Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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Arin stood in the middle of his cottage. The windows were dusty and coated in soot and the hardwood floor was worn from footsteps and dropped tools. It had been several years since he'd traveled out of the woods. His little work house was all he insisted he needed. Even visiting Holly had been out of the picture for a while. Not that Arin minded much. Human interaction just distracted him from his work. An alchemist needs as much concentration as possible.

On the shelves which lined each wall there were rows upon rows of glass containers, the contents of each varying greatly. In vials and beakers rest stagnant liquids and gasses in arrays of colors, and in dust coated jars sat small chunks of various metals and elements. The majority of the containers were labeled, though the labels seemed to be more commonly illegible than not. Whether each was due to poor handwriting, fingerprints, smudges, or just general deterioration, it was uncertain. Not surprisingly, it was often a mix of all four. Broken glass glistened beneath a few of the shelves, as Arin saw no real reason to make any attempt to clean it up. It was just him. He knew where things had fallen, and he knew how to make his way around the shards they had created.

Arin looked down at the sparkling glass. Then toward his desk covered in several different types of scientific instruments. Burners, beakers, and tubes, all interconnected in some way or another. Papers torn from miscellaneous notebooks strewn along the surface, some having fallen onto the floor and the chair at the head of the table. Drawers held smaller tools. Matches and strikers, corks and lids, labels, pencils, and brushes. Even knives and awls. Anything that he thought he may need, though none of it was organized. He'd tried to clean it once. But it didn't last long, and only ended up looking worse than before.

It wasn't that he didn't care. It was that he didn't think it mattered. Everyone who'd come by, telling tales of the fabled alchemist deep in the woods, was turned away. He didn't understand how anyone needed anyone else. Holly had been fine since her partner left. And wiccans were often perceived as only working in covens. If she could do it, Arin was sure he could too. But maintaining his facade of the stern solo alchemist was only easy when it didn't involve him actually trying to. Leaving the house a mess was simple. So was turning away the annoying strangers who had come to learn from him. That was just a part of his personality. It was the cold nights when he would stay up until the daybreak working in solitude that really got to him.

It was starting to get late, and Arin already knew that tonight was going to be one of those nights. After changing from his day-to-day tattered, stained, cloak and baggy pants into his equally messy nightwear, Arin sat himself down at his desk. Staring blankly at his notes, he gave up on trying to remember what he was attempting to alchemise next. He'd already memorized how to change any metal to gold, and now had a surplus of gold to work with. Even though he knew that he could easily make a living off of it all, Arin refused to head to town to sell any of it, so it had become his usual starting point for many spells. Arin pulled out a half sharpened pencil and a scrap of whatever parchment he had lying around and scrawled a number at the top.

"#393"

This was something he did every time. Mark the number of different formulas and spells that he had tested in order to create life. By his 400th formula, Arin hoped to successfully alchemise what he himself had only heard legends of. A human being.

Arin knew the chances of this were very slim. But he had confidence and willpower. He'd already created an amoeba at #86, a squid at #147, a tadpole (which managed to grow into a frog) at #203, a bat at #282, and a slightly deformed rabbit by #312. So he was already ahead of the game as far as he knew, having figured out the alchemy behind creating life. You must go as far back as you can. Back to the beginning. When it was just stardust. That's the same thing all life forms are made of. But only having seven more tests to make a human still didn't seem easy. He knew that he'd have to take every chance to work he got, even if it meant getting little to no sleep.

The stars glowed brighter out here than he'd ever seen in the town. His cottage was the only light for miles, Holly being the only other resident and being a few day's trek away. The pale blue and white of the moon shone through his window, dancing off the shelves of glass and catching on the prism hung from the ceiling. A beautiful rainbow crept its way across the floor and up the wall as Arin worked. It was nearly silent except for the crackle of fire and the boiling of various liquids.

And although it was the perfect picture of what Arin had hoped for... he craved the presence of another human.

This was the first time he admitted it to himself aloud. Being that there was no one around to listen but his creatures, he rarely said anything. It was all silent thoughts and written word. But as he lowered his arm from one of the many shelves, beaker in hand, Arin spoke for the first time in who knows how long. "Shit... they were right. All the wannabe apprentices were right. It really does get boring being the only one out here..." Immediately realizing what he'd said, Arin slammed the glass he was holding down onto the desk. The force of his anger caused it to shatter, sending more shards he wasn't going to clean up onto the ground. "Dammit, Arin. You knew that when you came out here. You've lied to yourself this long. Why not keep it up?" It felt good to say things out loud, so he didn't resit as he caught himself in a one person banter. "If everything goes right, and you work on it every day, you'll have a companion in a week! Calm down!"

After a little more back and forth, Arin realized that all he had to do was keep going exactly as he was. Just for a little bit longer. So after quickly wrapping up what little progress he had made tonight and scribbling down a few final notes, he went to sleep.

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Over the next few days, Arin made several promises to himself.

Once his human worked out... if his human worked out... he'd start trying. He'd get the cottage cleaned up, to start. Get the soot off the windows, the glass off the floor, and everything organized in the desk. Put legible labels on all of this samples, compile all his notes. Everything he knew he should've been doing all along.

And once he was done "trying", he'd keep "doing". Everything would have to stay clean. Whoever he ended up bringing into this world shouldn't be expected to clean up after him. Arin was creating a partner, not a slave. He'd treat his new creation as an equal, not like he would've treated any of the people who tried to force themselves onto him.

He promised to make sure that he didn't just create life for the hell of it. He had to appreciate every bit of it, and his partner had to be able to recognize that. There had to be care involved.

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"#399"

Today's number was now almost-legibly written across the top of a new page. Arin laughed. "Today's the day I need to have everything ready. Tomorrow, I can't make any mistakes." He knew the chances were slim. He knew he should stop getting his hopes up. But all he'd been able to think about for the past week was how close he was to not having to be alone anymore. Whoever he created needed to be perfect. Last night, he'd gone through notes #1-#397 figuring out what worked and what didn't. Today, he would just be testing it all. Making sure everything he thought would be good for his creation was actually going to be. Each note had its own set of issues, most often in the legibility of it. Smudges, poor handwriting, and simply forgetting to label things could end up being his downfall. Was thyme for luck or lust? Did you have to boil the first concoction for three minutes or three hours? Was the liquid in his diagram water, alcohol, or something different all together?

For several hours, Arin just sat and wrote the cleanest notes he had in his entire time as an alchemist. He tested all his burners, set a bucket outside for moonwater, gathered stones, and tried to clear off the long table he would use to bring his companion into the world. The windows were wiped down, letting more light in than when he'd first moved in, and the glass was swept off the floor. Everything had to be ready. All the jars and beakers and test tubes containing all his metals and samples were relabeled. The ones he would need for tomorrow were set aside. Just the minerals. The only way to make a human was to use pure star stuff. The most basic elements. Everything added afterwards was for extra personality. He took the advice Holly had given him years ago and began gathering key items.

Before Holly's partner had left, Holly used to keep in touch with Arin quite often. The two would make monthly trips to visit each other. Whenever he came by, Holly would tell him a part of her magic. Usually it involved herbs, stones, and energies, something Arin was quite familiar with. But never will he forget the last time they interacted. Her partner had just left, and she sat Arin down in front of her spell table. She'd never shown him her Book of Shadows before. It was always something very secretive for a wiccan. But she flipped through the pages until she found the one she wanted. Then just set it down and left, leaving Arin to read it on his own.

"For affection, beauty, and love: quartz, lavender, moonwater, sea salt, rose petals, and cinnamon. Use generously"

Arin encircled the long table with these ingredients. So much so that the room would smell of cinnamon for weeks.

Light shone through the windows in the back room as Arin set everything up. He laid out chunks of gold in the vague silhouette of a human, and next to them placed one of his cloaks so they could throw on some clothing right away. There was no real way to determine the sex of whatever life form you were creating. Fortunately, this didn't matter to him. He didn't need a lover, just a companion. If he ended up getting more than that, so be it, but he wasn't expecting anything. Arin chuckled to himself as he thought about it. There was a good chance that it wouldn't work, but he was desperate. No matter who had showed up to try to work with him, they were never going to be able to compare to the person he was trying to create for himself.

It wasn't easy to prepare for tomorrow. Between the alchemy, the organizing, the cleaning, and his own giddiness, Arin was overwhelmed. He knew that in order for everything to go right tomorrow, he had to try to get some rest. Instead of heading back to his room or even bothering to change, he slept on the ground right next to the table. There were no glass shards there to worry about, and he'd even mopped up all the dirt and dead bugs. Arin pulled his cloak over his head and used his arm as a pillow, curling his legs into his stomach. Sleep came easily, and he drifted off with a grin on his face.

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Arin sat straight up. Sunlight coming through the windows unobstructed by soot was abnormal at this point, so just that in itself was enough to wake him. It only took seconds for Arin to be up and scrambling for his notebook and pencil. "Damn. Today's the day. It has to be" he reassured himself. "I can do it. Just follow what I wrote yesterday."

Arin looked at his line of beakers, jars, and other containers. The samples each had their own specific purpose. Holly's spell was already surrounding the table, but everything else had to be mixed. As he pulled himself over to his work desk, he glanced at his notes. No herbs, no spices. All pure elements, just star stuff.

Then he wrote today's number at the top of a new page.

"#400"

In his neatest writing, he began making note of everything he did.

"Boil moonwater. Add carbon, hydrogen..."

Hours went by. Smoke filled the room again. It was silent. Just the sound of crackling fire and boiling liquids. Arin knew this would be the last day he had to deal with the deafening silence of solitude. It had been so long since he'd even heard another person's voice. All he could hope for was any form of functioning human. Male, female, magic, non-magic, whatever. It didn't matter. Just someone. Someone to fill the silence with laughter. Someone to cast a shadow other than his own when the light came through the windows. Someone.

Arin sighed as he worked. If he made any mistakes, something could go terribly wrong. But it didn't matter. His deformed rabbit was still good company. An imperfect human couldn't be that bad... could it? "God dammit if I mess this up... I need this. Me. Arin. A human being. A solo worker. I need another human being." He laughed for what seemed like the thousandth time. "Can you believe this? I need another human being?" He stopped, put down all his jars and beakers. All he could hear was his own breathing. Arin drug one hand across his face, covering his beard with soot. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. "I do. I need... someone else... someone to- fuck, Arin, don't get sappy. Get back to work." And he picked up right where he left off. In Arin's mind, he'd never said those things. He couldn't have. It didn't fit him.

Light danced through the window and bounced between the glass strewn all over the cottage. Even the kitchen had jars of various elements adorning every possible place. Right now, the house was just as messy as it had been before. But he cared. Arin cared so deeply about his soon-to-be new partner. The sweat from his hands left marks on the desk as he lifted his finished potion. All that was left to do was to apply the brightly colored liquid to the gold silhouette in the other room. Each drop fizzed as it hit its mark. The room heated up a few degrees and the windows filled with steam, washing away some of the soot that was made that morning. Arin knew that it would take a while to work, so he left to his room for a well needed rest.

What he didn't know, was that the rules that apply when making animals are not the same as those for humans. Humans need that extra something. Something he had not yet figured out.

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A few hours had passed, and Arin still couldn't get to sleep. He needed the rest badly, but his mind was all worked up, anxious, and gleeful. Tonight, it wouldn't just be Arin, the moon, and the boiling of various liquids. There would be no late night testing tonight, there would be no reason for it. He knew that the boiling and crackling of work could be replaced with laughter or chitchat.

And then there was a crash.

Arin jumped to his feet and ran to the other room. "Shit. The bottles!" he growled under his breath. He knew his creation had to have worked if things were being broken in the room he'd created it in. But now he was more worried about what he was going to be walking into. Arin's feet stuck to the cold floor with each forceful step he took, and his breathing became rapid. He was genuinely scared. Broken glass and lose materials was one thing. And the successful creation of a human was another. But the idea of putting the two together was a whole new level of unease. As Arin put his hand against the door, he prepared for whatever mess could be behind it. Blood, bones, and broken glass were the worst he could think of. Nothing too out of the ordinary for an alchemist who was friends with a wiccan. But that didn't make him any more comfortable with it. Arin shut his eyes, and pushed open the door.

And he was faced with a scene he never could've imagined.

Sunlight flooded in through the rippled window, broken jars and beakers littered the floor. The whole room seemed to glow with a blinding light. Before he was able to assess his new creation, his vision had to adjust to the shimmer of everything. Arin rubbed his eyes vigorously, attempting to better his vision, the only logical explanation for his blindness being the reflection of the sun on the glass. But it wasn't just that.

As he focused properly, Arin stood looking directly at the most beautiful yet eerie human being he had ever seen. At first, it was hard to see. The being was bent down messing with a bit of glass and wearing Arin's cloak. But as he stood, Arin noticed every little detail. He was slender and strong, but looked very gentle. His skin was soft and pale like the pink moonlight of a harvest moon. His eyes glistened in an inhuman way, as if opals sat where his eyes should've been. And his hair. More bizarre and elegant than any faerie Holly had ever drawn in her Book of Shadows. It billowed up in locks of curls, but no part other than that could've been described as hair. It was if a nebula had been affixed onto his head. It flowed lightly, no wind necessary, and sparkled like the night sky. An ethereal mix of blue and purple, with starry white flecks shining throughout it. He even had a small scruffy beard to match. He was made... of star stuff.

Arin stepped forward, careful not to stand on any of the thousands of glass shards covering the floor. As Arin stood in front of his new creation, he noticed that they were the same height. The being spoke before Arin was able to, and his voice was smooth and earthy. "I'm sorry. I broke all your things on accident... I... I-"

But Arin cut him off as he grabbed his hands. "Don't worry about it. I'm Arin. I brought you here. What is your name? And are you alright?" The being lifted his head to look into Arin's eyes. Arin was incredibly nervous, and honestly slightly scared. He didn't know why his creation wasn't fully human, and he didn't know what to do to fix it. But he knew that he'd made himself a promise. To care and make sure his partner knew he cared.

"I don't know my name. Do I have a name? Should I know my name? I don't know if I'm alright..." The being looked just as nervous as Arin felt, which was a definite relief for Arin. As his creation looked around rapidly and pulled away his hands, Arin smiled. He'd made this. This was his. And he was absolutely stunning.

In an attempt to calm them both down, Arin put his hand on his creation's shoulder and spoke very softly. "It's ok. It's your name, so you can make it up. And I think you're ok. Just... not what was expected. But that's more fun, isn't it?"

The being paused, then grinned a big goofy grin. His nebula hair swung lightly as he nodded his head. "Yeah. You're Arin. I'll be... I'll be Dan. Is that alright?"

Arin took his hand off the his partner's shoulder and ran his fingers through his own hair. He smiled and chuckled faintly. "Yes. Yes, Dan is very good. Dan? Will you stay and work with me?"

Dan's already sparkling eyes glistened with joy. "I would love to." The sunlight from the window reflected off the glass on the floor, creating an iridescent scene. Bits of light also glowed from behind Dan's nebula of curls, hitting parts of Arin's face. Everything was perfect.

As Arin lead his new partner over the mess and out of the room, he couldn't help but smile like a sugar-filled child. He held Dan's hand and brought him to the main room, then just stared at him for a bit. He smelled of lavender and cinnamon, and Arin was in love.

Chapter Text

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Arin's hand gripped Dan's firmly. He still hadn't realised that he'd never let go. As he lifted his other hand in a sweeping gesture toward the entirety of the house, he smiled. "All of this? Ours now. It was just mine, but..." Arin trailed off, a tinge of solemnity in his voice, then picked up very quickly. "But never mind that. Ask me anything, and we can't start working tomorrow if you'd like. Sound good? ...Dan?"

Dan hadn't been listening. He'd been too busy staring down at where their two hands sat interlocked. Arin's fingers fit softly between Dan's, and the warmth of his flesh was comforting. Curiously, he ran his thumb across Arin's knuckles, the calloused skin feeling new against his soft fingertips. He spoke quietly and without bothering to look up. "What does this mean?"

Arin was stunned, and shook his head slightly as if trying to grasp what he'd just heard. He looked at Dan's eyes to follow his gaze. When he understood what the being had meant, Arin pulled away his hand and cracked his knuckles nervously, then stuttered to respond. "I - uh... it means... well..." He kicked his toes into the floor lightly, trying to think of what he should say. Affection? Appreciation? Love? He couldn't say love. Did Dan even know what love meant? What did he and did he not know? "It just means I'm happy, I guess?" Arin sighed, instantly regretting what he had said. But there was no way to take it back now.

"I'm happy too, I think..." Even though Dan was smiling as he said this, Arin didn't find it at all convincing. "As long as you're happy, at least. You made me, anyway, right?" His eyes glanced down at the floor, his sparkling hair falling onto his face, and he twiddled his thumbs at his waist. Even as obviously nervous as Dan was, Arin didn't say anything. He just laid a hand on Dan's back and let it rest there.

The sunlight cast their shadows across the floor, and the hanging prism created a rainbow to chase them. This was what Arin wanted. Someone for company. But he refused to admit that it didn't turn out as planned. Instead, he took his hand off Dan's back and looked him in the eyes. He still hadn't gotten used to the shimmering opal eyes and nebula of locks that his partner had, and apparently this was noticeable in his expression. "Arin, I'm not what you wanted... am I? I wasn't supposed to look like this. You said so yourself. It's ok, just... just let me know." For not understanding the act of holding hands, Dan seemed to be able to pick up on other things quite well.

Arin was shocked and ashamed. He held Dan's face lovingly and brought him close. "Nononono, Dan, don't say that. You're... you're -" While stumbling over his words in an attempt to not say anything stupid, he missed his opportunity all together. Dan tore his face out of Arin's hand and walked back to the room he was made in. As the door slammed behind him, Arin whispered the words he'd wanted to avoid saying. "...you're beautiful."

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The sun had fully set. Only sconces kept the cottage bright, and just a few of them were lit up. Dan hadn't come out of his room all day, and Arin hadn't left the main area. He'd moved to the tattered couch, across from his work desk and against the wall, but no more than that. Arin couldn't stop thinking about what had happened earlier. He messed up somewhere along the line in his work. Maybe, he thought, it wasn't enough of a certain material, or too much. Maybe the wrong temperature, or time. He wasn't sure. But he knew that he had no idea how to fix it, and now the only person he'd expected to care about wasn't happy with himself. Arin felt like he had to be the one to blame.

Just as he was dozing off, Arin heard a sound from the back room. A sort of gasp, but with a little more vocalization. Dan! Arin rushed to the door, worried maybe he'd done a poor job sweeping up all the glass and Dan had gotten hurt. Any number of possibilities had run through his mind before he'd even crossed the room. As the alchemist held his hand against the wooden frame of the door, he listened for any signs of agony or distress, readying himself. Another gasp, but lighter this time, and more peaceful. Nothing was wrong. In fact, it seemed Dan had found some way to lighten his mood.

Arin opened the door slowly, trying to stay quiet. He didn't want to disrupt, yet allowed curiosity to get the best of him. As he looked into the dark room, he saw Dan kneeling at the rippled glass window, staring up into the night. His hair was flowing on its own, dancing joyfully around his neck and shoulders, yet maintaining its shape. His hands were plastered against the glass and his feet rubbed against each other excitedly. Arin thought he looked absolutely precious.

However, he knew he couldn't just stand there staring. It seemed rude and intrusive, and he'd already walked in unannounced. "Hey, Baby. What'cha up to?" Immediate regret. Arin scolded himself silently, wishing he had some sort of filter. The prolonged lack of human interaction and verbal speech for really seemed to have an effect on him. Arin now had a difficult time doing either of those things without some serious preparation.

Dan jumped at the sudden noise, but didn't seem to mind, or even notice, Arin's petname. He turned around exuberantly, hair billowing behind him, casting a shimmering reflection in the window. "Arin! It looks like me!!" He had the largest smile on his face as he spoke, and his eyes were wide and cheery. Dan pointed a delicate finger at the stars. "We match, Arin! Well, I'm more colorful, but... It's so pretty! What is it?"

Arin laughed to himself, trying to not seem rude. "You... don't know what space is?" He took a few steps forward until he stood directly in front of the other man. Dan only came to his thighs in his current position, and seemed to have no intention of getting up, so Arin kneeled down next to him. His knees popped as he did so, and his warm shins were chilled by the cool wood floor. "It's... it's what's past where we are. Waayyyy up in the sky. A bunch of stars and gas and planets and-"

"I know what space is, ya goof," Dan cut in. "I know some things about this place. I meant specifically that part of the sky. The part with tons and tons of stars. It's beautiful." He put his hand on Arin's knee as he talked, and Arin blushed. Lucky for Arin, it was too dark to notice.

"You're beautiful" he whispered. "I uh, I mean... um... that's the arm of the Milky Way. The galaxy we live in." Arin pointed over to a different part of the sky. "That's Andromeda, a galaxy far off in the distance. And space is just as colorful as you in some spots. We just can't see it from Earth." Arin was blushing less now. He'd been distracted by his fascination with outer space. It was one of the reasons he'd gotten into alchemy in the first place. The chance to get to create things out of simpler things, just like how it happened in the beginning. It gave him a sense of power.

Even in the dark, Dan's smile was lit by the faint glow of his hair. If he had heard what Arin said about him being beautiful, he didn't mention it. Instead, he leaned himself into Arin's shoulder, wrapping himself in not only his cloak, but the extra fabric of Arin's. Again, Arin could smell the lovely hint of lavender and cinnamon that Dan radiated. "I want to go see it, Arin. Can I just head outside with you? I haven't been outside yet..."

Arin stood up, placing his hands on the floor to maintain balance. Dan slipped off his shoulder as he did this, but caught himself on Arin's pant leg. Arin offered him a hand and hoisted him up, then gave him a pat on the back. "Yeah. Let's go outside."

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It was chilly, but not frigid. Lush grass and clovers grew over the majority of the ground, and thick moss covered all the rocks and roots, making for a relatively soft space to walk or sit without worry. Tall trees of many sorts towered over the cottage and surrounding areas, like pillars to the sky. Ivy covered many, but not all, of them. The only sounds were the wind and the moss being padded down beneath the two men as they made their way outside.

Arin had put the hood of his tattered cloak up, and had encouraged Dan to do the same before they went out into the cold. But Dan had refused, wanting to feel the outside for what it was, and currently too proud of his hair to hide it. Arin lead his partner over to the spot he always went to when he needed to sit outside. The ground was pressed down, and no leaves littered it, making it obvious that it was often used. A small faerie ring of soft white mushrooms was just a few meters away, but Arin had never seen any fae. Just the occasional squirrel.

"Here, have a seat" After he sat himself down, Arin patted the earth next to him. Dan gleefully obliged and curled into Arin's soft shoulder, his beard scratching against the fabric of his cloak. Arin had begun to notice that this was Dan's thing, and smiled as he leaned into him in return, balancing the weight. He then pointed the the sky, making sure he had Dan's attention. "See that? All of those stars? We're all made of the same things they are. And you? Yours shows through."

As he abruptly pushed himself off of Arin's shoulder, Dan furrowed his eyebrows and slouched forward. "But yours doesn't, Arin. Most people's doesn't, right? It's not supposed to. I know that."

Arin snapped his head toward Dan's, then ran a hand through his blue and purple hair. "You see this? This hair? It looks like all that out there. It's not normal. It's better than normal. You're better than normal." Arin's face got hot and he squeezed his eyes shut in embarrassment. "I mean... ugh, fine. I mean exactly that. I'm sorry."

Dan laughed, still seemingly unaware of the idea of affection meaning more than just kindness. "Thank you, Arin" he laughed. His smile was so soft, and his hair danced at his shoulders in joy. As he smiled, he leaned back onto the grass and stared into the sky. Dan’s arms sunk into the moss below him, and his hair spread around his face in a halo. One of his hands reached for Arin's, then strung their fingers together.

Arin blushed, his cheeks and the tips of his ears both getting pink. "Dan?" It was barely a whisper, quieter than the breeze around them. But Dan heard, and sat up, looking into his partner's chocolaty brown eyes. Arin squeezed Dan's hand, then glanced between the shining eyes of his creation and their interwoven fingers.

Dan smiled, then whispered just as Arin had. "I'm just happy.”

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The following morning, both men woke up in the same patch of earth they'd been in the night before. Having fallen asleep sometime after two in the morning, they were both incredibly tired. Their cloaks were covered in morning dew, and Arin's hair now housed a single frail spiderweb. After brushing off and grabbing a clean cloak and pants, Arin headed out back to wash off. Dan stayed exactly where he was, taking in the morning sun.

When Arin returned, hair and skin clean and fresh, he realised that eventually Dan would need to change out of his cloak. Unfortunately, he didn't happen to own any other proper outfits. Arin knew what he found comfortable and chose to stick with owning only that, just several of them. The only other thing in the cottage was an old outfit of Holly's that she'd forgotten on a visit years ago, but he couldn't see Dan wanting to wear that.

Dan looked up at Arin from his spot on the ground. The sun was shining from behind him, creating a glow of light. A perfect silhouette stood out against the aura, showing off all his soft, plump curves. His brown hair was tied back now, unlike it had been earlier, although he left part of his blonde streak loose. Brown eyes shone in the light, and his beard and mustache looked surprisingly well kept. His stained brown cloak draped over his baggy pants, both covering his sandals and dragging slightly on the ground. Dan smiled lightheartedly at the person who had brought him here.

"Dan?" Arin put out a hand in an offer to help his partner up. "Come here, you need a new outfit. I'll help you make it." Arin could barely sew, and he knew Dan wouldn't be able to at all. But it was worth a shot. Dan took Arin's hand and the two headed inside.

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Several cloaks and pants were laid across the floor of the main room, along with Holly's old outfit. All of Arin's things were identical, so the only interesting pieces of fabric would come from Holly's. The things she'd left behind were significantly more feminine, but in a witchy sort of way. A grey dress, complete with very light sheer pastel blue fabric draping from the sleeves and back with charms along the waist, and a grey-blue feathered shawl.

After deciding how things would fit on Dan, Arin marked new seams with a pencil and readied his makeshift needle and thread. In actuality, it was just a bone whittled down to the rough shape and size of a needle, and many long, thin, strips of leather. Dan was encouraged to design whatever he would wear, and Arin would do his best to create it. It didn't take long for him to have sketched out his outfit on a page from one of Arin's notebooks. There would be a lace-up tunic, a pair of Arin's pants (taken in to better fit him), and a cloak-style cape made of sheer and feathers.

After hours of sewing, the outfit was done. "Arin, it's wonderful!" Dan praised. Everything fit perfectly, and it was an interesting new look for him. The tunic was a soft brown and had leather lacing from the middle of his chest upwards. The pants were lighter yet and fit well, hugging his legs comfortably. His personally designed cape was made of sheer fabric, and had feathers on the collar and trim. Arin even managed to make some functioning boots and turn the charms and leather into a double belt for the tunic.

Arin couldn't help but stare as Dan showed off his new look. "Isn't it cool, Arin? You did really well." Dan spun, his iridescent cape flowing around him and galactic curls bouncing against his neck and shoulders.

"You look wonderful" Arin cooed in approval. "Really. I was going to make fun of your sketch, it didn't seem like something that would look good, but you somehow managed to make it work." He held his hands together at his lap as he spoke, still sitting on the floor and surrounded by scraps of fabric and leather.

Dan smiled and lifted up the edges of the cape by stretching out his arms. "I make it work? Arin, it was you who created it. All I'm doing is showing off your ability. Both in the clothing, and in the fact that I exist in the first place." Every time Dan's cape moved, the feathers and fabric reflected the sunlight. Now all of him seemed to be glowing. The sun hit his eyes as he flopped himself down next to Arin, stretching out his slender legs on the cool floor.

”Dan? Were you alright the other day? You seemed really off.” Arin said, “I know you were worried about not being exactly what I had in mind but… nothing ever is.” Arin was spacing off in the direction of his desk as he spoke, thinking about the amount of tries it took to accomplish what he did. Dan didn't know yet. He hadn't shown him the notebooks, paper scraps, or all the results of the tests beforehand. The page that Dan had done his sketch on, Arin had made sure to get on his own, not bringing his partner near any of the supplies. He didn't want to keep Dan in the dark, but something about letting him know how much he meant to him was scary for him. The only relationship Arin had been in in the past ended poorly. He made sure never to try to romance a pixie ever again. Those creatures were cruel. A being made of starstuff and who always smelled of lavender and cinnamon was much more appealing.

Dan didn't respond right away. It took him a few moments to decide what to say. But when he finally figured it out, he made sure he had Arin's full attention. “I was just childishly nervous. Embarrassed, even. You wanted something, and I couldn't be that. I had no control over it, but it still felt like it was my fault somehow. But… I'm ok now, I promise.” Yet again, Dan's claim of contentment was unconvincing. The first part was truly honest. Unfortunately, even though he'd said it, Dan knew he wasn't 100% alright yet. He agreed that he was in fact beautiful, sharing the dazzling characteristics of galaxies and nebulae. But not being able to be the one thing you were created to be still plagued his thoughts. He rest his head on Arin's shoulder, and Arin put his hand on Dan's knee.

The two sat like that for a long while. Dust particles danced in the sunlight coming through the rippled glass windows. Jars and beakers sat neatly on the shelves lining every wall, metals sparkling brightly inside some of them. The only sound was the light wind in the trees outside, and that was barely audible through the walls of the cottage. No laughter, no chitchat. But Arin still knew he had what he wanted. Just another person, whether they were fully human or not.

Chapter Text

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It had been several hours. The fae-like bits of dust were no longer easily visible, as the sunlight that had been shining through the glass was now fading into darkness. Even though it had been as long as it had, the two still sat leaned against each other. It was hard to want to go off to do something else when all you had was the person next to you. The only thing Arin had been trying to accomplish had been accomplished. He had alchemised a human, something previously unthinkable. If it hadn't been for his unwillingness to go into town and Dan's lack of confidence, he would've gladly flaunted his new creation. But he knew that he couldn't do that. Not to Dan. Not to himself.

Dan had fallen asleep on Arin's shoulder. His hair swayed slowly at his shoulders, and glowed significantly less than it had when he was awake. It seemed to change depending on his mood. Arin wasn't sure why it was like this, but he found it quite charming. It gave a new way to distinguish emotion. He thought back to when Dan had first put on his new clothes and smiled. The way his hair had danced and shone, the shimmer of his eyes and cape, and his blissful smile, were all ingrained in his mind. Dan slid slightly down Arin's shoulder and disrupted his thoughts, and Arin reached to catch him. His hair was warm to the touch, and surprisingly light. Ringlet curls coiled around his fingers gently as he ran them through Dan's hair. Dan twitched beneath him, still blissfully sound asleep, as Arin gently and mindlessly drug his fingers through the cosmic waves of curls. Arin leaned his head against his partner's, moving his soft hand from his hair down to his shoulder, accidentally brushing against the cool skin of Dan's cheek.

Dan's eyes fluttered open, eyelashes sticking together briefly. His opal eyes shifted back and forth rapidly as he tried to remember what he'd been doing previously. There was no memory of him falling asleep against the rough fabric of Arin's cloak, but he had no issue with the fact that he had. He felt the weight of Arin's head against his own and saw his silky brown hair mixing with his own. It was startling, as the idea of human contact was still foreign to him, and he flinched, his hands grasping at the fabric of his tan pants. He spent a moment just sitting, his breath picking up lightly, as he and Arin leaned on each other. Arin was warm and loving, but Dan felt a tinge of worry and doubt in his chest. Affection still remained abnormal to him, so the idea of anyone projecting any sort of positive emotion onto him didn't register in his mind. Dan sighed as he lifted his hands from his thighs and reached to Arin's arm, tapping it lightly to get his attention. "Hey Arin?" he whispered.

"Oh. Dan. You're awake. I'm sorry." Arin quickly sat up and leaned away from his place on Dan's shoulder, embarrassed and wondering how much of that Dan had been awake for. Had he noticed the hair fidgeting? Or was it his weight that had woken him? Maybe Dan had woken up on his own, Arin hoped. He blushed faintly, blood rushing to his cheeks. His hair was a mess and fell into his eyes, covering the majority of his face. This made it incredibly hard to see, so he quickly brushed it to the side and tucked it behind his ears, which were also red with embarrassment. "I didn't mean to wake you..."

Dan's eyes were wide. He sat stiffly in the exact position he had been in when Arin was leaned onto him. Arin moved himself closer to him, putting his face between his partner's and the world around him. His breath heated Dan's chilled skin and moved some of the curls encircling his face. "Daaaan" Arin playfully, yet with a slight bit of worry, whispered. "Buddy? You alright?" As he rested his hand on his creation's shoulder, he felt him convulse under his touch. "Dan? Dan?" No response.

Arin pressed his forehead against that of the man before him. The temperature of their flesh mixed, hot and cold tangling and creating a soft medium. Dan's eyes seemed glazed over as Arin stared kindly into them, and their breaths were slow. Dan's cool, light breath hit against Arin's flushed cheeks. Arin moved his hand from his waist and caressed the astral clouds of his partner's hair, then rested it against the couch cushion behind him. "Daaaannyyyy boy" Arin wasn't usually one to use nicknames, and he was surpised at his own words. However, the idea of using any genuine term of endearment seemed to feel right. Arin pushed his body even farther into Dan's in an act of mindless yearning and care. Subconsciously, he hoped for some sort of positive reaction.

Dan's entire self writhed in nerves, and he put his hands against Arin's chest, pushing him away. "What are you doing?!" he growled, voice shaking with an emotion he was unaware of. "You... I... I can't do whatever... whatever that  was". Arin stumbled back, and Dan stood abruptly. His chest rose and fell quickly and his nebulaic hair flared around his neck and shoulders.

"Dan I-"

"Don't, Arin. Just cut it out."

Arin wasn't used to being snapped at. He'd always been either the one snapping at someone (often the ignorant people showing up at his door wanting to take advantage of his ability), or just gotten a polite response. He watched as Dan stormed back to the room that had become his, leaving Arin standing alone in the middle of the main room. It was just Arin and the dark as the sound of the slamming door echoed throughout the cottage.

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It was midnight. Dan had stayed in his room, and Arin hadn't attempted to go bother him. He was to flustered over his own actions. As he sat at his work desk for the first time since he'd created Dan, he couldn't shake the feeling of dread and regret. His head was buried in his crossed arms, his warm breath creating patches of condensation on the wooden table. A single quartz crystal sat at the corner of is desk, along with a small roll of cinnamon. Bits of lavender and salt were strewn along the floor, stuck between the cracks in the wood, and the stem from a single rose rested on the windowsill. Things left over from Holly's spell.

Arin rubbed the crystal between his thumb and forefinger, feeling the slick jagged edges against his flesh. A sharp bit of quartz hit against the joint of his finger and cut through the skin, so he tossed the crystal back toward its original spot. There wasn't much blood, just a tiny bit. But it stung as Arin sucked the wound to stop the bleeding, not wanting to further stain his cloak or desk. Unfortunately, due to what Arin assumed was the amount of veins and capillaries in the fingers, it didn't stop bleeding as quickly as he'd assumed. The desk drawer slid open easily now that Arin had organised it, and he was quickly able to find a bit of gauze to wind around the cut. Simple enough.

As he leaned back in his old rustic chair, Arin heard the door to Dan's room open slowly. He pretended not to take interest, though he had perked up just at the thought of his Dan coming back out to see him, and began fiddling with the crystal again. The sound of leather soled boots on wood floor was easy for Arin to hear, and he was able to tell where Dan was headed without lifting his face. Though the footsteps were very slow and calculated, making it slightly more difficult. Fortunately for him, it wasn't long before he felt the pressure of Dan's large hands on his shoulders. The dim glow from Dan's stardust hair lit the table just as Arin was cut again. There was a tad bit more blood this time then the time before, and Arin dropped the crystal without any thought and began tending his wound.

As a drop of blood hit the table, he heard Dan gasp behind him. "Arin! You're bleeding!"

"Yeah, I know. And I'm fixing it right now." Arin seemed disinterested in his partner's obvious worry, wrapping his finger in the sleeve of his cloak to stop the bleeding, not bothering with gauze this time.

Dan lifted his hands off of Arin and took a step back. "Well, fine. Ok. I'll... uh. I'll let you be then." The glow danced from the table to the wall, following Dan's movement. "I'll just be outside."

The door shut behind Dan, creating a cool gust of wind in the cottage. Arin's hair fluttered slightly, but not enough to disrupt him any, and he continued to work on his cuts. Once the bleeding from both had stopped, he crossed his arms on the desk again and layed his head down, using them as a pillow. He dozed off quickly, and was out for at least 45 minutes, when he started up abruptly. He'd sworn he'd heard a yelp from outside, and had dismissed it as a woodland creature before he remembered that Dan had gone out there not too long ago.

With the thought of Dan being hurt in any way plaguing his mind, he rushed out the door without thinking. "Daaaan!" He yelled into the night, but no response. "Dan! Hey! Where are you!" Again, nothing. The only place he thought to look was the spot the two had fallen asleep in several nights ago. The moss was worn as usual, but no sign of his starstuff creation. "Dan I swear to fucking god, you need to answer me!" Arin rushed to the back of the cottage and toward the small creek and shower he'd built along side it. Still, no Dan. The only glow came from the moon and stars in the black night sky.

It took several more minutes until he found who he was looking for. Leaned partially against a tree a short ways back into the forest, Dan slumped seemingly half asleep. Arin tried to nudge him awake, but there was no response. As he began to examine the cosmic being for any signs of harm, he noticed a gash along his ankle. "Dan" he snapped. Not angrily, just worried and forceful. "Dan what happened. God dammit, come to." Putting one arm in the crease of his knees and the other half way up his back, Arin was easily able to lift the other man. Though they were the same height, Dan's slender legs seemed to hang farther than Arin had expected. The distinct smell of cinnamon and lavender was now mixed with an earthy smell. One Arin had come to love, as it was the way the land around his house smelled. But there was also the telltale metallic scent of blood, and Arin made sure to get Dan home as fast as possible.

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As Arin laid his partner onto the long table in Dan's room, he got another look at Dan's leg. The gash wasn't big, but it was enough to cause any squeamish or delicate person to pass out. Arin rightly assumed it had to have been a mix of the two, and went to grab the gauze from his desk. The moonlight danced through the window, shimmering off of the shelves of jars and beakers.

By the time he was back, Dan had woken up. He sat upright on the table, legs curled and grabbing at his wound. From between his long fingers seeped a miniscule bit of blood. Arin spoke calmly and authoritatively, making sure Dan was aware that Arin knew what he was doing. "You tripped, huh?" He made conversation as he wrapped Dan's ankle, trying to distract him. "You freaked me out. I couldn't find you. Dan... I..." he had to pause for a while to not lose face. "Dan, I can't lose you. I can't. I won't."

"Arin. I'm ok, alright?" Dan smiled faintly, and his curls swayed gently. Then he glanced downward, and his hair fell, the glow dimming. "Don't worry about me. I'm just-"

As per usual, Arin cut him off, not wanting to hear his self-deprecation. "You're just what? Just my best creation. Just a living, breathing, human being that I made. Just, just-" Arin couldn't say what he wanted to. He refused. He'd let stuff slip too many times already. After Dan's negative reaction to his earlier approach, Arin couldn't risk it. 'Just the love of my life'. But he knew better. And Dan didn't press. Instead, Arin helped him up and walked him to the couch.

"Arin" Dan's voice was barely a whisper, but it had an edge to it. "Don't keep trying so hard. I'm just a mishap creation. I went wrong."

Arin didn't pause. He just continued to wrap Dan's ankle in gauze. Anger and disappointment flared in his chest. All Dan seemed to do was complain about the way he looked, the fact that he wasn't normal. All he'd wanted to do was create a partner. Someone to care about. Someone who would care about him. But that wasn't what he seemed to end up with. He quickly finished what he was doing, then lightly patted Dan's leg and walked off without a word.

"Arin wait!" Dan tried to pull himself upright, but his ankle hit against the edge of the table and he stumbled.

Arin was halfway to the main room, his hair fell into his face sloppily and his hands were lightly balled into fists. As he turned his head back towards Dan's room, he sighed. "I put so much effort into you. I spent months. I created other life before you. No one had created a human before. Not the way I did. That's not how life works. You. Need. To shut the hell up." He swiftly snapped his head back away from where Dan sat. As he walked over to the couch, he heard Dan's breath hitch.

Dan was leaning all his weight on his hands, and his legs were still curled on the table. His eyes shone more than normal, now with both their usual opal glow as well as tears. Dan had never cried before, and it was uncomfortable and abnormal. "A-Arin, I-"

"Don't. Just... don't."

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Dan sprawled out on his table. It wasn't comfortable, but he really didn't see anything else to do. Hot tears rolled down his pale cheeks, the moonlight glistening off his face. Crying wasn't comfortable for him. It was a strange new feeling. He'd only existed on Earth for a short period of time, and wasn't used to the range of emotions that humans could experience. He wiped at his damp cheeks, catching tears on his fingers and staring curiously at them. He wasn't sure what it even meant to cry. Perhaps Arin would be able to elaborate, but he didn't seem like he'd be willing to talk.

Dan sat up as the light of the night sky glowed through the window. The door was still slightly open, and he was able to see just a slight bit of Arin if he looked through the crack at the right angle. Nervously, he glanced around the room, trying to decide if he should try to interact. Arin's head was in his hands, and he was slouched forward, shaking lightly. Through teary eyes, Dan stared at the other man for a few moments. Just as Dan was about to leave and go sit by his window, Arin's face lifted and the two made eye contact. Arin had been crying as well, and his cheeks were a crimson red.

Dan wiped his eyes as watched his creator get up from the couch and walk in his direction. He didn't know what was about to happen, and was startled at what did.

Arin threw open the door, barely allowing Dan to step out of the way. He then swiftly wrapped his arms around the thinner man, arms encircling him completely. He was still overwhelmed and conflicted by the idea of being held, but allowed himself to melt under Arin's touch. Dan's arms stayed limp at his sides, but he tucked his face into Arin's neck, the feathers of his cape tickling Arin's throat. Their breathing synchronized quickly, and their chests rose and fell against each other.

Arin lifted his head and leaned away from Dan, but didn't release his grip. "Dan, I'm sorry." Arin spoke through shaking breaths, and looked directly into his partner's eyes. "I didn't mean to snap at you, but... I just..."

"You put effort into something that doesn't feel like they deserved the effort. I'd've done the same thing." Dan lifted his arms slightly and placed them at Arin's waist, holding him gently. His large hands fit nicely in the soft flesh of Arin's hips, even through the thick fabric of his cloak. He leaned into Arin, lowering his head as he did so. The moonlight danced around the two of them, a pale blue-grey light shining through the rippled glass of the window. The crystals from Arin's attempt at Holly's spell still sat in the corners of the room, and glistened in the faint flight. The whole room was aglow with every source of light, including Dan's hair. It was beautiful.

Arin stepped closer to Dan again, leaning his forehead against his partner's. His breath warmed Dan's face as he whispered. "You deserve it, ok?" Arin blushed. He knew he couldn't let himself do this. He couldn't allow himself to fall for something he made. Especially not since it was supposed to just serve as a work partner.

Dan sighed. He still didn't believe that he deserved anything more than his own talk of self-deprecation. He wasn't right. He wasn't the way he was supposed to look. He knew that. Arin knew that. But that didn't mean that the two were going to have the same opinions on how to go about reacting to it. Even that wouldn't stop him from nestling into Arin's shoulder. The two stood leaned against each other, pressing their full weights onto the other's chest. Residual tears dampened their clothing, but neither minded. As long as they were pressed together, their heartbeats thumping, easily felt through layers of fabric and flesh, everything seemed right.

Dan wasn't sure why he felt the way he did. He didn't even have a name for what it was that he was feeling. Part of him hoped the feeling would fade, as it seemed unnatural and uncomfortable. It made his heart beat and his face flush. But part of him wanted to know what it was, why he was feeling it. His eyes closed gently, long eyelashes touching softly. Dan felt he could easily fall asleep exactly as he was, wrapped in Arin's warm embrace.

But as Arin shifted his hands unexpectedly, Dan faltered. His wounded ankle caused him to lose his footing and he started to slip. Arin fell with him, and the two landed on the cold wooden floor of the cottage. Arin had managed to reach his and behind his partner's head in order to protect it, and he held himself just inches from Dan with his other. Both of them blushed deeply, faces red and warm, and though Arin knew exactly why he was so flustered, Dan remained confused. Arin rolled himself away from the other man, and laid on the floor next to him, his hand still grasping at the back of Dan's nebula of curls.

Arin laughed nervously, and Dan smiled a wide and giddy smile. But neither said a thing.

Chapter Text

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Arin was asleep, but Dan wasn't in the slightest. His hair glowed brightly, awake and blissful, curled against Arin's back. Their shoulder blades pressed against each other, and Dan could feel his creator's gentle breathing. Slowly, comfortingly. Dan's breathing had synced with Arin's, their bodies rose and fell against the old wooden floor at the same pace. The usual light from outside was much fainter tonight, as the moon was waning slowly, diminishing into the sky of stars and clouds. Dan still didn't know what it was that he had felt as he and Arin collapsed onto each other, but it had since faded some. Now, his heart beat at a normal speed, and his skin had returned to his cool-to-the-touch usual.

He looked slowly around the room, beginning to get uncomfortable. His shoulder and hip were digging into the floor beneath him. He didn't know how he could move without Arin noticing, as he had noticed that Arin was a light sleeper, but he really couldn't stand staying where he was. Slowly, he shifted his weight off of the man next to him and onto his hands. He leaned, his chest pressing against the floor, cape draping over his shoulders, feathers tickling his face. As he moved to brush the plumage away from his nose in an attempt to stop himself from sneezing and waking Arin, he lost his balance and fell straight to the floor. His chin hit the ground forcefully and his elbow rammed against Arin's lower back. Both the thud from Dan's short fall and the bone-on-bone strike shook Arin out of his sleep.

"Dan?" Arin was groggy and still in a dream-like state of mind. His hair was a mess and he had bits of sleep in the corners of his eyes. "How long have we been out?" He brushed his hair out of his face as he turned and sat upright, legs tangled in his cloak.

Dan rubbed his hurt chin as he turned to face Arin, curiously inspecting his tired partner. Dan found him strangely pleasant to look at in his sleepy state, eyes half closed, lips open slightly, and soft cheeks partially covered in scruffy facial hair. "Well, you've been out for a while. I, unfortunately, haven't gotten any sleep." He leaned closer to Arin, staring more than he was aware of. Arin blushed slightly, laughing just a bit, turning his face downwards as he did so. "Wait, what's funny?" Dan's hair relaxed and his eyebrows contorted in curiosity.

Arin shook his head dismissively, hair falling forward over his shoulders. "Don't... don't worry about it." He had noticed Dan was staring. It was cute. The last person who had stared at him that way hadn't done so for years and years. He hadn't seen them in as long as he could remember, but it didn't bother him any. Pixies made very poor partners. "It's nothing, really." Arin stifled a laugh as he looked back up to Dan, noticing that he was staring again. He set his hand on Dan's shoulder in order to help his balance as he stood up. His gentle fingers pressed into the flesh of Dan's arm, and he felt him convulse slightly under his touch, Dan's skin crawling with a feeling unknown to him.

"Hey, Ar, where you going?" Dan smiled blissfully as he watched Arin walk towards the door. He didn't want to try to stand and follow, but he did want to at least know what was happening. Moments ago, the two had been laying peacefully against each other. And now, Arin was walking off without reason. Arin turned back for a brief second, gently petting Dan's chin between his thumb and forefinger, and Dan's breath shook as he gasped sharply. His face warmed with blush, and his eyes shut half way. He reached his hand up toward Arin's, grasping for his warmth, but again, he slipped under his own weight.

"Hope your chin's alright." Arin turned his back to the man sitting below him. As he pulled his hand away teasingly, the texture of Dan's wiry stardust beard lingered on his fingertips. He sighed as he walk from the room, closing the door behind him. He knew Dan wasn't going to bother to follow, and he only made it a few steps before sliding down the wall to sit on the cool floor of the cottage. He rest his chin in his hand, closing his eyes and thinking back to the past few days. He knew he'd been showing too much affection. He knew Dan had to have been picking up on some of it, and he'd even noticed some response. But he couldn't do that. Not now. Not to Dan. Not to himself. Dan wasn't ready, Arin wasn't ready. Dan knew so little of affection, Arin could't be the one to press him into it. Arin was aware of his own actions, and made a silent vow to try to tone it back.

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Dan stepped carefully out of his room, sunlight shining from behind him. Arin was leaned against his work desk, one hand grasping a pencil and the other over top a wrinkled piece of parchment. As he heard Dan behind him, he sat up quickly and shoved the paper into the drawer. The corner of it was still tucking out, and a bit of smudged writing was visible, but not legible. Arin had been absentmindedly writing to himself since the sun came up. He'd fallen asleep on against the wall, and woke up to a racing mind. There were things on that paper that he didn't want to share. Things he couldn't believe he'd penned out. Words and sketches decorated almost every bit of it, and the sides of his hands were covered in graphite, shimmering silver in the light.

Dan had noticed Arin's swift motions, but didn't press. There wasn't any reason to. Arin would do only what he wanted, Dan knew this. It wasn't hard to tell that that was the kind of person that Arin was. Dan leaned over Arin and his desk, the glow he usually cast being washed out by the sunlight. "Morning, Arin." Dan smiled brightly, then yawned. His cape shimmered as he stretched his arms above his head and ran his hands through his curls. The two had only known each other for a short time, but Dan already saw Arin as his life partner. He wasn't sure what it meant to see someone the way he saw Arin, but he was alright with it. Dan wasn't nearly as infatuated with Arin as he was with Dan, but he still saw him as the light of his life.

Everything about him was lovely. His deep brown and smooth flowing hair. His soft chocolaty eyes. The gentle, plump curves of his body. The way his cloak draped over his body just perfectly. Even his personality was wonderful. Dan noticed the way Arin shuddered lightly as Dan spoke. His shoulders shook, and Dan pressed his hands to them comfortingly. "Arin? What's wrong? You're different lately..."

"Dan, I'm fine." He wasn't fine. He knew he wasn't fine. All he wanted to do was stand up, turn around, and wrap his arms around Dan in a loving embrace. He wanted to run his fingers through his nebula of curls. He wanted to lift him off the ground and carry him like he did when he'd hurt his ankle, pressing the slender man to his chest. He wanted to feel Dan's heartbeat against his own, feel the temperature of their skin collide, feel their fingers interlock and their breathing synchronize. He wanted Dan to let him do those things... But he knew he had to restrain himself, and he sat still.

"You sure? You really don't seem fine." Dan watched as Arin shifted in his seat. The wooden chair creaked slightly under his weight, and he leaned harder onto the desk, subtly pushing the drawer in a little farther. Dan's eyes shifted to the motion, observantly catching every little thing. He watched as Arin tucked the corner of his little scrap of paper out of sight. But still, he didn't press. He felt like it wasn't the right time to do so, not if Arin thought he was being so sneaky about it. Might as well let him have this. At least this. Dan suspected Arin was just having an off day... a series of off days. But nothing more that that, really. He had no clue that he was the reason Arin was acting so distant.

"Dan, I'm fine. Don't... don't worry about me." There was so much Arin wanted to say. So much he wanted to get off his chest. It would've meant the world to him to be able to tell his partner everything he wanted to. Everything he wanted to do to him. The way he had to hide his blush every time Dan laughed or smiled. The way he loved the way the feathers of his cape would make him sneeze. The way his hands fit so perfectly in his own. But he knew. He knew that Dan wouldn't understand. If he introduced a foreign being to an emotion many ordinary humans don't even often understand... who knows how that would end up. So he just brushed it off and bottled it all up. And he felt determined to do so until he broke.

Dan wasn't the slightest bit convinced by Arin's insistent mumbles, but the tone of Arin's voice told him to stop bothering him about it. "Whatever, Ar. Just... I don't know. Go easy on yourself. You made a failed creation. So what. Everyone slips up once in a while, right? That's a human thing... right?"

Unfortunately, Dan had said the one thing Arin couldn't resist fighting. "No, Dan," he spat, "I mean. Yes, Dan. I mean. Aaaagh!" Arin ran his fingers through his hair forcefully, tugging at the roots. His brows furrowed as he stood up and cracked his fingers anxiously. "People fuck up. They fuck up. It's human nature, sure, but a skilled fucking alchemist shouldn't fuck up like I do. I created sooo many things before you. I created other life! I did! And most of it worked fine! But-"

Tears welled in Dan's eyes. His hair glowed faintly and sagged lower at his neck, swaying so slowly it was almost still. "But I didn't. And now you're yelling about it and I just... there's nothing I can do to fix it, Arin." His voice was higher and shook with the sounds of sorrow and anger. "If I could I would, ok? So what if I look like space or whatever garbage shit you want to say. So. Fucking. What. I'm not right. I'm a failed experiment. That's all."

"Dan I didn't- that's not- I-"

"But you did. You said it. And now I know." Arin stood and reached to grasp Dan's shoulder, but missed as Dan turned to head the other direction. Dan chuffed as he wiped tears from his cheeks. "I just wanted to say good morning, Arin."

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Arin didn't even bother to sit back down. No attempt was made to chase after Dan, either. He knew it would just result in saying more things he didn't mean. Or saying things he meant but would regret. All that mattered was what had just happened. And now his only chance at genuine happiness had turned around and metaphorically smacked him in the face. Arin's hair was damp with sweat from his argument, and his chest was tight with regret. The only thing he could think of would be to head out back for a swim. Maybe cool off in the stream behind the cottage, both physically and emotionally. Dan had headed back to his room and slammed the door behind him. It had somehow managed to become routine, and Arin worried about the frame of the door breaking; Dan was surprisingly strong for his stature. Emotions could really change people.

As Arin made his way to the back of his cottage, he thought over the events from earlier. There were so many things wrong with him lately. Dan was right. Had he even said "good morning" back? Shedding his cloak and hanging it on a branch, he waded into the stream. It wasn't incredibly deep, and there were only a few places where you couldn't touch the stones and dirt at the bottom, so it made for a nice place to just gather your thoughts alone. The light current of the water rushed around him, creating swirls of crystalline water around his legs, cooling his heated skin. Moss and slick leaves cushioned his feet as he waded though the flow of water. Small water bugs skated out of his way and the wind blew through the trees, blowing leaves and pine needles to the floor of the forest around him.

It was extremely relaxing out back. No one was aware of this little place but him and Dan, and Dan had stuffed himself into his room. The last time he'd been out here, Dan had managed to hurt himself, so Arin didn't expect him to show himself around here any time in the near future. Arin stood alone with his thoughts as the soft hum of dragonfly wings surrounded him. The warmth of the sun clashed with the icy water, putting his body in a state of blissful confusion as he ran his hands through the current, then dragged it along his forehead and through his hair. He sunk into the water, allowing the sun-dappled creek to rush over the curves of his body, and was lost in thought as he submerged himself fully. As his hair flowed around him under the water, he remembered the way Dan had looked when he first laid eyes on him. The soft glow of his curly hair, the opal eyes that seemed to know so much yet so little, the way the sides of his mouth turned up slightly in a nervous smile. How he smelled distinctly of cinnamon and lavender. The sparkle of the broken glass and shimmer of moonlight and starshine.

It was something he'd never forget. But with it came the memories he didn't like to remember. His failed rabbit, Dan's self deprecation issues... the fact that he couldn't tell him how much he loved him.

Arin abruptly threw himself out of the water and on to the soft, grassy river bank, tree roots digging into his back slightly. He wiped his hair away from his face as he gasped for breath. Arin swore he'd only been under the water for a few seconds, but he felt like he'd been under for much longer. His breathing was heavy and desperate, and he took in the scent of damp earth with each sharp intake of crisp air. Perhaps, he thought, he'd gotten so caught up in his own thoughts that he'd lost track of time. But that wasn't what mattered. His cloak still hung from the branch above him, and he reached to grab it, but doing so slow enough to allow himself to dry a bit in the sun. As the rough, brown fabric fell over him, he felt droplets of water from his hair cascade down his spine, sending shivers through his shoulders and neck. And as he turned toward the cottage, he thought he saw a purple-pink mass tuck just out of view from through the rippled glass window.

Arin made his way inside after smoothing his cloak and drying his hair a bit more. Water drops still sat in his beard, and his hair still stuck to the sides of his face, but it was better than nothing. The heavy front door creaked open to reveal a blushing Dan, his hands attempting to cover the deep pink of his usually pale cheeks.

Dan stumbled to his room again, exposing an embarrassed smile as he lowered his hands, and Arin followed shortly behind him. Arin's hand stopped the door as Dan tried to shut himself back into solitude, and laughed just a bit. "What's up, Danny?" He wasn't genuinely curious, as he had a pretty good idea of why Dan was so flustered, but he just wanted to poke anyway. "Why ya blushing?" He laughed more as he looked into the other man's eyes, raising his eyebrows and twirling a bit of his blonde streak of hair around his forefinger.

Dan's hair danced quickly around his neck and he blinked rapidly, obviously flustered. "I.. uh..." He leaned his hand back onto the table behind him in an attempt to look unfazed, but his face flushed deeper. "N-nothing. I don't know."

"Sure, buddy." Arin leaned backwards against the wall and smiled. "Nothing at all? Alright."

Dan's blush faded slightly and he sighed. "No, I... I really don't know... I uh... you were... and I..."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just messin'. Don't worry about it."

"No, I mean... I don't actually know what it meaaans."

Arin stopped in his tracks, and just stared at Dan for a bit. Dan looked genuinely confused, eyes staring softly into Arin's and brows furrowed. "Wait, you... oh... uh, never mind."

"Ar? What? What is it?"

"No... don't.. don't worry about it." Arin let his head hang just a bit as he remembered everything he'd realized about Dan over the time they'd been together. He somehow didn't have a full grasp on human emotion, most noticeably affection. Arin knew he couldn't allow himself to to introduce him to too much, but all he wanted to do was exactly that. Instead of doing so, however, he pushed all his thoughts back down and walked back out of the room, leaving Dan alone.

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"Hey Arin?"

Arin turned swiftly from his seat on the couch, lifting his face from his journal and locking eyes with Dan. "Yeah? What is it?" He set down his pencil and closed his book, pages crinkling against each other. "Need something?" Secretly, Arin hoped that Dan had come out to ask about emotion more, to get him to say everything he wanted to say. But he highly doubted that would be the case.

Dan walked slowly over to the couch and took a seat next to his partner, leaning his head onto Arin's shoulder. "You said you created other life before me. What happened?" Dan's voice was incredibly quiet, barely above a whisper. But Arin heard it as clear as day... but he didn't want to respond. "Arin? What went wrong?"

Arin turned toward Dan and wrapped his arm around him comfortingly. "Please, don't worry about it," he whispered, "it's not important."

"It is to me, though." Dan pulled slightly out of Arin's grasp, and looked him right into the eyes. "It's important to me. I want to know what else you did. I want to know what lead to me."

"Dan. Dan... the only thing that lead to you was the fact that I realized that I couldn't be alone forever. Everything between my realization and you waking up on that table doesn't matter."

"Arin, please. Just... let me see them... it's not going to change anything, I just want to know..."

Arin sighed, then let go of Dan and stood from the couch. Wind blew faintly outside and a branch hit against one of the windows. "Fine. Whatever. Follow me." He went to grab Dan's hand to lead him to the creatures, but he knew that that would quickly escalate to having to deal with Dan's ignorance toward affection. Instead, he waited for his creation to just follow behind him, and Dan did so within seconds.

It wasn't far to Arin's room. Just a few meters. But Arin felt as though it was one of the longest walks of his life. After the 30 seconds (which felt more like 30 minutes) that it took to walk there, the two stood in the middle of Arin's room. Shelves covered the walls like they did the rest of the house, and beakers, jars, and bottles decorated these as well. They were, however, filled with very specific things. Things Holy had given him before they'd parted ways. Things he'd made based off of her gifts. Crystals and chunks of gold sat in mason jars with twine tied around them, and magick bottles sat on every shelf filled with various herbs and stones. Bay, lavender, thyme, cinnamon, and many other magick herbs layered in the bottles for various auras. Colored wax dripped from the tops of them, sealing in the corks. Some were for sleep, some were for luck, some peace, kindness, happiness... everything Arin could do to make his life better. He needed them in the past, and he felt as though they worked. But lately he wasn't so sure. His bed was large and soft, and had many blankets and pillows, though they didn't seemed as though they were often put to use. Arin spent a lot of time sleeping on the couch, falling asleep at his desk, or being too tired to properly climb into bed. The rippled glass of his large window was the cleanest in the house and was pointed directly toward the prettiest part of the forest. Sconces flickered and crackled in the corners, but released very little smoke. The floor was clean, no broken glass or dirt. It was either well taken care of, or rarely used. Dan didn't ask which.

Through another door, there was a small room with a few small cages and tanks. The room was dimly lit and dusty. In each cage sat a different creature, and Arin lead his partner to each of them individually. "Here ya go, Dan." Arin was sharp. He didn't want to show Dan what he'd done. He didn't need him to see this. The rabbit wouldn't be fun to explain, but neither would the perfect creations, if Dan wanted to compare them to himself.

The squid was easy. A perfect creation. "The first, the easiest" he called it. The frog was simple, too. Dan questioned the bat, confused by its snout, but accepted it with a bit of explaining. But of course, the rabbit caused some issues.

"Arin, why does it look like that?!" Dan stumbled backwards into Arin's chest, then leaned in closer to the cage. The rabbit's ears were combined at the tips, and its eyes stretched down its face a bit in slits. Its tail was long and kinked, and its back legs were spiked at the knee. It didn't resemble any animal that should've been allowed to live. And Dan knew that. "Arin... that's what happened to me. You know it is. I'm wrong. So is that."

"Arin, you- fucking shit- you know that's why I didn't bring you in here. You're fine." Arin grabbed the other man by the shoulders and spun him towards himself. "Look. You see me? I made you both. You see that rabbit? He's alive. He's fine. You're alive. You're fine. Shut the hell up." Arin's eyes flared with anger, but he refused to do anything more than he had already. "You can't keep telling me that you're not happy. I created you, and I care about you, and I can't do anything to change you but I. DON'T. WANT. TO." He paused for a second, then picked up again, speaking faster than before. "You can't keep telling me how unhappy you are. You yourself said you loved the way galaxies look, and you look like they do. You're beautiful and you're sweet and you're just fucking fine. So shut the fuck up. Holly isn't going to help, I'm not going to ask her to. I'm not going to go cry to someone I kicked out of my life. I can't. I... I won't..."

"Arin, I..."

"No, Dan. Just go. Go back to your room. Or go to the living room. Somewhere not here. I don't care. But don't with that right now. Don't talk to me. Not. Now."

Dan leaned into Arin and wrapped him in a tight embrace, hot tears soaking Arin's shoulder. But Arin didn't react. He just stood motionless as he was held by the person he was both enamored of and enraged by. Within seconds, he was gone. And Arin stood alone, swimming in the strong energy of his own emotions.

Chapter Text

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Arin didn't move. Dan didn't come back. Hours passed, and neither felt any more like trying to comfort the other. It wasn't that they didn't want to comfort each other. Instead, it was that neither was comfortable doing so. Arin couldn't risk lashing out any more than he already had or trying to comfort Dan without showing too much adoration. Dan couldn't go back to Arin after hearing what he'd said, as he knew that all Arin wanted was for him to stop bothering him with his self-hate. Neither one of them was willing to risk it, so they both stayed just were they were.

Arin had picked up his rabbit and had been stroking it in his arms. Yes, it had some serious flaws, but it was still very soft and kind. He had created it, it needed to be shown affection. Animals don't work well without attention. His room cooled as the sun set, and he carefully put the creature back into its cage. Arin decided that he really should just use is bed properly for a change, and slipped into the pair of over-sized shorts he claimed were pajamas and climbed under his covers. It had been an incredibly long time since he'd done this, and it was strangely comfortable. It was warm, and he nested himself in is blankets hoping to get some sleep, but it didn't come quickly. Instead, he lied awake for hours just thinking about everything that had happened since Dan was created.

Arin knew he was being aggressive. He knew he needed to calm down. But it wasn't nearly as easy as he hoped to treat Dan the way he wanted to without giving away too much. Unfortunately, instead, it continued to lead to an argument between the two of them. It wasn't something he was happy with, but Arin wasn't sure how to find a happy medium between the two. For now it was easier just to ignore Dan. So he didn't check on his partner, he just closed his eyes and curled his knees to his stomach. The blankets wrapped his body in a soft and gentle embrace, and he sunk slightly into the bed.

There was a lot to think about. A lot he didn't want to think about. The image of Dan, tears rolling down his face, glow from his nebulaic curls lighting the blush on his cheeks, flashed in Arin's mind. The feeling of their bodies pressed against each other, the breath of the other grazing their faces and necks, heartbeats pounding trough layers of flesh and fabric. The way Dan's hair stuck to his face with sweat and tears. Arin was overwhelmed, and the only thing he wanted right now was sleep. He reached over to the table beside his bed and grabbed the mason jar he had sitting on it. A single firefly glowed inside of it, and he knew he couldn't keep it there for much longer. It had already been longer than he'd thought it would survive, and the last thing he wanted was to let it die while in his possession. Carefully, he opened the window behind him and unscrewed the lid of the jar, letting the insect fly off into the night. The soft glow danced along the trees and blades of grass. Within seconds, more glowing lights joined the original, swirling around each other in the breeze.

Fireflies were always something Arin had appreciated. Anything able to create its own light source was amazing to him. As an alchemist, bioluminescence was intriguing, impressive, and inspiring. He had managed to create amazing glowing substances before, all due to his research on fireflies. Somehow, he realized, Dan had been created with a bioluminescence similar to that of fireflies, although at the same time, different altogether. Dan's didn't come from chemical make up, per say. It was somehow a result of the way the stardust had formed during his creation. But the exact details of why his hair glowed and danced on its own was still a mystery.

The bugs flitted around the yard for a while. Two in particular glowed brighter than the rest. The smaller of the two spiraled around the other as they climbed higher into the air, light catching off the glossy leaves of the elm tree. The other bugs stayed closer to the ground in large clusters, but the ones Arin were watching were the only ones he cared about. They flew circles around each other, and he was sure that one of them had been the one he had released. The fireflies out here had played a big part in why he chose this cottage. That and the fact that it was one of the only ones available. Holly's cottage was much larger than his, and had a large herb garden stretching the perimeter. It was cleaner, too, on both the outside and inside, obviously well taken care of. He distinctly remembered her talking about how much work had gone into her home, and he felt his heart sink a bit at the fact that he'd put very little work into his.

To Arin, fireflies represented an array of different things. Freedom, motion, brevity, hope, and magick. The way his firefly danced with the other soothed his mind and heart, and he lost his previous train of thought. Where the barely visible outline of the new moon sat black against the sky, the two spun circles and bumped wings. They faltered a bit, but continued to dance as he watched. He was glad he'd set his firefly go, even if it had meant something to him to have it beside his bed. It was nice to see it enjoying itself in the vastness of the night.

Arin turned from the window after watching the bugs fly off into the darkness. He tucked himself fully under the covers and nested his head in the pillows. His breathing slowed and his eyes fluttered shut as the starlight glistened through the open window, providing the only light in the moonless sky.

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Arin awoke to the heat of the sun beating through his window. Though it had been open all night, no wind blew too cool the room. Arin ripped off his covers in a single swift movement, then struggled to get his legs untangled from the mass of fabric. His whole body was glistening with sweat, and he pushed his hair out of his face. He wiped sweat from his forehead and stood from his bed, seeing phosphenes as he did so due to this speed of his motions. The wooden floor was cool beneath his feet, and served to chill his body temperature a tiny bit. But it wasn't quite enough.

"Oh fucking god, please" He panted as he threw himself to the floor, sprawling out and trying to cool off. "It never gets this hot out here, what the hell." The forest often stayed at a reasonable temperature. On the warmer side, for sure, but never too hot to be uncomfortable. The wood warmed quickly under his body as his heat transferred to even it out, and he rolled over slightly to a different spot. After realizing that he couldn't stay cool just by doing this, he stood back up and reorientated himself.

Arin wrung his hands and brushed them through his hair, nails catching slightly on a few strands. He, for the first time in what seemed like forever, pulled the blankets back onto his bed. He'd promised himself he'd start caring more once he created a partner, and he really felt the need to at least stick to that, if nothing else. His eyes were heavy with tiredness and overheating, and he debated going out to the stream, but knew the water out there would be too hot to cool off in if everywhere else was as hot as it was. Arin didn't bother to put on his cloak, knowing the thick fabric would burn him alive, and instead changed into just a pair of lightweight, loose pants. Shoes, on the other hand, were going to be mandatory in this weather as to not scorch the bottoms of his feet, so he slipped into a pair of worn sandals he'd made years ago. Though he never saw himself as crafty in any way but alchemy, he seemed to have a knack for working with fabric, which was evident in the way Dan's outfit had turned out.

Dan. Arin hand't seem him since last night, and he really wasn't sure how he was going to approach him after that. The idea of just waltzing into his room to apologize wasn't really one he'd like to act on, but he also didn't want to ignore the person he cared for. He didn't necessarily want to apologize, either. Not for what he said at least. Maybe how he said it, but even that was justifiable in his eyes. After so many times, he felt people needed to just learn how to come to terms with stuff, whether it was easy for them or not. He had done so countless times in the past for many different reasons. When he'd had issues with his work, when he and Holly had last parted ways, when he'd made the choice to move out to the forest... All of those things took a lot from him, but Arin knew he had to move on. Or at least try to.

Arin slowly made his way out of his room. He half expected to see Dan asleep on the couch or pacing the rooms, but not enough to be surprised when he didn't. Deciding it was best for the both of them to just let Dan remain uninterrupted for as long as he could, he walked over to the kitchen, wiping sweat from his brow as he did so. With each footstep on the wood of the floor, he felt some of the heat leave him for a brief seconds, and felt his feet stick with sweat as he lifted them, leaving little condensation footprints lingering in his wake. The cabinets housed very little food, and he wasn't feeling up for cooking, so Arin grabbed a single apricot from the burl bowl on the counter. He had a small icebox that he'd managed to hook up to a generator running on energy he had alchemised, but he hadn't created any energy for it in a while, so chilled foods were unfortunately out of the equation today. He missed visiting Holly's house sometimes, though it was mostly due to the fact that it was so much more modern than his own. Arin had bought his with what little money he had left after leaving town and done most of the work on it himself. Holly, on the other hand, had what looked and acted like any normal house, though it was decorated inside and out with plants and sigils. She had full working power, and many rooms full of fancy furniture. But Arin knew it wouldn't be right to go back there. Not for a while, at least.

The sunlight warmed the whole house, making all the beakers and jars around the cottage far too hot to touch. Arin had tried to grab one off the shelf, but dropped it to the floor as soon as he'd lifted it, unable to catch it due to the apricot in his other hand. Glass shattered across the floor, and Arin rushed to clean it up, getting the gold chunk that had once resided inside the jar out of the way first. The larger shards were easy to pick up, but the little ones took far more effort, and Arin pricked his fingers many times along the way, adding to the scars already on his hands. Little spots of blood beaded on his fingers, and he wiped them across his pants as he continued. Usually, he would've expected Dan to have come rushing out of his room to inquire about the noise, but Arin didn't hear the tell-tale sound of gentle steps or a creaking door. It was peculiar, but not yet worrisome, so Arin continued to fix stuff around the cottage before Dan woke up.

Arin reorganized his desk, as it had become dust-covered and was on the verge of being as messy as it had been before. The beakers and vials were too hot to move too much, but he was able to clean out the drawer easily enough. As he worked, he dripped a small bit of apricot juice onto the paper he had been scribbling on the other day. Quickly, not willing to allow his work to get ruined, he set it in the windowsill, tucked behind something so Dan wouldn't notice it. He couldn't risk that. There were too many things he wasn't yet willing to share. Matches and awls were tucked back into their ever-changing spots in the desk, and papers were organized in a mostly-systematic fashion. Everything was how Arin wanted it, even if it was just for the time being.

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Hours had since passed, and Arin had begun to grow worried about Dan. He wasn't used to him sleeping this much, but then again, it had been a difficult night. Arin didn't want to intrude, but he felt the need to at least check in on his partner and make sure he was doing alright. He didn't want to be seen as the person who gets into a fight and completely ignores the other person. That had backfired for him several times in the past.

Arin slowly made his way towards Dan's room, sweating from the heat that filled the house. His shoulders were red from the sun, and his hair was slick with sweat. Even in this state of discomfort, he knew it would be best to check in. Carefully and quietly, he knocked on Dan's door. No response. Again. No response. After a minute of waiting, Arin opened the door a hair and peeked inside, not wanting to disrupt the other man's slumber. The room was hot, and warm air rushed outwards, hitting against his face.

But he didn't see Dan.

Not on the table he'd made his bed. Not on the floor or asleep against the wall. Not in the windowsill. No sign of his stardust creation.

Arin was confused, but assumed maybe Dan had just woken up when he wasn't paying attention. He opened the window to get some air flow, then left toward his own room again. Dan knew that would be the most likely place to find Arin, had he been looking for him. Or even if he just wanted to go see the animals again. Arin hoped that wasn't the case, but at least he would know where his partner was.

When Arin entered his room, he was surprised to see it exactly how he left it that morning. Nothing was moved, and no doors had been opened. Dan hadn't been there at all. Still, not believing he could've lost him for a second time, he checked every inch of it. The animals were kept cool in their dark corner room, and his bed was still made. His window was open as it had been since last night, and it seemed like no one had been in or out since he had. That didn't leave many places for Dan to go, so Arin's mind began racing with negativity. Had he angered Dan so much he would've left? Had he gotten hurt a second time? He went to grab the first energy bottle Holly had made him. The one to ease stress. But as he did so, it fell to the floor. Wax chunks, herbs, and broken glass scattered across the floor, falling between the cracks in the wood. He didn't bother this time to clean it up, and just kicked the larger shards under the bed before rushing straight to the door.

"Shit shit shit shit shit." There was no sign of Dan as he walked thought the house, and he continually swore under his breath. He couldn't loose Dan. Not again. One time was too many for him, but he'd found him that time, and was convinced he could do so again. That, however, didn't do anything to help him find him now.

Arin threw open the front door, calling to his partner as he did so. The sun beat down on his bare back, slowly burning him. The bright rays of light made it too difficult to see, and he put a hand up to his forehead to block the sun as he looked around the yard. You could hardly all it a yard. It was all forest. Everything around the cottage was forest, and Arin knew he'd never be able to search the whole thing, so he hoped Dan was somewhere near by. Sweat stuck to his facial hair as he searched, hot leaves rustled in the trees around him in the faintest of breezes. "Dan! You have to be out here, I know you're somewhere! Get your ass back here!"

Part of him wanted to shout an apology, but part of him knew it wouldn't do any good. If Dan didn't want to listen, he wouldn't. Instead, Arin stopped shouting and looked in silence. Dragonflies and mosquitoes buzzed around him as he went deeper into the forest. Low hanging branches and briars scraped at his skin, leaving long red scratch marks tracing lines on his shoulders, calves, and abdomen. If Dan had tried to run off, Arin thought, he wouldn't have managed to get very far. He seemed to be very sensitive to pain, and would've only went a short ways through this dense of foliage before heading a different direction. But Arin pressed forward nonetheless.

Canopies of trees blotched out some sunlight, and Arin stuck as much in the shade as he was able. Sweat continued to drip down his spine, but at least he felt a few degrees cooler. The deep greens of the forest around him shone in the sun, and spider silk and mushrooms clung to the trunks of trees and fallen logs. Had it not been for the immense heat and the fact that he was looking to find Dan, he would've stopped to take it all in. Instead, he continued on through the forest a ways, watching for any signs of the other man. Perhaps a fain glow coming from behind a tree, a scrap of clothing clinging to a bush, a trail of footprints. Nothing. But Arin remained confident in his path. To him, it felt like the most logical way. He himself hadn't been that far from the cottage in a while, but that didn't delay his hunt, and he pressed on until his search paid off. He watched the canopy change and the path disappear.

Eventually, Arin came upon a small clearing. Basked in scorching sunlight, it was close to impossible to see. But Arin thought he saw something lying near the other side of the patch, a faint pink-purple glow emanating from a part of it. He wasn't convinced at this point that he wasn't seeing things, as the heat was beginning to get to him and his eyes had tricked him several times before on his trek. However, he was more convinced than the previous times now, and, though he wasn't sure why, felt this had to be the person he was looking for.

Arin did his best to shield himself from the sun, regretting with every step not throwing on a top before he left. He bolted out into the clearing, calling as he ran. "Daaaan! Hey! Dan!" But there was no response. No movement, no matter how subtle. He faltered, thinking maybe his eyes were just playing another cruel trick on him. But he refused to turn back. He felt it would be better to have tried and failed than to not have tried at all. The ground was warm under his feet as the taller blades of grass caught in his sandals. He wiped his brow and slicked his hair out of his face, wanting to clear himself of as much sweat as he could in case the thing he had been running towards was in fact Dan. He'd hoped not to cover him in sweat as he held him, but it looked to him as if there were no avoiding it.

As he reached what he soon recognized as his partner, he collapsed to the floor beside him, dirt and grass leaving marks on the soft flesh of his knees. Dan was laid at an unnatural angle, and Arin knew immediately that something had to have happened. Dan's hair didn't sway, and it glowed very faintly. His eyes were closed and his cheeks were flushed from the heat. Arin grabbed his shoulders to roll him to a better position, and he was hot to the touch. The grass beneath him had been completely flattened and it was obvious that he had been lying there for a while.

"Dan? Dan wake up... God dammit, Danny, you can't. You have to get up." Arin pushed his hair from his face as he leaned closer. "Dan, I swear to god if you hurt yourself again while you were out here..." He pushed Dan's nebula of curls away from his forehead and laid his hand against it, feeling waves of heat radiating from his usually chilled skin. "Ah fuck... god dammit. What the shit, Dan..."

Arin had seen this before, but not like this. Heatstroke. Usually, it took longer to come on as strong as Dan's seemed to. However, Arin knew he didn't have any time to waste at that point, and scooped his burning partner into his arms. His body warmed Arin's, and Arin had to muster all of his strength to make it back into the shade, but he did what he had to. Dan's cheeks were red and warm, and sweat soaked his clothing. The walk back was the biggest challenge. Trying to stay in the shade yet away from underbrush and roots that would cause Arin to trip all while carrying the full weight of another human being was no easy task. But he knew he had to do it. For Dan. For himself. For them.

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Dan was still passed out in Arin's arms when they finally made it back to the cottage. The sun was beginning to set and the sky was dyed a light orange, everything cooling off slightly. Dan, however, was still burning up. Arin knew his best option would be to strip his partner of his heavy clothes and get him cooled off, but that was easier said than done. He knew how to carry out endothermic reactions, but he hadn't planned on needing to do so. For the time being, Arin rushed into the cottage and laid Dan down on his table bed, tore off everything but his underclothes, and ran out back. The water from the stream had cooled off significantly since that morning, but not enough to do much. It was still lukewarm. But that, to him, sounded better than nothing, and he gathered as much as he could in the washbasin he had by the back door. Water sloshed onto his chest as he attempted to carry in back inside, and he eventually decided it would be easier to leave it just outside the cottage and to bring Dan out, instead of the other way around.

As Arin picked up his partner, arms supporting his knees and back, the heat of their skin clashed. Heat radiated from Dan's flushed skin and made its way to Arin's, warming him more than he already was. Arin couldn't stop thinking about how comfortable and right it seemed to hold him like this, but he knew he had bigger things to deal with. Dan didn't fit fully in the washbasin, but he was submerged enough to lower his body temperature. Arin dampened rags and laid them over Dan's forehead and legs, keeping the parts of him that the water didn't touch cool. It would be a bit before he though Dan would come to, and he sat next to him the whole time.

Something about the way that Dan's skin looked under the water was amazing to him. The faint glow of his hair and the pale orange of the sky reflected in the crystalline contents of the washbasin and rippled above Dan's soft flesh. Arin stared at his partner and thanked whatever being there may or may not be that he'd manged not only to have found him, but for him to have been created in the first place. He was beautiful, and as Arin let his eyes wander from his sharp jawline to his gentle collarbones, down to the indents in his hip bones and his long and slender legs, he blushed. This was his doing, and it was his to cherish.

As he ran his fingers through his partner's locks of curls, Arin was lost in thought. There hadn't been a time in his life when he felt the same connection with anyone else the same way he did the person sitting next to him in that very moment. His previous partner didn't care for him, and his family hadn't tried to convince him to say in the town. The people who came to work with him didn't want him for anything more than his powers. Holly was the closest thing he had, and she was always just a friend. Dan was something different. He shouldn't have been, but he was. Arin knew there was something there, even if he didn't want to admit it to anyone but himself. He poured more water over Dan's skin, hoping it wouldn't but much longer before he woke up. The sun was almost fully set, and he didn't want Dan waking up confused, almost nude, and submerged in water in the pitch black.

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Arin gripped Dan's hand as he was leaned back onto the grass. Their fingers fit so perfectly together, and Dan's smooth skin felt comforting against his own. As he finally started to drift, water sloshed over the edge of the basin and doused his head and chest. Dan threw himself upright, gasping for air and wiping water from his face. He'd slipped underwater and shocked himself awake, but he had also cooled down enough to bring him out of heatstroke. Arin released his grip on the other man's hand and lifted himself from his position on the soft earth, leaning over Dan with his hands on either side of the washbasin. "Dan! Oh thank god."

Dan was in an obvious state of shock and didn't respond right away. His eyes were wide and his breathing rapid. Waking up in a completely different state than he'd passed out in was odd, and it took him a bit to come to his senses properly. "Arin? Why are we both topless? Wait, why don't I have on any pants?" He seemed worried. "Arin? Arin why am I back here? Arin... Arin what happened? Ariiin-"

"Dan. Relax. You're fine. Everything is fine now. Well, ok, not completely, but everything is fine. I need you to know that."

"What happened? Why am I nearly bare ass naked in a washbasin if I was out in the forest just..." Dan's voice trailed off.

"You passed out from heatstroke. The makeup of your body doesn't seem very compatible with direct sunlight. I went out to find you but... well, I had to bring you back here to fix you up. You still should try to keep in the water for now though. You have to cool off before I'm comfortable with you trying to do anything too straining. I can't have you getting hurt. That wouldn't be fair. For either of us."

"Arin you didn't have to bring me back. I went out there to get out of your way. You don't need me here if all we're going to do is fight. I don't need that. Get me out of this thing."

Arin leaned in closer, his breath hitting Dan's face as he spoke. "I need you here. I want you here. I don't want to fight with you, really I don't. But there's things going on that I don't need you worrying about right now."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Seriously though, get me out of this thing. It's to small, it digs into my back, Arin."

Arin laughed a bit, then grabbed the handles of the washbasin. "Sure thing, babe. Let's go."

"Nononono, Arin, wait. What are you doing?" Dan reached out, putting his hands against Arin's chest and arms as he lifted him. Arin was surprisingly strong, and was able to carry Dan with just a little bit of work.

"You wanted out, I'm getting you out. We're going to the stream. You have to stay chilled, I can't have you getting damaged too much. Heatstroke isn't kind, even once your out of the thick of it." Arin leaned backwards to compensate for the weight of both Dan, and the metal washbasin of water. It was heavy, but he tried not to let Dan knew how hard it was to carry all that weight.

Dan gasped as Arin lowered him into the water of the stream, tipping the basin and allowing him to slide from one bit of water to the next. The moss covered stones felt slick against his skin, and his hands grasped at the wet grass and reeds on the bank. Arin sat himself next to his partner and smiled. "Nice, isn't it, Dan?"

Dan smiled back and leaned against Arin's shoulder, his face sticking to Arin's slightly damp skin. "Yeah, actually, it is."

Arin grabbed lightly at Dan's hand and walked himself deeper into the stream. "Come here, check this out."

As Dan followed Arin into the deeper water, he felt the currents tug at his legs. "Arin I don't think this is a good idea... you said I'm still not in a great position to be doing a whole lot right now..." Dan stared down at the water as it rushed around him, and he faltered slightly.

"Alright, you're right." Arin picked Dan up in his arms and held him to his chest. He felt Dan's heart beating against his own and smiled. "How's this?" He lowered the two of them into deeper water so everything below their shoulders was covered. Arin was barely touching the ground and the chill of the water kept them cool. The sun had gone down and the two were submerged in water with only the glow of the stars and Dan's hair providing them light.

"It's... good." Dan didn't know why he was so at ease, but something about the whole scenario was wonderful to him. "Your hugs are really comfortable, Arin. You're so gentle." Dan blushed, and he turned his face towards Arin's.

Arin chucked under his breath, and his face flushed in return. "Thanks, Danny. I'll hold you more often, if you'd like."

"That... would be nice, actually..." Dan nestled his face into Arin's neck, and he felt him twitch a bit.

Arin was shocked. He had said that as a joke, though he really did love being this close to Dan, and he sure hadn't expected a positive reaction. "Yeah... alright... I'll do that..." He allowed Dan to float a bit, but still made sure he had enough of a hold on him to keep the current from taking him.

"Hey Arin?" Dan's voice was a whisper, almost as gentle as the light breeze coming with the setting sun.

"Yeah?"

"I really appreciate what you've done for me. I'm not right. You didn't have to keep me. Animals ditch their young if they're born runts, don't they? But you kept me... you helped me... and no, I'm not totally happy with myself yet. But I'm making progress, I think. How can I make it up to you?"

"Make it up to me? As if it were a hindrance. God, Danny, you're the opposite of a hindrance. Every time I so much as look at you or brush up against you is wonderful. You just keep doing what you're doing, and I'll keep making sure you're happy and healthy and cared for. By me." He didn't want to be saying those things. Not then. But the words just spilled from his mouth.

Dan blushed deeper. He wasn't sure why, but now didn't seem like the time to ask. He couldn't ruin Arin's speech with a question about human emotion. "Thanks Arin." The scruff of Arin's beard rubbed against his forehead as he buried himself in Arin's embrace, allowing the water to pull them together.

Arin wanted nothing more than to stay like this forever, skin to skin with the person who mattered to him most, breathing in the scent of cinnamon and lavender, feeling Dan's heart against his chest. He moved his hand from Dan's back the the back of his head and played with his curls. They cast a beautiful glow on the water, and Arin was lost in the beauty of it. Soon, more glows seemed to join, and the hum if insect wings surrounded them.

Fireflies.

Dan was half asleep in Arin's arms, and he didn't want to wake him, but the beautiful brevity of the glowing dance of fireflies was something he felt the need to share. He nudged Dan awake and nodded his head toward the bugs, directing Dan's gaze. "They're pretty, aren't they?"

"They're like little stars, but on Earth." Dan smiled and laughed a bit as he outstretched a hand to one of them. A single firefly landed on his fingertip, them flew off.

"Yeah I guess they are. You have that in common, huh?" Arin watched as the firefly flitted off to join the others. "They seem to like you, too. That's good luck."

Another firefly made its way to the two of them and landed on Dan's face. It glowed softly, but was still bright enough to make him squint a bit. As it wandered around the tip of his nose, Dan sneezed, scaring it off.

"They really like you. Just like I do." Arin felt like and idiot for saying what he did, but knew there was no going back on it. He leaned down and gave Dan the lightest kiss right where the bug had been, the tip of his soft nose, grinning like a gleeful child. Their eyes locked for a second as Arin pulled away. He was giving away way more than he wanted, and just hoped Dan wouldn't think much of it. He hadn't seemed to in the past.

Dan blushed deeply, his face and ears turning a crimson red. His hair danced wildly and shone brighter than any firefly. He wasn't sure why he felt this way, but he liked it. It was weird and new, but it was fun. He pulled himself closer to Arin and wrapped his arms around him, leaning his head back into the water with a toothy puppy-like grin spreading across his face. "Thanks Ar."

"Of course, Danny. Of course."

Chapter Text

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin laid Dan down on the shoreline, still keeping him partially submerged in the water. He'd fallen asleep in his arms shortly after Arin had kissed him. Kissed him. The words still danced in Arin's mind, and he blushed at just the thought of it, then scolded himself for doing so for the umpteenth time. It hadn't been much. He wished it had been more, but he knew that wouldn't go over well. Dan seemed still mostly oblivious to what Arin meant when he acted the way he did, but he was starting to notice how Dan blushed each time he did something affectionate. Arin wanted to believe Dan felt the same way about him as he did Dan, but dismissed it as pure instinct. People blush when they're shown affection, for the most part. Dan couldn't be all that different.

As Arin set a soft patch of uprooted moss beneath Dan's head to cushion him from the rocks at the riverbank, he let his eyes linger along Dan's hair and jawline. He was remarkable, and Arin still couldn't believe it had been him who was able to create him. Arin just wanted a work partner at first, but the two hadn't even gotten any work done since the day Dan entered the world. He'd gotten much more than he had bargained for, but it was more of a blessing than a hindrance at this point. There wasn't much left for Arin to do, anyway. He didn't have anyone to work for, and he wasn't willing to traverse into town to sell his wares. It was just him, Dan, and the forest. Possibilities glowed at every corner, less so now that Arin had seen how Dan reacted to direct sunlight. Inside, he seemed fine. But once the ultraviolet rays of the sun pelted his skin, it was a whole different story. There was probably, in Arin's mind, a logical explanation. There had to be. Everything had one. But Arin wasn't sure what it was. If he was made up of the same materials as the stars themselves, Arin didn't think it should affect him much, possibly even less than it does an average human being. But that wasn't a worry for now.

Dan's breathing was slow, and he'd cooled off significantly. The heatstroke likely wouldn't leave lasting effects, though Arin couldn't be certain. Fireflies still danced around the two of them, wings buzzing in the silence of the night. Arin thought back to earlier that night. Arin had done many things he regretted. His extreme displays of affection were, well, all of them. But Dan hadn't reacted negatively. In fact, Arin remembered him enjoying the attention, even going as far as to say he wanted Arin to hold him more often, and thanking him for either the compliment or the kiss, Arin wasn't sure. Arin still couldn't wrap his head around what had happened. He still felt the smooth chill of Dan's skin against his lips, though almost an hour had passed since the ordeal. Shortly after Dan had fallen asleep, Arin's arms started to get tired. He didn't want to wake his partner, however, and mustered all his strength to hold him there until he was certain he was out cold. The buoyancy of mammals worked to his benefit, and he let Dan float just barely off his arms off and on until he finally decided it would just be easier to set him down.

He laid himself next to Dan, but tried not to wake him, and left some space between them. Arin rolled to his side so he faced Dan and just stared at him. The way his hair fell around his face, how the scruff of his beard glistened faintly, the length of his eyelashes and how they twitched with his eyes in his sleep. Within seconds, Dan had moved himself instinctively and unconsciously towards Arin, nesting his head in the crook of his neck. Dan’s curls tickled Arin's face, and he smiled as he moved them out of the way. Remembering again what Dan had told him earlier, he draped his arm across Dan's torso and curled into him. The ground wasn't comfortable, it was rocky and damp, but as long as they had each other, neither of them were going to move.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Danny. Danny, wake up. You have to come back inside, I don't want you getting a second wave of heatstroke."

Dan felt hands against his shoulders, shaking him lightly out of sleep. Arin had sat up and was now sitting next to Dan. His voice was soft and soothing, and though he had just barely woken up, Dan could've easily gone back to sleep just listening to it. Dan slowly sat up, wiping sleep from his opal eyes and pushing his nebula of curls away from his face. He kept his eyes closed, and slumped forward into Arin's chest. "Ariiiin, don't make me get up. I just wanna stay here with you."

Arin's heart jumped, but he knew it would be safer for Dan if the two of them went back inside. "You have to, buddy. Sorry. Come on." He leaned himself away from Dan's weight, but Dan just fell into his lap. Immediately, he began to curl into the fabric of Arin's baggy pants, and Arin stumbled over his words. "Nope nope nope nope, up. Come on. Off, let's go."

"Ugh, fine. Whatever." Dan, reluctant but agreeing, got off of Arin's lap and stood up. Standing over Arin, he leaned down and mussed his hair. "Where we headed?"

"Just inside, I don't want you getting hurt by the sun again. I'm not even sure you're fully better yet, even though you seem like it, you can never be sure."

"Fair enough. I do still feel a bit worn out, but that could just be the sleep talking." As Arin shifted himself, readying to stand, Dan extended a hand towards him. "Come here, I've got you."

Arin eagerly took it, grasping onto his partner's hand, feeling the chill of Dan's skin against his own. "God, you're cold. Why. Why are you always so damn cold."

"Well, I-"

"Rhetorical question. Come inside, you've got some weird stuff going on with your body temperature. You're always freezing. Until you're out in the sun, then you instantly overheat. I'm getting you a blanket and some tea, you go put on your clothes again."

Arin stood, still holding Dan's hand, and began pulling him behind him as he walked to the cottage. Dan stumbled over his own legs as he tried to keep up, but didn't worry about it any. Obviously, he thought, Arin found this extremely important. Whatever Arin felt was best, he would happily agree to.

As the door swung open, Arin directed Dan to the couch and moved swiftly to his own room. It only took seconds for him to come back, returning with his arms full of blankets. They'd all come off his bed, and they weren't the best. They were all slightly scratchy, as Arin had gotten them for very cheap when he'd first moved out into the forest. That had been years and years ago, and he hadn't taken the best care of them. They were, however, in good condition otherwise, so he assumed it had been the effects of the washboard that messed up their fibers.

He tossed them all at Dan, smiling. "Pick one and it's yours. Wrap yourself up, I'll start some tea."

Arin sauntered into the kitchen as Dan threw on his outfit, then looked through the blankets. They were all big and heavy, and seemed very comfortable, though Dan had trouble deciding which best suited him. Just as he had fully wrapped himself in the softest one, he heard Arin call from the kitchen.

"Alright, water's on. What kind of tea do you want? I've got rose hip, ginger, lavender, mint, or chamomile. Your choice," Arin said as he walked back into the living room. When he saw Dan on the couch, he snickered. "Wow you're fully nestled in there, aren't'cha? Like it?" Dan had curled onto the couch and wrapped the entirety of himself in the blanket, leaving only his face exposed. His hair shimmered from beneath the fabric hood he had made, and the tips of his feet protruded from the bottom. God, I love him, Arin thought to himself. Not love, I can't say love.

"Well, yeah actually. It's so waaarm."

"I bet. And you'll be even warmer once the tea is done."

"Oh, uh... About that..." Dan shrunk deeper into the blanket nest he had made for himself as he spoke and shifted his gaze away from Arin's.

"What? Don't like tea? If not that's fine, but-"

"No, it's just, ugh..." Dan paused for a long time. "Um, whatever you think I'll like best, I guess."

Arin wasn't sure why Dan was reacting the way he was, but he did his best to ignore it. The water was boiling, and Arin went to the kitchen to fix some tea. He had gotten a lot from Holly, but was beginning to run low. She made it herself and it was all loose leaf, so Arin decided to combine a few to make his partner a custom blend. Mint and rose hips, and he added in a drop of locally harvested honey as well. Everything in the cottage he'd gotten either from someone else or by gathering it himself. The closest market was back in town, and Arin wasn't comfortable going back there, hadn't been for a while. Travelers looking to work with him often came with gifts, and he always took their offerings before turning them away.

As he handed the mug to Dan, he watched his hair glow brightly under the blanket. He smiled as he held it, bringing it close to his chest and face to take in the steam. "It smells really nice, Ar, if that counts for anything. And it's really warm."

Arin contorted his brows in confusion, but smiled a bit. "Take a sip, then. It's good, I promise." He sat himself next to Dan and leaned against the arm of the couch, giving enough space for Dan to be comfortable.

Dan just poked his tongue into the tea and tasted the smallest bit. "Well, I guess it's fine, but..."

"But what? If you don't want it, that's fine. Just let me know. I wont mind, we've got other stuff."

"Arin, have you seen me eat since you created me?"

Arin paused and thought for a long time. "Well, no, but..." His voice trailed off as he turned to face Dan, who was giving him a soft and knowing look.

"I don't eat, Arin. Food doesn't matter to me. I don't know why, but I haven't craved anything since that night with the broken glass. It has something to do with the fact that I came out wrong, I bet. So here, you take it." Dan handed the warm mug back to Arin, who set it on the floor beside them.

Arin didn't respond. He just sat, staring at nothing and lost in thoughts that he couldn't focus on. Even if Dan wasn't exactly a "normal" human, Arin had still assumed he needed some sort of sustenance in order to survive. Maybe, he guessed, he lived off sunlight, like plants do. But that wouldn't necessarily fit with his inability to stay out in the sun for very long. Perhaps he just needed oxygen, or maybe his skin absorbed things from the air. Arin couldn't be sure, but he doubted Dan would let him perform any tests on him. Instead of bothering to ask, he eventually shifted his gaze back to his partner and chuffed. "No food, huh? Alright, less I have to worry about, then."

Arin seemed confused and nervous. He wasn't used to things not working out for him, not being able to find a solid answer. Everything he had created before had a strict set of rules that it would work under. Chemical equations and mixture ratios were always the same. Dan didn't seem to have a set of rules. Not one he understood, at least. And it bothered him, much more so than it should've. In Arin's mind, everything had a logical explanation and a set of basic rules it would abide by. Those rules themselves didn't have to make sense as long as they were always the same. As long as nothing changed. But when things started to break those rules, Arin felt the need to either abandon the idea of reality all together, or find a way to force those rules to apply. Arin knew he couldn't give up on Dan just because he didn't understand him. He also knew he couldn't force Dan into tests and lab-work to try to figure it out. There were far too many risks in that. Dan was his partner, and he had to accept him for who and what he was, not dismiss him for being unnatural and confusing.

"Hey, Arin?" Dan leaned out of his blanket wrap slightly, inching closer to Arin. "What's on your mind? Should I not have mentioned being imperfect again? I'm sorry, I just-"

"No, it's not that. It's just... I don't know why your makeup is so different than other humans' if I made you with the same things we all originated from. It doesn't make sense."

"Not everything is always going to make sense. I don't even understand how this world works and I know that. It's ok."

"It's not, not for me. But I can deal with not knowing as long as you're ok with it." Arin leaned into Dan, wrapping his arm between the couch cushion and Dan's blanket and pulling him close. "What matters is you, alright?"

Dan's hair glowed brighter from under the rough cloth of the blanket and his eyes fluttered shut. He sunk into Arin's embrace and spoke softly through smiling lips, blush warming his face. "Thanks, Arin" he yawned.

"You're out of the sun, get some rest." Arin pulled a bit of the blanket around himself, then shut his eyes as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While asleep, Arin had somehow managed to make his way into Dan's blanket nest, and the two leaned against each other, sharing warmth and breathing in sync. Dan awoke to the sound of a bird hitting the rippled glass window, and sat in silence as Arin held him. Arin was warmer than any blanket Dan could've wrapped himself in, and his grip was more comforting. He stared out the window above Arin's work desk, watching he breeze ruffle the many leaves on each tree. He remembered Arin saying he had created him as a work partner, but he couldn't recall doing any work with Arin at all. After mulling it over, Dan shook Arin out of his sleep.

"Hey, get up. I have an idea." Dan's voice was soft, and if it hadn't been for Arin shifting as he spoke, he wouldn't have thought he'd heard him at all. "Teach me how your magic works."

Arin, still half asleep, spoke though gritted teeth and sharp whispers. "It's not magic, it's alchemy. Next you're going to be saying it's just a joke, just like he did."

"Just like who did? No, I just want to see what you did before I was here."

"Just like da- ugh, no one. Don't worry about it, it's nothing. Fine, get up." Arin stretched as he pushed himself out from under Dan's blanket and off the couch. He ran his hands through his hair to smooth it back and wiped his face. "What do you want to learn?"

"I don't even know how this is supposed to work, so that's up to you. Maybe something simple?"

Arin laughed. "If you don't know how this is supposed to work, why are you even interested in it at all?"

"Well, because you are. And that was what you wanted me for, right? To work with you?"

"I guess, but..." Arin lowed his voice to a barely audible whisper. "I got a lot more than that..." He shook his head to rid his mind of the thought, then spoke up again. "Yeah, sure, uh... how about we just purify something? No real transitions, nothing too complex, almost no way to fail. Not really alchemy, but... a good way to start learning."

Dan nodded happily and made his way to the work desk. Beakers and vials littered the top of it, and tubes attached many of them together. A few sat over top of burners waiting to be lit, and Arin grabbed a fire-starter from the drawer, setting a few of them on fire. Smoke billowed upwards as he grabbed a flask of liquid from one of the many shelves. He handed it to Dan, who swirled it around curiously.

"It's just water. Some sugar, some oils, probably some silt from the creek. This is how I start moonwater. You throw a bunch of stuff into it first to get that initial kick. But it needs to be purified and condensed for it to actually be of any use."

Arin waited for Dan to set the flask down on the desk, then picked it up himself and poured a bit into the first beaker, under which a fire was burning.

The liquid began boiling almost as soon as it made contact with the hot glass, and Arin quickly placed a lid over top of it, which was connected to a tube that lead to yet another beaker. As the steam rose and flowed through the tube, condensing and falling into the second beaker, bits of silt and sugar crystals were left behind. Arin looked at Dan, who was watching intently, eyes shimmering in delight. "It's fascinating, huh?"

"Is this what you did to make me?" Dan asked.

"Well, part of the process, I suppose. You did have some moonwater put in ya, but there was a lot of other really complex stuff that went into the whole thing. Creating living things is really hard, and I really didn't know if humans were even possible."

Dan paused. Had it really taken so much work for him to exist? Imperfections wouldn't mean much if his existence in the first place was as outrageous as Arin liked to make it seem. Water began to drip from the final tube into a small flask near the windowsill, and Dan reached back to grab it. As he did, his hand brushed against something unfamiliar. Leaving the flask in it's place, he grasped for the other object instead and pulled it from it's spot. Arin's scrap of paper.

"No, Dan, don't" Arin gasped as Dan held it in front of him. "That's mine, come on." He reached forwards to take it from Dan's grasp, but missed as he pulled it away and began to unfold it.

"It smells like apricots. Is this the one from your desk?"

"Yes, now hand it back. Dan, come on, please?" Arin pleaded. He had spent several nights absentmindedly putting things on that paper that he wasn't comfortable with Dan seeing. Things he felt ashamed to have worked on for as long as he did. And now, Dan was about to see them all. Right in front of him.

"I'm just curious, don't get so flustered." As Dan opened the final fold, his eyes widened and his hair flared to life.

It was all drawings of him.

The page was covered from corner to corner in rough sketches of Dan. Though more cartoon than realistic, Dan found them to be incredibly endearing. His curls were drawn soft and profound, and his eyes large and welcoming. The curve of his jawbone was gentle but strong, and Arin had even included the nick in his brow. Shading worked to emphasize the shimmer and glow of Dan's nebulaic hair. He blushed deeply at some of Arin's drawings, as he found them to be very flattering, though also embarrassing, as he didn't think anyone would've studied him enough to have drawn him as perfectly as Arin had. Some were just busts, but there were others that showed more of Arin's artistic abilities. The one most flustering to Dan was the one on the lower left of the page. It was rough, and obviously was one Arin had done quickly and without much thought. However, it was also the most detailed, and seemed to have been meaningful, whether consciously so or not. It was a depiction of Dan on the night he had been created. The lighting was outstanding for a pencil drawing, and everything was exactly how it had been that night. Dan's face flushed as he examined the drawing. His figure was accented by the moonlight and the look on his face was soft and distracted.

"Arin, I... So much thought went into these"

Arin's face flushed to match Dan's. "Yeah, I know. That's why I didn't want you to see them. It's embarrassing. People don't just look at each other like that, the way someone looks shouldn't get ingrained into someone's head so easily..."

"But what you did... it's flattering, I think. I'm not really sure why, but I think it's a good thing." Dan leaned toward Arin and tossed the paper onto the table. Though they stood at the same height, Dan tucked his head under Arin's and leaned into his neck, then wrapped him in a flustered embrace. He smiled, pressing his weight against Arin's and letting the feathers of his cape tickle at his face.

Arin grinned at the feeling of Dan's slender arms wrapped around him, turning away from Dan in case he noticed. "It should be flattering. But it shouldn't have been something I even bothered to do. It wasn't long after you were here that I started working on this, and I just kept filling the page. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to find it."

"Whether you meant for me to find it or not isn't what matters. I did. So what? It's just art, right?"

Arin laughed to himself, making sure to muffle it so Dan couldn't hear. Dan was still oblivious. He had no clue. Or, perhaps he had an inking of a feeling, but not enough to worry about. He didn't even understand his own emotions, and Arin seemed to always be concerned that eventually he would. If Dan found out how Arin felt, Arin was sure he'd leave. If anything, Arin should be treating him as his son, not his lover. He created him, brought him into this world. But that didn't matter. All that mattered was that moment, and every positive one to follow. "Yeah, sure, it's just art. So what? You're right." He lied to himself. Arin lifted Dan in his arms, trying to follow Dan's earlier plea to be carried more often. "Comfy?"

Dan let out a hearty laugh, shaking both himself and Arin as he did so. Arin stumbled, but quickly regained balance as Dan spoke. "Mhm, you're warmer than the blankets were!"

"My old girlfriend said something similar! Though the only blankets she had used were made of spiders' silk, so I thought she must've been exaggerating!" Arin had expected a witty comment from Dan, but was instead met with silence. "What is it, Danny? Not a fan of spiders?" Arin chuckled, but when he noticed the look on Dan's face, he stopped. His hair was glowing faintly, and his brows were furrowed in confusion.

"No, I..."

Arin coked his head and looked into his partner's eyes as he held him.

"What's a girlfriend?"

"Wait, you... God dammit, Dan, you really don't know shit do you?"

Dan scoffed. "I know things. I think. What don't I know, Arin? Am I missing something else?"

Arin wasn't going to explain the idea of love to him now. That had been the one thing he was avoiding. "You, uh... yeah, you know stuff. Most stuff. Don't worry about it."

But Dan wasn't satisfied. "Well, I asked. And it's your job to teach me. What's a girlfriend?" Dan leaned in closer to Arin and put his head against his shoulder.

After a reluctant sigh, Arin, still clutching Dan tight against him, gave an answer. A poor one. "It's like a best friend, but more. They, uh..." How do I not say love? "...They think of you as the most important thing to them... I guess? Until they don't. But it's someone who..." Not. Love. "...Someone who means more to you than almost everything else, and you'd do anything for them, and they'd do anything for you. Unless they leave, like mine did. But until then, they're the best." Arin dropped his shoulders in disapproval of his own wording. It was almost impossible to describe a significant other without using the word love, but he'd somehow manged to do it. Kind of.

"I'm your girlfriend!"

Arin's face heated instantly, all the blood rushing to his cheeks. He quickly spat out words that were choppy and difficult to understand, but got the point across. "No, not- not that- you're- fuck- uh- no- gh- not my girlfriend, dumbass!"

"Why not?" Dan stood from Arin's embrace and looked him in the eyes. "That's what you said, right? Do anything for each other? Means everything? You drew art of me!"

"You're a guy!" Arin's face was still red with blush, and he anxiously popped his knuckles at his sides.

"Guy...friend? Guyfriend, then!" Dan put his arms on Arin's shoulders and jumped a bit, nebulaic curls bouncing and glowing. His eyes sparked like stars.

"Dan, you... no... it's different, I didn't... you can't say that, you don't even know what it means... fuck, Danny, you're so fuckin- ugh." Arin was more flustered than upset, but he couldn't have Dan running around calling himself his boyfriend if he didn't even have a clear understanding of relationships and affection. He nervously ran his fingers through his own hair, pushing it back against his neck.

"But you told me-"

"What I told you was a simplified version. Don't ask, just don't worry about it right now." Obviously, Dan was going to put up a bit of a fight. Why, Arin couldn't be sure. Dan didn't know what he was talking about, but with no one around but the two of them, he decided to let it go. "Fine, whatever, call me whatever. I don't care."

"Good! Guyfriend!" Dan backed away from Arin and twirled, cape and hair billowing as he spun.

Arin had made this happen, and he couldn't say he regretted it. He was everything he'd wanted... just not when or how he hoped to get it. Arin made his way to his room, leaving Dan to his excitement. Immediately, he fell face first into his bed, groaning into the mass of fabric. "He. Called. Me. His. Fucking. Boyfriend." Arin spoke to himself, trying to figure out the situation he'd gotten himself into. "He doesn't even know what that means. God, if my dad knew I moved out to the forest to practice forbidden magic and, while I was at it, got myself a boyfriend? Would he even look at me anymore?" Arin stopped, then sat on the edge of the bed. "He's not my boyfriend, he's confused. I'll fix this... eventually."

Arin heard Dan in the other room. He'd just sat down on the couch, and since it had gotten late, Arin presumed he was going to fall asleep out there. Arin whispered under his breath as he rubbed his still-blushing face. "What did I get myself into?"

Chapter Text

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin's face was still buried in his bedsheets, cheeks flushed and warm. His mind raced. So much had happened since he created Dan, and he cherished every moment now. Even their fights had been worth it, somehow, he hoped. It was a improvement from how his life was before, and that definitely counted for something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin

I can't let this get to me. Not now, not like this. He has no idea what he's talking about. He can't even get the word right, for fucks sake! It's boyfriend! Not guyfriend! And he doesn't know what it means!

Then I have to explain it to him. Set things straight.

No, I can't. It's better if I don't. I wouldn't even know how. He's confused. That's ok. That's normal. This will fix itself eventually. He'll get over it. It won't matter anymore, he'll move on, so will I. I'll just ignore him.

I can't do that either. It doesn't work like that. I created him, and I promised myself I'd care for him. I can't go back on that. He's not what I had planned, but nothing ever is. And even if I wanted to, how could I? He's getting clingier. Happier. He asked me to hold him. He's... he wants this? He loves me back?

No, he's confused. That's all. He's never interacted with anyone but me, he doesn't know any better. Dan's just... he's just ignorant right now. And it's my job to fix that. Eventually. I'll have to undo this, I can't force him into this.

What if it's not my fault?

That's stupid, of course it's my fault. But if he's so attached now, if he's willing to call me his boyfriend...

He doesn't even know what that means.

I'm being stupid.

Dad would think I'm being stupid. Alchemy and guys, guys and alchemy. Arin's a dumbass disappointment. I know, I've heard it before, Dad.

I'm not my dad.

I'm better than that.

Dan thinks I'm better than that.

Dan doesn't know. Dan doesn't know anything. He's just as stupid as I am.

Neither of us are stupid. We're different. We can fix this.

How?

I have to tell Dan. I have to tell myself.

I can't. It's always going to be the same. Dan came out wrong. I must have, too. Alchemy is "a joke", it's "stupid". Dad said it's forbidden. He said I had to marry a maiden, I couldn't just go off loving everyone I wanted. I know the rules.

The forest has no rules. It's ok. I'm ok.

It's not. It never will be.

Holly would say it's ok.

Holly doesn't know shit. She knows witchcraft. She knows... hell, she knows my life story. Holly would care.

Holly wouldn't care. We never see each other anymore. If she cared, she'd come see me.

I don't go see her, why would I expect her to come see me? We haven't talked in forever, that's not only her fault. I know what I did. I know what caused this. I have to fix it myself.

Eventually. Eventually I'll go back there. Eventually I'll tell her. She didn't deserve that, that was my fault and I have to fix it.

Then I have to fix Dan.

There's nothing to fix. He's fine.

He's not fine. Neither of us are fine. He doesn't know shit about affection, but for whatever fucking reason he knows seemingly everything else. He shines like galaxies. He doesn't eat, he's always cold, he can't be in direct sunlight, he radiates the scent of cinnamon and lavender. He's. Not. Right. Neither of us are. I'm head over heels for someone who doesn't even understand what that means, and I'm out in the middle of the damn woods doing alchemy and creating people who I instantly become enamored of. Neither of us are fine.

Fine is relative.

No. It's not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan laid on the couch, wrapped in the blanket he'd claimed as his own. It was warm, and a large smile spread across his face as he leaned into the cushions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan

Guyfriend.

GUYFRIEND.

He said I could call myself his guyfriend!

Why was he so nervous? Why am I so nervous? It's just a title. Like a best friend. But better. A bestest friend.

He drew me.

Do I really look like that? I don't look like that. His drawings were so pretty. I'm not that pretty.

Am I that pretty?

Why does he think I'm so pretty? I'm still a mishap. I'm still wrong. He knows I'm wrong, he admitted it himself. We both know I'm wrong.

Why does he still want me?

I wouldn't want me. I don't want me. Something is wrong, things shouldn't be wrong. I should be better. I need to be better. For both of us.

What does that mean? Why for both of us?

Arin made it seem like there's still things I don't understand. What don't I understand? How do I fix that? Will Arin teach me? I want Arin to teach me.

He held my hand. He carried me. He saved me. He kissed me.

What does that mean?

Is that what a guyfriend is?

I want to understand. I want to know what it means. I want to be able to react the way I'm supposed to.

Am I supposed to blush? He does.

What does it mean when he goes red? I did it before, but it doesn't make any sense. It feels strange. Not bad, but... different.

Arin needs me.

Why does he need me?

I'm a failure.

I'm not right. I'm not what he wanted.

But he wants me now, right?

If he didn't want me, he wouldn't let me stay.

Does Arin want me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin felt pressure against his back. He had dozed off mid-thought and awoke to the feeling of Dan climbing up next to him. Neither spoke, and Arin tried not to move. If Dan was joining him, he must have thought he was asleep, and Arin thought it would be better to let him keep thinking that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan

Arin is warm.

He's soft.

Should I ask him?

No.

I hope he rolls over. Maybe if I-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin

What's he doing?

He's... ugh... why's he leaning on me?

I guess just have to-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin tugged Dan across his torso, bringing him close. Dan slid over Arin, nesting himself in the curve of Arin's body, curling close. Arin smiled, wrapping his arm around Dan and grabbing at his hands. He was able to hold them both in his own, and brought them close to Dan's chest, holding him tightly and comfortingly against him. Dan was cold, and their temperatures evened out as their breathing began to slowly synchronize.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan

It worked. Kind of.

Is this what guyfriends do?

He wants me. He has to. If he didn't, he wouldn't hold me.

That doesn't help. It should, but it doesn't. I still don't want me. He shouldn't want me.

I want this, though. I want this for as long as I can.

But why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin

Why did he come here? What did I do?

He loves me back.

No he doesn't. He doesn't know what love means. I barely know what love means.

He thinks I'm comfortable, that's all. We're close friends. That's what he thinks boyfriends are.

We're just friends.

Friends who... love each other... more than anything.

No, we don't.

I do.

He doesn't.

I need to fix this. I need to make him see the truth. I can't let him think this is his choice. He doesn't love me. He needs to know what he's saying, it needs to be something he's choosing to say, not something he thinks he has to be saying. Not something he doesn't understand.

I can't do this to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 Arin blamed himself for Dan's reactions. He didn't think Dan could actually feel the same way he felt. But until Arin found the strength to tell him that, he wanted things to continue the way they were. He pulled Dan even closer, wrapping himself in the strong scent of lavender, pressing his face into Dan's sparkling curls. Dan smiled, trying to come to his own consensus, mixed emotions battling in his head. Whether or not they were completely at ease, that moment certainly felt like it.

Chapter Text

Sunlight streamed through the rippled glass windows above Arin's bed. All the blankets had been left in the main room, and the only sources of heat were the warmth of the early morning sun and the heat radiating from the himself and Dan as they curled against each other. Hours had passed, and their minds had calmed as sleep overtook them. Arin had kept a tight hold on Dan all through the night, wrapping himself in the scent he had come to adore.

Arin shifted as he started to wake, pulling himself away from Dan, running his hand along Dan's chest as he lifted himself upright. "Hey, buddy, I know you're sleeping, but it's probably time to get up. We weren't up all that late, and I still want to keep track of your heatstroke."

As Arin spoke, Dan's hair glowed brighter and his eyes fluttered open. He stared blankly out the window from his spot on the bed, but didn't move. Sunlight had warmed the bed and heated Dan's usually chilled skin, and he'd gotten comfortable enough to allow himself to fully relax. The past days had been his most peaceful since Arin had created him.

"If you need to sleep, whatever, but you should at least come out to the main room. I'll do some alchemy for ya."

Dan jumped up at Arin's offer, dizzying due to the suddenness of it. His hair shone brightly and his eyes sparkled. "I'll come! Show me how it works, Ar!" Dan used Arin's arm to lift himself, grasping onto his cloak and weighing him down slightly. Arin laughed and offered a hand, lifting Dan from his spot on the bed and pulling him close.

The two meandered out to the front of the cottage, Arin caring much less than his jumpy partner. Dan found the idea of alchemy incredibly intriguing, wanting to learn as much as he could about the way he was created. Ever since Arin had first told him about his previous projects and showed him some of his work, Dan had become curious. Dan bounced his way into the living room, Arin following close behind, smiling at the way Dan's hair sparkled in the sunlight. As he found himself at Arin's work desk, he immediately sat himself down and began examining the beakers and flasks, moving them from their original locations and spreading them across the entirety of the desktop, each finding a new but temporary home. Arin didn't mind. As long as Dan was happy. He could worry about fixing everything when Dan was sidetracked with something else, once he'd lost interest.

"Do you actually want me to show you anything? Or are you just going to do it on your own?" Arin laughed as he watched Dan's eyes light up with each new thought that came to his mind.

Dan smiled, setting down the flask he had been holding. "C-can I do it on my own?" He lifted his head towards Arin, nebula of curls glowing and a large but nervous grin spreading across his face. "I won't break anything. You can tell me exactly what to do."

Arin's smile faded slightly, conflicted at the thought of someone else doing the thing he had worked so hard to consider his skill. When he'd told himself he wanted a work partner, he hadn't thought it through fully. But it was Dan, and he felt he had to allow him to do this. Something simple, he thought. Something easy. Arin set his hand on Dan's head, ruffling his nebulaic mop. "Sure thing, Danny." There was a tinge of falsity and discomfort in his voice, but Dan seemed unable to detect it. "I'll help you out. Let's do something easy again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smoke billowed up from the desk, staining the windows as the two worked. Dan had been working hard and making sure to follow all of Arin's instructions. Arin, nervous but excited to see his partner taking interest in his work, stood behind him, biting his lips anxiously. Nothing had gone wrong so far, but Arin knew from experience that that usually meant something would go wrong soon.

Dan smiled as he lifted the final beaker, which now contained a single, minuscule speck of gold. "Arin! Arin I did it! I did what you do!"

Arin chuckled faintly. "Yeah, yeah you did. Good job. I'm proud." Arin didn't feel right. Something was wrong. Dan had created gold, just as he had, and he was ecstatic. But something seemed off. Energy surrounded him like a thick soupy cloud. Energy he didn't want to feel. Something was definitely wrong.

There was a knock at the door.

Arin quickly threw his hands over Dan's mouth, making sure he stayed silent. No one was supposed to find out about this. People couldn't be alchemised. Not according to the outside world. Dan struggled slightly, but only for a moment. He'd heard the knock as well, and knew that if Arin was this frantic, something had to be going on. Something he needed to respond to.

Another knock.

Without speaking, Arin lifted Dan from his seat at the desk, carrying him to the other room as quickly and quietly as he could manage. Dan's room. Light shone in through the rippled glass window, and Arin spoke in hushed tones. "I don't know who they are, but I don't think they're going to leave. Probably another wanna-be apprentice. I'll get rid of them as quickly as I can, but I need you to stay here until I come back. Don't leave. Don't open the door. It'll be fine, I promise."

He was lying. Arin knew he was lying. There were no promises, but it was worth a shot. He needed Dan to stay safe. If someone from the city found out the forbidden alchemist had found out how to make humans, especially those with features like Dan's... Arin knew that would only end badly. Arin refused to lose Dan, refused to lose himself. He'd already come close enough to both several times, and there was no way he was going to do it again.

Another knock.

"Don't say anything, just stay here. I'll get rid of them, I always did in the past. They won't know." Arin was still almost silent in his speech. He debated giving Dan a hug. Debated wrapping him in his arms and holding him close. Planting his lips directly onto his forehead and telling him he loved him, that everything would be fine. But he knew he'd be overreacting. He knew everything would be fine. No one would find Dan, no one would take him to the city, no one would do experiments on him. Arin knew he could get rid of the unwanted guest in minutes, that he'd see Dan again in mere moments. "You'll be fine." It was more directed at himself than Dan, but Arin still felt the need to say it. Then he closed Dan in the room behind him, slowly and silently, and made his way to the front of the cottage.

As he grasped the handle of the main door, there came another knock.

And Arin let in the stranger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan huddled in the corner of his room. Sunlight flowed in through the window, the outside clear as could be, but he knew the only person around had to be the one who was currently in the cottage, and didn't bother staying away from the glass. He didn't know why Arin had been so worried. It was just a guest. Arin had only said bad things about them before, but he didn't see how someone finding out that he was here would cause any issues. Arin insisted that Dan's appearance was fine. Better than fine. Abnormal, but fine. If he was everything Arin had told him he was, he thought, then there should be no reason for another human to freak out upon seeing him.

From his corner, Dan could hear footsteps. He felt the vibration on the wood floor. Whoever Arin's guest was, he had been let into the cottage and was now wandering around with Arin. Curiously, Dan inched closer to the door, hoping to catch bits and pieces of the conversation he assumed the two would be having. A thin line of light crept in from under the door, and Dan lowered himself to the ground to try to look through what little space there was. Anything he could see would give him some idea of what Arin was dealing with. And what he might have to deal with if anything went wrong.

Dan, face pressed against the cold of the wooden floorboards, one eye closed in an attempt to better focus, caught a glimpse of movement near the work desk. He heard bits of conversation, but it wasn't much. From what he was able to piece together, he assumed things were going well. Arin was holding conversation, but spoke with a tone that made it obvious he wasn't in the mood for any visitors. Dan watched as the two moved from the desk toward the kitchen, Arin leading the way. As they left the room, Dan lost their voices and made his way back against the wall.

Bringing his knees to his chest, Dan sat and waited for anything that made it seem like they were coming back. He thought to himself, guessing how the conversation had to be going.

Arin is probably telling them he's too busy. I bet he's going to get them out of here soon. He had no reason to be worried!

As the tell-tale vibrations in the floor increased, Dan ducked back down, making sure no one came close to his hiding space. They were back at Arin's desk, and this time, the stranger was in Arin's seat, likely examining the speck of gold created earlier. He heard glass shatter and watched as a few broken shards fell to the ground beneath the desk. Arin swore. Loudly. Dan could hear it from his place in the other room. He tucked himself back into the corner and away from the door, worried, though he wasn’t fully sure why. He’d heard Arin yell before. He’d heard it directed toward him, even. But this was different. Something about Arin’s tone was different. Dan had never seen him interact with strangers, and he thought that he was starting to figure out why.

Dan could hear Arin clearly from the other room, even tucked as far away from the action as he could be. “Don’t come into my house and break my shit! I’m here to work, and I don’t need people like you coming and fucking everything up!” Dan heard what he assumed to be the stranger apologizing, and Arin's next sentence reinforced his assumption. “I don’t give a fuck if you didn’t mean to! I have shit to do and you’re not helping!”

He heard heavy footsteps approach the door to his room. As they grew closer, Dan looked around anxiously, hoping for somewhere to hide himself. If Arin didn't want him being seen, there had to be a reason. He dove under the table he had been using as a bed, clasping his hands over his head and face, just as the door handle began to turn. The footsteps entered the room, and he heard someone speak.

Just Arin.

"Dan?" He whispered even quieter than he had when he was in the room before. "Get out from under there. What are you doing?"

Dan checked to make sure the door was closed, then stood and grabbed frantically at Arin's hands. "You told me to stay hidden. What happened? Arin, are we ok yet?"

Arin laughed slightly. He kept as quiet as he could. "They're an idiot. Breaking everything, not wanting to leave... This one didn't even bring a gift." He ruffled Dan's hair, running his fingers through the stars. "I'll get them out. Stay here. Don't worry."

As Arin turned to face the door again, sunlight catching in his brown eyes, another set of footsteps crept forwards. They were relaxed but strong, and with them came a voice.

"Hey Alchemist? What's in there that you're messing with?"

The voice was new to Dan, and he flung himself back under the table as Arin slammed the door, locking Dan inside.

"It's nothing." Arin snapped a response. "Don't worry about it. Just more storage space." He was unconvincing. Dan heard Arin's back hit against the door as he stood between it and the stranger. "I don't want you staying here. All you've done is break my work stuff and intrude on my space. You have to leave."

The stranger spoke again. "Here, let me see." More weight was added to the door.

Arin faltered, and the door creaked under their combined weight. "Stop intruding on my life! All of you! No more apprentices!"

Dan swiftly grabbed the blanket off his table-bed and wrapped it around himself tightly. He needed to feel safe. Arin said there was nothing to worry about... but he was still making sure to keep Dan hidden, and his worry manifested as anger. Dan whimpered, hearing the only person he'd ever known in such a mess of fear and outrage. Thoughts danced in his mind as he blocked out the arguing of the two outside his room.

Dan said I'll be fine.

But he's freaked out right now, and that's definitely not good.

What happens if I get caught?

Arin told me I was fine. I wasn't too much of a mistake. Why would he need to hide me if I wasn't a mistake?

I have to stay here. I have to stay hidden.

For Arin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan snapped back to reality as he heard two sets of heavy footsteps storm from room to room. Arin and the stranger were still arguing, and the stranger seemed to be putting up a fight. He had no reason to stay, other than the hope to make a living off of the exploitation of Arin's abilities. But Arin wouldn't give in. He had created Dan specifically to avoid having to deal with the obnoxious wanna-be apprentices.

Dan inched himself closer to the door again, hoping to hear more of whatever conversation the two were having. The stranger pleaded with Arin as Dan peeked under the door, seeing the shadows of the two stretching along the wood floor.

"You have to let me stay. I came all this way. And for what? To be turned down by someone who can't even do anything impressive with their powers?"

Arin laughed, anger still present in his tone. "I told you to leave. Now get out of here." Arin refused to acknowledge the stranger's comment on his inabilities. He had made Dan. He had made something amazing. And everything in him wanted to snap at the snide guest, revealing his true best creation. But he didn't. He couldn't. If anyone knew that a being made of stardust had been alchemised and was able to function almost perfectly, Arin knew things would spiral out of control. He'd lose Dan to people wanting to perform tests and lab-work on him. People who wanted him for nothing more than data.

Dan heard something. Something odd. But before he was able to register what it had been, he felt something slam against the side of his head. The door. Pain shot through him as he faltered, grabbing at the area it had struck. Through his mop of curls, he felt the warm, familiar sensation of blood.

And he fell into blackness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He couldn't recall much of what followed - it was all a blur. Vague sounds and images faded together in his mind.

Arin looming over him in shock, the stranger looking over his shoulder.

Arin pushing the stranger into the main room, yelling something indistinguishable.

The stranger yelling back, confused about the existence of another human in Arin's cottage.

Being picked up in Arin's arms, the blanket covering his head and face, soaking up the blood.

Arin forcing the stranger out into the evening light, shouting at them to never come back.

Doors slamming, the rummaging of drawers.

The last thing he truly remembered was Arin's expression as he was layed down onto the couch, worry and fear plastered on his face. He held Dan's head in his hands.

"I'm here, Danny. It's gonna be ok. Look at me and know that you're gonna be alright."

Then, again, blackness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan awoke in near darkness,lying on the couch. The only light was the faint glow of the moonlight. Even his hair was too dim to be noticeable. He felt Arin's hand against his back. As he tried to sit up, he was gently pressed back down by Arin, who had been sitting beside him on the couch.

"Don't try to sit yourself up." Arin had been watching Dan the whole time, making sure he was alright. "You keep getting yourself hurt, Dan. I'm worried about you."

Dan lifted his hand to his wound, feeling gauze in its place. "What happened this time? Are you ok?"

"Am I ok? You're the one who got hit in the head by a splintering wooden door. You really got banged up, Dan. I was really worried about you. I think you should be ok now, but I can't be sure." He trailed off, his eyes glazed over. "Dan... there was so much blood..."

Dan looked into Arin's eyes. They looked tired and worn. "Arin?" Dan paused for a few seconds. "Did... am I safe now?"

Arin didn't respond. Not for a while. He put his hand on Dan's, grasping it firmly and lovingly. Then he spoke. "They didn't see you. Not as what you really are. Not this time. The blood and the blanket covered your hair just enough. But as long as you're here, you're never really safe. I do what I can. But things happen. Things that I can't control."

Ignoring Arin's order to stay lying down, Dan sat and leaned himself against Arin. "You're doing everything you can. I believe that." Arin wrapped his arms around Dan and pulled him close, allowing him to lean over his legs and onto the arm of the couch. He lied down again. "Who was that person, anyway? Why we're you so upset?"

Arin sighed. "They... they didn't know what they were talking about, Dan. They sounded... the things they said reminded me of my dad."

Arin didn't think about his dad much. He tried not to. There were reasons he'd left for the forest, and almost all of them had to do with his father. But Arin continued. "He called alchemy powers and magic, instead of a talent that takes forever to master. He said it like it was a joke. This apprentice was no different. I was treated like what I had was nothing more than some childish trick that could be exploited..."

"Arin, I-"

"Don't apologize, Dan." Arin sounded distraught, yet dismissive. "It has nothing to do with you. What matters now is that you're ok."

Dan spoke quickly. "But you're not. I can tell you're not."

What Arin wanted to say was 'Of course I'm not, Dan. I never am', but instead, he lied. He lied for himself. For Dan. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me. I'll make sure you're safe and happy. Then we can get back to me." He couldn't tell Dan the truth. He couldn't tell himself the truth. He'd been lying for so long, it had become easier. It had become his default. And now, he had to lie for someone else's sanity.

Dan wasn't convinced. But he pretended he was. As long as Arin was happy, he was happy. And if, for a reason unknown to him, he was what made Arin happy, then he would do everything he could to be there for him. He felt dizzy. His head pounded. "You said... you said there was a lot of blood... Arin... it hurts..."

Arin shifted from his place on the couch and got on the floor beneath Dan. He cupped his face in his hands and looked into his eyes. They were dull. The shine was fading. Their usual opaline glisten was disrupted by his trauma. But Arin didn't want to worry his partner, so he did his best to not express his unease and confusion. "It's going to hurt for a while. As I said, these doors are old. The wood breaks easily. You had... there was a lot..." Arin fumbled over how to explain what had happened. Dan looked worried. "You're fine now. I promise. I'm here. You'll be ok."

Moonlight danced off the walls and lit the room dimly, casting a rainbow through the crystal Arin kept suspended from the ceiling. Wind blew lightly outside, trees and brush hitting against the sides of the cottage. Arin caught a glimpse of light through the window and averted his eyes to see the fireflies creeping up from the grass, swirling and floating in the cool of the night. Dan smiled as he saw them as well, the pain fading from his face just a bit. He spoke through hushed breaths, the twinge of the wound serving as a distraction from his own thoughts. "Remember that night in the stream, Ar?"

A firefly hit against the window. Arin chuffed, running his hand along Dan's head, petting his faintly glowing hair. "Of course I do. You were hurt then, just as you are now." He turned back to Dan, looking at his faded features. "Well, you had a reaction to the heat then. This one... this one is different..."

"That's not the part I wanted to remember." Dan was quiet, but sounded pleased. He tried to grin, but managed nothing.

Arin thought back to that night. The fireflies as they danced in the space around them. The water bugs and fallen leaves spinning in the flow of the stream. How the water tugged at their legs as they stood in the middle of it all.

The feeling of Dan's skin pressed against his own in the cool of the night. 

The way Dan grinned like a overjoyed puppy when Arin had kissed the tip of his nose.

Arin longed for that again. He was homesick for something that wasn't a home. Homesick for an idea. An event that had lasted only briefly. How easy it would be to be there again, living that moment a million times over. And how willingly he would do so.

"I remember you holding me. I remember the way the water lifted me into your arms." Dan sounded distant.

Arin's own memories were cut short by Dan's interruption. He hadn't mentioned the kiss. Just the physicality. Arin thought it would be better if he didn't mention it either. If Dan had forgotten, then it didn't matter. Arin refused to try to think about love while his partner lay damaged before him. He couldn't explain it to him while he was in the state he was in, so he didn't bother. All he needed was for Dan to be safe and comfortable. Those were his only worries.

"I remember..." Dan's voice was no more than a delicate whisper, easily broken by a gust of wind. "I remember this."

Dan leaned forward, meeting Arin's face just off the edge of the couch. He touched his lips to the very tip of Arin's nose. Not really a kiss. Just a peck.

Arin's face flushed immediately. His eyes closed and he threw his hands over his face, instinctively covering his embarrassment and adoration. Heat radiated from his skin as he sat there for a few seconds in a surprised state of euphoria. Dan had kissed him. Nothing more than a peck, and not even a good one. It was obvious that he had no clue what he was trying to do. But Arin was still blown away.

When he came down from his momentary high, he was met with a passed out Dan.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan snapped awake.

Sunlight glowed throughout the whole room, lighting up everything it touched. A breeze blew outside, rustling the leaves in the countless trees.

He awoke to one of Arin's hands gripping his, and the other running through his faintly shimmering hair. He felt Arin lean against him. He heard him sigh, squeezing Dan's hand with each breath.

Dan whispered. "Arin?"

Arin didn't respond right away. He was deep in thought. He'd watched his partner get hurt many times since he created him, each time progressively worse than the one before it. All he could think about was the way Dan looked now. His eyes had lost their shine, and his hair had lost its glow. There was no logical reason that he could find as to why the trauma had effected Dan as much as it had. He'd originally hoped for a 'normal' human partner... but he missed his extraordinary one. He missed the opal shines of his pale eyes. He missed the glow and shimmer of his nebulaic hair and the way it danced based on his emotions.

It couldn't stay gone long.

He had to fix it.

There had to be a way.

"Arin?" Dan gripped at his head, finding the gauze still in place. It was saturated with blood. As he examined the area with his fingertips, he flinched and recoiled. Sharp pains ran through his head.

Arin was quiet and to the point. "Don't mess with it. I don't know if I got all the wood out. It was dark."

"Got all the wood... out?" Dan's tone was timid and concerned.

"I told you, the doors splinter and chip. You were hit really hard. Let me see it."

Arin spent a lot of time cleaning up Dan's wound. Water and peroxide, cloth after cloth. Blood soaked through fabric that was quickly discarded, and pieces of wood followed. Arin rinsed Dan's hair with a cloth as he stayed in his spot on the couch, brushing it out gently. The curls snagged and Dan drew away, Arin comforting him each time. Dan would twitch and crane his neck, and Arin would smooth Dan's starry beard soothingly, telling him it was alright. As he worked, he silently pleaded for the bright glow to return to Dan's hair. He hoped it would flare to life, the shimmer of his eyes accompanying it.

But it didn't happen.

He hoped there was a way.

Chapter Text

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin looked into Dan's eyes as he played with his hair. The look on his face worried Dan, but neither were willing to speak up any further. Arin had been brushing Dan's hair for what seemed like hours, though it likely had been mere minutes, and Dan had found it to be more and more comfortable as Arin progressed, the curls separating into individual locks and becoming easier to brush out. Dan was fully relaxed, reclined against Arin, letting him do whatever he pleased. And he was happy.

Arin, on the other hand, wasn't. No matter how much he brushed, no matter how hard he wished... the sparkle stayed drained from Dan's hair. His eyes were still pale, but lacked their usual glow, he no longer radiated the comforting scent of lavender and cinnamon, and his hair was fading into a darker brown, with only spots of pink and blue splattered throughout. It no longer shimmered and danced as he ran his hands through it, but he couldn't bring himself to worry Dan over his appearance, since he had been so on the fence about it since the beginning. Arin would fix it on his own, he didn't need someone getting in his way. It had been a shock to him when he'd first seen the way Dan seemed to radiate astronomical auras, but it had become the thing he looked forward to seeing each day, and it was fading away before him.

Dan turned his gaze toward Arin, looking at the curve of his lips and bend of his brows. Something seemed off, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to ask. Having already experienced serious head trauma, and watching Arin almost fall into tears because of it, he wasn't sure Arin was ready to be asked any other serious questions. But his curiosity got the better of him. "Arin?" Dan was quiet, not wanting to disrupt Arin or stop him from playing with his hair.

"Yeah, Danny?" Arin faltered briefly, his train of thought derailed.

Dan paused, hearing the tone of Arin's voice. He seemed confused and lost. Dan had already put him through so much, having hurt himself multiple times, then inquired about things he knew Arin didn't want to answer. "What's... never mind..."

Arin didn't respond, and he let Dan's phrase float between them, then dissipate. He continued playing with Dan's curls, running the brush through his hair, then letting his own fingers follow. Something about Dan felt wonderful to him, even without his signature nebulaic traits, and he wished that he could stay exactly as he was for as long as he could. Arin rubbed a few strands of Dan's hair between his fingers, feeling their coarse texture, looking at the way the browns and blues reflected the sunlight. For a brief moment, sunlight caught on the prism Arin had forgot he had hung from the ceiling so long ago, and he smiled, thinking the color was beginning to return to Dan's hair. A grin spread across Arin's face and his own hair fell into his eyes and he contorted his head in bliss. But as he reached to grab the spot he assumed to be the return of his favorite characteristic, the refraction danced across his own hand. It took him a moment to register, and he waved his hand in its way, turning it over and grasping at the colors. His expression fell again. It wasn't coming back. Not on its own.

Arin sighed as he let his hand fall away from Dan's hair, grasping at stray strands as he did so. Dan glanced back towards Arin, confusion crossing his face. He reached his hand out to meet Arin's, following it down to the fabric of the couch. There, Dan laced his fingers between the other man's, gripping tightly and running his thumb along the back of Arin's hand, grazing his knuckles comfortingly. "Whatever it is, Arin... please tell me."

Arin didn't respond. He just stared in silence at their interlocked fingers, the way Dan's slender fingers fit betwixt his own. He wanted to tell him, but the responses he was the most scared to get were the ones he expected. Either Dan would freak out about losing his shine, or he wouldn't let Arin fix it. Either way, it would be an overreaction Arin would have to deal with. All he wanted was for Dan to be happy and things to be easy. As he thought and stared, he noticed that one of Dan's hairs had gotten caught in his hand. It was a deep brown against the color of their skin, and it coiled slightly around the tip of his finger. Dan's index finger was right beside it, and Arin's stare lead him to follow his gaze.

Arin noticed the movement from Dan and, wanting to distract him and keep him from seeing it, held his free hand against Dan's face, lightly stroking the also-fading scruff of his beard. He lifted Dan's chin and looked into his eyes, and Dan faltered for a moment, caught off guard by Arin's advances. But it made him skeptical.

"Arin?" Dan asked, blushing faintly. "What are you doing? What were you looking at a second ago?"

Arin spat words, hoping Dan wouldn't press any more. "Nothing. Just... nothing. Don't worry about it." Arin allowed himself to get distracted by the way Dan's eyes reflected the sunlight, and the way his hair framed his face. He felt his hand pressed against Dan's jawline, his thumb running along his chin. Even without his shimmer, Arin still found him beautiful.

But that single moment of distraction gave Dan the change to pull away from Arin's grasp and look at their hands.

He saw the strand of hair, brown and curled, lying atop Arin's hand, wrapped slightly around his finger. "This, Arin?" He paused. "Who's is it?"

Arin tried to lie. "It's mine. That's not what I was focused on, anyway."

"It's not yours, Arin. And it's exactly what you were focused on." Dan said. "Who's it is? Who else is around here? I thought you didn't want any apprentices..."

Arin was trapped. Even though Dan was ignorant about many things, he seemed to be incredibly observant of others. He couldn't lie. He couldn't tell Dan he had found an apprentice without him. So it became more about how he wanted to phrase it. Arin thought in silence, giving Dan enough time to think it over for himself.

"It's not mine, is it, Arin?"

Arin didn't respond.

Dan spoke more forcefully. "Is it, Arin?" He paused. "Arin? What happened to the stars?"

Arin's speech was quick and jumbled. "It's... I don't know, Dan. Yes it's yours. But I don't know why." He paused, looking at the expression on Dan's face. "Don't. Whatever you're thinking about saying, don't."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Arin adverted his gaze, though Dan tried to pull him back.

"You..." Arin started, "you already went through so much. I couldn't add this onto everything else."

"That's not why you didn't tell me, Arin. You were scared."

Arin threw his gaze back toward Dan, sunlight dancing off of his own hair as is flowed behind him. "Hell yeah, I was scared, Dan! I'm still scared! I don't know why it happened, or what I'm going to do about it! And I'm scared out of my fucking mind!"

"How long?"

Arin paused, his breath quivering. "How... How long, what?"

"How long has it been like this, Arin?" Dan was quiet, confused. He didn't know what to do either, and for the time being, he just wanted answers. "And how far has it gone?"

"When you fell," Arin said, "I cleaned you up. And after a bit, I noticed it was fading... And I got scared, Dan. I'm still scared. You're not yourself anymore. I can't lose you to something like this."

Dan stood from the couch, pushing Arin out of his way. "I need to see what happened."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan stood before Arin's single mirror, staring blankly at himself. His hair was almost fully brown, a deep earthy color a few shades darker than Arin's. He ran his hands through it, feeling the coarse curls against his skin. His beard was scruffy brown and grey, and Dan felt the wiry hairs curiously. He stared into his own eyes. They were dark, a deep brown similar to that of his hair. Only a few pale flecks remained, but he watched as they slowly faded as he looked at them. Dan was different. He wasn't special. He didn't glow or shine, his hair didn't flare or dance with his emotions. His eyes didn't shimmer as if filled with opalescent stars. He was just like everyone else. Just another face in the crowd.

Dan saw Arin approach in the mirror. He watched as Arin put his hands on Dan's shoulders, standing at the same height as he did. Dan looked into Arin's eyes without turning his head, making eye contact by use of the mirror. They stood like that for a while, both in silence and wonder. Dan wasn't Arin's stardust anymore. He was just another person he could've picked up as they came to his door. He saw nothing exquisite in him anymore... and he couldn't stand it.

"Dan?" Arin spoke from behind his partner, not really sure what he was going to say next, but knowing it had to be something.

"I'm normal, Arin... I'm just like you..."

Arin wasn't sure what the tone of Dan's voice was, and he began to worry. "We can fix it, I promise. I'll find a way. I'll get you back."

Dan pulled away slightly, leaning closer to the mirror and away from Arin. He scowled. "What if... what if I'm happy like this?"

"What do you mean what if you're happy like this?!" Arin's words echoed in his room. "You're not you anymore, Dan! You can't be happy like that!"

Dan stood in silence, looking at Arin's face in the mirror, flushed with anger and worry. Then he spoke. "I said it in the beginning. I didn't want to be different."

"Well, Dan, you were different! And it was unlike anything I'd ever seen! But you know what?" Arin paused. "You were more beautiful than anyone I'd ever laid eyes on. And now you might as well just be another stranger showing up at my house and trying to play their cards right!"

Arin clasped his hands over his mouth, regretting what he said. He looked at Dan, then tucked his head down and burst out of the room. Arin was confused. He wondered if that was what he really thought, or if he had been speaking just through anger. When he saw Dan, he felt something bizarre. Something new, something fun. And he had just turned that away. Arin made his way back out to the main room, sunlight dancing off the windows and the glass strewn about the cottage. He sat down at his desk, staring at the drawings he had done of Dan. So much went into those drawings. So much of something he wasn't sure that he really felt. Was it all an appearance based illusion? Arin smudged the pictures, dragging his thumb across the paper and coating it in charcoal and graphite. He smudged the stars and the faces he had grown so close to, all of it meaning nothing to him in that moment.

A single tear fell to the paper, dampening a small area. Then another, and another. Soon, floods of tears covered the paper, creating a muddy mess in his hands.

Arin heard Dan approaching before he saw him. He lifted his head, but didn't bother to wipe his eyes or try to smooth his now mussed hair. Instead, he allowed Dan to see him at his worst. He allowed someone else to see what he looked like when he was broken. Dan's shadow stretched across the floor, and he stood towering over Arin as he sat at his desk. Arin felt as though Dan had become more rough as he lost his nebulaic shine. Arin turned his head to face the other man, looking up in disgust and rage.

He snapped. "If you want to be normal, I should've just let them take you! They could've done this for you, and you could've made yourself a place in the world, instead of working with some washed-up fucking useless piece of shit alchemist!" Arin's voice shook and cracked as he spoke, and he radiated enraged heat. 

"Arin, I-"

"No, don't say anything. You're not worth it. Not if you're so hung up on being normal."

Dan sat himself on the floor beside Arin, watching as Arin stared at the paper in his hands. His hands were grey and black from smudging his work, and he continued to let tears soak into the murky drawings. He stared at Arin's face, red and tear-soaked. Dan had caused this. Somehow, it was his fault.

Somehow.

He knew how. He knew what Arin hated. He hated when Dan said he was imperfect. He hated when Dan said anything about himself that wasn't purely praise. And Dan had lashed out, telling Arin the opposite of what he wanted to hear. Trying to tell Arin it was alright when clearly it wasn't. Not for Arin. For Dan, however, it would have worked out fine. Dan thought back to all the times he had seen himself as abnormal, all the times he knew he wasn't meant to look the way he did. And now, that was gone. He didn't have to worry about being wrong. He didn't have to worry about being a mistake, being an abomination. He looked like any normal human being. Just someone. Just another person. And he was pleasantly content staying exactly as he was.

Arin, on the other hand, was not. He clawed into the damp paper, shredding it and dropping it to the floor. Dan let his hair fall in his face as he reached to pick up one of the pieces that had fallen next to him, the coarse brown curls brushing against his cheeks. His iridescent cape settled around him. He no longer looked like Arin's drawings. He no longer looked like the night sky that he found to be so beautiful. "Arin?" Dan held a scrap of paper in his hands.

Arin turned to face Dan, looking down towards his place on the ground. "I said not to say anything."

"I still don't know why you drew so many of these..."

Arin paused, thinking about what he had just done. All his drawings of Dan had been destroyed in a fit of anger and sadness. What he had been ashamed to have spent hours on laid strew about the floor in tattered pieces, and he felt as if his life was going to follow. "It was a mistake, Dan. I shouldn't have spent any time on any of that. It apparently didn't matter."

Dan looked at the scrap of paper in his hand. He felt the dampness of the muddy sketch, the way it clung slightly to his skin. He looked at how much work Arin had put into it. The smoothness of the lines and the delicate details. "It mattered to me." His voice was quiet, shaking slightly.

"I can't see why," Arin snapped, "Since you obviously weren't happy with that appearance anyway. Since you obviously lied to me when you said you were happy. Since your smiles when you looked at the stars that night were so obviously fake."

Arin looked at the remaining piece of paper on his desk. He looked at how distorted the last drawing had become. Where Dan had once had stars and shimmering hues, everything was muddy. The drawing had taken the form of whatever Dan looked like in that exact moment, and Arin despised it. He missed the way Dan's hair shimmered as he moved, the way his eyes sparkled, and the way he would be wrapped in the scent of cinnamon and lavender as he held him. That was fading away. And he had to watch it.

"It wasn't fake, Arin! I just..." Dan paused, running his fingers through his own hair. "I just finally got what I originally wanted... And you did, too, didn't you? Didn't you just want to make a normal human being? Not some mess of stardust?"

Arin froze. He didn't make Dan hoping for someone with nebulaic qualities. He made Dan looking for an apprentice who wouldn't just get in his way. He made Dan looking for someone to work along side him, not someone who he'd eventually fall in love with. If Dan lacked his stars, then Arin got what he had planned in the beginning. Arin didn't respond. Dan was right. But Arin couldn't admit it.

"Arin? If this is what it takes for me to be happy," Dan said, "can't you just let me have that?"

Happy. Had Dan never been happy? Had it all be a cruel facade? Arin broke. "You know what? Fuck you. Fuck everything I ever did for you. I don't want to do anything else. Not if you feel the need to change yourself to be happy."

Dan was quiet, but his voice was sharp. "You're the one who's trying to change me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin looked in the mirror in his room, the light of a new day shining through his window. He looked at what he had become. Unlike Dan, he hadn't changed physically, but something inside him had wound itself so tight that it snapped. He looked at his tired eyes, at his face, red from crying. He looked at his own hair and wondered how and why Dan wanted to change to be like him. Arin thought about how the two of them had been acting. Childishly angry at something so trivial. But it wasn't trivial. Not to either of them. Arin had lost the thing he never knew he needed, and Dan refused to bring it back. Arin grabbed at his blonde streak, looking at how the simple addition of new color always seemed to be something he was drawn to. He wondered again if his affections had been based purely on appearances. He had felt them upon first setting his eyes on Dan, though he was never one to believe in love at first sight. He always thought humans as a species could only experience lust at first sight, and perhaps he was right.

Maybe, he thought, he had been lying to himself. Maybe he was the only one at fault. Maybe Dan was right to want to be normal. To stay normal.

Except... he wasn't.

Not to Arin.

Dan had been an amazing creation. Something no one else had managed, with extra qualities that no one expected. And he was turning that away.

Arin thought about how attached he had become to Dan. He thought about how he almost said he loved him. How Dan had called himself his boyfriend. How the two had held each other close enough to look into each other's eyes and feel as though they were the only two on Earth. He wished it could always be like that. He wished the two of them needed nothing more than each other's presence to be happy. He had thought that was the truth, believed that as long as they were able to wake up under the same roof, that everything would be wonderful. But now, he felt his life spiraling out from under him, dragging with it everything he cared for. His father had left his life, and so had Holly. So had everything he thought he needed. All that he had was Dan, and he felt him slowly leaving him too.

Arin wondered if he would ever have anything left. If anything was real and if any of it mattered. He wondered how much longer it would take for him to give up, or if he had ever really been trying. He wondered if it was worth trying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dan wanted to hide amongst the crowd. He wanted to fade into the background. He didn't want to be special.

Dan leaned against the leg of Arin's work desk, not having stood up from his previous spot, even after Arin had left. He didn't want to have upset Arin, but he had his own set of intentions. He looked at the ruined pieces of Arin's drawings, wishing he had stopped him. Now, they were gone, and seemingly Arin's adoration went with them. He still wasn't sure why Arin acted the way he did around him. He still wasn't sure why Arin blushed and held him as tightly as he did. He wasn't sure why Arin was a mess when he looked at him sometimes. But as long as it made Arin happy, then Dan was happy too.

Now, Arin had tucked himself away in the other room. He had told Dan what he thought was the truth, and Dan was worried that he had lost whatever bizarre thing they had had. He was afraid that the world he was brought into was crumbling around him, all because of something he said. Something he wasn't sure he meant. Of course he wanted to be normal. Of course he knew he wasn't supposed to have turned out the way he did. But he had begun to look like everyone else. Like Arin. He lost everything that set him apart from the rest of the world. But he was happy with it.

When he was created, he immediately realised that something wasn't right. He knew that he was vastly different from everyone else. He knew he was a mistake. A failed test. Something that wasn't meant to exist. When Arin kept him hidden when the stranger showed up, it had only reinforced Dan's worries and forced him back from the happiness he had started to get from being unique. Arin had shown him, though with good intention, that Dan needed to change in order to fit in. That no one would approve of the way he looked when he was so wildly different from everyone else. He felt that changing was for the best. That it would make life easier on them both.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Starlight shone in through the many windows of the cottage. Hours had since passed, and neither Dan nor Arin had spoken to the other. Arin slowly made his way out to the main room, thinking about everything he had said. He still was uncertain how much of it he meant, but he wanted to speak with Dan again, even if it wasn't about anything important. Arin walked slowly, dragging his feet along the wood floor, his cloak flowing behind him. The light from the moon danced off of the prism, and a faint rainbow streaked across the room, illuminating the wall in bright colors. Though it used to bring him joy, the colors only reminded Arin of Dan, and he wished things could go back to the way they had been just a little while ago.

Arin looked around the room in silence, assuming to find Dan asleep on the couch or curled up on the floor. After discovering that it was neither, he made his way to his work desk for a brief moment before checking the other rooms. On his desk, the last drawing of Dan sat alone, smudged and faded. Beside that, the single speck of gold he had helped Dan to create before the stranger had showed up. Even just then, Dan had seemed so happy. He found joy in practicing Arin's craft, joy in Arin helping him to learn. Arin wondered how much had been fake. He wondered if Dan had ever truly been happy. Arin wished he could turn back time and do something, anything, to keep Dan safer. He blamed it all on himself, thinking he could've tried harder. He could've kicked the stranger out earlier. Or not let them push him around as much as they did. He could've hidden Dan somewhere safer. He could've done any number of things, he thought. He could've not created Dan in the first place.

Arin regretted his own thoughts, but he wasn't sure which were truly his own anymore. They all seemed so warped and strange to him. Everything seemed warped and strange to him. Arin lifted one of the vials from the desk, holding it to the moonlight. It shimmered faintly, the glass reflecting the light in a comforting glow. Nothing made sense anymore. Everything was falling apart around him, everything he had thought mattered. After he left the city, and after Holly had went her own way, he thought nothing could fix him. Nothing could bring him joy anymore. Then Dan came along, and Arin felt something again. Something he hadn't felt in as long as he could remember. And it seemed now as though he had been right the first time. He wasn't happy, and he couldn't do anything to change that.

Arin swirled the empty vial in his hand, watching as the moonlight reflected off of it and bounced off of the window, a soft light shimmering around him. Everything glowed now, except for the one thing that had been glowing the entire time. Arin's own thoughts frightened him. He didn't want to have imagined his whole affair, though he unfortunately wouldn't have been surprised if he had. Arin listened to the branches of near by trees hit against the sturdy walls of the cottage, he listened to the wind blow outside and the creek flow and babble, knocking rocks loose from the ground. He heard everything he had heard before Dan was around. But he didn't hear the laughter he had longed for. He didn't hear his own company.

Company.

Was that all it had become for him? Arin threw his hands against his head, begging for his thoughts to right themselves. Something was wrong. Something was different.

Dan was different.

He wished he didn't care. He wished it didn't matter. He hoped that his thoughts weren't his own, though he wasn't sure who else's they could be.

He felt himself falling apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin woke up to a heavy weight on his chest, both metaphorically and physically. Arin didn't remember crumbling to the floor and falling asleep. He didn't remember much of anything. But Dan was there, draped across his chest, his hair falling in Arin's face and the feathers of his cape tickling the nape of his neck. Arin instinctively pulled him closer, quiet breaths escaping his parted lips. Arin didn't understand anything anymore. He felt so lost and confused, his own ideas nothing like they used to be. He stared at Dan's hair. Completely brown. Not even a hint of stardust, no swirling galaxies or soft nebulae. Arin reached his hand toward Dan's, grasping it lightly and running his thumb along Dan's knuckles as Dan had so often done to him. Dan's skin had flushed a normal color and was almost the same temperature as Arin's. He was just a normal human now. Whatever had happened that night had reorganized the elements in Dan's being, forcing his body to accommodate for something no one was sure of.

Arin's breath was shaky, his voice almost silent. "Dan...? What happened? Why are we on the floor?" Arin glanced around, looking at the dirt and bits of shattered glass all pushed to the walls and stuck in the cracks of the wood floor.

Dan sat up off of Arin. "I heard you fall. I don't know what happened, but I came to make sure you were ok." He paused, a long drawn out pause that lasted much too long for Arin's comfort. "You cried in your sleep, Arin..." Dan pushed Arin's hair away from his face, his breath shaking slightly. "You cried a lot. And I sat here, smoothing your hair and petting your shoulders, telling you it would be ok... But you didn't stop..." Dan's breath hitched as he reflected back on the hours he spend trying to console Arin. The way Arin shook as tears streamed down his face. The way his breath trembled and his skin crawled.

Reaching his hand up to his own face, Arin felt the dampness of tears and the sting of raw skin. Some distant part of him remembered Dan wiping his eyes as he dreamt, though he wasn't sure of much else. Arin didn't respond. He looked at Dan's form above him, a silhouette against the rising sun that broke through the rippled windows. Dan's brown hair still shimmered in the light. His eyes still glistened. Even without all his previous qualities, Arin could still see the good in him.

But it wasn't the same.

"Dan?" Arin asked again, "Are we ok?"

Dan's brows furrowed. His eyes narrowed. "What do you mean 'are we ok'? Of course we're ok." Dan was lying. He was lying to both Arin and himself. He didn't know if they were ok. He didn't know anything. He was scared and confused. He'd lost the things that had made him different, the things that made him stand out. But with it, he was worried he'd lost Arin.

Arin leaned his weight against Dan, wishing for something to change. Hoping that he would figure something out. Hoping to figure out either how to fix Dan, or how to come to terms with that fact that he didn't want to be fixed. "We're crazy, aren't we?"

Something in him said that it would be easier to lie. Easier to tell Arin that everything would be fine, and that things would work themselves out. But he knew the truth. He knew just as well as Arin did that things were falling apart. That things were fading away. And he couldn't let that happen. Arin was the only person Dan knew. He's heard stories of Holly, the strange apprentices, and Arin's father, though he'd never seen any of them in person. Dan didn't understand what it was that he felt towards Arin, nor did he understand why the feeling was starting to fade. But he did know that he had started to find comfort in it, that feeling whatever that feeling was was something that he needed. And if he had to regain his shimmer for it to return, he would do everything in his power to get it back.

Dan's voice was quiet, and he spoke through clenched teeth, avoiding Arin's question. "Do you... do you know why I want to stay like this?"

Arin cast his glance down in anger. "Because you want to be normal, just like every other fucking person." Arin spoke quicker, spitting words like fire from his lips. "You think you're a mistake, you think you're a mess, you don't want to be here and you wish I hadn't even made you in the first-" Arin's breathing hitched and he choked on his own words.

"It's because I need to. I need to be normal for this to work out."

Arin turned back toward Dan. "For what to work out, Dan?! You were fine the way you were!"

"I couldn't stay out in the sun. I was always cold. Things were hard, ok? You hid me away when someone else showed up, Arin!" Dan paused and lowered his voice. "You couldn't... you couldn't let them see me..."

"Dan, I... I was so scared... I'm still so scared." Arin wanted to tell Dan why he had hidden him away, but he knew Dan understood. He knew nothing he could say would mend the damage that had been done. "I've been a mess, and I can't tell what's real and what's not, even in my own thoughts. Dan... I'm fucking terrified..."

"I need to change if this is going to work out. I need to look like everyone else. I need this. I want to be able to sit in the sun with you. I want to curl against you without making you cold. I want to be able to see other people." Dan sighed, looking directly into Arin's eyes. "I want other people to see us."

Arin faltered, his face blushed. He thought about telling Dan right then about love. He thought about trying to explain everything it was, and how complex it could be. But something in him told him not to. His own warped thoughts told him he had to avoid the subject. Arin ran his hands through his hair, tugging slightly and trying to distract himself from everything that was happening. He wished things were normal. He wished people wouldn't care. But he understood where Dan was coming from, and that's what scared him the most. Still, he had to say something.

"Dan, I made you to keep me company and work along side me. I didn't worry about what I got. And yes, we both know that something weird happened in the process, but I'm so damn glad it did, ok? I don't mind that you're cold all the time. That just gives me an excuse to hold you closer. I don't care that we can't sit out in the sun for very long. That just mean's we can be out in the moonlight together." Arin laughed. "And fuck everyone who says anything about your hair. I'll keep you safe. I'll make sure they know you're mine and mine alone, and they can't take you in for any tests or trials. Because I'll be there."

Dan paused. Arin seemed so worried. He seemed lost. Dan knew how hard he was trying, and something about it made him realise how much it meant to Arin, and how much he wanted to make Arin happy. "I could let you fix this. But you have to promise me something."

Arin ran his hands through Dan's coarse hair, reminiscing on the way it used to be. He looked into Dan's deep brown eyes, thinking of the shimmer they used to have. "Anything."

"Promise me that things will be ok. Promise me that you'll keep me with you, no matter what happens."

Arin looked at Dan. He couldn't make that promise. Things weren't ok. They'd never been ok. But he couldn't let Dan fall from beneath him. He couldn't lose someone else, not someone he cared so much for. "I promise to do everything I can to keep that promise... and I hope that's enough."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter Text

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Some promises are hard to keep.

You can't promise someone something that you have no control over. Arin knew this. Dan knew it as well, though he had been the one who proposed it. All he wanted was to hear Arin tell him that things would be ok. That they would really, truly be ok.

Even though he knew they weren't, and never would be.

Arin ran his hands through Dan's hair, smiling to himself, glad to know that his Dan, the Dan he had created, would be coming back to him. All he had to do was figure out how. Arin wasn't even 100% sure what had prompted Dan's form to take on the characteristics it had to begin with. Something went wrong, and as he knew, it was much harder to reproduce a mistake than something with set instructions. Dan had been the result of a series of mishaps and trials with no real solution, and the steps he had written down the night before making him were apparently wrong. He couldn't tell Dan this, as Arin knew it would only reinforce his views of failure and self-hatred. He had to figure it out on his own, no matter what it took.

Dan had only barely let Arin fix him, and Arin couldn't let him know that he didn't know how. Not as blatantly as he wanted to. Instead, Arin felt the need to sugarcoat everything he told Dan, keeping him from getting too worried. He would fix it, even if it meant countless trials and tests.

The word "fix" seemed strange to Arin. He had found Dan perfect when he had first been created, though Dan had thought the opposite, and constantly wove in and out of discomfort. Arin thought Dan felt fixed as he was. That he felt fixed with his dark hair and brown eyes. When he didn't shimmer or glow.

As Arin continued playing with Dan's hair, feeling the coarse strands between his scarred and calloused hands, worn from years of alchemy, he worried to himself about everything the two of them had gone through. It seemed like a lot more to him than he was convinced it had been, but still, each idea plagued his mind. Hypocrisy burned like a hot knife as the thoughts raced through his mind, whisking him away to a darker place then he wanted to be. He felt as though Dan wasn't his to "fix", since Dan had seemed happy to find that he looked just like any other human being. He felt as though the experiments he would have to do would be just as bad as the ones he had hidden Dan to avoid. He felt as though all he cared about were his opinions and no one else's, as though all that mattered was himself. He worried Dan had been lying to him when he said he would let Arin try to turn him back, but knew he had been the one lying when he agreed that things would be ok. Things seemed wrong, and he knew they were, but he didn't know how to stop them.

Dan shifted as Arin stopped moving his hands, leaving them tangled in Dan's hair, hanging loosely. "Arin?" Dan's voice was quiet and curious.

Arin jolted himself from his thoughts, picking up the movement, twirling a curl around his finger and pulling strands that had caught in the feathers of Dan's cape. "I'm fine, don't worry about it. You'll be fine. We'll be fine." He paused, his eyes hazy and brain clouded. "We'll be fine..."

"You don't have to do this, you know." Dan turned, pulling Arin's hands from his hair. "I know that it was a stupid promise, and I thought that it would be too much for you to handle... I didn't expect you to agree..."

"I have to do something." Arin's voice was gravelly, and his brows furrowed. "I have to do something," he repeated, "to fix all of this."

The words stung Dan. He needed fixing, just as he had always felt he did. He first felt the need to undo his shimmer and fix himself, and once he had gotten what he wanted, Arin thought it would be fixing him to change him back. No matter how he looked, he was always wrong, always needed to be changed and morphed and fixed.

Arin smoothed his cloak and pulled one of Dan's brown hairs from it, dropping it to the ground. It fell between the cracks of the wood floor as he spoke. "We have to do something, but we can do it tomorrow."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Arin wandered out of his room to see Dan at his work desk, fiddling with the beakers and bottles and jars. Dan had spent the night awake, looking at his reflection in the window in his room. He was willing to change, as long as it kept Arin happy. As long as Arin promised to keep him safe.

Arin rushed to the desk, trying to keep Dan from breaking any of his tools. His cloak dragged on the floor behind him, picking up dust and bits of wood. The morning light shone in through the large window, illuminating Dan's hair, making the earthy brown seem to glow a lighter color, and his eyes looked happy and warm. Arin thought for a second about leaving him there to continue on his own, and just sitting back and watching. However, his worry for his work continued, and he had to disrupt. Arin grabbed lightly onto Dan's shoulders, alerting him of his presence, catching him holding one of the crystals from his initial creation in his hand. Arin's notebook sat before him, the pages smudged and tearing.

Dan smiled up at his partner, their eyes locking for a second before the silence was broken. "I'm sorry," he laughed, nervously, "I was just trying to figure things out. I didn't mean to be intrusive..."

Arin ruffled Dan's hair, then knelt beside him, resting his hands on Dan's knees. "It's fine. Trying to figure things...." Arin's voice trailed off as he looked at the page Dan was open to. The one with Holly's spell written on it, as well as all of his notes on creating Dan. The scribbles and sketches filled the page, making it more difficult to read than he remembered. "You found your page... I'm sorry, I know it's not much, I should've tried harder, and-"

Dan cut him off. "What are you talking about, Arin? It's great. You tried so hard, I can see that. There's so many days before this. It's crazy! You're so good at this!"

Arin faltered. "That means you read my entries, doesn't it... You read all my early stuff? I'm sorry. You didn't need to look at all that." Arin thought about everything he had written in those pages. Mixed with the notes about his bunches of previous trials were anecdotes on why he wanted someone to work with in the first place. Loneliness, depression, anxiety... He had written so many paragraphs and pages about how he was sick of working alone, but how everyone who came to join him was a mess. So many pages littered with tear-stains and smudges, littered with words he didn't feel like reading ever again. It felt shameful to think that someone had read through all of that. To know that someone he cared for had read about the only reason he bothered to create them in the first place.

Dan didn't respond. Instead, he let the thought linger, trying not to address it.

"I know that you did," Arin said, "but it's fine. I knew you'd figure it out some day. I just thought it would be because of me."

"That's why you made me. That's why you tried to hide me away. I get that now." Dan still didn't address the loneliness and depression Arin had been going through. The things Arin still went through, just in much lighter quantities.

Arin stood from his spot on the floor. "Yeah, I told you, they don't want me for anything other than my alchemy. They think it's a toy to make money with, just like how my father thought it was a joke. They don't take it for what it is."

Dan looked at Arin, admiring how his blonde streak glistened in the light. "What is it, really, Arin? To you, I mean."

Arin paused. He paused for a long time, longer than he meant to. The crystal from the ceiling cast a rainbow across the room as the sun rose a little farther. And Arin wondered how to phrase it. What was it really? It was magic, but it was so much more than that. It was power, but not a power to be abused. It was fun, but not a joke or something to be flaunted. It was a comfort zone. Something he knew he could go back to, even when he felt there was nothing. But it wasn't that, not fully, as his failures weren't comforting, although they were plentiful. It was something he had worked for, and now he had it, and though he cherished it dearly, he wasn't sure why.

"I think..." he started, "I think it's something... different. But in a good way, if done right, for the right reason, and by the right people. It's... something." It was more than Arin could put into words, and he hoped secretly that Dan understood. He hoped that anyone understood, but so far, no one did.

Dan closed his eyes, listening to the wind through the trees outside the cottage. He didn't really understand, but he wanted to. He wanted to feel the way Arin felt. The notebook had only made things more difficult. Arin, his Arin, the Arin he knew... He was nothing like the Arin in the writings. Not in the same ways. Dan had read the entire journal. Every entry, equation, symbol, and sketch, as well as all of Arin's personal writings. While he read, he felt like he was doing something he shouldn't have been. But he couldn't stop himself. He had to know how it had started. And the truth stung.

It was just because Arin needed something to take his mind off of the hell around him.

Arin reached for Dan's hand, lifting him from his seat. He stood for a while with their fingers interlocking. But Dan didn't smile or blush as he usually did. He stared out the window thinking about the first entry he had read.

"My life has been no more than a series of mistakes, and I know this journal is going to be another."

Arin didn't notice Dan's silence, and instead had other matters on his mind. He turned Dan to face him, holding the base of Dan's chin in his hand. He smiled, not noticing how Dan's eyes were clouded and on the brink of tears. He didn't notice how Dan was so worried about him. Instead, he spoke.

"If we're going to get you back to normal, we have to start soon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin held Dan's hand gently, leading him to the table in the room Dan had first been created in, the room he had come to consider his own. Across the table laid several blankets, worn and ragged, that he used to turn the table into his bed. It wasn't much, but it was what he had. Bits of quartz still sat in the corners, and shards of glass and other materials from Holly's spell still stuck in the grains of the wood floor. A thin layer of dust no longer covered the floor, as the room was now being used full time by Arin's new partner. Dan found the room comforting, having spent the majority of his time there. He didn't know much outside of that, and it seemed to him like it was the only place he'd ever truly made his own.

There wasn't much else in it, but he had managed to bring in a few flowers from outside, placing them in little jars and setting them on the floor. Arin had once suggested that he kept them all on the wide windowsill, but Dan spent too much time sitting there, leaning against the window and looking out at the sky, for him to want to clutter it with other things. That was his place.

That was why Arin chose to bring him there.

Arin's voice was calm and persuasive, and he ran his hand along Dan's back as he spoke. "Just take a seat, make yourself comfortable. This should be easy."

Arin knew it wasn't going to be easy. He knew that it would take much more out of Dan than he wanted. Arin wanted to perform tests on Dan to try to figure out what went wrong, what triggered his transformation. Why he had become normal. He wasn't sure exactly what needed to be done, but he was going to do his best to figure it out. With him, he carried his notebook and a box of several different tools, none of which had he allowed Dan to see. As he set everything down, Dan climbed up onto the table, sitting cross-legged and awaiting his next direction. The box rattled as Arin nudged it beneath the table, bits of glass and metal glinting in the sunlight that shone through the window behind them. He smiled as he looked up at Dan, the gesture a lie to both himself and Dan.

"As long as you stay relaxed, things should go by relatively quickly." Arin sighed. "We'll get you back to the way you were, I promise."

Dan's chest hurt. Just a little, just enough for him to notice. He wasn't sure why he had changed, and he wasn't sure how he would change back. His brown hair and eyes made him fit in with everyone around him, which was the only thing he had wanted. He wanted to blend in, to fade into the crowds of people. He wanted to avoid drawing attention to himself and Arin. All of Arin's stories had been of people who would do whatever they could to take him away and show him off like some sort of zoo animal. He was scared for his own safety when he looked the way he did. Though Arin had shown him just how lovely it was, it didn't feel safe. He felt it would be better to look like everyone else. Nothing special, nothing extraordinary. Just another human being.

But Arin thought differently. He was concerned that it had been purely selfish, that he had been too focused on the way his partner looked and not the other aspects of the relationship. However, thinking back on the events leading up to this moment made him think the opposite. He was concerned for Dan, not himself. Dan had shown worry for his own safety, and Arin couldn't let that happen. When he had first shown Dan how the shimmers of the night sky and the beauty of the stars above them paled in comparison to his own, he was met with warm and joyful eyes and peaceful blushes. When he told Dan just how much he cared for him and how he was willing to do whatever he could to keep him happy, Dan was flattered. Now, Dan had lost his signature glow and chilled skin. Dan had lost the things that made him who he was, the person Arin had fallen in love with.

And both of them wanted it back.

Dan's eyes darted around the room, looking for something that would tell him more about what was going to happen. He eventually was brought back to Arin, who now stood beside him with a small vial and a thin metal pin. The light danced off of the two pieces, reflecting back into Dan's eyes. He flinched, bringing his hand up to shield his vision.

Arin extended his hand to Dan. "I have to try this first. I'm sorry."

Dan wasn't sure what was expected of him. He stared blankly for a moment before speaking up. "What are you trying to do?"

"I have to figure out the composition of your blood. I just need a bit, just the prick of a finger and a few drops. Just enough to test." He motioned for Dan's hand again, taking it in his own. "I have to see how it reacts to different substances. That should help me figure out what I can try to do to reverse this."

"You don't even know what caused it yet..." Dan recoiled as the pin broke skin, the cold metal piercing the tip of his finger. He bit his lip to distract him from the pain. "How can you fix it if you don't know the issue?"

Arin watched as drops of blood hit the bottom of the vial, splattering up the sides. He retracted the pin from Dan's flesh, forcing more blood to flow. "I figured we could just get the hardest part done first. I know how you are with blood. Don't pay to close attention to it."

Dan felt hazy as he watched his own blood drip, but he wanted to stay alert for whatever came next. After Arin had gotten what he assumed to be enough, he plugged the vial and set it to the side, tending to Dan's wound. It was barely a mark, but he still wrapped it in cloth and tied it up, stopping the flow and keeping Dan from being distracted by it.

"I also need a few strands of your hair for DNA and keratin analysis," Arin said, reaching for Dan's head. "So if I can just grab a few of those..." Arin plucked the pieces quickly, dropping them next to the vial of blood.

Dan thought about how happy Arin had been to learn that he would let Arin fix him. He thought about how the two of them had cried on each other's shoulders as they worried for the future. All he wanted was for Arin to be happy. "Do whatever you need, as long as I can watch."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arin dropped bits of blood into several different beakers, splattering as they hit the bottom, each set in a line along the floor beside Dan and his table. From his box, Arin pulled jars of various substances. As he dropped those into the small pools of blood, he took quick notes, flipping through pages of his notebook, jotting down quick and scribbled jargon. Some fizzed slightly, others did nothing. Some caused color change, making it a slightly lighter or darker shade of red. Nothing seemed to make perfect sense, though he kept writing, set on figuring it out. The same went for the strands of hair. He tested each with a different thing, trying to figure out how to regain their glow. Some he soaked in a mixture similar to that of his original attempt, some in Dan's own blood, many in new and different mixtures. He was willing to try anything at this point, and rushed to find any sort of result.

Arin slammed his fists into the floor where he was sitting. "Nothing makes sense! This mixture is the same as the one I originally made you with, Dan! This should be working!"

Dan's voice was soft. "You'll figure this out, I know you can." The charms hanging from his clothing jangled as he shifted.

"That's the thing, Dan! You believe I can do this. I know for a fact that I Can't. Fucking. Do. This. You don't replicate error. You don't somehow make the same mess twice, ok? This is almost a reverse monkey's on typewriters situation, ok, Dan?" Tears started to fall, sinking into the fabric of Arin's cloak. "I can't make the same mistake twice..."

The word didn't hurt anymore. Dan had accepted it for what it was, and he no longer allowed it to sting as much as it had in the past. He knew that his appearance had been a mistake, he knew that he had been a mistake. He wasn't sure why Arin cared so much, but as long as he kept caring, Dan would do his best to tell himself that everything would turn out fine, and that there had to be more to it all than he was able to see.

"Arin... you'll be ok." Dan leaned from his spot on the table, resting his hand on the other man's shoulder, toying slightly with his hair.

Arin's tears stopped, but only for a second. "I don't think you get this." He sighed, pushing Dan's hand away. "You still don't... How... How do you not fucking get this?! I can't keep doing this... not the way I have been, Dan! You keep saying that I'll be ok. You keep saying that things will be fine. And I made you a god damn promise, I told you I'd do my best to make sure things would be fine." Streaks of tears streamed down Arin's face, leaving damp spots on his cloak where they fell. "I can't make promises like that! No one can. Life doesn't work like that, Dan! Life? It's pretty damn fucked. And sure, what if I'm fine? I'm not convinced you will be... and I don't think I can live with that."

Dan crouched beside his partner, leaning his head in the crook of Arin's neck, the feathers of his cape bending under his weight. For a while, he didn't speak. He let Arin's breathing relax and his tears cease. He looked at the beakers all set out along the floor, the way the blood and glass shimmered in the light, and how the various other things Arin had mixed them with stood out amongst the deep red. Dan wasn't used to the harshness reality yet. He wasn't sure if he was used to anything, really. Though he had asked Arin to explain things before, Dan still felt as though he had to be missing things.

"I don't want you to be bothered with a promise you can't keep, Arin... I just want you to be happy." Dan didn't know how to help, but something about those words seemed right to him. "I want you to know that I care about you, just as much as you seem to care about me."

Arin froze, his face flushing slightly. His hands stiffened, and he gripped the fabric of his cloak instinctively. He wanted so badly in that moment, as he had in many moments before, to tell Dan that he loved him. To tell Dan just how much he really cared. He wanted so badly to pull him close, look deep into his eyes, and say the three words that would spark something more amazing than he could've hoped for. But he knew that those same three words would also spark curiosity and be met with only ignorance. So he couldn't do it. Not then, not without first somehow explaining what it meant. And he couldn't bring himself to do that either.

"Dan, I care about you, too. I care about you more than you know. And that's what scares me. I'm scared that I'll slip up and you won't be around for me to care for anymore." Arin ran his hands through Dan's hair, the strands coarse against his calloused hands. "And I'm worried that, by trying to figure this out, that slip up could come sooner than I'm willing to let it."

"You're allowed to care, and you're allowed to worry. But please, don't let this drive you crazy. I'll be around for a while, Ar." Dan sighed, lifting his head and looking at Arin, making sure their eyes met. "What I need is for you to be here for me."

Arin smiled, wiping his eyes with the rough fabric of his cloak. "We need each other, then, huh?" He leaned his forehead against Dan's, letting the shades of brown of their hair mix.

"That's what guyfriends are for, isn't it?" Dan leaned closer, feeling the heat from Arin's face radiating onto his own. He felt the scruff of Arin's beard against his chin and flinched slightly, the sensation triggering an emotion he didn't have a name for.

Arin still wasn't used to the term. He still knew that Dan didn't know what he meant, and was really just throwing words around without meaning. But something about it still made him feel things he had never felt before, even with his previous lovers. Maybe it was the way Dan said it, the innocence and naivety in his voice. Maybe it was the look in his eyes when the words spilled from his lips, the ways they always seemed to shine, even without their opalescence. Maybe, he thought, it was purely the emotion behind it. Maybe it really was love.

Even if it was, Arin refused to speak of it. Instead, he laughed, still looking into Dan's eyes as they leaned against each other, faces almost touching. "Yeah. I guess that's exactly what guyfriends are for."

As Arin spoke, Dan felt his hot breath against his own lips. Arin's hair fell into his face, and Dan pushed it to the side, tucking it behind his ear and letting his fingertips run along the silky strands. They were much softer than his own, and he would've loved to continue running his hands through Arin's hair as Arin had so often done to him. With Arin's face so close to his own, he pulled away slightly, just far enough to readjust himself. Then, with a single motion, he placed his lips briefly on the space between Arin's eyes, the corners of his mouth being tickled by Arin's eyebrows. He heard Arin's breathing hitch and pulled away again, staring curiously at the other man's blushing face.

"Did I... did I do something wrong?" Dan held his hands in his lap, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together anxiously, stroking the sheer fabric of his cape.

Arin smiled, then took Dan's nervous hands in his own. "Of course not, Danny. You're wonderful. I'm sorry for how I've been acting lately, I really am."

"You were scared, I get that. It's ok to be scared."

For not knowing much about the world, Arin had noticed that Dan often had more insight than himself. "You've said that, but no matter how many times I hear it, I can't believe you. It can't be used as an excuse for me freaking out on you. Especially not over something so... so trivial."

Dan pulled his hands from Arin's grasp, tugging at his curly hair. "This? This isn't trivial, Arin. I only wanted to stay like this because I thought it would make you happy if I looked normal. I thought if I looked like everyone else, that we would be able to go out and see other people without you feeling like you had to protect me. I don't... I don't want to have to be protected, Arin." Dan's voice shook slightly as he said those last few words, and he let his head hang.

"Dan?" Arin cupped Dan's face in his hands, lifting it to meet his own. "Danny. It's ok. I'll be here with you. And if you want to do things on your own, I'll do my best to make sure you're safe. I'll make sure you're ok, alright?"

Dan's lip quivered as he blinked away tears. He nodded, his head moving in Arin's hands. "You promise?" His voice was demure, barely audible through his worried breaths.

"Of course, dude. I promise." Arin dropped his hands, and Dan leaned into his shoulder. He felt a slight dampness from Dan's tears, which continued to grow as he felt his partner's shoulders shake and his breathing shift. "Hey. Cry all you need, alright? I have been." Arin chuckled, resting his hand on the small of Dan's back, petting him lightly, trying to soothe him in whatever way he knew how.

Dan's voice was muffled from being tucked in the fabric of Arin's cloak. "I want to be starry again, but you said that would get us both in trouble... Arin, I don't want you to be in trouble. I don't want to be taken away."

Arin had seen men carrying crates of mutated animals before he had moved to the forest, and he could only guess what would happen if they got a human in their grasp. Experiments and black market sales and anything else they could think of. The world was cruel, and he had somehow managed to teach Dan that early on. Now, the man he loved was worried for his own life, simply because of the way he would be viewed by everyone else. He was willing to change his appearance to fit in, just so the two of them could stay with each other. Just so they could both be safe.

And Arin couldn't have that.

"I'll be here, always. I'll make sure you're safe." Arin didn't like making promises he didn't know he could keep. But he was more worried about his partner's mental health than anything else. "No one is going to hurt you. Not while I'm here."

Dan continued to cry, as his worry was deeper than he had been aware of. It was a relief just to let it out. "And what if you're not, Ar? What if I end up on my own? What if I want to be able to do things without needing someone following me around all the time?"

"You'll be safe. I'll find a way to keep you safe. For both of us."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Arin?" Dan's voice was quiet, and he wiped his eyes as he sat up, rubbing dried tears from his face.

The two had fallen asleep on the floor of Dan's room, each leaned up against the other. They were still surrounded by the vials and beakers and other such tools Arin had intended to use on Dan. However, the blood had since dried, and things had been knocked over in their sleep. Pale moonlight cast shimmering rainbows as it refracted through the glass scattered around the room, and the metals Arin had brought in were glistening faintly.

Arin sat up abruptly upon hearing his partner's voice, and he ran his hands across his face to wake himself up. "God, it's so late now... shit, Danny. What'd we even do?" Arin laughed to himself, looking at the tipped over containers and wondering how they had managed to make such a mess.

Luckily, Dan's flowers still stayed in their jars, safely pushed against the walls. The petals had closed for the night, but they were still flourishing, though having been moved to an environment they weren't used to. Through the rippled glass windows, Dan caught sight of the fireflies, dancing in the moonlight as they often did. A few had grouped together, following each other as the spiraled higher into the sky, fading against the background of stars.

Dan looked wistfully at it all, seating himself on the windowsill as he had done almost every night. "We didn't get my shimmer back, did we?" Dan's voice sounded almost sad, but it was difficult for Arin to tell.

"No, Dan... We didn't. I tried, but... I don't know what went wrong. I don't know how to fail twice." Arin clenched his teeth, drawing in a sharp breath. He spoke quickly, trying to go back on what he said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to phrase it like that, I just-"

"No. You're right." Dan looked towards the other man, his eyes droopy and tired. "The first time was a mistake. I read what you wrote. You... weren't upset. So neither am I, I guess."

Arin stood, slowly making his way to Dan's place in the window. He stayed standing, but leaned against the wall. "The best things can come out of mistakes, you know. A lot of things in life, Dan, are pretty fucked. But that's one of the things I appreciate."

Dan didn't know how to respond. He had read all of Arin's entries. He knew what Arin lived through, what he saw and dealt with. What he tried not to have to deal with. Instead of commenting, he grabbed at Arin's hand, pulling it close against his chest. He ran his fingers against Arin's knuckles, the callouses and burn scars meaning more to him now than they had before.

Arin felt Dan's heartbeat through his shirt, the rhythm comforting. It reminded him that things, somehow, would turn out fine. Dan was alive and well, and although he didn't look like the Dan he had met that night, standing amidst the shattered glass, eyes and hair shimmering in the moonlight... It was still the same man. The same man he had fallen for when he first saw him, and the man he had spent every day since then trying to keep safe and happy. He had made a promise, and he hoped to keep it by any means necessary.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~