Archive of Our Own ^beta

I.

"… and then I asked her about the difference in sweetness between nectarines and regular peaches, and Susan had both there! So I bought one of each to see which would be better to bake with-"

Buck had been narrating their latest farmers' market outing for almost five minutes while he prepared their dinner at the station. Five minutes might not sound like a lot for someone who had not been listening to fruit facts for that amount of time, but their team knew how painfully long that actually was. From his vantage point Eddie could see that Hen had already passed that Candy Crush level that she had been stuck in for days, and that Chim was zooming in on a picture of a squealing Jee-Yun that Maddie must have sent just now. Everyone was taking turns humming and woah-ing in intervals while Buck spoke so he'd feel listened to enough to continue his soliloquy but not challenged enough to delve even deeper into the subject.

Everyone but Eddie, that was, who had been at Susan's stall last Sunday and knew how this story ended, but still liked to listen to Buck's particular commentary on their everyday life. Sure, sometimes he might zone out while he pretended to fill his crossword puzzle (who was he kidding? he was using a pen, for fuck's sake!), but Buck's distinctive cadence and tone was like a comforting companion for his own inner dialogue. Still, Eddie tried to stay as engaged as possible when one's best friend liked to wax poetic about stone fruit.

Eddie was just considering putting down P-L-U-M-S for 18-across (Prunes that are not dry. See, Buck's knowledge spirals paid off for Eddie too!) when someone elbowed him and whispered near his shoulder, "Does he ever shut up?"

Eddie blinked down at his crossword.

Did someone just say that to him? To him? He turned his head to look at the guy sat next to him and peered down at his nameplate; Mckenzie. "Excuse me?" He tried to keep his tone low and even, hoping that Buck wouldn't notice.

He vaguely recalled Bobby informing them that he was the floater set to cover all week for Ward; quiet and efficient during calls but making a clear effort to connect during downtime. He'd heard him talking to Chim about how he was looking for a more permanent placement, and that he hoped Ward would take her sweet time returning to the 118.

"That guy, Buckley. Don't you guys get tired of his yapping?" The guy grabbed a sliced carrot from the plate in front of them and dipped it in ranch. He kept talking with his mouth half-full, "Someone oughta tell him that no one actually cares about some stupid beans."

Eddie closed his book and put his pen down, turning his whole body towards this Mckenzie asshole. Fortunately Buck had just made eye contact with a dismayed Ravi, who was now the sole recipient of Buck's talk on the several types of beans found at the La Cienega Farmers' Market.

Eddie made sure to slide the plate away from his reach. "Actually, that guy 'yapping away'-" Eddie made air-quotes with a snarl, "-is doing so while he's actively cooking for me and you." His pointer finger sank into the man's chest. "So show a little gratitude and pipe the fuck down before I tell everyone that you've just started a month-long juice cleanse and will be abstaining from all team meals, yeah?"

He made sure that the smile on his face was the same one that Chim kept calling 'his serial killer smile'. Every time it was mentioned Buck shook his head and muttered to himself about American Psycho and teen awakenings. By now Eddie was kind of looming over the poor guy's seat, but he'd been a dick so Eddie refused to feel bad for him.

"And FYI," He muttered as lowly as possible into the air between them, "I do care about beans and their different irrigation systems, and you would too if you ever tried his frijoles charros recipe." His smile stayed as their gazes locked. "But I guess you never will because Ward's coming back next week, huh?"

Then Eddie's posture straightened and he spoke up like nothing had happened. "Buck, Mckenzie here was just asking me for tips on picking a good watermelon."

He couldn't help the real smile from blooming in his face, easy and automatic, as his friend's head whipped towards them. Buck sent them an excited beam, "I just asked Julie about this!"

Oh, Eddie knew.

"Eric, man, lemme get this mac 'n' cheese done and I'll show you this great video that the lady at the watermelon stall sent me. It's only four minutes long but we can 2x it!"

It had only been one week and Eddie had already asked to see it twice (in regular speed, of course) because he liked how Buck's bulk felt pressed against his side when he sat next to him to watch the video together. He'd even watch it a third time like that, just to make sure that Mckenzie paid full attention.

II.

"Lemme get this round."

Buck knew he must look goofy as hell when he took several seconds to scoot his ass across the faded vinyl booth, but Eddie liked booths and Buck liked to sit as close as possible, so he let his (nonexistent) dignity keep taking hits in the name of friendship.

Once he was up he turned to Eddie. "D'you want another Corona or are you finally gonna get that fruity cocktail May made for you last time?" Everyone else had already gone home (Maddie and Chim), was up dancing (Karen and Hen), or decided to ditch them for someone cooler (Ravi), so the so-called 'round' was actually just for them two.

The brunet looked pleasantly relaxed, open and warm like he only got when he let go of the thousand thoughts coursing through the brain of a responsible single dad who also liked to take charge in every situation he encountered. Eddie widened his eyes and pouted a little, wordless.

Buck pretended to give out a long-suffering sigh, "Fine, I guess we're getting both?"

Eddie raised his fists a bit and shook them slightly, letting out a soft little "Woo!" in confirmation. Buck chose to turn around and walk towards the bar instead of kneeling down on the sticky floor to weep at this man's antics and the effect they had on him.

They'd been coming to this badge and ladder joint for years now, so it should've been easy to flag down Miah and use their shorthand from afar to order, but he noticed that there was a new guy tending. This meant that Buck had to lean over the bar and loudly call for his order, waiting until he got a nod back to slump down into a more casual lean against the wood.

"Never would've pegged you for a Corona guy." A voice spoke from behind. Buck turned to look at the guy, a solidly built man that looked a couple of years younger than him. The man's eyes were bright and his grin was sharp, and in that moment Buck got a visceral reminder of his 1.0 days. "It's a good, underrated beer, that means you have good taste. I'm Brent."

Buck shook his hand and offered back his own name, but then he scratched his neck and chuckled. "Thanks but it's actually not for me, that's for my partn- my friend back there." He stumbled with the strangeness of not being able to call Eddie his partner anymore. It was such an innocuous detail of this new Bobby-less firehouse, his accident and subsequent retirement leaving ripples behind that Buck kept feeling more than half a year later. Still, he tilted his head towards Eddie and smiled apologetically at Bret.

"Oh, so you're exes?" Bret hissed out with a sympathetic grimace. "Hanging out together on a weekday? What's the story there?"

"Who? Me and Eddie?!" Buck almost got whiplash from how fast he twisted his neck looking back and forth from Brad, to Eddie, then back to Brad. "No! He's straight! We used to be work partners but he became a paramedic." He rushed to add.

"Ohh! So he's straight, but you're… not…?" Brad pressed. At some point he'd gotten closer, putting his arm behind Buck in a classic 1.0 move. Buck was still deciding if he found it adorable or cringeworthy when he shook his head in automatic response.

Brad brightened visibly at that and drew even nearer. Damn, was I ever this pushy? "That's alright. He doesn't deserve you anyway."

Buck felt like he heard a record scratch ring across the whole room, but it must have been only in his head because everyone kept behaving normally except for him. He twitched in his spot, shook his head and whispered, "What?" He had to have heard wrong.

The guy turned to look at Eddie briefly. "I noticed you since you walked in, you know? You were so cute, making eyes at him and practically hanging off his shoulder while he drank and laughed with everyone else. Taking you for granted, ignoring you." He smiled earnestly at Buck, like it meant anything at all. "I can tell he doesn't appreciate you like you deserve. You could ditch hi-"

Buck did something he rarely did nowadays. He drew up to his full height and squared up his shoulders, glaring down at the piece of shit in front of him. "I think you're too drunk right now and you need to shut the hell up, man."

The other guy looked like he got hit across the face at Buck's abrupt change of attitude. He scoffed and tried to amend himself, "N-no, I mean don't get me wrong, I'm sure he's cool and all but I'm just saying, he doesn-"

"And I told you!" Buck took a step forward, forcing the man to step back, "To shut the fuck up!" He was sure he was shrieking by this point, but he couldn't find it in himself to care. "You don't know what you're talking about, and you don't even know me or- or, or him! To be saying stuff like that."

He raised his hands like he was going to put them on the guy's shoulders, maybe to shake some sense into him, but he was still sober enough to see how that could turn ugly really fast for both of them very quickly. He clenched his fists in the air and pressed them against his own chest instead. "You're just a, a, a guy in a bar who's horny and desperate enough to try and, what?" He choked out a laugh, "Make me hate my best friend? All just so I'll sleep with you?! You wish you were half as-"

The bartender cleared his throat behind them. "Everything okay here, guys?"

Buck stepped back and tried to gather himself as best as possible. He cleared his throat, just then noticing that it felt thick with unshed tears, "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry." He half-turned towards the guy, and couldn't stop himself from frowning again. "Just a small misunderstanding."

Brad nodded frantically next to him. "Yes, yep. A misunderstanding. Totally."

It only took that easy compliance to calm Buck the rest of the way down. Exactly. Now that the excitement had passed, he felt kind of shitty for letting himself lose it on the poor idiot. He was just a stupid kid. "Yeah, man. I'm sorry for the hassle. Let me pay for my round and-" he smiled ruefully at Brad, "buy Brad's next drink to apologize for all the trouble."

Brad looked even more dismayed at this, "No, no. There's really no need! In fact, let me pay for you and your friend's drinks." He shoved a fifty at the bartender before Buck could take out his wallet. "It's really nice to see someone stick up for their friends like that." He mumbled, almost to himself.

He smiled nervously at Buck, and that was also a stark reminder of his pre-118 days. Craving for connection, full of bad decisions and barely thought-out comments; he used to be this guy ten years ago, fiending for affection in all the wrong places.

Buck couldn't find it in himself to hold a grudge; especially when he had paid for their drinks in an honest apology, so he thanked the man and picked up the beer bottle and cocktail glass. "I hope you find what you're looking for, Brad." He turned around and left.

And as he walked away, Buck heard a gloomy voice reply, "It's Bret." He would've apologized, but he had more important things to do. Eddie's eyes brightened so prettily when he spotted the orange concoction in Buck's hands, but his smile? Yeah, that was all for Buck.

III.

"Ravi, Buck! Saws and Jaws!" Chim called out.

Eddie and Hen had just finished treating their patient, Tony. Forty year-old male with no apparent injuries or trauma, he'd been miraculously unscratched after a pretty gnarly crash when he lost control of his car. They had to check him out through the lowered window though, because the collision happened to flatten the driver's door and made it impossible to get it open by hand.

The paramedic duo tried to distract the guy, who had chosen a ride to the hospital just to make sure nothing serious was going on (apparently he had a crazy good insurance). They introduced themselves and asked him about his job, his family, and his plans for that weekend. They were just placing the C-collar on him as a preventative measure when Buck and Ravi appeared behind them.

"Saws and Jaws ready, Cap!" Buck grinned that particular smile he got when he was able to use his heavy duty toys on a low-stakes scene. Ravi rolled his eyes behind him and got to work with his partner.

Since they had nothing better to do except wait next to Tony, Eddie was able to hear Buck and Ravi's conversation as they pried the door open. "C'mon man, just give me one more chance." Buck grunted as the metal creaked. He'd been trying to convince Ravi to let him join his frolf tournament since they climbed aboard the engine.

Who knew there were enough frolf players to set up a tournament in Los Angeles? Not Eddie, that was for sure. And yeah, he'd gotten mildly offended when he heard Buck's pleas at first, considering how Eddie had begged Buck for years to join him in one of their basketball pickup games, only for him to end up going for a completely different person.

Anyways.

Then Eddie found out that the tournament's final prize included KitchenAid mixers for the top players because one of the organizers had a 'sweet hookup', and he started to understand Buck's sudden interest in the… 'sport'.

Eddie saw Ravi shake his head as he started to secure the patient for extraction. "I don't think so, man. Last time Aaron tried to block me on all platforms for inviting you to a game."

Buck swooped in with the gurney, and they transferred a frowning Tony while they kept arguing. "Wait, Aaron with the manbun?! I thought he liked me! What'd I do to piss him off?"

Eddie couldn't see Buck since he was walking ahead of the blond with Hen, but he could perfectly picture the screwy little pout on his face. They climbed on the back of the ambulance and placed the gurney on its tracks while Buck and Ravi collapsed its legs. "Maybe it was the fact that you called him 'Aaron with the manbun' to his face." Ravi snorted.

Hen shut the ambulance doors just as Buck mournfully yelled, "It was a mnemonic device!"

Eddie chuckled to himself as he made sure that Tony was as comfortable as possible while they rode to the hospital, and the absence of Buck's banter felt even more pronounced among the silence in the back of the ambulance. They didn't even flip the sirens on because this was nowhere near an emergency.

"How you doing, Tony?" He checked on the guy even though they both knew he was there on a technicality.

Tony scowled, still strapped to the gurney, "Better, now that the man-baby's gone."

Eddie frowned, thinking back to the scene and the people loitering around it. Maybe someone else had been involved in the crash? Hen let out a laugh and raised a brow, "What do you mean, Tony?"

Tony tried to lift his neck and then grunted against his collar. Eddie half-raised the gurney so they could see each other better, and the man huffed out a thanks. "That man! The firefighter with the curls and the eyes who wouldn't stop whining and pouting!"

Eddie didn't realize he started glaring at their patient until Hen cleared her throat and chuckled uncomfortably.

"Oh, Buck?" she tried to dissipate the tension between a clueless Tony and Eddie's murderous gaze. "No, that was just him being silly with Ravi. We're all pretty good friends here."

Eddie couldn't believe the nerve of this fucking guy.

How dare he call Buck a man-child? Just because Buck liked to pout his way out of silly situations, 'cause he always got his way when he did it? Anyone could see that those baby blues got him out of trouble easily, especially when he batted his fair lashes just so. And when he wet his lower lip and pushed it slightly out so it looked puffier and pinker? It was a dirty tactic, but it worked! Buck was being smart about it, because he was a resourceful man who wanted that damn KitchenAid so he could bake Eddie more sweet treats, hopefully.

And did Tony know that? No! Instead he chose to be an asshole and criticize the best guy in the world, like an idiot.

The man kept digging his grave when he groaned at Hen's answer, "Oh no, I think he's gaslit you into liking him. Trust me, as a completely objective bystander, that dude was super whiny and annoying as fu-HUUUH?!" He squeaked.

Eddie had pushed the lever on the gurney, which made it slam down to its flat position in a single move. He straightened in his perch to glower above Tony's shaken face. "Oops." he growled out, "Guess my hand just slipped." He kept his hand on the lever, unapologetically steady as he locked eyes with the guy.

"O-oh. N-no worries, man." Tony gulped, "It's all good."

Objective bystander his ass. This man was an idiot.

The rest of the short ride was spent in complete silence after that. When they arrived at the hospital and it was time for Eddie to hand off their patient, he was able to catch his terrified gaze and throw one last dirty look at the most stupid man in all of Los Angeles.

IV.

"Aww bud, I know. I know it feels icky." Buck kept rubbing Nash's back while he offered a frozen teething ring. His gums were aching, and the baby made sure that all the Han household knew it too. They were all currently hanging out in his room, waiting for his mom to bring reinforcements.

"Uncle Buck?" Jee-Yun tugged on his sweatshirt. "Was I this cranky when I was a baby too?"

Buck couldn't stop the laugh from bursting, even as Nash kept whining on his arms. "Oh sweetie, you were like an angry little dragon when you were a baby. I was afraid you were gonna start breathing fire from how cranky you were."

This was a categorical lie. From what he had heard, Jee had always been a fairly easygoing baby aside from those tumultuous first months, but Buck knew that she'd get a kick out of the comparison with her current favorite fantastical beast.

Just as he predicted, Jee clapped her hands and started crawling on all fours, growling and rising on her knees to flap her arms and do a weird little hiss. That's how Maddie found them when she came back with smoothies for them and a breast milk ice pop for the baby.

"Mommy, mommy!"Jee said from her spot on the floor, "Uncle Buck said that I was a dragon when I was a baby!" She smiled her gap-toothed little smile, and Maddie turned to look at Buck with wide eyes and an uncertain grin as she gave Nash his popsicle.

Buck just shrugged and nodded, "The fiercest dragon that my eyes ever did see." And before Maddie could ask any more questions, he decided to distract them both by asking, "Hey, didn't you say you were going to draw me one for my house?"

Jee squealed and clapped her hands. "Yes! Lemme go get my colors!"

Maddie beamed at her with the exact same beautiful grin, "Don't forget the glitter, hon!" Jee squealed again and skipped to her room in a rush.

Buck's smile didn't dim a bit, but his eyes did squint at her betrayal. Maddie's smirk was equal parts angelic and mischievous, but then her eyes softened when she got a look at Nash, who had fortunately calmed down in Buck's arms. "You're good with them."

Buck smiled down at the baby, fighting the pleased blush that threatened to take over. "It helps that I love them both so much."

At that, Maddie got a complicated look on her face; one that she'd been wearing more and more often every time they hung out. Buck had been trying to give her space to work through her feelings, let her come to him instead of forcing her to have a heart to heart like he usually did.

They both noticed that Nash had finally fallen asleep, so Buck laid him in his crib while Maddie set up the baby monitor. They tiptoed out of the room and closed the door softly, making their way towards Maddie's ridiculously comfy couch with their smoothies in hand.

Maddie turned to look at him with a serious expression, and Buck knew it was time for that heart to heart. "Evan, don't you ever wish…" she bit her lip, "don't you want to have your own?"

Buck's head reared back and he shook his head, "Uhh, my own what?"

"Children, Buck." Maddie looked at him earnestly with a bittersweet smile, "A family."

Buck kind of felt like he had just gotten dropped in a tub of freezing cold water with no warning in front of this line of questioning. "I, uh…" he scratched his neck, "well, of course I do. More than anything, actually."

They were both silent, and Buck chose to continue after a moment. "But for now I got Jee and Nash to love and take care of," he smiled, "and Christopher; of course."

And when he mentioned Chris, Maddie got an even more determined look on her face. "That's just it." She grabbed his hand between her own soft, small ones, "Do you really have Chris? Or is it just a… an old connection that just isn't there anymore?"

Maddie could've struck Buck across the face with a Halligan and it would've hurt less. "Wh-what do you mean, Mads?" He took his hand away from hers and crossed his arms in a protective stance.

Maddie bit her lip at this, already getting unfairly teary-eyed. "I'm not saying this to hurt you, it's because I've hated seeing what it did to you all year, and I don't…"

"Mads," he interrupted, "what are you talking about?" He honestly had no clue, but he already hated this conversation with a burning passion.

"Everything! Everything about this thing you and Eddie have going on!" She blurted out. "Chris leaving for Texas, cutting off all contact with you, then Eddie leaving, and you breaking your lease and subletting for him, only to end up practically homeless a handful of months after, and for what?!" Buck could tell that she had been keeping it to herself for too long, letting her displeasure fester and grow; she was almost panting by the end of her speech, clearly upset.

And honestly? Buck felt upset as well.

He was upset that his sister saw him as a pathetic doormat, a person who let himself get pushed over by his best friend and his teenage son. He was upset that she saw Eddie, someone who had done so much for him, as this manipulative, careless bastard who only took, and took, and took. And he was upset that she clearly didn't understand either of them at all.

He didn't know what to do. His first instinct was to stand up and yell; defend himself and his choices, and more importantly, defend Eddie. But he loved Maddie way too much to blow up on her like that, so he did the next best thing: he grabbed a couch cushion and screamed into it with all the outrage and hurt that needed to be let out.

He emerged a few seconds later, heaving and red-faced, but much more calm than before.

Maddie looked less upset too, even if that was just because a note of alarm took over her face. Her eyes were wide like saucers as she shook her head and raised her hands in a silent 'What the fuck, man?'

Buck took a deep breath and tried to keep his wits about him this time. "Mads, I love you for caring about me so much and always looking out for me, but you've got it all wrong."

He hesitated for a moment, but knew that he had to say this to make her understand. "Did you know, he wrote me into his will years ago?"

Maddie made a face, "Uh, okay? What'd he leave you, his car?"

"No, his son."

Buck's smile grew as he saw her flabbergasted expression. "Yeah, Mads. And he did it when I was still a clueless twenty-eight year old, a couple of months after I sued the department." He shook his head, still trying to digest that fact even after all these years.

"Up until then, you and Bobby had been the only people to believe in me, but you were both… like authority figures?" Buck's mouth twisted as he tried to clarify. "Like you guys had to believe in me because you were both raising me, teaching me stuff, and helping me grow because that was kind of your job." He scrunched his nose at his own crude explanation.

"But Eddie… Eddie believed in me, trusted me with the best part of himself, because he saw something in me that no one else had seen before. He did it with no strings attached, other than his unshakeable faith in me. It goes without saying that he has mine too. We just… fit into each other's lives." Buck's heart warmed when he remembered all those years together.

Luckily Buck managed to make his point despite his subpar communication skills, and Maddie's expression melted into a tender look. But Buck had more to say.

"Obviously, his will is a worst case scenario that I'd rather die myself than see come true." At this, Maddie's smile disappeared. "But when Eddie did that, it basically intertwined our lives forever. Even when Chris grows up and that clause isn't needed anymore, that bond will stay true. And it stayed true and strong even when they both went away."

He gulped, "Yeah, it sucked. And no, that wouldn't have been my first choice of events either from the start. But it snowballed into something bigger than we knew how to deal with, and we both tried to do what was best for Christopher."

He grabbed both of her hands now, "Mads, I could've asked him to stay, or asked to go with him, and he could've asked the same. But I think that we knew we'd survive it because we're us, and because we both wanted him to come back with Chris." His throat got thick as he remembered those desolate months without both of them. "Me doing all of that for Eddie, that was the thing that kept me afloat while he was gone."

"It helped me feel closer to them, and it gave me a sense of purpose." His face brightened as he added, "And Eddie made sure to keep an eye on me even when we were miles away; our calls were so long and so often that I had to carry a portable charger everywhere I went."

His smile felt bittersweet now, but he continued. "Mads, they're always gonna be my family. No matter what."

Maddie let out a soft little noise and launched herself at him. "Oh, Evan."

He didn't know if that was a good 'Oh, Evan' or a bad one, but they still hugged for a long time, until Jee emerged from her room and jumped on them both, screaming about group hugs and dragon cuddles.

V.

"-and then Mom asked me to find out if you were still 'struggling with money'" at this, Sophia sent a droll look down her camera lens, "or if you were just 'unwilling to spare a few days for your family'." The snort from his little sister sounded tinny on his iPad, but it still managed to convey her amusement-slash-annoyance at their mother's usual tactics.

Adriana cackled from her end of the call. "Oh, mi Mundo, won't you spare just a day for your poor, dejected family? Solo un poquito?" She laid a hand on her forehead and pretended to faint.

"How come I'm always the one getting blasted here?!" Eddie groaned on his couch.

The house was lonely on this Friday night; Chris was out with his friends at the movies, and the only other person Eddie could count on to hang out and do nothing had picked up an extra shift because his stupid backyard apparently needed to get stupid special landscaping. So here he was: thirty-four and single on a weekend, Facetiming with his baby sisters and nursing a single bottle of beer.

He munched on the Ruffles Queso they each bought so they could all 'share' a snack from afar. It was a dumb, unnecessary thing that had cost him forty minutes of browsing through three different supermarkets last week, but it did manage to make him feel closer to them in a weird way. They all held the same wavy chip, they all had the same orange-stained fingers, and they all shared the same sharp smile, even when they were miles and miles apart.

Eddie leaned forward and grimaced, "Sofi, can't you… I dunno, get your first tattoo or something? Get these buitres off my back for a sec?" He pleaded at his iPad screen.

His sister almost choked on her wine, "Güey, I had my first tattoo five fucking years ago?!" Eddie's mouth dropped as Adri cackled in her window. Sophia stood up and pulled up her shirt to show a pretty little butterfly on her hip, unobtrusive and quaint. "You're the only idiot who chose to get his in a super-unhideable place. Pendejo." She sat back down and raised a brow at her camera.

Eddie really had no answer for that one except 'Can't be that stupid if Buck has one on the same exact spot'. He kept quiet and chose to sputter out an indignant complaint instead. When they all calmed down he chose to pick up their previous subject, "So if I don't go down for Christmas I'm either broke or neglectful, huh?" He took a sip from his beer and shook his head. There really was no way of winning.

He saw how Adri and Sofi shared a look through their cameras. One of them raised her brows while the other twisted her lips in a telltale sign that they had something to say. Adriana spoke first, "Would it be so bad, though? If y'all flew back for a couple of days?"

Eddie bit his lip and searched for the right words to say. It really sucked, being so far away from two of the people who once knew him best in this world, and having to choose between them and here. "Honestly, any other holiday I'd say yes. I'm dying to see y'all again, but I just don't think I can do it this Christmas." He scratched his brow and mentally checked his fridge calendar and his banking app, trying to see if he could swing something sooner rather than later. "It'd be a tight squeeze, but we could fly down for Thanksgiving?"

Adriana shook her head, "No, I'm spending Thanksgiving with Tom's family. Mom and Dad said they'll probably spend it with some Tío."

"I'm probably gonna stay on campus, 'cause I'll have a big test that next week." Sofi smiled apologetically at him.

"Well, I can't do Christmas because Buck got kind of bummed out when he realized that Bobby, Athena and the kids are meeting Michael in Florida this year, Maddie and Chim are spending it with the Lees, and even Ravi had family coming in to celebrate." Eddie remembered how sad he looked when he asked if him and Chris had plans to go to Texas too. If he had to choose one word to describe him then, it would've been adrift. "I told him that he could spend it with us."

"Oh, c'mon Eddie. That's it?" Sophia shook her head in exasperation, "What's up with your bestie always cramping your style like that?! He couldn't even go one day without hounding your phone when you moved back here, and you were always fretting about how Buck felt sooo abandoned and sooo lonely." She rolled her eyes at the same time that Adriana nodded reluctantly. Her youngest sibling status shone in these situations, never one to mince words or hold back.

Eddie's chest ached with the unfairness of it all. Everyone else was able to choose their own lives, their own partners and previous commitments, but when he needed to do the same it just wasn't convenient for the rest of them. Still, he ground out, "Okay, you're making him sound pathetic. It isn't like that."

But Sophia ignored his warning tone and kept on going, "Well," she chuckled, "if the shoe fits and all that. I just can't stand how he makes every single thing about himself!"

Eddie stood up and walked away from his tablet. He could hear the drone of Adriana's chiding tones and Sophia's stronger complaints, but it was all a buzz in the background of his own racing thoughts and straining lips.

He came by his sharp tongue honestly; they all did. If he said what he immediately wanted to say, which was, 'You wouldn't get it, but it's not my fault you're an unfeeling ice queen who has no close friends like this', it'd just set off World War III in that Facetime call. He needed to calm down and pull himself back together enough to say something less biting and more useful for this discussion.

After a few rounds of pacing in the background of his camera, Eddie stopped and rested his hands on the back of his couch. He made sure to take a deep breath and speak slowly, looking at the images of his sisters, especially Sophia. "Sof, you don't know how wrong you are." He squeezed the fabric between his fingers and continued. "Buck spends all his time trying not to make things about himself, so much so that he ends up back in square one most of the time." He shook his head and smiled bitterly, "And it's not his fault because honestly? Most of the time no one else will."

Sophia was still a Díaz though, stubborn till the end. "Eddie," she scoffed, "he's a grown-ass man. Stop trying to baby him; he can spend one Christmas on his own, no problem. Come see your family instead."

Eddie couldn't hold himself back from yelling, "He's my family too!" He could feel his eyes getting glassy, and he hated feeling so vulnerable about something that… that should be so simple? Like, why was he standing here, getting emotional about his best friend? Nevertheless, he had to finish what he started. "You guys… you guys will always be my first family. Y'all get me in a way no one else in this world ever will; and no matter what they say or do, Mom and Dad will always be my family too. I'm a Díaz through and through."

"But Buck…" he swallowed, "Buck is that for me now, too. I don't know how to explain it without making it sound like…" we're a couple, "… something it's not, but it's something much more deeper than just two best friends who like to hang out together. He's family- to both Chris and I." Eddie hoped that his tone was final enough not to warrant any follow-ups, but he knew his sisters well enough to recognize that was a stupid wish.

Adriana cleared her throat, trying to bring peace back to the conversation, "Mundo, that's fine and all, but I don't think you should change your plans just for your… -" she looked around, trying to find a suitable word. After a moment, she settled on "- friend." Eddie knew she felt just as inadequate saying it as he felt hearing it.

"It's not just for Buck, though. I wanna spend Christmas with him; I know Chris does too." Eddie hung his head, finally admitting the truth. "Hell, if I thought I could, I'd ask him to come to El Paso; kill two birds with one stone."

Sophia was still mildly sulking from his snappy tone before, "Well, why don't you?" She huffed.

Eddie blinked at the screen, "Huh?"

Adriana started nodding, "Yeah! Yes, Mundo! Invite him over for Christmas; that way we all win!" Her smirk was small but devious, "After all, we're all family!"

Eddie didn't know if he should laugh or groan out loud. "Y'all aren't cute. You know Mom would have an aneurysm if I brought in my 'best friend' -" he hated that he did the air quotes, "- for Christmas, and Dad would definitely get all quiet and broody like when you brought your boyfriend that one year, Soph."

They were both nodding frantically now, and Sophia yelled, "Exactly! Yes!", pointing excitedly at the screen.

"Exactly what?" Eddie looked around, trying to see what she was pointing at.

They both groaned. "Ay, pobre cabrón ." Adriana physically facepalmed. "Nothing, shut up. Tell me the chisme about Chris' new girlfriend."

That perked Eddie back up. "Well, Buck told me that Audrey's mom told him that…"

+1

Eddie had been acting strange for a while.

It started when he brought Chris back from Texas. Ever since they stayed in L.A., Eddie had just… not been himself, at least with Buck.

The first time he noticed was a month after Bobby's retirement ceremony, when he was still angry enough at the world that he disobeyed Chim's direct orders and ran back into a burning house. They'd just gotten an entire family out with time to spare, but the youngest daughter was crying out for Molly, her rabbit. Her tears moved something inside of Buck and when she told him that Molly was in the first floor den, he decided he had enough time to pop back in and fetch her pet.

Imagine Buck's surprise when one, he discovered that Molly was actually a rabbit plushie instead of a living, breathing creature, and two, a loose beam clipped him on the shoulder while he was running out of the crumbling house. His stunt got him a visit to the hospital followed by a twenty-minute speech by Chim at the station, who kept threatening to send him back to the academy if he didn't get his act together.

All through that, Eddie paced. First in the hallway next to his hospital bed, sending him looks that oscillated between worried and angry. Then in the gym space at the station, making his stomping steps match Chim's angry cadence all through his reprimand.

When Chim stalked off to the kitchen for a calming cup of tea, Buck chose to be brave and approached Eddie, ready for his second scolding of the day. He preemptively hung his head and his eyes even started to water before he completely reached his friend, but when he expected to hear Eddie's derisive scoff or an angry huff, instead he got… silence.

He peered up and saw Eddie as he usually looked when he was upset with Buck: standing ramrod straight with clenched fists, widened shoulders and a strained expression. Usually by now Eddie would've already unsheathed his sharpest weapon: his words. But today he just stood there, silently looking at Buck.

Buck decided to bite the bullet and take the first step, chuckling awkwardly. "I really messed up this time, I know." Eddie hated it when Buck tried to make light of a bad situation, so that would set him off even more.

And lo and behold, it did. Eddie's neck bulged in what was a clear effort to hold back. His friend drew in a deep breath, then another one, then another one.

Buck was starting to get kind of nervous, but each extra moment also made him more excited for the upcoming confrontation. Eddie would say something biting, Buck would try to defend himself, Eddie would escalate, they'd both get fired up, and then it would all eventually get fixed with a grin and a bump of their shoulders. If he got lucky and the argument got choppy enough, maybe they'd even hug afterwards.

But then Eddie changed the script. He let out all the air inside his chest with a woosh, and then he smiled. This smile was nothing like Eddie's real ones, so soft and full of emotion that seeped deep into Buck's bones. This one was wooden and forced, and it creeped Buck out a little in a decidedly un-fun way. "It's okay, Buck. You learned your lesson, right?"

Buck was so thrown by Eddie's unexpected response that he found himself unable to do anything except nod mutely. And Eddie just said "Good!" in a weirdly cheerful tone. He smiled his strange little grin, clapped Buck's shoulder with the lightest, weakest slap, and scurried off to the locker room.

It was the weirdest interaction in the history of their friendship, and the worst part was that it kept happening.

Buck spent the following months occasionally doing stuff that would set Eddie off, like cutting his toenails on top of the coffee table at the Díaz house when he had a perfectly good house to do that in, or 'accidentally' dumping a new carton of his organic strawberry-mint lemonade in the trash right in front of Eddie . Normally things like that would've gotten Buck a snappy little comment, a stinging reproach that managed to make him blush and squirm with shame and a burning desire to make everything better.

But he was getting nothing except a strained smile followed by a dismissal, and then a couple of hours later everything would go back to normal.

It all had to end now, when they were both having dinner and beers at Buck's and Chris was out being Mr. Popularity with friends from school. It was Buck's perfect opportunity to use his trump card, his best bet for crushing Eddie's terrible new habit: Tommy.

After he found out that Eddie stopped talking to Tommy when they broke up, Buck realized that Eddie really didn't like his ex. He'd tested it out. It was subtle, but every time that Buck mentioned Tommy in a casual conversation, Eddie would twitch and his jaw tightened ever so slightly. It seemed to be almost automatic, an unconscious response.

Once upon a time Buck felt lucky to have been able to hide his backslide with Tommy. He'd been so happy to have avoided Eddie's scathing commentary on his monumental mistake, and he had made sure that Ravi, the only other person who knew about it, kept his mouth shut under threat of bodily and psychic torture.

And now he was about to undo all his hard work for the sake of their friendship, because Buck needed it to go back to its natural state.

He had to be smooth about it; drop it casually into their conversation or Eddie would start to suspect something was going on.

"So, I slept with Tommy when you were in Texas."

Or he could do that.

Buck would've cringed at himself if he wasn't so busy looking out for Eddie's reaction. Eddie was sitting next to him on the couch, and he'd been about to take a sip of his beer just when Buck blurted out his confession.

Eddie paused with the bottle halfway to his mouth, blinking at the coffee table for a second. Then he snapped his head towards Buck and hissed out a quiet "You did what?" His body was still deceptively relaxed but his eyes started to show a restrained wildness in them. Like he was about to verbally eviscerate Buck.

Oh, thank God. Buck couldn't help the smile that started to bloom across his face, nor the goading comment that left his lips next. "We met at a bar when I went out with Ravi that one time, and I had to bring him with me to your house. I hadn't even finished unpacking, but lucky for us my mattress was already in your bedr- hmpph!"

Eddie had basically jumped on top of Buck, almost straddling him as he slammed his giant hand over his mouth. "Shut up. Just shut the fuck up!" Buck expected Eddie's anger to look like an exploding volcano, burning everything in his path and reshaping it to his will. But instead it looked like cold fury, furrowed brows and hard lines all focused upon him in this small room.

Still sitting on top of him and covering his mouth, Eddie muttered, "What are you trying to do here, Buck?" He shook his head. "Do you want me to get angry?" He clenched his teeth and pressed his hand even harder against his face. "Do you want me to yell at you, tell you how idiotic you were to even consider bringing that man to my house, let alone fuck him in my bedroom?"

Well, yes. Buck couldn't even nod his assent because Eddie's other hand had snaked up to clutch at his curls, basically immobilizing his head. And just as he was registering that, Buck realized he had a bigger, more pressing problem.

His dick was definitely reacting to Eddie's nearness; his thick legs bracketed Buck's own and his arms pushed down on Buck's chest and shoulders to make him feel completely caged in. Eddie's woody perfume mixed with his natural musk made an intoxicating blend that was starting to overpower all of Buck's senses, and he realized that their chests were heaving against each other.

Before he could start to panic about that very non-platonic reaction, Eddie's eyes narrowed and a smirk started forming on his face. "Oh, is that it?" He slightly ground down on Buck's lap, and his smug smile only grew.

Buck faintly heard himself whimper, and then Eddie said, "Oh Buck, only you could be this stupid." And then he kissed him.

Eddie's lips were unyielding against his, wielding all the caged anger and outrage that had been in the air just a second ago. And Buck didn't even realize that he was answering in kind, meeting him beat for beat until he felt his own tongue delve into Eddie's wet mouth.

They kissed like that; fighting with lips and tongues for what felt like an instant and also an age. They broke apart to catch their breaths and a string of spit stretched between them. Buck and Eddie sat there, panting into each other's mouths, staring at one another with half-lidded eyes.

Then Eddie snorted out a snicker, and it set off Buck's own wheezing laughter. Eddie buried his head in Buck's shoulder, and they both shook with unrestrained giggles and joy in Buck's living room after having kissed for the first time.

After a couple of minutes of giddy disbelief, Buck cupped Eddie's cheek and brought his face up. They shared an enraptured smile, and Buck knew he had to ask. "So, uh," he cleared his throat, "not straight?"

Eddie shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. Then he smiled once more and said, "And you… don't hate when I chew you out."

That wasn't a question, but Buck still answered. "Nah, it's 'cause I know you do it with love."

And as if Eddie's besotted grin and warm gaze weren't enough confirmation, he pecked Buck one, two, three times and mumbled against his lips, "I do. I really, really do."