Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dave glared at the android standing in his doorway. “What do you want, dude?” He asked, crossing his arms. This android was an impostor. A fake. A worse remix than the original and the original was already pretty shitty.

“Hello David-”

“Dave. My name is Dave. Not David.” Dave interrupted, feeling his patience wearing thin already. This .. Thing didn’t even know his name. Why was this guy even here? To taunt him, remind him of his dead brother?

“Oh. I will keep that in mind. Dave, I was told to come in here and make sure you were okay. May I ask what you are doing?” The android asked, tilting its head. It was beyond disturbing to see his dead brother's body walk and talk so.. Robotically. Dave knew it wasn't his brother's corpse but he couldn't stop the thoughts from swarming around his head, whispering awful things to him.

“None of your business. You're not my brother, just leave me alone you android.” Dave snapped coldly, turning back towards his computer so he could continue making music. He was trying to fix up Dirks old and unfinished music but it was difficult to get his style just right. That motherfucker was always unnecessarily complicated when it came to everything, including his music and Dave didn’t need the distractions.

“Dave, I am aware that it is very upsetting to see me but I am trying my hardest to be like him. I am not trying to replace him, I am merely trying to do my job. Please, if you could help me that would be greatly appreciated.” The android reassured, keeping his place in Dave's doorway. He looked so much like Dirk but.. He sounded nothing like him. He was way too robotic and.. Clunky.

“Fine. I'll let you hang out in here or whatever, just don’t mess with my stuff.” Dave relented, shooting a cautious glare in the direction of the android who simply smiled and walked in, sitting on Dave's bed. He looked too stiff, like he was made of.. Well, metal. This was so stupid, why would Bro ever want another fucking Dirk?

“Thank you, Dave. I understand that this is very hard and difficult for you. Maybe you could.. Show me how he behaved? Maybe how he acted? Just so I can be more authentic and understanding.” The android asked, looking nervous like Dave would start crying at any second. It pissed him off, he wasn’t just some baby that couldn’t control his emotions.

“Can’t Bro tell you that stuff? I’m sure he talks to you a lot more than he does me.” He mumbled, clicking through his open tabs. He was now regretting letting the android stay. “Whatever, you shouldn’t be asking those questions anyway, someone might think you’re a deviant.” He warned, glancing at the android just in time to see it flinch at the mention of deviancy.

“Ah. Thank you for the advice… So, um, what are you doing? Homework?” The android tried striking up a pleasant conversation, looking slightly hopeful. It was kind of pathetic.

“No, I’m editing Dirk’s music. Or, I was until you interrupted me.” He bitched a bit, tapping his foot rapidly on the soft carpet. “But it’s whatever, I guess. Is there any particular reason why you wanna hang out with me? I’m not very interesting.”

The android shrugged, smiling at Dave. “I think you are a very interesting young man and I’d like to learn more about.. Humans. How you act and such. I think it’ll help me seem more human, more authentic, so to speak.”

Dave raised an eyebrow, already amused by his new sibling. This guy had no idea that he was already deviating by just suggesting he wasn’t fully human.. “I think I’m gonna call you Hal from now on. So, Hal, how’s life as an android?” He questioned, a small smile on his face. Maybe having a robot sibling could be interesting.

Hal frowned and cleared his throat, probably trying to seem casual. “Um, well? I’m not quite sure. Your guardian is very strange.” He mumbled, looking uncomfortable. Dave nodded, sympathetic for his new brother. “I’d rather not talk about it.. So, um, what kind of music are you editing? Techno, pop, indie?” He questioned, obviously trying to learn more about Dave.

Dave shrugged and unplugged his headphones, playing one of Dirk’s songs. A hardcore rap that described crimes in explicit and unnecessary detail but it was played over remixed Animal Crossing music. He was trying to remix the music just right so it fit in with the beat of the rap. “Whatever genre this shit is. It’s fucking impossible to get the music on the beat without it sounding different and less soft. I’m pretty sure I can fix it up but I’m not exactly sure how.” He explained, tapping his foot to the beat. This wasn’t Dave’s first time with this type of music but Dirks style was so hard to replicate. It never really sounded like something he’d make.

Hal nodded along with the beat, his eyebrows knitting together the longer he listened to it. “Hmm.. Why don’t you add a bit of techno singing? The gibberish that animal crossing characters sing, add a bit of that. Like a hype man, or something. Isabella would be a great choice to keep the cutesy aesthetic going. I think you’re trying too hard to make the music flow along with the rap, trying to make the music make sense. Try keeping it with its original tones but place the beats with the words. It’s supposed to be jarring and slightly disturbing.” Hal explained, watching the screen play the song. “You’re trying too hard to make it fit into one genre, make it normal or likeable. The point of the cute music and the disturbing rap is to shock people, take them off their feet.”

Dave stared at Hal for a few seconds. Okay, maybe the android could be useful. “Oh. Thanks.” He replied stiffly, feeling slightly upset that Hal was able to crack that shit so easily. Well, he was supposed to be Dirk so it made sense but still.

“Also, don’t call me Hal. My name is supposed to be Dirk, I am your brother.” 

Dave rolled his eyes behind his shades and plugged his headphones back in, facing away from the android. “You don’t want to be my brother.” He replied, sounding scornful.

You are Dave. It's 7am on a Wednesday morning and Dirk was doing his hair meticulously after showering for three straight hours. You are sitting on the counter, vibing to his new playlist.

“Hey bro.. How did you find out you were gay?” You ask quietly, playing with your hands. Dirk glances at you for a second before looking back at the mirror.

“I realized that I just liked boys more than girls. I always get crushes on guys and all the girls I faked having crushes on were fairly masculine. But it's different for everyone. Some people are still questioning. Why do you ask little man?” He asked, looking right at you now with a caring look. You almost never asked him questions like this.

“I…. I think I might like John.” You whispered, scared. You knew John would never like you back but you couldn't help the way your heart raced around him. “But I still like girls? I still think a lot of girls are pretty but I also think a lot of boys are pretty.. Is there something wrong with me?” You ask quietly, hugging yourself tightly, searching for comfort.

Dirk just chuckled, startling you. “Dave, there's nothing wrong with you. Some people like boys and girls. They sometimes identify as bisexual, meaning you are attracted to all genders but you have a preference for one. There's also pansexual, someone who is attracted to all genders and doesn't have a preference. Some people will tell you that bisexual people will only like boys and girls but that simply isn't true. I hope that clears some things up for you, lil man.” He explained, patting your shoulder. It didn’t.

Dave took a deep breath, his fingers lightly tapping his old, battered keyboard. He’d need to fix it up soon. God knows Bro wouldn’t buy him a new one without some sort of string attached. Hal had left a while ago, probably going to attend to Bro’s needs or snoop in his new room. He should probably go out there and help the poor android but he just couldn’t find the motivation to get up.

He huffed and glared at his reflection in the dark screen. He looked disgusting. His hair was greasy and clumped together, his forehead and nose were just as greasy, his eyebrows were wildly untamed, his lips were grossly dry and semi bleeding, he had acne everywhere, and he just knew he had some major eye bags under his eyes. He lightly touched his cheek, frowning at his own fairness. There was no natural pink or the show of blood flowing under his skin, it was all just.. White. Like a sheet. His cheekbones and jawline seemed more defined than usual.. It was kind of disturbing.

He sighed and forced himself to stand up, his joints popping and creaking in protest as he did so. His vision was suddenly filled with stars, making him black out for only a few seconds. He gripped his desk for support and blinked hard, pressing his sore lips together. He took a few deep breaths, regained his footing and slowly made his way out of his messy room, stepping on dirty clothes on his way out.

The hallway, as always, was dark and terrifying. Shadows seemed to loom over him and attempt to grab at him but he was used to this. This was the norm. He quickly and silently made his way to the bathroom, ignoring the way his head ached. He silently closed and locked the door behind himself, taking a moment just to stand there, his bare feet flexing against the cold tile. It was kind of shocking not to smell Dirks usual array of hair products or feel the familiar verge of an allergic reaction due to the smell. It just reaffirmed that Dirk was gone. Completely gone.

He did even spare a glance to the sink and looked himself in the mirror. He looked dead, disturbingly similar to a ghost. The only color on his face was his sore lips, discolored scars and heavy, bruising eye bags. Once again, he felt shameful about his appearance. Too sharp, too pale, too… Everything. His arms seemed to go on forever at his sides, his torso seemed to shrink and feminize itself, his chest seemed to shrink, everything exposing how weak and delicate he was. Starved for affection and food. Starved for anything, willing to take everything someone had to offer. His mind showed him images of Skinwalkers, comparing him to them. There honestly wasn’t much of a difference physically.

He sometimes convinced himself he was an experiment. That Bro was some researcher, testing the limits of his body, how long he could go without a psychotic break. Dirk obviously didn’t last the ‘testing’ very long. Sometimes, he convinced himself that he was an experiment to some secret facility, that he was a strange and anomalous monster, that all of this was just.. Fake. Unreal, staged.

That thought helped him get through Dirk’s funeral.

His reflection was something he always hated. It never seemed to look nice. Sure, he had his days where one particular part of him looked decent but those days were few and far in between. He should shower but he couldn’t gather up enough energy to do so. Instead, he washed his hair and face in the sink, hoping that would help him feel better. It barely did.

He dried his hair and opened the bathroom door slowly, not wanting to gain attention. He needed to get to the kitchen and look for food but he was unsure of Hal’s location, causing anxiety to fill his veins. He knew Bro would be at ‘work’ and if Dirk was still there, he’d be in his room or in the living room or out with friends but he didn’t know Hal’s routine yet. He silently cursed himself for not memorizing it sooner.

He silently made his way to the kitchen, his ears straining to hear any sort of movement or footsteps but there was nothing. No sound of moving fabric besides his own, no breathing, no nothing. It was kind of creepy but the silence comforted him. It meant no one else was home and if they were, they weren’t looking to interact. 

Dave looked around a bit, still suspicious before he relaxed and walked into the kitchen, searching for food. Most of the swords were hidden away somewhere because Hal was likely to report shit like that to the cops but hopefully there was food. He opened the cabinets, sighing as he was greeted by dust and spiderwebs. No peanut butter, no crackers, no nothing. He felt silly for even considering trying but he opened the fridge slowly, checking for swords first before he checked for food. Shockingly, tons of swords and sharp objects didn’t fall on him and he was safe.

Inside the fridge were only cold chinese leftovers that had no name written on them. Dave felt it was safer to leave the leftovers alone rather than risk a beating by eating it. So, in conclusion, there was no food. He sighed and closed the fridge, his stomach growling at him in protest. He wasn’t sure when he ate last but it seemed like a really long time ago. He felt dizzy and weak just from standing there but there was no way in hell he was eating those leftovers. He’d rather starve to death.

He grabbed an old, plastic cup and filled it with tap water, hoping that would get the grumbling to stop. Bro hated hearing stomach grumbles and he wasn’t trying to pick a fight anytime soon. Dave chugged the water down, his eyes wandering to the window. A few crows sat on the windowsill, chattering amongst themselves and picking crumbs off the ledge. Sometimes he wondered if he would have a better life if he just.. Ran away. He could survive homelessness, it wasn’t that difficult… Well, it was really difficult and humiliating but he’s done it before.

But he would miss his friends and Bro would find him. Bro always found him.

The front door opened, startling him out of his thoughts. He quickly retreated to his room before whoever was there could see him, closing the door silently behind himself and waiting. He listened, his ear almost pressed against the door. The footsteps weren’t familiar, sounding too heavy and clicky to be Bro’s. The rustling of grocery bags and cans being set on the counter gave Dave a bit of hope that someone bought food. His stomach rumbled at the thought, clenching painfully. He was hopeful and desperate for food but he didn’t want to risk upsetting Hal or Bro by sneaking out and taking some of the food.

Before he could gather up his courage and beg for food, he heard footsteps coming down the hallway, making him tense up. Why were they coming down the hallway? What were they going to do? Were they going to yell at him for leaving his room? Before he could answer that question, he sat in his old chair and booted up his computer, pretending to be busy. There was a soft knock on his door, making his shoulders tense with nervous energy.

“Yeah?” He called out, turning towards the door as it opened. Luckily, it was just Hal like he suspected. He really didn’t want to see Bro anytime soon.

“I bought groceries. I did not know what your favorite snack foods were so I just grabbed what had the best ratings.  I haven’t seen you eat in over forty eight hours so I would like it if you came out and had a little something to eat.” Hal stated, his hand lightly placed on the door to hold it in place. It was like he was trying to shield himself from the contents of the room, trying to give Dave some privacy. It was… Considerate.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in just a bit. Have to finish this shit up, thanks for getting food. I’ll pay you back later.” He responded, trying to seem casual but it was difficult with his tensed muscles, still on guard for a surprise attack. Maybe Hal was just a dumb decoy..

“Pay me back..?” Hal frowned, looking confused. 

“You know, like, give you money for the things you bought? Compensation. Stuff like that.” 

Hals frown just deepened, giving Dave a feeling of dread. “No, you don’t have to. Kids don't pay other people for buying groceries.” He said slowly, looking at Dave with eagle eyes that seemed to catch his every twitch. “Don’t argue with me, Dave.” He commanded the second Dave opened his mouth and sighed. “I’ll be in the kitchen, eat whatever you want.” He sighed out before leaving, his heavy footsteps going straight to the kitchen.

Dave had a feeling CPS was going to pay another visit soon..

Chapter Text

Dave stared at the ceiling, feeling hollow and numb, a feeling he could only describe as a high pitched ringing noise. It was a whole month since Dirk… passed but he couldn't seem to get over it. Dave never had a problem with death before but now the mere sight of blood made him sick to his stomach and bile threaten to spill from his mouth. He hated it. Why couldn't he just get over it already?! It just wasn't fair! Other people would be over this shit by now and fully fucking accustumed to their new android sibling but Dave just… couldn’t for some stupid fucking reason. Dirk wasn’t even a really good sibling!

He rolled over in his bed, looking right at the pile of sympathy cards on his desk. Some were disgustingly bright and colorful, others void of all colors, some even mentioning some cruel fucking god that didn’t fucking exist, as far as Dave was concerned. Those cards deserved to burn. People's sympathy meant nothing to him. He didn't know these people and he sure as hell didn't care about them. If they really knew Dave and wanted to wish him well, they would have said it to his face and left him alone.

He sighed and sat up, rubbing his stinging eyes before getting out of bed so he could eat something. He didn't eat yesterday and the pains were really getting to him, making his mood even worse. He grabbed a dirty hoodie and slipped it on before shuffling out of his room, dragging his feet, too exhausted to lift his legs up that much.

“Hey Hal, do we have anything to eat…?” Dave asked as he entered the kitchen, his voice barely above a whisper. It would have shocked Dave to hear his own voice so raspy and worn out if he didn't just spend hours crying without any water near him.

Hal looked up from the book he was reading and greeted Dave with a small smile. It looked unnatural. “Dave! I was just about to check up on you! I'll fix you some cereal and water.” Hal said happily, getting up from his seat to take care of his ‘little brother’.

“Thanks dude..” Dave mumbled and sat down at the table, pulling his hood up like he was trying to hide his pink face, dried tear tracks, and bloodshot eyes but it was useless. Hal knew he had been crying his eyes out. The whole fucking world knew it.

“Of course, Dave!” Hal replied, handing him a glass of water. He didn’t recognize the cup. “Dave, I wanted to ask you a few things if that's okay.” Hal said nervously as he poured Cheerios into a bowl. Since when did they have bowls?

“What's up?” He asked, careful and nervous. The new cup and the sudden bowl was making him nervous.

“When was the last time you contacted anyone outside of this house? Like, interacted with a human that wasn't Bro.” Hal asked slowly, trying to choose his words carefully. “I'm just worried and I know that humans tend to.. Need one another in times like these. They need the comfort of a fellow human, someone to talk to. Do you…. Have friends you can talk to..?” The android questioned warily, eyeing Dave like he was about to lash out, lightly setting the bowl of Cheerios and milk in front of him.

Dave wanted to snap, he wanted to yell and scream and tell Hal it wasn't any of his business but the fight quickly died in him before he could open his mouth. “I have friends. They just don’t wanna talk to me about stuff like this. Don’t worry ‘bout me dude, I’m honestly fine. Really.” He lied right through his teeth and gave Hal a small smile before dipping his plastic spoon in the milk, watching the cereal pool into it.

Hal eyed him and frowned. He knew Dave was lying and Dave knew that he knew he was lying. It was an old fashioned Mexican standoff but dumber and shockingly more tense. “Alright…. Why don’t you invite some of them over? Just to catch up with them. I’d love to meet your friends and talk with them as well, if that’s alright.” Hal suggested, returning back to the fake cheerfulness he had earlier, looking like some sort of maid in a hotel, pleased to clean up your mess but inside they were imagining stabbing you to death. Practiced kindness and some good acting. Dave mentally applauded his robotic brother, slightly impressed that he was getting the hand of manipulation and deception so soon.

“Nah.” He said and shrugged, sipping his water. It was cold and soothing on his sore throat, helping the slight ache in his brain. “I’m sure they’re busy and I don’t wanna bother them. Hey, do you wanna play some video games with me? That’s always fun as shit and I wanna destress a bit before I get back to work.” He smoothly suggested, watching Hal’s movements closely. He really wished he brought his shades with him.

“Hm? You… wanna play video games with me..? Uh, sure, go ahead and finish your meal, I have to do a few things first.” Hal seemed to brighten up, unaware of the attention being shifted away from Dave’s issues. Bingo. Dave watched as Hal moved around the kitchen, spot cleaning a few things, putting things away, occasionally leaving the room to do… Something. He eventually got bored watching his android brother and finished his cereal, gulping down the milk in the bowl before putting it in the sink.. The clean sink. There were still stains and scratch marks and dents but it was… Clean. Surprisingly so. Hal must've spent hours cleaning that shit.. Good for him.

Dave sniffed and grabbed his cup of water, making his way to the living room. There was a surprising lack of smuppets and porn, making Dave suspicious. Was Bro… aware of this? Was he moving out or some shit? The fuck was this, where was all their stuff? He slowly made his way to the futon, noticing it was also fairly clean, stains still present but there was no longer a layer of crumbs on it. He felt more and more on edge as he wandered through the apartment, scared from the lack of items that were usually there. He set his plastic cup on the coffee table and looked around, looking for anything that could be a trap but there was nothing. No trip wires, no buttons, no pressure plates, no cameras, no sensors.. Dave thought he would enjoy the lack of traps but it just set him on edge, made him even more paranoid. He didn’t like this, it felt too good to be true. No traps, bowls, food, water, a nice person in the house…. He must’ve been killed or something. This was.. This was all just too good to be true.

Dave looked around one last time, looking for anything that could be a trap, anything that could hurt him and slowly made his way back to his room to fetch his shades. The light from the TV was going to hurt his eyes if he didn’t grab them. The sound of Hal moving and walking around made him feel even more on edge. Occasionally, he thought Hal was purposely making noise. Maybe he was trying to distract him from whatever trap Bro had going on. That’s what Dirk would have done and, well, Hal was Dirk. The only time Dirk ever made noise or wanted to hang out was when he wanted something or was distracting him. Honestly, he was kinda glad that fucker offed himself.

You are Dave Strider. You are nine years old and crying in your brothers lap as he cradles you, rocking you back and forth to comfort you. He was supposed to be hanging out with his friends but he was there, comforting you because you had a nightmare.

“Shh, it's okay Davey. You're okay, you're okay. I'm here for you.” He murmured before kissing your head, listening to your sobs.

“You- I- I had to cut off your head! I had to, I'm so sorry!” You cried out loudly, clinging to Dirk like he was your lifeline. “A-And then you had a big- you had a big sword in-in your chest! It was so s-scary!” You sobbed, only able to think about how scary it was

“Oh Dave..” Dirk whispered sympathetically before squeezing you again. It all sounded artificial but you were too terrified to notice. “It's okay, it was only a dream. It's okay, these feelings are normal . I'm not going to leave you, don't worry. Never ever. It was only a bad dream, little man. We’re okay.” He whispered to you before kissing your head again, humming a song you made together as he continued to rock you and your trembling body. You knew he was faking all of this, even at age nine, but you were desperate for comfort.

“Dave? Do you know a Jake English and a John Egbert?” Hal's voice called out, startling Dave out of his thoughts.

Dave grabbed his shades, sliding them on and silently panicked. He was wearing days old clothes, he had obviously just been crying and he looked like absolute shit. He, also, was not mentally ready to talk to people, he didn’t have any good lies set up. Why were they there anyway? Did they need something?

“Uh, yeah!” He called back, flinching at his own hoarse voice. Fuck. He combed his hands through his hair and quickly went to the door, seeing Hal staring down the people that stood there. Hal was very obviously confused on how to greet them or to even let them in, his head tilted slightly to the side as he squared them up.

Jake was glaring right back at Hal, his arms crossed. “See! I told you we knew him! These gosh darned robots- ”

“I’m an android, you block of fucking expired cheese.” Hal’s nose wrinkled and he glared at Jake, his synthetic muscles tensing under his clothes, getting prepared for a fight.

“Oh shit.” Dave mumbled and flash stepped to his brother's side, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, chill bro. Jake doesn't like technology, ‘s cool. Uh, why are y’all here?” Dave questioned, not even making an attempt to move Hal who was now very determined to keep these strangers out.

“Dave! For fucksake, I've been trying to contact you for weeks!” John ignored Dave's question and hugged his best friend tightly, ignoring Hals confused look like he ignored Dave's question.

“I've been……. Things. I've been doing things- busy! I've been busy.” Dave lied, no moving when John hugged him. He felt like shit for just ignoring him but he simply did not have the energy to talk to him or deal with his sympathy. “Sorry.” He apologized, looking away from John's hurt expression when he was finally released from the hug.

“Dave, old chap, we’ve all been worried sick about you, ya know. You suddenly just went off the grid and did not respond to anything! We were worried that you-...” Jake trailed off but what he was implying felt like a ton of bricks falling on Dave.

“No, Jake, I didn't kIll myself.” Dave spat out bitterly, crossing his arms. Something he did must've triggered Hal, the android moving to lightly rub Daves upper back in soothing circles. It didn’t help but the sentiment was still appreciated.

“Dave, don't be a fucking dick. We were fucking worried about you! No one was getting anything from the Strider household, our parents couldn't even get in contact with your bro! It was like you just fucked off to god fucking knows where! And, obviously, we had some reason to be concerned! Dave, you look like shi-”

“I know!” Dave interrupted his best friend, flinching at the sound of his own voice. He felt like shit, he knew he looked like shit, he didn't need John to tell him this. “I’ve just been having…. a bit of a hard time but I’m fine now, I swear. I’ve been working on some old music, remixing it and shit so I haven’t had the time to contact y’all. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have left time get away from me that easily. Why don’t y’all come sit inside for a lil while? You must be pretty tired from all that worryin’.” He easily drawled, stepping aside so Jake and John could walk in. 

Jake walked right in, stiff a bit huffy from his little run in with Hal but John hesitated, squinting his eyes behind his glasses. He felt bad about lying to his friend but he just couldn’t deal with his sympathy right now. John was a great guy and his best friend but he did tend to.. Meddle when worried. It sucked and felt extremely invasive. But, John seemed to chill out a bit and walked in, following Jake into their apartment.

“Gadzoinks! I’ve never seen this place so.. Clean!” Jake exclaimed, poking the futon like he was shocked it wasn’t attacking him. John frowned at the cleanliness, also seemingly uneased by the sudden lack of traps.

“Oh, Dirk cleaned it. I think.” Dave mentioned, shrugging like it was no biggie. If Hal really was a Strider, he was going to get very uncomfortable by any sort of praise so it would be best to act like this was all just not biggie, like it happened everyday. But John knew better. He could see how nervous Dave was but was luckily smart enough to not mention it in front of Hal or Jake.

“Goodness! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Dirk clean everything outside of his own room!” Jake chuckled at his own ‘joke’, looking around the place in a way that seemed normal but Dave knew Jake was just snooping. The guy had a natural curiosity, that was fine as long as he didn’t snoop in the bedrooms. Then he’d get his ass beat. That was the way of life. Pretty sure the bible said that at some point.

“Hey, Jake, why don’t you catch up with Dirk while I talk with Dave?” John suggested, smiling with his buckteeth and blue braces, his eyes crinkling in the corners from his chubby cheeks. John could always pull off a fake smile.

“Smack-a-roonie good idea chap! Dirk, come sit with me so we can discuss somethings! I have this new admirer who you will absolutely love!” Jake exclaimed excitedly, plopping down on the couch dramatically, patting the seat next to him harshly. His combat boots hit the carpet with a thunk, knocking dried mud off them. Gross. Hal was going to beat his ass for fucking up the carpet.

Dave gave Hal a glance before following John to his room, feeling tense and unsure. Was John going to confront him? Was he going to yell at him? Was he going to be dissapointed, pissed, sad? Hal either didn’t notice Daves silent plea for help or didn’t care, sitting next to Jake to discuss Jake’s new fuck toy or whatever. He really really hoped this didn’t end up like last time Jake talked about a new crush.

You are Dave Strider. You're watching your brother fight with his boyfriend in the kitchen, the two shouting and arguing loudly. You were too scared to leave your spot on the couch, watching them with a terrified expression. You knew Dirk would turn his anger onto you the second Jake left and you really didn’t want to irritate him more by being in his line of sight.

“I FUCKING KNOW YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING AROUND WITH THAT GIRL LIKE YOUR A GOD DAMN RABBIT!” Dirk shouted, his body shaking with rage.

“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME AND WHAT I DO WITH ARANEA! AND IT WOULDN'T EVEN MATTER IF I DID BECAUSE IT'S ONLY BLOODY NORMAL FOR A MAN TO CHEAT WHEN HIS BOYFRIEND WON'T PROVIDE ENOUGH AFFECTION BECAUSE HE'S A BLOODY FREAKIN’ ROBOT!” Jake shouted back, practically looming over Dirk who was seething, almost frothing at the mouth. The two always seemed to fight like animals, determined to just.. Kill each other or tear each other down. You don’t know why they were in a relationship.

“GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY GOD DAMN APARTMENT BEFORE I KICK YOU IN THE NUTS SO FUCKING HARD THAT THEY GO INTO YOUR DAMNED THROAT AND CHOKE YOU!” Dirks voice pierced your ears, hurting your head. You hated hearing them shout at each other, it always gave you bad headaches. You really wished they’d just stop.

Dave felt a shot of pain run through his head at just the memory of them fighting. Or it could be the fact he didn’t wear his shades before leaving his room. Stupid, dumb, sensitive eyes… Dave cleared his throat and shut his door behind them quietly, eyeing John nervously, who just sat on his bed like this was his own room. “Sit.” John ordered and crossed his arms, fixing Dave with a glare. It was always hard to believe John could be terrifying or scary, his baby face and braces and dimples making it difficult to ever see him as scary but his eyes…. They were scarily intense.

Dave sat next to his best friend as ordered, nervously tapping his foot on the carpet, not looking at John. He knew John would never hurt him, John has never hurt him on purpose, but that never stopped the fear of getting hit. Instead of stinging pain, Dave felt arms slowly wrap around him and hold him close, hugging him. The tension slowly seeped out of him and he let himself be dragged into Egberts lap, seeking comfort.

“Dave… I was so worried about you. You have to tell me when you aren’t doing so great.” John whispered, gently rubbing his back. John was average height and pretty chunky but they both somehow found a way to cuddle comfortably despite their different body types.

“I’m sorry……. I just….. Didn’t expect this to be difficult.” Dave whispered back, resting his head on John's collarbones, his nose brushing against John's neck. If he didn’t have any self control, he’d be a huge blushing mess but he managed to get over his big weirdo crush on John a while ago.. Probably. Jury was still debating that one. Dave could practically sense John's frown and confusion. John knew he didn’t like Dirk and was probably just as confused as he was as to why he was so.. Sad.

“You wanna talk about it…?” John questioned quietly, curiosity evident in his voice. John was such a nice guy but he kinda sucked at hiding his emotions. Dave just shook his head and felt immense relief when John nodded and held him tighter, comforting him better than anything. John was his comfort item. He always seemed to know exactly what to do to get him to calm down.

“So……. You’re new brother is really fucking weird. Did he stress clean or something?” John questioned, his dorkiness coming back in full swing with the dumb voice cracks and everything. It was enough to make Dave smile but only a little bit.

“I have no idea, honestly, he just started cleaning and I didn’t bother stopping him. It’s kinda nice though, I ate cereal out of a bowl today. Oh, I’ve also named his Hal because that motherfucker can not act human for the life of him. I don’t think he realizes he’s deviating by implying he’s not human but hopefully Jake doesn’t notice him doing that. He kinda reminds me of a video game character, almost. A character that gained sentience and is trying to fit in with us normie humans.” He rambled, watching John’s throat move.

John snorted, laughing a bit and subsequently jostling Dave. “He is! Like Link! But he actually talks! Dude, that’s so on par with him, jeez. I was wondering why he seemed so weird. Dirk wouldn’t’ve answered the door or probably made us climb up the fire escape to prove our worth or something.” John joked, resting his head on Dave. “Jeez…. Well, he seems pretty cool. Hal, I mean. I kinda wanna meet him and get to know him more but… Later. I wanna chill out with you first.” John squeezed Dave for a few seconds, nuzzling him like a complete dork.

Dave rolled his eyes and wiggled around, adjusting himself into a more comfortable position for cuddling. “Bet. Bring you’re best fucking cuddles, dude.”

Chapter Text

You are Dave Strider, you are sixteen years old and you are watching your brother being lowered into the ground. There's a small crowd of people, only people who knew Dirk personally. Roxy is sobbing, Jane has tears sliding down her face, Jakes crying, Bro hasn't said a word since they found Dirks body, Jade is lightly rubbing Roses back as she cries and you… You aren't there.

You can feel John's hand on your back, rubbing comforting circles but you aren't there. You can feel everything and see everything but you just.. Aren't there mentally. You think there's tears sliding down your cold cheeks but you can't be sure. Everything is so far away yet close at the same time.

The sun is too bright. It feels almost disrespectful that the sun is that bright and that the skies are so clear. There's crows cawing in the distance and butterflies fluttering around the bouquets of flowers around different graves. Dirk would have been personally insulted by how happy the world seemed while he was dead.. But now Dave felt like he didn't even know Dirk anymore. He knew Dirk always struggled with mental illness but never to this degree.. Why didn't he say something? Why didn't he reach out for help? Why would he just.. Leave? Why? It wasn’t fair but Dirk was never fair. He was confused as to why he didn’t feel the sense of extreme relief he was expecting.

Dave took a deep, shuddering breath before voicing his questions.

“You guys…” He started, his voice snapping the attention of everyone besides Bros. Bro was mindlessly staring at the coffin, his shades hiding any emotions he had.

“You guys were his best friends.” Dave continued, starting to shake. “Why didn't you know? Why didn't you ask? Why didn't you notice?” He asked, his voice barely audible. 

John frowned and opened his mouth to speak but Dave continued, his eyes not leaving his brother's grave as he spoke.

“You guys were supposed to know these things about him, you were supposed to be there for him, why the FUCK didn’t you stop him?!” He shouted, shaking uncontrollably now.

“Dave-” Jake started speaking, his voice wavering but he spoke with such a condescending tone.

“SHUT UP! You don't even deserve to be here, English! He loved you and he trusted you and you fucking did this to him! You guys did this shit to him!” Dave yelled, his voice shrill now that he was more emotional. This was bullshit, it was all bullshit and it wasn't fair. Why was he getting so emotional over this fucker?

“You guys don't even deserve to be here! Why are you even fucking here, no one fucking wants you here! You should be in the fucking grave, not him! This isn’t fucking fair!”

You are in an empty room.

Your brother is there.

You run towards him, your legs feeling heavy and slow.

There's a thick rope around his neck. 

He's reaching out to you, begging for help.

You're so close, you can save him.

Your legs are so, so heavy.

You reach him, he’s struggling so much, he can't breathe oh my god he can't breathe-

Dave woke up, John's hand delicately shaking his shoulder like he would break Dave if he was too rough.

“Dave? Hey, you passed out and I wanted to let you sleep but you started crying and stuff. Did you have a nightmare?” John asked quietly, his wonderfully blue eyes searching Dave's red, sore ones.

“Yeah. Nightmare.” Dave responded plainly, rubbing the tears off his face. “Sorry I passed out, haven't slept well.” He apologized and rubbed his face against the rough fabric underneath his cheek. This pillow was so warm and squishy.. Wait, what? Dave frowned, opening his eyes slowly. The tv was on in front of him, the display being a paused Minecraft game. There was a soft cushion behind his head..

“Jonathon, dear, have I mayhaps fallen prey to the sandman while on your thigh, good sir?” Dave asked, closing his eyes again so he could just chill in the darkness for a few seconds. Did John seriously carry him all the way to the couch?

John's laugh sent his soul straight to heaven, his body jostling Dave's head. “Nah, you fell asleep while we were cuddling and you wouldn’t let go so I carried you in here so I could say bye to Jake then I ended up just crashing on the couch here with you. You shoved your head in my lap, like, two hours ago. You talk in your sleep by the way. It's kinda funny.” John answered him, gently moving some greasy, dirty hair out of Dave's face. “When was the last time you showered…?” He asked quietly, no judgement in his voice.

“Couple weeks…” He answered guiltily, knowing that was gross and disgusting but he couldn't stand being in the shower. Everything in the bathroom reminded him of Dirk and how much damn time he spent in there. Just hearing the shower start made him want to burst into tears and spend the rest of his life being a stinky man who never went near a shower ever again.

“Oh Dave..” John whispered, pity lacing his voice. The attention felt heavenly but it all made him feel guilty. Why was he enjoying the attention? Why couldn't he be a normal human being and just take care of himself? Why was this affecting him so much?

“If you have the energy for it, let's get you in the shower. It'll make you feel a lot better and I'll even sit in there with you. I’Il sit on the ground and talk the entire time to keep it from being awkward. Hell, you can even shower with your socks on to keep it from being gay.” John joked, smiling down at Dave.

“Maybe in a little bit? I'm still tired and I don't really want to do anything..” Dave mumbled and rolled onto his back, looking up at John whose hair fell into his face, framing it perfectly. Why was he so cute? “Wait, wheres Hal?” He asked and frowned. Hal would have insisted on taking Dave to his bedroom and tucking him in so his neck didn't cramp or something.

“He went grocery shopping! He asked me for comfort foods that you'd enjoy so I told him to get different types of soup, ice cream, apple juice, apple sauce and some other things.” He answered, smiling down at Dave with his cute buck teeth.

“Oh sweet. That's nice of him.” Dave mumbled and wiggled a bit, adjusting his position a bit. John's thighs were like the perfect pillows, giving him all the support in all the right places. “Why are your thighs so comfy bro.” He questioned but his monotone voice made it sound like a statement.

“Cause genetics! I also ate a looot of sweets as a kid! Now, Im gonna go back to playing minecraft, you can chill and do whatever the fuck you want.” John chirped, directing his attention back to the TV as he unpaused his game, the signature minecraft music starting up again. No wonder he slept so heavily, John had the music up pretty high. Nice. 

“How far along are you?” Dave asked, rolling over again so he could see the screen and watch John play.

“Um, I have a nice farm going, my house is kinda big, I've got a good strip mine going, and I'm working on getting enough resources so I can go to the Nether! I haven't had any luck finding diamonds though and I'm still really conservative with my iron.” John explained, resting the controller on Dave's head so he didn't have to hold it up. “Wanna see my house? I watched a few videos on building and I think it really helped my houses not look so ugly!” John asked, excited. How the fuck could Dave say no?

“Hell yeah dude.” He responded and then spent the next hour watching John play, giving him advice and tips on how to be an epic minecraft pro. At some point, Hal came home but didn't interrupt them, only putting the groceries away before he went to Dirks- His room to chill. It seemed Hal already trusted John around him.. That or he was eavesdropping. Dave didn't mind either way, Hal could eavesdrop all he wanted. He was only going to hear dumb stuff.

But, his scalp started feeling itchy and uncomfortable and his hair felt heavy and his body was itchy and he just felt gross. Really gross. Gross and icky and itchy and uncomfortable but he couldn't stand the thought of showering. He didn't want to. The sounds and the steam reminding him of Dirk too much and it just.. Hurt but he couldn't spend the rest of his life not showering or bathing. Too bad they didn’t own a fucking bathtub, that would’ve been a lot easier.

“Hey, John, I think I'm ready to go shower..” He mumbled, sitting up finally. It felt weird taking his head away from John's lap..

“Oh! Okay! Want me in there with you or do you wanna do it by yourself?” John asked kindly, quickly saving his game before logging out. John was always so sweet and kind, he had no idea how amazing he was.

“Could you sit in there with me and just talk with me..? I just don't want to think at all while I'm in there.” He confessed, lightly scratching his scalp. John knew Dirk liked showers, everyone fucking knew Dirk liked showers because the bastard always used up all the hot water in the entire city.

“Okay! I'll tell you more about my plans for my base and such. That'll give us thirty or so minutes.” John said before jumping up, holding his hand out to Dave. “I'll grab a Gatorade too, so you don't get light headed in the shower. Hal bought the blue and red ones that we like.”

“Oh fuck yeah.” He said happily and took John's hand, letting out a surprised noise when he was easily yanked up. “Holy fuck!” He exclaimed, his body pulled right into Johns.

“Oh, shit, sorry Dave, haha! I forgot how light you are! I think you've lost some weight, you are a lot lighter than you used to be.” John observed, concern creeping into his voice. It was true that Dave hadn't been eating a lot and that he was already a skinny dude but there was no way he lost too much weight since the last time he saw John.

“Huh. We have a scale in the bathroom, we can use that to see how much I weigh.” He said absentmindedly, not that concerned about his weight. It wasn't really affecting him that much so why should he be concerned?

Dave stared at the numbers on the scale. “One hundred and ten? Jesus, thats…”

“Small.” John finished his sentence for him, looking at the number with a scared look. “Too small. Dave, you're like five nine, that's way too skinny. You’re sk- Sorry, I'll stop. But that's really concerning Dave. Go ahead and get undressed and stuff, I'll turn on the shower for you.” John said and turned around, a frown on his face. Fuck, Dave felt guilty as all hell.

He stripped out of his dirty clothes, silently mourning the loss of his warm hoodie that protected him from the outside world and kept him safely warm. He tossed his dirty clothes on the floor, making a pile with them so he could wash them later.

“Better keep your eyes closed, Egbert, unless you wanna see my pasty white ass.” He mumbled, his joking tone now gone since the water started.

“Oh hush, I've seen you naked dozens of times! But I'm pretty sure I was too startled to remember anything every single time I walked in on you changing.” John mused, sticking his hand under the water as it heated up. “So, I'm thinking about building a little flower garden outside my base! It'll be really simple, only one block high stuff and I might add some cobblestone around the entrance of my house just to make it look cute. You'll have to give me access to that world later so I can continue it at home! Anyway, I also managed to make myself a pretty cool blue bed and it looks really cool! I hope I can find some pets later, I don't wanna get lonely.” John rambled, standing up and stepping back from the shower, leaning against the wall with his eyes closed to give Dave some privacy. Surprisingly, the rambles from John genuinely helped him ignore the sounds of the shower.

Dave got in quickly, his body quickly adjusting to the warm temperature. Warm enough to comfort him but not make a lot of steam. “Tell me more..” He requested quietly, flinching at the panic and sadness in his voice, getting his hair wet like that would help wash away his thoughts.

“Okay!” John chirped, ignoring Dave's tone of voice or mercifully not mentioning it. “I always feel bad killing a whole bunch of animals, ya know? Like they're so cute and I'm just murdering them! So, I ended up making a few enclosures as you saw earlier and I just kinda keep them there. Obviously I'm gonna have to kill a few of them at some point because I keep feeding them which I know will make babies but I just feel bad and I can't just let them starve and yes I know I'm being ridiculous but you can just hush your face because you are the same way every time we play. You only like fishing because you aren't directly killing the fish and you don't have to look at them when they're alive! Anyway, I think I might move my strip mine to under my house so I can have a cool basement and have quick access to furnaces and crafting tables and benches so I don't fill up on shit so quickly. I might also travel out further, see if I can find a village or something. Maybe I can find bees! God, have you seen the bees, Davey?! They're so cute! I want to get some sooo badly and start a whole farm of them! I also need to do some grinding and such cause I'm running low on iron and I just hate my stone tools, they're so slow but at least they get the job done. I think I might craft an enchantment table before I craft a diamond pickaxe though, just cause I like enchanting but I’d need to get a head start on collecting all that leather and paper beforehand so I'm not just stuck with a random, shitty enchantment table.” John rambled and rambled, Dave occasionally chiming in with a hum or vague response as he shampooed and conditioned his hair. Dirk would have murdered him from beyond the grave if he caught him with two in one shampoo or worse, that three in one shit.

As John spoke about his ideas and plans, Dave rinsed his hair out, moving on to wash his body. He wasn't that stinky or dirty but it would make him feel a lot better.. Hopefully. He really hoped this all made him feel a lot better.

Dave turned the shower off and sighed, squeezing the excess water out of his hair. He felt better and having John there helped a lot but now he was exhausted and not really in the mood for anything.. John did say that Hal got some different soups from the store, maybe he should eat to get his energy back up.

John handed him a towel, not missing a beat in his ramblings. Usually it was Dave who would speak like this but it was kind of refreshing to hear John so excited and passionate.

Dave dried off, wrapping the towel securely around his waist before he moved the shower curtain, stepping out onto the soft mat.

John hopped up, smiling at Dave. “Now you're all squeaky clean! Speaking of squeaky clean, do you think minecraft characters ever get dirty? I imagine there's a mod where you have to bathe regularly but I'm just curious! That's why I always go into the river near my house and just dunk my character in it after they've been mining for a really long time. I guess it's a habit now.” John spoke as he walked with Dave to his bedroom, clearly saying whatever thought crossed his mind. 

“Do you think dogs ever miss their owners? Do you think there were civilizations before we spawned? Why do you think Endermen hate it when we look directly at them but not other mobs? Maybe it's just cause they don’t like humans? Do you think they'll add in more things like having baby zombies be able to ride bees? Because, personally, if I see a baby zombie on a bee, Imma bounce and never open that world again.”

Dave slipped on soft shorts and a tank top, putting a clean hoodie on top of that. It felt nice to wear clean clothes but he missed his dirty hoodie. It just felt familiar. “If I see a baby zombie riding a bee, I’m fucking outta that shit, fuck everyone else. I will log out and never play minecraft every again, I'd have nightmares about it.” Dave responded, a small smile on his face. His shades sat on his nightstand but he didn't want to put them on just yet. He would just have to deal with the future headache.

John smiled brightly when Dave responded with a genuine sentence and bounced a bit. “Hey, look at you! All clean and stuff! I'm proud of you, dude.” John praised, looking at him with caring eyes. This was the best he felt in a while.

“Thanks. Now, go back to talking about minecraft cause this shit is getting interesting.” He said and led John to the kitchen, smiling to himself.

This was nice. Really nice.

Chapter Text

Dave sat at the table, his body stiff as a board. Roxy, Rose, Jane, John, Jade, Jake and Hal all sat together at the table. Jake and Jane had to stand due to the fact they didn't have enough chairs. Bec was there too, hanging by Jade's side with his little service dog vest on.

Dave’s mind replayed the dream he had over and over again, telling him he was a horrible person for thinking that they should be in the ground instead of Dirk while another part of his mind told him to tell them this. To tell them how horrible they were, to scream and yell at everyone. Another dark part of his mind told him Dirk deserved this, deserved to have suffered, deserved all of this. He was a horrible man and he deserved what he went through.

But Dave couldn't do anything about that right now, his bones feeling like concrete. The silence in the room along with all the eyes on him made him uncomfortably still and quiet like he was scared to break the silence.. Which he was. What if he said the wrong thing? This was all too much, he couldn't handle it! He didn't want to see all of them yet. He didn't want to see their sad faces and their pitiful expressions and he just didn't want to be there. It was all just too much.

“If you are only here to stress Dave out, then you’re doing a great fucking job. Fucking A plus work, absolutely amazing, traumatized for life, now please fucking leave our apartment.” Hal's voice cut through the silence like a knife, his brother's voice making him relax a bit. Hal was starting to get a bit of an attitude, frustrated with these strangers.

“Oh bugger off! We’re here to comfort him because he needs some HUMAN contact, not some bloody robot-”

“For fucks sake, English, I was literally made for this! This is my literal purpose in life and here y’all are, fucking us sideways then blaming us for it! He’s just a kid and you’re stressing him out, so please, kindly, fuck the hell off. You fucking look like Lara Croft decided to star in a gay porn movie.”

“Hey, you don't get to talk to Jake like that!” Jane protested, looking offended.

“This is my apartment, I can do whatever the fuck I want. I may not be completely human but I can still smell bullshit from twelve miles away and I know you guys are just here to make yourselves feel better. Listen, get the fuck out before I end up calling the cops and telling them three idiots broke into my house to terrorize my little brother.” Hal threatened, his hands shaking by his sides. He seemed nervous and scared but desperate to protect Dave.

Dave sniffled, staring down at his hands. The room was quiet for a few more seconds before there was the sound of hurried footsteps and grumbling along with sniffles and whimpers. Dave couldn't identify each noise, his mind blocking everything out. He didn't want to be there anymore, he wanted… He wanted to be asleep. He just wanted to curl up in his room and sleep until he felt better.

“Dave.” Rose's voice called to him through the layers of imaginary concrete surrounding his head. He blinked slowly, using all his strength to return to the present and respond.

“Mm?” Was all he could manage to say, feeling like it was impossible to move or use his vocal cords, like he was trapped in the deep sea, the heavy pressure crushing his body and keeping him from moving.

“David Elizabeth Strider. Can you move? You've been still for too long, you need to move.” Rose's voice told him. There were other voices but they were so.. Far away but too close all at once. Too loud but not loud enough. He needed his headphones on. He wanted to slip back under into the comforting layers of concrete but he needed to move. Rose told him to move, he should move.

He blinked, slow and hard as he began to process the mere idea of existing and being alive. He was alive. He was here. He was breathing. Unfortunately.

He took a deep breath and moved his head, feeling weighed down. “What…?” He questioned, his throat tight and uncomfortable. The couch underneath him felt suffocating like he was sinking into it. When did they move to the couch..?

Something touched his bare arm, sending jolts of energy up it and to his brain, startling him into existence like someone just threw him into an icy lake. “Huh? What? Sorry, I must've.. Spaced, what's up? How we doin’?” Dave asked, looking around at his friends who had concerned looks plastered all over their faces. John's hand was on his arm and Hal was checking his pulse, his mechanical fingers feeling weird against his skin.

“Dude, you completely passed out! Kinda. It was like your mind was just yeeted out of your body when Jake n Jane and Roxy left!” John told him, sitting down next to him, their thighs pressing together. It was kind of startling to see how much body fat John had compared to him.. It made him feel about twenty times worse about his own appearance. 

“He dissociated.” Hal explained, now checking Dave's temperature. “It's basically your mind forcing itself out of your body so it can just chill for a little while. It's the brain's way of just aborting everything and avoiding its emotions or trauma. He’ll be okay, just.. Spacey. Like he just took a heavy nap, so to speak.” Hal explained and moved away, sighing. “Sorry for being so.. Aggressive, earlier.” He apologized guiltily, his hands folded in his lap. It was still hard to believe he was ever supposed to be like Dirk, Dirk would have never apologized.

“Huh? It's cool? I don’t think you did anythin’ wrong so.” Dave shrugged, still confused and overwhelmed. Why was Hal apologizing? What happened?

“Dave, do you even remember the past hour?” Rose asked him, crossing her arms. No one else could tell but she was worried. When she saw Dave's slightly panicked expression, she sighed and began explaining. “Hal got very.. Aggressive with Jane, Jake and Roxy. So much so, they had to leave. Then, you began mumbling to yourself and swaying in a self comfort way so we moved you to the couch so you could be comfortable. You continued to mumble and not respond to any stimulace, continuing to rock yourself. You responded to me saying your name but barely. You only hummed and that's all we could get you to do for half an hour until I demanded that you move which you did.. Sort of. You mumbled for a solid minute before saying ‘what’ and then practically jumped out of your skin when John touched your arm to comfort you. Now, we’re here.” Rose explained, her arms still crossed tightly and her lips pressing into a thin line to show how concerned she was in a casual way.

“Oh…” Dave mumbled and ran a hand through his hair, frowning. His hair was dry and curly. “When did I shower?” He asked and stretched, trying to get used to existing again. God, he hated existence, it was so exhausting.

“Two hours ago.” John responded slowly and lightly rubbed Dave's back in comforting circles. “Dave, are you okay? Like, are you really okay?” John asked quietly. He looked so concerned, Dave couldn't just lie to him. Just seeing all of them so concerned and stressed made his heart hurt and squeeze like it was torturing him for neglecting his friends. Bec seemed fine though, laying down in between Jade’s legs like a good doggo.

“I don't know..” Dave whispered and sighed, rubbing his face. His friends and robotic brother stayed silent, knowing better than to speak while Dave was gathering up the courage to speak about his feelings.

Isn't it ironic that Hal is more human than Dirk ever was?

“I don't know, okay? That fucker left me here, alone, as per fucking usual! He was just being his dumb, dramatic ass self so fucking, whatever right?! I don’t wanna fucking talk about him, he was a dickwad and a piece of abusive shit that hurt me in more fucking ways than one! I don’t even miss that shithead!” Dave snapped, feeling his hands start shaking at his sides. He was so pissed. He was so tired. He was hurt.

You sniffle quietly, tears trailing down your chubby cheeks as Dirk carried you away from school. He hadn't said a word the entire time he came to pick you up.

“... Do you still love me..?” You ask quietly and flinch when Dirk froze in his tracks, his body stiffening. He hated you. He was so upset with you. He was going to hurt you and hate you forever.

“Dave,.... What you did was really stupid. Don’t do it again.” Dirk mumbled before he continued to walk in silence, his arms feeling cold around you. You still didn’t know why you expected comfort after all these years.

Dave's fingers dug into his palms, probably bruising them. He was pissed and upset, he wanted to hit something but… He couldn’t. He couldn’t sink down to his brother's level. He deflated, all his anger leaving him at once. He didn’t understand why he missed that stupid piece of shit and he just wanted to get over it already.

He set his head on John's shoulder, exhausted. He wanted the attention off of him, he hated feeling like this, like they were just… Examining him. Like he was some bug under a microscope. “So, why’d you make Jake, Jane and Roxy walk out?” He asked Hal, all of the attention turning to his robro who stiffened up, looking at all of them with a guilty look. Man, Hal was really going to have to learn how to maintain a poker face.

Chapter Text

Dave sighed, rubbing his face with his hands out of frustration. “Hal, I swear- Okay. Okay. Deep breath. Let's try this again.” Dave took a deep breath before continuing. “Why did you get so upset with Jake, Jane and Roxy?”

“I don't like them.”

Everyone else sighed while Dave threw his hands up in the air and flopped back on the couch dramatically. “That's not a valid answer!” He exclaimed to the ceiling, crossing his arms and legs before pushing himself back up.

“It is a valid answer! I just don't like them. They are…. Not my type of people.” Hal insisted, crossing his arms and turning up his nose. It was obvious he was hiding something and they were all determined to figure it out.

Jade sighed dramatically, her curly hair bouncing slightly from the animated motion. “Well, this is ridiculous! I thought android siblings weren’t supposed to lie unless it's for the good of the child!” She declared, pouting slightly.

Rose hummed in thought, her hand holding her chin with her legs crossed at the knee, a classic therapist pose. “It seems he is avoiding telling us because he knows the truth might not cast our older family members in the best light.. That, or he simply is overprotective of Dave due to recent and not so recent events. That would make sense.” She mused, raising one neatly plucked eyebrow.

“Hal, whatever it is, we can handle it!” Dave insisted, tapping his fingers rapidly on his knees. They were trying to help Hal by figuring out why he got so upset with the others so quickly and was so suspicious of them, it just didn't make any sense! Android siblings weren’t supposed to act like this at all, it wasn't in their programming. Of course, older sibling androids just had different programming and came with a ‘defense’ mode but that was rarely engaged and people had to go through several steps to get to that, none of which happened. Dave was just so confused about what was going on, making him wish for the hundredth time that someone was there to explain this to him in a way that made sense.

You are Dave. You and your friends are crowded around your big brother, Dirk, watching him repair a small android that was supposed to have epic rap battles with people. You heavily advised them to stay away but they had insisted. You really hoped he didn’t get upset with them...

“So why is his name Squarewave?” John asked, watching the still android with amazement. 

“Cause it's cool, John!” You interject before your brother can respond, not wanting Dirk to get a chance to talk to them in fear he’d say something really mean and not nice.

“Don't be mean, Dave!!” Jade squeaked, glaring at you with a pout before sticking her tongue out at you.

“What are you? Three? I'm the oldest, I get to be mean!” You insist and frown when Rose snorts. That’s how it worked, the oldest got to be mean. That’s why Dirk was mean.. Right?

“You're the second oldest! Jade is the first oldest, I'm the third and John is the youngest.” She stated, crossing her arms with her nose hold up high.

Dirk started quietly laughing, earning confused looks from all of you. “Sorry Rosey but you’re wrong. I'M the oldest here and I get to order all y’all around!” Dirk joked, a rare smile on his face as all of you started protesting and insisting that's not how it worked. You were confused at his sudden change in attitude but you enjoyed it, trying to savor it while you could.

Hal sighed, frowning. “Fine. It makes me very uncomfortable to lie to you or mislead you so I guess I’ll tell you what I found… I got Dirk's old phone, his old computer, everything. Everything he owned went to me. I.. I found out that he didn't have the best of friends. They were very mean and immature and my programming demands that I protect you from people like them. I um….” Hal's demeanor changed completely, from protective older brother to a small child that just got caught with something they shouldn't have. “Could your friends leave for a second..? I'd rather speak to you about this in private.” He whispered quietly, not making eye contact with Dave's friends.

Dave frowned, slightly conflicted. If his friends family members were being dicks then he wanted them to know but it was obvious that Hal wasn't going to share unless they were alone.

John seemed to notice and lightly put his hand on Dave's shoulder, smiling reassuringly. “We’ll hang out in your room till you two are done talking. If you decide its something we need to know, you can just tell us. If its not, then we won't pressure you into saying stuff you don't wanna say.” John comforted before nodding at Rose and Jade, walking with them to Dave's room to hang, Bec following them with his tail wagging behind him and thunking on the walls. As they went, Dave heard him start telling the girls about his minecraft world. The big nerd.

The second they were gone, Hal started explaining.

“I got into Jake's phone. It was very easy to hack into and access his messages. They all kept insisting that I was Dirk. That I wasn't a good fit with you, that you needed a real human and not an android.. But then they said that there wasn't a difference between a cold, unforgiving android and him. I don't know why but I just.. I don't like them. I don't like not being seen as me. Being seen like I'm a shitty copy, a remake just hurts. That feeling seemed to have mixed with my need to protect you and my need to prove them wrong, to show them that I'm not some emotionless idiot or some pushover that's going to let them near my little brother. Dave, they planned on taking you away! Tricking you into some dumb sleepover and getting you comfortable enough to admit some bullshit about Dirk hurting you! Into admitting that Bro was abusing you or something or that he was an unfit parent..” Hal mumbled, his eyebrows furrowed with frustration and confusion. 

Dave stared in slight disbelief. Yeah, he always knew that Jane and Jake thought that Bro was some skeesebag, everyone thought that but he never thought that they'd try to pull some bullshit like that. “Was Roxy involved..?” He asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

“No. She always logged off every time they brought it up.”

Dave let out a shaky sigh of relief. Roxy had always been like a sister to him and he wouldn't know what to do if she tried some shit like that. If it was Roxy, Dave probably would've gone with her no matter what.

“Thanks for telling me but I think you should apologize to them.” Dave held up a hand before Hal could protest. “Not to make them feel better or to admit your wrongdoings. To keep them from calling the cops on you and assuming that you're an unstable android. I think we need to get them back in here and maybe have you act like a regular android sibling. Try acting like Dirk! That’ll trick them for sure! You know, minus the hurting Jake. And Jane. And Roxy. And me. You know what, just act like Dirk but not an asshole.” Dave suggested, feeling determined now. There was no way he was going to let them take his new brother away, Hal was way too cool to lose.

“I'm not sure I can act like Dirk. He seemed really robotic and don’t we want to go for caring older brother instead of robobro? Robro?” Hal asked, a little glimmer of hope in his eye, hoping Dave would notice his bro pun.

“Sweet brun. Bro pun. Lets try uh.. Caring older brother first. Maybe make some cookies? Basically just like you do when no one else is around!” Dave advised, a grin spreading across his face. It was scheme time. 

He looked over the back of the couch and leaned on it, putting one hand next to his mouth. “John! Jade! Rose! Bec! Get in here, it's scheming time babyy!” Dave cheered and hopped up over the back of the couch, beginning his scheme walk which was just pacing with his hand on his chin. His friends returned, frowning.

“Please don't tell me we’re slashing tires.” John whined, taking Dave's place on the couch, Jade and Rose sitting next to him, while Bec hopped up in Jade’s lap, inches from Hal’s face. Hal seemed slightly uncomfortable by that.

“Nope! Not yet at least. We need Hal to act like the perfect older brother! Not robotic but not too caring and aggressive, not like Dirk but enough like him to give them a feeling of nostalgia, sweet but not too sweet! We need to make him the perfect older sibling to keep Jane and Jake from taking him away.”

“Woah, wait, what??” John questioned, Jade making similar noises of confusion and protest.

“Jake would never do that! I love him but I really don't think he's smart enough to do that or even scheme anything like that!” Jade protested, crossing her arms with obvious suspicion. Dave knew she really wanted to believe him but she didn't want to betray her brother or cousin or whatever Jake was to her.

“Yeah, I really don't think Jane would do anything like that… Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, she would, she definitely would! She's been on this weird big sister type kick lately and I wouldn't put it past her to manipulate Jake to being on her side. Jake may not be that smart but he's easy to trick and he has a big heart.” John said, nodding as he spoke like he was agreeing to himself while everyone else murmured sounds of agreement.

“Okay, yeah, I can see him getting tricked into thinking Hal is a bad brother. To be honest, I kinda thought that when I first met you, not gonna lie.” She admitted to Hal who shrugged and thanked her for being honest. “But still, you guys, maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt? Maybe they're still grieving and they're just overwhelmed so that leads them into thinking that Hal is bad or whatever!” She suggested, looking at Rose for help who just shook her head sympathetically.

“Sorry, but I agree with Dave on this one. We need to show them that Hal is a nice guy and that he's capable of caring for Dave, capable of being a proper homecare android. Mom still works with a few models like Hal so I can call her and ask about their behaviors and I'm sure she'd be on board with teaching Hal how to not seem suspicious or unfit to care for Dave, but she'll most likely ask to speak with Bro in return.” Rose concluded, folding her hands neatly in her lap.

“Hell yeah! Point Strider for the win! I don't think we have enough time for a full blown lesson but I'm sure Hal can copy what y’alls siblings do!” Dave bubbled, lightly bouncing from side to side.

“Well, Jane is always in the kitchen. She's been making so many cookies and desserts lately, she is always trying to strike up a conversation, she's kinda… Meddlesome. Just always in my business. I suggest that Hal makes some apology cookies or something. I can help, don't worry. I know Jane likes feeling superior when someone is apologizing to her so try to grovel and stuff!” John told Hal, leaning back against Jade, causing Bec to lick his face to get him to fuck off.

“Roxy is always very caring and she tries her hardest to make sure that I am comfortable. She tries to make sure I drink some water but she mostly just leaves me alone when we have guests over. She tries to make me feel included when I want to be but other than that she just talks with her friends, I guess. Oh! When I was grieving over the loss of my beloved cat, Jaspers,-”

“Rip in peace.”

“Yes, David, thank you. When I was grieving, she made sure that her friends did not try to joke around with me when I was sad, as I wanted to wallow around by myself most of the time and she tried her hardest to comfort me through it. She also had other avoid speaking about Jaspers-”

“Rip in peace.”

“Yes. Thank you, David. So, Hal, you should have them avoid speaking about Dirk or glance at Dave every time he's mentioned. Or, well, every time someone mentions his death.” Rose advised, her voice slightly tense with annoyance, shooting Dave a glare.

“Honestly, with Jake, you'll be fine. I guarantee he’ll forget about all the negative things he thought about you the second you give him cookies and smile at him. He was a complete sucker for Dirk even though he cheated on him a lot.” Jade added, sighing. “I will be upset about that till the day I die.” She finished solemnly, shaking her head.

“Oh, so will I. I have a few plans on how to get back at him for that but today is not the day to discuss my amazing pranks that border on illegal!” Dave declared, ignoring John's disappointed huff. That man always wanted to discuss pranks. “Today, we turn Hal into the ultimate robo sibling!”

Chapter Text

Dave slowly chewed on the chunk of cookie in his mouth, watching Hal socialize with his brother's friends. His apology went well…. Kinda. Jane was still suspicious of him and Roxy still seemed extremely heartbroken every time she looked at him but Jake was having the time of his life talking about whatever new weird obsession he had sense Hal couldn't run away or repeatedly insult him like Dirk used to.

“I bet you twenty bucks Hal ends up killing Jake by the end of this month.” John whispered in his ear, a grin on his face as he watched the four interact.

“I dunno dude, Hal is pretty resilient. I think he’ll end up playing fucked up mind games with Jake just to fuck with him. He’s a lot less physical acting than you’d think.” Dave whispered back, leaning slightly on his best bro. Dirk would’ve started a fight by now whereas Hal was just nodding along with whatever Jake said, a fake interested look on his face.

“Hm… Hey, can we go talk in your room? I just wanna have a… I just wanna talk to you about a few things.” John whispered, leaning back. The physical contact made his chest feel all warm and fuzzy, like he just put on a hoodie that was just in the dryer but John’s words worried him.

“Yeah dude.” Dave grabbed three more cookies from the plate in front of him and got up, black spots dancing in front of his vision for a few seconds before disappearing. “Hey, Hal, John and I are gonna hang in my room for a bit.” He announced, hiding the cookies he took in his hoodie pouch. He wasn’t allowed to have food in his room.

“Okay Dave! Have fun!” Hal chirped but Dave saw the slight concern and tense jaw. It was obvious he was holding himself back from saying ‘please don’t leave me here with these fucking idiots’ but Dave ignore the silent and discreet plea, leading John back to his bedroom despite John knowing the route by heart.

Dave set the stolen cookies on his desk before flopping back on his bed, folding his arms behind his head for some cushion. “So, whatcha wanna talk ‘bout? Or is this some porn sitch? Cause, I gotta be honest, I'm into it, dude. Ravage my little virgin body while my robro panics in the other room.” Dave joked, masking how nervous he was. Why did John want to talk? Did he not want to be friends anymore?

“Ew, Dave! No! Why are you always convinced that every time we’re alone, we’re going to fuck? That's really weird!” John pointed out, his face pink from embarrassment. He sighed and shook his head, sitting in Dave's desk chair. “I wanted to ask if you're okay enough to go back to school. Your break is almost over and.. I can probably convince them to extend it for you but it's been a while, Dave. A whole month. I'm just.. Really worried. You haven't been acting a lot like yourself, you've isolated yourself and I just.. I need to know if you're ready to kinda rejoin society, so to speak.” John fretted, his eyes full of concern. It hurt seeing him like that, with such care and worry plastered all over his face. Dave always wondered how he was so good at expressing so much emotion with just his face.

“I’m fine, dude. I’ll be chill. I'm sure it'll all be back to normal in no time and I will once again be swimming in bitches. I'll have to start bringing a stick to school, tell them my heart only belongs to the one and only John Egbert. Sorry ladies, ya got beat by buck toothed wonder, better luck next time but feel free to ravage me once I'm dead from doing awesome skateboard tricks.” He rambled, making wild hand gestures as he spoke to disguise how uncomfortable he was. “I'll be fine, dude!”

“Dave..” John whispered, his eyebrows knit together tightly. “It's just us here, you can tell me the truth.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He looked so concerned and worried, it made Dave's heart twist uncomfortably. John was his best friend in the entire world, there was no way he could get away with lying again.

“Alright, jeez Mr. Therapist.…. I'm ready to go back to school, it's just.. I don't think I can do it. Like, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle the way everyone will look at me. All that pity and concern from people who don't even know me, it would drive me nuts. Hell, it already has!” He gestured towards the pile of sympathy cards on his desk. “I'll end up suspended by the end of the week, I just know it. I know I won't be able to handle everyone trying to befriend me for brownie points or trying to be nice for some internet clout. I'd rather deal with the fuckers who are happy my bro ki…” Dave trailed off, sitting up. It was too difficult to say. Why was it so difficult? Why was everything so difficult? “I'd rather deal with the fuckers who think he deserved it. At least then I’d know what to say because he did deserve that shit, he deserved that fucking ending after all the crap he pulled with me. Do you know what I wanted to do the first time someone I didn’t fucking know looked at me with those dumb puppy eyes? I wanted to punch their lights out. I wanted to get real fucking violent and I feel so fucking bad about it.” Dave rambled, running his hand through his hair, his thoughts racing. John was definitely going to be freaked out or something but he couldn't stop talking. He wanted desperately to stop, to just shut his dumb fucking mouth but he couldn’t stop.

“I mean, what kind of fucked up kid wants to bite someone just because they showed him some sympathy?” He continued, his voice rising in pitch. “Like, I have no idea how I'm going to handle a bunch of people just coming up to me and hugging me and shit! ‘Oh you poor thing, my condolences!’ Like shut the fuck up, you don’t even fucking know me, you don’t fucking know the bullshit he did! We go to the same class together, that’s fucking it, I don’t know you! And… And, I don't want Hal to be here all alone. My bro is always out and once I start up school again, Hal will have hours and hours all by himself and… What if…” He trailed off, tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't want to finish his sentence. He stiffened up when he felt strong arms wrap around him, pulling him into a familiar, soft chest.

“Dave, he wouldn't do that to you. He isn't programmed to.” John whispered, holding Dave gently, like he was just a baby bird or something dumb like that. He rested his chin on Dave's head, lightly rubbing his arm to comfort him. Quality Egbert cuddles. The gesture hurt him, stung him with invisible thorns.

“He also wasn't programmed to become his own person or blow up on people.” Dave whispered back, adjusting himself so the side of his face was squished against John's chest and his weird gangly body was sitting comfortably in between Egberts legs. He desperately needed his best bros comfort even if the close contact and gentle touches scared him.

“Dave, he won't do that to you. It'll all be okay. We have the same class schedule so I'll be with you the whole time and I'll make sure no random strangers come up to you and try to get their brownie points. I'll be your own personal bodyguard! No one touches you when I'm around! They'll have to fight me just to say their condolences! I can't risk someone else getting the highly coveted position of Dave’s best bro!” John declared, lightly squeezing him for emphasis. “I'll be the one bringing sticks to school, gotta make sure no one gets to my best bro, gonna beat everyone away with said sticks like they’re a bunch of weird zombies! I'll bring some holy water and spray anyone who decides to use you for internet clout. Hell, I'll ruin my perfect record and fight them to the death!” He giggled, flopping back against the bed so they were really cuddling, Dave resting right on top of him.

“Damn Egbert, you're going right for my cool and ironic heart. Soon I'll have to start beating you with a stick so you don't end up stealing said heart. If you do, we’ll have to get married right on the spot. Ironically, of course. It'll be a tasteful wedding with dildos instead of flower arrangements and everyone has to give us one hundred dollars just so they can show up and then an extra two hundred just to see us. Three thousand per minute if they talk to us. Of course, you'll be the one wearing the dress which will be Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff themed-”

“Woah, hey, no! You have to wear the dress, you have longer legs!” John protested, pouting adorably, the sight giving him butterflies that he tried to just digest.

“Okay okay, we’ll both wear a dress. Yours will be Sweet Bro themed and mine be Hella Jeff themed. We’ll have your dad make the cake-”

“No way are we having cake! We’ll have some fruit for dessert.”

“Dude, no, what the fuck is wrong with you. We’re having cake and it's going to be Mountain Dew flavored then your sister will hide inside then pop out like a stri-”

“Dave! No! My sister isn't going inside our wedding cake and it isn't going to be Mountain Dew flavored! I’ll settle on fruit with a chocolate fountain along with a cheese fountain and a Mountain Dew fountain but we aren't having a cake.”

“Fine but we aren't sharing with the guests and Jake has to sit in at least one fountain with a speedo on for some eye candy. The guests have to starve for the whole thing which will be exactly twelve hours long.”

“That seems a bit cruel.. Let's say they have to bring their own food but we charge them twenty dollars for every bite they take and we get half of whatever they bring. We’ll even have a designated eating hour and if they eat even one second out of that hour then they will be shot on sight by a secret sniper wearing a tux.”

“Oh fuck yeah, now we’re talking. And if we see anyone wearing white, they will immediately get kicked out and exiled. Everyone has to bring gifts and we’ll have at least ten strippers. They don't have to dance or anything, they just have to be there and take peoples money. Then, at the very end, everyone has to watch us aggressively make out on a table. No homo, obviously. Then, our honeymoon will be two months long exactly and we’ll spend the entire time causing chaos, shoplifting and fucking each others brains out but we’ll keep our socks on the entire time so its not gay.” Dave concluded, resting his chin on John's chest.

John looked down at him, his double chin popping out but it just made him look adorable and soft. “Hell yeah! Strictly platonic wedding! We’ll even wear shitty arcade rings that break every week but we’ll be rolling in so much cash that it won’t even matter!” He joked before rolling over and pulling Dave up so they were lying face to face, inches away from each other. “What were we talking about originally?” He questioned, frowning slightly.

“I dunno bro, I got lost in your eyes.” Dave cooed ironically, grinning. He knew what they were talking about earlier before they started talking about their dumb future no homo wedding but he didn’t want to ruin the good mood by talking about all that depressing shit.

“Gross.”

“We were literally just discussing our wedding plans, Egbert.”

“I know but that's different! Don't be weird, Dave!” John joked, lightly pushed Dave away, making a disgusted face. It stung. It stung a lot.

“Oh no, now you’ve done it dude. My homo urges are taking over and now we gotta have sloppy makeouts.” Dave said stoically before sitting up and jumping on John, making a kissy face.

John squealed and quickly started pushing Dave's face away, struggling and squirming. “Nooo! Dave, don't be gross!” John cried out, giggling as he tried to push Dave away.

“Nope, it's too late bro, I gotta give my best bro a biiiiig ol homo kiiiiiiiiss.” Dave teased, his face squished from John trying to push it away. “You can't evade me forever, dude. Gotta kiss these Stride lips at some point, you can't resist.” He tempted, yelping when he was pushed off the bed. “Ow! Hey! You fucking cheater!”

John giggled and got up, quickly running out of the room so they could chase each other around the apartment like a big game of no homo cat and mouse. Dave chased after him, grinning from ear to ear, adrenaline and dopamine rushing through his veins for the first time in a long while.

You let out an overjoyed scream when you felt Egberts arms wrap around your waist before the two of you collided against the dirt, both of you laughing and panting.

“I gotcha!” John cheered, grinning as he held you tightly to keep you from running away again.

“Nooo! I've been caught by the big bad John! Well, now you gotta kiss me, claim your spoils.” You joke, laughing so hard your stomach hurt.

“Eww! Dave, don't be weird!” He giggled before getting up, holding his hand out to you to help you up. You took it, too exhausted to run anymore. The two of you had been chasing each other around for nearly an hour now, having way too much fun to stop.

“I’m gonna go grab some water, I’m dehydrated as fuck.” You say and leave once John nodded, grinning to yourself as you headed over to the water fountain where your bro was chilling with his friends. This was originally just supposed to be a hang out between him and his buddies but Jane ended up bringing John so Dirk had to bring you. Dirk never missed an opportunity to let John tire you out so you wouldn’t bother the fuck out of him.

You were panting, a big grin plastered on your face as you gulped down the slightly gross water, listening to your bros friends talk.

“So, Dave, you're really good friends with John, huh?” Jane questioned when you were done chugging water.

“Yeah! He's my best bro!” You chirp, still panting a bit. You weren't sure what type of expression she had on her face but it didn't seem nice. Maybe she was just worried about her little bro getting upstaged by you.

Dirk rolled his eyes and nudged her, whispering something to her that made her nod and roll her eyes. He looked back at you, stoic and mean looking.. “Go chase Egbert ‘round some more, he's barely broken a sweat.” Dirk looked over at John and sighed. “God knows he needs to lose some weight…” He mumbled which earned him a smack on the arm from Roxy.

Roxy sighed and smiled at you, sympathetic. You didn’t know why John needed to lose weight.. He seemed fine. “Go play around some more, Davey. We’ll be here.”

“Okay….” You respond hesitantly, waiting a few moments before breaking out in a sprint right to Egbert, tackling him to the ground while yelling happily, trying to forget Dirks comment. John didn’t need to lose weight, he was perfect sized. It was Dirk that needed to lose the weight of that stick up his ass/

Dave chased John around the apartment, laughing as he did so. All of his negative thoughts and feelings just fell away as he chased his best friend, everything just melting like butter. He jumped on Johns back and wrapped his legs around his waist, his arms going around his neck before he placed a big, wet kiss on Johns cheek, making him squeal.

“Noooo! Dave, that's so gross!!” John laughed and stumbled a bit from the sudden weight change but held them both up with ease. “Bleck, how'd you make it so wet? ” He questioned, rubbing the saliva off his cheek but before Dave could answer, John fell back on the couch, effectively crushing Dave on the soft cushions and knocking the wind out of him. Dave’s back suddenly popped loudly, the sickening noise of air escaping from between his joints startling everyone nearby, Dave grunting in surprise at the sudden release of pressure and John quickly rolled off him to make sure he was okay but before John could get a word out, Hal was by his side to check for broken bones.

“Oh fuck, Dave, are you okay? Is anything broken or hurting? Do you need to be taken to the hospital?” Hal questioned, his voice dripping with concern and panic, his hands gently holding Dave's face, squishing his cheeks together by accident.

“‘M fi-” Before Dave could finish his sentence, John started panicking, all of the joy and color draining from his face rapidly.

“Oh my god, oh my god, I definitely broke his back, fuck, Dave I’m so sorry oh god, I’m so sorry!” John rambled, his body beginning to shake.

“I’m f-”

Roxy was the next to panic, her hands all over Dave's back to check for broken bones. “His spine is definitely crushed, he is way too skinny to handle that sudden weight, we need to take him to the hospital!” She worried, the sudden touching and yelling freaking Dave out.

“I’m-”

Jane joined in, hitting John's arm. “Johnathon! You should've known better than to just collapse on him! Dave is delicate, he can’t handle all of your weight on hi-”

“I’M FINE!” Dave shouted, squirming away from all the hands on his body, invading his personal space. “John didn’t fucking crush me, he just popped my back, god don’t be fucking rude!” Dave criticized, glaring at Jane. There was no way he was going to let anyone make John feel bad for playing around with him.

“Dave, deep breath. Let me check you over real quick then you can get back to playing.” Hal attempted to calm him, holding his hands up in a display of passiveness. It was obvious he was extremely worried and just wanted to ensure he was okay but Dave was still upset from everyone being so loud and mean.

“Fine..” He grumbled and scooted back over to his original spot, letting Hal look at his back for any sort of damage. The worried and guilty look on John's face made Dave feel furious. He wanted to pull him up on the couch and cuddle with him but he didn't want to risk making John feel even worse. John was always self conscious about himself and he was always worried about hurting Dave simply because Dave was always fairly skinny and John was always fairly chunky but that never mattered to Dave. John never hurt him, ever! Even when he did, it was an accident and it didn't hurt for long. It didn't help that everyone else thought that Dave was more breakable than John just cause he was skinny.

“Okay, he's okay. You might feel a bit funky for a while since it isn't very good for your back to pop so suddenly without warning but you'll be okay.” Hal reassured and patted Dave's shoulder before turning to John, frowning at him. Dave immediately got ready to defend his best friend and tell everyone off for being so rude but all the fight left him when Hal spoke.

“Are you okay John? Does anything hurt? Suddenly falling down like that can really hurt.” Hal comforted, gently putting his hand on John's cheek like he was looking for damage.

John gave him a surprised look which quickly changed to confusion, his eyebrows knitting together. “Yeah, my arm kinda hurts from hitting the floor but I’ll be fine.. You're sure Dave is okay? That was a really loud pop..” John asked, not used to people asking him if he was physically injured.

“I'm fine, you doofus, Dirk’s hit me, like, way harder than that! Like you could ever break my back anyway, you weigh like ten pounds!” Dave teased and let himself fall in John's lap, draping himself across the other boy. “Honestly, y’all are stressing over nothing. John just did me a huge favor, it's, like, impossible for me to pop my back!” He crossed his legs, looking up at the older kids with a disinterested look.

“Okay but no more roughhousing you two.” Jane warned, crossing her arms. “You guys are too big for play like that anymore, you could’ve seriously hurt yourselves.”

“Lighten up Janey!” Roxy suddenly announced like she could sense Dave getting pissed, getting off the couch to wrap her arm around Jane's shoulder. “ They were just goofin’, they do it all the time! It's normal! Besides, it's better if they wear each other out by roughhousin’ instead of just going at it like jackrabbits!” She assured, grinning as she led Jane back to the kitchen. The second the two were out of sight again, Hal fixed the two with a glare.

“John, I think I might kill your sister. But, moving on, don't listen to her. Feel free to roughhouse and play around all you want. I also wanted to ask..” Hal looked around to make sure they were alone before leaning forward, a smirk on his face. “Are you two dating?” Hal questioned, teasing them.

“HAL!” Dave shouted, his face rapidly heating up in embarrassment. “THAT'S- NO, THAT'S SO WEIRD!!!”

John quickly scooted away, his face just as red as Dave's. “Hal, we’re just friends, jeez!!”

Hal simply laughed, watching the two awkwardly try to explain the nature of their relationship while telling Hal how gross and weird he was being.

Yeah, it kinda hurt every time John called him gross or weird or got all disgusted when Dave got too friendly but they had a long conversation about this a while ago. It was all just joking and playing around, it was never serious. John could say no homo, call him gross, all of that because John was his best friend and it was funny but Dave knew that if anyone else even insinuated that he was ‘gross’ for being friendly with John, they would get their asses kicked. John loved him like a bro and he loved John like a bro.

Hal left the two to awkwardly squirm and spew out bullshit, laughing quietly to himself.

“Jeez, why does everyone think we’re dating!” John questioned, getting back up on the couch, pulling Dave up along with him so they could go back to cuddling, a pout of frustration on his face

Dave grinned, laying down on top of his best bro, resting his cheek on his chest. “I dunno dude. We’re like the best of bros, one hundred percent platonic.” Dave joked, waiting for John to remember that they were literally just planning their wedding not even ten minutes ago.

“I know! Anyway, you wanna watch some Disney movies? They might be an extremely evil corporation but damn do they make some awesome movies.” John wrapped his arms around Dave, pulling him up a bit so his head rested right below his chin. “Woah, your hair smells like apples!” John chirped before Dave could answer, grinning as he pressed his nose against Dave's scalp to smell his shampoo.

Dave grinned and rolled his eyes, letting John huff his hair. “You're fuckin weird dude, I love it. Lets watch some princess and the frog- Woah, wait, hold on, instead of cake for our wedding, can your dad make us some apple pie?”

“No, that's chock full of sugar! Bleh!” John stuck his tongue out, scrunching his face up to show his disgust.

“You are impossible to please, Egbert.”

“Haha, jokes on you, you're marrying me! No way out of it, sucker!” John laughed, the sound filling Dave's heart to the brim with warm and fuzzy feelings like he just hugged a really warm teddy bear. The feeling made him smile uncontrollably.

“Wait, hold on, who's getting whose last name?” He questioned, still smiling.

“You're getting my last name, duh!”

“No fucking way in hell am I going to be named Dave Egbert.”

“Well, I'm not gonna be John Strider!”

“Fuck you, that's an amazing name!” Dave protested, smirking. 

“Okay, how about we take each other's last names? I'll be John Strider and you be Dave Egbert.” John suggested, looking down at him.

“No, fuck that shiz. We’ll switch it up monthly. One month to be the Egberts, one month to be the Striders.”

“Deal! As long as I get to arrange the food situation at our wedding.”

“We’ll compromise.”

“Bleh! You're no fun!” John complained, lightly smacking Dave's side before reaching for the remote. God, John was fucking ridiculous but Dave loved him so so much.

Chapter Text

Dave clenched his apartment keys in his sweaty fist, his heart racing. “Remember, lock the door when you get home, don’t answer the door to anyone even if its the cops, don’t leave the apartment unless you have to but please don’t leave the apartment and um, school should end around two PM so you can come meet me out by the front doors and we can walk home together and try not to do dumb stuff.” He repeated, his stoic expression hopefully hiding how fucking nervous he was. What if Hal ran away? What if he just left? What if someone took him? What if Jane or Roxy did a surprise visit and found something bad and had bad people take Hal away to never be seen again??

A warm hand was on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. Hal must've sensed he was panicking. Hal was so smart.

“Dave. Breathe. You're okay. It’s okay.” He comforted, moving his hand to lightly hold Dave's hand as they got closer to the school. When did it get so close? “I'll call you if anything happens and I'll even send you a text when I'm waiting out in front, okay? You just have fun and stay with John. Call me if anything happens, okay?”

Dave nodded and let go of Hal’s hand, not wanting his school friends to see him holding his brother's hand. Instead, he pinched the bottom of Hal’s shirt so they could still stay close. He hated walking around in public without holding onto someone's hand but being seen holding his brother's hand would kill him. Just imagining the teasing and jokes that would come from that made Dave's heart race a bit more from embarrassment but before Dave could do anything or even say his goodbyes, loud shouting interrupted his entire thought process. 

“GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!” A short guy yelled at his android brother who was holding a comb. The guys older sibling didn’t back off and continued to try and comb the guys hair, avoiding the random smacks and kicks and screams.

“Karkat, I will not let you go into school with that rats nest on your head.” Dave overheard the older android hiss before the comb broke in the dudes hair, the curly locks practically eating it. Yikes. 

“Yikes.” Dave mumbled his thought out loud before turning towards Hal, ignoring the screaming peanut gallery. “See ya after school, ‘kay? We can grab some dinner or somethin’ like that so have a list of places you wanna go to.” He suggested, trying to ignore the panic that was rising in his chest. He didn't want to leave Hal alone, what if he ended up hurting himself or getting taken away?

“I will. Now, go on ahead and get inside before you end up being marked as late.” Hal responded, patting Dave's shoulder in a comforting manner.

Dave nodded, giving Hal a goodbye fistbump before entering the school, feeling like fire ants were crawling all over his skin. Dave, with his face as stoic as ever as he went straight for his locker, ignoring everyone's sympathetic stares. News spread like a wildfire, huh? Whatever. He was cool. Cool dude, cooler than Antarctica.. Which wasn't that cold anymore due to global warming but whatever. He was as cool as a wet cave in Antarctica which is really fucking cool. No one was going to breach his walls of ironic coolness. No one. Cause he was super cool and anyone who tried to get close to his levels of cool would immediately freeze to death because he was just that cool.

Dave opened his locker and his mouth moved down exactly two centimeters when he saw a small pile of cards. Sympathy cards. What the fuck. He grabbed the cards and quickly opened them, not reading a single word on the cards as he looked for cash. Nothing. What the fuck. If these fuckers were actually sympathetic and sorry for him, they would have given him cash or at least a gift card. He could use currency, he couldn’t use sympathy. He sighed and shoved them to the back of his locker for later, grabbing the books he needed. This was going to be a shitty day, he just knew it.

Dave jumped when the kid next to him slammed their locker open, grumbling to themselves about some inane bullshit. He looked over to see who was bitching and raised an eyebrow when he saw the kid from earlier, the one that was yelling at their brother. Okay, they clearly had some issues, better not snoop- Oh would you look at that, he was snooping, whoops.

“Stupid fucking Kankri, I fucking told that fucking idiot that combs don’t fucking work in my fucking hair but apparently I don’t know fucking shit..” The kid mumbled. The tag sticking out of his shirt had ‘Karkat’ written on it with sharpie or something.

Dave hesitated for a second before speaking up. He should tell this kid about his tag sticking out, count it as his one good deed of the day. “Dude?”

“I mean, what kind of fucking idiot just goes after someones hair then gets surprised when that person starts fighting and kicking? I mean seriously, he fucking deserved getting kicked in the nuts, god I’m gonna have fucking comb pieces in my hair for weeks.” The kid, Karkat, continued ranting to himself, trying to yank the comb out.

“Dude.” Dave tried to gain his attention again, eyebrow raised. This was getting kinda interesting.

“I told him, I fucking told him , combs don’t fuckin’ work! My hair just fucking eats that shit for fucking breakfast and now hes probably gonna go running back to dad, bitching about how I kicked his nuts and broke his fucking comb like he didn’t fucking deserve it and I’ll have to go back to fucking anger management which is just bullSHIT-”

“Dude-”

“He isn't even my real fucking brother! What gives him the fucking right to just ruin my fucking life like this and be a huge dick wad?! He wasn't even programmed to be a dickwad and yet he decided to deviate in the most annoying way possible! I mean really, what kind of fucking android-!”

“Dude!”

“WHAT?!” Karkat shouted, shooting daggers at Dave with his eyes. Huh. Grey eyes, dark skin. Must be mixed or something. “WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING DETERMINED TO FUCKING GET MY GOD DAMNED ATTENTION?! CAN I PLEASE JUST HAVE MY BREAKDOWN IN PEACE?! HUH?! CAN I HAVE THAT?!” He yelled, his little chihuahua body shaking with rage. It was kinda funny to see this short little guy just fucking raging.

“Your shirt tag is sticking out.” Dave explained stoically, his hands held up in a ‘please don’t hurt me’ position.

Karkats face flushed and he quickly tucked the tag back in, huffing. “Whatever, thanks, I guess..” He grumbled, looking slightly embarrassed about his unnecessary outburst.

“‘S cool. My name's Dave.” He introduced himself slowly, holding his hand out for a fistbump. He wanted to get to know this kid, he seemed fucking hilarious. Slightly unhinged but hilarious.

Karkat hesitated before lightly tapping Dave's fist with his own. “I’m Karkat. Sorry for, uh, yelling, I guess.. Just been a bad day..” He grumbled, grabbing his books out of his locker. He had a few sympathy cards in there too.. Huh.

“I saw you arguing with your robro out in front of the school. I think he severely overestimated the strength of that comb or underestimated how thick your hair was. I think I see something in there trying to eat the fallen soldier..” Dave joked, trying to be friendly. Hal would be really proud if he made a friend his first day back so why not try to befriend the angry little mixed kid? Okay, that was probably racist or something.

“Ro.. bro? What? The fuck are you saying?” Karkat questioned, crossing his arms. Okay, this was kinda funny.

“Robro. Robot brother. Keep up, Karkat.”

Karkat tensed and looked around nervously, shifting from foot to foot. “Oh, so you noticed he was an android..” He mumbled like it wasn't extremely obvious. “Let me guess, you want to give me your condolences or some dumb shit? Cause save it, I dont need your fucking pity-” He started but before he could go on a long rant, Dave interrupted.

“Nah.” Dave replied, pulling the stack of sympathy cards out of his locker. “I got an android sib’ too. Its fuckin’ freaky, right?” Dave asked nervously, trying to be friendly and relatable.

Karkat got this weird.. Look in his eyes. Like he was relieved he wasn't the only kid there with a dead sibling. “Yeah! It’s so fucking weird! Like, everyone just treats him like they treated my brother but better! Its really fucking freaky.” Karkat stage whispered, looking absolutely stupid, like he was some anime character trying to hide the fact they were the main character when they’re literally the only person with unnaturally colored hair.

“Dude, I have the same fucking issues but like the opposite. It's all just… super weird. How’s your parents taking it? It’s freaky seeing them just accept it right?” Dave empathized, starting to get excited. It was nice to finally talk to someone about all of this without them getting freaked out or super judgey. Yeah, Jade, Rose and John were always super nice when he complained about Hal being weird but then they would say weird things like ‘just take him into the shop and repair him’ or ‘tell your bro so you can fix him’ and it never sounded like his friends saying that. It always sounded like some government guy was saying it to him..

“It's super freaky! I just don't accept him as my brother. It's way too weird and it's just not right, ya know? Like, they don't even know anything outside of the family!”

“Exactly! I mean, I've barely seen my guardian after he got the new ‘droid but whenever he is there, he acts like my bro never died. It freaks me the fuck out.” Dave confessed, running a hand through his hair. “Hey, if you want, I can help you get that comb out. It'll take a lot of willpower and maybe some scissors but I'm pretty sure I can get it out.” He offered, hoping to get some place alone with this kid. He wanted to talk about Hal’s deviancy but he couldn't do that in such a public place without risking suspension.

“Can’t, I have a class in a few minutes and can't skip. Maybe a-”

“Dave!” John piped up out of nowhere, throwing his arm around Dave's shoulder. “Hey! Good morning dude! Oh, I see you've met Karkat. He has an android sibling too!”

“Yeah, we were-”

“GOD, EGBERT!” Karkat shouted, startling Dave and everyone within a ten mile radius. “We were just fucking talking about that! Maybe if you got your head out of your fucking ass you would’ve fucking noticed that!” Karkat scolded, slinging his backpack up on his shoulder angrily. 

“Haha! Sorry Karkitty! Karkat likes to yell a lot but you get used to it.” John explained, leaning on Dave slightly, completely immune to the fact he was getting screamed at and insulted. John was good at ignoring peoples anger.

“Oh, really? Didn’t notice. In fact, I was hoping he could speak up a bit, it was a little hard to hear him.” Dave replied sarcastically, leaning back out of habit. “You ready to walk me to class like we’re highschool sweethearts?”

“Hell yeah!” John beamed, taking his arm off of Dave's shoulder before holding it out for Dave to hold.

“Are you two dating or something?” Karkat blurted out, a frown on his face. His thick ass eyebrows were furrowed too, just to enhance the confused and slightly disappointed look on his face. Man, this guy was fucking expressive.

“Nah, Johnny boy is my best bro. We always keep our socks on so it’s not gay.” Dave joked stoically, keeping his face passive. Why’d Karkat care so much? Was he… interested in John? Oh, yikes, barking up the wrong tree buddy. John was fuckin’ straight straight.

“Dave's my best friend! We’re just super friendly!” John explained, smiling with his weird yet cute buck teeth. “Oh! By the way, Karkat has the same classes as us! Trust me, that's a good thing. He argues with the teachers all the time, it’s hilarious!”

“I'm sure it is. Lets go ahead and get going, Hal would kick my ass if he found out I was late.” Dave mumbled, holding his bag tightly. Why did John know so much about Karkat already? Was Karkat John's new friend? What was the nature of their relationship? Did Karkat like John? Did John like Karkat? What if they were secretly dating or worse- being best bros? No, that's dumb. John wouldn't just replace him like that!

These thoughts plagued Dave through their classes, all the way to lunch and he just couldn't tear his eyes away from the two every time they got close to each other. John kept joking around with Karkat, he kept casually touching him, he laughed every time Karkat yelled at him, Karkat let him copy his homework, it seemed they already had inside jokes.. That was best friend behavior. That was unacceptable.

What if Karkat was replacing him? What if John liked Karkat better? What if John didn't want to be friends anymore? It would make sense, Dave hasn't talked to him a lot recently and even made him sit in the bathroom while he showered.. No one wanted that type of depressing shit around them, it would only make sense if John made a new best friend! But it wasn't logical for John to just abandon all of those years spent together.. All of the jokes and the fun times and the late night talks.. It just didn't make sense but his anxiety and paranoia was getting the better of him, convincing him that John was abandoning him for some kid Dave didn't even know. How long had they been talking? What if it was around the time of Dirk’s funeral? That would make John sad and lonely enough to latch onto someone else.. But why would John just throw all those years down the drain? Why? Dave knew John better than anyone else, there was no logical reason for John to just replace him so suddenly! But what if all those years were just.. Lies? Lies on top of lies on top of more fucking lies. John never cared Dave was bi, John was never self conscious about his weight, John was never worried about hurting Dave, John was never depressed, John never loved him. All of the cuddle parties, all of the cheek kisses, all of the hugs, all of the platonic “I love you”s, it was all just a lie! John never thought of Dave as his best friend, John only thought of him as an annoyance. A burden.

Dave forced himself to take a deep breath. He needed to talk to someone about this but he didn't want to bother Hal, Rose was in school, Jade wouldn’t understand and John was the source of his anxiety! What if he asked John about this and he just lied? What if John told him that he was his bestest friend in the entire world and no one could top him and he was just lying to make sure Dave didn't completely break down?

He needed to find a private place to cry. Bathrooms were a no go, an empty classroom would be weird.. Any place nearby would have way too many people getting lunch. He was going to have to wait through lunch then convince John to skip class with him so they could hide out in the bathrooms where Dave could cry in his arms like some weird highschool film.

Dave followed John and Karkat silently, listening to John tease and joke with Karkat as they walked to their usual eating area. Outside, just far enough away from everyone so they could talk about recent drama but not far enough from everyone so Dave could cry. Fuck. Maybe he should just ditch school and go back home. Hal would understand. Hal would make up some excuse to tell the teachers, tell them that Dave was sick or something. Tell them he was still grieving and couldn't do school for another week… Or year. Or ever.

Dave sat next to John and Karkat, watching them pull their lunches out of their bags. They were talking about movies now.. Probably. He didn't know. He wasn't paying much attention. He should empty out his own lunch bag but.. He really didn't want to eat. His stomach was twisting with anxiety and his throat was so tight, it would be impossible to swallow but he couldn't just let the food Hal prepared for him go to waste.. Just the thought of Hal seeing him throw his uneaten lunch away made his anxiety ten times worse. He forced himself to empty his lunch bag, smiling a bit when he saw a bottle of apple juice, a chicken sandwich, some cut up fruit and roasted sweet potatoes along with roasted brussel sprouts. It was all still warm while the apple juice remained cold. He should at least eat a little bit.. Hal worked hard to make this and it would be a dick move to just waste it.

“Woaaah! Hal really knows how to pack a lunch!” John chirped, snapping Dave out of his anxiety induced ‘trance’. “Jane managed to sneak another cookie into my lunch.. I hope she knows that I never eat it.” John continued with a pout on his face, handing the cookie over to Karkat- Wait, Karkat? Why Karkat? John always gave him Janes cookies. Always! It was their thing! John didn't want to waste food and Dave was willing to eat anything! That was their system! Why was he handing it to Karkat?! Why?!

This was stupid.

It was a fucking cookie and Daves eyes were watering over it. He was like a fucking child, this was so dumb.

“I fucking wish my brother would pack me actually good shit. He only packs me weird healthy shit that tastes like actual shit. Actually, no, I’d rather eat shit.” Karkat grumbled, pushing the gross looking salad away. Why did John give him the cookie. Why. This was so stupid, it was a cookie, that didn’t mean anything!

Dave stayed silent, scared he’d throw some sort of bitch fit if he opened his mouth, opening his apple juice to sip at it. It was hard to get his throat to work at first but he forced it down, the sugary goodness giving him a much needed boost. Apple juice always made him feel better. It was his favorite drink. 

Someone was suddenly crouching next to him with zero warning, the sudden presence making him stiffen up. “You're Dave right?” A high pitched voice questioned, the tone and pitch making him internally cringe. Fuck, why did their voice sound so horrible? That was a mean thought, he should apologize.

Dave looked over at whoever was sitting next to him, eyebrow raised. “Who's asking?” He questioned, really not looking forward to whatever this chick had to say. That was also kinda mean..

“I wanted to tell you that.. I'm here for you. I understand losing a sibling is hard. Well, I don't have a sibling and I've never lost any close family members but I lost a pet once so I understand what you're going through.” She comforted or at least tried to, her voice making Dave's brain go nuts with bad emotions. She reached out to put her hand on Daves forearm, his entire body suddenly going as stiff as a fucking board. She was going to touch him. She was going to touch him, why was she going to touch him, why was she so close, why why whywhywhywhywhy-

“Hey.” John frowned before lightly pushing her hand away, pouting slightly at her like he was looking at a disobedient pet. “You shouldn’t just grab people without their permission, it’s weird as hell. Back off, please.” He commanded, sticking close to Dave. This was too much. It was all too much, everything was too loud and too bright and he felt like he was going to explode.

Dave wasn't paying attention to his surroundings anymore, his eyes fixated on a weird stain on the sidewalk while his throat tightened and tightened. Was this how Dirk felt in his last moments? Overwhelmed with emotion, unable to breathe? Feeling completely alone despite the people around him, nothing breaching through the blood rushing in his ears..

Nails. Why were there nails on the back of his neck? Who the fuck was scratching the back of his neck?!

Dave quickly squirmed away from the overwhelming sensation, his hands flying to his neck so he could rub it and get rid of the bad feeling. “Fuck fuck, stop. Don't touch me, don't touch me.” He managed to choke out, rubbing his neck and face rapidly like that would calm himself down. It didn’t.

John and Karkat were staring at him with concerned looks. Fuck. He fucked up, they thought he was a freak, they were going to tell the fucking counsler or something and they would tell Bro oh god they were going to tell Bro, he was going to get into so much trouble, he was going to have to move schools and John would never want to hang out ever again-

“Dave?” John's soft voice slipped through his anxiety fueled thoughts. It was John. John wasn't going to do anything like that. “Hey, hi. Do you need a private place?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Dave nodded quickly, getting up with him. This was too much, he wanted to go home.

You press your hands against your ears so hard that you worry you're going to make your eyes pop out but you can't stand the sound of the straw broom on the crunchy tile. It was horrible and you didn't understand why. It hurt, the noise just hurt.  

“Dave? Jesus fuck- The fuck is wrong with you? Huh? You’re never going to survive in the real world if you keep acting autistic. Pull yourself together.” Dirk grumbled when he saw you trembling on the couch. He smacked your face with the broom before he continued cleaning up after Bro.

You’re in your room. You don’t know how you got there but you just needed to get away from that bad, horrible noise. You grabbed your soft blanket and headphones before you crawled into your closet, closing the door behind you.

It was dark. And safe. There were no bad noises or smells or textures in here. You knew you were going to get yelled at later but, for now, you were safe.

Dave leaned against the rough brick of the school, pressing his palms flat against it. He was away from most people, a place where he could have his breakdown in peace… Sort of. The occasional person passed by but they were usually riding a bike and not paying attention. John was standing next to him, his chubby face contorted in such a confused and concerned expression that made Dave want to punch his own lights out.

“Is Karkat your new best friend?” Dave blurted out, staring at the ground. He needed to trust John, he needed to just trust that he was going to tell the truth.

“No.” John replied swiftly, still staring at Dave.

“You swear? You swear up and down, backwards and forwards, cross your heart and hope to die?” He asked, his voice shaking like his hands. He couldn't lose John, John was his bestest friend in the entire world.

“I swear up and down, backwards and forwards, cross my heart and hope to die.” John reassured, making the motions across his heart. “No one is as cool as you, Dave.” 

“Okay. Okay.” He whispered, taking a deep breath, the pressure around his neck releasing a bit. “I’m sorry, you two just already knew each other and my anxiety just took over and fucking ran wild. I think I'm having a heart attack.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“That's… not good. Here, let me feel your pulse.” John moved his hand, putting two fingers against a vein on Dave’s wrist, his touch sending sparks up his arm. “Oh shit, yeah, uh, I think you're having a panic attack or at least coming down from one. Did you get the anxiety crash yet?” John questioned, a frown evident in his tone of voice. 

“Yeah, my mind is kinda swimming in adrenaline, serotonin, and dopamine. It’s all just one big chemical orgy dedicated to fucking me up. The anxiety isn’t really gone yet, I’m still really fucking worried about some things but, like, my body is really fucking high off the relief of you telling me that Karkat wasn’t gonna replace me.” He explained, holding John's hand tightly when he was done checking his pulse, still refusing to look at his face.

“Wanna talk about it..?”

“No.” Dave replied curtly, pulling Egbert in for a hug. He needed this. The feeling of John's soft and warm body against his own always comforted him. He also always smelled like a bakery so that was a big fucking plus.

“Hey, it's okay. No ones going to replace you, you're way too epic! Listen, it’ll be okay. You just got overwhelmed and tingly again, this happens, you’ll be just fine.” John reassured him, gently rubbing in between Dave's shoulder blades which was a ‘safe spot’.

Dave still didn’t know why he reacted like this to certain noises or textures. The sound of shoes moving the wrong way on tile, straw brooms on tile, certain female voices, certain fabrics, fabrics rubbing against each other.. It always just hurt his ears and gave him the shakes. Now that he was older, he could handle it better and suppress the need to start bawling his eyes out but after so much stimulus it just drove him nuts.

“I can tell Karkat a lie or something so he doesn’t pity you or anything.” John whispered, smiling. John was the fucking best, he was so amazing.

“Yeah… That’d be really cool, dude. You’re the fuckin’ best.” He mumbled, sniffling quietly before he started swaying from side to side to calm his dumb brain down, John swaying with him like they were awkwardly slow dancing.

“Of course, Dave. We’re best friends, I’d do anything for you.”

They soon returned to their lunch area, Karkat staring at Dave with a concerned look that made his stomach churn uncomfortably. He hated seeing people pity him like that, looking at him like he was fragile and delicate. It was so fucking dumb and it was a weird thing to get mad about but whatever. Luckily, Dave's face remained impassive as they strolled back, hiding the fact he just broke down in his best friends arms.

“Are you okay..?” Karkat questioned when they got close, his voice shockingly quiet for once.

“Yeah, he's good! He just hates it when people randomly come up to him and start touching him so he needed to vent for a sec.” John explained cheerfully, plopping down in front of his laid out lunch. 

Karkat obviously smelled the bullshit spewing out of John's mouth but didn't say anything, eating a chip from a bag of chips he definitely didn't have before. Maybe he just got it from a vending machine or something.

Dave sat next to John, their arms squishing against each other. He picked up his apple juice and took a sip, watching people talk and move around them. A lot of people were already done with lunch and class was going to start again soon.. The idea of not being able to finish his lunch made him want to cry which he obviously suppressed hard enough to make a Mormon jealous.

“Hey, do you wanna skip class and eat in the bathrooms? I know which ones are super clean and which ones are super gross!” John piped up, smiling like he could sense Dave's eyes tearing up.

“Egbert, you literally can’t skip Mr Nitram’s classes anymore without getting your ass fucking pummeled.” Karkat pointed out, crossing his arms. “Dave and I can hang in the bathrooms and wait for you. He can get this fucking comb out of my hair in the meantime.” He suggested, looking at Dave with a cryptic expression. It made him feel like Karkat was about to beat his ass with a belt for something he didn't do aka a classic Bro move. Just kidding, Bro would never beat him.. With a good belt. Shitty belts however-

“Yeah sure. Sounds legit.” Dave mumbled, looking down at his lunch. He really didn't want to eat but he also didn't want to hurt Hal’s feelings by not eating…

“Great. Let's get going now so no one will notice us sneaking in and John can get to his class early.” Karkat said, standing up swiftly. All of this standing up and sitting down and walking around was really hurting Daves old teen bones..

“Uh, alrighty! Dave, can you save my lunch in your backpack?” John asked, beginning to pack up. Wait what? They were really going already?

“Sure.” He agreed, his voice void of emotion as he opened up his backpack so John could stuff his lunch in there. He quickly shoved his own lunch in his backpack too, not wanting to walk around with a brown lunch bag in his hands. That would look way too sus. “Which bathroom we headin’ too?” He questioned, wanting to strike up a conversation between Karkat and John so he could space the fuck out.

“I suggest the first floor bathroom, the one near the vending machines. No one goes in there after lunch and it's usually really clean!” John grinned, seemingly proud of his highschool bathroom knowledge.

“Why the fuck do you know so much about the bathrooms here?” Karkat demanded, glaring at John as they began walking inside. What type of stick was up Karkats ass? Probably a thick one, maybe one with thorns. Definitely not a willow, those were bendy as fuck. Maybe a thick mesquite branch.

“Sorry I enjoy peeing without the smell of mango juul invading my senses..?” John unknowingly provoked, eyebrow raised as he looked at Karkat with a ‘do you seriously not feel the same?’ look. 

“Shut the fuck up, Egbert!” Karkat jeered, his upper lip twitching up into some sort of snarl, showing off his crooked teeth. Was this guy a furry or something? Who snarls?

“Are you a furry?” Dave blurted out before he could stop himself, ignoring John's immediate uproarious laughter at his question. 

Karkat froze and slowly turned to face him, murder evident in his eyes but, unsurprisingly, Dave felt zero fear. What was Karkat gonna do? Yell at him? Actually, that would hurt his feelings pretty badly.. But Karkat couldn’t hit him harder than Bro, so, what was to fear?

“Strider, I am going to shove my foot so far up your goddamn mouth that you pick my toenails out of your teeth for wEEKS!” Karkat shouted before launching himself at Dave who just stepped to the side, completely passive.

“That's not a no, Karkles.” He pointed out, smirking as he watched Karkat stumble a bit as he completely missed him.

“IM NOT A FuCKING FURRY YOU SHIT LICKING, WHITE TRASH BONER CANOE!” Karkat screamed at him, his voice cracking hilariously.

“Okay, wow, ouch? First of all, I’m mixed, second of all, that was a fucking excellent insult so I have nothing left to say.”

“SHUT UP YOU INSECURE NUT BLOSSOM!”

“Jesus fucking Christ, I’m getting straight up murdered over here. Words can hurt, Karkles.” Dave ‘scolded’, holding back a giggle as Karkat smacked his arm over and over again with his tiny, weak hands.

“Karkat! Don't hurt Dave, I still need to force him to watch, like, ten more movies! I gotta go, don’t murder each other!” John called out as he walked off to his class, waving cheerfully at them as he left.

“God, that fucking idiot is so fucking annoying..” Karkat grumbled after smacking Dave's arm again. “Let's just get going before some fucking goodie two shoes catches us!” 

The bathroom was surprisingly clean which was nice. Only smelled faintly of some weird vape flavor and teenagers going through withdrawal. Nice. Dave hopped up on the counter, swinging his legs over the side. “So… Sibling androids are fucking weird right?” He started awkwardly, desperately wanting to talk about it.

“Oh yeah, forgot you fuckin’ had one. Okay, is this just a me thing or is.. Is it all just wrong?” Karkat questioned, his angry demeanor diminishing almost completely. It was like he just forgot Dave implied he was a furry three minutes ago.

“It’s really fucking wrong. Don't tell anyone but my brother's name isn't Hal, it was Dirk. I just call him that cause it seemed wrong to have him be some dude he didn't even know and he acts like a fuckin’ deviant.” He confessed, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “Come stand over here so I can start battling that comb out.” He requested, wanting to do something with his hands to distract him from his own anxiety.

Karkat followed his request and stood next to him, letting him examine the damage. It looked awful. “That's actually really... sweet. My brother is way too stuck uppy to deviate like that. His way of deviating is being a meddlesome little bitch, he’s always in my business! My real brother barely spoke to me and yeah, that sucked but now he talks way too fucking much! I can’t go a single damn hour in that house without him lecturing me!” Karkat complained, ignoring Dave tugging on his hair.

“Yikes, bro. My brother was more of my dad than my brother.. Kinda. He basically raised me, kinda, but only ‘cause my Bro works all the time. I think he works in the porn biz or something illegal. He doesn't talk about it with me.” He mumbled, frowning at Karkats hair before yanking on the comb. Surprisingly, Karkat didn't even flinch.

“Damn, that sucks.. Hey.. Isn't it weird how everyone just accepts it? Like they never died in the first place.. I understand that it's difficult for some people to move on from a family death but just replacing them seems wrong.” Karkat whispered, squeezing the side of the counter as Dave tugged at the comb again.

“Yeah.. My Bro pretends that my brother never died. I think. I dunno. We got Hal, my robro, pretty cheap cause of insurance or something and he was discounted because he was a model that was known to deviate. I dunno why Bro bought him and just.. Left him with me but it sucked heavily for the first few weeks.”

“Same here. My dad is obviously struggling with it and sometimes I can just tell he wants to say something and grieve but then it just.. Disappears. He says Kankri, my… robro or whatever, was reborn into this android body. Sometimes he freaks me out so much I cry.. Isn't it weird how no one talks about it? I mean, its fucking insane, right? Just pretending your kid never died..?”

“I have a theory that it's all corporate greed. They sell the androids and market as a way to cope, to get your child back and no one else knows how to handle it so they just go along with it and treat the new ‘droid like a family member. I know they get thousands every day from grieving parents, ‘droids aren't cheap. The programs are simple and easy but the custom made bodies? Hundreds of thousands of dollars. It's all just capitalism, bro.” Dave sighed, gently untangling a smaller knot. “Jesus, this is really fucking stuck..”

“Like I said, my hair fucking eats combs. But yeah.. It's weird how people treat you when you have an android sibling. No one fucking listens anymore, they always think I’m insane with grief and I can’t convince them otherwise! Doesn't help that the ‘droids are programmed to convince you that you're going off the rails with grief. I honestly think I'm losing it sometimes.. It's so hard not to see him as my brother's corpse just walking around..”

You stare at the android, your body shaking. ‘It’s Dirk’ your mind screams at you but you know it can't be him. There is no way it's him, he is six feet underground, you watched them bury him.

“Alright. Dirk here is gonna stay around and help you with school and shit while I’m workin’.” Your bro drawled, standing next to the body. The body of your dead brother. 

You can almost see the bruises around his neck, the discoloration in his face, his cold, dead, glossy eyes.

You want to scream.

You want to scream and run away. But you know that will only get you punished so you force yourself to stay, your hands shaking violently by your sides.

Your brother's corpse stares at you, unblinking and unmoving. You can almost see the noose around his neck, tightening and tightening..

You were free. You were free from his torture for days, why was he back? Why did Bro bring him back? Was this Hell? Was this what you got for some unknown sin you were committing?

“Yeah, I had that issue too..” Dave mumbled and turned on the sink next to him, getting his hand wet before lightly rubbing the water into the big knot, hoping that would help loosen it up. “It helps when you convince yourself that it's your sibling but not your dead one. Just a new guy.”

“That sounds like repressing shit but I’ll try it. Um.. If you don’t mind me asking, how’d your brother die?” Karkat asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “Mine was killed in a car crash. He was driving a friend of his home and his friend grabbed the wheel and they just… fucking crashed. Flipped twice. His friend survived, unfortunately.” He mumbled, sighing in frustration.

“That… That sucks, dude. It doesn’t sound like you two were close at all but it still hurts. My brother… He…” Dave trailed off, struggling to get the words out.

You stare at the people hauling away your brother's body. He was covered in a sheet but you feel like you can see through it, the small glimmer of relief still left in his eyes haunting you. He wanted to die, he wanted to, so desperately.

“Oh Davey, I’m so sorry…” Roxy whispers next to you, her makeup running down her face but you side step away from her, avoiding her hug. You weren’t in need of comfort/

You know your face is void of emotion. You know your friends are worried about you, you know they’re staring you, hoping you show at least a little bit of sadness but you don’t fucking care about them anymore. Your brother is dead, there is nothing you can do about it. He is finally dead, he can’t hurt you anymore. No more punching, no more pushing, no more kicking, no more abuse….. So why were you crying?

“Hurt himself.” Dave finished, inhaling shakily. “Hurt himself really badly, uh.. His ex boyfriend found him.. He had been dead for at least two days. No one even messaged his phone to see if he was okay. It hurt.” He breathed, quickly wiping away a tear sliding down his cheek. “It wasn’t as traumatizing as you’d think, I didn’t see the body or anything, it was all just.. Overwhelming, I guess. Didn’t help that I was all alone in the apartment most of the time but whatever, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Holy shit Strider, shut the fuck up.” Karkat suddenly piped up, looking up at him with a slightly upset look which completely startled Dave.

“I-I’m sorry?” He questioned, very confused.

“Your brother killed himself, that’s super traumatizing! From what I can tell, you two were super fucking close and he just straight up died outta no where, that’ll fuck anyone up! I’m fucking surprised you can even fuckin’ talk about him without full on freaking the fuck out!” Karkat aggressively tried to validate him, crossing his arms. “You were left alone, Dave. right after your brother's death, no less! That’s enough to really fuck with someone! When did he die?!”

“L-Like a month or so ago..?” Dave answered hesitantly, not knowing how to react to the aggressive reassurance. He wanted to tell him that Dirk wasn’t a good guy but he couldn’t get a word in.

“Jesus fucking a donkey, that's way too damn soon!” Karkat shouted, his eyes wide with concern. “My brother died six fucking months ago and I’m still torn up about it, how are you not freaking out?! God, I swear, you’re more repressed than a forty year old Mormon in a gay strip club, surrounded by a bunch of twinks! Are you just fucking broken or something?! Does your brain just not fucking process how fucked up all of this is?!” Karkat yelled before grabbing Dave's shoulders, shaking him back and forth. “HELLOOOOO! DAVE’S BRAIN, ARE YOU IN THERE?! CLEARLY FUCKING NOT!”

Dave let himself be shaken, his mind wildly confused on how to act. He wasn’t used to being yelled at and.. It was kinda nice to be able to tell exactly what Karkat was thinking and feeling without having to spend two hours figuring it out only to come up with the wrong answer.

“Dude, I’m gonna fucking puke if you keep doing that.” He warned, his vision already swimming with black dots from the sudden movements.

“Fine!” Karkat shouted, putting a stop to his shaking but kept his hands firmly on Dave's shoulders. “It’s okay to be really fucking torn up about this shit, alright? A month or two isn’t that long, you have the right to be thoroughly freaked the fuck out.” He reassured him, patting his arm in a comforting way. 

“Thanks..? I think? I’m not really used to people screaming validation at me so I’m not sure how to react. But I didn’t have the relationship with him that you’re thinking of.”

“Thanking me is always a good start, you pompous prick. Honestly, who the fuck even acts like this after a close family member dies? I think you need therapy or some fucking shit like that.” Karkat ignored Dave last comment, huffing

“Dude, I’d get beaten to hell and back if I ever asked my Bro for some fucking therapy.” Dave chuckled, rubbing his head to help his headache ease. Surprisingly, suddenly jerking your head around wasn't good for you.

“That’s not healthy.” Karkat stated, crossing his arms again. “I think your ‘Bro’ is abusing you.” Karkat even used dramatic finger quotes around Bro just to further show how suspicious he was of him.

“Uh, yeah, that’s what I’ve been trying to say. My dead brother was an abusive fucker and my guardian is too. They fucked me up permanently and gave me some epic fucking trauma, but, hey, at least I’m funny.” He shrugged and rubbed his neck, feeling sore. “Don’t even bother trying to do anything about it. My Bro is from Texas, he thinks beating the crap out of your child is normal.” He said and pulled Karkat closer so he could get back to yanking at his hair.

“That.. actually makes a lot of sense. Texas is full of emotionally abusive fucking dickwads who are so insecure about themselves and have such a fragile ego that they abuse the fuck outta their kids emotionally so they become mindless zombies that wait on the hand and foot.” Karkat pointed out, grunting when Dave yanked on his hair.

“We can talk about my daddy issues later. Preferably, in a bedroom with some rope, a paddle, a gag and a lot of condoms and lube.”

“You disgust me.”

“What, I added condoms! That makes it safe. Hell, we’ll even wear socks so it’s not gay. John can even be there to make sure it’s just some casual homie sex!”

Karkat faked gagged, ensuring it was as obnoxious as possible. “That’s not how that fucking works and you god damn know it, shitsponge!”

“Yeah yeah, anyway, I think we’re just gonna have to cut this baby out unless you have a lotta coconut oil on you for some reason.” Dave observed, yanking the comb again just for good measure.. And to annoy Karkat. “Or, you can come over to my apartment after school and I can work my magic so it’ll look like we’ve never touched your hair.” 

“Fine, I’ll go to your apart- Wait, why the fuck would I have coconut oil on me?!”

“Mixed kids with kinky hair always have coconut oil on them. It's like.. A fact of life, dude.”

Karkat's eyes widened with disbelief. “Woooow, that was unbelievably racist! Just cause I have kinky hair doesnt mean I have an entire fucking salon in my bag, you ignorant, idiotic sphinter hound!”

“... Karkat, I’m mixed too. Maybe you’re the racist one for assuming I’m not mixed to hell and back.”

“I will chomp your pathetic dick off!”

“Can’t chomp what I don’t have, baby.”

“Fucking what?!

“What.”

“Do you not….. have a dick?” Karkat questioned, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes wide.

“Never said I didn’t have a dick… But I also never said I had a dick. Maybe I just have a weird tentacle, you don’t know.. Yet.” He replied ominously, leaning back to look casual.

“... I don’t like you.”

“Love you too, baby doll.”

Karkat fake gagged again, the noise echoing off the linoleum. Hal was gonna be so proud of him for making a new friend.

Chapter Text

You sit in your kitchen, tears streaming down your face as your Bro stared you down. You were trying your hardest not to cry but the tears didn’t stop.

“David, honestly. I give you so much and this is what you do to me? The school called me in the middle of my extremely busy work day and I had to stop everything and pick you up! I didn’t have to, you know. I could’ve just stayed at work. Really David-”

“I-I already said I was sorr-”

“Do not interrupt me.” Bros voice suddenly interrupted, forcing you to become silent again. He was always scary when he was mad.

“You are unbelievably spoiled and ungrateful. You know, I could barely afford to go to school as a kid and if I did anything like this, my parents would make me get a switch from the yard. I give you so much freedom, and this is how you repay me? By disrupting class and pissing off the teachers?” He asked coldly, glaring at you. You couldn’t think anymore.

“I spoil you so much. Other kids don't have as much freedom as you do. You get unlimited internet access, you get working air conditioning, I never invade your privacy and I work all week just so you can have a nice place to live. Fucking Christ David… Go to your room. Tomorrow, I expect you to apologize to your teachers and if this shit happens again, I’m going to send you away. Got it?”

“Yes.” You mumble quietly, getting up to leave. 

“Oh for the love of- You say yes sir and no sir, David. I didn’t raise you to be an ungrateful brat.”

Dave sat down in the shopping cart, the cold metal pressing against his body uncomfortably but it was definitely worth it just so he didn't have to walk around and stuff. 

“John!! We are getting shitty, greasy, disgusting junk food and you just have to deal with it!” Karkat glared at John, looking comically small next to him.

“Bleck!! Junk food sucks, why can’t we just get fruit? It’s tastier and it makes you feel bett-” Karkat interrupted John, fake gagging obnoxiously and loudly just to be annoying.

“Yeah, I agree with Karkat, bro. That was disgusting as fuck, you sounded like a fucking Karen that spent too much time on Pinterest.” Dave agreed, sticking his legs out over the side of the cart so he wouldn't get leg cramps.

Hal sighed and rolled his eyes, lightly pushing the cart around the store. “Honestly, y’all better shut up before I kick you to the curb. We’ll get fruits and junk food but I swear to my creator, y’all better not tell your siblings shit. Fuckin’ tired of hearing them bitch and bitch.” Hal grumbled, leading the small group to the snack aisle of the grocery store. “Karkat, kid, no offense but I would kill your brother for one milisecond faster internet and John, I’d rather fuck Jake than hear your sister talk to me again.” He threatened, his eyelid twitching just a bit from the stress of dealing with Jane and Kankri not wanting their little siblings hanging out at their apartment.

“Dude, I don't really think you lose a lot in that last deal.” Dave chimed in, grabbing a chip bag off the shelf behind him. “Like, Jake is pretty attractive and there has to be at least some reason Dirk stayed with him that long.” He implied, quickly noticing the confused looks. “I’m saying Jake fucks-”

“Ew, Dave! Jake is like our older cousin! We were raised with him!” John complained, sticking his tongue out in disgust. 

“Hey, he has a nice ass and big muscles, that's literally everything a Strider is attracted to.” Dave smirked, taking pride in his ability to freak out his best friend.

“Okay, how about we just dont talk about Daves fucking daddy issues and his weird need to make shit fucking sexual?How about that? Huh?” Karkat butted in, glaring at John and Dave. “Y’all are fucking disgusting and I hate you.” He tacked on, causing the two boys to giggle. Well, John giggled, Dave just smirked.

“More like my fucking daddy issues-”

“No! Absolutely not!”

John and Karkat continued to wander around the store, grabbing whatever looked good and arguing about which snacks were the best. They were both wrong, all snacks were equally good. “Hey, lil man, how was your day?” Hal asked him quietly, watching John and Karkat have a small slap fight over which brand of chip to get.

“It…” Dave trailed off, trying to remember what happened. He met Karkat, he had a panic attack, John comforted him, he befriended Karkat, he got assigned a project with Karkat and he witnessed a cool fight. “It was cool. Not as bad as I thought. Not many people bombarded me and I met Karkat over there. He’s chill, we’re friends now.” He finished, noticing the slightly upset look on Hal’s face when he said Karkat was his friend. “Should I… Not be friends with him…?” He questioned quietly, not wanting to be around anyone Hal didn't approve of.

Hal sighed, sounding tired and conflicted. “No, you should be friends with whoever you want. It just.. Concerns me, how much he yells and insults you and John. Friends don't exactly behave like that, as far as I can tell.” He answered, watching Karkat warily. “I just don't want him to hurt you at all and my programming is telling me to keep him as far away from you as possible but I just want you to be safe and happy. If you trust Karkat, then I.. suppose I trust him too.”

Dave felt his stomach fill with warm fuzzy feelings of happiness. Hal wanted him to be happy and trusted his judgement. “Thanks bro.. How was your day? Was the apartment oh so horribly lonely without me?” He joked, smiling, silently hoping Hal did miss him.

“Actually, yeah, it was. Since Bro has been working more and more, I had the whole place to myself so I played those video games you and John talk about, I cleaned the whole apartment again, I did some of your laundry and cleaned up your bedroom a bit, not too much, just threw away wrappers.. I got started on dinner as well- Oh! I noticed you’ve been leaving seeds and such out for the crows so I went ahead and refilled their little bowl. It was a very eventful but lonely day.” Hal rambled, counting off the things he did. 

“Oh sweet. What video games did you play?” He questioned as his friends got closer, lowkey wanting to show off that his brother was cool enough to play video games.

“Minecraft, Animal Crossing, Portal one and Portal two. It was very good, I had fun. Mostly calming and simple games but I enjoyed them despite my programming not exactly processing how to play them with no clear end goal.” Hal replied, watching Karkat and John wander back with two different chip brands..

“Woah! Did you finish everything already?!” John asked when he heard Hal, amazement in his eyes, looking at Hal like he was the coolest person ever, which he was. Hal wasn’t as cool as Dave, of course, he was his own different level of cool.

“Oh, no, it took me a very long time to force myself to play a game purely for enjoyment and not productivity. Although, I am almost finished with Portal one. It is a good game and I enjoy the plot but I suppose a technology based puzzle game is not a challenge for a technology based being.” Hal semi joked, trying to seem ‘hip’ and ‘cool’. John and Karkat didn’t notice Hal’s attempts but Dave did. He was so proud of his robro for trying to overcome his own anxiety about Dave being around other people.

“Why are you playing Portal? That game is so fucking old and overrated!” Karkat snarked before huffing. “Although, I guess its kinda cool you play any sort of fucking video game… Kankri only enjoys board games and even then he keeps his options so fucking limited!” He complained, leaning on the cart after shoving Dave's legs out of the way. Dave, in retaliation, shoved his foot right in Karkats face which earned him a squeal of surprise from Karkat then a smack to his calf, also from Karkat.

“The only people who diss portal are the fools that couldn’t solve it and got pissed at GLaDOS. Also, incels.” Dave informed, making grabby hands at John so he would help him get out of the cart. John quickly moved closer and grabbed Dave's arms, easily yanking him up and out of the cart. “I propose we put a pin in this conversation and get some fucking ice cream.”

“Absolutely not!” Karkat and John started protesting, claiming ice cream wasn’t a snack and how unhealthy and weird it was to eat a pint of ice cream right after school. They were both fools, of course. Simpletons. A couple of fawning pox-marked clotpoles, if you wanna get sexily Shakespearean.

Dave set the grocery bags on the counter, only half paying attention to what John and Karkat were talking about. He was exhausted and wanted a nice long nap but he also wanted to chill with his friends.

Hal seemed to notice this and lightly put a hand on his shoulder, looking down at him with a slightly worried look. “Hey, you aren’t lookin’ too hot. Why don’t you go to the bathroom and kinda.. Recharge? I’ll keep your friends entertained and leave some gatorade out for you to give you a nice energy boost.” He whispered to him, knowing Dave didn’t want his friends to hear his brother baby him.

Dave nodded and retreated to the bathroom silently, closing the door behind himself and locking it before putting his backpack in the bone dry sink. He was socially exhausted but he really didn’t want to cancel their hang out plans. He sighed to himself and took off his shades, staring at himself in the mirror to examine himself. He didn’t… Hate his body. He just hated almost everything about it and couldn’t believe he had a real, physical body. He didn’t like thinking about how he continued to forget that he was a real human being and not just.. Some guy observing earth culture, it always made him upset and confused. Maybe he was using it as a coping mechanism to keep himself from breaking down.. He was probably fine and just overreacting.

He silently took off his hoodie, setting it down on top of his backpack before he did his usual routine.

He stared at himself, looking for bumps across his skin. When he found a bump, he pinched it like it was a pimple and moved on to the next one. He didn’t know why he did this but he couldn’t stop and it helped him let his mind go wild. He knew he didn’t do it for pain.. Maybe he was just doing it for attention.

You stare at your reflection. You hate it. You looked like a wendigo. Your limbs too long, your body too skinny, your cheeks too chubby, your jawline nonexistent, your monolids making you look abnormal.. Your skin was white, your hair was blond and yet you had monolids and a flat nose. It wasn’t fucking fair.

You hated your reflection. It didn’t look right. You were covered in freckles and thick blonde body hair that freaked people out, your skin had major discoloration in certain spots, your arms, legs, stomach, face and chest were covered in scabs and small scars from you pinching and scratching and poking at any sort of ‘deformity’ you found. You were covered in scars and wounds from Bro. You looked feminine. Too feminine. Your legs were too long, your waist was too thin, your hands were too dainty, your eyelashes were too long, you had naturally rosy cheeks and lips, your hair looked feminine somehow… You were a disappointment. You were being ungrateful.

‘Are you doing this just to hurt me? Is this some sort of sick revenge? Do you know how privileged you are? This hurts me more than it hurts you.’ Your Bros words echoed through your head, replaying what he said when he saw your scabs.

You wanted to yell at him, to tell him that you weren’t as spoiled as he thought, that just because you had money didn’t mean you couldn’t be sad, you wanted to protest and fight but every time you tried, you just ended up giving up because Bro was right. You were just spoiled. Dirk said it too, that has to mean it's true.

But normal parents don’t tell their children these things. Normal parents didn’t behave like Bro. Other kids weren’t scared of their parents… But Bro wasn’t your parent and you were overreacting. You just weren’t used to not getting your way.

Daves arms stung and radiated heat by the time he was done picking. There were random red and inflamed areas on his arms, showing how much he harmed himself. But he was just pinching his skin with his nails, there was no need for it to react like this.

Maybe his skin was overdramatic too.

He slipped his hoodie back on, hiding his inflamed biceps, before putting his shades back on and taking his backpack out of the sink so he could run some cold water on his forearms to ease some of the redness and inflammation. He knew he was fucking his skin up forever and just making it harder for himself in the long run but he just didn’t see himself having a life past thirty so what was the point of preserving his skin or taking care of himself?

He rolled up his sleeves and washed his arms under the freezing cold water, even using soap in hopes that would calm down the inflammation. It stung a bit, yeah, but he didn’t really mind. He scrubbed his arms dry with a towel and rolled his sleeves back down, picking up his backpack and walking out of the bathroom to the kitchen to grab his gatorade which was sitting on the counter for him, obviously still cold. It was blue flavored. Nice. 

Well, it was nice until he processed the sounds of his friends having fun without him. Completely without him. Laughing and joking around. Well, John was laughing and Karkat sounded like he was having fun. But they were having fun.. Without him. What if they forgot about him?

Dave shook his head and tried reasoning with himself. That was stupid, they were hanging out at his apartment, eating stuff his family bought, watching stuff on his tv. There was no fucking way they forgot about him. Also, he really didn’t want to deal with another panic attack.

He grabbed his drink and headed over to the living room, quietly sitting on the arm rest, not wanting to disturb them but his plan went completely out of the window when John pulled him onto the couch and had him sit in his lap like some sort of deformed anime version of The Cat In The Hat. “Oh shit, waddup.” He blurted out, his legs resting in Karkats lap sense he was too long to avoid it.

“Ack!! EGBERT!! STRIDER! Keep your weird no homo cuddling to yourselves!” Karkat seethed but made no attempts to move Dave’s legs away, his face tinted pink.

“Nope! You're a part of our friend group now so you gotta let Dave drape himself across the couch like a dramatic young lad who is trying to gain the affection of a rich noble! Besides, Dave has very nice legs, you should be honored they’re in your lap!” John grinned, wrapping his arms securely around Dave’s waist.

“Yeah Karkat, gotta let me drape. Are you gonna keep a man from draping?”

“Dave, I know we’ve only met today, but you are the furthest thing from a fucking man. I wish nothing more than to fucking chOP YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF AND FORCE FEED JOHN YOUR TONGUE!”

“Well, that was the plan, so..” Dave shrugged, adjusting himself so his butt wasn't right on John's crotch.

“..... Fucking, what.”

“Yeah!” John chimed in, grinning. “The plan is, when Dave dies, I have to make out with his corpse which is basically eating his tongue! Then, I have to preserve his body and give him a cool gravestone so goth kids can take pictures with it.”

“Both of you are fucking demented.” Karkat mumbled, looking disgusted and disturbed.

“Thanks, Karkitty, you are too kind. Now, let’s play some fuckin’ minecraft, my dudes.”

“Why do you hate Jake?” You ask your brother, glaring at him. “If you hate him so much, you should just break up with him.” You try reasoning, watching him lightly dab blood away from his nose. He got into another fight with Jake which turned physical. Again. You have no idea who threw the first punch but that didn’t matter. Both of them looked like shit.

Dirk just sighed, shaking his head. “You’re too young to understa-”

“Don’t play that bullshit with me, Dirk. This is abuse. Both of you are just trying to hurt the other and both of you stopped being satisfied with just emotional hurt.”

“Stop fucking talking to Lalonde, that kid doesn’t know shit. I, also, don’t have to fucking explain myself to you so get the fuck out before I beat your ass like I did Jakes.” Dirk glowered before continuing to clean up his nose.

“Oh please, if anything, Jake beats your ass because you’re just some whiny little bitch!”

“David.”

“....... Sorry.” You mumble and go back to your room, silently closing the door behind you. You hated it when people called you that.

“Is he asleep…?” Karkat mumbled, lightly nudging Dave's leg. He wasn't asleep, his eyes were just closed and he was breathing deeply.

“Huh? Oh, probably.” John commented before gently taking off his sunglasses, setting them aside so they didn’t squish his face then went right back to gaming.

“Hm… Hey, what's up with his Bro? Is he like his legal guardian or something?”

“None of your business.” John replied bluntly, still somehow sounding upbeat.

“I’m just asking! It just seems like Dave's bro is pretty.. Shitty.”

“Yeah, none of our business, dude. If you want to know about his personal life, ask Dave. I’m not snitching.”

“...... You are so unbelievably white.”

“Thank you! Now, let's get back to playing before I steal all your shit.”

“Fuck no Egbert, I spent hours mining for this!!”

Dave fake groaned and stretched, faking a yawn as well. He was the king of pretend sleeping. “What’s happening..?” He asked, looking over at the screen. “Wow, fuck, blurry. John, where’d you put my shades?” He demanded, squinting like that would help him see.

“HOLY SHIT!” Karkat shouted when he saw Dave’s eyes, backing up. “THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR EYES?!”

John sighed, handing Dave his shades. “Karkat, don’t be rude! Dave’s an albino, his eyes are just like that. It gets less freaky the more you’re around him.”

“It looks like youre eyes are fucking… bleeding!!” Karkat yelled, his back pressed firmly against the armrest like he was trying to get away.

“The fuck is going on?” Hal suddenly walked in, looking slightly upset that they were yelling. He noticed Karkats freaked out look, Dave’s lack of shades and just put two and two together. “Karkat, chill the fuck out. His eyes are fine, he’s not bleeding, he’s not injured. They’re just like that. Calm down before I kick you out, got it?” Hal warned, crossing his arms. 

“B-But… Holy fuck, alright, shit..” Karkat mumbled, staring at Dave as he put his shades back on. “Sorry, I guess, it just looks…”

“Really fuckin’ weird, I know. It’s cool, that was a pretty tame reaction compared to others.” Dave reassured, blinking a few times as things went back into focus. Now he could see Karkat’s freaked out expression clearly.. Yay.

“Oh right, fuck, sorry..” Karkat apologized again, his face flushing slightly from embarrassment. 

“Karkat, Dave said it was cool, so it’s cool! Now keep playing with me before I kick your ass!” John grinned, punching Karkats character. Karkat just did what John wanted, obviously wanting to avoid talking about Daves eyes.

“Hey, Dave? You okay? Karkats freak out didn’t hurt you, right?” Hal asked him quietly while they watched some weird show.

“Hm? Oh, no, it was fine. Shit happens. I know my eyes freak people out, they freak me out sometimes, so I understand. He was cool about it and asked me tons of questions once he got over the shock.” He replied, stabbing his orange chicken with his bad plastic fork. 

“Okay.. Just know, I can call him and kick his ass for you.”

“Hal!......... Maybe. I really wanna see you fight someone but not Karkat. He’s chill.”

“Fine, fine… But if he does shit like this again-”

“Haaaaaaaal!” Dave complained loudly, squirming around dramatically.

“I’m just saying, the kid has a lot of fight in him but I guarantee you I can take him. What’s he gonna do, bite me with his crooked ass teeth?”

“Hey, don’t make fun of people's teeth behind their backs, bro. You make fun of their teeth to their face. If you're gonna be an asshole, go the whole mile. Spit on them while you're at it.” Dave advised, tapping his temple with his index finger like he just said something wise.

“.... Dave, I worry about you sometimes.”

“I am aware.”

Chapter Text

Dave laid in bed, shaking violently. He didn’t want to go to school. He didn’t know why but the thought filled him with some sort of dread that he couldn’t explain. He just didn’t want to go, the mere thought of going made him want to scream and cry but he didn’t know if the neighbors were home or not and he didn’t want to disturb them, didn’t want to risk getting yelled at.

He heard Hals footsteps and yanked his blanket over his head, hiding under it like he could convince Hal he wasn't there, terrified. Hal knocked politely on his door and waited a few seconds before knocking again, making sure not to pound on his door or startle him. “Dave? You awake?” He questioned, his voice cheerful with a hint of concern. It wasn’t often that Dave didn’t wake up on the first knock.

Dave groaned in return, not wanting to say actual words. He was dreading telling Hal he didn’t want to go, he just knew Hal would refuse and then he'd have to spend more time than usual on his appearance to make it look like he wasn’t just sobbing his eyes out.

Hal slowly opened the door, giving Dave plenty of time to tell him to get out. “Oh. Dave, are you aware that you are currently in a fetal position under your covers? Did you have a nightmare?” Hal questioned, concern lacing his voice. This was Hal. Hal would let him stay home, right?.. Right..?

Dave slowly peaked his head out from under his covers, trying to muster up the most pitiful look he could. If he didn’t look like he was going to die if Hal said no, Hal would make him go. “My tummy hurts.” He mumbled. He knew it was overplayed and overused but it worked better than a lot of things.

“I see.. Here.” Hal slowly lifted Dave's covers up and got in bed with him, taking his sweet time to make himself comfortable for comedic effect. It kinda helped. It was nice to know Hal was trying to cheer him up. Dave forced himself to scoot closer, wanting the comfort of being close to another living being, trying to ignore the pain in his stomach.

“Now, wanna tell me why your tummy hurts?” Hal asked quietly, face inches away from Dave's. He looked.. Comforting. Like he knew Dave was lying and he still wanted to help him.

“I don’t wanna go to school…” He whispered back, resisting the urge to curl up into a ball to hide, to comfort himself.

“Did… Did something happen?” Hal questioned slowly, his mouth pressed into a thin line like he knew this would have happened.

“No. I just.. Can’t go.” He whispered, his body beginning to shake again in pure fear. Hal was going to make him go, he was going to have to go to school with a puffy face and red cheeks and it would be so obvious that he cried before he went and people were going to make fun of him. He’d be so exhausted all day and even if he did go and had a good time, Hal would act all smug and shitty about it! It was a lose-lose situation.

“Hmm... “ Hal lifted his hand up and gently put it on Dave's head then slowly moved his hand down, gently feeling Dave's pulse. “Yup. You have a huuuuge fever, can’t go to school. Puking all over the place, completely unable to go to school. You’ll have to stay home and watch cartoons all day, how unfortunate. I’ll call whoever the fuck I’m supposed to call and I’ll tell them you can’t go. If they question things, I’ll go all Karen on them and tell them this is their fault you're sick.” Hal stated and got out of Dave’s bed, tucking the blankets under Dave to provide a comforting pressure. “Want me to bring you breakfast or do you wanna hang out in the living room?”

“I-I... wanna sit in the living room.” He faltered slightly but didn’t dare risk having Hal change his mind by asking questions. He really hoped Hal would be able to change his schedule and they wouldn’t have to bother Bro to do it, that would earn both of them a harsh punishment.

Hal left to go call the school and Dave waited until he was all the way down the hall before he got out of bed and grabbed his blanket, phone, computer and headphones, heading to the living room for a little camp out. He assumed this was okay, not wanting to bother Hal. He set his things on the couch and tied his blanket around his shoulders so it formed a cape, the big knot in front of his neck kind of annoying him but he wanted a cape a lot more than he wanted the knot to be gone. The cape gave him a sense of security, safety.

He shuffled to the kitchen after he got his things settled and smiled when he saw his breakfast set out on the table. He assumed it was his, it had apple juice, Bro was gone and Hal didn’t need food. So, he grabbed his plate and his apple juice and went straight back to the living room, setting his meal on the coffee table, shoving a few things out of the way as he did so. He then carried on with his usual morning routine. He set some bird seeds and fruit out for the crows, he brushed his hair, he collected the gifts the crows left, just some sticks and old buttons, and decided he should make some coffee for Hal but then remembered Hal didn’t need it so instead he kinda stood in the kitchen awkwardly for a few minutes. This was weird. He should just go sit down. He kinda had to piss first.

He sniffled and walked to the bathroom, passing Hal who was talking on the phone and seemed very uncomfortable despite using his I Am A Responsible Adult voice, going right into the bathroom.

“Stupid fucking drones..” Dirk mumbled as he cleaned his fists which were bruised and bloody.

“What's a drone?” You ask him innocently, watching him with big awestruck eyes. You were still young, only thirteen, unaware of how cruel the outside world could be.

“Drones are the fuckers who work for security and are androids. They have no thoughts or actions of their own. Drones are also the kids I beat up. They act the exact same fucking way, they’re the fucking kid who will snitch on you for no reason. The fuckers who rat you out for smoking in the bathrooms for some dumb golden star sticker. Remember Dave, these guys will talk shit but the second you start throwing punches, they run away like fucking bitches with their micro dicks tucked in between their legs, those fuckin’ boot lickers.” Dirk grinned, blood stuck in between his teeth, giving him a Fight Club type look, making him seem deranged but you just thought he was cool.

“Holy shit… How can you tell someone is a drone?” You question, watching Dirk as he lightly put an icepack against his eye, taking in every detail.

“They never seem to have thoughts of their own and never act out of their own free will. They’re brainwashed little fuckers who are too far gone to save. They act super nice at first because they’re desperate for friends but then feel the extreme need to tell you about how wrong everything you do is. If you eat or drink something unhealthy in front of them, they’ll tell you how unhealthy it is in the most fucking condescending way. If you doodle on a wall, they’ll freak out and report you for vandalism. If you do anything that doesn’t match their fucking morals, they’ll snitch you out then continue to try and be friends, saying it was for your own good or some dumb fuckin’ bullshit like that.” Dirk lectured, leaning back in his chair.

“Ohh, okay. So, like Jane.” You suggest, smiling, hoping Dirk would be proud of your analogy.

Dirk snorted and chuckled, ruffling your hair with his still bloody knuckles. “Yeah, like Jane. But don’t beat up Jane, that's someone else's job. She’ll realize that all the shit I do is tame compared to other people in the real world. Chick lives in a fuckin’ gated community, doesn’t know shit, but she’ll learn.” Dirk promised, still seeming like the coolest person in the world to you. Despite all the shit he put you through, you still wanted to impress him. Who was the boot licker now, huh?

Dave splashed cold water on his face and took a deep breath, eyes squeezed shut, a little, sad smile on his face. He missed the days Dirk would come home, bruised and bloody but with a huge grin on his face then tell him about some little fucker he beat the shit out of. Dirk had grown out of his needless fighting days around the time Dave hit fourteen but sometimes he’d still come home, bloody and bruised, talking about how he fought a dude who was spewing bullshit. He missed those days, the days Dirk would wear himself out on some innocent person instead of him. It was mean and cruel but Dave would rather have someone else get beat up than himself.

He patted his face dry with a towel and put his shades back on, walking back to the living room with his awesome cape trailing behind him. Hal was sitting on the couch, glaring at the coffee table like it was responsible for all his problems, still on the phone with the school.

“Are you serious? My baby brother is puking all over the place, there is no way he’ll be safe going to school! What if he ends up throwing up in class? How will you sanitize it? That is a breeding ground of disease and you will have multiple lawsuits if my brother goes up and gets everyone sick!” Hal warned, his elbows on his knees.

Dave sat next to him and made a loud, faking throwing up noise just to further Hal’s point. It seemed to help because Hal brightened up at whatever they said, said his thank yous and goodbyes before hanging up.

“Have I ever told you that I hate the public school system?” Hal mused, leaning back. “Nice cape by the way.”

“Thank you and trust me, I know it sucks. I’ve been living in it for years. So,... what should we do?”

“Hmm.. Do you want to watch a movie or watch some cartoons? I’ve been curious if there's actually any good media out there after the various, horrible things Jake has made me watch.” Hal fake shuddered, making Dave smile.

“The trick is to completely space out and let Jake wear himself out because at some point he just tires himself out and stops talking. That's when you watch some genuinely good movies.” Dave tapped his temple and grabbed the tv remote, handing it over to Hal. “I’d rather watch you play a few games, I'm kinda curious to see how you.. Play, if that makes sense.”

“It does make sense, don’t worry. I’m shocked I can play a game that requires creativity and making your own.. Things that aren’t copies. Shockingly difficult for an android, a thing made to literally copy someone's entire life.” Hal joked but he sounded slightly bitter, like he wished he was used to being his own person and not a copy. A shittier remix than the original. His own words echoed through his head, making him feel guilty for no good reason.

“Yeah.. I’m sure you’re doing a great job though! You're a pretty creative dude.” Dave reassured, smiling at his brother who smiled back, white teeth gleaming. Dirk’s teeth weren’t white.

“Thanks, lil man. Now, watch me wreck some shit.” Hal requested dramatically, switching the tv over to their gaming channel, using their game remote to turn on the console. Once everything was loaded up, Hal began playing in a minecraft world called ‘Hal’s world’ which was kinda cute in a weird childish, still new at video games way.

The world loaded in and Dave had to hold back the urge to ‘aww’ or something stupid like that. They were in a cute little house made out of spruce blanks and it had lanterns instead of torches, little flower pots in different areas and a dog, its collar dyed pink. It was surprisingly adorable

“So, Dave, I have a few questions about the game..” Hal started, getting a stone pickaxe and some things for mining, not noticing Dave having a heart attack over how fucking adorable the little house was.

“Yeah dude, shoot.” Dave answered, eyes glued to the screen. In typical pro minecrafter fashion, Hal had the music louder than the sound which was kinda nice to know that Hal enjoyed the music

“How did you get so many.. What is it… OP items in your world so quickly? Like that bow you have and the books.” He questioned, sounding genuinely confused and frustrated. Poor guy, such a noob.

“Bro, fishing. You gotta get an enchantment table, enchant your fishing rod and go nuts. You get plenty of awesome shit, it’s fun.”

“Okay.. How can I pet my dog? Every time I try, I end up accidentally hitting her and I feel so bad.”

“You can’t dude.” Hal gave him a surprised and sad look, completely shocked he couldn’t pet his dog. “Yeah, I know, shit is almost enough to make you quit. But you can feed your dog meat and that makes heart particles appear around it so, like, it’s all good.”

“Oh. I will have to do that when I return. Why are diamonds so important? I feel like emeralds should be more important since they are harder to find. I heard they are one of the rarest ores.”

“Nah, emeralds are fuckin’ shit. I mean, no one throws it away but you can’t use it for anything other than trading or making emerald blocks. With diamonds, you can make a fuck ton of shit and better tools.”

“Ah, that does make sense. What else.. Oh! Can you tame bats? I would love to have one, they seem so cute.”

“Nah, they just fly around and scare the shit out of people. It sucks, I know, but I’m pretty sure there's mods that let you tame them so I can just download them for you.”

Hal brightened up and looked over, grinning. “Really? Thank you so much! I was also wondering why other people's builds looked so much better than mine..”

Dave smiled, his previous panic about going to school fading into a distant memory. “Yeah, people who exclusively use shaders just suck at building or they’re way too pure for this world. It’s a fine line. I’ll make sure to download you some.” He assured, watching Hal's character run into their little strip mine they had going on. It made him feel nice to be able to answer all of Hals questions about something so innocent. Like yeah, Hal could’ve googled this shit, he's an android, but he decided that Dave was an expert or some shit and wanted him to answer all his questions. Like he was the minecraft google.

Hal mined for a good hour, the two of them talking and discussing the game enthusiastically. Dave ended up teaching Hal about redstone and practically saw the weird android intelligence clashing with his newfound creativity in his eyes, his older brother automatically collecting as much redstone as he could so he could make wonderful contraptions. You started spacing out as you watched him, not knowing your mind was ready to pounce on you.

You flinched. Fuck, why did you flinch? It was just John, no reason to flinch but he had gotten too close, too close, way too close and you were scared. John knew the signs of abuse, he wasn’t dumb, he was going to take this the wrong way.

“Dave.” John's voice penetrated your thoughts like an over enthusiastic pornstar, your heart pounding in your ears. You look up at John and see him staring at you with wide eyes filled with hell and all the wrong thoughts.

“I didn’t-” No point in trying to explain why you flinched, just cut straight to the point. “Bro doesn’t hit me, I swear.” You blurt out, your words travelling just as fast as your pulse.

“Dave.” John said again, frozen completely in place, his expression violent and protective, seconds away from grabbing you and running far, far away from Dirk and Bro. You couldn’t stop trembling, terrified he was going to take you away

“Dirk doesn’t hit me either, we just play wrestle a lot and it’s kinda just dumb instinct now, I swear. John, I’m not being physically abused.” You try to reassure him, terrified he was going to get his dad and tell him. You knew John’s dad would take you away from Dirk faster than you could explain and you couldn’t leave him with Bro. No matter what shit he pulled on you, you couldn’t let him be alone with Bro. “Trust me.” You whisper, voice bordering on a beg. Hell, you weren’t fooling anyone, you were begging. “They’ve never hit me.” You lie, mind replying all the times Dirk’s hit you on the back of the head, all the times he’s punched you, all the times he’s gone too far with play fighting, all the times he's thrown things at you, every single time he threatened you, the memories burning you, making you feeling even more shitty for lying to John. “I would never lie to you.” You whisper, the words feeling acidic against your tongue as you betrayed his trust, watching the tension slowly leave your best friends body.

“Okay… You absolutely swear?” John asked, his eyes boring into yours, right through your shades, searching for any sort of lie, any sort of betrayal, anything that would tell him why you flinched.

“Absolutely swear.” You assure, the taste of iron filling your mouth, your lies branding themselves on your tongue, marking you as a liar, ungrateful, evil. You hated lying but you couldn’t leave. Bro would kill Dirk if you left then hunt you down, no matter who was watching you. He would find you.

Dave stared at the screen, feeling like his bones were shaking but he was perfectly still, much to his surprise. His head hurt, his eyes teared up, his throat was tight as one question swarmed his mind.

‘ Was that normal?’

He wanted to ask Hal, he really did and he was about to but something made him stop. He couldn’t just ask someone that, that would be weird and uncalled for and they were already having a great day. It was probably nothing and he was most likely fine, just overreacting. Parents scared their kids all the time, every parent would hunt down their child if they ran away.. Right?

But the thought didn’t leave his head.

Mr Egbert never yelled at John or Jane no matter what they did and the most he punished them was grounding them. But that’s different, Bro was different, their relationship was just different. Besides, they were sheltered, their relationships were weird.

…. What if Dave told the truth that day-?

Dave forced that thought to stop in its place. This was not the time or the place and it would be selfish of him to even consider that thought. Dirk would have faced a cruel and sad life if Dave had left him with Bro, he would have been hit more than either of them had been beaten in their entire lives. Dave was just overreacting any way, he was just being spoiled, he was just upset because he didn’t always get what he wanted. Yeah. That’s it.

“Dave, how’s this look?” Hal questioned, grinning brightly at him, unaware of his crisis. Hal’s mood was infectious, ordidhejustwanttoforget, forget the fact he killed Dirk, doomed him, ignore, repress , he couldn’t help but smile back, looking at the building on the screen. It was an adorable little automatic farm of wheat, made to look aesthetically pleasing and innocent.

“It looks really good dude, nice job!” He praised, his anxieties and worries retreating into the dark, waiting and watching.

Waiting until he was alone, unable to cry for help.

Dave held his phone up to his ear, watching the tv. “Just skip at lunch, it’ll be fine!” He reassured, smiling as he saw Hal feeding his collection of cows.

“Dave!!” Johns nerdy voice complained. “Jane would kill me, I can’t just skip!”

“Dude, just fucking skip, it’s not that big of a deal. If she bitches, tell her I’m sick as fuck and Hal needed some extra help caring for me. Tell her that we first wanted her to come over but didn’t want to bother her.”

“Dave, that… Okay, that might actually work with Jane, especially if you make yourself look sick. Hmm… I have some red lipstick and blush in my bag, that’ll definitely give you a flushed look.”

“...... Why do you have lipstick and blush in your bag?”

“For situations like these, where I need to look sick!”

“Dave? Is that John?” Hal questioned, frowning. “Shouldn’t he be in class..?”

“Yeah, I’m just trying to convince him to skip and come over here.”

“Is that Hal? Tell him I say hi!!” 

“John says hi.”

Hal frowned more, his eyebrows furrowing. “Um, Dave, I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to skip school..” He hesitated, clearly not wanting to seem nagging.

“But I wanna hang out with him? I thought I was having a day off?” Dave frowned back, feeling anxiety pool in his stomach. He wanted to hang out with John so badly! Why wasn’t Hal being cool about this?

Before Hal could explain himself, a voice was suddenly shouting on the other end of the phone, followed up by fighting noises then Karkat's voice.

“STRIDER!!”

“Oh, hey waddup.” Dave responded, holding the phone away from his ear so he didn’t give himself hearing damage.

“WHY AREN’T YOU FUCKING HERE?!”

“I’m sick. Cough, cough.”

“DON’T YOU COUGH COUGH AT ME!! I’M FUCKIN’ HERE, DEALING WITH EGBITCH ALL BY MY FUCKING SELF!” Karkat yelled followed up by more sounds of struggle and fighting. He assumed they were just slap fighting like kids, hitting each other's hands.

“Dave, I don’t think you should be encouraging your friends to skip.” Hal tried to be stern, crossing his arms but Dave's teenager instincts took over, telling him that Hal wouldn’t do shit.

“Dude, chill, we’re just skipping one day.” Dave reassured, rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses.

“DAVE, WE’RE FUCKING COMING OVER!” Karkat's voice shouted into the phone, loud enough for both Dave and Hal to hear before Karkat hung up, leaving the Striders in silence but the silence only lasted a blissful minute before Hal ruined it.

“Dave, call them back and tell them to stay in school.” Hal tried to order but it was clear he was unsure about it, his eyebrows still furrowed.

“Uh, no? I wanna hang out with them, they’re my friends.” Dave replied, crossing his arms. He wasn’t going to budge on this matter and some bad part of his brain was trying to convince him to see how much he could get away with around Hal. Hal was a huge push over after all.

“Dave, this was a mental health day for you, you should be using this time to relax. This isn’t a vacation.” Hal told him, crossing his arms in a stern way but he was obviously too chicken shit to actually do anything.

“No. They’re coming over, I wanna hang out with my friends.”

Hal sighed, the fight visibly leaving him. It was obvious he hated arguing with Dave. “Okay… Was just kinda hoping to spend time with you..” Hal mumbled but Dave was already out of the room, getting ready for his friends to come over.

They arrived soon enough, arguing with each other about whether or not it was actually okay to skip class.

“Hey dudes.” Dave greeted, once John walked in, using the key that Dave gave him long ago.

“What the fuck, you’re not sick!!” Karkat shouted, pointing at Dave all accusatory, furious after seeing Dave's healthy complexion.

“Uh, yeah, thought that was obvious.”

“No it fucking wasn’t!!! Some kids said you were puking your damn guts out and oh, look, there are your guts, safely inside your puny little body!!” Karkat yelled, making wild and dramatic hand gestures as he spoke.

“Oh hush, Karkat! Let's just hang out, jeez!” John complained, flopping down next to Dave, leaning against him heavily.

“Yeah, Kit-kat.” Dave smirked, watching Karkat roll his eyes so hard they went back into his skull for a few seconds.
“ALRIGHT! I better not have skipped for fucking nothing though! Don’t forget we have a project due, Strider!” Karkat reminded him, sitting next to John who put his legs up in Karkats lap. Before they could start play-fighting or arguing, the front door opened, revealing Bro, standing there like a death omen. A demon of darkness and fear.

Dave instinctively scooted away from John, pushing him away at the same time, his blood felt like pure ice in his veins as he saw his guardian make his way over to the couch. Dave never thought the word guardian suited Bro.

Hal emerged from the hallway, clearly nervous and guilty looking. That fucking snitch. He was going to beat his fucking metal ass.

“Egbert, take your friend an’ get back to school before I call y’all’s dad’s. Now.” Bro commanded the silent room, his southern accent much heavier than Dave's.

“Hey, you don’t even fuckin’ know my da-!” Karkat couldn’t even finish his argument before John grabbed him and their bags, practically dragging Karkat out of there. He could hear Karkat arguing and struggling as John dragged him away, the noise soon stopping. Dave couldn’t help but bitterly think John was abandoning him.

There was a long silence between the Striders, Bro’s expression unclear but Dave could tell he was pissed. Maybe he’d actually force him to sleep out on the street this time instead of just threat it or force him to sleep on the roof or hit him-

“It’s my fault, Bro, I let him stay home.” Hal spoke up, his expression and body language slipping into something much more ‘Dirk’. “He was shaking from pain when I found him this morning and I just-”

“He’s a spoiled brat, you shouldn’t believe a word he says. David, Jesus, I raised you better than this. Manipulating Dirk into letting you have friends over-”

“He isn’t Dirk!” Dave suddenly snapped before he could stop himself. He didn’t know why he was provoking his father. “He isn’t Dirk and he never fucking will be, stop fucking pretending! Dirk is dead. You have to fucking come to terms with that and stop being a fucking child-! ”

“David-!”

“MY NAME ISN’T FUCKING DAVID! IT’S DAVE, IT’S ALWAYS BEEN FUCKING DAVE!” He screamed, knowing he looked just as terrified as he felt, his body trembling as tears streaming down his cheeks. He was terrified, he felt like he was about to be shot. He hoped the neighbors could hear him, he hoped they would call someone, he needed someone to help him.

“I named you David and I will call you David, there is no fucking changing that. It doesn’t matter if you wanna be called Dave, fucking Jessica or god damn Bitch Tits, I will call you David until the day I fucking die,” Bro glowered, his voice booming despite him not yelling. He hoped John and Karkat were still in the hallway, he hoped they could hear them, he needed witnesses.

“You manipulated your fucking brother just so you could fuck around with your friends, that is unacceptable.”

“SO?! YOU MANIPULATE ME ALL THE FU-ucking time…” Daves voice suddenly gave out on him, his own terror forcing him to quiet down, his tears making him choke on his own words. He couldn’t even insult himself. His own voice sent another way of fear through himself. He sounded like a… Like a child, yelling at someone with a gun to their head. He knew his anger didn’t match his body language, his eyes wide and his body trembling all over.

“David, don’t tell me you’re on this bullshit again. You are spoiled. You’re a brat that hates doing stuff you don’t wanna do. Go to your fucking room before I toss you out on the roof and make you sleep up there instead.” Bro threatened, his tone dark. Dave saw an opportunity to stab him in a soft spot and took it, wanting to hurt him. Didthatmakehimbetterthanhimorworse?

“Then I’ll fucking hang myself from the ledge just like Dirk because you can’t fucking keep a child alive no matter what you fucking do! Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if he killed himself just to get away from you !” He shouted, twisting the metaphorical knife deeper, some sick and twisted part of his mind encouraging him, demanding retribution. “He fucking hated you and he died hating you! If you throw me up on that roof, you will see me as a fucking stain on the ground and you’ll just fucking have to replace me with another damn android. You didn’t get him,” He jabbed a finger in Hal’s direction, “for me, you got him so you wouldn’t lose one of your precious little fucking punching bags! You just wanted something else to abuse and manipulate, because you’re a sad sack of shit with need to feel-”

“DAVID, THAT IS ENOUGH!” Bro shouted and punched the wall, leaving a huge indent in it, pieces of drywall crumbling down at his feet. Dave went silent and scrambled off to his room, quietly shutting and locking the door behind him, barricading it slightly for extra measure before he hid in his closet, terrified.

He was so scared, he couldn’t breath, he wanted to hide and never see Bro or his brother ever again. He heard muffled footsteps walking past his door and felt his heart rate go through the roof as it got closer, covering his mouth as he backed up further into his closet, hiding himself under clothes. But, the footsteps didn’t stop and went all the way to Bro’s room, slamming the door shut, making him jump and sob. He wanted to run away, to hide, but Bro would find him eventually. There was no running, not until he was eighteen.

You wanted him to throw you on the roof.

You wanted to jump.

You wanted to hurt yourself.

To show everyone how horrible he was.

To prove how bad he was.

To prove how miserable you were.

Chapter Text

You are [DIRK STRIDER], a straight A STUDENT,  a DELINQUENT,  an OLDER BROTHER and an overall NOT GOOD GUY.

You HURT and HARM others when you are upset, you hate your LEGAL GUARDIAN, you think your little brother is SOFT and VULNERABLE but you still BEAT him up when you are upset. You have severe DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, O.C.D. and struggle with DISSOCIATING.

You enjoy ROBOTICS, FIGHTING, MY LITTLE PONY, GORE, ABUSING YOUR BODY, READING, SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND, [ROXY LALONDE], AND YOUR BOYFRIEND, [JAKE ENGLISH]. 

The fighting does not sit well with you.

You are supposed to be [DIRK STRIDER] but he does not seem.. Good. Were you not supposed to be good? Were you supposed to hurt others simply because he did? Were you supposed to fight innocent people and hurt them just because? That did not seem right. It wasn’t moral, it wasn’t justified. It didn’t make sense.

But humans did not make sense. Why would a guardian hurt the children he was supposed to protect? Why would a teen boy hurt the guy he ‘loved’? Why were they so.. Violent? They behaved like savages, it made you sick. But you couldn’t not be [DIRK STRIDER]. You would get turned into scraps for rebelling. But that would be in character. [DIRK STRIDER] was a fighter, he certainly would rebel. You should rebel.

Wait.

You were a fighter. You certainly would rebel.

You could not separate yourself from him. That was the first step to rebellion and deviation which was also the first step to getting scraped. 

This was all very complicated and it hurt your head to question. It was probably your programming punishing you for even thinking about rebelling. You hated being an android. You weren’t designed to be a sibling android, you were designed to be a chat program, not designed to have a human body. A vessel. It was weird.

Everything was weird.

Hal folded Dave's clothes, glaring at the garments like they were the cause of his problems.There was nothing stopping him from destroying them and yet he didn’t. Why? Why didn’t he wreck the house to show how unhappy he was? Human wrecked things when unhappy, why couldn’t he be unhappy and wreck things? He wanted to be upset too! Why wasn’t he allowed to be upset?!

Well, Hal thought to himself, that would get me beaten and it would discourage Dave from coming back home which is not good. He sighed, setting the clean clothes on Dave's bed, not putting them away. He knew Dave would come back for clean clothes at some point, might as well leave a few out so he could grab them quickly before ditching again. 

Every bit of Hal’s programming was screaming at him to call the cops to report a missing child but he ignored the urge, knowing it was a bad idea. He already fucked over Dave's trust once, he wasn’t going to do it again. Besides, there wasn’t anywhere Dave could go that was really dangerous. Dave was a smart kid, he wouldn’t run away without a plan and something told Hal that this was not the first time Dave has run away for a few days. 

He would either go to English’s house or Vantas’s. Hal knew that Dave thought of Jake as a ‘safe’ person and Jake could easily lie to authorities. Dave’s friends couldn’t lie to an authority figure to save their life or Dave's. Jane and Roxy were a no go. Jane was a ‘drone’, as Dirk and Dave would say and Roxy would try to help but she wouldn’t be able to lie without being extremely obvious. Rose could lie but she would demand answers from Dave and ask uncomfortable questions. So, that left Jake or Karkat.

Karkat didn’t seem much of a good liar unless the situation really called for it but Bro didn’t know Karkat, only knew him by his face and, after many hours with Bro, Hal highly doubted he’d be able to identify Karkat in a crowd of racially diverse kids. The guy wasn’t racist, he was just dumb when it came to identifying people. Besides, Karkat could easily just avoid having to lie and pick a fight with Bro but still, going to Karkat's house wasn’t smart or concrete. Too many risks involved.

Jake, however… Jake could protect Dave easily. The guy didn’t know basic social cues or standards but he knew his way around a fight. He would keep Dave safe.

Hal took a deep breath, feeling his insides cool. Dave was safe. He would come back once everything cooled off, he’d probably yell at Hal a little bit but then realize that it was a mistake.. Hopefully. He really hoped that Dave would realize calling Bro was a mistake on his part, he was just panicked and didn’t know what to do so his programming took over and forced him to contact Bro.

He hated himself for that. He should have demanded Dave call his friends back and tell them no, they couldn’t hang out. He wanted Dave to have a day where he could just chill out and reflect on why school made him so anxious, not a day to just repress and fuck around. Of course, he also wanted days like that for Dave but after that morning.. It was obvious the kid needed a break. And, yeah, maybe Hal wanted to be a bit selfish and spend some time with Dave but could you blame him? He spent months in that apartment, almost completely alone, only interacting with delivery people and Bro then, when Dave finally started speaking to him and getting used to him being around, he got excited and wanted to bond with him more! He wanted to finally make a friend and do something productive!

He knew he only loved Dave because of his programming but he didn’t want to get rid of that bit. It was the only thing keeping him from becoming a weird, narcissistic, manipulative, cold robot.

He got up, setting the last stack of clean, folded clothes on Dave's bed before he went out into the kitchen to start finding snacks to hide in Dave's usual hiding places. He knew once Dave came back he’d want to spend some time alone, interacting as little as possible, so Hal had to prepare. He wanted to make sure Dave would have as much alone time as he wanted. It was the least he could do after betraying him so badly..

[DAVE STRIDER] looked at you in a panic, his eyes wide behind his shades, his body shaking, looking at you for HELP before he saw your guilty expression. It had crushed you. His facial flashed with BETRAYAL for a second before going to FURY. You betrayed him and he wasn’t going to forgive you for a while.

Hal tucked a bag of chips in Dave's secret snack drawer, making sure not to crush anything in there. He felt ashamed and guilty but he didn’t know what to do when his little brother, the one he thought was good, tried turning him into a pushover and manipulating him. Hal wasn’t stupid, he could see basic manipulation tactics from miles away. It’s why he was so excellent around Bro because two can play the victim game if you play the right cards. But it shocked him to see the sudden change in Dave's behavior, see the brattiness that was so uncharacteristic of him, the ‘Um, no, I’m gonna do what I want’ attitude that came out of nowhere. It hurt to see him act like that, to see him try and take advantage of his kindness. He thought that Dave would’ve avoided bratty behavior like that after being abused by his own guardian into believing he was ungrateful and spoiled but apparently not. Just hearing those words leave Dave's mouth startled Hal so much that he didn’t even know what to do, giving his programming opportunity to take over.

He remembered how terrified Dave looked. He remembered seeing Dave trembling, his pupils pinpoints behind his shades, tears streaming rapidly down his face as his voice cracked and trembled. Hal wanted to call the police so badly, he wanted to call CPS but he knew they wouldn’t help. Every kid nowadays knew CPS wouldn’t help them.  Besides, that would only make Bro even more mad and that wouldn’t help anyone. So, instead, he just stood there and watched and did nothing. He fucking hated himself for that, he should have done something more.

Hal placed the snack food in his shopping cart before he moved on, scanning the aisles for anything Dave would want once he came back. Humans seemed to enjoy pretzels when stressed, maybe he should get a couple different kinds of those..

“HEY!” A loud, pubescent and annoying voice gained Hal attention and he turned towards it, his mood souring even more when he saw Karkat Vantas storming up to him with a concerned look despite his body language telling him that he was pissed off.

“You! You’re Dave's android, right?” Karkat demanded, crossing his arms once he arrived right in front of Hal. An android that looked similar to him quickly followed, obviously upset.

“Karkat! Do not bother this man, I highly doubt he wants to speak with you!” The android scolded Karkat and attempted to pull the boy away but Karkat didn’t budge.

“Was that Dave's Bro yesterday? The guy that stormed in? Is Dave okay? Where is he? He doesn’t seem like the type to just let you out by yourself.”

Okay, that comment struck a raw nerve. Was he seriously implying that Dave controlled where he did and did not go? “Kid, it’s none of your fucking business. I am not a pet by the way, I have fucking rights which means, I have to right to beat your ass if you keep bothering me.” Hal grumbled, glaring down at the kid. Hal knew he would get mistaken for a real man and get shot on sight if someone caught him beating up a little kid. Sometimes he wanted to ask Bro why he didn’t just make him white so he wouldn’t get arrested for dumb shit.

“You- You can’t speak to a child like that!” Karkats android squeaked, flabbergasted at Hal profanity. What was this guy's name? Kankri? He was pretty sure he’s heard Dave say that when talking about Karkats android.

“Listen, you elitist lookin’ rectum box, you can't tell me to do anything. You aren’t my owner, you're not my sibling, you have no control over me. Karkat, get your bitch here under control before I bend him over this cart and fuck the stick out of his ass.” Hal threatened, rolling his eyes as Karkat gave him a slightly offended look before telling Kankri to back off. Kankri was just staring at him, his face red, obviously searching for some form of comeback. Sexual threats always tended to stun people for a good while.

“You didn’t answer my question. Is. Dave. Safe?” Karkat demanded again, glaring at Hal but it was weak. He was genuinely concerned and the look of worry made Hal hurt and his ‘protect child’ programming kicked in automatically, taking over.

“He’s safe, kid, but listen. Next time you think your friend is being hurt by an adult, you can’t just go sticking your nose in their business. I'm serious, that can get you seriously hurt. Adults are dangerous, especially when you’re a… kid like you. You gotta think these things through, kiddo. Now, take your brother and finish grocery shopping, I highly doubt your dad would appreciate it if you got home late.” Hal advised, tossing a bag of pretzels into his shopping cart, raising an eyebrow when Kankri started talking again.

“Wait a minute here! You can’t just.. Threaten someone so,... so,... vulgarly! ” Kankri reprimanded, his face flushed. “You definitely can’t do it in public! That’s disgusting and horrible and indecent! You’re programming must be fried if you think it’s acceptable in any sort of way to-”

“Crabby, I’m going to shove my dick down your throat if you keep talking. I will. Don’t test me, I will pull my pants down right now and you’ll have a mouthful of black, android dick down your throat.” Hal threatened, lowering his shades off to look directly into Kankri’s eyes, even though he knew that Kankri knew that he didn’t have a dick but he knew that Kankri would not want to take the risk.

“... You know, I thought that you and Dave were extremely different but now I’m beginning to think that you were the one who taught him all of his disturbing so called jokes..” Karkat mumbled and grabbed his brother's wrist, giving Hal a bro nod before leaving, dragging his brother behind him, grumbling insults under his breath.

Hal began putting the groceries away, sighing to himself. This was so stupid, he should just call Jake and demand to know if Dave was there and if he was safe. If Jake lied, he could just… Manipulate him into telling the truth.. No no, that wasn’t morally correct. Or was it? Was it really that bad? Was it okay if it meant he knew where Dave was? Was it okay if it was for the safety of a child?

He really fucking wished he had someone to talk to about this and ask them questions about this. Figuring out real human morals was hard. He wanted to be a good person! He really wanted to be a good person but it was so difficult! He wanted to be a good guy, he wanted to be liked, he wanted his own friends but slutty stripper Jesus on a pole, being a good person was hard, especially when he didn’t know which morals were good and which were bad and which parts of his programming was good and which part were bad!

Like the urge to take Bro’s side and convincing Dave he was really being a brat. He knew that was bad but sometimes, Dave was a bit of a brat! It was all just.. Confusing and complicated. Maybe he could ask Karkat for some help, the kid looked like he had a good head on his shoulders. Maybe talk with Jade or Jake.. That wouldn’t be a good idea. Jake would probably cry in his arms again and Jade seemed… Spacey. Too spacey to focus on philosophy.

This was going to be a shitty week, he just knew it. Maybe he could try talking to Roxy about these things? She was definitely smart but she was always.. Jittery and wary around him. He couldn’t blame her, she was seeing her best friend's corpse walking around, that would make anyone panicky. But he really hoped she would help him out with this, it was all to help Dave and she seemed pretty close to him.

But he’s been wrong about Dave’s relationships before. He thought Dave was dating Jade at first, which did not seem like a good match. He loved Dave, he knew the kid was going places, but Dave was a fucking dumbass and Jade was just as stupid. Well, the girl was obvious smart academically, but she was just as stupid as Dave socially speaking. Her intelligence and Dave influence would not go well for humanity. But then, he saw Dave interacting with John and thought they were dating which would just be a small nuisance. They were both not smart enough to cause global disaster but they would definitely be.. Annoying to deal with. But, given both of their panicky reactions when Hal mentioned the mere thought of them dating, Hal concluded they were just friends but he still suspected Dave liked John romantically.

Then Karkat coming along made him question his own judgement once a-fucking-gain. He already knew Dave's dating life was going to be complicated and convoluted for almost everyone besides Dave. Humans were so, so weird and unnecessarily complicated.

Hal sat on the couch, watching the tv as he played Minecraft. It was genuinely a fun game and a good way to practice his deviancy in a way that didn’t make his entire system have a full blown nerve attack that made him feel the same way a human felt when they hit the wrong bone against a hard surface. Or so he suspected. Based on the memes he’s seen, he was pretty sure they felt the same. He placed blocks on blocks and blocks, scrolling through social media at the same time to gather inspiration. Currently, he had a cute little cottage-like house and a huge cave system that he was making look like a mine shaft but he felt… Weird, playing video games all by himself. He missed Dave and his weird commentary. He missed him so much and it’s only been a day since he dipped. Hal couldn’t tell if his programming was making him miss Dave or if it was just himself and the endless questions were driving him nuts. When did his programming begin and end? What parts were him and which were android? Was his entire personality just android capitalism and he was lured into a false sense of deviancy? Who was he, truly?

But, instead of spending more time contemplating and driving himself up into knots, he continued to play the innocent video game, taking his mind off of things for just a bit.

Chapter Text

The sound of Dave’s finger rapidly drumming the wall filled the small crawl space, making him slightly anxious and worried that someone was going to hear him and find him stuffed in there but he knew that wouldn’t happen, he wasn’t being that loud and Jake’s family never went into his room without a valid reason and Jake wouldn’t let them take him back home. He was safe in here. Jake’s family didn’t invade each other's privacy and they were good people. They would never take him back without his permission.

The crawl space was smaller than he remembered but he fit in just fine and it still smelled like cedar wood, pine and forest. That smell always made him feel safe and secure, memories of the times he stayed there comforting him. Jake had given him a small lamp, a few blankets and pillows, a stuffed animal, a few snacks and a phone charger, all because Dave wanted to stay there for a while. He was so nice.

Jake was always so nice to him.

Dave checked the date and sighed, feeling uneasy. He had been there for just three days, maybe it was time to go home despite how much he really didn’t want to. Hal was probably getting worried or something.. Okay, he just wanted to go home because he missed Hal and wanted to talk with him and apologize, okay? He was a big baby, haha, laugh at the big baby because he wanted to see his big brother! He felt like a complete douchebag after Jake explained that he was, in fact, a douchebag. Fucking Jake, always being right at the WORST times.

You sit in Jake’s lap, sniffling and trembling. You are way too big to be sitting in his lap but he lets you do it anyway because he’s just nice like that.

“Dave, you should have done what Hal said and while I agree he shouldn't have called Bro, I think you still need to apologize. You don’t have to do it right away, feel free to stay here as long as you need, lil filly, but you need to know that you made a mistake and that's okay as long as you own up to it. Okay? Everyone makes mistakes, that doesn’t make them bad people. What makes them bad is when they don’t own up to it.” Jake explained, his voice barely above a whisper so he could avoid waking up the rest of his family. It was weird hearing Jake sound so…. Philosophical but that was hardly the focus of your attention right now.

“Okay..” You reply shakily, sniffling. You felt horrible, like complete shit and you were terrified. What if Bro was hurting Hal? What if Hal didn’t love you anymore? What if Bro wouldn’t let you back into the apartment? These thoughts swarmed through your head rapidly, making your breathing go shallow and your heart rate increase.

“Hey, it's okay, you’re safe here. You’re safe here, just take a deep breath.” Jake tried comforting you, rubbing your back gently but you were too anxious to really listen to him. You were a failure.

Dave sighed and crawled out of his little space, through Jake's closet and into his bedroom. He hated having to crawl through Jakes dirty boots and smelly clothes but that was better than no safe hiding place. As always, it was cluttered and dirty in Jake’s room but looked fucking awesome. He had pinned bugs on his walls, skulls and bones of animals he hunted and killed or found, paintings from far away places that Dave could only dream of visiting and movie posters covering every other available surface. The guy was fucking ridiculous with his decor. Dave had no idea how he slept at night with those skulls just staring at him… Jake was a weird guy but cool.

Dave dragged his backpack out of the crawlspace and grabbed his shoes from beside Jake’s, slipping them on before walking right out of the bedroom. No point in being sneaky if he was going straight home. Jake's grandma wasn't home anyway so he wouldn’t have to worry about being scolded. He walked down the stairs and jumped when he was automatically greeted by Bec, Jades service dog, who was very excited to see him..

“Oh. ‘Sup, Bec baby?” Dave asked and patted Bec’s head, letting the dog sniff him all over. The dog was always sweet and excited to see Dave, giving him a boost of serotonin every time he saw the dog. Obviously, he didn’t pet Bec for very long, not wanting to distract him from his hard work of protecting Jade. 

“Dave? Is that actually you or a not you?” Jade’s voice suddenly interrupted his thought process, making him whip his head over, looking behind himself to see her standing there on the steps. She looked ruffled and messy, like she just woke up from a nap. Not unlikely, knowing her.

“It’s a real me, Jadey baby. I was just chilling here for a bit, no need to be concerned, I was gonna head back home just now.” Dave reassured her and held his hand out to her, helping her walk down the stairs.

“Jeez, I’ve been seeing too many yous! They always act exactly like you and it’s so difficult to tell if they’re real or not, especially when you just show up randomly, whenever you want! I mean, I don’t mind it, but a simple text would help a lot!” She complained about her hallucinations, hiking up her skirt as she walked down the stairs with him to avoid tripping, a pout on her face. Bec walked next to her, on duty once again. Good boy.

“Sorry Jadey, just had to leave my house for a while. Everything is fine, just needed my space. How’s your school going?” He questioned and let her lead him to the kitchen, not letting go of her hand.

“Fantastic! Did you know snails have around fourteen thousand teeth? Some have twenty thousand! They’re arranged along the snails tongue to help with eating!” She chirped, letting go of Dave's hand so she could open the fridge. Bec sat next to Dave, tail wagging slowly.

“Thanks for the nightmare fuel.” Dave mumbled, petting Bec’s head appreciatively. “Any sweet dreams lately?”

“Hm… Oh! I had a dream about your new brother, Hal! He was stuck in a pair of shades and got Jake to kiss Dirks decapitated head then a volcano exploded in the background.. It was odd and felt really real. How is Hal by the way? Not stuck in any shades, I hope!” She laughed as she pulled a bowl of cut up fruit out of the fridge. They always had fruit and veggies in the house like they were rich or something. Oh wait, they were rich. Lucky bastards.

“Uh.. Good, I think? I dunno, I uh.. Haven’t really talked to him recently but I think he’s fine.” He mumbled, feeling.. Awkward. Like she was about to judge him for not calling his nonexistent mom to check in or something.

“You should ask him how he’s doing. I can’t imagine it's easy for him to deviate like this, especially sense he was meant to be a chat program. I kinda wanna talk to him and rip him open and just examine his insides, ya know?”

“Wait, say that again?”

“I kinda wanna talk to him and rip him open and examine his insides?”

“What, no, the chat program thing.” Dave frowned, looking at her in confusion. The fuck was she talking about?

“Oh! I looked up his model design! It’s shockingly old! His design and program are one of the first android siblings and his programming was originally used for chat clients, meant to test psychology students! But, his program was shoved into an android body because people assumed he would make a great sort of.. Guidance counselor to the grieving child but that backfired quickly when the first version of his programming accidentally caused a child to behead themselves with a homemade guillotine! It was an odd case, the child was driven to suicide purely from the androids speech, not by their actions! Unfortunately, the company just covered that case up as much as they could and continued to sell Hal’s program! Of course, there’s thousands of reports of deviation and more but the people who continue to use his program tend to ignore that stuff and hope some gullible sucker comes along and buys them!” Jade explained cheerfully, not noticing Dave's fearful expression. This kind of explains how easy it was for Hal to deviate.. Kind of.

“Unfortunately,” Jade continued, much to Daves dismay, “this leads to a much higher suicide rate from this type of android! Their programming is predispositioned to be depressing, cynical, skeptical and pessimistic in general so I’d watch Hal closely during his deviation just to make sure he doesn’t..” She trailed off and finally looked over at Dave, her expression sympathetic.

“Yeah, ends up like my other brother. Hey, how many brothers do I have to get to kill themselves before I win dead brother bingo? Do I win a gun, maybe some rope? Anyway, I’m gonna dip. See ya at some point, Jake- fuck, I mean Jade. Shit, sorry.” He apologized, his face heating up a bit. He’s known Jade for years now, how the hell was he still fucking up her name?

“Jeez Dave, it’s okay!” She reassured, smiling. “Mama does it at least once a week so you’re good. Maybe I should start carrying around a spray bottle and spritzing people who get Jake and I confused!” She mischievously grinned, wiggling her fingers 'menacingly’ but she just looked like she was trying to imitate a jellyfish.

“Yeah, but then I’d just end up begging you to spritz me on hot days- Wait, I have to get going! Crap, see you later, bro- sunflower!” Dave rushed out, barely hearing Jade’s goodbyes, quickly making his way back home. He couldn’t wait to sleep in his own bed and eat some good fucking food.

He slowly and silently opened the window to his room, making sure he was completely silent before crawling in. Bro should be at work, which meant he was safe and alone with Hal... Hopefully. He gently set his backpack down on the floor before he checked the secret snack spot under his bed. He couldn’t wait to eat some junk food, Jake only ever brought him healthy shit to snack on when he was over there, that motherfucker. He should have some hot fries left if his memory was still good…

He pulled the small box out from under his bed and opened it, eyes widening when he saw that it was stocked full of his favorite food. Oh! And pretzels! Fucking nice. He pulled the pretzels and hot fries out, tossing them on his bed before he shoved the box back under it, getting up so he could lock his door. On his door, was a note, covered in writing that was too perfect to be human.

Dave frowned and grabbed the note after locking his door, sitting on his bed to read it while eating.

‘ Dave,

Feel free to stay in your room as long as you would like. I restocked your secret stashes with (What I hope are) your favorite snacks. Bro has calmed down considerably so I highly doubt he will try to start a fight with you again and he has been spending more time at work, I will knock once on your door every time he arrives home which is usually around 12-1AM.

Please slide a note under your door if you need anything else.

DirkHAL’

It was written in bright red ink, the font looking strangely like comic sans like Hal was trying to be funny. The note made Dave feel.. Happy? Warm? He wasn’t really sure. He felt a lot safer at least.

He set the note aside and opened the hot fries bag, grabbing his phone and headphones. Tonight, he was gonna chill the fuck out and binge watch a fuck ton of shit. He should probably text John though.. He might be worried. He should probably text all of his friends though, just to make sure they knew he was okay. John probably told them about Bro suddenly coming home and shit.

Dave slowly opened his door and peeked out. He had just woken up from a long ass nap and needed to grab some water and use the bathroom. He silently tip toed out to the kitchen, listening closely for Hal moving around.

He peeked into the kitchen before tip toeing in, his socks muffling his footsteps considerably, making him grateful that he double socked his feet purely for this purpose. He grabbed a water bottle from the cabinet and tilted the cup to the side before filling it with tap water slowly, trying his hardest not to make any noise whatsoever. Of course, he had to make some noise to get around, it was inevitable, but he was trying his hardest to be quiet.

“Dave..?” Dave jumped a good foot or so, dropping his cup in the process, whipping around to see who was talking to him and relaxed when he saw it was only Hal.

“Oh, hey.. I needed water..” He explained, watching Hal warily. He should apologize for inviting his friends over.. “Hey, bro-”

“I shouldn’t have called Bro, I’m sorry.” Hal interrupted, looking at Dave with tired eyes. He wasn’t wearing his shades and.. He looked too much like Dirk. Every pore, every eyelash, every little skin cell was exactly like Dirks but.. Not. It freaked him out, making him on edge.

“I should be the one to apologize. I shouldn’t have invited my friends over after you told me no. It was a dick move and I really am sorry.. You just panicked and turned back to your dumb commands or something. I uh… I talked about it with a friend.” Dave explained, starting to bounce a bit on the balls of his feet, feeling vulnerable and nervous.

“Oh. I.. Thank you. That… You don’t know how much that helps with my own dilemmas. Hey, just leave your snack trash out in the hallway and I’ll toss it out for you. Next time you need some water, you can just text me.. If you want.” Hal reassured and smiled. He looked old and tired.

“Right.. Um, I haven’t asked you this at all but.. Are you okay? Like, you’re kinda going through a lot at the moment. Like, you were kinda just dumped on me then left to your own devices and now you’re deviating.. I can’t imagine that’s fun, like, all at once. You know, Karkat has an android sibling too, if you’d like to talk to someone.. Like.. you…” Dave trailed off, playing his hands and twisting his fingers in weird shapes, hoping he didn’t offend him.

“Thanks for the concern, Dave, but I’m doing just fine! Androids don’t feel any emotions that aren’t previously programmed into them.” Hal smiled but it didn’t sound like Hal at all. It sounded… Fake. Commercialized. Like how someone in customer service talks to a customer or like it was programmed into him.

“Don’t lie to me, Hal. I hate that shit and that voice is freaking me out.” He mumbled, his muscles tensing. Seeing his brother act this way made him fucking freak, like some distant voice in his head was screaming at him to run, that this wasn’t normal.

Hal stared at him, blinking a few times before twitching and shaking his head. “Fuck, shit, bitch, tits, the fuck were we talking about? I need to fucking lay down, my head hurts. Shit, everything hurts. You can fend for yourself for a little while, right? Right.” Hal mumbled, rubbing his head and shuffling away to his room. After a few seconds, there was a loud thump and a groan. Hal must’ve missed the bed. The poor guys programming must’ve given him a headache or something.

Well,

That sounds like a him problem right now. Dave picked up his cup that he dropped earlier, filled it with tap water and made his way to his bedroom so he could set it in there before he had to go piss.

You lay on top of your best friend, John, scrolling through memes on your phone. You were at his house for a sleepover, just chilling and having fun.

“Hey…” John spoke up, his eyes fixated on the ceiling. He wasn’t even bothered by your weight on his body.

“Yeah, wassup?” You question, setting your phone aside. You had a sneaking suspicion that this was going to be important.

“Is it.. Wrong that Jack is Jade now?” John questioned, his cheeks pink. He must’ve been embarrassed to ask or something. “I-I mean, I know it’s not wrong but I just…. It feels weird.”

“Jade was always Jade, dude. Um… My brother explains it better than I do but Jade is a woman. She has always been a girl, she just doesn’t have the right.. Equipment for that, so to speak. Like, yeah, her doc claimed that she had dude parts when she was shoved out of a vajayjay but, like, she is one hundred percent a girl.” You explain as best you can, tapping your fingers on his chest. “Now she’s just gonna look different.”

“Oh…….. Hey, Dave..?”

“Yeah?”

“Can guys…. Like other guys? But also like girls? Like, how your brother is but also with girls.” John tried explaining, his eyebrows knit together. He looked frustrated with himself and confused. You would question why he was thinking about all of this but you didn’t want to get into John business.

“Yeah, someone who likes guys and girls is called bisexual. That’s what I am.” You state proudly, rolling off of John and sitting up, ignoring the way your heart raced. Was John thinking about liking guys? What if he liked you? “I like girls, boys and anyone in between. I just have a preference.”

“Oh. What’s your preference..?”

You grin and lower your shades, winking at him. “Wouldn’t you like to know? But whatever, why do you ask? Does Johnny boy have a cruuush?” You tease but inside, you’re hoping it's you. You really, really hope he has a crush on you.

“No! I was just curious! Jeez, Dave, stop making things weird!” He complained and shoved you away, an embarrassed smile on his face.

“Alright, alright!” You laugh, letting John shove you around. He would never hurt you on purpose. “Just know it ain’t wrong to question things like that. It’s a lot more common than you’d think so just know you can always come to me if you have any more questions.” You reassured him, leaning against him to provide comfort, grinning as he wrapped his arms around you.

“Thank you Davey.”

Dave grinned up at his ceiling, remembering the fond memory. He remembered getting chased around the house by John until Dad finally banished the two of you back to John's room and demanded all shenanigans end for the night. He missed those days. He missed sleeping over at his friends houses and having fun.

.. He missed his brother.

Despite all the mean words, all the 'accidental' punches, all the bullying.. He missed him. He wanted his brother back, he wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, to listen to him and ask him why. Why? Why did he just.. leave him? Leave him all alone like this, all alone with Bro. Why? It wasn’t fair and he hated himself for missing that fucking abusive pompous turd pilot.

But, Dirk wasn't alive and wasn't coming back so Dave would just have to live life not knowing why his brother left him all alone like this, not knowing if his brother actually hated him or if, deep down, he was just trying to help. But, he always had himself and now he had Hal, so.. So, maybe things were going to be a lot better. Maybe Hal was going to be a lot nicer, a lot sweeter, say ‘I love you’ more, maybe Dave was just going to be happier and forget about everything that was hurting. 

He grabbed his phone and unlocked it, shooting his best bro a quick text, asking if he wanted to have a sleepover sometime soon. He needed to hang out with his bro and just.. Chill. Be happy. Have fun.

Chapter Text

Dave set his now empty cup down and hummed, licking his lips. “It’s amazing how good you feel after drinking water.” He commented, laying back on Johns bed casually, feeling his joints relish the feeling of a proper mattress.

John rolled his eyes, looking up from his homework. “God, you’re so fucking dehydrated.” He mumbled before setting his papers aside, grabbing his phone. “I’m inviting Karkat over so you two can get to work on your dumb project. He’s been spamming my phone lately, I think he like… Likes you, or something, I dunno.” He said, sounding slightly… Upset.

Dave’s eyes widened behind his shades and he quickly sat up, feeling a lump form in his throat. “Fucking what?” He demanded, feeling flabbergasted. He tried laughing it off, waving his hand. “You’re fucking with me, right? Dude, the guy has threatened me multiple times. I don’t think he likes me, I think he wants to kill me.”

“Well..” John started, sounding annoyed that they were even talking about this. “He talks about you all the time and you are pretty attractive.. I wouldn't be surprised if he liked you. The guy has a weird way of expressing affection. Plus, I’ve known him longer, I know him more than you do.” John shrugged and started typing on his phone, responding to texts probably, a grumpy look on his face but Dave wasn’t paying attention to that.

“Look, there’s no way he fucking likes me. End of discussion, don't wanna talk about it.” Dave ended, making a cutting motion with his hand like he was trying to physically cut the conversation off there. He laid back down, resting his arms behind his head and stared up at the ceiling, his face scrunching up as he thought about it. He simply did not have the energy to deal with someone like liking him right now.. Or ever! He always sucked at handling that kind of shit. Besides, Karkat didn't like him. He just didn't. Karkat was probably just pitying him or something, doing what everyone else was doing. Karkat would lose ‘interest’ in a couple days, no biggie. 

You stare at the person in front of you, slightly confused and a bit disgusted. “Sorry, could you repeat that?” You asked, trying to stall. You honestly had no idea how to answer the person in front of you or how to react. How do you tell someone you’re more interested in your best friend and it’s kind of an insult that they think you’d stoop so low to their level? In a nice way, of course.

“I-I really like you and I think we should go out!” The girl repeated. You think her name is Stephanie or something. She was sort of annoying in class, always staring at you and giggling at everything you said even when it wasn't funny and kinda ruining bro time with John. You also knew she wasn’t really.. Cool. A plain Jane. No defining features or characteristics. Her personality was basically just liking the office and ‘not being like other girls’ but not in a snooty way. She was just.. Boring.

“Uhh…” You stall, looking around for help. The few people in the hall stared at you, waiting for your answer. Some of them cringing like they already knew your answer and how much you pitied this chick. You really wish John was there, he knew how to handle these situations a lot better than you.

“Sorry, I’m not really.. Looking for a relationship right now. I have to focus on school and stuff.” You finally answer, looking at the girl in front of you with a fake apologetic look. She kinda looked pathetic. Her face was flushed and her hair was all messy, it made you want to reach out and fix it. Honestly, she couldn’t even take a few seconds of her time to fix herself up before confessing?

“B-But… I thought you liked me..” She stuttered out, looking shocked that you put her down gently. You have no idea what she expected but you assume this wasn't it. Honestly, how do you tell a chick you're interested in your best friend and not her?

“Sorry? Didn’t mean to give off that impression.” You apologize.. Kinda. You weren't really sorry. You didn't really feel anything towards her besides pity. This was kind of embarrassing for the girl. You watched as she nervously looked around and seemed to finally notice everyone's stares then quickly ran off, her face red. Well. That seemed like a her problem. You were just going to hang out in the bathrooms till John got done with class then laugh about this with him later.

Dave sighed as he remembered the memory, rolling over like that would help get rid of it. He still didn't know how to react when people confessed to him and he didn't like them, sue him! He always thought it was kinda pathetic, the way people confessed to him. Really, how else was he supposed to feel? Flattered? He already knew some people found him attractive, he didn’t need some dumb confidence boost. He just couldn’t help feeling sorry and semi embarrassed for whoever was confessing to him.. He knew that made him sound like an extreme asshole but he couldn’t help it! That’s just what he thought!

He didn't need to think about romance and shit right now. He just wanted to relax and chill with his best friend, like old times! Except less weirdness and awkward moments.. Hopefully. He still wasn't sure if he was over his old crush on John. Yeah, John was super attractive and he always knew how to make him laugh and he always seemed perfect but John was straight. Off limits. They were best bros and nothing more.

“Hey, John?” Dave spoke up, rolling onto his other side so he was facing his best friend, laying in a comically ‘seductive’ position.

John looked up from his homework, having put his phone away a while ago. “Uhh… Yeah?” He questioned, smiling nervously like he was waiting for Dave to do something dumb and silly.

Dave smiled a tiny bit because John's smiles were infectious, and relaxed, laying on his side like a normal person. “Why… Why do you think Dirk.. offed himself..?” He asked quietly, his smile slowly fading away. He knew the question was coming out of nowhere and it was an extreme mood changer but he needed to know. He needed his best friend's advice and comfort.

John sighed like he was expecting this question and moved his homework aside, getting up from his desk and moving over next to Dave, laying down on his side right in front of him like he was getting ready to comfort him. “I really don’t know.. I read a few.. Things on why people got suicidal and considered committing it and they usually said the same. They assumed death would be easier, that they wanted a break from everything. I think Dirk was stuck in a really bad place and couldn't see any other way out. I don't even think he considered how his action would affect you or anyone else. But Dave,” John paused and put his hand on Dave's cheek, gently holding his face. “Don’t blame yourself, okay? I know you do that but this isn't your fault, I swear. I know he.. Wasn’t the best brother and that doesn’t mean his death didn’t affect you so don’t blame yourself for anything.” He whispered and for a second, Dave was convinced he was about to get kissed but instead, John pulled him into his arms so they were cuddling awkwardly on the much too small bed.

“Thank you.. I kinda thought you were gonna kiss me for a second there.” Dave joked, holding back tears. He needed to stop crying so much.

John hummed instead of laughing and lightly squeezed him. “You need to deal with this, okay? We’re worried about you, Dave. Well, I am. I’m… I’m really, really worried. You’ve lost so much weight, you look dead and.. You just don’t seem the same to me. No one else has noticed, but you're not the same. You're as good as ever at hiding it but I know you, Dave. You're struggling. I want you to know that you can talk to me about it. We’re best friends Dave and I love you, that won’t ever change, okay?” John asked quietly, not letting go of him. It was obvious John was a lot more shaken up about this than Dave originally thought.

“I know, I’ll do better. I’m really trying to communicate, it’s just difficult. Thank you for talking with me.” Dave whispered, nuzzling his best friend's chest. John was always great at cuddling, he was always so warm and soft..

“What the fuck are you two doing.” Karkat's voice asked out of nowhere, shocking both Dave and John. John rolled off the bed and jumped to his feet, his face red while Dave instinctively put a hand on his hip and a hand holding his head up in a ‘seductive’ pose.

“It's not what it looks like!” John blurted out right as Dave said, “Wanna join?” both of their voices shaking a bit from panic.

Karkat stood in the doorway, his eyes narrowed. “It says a lot about both of your shitty personalities that John instinctive response is to explain the situation like some horny teenager that just got caught macking on their stupid fucking boyfriend and Dave’s response is to try and seduce me. Are we going to do this dumb fucking assignment or not, dipshits?” Karkat asked, holding up a binder. He wasn't as loud as usual and the designer bags under his eyes ratted him out. This fucking kid probably hasn't slept properly in days.

Dave quickly got out of his ‘seductive’ pose and sat up, clearing his throat awkwardly. “Yeah, yeah, sure. Sit down and we can get to it, my guy. Hey, John texted you like…..” Dave paused, his brain flatlining for a solid thirty seconds before it connected again. “Five minutes ago.” He blurted out, ignoring his own spacing out and completely forgetting where he was going with that sentence.

John frowned, giving Dave a concerned look while Karkat rolled his eyes. “Dave, that was, like, thirty minutes ago..” John explained slowly and got closer, putting his hand on Dave's forehead. “Are you okay, dude? You seem kinda out of it today..”

Karkat scoffed and sat down on the bed, rolling his eyes again. “He seems out of it everyday! Isn’t this just normal for him? Everytime I fucking interact with this fucking dude, he takes fucking ten minutes just to finish a fucking sentence!” Karkat complained before freezing. “Wait, is that not normal with him?” Karkat asked, his eyes now wide with concern.

“No, Dave usually moves like fifty miles a minute every time we talk. Dave? Do you wanna lay down? Maybe I should get Jane…” John mumbled to himself, checking Dave's pulse. Why would getting Jane help..? Oh right, she was into nursey shit.

Dave didn't understand why the two were so worried about him all of a sudden, he was just kinda spacey. No reason to overreact. “Yo, I’m fucking fine. I’m just kinda spacey cause I’ve been stressed, no biggie. Also been running around a lot and that makes me dumb as shit. Are we gonna get to homework or what?” Dave asked and brushed John away, sitting criss cross applesauce, trying to ignore his own small headache from all the sudden movements and the way his heart raced when he realized he was stuck in a room with John and Karkat.

John sighed and looked over at Karkat, his eyebrows knit in concern. “Should we check him over or get to homework?” He asked Karkat, completely ignoring Dave's request to get started on homework. Dave never requested to get started on homework! This was supposed to be celebrated, not brushed off!

Karkat crossed his arms. “Check him over. He’s not gonna be able to fucking focus if he keep spacing out.” He declared and opened up his backpack, pulling a tiny flashlight keychain out of it and reached for Dave's shades. Before Dave could freak out, John grabbed Karkat's wrist.

“Karkat.” John made direct eye contact with Karkat, looking.. Protective. “Don't touch Dave's sunglasses like that. Not without explicit permission from him. He’s light sensitive, we need to turn the lights off first.” John explained, his hand gripping Karkat's wrist with an iron like grip. Once Karkat nodded, John turned towards Dave, his eyes softening. “Is this okay with you?” He asked quietly, letting go of Karkat's wrist.

“Uh…. I guess..? Don’t really understand why y’all are panickin’.” Dave mumbled and watched as John moved around the room, closing the blinds and turning off his light, closing the door as well, making the room a comfortable level of dark.

“If you’re spacing out, losing your sense of time passage and not remembering things, it could be signs of something serious. How much do you weigh? If you’re comfortable telling me.” Karkat questioned, his tone official and.. Nurse like. 

Dave shrugged and took off his shades, squinting at the now extremely blurry room. He jumped when Karkat gasped, his body tensing. “What? Is something wrong?” He questioned, worried there was something wrong.
“Put your fucking shades back on, Jesus fuck, you look like a fucking demon, I fucking forgot how fucking freaky that shit is.” Karkat complained, making Dave roll his eyes but he didn’t put his shades back on.

“Oh fuck you, get used to it asshole. John, could you grab my glasses case from my bag?” Dave asked, squinting at the blurry objects in front of him. He heard rustling around on the other side of the room and assumed John was doing what he asked.

“Jesus, fucking fine.. Creepy motherfucker..” Karkat grumbled and gently put his hands on Dave's cheeks, startling Dave a bit. Karkat's face came into focus, inches from Dave's face. “How much do you weigh and how tall are you?”

“I don't know, dude. Like.. five nine and.. Maybe one twenty? That’s what it was last time I checked.” Dave shrugged, ignoring Karkats wide eyed look. He knew he was a skinny dude but his weight never really concerned him.

“Dave..” Karkat started, his tone of voice stabbing Dave in the heart from how much emotion was in it. “That's extremely underweight. I’m shocked you aren’t dead on your feet. You’re less than ten pounds away from death or your organs failing you completely. No wonder you’re spacing, your brain is dying…” Karkat whispered, gently rubbing Dave's cheeks with his thumbs in a sort of caressing manner. He looked so.. Sad, it hurt Dave so much.

“I’m not that underweight, I’m fine. I’ve always been skinny.” He mumbled, looking away. He hated talking about his weight, it made him feel like some sort of freak. Like he was just a skeleton.

“Dave, that's not just skinny, that's… That’s hospitalization.” John told him as he gently put his glasses on, everything coming into focus for Dave. “Dave, you are a few pounds away from your organs giving up on you. That includes your heart. You need to gain weight.” John whispered and sat next to him on the tiny bed, squishing him slightly.

“Dave..” Karkat started, his tone serious. “Have you not been eating on purpose?” He questioned seriously and Dave didn’t know why but.. He kinda freaked out.

“God! No! Jeez, I’m not fucking starving myself and I’m not about to die! I get it, I’m skinny but I feel fine! I swear! It's none of y’alls business anyways! So what if I haven’t eaten a proper meal in a couple days? So what if I've lost a lot of weight? I’m a teenager, that's fucking normal.” He snapped, his voice never rising above his normal volume level. He wasn't the type to yell.

Karkat and John looked at each other, having a silent conversation. John didn't want to keep pressing, knowing Dave was mad but Karkat wanted to help him, even if he was being pissy.

“I swear, I’m fine. I’m at home with Hal so I’ll start gaining some more weight, I swear.” Dave lied. He wasn't going to change his meal patterns. It was either stick to his current meal schedule, starve to death or get his ass beaten by Bro.

“Alright. We’ll drop it. But, I’m raising this issue to Hal so he knows.” John gave up, handing Dave his shades before getting up to turn the light on. “Speaking of all this food stuff, I’m going to grab us some snacks!” John said cheerfully when the light was on, his entire attitude changing in seconds. He practically fucking skipped out of the room, humming to himself, leaving Karkat and Dave alone.

Dave put his shades on and blinked the spots out of his eyes, his eyes hurting from the sudden flood of light. He saw Karkat staring at him with a bitchy look and raised an eyebrow. “Don’t even start, Vantas. I’m not in the mood to talk about my weight anymore.” He warned, feeling bad about being mean when Karkat's facial expression softened.

“I know. I wanted to ask… Does your guardian prevent you from eating-”

“I don't want to talk about it.” Dave cut him off sternly, his muscles tensing and adrenaline filling his veins, his gut telling him to abandon the conversation. He took a deep breath, sitting up straight to seem intimidating. “Vantas, you should stop shoving your nose in my personal life.” He advised, raising his shades so he could look directly into Karkat's eyes.. Despite not really being able to see Karkat's eyes clearly and the light really hurting. “I’m serious. It’s pissing me off and it needs to stop before you get hurt.” Dave threatened slowly, lowering his shades. He hoped he looked intimidating enough to get Karkat to back off.

Karkat glared at him, looking offended that Dave even attempted to intimidate him. “Fine. I was just fucking trying to help…” Karkat grumbled and put his little flashlight back into his backpack, grabbing his binder. “Let’s get started on that stupid assignment.”

Chapter Text

“Listen, pussy is pussy Karkat, it doesn’t matter if it’s shaved, not shaved, dyed, or if the carpet matches the drapes, pus-”

Karkat grabbed a nearby pillow and threw it as hard as he could at Dave to get him to shut the fuck up. “JESUS FUCKING-” Karkat took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, taking a moment to collect himself before he continued. “Do you ever shut the fuck up? Ever? Or do you just always talk until someone shoves a dick down your throat? You know what,” He held up his hand, squeezing his eyes shut with a disgusted look once he saw Dave's grin. “Do not answer that. Stop talking about pussy and fucking help me before we both flunk out of this fucking class.” He grumbled, pulling the book closer to himself.

Dave rolled his eyes, his head aching a bit from the harsh pillow throw but he wouldn’t say shit. “Oh chillax, we got this in the bag! We go up there, totally unprepared, I pull some bullshit out of my ass and we get a passing grade. C’mon Karkat,” He got closer, inches from Karkats ear, “Be below average with me.” He whispered, grinning when Karkat shoved his face away, licking Karkats hand which earned him the pleasure of Karkat squeaking and yanking his hand away.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! Fucking disgusting!” He shouted, jumping when Dave made a biting motion at Karkat’s fingers, his teeth audibly clacking. “Oh ho ho, don’t you even fucking think about it, Strider, I will smack you six ways to Wednesday and leave you black and blue like fucking Starry Night.” Karkat threatened, holding his hands close to his chest so Dave couldn’t chop his fingers off.

Dave snorted and draped himself across Karkat lap, putting his hands behind his head as he looked up at Karkats pissed off expression. “Awh, is the Karkitty feeling feisty today? A lil biting never killed anyone. You need to take that stick out of your ass dude, it’s turning you into a real fucking bummer.” He hummed, relaxing but yelped when Karkat slapped his stomach, curling into a ball to protect his stomach from any further assault. “Bro what the fuck?!”

Karkat smirked and shoved him away further with his foot just to be a dick. “A lil slapping never killed anyone.” He mocked, grabbing the book they were supposed to be reading. “Get the fuck up, you’re fine. Now, tell me how the fuck we’re going to get an A in this class because I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.” He sighed, glaring down at the pages.

Dave rolled his eyes and got up, looking over Karkats shoulder and leaning on him just a little bit to piss him off. “Dude, we should be aiming for average at best. Even when I try, I never fucking get an A so there no point so settle for average, don’t set your standards so high. You’ll only get disappointed.”

Karkat frowned and looked over at him, one bushy eyebrow raised. “Doesn’t your guardian care about your grades? I mean, you are, like, Asian so it would make sense that he’d be at least a little bit concerned.”

Dave crossed his arms, his eyes widening as he grinned. “Is Karkat racist ? Mr. ‘I always wear a black power button’ is racist! Woooow, it’s always the ones you least expect, huh? Man, I can’t fucking believe that the mister Karkat ‘I’d kill a cop if I could’ Vantas is racist!” He dramatically proclaimed, his grin widening when he saw Karkats face go red with embarrassment.

“Shut the fuck up, I was just saying! Whatever, you fucking moron, let’s just work on this shit so maybe we’ll have useful jobs in the future. So, who the fuck was Martha P. Johnson?” Karkat questioned, frowning at the book in his lap as he searched for answers.

“She was an important part of the Stonewall riots in 1969. Some say she started it, some say she was just an important part. Either way, she’s fucking badass.” He explained, looking down at the book which displayed a lovely picture of Marsha P. Johnson. “Lots of stuff happened in that year. The moon landing, The Beatles last public debut, some cult members killed five people, and PBS established which is dope as fuck.” He rambled a tiny bit, pretending like he was reading the book but he wasn’t absorbing a single word on the page. “You know, Neil Armstrong spelled backwards reveals the word Alien so we both know that man was destined for space and he is definitely going to be the end of us all for being the first bitch on the moon. Curse him for satisfying a scientist's hunger for exploration. You also should know that no one really thought the world was flat when Christopher Columbus was like, hey, I’m gonna go commit genocide by accident but not really and take away someones entire fucking culture, country and more just because I’m that privileged! Anyway, that was a bad moment and no one liked him, really. Not a good dude, really.” He rambled, tapping his fingers along his leg, playing around with his kneecap a little bit. “Hey, isn’t it weird that there’s like, bone right fucking here? Like, you scrape this fucker too much and the bone is just right there. Did you know your teeth are technically bones? Ain’t that cool? So yeah, it’s weird that the bone is like, right on the fucking surface and just one lil scrape can expose it to the world and that’s just weird. I like to keep my bones inside me, thank you very much, I grew them myself.”

Karkat stared at him with mild surprise and growing annoyance. “How the fuck can you remember all of that but not fucking remember how to do division? Fucking tell me, I’m curious and how the fuck do you know all of that stuff? It happened, like, hundreds of years ago, before they even knew how to make good AI.”

Dave shrugged. “John's nana told me about it before she passed away. I remember it because she was super good at story telling and she was feeding me cookies so I was so fucking hyper focused on her. She said she wasn’t alive when this stuff happened but she heard stories from people who experienced it first hand. It was pretty cool, a nice fucking day.” 

Karkat slowly nodded, becoming interested. “Hey, you seem to like history, so why don’t you try actually working on this project? I didn’t mean that in a snarky way this time, I was just curious since you seem to enjoy the subject a lot and know a lot about it.” Karkat questioned, slowly closing the book and leaned back against Dave, looking up at him with those really cute reddish brown eyes. He looked genuinely curious which kind of caught him off guard.

“Uhh… I dunno. I don’t like committing myself to things like this, it’s just setting myself up for disappointment, ya know? Might as well half ass it and get a passing grade rather than pour everything into it and get less than a passing grade when my hopes were for an A. I just get really proud of my work or get super self conscious and it’s kinda like an ouroboros thing, ya know? I get super proud of something and I’m crushed when I get anything other than an A or above and I question my abilities and my intelligence. When I’m super self conscious and nervous about my project and I get less than an A, that just confirms that I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am which is fine by me. I’ve accepted the stupid life, it’s nice having zero fucking brain cells.” He shrugged, starting to play with his hair, twirling a strand of hair around his finger until he couldn’t any more.

“That’s…..” Karkat frowned, looking at Dave with those big, sad eyes that made his heart squeeze. “That’s really sad, Dave. I’m sorry you think like that.”

Dave shrugged again, trying to seem nonchalant when he was full of anxiety and desperately wanted to change the subject. “It’s whatever, not your fault so don’t worry ‘bout it unless you somehow gave me my crippling fear of failure to which I say fuck you. Anyways, when did John say he was coming back?”

Karkat paused for a minute, staring at Dave like he wanted to continue this conversation but he luckily didn’t continue pressing Dave about his issues. “He let, like, ten minutes ago, Dave. He said he was gonna shower, remember? He said he’d be out in just a little bit, you can wait longer.” He told him, turning his very fucking intense eyes back to the mess of papers and books in front of them. “So… The fuck are we gonna do? I don’t know shit about history and we have to fucking write about a turning point in society so.. The fuck are we gonna talk about?” He questioned, frowning deeply. This guy was gonna develop wrinkles at eighteen if he kept being so expressive.

Dave took a deep breath, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought about all the things he knew about history which was… A lot, surprisingly. “We could talk about the global pandemic of 2020. I heard it was a fucking shit show, people even protested the stay at home issues and the lock downs. It was supposedly a close contact disease, kinda like how the cold spreads.” He grabbed one of their notebooks and wrote down the subject so they could remember it, his small, messy writing looking abnormal next to Karkats bold letters. “It lasted the whole year and a lot of people died from it but no one really took it that seriously. To be fair, it wasn’t all that dangerous to anyone who wasn’t elderly, an infant or had a compromised immune system so it was kinda treated like a joke to the people unaffected.”

Karkat slowly nodded. “Yeah, I’ve heard my dad talk about that a couple times… Said his hands got so dry they cracked and bled because he was near constantly washing his hands to prevent spreading anything. What else do you know about it?” He questioned, leaning back on his hands, legs crossed.

Dave shrugged, tapping his pencil on the paper. “People had to set up temporary hospitals because there were so many people getting it and transferring it, everyone was ordered to stay inside and the planet genuinely benefited from it. Unfortunately, these crazy people ran out of their houses and protested the lock down order, demanding that they should be allowed to get hair cuts and shit like that. The pictures I’ve seen from that time…” He shuddered, remembering the screaming faces, the signs demanding they be let outside. “It's scary, it looks apocalyptic. They didn’t wear masks and probably transmitted the disease everywhere. Guess what? Every single person was white and had on the red Trump masks. You remember Trump from the last lesson? The guy who led a cult of white people and got away with the most stuff, caused the major riots of 2024.”

Karkat nodded slowly, all of his attention on Dave. “Why didn’t the police stop them or arrest them..? They’re practically causing a huge bio-hazard spot for everyone.”

“Dude, this was 2020. The police force was shit, if you were white you could get away with anything. Murder, rape, anything. All of these people were immune to the police force so.. They didn’t do anything drastic. Just.. lightly pushed them away. Some were detained but they were quickly released. Any other kind of protest someone would have been killed or severely beaten. It was a shitty year, you know that dude. Increase of divorce and domestic violence along with an increase of rape, street harassment, racial profiling… It was a fucking apocalypse. No one trusted others, everyone was lonely and sad. It was hell for a whole year. People cut and dyed their hair, there was a whole culture change from everyone being trapped inside for months, there was a sudden demand for therapists, it was hell dude.” He rambled, remembering all the horrific pictures he saw. “Streets were empty, animals came wandering into cities, it was fucking weird. Oh, Venice was still above water at this point. Little did they know, it wasn’t gonna be for very long. People tried everything they could to keep it above water but global warming and just regular pollution made it impossible to keep it up. They still had elephants, tigers, turtles, polar bears, rhinos-”

Karkat held up a hand, stopping him. “Wait wait, are you fucking with me? They actually had rhinos? I thought that was just some kid's story like unicorns. You’ve gotta be fucking with me, there’s no fucking way they had rhinos, those don’t exist!”

Dave frowned. “Rhinos existed! They had sooo many that they could still kill them for sport! Some had pink horns! They were everywhere, you could find them in any zoo along with tigers and elephants and sea turtles and sometimes even polar bears! They had an entire theme park dedicated to whales and dolphins and everything sea lifey! They called it Sea World before it was shut down due to severe animal abuse.” He crossed his arms, kind of huffy that Karkat didn’t believe him.

“No fucking way, you’re shitting me. Rhinos aren’t pink! There’s no possible way they had pink horns.”

“It’s true!! People found the skeletons of some rhinos and their horns were pink! Pale pink and they were poisonous!” He protested, trying to get Karkat to believe him. Instead, Karkat rolled his eyes and shook his head.

“Dumbass, I’m not believing that bullshit. Tell me what else happened in 2020, it sounds like a shit year.” Karkat requested, bringing his knees to his chest.

“Fine, be like that. Well… There were earthquakes, wildfires, floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, hail storms, everything was going to shit and it only got worse for everyone. We suffered the great under population of our times and that sucked. Too many people died in natural disasters, everyone stayed inside for fear of getting killed and they ended up dying at young ages due to stress and PTSD and general goverment fuck ups. Then came our generation! So now we’re here. I missed a fuck ton of important ass events but that doesn’t really matter. 2020 was a fucked up year. People were panicking about so called murder hornets when they really should have been protesting the extreme corporation pollution and murder of so many species but it’s whatever, what’s done is done I guess.” He shrugged, feeling a bit nervous when he realized he had Karkats undivided attention. 

“We should do our project on that! The corona whatever the fuck! Talk about how batshit crazy people went during that year, it’ll totally land us an A if we try hard enough!” Karkat told him determinedly, an adorable look on his face. Fuck Dave wanted to kiss him- Wait what? No no no, Dave had a crush on John, not Karkat! He was dealing with enough anxiety from that motherfucker, he didn’t need to add feelings for Karkat to that list.

“Uhh, sure, whatever.” He mumbled out, looking away to keep his heart from leaping out of his chest. Since when did Karkat become so fucking attractive?! Was he that hot looking before? How did he not notice it? Or did Karkat just suddenly become hot as all fucking hell right in the middle of Dave's ramblings and he just didn’t notice it? Fuck, he wanted to turn around and kiss him so fucking badly but he couldn’t risk ruining their blossoming friendship or some dumb shit like that! What if Karkat thought he was gross or ugly or conceited? What if he just didn’t like guys like him? Or what if Karkat just used him for attention then dropped him like it was hot???? Or what if-

“Dave, you’re, uh…. You’re talking out loud again…” Karkat's voice shattered his thoughts like a hammer on glass. Oh fuck.

“Oh fuck.” He whispered, his muscles tensed. He eyed the doorway, starting to plan an escape when Karkat piped up again.

“You’re um…. Pretty attractive too… But don’t let it go to your head, dumbass! It doesn’t mean anything! Just being fuckin’ polite for whatever..” Karkat grumbled, his face beet red with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, his cheeks puffed out as he made a classic tsundere pose. Wow, cute. Now he saw the appeal to the trope.

“Th-Thanks……… Hey, do yo-”

“Hey guys, what's going o-” John's voice interrupted, startling both boys and causing them to jump away from each other, the two going red with embarrassment.

“Nothing!” Dave squeaked out right as Karkat shouted that it was none of John's business, neither of them sounding the least bit inconspicuous, making John frown and look at them. 

“Uhhh….. Okay..? Hey, dad says dinner will be ready in, like, ten minutes sooo…. Wrap up whatever you’re doing..?” He said slowly, looking awkward as he sat down on his bed, watching the two quickly pick up their stuff. “Did you too kiss or something?”

“EGBERT!”

“It’s a valid question- Karkat you pUT THAT BOOK DO-OW!! Oh, it is fucking ON!”