Chapter Text
To be honest I have felt less than whole since the Kira case…
Near never writes down his feelings after that, never gets past the first sentence in his letters. Mello is dead. L is dead. Matt is dead. There is no one left to write to. He is sure, anyways, that Mello did not think of their relationship in the same way that he did. Mello did not see two sides of the same coin. To him Near was an obstacle, a challenge. Yet the man had saved his life once upon a time, when he could have turned his back. Then again, as much as Near knew Mello disliked him, he also knew Mello would give no victory to Light- he hated Kira more than he hated Near. And Near had forced his hand; he had deliberately scheduled the warehouse meeting knowing that Mello wouldn’t win. Both boys were competitive, and Near would be the first to admit he wanted to stay in first place- despite his equal willingness to work with Mello. Beating Kira was always more important than their rivalry to him. If Light had killed Near in that warehouse Mello would have lost an asset, information, and any sort of personal relationship aside Mello allowing Light to gain such a dramatic advantage in the case would have been foolish. Perhaps Mello even refused to simply use Linder to arrest Kira himself after Near’s murder because that would still give credit to the albino in part- even if only in Mello’s mind. Near’s best guess would be to say that he had forced Mello’s hand, had forced him to reveal his knowledge in a desperate attempt to win before Near could be killed; also, preventing the loss of an asset and preventing Kira from gaining anymore victories.
But these were all just speculations. Near, in his own opinion, came very close to estimating Mello’s thoughts and motivations. Close was not full understanding. Either way it hardly mattered now. Now that Mello was dead. Not in the same way it mattered when Near had found that photograph, when he treated all the loose ends Mello had been to rash to remember. It served no purpose to allow Light any hold on Mello- and of course Near knew that Mello would come back to him: would be unable to continuously run. Not even the mafia could keep the two boys from coming into conflict.
Conflict?
They had worked together during the case in a number of ways. The photograph… did Mello only come because he didn’t trust Near? Near hadn’t betrayed Mello to the enemy- not once. Was it just mutual hatred of Kira that forced some kind of bond? Again, there was a need to defeat him. Really only Mello felt true dislike for Near anyways… And both of them also bonded through a love of their mentor, L. Even still they grew up tighter… and what they had was undeniably some form of a relationship.
Near hadn’t felt whole since the Kira case. Mello he had respected a great deal. He knew the older by had qualities he lacked and was very intelligent. He admitted multiple times, and under no outside pressure, that Mello was necessary for his own success. He had said it when Mello was alive. He had said it after he was cold in the ground. Even the sin he despised the most in other- murder- he understood when it was Mello. Went as far as to defend his actions to the SPK.
If there was another case as challenging as Kira’s, Near felt fear for his own fate. He was not L- not truly, and he did not have Mello. Was there any way for him to learn to replace another soul? To balance himself, to be his own second half, to even consider being as good as an idol? He wished Mello was here to mock his insecurities. Being laughed at might be good for him right now. He always loved a challenge.
Sometimes the chocolate he now bought tasted so bitter…