Chapter Text
“Oh good, you're home.” Ebrisa looked up from the table, smiling warmly at Cullen as she set down a plate. She adjusted the sleeping child in her arms and crossed the small kitchen to give the man a kiss on the cheek. “Supper is almost ready, so if you could just take this.” Ebrisa handed the small girl over. Cullen studied the child's tiny nose and curly hair and felt his chest tighten. “They let you leave on time, so I take it patrol was uneventful?” Ebrisa asked while bending down to pull bread from the oven.
He caressed his thumb over the child's chubby cheek and smiled sadly. “I'll see you later, little one,” he whispered softly.
“Cullen?” Ebrisa tilted her head curiously. “Is something the matter?”
The commander closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. “You'll need to try harder than that, demon. A good effort though.”
The small home faded away and the desire demon dropped her guise. “You're no fun at all.”
“So I've been told,” Cullen muttered, moving his empty hand to his sword hilt. A bolt of lightning shot out and struck the demon, making her grunt in annoyance.
“I'll go, I'll go,” she sighed. “Plenty of dreamers out there who enjoy my company.” Then she slipped through the hazy ground and disappeared.
Cullen turned to face the mage behind him. “How long were you there, Dorian?”
“Long enough,” the Tevinter shrugged slightly. “I was going to let you stay a moment longer, but you weren't fooled for a second, were you?”
“After the fall of Fereldan's Circle, I trained hard to recognize demon traps,” Cullen explained. He'd also seen enough fake Ebrisa's to notice one. They never smile right.
The mage hummed while looking around. “It seems sending you may have thrown those enchanters off their mark, but we shouldn't be too far from our goal. I'm certain Solas is already there, preparing to mock us.” Dorian was still for a few moments, feeling out the area. “This way, I believe. I can sense his elfy smugness.” They crossed the winding path, ignoring the branching routes and staying relatively straight. Seeing the Fade this way was so strange to Cullen, but Dorian seemed relatively at ease. Was this how mages wandered in their sleep?
Before long they found a large stone door with Solas waiting beside it. “Come to help at last?”
“Told you,” Dorian muttered to the commander.
The elf ran his hand over the door and frowned. “This is where I ran into trouble before. The Herald's dream is through here – I can sense her presence - but I simply can not force myself in.”
“Alright then, we'll focus on it together.” The Tevinter came up beside the elf and each placed a hand on the door, concentrating on breaking in. They tried for a while, growing weary and annoyed as nothing happened. “Perhaps we need a key or password? Did you try a knock knock joke?”
“Dorian, now is not the time for your sarcasm,” Solas huffed.
“Is that how it sounded? Oh dear. My question was completely genuine.”
As the mages shot snide remarks back and forth, Cullen looked the door over carefully. He reached out and took hold of the knob, feeling a rush of heat run through his arm, but he did not pull away. It left as soon as it had come and Cullen turned the handle and pushed the door open soundlessly.
The mages stared in stunned silence before Dorian looked at the elf from the corner of his eye. “You didn't try the knob?”
“Of course I tried the knob!” Solas snapped. “It refused to turn for me.”
“Well good thing we brought the Herald's key along.” The Tevinter clapped Cullen on the shoulder before moving past him through the doorway. Solas followed, nodding slightly at the commander as he too crossed the threshold. Cullen was uncertain what he had done differently from the others, but moved after them into the dream. The door slammed closed behind him, locking the trespassers in the cold, stone fortress.
“A Circle?” Cullen mumbled as he looked around, noting the familiar trappings.
“If the Circle the Herald normally dreams of is not Ostwick, perhaps this one is,” Solas mused as they moved through the halls, trying to find a sign of the trapped mage. The lights went out all at once and the men readied for attack, but none came. Fire sparked back onto the walls, the torches lighting one by one down one of the corridors. “It would seem we are to follow. Cole did mention a woman trying to help.”
They followed the lit torches down several flights of stairs before emerging in a wide hall which Cullen recognized as apprentice group quarters. The lights lead them past the closed doors and down more steps into the bathing area. “Derrick said Ebrisa killed templars here...”
A startled shout cut through the air followed by laughter, then louder screaming and pleading and Cullen rushed towards the noise, recognizing one of the voices immediately. The mages followed quickly after him and they came to a halt in one of the community baths. Templar armor was stacked to the side of the recessed pool along with several layers of clothing. In the water itself stood three half dressed men holding down a weakly struggling and screaming, naked young woman.
Solas turned his head away from the scene as Dorian looked on in horror. “Maker... this can't be what really happened,” the Tevinter mumbled.
Cullen felt numb as the men he could only presume to be templars tried to force themselves on the screaming, younger Ebrisa. One of them struck her across the face, bursting her lip as the others laughed at the dripping blood. He could see the fear on her face as she cried helplessly and tried to cast, but nothing came. They had cleansed her first, to ensure she couldn't fight back. They had... planned this.
He ran through the splashing water, trying to pull the men off, but couldn't seem to make contact with them.
“You can not touch. This is more a memory than a dream.” A tired, dark-haired woman said sorrowfully, suddenly on the edge of the bath behind the attack.
“Make it stop,” he pleaded.
The fake templars pulled apart the mage's legs, one of the men settling between them as he moved his own remaining clothing out of the way.
“Make it stop!” Cullen shouted loudly, his voice ricocheting off the walls.
“I can't,” the woman whispered, closing her eyes.
Ebrisa let out a blood curdling scream as the man lay into her, drowned out by the encouraging chuckles of her attackers. Cullen felt his heart break for her and his insides twist into knots of hatred for the men. He was frozen in place, unable to move or look away, powerless to do anything at all.
Angry flame violently exploded from the young mage, knocking everyone in the room over except the dark-haired woman. Cullen climbed to his feet in the now bubbling water, holding a hand to his face to try and block the stench of the burning corpses around him. They were barely recognizable as human, blackened and shriveled and frozen in skeletal screams of terror.
Ebrisa pulled herself into a ball and cried loudly, shaking in fear as she looked at what she'd done. Fire still floated around her, no longer angry, but almost soothing. The woman was beside the mage now, close to tears herself. “This part, she never remembers...” The woman leaned in and hugged Ebrisa from behind as the flame seemed to do the same. “I did this. It wasn't you, dear one. It was never you...”
Cullen knelt in the water and tried to comfort the mage, wanting to hold her until the tears stopped, but he couldn't touch her.
“She trusted them,” the woman said sadly as she ghosted her hand over Ebrisa's head, not able to make contact either. “She was raised to do so. Templars were good. They protected the world from evil magic. Champions of the Just.” The woman looked up at Cullen, remorse evident on her face. “I couldn't let her trust be broken again - I was so certain you would harm her. I had to protect her, but my actions to drive you away only resulted in hurting her. That was the last thing I wanted.”
The commander stared at the woman. “That was you? The one masquerading as Ebrisa in my nightmares?”
“You are the spirit that lead the Herald through the Fade. The one that protects her in battle.” Solas added. “And the one who ejected me from her dream.”
The woman looked down. “I am all that you say, but we do not have much time before it starts again.”
“Again?” Dorian furrowed his brow.
“The demons will drain her built up terror and despair and my sweetling goes back to the hall to live it over,” the woman said solemnly. “The only comfort I can take is that this is not her physical form, so she isn't really being repeatedly... violated.”
“Do you know where the demons are?” Cullen asked desperately. “If we slay them, the cycle will end and she can wake up, right?”
“The Harrowing chamber. I can show you, but ending the demons will only allow her to leave the Fade if she is herself.” The woman shook her head. “Dearest was doing this long before they arrived – her emotions are what drew them here. If she is not brought out of the trance, the demons will only grow stronger and she will become nothing.”
“How do we do that?” Dorian asked. “This isn't exactly our area of expertise.”
“We can't.” The woman sighed before turning to Cullen. “He can.”
“I- I don't...” the commander began.
“You can reach her. Its why she let you in. Even while her mind is not thinking clearly, her heart knows you.” The woman smiled sadly at the blonde mage and bent down to tap her nose lightly before turning sharply to the others. “Follow me, Master Solas, Master Dorian. From what I've been told, we should be able to defeat the demons together.”
“And what, exactly, have you been told about me?” Dorian asked as the three rushed out of the room, the corpses vanishing as well.
Cullen looked the weeping Ebrisa over slowly, taking in the mixture of emotions on her face. This is what really started it, her fear of templars and herself. This one horrific moment shaped her entire life afterwords. He tried to hold her again, but was still unable to touch her at all. It was torturous to see her in so much pain and not be able to comfort her.
“Ebrisa?” He tried awkwardly, moving to kneel in front of her in the water. “I'm here, Ebrisa. It's Cullen.” No reaction. “You need to wake up, Ebrisa. You can't stay here. Let's go back together, okay?” Still, nothing.
Cullen tried to keep calm and focused, but each broken sob, each shuddering intake of air from Ebrisa was like a twisting knife in his heart. If he couldn't hold her and she couldn't hear him, how was he to help her? What was it about him that made the spirit think he could succeed where she had failed? He just wanted Ebrisa back! He wanted her to wake up so she could smile and laugh and stop torturing herself for something that wasn't her fault! He just wanted her to be filled with warmth again, instead of this chilling despair and heart breaking self-loathing.
He'd trade places with her, if that would work. Live out his torture of Kinloch Hold forever if it would set her free. He would do anything – everything - to bring her out of this... even if he couldn't be there when she awoke. Being separated from her would break him, but he'd gladly accept any pain if it meant Ebrisa would be spared. He just loved her so much...
Cullen placed his hands as close as he could to the sides of her face and leaned his forehead to hers with his eyes closed. “Ebrisa, please wake up. If you stay like this, we can't be together. We can never be married, or have children, or...” Cullen sighed heavily and drew his thumbs across her warm cheeks, nudging her forehead. “I want to see you smile at me beside the alter. I want to fuss over you constantly when you're with child. I want to be so obnoxiously in love with you at every moment that people can't stand to look at us. I... Maker, I just want to hear you say my name again...”
“Cullen...?”
The commander's eyes shot open and he moved back in surprise. Ebrisa was her normal age again, wearing a simple, white dress and holding herself up in the water. Cullen pulled her tightly against him, relief flooding out in a rush as he laughed happily. “You're back! Thank the Maker. I didn't know what to do - I didn't think anything would get through to you!”
“If you're here, then you saw what I did and... what was done to me. How could you still say those things, knowing what happened? Were you just trying to get a reaction, or did you mean...?” The mage squirmed in his embrace and Cullen pulled away slowly to look her in the eyes.
“Every word. I meant ever single word of it.” He watched her eyes widen and face flush before she gave him the brightest, teary-eyed smile he'd ever seen. Ebrisa wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, breaking occasionally to let out a short, giddy laugh. Cullen held her to him and returned her affection, but couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he was forgetting -
He pushed her away suddenly. “Demons.”
“What?”
“Demons were feeding off your negative emotions. Dorian and Solas went to face them while I snapped you out of your trance,” Cullen explained.
Ebrisa shot up to her feet, not wanting the others to get harmed on her account. “Where did they go?”
“That spirit said the Harrowing chamber,” Cullen said as he stood. “If you aren't sure where that is, I can figure it out.”
The mage let out a small sigh. “I haven't been inside, but I've passed the room often enough.” They rushed out of the baths and up several flights of stairs until they reached a floor filled with ornately carved pillars and Chantry statues. Ebrisa lead Cullen past the flickering candelabras to a large door dwarfed only by the stone figure of Andraste beside it. The mage looked up at the Maker's Bride and whispered out a brief prayer before pushing open the door and entering the Harrowing chamber for the first time.
The vast, circular room was filled with freezing air and patches of ice from Despair's attacks, making it difficult to move around. Terror darted from spot to spot, dodging hits and knocking its attackers off their feet with an unusual speed. “I thought you said we would be able to handle this,” Dorian grumbled as he let loose an energy barrage in hopes of hitting the flittering pair.
“The demons have grown more powerful than I thought. I may have to do something drastic.” The spirit swept fire out in front of her, blocking Despair's blast.
“Mother!”
The spirit looked up at the Herald as she rushed over with Cullen, surprised to see her moving around. “Sweetling, its too dangerous for you here. The demons can still feed off of you.”
“I can't stay back when others fight for my sake.” Ebrisa stared down the demons and clenched her hands. “They hold nothing over me now.”
“But you are still weak! You can not hope to fight them.” The spirit looked down, weighing its options. It set its jaw and began to wrap fire around itself. “I think... I can end this if I use all of my essence.”
“No, Mother, you can't!” The Herald shook her head furiously.
“But if they remain, you will be stuck in this dream. Possibly your friends as well.” The spirit's form began to shift as the flame enveloped her. “Let me protect you this one, last time.” It lifted from the ground and flew into Despair, tackling the demon to the far wall with a crash. The two struggled with one another, shouting and shrieking as they fought for dominance. Having one target mostly contained, the men focused their efforts on Terror, Cullen lending his blade to the mages' efforts.
Ebrisa watched the others fight and wasn't sure what to do. They were all in danger because of her, because she hadn't been able to control herself in the Fade. She couldn't even help defeat the demons, because they'd drained so much from her. It dawned on Ebrisa suddenly that this was her dream and these demons were more than unwelcome. She knelt down and focused her mana into the forefront of her mind as Solas had taught her months ago, reciting a lengthy phrase over and over as the energy gathered. The mage felt a buzzing in her head and opened her eyes, the orbs glowing for a split second as a powerful wave spread across the room at lightning speed. The others fell over as their weakened opponents were ripped from them, ejected from the Herald's dream all together.
Solas took a moment to recover before turning to Ebrisa and nodding. “Most impressive, especially being your first true attempt at that.”
Ebrisa smiled wearily as she held herself up on wobbly arms. That had really taken a lot out of her. “I'm more impressed that I didn't mispronounce the elven.” Cullen came to her side quickly and she grabbed his arm for support.
“There is nothing holding you here now, dear one. You can awake at any time.” The spirit looked at her sadly, pieces flickering off and burning her away slowly.
“Mother, why are you still doing that? Stop it. You don't need to.” Ebrisa reached out for the woman, face twisting in concern.
The spirit sighed happily. “Even if I could, I wouldn't. You don't need me to protect you anymore. Your gift was always bright, but now you've finally accepted it. You've gotten so strong, sweetling, and I know you're in good hands.”
“But you've been with me every night since I was... attacked.” The Herald looked down. “I don't even know why you came to me.”
“I've been watching you long since before that, but I was barely more than a memory of a person. When I broke through the Veil to get those men off you, I was filled with so much fury at what they were doing... it changed me into a spirit of wrath. I killed them for you, and so many others, and I just didn't care. It only mattered that you were safe. You kept me... me.” The spirit lifted her vanishing hand and sighed. “The fire that sprang to life when you were deprived of your own magic? The heat in your hands when you couldn't defend yourself? That was me.”
“What did I do to draw you?” Ebrisa whispered, trying to understand before the spirit was lost to her forever.
“Like you, I was born a mage in a family distrusting of them. Father saw to it that I was sent to a far off Circle and that was the last I heard of them for a long, long time. Then one day, a letter. My sister, staying true to her nature, blamed me for something I had no control over - she had given birth to a mage.” The spirit looked at the Herald, smiling softly. “I knew she would tell me nothing else, so I tried to escape the Circle. Templars hunted me for days before catching me and I resisted too strongly - I just had to see you. After I was slain, I wandered the Fade searching for you. Just a peek, then I would pass on. That was the plan, but when I saw how Galatea was treating you, I just couldn't leave you alone.”
Ebrisa's eyes widened. “You are... Renata?”
The spirit laughed lightly. “Ah, I haven't heard that name in a while. Yes, dear one, I am your Aunt Renata. I hope you forgive the lie, but I just wanted you to feel a mother's love.” She bent down and tapped her invisible finger on the mage's nose, Ebrisa's face glowing softly from the touch. “But now you know a love greater than what I was able to give you in dreams and that fact makes everything worth it to me.”