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Chapter Text

Bilbo Baggins had lived an eventful life. He was fully prepared to reach Yavanna’s gardens and relax after messing everything up. He would never forgive himself for making his nephew bear his burden and he was prepared to be punished for his stupid actions. He let the lull of the ship calm his nerves and took his last breath. It was a shame he would never see the Undying Lands.
Twenty six year old Bilbo Baggins tripped and slammed his head on a rock. As he lay there bleeding, memories flooded his mind. Of riddling a dragon and riding barrels through the Elven King’s realm. Of friends that became family and a love that carved its way into his heart.
“The bleeding Ring!” He screeched and sat up. Blood ran down his face and he ignored it. He had to get the Ring and destroy it! He would not allow his darling nephew to bear the burden. He did some quick math and realized Fell Winter would be this year. He weighed his options and made his choice. He loved his parents with his whole being but he would split Arda in half for his nephew. He would take the Ring to Mordor. Running home, he ran into Lobelia. She had not yet married Otto and he was thrown by how young she looked.
“Bilbo! Have you come to propose?” She asked, her eyes narrowed into slits. He knew it was her ma who was pushing her into his family and felt a pang of pity for the girl. She hadn’t always been a silverware stealing hag.
“I’m sorry, Lobelia. I’m actually in love with a dwarf.” Her mouth fell open and she looked around quickly.
“Bilbo, you can’t say that. You know proper hobbits don’t like outsiders.”
“Proper hobbits can stuff it. I don’t care about all that nonsense.” She looked floored. He understood the feeling. Before the dwarves, he could not imagine sleeping outside or eating only three meals.
“I like your attitude, Bilbo! It seems you’ve found your spine. Why are you bleeding?” He forgot how much he had liked her in their youth. Before the Sackville-Baggins name had snuffed out her spirit.
“I hit my head on a rock. I have to get going, I’m going on an adventure.” He left her sputtering on the road and raced home.
“Bilbo! What happened, son?” His pa quickly pressed his handkerchief against his forehead and Bilbo let himself soak up the attention. His pa was a soft, gentle hobbit and he had resented him in his tween years. He wanted to run wild and find elves, not study numbers. When he was older, he understood the spine of steel his pa had for dealing with idiots all day.
“I tripped, pa. I need to speak to you and ma.” His pa led him to the sunroom where his ma was. His last memory of Belladonna Baggins had been her wasting away from a broken heart. Outsiders didn’t realize how much hobbits loved. Like dwarves, they would only love once. Losing that love would prove fatal to them. The only reason Bilbo had kept living was the Ring’s influence.
“I know I’m going to sound crazy but I need you both to promise you will stay with Old Took for the winter.” They had been going to the Great Smial when his pa had been torn to shreds by a warg. If they started there, they would survive the hard winter to come.
“Bilbo darling, it’s still summer. Why are you so worried about winter?”
“It doesn't matter! Please promise me.” They shared a confused look but agreed. He let his shoulders relax and spent the rest of the night cuddled up with his parents. He could tell they were thrown by his change of attitude but didn’t say anything. That night he stole his ma’s traveling pack and snuck out the door, leaving a note behind. Once he was on the main road, he took a moment to get his bearings. He had somehow remembered his past life and it was a mess. He would bear the One Ring and spare his nephew the pain of it. His nephew had been fifty one when he sailed for the Undying lands. He had been so young and his pain had been so great, he could not find peace in the Shire. Bilbo would walk on hot coals to make sure his nephew would grow old.
“There you are, Bilbo! I’ve been waiting an hour.” Lobelia’s voice broke through the silence. He jumped a foot in the air and held a hand to his racing chest.
“Shit shit shit, what are you doing here?” She had a sack thrown over her shoulder and gave him a look.
“I’m coming with you. Wherever you’re going.” She added and he gasped at her.
“No, you are not!” He would barely be able to take care of himself, let alone another hobbit!
“Yes, I am!” She planted her hands on her hips and he mirrored her stance.
“Lobelia! I can’t protect you or even guarantee you’re going to return.” She just flipped her braid over her shoulder.
“Bilbo, if I stay here, I will shrivel up and die. Sure, I’ll marry someone rich and pop out a handful of faunts but I will not be happy. My life will be over as soon as I change my name.” He closed his mouth and sighed.
“It’s going to be dangerous.” She grinned and said “Bring it on!”

~~~~~~

He found the troll cave and thankfully, it was empty. He unburied Sting and couldn’t help his nostalgia. He had been through a lot with this sword. He had a vision of Thorin teasing him over his tiny sword and he shook his head. He would not think of his beloved.
“Bilbo, did you find something?” She had found two small axes and hooked them on her belt. Lobelia had grown up on a farm and he had no doubt she would be deadly with the weapons.
“I’m naming it Sting.” She shrugged and they trudged on. He was hoping they could make it to Rivendell by nightfall.
“So what exactly are we doing?” He hadn’t told her the true meaning of their adventure.
“I know where the One Ring is and I’m taking it to Mordor.” She thought about it for a moment before saying “I heard it’s warm there. That’ll be kind of nice, almost like a vacation.” He laughed hard. Only Lobelia would think Mordor would be a vacation.
They walked for a couple more hours before he heard warg howls. He let out a curse and looked around frantically for the secret passageway. It wasn’t really a secret since half of Arda knew about it.
“There! Come one, Lobelia!” He pulled her down the entrance and let out a breath of relief.
“Thank Yavanna, I need a bath so bad.” She dramatically pinched her nose and agreed with him.
Walking up towards Rivendell, he was surprised when no one greeted them. It seemed like the whole courtyard was empty.
“Hello?” His voice echoed and they heard footsteps. A blonde elf appeared, his beauty stunning the two hobbits.
“Hello travelers. How may I help you?” Bilbo turned to Lobelia and saw her wipe the drool off her face. Hobbits loved beautiful things, be it flowers or people.
“We were hoping to rest for the night, if you’ll permit it?” The elf stared at him for a while before smiling. He shone like the sun, Bilbo was dazed as he followed him.
“May I know your names?” Lobelia straightened her clothes and said “my name is Lobelia and this is Bilbo. Pleased to meet you.”
“Well met! My name is Glorfindel.” Bilbo squinted at the elf. His name sounded familiar but he couldn’t quite place where he heard it before.
“Nice to me you, Mr. Glorfindel.” The elf seemed to be waiting for them to say something. He traded a look with Lobelia before commenting.
“We would love a bath, if you don’t mind.” The elf blinked and led them to one of the many bathrooms.
“Thank you!” They cried out and began shedding their clothes. The last few weeks had them closer than before and Bilbo wasn’t embarrassed to be naked in front of the other hobbit.
“Did you think-” Bilbo finished her sentence.
“That Mr. Glorfindel was kind of batty? Yes.” She giggled and said “I thought so! Maybe all of the skincare went to his head.” They both laughed and soaked in the tubs until they were pruney. Once they were dressed, they searched for the kitchens. Hobbits could find food faster than a dog could find a bone. It helped that Bilbo vaguely remembered the Valley’s layout. He had been old when he arrived and downright ancient when he left in his last life. As they sat down to eat, they chatted about the latest gossip they heard.
“-and then he said she kissed like a pig!” Bilbo had never laughed so hard in his life. Yavanna, he should have befriended her sooner.
“Hello guests! I’m sorry I didn’t receive you.” Elrond found them in the gardens, sharing a smoke. Mr. Glorfindel was with him and Bilbo did his best not to look at Lobelia, he didn’t want to laugh in the poor elf’s face. That would be rude. He could hear Thorin calling him a tree-shagger in his head and bit his lip.
“Thank you for the room. We will be on our way in the morning.” Elrond hummed and said “You’re heading back to the Shire so soon? You are welcome to stay longer!”
“We will be continuing forward, sir.” Lobelia said and Bilbo was grateful she didn’t mention the nature of their quest. He knew it was cruel of him but Elrond had failed to destroy the ring the first time with Isildur. Bilbo had made Lobelia promise to shove him in the lava of Mordor, if he seemed to be wavering. Elrond should have done the same with Isildur.
“Are you sure? The world is a dangerous place for gentle creatures.” Bilbo narrowed his eyes and saw Lobelia do the same.
“Gentle? Is it because we’re not as tall as you? I think this elf is calling us short, Bilbo!”
“I think you're right, Lobelia! The nerve of some people! Just because we’re an appropriate height. Can you imagine being so tall? All those awkward limbs.” Mr. Glorfindel gave a fake cough that sounded like a laugh.
“My apologies, if I offended you. I would just hate to see you get injured.” Elrond offered and Bilbo decided to let him off the hook. He had helped him in his last life.
“You’re forgiven. At least you didn’t call us Halflings.”

~~~~~~

“Bilbo, that elf is following us.” Lobelia said casually.
“I know. I think he’s purposely stomping his feet.” Hobbits had keen ears and light feet. It’s why Gandalf wanted him to begin with. They stopped at a rock and waited for their stalker to catch up.
Mr. Glorfindel froze when he saw them waiting for him.
“Hello. It seems we’re going in the same direction.”
“How interesting! We were just taking a break, if you would like to join us?” The elf sat down and they moved as one. Lobelia grabbed one arm and Bilbo got the other. They held him down and Bilbo questioned him.
“Why are you following us? We have something very important to do and you’re getting in the way!” The elf seemed amused by their reaction.
“Most people would be begging for my help but you two can’t wait to get rid of me.” This elf seemed to have enough pride for two dwarves!
“And why would we want your help?” Lobelia said rudely and Bilbo nodded in agreement.
“Because I slayed a Balrog?” Bilbo felt the shock show in his face.
“You slayed Durin’s Bane?” The elf gave him a curious look before replying.
“Only Dwarves call it that.”
“I don’t believe it! You look like a stiff breeze would knock you down.” Lobelia announced and Bilbo agreed with her. The elf looked like he missed too many second breakfasts.
“Whether you believe it or not, it is the truth. Now where are you two going?” Lobelia looked to him for guidance and he reluctantly let go of the elf’s arm. They spoke quickly in hobbitish before coming to an agreement.
“We are headed to Mordor.” The elf laughed before stopping abruptly when they didn’t join in.
“Why in the world would two young hobbits go to Mordor?” Bilbo kicked a rock before answering.
“To destroy a Ring.” Glorfindel seemed to shrink before he said “that Ring is lost.” His voice was sharp and his hands were clenched at his side.
“But it will be found. It wants to be found.” Bilbo gently replied. If he didn’t find it, someone would. Bilbo was determined to get rid of the damn thing as fast as he could.
“I see. I will join you.” Bilbo glared at the elf.
“No thank you. Three is a crowd.” He followed Lobelia and they marched forward.
One week later, they climbed the mountain. Bilbo was thankful the sun was shining. It had been absolutely terrifying to do it in the dark.
“Fin, you have not lived until you’ve been to a hobbit wedding! The last one had a whole pig!” Bilbo would have to bring the elf to the Shire, if they returned. His gardener Hamfast would faint if he saw a real elf. He was the one who had told Samwise stories of the fair folk.
“What would you be doing if you weren’t going on an adventure?” The elf asked and both hobbits were quiet for a moment.
“I would be studying with my pa to take over as Head of the Baggins family.” The Baggins family were gentle hobbits. Everyone wanted to be them or marry them, the perfect example of what a hobbit should be.
“I would be getting married to someone chosen by my ma.” Lobelia kicked a rock and seemed to scowl at the ground.
“And you, Fin?” Glorfindel paused and said “I would be helping Elrond with paperwork probably.”
“How boring! No wonder you were so eager to join us!” They laughed and continued their hike. Bilbo finally found the cave he had fallen through last time.
“This is the back door to the goblins cavern. We need to get in and I need to grab the Ring. I’m not sure how we can manage it without getting eaten.” He admitted. They thought about it before Lobelia gave a vicious grin.
“Bilbo, you remember Longbeard’s fireworks?”