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Chapter Text

The first time Hinata Hajime encountered the androgynous entity was moments after the brunette sniped his target. Seeing the deadpan gaze of the witness, Hajime gives a thumbs up at the observer before jumping off the balcony.

The second time Hajime met the long-haired witness with black hair, the assassin recently drowned his target in the bathroom. While the entity had a pretty companion talking nonstop, the red eyes focused and recognized his identity. Thus, Hajime shoved a bouquet previously used to get inside the target's room into the stranger's face before running down the hall to jump out of the nearest window.

The third time Hajime saw the stranger was because his self-proclaimed soul brother, Souda Kazuichi, needed a plus one in a despairing wedding between the Ultimate Princess and Ultimate Animal Breeder. Hajime was drinking the Novoselic's famed wine when he caught the flower bouquet, discovering he was standing beside the bystander permanently wearing a suit... Realizing several eyes on them, Hajime set the bouquet on the table and walked a couple of steps towards the edge before jumping off the roof.

Barely a week after that incident, Hajime gets a visit from his amused best friend, Nanami Chiaki. Apparently, Enoshima Junko recognized Hajime from before, specifically the fact Hajime was always fleeing from the ultimate. Hajime also discovered the name of that peculiar individual to be Kamukura Izuru, the Co-leader of Ultimate Despair. The Former Ultimate Gamer doesn't care about rumors but advises her friend to lie low.

[XXXX CASINO]

"I guess I never understood what lying low means," Hajime averted his gaze from his peeved enemy-to-friend, Komaeda Nagito. Based on Hajime's understanding, all he had to do was take a different job in the meantime, and the second highest paying job would be to work in the most controversial adult entertainment building in Japan.

"Ever thought of staying at home and not working?" The Former Ultimate Lucky student hissed, hands on the wall to trap the brunette wearing a black bunny suit. "And why do you have a bundle of cash strapped along your legs?! You're a card dealer, not a stripper!"

"About that, I was a stripper but the card dealer got injured an hour ago. That's why I replaced him," Hajime explained, and Nagito looked ready to throttle him. Hajime knew he was good at luring customers as a pole-dancing stripper, so he never quite understood why Nagito acted like the world was ending.  "Don't worry. One more hour until my shift is over."

"Fuck it. I'm booking you to stay in a room," Nagito declared, dragging Hajime to talk with the staff. Inevitably, Izuru went in their direction out of curiosity. Hajime has never seen Nagito change his attitude so quickly, suddenly seeing his friend treat someone like a king. "I sincerely apologize for leaving you earlier, Kamukura-kun. I was busy handling an eyesore I came across back in Hope's Peak. I hope you forgive me and wait a little longer so we can return to playing the games."

"It doesn't matter," Izuru watched as Nagito resumed talking with the manager. Nagito is a patron of the joint, to no one's surprise. Although hesitant to let Hajime go, the manager eventually relented when Nagito offered a black card. A couple of the staff started removing the cash from Hajime's garter while they waited. It barely took five minutes when the manager returned with the card, asking the staff to give Nagito the keys to a private area.

"Thank you," As soon as Nagito got his card and the keys to the love suite, the albino shoved it in Hajime's hand. Pale eyes glared at Hajime, "Get in that room, be quiet, and stay there."

"May I use him?" Izuru's words made Nagito and Hajime turn their heads to face the ultimate. Hajime dropped the keys while Nagito blinked a couple of times. Hajime waited for the punchline but it never came.

"Use?" Nagito was taken aback. "Him?"

"Are you sure?" Nagito asked for clarification while Hajime bent down to grab the keys. Hajime wondered how Nagito fell in love with this guy because Izuru seemed bored of life. Nagito tugged Hajime's bunny tail to get Hajime to stand up. "Kamukura-kun. This person isn't exactly good at those things. I can book a better one to satisfy your needs."

"No need. He will suffice," Izuru's gaze continued to study Hajime, possibly thinking the brunette would escape again.

"Don't worry, Komaeda. I can break fiberglass windows-?!" Hajime suggested, wincing when Nagito elbowed his ribs. "I-I wish you were fatter."

"Hush! (Nagito told Hajime off before looking back at Izuru.) Are you absolutely sure?" Nagito already knew what Hajime could do, not wanting to torment Izuru with Hajime's subpar skills. There is a difference between luring and pleasing customers. "If this is your first time, he will be the worst service you'll ever receive."

"We could do a threesome to make it mediocre?" Hajime connected the dots based on Chiaki and Kazuichi's conversations, uncovering an intriguing relationship between the two ultimates. When Nagito gave Hajime the stink eye, Hajime added. "Uhh... Right after dinner?"

"Alright," Izuru spoke a second before Nagito strangled the curious brunette. "Shall we go?"

...

'Now... Are they actually in a relationship or idiots in love?' Hajime pondered to himself, walking beside Nagito explaining the numerous restaurants within the building. Nagito is infatuated with Izuru, and Izuru is known to be intimate with Junko. However, Chiaki hinted that Nagito hates Junko with a passion. Hajime frowned, 'What sort of love triangle is this?'

Chapter Text

"I GOT THE TEA!" Hajime bashed the door open, panting.

"How was the threesome?" Chiaki asked while Kazuichi turned off the TV.

"It was fine-?!" Hajime fell to his knees, adrenaline wearing off. "Uh... Anyways, Nanami is right. Komaeda and Kamukura are idiots in love and Enoshima took advantage because she holds the plot in a chokehold."

"I knew it," Chiaki clenched her hand. "Let's do it! Let's give Komaeda-kun a malewife or vice versa. Operation: Kamukoma Lemon."

"Did you run covered in cum, blood, and sweat?" Kazuichi grimaced, walking towards his friend.

"Five hours of sex is way different than five hours of kinky sex..." Hajime muttered.

...

"It's just you and me, Souda-kun. Hinata-kun has to hide," Chiaki pulled out her notebook, and Kazuichi grabbed a nearby towel to toss at Hajime. "Our NPC friend might have messed up the ship."

"Huh?" Hajime wiped himself, still wearing the bunny boy suit. "What did I do?!"

"You wouldn't be here if you didn't power bottom Kamukura-kun," Chiaki scribbled on her notes. "Too impatient and yet persuasive, that's who you are Hinata-kun. Komaeda-kun will either torture you, fuck you, or both. We gotta protect you."

"I have a bunker for you to stay," Kazuichi helped Hajime stand. "It has all the essentials in it, homie."

"Come on. Was I supposed to not get better at sex?" Hajime whined, having Kazuichi move him to the bathroom. "Whatever. Fine. I guess I did this to myself. Can I at least attend the wedding?"

"We'll do our best," Chiaki stared at her drawings of the two ultimates. "Your sacrifice won't go in vain, Hinata-kun!"