ghost hates himself
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Summary
After a rejection from Ghost, Johnny seeks out some way to live out a sexual fantasy that he's been ashamed of for a long time.
Unfortunately, getting it to happen takes a little more than he expected.
(AKA: Johnny is ashamed and very fragile in his ego. König wants to provide for his secret crush and is overthinking. Both of them are idiots and too caught up in their masculinity.)
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He couldn’t be that.
He wasn’t soft and remorseful — hell — he wasn’t even a good man on his better days. He was a shambling, unsightly thing with the way his port wine stain stretched across his nose and cheeks like an answer someone hadn’t been able to erase.
But he wanted it, a traitorous voice whined from the dark recesses of his mind. God, did he want it. That wicked, horrible thing in his chest begged to be heard, but it spat nothing but half-baked fantasies. It reminded him softly of the child he used to be — with a heart a little too big — who wanted the boys and their flowers, the chocolates, the Hallmark movies, the consistency of a partner, and their steadfast love.
“I want him,” Soap had said with his eyes turned toward heaven.
Ghost longed in a way that made that terrible creature in his chest keen for attention.
“I just don’t know if he wants me too.”
Not like how I want him.
. . .
Out on a mission after Makarov’s death, Ghost is made to define the domestic life he’s since built with Soap, and just what they both want from each other this Valentine’s Day.