Chapter Text
Monster – Lady Gaga
Token couldn’t help but narrow his eyes at Bebe and Red as he saw them walking towards him and his friends. They were laughing and joking about something and Token was pretty sure they hadn’t seen them yet. Not that he wanted those two to notice them. He hadn’t forgiven them yet for their lies.
Before he could suggest to his friends that they should move somewhere else, Red and Bebe spotted the group. They giggled and pointed, resting their hands on their hips.
“Well, well, what’s going on here?” Bebe asked, “A bunch of lonely boys all together?”
“If we’re together then we’re not alone, dumbass,” Craig pointed out.
“Besides,” Nichole said, standing up, “It’s not just the boys. I’m here too!”
Bebe and Red stood back in horror. “Oh! Uh, Nichole! We didn’t see you there!” Red stammered.
“Uh-huh. So Token told me you girls have been telling him lies about me,” Nichole hissed. The two looked scared.
As they should be, Token thought.
“N-No! We were just joking!” Bebe insisted, “We didn’t… I mean, we just thought that maybe…”
Nichole glared at them. “Yeah, nice try,” she growled, “I think I’ll spend the rest of the festival with my boyfriend, if you don’t mind!”
Token shot them a victorious look as the two slumped away. Now that felt great!
“I don’t know what they were thinking,” Craig said with a sigh, “Did they really think they were gonna get away with all of that?”
“Well, Bebe is a class-A bitch,” Clyde pointed out, “I’m not surprised she would spread lies and rumors just to get a chuckle out of it.”
“Eh, that’s true,” Craig admitted.
“As long as they leave us alone, I don’t care what they do,” Token said, leaning back against a tree.
“AH!” Tweek added.
…
Wendy and Heidi walked along the rows of vendors, looking at their wares. They hadn’t gotten to spend any time together yet this weekend. They had both been so wrapped up with their boyfriends that they didn’t get to do anything.
“Hey Wendy! Look at this!” Heidi exclaimed, running over to one of the booths. There was a container full of handmade parasols and Heidi took one out, opened it, and twirled it around. “Don’t I look so classy?”
Wendy hid a giggle behind her hand. “So classy, Heidi,” she laughed.
As Heidi put the parasol back, she looked up and suddenly looked solemn.
“Uh-oh. Trouble is coming,” she said.
Confused, Wendy turned to see what she was looking at. Immediately, she frowned.
Gregory was coming right towards them, smug looking as ever. He even had his chest puffed out as if that would somehow make him look better and not like a pretentious ass.
“Ah! My dear Wendy!” Gregory said loudly as a way of greeting, “How good it is to see you! And for once without that bothersome, clingy boy of yours!”
“You mean my boyfriend?” Wendy growled, “Who has a name and is more of a man than you’ll ever be?”
“Oh! Burn!” Heidi called.
Gregory cast her a side glare, but otherwise ignored her. He cleared his throat. “Wendy, my darling, can’t you see that I’m so much better for you than Stan is?” he asked, “I’m rich, I’m handsome, I’m foreign! And above all, I’m not a troublemaker!”
“Oh yeah?” Wendy spat, “Because I could’ve sworn I saw you running away from our campsite last night as Stan and his friends’ tent burned down! I don’t know about you, but that sounds like troublemaking to me!”
At this, Gregory’s face paled and he swallowed nervously. “I, uh, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he stammered, “I was nowhere near your campsite last night.”
Wendy lifted an eyebrow in disbelief.
“Anyway, what’s the harm?” Gregory asked, “He got out of it all right! At least, as far as I heard.”
Wendy narrowed her eyes at him. “Have you been harassing my boyfriend again?” she growled.
“Now, now, why would I do that?” the Brit wondered, “I don’t need to ‘harass’ him, as you say. I merely go to him, man to man, and offer cheery conversation!”
“Yeah right!” Heidi snorted in disbelief.
“I don’t care how often you try to chat me up,” Wendy hissed, “I can take it! But leave Stan alone! He and his friends have enough going on without having to deal with you!”
With that, she spun on her heels and she and Heidi disappeared into the crowd. Gregory stared after them.
“I’m sorry, my dear,” he said to himself, “But that is one request I simply cannot follow. I feel rather drawn to him. And you should both know I always get what I want…”
…
“Are you feeling any better?” Stan asked Kyle after his friend had downed a bunch of aspirin and an entire bottle of water.
“Yeah, a little,” Kyle muttered. He set the bottle down with a sigh. “I still can’t believe I let myself be taken advantage of like that. I can’t imagine what would’ve happened if you guys hadn’t been there.”
“You have to stop blaming yourself, Kyle,” Stan told him, “Any of us should have seen what that whore was up to. She was so obvious.”
“Exactly!” Kyle exclaimed, “I should have known better!”
“Kyle, if you keep obsessing over what happened, you’ll never get past it,” Stan pointed out, “You didn’t get hurt. She didn’t take advantage of you. And now we all know to be extra cautious when she’s around.”
His friend let out a heavy sigh. “I guess you’re right,” he mumbled, “I have to stop beating myself about it.”
“Yes, you do,” Stan agreed.
Kyle sat up and patted Stan on the arm. “Thanks, man, you’re always there when I need you.”
“Hey, what else are friends for?” Stan said with a smile.
They both stood up and left the tent. As they exited, Cartman spotted them and walked over.
“Hey, Jew! Feeling any better?” he asked.
“Yeah,” Kyle replied, ignoring the name, “I think I’ll be fine now.”
“That’s good,” Cartman said with a nod, “It would’ve killed the mood of the fest if you had been zonked out the whole time.”
“I’m sorry, ‘zonked out?’ Who uses that phrase anymore?” Stan wondered.
“Leave me alone,” Cartman muttered, shuffling away. Stan and Kyle watched him leave before Kyle turned to Stan.
“He’s weird,” he stated, “Wanna go for a walk?”
“Yeah, sure,” Stan replied with a shrug.
They started walking towards the main stage. As they approached, Stan could see Kenny in the crowd of people, talking to a girl. He smirked to himself.
“Looks like Kenny found himself a date,” he mused.
“Good for Kenny,” Kyle grumbled. Stan frowned at him.
“Are you all right?” he asked. Kyle let out a huff of air.
“No,” he muttered, “How come Kenny can pick up girls so easily? Every time he locks eyes with one they’re instantly smitten! I’ll bet he’s gotten like, fifteen girls this weekend.”
“Actually, I don’t think he’s gotten any girls yet,” Stan told him. Kyle gave him a disbelieving look.
“Yeah, right,” Kyle scoffed.
“No, it’s true,” Stan insisted, “Kenny told me. He’s been trying to find a girlfriend, but Becca keeps ruining it for him.”
“Oh!” Kyle gasped. He looked away, slightly embarrassed, “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You don’t have to apologize to me,” Stan pointed out to him, “And anyway, Kenny usually goes for like, one-night stands. What kind of girl do you want?”
“Well,” Kyle paused a moment to think, “She would have to be smart. Not like an Einstein or anything, but clever, you know? And I’d like her to be caring and loyal. The sort of girl who would put her life on the line for those she cares about. And bold. Someone who doesn’t care what others think of her, but at the same time doesn’t take shit from anyone. A good sense of humor would be nice too. And… maybe a bit dirty minded?” He blushed. “Like, someone who doesn’t mind being sexual. And blondes are cute, but that wouldn’t be a deal breaker if she weren’t blond and…” He trailed off when he realized Stan was staring wide-eyed at him. “What?”
“Um, I don’t know if you realized this, but you basically just described Kenny,” Stan told him. Kyle’s eyes widened.
“W-What? N-No, I didn’t!” he insisted.
“You did, though,” Stan said, “You described him to the letter.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Kyle muttered. He looked over at the dancing crowd before turning back to Stan. “Besides, Kenny would never go for someone like me anyway.”
“Are you sure about that?” Stan asked. Wasn’t it just last night that Kenny declared that he would date Kyle in a heartbeat?
“Kenny always flirts with me,” Kyle mumbled, “That doesn’t mean he has a thing for me. He’s always joking around like that. Besides, we’re both straight. We wouldn’t want to date each other anyway.”
Stan gave him skeptical look but said nothing. It was probably best if he just dropped it.
…
Kenny had been dancing with a nice girl until Becca came over and purposely spilled her drink on them, forcing them both to leave to change. He growled to himself as he stomped back to camp. So, back to her petty games, huh? At least it was better than attacking his friends.
When he got back to camp, only Cartman was there, looking very bored. Kenny looked around.
“Where are the kids?” he asked.
“Huh? Oh, Wendy and Heidi came and took them to the kids/teen tent,” Cartman explained, “Apparently there’s all sorts of ‘neato’ stuff going on there.”
“Uh-huh. And what are you doing?”
“Nothing.”
Kenny shook his head but kept silent as he went inside the tent to change. He bundled his soiled clothes together, hoping Kyle or Stan would let him use their washing machine when they got home. His family’s washing machine was, well, on the fritz to put it lightly.
When he came out of the tent, Cartman was now laying on the log on his back, staring up at the sky. He looked over at Kenny.
“I’m bored,” he stated.
“Then do something about it,” Kenny told him.
Cartman grumbled something under his breath, but Kenny didn’t catch what it was. Whatever. Let sulk if he wanted to. It was no skin off his bones.
“Hey, where are Stan and Kyle?” Kenny asked.
“Eh, they went for a walk somewhere like the couple of gay wads they are,” Cartman replied. Kenny rolled his eyes.
“Was Kyle feeling any better?” he wondered.
“Sure.”
Kenny let out a frustrated sigh. “You know, you are not helpful at all,” he growled.
“I wasn’t trying to be,” Cartman sneered.
Kenny probably would have decked him over the head if Stan and Kyle hadn’t returned in that moment. Immediately, his mood lifted, though he did notice that Kyle suddenly blushed upon spotting him.
“Hey guys!” he greeted cheerfully.
“Really? Those two get a greeting, but all I get is a ‘where’s the kids?’” Cartman muttered.
Stan gave him a look while Kyle sighed.
“Ignore him,” Kenny told them, “He’s being a grump.”
“Am not.”
“So, what happened to you guys?” Kenny asked, ignoring him, “Kyle, are you feeling better?”
“Yeah, much better,” Kyle replied, though he refused to look at him for some reason. “Thanks.”
“All right, now that we’re all here, what’s the plan for dealing with Kenny’s ex?” Cartman asked, “I think we need to get back at her for what she did to Kyle.”
“Really?” Stan said, surprised, “You want to avenge Kyle?”
“I agree with Cartman,” Kyle muttered lowly, “We need to teach her a lesson.”
Kenny felt his heart drop. “I don’t know, guys,” he murmured, “You don’t know Becca like I do. She doesn’t take retaliation very well. She’ll make your life a living hell if she thinks you’ve slighted her.”
“But we have to do something!” Cartman insisted, “We can’t let her and Gregory get away with everything! Becca with roofie-ing Kyle and messing with Kenny, and Gregory for burning our tent and threatening Stan!”
Stan flinched as Kenny and Kyle turned to him, surprised. “Gregory threatened you?” Kyle exclaimed, “When did that happen?”
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Stan muttered, resisting the urge to cover his burned ear, “It wasn’t anything serious…”
Cartman scoffed. “He pulled a lighter on you!” he pointed out, “Sounds serious to me!”
“Why didn’t you tell us about this?” Kenny asked, giving Stan a concerned look.
“I’m serious, guys, it’s not that bad,” Stan insisted, “Kyle was passed out at the time. And I’m sure Gregory didn’t really mean it. He knows Wendy would never go for him if he threatened me. He’s smarter than that.”
Kenny frowned hard. It felt like Stan was hiding something, but he didn’t know what.
“Let’s just calm down a little,” he urged, “The festival ends tomorrow and after that we go back to South Park. Last I knew, neither Becca nor Gregory lived anywhere near us. So maybe it’s best if we try to just make it though the rest of the day and tomorrow, then we never have to worry about them again.”
Cartman let out an angry huff and Kyle sighed. They both looked like they still wanted to argue.
“Besides,” Stan added, “When has going after someone ever worked out for us? If anything, it always makes it worse.”
Finally, Cartman breathed a heavy sigh. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right,” he muttered.
“I guess so,” Kyle agreed.
“Good,” Kenny said with a nod, “I think it’s for the best. If we try hard enough, we can avoid seeing either of them for the rest of the festival.”
The other three muttered their agreements.
“Now,” Kenny said, clapping his hands together, “On to real topic at hand. How many people does it take to make an orgy?”
“Really Kenny?”