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Chapter Text

"Hello?" Said Tifa picking up the phone.

"Hello! I'm calling the pizza shop?"

"No. I'm sorry. Wrong number" She answered with a softly and slightly indulgent smile.

"Understood. I want five orders of pizza: one of peperoni, another of anchovies without peperoni..."

"Huh?! Hey! Sir, I already told you that this isn't a pizza shop. It's a Bar..."

"... and then removes the cheese, because, you know, I'm lactose intolerant. The third pizza needs to be a hawaiian..."

"Sir, can you hear me?"

"... then removes the tomato and leaves only the cheese and the dough..."

"Hey! This is not a pizzeria!" She exclaimed, beginning to be angry.

"And then bring them to me in the Happy Meal Hello Kitty edition"

"What kind of mental retardation you have!? This isn't McDonalds either!

"Excuse me, miss." Said the person on the other side of the telephone, apparently offended. "That's not the way to talk to a customer! I will sue you!"

"Well, if you sue me, I'm going to break your pen-...! Wait a minute. I know that voice! Reno!" Tifa screamed furiously.

"Huh... No, I'm not Reno! I don't know anyone called Reno! I'm not even making a telephone joke because I'm bored...!"

"Clooooooud" Shouted the girl still holding the phone.

"Don't bother me, Tifa!" Replied the blond reluctantly while watching football sitting at the bar. "I already cleaned the bathroom, now what do you want from me?"

"Reno is bothering me again on the phone!"

"And you are telling me this because...?"

"Because I want you to calm him down on a very politically correct way"

"Give me money"

"You cannot even do me that insignificant favor?! And I still keep you and all our weird friends..."

"Hello?" Said Reno still on the line "Will someone come to beat me or something? I asked if I have to run away..."

"Don't exaggerate. We are just..." Cloud start counting with his fingers" Yuffie, Barret, Nanaki, Reeve, Caith Sith, and the indigent guy who eats from the garbage..."

"My name is Johnny" Said a voice coming out of nowhere. "And I eat from the garbage because you don't feed me!"

"I don't care about your name..."

"Oh, you know what, Cloud? I don't feeling like arguing with you right now" She said going to the bar's front door, really angry. Tifa was just leaving when she saw the redhead in a phone booth. "Reno!"

"Oh-oh..." Reno hung up the phone and ran faster than Sonic the Hedgehog, but that didn't help because Tifa easily caught him and started to hit. "AAAH! NOOO! DON'T HIT ME IN THE FACE, PLEASE! -

"Let this be a lesson for you to think it twice the next time you want to bother me!"

"HELP! SOMEONE CALL FOR ANIMAL CONTROL!" Reno was still shouting.

After a five painful minutes Tifa finished hitting him, clapping her hands satisfied and significally calmer.

"Oh, my organs..."

"Oh Reno, forvige me!" Tifa said with watery eyes "I didn't mean to hurt you that much!" Se took out her purse. "Take 10 gil and go to a hospital to get cured" She threw them on him.

"What if you just use Cure on me?" He asked weakly.

"I'm not going to waste my MP with you" She replied with a scowl and went back to the bar.

"Well, at least she left money"

The indigent guy who eats from the garbage steals the 10 gils.

"God dammit…"

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Everything was absolutely quiet at the Shin-Ra mansion in Nibelheim. Peace reigned in every corner of the house, until ...

"Vincent" someone shouted as they beat the door of the mansion insistently. It was ten minutes until Vincent decided to open it.

"Stop already!" He shouted and opened the door. "What do you want, Yuffie?"

"I'm sorry to have to risen you from your grave, my dear friend, but I came to sell you scout girls cookies!"

"Scout girls cookies?" Vincent asked in surprise. "Why are you selling that?"

"To buy Materia" She smiled like a good girl.

"Why don't you steal them?"

"The police have been watching me lately..."

"If I'll buy you cookies, would you let me in peace?"

"Huh... No"

Vincent slammed the door, knocking Yuffie's nose.

"Ouch!... That hurt!" She complained, rubbing her face. Yuffie shook her head and then continued. "All right! I'll leave you alone if you want!"

"How much they cost?" He asked, opening the door again.

"300 gil per box"

"300 gil?! Are you crazy or something?!"

"Nooooo! That's the cost of the Materia! -

"Wait. If you have no money for Materia, where in hell did you get that cookies?"

"I found them in Marlene's room! She's like Dora; an explorer!"

"Then I will not buy you anything..."

"Then I will not stop bothering you." She smiled defiantly.

"Then I'll introduce you to Cerberus," He said, pulling out a pistol and directing it to Yuffie right in the forehead, threatening to fire.

"Then I was about to leaving!" As she ran, the cookies fell on the floor.

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"Awww Tifa!"

"What's the matter, Marlene? Why are you crying?" She smiled at her tenderly, crouching down to meet Marlene's height.

"Someone stole my cookies, and they were so many! I'll not be able to get the golden scout's medal for most cookies sold anymore!"

"Don't worry about that, honey" She caressing her head. "You can still win some of the other two medals, just sell the cookies you have left"

"I have one box..."

"Oh look! Sell it to Cloud. Surely he will buy it!"

"Okay"

Marlene went to were Cloud was.

"Uncle Cloud, can you buy me this box of cookies?" She said putting her more angelic face.

"Oh. I'm sorry, Marlene. You know I don't like sweet things"

"Bu-but ... snif ... snif ... -

"Hey! Don't cry!"

"So, will you buy me the box?"

"But I don't have money…"

"Buy me the box, I tell you!"

"Hey, little girl! You don't give me orders. I'm older than you and... " Marlene kicks him. "Ouch, ouch, ouch!"

"I'm going to tell my dad that you're threatening me with hit me!"

"But I didn't do anything to you!"

"Daaaad! Uncle Cloud wants to hit me!"

"Marlene, look!" He take out a Materia of his pants. The girl was hypnotized. "Do you want this?"

"Yes, Yes!" She said while jumping.

"Get it!" He threw the Materia out the window and Marlene ran after it.

"Cloud! I told you no to give Materia to Marlene!" Tifa scolded, putting a hand on her waist.

"It was a Cure. She will not harm anyone with that"

Then they heard people screaming, siren firefighters, and cars crashing into trash cans with cats.

"What did you say, Cloud...? -

"Damn" He murmured, his eyes half-closed.

"I'm fine!" Marlene shouted from the outside.

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"Hahaha. My plan to make Cloud fall in love with me will start now" Said Aerith hiding behind a fence outside the bar.

"Miss, why are you talking to yourself?" Asked a street child.

"Shut up, boy! Don't bother me!"

"Miss, at least you have some gil to give me?"

"Take 5 gil and get out of here." She spread the money, frowning, not looking at him.

"Thank you! Hey ... And how do you plan to make that Cloud fall in love with you?" He asked curiously.

"Ugh! You are very curios one. But I'll tell you anyway because I'm good girl and in that way the readers don't need to wait until the next chapter... Do you see this?" From her jacket she pulled out a Pink Materia. "This is a Love Materia. I created it. This beauty can make people fall in love with whoever person, with which I will use it with my Cloud. HAHAHAHA" Aerith raised a fist in a triumphant way to the sky while laughing like maniac.

"You scared me..." Said the boy and left her.

Chapter Text

"Well, now that that brat is gone..." Said Aerith. "I can start my plan today! I'm craving to see Tifa's face when she see how Cloud falls in love with me! HAHAHAHAHA...cough... cough." She started to cough from laughing so much.

"Hiiiii Aerith!" Yuffie greeted her, magically appearing from nowhere. "I haven't seen you for a long time! I thought you were dead."

"Aaah!... Yuffie. You frighted me..." Aerith put a hand on her chest.

"Hey Aerith! What have you been up to?"

"Huh... But we saw each other during breakfast..."

"Oh! What you have there?!" Yuffie asked snatching the pink materia from her hands.

"Hey! Give it back!" Aerith tried to catch Yuffie but she jumped on the fence.

"Wow! What a strange materia is this! It's pink... I wonder what kind of effect it will have..." She asked to herself in loud. "I know! I'm going to trying it on someone"

"NO! Don't do it, Yuffie! Come back here! That materia is dangerous in the wrong hands!... This cannot be happening! She is going to Tifa's bar. It will ruin my plans. I have to stop her soon!" Aertih said and ran after her.

"Miss! Stop talking to yourself!" Shouted the indigent guy who... huh, I mean, Johnny.

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"Did you bring me what I told you?" Asked Rufus in his wheelchair, covered by a white blanket.

"No, we're sorry, sir. The bakery didn't have churros." Said Elena.

"Damn! What about the donuts?"

"Oh, yes. Here they are." She said giving him the bag with donuts.

"Good job." He recieved the bag and took a donut. "Also, did you got the information about that mysterious organization?"

"Which one?" Asked Tseng, somewhat confused. "Organization XII, Akatsuki, Coca-Cola, or Deepground?"

"Deepground."

"Let's see..." The leader of the Turks said reading a notepad "Deepground... they are an old and dangerous military organization, but it seems that currently only exists the elite group 'Tsviets' with five active members. Unfortunately, we still don't know who they are or what are their purposes. Internet didn't give us much information."

"Hmm... Better keep investigating." Said Rufus with a serius face. "These guys have been kidnapping people for no apparent reason and doing graffiti. By the way, where's Reno?" He asked, realizing that the redhead wasn't there.

"He's in the hospital." Elena replied.

"Why?"

"He bothered Tifa... again"

"Oh, well." He shruggered.

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"Vincent! Vinceeeent!" He shouted as he knocking at the door of the mansion with both fists.

"What?!" Vincent opened the door to look out. "First Yuffie and now you, Caith Sith! What do you want?"

"I need your help!"

"My help? For what?" He asked in surprise.

"I can't open this can of tuna!" Said showing a can of cat food. "And I'm very hungry!"

"That's why you are bother me!?" Vincent closed the door.

"Hey, wait! It wasn't just for that!" The cat said knocking at the door again.

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"Cloud, Cloud! Throw the stick, please, please!" Said Nanaki while jumping with excitement.

"No. I don't wanna play right now" He said as he flipped through a motorcycle magazine.

"Please!" Nanaki said, leaving the stick on the table and began to moan with big, tender eyes, which no one would be able to resist him.

"Aww... All right. But only once."

"Yes! Throw it, throw it!"

Cloud threw the stick and Nanaki ran after it... Strangely, Marlene went after the stick too.

"That was weird..." He ignored it and continued reading.

"Tifa, give me another beer!" Barret demanded, hitting the table with the glass.

"No, Barret. You just had one beer and you're already drunk."

"Don't bother me, woman! I paying you!"

"You don't pay me! In fact…. I supports you!" She said offended. "And, if I want to, I can get you kicked out of here."

"As you say, woman. You're an exaggerated... hic!"

"You're a bad father, Barret." Cloud reproached him, looking at him with a mean stare. "You are spoiling Marlene because of your drinking habit and you obssesion for shooting range weapons..."

"You shut up, you effeminate emo" He said pointing his gun-hand to the blond. "I am a good father! Hic!"

"O-okay!" Said Cloud trembling with fear. "Just-just... put down that weapon..."

"Say I'm a good father! Say it!" Barret threw himself on the floor and began to cry in the fetal position. "Tifa! Tell him I'm a good father."

"Huh... Sure, Barret, sure... Hey, what's that music in the background?"

"Hmm ... It's just Sephiroth's song..." Said Cloud thoughtful. "Which means... HE IS HERE!" He shouted alarmed.

"That's right!" Said Sephiroth through the front door. "Cloud. I've come to challenge you to a fight to the death." He drew his sword and point it so close that it was only a matter of millimeters to cut Cloud's forehead.

"Don't put that thing on my face..." He said a little intimidated.

"Oh no. You are not going to fight here!" Tifa put aside the sword with her fist. "If you break something, you two will gonna pay for it. So better get out!"

"Hmm ... All right. You heard her. Let's go outside and fight." He ordered to the blond.

"Could you wait till I finish reading my magazine?"

"…OK. But do it quickly" He sheathed Masamune and sat at the other side of the table to face his opponent and wait for him.

One moment later…

"Are you done?" Asked Sephiroth, bored and tapping the table with his fingers.

"Not yet." Cloud answered without even looking at him.

Another one moment later...

"I finished!" He shouted, causing the silver haired man to wake up startled.

"Oh? What?" He rubbed his eyes. "All right then... Let us begin our obligatory battle to the death."

"But why it has to be obligatory... and to the death?" Cloud asked a little worried.

"Because you are the good guy and I am the bad guy!" Sephiroth began to explain. "The good guy and the bad guy must always have a super epic battle to the dead to see who is the best. Besides, I'm bored and I feel like fighting. Did you understood?"

"Sounds about right..."

Now the super epic battle to the death was about to begin.

They drew their swords and gave to each other a defiant and menacing glances of mutual hatred, trying to gain a significant advantage after intimidating their adversary, but neither of they would yield so easily.

Tifa was about to fulfill her word and get them out to fight outside, until she realized the glances duel was going to long...

One, two, five; ten minutes the stare contest lasted, and ended because Barret couldn't avoid sneezing and thus broke the drama.

"... Hey, are we going to fight now?" Cloud asked, somewhat impatiently and shakily for standing in the same pose for a long time.

"Oh, yes. Of course. Let's start"

Just finish the sentence, Sephiroth gave the first thrust. Cloud succeful cover himseflt and then repelled the attack, and when he was about to strike Sephiroth, he disappeared...

Cloud turned around, bewildered. But he could see only Barret (Tifa had gone for more beer during the stare contest) asleep on the floor and muttering something about how great the Teletubbies are; And suddenly, making the mistake of lowering his guard, Sephiroth appeared behind him ready to piercing him with his katana.

"Watch out, Cloud!" Shouted Yuffie entering the bar.

Thanks to the warning, Cloud managed to avoid it and then the ninja girl took the opportunity to find out how the pink materia would work by throwing it at Sephiroth right in the face. A mist of smoke surrounded him.

"I told you not to fight inside!" Exclaimed Tifa when she returned, then noticed the silver haired man lying on the floor. "Oh, my God! You killed him!" She said horrified. "Get the body out of here!"

"Yay! I killed Sephiroth! The great Yuffie Kisaragi always saves the day!" She said jumping with joy. "I want a prize!"

"Wait! I'm supposed to be the one who beat him!" Cloud said annoyed and knelt beside Sephiroth to try to wake him. "By the way, Yuffie, where did you get that materia that you threw at him? Is it pink? -

"I found it."

"That's not true!" Said Aerith appearing out of nowhere. "You stole it from me!"

"Did I mention that I omitted some details?"

"A-Aerith!" Said Tifa as if she had seen a ghost. "We thought you were dead!"

"True!" Said Cloud in the same state of shock.

"B-but, why? I just disappear for a minute and everyone thinks I'm dead?! I had breakfast with all of you today, don't you remember?"

"No." They all said in unison, except Barret witch was still sleeping.

Aerith drop her head as a blue aura surrounded her.

"That hurt ..." Sephiroth muttered, putting a hand to his face.

"Aww. I didn't kill him..." Yuffie flicked her fingers."The pink materia didn't kill him. Then how it's works?"

"Don't tell me... you used the pink materia against him!" Aerith screamed, starting to get really worried.

"Then I won't tell you." Replied Yuffie.

"Hey, are you okay?" Cloud asked to Sephiroth. "If you want, we can leave the epic battle for later..."

"I..." Sephiroth tried to speak, but he was still confused by the effect the materia had on him.

"Cloud, get away from him! He is dangerous!"

"Tell me something that I don't know, Aerith." He replied with half-closed eyes.

"No, you idiot! I didn't mean dangerous like 'I'm going to kill you'!"

"Then stop bother...!" Cloud didn't finish his sentence because he felt who someone took one of his hands. He immediately turned to meet Sephiroth's gaze looking at him with a strange gleam in his eyes. "S-Sephiroth?"

"Cloud... You're so cute!" He said, cupping his cheeks.

"What?!"

Cloud and the girls blushed.

Chapter Text

"I can explain it." Aerith said apologetically.

"Well, then start by explaining what kind of materia is that and why had that efect on Sephiroth!" Cloud demanded angrily as he tried to get out of the man's arms.

"Yeah..." Said Tifa, putting a hand on her chin. "Sephiroth acts weird. It's like...it's like he's..."

"He's in love with Cloud!" Yuffie yelled with shiny eyes.

"Exactly!... Wait, that's not good!"

"Ok, I'll tell you." The brunette sighs. "The materia with which Yuffie hit Sephiroth is called Love Materia. Using it against someone, you will make them fall in love with the first person they see... I know his because I created it."

"Aerith! How could you create such a thing?" Exclaimed the blond angrier. "If you like someone, why not flirt or bake cakes for him, or something more normal instead of using materias!?"

"I've already done it but it looks like you're blind!" Cloud looked at her oddly. Then she realized what she said and then laughed nervously. "I-I mean. I already tried it, haha... but the guy I like doesn't pay attention to me, hahaha..."

"But, Aerith. Love isn't something that can be achieved through magic." Tifa began to said, trying to be comprensive. "For two people, love is something that growns trough mutual trust, respect, tolerance... Just like Cloud and I." She blushed.

"What did you say?" The silver-haired man threatened her with the Masamune.

"Brothers love, I mean! Don't get confused!" She "clarified" with a forced smile.

"Can you stop threatening my friends?" Cloud asked with half-closed eyes..

"All right, Cloud." Sephiroth smiled like a good boy. "From now on, I'll not going to do anything that bothers you."

"Seriously?" Said surprised. "You mean you will stop beating me, insulting me, sending me bomb letters, stepping on the church's flowers, and hiding the TV control?"

"Yup."

"And you will also stop killing people and destroying whole cities?" He said looking at him with charming eyes, trying to taking advantage of the fact that he knew that Sephiroth would do anything for him in his current status.

Sephiroth thought it for a while.

"Okay."

"Great!"

"But with one condition; let me kiss you" He said, dangerously close to Cloud's lips, but he covered Sephiroth's mouth with both hands.

"Keep killing..."

"Aerith, this is getting worse!" Said Tifa starting to get worried. "Is there a way to reverse it?"

"I have no idea." She anwered with a shrug.

"How can you not know? You created it!"

"I know. Geez! Don't yell at me. It's just that I never thought my plan was going to fail, that's why I didn't made any antidotes." She put a hand on her chin. "But, maybe I can make one. If I experiment with the materia, perhaps I could..." She looked for the materia on the floor. "The materia?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"Is not here!" Aerith exclaimed in horror.

"What do you mean it's no here?!" Tifa and Cloud shouted at once.

"Calm down, everybody! I'm sure it fell around here." Yuffie said, looking around.

"Don't make that much noise, dammit! My head really hurts." Said a moody Barret, just waking up from the floor. He rubbed his eyes and looked oddly at Cloud, which, let's remember, he was being hugged by Sephiroth. "Pff... I knew you two were gay." He tilted his head in disappointed.

"I'm not gay!" Replied the blond.

"There it is!" Tifa pointed to the materia under a table. But before she could even get close, Marlene grabbed it.

"Oh, what a beautiful thing!" Said Marlene, playing without careful with the materia.

"Marlene, honey. Give that to your aunt Tifa, will you?"

"But I found it. It's mine!" She said with a tantrum and hiding the materia behind her back.

"Don't force us to take it away by force." Yuffie said in a fighting pose.

"I'll changed it to you for a dollar."

"That's not even the official coin of the game!" Cloud complained. "Barret, tell her to give it to us."

"I cannot take away a toy from my little girl."

"Let me try." Said Aerith, turning very menacingly toward Marlene. "Give me that, silly girl, or...!"

"Aaaah! A dead woman!" Cried Marlene, frightened.

"But I'm not dead..."

"Okay, dead lady, I'll give the materia to you, but please don't eat me!" She returns the Love Materia and ran out of the bar.

"Awesome! We have a ghost on our side!" Yuffie applauded.

"I'm not dead!" Aerith was about to throw the materia at the ninja, then she remembered the effects.

"It's enough." Said Tifa. "Whether Aerith is dead or not, it's not the issue right now. The important thing is to know if she can create a cure."

"Thank you, dear Tifa" The brunette said sarcastically, then sighed. "I'll go back to the church and see if I can find anything to help us..."

"All right. We'll escort you. Barret, take care of the bar."

"No problem." He said already sitting on a chair and enjoying another beer.

"Do whatever you want" Said Sephiroth. "But I doubt, whatever you do, can reverse the great love I have for him. Aren't you agreed, Cloud?"

"Yeah, right. Whatever you say." He replied sarcastically, knowing that, even if he said otherwise, the haired-silver man wouldn't understand.

"Woah, yes. I like it that way!" Yuffie said directing her cellphone to them. "The fangirls will give me a lot of money for these photos, teehehehe!"

"Yuffie!" Cloud exclaimed, unhappy that Yuffie were trying to doing business with his misfortune.

"I'll give you the half of what I'll earn." She said with a melodic and tempting tone.

"…Is this the right pose?" He hugged Sephiroth by the collar and made an extremely sensual expression for the camera.

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"Vincent! Open the door!" Said Reeve hitting the door of the Shin-Ra mansion with his fists.

"What do you want?" He asked, leaning on the other side of the door. He didn't intend to open it for any other stupid reason.

"This is serious! It's a matter of life and death.!" His voice sounded serious, so much that Vincent really felt worried. "If you don't open the door all we will die..."

The door opened.

"What is happening?"

"May I use your bathroom?" He asked, a bit embarrassed.

"WHAT?" Vincent's face broke.

That was the straw that broke the camel's back. He had spent the last three hours being bothered by any individual who had gone by mistake in front of his mansion. First Yuffie, then Caith Sith, then a pizza delivery guy who got the wrong house; a drunken guy, an encyclopaedist; a priest trying to bless his house and now Reeve asking to use his bathroom. Was it bothers the poor and peaceful Vincent day?!

"Give me one good reason for not to kill you with one shot." He said apparently calmly, with Cerberus pointing at Reeve's head.

"My bladder is about to explode..." Error. Vincent prepared to pull the trigger. "I-I was joking!" He said nervously.

"So... What do you want?"

Reeve sighed, relieved. He would live the next fifty years if he didn't bother Vincent again.

"Vincent, the world needs you." Suddenly, Superman's theme sounded as background.

"Where did that music come from?" Vincent asked turning to everywhere.

"Excuse me. It's my cellphone" Said Caith Sith, who had been hiding behind Reeve all the time because Vicent had threatened him with skinning him alive if he bothered him again. "Wrong number." He smiled in fear and went back to hiding where he had been.

"...Ok. Why does the world need me?" He asked with no interest.

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"Where is our Big brother?" Asked a man with silver hair and green eyes. He looked extremely worried.

"Stop asking, Loz. You've got me fed up." A younger boy scolded him. They look similar, but his hair was shoulder length. "He left us less than an hour ago. He must be entertaining with something."

"But he said he'd be back soon." Said a third boy, but with long hair. "Maybe he's in trouble."

"Don't make jokes, Yazoo. What kind of problems could Sephiroth have?" Said the younger with mockery and a carefree tone.

"It was a guess." He replicated with a frown.

"Can we go to get him, Kadaj? Can we?" Loz asked while jumping just like a toddler (attitude that looked very strange in him because of his great height and muscular body).

"Okay. We'll going to search for him." Kadaj sighed. "And top jumping like that, you look so stupid."

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"So...There is a highly dangerous secret organization called Deepground that kills people by whatever reason, and probably, they're are after me by for some random evil purpose..." Vincent recapitulated while he was comfortably on the couch.

"Exactly." Reeve said after sipping a bit of coffe that Caith Sith poured.

"Hmm ... And what do you want me to do?"

"Well, go and defeat Deepground." Said Caith Sith as if it were very obvious.

"No, thank you." He rose up from the couch and walked toward the stairs, intending to return to his room.

Reeve was alarmed and followed him.

"But! What about all the people who are in danger?! No one knows what Deepground are looking for. Perhaps they intend to conquer the world!"

"I don't care. As long as they don't bother me, I don't have to..." Vincent couldn't finish the sentence because there was an explosion in the lobby.

The main door had been destroyed, leaving a large hole through which a huge man (rather a beast) was able to entered the mansion without problems. After him entered a girl too.

"That's Valentine." The girl pointed at Vincent.

"We came to take you to the chief, Vincent Valentine." Said the beast man.

"Who are you? What do you want from me?... And why are you speak to me with my first and last name?"

"We're Deepground." The girl replied. "We want the Protomateria. We'll take it from you whether you're alive or dead. Go, Azul."

After said that, the beast man ran towards Vincent.

"Run!" Screamed Caith Sith, and the others two man didn't have the time to hesitate.

They hurried up the stairs, but there was nowhere else to go.

"We must jump." Vincent suggested.

"You mean jumping out the window?" Reeve asked with fear.

"That's exactly what I mean." He took Caith Sith from his head and smashed him into the glass to break the window. Then pushed Reeve before giving a very Leon Kennedy-style jump. But he didn't expect that the beast man wouldn't hesitate to jump too.

"He's too close to us!" Reeve informed, carrying an unconscious Caith Sith.

Then they heard propellers approaching them. As they looked at the sky they saw a helicopter of the Shin-Ra corporation flying overhead.

"Get in! Hurry!" Shouted Reno as he dropped a rope leadder. He was covered with bandages (Tifa's fault).

They climbed without problems, and felt relieved when they began to ascend. But Azul climbed up the stairs, tilting the helicopter dangerously because it couldn't stand his weight.

"Do something or we'll crash." Said Rude at the controls.

"Uh...Take this!" The redhead throwed a crutch against Azul and he fell to the ground, knocked out.

"So...What do you say now, Vincent?" Reeve asked, expecting a positive response.

"... I will help you save the world."

Chapter Text

"You two are lucky we arrived in time to save you." Reno said after throwing the crutch against Azul.

"How did you know Deepground was behind us?" Reeve asked, certainly suspicious at their arrived.

"We didn't know." The redhead answered with a shrug.

"We've been investigating Deepground for a long time. And when we told they were going to the Shin-Ra Mansion, the boss sent us to protect it." Rude replied while driving the helicopter.

"Does anyone know what a ‘Protomateria’ is?" Vincent asked.

"I thought you knew it." Reeve stared at him.

"I have no idea." He shrugged.

"Well, whatever it is, Deepground thinks you have it. They'll probably stalk you until they get it."

"Maybe we could help you to investigate what the Protomateria is." Reno suggested.

"You, the Turks...?" Vincent doubted.

"Of course! Mr. Rufus wants to find out more about Deepground. Apparently they have something to do with the Shin-Ra corporation. If they are looking for you, we can protect you and, at the same time, we could learn more about them."

"I hate to admit it, but this time Reno has a good idea." Rude said to support the notion.

"Only ‘this time’?!" He protested while showing a fist. He was really offended. "But I always have good ideas!"

"Sure... Like that time you thought it would be fun to bother an Ifrit and you ended up with burnt eyebrows. Or the time you jumped out of the helicopter without a parachute and broke a leg. You left Mr. Rufus without a wheelchair for about three months."

"Fine, fine! I don't always have good ideas." Reno crossed his arms with an angry face.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Do you think he's here?" Loz asked as he was looking inside Tifa's bar through the window.

"He said he would come to look out for Cloud." Yazoo replied.

"We must ask." Kadaj said and entered the bar.

"Hey, you, the guy who looks like Mr. T." Loz pointed out to Barret, who was half asleep and lying over the barcounter with a beer in hand.

"Wha-what?" Barret asked alarmed. "Hic! Wha’ tha' heck you want?"

"We are looking for our brother Sephiroth." Yazoo replied while observing how dirty the place was.

"Sephiroth? Oh, yes, hic! I saw him a while ago." Barret tried to remember when. "He went to the church with his boyfriend, that emo boy."

"Boyfriend?" Kadaj repeated, confused.

"Look! A doggie!" Loz exclaimed when saw RedXIII lying on the floor. "Who’s a good boy? You!" He stroked the dog's belly. Nanaki, happy, began to move a leg.

"Don't touch it, Loz. That dog has germs!" Loz admonished him, putting his hand aside with a slap.

Both Loz and "the dog" pouted.

"Who do you mean with 'emo boyfriend'? Asked Kadaj.

"Cloud, of course!" Barret answered as if it were something really obvious.

"What? Since when our brother and Cloud are boyfriends?!" Yazoo was totally stunned.

"I knew they would make a nice couple." Loz smiled.

"Shut up, Loz!" Kadaj said. "We can't let Sephiroth and Cloud be together. I don't know what crossed our brother mind, but that would ruin our plans for World domination."

"True... Let's go get that church." Yazoo said while dragging out Loz to the exit.

"Goodbye, doggie" Loz waved a hand in the air. Nanaki ears dropped and a raised leg to said good-bye too.

The silver-haired trio had already left the bar when, a few minutes later, a boy with black hair and blue eyes entered. He was looking at everything, disoriented.

"Excuse me, sir..." The boy spoke, but Barret didn't look at him for being engrossed in his beer. "Could you tell me what happened here?"

"Here? Where?"

"Uh... everywhere. The entire city is destroyed." The boy scratched his head, confused at everything he was looking at.

"Wha'? Did you hit yo' head or something?" Barret turned and stared at him, then he noticed that the boy was wearing the SOLDIER uniform. "Are yo' a soldier?"

"Eh? Yes! Zack Fair, first class SOLDIER." He said proudly.

"Damn soldiers... I thought I killed all." Barret set aside his beer and prepared his hand-gun, pointing it towards Zack.

"Wha-what?! Sir?! What are you doing?!" Zack stepped back, intimidated.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

In another place, more specifically in the church of Sector 5, in Midgar; Cloud and Sephiroth were spending an intimate moment on the back benches of the temple while the girls were dedicated themselves to looking for something that could counteract the effects of the pink materia.

"Oh, Cloud! I love you so much!" Sephiroth said while hugging the blond man, who had narrowed eyes and an angry expression on his face.

"Well, I don't love you."

"You are so funny, Cloud!" Sephiroth hugged him tightly. "It almost seem like you mean it." Then he murmured something in his ear. Cloud couldn't help but shivering. "But I know you love me. So, why don't we go to the confessional and profess acts of love?"

"You're a pervert!" Cloud exclaimed and hitting him several times with his fists, but the silver-haired man never release him.

"Did you find anything, Aerith?" Tifa asked, tired of reading the alchemy books that Aerith had on the church's floor.

"Still nothing." Aerith closed a book and threw it away. "This will take longer than I thought..." She said, discouraged. "But we could go faster if certain brat would help us. She looked at Yuffie, but the ninja didn't listen to her for being attentive to a row of ants carrying crumbs of food.

"Ants are great!" She exclaimed suddenly, amazed. "Did you know that they can carry ten times their own weight? I saw it on Animal Planet."

"That's great." Aerith said with sarcasm. "Now leave the ants alone and..." She stopped talking when noticed that the church portal was being opening. "Can I help you?" She asked who had just entered, cautiously. It was a red-haired woman with a haughty posture and dressed in light clothes. She didn't look like someone who went there to pray.

"I'm looking for Sephiroth." She replied with a slight Russian accent.

The silver-haired man, much to his dismay, ceased his attempts to kissing Cloud to know who dared to bother him.

"What do you want?" He asked sharply.

"Mr. G wants to talk to you."

"Who is that Mr. G?"

"He's the leader of Deepground, my leader." She said with such devotion, as if she were referring to a deity.

"That woman terrifies me." Yuffie whispered to Tifa.

"Yeah." She answered in the same way.

"Tell to your leader that I'm not interested in what he has to tell me." Said Sephiroth, implying very well that he didn't care what they wanted. However, the redhead woman, far from angry, smiled dismissively.

"He said you would be stubborn." The unknown woman then drew an arc-shaped sword from her back. "But he also said to take you to him in any way, and I will do that even if I have to use the force."

"We'll see." Sephiroth said and summoned his Masamune. Because of that, the other three girls ran to protect themselves behind Cloud.

The woman didn't wait for a signal when she threw herself against Sephiroth. The man blocked easily her first attack, pushing her back; however, she didn't give up and continued to strike with both sides of her arc-sword. And after seeing that Sephiroth's defense was total, she decided better for long-range attacks.

"Let's see what you can do with this."

The woman leaped back and tilted her sword to use it as a crossbow with which she launched several arrows per second. Sephiroth tried to block them all but they were too many. One even touched his armored shoulder. Meanwhile, the redhead laughed outrageously.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"And that's what happened." Reeve finished telling.

"Damn Deepground!" Rufus exclaimed. "I will charge them for destroying my mansion."

"But, boss, he wasn't talking about that..." Elena said.

"Oh, right... So they were looking for something called Protomateria." He said, returning to the subject.

"Any idea what is that?" Vincent asked.

"Not really..."

"Maybe there's something in our database." Suggested Tseng.

"Or we could search it on Google." Said the redhead taking out a laptop from nowhere.

"Yes, of course, Reno. On Google will be all the information about the Protomateria." Elena said sarcastic.

"I found it!" He clicked on Wikipedia. "Did you doubt me?" He said mockingly.

"Shut up..."

"Well, what does the article say?" Tseng wanted to know.

"Let's see... It says that the Protomateria use is for dominate the world."

"And what else?"

"That's all."

"So Deepground wants to dominate the world…" Rufus said thoughtfully.

"I think it's obvious that they want it for that." Vincent said, using his common sense.

"Hey, can I order pizza?" Reno asked, getting his cellphone ready to call the pizza shop.

"What do you want a pizza for?" Rude questioned.

"I'm hungry."

"There is no time for pizzas!" Rufus replied. "Reno, Rude, go to find Cloud and his friends and inform them about Deepground!"

"I can't." Reno said.

"Why?"

"I'm hungry."

"Well, eat something along the way."

"But I want pizza." He insisted.

"No! The pizza takes half an hour and we need to let others know now. It's my last word!"

"Oh, yeah? Well, let's see who else waxes the wheels on your chair later!" Reno crossed his arms.

"Ugh... Okay." Rufus gave up. "Call the pizza."

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Get out of my way!" Yuffie exclaimed and pushed around her friends to avoid the redhead's arrows.

"You stepped on me!" Tifa complained.

"She almost hit me with an arrow!" She justified herself.

"Don't step on the flowers!" Aerith begged.

"Oh no, I killed an ant!" Exclaimed the ninja with teary eyes.

"Cloud! Protect me!" Tifa hanged her arms around the blond's neck.

"Me too!" Aerith did the same.

"Hey! I can't lift both of you! You're very heavy!" Cloud said while trying to not to stagger.

"But we are on a diet!" The girls shouted in unison, looking daggers at Cloud.

Sephiroth realized this and chose to end the fight right away. He wasn't going to let that pair of harpies take advantage of the circumstances to steal Cloud from him. So in a blink, he disappeared from the redhead's sight. The woman only felt a strong blow on her abdomen before falling to the ground.

"You are lucky that I don't feel like killing today." Sephiroth said threateningly (but the truth was that he had promised to Cloud not to kill if at least he let Sephiroth to hug him).

"Don't sing victory." The redhead said when she got up from the floor with difficulty. "Remember my name: Rosso the crimson. Next time I will be the winner."

"Oh no! The only one who can defeat Sephiroth is me!" Cloud protested indignantly.

"You're so cute, Cloud!" Exclaimed the silver-haired man with a smile, then pushed the girls far from him by pulling their hair. "Don't worry. I won't let anyone beat, just you." He said taking his hands.

"You better, or else..." Cloud threatened him.

"Ouch, my scalp..." Aerith complained while redoing her braid.

"Is that a pink materia?" Rosso asked suddenly.

"A pink materia?" The brunette searched for the Love Materia in her pockets but wasn't there. With the hustle and bustle for the battle she must have dropped it. "Yuffie!"

Yuffie, who was closer to the redhead, quickly understood and ran toward the materia, kicking it before Rosso could take it. What nobody noticed is that the materia bounced off the walls and ended up hitting Tifa.

"What makes that materia so special?" Rosso asked after seeing everyone so alarmed.

"It's toooooo dangerous!" Said Yuffie. "It makes people fall in love with others. Don't touch it if you don't want to end up falling in love with someone you don't even know."

"Oh... Interesting." The redhead woman said thoughtfully, and started walking towards the exit.

"Oww... That's hurt." Tifa said while rubbing her head.

"What are you doing there?" Aerith asked, surprised to see her on the floor.

The dark-haired woman sat up, then looked at Aerith with a strange glow on her eyes.

"Aerith... Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" Tifa said and blushed.

"Eeeeh?!" Aerith at first was stunned, then noticed the pink materia on the floor. "This can't be happening..."

Chapter Text

"Perfect. Just perfect" Said an irritated Aerith, walking back and forth throughout the church. "How could you let yourself be hit by the pink Materia?! You are… you are an idiot!" Definitely getting a girl to like her wasn't what she was looking for.

"Please don't be mad at me." Tifa said, sitting on a bench, while thick tears ran down her cheeks and Yuffie patted her head to comfort her.

"Stop scolding her!" Cloud intervened, sitting one bench behind, with Sephiroth at his side. "None of this would be happening if you hadn't created that Materia!"

"Right now we aren't looking for culprits, dear Cloud" The brunette said, suddenly calm. "It would be best if we continue looking for a remedy for... this."

"Don't you think the effect could go away on its own?" Asked Yuffie.

"Like any other Materia?" Asked Cloud.

"It's possible…" Aerith said. "The effect of the Materias usually wears off after a few minutes. If we're lucky this could be one of those."

"Aerith." The black-haired girl dared to speak, having already dried her tears, with a shy smile.

"What do you want now?" She asked reluctantly.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Tifa asked, blushing like an anime girl.

"Let me think about it… uhmm… NO."

“Owww…” Disheartened, Yuffie continued patting her head.

"Poor Tifa." The silver-haired man commented, tilting his head from side to side, feeling sorry for her. "It's good that Cloud agreed to be my boyfriend." He said, putting an arm around the aforementioned man's shoulders.

"When did I agree to be your boyfriend?" He asked incredulously.

"About ten minutes ago, when I asked you to marry me and you said it was better if we were boyfriends first. And you took a vow of chastity as proof of our love."

"Oh, right." He said, bringing a hand to his chin, remembering what he had to say to get Sephiroth to stop trying to kiss him.

Suddenly the church doors slammed open and three shadows emerged against the sunlight.

"Oh, Sephiroth, we didn't expect to find you here." Kadaj said in a tone of irony and annoyance.

"But I thought we already knew he was here…" Loz commented, confused.

"Did you have to break the drama?" Kadaj said, giving him a slap.

"What are you doing here?" Sephiroth asked, just as surprised as the others seeing his brothers in the church.

"Tell us, brother." Yazoo began. "Is it true what the guy with the iron arm told us…"

"…that you and Cloud are a couple?" Kadaj finished saying, emphasizing the name.

"It's true." He answered without hesitation. The trio turned to the blond man with wicked eyes.

"Eh... I didn't want to b-but... He has me under threat!" Cloud immediately excused himself. Those looks hadn't inspired him confidence.

"That's what everyone says." Yazoo objected, shaking his head.

"I'm afraid, brother, that we can't allow you to be a couple at this point." Said Kadaj, pretending to be sorry. "Did you forget that you must kill him?"

"That's in the past. We're a very happy couple now." He hugged Cloud and the blond man rolled his eyes. "Besides, I don't remember asking you for your permission." He added sharply.

"It's fine with me if they're a couple." Said Loz, not seeing anything wrong with it.

"Nobody cares about your opinion." Kadaj scolded him. "Sephiroth. Cloud must die if we want to fulfill our purpose. And if you are not willing to cooperate, we will take care of him ourselves."

"Isn't there any other way to reach an agreement?" Said Cloud, begging for his life. Three against one was not going to be a very fair fight.

"Don't worry, Cloud. I will protect you." Sephiroth gave him a subtle and charming smile.

At this the blond man couldn't help but blush. That had been very sweet (and sexy) of Sephiroth. However, he remembered that that was probably an effect of the Love Materia, so he tried to downplay it. Besides, he wasn't gay…

"Hey, this telenovela is getting good. They even put Yaoi in it." Yuffie murmured with her mouth full of popcorn.

"You idiot! This isn't a telenovela. "Aerith pointed out, also murmuring.

"A movie…?"

"What?... No! Not a movie either"

"Then it's a play!" Tifa said with a smile.

Aerith slapped her forehead.

"Tifa, the pink Materia has made you stupid too, right?"

"I don't know. But it has made me realized that you are the person I have been waiting for to walk by my side through the hard path that is life." She blinked flirtatiously.

"Yup, it has made you stupid… Whatever. I think we should get out of here before they start fighting…"

Too late. While the girls were gossiping, Sephiroth had gone towards his brothers, unsheathing Masamune at the same time as they did their own weapons…

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Is there anyone here?" Asked the ginger Turk entering Tifa's bar, being surprised to see it almost empty.

In a corner, Marlene and RedXIII were playing with a ball of yarn, while sitting by the bar was a strange-looking guy, Barret, and a dark-haired young man who reminded him of…

"Zack?"

"Reno! I haven't seen you in a while!" He greeted with a big smile.

On the other hand, the Turk's hair stood up and his skin turned pale as a shiver ran through his body, making him back away to the door with such clumsy and hurried steps that he collided with Rude, who was just entering).

"What's wrong with you?" Rude asked, annoyed and adjusting his sunglasses.

"… I-I see dead people" He pointed at the black-haired man.

"Eeeeh? Me?" Zack pointed at himself. "But I'm not dead… The man with the gun almost killed me a while ago." He then pointed at Barret with his thumb. "But he apologized crying and telling me that he was under the influence of alcohol."

"So where have you been these years?" Asked Rude.

"These years?" He repeated confused. "Was I kidnapped for so long…?" He murmured thoughtfully.

"Kidnapped?" Now Reno was confused. "It's been seven years since we last heard from you!"

"Seven years…" He put a hand on his chin. "That would explain why all of Midgar is destroyed…and why my cellphone has twelve hundred unanswered emails from Kunsel."

"How did you not realize that you were kidnapped for years?"

"Eh… I'm not sure. But I think it's because…"

"What's taking you so long?" Vincent interrupted, entering the bar with Caith Sith at his side.

"Apparently Cloud isn't here." Rude said in response.

Zack's eyes lit up as soon as he heard the blond's name. And before he could ask about him, the strange-looking guy made a loud noise as he moved his chair to stand up. Everyone turned to him and noticed that his face was covered in bandages, his arms were stuck to his chest in the shape of a cross, and most strangely, a pair of mechanical wings on his back.

"Vincent Valentine." The strange-looking man said.

"Great. Another one of those who speaks to me with my first and last name." Vincent murmured, looking at him threateningly.

"Who is that, Zack?" Reno asked.

"I don't know. I didn't even notice when he came in." He answered, scratching his head.

"It's Nero the Sable, from Deepground!" Caith Sith exclaimed, alarmed.

"I've come for the Protomateria, Vincent Valentine." Said the strange-looking man with unchanging serenity. "It would be prudent of you to hand it over to me willingly, unless your wish is to die by my hands."

"But you have them tied." Zack noted.

"It was a metaphor…" Nero answered, still calm.

"Aaaah, sorry. Continue." He smiled sheepishly.

"First tell me what they want the Protomateria for, and maybe, just mabye, I'll give it to you." Vincent conditioned.

"Vincent!" Caith Sith looked at him in distress for his lack of interest in the matter.

"Dominate the world, isn't it obvious?"

"Yes, I imagined that… Well. That's not something I care about." He simply said. "I would give you the Protomateria if I knew where it was."

"Great. Why does the world always have to be saved by emos?!" Reno complained, obviously referring to Cloud and Vincent.

"Don't worry about it. I know where it is."

Finishing the sentence, a dark aura appeared around Vincent and tried to envelop him, but he only needed to jump back to avoid it.

"What are you trying to do?!"

"Stay still. It won't hurt when my shadows take the Protomateria out of your chest."

"You had the Protomateria in your chest the whole time and you didn't tell us!" Reno exclaimed accusingly.

"Ah, yes, of course. I have a materia in my chest and I never noticed." Vincent replied with irony.

"Maybe someone put it in you while you were sleeping." Reno suggested.

"I don't think so. I'm a light sleeper…"

"Uhm… excuse me." Said Nero, feeling a little ignored. "Could you give me the Protomateria, please?" Nobody paid attention to him.

"Hey, what is this Protomateria?" Asked Zack.

"We're not sure yet." Reno said. "We only know that it serves to dominate the world."

"Ah, wow. Why do the bad guys always want to conquer the world?"

"… Do you remember me?" Insisted the man from Deepground.

"They have traumas." Vincent said, shrugging.

"They don't have a life of their own." Commented Barret before taking a sip of his beer.

"Surely their parents didn't love them." Added Rude.

"Lack of self-love." Seconded Caith Sith.

And they kept talking nonsense until Nero ran out of patience.

"Enough! I'm fed up! I didn't come here to waste my time with you." He exclaimed angrily. And in front of several pairs of incredulous eyes, the walls of the bar began to turn black.

"I'll take care of this." Vincent said, pointing Cerberus at him. However, before he could pull the trigger, the roof of the bar collapsed and a huge ship fell on top of Nero. "Well. That was unexpected." He put Cerberus back in his pocket.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"You fell into my hotel space! Pay up!" Rufus demanded.

"Here." Reeve reluctantly handed him five yellow hundred-gil bills.

"Uhm… Boss."

"Yes, Tseng?"

"Sir. It's not that I'm not having fun playing Monopoly but… don't you think you should send Elena and me to help the others? Deepground is a very dangerous organization after all."

Elena nodded to agree with her coworker.

"What?" Rufus looked at them with utmost seriousness. "What do you want me to send you after Deepground while I stay here, alone?"

"But, Boss…"

"You're aware that I'm in a wheelchair, right? Okay, go after them if you want!... I'll figure out on myself how to take things from the high shelves without help..." He crossed his arms and looked away.

"Boss. Don't be angry with us." Elena asked with a handkerchief in her hand, on the verge of tears.

"We're sorry, Sir. We didn't think about that." Tseng apologized, getting up from the sofa to bow.

"Wow! You have them so well trained." Reeve said in surprise.

"Yes. And the best thing is that I don't pay them." Rufus rolled the dice.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Tell Tifa that I'm sorry for the damage." Said Cid, getting off his ship Shera. "I couldn't find anywhere else to park."

"The bar may be destroyed, but Nero is dead!" Said Reno triumphantly.

"I'm not dead…" Said a weak voice from under the rubble.

"Yep. Very dead." He reaffirmed.

"I don't know. I thought I heard something." Said Zack, a little worried.

"It's your imagination."

"If you say so…"

"NOOOO! My beer!" Shouted Barret disconsolately as he saw the destroyed bottles.

"Don't cry, man! I have a minibar in the ship." Said Cid.

"What brings you here, Cid?" Asked Vincent.

"Aah, well... Who knows. I was bored at home and I wanted to come and say hello." He said, lighting a cigarette.

"I don't want to be a bother, but do you think we could go find Cloud now?" Zack begged, clasping his hands.

"He's in the church." Barret said, walking up the ship ramp.

"Ah. So you're looking for the Emo boy…" Cid said, putting a hand to his chin, thoughtful. "That means trouble."

"And there are." Vincent confirmed.

"Then get on my ship. I'll take you there."

"We brought the helicopter." Said Reno, implying that the Turks would go separately.
"
Oops… I think I landed on your helicopter too." Cid said with an apologetic smile.

"What?!" Reno exclaimed, terrified.

"The boss will kill us…" Rude lamented.

"Hey, Mister pilot." Said Marlene shyly.

"What's wrong, you ugly little thing?" Asked Cid, kneeling down to be at her level.

"Can I pilot your ship? I'll give you a cookie in exchange."

"Umm… What flavor is it?"

"Chocolate."

"Make that two." He extended his hand to seal the deal.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

Sephiroth wielded Masamune while Loz placed a metal claw on his left arm, Yazoo checked the ammunition on his gunblade and Kadaj showed his katana threateningly.

"We don't want to hurt you, brother." Warned the youngest of the silver-haired men. "You better get rid of Cloud, or we'll have to make you see reason."

A mocking smile appeared on Sephiroth's lips.

"Try it." With that, the trio charged head-on at him.

They made him retreat a couple of centimeters, however, the eldest sibling easily blocked the attack and bounced it back toward them. Kadaj and Yazoo ended up on their knees while Loz could barely stay on his feet. He turned on his claw and ran to Sephiroth to hit him with electricity, but he missed. And that was almost the entire fight.

Sephiroth was too agile and fast for them. He deflected Yazoo's shots with quick swings of his sword (which meant that other characters not involved in the battle had to "dance" to avoid stray bullets); Loz couldn't even touch him; and Kadaj was frustrated that his older brother countered his attacks as if he were a novice swordsman.

And while all this was happening, Aerith prayed that her flowers wouldn't be stepped on.

"Go, Sephi, go! Go, Sephi!" Shouted Yuffie, holding a pair of little flags with Sephiroth-chibi drawn on them in each hand. "Go, Sephi!" She ducked to dodge a bullet. "Go, go!"

"Come on, Sephiroth, you can beat them!" Cloud encouraged him desperately.

"Awww. Cloud, thanks for cheering me on." Said Sephiroth, moved. "You're a sweetheart."

"Yeah, w-whatever you say… " He frowned, blushing. "Just don't think about losing! I don't plan on dying young!"

"Whatever you say, Cloud." He said with dreamy eyes.

"Don't look at me like that, pervert!"

"I can't believe our brother is just defending himself and yet we're losing…" Said Kadaj, breathing heavily as the trio stopped to plan strategies.

"Any ideas?" Asked Yazoo.

Kadaj then looked at Cloud, who was distracted and trying to repel Sephiroth's flattery.

"I can think of one." He smiled wickedly.

Chapter Text

Kadaj put away his katana and instead took out a pistol-blade that he pointed at Cloud, taking advantage of the fact that he was distracted. Yazoo and Loz did the same.

Meanwhile, a few meters ahead, there was a jealous Aerith who, watching with fury how the blond man seemed to respond positively to Sephiroth's flattery, while an equally jealous Tifa was poking her cheeks trying to get her attention; alarmed, she heard the weapons reloading and ready to be used.

"Cloud! Watch out!" Was all she had time to shout before the bullets were fired.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Hey, brat! Could you drive the ship better?!" Cid shouted.

"I'm sorry!" Marlene apologized, turning the wheel as she tried to stabilize the ship.

"Hey, Mr. Cid, don't you think it's dangerous for a little girl to drive the ship?" Zack asked, clinging to the railings nervously and about to start praying for his life.

"Nah. Don't worry about it, she'll learn to drive. But don't call me sir, I'm not that old." He responded, patting him on the back.

"Vincent! Vincent! Throw me the rod!" RedXIII begged at the aforementioned's feet.

"Okay" The black-haired man sighed and stopped looking at the sky through the windows "But don't ask me again." He then threw the rod. Nanaki ran after it, it hit the wall...and Nanaki also hit the wall.

"Hey, now that I think about it..." Reno started to say. "Wasn't there a kid living in the bar with you?"

"A kid?" Barret repeated, surprisingly sober and hangover free.

"Uh huh. A brown haired boy, about Marlene's age or a bit older."

"Aaaah, you mean Denzel."

"Yeah, that one! Where is he?"

"He doesn't appear in this fic, just like Johnny." Barret answered without giving it any importance. Then his cellphone rang "Hello?"

"I am in this fic!" Exclaimed the homeless guy who eats from the trash... I mean, Johnny.

Barret hung up.

"Who was it?" Reno asked.

"I don't know."

Without warning, an explosion coming from the right wing shook the ship.

"What's going on?!" Vincent exclaimed.

"We're under attack." Rude said, pointing at a grey helicopter with blue lights.

"It's Deepground!" Caith Sith shouted.

"Take cover, everyone! I'll try an evasive maneuver. Get out of the way, brat!" Cid said, trying to get Marlene off the panel control.

"Heyyyy! It's not fair!" She clung to the steering wheel "I paid for this!"

"I'll give you your damn cookies back!"

"But you already ate them!"

"Okay. Stop effing whining!" He handed the steering wheel back to her.

"Good afternoon, Targets." A woman with long black hair and an eye patch over her right eye greeted them from the telecommunication screen. "I'm looking for Vincent Valentine."

"Do you really have to say my last name?" The aforementioned complained for the umpteenth time.

"I'm sorry to be a bother. If you give me the Protomateria I'll leave you alone." She stated simply.

"I don't have it!"

"Who are you?" Caith Sith asked, looking at her strangely. "You're not in my database."

"How rude of me." She said, feigning embarrassment. "Allow me to introduce myself: my name is Argento, soldier of Deepground."

""Soldier"?" Rude repeated. "Aren't you a Tsviet?"

"Err... Well..." Argento blushed. "Not all good Deepground soldiers are Tsviet!"

"So you're low class?" Reno asked.

"I'm not low class!"

"Which Final Fantasy seven do you appear in?" Now Caith Sith asked.

"Is there more than one?" Zack asked, feeling lost.

"In Dirge of Cerberus Online…"

"And what is your role?"

"Non-playable tertiary character…" She said, now genuinely embarrassed.

"You're low class…"

"So you're one of those characters that Square-Enix makes up for plot convenience!" Reno said and laughed. "Like Jessie, Wedge, Biggs; the Turks from Before Crisis, the Shin-Ra manager, Xion from Kingdom Hearts, and RedXIII."

"I'm right here, you know?!" Said Nanaki, feeling quite offended at being forgotten. "Besides, I'm a playable character."

"Oh, that's right." He said, thinking back.

"Enough of idiotic comparisons!" Exclaimed Argento, annoyed. "Give me the Protomateria or I'll start fire on your ship."

"Oh, yeah!? You and how many others?" Cid provoked her.

"Me and my army." Right after answering, the screen went black, and many helicopters appeared around the Shera ship.

"Well done, Cid." Vincent reproached, glaring at him.

"Shut up, Twilight vampire, they're coming after you." He said, also glaring at him. "But don't worry, my dear stowaways, Captain Cid has an ace up his sleeve!"

Cid then pressed a button on the command board and… nothing happened. However, he gave Marlene the order to advance through the enemy troops, and no one attacked.

"What is happening? Why aren't they attacking us? What did you do, Cid?" Zack asked him.

"I made Shera invisible." He said with a big, proud smile.

"Woooow!" The others said in unison.

"And how long will the invisibility last?" Vincent asked.

"Well, if we take into account that the invisibility system consumes a lot of energy, and that I didn't put any gas in it yesterday; if my calculations are correct, the ship should have already crashed."

"… What?" Vincent turned even paler. That had to be a joke.

"The ship what?" Zack asked. Maybe they had heard wrong.

The emergency alarm sounded and the ship began to descend violently.

"Ha! I was right!" Cid exclaimed triumphantly. "Err… I mean, everyone get down! I'll try to land safely!"

"No! I'll land!" Marlene shouted, still at the helm of the ship. "But I don't know where to land…"

"Someone do something! I don't want to die young and handsome!" Reno said, hugging Rude.

"I want my grandpa!" Nanaki shouted, covering his eyes with his paws.

"Land here, brat." Cid pointed to a spot on the digital map on the board.

"Okay!"

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

Gunshots.

Cloud managed to hear Aerith's warning but he couldn't move in time, he just felt a blow and fell to the ground on his back. Surprisingly, he hadn't received any damage. Instead, when he opened his eyes he realized that...

"Se-Sephiroth?"

"I'm glad you're okay, Cloud." Sephiroth said, smiling at him with difficulty.

The silver-haired man had thrown himself on top of him to protect him.

"Is that... is that... blood?!" Yuffie exclaimed, bringing her hands to her mouth with a huge urge to regurgitate.

"Get away from our brother." Kadaj said, still aiming at him.

"But he's hurt!" Cloud protested, taking Sephiroth in his arms.

"We'll heal him when we're done with you."

"None of that!" Aerith said, getting in the way. "You're going to have to go through me before you hurt Cloud!"

"And you guys will have to get through me first!" Tifa exclaimed, stepping in front of the brunette to protect her.

"Pff… You're just a nuisance." Kadaj said mockingly and threatened to pull the trigger again.

"Enough!" Yuffie shouted, showing a green material. "Thundaga!" A powerful thunder fell on Loz, Kadaj and Yazoo, making them lose consciousness. "Argh! I can't see Sephi like this! There-there's too much blood! Heal him or kill him now!" She said, totally traumatized, trembling and lying on the floor in a fetal position.

"Sephiroth." Cloud shook him. "Sephiroth, wake up." He shook him harder and the silver-haired man coughed a few times before opening his eyes. "Why did you do it? Why did you save me?" He questioned, feeling guilty about his pitiful state. "I was supposed to be the one to defeat you!"

-"… I had to." Sephiroth reached out and caressed the blond's cheeks, which flushed at the touch. "I couldn't let something bad happen to you... You mean everything to me, Cloud. I don't mind dying as long as I protected you."

"Don't talk nonsense! You're not going to die! You CAN'T die!" Cloud sniffed and rubbed his eyes with one hand. "I must be the one to defeat you. I won't forgive you if you die!"

"I'm sorry..." He closed his eyes.

"Sephiroth...!" Cloud shook him again, but he no longer responded.

"Oh, Cloud! I'm so sorry for your loss." Aerith said, not really feeling sorry for him. "But don't worry about him, his corpse will disintegrate and return to the planet. The world will be a better place without him… and I'll have no competition anymore." She said the last in a sing-song voice.

"I… I can't! I can't let him die!"

"Huh? Come again?" A twitch appeared in her mouth. Cloud pulled out a Phoenix Down from his pockets. "Wait a minute. You're going to waste a Phoenix Down on him?!"

"He saved my life, Aerith! Don't be insensitive!" He looked at the girl as if she were a monster.

"And why didn't you use one on me when he stabbed me with his sword?!" She said, hurt. "I was in materiatherapy for the rest of the game!"

"Because he stabbed you during an cinematic. And I couldn't do anything about it." Cloud said as if it was obvious and unimportant thing, then used the Phoenix Down on Sephiroth.

The silver-haired man was enveloped in a whitish light and, in a matter of seconds, he fully recovered.

"Cloud!" He pounced on him. "You revived me! I knew you loved me!"

"Of course not! You saved me and I only returned the favor. That's all!" He creamed with his face blushing to the max.

"Don't be shy, sweetheart. I know you did it out of love."

"Get off of me already! You're staining me with blood!"

"Awww! They're so cute!" Tifa exclaimed with sparkling eyes "Aerith! If I was about to die, you would revive me, right?"

"Of course not." She replied grumpily, and giving Sephiroth murderous looks. "Phoenix Downs are very expensive. Besides, I don't even like you."

"You're so cute even when you psychologically mistreat me." She said with a sigh and a smile.

"Uh? What's that noise?" Yuufie said as she noticed the walls suddenly creaking.

"It sounds like something's in the…" Cloud hadn't finished saying when the Shera ship fell in the middle of the church. "…roof."

"My-my flowers! My beautiful flowers!" The brunette screamed with tears streaming down her face. Tifa tried to comfort her by massaging her back.

"Oops. I'm sorry for the damage, Aerith." Cid said, getting off the flying ship without showing any remorse.

"But... my flowers... They were my livelihood!"

"They'll grow back, woman." He said, ignoring her sobs.

"Cid, what are you doing here?" Cloud asked.

"Aah, well I'm just here... running away from a horde of enemy ships, same as always. And what are you doing hugging Sephiroth? Have you already admitted your homosexuality?" Cid continued the conversation as normal.

"I'm alive!" Reno exclaimed, raising his arms, feeling life smiling at him again. However, Zack interrupted his happy moment by pushing him out of the ship, making him literally roll down the loading ramp.

"Hey, where did we land?" The dark-haired man asked, looking around like a curious puppy.

"You have to say 'excuse me,' Zack!" The redhead scolded him as he stood up and dusted off his suit.

"Aah, sorry. I didn't see you." He apologized with a embarrassed smile.

"Zack?" Aerith and Cloud said in unison.

"Aerith?"

The brunette abruptly pushed the black-haired girl aside and ran to hug Zack.

(Insert “Suteki Da Ne” in the background)

"Zack, I thought you…"

"I know. But I'm alive, Aerith. I'm sorry I left you, but now we can be together."

"Oh, Zack. I'm... I'm so sorry." She said, pulling away from him. "Seven years is a long time. There's someone else in my heart..."

"I see. I understand." He smiled sadly, but his mood changed drastically to the opposite. "Weeeeell. That means I can be with Cloud now!"

(Song off).

"What?!" Aerith and Sephiroth exclaimed at the same time. Cloud just rolled his eyes and gave a long sigh of "why-do-these-things-happen-to-me?".

"First you force me to wear pink, then you disappear for seven years! And now you tell me you're gay?!" The brunette said clearly upset.

"I'm not gay." He crossed his arms, offended. "I just like Cloud."

"What a big difference..." She said sarcastically, waving her arms.

"Cloud is mine. Don't you dare touch him, Zack." Sephiroth said, squeezing the blond man possessively.

"I knew all SOLDIERS were gay!" Caith Sith said suddenly.

"Caith Sith!" Cloud admonished him, looking at him in surprise.

"I didn't say that, it was Reeve!"

"Not true!" Reeve was heard saying through the cat's muzzle. "It was the Vice President Shin-Ra."

"President Shin-Ra! Not Vice President!" Rufus was heard saying. "And it wasn't me, it was… it was Elena!"

"But Elena doesn't have a man's voice." Reno said.

"You're fired!" The president said at the Turk's stupidity.

"What? What did I do now?!"

"Daddy, what's a 'Gay'?" Marlene asked with that healthy curiosity that every little girl possesses.

"Do you see Cloud?" Barret said, pointing with his index finger at the aforementioned.

"Yep." She nodded.

"That's a 'Gay'"

"Aaah. I see. That was very educational. Thanks you, Daddy."

"I'm not gay!" Cloud said. "It's all the fault of the Pink Materia that Aerith created."

"Pink Materia?" Vincent inquired, who had just left the ship. Exotic Materia were becoming a trend, apparently…

"Yes, pink. Aerith is so lonely that she created a Materia to attract a partner because she doesn't know how to conquer men by herself." Yuffie clarified.

"Hey!" The brunette complained because of the hurtful summary.

"What exactly does that Materia do?" Rufus asked with evident interest.

"It makes people fall in love with each other at first sight, and apparently age and gender don't matter." Aerith explained, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

"Are you serious?" Zack questioned, not very convinced.

"Of course I'm serious. Why else would Sephiroth be in love with Cloud and Tifa with me?"

"Wooow. Yuri!" Nanaki commented, wagging his tail.

"That means Cloud is available!" Zack said cheerfully. "And how long does the effect last, huh?"

"We have no ideas." Cloud replied, shaking his head. "They've been under the effect of the materia for hours. And no, Zack, I'm not available for you." He said, giving him a withering look, but the soldier winked at him.

"Nah... I'm sure the effect has already worn off and they're just using the materia as an excuse." Reno said, amused and playing with the Love Materia as if it were a little ball.

"I think so too" Barret agreed.

"H-hey!" Aerith searched her pockets for the pink materia. “Where did you get that?!”

“Yuffie lent it to me.”

“Yuffie!”

“I’m sorry. I’m a kleptophile.” She apologized, sticking out her tongue.

“I’m a 'kleptomaniac'.” Aerith corrected her.

“Oh, you steal too?”

“Have you told them about Deepground?” Tseng was heard saying.

“Stop talking through me!” Caith Sith complained with his paws over his ears. “It makes my head hurt!”

"Deepground…" Cloud repeated. "Why does that sound familiar?"

"The red-haired woman who came by earlier mentioned something about Deepground." Tifa commented.

"That's right! The crazy crossbow lady. What was her name?" Yuffie asked.

"Sephiroth must know." Cloud said, turning to him.

"Me?"

"Yes. You, you idiot. She asked you to memorize her name, did you forget it?"

"Oh, yeah…" He put a hand to his chin, trying to remember. "I think she said her name was Rosa, or Rydia… or did she say Rinoa?"

"Rosso the Crimson?" Caith Sith guessed.

"That one!"

"And what was she looking for?" Vincent asked.

"She said she wanted to take me to their leader… a certain Mr. G."

"Did you guys run into Deepground too?" Cloud asked.

"Yeah. They've actually been after us since Chapter Three," Reno said. "They say they're looking for Vincent because, according to them, he has the Protomateria."

"What is the 'Protomateria'?" The blond man questioned.

"A Materia that serves to dominate the world."

"Oh, I understand. So Deepground is the bad guy, right?"

"It seems so." Reno nodded.

"Well... What do you want me to do about it?"

"Vincent asked that same question..." Reeve was heard saying, who had already imagined that Cloud would also refuse to help.

"Well, it would be good if you guys got rid of Deepground." Rufus was heard saying as if it were a obvious thing.

"For what?"

"And what do I know? My script says to try to convince you to finish off Deepground, and that's it." He replied with annoyance. "Any other questions, huh, HUH?"

"Umm. No, I don't think so... But if it's in the script, I guess I have no other choice but to do it." He said with sigh of resignation.

"But, Cloud." Aerith intervened. "First of all we should find a remedy for the Love Materia. Then we worry about them."

"I know someone who can help you with that." Reeve said.

"Speak." Cloud demanded.

"There is a scientist named Shalua Rui who knows all about Materia, she could help you."

"What a great idea, Reeve! Where can we find her?"

"I'm afraid she's in Corel."

"Well, we're going to Corel right now." Aerith said. "And on Cid's ship." She pointed at Cid with her finger.

"Why on my ship?" He complained.

"You destroyed my flowers…" Looking at him with hatred.

"Okay, I get it. But we can't go right now, the ship has no battery or gas."

"It's already late, too. How about we go back to the bar and rest?" Tifa suggested, showing an angelic smile. "Today has been a long day."

"Ummm… Tifa, about your bar…"

"Yes, Cid?" Still smiling.

"Uh… well…" He gulped.

Chapter Text

"I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!" Tifa screamed, her face red with rage. Cloud and Reno tried to hold her arms back, while Vincent and Barret clung to her legs. "LET ME GO!"

"We'll let you go once you calm down." Cloud conditioned.

"I'll calm down after I kill Cid!"

"Aerith! Save me from your monster!" Cid begged, hiding behind the flower girl, but she stepped aside.

"Are you begging me for help after destroying my flowers?" She glared at him.

"Please!" He knelt pathetically.

"It's not enough." Aerith crossed her arms and looked away.

"Hey, Yuffie. Why is Aunt Tifa so angry?" Marlene asked the ninja girl.

"I don't know. Maybe she's just having her period." Yuffie whispered back.

"AHH! LET ME GO NOW!"

"I'll pay you!" Cid showed Aerith a wad of bills.

"... You've convinced me." She snatched the money from him and turned to Tifa. "Let her go, guys."

"But..." Reno hesitated. Hours earlier, he'd been brutally beaten by Tifa, so it seemed inhumane to let her beat up more people.

"Do what I say."

"It'll be your fault if she kills someone." Barret warned her, letting go of the bar owner. The others did the same.

Once free, Tifa ran at full speed toward a frightened Cid, but before she could land a punch…

"Tifaaaa~" Aerith called in a melodious voice, causing the black-haired girl to stop in her tracks and turn to her, her eyes wide with hearts.

"Yes, Aerith?"

"Come here." Aerith said, showing her open arms to invite Tifa in for a warm hug.

"Oh, Aerith." She hugged the aforementioned woman. "Your chest is so soft."

"Turn your back, perverts!" The brunette cried, embarrassed. The boys couldn't help but be morbidly moved by the sight of two women hugging so affectionately. "I'll charge you double for this, Cid!"

"It was worth it." He wiped blood from his nose.

"Hey... If Tifa's bar is destroyed, then where are we going to live now?" Nanaki asked, distressed.

"I would suggest the church, but Cid destroyed it too." Cloud pointed out accusingly.

"It's not my fault your houses are in my favorite landing spots." He retorted indignantly.

"Which of you has a house nearby?" Yuffie asked.

Deathly silence.

"…You can sleep at mine tonight." Aerith said, as if it were a great sacrifice. "But only tonight! Then we'll go to Corel tomorrow, understood?"

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

In the Sector 5 park.

"How did it go, Nero?" Rosso asked.

"An airship fell on me." He said, still trying to stay conscious.

"What are you complaining about? A crutch hit me." Azul said.

"What about Argento?" Nero asked.

"The idiot lost track of them." Rosso replied disdainfully. "Shelke, can you track Valentine?"

"No." The brunette girl nodded. "The only way I can do it is through the network, and I need a computer for that."

"So what do we do now?" Nero asked with a sigh.

"It would be best to return to base and tell Mr. G the truth." Shelke said. The others nodded without much enthusiasm.

"That won't be necessary." A male voice replied behind her.

"Brother!" Nero exclaimed happily.

O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O0O

"Mom! I'm home!" Aerith said.

"Oh! Aerith! That's great. I was worried about you." Her adoptive mother said as she came down the stairs.

"I brought some friends. They're staying over tonight, if you don't mind..." She pointed to the group of weirdos behind her.

"Oh, of course! No problem, honey." She said with a warm smile. "Hi, guys, nice to meet you. My name is Elmyra, I'm Aerith's mom."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Elmyra." They all greeted in unison.

"My dear, can we talk in the kitchen for a while?"

"Yes, of course." She walked behind mom.

"Make yourselves comfortable, guys." Elmyra said before entering the kitchen. "I see you brought a lot of handsome guys." She giggled. "Is any of them your boyfriend?"

“Uh…well.” She was about to name Zack, but then she remembered that he had gone to the other side and now he liked Cloud. “No.”

“Oww…How disappointing.” She pouted. “Aerith, when are you going to give me the joy of getting married and giving me grandchildren? You're already forty, I don't want you to stay a spinster!”

“But Mom, I'm twenty-five…”

“I don't want to hear your excuses anymore!” She said, wiping her tears with her apron. “Go attend to your guests, be a good hostess.”

Aerith rolled her eyes and returned to the living room.

"By the way, Zack. You still haven't told us where you've been this whole time." Reno said.

"It's true. Where have you been?" Cloud asked curiously. "In fact, how did you survive if you took over a thousand bullets?"

"I'm not sure, actually." He scratched his head. "All I know is that I was abducted by aliens."

Everyone looked at him strangely.

"By alien...? Are you serious?" Sephiroth asked.

"It sounds strange, I know. But it's true. They said I'd gotten the UFO ending and some other weird stuff. They also abducted another guy, Harry Mason, I think. He was a nice man, but he kept asking about his daughter... Anyway, I was with them for a week, but when they dropped me off in Midgar, I found out it's been seven years."

"That doesn't make sense." Vincent commented with a hand on his chin.

"I think you've played too many video games, kid." Barret shook his head.

"But it's true!" Zack said, waving his arms. "Don't you believe me?"

"It's not that we don't believe you, Zack." Tifa began, embarrassed. "But..."

"Look, look! I'll summarize it for you." Yuffie interrupted. "The thing is that everyone thinks you're a liar, they just don't want to tell you so plainly so you don't feel bad." A blue aura appeared in Zack's face. "Awww. If it's any consolation, I believe you... Well, no. The truth is, I don't believe you either." She smiled.

"Hey, Aerith. Where are we going to sleep?" Reno asked when he saw the brunette girl returning.

"Um...well..." She thought for a moment. "The girls in my room. The rest of you, make yourselves comfortable however you want." She answered nonchalantly before heading upstairs to her room. Tifa, Yuffie, and Marlene followed her. "By the way, the large sofa converts into a bed."

"I'll take the sofa bed!" The redhead said immediately.

"No! I want it!" Barret shouted.

"Everyone move aside!" Cid threatened with his spear.

"Grrr!" Nanaki growled.

"Whoever wins keeps it." Zack stated, showing off his Buster Sword.

"Sephiroth." Cloud looked at him with flirtatious eyes, and the silver-haired man immediately understood what he wanted.

A few seconds later, Reno, Barret, Nanaki, Cid, and Zack were laying agonizing in the floor, making Vincent, Rude, and Caith Sith glad they hadn't asked for the bed.

In the end, Cloud and Sephiroth ended up sleeping the sofa bed, Barret the single sofa, Vincent the double sofa, and the others slept on the floor on blankets that Mrs. Elmyra provided them.

The next day. Everyone left Aerith's house, and as they were about to board the airship, they were attacked by a barrage of arrows, a psychopathic laughter in the background.

"It's that crazy crossbow lady again!" Yuffie announced, dodging the arrows like the others. "Why am I feeling déjà vu?"

Then the attack stopped.

"Good morning. We hope we're not bothering you." Said a man with white hair and green eyes, whom no one present had seen before.

"Who's that?" Cloud asked Vincent in a low voice, who shook his head.

"I have no idea."

"His name is Weiss. H's the leader of the Tsviets." Caith Sith replied, also whispering.

"We're here for the Protomateria and Sephiroth." Shelke said, practically appearing out of nowhere along with the rest of the Tsviets.

"Don't you have anything better to do than follow us?" Vincent asked, already tired of so much meddling from Deepground.

"It's in the script." Azul excused himself, shrugging.

"Oh..."

"Now that we're all here, we can easily defeat you." Nero said.

"There are more of us." Nanaki said provocatively.

"It doesn't matter how many of you there are. We'll still beat you." He replied mockingly.

"We'll see about that," Barret replied, certainly offended.

"If you want to fight us, go ahead. It'll be a lot of fun dancing on your corpses." Rosso said gleefully.

"That woman seriously terrifies me." Yuffie murmured to Tifa.

"Is there any way we can reach an agreement?" Weiss asked in a mock-formal manner. "What do you want in exchange for the Protomateria?"

"We've told your friends a thousand times that we don't have it!" Reno exclaimed.

"Tsviets don't like being lied to." The white-haired man warned.

"We're not lying! Good guys never lie!" Zack shouted.

"Vincent Valentine has it." Shelke said.

"In that case, we have no choice but to fight for it." Weiss concluded. "Sephiroth, would you be so kind as to accompany us amicably? We wouldn't want to have to take him to our leader in a state of disrepair."

Sephiroth looked at him coldly. Did that man dare underestimate him?

"You'll have to defeat me first." He said finally.

"I'm glad to hear that. I need some action," Weiss said with satisfaction. He pulled out a pair of katanas and attacked Sephiroth.

As soon as the clash of swords was heard, the other Tsviets also attacked.

"Get on the ship!" Cloud shouted as he held Rosso back.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Cloud!" Tifa said, but Aerith grabbed her arm.

"Don't be an idiot, they'd kill us! Leave them to them." She scolded her through gritted teeth, hastily pulling her and Marlene toward the airship.

"Cid! Start the engine!" Barret shouted.

"Aren't we going to wait for the others?" He settled behind the wheel.

"Of course. But it's safer from the air."

"Why aren't you in battle, Barret?" Yuffie asked, looking at him strangely.

"Uh... I don't want to leave Marlene without a father. And why aren't you in battle, Yuffie?"

"Uh... I don't want to leave Marlene without a role model." referring to herself.

Yuffie and Barret clapped hands in approval.

"So we meet again, Reno." Azul said in a threatening tone.

"Oh, yeah. Hello! Haha..." He greeted him, terrified and nervous. "How did you keep going after the crutch fell on you?"

"I was in a coma for three hours."

"Uff, that's too bad! Did I mention it was an accident?"

The beastman growled and threw a punch, which Reno managed to dodge only because Rude pushed him in time.

"I'm surprised Cid's ship didn't kill you." Vincent commented, firing his Cerberus pistol.

"I'd be lying if I said I was immortal." Nero said in the air, dodging the bullets with ease, while simultaneously directing black energy balls toward Vincent.

"Fight me!" Shelke demanded.

"I'm not going to fight a child. That's not my style." Zack apologized, stepping back to avoid her blows.

"I'm not a child. I'm nineteen." She said, offended.

"That can't be true!" Zack exclaimed in disbelief. "You don't look like a teenager! Would it be politically incorrect of me to ask about your health?" He asked worriedly.

"Shut up and fight!"

"Zack!" Rude yelled at him.

"Let's switch opponents!" Reno said as they both fled in terror from Azul.

"Okay!" He agreed immediately. He'd rather fight a rabid beast than hurt a defenseless child.

"Wait." The brunette girl asked. "Is your name Zack? Zack Fair?"

"The same!" He smiled. "Do you want an autograph?"

"What? No, it's not that." She said thoughtfully. "Mr. G always talks about you..." She muttered to herself.

"Did you say something?"

"I'm leaving." She put away her weapons and began walking calmly, as if there wasn't a war going on around her.

"Uh...Okay? Bye." Zack said, waving a hand.