Chapter Text
Matt had never been more terrified in his life.
He didn’t care about the danger he’d be putting himself in, the safety of his family was at stake. And if anything happened to them, well.. he didn’t know how he’d cope after already losing them once.
As the rest of Voltron raced to their lions, Matt sped to the hangar where he kept his ship. Though, someone called for him just as he ran up to the ship’s entrance.
“I’m coming too, my boy!” Coran shouted, catching up with him.
Matt didn’t question it, ushering him into the ship and booting up the systems.
“Princess Allura’s preparing the healing pods now. I figured it would be better if there were two sets of hands, just in case..” He didn’t need to finish.
As Matt flew out of the castle and into the warp point, he looked at Coran with a wavering smile. “Thanks.”
Matt’s ship flew close behind the lions as they neared the planet. He was silent, tight-lipped, and gripping the steering controls until his knuckles turned white. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Coran’s concerned stare, but he didn’t have enough strength to try and seem less worried. The lives of his sister and partner were at stake, of course he looked terrified out of his mind.
When they entered Xenith’s atmosphere, Shiro called out through Matt’s radio.
“The team’s gonna take care of the ambush first, you guys get to Keith and Pidge. We’ll be down as soon as possible.”
“Copy that,” Matt choked, snapping back to reality to focus on avoiding oncoming attacks. He looked back to see Coran bracing himself against the side of the ship, trying not to slide across the floor with each jerk of the ship.
“You alright back there?”
“Uhm, yes..!” Coran answered, smile wobbling. “Just, erm, trying--” he burped, then coughed-- “to not regurgitate, my boy!”
“Yeah, uh.. sorry about that. Not much else I can do here.”
Matt winced as he felt a shot graze against the side of the ship. Too close. These ships were brutal, and it only made his stomach turn more at the thought of how Keith was faring. Without Katie, a one-man fight would be impossible.
Panic set in when Matt realized he’d cut off his transmission with Keith before he left. He didn’t know why--maybe because he was in such a hurry or something, but it wasn’t like him to fumble like that with tech. Plus, the fact that Red was nowhere to be found in the air only made Matt’s stomach turn more. Though the answers to his worries were shown the closer they flew to the ground.
Within the forest rose two black pillars of smoke, clouding the surrounding air. He could see the splintering of trees and ragged scratches in the earth from the crash, leaving small patches of flames throughout the torn landscape. Red came first, followed by Green.
“Fuck.” Matt gripped his controls tighter, trying to steady his breathing. “Hey, Coran, I’m dropping you off at Keith. Take a radio with you.”
A strained, “Heard,” came from behind him as he approached the crashed lions. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Coran struggle to the front of the ship, taking a communications device from the dashboard.
Ideally, Matt wanted to save both of them at the same time, but the thought of losing one due to his own stubbornness and heroics wasn’t on his agenda. Thank god Coran had joined him on the ship, or Matt would’ve been screwed.
In an instant, Matt flew close to the ground and opened the dock for Coran to leave. He swallowed any tears as he looked at the wreckage, trying not to get lost in the what if’s. Although Red looked worn beyond belief, glass was shattered everywhere, and fires surrounded her limp body, Matt had to believe Keith was alive. There wasn’t any way he could get through the mission if he didn’t.
With Coran dropped off, Matt didn’t waste a second getting to Green. At the speed he flew at, it only took a few ticks before he landed and sprinted towards the ruins.
“Katie!” he shouted, scrambling up the side of Green’s head. “Katie, are you there?!”
Glass cut through his hand as he made his way through the broken windshield, but his adrenaline took over any pain he could feel. Matt took a quick glance at the blood that gushed down his arm, then turned his attention to the sea of red that covered the cockpit.
That definitely wasn’t his.
Matt choked on bile, staring in horror at the sight of Katie’s unconscious body slumped on her chair. The once-white and green armor was now stained with crimson. Her helmet was dented in, glasses cracked underneath the ruined visor, resulting in a few small scratches across her cheeks. Two prominent gashes stretched across her chest and torso, caused by the shattered glass from the impact of the fall. Blood pooled at her feet, trickling across the ship’s floor with the angle of Green’s deformed head. Her eyes stretched wide in fear, glazed over and shining with unspilled tears.
She couldn’t be dead. There was no way. Just unconscious, probably from blood loss.
“Katie?” Matt whispered, frozen in disbelief. His hands shook as he tried to wrap his mind around the whole situation.
Matt needed to move. Every second he wasted was one less chance he had to save her, even if that was impossible.
He started by taking her helmet off, followed by her glasses. Katie’s head rolled across the seat, but Matt eased it back into place with a trembling hand. His other slid to her neck, pressing firmly against her veins, desperate to feel any sign of a pulse.
Nothing.
“Oh, fuck.” Matt slipped his arms around Katie, easing her to the floor. “Fuck, fuck, fuck-- Katie, hey!” he patted her cheek, biting back tears. “C’mon, please, c’mon, c’mon..”
Maybe the Heimlich could get her back. She couldn’t have been gone that long, right?
Matt pressed his hands against her chest, pushing in short bursts towards her chin. He waited for a few moments before starting again. Tears welled up in his eyes as he watched her body lurched with his movements, showing no sign of life no matter how desperate he was to get her back. With each passing moment and no sign of consciousness, Matt grew frantic, tears streaming down his cheeks and his body wracked with uncontrollable shaking.
Subconsciously, Matt knew Katie wouldn’t wake up. Even with everything Matt could do to get her back, it wasn’t enough. She could’ve died on impact-- how long did it take for him to get there? At least 5 doboshes, probably more. There was no way she would have sustained that much blood loss and lasted for longer than ticks. But even with all the logic in the world, nothing could keep Matt from being in denial.
So, he screamed. Louder than ever before. He bundled Katie in his arms, burying his face into her shoulder, shrieking until his throat was raw. His body swayed back and forth as his shoulders jerked with every sob. He couldn’t breathe, but made no attempt to stop hyperventilating, instead holding Katie impossibly closer and burying his bloodied hands in her hair. He screamed her name, over and over and over again, clinging to the fading hope of ever hearing her voice again.
Katie was gone.
Matt wanted to stay here forever, to hold onto her for eternity, but the crackling of his comms ruined it. Coran piped through, though muffled, and broke the moment Matt needed with his sister.
“--tt? Matt? Are you there?”
Peeking his head from Katie’s shoulder, Matt glared at the buzzing device, now full of rage.
“What?” he snapped.
“Erm, the ship, can you bring it back? Number four doesn’t have much time.”
Matt didn’t register what Coran was saying. Everything flew by so fast, the only things taking up his mind were Katie and uncontrollable anger. He could feel his heartbeat pounding through his entire body, and he fought the urge to blow up at Coran.
“Couldn’t you have contacted one of the lions?”
Coran seemed to falter before answering. “They’re still fighting the ambush, but it should clear up soon. I can’t explain any longer, just bring the ship!”
Matt growled under his breath, hoisting Katie up and stumbling out of Green. “Fine,” he called in, “Be there in a tick.”
He kept to his word, no matter how furious he was.
With Katie laid on one side of the ship, Matt flew to Red and waited for Coran to board with Keith. He turned back, expecting to see his partner to be a little banged up, but then the foggy transmission rang through his head.
Oh, shit.
In an instant, Matt’s blinding anger subsided, now replaced with bone-chilling fear. Keith was barely recognizable, slumped over Coran’s shoulder, with labored breaths the only indication that he was alive. Blood streamed from too many injuries and his skin was deathly pale. At this rate, he could be gone any second.
Matt couldn’t save Katie, but with Keith, he had to.
He couldn’t lose both.
Getting back to the castle was a blur. Coran might’ve asked about Katie, but Matt wasn’t sure. All he could focus on was getting the hell out of there in time to save Keith. The rest of the team seemed to be fine, clearing up the last of the ships as Matt broke through the atmosphere. How long were they even there? Doboshes? Ticks?
What Matt did know was that he’d be in charge of getting Keith to a pod. He told Coran to get Katie as they entered the castle hangar, but when he asked if she needed a pod too, Matt couldn’t answer. Coran didn’t press further. He knew.
As soon as they landed, Matt jumped from his seat and lifted Keith into his arms, holding him tight against his chest. In normal circumstances, he probably would’ve struggled to carry him, but this was far from normal. Keith’s life was on the line, Matt could worry about his physical limits later.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he murmured, “stay with me, okay?”
Matt jogged out of the hangar, Coran following close behind. Blood trailed on the floor, causing him to stumble over his feet, almost falling several times from the lack of traction. Keith bounced in his arms, breaths slowing with each raspy drawl of air. They were close. They were so close.
“Allura!” Matt called, speeding into the med room. “Allura, is there-- the pods, do you--”
“Yes, come quick,” she said, eyes widening as she beckoned him forward. “On the table, here. I have suits ready.”
Matt did as instructed, wasting no time to strip Keith of his blood-soaked suit, forcing back his worries as his eyes discovered yet another new cut or bruise. Allura followed, then dressed him in the healing garment in record speed.
“Pidge?” Allura asked, glancing at Matt as they finished up. But she didn’t press further when her eyes met Coran’s solemn gaze, then traveled to find the limp paladin in his arms.
Matt didn’t say anything, only focusing on Keith in front of him. With a few more adjustments, Keith was set to go. Thank god they’d gotten him in the pod in no time.
It was either overwhelming relief or unbearable exhaustion that made Matt collapse to the floor, taking in ragged, heaving breaths. A moment later, he was spilling the contents of his stomach on the pristine floor, hacking in between every inhale. His entire body ached and shook, accompanied by a defeated groan as he heaved up the last of the bile.
Allura rushed to his side, placing a hand on his back and rubbing between his shoulder blades. He began to feel dizzy, swaying back and forth, the only thing holding him up were trembling arms.
The last thing he heard before hitting the ground was Allura calling his name, desperate to keep him conscious.
♦♦♦
By the time Matt awoke, everyone was back and settled. As settled as they could be, anyway.
Matt didn’t remember what happened after he collapsed, but he found himself on the common room couch, head slumped against the armrest and body sprawled across the cushions. As he sat up, sleep clung to muffled grumbles while he clutched his head. The more he came to consciousness, the more his head began to ache, piercing his skull with every slight movement. Eyes sensitive to the light, Matt held his hand above his eyes, hoping to relieve any additional pain to his headache.
“Glad to see you’re alright.”
Whoever was talking to him, their voice was washy in his ears. Matt struggled to turn his head, but became relieved at the sight of Shiro sitting across the room from him.
“Hey,” he slurred, swinging his legs over the side of the couch. “How long was I out?”
“For a while. It’s around midnight right now.”
“Were you here the whole time?”
“For the past few hours, yeah.” Shiro shifted in his seat, not even attempting to hide the concern in his eyes. He looked tired and solemn, eyes red and puffy, a sight that was rare to see. Had he been crying? “How’re you feeling?”
Matt grunted, still shielding his eyes from the dim lights of the castle. “Head hurts. Achey.”
With a hum, Shiro stood. “I’ll get some painkillers and water, I’ll be right back.”
Nodding, Matt slumped against the couch, closing his eyes for a brief moment. He felt only a few moments go by before he was prodded awake, Shiro leaning over him with pills and a glass in hand.
“Oh, hey. That was quick.”
Shiro didn’t say anything, opting to sit beside Matt. He handed the pills and water over, which Matt took without hesitation. He washed them down, taking big, hungry gulps of water. Until now, he hadn’t realized how dehydrated he was.
It was quiet between the two, neither of them wanting to say anything, but Shiro eventually broke the silence.
“Do you remember anything?”
Matt turned to look at Shiro, a little confused. “‘Course I do. We were on a mission, Keith and Katie got in some trouble, we went to go help them out. Coran was with me, and you guys were clearing up the ambush.”
“Yes, but,” Shiro paused, taking a shaky breath and looking over, “what else?”
Frowning, Matt became more puzzled. With his head foggy and his body working through the delirium, it was difficult to recall everything that had happened. He had the main details down, but was still trying to work through what Shiro could possibly mean. Then, Shiro was shaking his head, sensing Matt’s utter confusion about the whole situation.
“Sorry, you just woke up. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“You’re fine, man.” Matt looked down at his hands, staring into the now-empty cup. “I must’ve been real tired. Still am.”
“I bet. Take your time.”
“Thanks.”
Matt offered a smile, looking over at his friend. However, the gesture wasn’t reciprocated, which made his stomach turn. Something was up, and Matt needed to figure out what.
The more Matt began to stabilize himself, the more he remembered. There was lots of yelling, he was panicked beyond belief, and there was incredible urgency he carried throughout the whole mission. After what felt like ages, Matt began to talk again, hoping that Shiro would help to fill in the blanks.
“Something bad happened back there, Shiro.”
The only confirmation was a solemn nod.
Matt rested a hand on his forehead, taking in a deep breath. “There was a lot of blood, that I remember. I was covered. Smoke and fire too, everywhere.” He paused, eyebrows knitting together as more and more continued to flood back. “Red and Green were down, I had Coran make sure Keith was okay. And then I went to Katie, and--”
Hands beginning to tremble, Matt buried his face in them. “She was hurt real bad, she wasn’t breathing, I tried to get her back. Did chest compressions ‘n everything. She looked so scared, Shiro.”
Mouth wobbling and choking on his own words, Matt shook his head back and forth. He felt a hand ease on his back, Shiro’s presence getting closer.
“I thought she was dead. I mean, she was so limp and pale, I just--” he shuddered-- “I’m-- god, it was so bad. And then Coran comm’d me, I had to get back to Keith. Was real pissed, ‘cause I needed more time with Katie, but then when I saw him, I wasn’t angry anymore. He was banged up real bad, blood everywhere too. So much of it.” With another pause, Matt caught his breath, then finished. “Then I got us back to the ship, put Keith in a healing pod, and blacked out.”
Matt could feel the sticky, thick liquid trailing down his arms, as if he was there again. Everything smelled of copper and smoke, making him cough and shudder with discomfort. He felt Shiro rubbing his back, keeping him in the castle, but it couldn’t keep everything from flooding back. He could feel the weight of Katie in his arms, smell the sweat and drying blood on her limp body. Glass was everywhere, her helmet was shattered, and her glasses were broken. The glasses she took to look like him. She wasn’t moving, wasn’t doing anything, and that made Matt’s heart race with indescribable fear. Images of Keith flashed in his head, remembering how the blood pooled at his feet while Coran dragged him along. And then Matt was holding him, raspy breaths the only thing he could hear, minus his own desperate pleas for his lover to stay conscious. Hands raced across Keith’s shuddering body, stripping him of his sweat and blood-soaked armor to change him into the life-saving Altean suit. Matt didn’t even know what happened to Katie, besides the fact that Coran was looking after her, and he was out too soon to be by her side. The castle had astounding technology, so she still had a chance.
Right?
“Hey, easy there.”
Matt snapped out of his state at the sound of Shiro’s voice, jolting in surprise. The hand left his back as a precaution while he returned back to reality. Matt didn’t know how or when, but he’d pulled his legs tight against his chest, arms circled around them. His entire body was wracked with uncontrollable shaking, tears streamed down his cheeks, accompanied by labored breathing.
No matter how pathetic he felt, Matt couldn’t bring himself to relax his tense position. It was just him and Shiro-- he’d seen him like this before. It was nothing new. And yet he begged to go back to the painful memories, their shared trauma at the hands of the Galra, because these circumstances were too much.
This he absolutely could not handle.
A never ending wave of silence passed before Matt had the strength to utter a word.
“Katie’s gone, isn’t she.”
It wasn’t a question, rather, a known fact that he couldn’t bear to face. Up until this point, Matt had been in denial. He’d get her back to the castle in time, hook her up to a blood transfusion, and let her body stabilize before getting her into a pod. But no matter how many times Matt tried to change his memories to line up with how he wanted them to end up, he knew he’d have to accept the reality sooner or later. Not even all the hope in the world could save his younger sister, no matter how hard he tried to bend the science in her favor.
So Matt cried. He couldn’t think of anything else to do but cry. It wasn’t harsh, screamed sobs like he’d wailed in Green, clutching Katie impossibly tighter. Instead they were quiet, breathy, and full of indescribable anguish. Shiro, teary himself, was quick to embrace him, keeping him secure in strong arms as he processed the death of his sister. He’d lost her once and got her back, but this time, he didn’t have that luck. The universe forbade him any solace no matter how hard he fought for the safety of his loved ones.
Matt couldn’t lose any more of his family. He’d die before letting that happen ever again.