Chapter Text
“Bakugou, you were so cool when we fought. But you’re always like that with Deku…It’s almost like…you’re scared so you want to distance him…and so you act all menacing like that…I mean, you were childhood friends, and now you’re in the same class. So I want you to stop yelling at each other and be friends again.”
What the hell? Floaty thinks I’m fucking scared..of Deku?
“THE FUCK DID YOU SAY TO ME!!!???”
“WHHAAAA???””
Shit!! I guess Deku's back from the bathroom! Did he hear any of that? Gotta cover my bases.
“YOU TOO DEKU, YOU SHITRAG!!!”
My heart is racing and I can feel the heat in my body rising. How dare floaty-fuck insinuate that I’m afraid of shitty Deku. How DARE she..right where everyone can hear it! I’m not fucking scared. My throat's dry.
Does EVERYONE think I’m scared of that loser? She's gonna have burns all over her for this..
“WHAT ARE YOU, SECOND-GRADERS!? TAKE YOUR SEATS!!! It’s time for Modern Hero Art History!!”
Shit. Midnight comes in and glares at me. Fuck it. I sit back down, still steaming. I can feel the sweat gathering in my palms. I take deep breaths, but my heart is still racing. URARAKA, THAT FUCK STICK. Insinuating that I would be afraid of Deku….
I can feel him behind me, his knee bouncing up and down under his desk. I KNOW he’s looking at me.
FUCK HIM.I don’t want to pay him any attention, but I can feel his eyes on me. I always know when he’s looking at me. My skin prickles whenever he’s near. GOD, I wish he would just leave me alone..
“And who popularized costume versatility…? Hmm… Bakugou!”
"It was Clown Shock.”
Fuck. I can’t even concentrate anymore. Luckily, I did the reading last night. I keep focusing on steading my breath for the rest of the class. I can feel Deku’s eyes on me and my skin is squirming. I have a knot in my stomach and my throat. I don’t know if I want to scream, throw up, cry or explode. I need to BLOW SOMETHING UP.
Just keep focusing on your breath.
I can feel the whole class fucking staring at me and I want turn around and blow them all up.
Breathe.
The bell rings, and I grab my shit and make for the exit as fast as I can. Time to hit the gym.
———————————————
In the locker room I change quickly, throwing all my shit in a locker. As I enter the gym, I notice I’m one of the first ones there. Fuck yeah. I walk over to the fire proof area towards a punching bag. I can feel my temperature rising. All the energy I’d built up during class is about the be released.
“DIE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE”
I ignite explosion after explosion into the punching bag. Fucking perfect! I can feel the knots in my stomach lessening, the knot in my throat relaxing.
“DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
The punching bag is decimated…but the knot’s not completely gone yet. How DARE she say I’m scared. If only she knew…If only she knew how fucking manipulative Deku is. He’s nothing but a powerless little bug, yet somehow he manages to make me feel wea-
“Hey man! You left quickly after class. What’s u-“
“What is it, Shitty Hair?”
Great. Just what I need- another fucking human to mock me.
“Well, you seem angrier than usual man, so I wanted to know if you wanted to spar with me. Ya’ know, let some of that shit out.”
“Sure. You book a sparring room?”
“Hell yeah man, I got you! Let’s go.”
———————————————————-
“DIEEEEEEE FUCKER!!!!”
I propel myself towards Shitty Hair. The knot is almost gone, unraveled by explosions and sweat. God I love fighting.
Shitty Hair hardens and as I make contact I feel the ground open up beneath us. I keep up my force, and I notice he’s not letting up either.
“FUCKING DIE ALREADY!!”
I create a larger blast as we move into the ground.
“NEVER!!”
Shitty Hair hardens even more. How did he manage to fail the final exam when his strength has increased this much?
He pushes me back, and I fly out of the hole in the ground we created. I feel amazing. I jump as he approaches, flipping over him and surprising him with an explosion to the back. Sucks for him.
He goes down.
I charge at him, pinning up to the ground with a hand to his face, showing him if he moves he’ll have a charred face for the next couple days.
“You win, Bakugou. As usual.”
I grin. The knot is gone, and I feel like myself again.
———————————
“Hey man, can I ask you something?”
I look across the empty locker room at Shitty Hair as I’m packing up my gym bag.
“What is it? Do you need me to help you study again?”
How did I end up being friends with this idiot?
“Uh… I overheard Uraraka talking to you before class today…”
“SHUT UP”
The knot comes back. Does he fucking think I’m weak too? Or worse, afraid of that nerd? I wanna scream, I wanna throw shit at him I wanna-
“And I’m wondering how you’re taking it. You seem upset by it, and I wanna letchya know I’m here to talk if you want.”
“WHAT THE FUCK WOULD I WANNA TALK ABOUT WITH YOU, SHIT-FOR-BRAINS?”
I throw my bag at him, heart racing, sweat pooling in my hands again. Fuck, I just got rid of this feeling.
“WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE AN OPINION ABOUT DEKU- DEKU FUCKING DEKU- I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT FUCKER. HE’S JUST ALWAYS AROUND. IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT HE LOOKS DOWN ON ME. I’M JUST TRYING TO FUCKING LIVE HERE.”
I’m pacing around the change room at this point. If Shitty Hair says one more thing I will murder him.
“FOR SOME REASON NO ONE SEES HOW MUCH OF A MANIPULATIVE NOBODY THAT ASSWIPE REALLY IS. HE JUST FUCKING TOYS WITH ME- HE ALWAYS HAS. HE CONSTANTLY HAS THOSE BIG FUCKING PLOTTING EYES, WATCHING ME, COPYING ME.
I HATE HIM. HE’S JUST ALWAYS THERE, LOOKING AT ME. I CAN’T BREATHE AROUND HIM, HE MAKES ME SO MAD. WHENEVER HE’S NEAR MY SKIN GETS PRICKLY AND MY HEART STARTS RACING CAUSE HE’S, HE’S -“
I look at Shitty Hair who’s just staring at me.
“WHAT?”
“What do you mean, you can’t breathe around him?”
“I MEAN, I can tell he’s plotting something. He just makes me feel - ugh. Fuck. I get this tightness in my chest, and this knot in my stomach- like I want to puke. My skin prickles whenever I’m around him…and no matter how many times I push him away, he just keeps running back to me, trying to make me feel weak”
I’m sitting on the bench next to Shitty Hair now. Fuck. I want to throw up. I wanna cry. I’m so weak- and now I’ve just let Shitty Hair know how weak I am.This is Deku’s fault. He’s the only one who makes me feel this way- and it’s the worst cause Deku’s the weakest of the weakest.
“Dude—I’m not here to judge, but I mean- you go out of your way to punish him…”
“WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”
“I mean, he leaves you alone for the most part. You just go up to him a lot, and purposely antagonize him…..for no reason. It’s almost as if you want his attention…”
“SORRY WHAT? WHY WOULD I FUCKING WANT DEKU’S ATTENTION? HE’S A BUG, A PEBBLE, A NOTHING-“
“ I’m gonna ask you something, but I want you to promise you won’t flip out on me….”
“I’m not gonna make that promise, you dipshit.”
Shitty Hair sighs.
“So— I’m asking this cause I care about you, and I won’t judge you or think differently about you…”
“Just spit it out.”
“Bakugou…. Is it possible that you aren’t feeling hatred towards Midoriya… and that actually, you…..like him?”
“FUCKING WHAT?”
“…..Like, you like, like him….I guess, what I’m asking is….Bakugou, is there a possibility that you are denying the fact that you’re… gay?”
My vision goes black. I can’t feel my legs. My heart is pounding so loudly in my ears. The knot in my stomach is so bad I might actually throw up. I can’t breathe. I can’t speak. HE THINKS I’M A FUCKING FAG? HE THINKS I HAVE A THING FOR DEKU? HE THINKS I - I - I-
"Dude, don’t freak out. It’s not a big deal if you are….I think being gay is pretty manly. And, I’m not gonna tell anyone.”
I need to leave. I need him to leave RIGHT NOW.
“I’M NOT FUCKING GAY, YOU FUCK FACE.”
I get up, teeth clenched and grab my gym bag from him. How dare he! I’m not a fucking weak gay boy who ogles over men and can’t fucking- ugh. The nerve of Shitty-Hair. THE NERVE. And, I just admitted I was weak.
I can't breathe.
I’m running down the hill at this point cause I can’t bear to be near him. He’s stupid. Just fucking stupid. I’m not gay- I can’t be—— and liking someone should feel GOOD, right? It doesn’t feel good when I’m around Deku. It feels horrible. I hate the way he makes me feel. I HATE HIM. I NEED HIM TO KNOW THAT I HATE HIM. That fucking stunt in the final exam? How dare he save me? I hate his fucking face, and his fucking stupid smile. I hate his weird psycho laugh, and I hate the way he thinks he has the right to talk to anyone else. I hate the way he idolizes heroes. I hate the way he looks at me now- like I’m weak. Like he knows he makes me weak. I hate the way he makes me feel alone when he hangs out with Round Face, or Icy-Hot or Glasses. I hate that he sits behind me in class and I can feel his movements. WHY AM I SO AWARE OF ALL OF HIS MOVEMENTS? WHY IS HE ALWAYS IN MY MIND?
I’ve been so concentrated in my thoughts, I don’t realize where I am until I’m taking off my my shoes at home.
Fucking Deku is making me lose my mind.
I head to the kitchen to make myself dinner. There’s a note on the fridge from my Mom- “There’s curry in the fridge for you.”
The one good thing about today.
I heat it up on the stove and make some rice. As I’m waiting, I take out my math textbook and sit down to start my homework, but I can’t focus. I keep thinking about his stupid fucking face and the knot in my stomach makes it uncomfortable to breathe. I’m so caught up in my thoughts, I almost burn the curry. FUUUUCCCK.
I clean the rice maker and pot before shoving my math homework back into my bag. I take the bowl of curry and rice up to my room and collapse onto my desk chair, dropping my bag down on the ground. I open up my laptop and decide to watch a few All Might videos on youtube. They usually help me calm down when I’m feeling stressed. As I watch and eat, I keep thinking about what Shitty Hair said.
I’m not gay. I’m clearly not. I’m not feminine- at all. I don’t wear tight clothing, I don’t care about my appearance…. I ….haven’t ever liked a girl, but that’s cause I’m focused on becoming a hero. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, but I don’t know any heroes who are… I mean, you can’t be the number one hero if you’re…. FUCK NO. I’M NOT. AND I’M NOT GAY FOR DEKU. Shitty hair is just stupid. I’m not turned on by guys. Ew.
Just to confirm, I decide to do a little research, in my incognito tab. I typed in “Am I gay?” The results were all stupid tests. NOPE. FUCK. Why were Shitty Hair’s words getting to me? Why would he think I LIKED Deku-
My phone vibrates.
1 NEW MESSAGE FROM: SHITTY HAIR
SHITTY HAIR: Hey Man, I didn’t mean to insult you today. Again, I think it’s pretty manly to be gay. I’m here if you want to talk. And again, I’m sorry.
Yeah, he better be. He’s made me lose a full night of studying. But he can’t know that.
ME: Whatever. Still wanna study tomorrow?
Fuck it. I’m gonna have to show him I’m strong and unbothered by his fucking words.
Sent
.
Oh shit, he’s typing already.
SHITTY HAIR: Yeah, Man! See ya tomorrow morning. I’ll bring some snacks!
Fucking hell, I’m exhausted. It’s time for bed.