Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"I'm not going to stay where I'm not appreciated. Every time you say something hurtful, you always say it is because you are bad with your words. Well, I don't believe you, I'm done. I gave you a second chance, and you wasted it." The door slammed behind the purple-haired woman.

"W-wait…" Luz froze in place, shaking as she stood, tears forming in her eyes. She couldn't breathe or think; the world felt like it had collapsed all over again.

"I-i’m sorry…" She said to the woman's echo. The tan-skinned girl dropped to her knees as her heart raced. Her mind blanked, but ran on. Tears stained the wood floor.

After what felt like an eternity of being frozen to the floor, her alarm buzzed. It was an hour past the time to go to her class.

She had something else in mind.

After one last look at her room, she walked out to her car. It would be a short drive to the bridge.

Once she got there, she parked right next to the sidewalk leading to the top of the bridge.

This wasn't the first time she considered jumping. A month and a half after their first break-up, Luz had thought about jumping off the bridge. This would be her first time walking up there. She wasn't a fan of heights.

She imagined what it would be like, seeing herself falling. She visualized herself hitting the ground. Her neck snapping. Her skull cracking, and her brain matter leaking from her head as her bones shattered from the fall. Leaving her a bloody mess, her broken body sprawled out if she decided to jump onto a hard surface. Imagining herself jump into the water, she saw herself breaking the surface of the water. Sinking to the bottom. Water flooding her lungs, her survival instincts failing. She hoped that if anyone found her, they wouldn't be able to identify her. Thinking it would be better for her mom if she believed her daughter was missing.

As soon as she arrived, she'd shift the car to park. Press on the brake, and pushed the ignition button, shutting off the car. She opened the door, locked it, and began mindlessly walking up the path to the top of the bridge.

As she neared the top of the bridge, a thought appeared in her mind. 'I should at least show that I did appreciate her, I'm not going to need the money anyway.'

When she reached the top of the bridge, she would sit facing away from the ledge, leaning on the railing. She opened her phone and clicked on Amity's contact.

'Luz: Hey, I have a question. You need someone else's banking number to transfer money, right?'

Luz had only recently opened a bank account. Putting only a thousand dollars in as savings, thanks to the money her mother saved up.

'Sweet Potato: Ya, you need the person's banking number to send money.'

'Luz: Could you send me your banking number?'

'Luz: Also, I'm not trying to buy you back. I want to know, in case you ever needed any money.'

'Sweet Potato: I know you aren't trying to buy me back, and no, I won't send you my banking number, and you are not sending me money. You don't even have a job.'

The sting of reality hit her; she had been trying to get a job, but sending the applications always slipped her mind. Another way she was failing.

'Luz: I know, just for when I do get a job.'

'Sweet Potato: I said No, I don't want you sending me money.'

Luz looked at the battery on her phone; it was at 1%. She began walking down to her car to charge her phone.

She had thwarted her plan to jump by procrastinating. Like all the time, she was about to do something stupid.

As she reached her car and plugged her phone in, her mother started calling. She let the phone ring, but a second after the ringing stopped, a text appeared.

'Ma'am: Mija, where are you? Is everything okay? I saw Amity leave before I went out.'

Luz let out a sigh as she sank into the leather seats in her car. The feeling of how cold the leather was crossed her mind.

'Luz: I am at the park in town, just wanted to clear my head.'

'Ma'am: Okay, mija, please be safe. Te quiero mucho, mija.'

Luz closed her phone and let her head fall on the steering wheel.

'You are such a failure, can't even go through with your own death. Coward.' The voice in the back of her mind berated her. But she knew it was right.

After about an hour and a half, she began driving home. Alone with her thoughts.

'This is your fault. She gave you a chance, and you ruined it, like you ruin everything.' She made no objections to the voice; she agreed.

She didn't have long till she got home, but the thought of driving off the road into a tree itched the back of her mind. For now, she ignored it.

It had been a few days since everything happened, and over those few days. Luz had been researching her recent ADHD diagnosis. How she could communicate better. How she could be a better partner to Amity.

She kept sending what she had learned. What she plans on doing better, and how much she knew she messed up, but was sorry for it. For the first two days, all she got was being left on seen, but on the third she got a message back.

'Sweet Potato: Stop blowing up my phone. I don't care what you are researching, we aren't together anymore.'

'Luz: I know we aren't together, but I wanted to show you that I am trying to change, that I have been trying to change even more. I know that ADHD did cause some of the problems, but I am trying to learn how to manage it.'

'Sweet Potato: Luz, you can't blame everything on ADHD, and you are only trying because I left.'

'Luz: I'm not blaming everything on my ADHD. It just explains some of the problems, or at least the causes for the problems. But I know that now, which means I can do even better as a partner now.'

Luz had only been diagnosed two days before the incident; she didn't even have time to start her new meds yet.

Once again she was left on seen.

She would return to researching what she had done before. It kept her mind busy so the voices would stay quiet.

…

For the past few days, she hadn't been taking either the antidepressants or her new ADHD meds. She hadn't been out of bed either. Not having eaten anything and only drinking enough water to keep her throat from drying. She hadn't taken care of herself either; she figured that if she rots away, then she rots away.

She continued scrolling, trying to find more to read, more to keep her busy. As she did, the blankets she had on her kept slipping due to her constant fidgeting and rolling. She had to keep adjusting them so she didn't get cold.

'Huh, my anti-depressants must have actually started working. A few months ago, I would have felt much worse.' She wasn't happy with that newly discovered fact; she wanted to feel like shit. No, she deserved to feel like shit. At least that is what she was beginning to think, a punishment of her own making.

Luz lay facing toward the wall in her bed; she couldn't be bothered to pick up her phone to distract herself right now.

She heard her door open gently.

"Mija, I brought you some food. Mashed Potato and Salmon." She knew it was her mom, but all she did was roll over a little.

"Thanks, ma'am." She said in a hushed tone, avoiding looking at her mom directly. She was terrified that her mom might see how horribly she was doing if she looked her in the eye. She didn't want her mom to see how the light had left her tired eyes.

"Always, mija. If you want to talk, I will be downstairs. Te quiero mucho, Mija." Once she heard her mom close the door, she sat up a little and looked over at her desk. Smelling the fresh food, her instincts took over.

She was a lot hungry than she thought she was, finishing the plate in only a few minutes. She didn't even take a second to savor any of the food; if she had thought about doing that, she wouldn't have let herself. She didn't deserve the pleasure of enjoying the taste of good food.

Once she lay back down again, she would soon fall asleep.

When she woke up, she looked around her room a little, noticing the plate from what felt like the other day was gone. When she looked out the window, it was dark out; it was still the same day, just nighttime.

She picked up her phone and noticed a new notification.

'Amity: Let me know if you are home tomorrow or the day after so I can pick my stuff up.'

The text had been sent, which was probably a few hours after Luz had fallen asleep.

Luz tapped on the message and began writing back.

'Luz: I will probably be home tomorrow.'

She sent the message and tried to return to bed. After a few hours of tossing and turning to find the right position to lie in, she would give up trying to sleep.

Picking up her phone again, she let her impulse take over.

'Luz: Would it be okay if I tried to explain better what I was trying to say in person? I know, closer to the end of the texts, I tried to explain what was truly bothering me. But I feel like explaining it in person, and apologizing in person is important.'

'Luz: I know how I put things that hurt you, and made you feel unappreciated and like you weren't doing enough. But that wasn't what I was trying to do, or what I was trying to say.'

'Luz: Please just let me explain. I am not asking to get back with you, just that I can explain myself and my intent behind everything. I would always do the same for you, I would always do my best to hear you out.'

She honestly had a few times were she remembers getting some hard, even hurtful news from Amity. She always made sure to hear her out before coming to her own conclusions. She also always knew that even if what was being said in the moment was hurtful or emotional, Amity loved her. She wondered why it never felt like Amity actually felt the same way back. 'Doesn't she know how much I love her, and that I am bad at communicating sometimes. I mean, I have been getting better, just why does she always take my mistakes and hold them against me so much? I wouldn't do that to her.'

At some point, she managed to get some sleep, waking up fairly early in the morning despite how late she was up.

She rolled onto her side and picked up her phone, checking the notifications.

'Amity: I will be there after work.'

'Luz: Okay, I hope you have a good day at work.'

After a few hours of sitting and scrolling on her phone to keep her brain stimulated. She went back and checked the text.

She had been left unseen again. She let out a sigh as her arms dropped down.

She was still trying to do her best to be nice. She wished Amity would let her explain what had been bothering her. She knew that she should have taken time to think about what was bothering her. But instead, she acted impulsively.

Luz wished that she had learned about her ADHD so much sooner. It felt like knowing sooner would have spared them from so much conflict in the relationship. She wished that she could get rid of it, but also knew it was going to be part of her for the rest of her life. It felt like a curse.

For so long, Luz didn't know why she acted the way she did; she used to chalk it up to her being a problem. Whenever asked, and she said she didn't know, no one would accept that. She felt like she had to come up with some reason for it, either blaming herself or making an excuse. People always believed it was her, that she was the problem. So did Amity.

Having learned that she had ADHD helped her explain so many things. She wasn't able to explain that to Amity before everything happened. She wouldn't believe her now anyway. Luz felt like she had been punished for so long for reasons she didn't know. Now she does; she is punished even more.

After a few hours lying in bed, she got the notification that Amity was there.

'Luz: Do you want to come in?'

'Amity: No, can you bring my stuff out?'

Luz let out a sigh as she throw on some clothes, then she would grab the box of Amity's things.

She walked outside, her eyes finding it difficult to adjust to the brightness outside. Her legs are a bit shaky due to not having gotten up that much, as well as due to not having eaten. When she had taken a glance at herself in the mirror, she noticed how much weight she had already lost. At least she felt skinnier.

"Do you want to come inside and get some rest? Maybe we can talk." It slipped her mind that she had asked not even 5 minutes ago.

"I said no, I know you are just going to talk about getting back with me." Amity's tone was short and harsh. Luz felt the tone cut into her.

"Please, I just want to explain this. I am sorry that I wasn't careful with how I said things, that I made you think that you weren't doing enough. I should have taken more time to think…"

Before Luz could finish speaking, Amity interrupted.

"I left you because all you are good at is tearing people apart. You know you chose those words on purpose. Don't even try to use ADHD as an excuse. You dug your grave, now you have to lie in it." Amity put her things in the back of her car, got in, and drove off before Luz could say anything more.

Those words stabbed into Luz's very being. 'I told you, you can't do anything right. All you do is make people's lives worse.'

She just stood in the drive way, frozen as she felt her mind starting to shut down. A cold breeze snapped Luz out of it.

Luz slowly began walking back to her room.

She lay in bed, blankets wrapped tightly around her. She didn't bother to distract herself anymore; she knew she deserved the self-hatred.

Tears started forming in her eyes.

'Look at you, fucking pathetic, you don't deserve to cry. You always made Amity's life worse, ever since you met her. Leeching off her hard work, always demanding so much, making her always see you. You never deserved her.'

'She is right, ADHD is just an excuse, you have always been lazy. People don't stay because you push them away, you make their lives worse just by knowing them.'

'You made your mother's life harder by being born. She had to deal with your horrible behavior ever since you were born. She already deals with enough; now she has to support you because you are too lazy to get a job. You are just a leech.'

'Tearing people apart. Being lazy. Leeching off everyone. Being fucking pathetic since the day you were born.'

Luz knew what she had to do, she imaged every detail of it, she had imaged every detail sense the first break up. Something she had wanted to do before she met Amity, and all that did was delay her.

'DO IT!'

She got up, walked downstairs to find her medication.

It took her a few minutes to find the antidepressants and ADHD meds. She grabbed some of the random pill bottles next to her meds as well. She grabbed a large bottle of water and walked upstairs, grabbing her keys.

She grabbed a pencil and wrote her last words down.

'Hey, Mom, I am sorry. You have done so much for me, and I have been a horrible daughter; you deserved so much better than me. This isn't your fault; you have been the most wonderful mother anyone could have asked for. I will miss you, Ma'am.' – Luz.

She grabbed her keys, the pills, and the water bottle. She walked down to her car and began driving somewhere secluded. She didn't want anyone to find her or stop her.

She found her spot. She put her car into park and took out her phone for one last text with the person she considered to be the love of her life. She considered Amity to be the most amazing person she had ever met. Absolutely gorgeous. Incredibly smart and the hardest-working person she had ever met. She had always made sure to tell her love these things, that she thought Amity was like a goddess from myth. But it seemed like those times had either been forgotten or they meant nothing.

'Luz: Hey, I just wanted to say that this is the last time I will be bothering you. I just wanted to tell you that you were truly the love of my life. To me, you were perfect. Everything about you is what I have always wanted in a partner. I loved how hardworking you are. How creative you are. How incredibly intelligent you are. How amazing you are with children. How you can just make my heart flutter by existing. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, and no one could take my eyes from you. I always found you to be more than enough for me. I have loved you ever since I first saw you. I would always do my best to change to be a better partner for you…'

'…Out of everyone I know, I respect you the most. You have done so much for me, and I have appreciated every bit of it. You were my first true love and my soulmate. I never deserved you. I am sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for making your life harder, for making you constantly stressed. I wish I could have given you the world.'

'Luz: I will always be yours till the end, no one could replace you, no one could even come close to you.'

'Luz: Goodbye, my love. I know all of this will just be words to you. But I mean every one of them. But it was the greatest joy of my life knowing you. Goodbye, Sweet Potato.'

As Luz was about to hit the send button she got a notification from her mom.

'Ma'am: Luz sweetie, where are you.'

'Ma'am: Please let me know you are okay.'

Before Luz could respond a call popped up on her phone. Her mom was calling.

Luz took a deep breath as she looked over at the pill bottles. She closed her eyes for a few seconds as she exhaled.

She answered the phone.

"hey mom." There was no life left in her voice, no emotions left in her.

"Luz, I am so sorry. Are you okay. What can I do." She heard her mom sobbing over he phone, the heartbreak in her voice. Regret started bubbling up in Luz.

Her own breathing became short, her throat felt tight.

"i-i'm sorry ma'am, i am sorry." Almost burning hot tears started streaming down her face. Regret swelled within her.

"Mija, it is okay. It is okay, I should have done better at seeing how much you were hurting. I should have done more. Please, I don't want to lose you too." Luz heart felt like it stopped. She leaned on the steering wheel column as she began sobbing. She soon began gasping for air as she broke down.

'What was I thinking, I can't do this to mom.' This was the only thought she could get through.

"I-i'm sorry… I am so so sorry." She tried to take deeper breaths, trying to stabilize herself.

"It is okay, I understand. But please let me help you, you aren't alone. If you want we can watch that Azura movie that you like, I can even make you your favorite food. Just please, come home." She heard the desperate pleading in her mom's voice. It hurt her to her core. The only place she wanted to be now was home.

"I.. I am coming home ma'am. If it is okay, I would like to stay on the phone." She wiped the older tears from her eyes as she continued to focus on breathing.

"Of course Mija. Please drive safely, I will still be here." Luz felt a little bit of comfort, knowing that there was someone on the other end.

She set her phone down, taking one last look at the pills and looked away.

She wanted to go home now. She didn't want to die here. She didn't want to hurt her Mom.

She began driving home…

…

…

Chapter Text

"I'm not going to stay where I'm not appreciated. Every time you say something hurtful, you always say it is because you are bad with your words. Well, I don't believe you, I'm done. I gave you a second chance, and you wasted it." The door slammed behind the purple-haired woman.

"W-wait…" Luz froze in place, shaking as she stood, tears forming in her eyes. She couldn't breathe or think; the world felt like it had collapsed all over again.

"I-i’m sorry…" She said to the woman's echo. The tan-skinned girl dropped to her knees as her heart raced. Her mind blanked, but ran on. Tears stained the wood floor.

After what felt like an eternity of being frozen to the floor, her alarm buzzed. It was an hour past the time to go to her class.

She had something else in mind.

After one last look at her room, she walked out to her car. It would be a short drive to the bridge.

Once she got there, she parked right next to the sidewalk leading to the top of the bridge.

This wasn't the first time she considered jumping. A month and a half after their first break-up, Luz had thought about jumping off the bridge. This would be her first time walking up there. She wasn't a fan of heights.

She imagined what it would be like, seeing herself falling. She visualized herself hitting the ground. Her neck snapping. Her skull cracking, and her brain matter leaking from her head as her bones shattered from the fall. Leaving her a bloody mess, her broken body sprawled out if she decided to jump onto a hard surface. Imagining herself jump into the water, she saw herself breaking the surface of the water. Sinking to the bottom. Water flooding her lungs, her survival instincts failing. She hoped that if anyone found her, they wouldn't be able to identify her. Thinking it would be better for her mom if she believed her daughter was missing.

As soon as she arrived, she'd shift the car to park. Press on the brake, and pushed the ignition button, shutting off the car. She opened the door, locked it, and began mindlessly walking up the path to the top of the bridge.

As she neared the top of the bridge, a thought appeared in her mind. 'I should at least show that I did appreciate her, I'm not going to need the money anyway.'

When she reached the top of the bridge, she would sit facing away from the ledge, leaning on the railing. She opened her phone and clicked on Amity's contact.

'Luz: Hey, I have a question. You need someone else's banking number to transfer money, right?'

Luz had only recently opened a bank account. Putting only a thousand dollars in as savings, thanks to the money her mother saved up.

'Sweet Potato: Ya, you need the person's banking number to send money.'

'Luz: Could you send me your banking number?'

'Luz: Also, I'm not trying to buy you back. I want to know, in case you ever needed any money.'

'Sweet Potato: I know you aren't trying to buy me back, and no, I won't send you my banking number, and you are not sending me money. You don't even have a job.'

The sting of reality hit her; she had been trying to get a job, but sending the applications always slipped her mind. Another way she was failing.

'Luz: I know, just for when I do get a job.'

'Sweet Potato: I said No, I don't want you sending me money.'

Luz looked at the battery on her phone; it was at 1%. She began walking down to her car to charge her phone.

She had thwarted her plan to jump by procrastinating. Like all the time, she was about to do something stupid.

As she reached her car and plugged her phone in, her mother started calling. She let the phone ring, but a second after the ringing stopped, a text appeared.

'Ma'am: Mija, where are you? Is everything okay? I saw Amity leave before I went out.'

Luz let out a sigh as she sank into the leather seats in her car. The feeling of how cold the leather was crossed her mind.

'Luz: I am at the park in town, just wanted to clear my head.'

'Ma'am: Okay, mija, please be safe. Te quiero mucho, mija.'

Luz closed her phone and let her head fall on the steering wheel.

'You are such a failure, can't even go through with your own death. Coward.' The voice in the back of her mind berated her. But she knew it was right.

After about an hour and a half, she began driving home. Alone with her thoughts.

'This is your fault. She gave you a chance, and you ruined it, like you ruin everything.' She made no objections to the voice; she agreed.

She didn't have long till she got home, but the thought of driving off the road into a tree itched the back of her mind. For now, she ignored it.

It had been a few days since everything happened, and over those few days. Luz had been researching her recent ADHD diagnosis. How she could communicate better. How she could be a better partner to Amity.

She kept sending what she had learned. What she plans on doing better, and how much she knew she messed up, but was sorry for it. For the first two days, all she got was being left on seen, but on the third she got a message back.

'Sweet Potato: Stop blowing up my phone. I don't care what you are researching, we aren't together anymore.'

'Luz: I know we aren't together, but I wanted to show you that I am trying to change, that I have been trying to change even more. I know that ADHD did cause some of the problems, but I am trying to learn how to manage it.'

'Sweet Potato: Luz, you can't blame everything on ADHD, and you are only trying because I left.'

'Luz: I'm not blaming everything on my ADHD. It just explains some of the problems, or at least the causes for the problems. But I know that now, which means I can do even better as a partner now.'

Luz had only been diagnosed two days before the incident; she didn't even have time to start her new meds yet.

Once again she was left on seen.

She would return to researching what she had done before. It kept her mind busy so the voices would stay quiet.

…

For the past few days, she hadn't been taking either the antidepressants or her new ADHD meds. She hadn't been out of bed either. Not having eaten anything and only drinking enough water to keep her throat from drying. She hadn't taken care of herself either; she figured that if she rots away, then she rots away.

She continued scrolling, trying to find more to read, more to keep her busy. As she did, the blankets she had on her kept slipping due to her constant fidgeting and rolling. She had to keep adjusting them so she didn't get cold.

'Huh, my anti-depressants must have actually started working. A few months ago, I would have felt much worse.' She wasn't happy with that newly discovered fact; she wanted to feel like shit. No, she deserved to feel like shit. At least that is what she was beginning to think, a punishment of her own making.

Luz lay facing toward the wall in her bed; she couldn't be bothered to pick up her phone to distract herself right now.

She heard her door open gently.

"Mija, I brought you some food. Mashed Potato and Salmon." She knew it was her mom, but all she did was roll over a little.

"Thanks, ma'am." She said in a hushed tone, avoiding looking at her mom directly. She was terrified that her mom might see how horribly she was doing if she looked her in the eye. She didn't want her mom to see how the light had left her tired eyes.

"Always, mija. If you want to talk, I will be downstairs. Te quiero mucho, Mija." Once she heard her mom close the door, she sat up a little and looked over at her desk. Smelling the fresh food, her instincts took over.

She was a lot hungry than she thought she was, finishing the plate in only a few minutes. She didn't even take a second to savor any of the food; if she had thought about doing that, she wouldn't have let herself. She didn't deserve the pleasure of enjoying the taste of good food.

Once she lay back down again, she would soon fall asleep.

When she woke up, she looked around her room a little, noticing the plate from what felt like the other day was gone. When she looked out the window, it was dark out; it was still the same day, just nighttime.

She picked up her phone and noticed a new notification.

'Amity: Let me know if you are home tomorrow or the day after so I can pick my stuff up.'

The text had been sent, which was probably a few hours after Luz had fallen asleep.

Luz tapped on the message and began writing back.

'Luz: I will probably be home tomorrow.'

She sent the message and tried to return to bed. After a few hours of tossing and turning to find the right position to lie in, she would give up trying to sleep.

Picking up her phone again, she let her impulse take over.

'Luz: Would it be okay if I tried to explain better what I was trying to say in person? I know, closer to the end of the texts, I tried to explain what was truly bothering me. But I feel like explaining it in person, and apologizing in person is important.'

'Luz: I know how I put things that hurt you, and made you feel unappreciated and like you weren't doing enough. But that wasn't what I was trying to do, or what I was trying to say.'

'Luz: Please just let me explain. I am not asking to get back with you, just that I can explain myself and my intent behind everything. I would always do the same for you, I would always do my best to hear you out.'

She honestly had a few times were she remembers getting some hard, even hurtful news from Amity. She always made sure to hear her out before coming to her own conclusions. She also always knew that even if what was being said in the moment was hurtful or emotional, Amity loved her. She wondered why it never felt like Amity actually felt the same way back. 'Doesn't she know how much I love her, and that I am bad at communicating sometimes. I mean, I have been getting better, just why does she always take my mistakes and hold them against me so much? I wouldn't do that to her.'

At some point, she managed to get some sleep, waking up fairly early in the morning despite how late she was up.

She rolled onto her side and picked up her phone, checking the notifications.

'Amity: I will be there after work.'

'Luz: Okay, I hope you have a good day at work.'

After a few hours of sitting and scrolling on her phone to keep her brain stimulated. She went back and checked the text.

She had been left unseen again. She let out a sigh as her arms dropped down.

She was still trying to do her best to be nice. She wished Amity would let her explain what had been bothering her. She knew that she should have taken time to think about what was bothering her. But instead, she acted impulsively.

Luz wished that she had learned about her ADHD so much sooner. It felt like knowing sooner would have spared them from so much conflict in the relationship. She wished that she could get rid of it, but also knew it was going to be part of her for the rest of her life. It felt like a curse.

For so long, Luz didn't know why she acted the way she did; she used to chalk it up to her being a problem. Whenever asked, and she said she didn't know, no one would accept that. She felt like she had to come up with some reason for it, either blaming herself or making an excuse. People always believed it was her, that she was the problem. So did Amity.

Having learned that she had ADHD helped her explain so many things. She wasn't able to explain that to Amity before everything happened. She wouldn't believe her now anyway. Luz felt like she had been punished for so long for reasons she didn't know. Now she does; she is punished even more.

After a few hours lying in bed, she got the notification that Amity was there.

'Luz: Do you want to come in?'

'Amity: No, can you bring my stuff out?'

Luz let out a sigh as she throw on some clothes, then she would grab the box of Amity's things.

She walked outside, her eyes finding it difficult to adjust to the brightness outside. Her legs are a bit shaky due to not having gotten up that much, as well as due to not having eaten. When she had taken a glance at herself in the mirror, she noticed how much weight she had already lost. At least she felt skinnier.

"Do you want to come inside and get some rest? Maybe we can talk." It slipped her mind that she had asked not even 5 minutes ago.

"I said no, I know you are just going to talk about getting back with me." Amity's tone was short and harsh. Luz felt the tone cut into her.

"Please, I just want to explain this. I am sorry that I wasn't careful with how I said things, that I made you think that you weren't doing enough. I should have taken more time to think…"

Before Luz could finish speaking, Amity interrupted.

"I left you because all you are good at is tearing people apart. You know you chose those words on purpose. Don't even try to use ADHD as an excuse. You dug your grave, now you have to lie in it." Amity put her things in the back of her car, got in, and drove off before Luz could say anything more.

Those words stabbed into Luz's very being. 'I told you, you can't do anything right. All you do is make people's lives worse.'

She just stood in the drive way, frozen as she felt her mind starting to shut down. A cold breeze snapped Luz out of it.

Luz slowly began walking back to her room.

She lay in bed, blankets wrapped tightly around her. She didn't bother to distract herself anymore; she knew she deserved the self-hatred.

Tears started forming in her eyes.

'Look at you, fucking pathetic, you don't deserve to cry. You always made Amity's life worse, ever since you met her. Leeching off her hard work, always demanding so much, making her always see you. You never deserved her.'

'She is right, ADHD is just an excuse, you have always been lazy. People don't stay because you push them away, you make their lives worse just by knowing them.'

'You made your mother's life harder by being born. She had to deal with your horrible behavior ever since you were born. She already deals with enough; now she has to support you because you are too lazy to get a job. You are just a leech.'

'Tearing people apart. Being lazy. Leeching off everyone. Being fucking pathetic since the day you were born.'

Luz knew what she had to do, she imaged every detail of it, she had imaged every detail sense the first break up. Something she had wanted to do before she met Amity, and all that did was delay her.

'DO IT!'

She got up, walked downstairs to find her medication.

It took her a few minutes to find the antidepressants and ADHD meds. She grabbed some of the random pill bottles next to her meds as well. She grabbed a large bottle of water and walked upstairs, grabbing her keys.

She grabbed a pencil and wrote her last words down.

'Hey, Mom, I am sorry. You have done so much for me, and I have been a horrible daughter; you deserved so much better than me. This isn't your fault; you have been the most wonderful mother anyone could have asked for. I will miss you, Ma'am.' – Luz.

She grabbed her keys, the pills, and the water bottle. She walked down to her car and began driving somewhere secluded. She didn't want anyone to find her or stop her.

She found her spot. She put her car into park and took out her phone for one last text with the person she considered to be the love of her life. She considered Amity to be the most amazing person she had ever met. Absolutely gorgeous. Incredibly smart and the hardest-working person she had ever met. She had always made sure to tell her love these things, that she thought Amity was like a goddess from myth. But it seemed like those times had either been forgotten or they meant nothing.

'Luz: Hey, I just wanted to say that this is the last time I will be bothering you. I just wanted to tell you that you were truly the love of my life. To me, you were perfect. Everything about you is what I have always wanted in a partner. I loved how hardworking you are. How creative you are. How incredibly intelligent you are. How amazing you are with children. How you can just make my heart flutter by existing. You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, and no one could take my eyes from you. I always found you to be more than enough for me. I have loved you ever since I first saw you. I would always do my best to change to be a better partner for you…'

'…Out of everyone I know, I respect you the most. You have done so much for me, and I have appreciated every bit of it. You were my first true love and my soulmate. I never deserved you. I am sorry for hurting you, I am sorry for making your life harder, for making you constantly stressed. I wish I could have given you the world.'

'Luz: I will always be yours till the end, no one could replace you, no one could even come close to you.'

'Luz: Goodbye, my love. I know all of this will just be words to you. But I mean every one of them. But it was the greatest joy of my life knowing you. Goodbye, Sweet Potato.'

Luz shut off her phone, tossing it into the back seat.

She opened the pill bottles one by one and began taking them, then drinking.

Halfway through, she felt like she was going to throw up, but she kept taking them.

By the end of the last bottle, she barely had any strength left. Her stomach felt like it was being impaled from the inside. She began coughing up vomit mixed with blood. She could barely keep her eyes open.

Her limbs no longer worked, and everything was beginning to fade into darkness. As her eyes began to fail her as wave of regret hit her, she thought of everything she wouldn't get to so. She wouldn't get to hug her mom again. She wouldn't be able to read her books again. She wouldn't get to even attempt another chance with Amity.

As she felt this regret swell within her she tried moving to get her phone. To call anybody. 

But her body began to fully shut down. She felt tears moving down her face. The last thing she would ever feel as her eyes failed her.

Her eyes closed, and would never be open again…

…

…