Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tony is actually surprisingly good at following orders when they’re in the heat of battle.

Well, he follows Steve’s orders. Or, possibly, he’s doing his own thing and it is pure coincidence that it coincides with what Steve wants. Steve worries about that far more than he probably should.

What Tony does not ever do is turn up to debriefings.

Mostly this doesn’t bother Steve; Tony is a consultant, as he’s only too happy to remind them whenever people try to give him orders, so he can do as he pleases when the missions are over. But when Tony’s injured, especially if it’s bad, Steve really wishes he would stay at least long enough to be seen by medical.

‘Tony,’ he tries to reason over the comm., ‘you’re bleeding; just come over so we can…’

‘It’s fine,’ Tony dismisses from midair. ‘Head wounds always look worse than they are.’

‘Because head wounds always bleed excessively!’ Steve argues.

‘I’ll see you back at the Tower,’ the Iron Man suit offers a wave and then zips away.

‘Tony! Tony? Stark!’ Steve shouts then huffs a sigh. ‘Yeah, alright, I’ll see you later…’

*                                  *                                  *

When he gets home, several hours later, the Tower is silent.

‘Jarvis, has Tony not come home yet?’

‘No, Captain,’ the AI responds.

Steve scowls in worry,

‘Do you know where he is? He should be taking it easy after that hit he took.’

‘Sir is currently in a meeting with his research and development department,’ Jarvis reports.

‘Right,’ Steve sighs. ‘Can you let me know when he gets home?’

‘Certainly, sir.’

*                                  *                                  *

Steve wakes with a slight jolt to the sound of his name.

‘Captain Rogers,’ Jarvis repeats, ‘you requested I inform you when Mr Stark returned home.’

‘Oh, thank you,’ Steve scrubs a hand across his face and glances at the clock. ‘Four in the morning? Darn it, Tony…’

‘Sir is currently in the kitchen if you wished to speak with him,’ Jarvis offers.

‘Thank you,’ Steve scrambles up and grabs a t-shirt so he isn’t just in shorts.

He finds Tony downing a glass of juice while slumped back against the kitchen island,

‘Hey, Cap,’ Tony’s eyes are barely open but his expression softens somehow as Steve approaches.

‘Tony,’ Steve smiles even as he looks carefully at the jagged wound on his temple, ‘you’re late home.’

Tony hums and scratches his neck,

‘Work work work, that’s me. Then play, normally,’ he smirks suddenly, though the expression isn’t up his normal standards, ‘all work and no play makes Tony a dull boy.’

‘Did you get that seen to?’ Steve asks.

‘Hmm?’ Tony just stares.

‘The hole in the side of your head,’ Steve scowls.

‘Oh, that. No. It’s fine, I told you, I just had it cleaned up on the jet.’

‘Tony…’

Tony grins at him,

‘I’ve patched up worse,’ he says, as if that’s meant to be comforting rather than horrifying. ‘Let’s face it; I basically perform heart surgery on myself every few months.’

Steve splutters.

‘Anyway!’ Tony claps his hands together. ‘I have a lot to do tomorrow so I’m going to go and pass out somewhere.’

Steve’s expression makes Tony laugh tiredly,

‘I’m going to bed, Cap. Seriously, stop worrying about me.’

Chapter Text

Where possible, if Tony is injured, Steve tried to hurry back to make sure he’s ok.

The first few times Tony gives him baffled looks and keeps working on whatever he’s moved on to in the time it’s taken Steve to escape from SHIELD. After a while though he clearly comes to expect Steve to turn up and just smiles in a slightly exasperated way at the sight of his Captain.

‘If you’d just stay at medical then I wouldn’t have to come and bother you,’ Steve points out reasonably.

‘Yes,’ Tony agrees, ‘but then I’d be at medical.’

*                                  *                                  *

Finally, and Steve feels terrible about as soon as he thinks that, it’s Tony’s arc reactor that gets hurt. Or damaged, he corrects himself, but it’s so easy to think of the reactor as part of Tony now and hurt sounds more… something.

‘Shit,’ Tony topples out of the air and his repulsors only just splutter back to life before he crashes to the ground.

‘Tony?!’ Steve shouts rather unprofessionally.

‘Fuck,’ Tony adds.

‘We’ve got this now,’ Natasha calls. ‘Go Stark.’

‘Fuck,’ Tony agrees and jets off back into the air and away from the battle.

The next hour is one of the most stressful of Steve’s life and when the battle is finally over he immediately contacts SHIELD to check on Tony.

‘Stark?’ the agent sounds confused, ‘he isn’t here. He said he had work to do? The Director was furious when he got that message.’

‘What?!’ Steve doesn’t even know what to say to that.

‘Tony’s arc reactor was damaged,’ Natasha explains calmly and the expression on the agent’s face makes it clear Tony didn’t say anything was wrong.

‘I’m going back to the tower,’ Steve declares immediately. ‘You guys debrief; I need to check on Tony.’

*                                  *                                  *

When he arrives back at the tower JARVIS tells him Tony’s down in the workshop. The sight that greets him when he gets there surely takes several years off his life.

Tony looks terrible; he’s leaning heavily against a workbench, his skin pale and shining with sweat. That’s bad enough but Steve can’t tear his eyes from the empty hole in Tony’s chest where the arc reactor should be.

‘Oh God, Tony!’ he’s moving closer before he can even think.

‘Hey, Cap,’ Tony doesn’t look up. ‘Bit busy right now. If this is SHIELD business I’ll remind you that consulting hours are…’ he trails off as he scowls down at what he’s doing.

It’s then that Steve notices there are wires hanging from Tony’s chest and attaching to something under the desk. On the desk are two arc reactors; one is flicking on and off and has clearly been pushed to the side, the other is glowing solidly. It’s the second one that Tony’s fiddling with.

‘Did you not have a spare?!’ Steve demands, horrified by his team mate’s irresponsibility.

‘It’s actually quite a boost to my ego that you must think that I built this from scratch in the last… how long Jarvis?’

‘One hour forty seven minutes, sir.’

‘One hour forty seven minutes,’ Tony repeats.

‘Then put it in!’ Steve demands.

Tony manages a smile but doesn’t look away from his work,

‘I’m going to, Cap.’

‘Tony?’

‘Calm down,’ Tony finally looks up. ‘Cap, it’s ok. I just don’t leave the arc reactors ready to go in case any ever go walk about. I’m plugged in, the electromagnet’s working; I’m not in danger, it’s just not very comfortable.’

‘You've done this before?'

‘I do this every few months,’ Tony nods. ‘I know what I’m doing.’

Steve only finally relaxes a couple of minutes later when Tony presses the arc reactor into place.

Tony just smiles and dodges away when Steve gives him a brief one armed hug. He does follow Steve downstairs for some actual food though and is truly delighted when Steve tells him he skipped debriefing.

Chapter Text

It’s not Steve’s fault when Tony dislocates his shoulder during a fight, but it is because of him that it happens.

He had been on top of a roof fighting and Tony had been zipping around blasting as the enemy of the day climbed up the walls to try to overwhelm those fighting at the top. As he hit one of the many that had made it onto the roof with him another activated the device they had brought with them.

The explosion sends Steve in a graceful arc over the wall and plummeting towards the concrete far below. Tony, of course, immediately zips after him. Just as he’s caught hold of the shoulders of the suit something shoots between them and blasts Tony away.

It was pure survival instinct that had Steve grasp tightly onto Tony’s wrist before he’s out of reach and pure bad luck that the suit was been damaged earlier so that while that arm is working, it’s not strictly attached to the rest of the suit. Steve’s weight, as Tony adjusts to catch himself after the blast, is enough to pull Tony’s shoulder right out of its socket.

Tony barely makes a sound as he grabs Steve’s bicep in a bruising grip with his good left hand and shifts him so he’s clutching onto that side of the suit.

‘God, Tony, I’m sorry,’ Steve tries not to stare at Tony’s right shoulder which even with the armour on is clearly several inches lower than it shoulder be.

They come in for a rough landing and Steve rolls away so Tony can use his left arm to stabilise himself.

It’s a really good job that the rest of the Avengers and the Fantastic Four are there for this battle as Steve’s world has narrowed to the pained panting he can hear through the comm. from Tony. The suit drops to one knee and Tony droops to press his left hand to the floor.

‘You ever reset a shoulder, Cap?’ sounds over the comm. immediately followed by a chorus from the rest of the team, even as they’re still fighting, telling him not to be stupid.

‘I have,’ Steve admits reluctantly.

‘Don’t you dare!’ comes loud and clear over the comm. from Clint, ‘I’ve heard people get their shoulders set and I do not need that right now!’

Tony just laughs,

‘You’re such a baby.’

‘If Hulk hears you scream he might actually pummel Rogers through the floor,’ Natasha points out helpfully, barely sounding out of breath.

‘There is that,’ Tony agrees straightening up and looking up to where the fight is finally calming down. Even as they say it Hulk is swinging down from the roof making a beeline for Tony.

It should be noted that Tony is pretty much the only person except Betty Ross that doesn’t react negatively, at all, to the presence of Hulk.

‘Hey, Big Guy,’ Tony flips back the visor and smiles as Steve viciously quells the urge to back away or raise his shield.

Hulk huffs a breath at him,

‘Hurt.’

‘Yeah, but it’s not bad. I need to get it fixed though.’

Hulk blinks as he considers this information,

‘Hurt.’

‘That’s right,’ Tony agrees readily, speaking calmly. ‘I’m going to reset my own goddamn shoulder and it’s going to hurt like fuck.’

‘What…?’ Steve starts to ask just as Clint shouts ‘Nooooo!’ a little melodramatically as Tony retracts the suit from his bad arm then holds onto it with his left gauntlet. There’s a truly horrible crunching sound which Steve hopes wasn’t loud enough to broadcast over the comm. as sometimes Fury likes them to listen back over this in debriefings.

And Tony screams.

Hulk flinches even worse than Steve and his whine is almost heartbreaking.

‘Fuck,’ Tony pants as he gingerly releases and shifts his arm. ‘There we go, Big Guy,’ he smiles at Hulk, ‘all better.’

Hulk is actually looming over Tony now or Steve would be there himself.

‘I hate you, Stark,’ Clint complains.

‘I know, love,’ Tony retorts and rests against Hulk’s arm. ‘Do you need us back up there?’

‘No! Absolutely not!’ Steve tells him. ‘It’s bad enough that you wouldn’t wait to have a medical professional set your shoulder but you’re not fighting again today. You shouldn’t fly either; you need to rest your arm.’

‘No more fight,’ Hulk rumbles at Tony as he hovers protectively over his wounded teammate.

‘Do you need Hulk back?’ Tony asks absently as he watches the right arm of his suit reassemble around him.

‘No,’ Natasha replies. ‘We’re finished up here.’

‘Alright, I’m going home then,’ Tony winces as he straightens his right arm against his side. ‘Jarvis, lock off my right arm as much as you can; I’ll adapt to steer without it,’ the faceplate snaps down as the repulsors fire.

Tony skips out on going to medical.

They don’t listen back over the comm. recording that day.

*                                  *                                  *

Tony’s repairing his armour when Steve gets back from debriefing. There is a large ice pack on his shoulder as well as a brace, which makes Steve feel better.

‘Hey, Cap,’ Tony barely looks up; he’s come to expect Steve’s visits now.

‘Can’t that wait?’ Steve asks as another spray of sparks fly across the workshop from one of the automated workstations.

‘If we get called out again I don’t want to have to use the suitcase suit,’ Tony replies.

‘If we get called out you shouldn’t be coming with your shoulder like that,’ Steve steps up to the workbench and gazing at the complex holographic schematics.

Tony shrugs his good shoulder,

‘Alright, it’s mostly underway now anyway. I’ll work on the coding for the next Stark Phone’s predictive search.’

‘Or you could come downstairs and have a pizza,’ Steve retorts.

‘Is Captain America encouraging a bad work ethic?’ Tony asks in a fake shocked tone.

‘No,’ Steve retorts, ‘he’s completely against the idea. Steve Rogers thinks you deserve it today though.

‘Besides, you can type coding,’ he learnt this term the other week and hopes he’s using it correctly, ‘on your tablet downstairs.’

‘Alright, it’s a date,’ Tony smirks at him. ‘Lead on, Captain!’

‘Steve,’ Steve corrects resolutely.

‘Steve,’ Tony repeats and his smile softens into something more genuine.

That Steve’s stomach does flips at the sight of that smile is just something he’s going to have to learn to live with.

Chapter Text

It’s Loki who decides it would be fun to wipe Tony’s memory. Steve thinks this must be some form of payback for his staff not working the first time they fought.

At first Tony is merely unconscious.

And what has Steve’s life become that unconsciousness is a mere thing?

As soon as they’ve once again bored Loki enough that he retreats back to wherever the hell it is that he is when he isn’t bothering them, they turn to check on Tony. Jarvis has, of course, already told them that physically Tony seems fine.

When Tony wakes, still in the armour because Jarvis is protective like that, he stares at them all with wide eyes.

‘Tony?’ Steve tries cautiously. ‘Are you ok?’

‘Captain America?’ Tony stares at him. ‘How the fuck much did I have to drink?’

‘What?’ Steve asks.

‘Who the hell are you people?’ Tony adds then spots Natasha. ‘Oh, you I know. You’re still fired.’

‘Still not your call,’ she replies instantly then scowls. ‘What’s the last thing you remember?’

Oh, thinks Steve, is that what’s happening?

The faceplate of the suit slams down and there’s silence for a few minutes as they all stare, the it slides back up and Tony’s scowling,

‘Ok, I’m missing some time.’

‘How long?’ Natasha asks again.

‘I remember signing the paperwork to become CEO again.’

Is it terrible that Steve’s hoping that he can manage this new first meeting with Tony without pissing him off?

‘Doctor Banner?’ Tony suddenly seems to recognise him and sticks out a hand. ‘I know we’ve already met but hello.’

‘Bruce,’ the scientist smiles and they shake. ‘No comment about my rage monster this time?’

‘I am jealous of that. How many board meeting would go my way if I…?’

‘This is Clint Barton,’ Bruce interrupts easily, ‘Thor, and I’m sure you know Captain Rogers.’

Tony nods to Clint and Thor, and eyes Steve suspiciously.

‘Hi,’ Steve smiles hopefully.

Tony blinks,

‘So the Avenger thing actually worked then?’

‘Come on, let’s get you seen by medical,’ Steve moves to usher him towards their approaching transport.

‘Yeah, right,’ Tony takes a sudden step back. ‘My brain is far too valuable a resource for me to let any random SHIELD minions anywhere near it.’

‘Tony,’ Steve tries to reason.

‘No way,’ the faceplate drops again and Tony takes another step back.

‘Steve,’ Bruce interrupts, ‘I know you’re worried, but I really don’t think there’s anything SHIELD can do to help in this situation. It was Loki’s magic, after all.’

‘Alright, no medical,’ Steve agrees reluctantly with the closest thing to a medic they have on the team; he’s mostly just glad Tony hasn’t taken off.

The fingers of the suit relax and the repulsors power down.

‘We’ll go home then,’ Steve suggests, deciding this is another good time to skip debriefing.

‘You live with me,’ Tony’s voice is deadened though the suit so Steve can’t tell his reaction to this.

‘In StarkTower,’ Steve agrees.

‘We’ll debrief,’ Natasha looks between the two of them. ‘You two go.’

Steve nods and takes a careful step towards Tony. He gestures down the street,

‘Shall we?’

‘I’m not walking,’ the suit declares. ‘If you’re coming with me you’re going to have to hold tight.’

‘Alright,’ Steve agrees nervously. They’ve never planned their flying together; normally Steve is busy falling or needing a lift somewhere in battle. This seems more intimate.

‘Stand on my feet,’ Tony instructs then they’re airborne the split second Steve is gripping the armour’s shoulders. Steve yelps and clutches an arm around the suit’s neck to press himself closer to his ride.

Tony’s laughing,

‘Sorry, that was mean,’ Tony tells him and the suit barrel rolls.

‘It’s fine,’ Steve chokes out against his neck, not lifting his head.

They come to a hovering stop and Tony makes a thoughtful sound. When Steve lifts his head to look around he finds them midair across from StarkTower and level with the penthouse landing platform.

The wind is buffering them a little but Tony compensates easily and keeps them steady.

‘You have the top floors,’ Steve tells him. ‘Then it’s your labs and workrooms and then the floors for the rest of us.’

‘Jarvis has brought up the blueprints,’ Tony informs him, then turns slightly to look at him. ‘You’re not scared of heights are you?’

‘No, why?’

‘Well, you have basically plastered yourself to me.’

‘Sorry,’ Steve apologises and, rather stupidly, immediately leans back throwing them to Tony’s right.

Tony catches him with his left arm and pulls him back against the suit as the right gauntlet steadies them.

‘Don’t do that,’ Tony instructs calmly while Steve resumes clinging to the armour.

Thankfully Tony then brings them in to land. Steve follows as Tony is stripped from his armour as he walks. Once back in his t-shirt and jeans Tony rakes his fingers though his hair and steps inside.

‘Fuck this is weird,’ Tony shakes his head and moves straight to the bar. ‘Drink?’

‘I’m…? Umm, yes please?’

He gets handed a large measure of scotch and waved to the sofa. Tony lounges across from him and gazes over the rim of his glass at Steve.

Tony just stares at him silently.

‘No memories back then?’ Steve asks lamely.

‘You knew my father,’ Tony ignores Steve’s question completely.

Steve feels there must be alarm bells going off somewhere. Loud ones that have spinning flashing lights and signal some form of apocalypse because Tony Stark does not ever mention Howard in private.

‘Yeah, I did,’ he fights for something to add.

Tony scowls and all Steve can think to do is blurt the same thing that seemed to help before,

‘I like you better!’

Tony’s eyebrows definitely rise at that and he takes a gulp of his drink as he watches Steve.

‘I didn’t argue with him, like I do with you,’ Steve decides this is as good a time as any to clear this all from his conscience, ‘but he always saw me as something to be outfitted… Something to be sent on a job and you’ve always treated me as… as a man. We, Howard and I, weren’t close and I… You’re amazing, Tony, I know people tell you that all the time but I don’t mean for the… genius thing, though that really is something… You’re doing all this because… because you should. Because it’s right, but it’s not something that really affects you. If you wanted you could stay right at the top of society and just run your company and no one would think anything of it but you…’

‘Ok!’ Tony interrupts his rambling. ‘This is great, really; Captain America is giving me a pep talk over some really expensive scotch…’

‘I really like you, Tony,’ Steve interrupts.

The expression that crosses Tony’s face then isn’t one he recognises but looks a little calculating.

‘Another?’ Tony asks as he downs his scotch and stand again.

‘No, thank you,’ Steve takes a tentative sip and reminds himself never to ask how much this stuff cost that Tony drinks like water.

Tony fiddles with his glass as he tops it up then paces the room,

'Jarvis, call Pepper.’

‘Of course, sir.’

Right, Steve should have thought of that.

‘Tony? Tony, what’s wrong?’

‘Can I not call you unless something’s wrong?’

‘Theoretically you could.’

‘I’ve lost my memory, Pep,’ Tony tells her then steps into the lift, without even glancing back at Steve, and he’s gone.

*                                  *                                  *

Steve retreats down to the communal area to wait for the others to return and frets over what Pepper has told Tony. He knows they aren’t together anymore, and haven’t been for a while now, and he knows Tony didn’t seem to be upset about it at the time, but this Tony…

He should go and check on Tony.

'Jarvis, where’s Tony?’

‘Sir is in his workshop,’ Jarvis tells him, sounding a little too knowing.

‘Thanks, Jarvis.’

He finds Tony, his tumbler beside him on the floor, lounging in his desk chair in the middle of the room with Dummy’s ‘head’ in his lap, Butterfingers is just behind him and You is fetching him a decanter from across the room.

‘Tony?’

‘Hey, Captain,’ Tony’s fingers still over Dummy but resume a petting motion when the bot whines.

Butterfingers whirs then settles against Tony’s shoulder as You presents the decanter and crouches down to press against Tony’s shin.

‘Did they miss you?’ Steve smiles.

Tony seems to realise that Steve has actually walked in on him basically snuggling with three large robot arms. He rolls with it though,

‘What can I say? I needed a hug,’ he smirks; his expression daring Steve to comment that that is exactly what he wanted.

‘What should we do?’ Steve leans against a nearby worktable.

‘It’s my brain,’ Tony actually leans his head against Butterfingers. ‘There’s nothing I’m willing to try.’

‘And if you never remember?’

Tony just shrugs,

‘I can find out quickly enough what I’ve created in that time and what I’m working on. I don’t think there’s anything else I really need to know.’

‘You… you know you broke up with Ms Potts?’ Steve struggles.

‘Yeah,’ Tony just gazes at him honestly unflinching.

‘I… there must be…’ Steve clenches his fist to prevent himself from reaching for Tony to give him a shake.

‘What, Captain?’

‘There have been more important things happen to you since you became CEO again that just what you’ve made!’ Steve objects. ‘That can’t be all you think your life is.’

Tony just looks confused,

‘The important things haven’t changed. Butterfingers is the youngest and even he’s… actually, honest to god, I have no idea how old he is. Dummy must be pushing twenty though,’ Tony scowls thoughtfully. ‘I don’t know. Anyway,’ he swaps the hand he’s using to pet Dummy so he can wave the other then pour himself several fingers from the decanter, ‘constants.’

‘Yes,’ Steve isn’t going to pretend to himself that Tony’s bots haven’t been the only true constants in his life and probably the most reliable as well. ‘But you have other friends now too, Tony.’

Tony just shrugs at him,

‘I don’t remember.’

‘I do,’ Steve crosses his arms and maintains eye contact stubbornly.

They fall into silence as Tony drinks and the bots make small happy noises.

‘I thought Jarvis was the youngest,’ Steve says, because if there is one sure way of getting Tony to talk to him it’s to ask him about his tech.

Tony scowls slightly then shrugs,

‘Because he talks?’

‘I, well, yeah. And because the other three look similar.’

‘You and Butterfingers are both younger than Jarvis,’ Tony downs the remainder of his drink and pushes Dummy aside so he can stand. ‘Jarvis was a massive error on my part; fundamental miscalculation of how AIs should be created.’

‘Can he not hear you?’ Steve glances at the ceiling.

‘I can,’ Jarvis’ voice floats over them. ‘Sir’s summary of my creation is not inaccurate and I take no offence.’

‘As you shouldn’t,’ Tony starts picking his way though the workstations and fiddling with things. ‘I thought, after Dummy, that I’d try an AI that knew more from the beginning. With Jarvis I basically installed my database into his head. As it turns out a shiny new consciousness that’s just becoming self-aware will freak out quite spectacularly if it knows that much but has no memory or, well, anything to hang on to.’

‘Sir stayed with me until I was stable enough to be able to branch out of the house.’

‘Oh, Captain, don’t ever tell anyone that I have a sentient AI that lives in the internet, ok?’

‘Of course not,’ Steve agrees readily.

‘What did we tell the board at the time?’

‘I believe the public were informed that you were on a two month ‘bender’, sir,’ Jarvis replies.

‘Sounds believable,’ Tony shrugs. ‘I certainly looked a little worse for wear when I re-emerged.’

Steve really doesn’t know what to do with this information.

‘I guess you’ve had Jarvis scan your head?’

‘I have, Captain,’ Jarvis informs him as Tony makes pleased sounding noises over a blueprint. ‘There is no physical damage to sir’s brain. However there is a signal comparable to readings I have previously detected around magic users.’

‘Magic has messed with my brain, Cap,’ Steve’s heart does not do summersaults at the sound of the nickname. ‘I’m unimpressed.’

‘The strength of the signal is decreasing,’ Jarvis adds after Tony’s interruption. ‘I calculate it should cease altogether in six days and hypothesize sir’s memory should return at that time.’

‘Six days,’ Steve repeats, relieved. ‘Ok.’

*                                  *                                  *

Tony’s behaviour is erratic at best without his memory. He works the same as usual but when he emerges it is blindingly obvious that all his interactions with them are under the guise of his public persona.

He’s suspicious of all of them.

The only person Tony doesn’t react any differently around is Pepper. Which, as to Tony they’ve only just broken up, is a little devastating.

It is a relief to see Tony relax though.

At the end of the second day since the ‘incident’ Tony is fiddling with a tablet by the window. Steve and Clint talk about future strategies that will use Clint’s abilities to better effect.

‘You can still make the shot from that far?’ Steve asks and receives only a dirty look as a response. ‘Alright! Ok, that’s great. Then we can…’

‘Jarvis, get them to prep my jet,’ Tony announces.

‘Certainly, sir,’ Jarvis agrees as Tony strides to the lift.

‘Tony?’ Steve stares after him.

‘Notify Pepper, and have Happy meet me in the garage.’

‘Of course, sir,’ Jarvis agrees. ‘What destination should be logged on your flight plan?’

‘Monaco,’ if Tony says anything else Steve doesn’t hear it as the lift doors close behind him.

‘What just happened?’ Steve stares.

‘Stark’s a billionaire,’ Clint just shrugs. ‘I’m surprised he hasn’t swanned off more often to be honest.’

‘One of us should go with him?’

‘He’s in lone wolf mode, Cap,’ Clint disagrees. ‘He doesn’t know us.’

‘If Jarvis is wrong and his memory doesn’t come back he won’t learn trust us again if we just let him go.’

‘This is Stark we’re talking about,’ Clint smirks but it’s a frayed expression, ‘you think he trusted us before?’

Steve’s mind screeches to a halt. No, he thinks, Tony doesn’t trust us. Tony trusts JARVIS, his bots and Ms Potts. But not us.

*                                  *                                  *

Steve beats Tony down to the garage and paces beside the cars as the waits. Happy arrives first, carrying a suitcase and the suitcase suit which he puts in the back of a Bentley.

‘You coming too, Steve?’ Happy asks as he leans against the car.

‘I don’t think I’d be welcome,’ Steve tells him and stands straighter as Tony appears in a suit and wearing sunglasses even though they’re in an underground garage.

‘Captain,’ Tony looks at him over the glasses. ‘You going to tell me I can’t leave?’

There’s an edge to his voice that Steve hates.

‘No,’ he shakes his head. ‘I can’t expect you to stay. I was just going to say I’ll miss you.’ Steve hates that that is the best he could come up with.

Tony blinks at him then walks passed the Bentley to one of his sports cars,

‘Try to keep up, Hap.’

‘Sure thing, boss,’ Happy just grins as they peel away.

*                                  *                                  *

It’s a week later when Steve walks into the kitchen to find Tony sitting on the island fixing the microwave and muttering about ‘god-damned demigods’. He can’t help but stride across the room and scoop Tony into a hug; Tony yelps in surprise but relaxes again then laughs,

‘Hey, Capsicle, miss me?’ he asks as Steve briefly presses his face between Tony’s shoulder blades and hugs him tightly.

‘Yes,’ Steve beams at him as he steps back.

Tony swivels on the island to face him; he looks tired, but happy,

‘Well, it’s good to be back. Even if you failed to protect my stuff from our housemates.’

‘A lot of your stuff is very complicated,’ Steve argues just to see the disgusted look on Tony’s face as he argues that his UIs are the most user-friendly around ‘thank you very fucking much’.

Tony waves one of his hands around as he argues his point and Steve catches hold of it to keep it still without thinking. Tony stops talking and stares at him in surprise as Steve rubs a small circle over Tony’s fingers with his thumb.

‘Sorry!’ Steve blushes and lets go. ‘I don’t know why I did that. It’s great to have you back, Tony. I’ll… see you later.’

‘Oh…!’ is all Tony has time to say before Steve vanishes.

Chapter Text

Steve, for the first time in his life, retreats.

It’s not that he thinks Tony will have a problem with Steve being attracted to him. Or rather he’s sure that having a man be attracted to him won’t faze Tony; he’s accidently seen more than one clip of Tony with a man on the internet.

But it is mortifying.

Steve knows he always finds it incredibly awkward when he finds that someone he isn’t interested in is attracted to him and he’s sure Tony has plenty of experience of the same.

He briefly considers moving out to avoid the embarrassment of having to see Tony everyday. Well, every few days, he is Tony. Moving out really would be giving up though and he really doesn’t want to loose Tony completely from his life. Part of him also worries what his departure might do to Tony, who’s had far too many people let him down before.

So he stays.

He stops visiting Tony’s workshop though. And avoids the family room in the early hours of the morning when Tony tends to emerge.

He goes a week without seeing Tony at all and finds he misses him terribly.

*                                  *                                  *

It’s only after eight days that Steve actually realises that Tony hasn’t tracked him down.

There are two possible explanations that Steve can see; either Tony hasn’t realised that Steve is avoiding him, which is unlikely, or Tony is avoiding Steve right back.

Steve wonders when he became so pathetic.

He reminds himself that he’s Captain America, and works himself up to talking to Tony.

‘Jarvis, where’s Tony?’ Steve asks just after lunch and rakes his fingers though his hair.

‘Sir is currently asleep in the penthouse, Captain,’ Jarvis tells him. ‘Shall I take a message for you?’

‘Oh, no, thanks Jarvis, that’s fine.’

Now Steve’s going to have to build his confidence up all over again!

*                                  *                                  *

Steve puts off asking after Tony.

The next evening he’s watching a movie with Clint and Bruce. Clint is on the far right of the right hand sofa with Bruce to his left and Steve is on the left sofa, sitting so that he’s basically next to Bruce.

Tony appears and strolls to the empty seat beside Steve and sprawls himself out.

Steve freezes.

‘What are we watching?’ Tony yawns.

‘Bond marathon,’ Clint replies.

Tony huffs an inaudible response and curls into the corner of the sofa. He looks exhausted.

‘Have you not been sleeping?’ Bruce asks bluntly.

‘Busy work,’ Tony replies without opening his eyes. ‘Had to get stuff done; I’ve been neglecting my company.’

Bruce mutters under his breath.

Steve wonders if Jarvis lied to him yesterday.

He forces himself to watch the movie but he can’t keep himself from being unnaturally aware of Tony dozing a couple of feet away.

He can tell when Tony falls asleep; a previously unnoticed tension bleeds away first and then, as Tony shifts to press his nose against the sofa’s back, his legs straighten out and bump into Steve’s thigh.

Why do Steve’s feelings for Tony seem to be materializing as the desire to touch his bare toes?

Steve keeps his hands laced together in his lap.

‘Why have you been avoiding him?’ Bruce asks when Clint dashes off for more popcorn between movies.

Steve doesn’t flinch, but his hands tighten on each other,

‘I’m not sure I trust myself to be around him and not touch,’ he tells Bruce honestly as he looks over at Tony’s sleeping face.

‘And you thought avoiding Tony like the plague was the best solution?’ Bruce doesn’t sound judgmental so much as he sounds amused. ‘The man’s your best friend, your second in command and the owner of everything around us. You can’t avoid him forever.’

‘I know,’ Steve meets his gaze. ‘I just need to get my head on straight.’

Bruce doesn’t look convinced but he lets the conversation drop as Clint returns and the next movie starts.

*                                  *                                  *

Clint and Bruce have both said good night and left so Steve has turned off the television and asked Jarvis to play some music. He doesn’t need to ask the AI to play it quietly; Jarvis is perfectly aware of the desire not to wake Tony.

He’s half dozing himself with his left hand having migrated to resting on Tony’s ankle when Tony wakes up.

Waking up is an understatement for what Tony does.

Steve hadn’t noticed Tony tensing in his sleep but he jolts upright with a wordless yell. His eyes are wide as his heels scrabble for purchase against the sofa and he pushes himself against the arm,

‘Jarvis!’ he sounds desperate.

‘Sir!’ the AI’s voice is raised but calm. ‘You are fine. You are in your tower with Captain Rogers.’

‘Jarvis…’ Tony slumps with a relieved sigh.

Steve worries at his bottom lip as he watches his friend.

‘Fuck,’ Tony runs his hands though his hair.

‘Have you spoken to anyone?’ Steve blurts. ‘They have… people who can help at SHIELD.’

Tony gazes at him as if not quite sure he recognises him,

‘So you are still speaking to me?’

Steve refuses to look away but he can feel the guilt gnawing at him,

‘Of course I am.’

‘Right…’ Tony gets up; presumably content in the belief he’s diverted Steve from the point.

‘Speaking to someone about it might help,’ Steve tells him doggedly. 'There are professionals in medical who can...'

‘Seriously?’ Tony stretches and stands up. ‘After the vast array of psychological hang-ups you had to battle past, you being Captain America, in order for me to half-reliably be able to take something from your hands… You think I’m a good candidate for spilling my issues to a stranger?’

‘I’m just saying that if you aren’t sleeping…’

‘I’m fine,’ Tony interrupts. ‘Jarvis, how often do I have nightmares now?’

‘On average you are now down to one a week, sir,’ Jarvis adjusts the lighting as Tony moves across the room. ‘Though this week you have had three. I suspect an outside source has caused you to become unsettled.’

Jarvis has a real knack for making Steve feel lower than pond-life where his creator is concerned.

‘Thanks for the entirely uncalled for addendum there,’ Tony doesn’t really sound irritated.

‘You are welcome, sir,’ Jarvis responds promptly.

‘Bastard…’

‘You were unmarried at the time of my creation,’ the AI agrees.

‘Still am, for the record!’ Tony informs Steve sounding unnecessarily alarmed. ‘I know I have never been that drunk.’

‘Tony…’ Steve tries to pull the conversation back under control.

‘We both have things to do, I’m sure,’ Tony talks over him. ‘Jarvis…’

‘Tony!’ Steve raises his voice over his friend’s. ‘I’m sorry about the other day; I never meant to make you uncomfortable.’

‘Uncomfortable?’ Tony is walking backwards towards the lift. ‘I’m not uncomfortable. See you around, Cap.’

The lift doors close and hide Tony from view.

That could have gone better.

*                                  *                                  *

‘Jarvis,’ Steve makes his mind first thing the next morning, ‘as soon as Tony wakes up can you let me know?’

‘Do you particularly wish for sir to have just woken before you speak to him, Captain?’ Jarvis asks. ‘As he is awake at this time.’

‘Oh,’ Steve had been hoping for a little more time. ‘No. I guess I’ll see him now then.’

‘Sir is in his workshop,’ Jarvis tells him.

‘Thanks, Jarvis.’

Tony looks up from his work as Steve is granted access and looks faintly baffled. He’s still wearing the clothes from when Steve last saw him so he assumes either Tony hasn’t slept or he slept down here with his bots.

‘Cap, you’re early,’ Tony tells him and waves him over.

‘Sorry,’ Steve apologises automatically as he tries to remember having an appointment.

‘Doesn’t matter,’ Tony dismisses, ‘now’s fine. Stand there. Your feet shoulder’s width apart and your arms straight out to the sides.’

Steve obeys Tony’s instructions even as he feels even more confused.

‘Jarvis, full scan if you please,’ Tony backs up and clicks his fingers absentmindedly as blue lines start moving over Steve’s body.

‘What…?’ Steve flinches but Tony tells him to ‘just stand still’ so he does.

‘Great,’ Tony beams at him, ‘all done. You can go now.’

‘Sir,’ Jarvis interrupts, ‘you did not get around to calling the Captain down.’

‘Didn’t I?’ Tony turns back to look at Steve, ‘why are you here then?’

‘To talk to you?’ Steve really didn’t intend for that to be a question.

Tony scowls vaguely,

‘About my nightmares or about you freaking out over being attracted to me?’

Steve’s mouth opens and closes in surprise,

‘I didn’t freak out.’

‘You ran off and avoided me for nearly a week,’ Tony disagrees.

‘Eight days,’ Jarvis corrects.

‘It’s only a new day once you’ve slept,’ Tony replies immediately.

‘Of course, sir,’ Jarvis sounds amused.

‘I’ve known I’m attracted to you for weeks!’ Steve blurts.

Tony freezes for a split second and then he’s all motion as he moves across the room fiddling with things,

‘Alright, fair enough. Not going to happen though,’ he quirks an awkward looking smile, ‘no hard feelings.’

‘Of course not,’ Steve agrees readily as he crushes down that tiny glimmer of hope that he’d apparently still been carrying, ‘I just want us to still be friends.’

‘Definitely,’ Tony waves a hand dismissively. ‘Don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t find you randomly camped out in my lab every afternoon.’

‘Great,’ Steve smiles before letting Tony get back to work.

He’ll only need an hour or so to himself before he can face his friend again.

Chapter Text

Steve doesn’t avoid Tony after that, but they don’t speak often. He spends time in the workshop, like he used to, and he’s certain Tony’s more aware of his presence than he used to be, but Tony doesn’t acknowledge him.

The bots seem unsettled too; Jarvis doesn’t seem concerned at all, but Dummy is borderline hostile and You and Butterfingers, who Steve had been winning over, are ignoring him.

Steve has really no idea how to deal with them.

*                                  *                                  *

It’s almost a relief when they next get a call.

It isn’t strictly their area, but Steve takes the decision to go anyway; he needs something to prove to himself that he and Tony can still work together.

A group of people in body armour are attacking a bank and firing canisters of gas at anyone who gets close enough. It’s all very destructive and upsetting, but pretty easily dealt with as they are not even mutants.

‘I need to go to medical,’ Tony announces over the comm. as the fight wraps up.

‘What’s wrong?’ Steve knows he sounds panicked, but this is the first time Tony has ever even pointed out an injury let alone decided to go to medical.

‘There’s a chance I’ve just been poisoned,’ Tony informs him calmly.

‘How big of a chance?’

‘I would stay quite large. Pretty certain actually. Yep. Definitely poisoned,’ the armour lands beside him and stumbles to its knees.

‘The gas?’ Steve drops beside him and catches his shoulders before he collapses forwards.

‘I would assume so,’ the face plate flicks up and Tony looks up at him; his pupils are dilated to different extents making him look stoned. ‘Hey, Cap.’

‘ETA on medical?’ Steve calls over the comm. as Tony slumps into his arms.

‘That’s them in the Quinjet on your nine o’clock,’ Clint reports.

*                                  *                                  *

Steve stays with Tony as the medics swarm them; he initially went to pull away but Tony caught his wrist in a death grip (he’s still wearing the suit) so Steve stays.

Tony is increasingly out of it but still flinches from each of the people that prod at him. Steve convinces him, or possibly Jarvis, to remove the suit so the medics can do their work and stays by his side. Tony catches at his hand again as soon as the gauntlet has retracted; Steve laces their fingers together and holds tightly.

‘It’s alright, Tony,’ Steve tells him and squeezes his hand tighter when Tony just stares up at him.

*                                  *                                  *

When Pepper arrives she’s as white as a sheet. Steve told her over the phone that Tony is fine now and is just sedated so her reaction is strange.

‘Ms… I mean, Pepper? I told you Tony was fine now?’

‘You left him on his own?’ she snaps at him as she pushes passed him and through the door to Tony’s room. ‘He hates hospitals; you can’t let him wake up here alone. Do you understand?

‘Yes, ma’am,’ he agrees promptly and wonders why the only women he’s even know personally are scary.

Tony is still sleeping though and they start trading off on who sits with him as he recovers.

*                                  *                                  *

When Tony wakes up his reaction is identical to the only other time Steve has seen Tony wake from a nightmare. The genius jolts upright and scrabbles backwards, kicking at the blankets as he goes.

‘Tony!’ Steve reaches for him.

‘Jarvis!’ Tony calls, but of course the AI doesn’t respond here. He flinches away violently from Steve’s outstretched hand and manages to remove the IV from his arm as well as the monitors for his blood pressure and his heart rate.

‘Tony, it’s alright!’ Steve hovers nearby and doesn’t reach over again. ‘You’re in medical; you’re safe!’

Tony turns his wide eyed gaze on Steve,

‘What…?’

‘Tony, it’s Steve,’ he reaches out slowly to clasp Tony’s shoulder when he sees recognition dawn in the other’s eyes.

Tony drops his forehead to rest on Steve’s arm where he’s holding his shoulder,

‘Hey, Cap.’

‘Hey,’ Steve sits on the bed and tugs Tony into a hug.

Tony surprises him by loosely wrapping his own arms around Steve’s waist and tucking his head under the super soldier’s jaw.

Then the moment’s over and Tony recoils and scrambles for the desk phone by the bed.

‘What’s wrong?’ Steve holds back from clutching his friend back to him.

‘I need to speak to Jarvis,’ is the only thing Tony tells him before dashing the phone against the wall and prising it apart. He adjusts some wires and then turns the phone over and dials a long number. ‘This is now contacting one of SI’s data centers directly; Jarvis will know it’s me.’

A double beep comes from the phone and Tony types in another number before speaking,

‘Jarvis?’

‘Sir,’ the AI’s voice sounds relieved through the earpiece.

Tony visibly relaxes at the voice of his best friend,

‘Hey, buddy.’

‘Are you feeling ok, Tony?’ Steve presses. ‘Should I call a doctor?’

‘I’m fine,’ Tony dismisses and moves to the edge of the bed. ‘Where’s my stuff?’

‘The armour is a level down from you, sir, in a laboratory,’ Jarvis reports. ‘I am preventing anyone from learning anything from it.’

‘Where are we?’ Tony gets to his feet as Steve hovers nervously.

‘The medical bay of the helicarrier,’ Steve tells him helpfully.

‘Thanks, genius,’ Tony rolls his eyes. ‘Where is that?’

‘Several hundred miles west of Hawaii, sir,’ Jarvis reports as Steve feels embarrassed.

‘Power levels?’

‘Limited.’

Tony scowls as he fiddles with the pyjamas he’s found himself dressed in,

‘If we don’t push it?’

‘We should make landfall,’ Jarvis doesn’t quite sound convinced but is clearly resigned.

‘Is something wrong with the helicarrier?’ Steve asks nervously.

‘No,’ Tony starts opening cabinets. ‘The reactor is low. We tried a few things on the poison before I came to you. I need to get back and swap it over.’

‘You mean you want to fly?!’ Steve may have raised his voice a little as Tony actually flinches.

Steve takes a step back and raises his hands,

‘I’m sorry. Tony, I’m sorry. Please don’t just go.’

Tony turns away again without a word.

‘Sir,’ Jarvis’ voice sounds from the phone, ‘Captain Rogers has a point. You were poisoned and reaching landfall in Malibu is no longer sufficient; you must reach New York. If you insist I can have the jet meet you on the helicarrier or in Hawaii.’

Tony looks over at the phone silently for a moment then swallows heavily and looks Steve in the eye,

‘I hate it here.’

‘We’ll be out of here soon,’ Steve promises softly.

‘I really hate it here,’ Tony adds but sits back on the bed.

‘Captain,’ Jarvis adds, ‘I suggest you remain with sir if you wish for him to stay.’

‘Thanks, Jarvis,’ Tony crosses his arms. ‘Because Cap here didn’t quite think I was a complete failure as a human being; he needed that extra push.’

‘As always, your wellbeing is my primary concern,’ Jarvis tells him dryly.

‘Yeah,’ Tony huffs and drops his head back against the wall. ‘Cap, get them to bring my armour up to me, will you?’

‘Sure, Tony,’ Steve agrees reluctantly and steps into the corridor to speak to one of the agents posted as guards.

He doesn’t quite close the door, so he hears what Jarvis says next,

‘Instructions, sir?’

‘Get Dummy to box up a reactor and get someone to put it on the jet. I’ll meet it in Hawaii or Malibu.’

‘Yes, sir.’

*                                  *                                  *

Steve isn’t sure if Tony hates hospitals in general or if it’s a distrust of SHIELD, but his friend’s twitchiness is starting to make him jumpy too.

Tony has consented to staying in his medical room but only if certain conditions are met, though he doesn’t word it quite like that.

He wants something to do. The armour and a toolbox are brought up a mere minute after Steve asks for them and so Tony is pacified in the short term.

He needs to have Jarvis at hand. This is satisfied on two fronts now; Jarvis is still responding over the phone, which seems to surprise everyone who comes into the room (Steve wonders if being from the past and finding everything a little unbelievable is actually a benefit when living with Tony as he takes things in stride by accident) and now he has the suit Tony has a more active interface with his friend.

He doesn’t allow any of the doctors to touch him or to replace any of their monitoring equipment. The argument would probably have lasted longer but Tony is wearing one of his gauntlets when the doctor comes in, which is a little intimidating as it seems to respond to Tony’s mood and powers up. Steve isn’t sure how far Tony would have gone to stand his ground on this issue, but it’s ok because Steve uses his ‘patriotic powers of persuasion’ (TM Stark Ind.) to send the doctor on his way.

Finally he seems to want someone with him. He demands Jarvis’ presence, and his desire for additional companionship isn’t that high, but he isn’t indifferent when Steve has to go to debriefing. Pepper arrives just in time to save Steve from having to decide to skip it.

But maybe he should have.

Steve isn’t in the best form during the debriefing. He barely listens to run down of the fight, he doesn’t add anything to the discussion on tactics and he honestly doesn’t even notice when they start talking about who the group might have been allied with.

He is very much consumed by the thought that Tony might not still be there when he gets back.

*                                  *                                  *

Tony is there when he gets back.

He’s fiddling with a tablet that he’s most likely stolen from Pepper and rubbing absently at his arc reactor.

‘You’re still here!’ Steve blurts pointlessly.

Pepper has fallen asleep on Tony’s hospital bed so Tony looks up at him from the floor,

‘Wow, your observational skills really took a jump when you got that serum didn’t they, Cap?’

Steve sits down across from Tony and leans against the wall,

‘I didn’t expect you to stay.’

Tony shrugs and scratches at his chest,

‘Jarvis said it; I don’t have enough power to make it to New York.’

‘The reactor could be brought to meet you part way,’ Steve challenges without changing his tone.

Tony just smirks and keeps working.

‘Sir has agreed to stay in medical until we can be certain he is suffering no side effects from the poison,’ Jarvis adds.

‘Good,’ Steve smiles.

Tony glances at him over his tablet,

‘Did you want something?’

‘Just to reassure myself that you’re ok,’ Steve beams at him.

Tony gives him a confused and calculating look as he rubs at the reactor under his t-shirt.

‘Is Pepper ok?’

‘Jet lag,’ Tony responds promptly. ‘She flew a long way to be here.’

‘You should be resting too,’ Steve reminds him.

‘I don’t need that much sleep,’ Tony disagrees. ‘I never have.’

‘Would you like company?’ Steve offers. ‘I mean more company. I know you have Jarvis.’

Tony shrugs,

‘Stay if you want.’

So Steve does.

*                                  *                                  *

Steve makes himself as comfortable as he can against the wall and watches Tony work as the night draws in.

And becomes increasingly concerned.

‘Tony, is the arc reactor bothering you?’

‘The reactor always bothers me,’ Tony deflects and moves his hand away from rubbing at it.

‘Tony…’

Tony looks at him silently for several long moments then looks back at his tablet,

‘The poison wasn’t a poison. Well, it was. Definitely a poison. But also, it had something in it that’s attacking the reactor casing.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Steve forces himself to stay calm, ‘you can’t be saying what I think you’re saying.’

‘I’m saying that the reactor casing is being corroded inside my chest,’ Tony glances up again. ‘I’m saying that the people attacking that bank were probably only doing so to get our attention, though they probably expected it to take longer than it did. I’m saying that I need to figure out how to neutralise this or receiving the new reactor won’t help.’

‘What can I do?’ Steve demands.

‘Not a lot,’ Tony dismisses but looks a little pleased with Steve’s concern. ‘If I can neutralise it I’ll need a new reactor casing already, as well as the reactor itself. If it takes me too long then it will start to corrode the reactor itself and then I’m dead.’

Steve knows the blood has just drained from his face,

‘God, Tony…’ he scoots across the floor to sit by Tony by the bed and pulls him into a hug.

Tony tenses then slumps boneless against Steve’s chest,

‘Unless you have the previously undisclosed power of magic healing hugs,’ Tony snarks at him, ‘this isn’t helpful.’

Steve notices that his friend has basically curled into his arms, despite his words,

‘I’m Captain America,’ Steve declares, hoping for a smile, ‘of course I have magic hugs.’

Tony snorts and pulls back,

‘Most brilliant sound bite ever. Jarvis, save that somewhere.’

‘Of course, sir,’ Jarvis sounds resigned.

*                                  *                                  *

Steve watches Tony with increasing worry after that.

Initially he tries to talk Tony into telling the Doctors so they can monitor him properly but Tony refuses,

‘This isn’t medicine. This is technology and I’m already up to speed working on it; I’m not going to stop now to explain it to anyone.’

Tony’s noticeably forcing himself to stop touching the arc reactor where it’s bothering him. He’s broken into a sweat as a he starts to run a fever, which is worrying but not as worrying as when Steve notices that he’s bleeding.

‘It’s from around the reactor,’ Tony tells him even as Steve reaches for his t-shirt. ‘Leave it!’

Steve forces his hand back to his side,

‘What does that mean?’

‘It means the casing is becoming loose in my chest,’ Tony snaps. ‘Back off!’

‘I’m sorry,’ Steve gives Tony some space reluctantly. ‘God, Tony, please figure this out.’

‘Sure,’ is all Tony says for the next hour.

*                                  *                                  *

‘Jarvis, eta on the jet?’ Tony breaks the silence. He sounds rough and there’s blood trickling slowly but steadily down his chest.

‘Still several hours, sir.’

‘I don’t have that much time,’ Tony mutters as he glances at Pepper who’s still sleeping on the bed. He looks at Steve, ‘I need to overload the reactor while it’s still in my chest. It will destroy the virus before burning out but then I’ll need a whole new chest piece.’

‘So what do we do?’

‘I need to get back to my tower,’ Tony pulls himself to his feet and Steve stands to steady him. ‘Jarvis, start fabrication of a new reactor casing.’

‘Already complete, sir,’ Jarvis replies. ‘I took the liberty of making some preparations.’

‘Good. Start warming up a Quinjet; I’ll be there shortly,’ Tony starts suiting up so Steve takes a step back.

‘So we’re going to New York?’

‘We?’ Tony honestly falters and stares at Steve in surprise.

‘Yes, ‘we’,’ Steve scowls at him. ‘You can’t have thought I’d let you go alone?’

‘Fine. Yes, we’re going to meet my jet for the new reactor on the way; this one doesn’t have the power to overload.’

‘You should wake Pepper,’ Steve gestures to the bed.

Tony’s already out of the door.

*                                  *                                  *

They’ve already left the helicarrier by the time Steve realises that he hasn’t reported any of this to the Director or the rest of the team.

‘Too late now,’ Tony dismisses.

They meet Tony’s jet while still over the ocean. Tony uses up most of the remains of the arc reactor’s power by going across to the jet to collect the new reactor while they’re still in mid-air.

When Tony’s back onboard Steve sets their course for New York and pushes up their speed.

‘How long will it take before you can put it in?’ Steve asks as Tony sits in the co-pilot seat with the new reactor and some fine-detail tools.

‘Half an hour,’ Tony shrugs. ‘No point putting it in until we get back to the tower though.’

‘Why?’ Steve demands.

‘Because if the virus eats through to the reactor I won’t be able to overload it,’ Tony keeps his eyes on the reactor.

‘Then put the new one in, overload it and swap back to the old one,’ Steve points out reasonably.

‘Can’t,’ Tony disagrees. ‘The virus is already in this reactor.’

‘What?!’ Steve jolts and the Quinjet sways in the air. ‘When were you going to tell me?!’

‘Just did,’ Tony offers him a grin.

Steve’s heart breaks a little.

‘How long will the reactor keep working for?’ Steve tightens his grip on the controls.

‘Just about long enough if we keep to this velocity,’ Tony glances up at the navigation screen. ‘So don’t get lost.’

‘You think I can’t find New York?’ Steve snaps unfairly. ‘Sorry, Tony, this just isn’t funny.’

*                                  *                                  *

They can see New York on the horizon when Tony staggers to his feet,

‘I have to get to the lab. I have minutes before this reactor is useless and I need to be there when I overload the other one.’

‘Tony…’ Steve catches his elbow as the suit is reforming around him. ‘Please be safe. Please, Tony.’

Tony swallows heavily as Steve lets go of his arm. He picks up his helmet and hesitates for a second.

‘Forgive me,’ Tony demands suddenly and wraps one armoured hand around Steve’s jaw and tips his face to receive a heated kiss.

Steve responds to the kiss automatically as a ridiculous part of his mind wonders if he’ll ever be kissed and not be surprised by it.

Tony pulls away after an eternal moment and the helmet is in place before Steve opens his eyes.

‘Thanks,’ Tony’s voice comes from the suit and then he’s gone and speeding for home.

*                                  *                                  *

‘Jarvis?’ Steve calls the moment he jumps from the Quinjet onto the helipad on the top of the tower. ‘Please tell me Tony made it back?’

There’s a long pause during which Steve forces himself to remember to breathe as he rushes for the lift,

‘Jarvis?’

‘Sir is in his workshop,’ the AI reports finally.

‘Is he ok?!’

There’s no response.

He arrives at the entrance to the workshop only to find the massive metal shutter in place across the windows.

‘He’s in lockdown? Jarvis, please, open the door?

‘Jarvis?’ Steve bites his lip. ‘Is he…? He’s not…’

Still nothing.

‘Jarvis?!’

‘Sir is dying,’ Jarvis announces as the metal shutters suddenly start rising. ‘We need your help.’

Steve borrows from Tony’s vocabulary as he ducks under the shutter which immediately drops back down behind him.

Tony is sprawled on the floor with the armour nowhere in sight. His skin is unnaturally pale and damp with sweat. Dummy is at his side pulling out the arc reactor and You is pulling over a generator with a trailing cable.

Steve freezes at the sight of Tony’s chest. He’s seen his teammate shirtless before, hell, it’s Tony, he’s seen him fully naked before, but he’s never looked like this. There’s bloody oozing from around the hole where the arc should be and the casing wall looks pitted and corroded.

‘You must connect the generator to the electromagnet in sir’s chest,’ Jarvis instructs him. ‘Butterfingers is getting a spare reactor but it will need to be activated and we must buy ourselves time.’

‘Right,’ Steve rushes to take the generator from You and presses the device at the end of the cable from the generator into place in Tony’s chest. He watches in desperation as Tony’s whole body shudders and falls limp again. ‘Jarvis, what do I do?’

‘Sir is stable enough now for us to work on the spare arc reactor,’ Jarvis tells him and Steve is not imagining the relief in his tone. ‘Dummy don’t… that was unnecessary, Dummy.’

Steve looks up to see Dummy has apparently snatched the arc reactor from Butterfingers and has moved it to a workbench where he’s now peering down at it.

‘Does he know how to fix it?’ Steve can’t quite make himself leave Tony’s side.

‘He does. He has never actually done so however, though he has watched sir many times.’

‘Can you talk me through it or do we need Tony to wake up?’ Steve asks quietly and brushes a hand though Tony’s damp hair.

‘We cannot wait but I believe we will not be able to complete the task without him. Butterfingers and You can replace the reactor casing. Dummy will assist you.’

Steve swallows heavily and bows his head over Tony. He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders as he stands,

‘Let’s do this then.’

*                                  *                                  *

There is a reason not everybody else in the entire world has an arc reactor.

At one point Steve feels that he and Jarvis are both on the verge of tears from just not being able to communicate enough. Steve does not understand technical language and Jarvis, for all his brilliance, is not used to dealing with anyone other than Tony. And it is fair to say Tony is quite a bit smarter than Steve when it comes to technology.

‘How the hell did he build this in a cave? And with only his own memory to guide him?!’ Steve exclaims finally. ‘I’m sorry Jarvis, explain it again?’

‘Certainly, Captain,’ Jarvis sounds increasingly desperate but he’s still unfailing polite. ‘The second node on the left of the third circular port,’ Steve squints, ‘must be Dummy no!’

Dummy chirps angrily and pokes his head into Steve’s eye line to reach the reactor.

‘You believe you can do this?’ Jarvis asks and then continues after a pause, ‘very well, Dummy. Captain, Dummy believes he can activate the arc reactor. I suggest you allow him space to work.’

‘Well, that’s horrifying,’ comes a rough croak from the floor.

Steve’s military training is the only thing that stops him spinning to check on Tony.

Dummy has no such training and smacks Steve in the face as he turns to his master.

‘Sir, it is good to see you awake,’ Jarvis sounds relieved.

‘How far have you got?’ Tony staggers to his feet and brings the generator over with him.

‘Progress is being made, sir,’ Jarvis reports.

Steve hands over the reactor readily to You and Dummy resumes working on it. He steps to Tony’s side and puts a steadying hand to his elbow,

‘Alright, Tony?’

‘Peachy,’ Tony smiles tightly and adjusts something within his chest cavity. The bleeding has stopped and the space for the reactor is shiny and new again but the skin around it looks raw and inflamed.

‘Does it hurt?’

‘I’ll be fine,’ Tony tells him, basically meaning yes.

‘Shouldn’t you…’ Steve gestures to the bots.

‘I trust Dummy,’ Tony tells him and sways on his feet; Steve tows him to a stool.

Steve finds himself standing close enough to Tony’s stool that the billionaire can rest against his chest.

‘You’re warm,’ Tony informs him.

Steve chokes out a laugh and then tears are streaming down his face. He makes a gasping sobbing noise and presses his face against Tony’s neck.

‘Oh, fuck, are you crying?’ Tony sounds positively horrified. ‘Christ, Steve, don’t do that. I don’t know how to deal with that. Butterfingers, get Steve a… a cup of tea! That’s a thing. Steve, it’s ok, you’ll have some tea.’

Steve tightens his grip on Tony’s waist and tries to control his breathing.

‘Fuck, this is a whole new level of hell. I made Captain America cry. I’ll be facing a firing squad in the morning, just you wait and see. The President himself will pull the trigger and I’ll be dead. Please stop…’

‘Please don’t joke about dying,’ Steve interrupts and manages to pull back and give Tony a very shaky glare.

‘Too soon?’ Tony relaxes a little now Steve has wiped away his tears.

‘Much.’

‘Sir, the arc reactor is now ready for insertion,’ Jarvis informs them.

‘Ah, good boy,’ Tony runs a hand over Dummy as he rolls over. He pulls out the temporary electromagnet by the trailing cables and presses the arc reactor home

Tony’s eyes go wide as the arc glows brightly in his chest before settling down,

‘Mmm, coconut,’ Tony grins, and then eyes Steve as he pushes the generator aside with his foot and gets to his feet.

‘Shouldn’t you rest…’ Steve objects as Tony sidles around him to his computer station. Butterfingers stops Steve from immediately following by pushing a mug into Steve’s hands.

Steve grips it reflexively,

‘Thank you. Umm, Tony, I think this is just hot water.’

‘I don’t have any tea down here,’ Tony informs him; his fiddling is taking him gradually further from Steve. ‘And if one of them offers you a smoothie I would recommend some form of chemical analysis before consumption.’

‘Sir, I believe Captain Rogers may be in shock,’ Jarvis reports and Steve notices his hands are shaking enough that the water from his mug is sloshing over the sides.

Tony curses and is back his side removing the mug from his hands,

‘Hey, come on Cap, deep breaths now,’ he abandons the mug and stands by Steve awkwardly.

‘I’m sorry,’ Steve bites his lip. ‘I thought…’

‘Butterfingers, get him a blanket,’ Tony waves a hand at the robot who dutifully rolls away towards the back of the workshop.

‘I’m sorry,’ Steve says again and clenches his hands into fists.

‘What for?’ Tony stares at him then retrieves the ratty blanket Butterfingers has brought to him. He shakes the blanket out then just holds it out to Steve to take.

Steve takes the blanket only after Tony pokes it into his chest insistently. Tony backs away several paces and watches him carefully. Steve stares at his own hands as he clenches the blanket tightly.

‘I thought you were going to die, Tony! For a minute I thought you were dead.’

‘I’m sorry?’ Tony just sounds surprised. ‘I didn’t mean to worry you.’

‘You think I’m upset with you?’ Steve stares at him in horror.

Tony blinks in surprise,

‘I kept things from you, I nearly died, or possibly I did, and I kissed you. Those are all pretty good reasons to be angry.’

‘Oh…’ Steve’s brain is finally working at full speed now.

Tony kissed him. And Tony is selfless in some ways, but he’s not likely to have thought that Steve would have wanted that to be their last interaction. Tony didn’t kiss him because he thought Steve wanted him to. So Tony kissed Steve because Tony wanted to.

So Tony must have completely misunderstood Steve’s feelings for him.

Steve frames Tony’s face with his hands and pulls him close,

‘Please,’ he whispers against Tony’s lips.

Tony kisses him.

Steve would deny that the sound that comes out of his throat at this point is a whine, but he thinks Jarvis has probably recorded it.

Tony takes it as encouragement anyway.

Steve surrenders himself to being kissed by a man who clearly knows what he’s doing and lets his hands rest hesitantly on Tony’s waist. Tony rubs his hands up Steve’s chest and then digs his fingers into his hair. He arches up against the taller man then jolts backwards with a wince.

‘Tony?’ Steve forces himself to let his friend take a step back.

‘It’s alright, I’m fine,’ Tony rubs one hand over his eyes, leaving the other against Steve’s chest.

‘You’re ok?’ Steve asks. ‘No more of the poison?’

‘I’m fine,’ Tony agrees and then winces and puts a hand to the glow in his chest. ‘Actually this hurts like hell, but I’m not in danger any longer. Jarvis, I still have some pain killers down here somewhere?’

‘In the bottom drawer of your desk, sir,’ Jarvis replies.

Steve had actually forgotten that there are four other ‘people’ in the room with them. Dummy is looking at him strangely.

Tony slips from his arms as he’s watching Dummy and dry swallows some pills before You offers him a decanter.

‘I think I probably shouldn’t drink that right now,’ Tony pats the bot and downs some water before step back to Steve’s side. ‘Are we ok?’

Steve snaps out of his distraction and reaches a hand towards Tony who takes the prompt and steps back into Steve’s arms.

‘That’s a yes?’

‘We’re so much better than fine, Tony. Just as long as you’re ok.’

*                                  *                                  *

There’s naturally some fall out from them disappearing from the helicarrier and not telling anyone what was going on.

Pepper is horrified that Tony was dying, again, without telling her. The other Avengers seem hurt that Steve didn’t even think to tell them what was going on. Fury seems to take it the best; he seems bizarrely resigned to a life and death situation that would lead Tony to steal a Quinjet and fly a thousand miles.

They greet everyone in the family room because Tony insists he doesn’t want everyone coming to find him in his workroom. The reunion is loud but things do settle down once everyone has had their fill of scolding them.

Steve takes the scoldings with an ‘aww shucks’ (Tony’s description) expression on his face but standing straight and tall. Tony smirks, deflects and dodges before escaping back to his bots.

Steve ponders following him but really he should let Tony rest and he’s exhausted himself.

*                                  *                                  *

Two days later Tony comes down from his penthouse, rubbing sleep from his eyes and looking, to Steve’s eyes, beautifully dishevelled in worn silk pyjamas.

‘Good morning, Tony,’ he can’t help but smile.

‘Hey,’ Tony blinks at him. ‘Good, you’re here. Jarvis, call Pepper and Rhodey.’

‘Tony, what’s going on?’

‘I’ve made a decision,’ Tony moves to the coffee machine and selects one of his presets. He leans against the counter as the beans are ground, ‘I’ll tell you when Pep and Rhodey are on.’

Pepper is worried when she answers the phone, and Rhodey sounds likes he’s bracing himself for something.

‘I’m fine, I make a decision,’ Tony repeats.

Steve bites his lip; there are so many things Tony could be deciding right now that would need him to talk to the three of them. He could be resigning from SI, or from the Avengers, he could be restarting weapons manufacturing, or moving to one of his other many houses. He could be about to tell everyone that actually he is still dying.

‘I’m going to have the arc reactor removed,’ Tony tells them.

‘What?’ Steve blurts even as Pepper tells him what a wonderful idea that is.

‘And the shrapnel,’ Tony adds to Steve. ‘Do you honestly think I’m suicidal?’

Steve stands quietly confused as Tony finishes the conversation with his PA (which doesn’t do justice to what Pepper does but is still the perfect description for what she does) and his best friend (best human friend).

‘Why now?’ Steve asks quietly when Tony hangs up.

‘Technology has come a long way,’ Tony doesn’t meet his eyes, ‘and it’s really my main vulnerability.’

‘That’s not the reason,’ Steve disagrees and Tony flinches. Steve hesitates and then steps close enough to press a kiss to Tony’s cheek, ‘why, Tony?’

Tony straightens and wraps his arms around Steve’s neck,

‘Because I don’t trust hospitals,’ he presses a kiss to Steve’s lips, ‘but I realised that I trust the four of you to keep me safe.’

And, ok, now Steve has fallen even further in love with this man than he thought possible.