Like Real People
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Neither he nor Steve can stand the cold these days, for obvious reasons, so the thermostat in their apartment is always turned up high without either of them having to admit weakness and ask for it. But this isn't their apartment. This is the stupid fucking vacation someone in his extensive 'treatment team' suggested, which they obviously had to take in the middle of winter. In the middle of fucking nowhere. So far away from civilisation, in fact, that apparently they don't know what central heating is.
Bucky's had worse, sure, but he doesn't have to have worse anymore. That's why he's so adamantly against it.
[in which Bucky has a bad day in the middle of nowhere, but there are fluffy sweaters and snow and coffee and asshole cats to pet, and Steve makes it easier to be a person.]
Series
- Part 1 of Like Real People
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Cut the Strings, Pinocchio by neversaydie
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
11 Oct 2015
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"Why are you wearing a dress?"
"It's cute. Nat said." Bucky shrugs and glances at himself in the mirror again. "It is cute, right? She wasn't bullshitting me?"
"It's… a woman's dress." Steve seems stuck on that part, caught in the bedroom doorway with his jacket halfway off one shoulder. Natasha promised the dress was cute, why is Steve looking at him like he's wearing something ridiculous?
"It's my dress, I bought it." Bucky frowns, confused.
[in which Steve is protective, Bucky tries to person, and everyone has to help them sort their shit out.]
Series
- Part 2 of Like Real People
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We Are Not Things by neversaydie
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
31 Oct 2015
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Halloween looms large on Bucky's calendar, the 31st of October circled with bright orange and adorned liberally with the sparkly black cat stickers Steve found in some craft store and 'just had to have'.
Stark is throwing a party, as he often does, and has even been so kind as to hold it in the Tower this year so Bucky and Bruce can attend. Neither of them would risk being in such a crowded, unpredictable environment outside of somewhere with automatic safety protocols, so Bucky's actually starting to tentatively look forward to his first 'party' that isn't drinks at a dimly-lit dive bar.
But the costume. That's the kicker.
[in which Bucky continues to try to person, Natasha knows watching Fury Road is always a good idea, and Halloween happens]
Series
- Part 3 of Like Real People
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The Winter Soldier was born long before Bucky Barnes died.
That's the part Steve can never know.
"It wasn't all HYDRA."
Series
- Part 4 of Like Real People
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Toy Soldiers by neversaydie
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
22 Dec 2015
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Summary
He doesn't remember the lights from his childhood.
Steve says there were lights. Stores would hang strings of electric bulbs, white when they were young and twinkling rainbow by the time they were old enough to wear long pants. They'd go to see the big displays, walk further than Steve could sensibly handle in the grey slush that came up to their ankles, and Bucky would give him a piggyback ride half of the way home when the streets were dark and even Steve's stubbornness wouldn't keep him on his feet anymore.
Steve tells him about the lights, tries to spark some recognition every time they pass a department store's window display (apparently the things Steve recognises are called 'vintage' now, which he finds funny in a bittersweet kind of way), but Bucky can only nod along with blankness behind his eyes. There's an empty space where the memories Steve's trying to reach are supposed to be, and Bucky doesn't have the heart to tell him that there's nothing there but scorched earth and ashes.
Some things he gets back, some things were burned out of him and the ground salted so they could never regrow. Christmas seems to be one of the things that isn't ever coming back.
Series
- Part 5 of Like Real People
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"D'you get scared too?" Bucky asks it so quietly that Steve could pretend to miss it if he wanted to, but he's not going to not be brave when he's just tried to explain what brave is. God help him. At least his Ma is probably very proud somewhere.
"I get really scared. I get scared before every time I fight. I got so scared I'd lose you that I didn't want to breathe anymore." He doesn't elaborate or let Bucky dwell on it, just delivers the facts with as little waver in his voice as he can manage and a light squeeze to Bucky's fingers.
"So you're brave too." It sounds so matter of fact coming from Bucky's lips, and Steve doesn't understand why his eyes are suddenly full of tears. "You're still here."
"I didn't mean to be." Steve blinks furiously and tries not to sound choked up. This isn't what he meant to happen, this is supposed to be about Bucky's memory and not him bleeding out all over someone else.
Series
- Part 6 of Like Real People
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My Soul To Take by neversaydie
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
12 Feb 2016
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Sleep requires trust.
The trust that you can leave your body somewhere while you go out into the wilderness and it'll still be there in one piece when you return (he was awake when they took his arm he was awake). You have to leave your body somewhere safe, a suddenly vulnerable shell without anything inside to defend it (they come for him weak and shivering after cryo and he's awake he was awake). It's involuntary, something you can't control. You don't choose sleep, sleep chooses you.
There's a reason it's called falling asleep, and Bucky doesn't want to fall ever again.
[Bucky isn't sleeping. Shit hits the fan.]
Series
- Part 7 of Like Real People
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Summary
He thinks about living, about taking a pottery class or volunteering or sitting on a beach and drinking something fruity that won't get him drunk, alone. No one cracking wise about Irish skin or getting handsy with sunscreen or complaining obnoxiously about sand in unmentionable places. He thinks about being on the beach, about the glaring absence of someone sitting habitually on his left because that used to be his working ear.
Steve could sit on a beach. He could. He thinks about it.
[Bucky is missing and Steve is looking for answers, following directly from My Soul to Take]
Series
- Part 8 of Like Real People
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I Will Not Ask, Neither Should You by neversaydie
Fandoms: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
23 Apr 2016
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The dirt at the side of a deserted highway isn't a beach, but that's where Steve is sitting when Bucky finds him.
"Room for two?"
He looks over his shoulder and nearly blinds himself with the sun's glare, the shadow unmistakably Bucky and not shielding him from the bright light. Steve turns back to look at his clasped hands, elbows resting loosely on his knees, and sighs just loud enough to be heard over the whining buzz of bugs and wind in the silent heat.
"Jesus."
[Bucky finds Steve, they decide to run away]
Series
- Part 9 of Like Real People