Chapter Text
Pregnancy test after pregnancy test came back negative. The first few Rey took, she took in secret. They hadn’t been trying, exactly, to get pregnant, for the first two months of their marriage. But they hadn’t been trying not to, either, and Rey had assumed they would. They didn’t.
They’d started trying in earnest. Rey consulted with Dr. Kanata and started taking horrid folic acid supplements. Ben downloaded an embarrassing ovulation calendar, and didn’t seem to understand why it was embarrassing. Whenever it sent them a notification Rey pretended to be sick or to have a doctor’s appointments. Ben didn’t bother making excuses. They’d come home for a long lunch and go back to their offices grinning and distracted, and hopeful.
Still, for the past five months, all the pregnancy tests had been negative.
Maybe this one would be different. This past month, their lunchtime tryst had turned into an all-afternoon affair. Hanna had been with her grandmother, as usual, and they’d spent the whole day naked. Trying to get pregnant was hard work, but that afternoon, it hadn’t felt like work.
Rey held the test in her hand, squinting at it and tapping her foot. Ben rested his chin on her shoulder, winding his arms loosely around her waist. They were in the bathroom, and just outside the open door, Sesame Street was on television. At nine months, Hanna wasn’t old enough to understand it, exactly, but she watched it starry-eyed, nonetheless. “A watched pot never boils.”
One line materialized on the test’s little screen and Rey groaned, shoulders slumping. “Apparently, my watched uterus doesn’t, either.” Ben laughed, softly, and pressed a kiss onto the side of her neck. She didn’t feel the sagging disappointment in his arms and solid chest, but she knew he must feel it. Part of her was grateful that he hid it. It took two, she knew, to make a baby, but she internalized her disappointment. If he was disappointed in her, too, it would be heartbreaking.
“We had sex one time and got pregnant with Hanna.” Rey scowled at the minus sign on the test. “How did that happen?”
“We got lucky.” Ben tightened his grip around her waist, kissing the shell of her ear. When she signed, gustily, uncomforted even by those ministrations, he added, meaningfully, “Very, very lucky.”
Rey threw the negative test into the trash and sulked. “Maybe our luck has run out.”
Ben leaned back on the sink to look out into the living room. Hanna was on her belly on the blanket Finn and Poe had bought her for her baptism – they were honorary godparents, in their own words – cooing at Elmo. They’d celebrated Christmas for the first time as a family here, in their new home, with a few boxes still unpacked and nothing hung on the walls. The Elmo obsession had started at Christmas, actually, with a book and doll from his mother. He gestured to Hanna and then looked back at Rey, with a crooked smile. “I still feel very lucky.”
***
Hux and Phasma got engaged a week later, and threw a party a week after that. Their engagement party was as sophisticated as they were, and too sophisticated for Rey. Ben could tell. She congratulated their friends warmly, happily answered their questions about Hanna, and then retreated into a corner where it wasn’t so crowded. She smiled blithely at anyone who passed her, nursing what looked like a gin and tonic. It was nearly empty, so he brought her another one, hoping a second drink would help her enjoy the party more.
“Oh.” She looked down at the drink he was holding out. “I’m not done with this one yet.”
Ben rolled his eyes and took the glass from her, downing the last bit of the drink in one swallow. It tasted bland – like tonic, ice, and lime. There was no alcohol in it. Something occurred to him, and he blurted out, “Is there –”
Rey cut him off, going pink. “Dr. Kanata thought it might help if I didn’t drink.”
“Oh.” Ben looked down at the fresh gin and tonic he’d brought her, vaguely disappointed by her explanation. “So there’s nothing you want to tell me?”
“Not right now.” Rey bit her lip, smiling. She smiled at him a little too long for him not to get suspicious, and then she looked past his shoulder, to where Phasma was talking about wedding venues and catering. “You know… “ She paused, and then told him, pointedly, “I’m pretty tired.”
“Oh.” Ben’s eyed widened. That was what she was smiling about. It made him smile too. “Do you want to get out of here?”
***
Ben looked hopefully at Rey, as they shouldered on their jackets and walked out onto the curb to wait for a cab. “You haven’t started your period yet, have you?”
“Ben.” Rey hissed, embarrassed, looking over her shoulder. “No.”
“What?” He looked unperturbed. “I was looking at the calendar today. I know the timing’s not right, but…” He tugged her hips towards his, wiggling his brows. “We could practice.”
“Your daughter -”
“Oh, she’s my daughter when she misbehaves?” Ben laughed. He already knew what she was going to say – their nine-month-old had turned into a hellion, at some point between learning to babble non-words and trying to stand up (and failing miserably).
“ – refused to nap, had a blowout, and then threw avocado at me. I’m tired.”
“Okay, okay, you’re tired.” Ben paused, and then asked, innocently, “…Too tired to practice?”
“Ben!”
He just grinned unrepentantly, hailing a cab and looping the other arm around her shoulders. It slowed their progress down the sidewalk towards the yellow vehicle, but Rey didn’t mind. She wrapped her arm around his stomach and didn’t let go.
***
“I took another pregnancy test today.” Rey said, offhandedly from their bathroom. She came into the bedroom, a moment later, wearing his old t-shirt and nothing else, her face scrubbed clean. When he didn’t comment, she cocked one hip, and put a hand on it.
“You know, you don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself.” Ben rested his elbows on his knees and clasped his hands together. Sitting on the foot of their bed, he looked her up and down. “It doesn’t always have to be about… trying. Sometimes I just want to make love to you for no reason.” He huffed a little laugh, leaned back on his hands, and admired her bare legs. “Other than I love you.”
“Ben.” Rey looked like she was trying not to cry. She crossed the room and sat on the bed next to him, her knees jiggling nervously. Almost as quickly, he had her on her back on the mattress, leaning over her, braced on one arm. She looked almost nervous as she stared up at him, her pulse fluttering in the hollow at the base of her throat.
“We’ll keep trying.” Ben reassured her, smoothing his hand across her flat abdomen, and playing with the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing. When she tugged it up, he could tell she wasn’t wearing any underwear underneath it. He flashed her a grin. “It’s not like I mind trying.”
Ducking his head, he kissed her mouth, then the corner of her lips, then her cheek, and then traversed down her neck, paying special attention to her ear.
“Ben.”
“Mmm?” He sucked a little mark onto her collarbone, pushing the stretched neckline of the t-shirt to the side, his hand creeping under the fabric and between her thighs.
“Ben!” She slammed her legs together, keeping him out.
He huffed in exasperation, lifting his head and resting his fingers on her hip. “What?”
Rey propped herself up on her elbows. She didn’t look annoyed; rather, she looked as if she could barely lie still. Her voice was uneven. “I’m trying to tell you something.”
“What?” Ben repeated, his attention caught by the look on her face – a feat, considering she was half-naked and underneath him.
Her hand covered his, and pulled it from her hip-bone to her belly, flattening it across her torso and intertwining their fingers. “I’m pregnant.”