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Part 3 of My Favorite Toy, Part 9 of ❄️ ⭐ 💙 IcyPanther's Featured Works
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Published:
2019-01-03
Completed:
2019-01-17
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29,527
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7/7
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902
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Harder and Harder to Breathe

Summary:

Lotor has invited the Paladins of Voltron to a gala to celebrate the Galra Empire joining the Coalition where they will be center stage to the some of the most powerful people in the universe. And even though the spotlight is shining directly on them Lotor is not done with his games. And Lance, for the sake of the universe, has no choice but to play along.

Lance’s earlier conviction to give a compliment withered as Lotor’s smirk, visible only to him, widened into something crueler.
“Look at that,” Lotor said softly, fingers ghosting across Lance’s skin as he trailed them away from the necklace. “It absolutely is a perfect fit.”

Notes:

Timeline notes: Third and final part of the My Favorite Toy that takes place within season five and could be into season six at this point. You will need to read the previous two stories first before reading this one.
Warning notes: Technically none, although more not welcome insinuations and touches from Lotor (as always in this series xd)
Other notes: I will preface that this fic, while gen, does have some elements of what we see of a one-sided Allurance (via Lance) and some insinuations of Lotura as well that are part of the plot. But the fic as a whole is geared towards platonic relationships.

Chapter 1: One

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Lance stared, eyes refusing to comprehend what he was seeing.

The invitation transmission blinked back cheerily at him with Allura’s signature of acceptance at the bottom.

This…

This couldn’t be happening.

Not so soon.

It had barely been a week since he’d been sick, since he’d returned from Lotor’s base and…

And now he had to go back?

His stomach lurched.

He couldn’t.

He couldn’t not.

And he couldn’t say why.

“I win,” echoed in his mind followed by the brush of hands and a hellfire kiss on his cheek.

He shuddered.

“—a generous opportunity,” he heard Allura say, her voice laced with excitement that he should be feeling as she addressed the assembled Paladins. “All of the Coalition dignitaries as well as potential allies will—”

A gala.

Lotor was holding a gala, a party, to celebrate both his ascension to Emperor and the Galra Empire joining the Voltron Coalition. It would be as Allura said, a huge opportunity to network and gain allies in the fight against the now technically rebel factions of the Galra as well as show firsthand the cooperation between the former opposing enemies.

Lance understood that. He knew how important something like this was.

But…

But Lotor would be there.

And he…

He couldn’t see the Galran pri— emperor.

He never wanted to see him again.

If he did then the mask he was trying desperately to hold in place would crack fully and then…

Then he wouldn’t be a Paladin anymore.

Hunk already suspected something was off and Lance knew he hadn’t helped matters with his pathetic display when Hunk had arrived to pick him up. He’d tried asking, multiple times, what was wrong, what had happened, and Lance…

Lance had lied to Hunk.

He’d never lied to Hunk before. Not like this.

He’d still been sick, he said. He just hadn’t been feeling well and he’d just wanted to get home. Lotor… Lotor had cared for him, the words thick in his throat but worse than that they were true, he was healed now.

Everything was fine.

Nothing had happened.

Hunk had not looked convinced.

He’d tried to push but Lance had asked, begged, him to let it go.

It was over, it was done and he was fine, all better, never better.

Hunk had let it drop then, moreso out of the fact that Lance had no doubt looked about to cry and as nosy as Hunk could be he knew when not to push, but Lance knew his best friend hadn’t forgotten.

He was both terrified and relieved and the feelings together made him feel sick.

He knew Hunk wouldn’t judge, knew Hunk would believe him if he told him what Lotor had done (and he still wondered what exactly had Lotor done?).

He also knew Hunk would insist on telling Allura and Shiro and, his face heated, he could not afford that. Even if they believed him (which he didn’t think at this point was possible as Allura loved Lotor and Shiro was firmly at his side and all of Lotor’s actions and honeyed words and charm and the lack of actual evidence of anything happening meant it was his word against Lotor’s and he’d never liked Lotor and he knew Lotor would spin it as he had everything else) they would question how he had allowed it to happen, why he hadn’t said anything before, if… if he was worthy of being a Paladin.

Lance couldn’t lose being a Paladin. He couldn’t.

He was the weakest one, he knew. He knew he still didn’t measure up as a Red Paladin should. But… but he still wanted to be one. He wanted to help people, to protect the universe.

Even if…

Even if he couldn’t even protect himself.

He could feel eyes on him then and a quick flick of his own showed it was Hunk, whose gaze was narrowed but concerned.

It was the look he had when trying to solve a puzzle and Lance felt his stomach clench.

No.

Nothing had happened.

He was fine.

And no one could ever find out.

Lance tried to school his face into some sort of smile, nodding his head as Allura spoke even though he had no idea what she was saying.

He was fine.

Everything was going to be fine.

xxx

Everything was not fine.

It was very, very far from it.

Lance had known he was going to have to go to the gala, no way around it because him, skip a party? Never. He’d resolved to avoid Lotor at all costs, to mingle with his fellow Paladins and familiar allies and maybe strike up a conversation or two if it felt right with other dignitaries because once upon a time he’d thought he’d been good at that.

Now…

Now he wasn’t sure about anything.

But appearances were important and despite the fact the very thought of being on the same planet as Lotor made him feel nauseated he would do it because that was what was expected of a Paladin and he was a Paladin, no matter what Lotor said.

But…

But that had been before the events of fifteen minutes ago.

When Allura announced that Lotor was coming to the castle and had summoned them to the bridge after they were dressed.

Dios.

It was already bad enough that they weren’t attending the event in their Paladin armor which meant no bayards and no protection and, Lance’s neck prickled at the thought of needing protection at such an event. Armor, Allura had said, was no place for a peaceful gathering. No, they were going to wear formal wear.

That Lotor provided.

It made Lance’s skin crawl.

It had been special ordered, custom made, Allura had announced the other day, gently opening up the packages with clear love and appreciation in her voice. It was a cross between Altean and Galran to represent the union of their two sides and modeled off of their Paladin armor. For the males it was a sleeveless white tunic with sharp edged panels on the shoulders in their chosen colors and a tight colored undershirt that ran to their wrists, form-fitting pants that tucked into white calf-high boots edged with color that were closer in Galran design and a belt and cape that hung from little Voltron symbols on his shoulders down his back also in their Paladin matching color. Allura and Pidge’s capes were floor-length and their tunics were belted dresses with a white panel like Allura’s old favored gown hanging down the front and Paladin colors beneath.

Lance’s was red.

He still wasn’t sure if it was a joke on Lotor’s part, the harsh mockery of “You think yourself the Red Paladin?” a painful resonation that followed him daily, as he had always worn blue despite being the Red Paladin and this seemed…

Seemed wrong.

Allura’s outfit was done in blues, not pinks, so he tried to tell himself that it was merely so they matched their Lions and titles, not a personal jab upon him.

It still didn’t make him feel better.

The outfit on its own wasn’t bad, was actually visually appealing, but knowing it was from Lotor, that he had personally been a part of their design, left him unsettled. He supposed he should be grateful it was as covering as it was, the only visible skin their hands, necks down to the dip of their collarbones and faces.

As he dressed he swore he could feel purple hands ghosting across his skin, amused chuckles as he flinched at even his own touch.

It was a far cry from the hospital gown Lotor had once dressed him in but as Lance left for the bridge he felt just as exposed.

He was the first to arrive outside of Allura and Lance’s steps faltered at the entryway because where was Lotor? , but Allura had already spotted him and called him over from where she was standing at the main console.

Despite the situation, despite knowing Lotor could literally pop up at any moment, Lance couldn’t help but stare at Allura as his feet for a different reason tripped in her direction.

She looked beautiful.

Not that Allura wasn’t always beautiful, but tonight…

Her hair had been pinned up save for an elegant curl coming down the front on each side and her ears sparkled with blue and white crystals, a matching one on her headpiece. But it was her smile, the way she tilted her head that set her eyes sparkling even more than the jewels that made his breath catch and his heart stutter.

“Allura, you,” he swallowed, hoping she couldn’t hear his racing heart as he approached. “You—”

“Look absolutely stunning,” Lotor cut in, voice as smooth as silk, swooping to stand next to Lance out of nowhere. “A true vision, Princess.”

And just like that Lance could feel the heat replaced with cold dread.

Lotor.

Here.

Right next to him.

“Oh,” Allura ducked her head although it did not hide her blush.

Lance’s stomach clenched.

That should have been him.

But that quick burst of envy disappeared as soon as it came as a purple hand descended on his shoulder and squeezed and he felt Lotor, not in armor either but a black and purple tunic and robe ensemble with a simple but powerful looking black crown upon his head, press against his back.

No.

He tried to sidestep but Lotor’s grip was firm and trying to throw him off would only raise eyebrows.

“Isn’t she beautiful, Lance?” Lotor drawled, bending his head down and breath ghosting over Lance’s ear.

He shuddered and was grateful Allura was looking down and didn’t see it, managing a whisper of, “yes,” when Lotor’s fingers dug more painfully into his shoulder as though he had needed prompted.

Like a pet.

A toy.

And he had responded to it.

Dios.

“You are too kind, Lotor,” Allura lifted her face, skin dusted with only a hint of pink that matched her Altean markings. “It is I who should be complimenting the both of you; you look incredibly dashing.”

Lance couldn’t even feel a flicker of happiness at the statement or Allura’s smile as it turned on him.

Lotor’s hand still on his shoulder, arm about about his back, and friendly gesture to an outside observer, made sure that any chance of happiness was snuffed immediately out.

He felt only dread.

He wanted to get away.

He couldn’t get away.

“I thank you, Princess,” Lotor smiled. “And as stunning as you are, might I also say how nice it is to see you looking well again, Lance? You had me so worried.”

“All of us were,” Allura said softly, her gaze tender as it flitted between the two males. “Truly, Lotor, we cannot say thank you enough for your assistance. I do not know how we can ever repay you—”

“No payment necessary, Allura,” Lotor cut her off. “Although if you would do this humble emperor the honor of a dance tonight I would be delighted.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” Allura smiled.

Lance knew he should say something. Invite Allura to dance, even make it light hearted about how Blue Paladins had to stick together and not how much he actually wanted to dance with her, one on one, to show her that he wasn’t that cocky flirt of before but a gentleman, a…

A Paladin she could be proud of.

“Imagine what the princess would think.”

He stayed silent.

His tongue felt thick, his lips locked.

His quiet though was apparently noticed as Allura’s smile turned to a frown of concern. “Lance? Is everything all right?”

There was no way he could answer that.

He became aware of Lotor’s sharp gaze in his peripheral, the hint of a smirk pulling up fanged lips.

They both knew the answer to that question.

“Yeah. Just, uh, um—”

Dios, what was wrong with him?

“Lance!” Hunk’s loud tones cut across the bridge and a moment later he felt another large hand, but this hold welcome, wrap about his side and tug him away from Lotor.

Lance tried not to look as relieved as he felt.

“Look at you,” Hunk said, pivoting Lance to face him and making a show of flicking invisible dust off of Lance’s shoulder. “I like the red!”

Beneath the joyful tones and the grin Lance could see something more calculating in Hunk’s gaze.

Hunk suspected something.

No.

He...

He had to fix this.

“Me too,” Lance said brightly, forcing himself to meet Hunk’s eyes. “Red is perfect for me since I’m so hot, you know, like my Lion of fire ?”

Hunk rolled his eyes with a laugh and Allura let out a giggle as well.

He couldn’t see it but he could almost feel Lotor’s gaze narrow on his back.

It made Lance stand a little bit taller.

That was right.

He’d stood up to Lotor before, had held his ground (sort of, not really, but sort of) and this time?

This time he wasn't alone.

He wasn’t ill.

And he absolutely was not Lotor’s toy.

He was Lance, the Red Paladin, and he was done with Lotor’s games.

Hopefully.

Maybe.

He was going to try.

Something warm bloomed in his chest and he realized a moment later it was pride.

He…

He hadn’t felt something like that in a long while.

Hunk’s eyes widened ever so, his smile becoming more genuine, and Lance felt his own mimic it.

He could do this.

A moment later the bridge was a flurry of movement as Shiro arrived and moved towards Lotor, Coran burst in in a whirlwind of orange, cape flying, towards Allura and Pidge shuffled in her gown, a blush decorating her face and clearly visible without the cover of her glasses that were instead highlighted by green and gold makeup accents, as Lance whistled at her.

“Shut up,” she muttered, jabbing an elbow into his side.

“You look really pretty, Pidge,” Hunk complimented more sincerely.

“Really?” Pidge asked, voice small for her and eyes tilted down.

“Really,” Lance said gently.

And she did, reminding him of the photo once upon a time in which he’d unintentionally called her beautiful not knowing she was the subject in question.

“You look beautiful,” he said softly, meaning every word, and making sure that this time she knew the words were for her. His mamá had told him that a gentleman always complimented a lady and while he knew Pidge typically didn’t care much for her appearance (images of the rat’s nest she called her hair, untrimmed, chewed nails and shapeless clothing she continued to wear because it was “all she had left of Earth”) he also knew that she did still care and how scary it must feel to be so out of her element like this.

Pidge twirled a loose curl, cheeks darkening further. “Thank you.”

“You’ll have to save a dance for me,” Lance told her with a wink and she gave him another elbow jab even as she nodded, expression brightening.

He realized she had been even more reluctant to go to the party than him. At least, if he could avoid Lotor, Lance knew he could have a good time. Big social gatherings really weren’t Pidge’s thing at all.

“We’ll have fun,” he told her more softly. “You, me and Hunk.”

“Dancing and food, lots of food,” Hunk joined in, his own tone gentle. “Actually, maybe just food for me.”

“Uh uh, if I have to dance you do too,” Pidge poked him and Hunk laughed and nodded.

Lance was relieved to see the more impish look on Pidge’s face in place of the timidity.

That was their Pidge.  

“Ahem,” Lotor coughed lightly, interrupting the conversations about the room. Lance did not allow himself to feel a shudder at the voice.

No more.

“We must proceed shortly to my castle,” he said, “to be formally announced and begin the festivities. But before we depart I wished to present each of you with a gift to show how special you and this alliance are to me.”

A shiver went down Lance’s spine without his permission as Lotor locked gazes with him on the emphasized word.

“You are truly something special.”

“That is incredibly generous of you,” Allura smiled at him, placing a slender hand on Lotor’s arm where he stood next to her. “But it is not necessary. Having you stand by our side after all this time is a gift enough.”

Lance could almost hear Lotor’s smirk of success and his stomach rolled.

Allura was completely charmed by him.

Enamored, Lotor had sneered at him as he pinned Lance to the hospital bed.

He’d been right.

And Allura had no idea what kind of monster he really was and Lance...

He didn’t know how to tell her.

Not without admitting what had happened (even though nothing had, nothing) and the fallout that would come with it.

“Your words warm me, Allura,” Lotor spoke, interrupting Lance’s current thoughts that were making his insides twist again. “But I chose these pieces specifically for each of you and it would do me a great honor to bestow them.”

“Then we accept your gift with great thanks,” Allura inclined her head.

Lotor flicked his hand and a Galran dressed in simple armor that Lance had not noticed standing by the door, stepped forward with a small silver and black chest in his hands.

“If you would form a line,” Lotor asked.

Lance moved to step behind Pidge but Shiro was stepping to Allura’s side and he realized line was not single-file but the spread out one used in award ceremonies.

Because Lotor was going to “award” them his gifts.

Lance didn’t want anything Lotor gave him.

He also had no choice but to accept.

Well, he pressed his lips together as he instead stepped next to Pidge at the end of the line, who had adjusted accordingly to their leaders, he would do so with great sincerity.

A compliment was the best way to fight a bully, Papá used to tell him. It hadn’t always worked but Lance figured it was worth a shot here.

It was better than the pathetic trembling figure he had been cutting in any case.

Lotor stepped up to Shiro first and Lance found himself curious even against his reservations as to what it was Lotor was giving them.

The Galran dipped an elegant hand into the chest and emerged with what looked like a… a circlet?

It was done in sold black, almost a smaller version of Lotor’s crown.

“For the Black Paladin, the leader of Voltron,” Lotor said, holding the circlet aloft and Shiro lowered his head, allowing Lotor to settle it atop his brow.

Shiro was bowing to Lotor.

Lance couldn’t explain the sudden sensation of wrong that slammed into him at the submissive pose and the way Lotor’s lip curled.

No one else seemed to notice.

“Each of these items are from the Galra Empire’s treasury,” Lotor said, taking a step sideways to stand in front of Allura. “I regret to say most were likely obtained via less than ideal means, but my hope is that one day they may be restored to their rightful homes. These pieces, however, are for the Paladins of Voltron and their allies.”

From the chest he then pulled out a necklace, layers and layers of blue and white and pink gems on fine silver chains.

Allura’s breath caught as Lotor held it up in front of her.

“May I?” he asked and she nodded.

“It is beautiful,” she murmured as Lotor stepped behind her and Lance watched as his hands trailed across her neck, setting the clasp before arranging the cascading jewels to lie flat against Allura’s neck and collarbone.

She leaned back into his touch.

“Not as beautiful as you,” Lotor murmured and Allura flushed pink.

Coran let out a cough that time and Lotor’s smile turned a tad rueful.

Lance knew it was all an act.

He hated it.

He hated how no one else seemed to see it.

To Coran, Lotor presented a pin in orange and gold, to Hunk a ring made of bronze with a large yellow stone that was flecked with brown lines. Pidge received a green jeweled barrette and Lance had felt his neck prickle as Pidge had allowed Lotor to place it in her hair when he asked even though there was a slight grimace to her face, pinning back one of the wayward curls that framed her face.

And then it was his turn.

Lotor stepped up to him, the item he’d retrieved from the chest hidden in his hands.

Lance dearly hoped it was some sort of ring like Hunk’s, even a bracelet.

Anything that limited their contact.

“This piece,” Lotor smiled that Lance knew was not kind, “is from my own personal collection.”

What?

No.

No no no.

Lance forced himself to hold his ground as Lotor stepped even closer, nearly toe to toe.  

“I saw it and immediately thought of you, Lance. It’s just such a perfect fit, especially for your… delicate features.”

And saying so Lotor revealed the item.

It was a necklace.

But not just any necklace.

A collar.

It was an intricate one, a gold band about two inches thick, with stylized lines carved into it that swirled in Galran tradition of sharp angles and cuts to surround a jewel that was unlike any Lance had seen before: a diamond shaped purple stone that bled to the edges in red and blue.

The red and blue could represent his Paladin colors but the main focus of the purple?

Galra.

Lotor.

His.

Lance’s earlier conviction to give a compliment withered as Lotor’s smirk, visible only to him, widened into something crueler.

Another game.

A collar for his doll, his toy.

Lance felt sick.

Lotor did not ask him permission as he had the others to bestow the jewelry.

He merely stepped behind Lance, hands wrapping about the front of his throat and knuckles brushing almost sensually against the back of his neck.

The gold was cold as it pressed down and the barely audible click of the clasp, the edges connecting flushly, felt like nails being hammered into a coffin.

Lance couldn’t breathe.

And it wasn’t because the collar was snug, bobbing as he swallowed and struggled to regain some semblance of words.

He couldn’t.

Lotor was…

He was toying with him in front of everyone and…

And no one saw.

Well, Lance amended as he drew in a shallow breath, Hunk was noticing something, his stance in his peripheral shifting forward and Pidge had pivoted, a frown forming on her lips.

But they said nothing.

And how could they? Lance wasn’t saying anything, couldn’t say anything, so why should he expect them to?

“Can you do anything?”

“Look at that,” Lotor said softly, coming to stand in front in Lance to admire the necklace, fingers ghosting across his skin as he trailed them away from the jewelry. “It absolutely is a perfect fit.”

Lotor finally stepped away then, flipping his hair so that it nearly smacked Lance in the face and proceeded back towards Allura. Lance could feel Hunk’s gaze on him and he purposefully kept looking straight.

Nothing had just happened.

Nothing.

Lotor had given him a piece of jewelry just like he had everyone else.

That was it.

Everything was fine.

Nothing happened.

“I believe it is now time for us to depart,” Lotor said. “Allura?”

“I concur. Shiro, everything is prepared?

“Yes, Princess.”

Lotor turned to the Galran guard. “Report back to the castle and alert the herald for our impending arrival.”

The Galran bowed low. “Yes, my lord.”

Lance felt his heart stutter.

Lotor wasn’t leaving with his guard? He was riding with them?

They were all going down in the Black Lion, Shiro and Coran having spent the morning installing some safety straps to hold onto as they would be performing some aerial maneuvers for the gathered gala crowd before landing and only Shiro would be safely buckled down in the pilot’s seat.

Fortunately Lotor seemed to have eyes only for Allura at the moment, offering her an arm that she placed her own atop of and then through as he escorted her, Shiro in the lead and Coran racing ahead with a shout of something about the hangar doors.

Lance couldn’t even feel jealous as he watched Allura in such close proximity to Lotor. He was just glad that that sharp yellow and purple gaze was not focused on him.

But two sets of honey brown were and while not cruel they were intense.

“Lance—”

“Hurry, hurry,” Lance cut Hunk off, pressing a hand against Hunk’s back to try and push the larger boy forward. “Adoring crowds are awaiting.”

“Lance,” he tried again, turning his head over his shoulder even as he shuffled with Lance’s prodding. “What—?”

“Nope,” Lance interjected again, heart racing and palms sweaty and trying not to think too much on Pidge’s unnatural silence as he could practically see her thinking. “I’m not sitting in the back when I can get a front row seat of Shiro piloting. C’mon, move those feet, Hunk.”

And that at least wasn’t a lie. Lance really had been looking forward to being in the cockpit while Shiro flew and seeing his hero up close in his element.

Considering they’d all been in space for months together he’d never actually seen Shiro pilot and also, he swallowed, he’d never ridden in the Black Lion, the closest he got sitting in the chair and trying to convince the Black Lion he was worthy.

Clearly not.

“What would Shiro think if he knew?”

Definitely not.

“What kind of Paladin would allow this?”

Lance forced the words, the memories of Lotor’s searing touch, away and pulled on the brightest, largest smile he could.

It felt fake.

He forced it wider.

“Okay, okay,” Hunk acquiesced.

Lance knew this wasn’t over.

But it would be fine. He just needed a little bit of time to get his head back on straight, like he had not even fifteen minutes ago, and then he could face Hunk and look him in the eye as he…

As he lied to him.

But it wasn’t really lying, not really.

There was nothing to lie about or hide because nothing happened.

Lance faintly wondered how much longer it was he could keep lying to himself.

He…

He was afraid to find out.

But more than that…

He was afraid that someone else would.

And he had no idea what he would do then.

Notes:

Welcome to the third and final installment to My Favorite Toy and this one, I promise, will have the comfort and revelations that y’all kept asking for. What can I say, I’m a Disney girl and I like my happy endings ♥ It might just take us a bit to get there because you know, angst :D

I am doing something a little different with this fic though. As though of you who follow my Tumblr have seen, I’m putting this fic’s updates in your hands. Just like how you voted for me to post this one first above a different chaptered fic, it’s going to be up to you as to when new chapters arrive. Ever since I entered the VLD fandom I have always had update schedules and never erred from them but it’s a new year and I think it’s time to change it up a bit. Plus, I would love to encourage you, the readers, to be more engaged with the fic and the process as I think it lends to a more exciting experience rather than “just reading” and a little author appreciation goes a long way too.

That is why this fic has no weekly update schedule. Instead, it will update after a combination of engagement items consisting of hits, comments and bookmarks are reached each chapter. That means a chapter could update in a day… or two weeks. I will be updating every two weeks on Thursday in any case just so it doesn’t get stuck in limbo and because I do want to share it. But its fate is in your hands. No pressure ;p

So, if you are enjoying the fic and want to see the next chapter, leave an engaging comment below. Share a favorite scene, line of dialogue, feeling you got, predictions for the next chapter, whatever really comes to mind. Have fun, enjoy the fic and hope to hear from you! ♥