Chapter Text
A Real Savage
He watched Philip leave on his bike until he couldn’t see him anymore. It took a couple more minutes before Lukas gathered enough courage to walk into the house. He was hoping it was late enough that his dad had gone to bed, but Lukas could see the faint glow of the kitchen light and the outline of his dad leaned against the counter.
“Hey, dad.” He said quietly, cautiously walking closer. A near empty whiskey bottle was sitting on the counter next to a plastic wrapped dinner.
“Heat up your dinner,” Bo grumbled. “It only needs a minute.”
Lukas slowly unwrapped the plate and set it in the microwave. “I wanted to tell you, I really did,” he said with his back still to his dad. “I didn’t want to lie. I thought that if I didn’t say anything, it would just go away.”
When he turned back around to face Bo, he could tell Bo wasn’t as drunk as Lukas had feared, but he also knew it didn’t take more than a sip to turn Bo violent.
In two strong strides, Bo was inches away from Lukas, towering over him. Lukas flinched instinctively as the microwave behind him beeped three times.
“Don’t lie to me again, boy,” Bo grunted, jabbing Lukas in the chest. He stumbled backwards then slowly made his way upstairs. The microwave beeped again but Lukas had lost his appetite.
Although he’d been awake for what seemed to be as long as he could remember, Lukas still had trouble finding sleep. It was an itch he couldn’t quite scratch, no matter how much he strained, no matter how much he tossed and turned.
He rolled over, screamed into his pillow, then reached for his phone. To some miracle, Philip picked up on the third ring.
“What are you still doing up?”
“I wanted to make sure a coyote didn’t eat you on your way home,” Lukas said. He could almost hear Philip’s goofy smile through the phone.
“No coyote, but I did fight off a bear.”
“I’m going to break up with Rose.” Lukas said suddenly, surprising even himself. He’d thought about it, almost excruciatingly so, but he didn’t expect the words to betray him like that. Now they were out there, making it a real thing, something Lukas would have to follow through with, and while he knew it was for the best, he was finding it incredibly difficult to accept it.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Wow.
Lukas fiddled with the corner of the sheet. “She’s not really my type.”
Philip laughed and the tension pulling on Lukas’s muscles disappeared.
“Yeah?” He asked. “And what is your type?”
“A real savage.” Lukas then added, “so not you either, I guess.”
“Ouch, okay, bye then.”
“No, wait! I--I was joking.”
“I know,” Philip said softly.
“Do you, uh, wanna hang tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I can come over after school.”
“No, um, I think we should go somewhere else.”
“Okay. We’ll figure something out.”
“Okay.”
“Goodnight.”
“Goodnight.”
Lukas set his phone back on the bedside table and looked up at the ceiling.
I’m gonna break up with Rose.
I’m gonna break up with Rose.
It’s gonna be fine.
I’m gonna to break up with Rose.
The Break-Up
When Lukas’s alarm went off at six in the morning, he was already awake.
I’m gonna break up with Rose.
I’m gonna do it.
It’s gonna be fine.
He sniffed the shirt he was wearing then grimaced.
God damn, when was the last time I showered?
In the bathroom mirror, Lukas didn’t recognize himself. His eyes were sinking into dark circles, the grease in his hair made it stick up in abnormal ways, and his skin was pulled so tightly over his cheekbones he thought they might break through.
Fuck.
I really gotta shower.
“Lukas!” His dad shouted from downstairs. “Lukas!”
“Just a second!” He yelled back, opting out of a shower in favor of a clean shirt and loads of deodorant.
When he got to the kitchen, Bo was folding over a sack lunch. Lukas watched him wearily. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken a sack lunch, especially one made by his dad, to school.
“That’s how your mom always packed your lunch, right?” Bo asked, handing it to him.
He just feels guilty about last night.
“No,” Lukas said shortly, still taking the lunch. “But thanks.” He turned to leave but Bo stopped him.
“Lukas. I know you’re confused and scared, and I would be too. Hell, I wasn’t even there and all this gang-related violence is keeping me up.”
Lukas held back an eye roll as Bo continued.
“Whatever you saw in the cabin that night, I know you’re trying to forget it--” Bo stopped when he realized Lukas’s attention had shifted to the newspaper on the table. “What, do you recognize this guy?” He pointed to the picture of a bearded man with the caption “Drug Kingpin Killed in Gang Dispute” beneath it.
“Uh, I don’t know,” Lukas mumbled. He studied the picture some more.
Didn’t the killer have a beard?
The memories were too fuzzy for him to recall.
“Maybe,” he sighed. “I can’t remember.”
Bo grabbed the newspaper. Lukas could see the hope in his eyes. “Well, is this the guy you saw at the cabin?”
Lukas nodded feebly. “Well, he does kinda look familiar.”
“That’s good,” Bo said. “This guy was killed last week, if this is the guy you saw then this whole thing could be over.”
Lukas let out a breath.
Over?
Could it really be over?
Fuck, why can’t I remember him anymore?
It probably is him.
How many kingpins can there be in Tivoli? Chances are, it’s him.
Bo’s words repeated in Lukas’s head.
This whole thing could be over.
Lukas pushed the paper away. “I gotta go.”
By the time he’d gotten to school, Lukas completely forgot about Rose. The image of the guy from the newspaper had taken over his thoughts. The more he tried to remember, the more he looked like the killer.
Now I’m just fucking it all up.
What if it’s not him?
What if the killer is still out there?
A shiver ran down his back as he opened his locker.
“Hey, babe!” Rose chirped, making Lukas jump.
“Jesus, Rose!”
Rose giggled. “Sorry, sorry. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Do it.
Break up with her.
“I’m fine,” Lukas squeaked. He cleared his throat. “Um, actually, I, uh, wanted to talk to you.”
Rose nodded and looked up at him with big eyes.
Shit.
Come on.
Lukas opened his mouth but nothing came out.
“Is everything okay?” Rose put her hand on his shoulder and he shook it off.
One, two, three.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
Rose blinked. “You’re… breaking up with me?”
“I--I really gotta get to class, sorry.” Lukas pushed past her and briskly walked down the hallway.
“Lukas!” Rose shouted. “Lukas, come back here!”
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
You know what? Fuck it, I don’t need to go to class.
Lukas made a beeline for the exit. As soon as he got home, he threw himself on his bed, not caring whether Bo would yell at him for skipping, and for the first time in days, Lukas was able to sleep.
The Barn
It felt like an entire lifetime before Lukas was able to see Philip again, despite it being only a few hours from the time he woke up from his nap and the time he showed up at Helen and Gabe’s.
As soon as they walked into the barn, Lukas grabbed Philip’s face and kissed him.
“I did it,” he said between kisses. “I broke up with Rose.”
They stumbled over hale bales until Lukas stopped kissing him long enough for them to find a spot to settle.
“You swear you’re not lying?” Philip asked, breaking off another kiss.
“Why would I lie?”
Philip toyed with the neckline of Lukas’s shirt. “Because that’s all you do.”
“I lie to everyone else, not to you.”
“You swear?”
Lukas laughed. “I swear, okay? I broke up with Rose.”
“What’d she say?”
“She said that she never liked me anyway.”
Philip snorted and playfully swatted at Lukas. “Yeah, right.” He leaned over and started digging through his backpack, pulling out the polaroid Lukas had gotten him.
Lukas smiled. “You got the film?”
Philip held it up and aimed it at Lukas.
“No, dude, no,” Lukas groaned, hiding his face with his hand.
“Smile!”
“No!”
The button clicked. “Too late!” Philip said cheerfully. The polaroid spat out the picture.
“Do I shake it or something?”
“No, no, no, that’s how you ruin it.” Philip set the camera down and snuggled back into Lukas’s side. “You just gotta watch it develop for, like, thirty seconds.”
“Thirty seconds? Alright, well… one, two, three, four--”
“Shut up,” Philip grinned.
Lukas looked at him and his heart swelled. He placed a kiss under Philip’s jaw.
“Why did you do it?”
Lukas sighed. He knew what Philip was asking. “Cause I don’t want a girlfriend.”
Philip smiled a dopey smile that made Lukas feel like the luckiest person just to have witnessed it. Philip handed him an earbud.
“What are we listening to?”
“It’s a little surprise. I made us a playlist.”
“Sweet.”
Lukas kissed Philip’s hair as the music began to play. For a long while they sat against the hay bale and listened to Philip’s playlist. When it was through, they played it again until Lukas finally broke the silence.
“My dad thinks the guy in the papers, the gang leader or whatever who got killed, is the guy from the cabin.” He said. It’d been weighing on him since the morning, but telling Philip didn’t ease the burden. “He says if it really is then it can all be over with.”
Philip took out his earbud. “Do you think it’s him?”
Lukas thought about it, really thought about it, then said, “No. I don’t think it is.”
“You think he’s still out there.”
“ I think we should get on my bike right now and drive to California.”
Philip smiled weakly.
“No, I’m serious. I’ll be Rick Anderton and you’ll be Henry Smith--”
“Henry Smith?”
“I don’t know, I just pulled it out my ass, but that’s not the point. We can even go to shitty New Orleans like you wanted to.”
“Lukas…”
“If he’s still alive, we can’t stay here. We’re--we’re like sitting ducks just waiting to be found! I’d rather us be Rick Anderton and Henry Smith somewhere in sticky shitty new orleans sucking the heads off of crawfish than here where--where some asshole with a gun is looking for us.”
Philip pushes back Lukas’s hair. “Don’t you think he would’ve found us by now?”
Lukas sighed.
I don’t know.
Probably.
“Your plan wouldn’t have worked anyway.” Philip said. “I don’t look anything like a Henry Smith.”
Lukas laughed. “Oh, and I look like a Rick Anderton?”
Philip pressed his lips to Lukas’s. “Yes, you do.”