medias, Facebook stocks skyrocketed as almost every single Gensokyan was on there, this was exponentially boosted by the people’s absolute THIRST for the mature Gensokyan women pics on Facebook, in fact Unzan had to be a moderator for the Myouren Temple Facebook promotional page as every single photo featuring Byakuren would get 20 times more regular likes, but at the cost of people saying the most unholy things imaginable in the comments, in fact the least bannable Byakuren praying pic comment section read something like this:
BUDDHISMLOVER56: GOD DAMN, I am proud to be a Gensokyan buddhist if that woman is the one representing us!
ILoveMyGhostWife13🏳️⚧️:Could you have some PRIVACY on social medias? At least the way of the Tao teaches you not to brag to other people about your religion online all the time!
TotallyNotRinnosuke:My business consultant suggested that I be as civil as possible on social media to not damage my business image, so I will just say this: I hope you will have a nice day today miss Byakuren.
Ichirin:’’Uhhhh.. do you have any idea where we are? I only see… rocks… around here.’’ Ichirin said looking around confused
IShowFinance:’’No lol’’
After wandering in random directions on the moon's surface for 3 hours straight like complete idiots, they finally manage to find the Facebook Lunar Base, as they approach its outskirts they see… Mark Zuckerberg standing outside of it?!?!
Mark Zuckerberg:’’Ooohhh! Would you look at this! Somebody finally managed to complete the treasure hunt!’’ Mark Zuckerberg said with an evil grin on his face
IShowFinance:’’It's over Mark. Revert the stock rates or we will have to bring you down!’’
Mark Zuckerberg:’’Huhuh! How about…NO! It’s just so MUCH fun to see everyone in such a dire economical situation… ahh the look of pure desperation on their faces~’’ Mark Zuckerberg said as his evil grin widened
Futo:’’Thee absolute moron, how can thee beest such a sadist!’’
Mark Zuckerberg:’’You poor little taoist… why would you care for a thing such as finance? Maybe… that shikaisen brain of yours must have really taken a tool on ya~. But it's no issue… I’ll LOVE to serve it as dinner for my little sweetheart… speaking of which.. MY LOYAL SERVANT, GO!’’ Mark screamed as an astronaut came out of nowhere charging at Ichirin but stumbled on its feet as it fell down and its helmet flew off, revealing that the astronaut was none other than… Yoshika!?!?
Yoshika continued to roll down on the moon ground as the zero gravity made her keep on rolling as she snapped one arm and one leg from the impacts on the moon ground.
But wait… if the astronaut is Yoshika… does that mean that Mark…
Mark Zuckerberg?:’’NOOO! YOSHIKA!!!’’ Mark Zuckerberg screams as he runs over to Yoshika, who is lying drooling on the ground unable to move, to snap her arm and leg back in place and to help her.
Just as Mark Zuckerberg is turned, IShowFinance notices that there seems to be a comically large zip behind Mark's neck, he gets closer and pulls it, revealing that the fake Mark Zuckerberg was Seiga all along!
Seiga:’’AAAAHHH!! NO! STOP!’’ Seiga screamed as IShowFinance pulled down the zip all the way letting the Mark Zuckerberg skin disguise fall on the moon ground
Futo:’’Seiga! You filthy hermit! Lady Taishi will not be happy to hear about this! Explain yourself!’’
Ichirin:’’Why would you do something so despicable as sending the entire planet into a global poverty?!’’
Seiga managed to help Yoshika get up and turned around with her usual wide grin, ‘’Ooohhh, cmon, I just wanted to have a bit of fun~.’’
Ichirin:’’Your fun risked the livelihoods of millions of people! Don’t you have the slightest sense of remorse?!’’
’’No~. Seeing people suffer is just so… EXCITING….’’ Seiga said as her eyes took on a more maniacal look
‘’But… since you took the time to come all the way here… you kinda ruined my mood for this, i’ll return the stocks to normal if you let me go… AND if you defeat this little friend I met while on a trip here…’’ Seiga said with an even wider smirk than before
At that moment Gengestu of all people comes out of a dream world portal out of nowhere
Gengestu:’’Hey chat it’s me Gengestu and I am here to fill the PC-98 characters quota of this fanfic.’’
Ichirin:’’Holy Shit who the fuck is this now’’ Ichirin said annoyed as she had no idea of who the hell Gengestu was
’’Have fun with her! I helped her get rid of someone named ‘’Doremy Sweet’’ for her and her sister in their dream world and now we are great friends, right Gengestu?~ Now Yoshika, let's get out of here and let's go do some doki doking waku waku together~’’ Seiga said before picking up Yoshika in her arms and flying away.
‘’Lets play football!’’Gengestu said before manifesting a football field out of nowhere on the moon ground
‘’ACK! What in the devil’s name is this sorcery?’’Futo said confused at the scene as Gengestu also changed out of nowhere into a Messi football outfit
‘’Seems like we have to challenge her to a football match! We are 3 vs 1 we can win this!’’IShowFinance says before pulling away his suit revealing a Ronaldo football outfit under it ‘’How… How the hell did you hide that under the suit?!?!’’ Ichirin asked confused, but before she could get any response, IShowFinance was already dashing towards the middle of the field as he and Gengestu rushed to get the ball first before the other could get control over it, energy and lighting sparking from both like in a cringy football edit on instagram
Right as soon as they are about to clash at the centre of the field, IShowFinance manages to get the first touch of the ball as he sends it flying in the air as both he and Gengetsu jump in the air to try to catch control over it
Gengestu manages to win the air clash and starts to sprint towards the empty goal with the ball as Ichirin tries to run and catch her unsuccessfully as she never played football in her life, the only sport she ever played regularly was tennis with the folks of the Myouren Temple
But anyway, back to the football match
‘’Have you ever played football… WITH YOUR LIFE ON THE LINE!’’Gengestu says to IShowFinance with a manic look as she manages to jump IShowFinance, charging a super sonic kick towards the empty goal, but just as the ball is about to get in the goal, Futo gets in the way and manages to launch the ball away at the last second, deflecting it with her trusty plate and sending it back to IShowFinance
IShowFinance without wasting any time dashes immediately towards the goal as Gengetsu runs behind him to catch him, she tries to get him on the ground, but IShowFinance jumps over her attack and dashes even forward, now finding himself ready to score
‘’SIIIIUUUUUUU!!!!!’’IShowFinance screams as he charges a super powerful money aura kick that flies into the goal leaving a trail of golden coins behind even
‘’NOOOOOOO!!!! MESSIIII I HAVE FAILED YOUU!!!!!’’Gengestu screams as she drops down to her knees and then disappears into another portal directed to the dream world, looking defeated and sad after her loss
The football field disappears as IShowFinance also returns into his suit attire
The only thing left on the ground from where Gengetsu disappeared is a remote of the ‘’Doremy Sleeps’’ brand with a ‘’DESTROY WORLD ECONOMY BACKUP PLAN’’ switch set on ‘’ON’’
Futo:’’Look! That vile demon left something behind!’’ Futo said to Ichirin pointing at the remote
Ichirin:’’Who… who the hell built this?’’ Ichirin asked confused as she picked up the remote and stared at it
IShowFinance:’’I…I don't know, but let’s end all of this finally.’’ IShowFinance said confused as well
Ichirin switched the remote on ‘’OFF’’ and soon enough the stocks all across the world came back in the positive in a matter of seconds as money started to reflow into the market and the economy was saved as businesses all around the world celebrated in harmony as a new era of economic growth was about to get even better in the future!
The group all returned to the Myouren Temple together by dinner time and once they stepped inside they were met by Byakuren and the rest of the Myouren Temple all around the dinner table with… the real Mark Zuckerberg as a guest!!!
Byakuren:’’Ahh Ichirin! There you are! We were waiting for you to start dinner and it looks like you even brought Futo along! And a… strange man in a suit also! I always knew you and Futo made a great couple! We even had the courtesy to invite Mark Zuckerberg for dinner since we met at Nitori and Marisa’s barbeque! Let’s all sit down and eat the Little Caesar’s pizza we bought!’’
Mark Zuckerberg:’’Thank you lady Byakuren, please accept these 4 billion dollars I had in my right pocket as a thank you for your generosity, may this be the start of a wonderful collaboration between the Myouren Temple and Facebook!’’
Ichirin’’Wow.
This truly was one hell of a bizarre day.’’