Chapter Text
Work was practically over. Pim was typing up their report on today’s job while Charlie absentmindedly flitted through the movies and shows available on the break room’s TV. He didn’t actually plan on watching anything, it was really just to kill the time.
“Pim, Pim, Pim,” Charlie started, earning the smaller critter’s attention. “Have you seen this movie? It’s so good. Like, not everyone will get it, you know, but it’s — it’s really good.”
Pim hummed, furrowing his brows in thought. His eyes rose to the small TV. “What’s it about?” he asked before resuming his report on the laptop.
“I can’t even explain it, man. You just have to watch it.”
“I’ll add it to my list.” He finished typing and thoroughly read over his work. “Charlie,” Pim said, turning the laptop to face his best friend and coworker. “Would you like to add anything else?”
Charlie propped an elbow on the table and scanned the document. He typed a few stray sentences that Pim couldn’t see, but let Pim know when he was done. Promptly, Pim hit the button to begin printing the paper. It was turned in on time as per usual, the boss praising Pim and Charlie as he would almost any other day. The day was typical and average in the most comforting way, the way that Pim loved. He adored spontaneous adventures, but he couldn’t help but love routine as well. Honestly, Pim loved most things.
Pim and Charlie clocked out together. Sometime throughout the day, Glep had just left. Allan, on the other hand, opted to stay late to finish some filing and stocking in the supply room.
“Good day, huh, Charlie?” The sun was hanging brightly in the sky, casting a glow on the street. Pim gazed at Charlie, admiring how he looked in the afternoon light. Charlie wasn’t even doing anything in particular; he was just standing there, hands shoved in his hoodie pocket.
Charlie shrugged, a small smile on his lips betraying his indifference. “Same as every other day.”
“But it was nice, right? When we finally got that lady to smile.”
Charlie picked up his feet, beginning the walk home. Pim stayed by his side. They could walk together most of the way, but eventually they did have to split as they got closer to their respective apartments. “Yeah, it was. I think she was just lonely.”
Pim agreed. The woman was elderly and unmarried. She had a few children, but they had all moved away, so she didn’t really have any family nearby anymore. Not only that, but she had become somewhat of a recluse.
Charlie and Pim worked with her and showed her that there were still many things worth smiling for. They took short walks with her and did some of the old hobbies that she used to love. Birdwatching and baking were some of those things.
Charlie teased Pim a few times throughout the job, whispering that he must be an old lady, too, if those were the kind of things that they did. Pim took the joke all in good fun.
He was kind of like an old grandma. He went to bed and fell asleep before 10 o’clock almost every night, curling up with a book as a way to relax. Pim enjoyed tea in the afternoons and always tuned into his favorite shows. Not that he didn’t do typical ‘young person things,’ but he enjoyed relaxing hobbies. Pim was constantly charged and full of energy, so he needed something to help him calm down in the evenings.
The lady had even said that Pim reminded her of herself when she was younger. He took it as a compliment; she was a very sweet woman. Old pictures of her showed that she was a lot like Pim. She was cheerful and loved helping people; she even used to volunteer at food banks and animal shelters. Pim hadn’t volunteered in a long time, but he always enjoyed those things, too.
He tried not to think about how lonely she had gotten. Pim never thought that his future would look like hers. He was a romantic, always imagining a wonderful family that he could dote on and love unconditionally. But he was getting older, and sometimes he did wonder if that was really in the cards for him.
Pim wasn’t unhappy by any means. He loved his life. His friends were just the best, and he couldn’t ask for a better job. It was his dream, though, to be married and have children, so it was hard for him not to fantasize. Pim’s an optimist, always believing in the best, so sometimes he forgot reality and flew too high up into the clouds.
Pim always believed in soulmates, platonic or otherwise. He constantly told Charlie that the two were twin-flames, and the other critter would laugh it off like a joke. But Pim wasn’t joking! He firmly believed that he and Charlie were meant to be best friends for the rest of his life. A future without Charlie in his life didn’t exist for Pim, plain and simple.
Charlie would attend Pim’s wedding, surely, in a dashing suit and tie. He would look oh-so-handsome giving a speech on Pim’s behalf, and they would hug, teary eyed and happier than ever. It made him giddy just thinking about it.
“Pim,” Charlie said, rousing him from his thoughts. “You’re staring.”
Pim broke out into a wide grin. He couldn’t help it! “I was just thinking. Sorry.”
Charlie fished his phone out of his pocket, likely just to give him something to do. “I know. You do that a lot.”
“I stare at you a lot?” Pim asked.
“Yeah, but I meant zoning out. You zone out a lot and end up staring at me. Or whoever, probably, I don’t know.” Charlie typed something out on his phone before putting it back in his pocket. It probably wouldn’t stay there for long, though.
“Oh,” Pim said, growing a little self-conscious. “Does it bother you?”
“Not at all, man. I was just saying.” Charlie shrugged casually.
Pim smiled. Good, he thought. Charlie was just so pleasing to look at, for whatever reason. It wasn’t his fault if his mind drifted off while he was admiring his best friend! Truthfully, he was surprised more people weren’t usually staring at Charlie. Pim found him to be very good-looking.
He often had to fight the urge to pull Charlie down to him and feel that face beneath his hands. He wanted to rub his fingers over every soft surface. Even Charlie’s nose, which he absolutely adored, and he felt a little guilty about that one.
“Oh, Charlie! Would you like to come over tonight? We can watch that movie you were talking about earlier!”
“Sure, man. I can move some stuff around, I guess.” Charlie tapped his hands on the sides of his thighs as they walked.
“Oh, well, you don’t have to come over if you’re too busy.
“No, it’s fine, I’m coming over.”
“Yay! Thanks, Charlie! Do you want me to cook, or should I order food?”
“Let’s order something. Allan got me that Chili's gift card for my birthday last year, remember?
“We could eat at the restaurant if you’d prefer!”
“Nah, I don’t feel like going out tonight.”
“That’s fine, too!
The movie was good. They were about 2/3 of the way through it, and Pim was just fascinated. The underlying tones, the subtext… Pim wasn’t usually into those artsy, avant-garde kinds of films, but he was thoroughly enjoying this one. The cinematography was just gorgeous, and the actors were killing it as well.
Charlie had finished his meal long ago, but he didn’t turn Pim down when he offered the critter some of his fries. They were sharing body heat at this point; Pim leaning against Charlie’s side with a single blanket thrown over both of them. It was incredibly comfortable and beautifully domestic. Pim sighed, relishing the moment.
Pim felt Charlie speak before he actually heard it. “Something up?” Charlie asked.
Pim hummed in thought. “No, not really.” He shifted only enough to look up at Charlie, and that sight… that sight was just wonderful. Charlie peered back at him, looking down with a relaxed expression lit only from the light of the TV. Pim wanted to stare again, but he should probably just watch the movie.
He should get back to the movie.
Neither critter looked away, and Pim could feel his face heating up.
There was a voice in the back of his head, one that’s been there since he could remember. He had been so young when he’d first heard it, a tadpole probably. It was a familiar voice, not his own, but ever present in his life. It whispered to him daily, and yelled at him in moments like this.
Moments where he was just so enamored, so amazed by Charlie. All he wanted was to hold the other critter, touch him and kiss him breathless. He only hesitated because of that voice. That persistent, stern voice.
What would happen if he just… ignored it?
Charlie was breathing fast, and suddenly Pim realized he was too. Pim bit his bottom lip, tearing it between his teeth. He recognized the taste of blood, distantly, but he didn’t care. Charlie swallowed and adjusted on the couch. The action only brought them closer, Charlie facing the smaller critter more than before.
“Charlie,” Pim started. He didn’t recognize his own voice or even realize he was speaking until the words were leaving his mouth. “Can I —”
“Yes. Yeah, whatever you want,” Charlie replied quickly.
Pim flushed at the permission. ‘Whatever you want,’ was a big ask, and Pim certainly couldn’t do it all at once. He wanted a lot.
That voice was screaming now. It was surprising that Pim could even hear it over the pounding of his heart, but it was still there. He wished he could drown it underneath his pulse. Pim didn’t listen to it, instead he reached a hand up to caress that beautiful face. The cheek was just as soft as he imagined. Pim smiled.
Suddenly, Pim’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He and Charlie stared at each other, this time for a different reason than before. Pim rarely got texts from anyone but Charlie. Allan and Glep have messaged him in the past, but not daily like his best friend did.
Pim was ready to ignore it, but the buzz wasn’t stopping. It wasn’t the quick vibration of a single text, but instead the long-lasting buzz of a phone call. Charlie broke the silence. “You,” he cleared his throat, “you should probably get that.”
With furrowed brows, Pim pulled the device from his pocket. His face still felt hot, and he took a deep breath to calm down. It was somewhat embarrassing how he was still shaking when he finally got his phone out and read the caller ID. His puzzled expression only deepened; it was his sister Amy.
Several emotions came over him at once. First surprise, quickly followed by confusion, then finally landing on worry. She never called him. Pim didn’t even know she had his number. Charlie was watching the scene play out before him, now intrigued.
Pim shuffled away from Charlie, immediately feeling the loss of warmth. He sat on the edge of the couch and answered the call. “Hello? Amy?”
Charlie mouthed a question. ‘Your sister?’ he asked, and Pim responded with a nod. Charlie’s expression conveyed confusion as well.
She spoke with her typical annoyed cadence, like she’d rather be talking to anyone else in the world but her brother. He didn’t hold it against her, Pim could be a lot sometimes. “Finally. I was about to hang up.”
“Is everything alright?”
She scoffed. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know. Did you mean to call me?
“Yes, Pim,” She practically spat his name. “Alpha told me to call you. He thinks that Mom is upset about the whole thing, but I keep telling him that she’s fine. But he was insistent, saying that I —”
Pim unceremoniously interrupted her. “Sorry, sorry, but, uh —” He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to pull any distant memory to the forefront of his mind, something that could explain what she was talking about. He came up blank. “What’s this about?”
A pause. “You haven’t heard?”
“Er, no? I don’t think so, at least.”
“Dad’s dead, Pim.”
His heart dropped, somehow speeding up at the same time. “What?” he asked, voice breaking.
“Since, like, last week. You really didn’t know?”
“No,” he answered meekly. “I didn’t —” he sucked in a breath, trying to find his words. “Um, what happened?” Charlie tried to ask him something else, but Pim couldn’t hear him over the thundering in his chest. Pim pulled his arm around himself, seeking some sort of comfort.
“Something about his lungs. Cancer, I think. Who would’ve known, right?”
Pim would’ve known. He did know, kind of; his father had lung problems since Pim was in high school. He didn’t know how to respond. “Okay,” was all he said about it. “What were you saying about Mom?”
“Oh, yeah. Alpha said you should come check on her or something. I swear she’s fine, but he’s worried. I told him, ‘I should know, I’m her fucking daughter,’ but he wouldn’t shut up about it. He mentioned something about that,” she grumbled in thought, “that place you volunteer at?”
“The Smiling Friends. And I work there, actually.”
“Right. I genuinely don’t give a fuck what you do, you can jump off a bridge for all I care, I just want Alpha to stop worrying. He keeps getting sick and it’s really gross.”
“Oh. Okay, well, I’ll come over now and —”
“‘Kay.”
The line beeped before Pim had a chance to say anything else, signaling she had just hung up. Pim stared at his lap, trying to get his thoughts in order. Mostly his mind was blank, unable to believe what he’d just heard.
He’d known about the lung problems for a while. That part wasn’t surprising, given his father worked in the mines day in and day out. But still… he couldn’t believe it. His father, Pim's father, had passed away a week ago, and he was only hearing about it now.
All this time he was just going about his day as normal, happily helping people without even knowing. Guilt settled in his stomach as he thought about all the time he should’ve spent mourning his dad. Then he remembered what he was going to do only moments prior to receiving that phone call, and he felt dizzy for a few reasons.
Should Pim have been crying? Maybe he was just in shock. He was upset, certainly, but disbelief trumped any other emotion of grief. It was sudden, too sudden, and he didn’t know what to do. He had to help, Pim knew that. His family needed him, probably. Maybe. Did they need him? They hadn’t even contacted him until now. What were they doing up until this point? Had they already —
Did they already have the funeral?
Pim’s vision was tunneling.
“Pim, dude?” The smaller critter’s eyes snapped up and he returned to reality. His reality. Charlie, the living breathing being next to him. He wanted to hug him more than anything right now, but he didn’t. Instead, Pim sat there lamely, dumbstruck, staring up at his best friend. “You good?”
His words mixed in his head and came out a jumbled mess. “Um, it, uh — My — my dad. He, he… He passed away.”
“Shit, Pim, I’m so sorry. That’s really — fuck, man. Like, like just now, or —?”
Pim shook his head slowly. There was that disbelief again. “No, it was, like, last week, or something? I don’t, I don’t know the details, really, but I… I have to go.” Pim was talking. He was saying something, he was sure of it. Words were definitely leaving his mouth, but his brain couldn’t catch up. His body, though, his body was already moving. Standing, moving somewhere. Moving to the door, towards his parents’ house, probably. Yeah. Towards his mom’s house.
Something stopped him. No, a hand. Pim turned. It was an arm. An arm attached to his friend, his best friend in the whole world. The one person he loved above everything else.
“Pim, are you okay?” Charlie asked. His face was full of concern, and Pim told himself he never wanted to see that face again. He’d already seen that expression more times than he’d ever wanted, but this time, with the worry directed at Pim, the smaller critter felt a little guilty.
Pim searched those eyes. Those small, dark eyes that he found just fascinating. Catch them at the right angle, or if they widen just enough, you could see the sclera peek out from around the deep brown. It was shocking in the most amazing way, the first time Pim saw it, and he found himself thinking about those eyes a lot. He wanted to fully understand them and figure out how they looked in every expression.
But the one Pim was receiving now wasn’t one he ever wanted to see again. His heart ached for more reasons than one. “I’m…” He couldn’t see the whites now, and he was glad. Pim wanted it to stay that way. “I’m okay,” he lied automatically. A reflex.
Charlie bit his lip and furrowed his brows. “Can I come with you?” he asked. The request startled Pim, just a little. Charlie had expressed how he felt about Pim’s family once or twice. Not in detail, but Pim knew he didn’t like them. “Just think of it as overtime or something.”
Pim nodded and looked at the ground. “Okay. Thank you, Charlie.” If he could have, he would have smiled up at him. With anyone else, he could have fought through the fog in his brain and entered that place, that comfortable yet exhausting place where he could just pretend and be happy all the time. He’d paint on a smile and use his cheeriest voice.
Charlie, as smart as he is, would know Pim was lying and call him out on it. Charlie was aware of it then, Pim knew he was, that the pink critter wasn’t really fine. It was an instinct, a coping mechanism to act like he was. Even so, Charlie gave him this one grace, surely by pure circumstance, to not say a word about it. But putting on a smile was too much effort when it wouldn’t work in the slightest.
Charlie knew him too well, and Pim was thankful for it. So, so thankful. It was refreshing to actually be understood by someone.
They took the car to Pim’s family home, the smaller critter driving as usual. It hit him, suddenly, and his hands shook against the steering wheel. He tried his best to compartmentalize, tuck those thoughts away for now. It wouldn’t do any good if he broke down, so he had to be strong. Strong for his family. He can’t help otherwise, and what good was he to them if he couldn’t help? His father would tell him to suck it up and be a man, so this time he’ll try.
A last ditch effort to turn off his brain with the radio worked pretty well. He was able to enter that place where he could just float. It didn’t feel like Earth, really, but somewhere else. Somewhere where he wasn’t driving to his mother’s house to talk about his dad’s death. Somewhere nice and empty.
His mother answered the door with a cigarette in hand and greeted her son. “Hello, Pim,” she said, and opened the door wide enough to let the two critters inside.
“It’s good to see you, Mom. How are you doing?” Pim was proud of how well he was keeping it together. The slight denial helped.
“Just peachy,” she replied.
“Are you sure? You know it’s — We would love to make you feel better, if you need it.”
“I don’t,” she said, and walked off to sit at the dining table. Her demeanor seemed the same as always, a little jittery and on edge.
He followed, Charlie trailing closely behind. The house looked the same as always, trash littered everywhere and dishes stacked in the sink. The little ones ran wild like usual, waving at Pim only once since he entered the house. He waved back.
Pim peered down the hall at the big chair set up in front of the television. The device was off and the chair was empty. A lonely beer rested on the floor next to the seat.
He should’ve expected the eerie vibe that accompanied the view, but a heavy feeling overcame him when Pim saw that his father really wasn’t there. And not gone like at work, gone like gone, and not coming back. Reality came crashing in and nearly knocked Pim off his feet. He averted his gaze to Charlie; his best friend always gave him comfort.
“I heard about Dad,” Pim said, finding his mother with his eyes.
Pim’s mom was lighting another cigarette. There was a bottle of wine along with a nearly empty glass on the table she was sitting at. She looked up, raising her brows only slightly. “Yep.” She took a long drag.
“Mom, are you okay?”
She spoke steadily, a cold indifference filling her words. “Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked. Her voice didn’t quaver or portray that she was anything but fine.
“Because —”
“Because he’s dead, right?” she asked with a hint of annoyance. “Honestly, what difference does it make now that he’s gone? I cook, I clean —” Pim was skeptical on that last one. The place hadn’t been cleaned properly since he lived there. Pim did the dishes, Pim took out the garbage and cleaned the house… He did most of the chores before he moved out. “— I go to sleep at night in a cold bed, only now the man making it that way is gone. So, let me ask you again, Pim: what difference does it make?”
Pim couldn’t respond. For some reason, he couldn’t say anything. He was standing there dumbly, shocked and depressed by her words.
Obviously, his parents didn’t have a good relationship. They fought almost constantly, and there was too much resentment built up between them to ever go away. But hearing her say that… Pim’s hands were shaking. He wanted her to care. He wanted her to remember the good times, as few and far between as they were, and think of the man fondly.
“Exactly,” she said with finality. “If anything, I’m better off.” The cigarette was stubbed out straight onto the tabletop. It left a dirty black scar on the wood, and Pim fought the urge to grab the supplies and start cleaning the spot. He would have, 20 or so years ago.
Better off.
Better off.
Pim couldn’t look at her anymore, so he stared at his shoes. A big scuff on the toe caught his eye. “Was the funeral nice, at least?” he asked, voice coming out much smaller than intended. Pim felt like he was nine years old again.
His mother didn’t bat an eye at the question. “We didn’t have one.”
Pim nodded. Only now were tears starting to form in his eyes, and he chewed on his lip to keep them from falling. “Are you planning one?” he asked quietly.
She sighed. “These things can get very expensive, Pim. Amy suggested we just cremate him and scatter his ashes somewhere. Maybe take them down to the mines.”
“No, not the mines. He hated it down there.”
“Oh. Well, he sure was down there a lot.”
“That was his job, Mom. He didn’t have a choice.”
“Fine. You want to plan one, then?”
Wide, glossy eyes snapped up to look at his mom. “What?”
“The funeral. Do you want to plan it?”
“Oh. Um, alright. I — I guess I can.”
“Great. I’ll let Amy know.”
“Is she not here?”
“No, she left right before you arrived.”
“Right.”
“Did you need anything else, Pim?”
“I,” he swallowed thickly, “I guess not. Just the… information. Where his — Where Dad’s at and all.”
“He’s at the funeral home on Meep street.”
Pim took a deep breath. “Alright. And you’re — you’re sure that you’re okay?”
She smiled and poured a hefty amount of wine in her glass. “Yep. I’m good.”
Pim nodded. What was he supposed to do now? He felt like he needed to do something for her, fix something. Pim knows how to deal with people in pain, but this? He was stuck. It didn’t feel right to do nothing, but he couldn’t think of anything that would help. It seemed that she was telling the truth and really didn’t need help.
Charlie broke Pim from his thoughts with a grounding hand on his shoulder. “I think we should go, Pim. She seriously seems fine.”
Pim peered into those eyes and nodded again. It didn’t feel right, but he trusted Charlie. Sure, sometimes he’d try to give up somewhat prematurely, but he also knew that it was okay to quit. Not everyone needed help, and that was okay. The hardest part of Pim’s job was when he tries and tries and tries but nothing works. He could exhaust himself that way so easily, and he has before, but Charlie was there to ground him. To remind him that sometimes things just don’t work out. It wasn’t giving up, Pim never gave up. Charlie was able to provide a realistic point of view to Pim’s sometimes too optimistic one. It was a matter of balance, really, and Charlie brought that into Pim’s life.
Pim’s voice died in his throat. He’d felt so incredibly small during the whole exchange with his mother. Like an ant, almost. He certainly didn’t feel like a person right now. It was like he was on autopilot, the world tunneling and moving on while he just drifted along with it.
He listened to Charlie and allowed the yellow critter to guide him outside. After the door closed, Pim realized he forgot to say, ‘bye.’ He almost ran back inside just for that, but he didn’t have the energy. He felt so drained all of a sudden.
It was probably after 8 already. He fumbled for his keys, not knowing what else to do but go home. Going home didn’t exactly feel right, but he knew he couldn’t stay there. He sniffled, trying his best to keep his composure as he unlocked his car and got inside. Charlie piled into the passenger’s seat next to Pim.
Pim was talking again. “I can drop you off before heading home,” he said quietly. It was almost an afterthought.
“Pim, don’t take this the wrong way, but I really don’t think you should be alone right now.” Pim could be alone. That’s how he dealt; he pushed things down, pretended they didn’t exist until he cried himself to sleep while choking on his own sobs.
Pim didn’t want to be a burden. He never wanted people to worry, so, when he needed to, he’d put on a facade and pretend.
Pim was an optimist, yes, and generally a happy-go-lucky person, but he had a disproportionate amount of baggage for someone his size. No matter how much he denied the fact, Pim had issues. Most people would if they grew up in the environment he did. So he hid it all, tucked it away in a small part of himself that only glowed in the dark of his bedroom.
“I’ll be fine, Charlie, really. You don’t have to worry.”
Charlie made a face. “Dude, I might as well just spend the night at your place. It’s more convenient for you, and I think I left my phone over there, anyway.”
Pim was starting to tear up again. Gosh, Charlie was so nice sometimes. He sniffled at the sudden, overwhelming emotion. “Alright. Thank you.”
“I know you’d do the same for me.”
Pim would. He’d do just about anything for Charlie. He loved his best friend a lot.