Chapter Text
With every fiber in his being Castiel tried to avoid Dean. Of course that was easier said than done since he had to see him whenever he was around Sam but that wasn't often since Dean wouldn't always be around Sam. But the last thing he wanted was to cause problems between him and Sam by trying to pursue Sam's older brother. Plus, there was the whole incident of Dean basically sucking face with some girl. So pursuing him wasn't even an option.
So just when he thought he was in the clear and thought that he had established a nice routine where he would never have to see Dean, he heard his name being called from the distance. But regardless of hearing his name, he just continued to walk across the parking lot.
"Yo, Cas, wait up!" Dean shouted as he ran after him.
Castiel didn't want it to be obvious that he was avoiding Dean but his semi-sprint did not help his cause.
"Dude, are you seriously trying to outrun me?"
Castiel just shrugged, keeping his head down a bit. "I'm sorry. I uh, I thought I texted you and Sam about canceling the entire movie night tonight. I must have been mistaken."
"You okay, Cas? You're more awkwardly weird than usual."
He just nodded.
"Then look at me."
"..."
"Castiel Novak."
The teen bit his lip and cringed at the way his name was said. He didn't like that because he knew it was bad when Dean said his full name. With a nervous sigh he lifted his head and brought his gaze to Dean's.
Dean's eyes soaked in the sight before them. Sad eyes. "What's up with you, man? You've been acting weird— weirder lately."
"It's nothing, Dean. I'm fine, can we just drop it? I have to go."
"Yeah, and I'm the tooth-fairy. You aren't fine." He wasn't letting it go without a fight. They may have been polar opposites and practically just met months ago— well, just started to get to know each other a few months ago, but he considered Castiel a very close something. So if someone was hurting or upsetting him, he wanted to know.
"Dean, please. It's not that important."
Dean gave him that disapproving mother look. "Listen, Cas, if something is going on I want you to tell me. I'm your friend."
And that was the problem. Dean said they were friends but how close were they actually? Castiel was sure that Dean was closer to the girl that had her tongue down his throat so he didn't want to add fuel to the fire only he was currently standing in. "Dean, I um…I don't want to talk about it. Please." If he talked, Dean would find out about his feelings toward him. He'd know that he couldn't just have sex and nothing more like they agreed during the camping trip. He'd know everything.
Even though Dean already knew too much from that drunken night.
Dean sighed. "Fine, I'll let it go…for now but you have to tell me sooner or later."
"Thank you." But that wouldn't happen. Dean shouldn't hold his breath for that.
No one should hold their breath for that.
Hanging out with Sam was becoming more troublesome than he would have imagined because every time he looked up, there was Dean. Dean Winchester, all smiles and bright eyes without a care in the world. He knew that was only assumptions but he couldn't help it. Suddenly having to leave had become normal for him and Sam was worse than Dean, he questioned him harder and was far more persistent. But once he did get free, he was caught by Dean once again.
"I'll walk you to your car." Dean commented as he packed up his things.
"That won't be necessary."
"I don't care. I'm still going to walk you, Cas."
Castiel groaned as he pulled his car keys from his pocket. Obviously he didn't have a say in it. "Okay then."
Dean smiled victoriously and grabbed his bag. "Let's go."
They walked in silence and all Castiel could think about was how sweet it was that Dean insisted on walking him to his car. He fixated on how concerned he was when he saw him the other day that he hadn't even noticed how intensely Dean was staring at him right now. "Is something wrong?" He asked, his gaze focused on the sidewalk.
"I'm just trying to figure you out."
"You promised to let it go."
"Yeah, I said that then. It's been like two days now, so yeah, I'm back on that boat again."
"You're so stubborn. It doesn't concern you, why can't you just let it go!?" He sighed as they approached his car. Were they really having their first argument?
"It does concern me! Someone that I care about is going through something and shit Castiel, you're hiding it from me and I don't fucking know why? You're important damn it!" He wasn't even sure why he cared so much. Yes, Castiel was his friend but he was more invested in his well-being than he should have been. Did they even really know each other? He had been convincing himself that he was just, 'looking out for a friend' but that might not have been the case.
Castiel just huffed and pointed to his car. "This is my car. Thank you for walking with me. Goodnight, Dean." He said softly, shutting down the conversation on his own terms.
"Wait, no. We aren't fucking done here." He followed after his friend reached out, slamming his hand to the top of the car door to keep it closed when Castiel tried to open it. "You can't just run off when you don't want to talk about something. I'm pretty sure that's what you told me, right? You can't take your own advice?" He was angry and now he wasn't even sure if it was for the same reasons as before. He was confused.
Castiel swung around and glared at Dean. "That's not fair."
"Neither is you ignoring me."
"Ignoring you? Dean, don't you mean ignoring your constant need to be in control of every little thing?!" He shouted. "Why don't you just—"
He was cut off by Dean grabbing him by the collar and forcing him to take a few steps back until he was pressed up against the car door.
"You're such an idiot for someone so fuckin' smart!" Dean yelled as he shoved Castiel up higher until he was sure that Castiel wasn't going anywhere. Before he could calculate his own actions, he slammed his mouth against Castiel's and kissed him. It was an angry and sloppy kiss but still held some passion- some meaning.
Castiel couldn't fathom what was happening. A soft noise of surprised escaped past his lips but only to be muffled by Dean's mouth. Their bodies were pressed close as their short breathes were made known. Dean had Castiel's vest fisted tightly in his left hand as his other pinned his shoulder to the door. Was he really kissing Dean? He brought his hands up to Dean's shoulders and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss. He still had a frown on his face but he was caught up in the moment.
Dean finally broke the kiss and stared down at Castiel. What the hell did he just do? "I uh, I have to go. Shit, sorry Cas." He held on tightly to the strap of his bag and stepped away from the other with caution. "I'll see you tomorrow." He turned on the heels of his feet and sprinted down the walkway to head to his car. He wasn't even mad anymore, he was just wondering why he initiated a kiss with a guy that he was supposed to be just friends with. On top of all those conflicting thoughts, he really didn't want to lead Castiel on. He needed to sort things out and quickly.
Castiel was left standing there, leaning against his car with his body longing for Dean's warmth again. He ghosted his fingers over his lips and watched as his friend headed down the street. Everything seemed to have escalated so quickly. One moment they were arguing and the next… "Oh god." He whispered to himself in sheer terror.
"Oh my god."
It all began a few months ago. Castiel and Dean were sharing a tent for three weeks and somehow came up with this brilliant idea to have casual sex during the trip but just leave it at that. No strings attached and no one had to know about it. But it escalated out of control for Castiel because he started catching feelings. Getting to know one another did nothing to help their little deal. Maybe it was just a crush because he wasn't in love with Dean. He didn't even fully know Dean.
Could you even love someone that you hadn't known more than a handful of months?
Fast-forwarding to the present situation, Castiel was baffled. It always ended with him silently swooning over his friend while Dean was oblivious to the affection. He felt friend-zoned (as much as he hated to use that word) since Dean referred to him as a good friend and a buddy. In the end, he didn't see anything else coming out of their relationship and he was okay with that. He liked being Dean's friend and wasn't willing to lose that. After they kissed the day before he couldn't stop thinking about it. It was unhealthy but could you blame him?
"Castiel?" A soft voice murmured.
He snapped out of his thoughts and answered. He completely forgot that he was in Gabriel's shop visiting him. "Yes?"
"Your answer?"
He glanced at his brother with a raised brow and realized how much he had actually missed. "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I suppose I'm a little distracted today."
"Anyone with a pulse could have noticed that, Cassie." Gabriel said as he swished his coffee around in his cup. "What's up, baby bro? What's gotten you so down?"
"Pissed at my brother." Someone said from behind them.
Castiel locked eyes with Sam when he spun around and felt his heart ache. He couldn't help but think that Dean had told him what happened and this was the last thing that he wanted. He didn't want Sam involved in any of this. He was already breaking so many friend rules. He knew they needed to talk but he couldn't handle that either. Dean worried him in ways that he couldn't understand. And Sam would tell him something that he didn't want to hear.
"Alright boys, for my curiosity's sake, you have got to tell me what the hell is going on. I'm trying to follow, really, I am, but I feel like I'm missing a prologue or something."
Castiel picked up his tea and shook his head. "You aren't missing anything. I'll see you later, I need to get to class."
Zipping his bag, he stood and darted for the door. Sam, of course, followed.
"Cas!" He called out as he reached for Castiel's shoulder.
Castiel reluctantly stopped and turned to face his friend. "Yes?
"I called you last night." He actually called a lot.
"You did?" He reached into his bag but his phone wasn't there. He must have left it at home. "I heard no ringing, I apologize."
"It's cool, no worries, I just um, I thought we should talk. You know, about what happened yesterday before you left." He didn't know why he felt it was important to specify what he was talking about but it seemed necessary. "I mean, you and Dean have been acting so weird and Jess and I are starting to worry about you guys."
Before Castiel could respond, Sam's cell phone started ringing. He had never been so happy for an interruption in his life. "You go ahead and take that. I have to get to class. See you later, Sam."
Sam sighed. Of course that would happen when he really needed to talk to Castiel. "I guess we'll talk later?" He suggested.
"I will call you after class." He smiled softly and continued back to walking.
Sam watched him until he was out of sight. "Sure...sounds like a plan." He said to himself. A plan that wasn't going to happen.
"Did the puppy dog lose his best friend?" Gabriel teased from the door.
"What?"
"Nothing, you just look like you lost your best friend. You okay?" He asked, concern in his voice. "Is Cas okay?"
He hesitated before answering. "Yeah, I just think I pissed Cas off. Or something like that. I'm not even sure."
"What did you do?"
"Not enough." He waved Gabriel off before he headed down the street as well.
Castiel's last class went by tediously. He couldn't even tell you what the teacher reviewed. When the class dismissed, he lazily gathered his things and headed out the door.
When he got home, he found his phone sitting on the counter where he had eaten breakfast earlier that morning. It was almost close to midnight so he figured he should reply to everyone. He texted Sam and let him know that he and Dean were fine and he really shouldn't worry. And that he was just stressed with exams coming up. He hated to lie to Sam but he couldn't have his friend trying to create some sort of intervention for himself and Dean. Things were awkward enough between them.
After replying to Sam he finished answering a few other texts then debated on whether or not he would reply to Dean. Castiel knew he couldn't avoid Dean much longer. They would have to talk. "I should do this now." He said to himself. He initially wanted to just text him but he knew Dean would call so he cut out the middle man and wanted to get this awkward conversation out of the way.
So he called.
"You alright?" Dean said as soon as he answered.
"Yes. I- um, I'm fine."
"Okay, good."
The line went quiet because neither of them knew how to start the conversation that needed to be discussed. So of course, Dean spoke up first. "Alright, listen, I'm not sorry that I kissed you and you need to stop fucking avoiding me, man."
"…" What was he to say to that? He couldn't let this happen. They had to remain friends or everything would be ruined.
"Can you come out front please?"
"You're outside my building?"
"Yeah, I think this should to be a face-to-face conversation because I need to see your face and make sure you understand what I'm saying." With that said he hung up with no other words.
Rude.
Castiel, a few minutes later, came out the front door in his pajama pants and t-shirt. He quietly exited and jogged over to where his friend was standing. They were adequate friends but they were dipping into something else that he wasn't ready to face. "You hung up on me."
"Yeah?"
Castiel just stared at him before sliding his hands into his pockets. "It's cold. You can come inside if you want."
Dean nodded. "Alright."
Castiel turned on the heels of his feet and headed back towards the door.
Dean followed but stopped suddenly; he grabbed Castiel's shoulder and spun him around then gripped his face. With no hesitation, he pressed their lips together roughly, a kiss that was all frustration, passion, and bruised lips rolled into one action. When he pulled away, he caught Castiel's lower lip between his teeth and bit down hard. If he was thinking straight, he was sure that he had actually broken the skin there.
Castiel's eyes were wide with confusion and want. His tongue slowly flicked out to glide over the throbbing wound on his bottom lip that was probably now bleeding. He didn't realize when it happened, but his fingers were digging into Dean's shoulders and they were pressed closely against each other. He could feel Dean's hands on his hips now. He could feel everything.
Dean brought his right hand up to Castiel's chin and tilted the other's head and made sure that they were looking into each other eyes. He wanted to show that he was serious. "I said I'm not sorry that I kissed you."
Castiel stared at him with a light blush painted across his cheeks. He understood now, they had already crossed that friendship line.
He hated this.
He was scared if Dean touched him it would break him.
It wasn't long after everything had happened but Castiel was forcing himself to forget. If it was working was still a mystery. It was an odd cycle that went from 'being all in' to 'I can't do this, get out now'.
There was only so much one could do to forcibly stop themselves from loving someone that they didn't even know they loved. It was complicated and Castiel's source of coping was the 6-foot replica of the one person he was trying to forget.
They weren't exactly identical in the sense, but they were pretty similar. Castiel presumably had a type- at least that was what Gabriel had told Sam when they were discussing the replica that his little brother was dating.
They were the same height, both slightly hovering over Castiel. They both had those interesting eyes, you know, green with resemblance to the millions of galaxies that shined brightly. But no one's shined as brightly as Dean's.
The hair was different too, but only by color. The replica wore a darker shade that made his skin seem paler.
Their style was similar, band shirts and leather jackets but the replica owned no plaid. Not to mention that his taste in music was far off from Dean's but Castiel didn't care.
Replica kept his mind off the original and that was all that he needed at the moment.
Replica's name was Eric but he was known at "douchebag" via Gabriel because Gabriel saw him for what he truly was; an arrogant asshole who wasn't right for his baby brother.
Eric came off as nice and well-rounded but he was problematic and definitely no good for Castiel. He was sweet and attentive upfront with Castiel but with others, he was all plots and plans.
Plots and plans that weren't good for Castiel.
"I just don't like him. I'm the older brother so I really don't need a reason to justify it. But it just so happens that I do have one. A pretty great one actually."
"And what is it?" Sam asked curiously. He wanted to know. Castiel was his best friend, basically like another brother so if this guy was bad news, he wanted to know.
"I have sources, kiddo. I know a lot of people and this guy is one of those 'notch on my belt' collectors. And for some reason he thinks he's collecting my brother but he's in for a rude awakening."
Sam frowned. "Seriously? Have you talked to Cas?"
"Are you serious? He'll call bullshit immediately. The guy does a complete 180 with personality around him. I have zero physical proof so it just becomes a he say-she say situation and quite frankly, those are never fun. So I've just been trying to figure out how to get my brother away from this creep."
Sam sighed this time and leaned on the counter. "We catch him in the act."
"That's easier said than done."
"But not impossible."
"Gabe doesn't like him and that's saying something. Gabe likes everyone." Sam ranted at Dean but he wasn't even sure his brother was listening. Dean had recently been all over the place. "I mean the guy is a dick obviously but we don't see why Cas can't see that."
"I don't like that guy." Dean finally spoke after about ten minutes of silence on the subject.
Sam paused and glanced over at his brother. "What?"
"I don't like him either."
"Dean you've never even met him."
"I don't need to. I know enough." And he did. He knew the guy was obnoxious and he was dating Castiel. That was all the information that he needed to know. That was all that really mattered.
And it was definitely enough information for him to decide that he not only disliked the guy— he hated him.
"Well, good. You shouldn't like him. He's a really awful person. We're trying to bring that to Cas' attention but you know, the guy puts up a strong cover."
"So this get together, this is just you and Gabriel's plan to expose that asshole?"
"More or less. But really? No. We're just planning a get together for everyone to relax and catch up. We've all been so busy lately. So you in?"
"Yeah."
It was no secret that everyone disliked Eric on a nuclear level. He was this obnoxious pig who had two very completely different sides to himself and to make matters worse, he was dating someone who deserved so much better.
So when an ordinary get together turned completely sour, it really wasn't a surprise because there were too many people who hated one mutual person. Sam planned a nice gathering for their group of friends so everyone could just enjoy the weekend before Monday rolled around and they all went back to work and class.
He invited everyone to Gabriel's coffee shop after okaying it with him of course. There was food and music all set up. Things were going smoothly, everyone was all smiles and laughter but that suddenly changed when Castiel had arrived with Replica. Aka, douchebag, aka, Eric.
Smiling and pretending that you didn't hate someone could only do so much when every time they turned around they were hearing something inappropriate from the guy that always seemed to revolved around what he wanted to do to Castiel when Castiel wasn't even around.
It pissed Gabriel off right away. Which was why Sam and Jessica were currently talking to him over by the food and away from the table where everyone else was sitting. They were trying so hard to avoid any kind of confrontation that would end in a brawl.
That's why it was mostly unexpected when Dean was lunging forward and punching Eric right in the mouth, busting both of his lips and most likely loosened a tooth or two.
It was shocking but at the same time Sam knew his brother, he knew him better than anyone and he wouldn't just sit back and let someone he cared about be disrespected by anyone. So he knew this was just a matter of time.
It was pure chaos after that and arguing and everyone trying to figure out just what exactly happened. There were ten people all in the room, four standing between Dean and Eric, Gabriel pulling Castiel away, and Sam trying to do damage control.
Nothing was really getting resolved.
After everything settled down, the party sort of was over. Most headed home because you couldn't really relax once there was blood on someone's knuckles and partially on the table and floor. Gabriel and Sam were cleaning up the mess and Jessica and Elise were putting up the tables and food so they could head out as well.
Castiel and Dean were sitting outside the shop on the curb in silence. It wasn't even awkward considered everything that Castiel had learned tonight. Personally, he thought he should have taken it all in doses but so much in such a little time frame.
One, Eric was an asshole and Castiel was grateful that Dean had punched in square in the face. Two, Dean was defending his honor and that meant more to him that he really wanted to admit that it did. Third, he and Dean were talking.
It had been weeks.
"You really didn't have to do that. Is your hand okay?"
Dean laughed and just tilted his head back to stare up at the sky. "Yeah, it's nothing. But you're wrong."
"Wrong?"
"I absolutely had to do that. I needed to do more but Sammy moves fast." He said with a soft chuckle. "For such a sasquatch, he moves pretty damn fast when there is shit hitting the fan."
Castiel just smiled. "He does."
Dean finally brought his attention back to Castiel and grinned at him. "Hey, a while back when we were at Sammy's early acceptance party…"
"Yes?"
"You got drunk off your ass and said some stuff."
"What kind of stuff?" He was starting to panic.
"Some stuff that I agree with."
"What did I say?"
Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips to Castiel's.
"I hate that I think that I love you too."
Castiel was surprised but pleased nonetheless. He reached out and threaded his fingers into Dean's hair held on so long that Sam ended up coughing and clearing his throat to get the two to snap out of their moment when he stepped outside of the coffee shop. Or you know, at least wait until he left. He really didn't want to see his best friend and older brother doing anything that would most likely lead to something that he didn't want to see. He wasn't on board with getting scarred in any form tonight or ever.
Castiel finally pulled away but at some point his wrist was grabbed by Dean. He just smiled while Dean let his fingertips lightly dance over the smooth flesh there. "Dean."
Sam cleared his throat once again and shifted to the direction of the parking lot while his brother and his friend just quietly sat there. "So um, I'm gonna head home and let you two talk." He smiled awkwardly and walked past the two before heading towards his car. He would have to get used to all of this.
Castiel remained still until Sam was out of sight. He parted his lips to speak but was interrupted by Dean's voice.
"Listen, I've been thinking," This was hard for him. Dean Winchester did NOT spiel his feelings on the daily basis. Every blue moon maybe but he didn't make a habit of it but for Castiel he would make an exception. It wasn't like this was a complete stranger or anything. He and Castiel had been through a lot within the last few months. "Cas, it's different than how it was when we were all camping. I mean, I know that it was my idea to keep this a sex only thing but then…then you had to go and look like that." He smirked and motioned towards the other's face. Castiel was so cute and had that inviting face that made him want to be at his mercy. Dean just couldn't understand it but whatever, he was in this now and there was no turning back.
"Dean?"
Dean sighed. "Shit, Cas, it would be nice if you stayed around with me to…just to— well just for me."
Castiel scooted towards Dean and leaned against him. "I'm sorry." He said softly, reaching down and pulling his shirt over his head. "I am truly sorry for agreeing to that stupid sex only rule. I am sorry for dating someone who just wasn't right. I'm sorry that you didn't get this affection earlier than right now." He tilted his head back and kissed his jaw. With a soft smile he kissed the corner of Dean's mouth next, then a kiss fully on the lips.
"Shut up, don't you dare apologize. You have nothin' to apologize for."
Castiel parted his lips to say something in response but nothing came out. Okay, he wouldn't apologize. They'd just move on. That would be good for them.
"Of course. Of course I'll stay around for you Dean."
Dean smiled and kissed him back. After everything that had happened, it was a wonder that they had even made it to this point right now.
"Music to my ears."