Chapter Text
This place is a desolate shithole, she thought. Jo sat staring out over the sand into the night over the flames of the campfire in the middle of the Western Approach. Sand… sand for as far as the eyes can see. The most appealing part in this whole place is the reflection of the moons off of the oceans of sand, she thought. She loved that this world had two moons and the feeling of the moons energy caressing her skin was powerful and relaxing.
Seeing the twin bright orbs in the sky surrounded by stars untouched by pollution was breathtaking. Magic is everywhere Goddess and I am a part of it, she thought, thankfully as she gazed up into the night gathering the stray strands of the fade around her like a cloak. Sighing deeply, her mind turned back to the inner turmoil she had run around in her head for two weeks. There must be a way to get everyone out… I don’t know if I can decide someone’s fate like that… I will find another way, she argued with herself silently.
Solas stood next to their tent from across the camp and watched her sitting on the sandy ground with her arms wrapped loosely around her knees. She is drawing the very magic of the fade from the air around her, he thought as he watched her skin slowly begin to glow. She is so beautiful with her hair swaying with the night’s breeze. Her face turned towards the sky, bathing her beauty in the moonlight and his heart expanded with emotion at the sight. He had worried about her since they’d left Crestwood. Her silence on their trip to the Western Approach had been rough for everyone. Her normal positive, talkative self, had grown quiet and withdrawn the closer they drew to the ritual tower. She will talk when she is ready, he gently tried reminding himself as he watched her relax at the fireside.
Jo could feel his gaze on her from across the camp. Finally turning her revolving questions off and sliding her gaze from the night sky to him over the fire, she smiled. She knew he had been worried about her lack of conversation as of late but she just wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. Tomorrow they would go to the Tevinter ritual tower and she hated what she knew they would find. Dead Wardens, enslaved mages with their new pet demons, and of course, Lord Erimond the douche canoe.
Frowning in thought, I need to tell him about what we will find there and how it will lead us to the Warden Fortress called Adamant, she thought sadly as the change of events to come unfolded in her mind and her thoughts turned back to Adamant and the fight with the Wardens.
What she needed to do was come up with a plan to get Hawke and Stroud out of the fade together. No, what you really need to do is stop thinking about this and talk with Solas and Cullen to come up with a plan after all this shit is over, she chastised herself knowingly. If she didn’t include them in her planning, they would be angry with her… again. Besides, she had promised that she would never shut them out like that again. They are really not going to like the danger I will be in, she thought.
Solas sat down next to her and pulled her into the crook of his arm, enjoying the feeling of her weight against his side as she laid her head against his chest. Kissing the top of her head, he spoke quietly as he absently rubbed her back feeling the tension radiate from her so much that it affected how her magic caressed his own.
“There has been a constant frown on your face for two weeks, vhenan. There is much you have not spoken of yet and the weight of this on you is clearly hurting you. Vhenan, please… let me share in your burden.”
Jo smiled sadly with his pleading and laid her hand on his thigh, gently squeezing the strong muscle conveying her fear of what’s to come and drawing strength from the simple action and from him.
“It will be… horrible, ma’lath,” she said in a breathless rush. “This mage is despicable. His duplicity will be what angers me… I… I don’t know if I can allow him to escape so events will happen the way they are supposed to,” she explained, taking a shaky breath.
Solas listened and finally began to understand where her mind had been wandering for the past couple of weeks and ran his hand up and down her arm in a comforting motion.
“Explain to me what will make this mage so despicable to you, ma’lath.”
Jo snorted and began using her fingers to count each issue she found offending.
“Besides siding with Corypheus? One, he is using blood magic to bind the mages and create a demon army which we will get to see just a few of them tomorrow. Two, he is the one that convinced Clarel that killing the warriors and rogues, exploiting their blood so they could create this demon army and march into the Deep Roads to kill the Old Gods, was the only viable way to stop the false calling. Three… he is the reason I will use the mark to open a rift into the fade, four…”
Solas grasped her hand tightly, stopping her. His heart stammered within his chest with her words and his blood ran cold, causing her to stop talking as he gazed at her.
“The mark will create a rift into the fade?” he questioned quietly.
Jo nodded her head and angrily continued.
“Oh yes… his Blight infected dragon will cause the bridge we will be standing on to collapse but not before it flings Clarel around like a rag doll. Instead of falling to our inevitable deaths, I will open a rift for us to fall through, transporting us into the fade physically. This is where we will be tested…” shuddering slightly at what she could remember of the area and taking a mental route change, “it is not a good place, vhenan.”
Solas sat quietly mulling over her quickly spoken words while Jo clenched her fists angrily. Unsure how to calm down, she started pulling on the loose threads from the hem of her shirt.
“Yes… it will turn out fine… I think… maybe… fuck, I don’t know anymore. There are some things that this Nightmare demon can and will throw at me that I may or may not expect since he took my memories of coming here. That alone scares me since our group, plus Hawke and Stroud will be there and they don’t know about me in the way that you, Cullen and the inner circle do. But overall, I think we will turn out fine except for one hiccup… which I will need you and Cullen to help me figure out.”
“A Nightmare demon?” he said with a raised eyebrow.
Jo nodded and continued pulling at the threads of her shirt.
Solas sighed slightly frustrated with her vague explanation and took a deep breath knowing there would be no point in trying to get her to elaborate any further until they were all together. But he knew whatever it was, this was the part that was weighing her down so heavily. Rubbing her neck removing some of the tension he felt there, he analyzed what she had said and couldn’t fathom why the Grey Wardens would think that killing the Old Gods would be a good idea in their fight against the dark spawn and felt his anger with their sheer stupidity.
Jo leaned her head forward and sighed with pleasure as he rubbed the tension from the muscles as her mind moved at a whirlwind pace of ‘what ifs’ connected with horrible nightmares.
“There is so much that is coming, vhenan, I worry about you... I worry about Cullen. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. Everything that is coming is going to be one trial after another… and… I don’t know…” she couldn’t continue as she turned and buried her face in his chest crying.
Solas wrapped her within his arms and pulled her onto his lap. He felt her hot tears sliding down his neck and her fear as it poured from her.
“Vhenan, shh…tel telsila.”
Jo gripped him tightly as her own fears overwhelmed her. I cannot survive without them. I’m not that strong, she cried to herself. She could see their dead bodies thrown to the ground by the demons in Redcliff and her sobs grew harder causing Solas alarm.
“Ar te'elan suledin ma sal.”
That is why she cries, she is reliving Redcliff, he realized as he ran his hands up and down her back soothingly. Staring into the fire, he watched as some of their group began to gather. When they realized what was going on, he watched Bull and Dorian go back into their tent along with Sera and Varric, giving them privacy. Cole watched and then stepped closer to them turning his head slightly listening to her pain.
“Cold, choking fear. They’re going to die… I’m not worthy… blood everywhere… their bodies… I cannot lose them again… Goddess, I beg you don’t, don’t make me undergo the loss a second time, I won’t survive this time,” he spoke quietly for Solas and waited to help.
Solas needed to get her to their pallet where she could properly cry herself out in privacy. Realizing that they were still sitting on the ground, he would not be able to lift her easily without setting her aside first. He instantly felt her being lifted from his arms as Cole picked her up so he could stand. Handing her back to him, he then walked away knowing he had helped. Solas strode across the camp to their tent where he laid her down and then put wards up for sound and disturbances before moving back to her side, lying next to her, she curled into him and gripped him tightly around his neck. Her body shook almost uncontrollably and her sobbing became louder as her fear overtook her. Solas couldn’t stop his wolf from clambering out and felt the change instantly as her sobs grew louder as he growled at unseen demons.
Jo never felt him change, she didn’t realize anything beyond her own choking fear. She held the wolf tightly around the neck, burying her face into the fur and sobbed out everything she had kept bottled up for two weeks. After twenty minutes, her crying finally began to abate into hiccups and jagged breathing along with small tremors. Rubbing his muzzle against her back, breathing in her scent, he felt her stiffened body begin to slowly relax and soon her grasp around him began to slacken and he knew she was asleep against him. The wolf in him would keep watch this evening over her demons as he closed his eyes and slept curled around her protectively.
Jo woke as something tickled her nose. Opening her eyes, she found herself staring at black fur. Well, my crazy brings out the wolf I see, I wonder when he did that, she thought passively. Moving away from the furry body of the wolf, she heard the rumble from the large animal currently taking up all of their tent space with his girth. Turning her head to gaze at him, she placed a small kiss on his nose gazing into his dark grey eyes, “I can’t sleep anymore ma’ lath, I need to move.”
Solas’s eyes followed her for a moment before he changed to his natural form. Standing, he wrapped his arms around her from behind and placed a small kiss on her neck. Jo leaned back into him closing her eyes knowing he was stalling her from leaving unsure why. He breathed her scent in and held her tightly as he spoke softly against the skin on her neck.
“Telanadas ma' lath.”
Jo sighed deeply as she heard the ring of truth to his words and turned within his arms, wrapping her own around his neck and pulling his lips to hers, kissing him slowly. Solas leaned into the kiss feeling her change in mood and glad for it. Lifting his head, he studied her eyes looking for the signs of her inner haunting and seeing nothing of her fears instead her joys were reflected from her deep blue eyes. Amazing, he thought when he kissed her forehead softly.
“Ar lath ma vhenan,” he whispered into her skin and Jo felt the chains attached to her soul tighten.
“Ar ma, vhenan,” she whispered back.