Chapter Text
With a jolt, Jax was thrust into the ground. Everything was dark and his mind spun like a demagnetized compass. A splitting headache cut deep into his forehead as he faded into consciousness. What had just happened? He hadn't had a real headache like this one since before...
Before he could think, his hands rushed to his face, grabbing frantically at the mask covering his eyes. It was cold and rugged, much unlike the smooth textures of everything in the circus. After a deep breath and slowly counting to three, he lifted the mask and opened his eyes. He was met with a dusty eggshell colored wall with a mostly empty desk, empty aside from the crashed out laptop, sitting in front of him. He was finally free. Fuck. Pomni. He didn't get to say goodbye.
Jax hadn't ever thought he would be able to leave the circus, and while he had more than enough time to think about what he would theoretically do if he ever got out, he felt at the time it would all be a huge waste, assuming he would've abstracted well before he had the chance to get his life back. But now that he was here, he was struck with an overwhelming stiffness in his body and a tightness in his heart. For the first time in years, he was truly alone. He slumped down against the wall, reaching up to grab his ears and pull them down to his face. His efforts were futile, as he was met with his shaggy hair instead. This really was real. He exhaled and took a few moments to catch himself up to speed. He tore into his coat pockets and came back empty handed. He went in for round two into his jeans pockets, pulling up a variety of items he had shoved in there. His wallet, his keys, his phone. His phone. He pressed hard on the power button, expecting it to be dead, but the screen lit up immediately. 76%. Jax hurriedly unlocked his phone and opened his messages, expecting to find a bombardment of texts from various people questioning where he was, what happened to him, how he was doing, but to his surprise, was met with not a single thing. The world had moved on without him. He opened his calendar app to try to figure out what day it was. October 30th. 2022. 2022. He wasn't sure what date he was expecting it to be, but he had thought all the time he spent in the digital circus would equate to real time. But here he was, 19 again, stuck back in the exact same day that was taken away from him. Pulling out his wallet, he scanned the inside for anything useful. His debit card, credit card, drivers license. He fumbled with the flap on his wallet to pull it out, squinting at it hard as he tried to remember what he looked like before the circus. He didn't want to think about that right now.
Jax covered his photo with his shaky thumb and focused on his breath. Felix. His name was Felix. He lowered his head into his knees and felt his whole body begin to shake. He wasn't ready to face the real world again. Not yet.
No point in moping about it. Nobody was going to come save him, not Ragatha, not Pomni, nobody. Pomni. He didn't get the chance to say goodbye to her. Not that he cared.
He reopened his phone, unsure of what his next move should be. It was roughly 1 pm, but he didn't think he had anything going on. He reopened his calendar once again, to see that he had a chamber music coaching for his quartet at 4 pm. He threw his head back and sighed. Fuck. How would he be able to rehearse in his current position? He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as he tried to remember what piece they were even supposed to be working on. Ginastera? Barktok? Dvorak? Hell, he didn't know. He didn't know how he was supposed to find it in himself to care about anything right now.
Jax- no, Felix, reopened his messages app to send a message to his groupchat.
"hi everyone, sorry to cancel last minute, but im really not feeling well. can we reschedule our coaching?" He typed out on his phone, wincing at the anticipated reaction of resentment he would receive from the rest of his quartet and from his coach.
He shut off his phone and pressed his head back into the wall again. He supposed he should probably get up and find his way out of here. As relieved as he was tobe free from that vile place, that didn't make him any less apprehensive about leaving the default room he was put into. With a sigh, he heaved himself up onto his feet, stabilizing his balance on the back of the chair he had fallen out of. It was weird having five fingers again. That would take some getting used to for sure.
Strangely enough, a part of him missed his cartoon self. He felt so small and vulnerable back in his own body. He was truly impermanent now. The threat of death loomed over his head and ticked throughout his bones. He was grateful no one else from the circus were here to see him in his shattered state. Especially not the doll.
A small gurgle erupted in his stomach, and Jax doubled over as he tried to hold back the sour taste in his mouth that threatened to escape onto the floor. Rubbing his mouth Jack Torrance style, he attempted to straighten himself and staggered over to the doorway. He felt a buzz in his pocket, and he couldn't ignore his instincts to check it.
"Sorry Felix, but this is the only time Dr. Weiss is available this week, and we have our concert on Wednesday. Do you think you'll be okay enough to come to rehearsal?" Someone from his quartet replied. Jax shoved his phone into his pocket and punched the wall in frustration. Of course he had a concert on Wednesday. No point in hanging around this joint if he wasn't getting out of this one.
Jax dropped his shoulders and straightened his posture, preparing himself to leave the room. He took one last glance around to check his surroundings and see if he was leaving anything behind. The room was hauntingly empty aside from that open computer, and Jax couldn't help but shiver from the sight of it.
He was free. From the Circus, anyway. His nose twitched. He really should quit the violin after this week.