itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
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Summary
Buck supposes in a way, he’s always been a little obsessive.
When a thought grips him—a fear—he’s rarely able to let go of it again. It digs its little claws into his brain and makes a home inside his head until eventually, it relents and loosens its hold. Sometimes, it’s only to make room for a new fear. Other times, it simply disappears on its own.
It’s just something he’s learned to live with—something he can live with.
And then he gets struck by lightning.
Or: After Buck gets struck by lightning, he starts to develop OCD.
Series
- Part 1 of OCD Buck
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 36,893
- Chapters:
- 5/5
- Comments:
- 254
- Kudos:
- 1,297
- Bookmarks:
- 338
- Hits:
- 21,087
Bookmarked by itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
09 Jul 2025
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If one were to search for the concept of soulmates in ancient and old books, one would encounter various symbols that hinted at the connection between souls and minds of individuals.
A red thread linking pinky fingers, a timer ticking down on the inner wrist until the moment of first contact, or words engraved in skin, all these variants offered the possibility of identifying one’s soulmate at first sight.
But that wasn’t the case in reality. In this universe, it was forbidden to recognize the most significant person in your life. There was no profound realization, no tingling in the veins, no blinding flash of light warning someone that they were standing in front of their soulmate.
One would only recognize the existence of their soulmate once they had already lost them.
(or, a soulmate au, in which the world turns grey as soon as ones soulmate dies)
Bookmarked by itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
30 Jun 2025
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Summary
“I'm gay.”
He's looking at his feet, because he hasn't quite come to terms with the fact that he's saying this in a room where other people, strangers, can hear it.
But this is still the first time he's said it this way: out loud, in a declarative sentence. Being nervous is fine. Frank said that being nervous is fine, and Buck just said he's proud, and the only thought Eddie has in his head is that it's embarrassing he can't raise his head and say it like a man, so clearly, he's going to need to hang on to other people's words for the time being, someone who isn't his dad trying to explain the ways Eddie's allowed to inhabit the world.
He doesn't need to ask anyone's permission to be who he is. That's also a thing Frank said.
in which eddie attends a self-empowerment group for gbtq men to supplement his therapy, and is empowered to: forgive himself, say "i'm gay" to his own reflection in the mirror, accidentally adopt an adult, make fried rice, and tell his straight best friend that he's in love with him. not necessarily in that order.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 56,228
- Chapters:
- 3/3
- Comments:
- 749
- Kudos:
- 5,173
- Bookmarks:
- 1,946
- Hits:
- 65,904
Bookmarked by itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
10 May 2025
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Summary
The AU where Bobby adopted Evan when he was six years old, and then twenty years later Eddie joins the 118 and starts dating Buck... and no one initially realises that Evan and Buck are, in fact, the same person. Part 1 is the story of the identity shenanigans and the reveal.
Part 3 is a collection of missing scenes from the original story, while Parts 4 ('how it could have gone') and 5 ('another way it could have gone') are outtakes and depict two different scenarios where the reveal of Buck and Evan being the same person go a different way.
Part 2 'oh captain my captain' is a prequel and shows the 118 meeting Bobby and then later on Evan.
Part 6 'these are the days we've been waiting for' is the story of Buck's first day at the 118.
Part 7 'may you live in interesting times' is a sequel to that takes place about a year or so later, and Part 8 'I once was lost (but now I'm found)' directly follows on and is a full-length sequel and prequel to the main story.
This series as it is now is standalone and can be considered complete. The only reason I haven't marked it as such is because I do expect to be adding additional installments at some point in the future. Happy reading!
- Words:
- 307,644
- Works:
- 8
- Bookmarks:
- 2,436
Bookmarked by itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
18 Apr 2025
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Summary
"Eddie," Buck says, low and hurried. "Eddie, you need to breathe. There's nothing wrong with you, okay? There — I can't think of anything about you that is not perfect."
"I can't live in El Paso," Eddie says, and he doesn't know if it's in reply to Buck or just a call for help.
Eddie tries to be the perfect son. Eddie has tried, for years, to be the perfect son, and somehow wearing a pink shirt is failing.
Bookmarked by itsalwaysdarkestbeforethedawn
25 Mar 2025