Sarcasmandconstantrage
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Summary
Daphne approaches Harry for a study group to improve both their grades. Little could he know this might lead to a friendship with the Slytherin Princess, and maybe more. In the mean time, as his relationship with Hermione and Ron fall apart after Christmas, unexpected changes occur as he befriends Neville, and finds out he had more family than he thought. Especially after his parents will is found and Amelia Bones agrees to take him in.
AN: Ron and Dumble bashing. Politics. Romance. Justice.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 494,890
- Chapters:
- 58/58
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- 3
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- 416
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Bookmarked by Sarcasmandconstantrage
23 Jul 2025
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Summary
After the end of the war, Harry has a meeting in Gringotts that changes his life. Given a unique opportunity to rebuild the world, he takes it upon himself to restore what was once lost to the wizarding world, while falling for a charming witch at the same time.
Series
- Part 1 of Novocaine
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 243,847
- Chapters:
- 25/25
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 394
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- 3,055
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- 1,230
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- 165,647
Bookmarked by Sarcasmandconstantrage
19 Jul 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
Absolutely adored this, one of the fics that really sold me on the Harry/Daphne pairing, like they just balance and build each other up and take such great care with communicating and listening and paying attention to the little details (tiny note for the fact that the first Potter traditional courting gift is a personalized sword is the best fucking thing) and yea this was just lovely, plus the world building and rejuvenation of Magical Britain was so fantastic to see develop especially as we further branched out into different businesses/institutes and gained new members of our team to turn the Borogoves back into humans, just delightful (Panacea sequel: Chapter 2)
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if you shall permit it, i’d like to smooch your brain by Randomness_is_my_order
Fandoms: Naruto (Anime & Manga)
17 Mar 2025
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Summary
Naruto Uzumaki. Deadlast of their Academy class, famously known for his dumb-as-rocks personality, perpetually confused about the most basic mathematical operations had just said something undeniably... intelligent.
Shikamaru’s heart beat faster in his chest and he stared at Naruto.
As someone who was sexually attracted to intelligence, Shikamaru never in a million years thought that he would fall for Naruto, of all people.
Five times Shikamaru found Naruto extremely attractive and the one time he did something about it.
____Or Shikamaru is a raging sapiosexual and Naruto can be smart. Sometimes.
Series
- Part 2 of 5 + 1 = ∞
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,089
- Chapters:
- 6/6
- Comments:
- 191
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- 1,500
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- 369
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- 15,051
Bookmarked by Sarcasmandconstantrage
26 Jun 2025
Bookmarker's Notes
I love this an unholy amount, absolutely living for shika being devastatingly down bad for naru’s unconventional intelligence and high emotional understanding of people, plus naru appreciating shika’s talents outside of his brains was a nice touch and all of the cracky hilarity of the group’s antics killed me
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Summary
When a Voldemort in his thirties encounters a time-travelling, seventeen-year-old Harry Potter, he makes a dangerous—and hilarious—assumption. He assumes that Harry is his son. And his son, of course, deserves the very best.
A confused Harry plays along for the sake of self-preservation, but living with his “father” is proving to be intolerable in more ways than one.
“You are mine,” Voldemort said gently, and smiled when Harry flinched. So the boy did know Voldemort, after all. He knew Voldemort was to be feared. “I will look after you, my own.”
“I don’t belong to you,” Harry spat, despite his fear. Oh, what a delight he was! He was no cowering, simpering sycophant, like Voldemort’s other followers; no, this child had a spine of steel. Not many could stand before Voldemort without quailing.
“You are my son,” Voldemort declared. “Of course you belong to me. Your every cell, your every fibre, your every heartbeat. You are mine in flesh and blood and soul. You are mine in magic. And you will not deny me.”
Now with Chinese, Korean, Russian and Portugese translations, and featuring art by Mona and Hypnodisc!
Series
- Part 4 of Tomarrymort Stories
- Part 3 of Daddymort
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 72,580
- Chapters:
- 23/?
- Comments:
- 11,066
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- 38,849
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- 10,312
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Bookmarked by Sarcasmandconstantrage
01 Sep 2020
Bookmarker's Notes
(14) oh my goddess, have i never met such a hopelessly gone simp while being painfully oblivious to what he's feeling in my entire life, like goddamn Voldie, this is a new level here, everyone being confused, drinking plenty of wine and helplessly turned on in the background is the vibe for this fic and it's delightful
(15) it really is an increasingly gay cheesy, B-grade Hollywood romance movie in Voldie's eyes, though thankfully for poor flopsy's sake (and Harry's remaining sanity) he's coming close to the Psuedo-Incest Realization
(18) I love this fic so much, it makes my soul devour an entire giant bottle of metaphorical moscato at Voldie's emotional illiteracy as he continually becomes more devoted to Harry, while Harry discovers new kinks like incest roleplay and being manhandled, and I honestly couldn't be happier for it. Also flopsy stole the damn show and they deserve their own giant wine shed for this Gaunt bullshit they put up with
(19) what a blessed new years to have more delicious cracktastic brilliance from this fic, Voldie is slowly getting closer to the Realization and yet is so far (concubine, whips and collar, yet nothing???), maybe Harry in protective mode and babies will help
(20) Only this Voldie could desire both being brunt to ashes by Harry's magic to then wanting to pump Harry full with his babies
(21) Well goddamn wasn’t this a welcome mind-fuck of a chapter to return to, Walburga deserves all of this punishment and far beyond, especially after that fucked-up experience that was Bella’s mind, and holy shit sexual realization in the next chapter
(22) of all the fucking times to grow some damn morals, you choose now to not ravish your son Voldie, he’s wearing red and everything damnit: Chapter 22And abruptly replacing Voldemort’s rage was a surge of pure want. A want for what, he wasn’t sure, but it was there, and it was absolute. Perhaps it was a desire to possess, to own, which would be natural to feel for one’s son. There was blood on the boy’s mouth, his lips bitten through, and Voldemort did not heal them. It pleased him, somehow, to have left a mark on his mark.
Yes, Harry was an ideal heir, but it wasn’t because he was a copy of the original. It was because he was an improvement. And that realisation shattered the most central belief that Voldemort—that Tom—had ever held about himself. The belief that he had been, and always would be, the best.
Where had he been, for all these decades? Had he still been back at Wool’s, even when holding court at Malfoy Manor and presiding over the fate of the wizarding world? Why had he compelled his mind to live in a bomb shelter—in a constant fear of death—even though his body had survived?
“Good,” said Harry fiercely. “Because then I’d definitely be mental. Just because you buy me things and insist on feeding me like an anxious mother hen and protect me from a Death Eater’s wiles does not mean you aren’t also the maniac who nearly mass-murdered a restaurant full of people!”
Except that Harry didn’t have a match. No witch or wizard alive was worthy of Harry. And if they were, they wouldn’t be alive for long. “Maybe look less murder-y?” Harry said to Voldemort out of the corner of his mouth. “You’ll scare the other murderers.”
Harry had a personality incapable of leaving injustices unremedied—just like his father, although they disagreed on what those injustices were. “Are you declaring war on me, Harry?” Voldemort was filled with such a euphoric tenderness that his words emerged soft as feathers, barely stirring the air between them.
Harry’s eyes darkened with conviction. “Yes.”
Voldemort inhaled sharply. Here Harry was, openly threatening Voldemort’s organisation, and he was beautiful. Voldemort leaned in, his lips brushing Harry’s ear. “I look forward to it, my love.”“I see you in dreamscapes as men wandering in the desert see mirages. You may dream of me as a monster, Harry, but I dream of you as sustenance.”
Voldemort fondly remembered kissing Harry’s throat while their magics merged. “Why should I? You are mine, as is your every inch. I will kiss you as I please, touch you as I—”
“If Master Lord Voldemort will be touching Master Harry when Master Harry is not wanting it, sir, I will be reminding Master Lord Voldemort that Flopsy is a hundred-and-ninety years old and knows where all the poisons are hidden.”
Voldemort smirked. If any harm had been done to Sirius, maybe Voldemort would see a follower of his beheaded by Harry tonight. Dreams could, perhaps, come true.
I’m the fool with a functioning Patronus and an absolute lack of self-control when it comes to granting my son’s wishes,” Voldemort replied. “So, yes, I suppose. I’m not him anymore.”
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Summary
Shikamaru’s never felt chakra so vibrant and warm before.
The log that Naruto’s been punching shatters clean apart, reduced to little more than splinters under the devastating force of his chakra enhanced blow.
Shocked and more than a bit startled, Shikamaru wheezes loudly, the sound carrying across the clearing and causing Naruto to abruptly turn and look in his direction.
And in that single moment Shikamaru is lost.
Series
- Part 1 of Shadows & Strength
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 10,670
- Chapters:
- 6/?
- Collections:
- 8
- Comments:
- 1,843
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- 13,011
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- 3,872
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- 154,356
Bookmarked by Sarcasmandconstantrage
16 Jul 2020
Bookmarker's Notes
(1) al-the-fuck-right then, I am getting fixated Shika on gorgeous sunshine ray Naru on a team with idiotic and stubborn like the rest of the Uchiha clan Sasuke and I am ready, also just love how Shika took less than 3 seconds to decide to throw away heterosexuality for the brilliantly bright never boring married life with Naru cause I vibe with that hard
(4) Delicious and Delightful, just batshit insane sugar daddy Gomez Addams vibes Shika is perfection and exactly the love and devotion sun-bright Naru deserves, (Shika shivering over the idea of having Naru’s stitches holding him together killed me)
(5) I adore them both deciding sleeping curled together needs to happen every day for the rest of their lives cause I also want that and more for them, Shika daydreaming about learning domesticity for Naru, getting excited for their future when they’re married and also keeping his hair down cause Naru mentioned it looked pretty is all fantastic
(6) those little brats deserved more than a frog invasion for that cruel trick on Naru but thankfully baby boy won’t have to worry about that kind of mistreatment by Shika who’s just finding new levels of devotion by the second, like feeling Naru’s hand in his as beautiful and perfect, plus deciding that Naru’s rightful place is now on his left side as his husband, just delightful: Chapter 6