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Chapter Text

1:26 pm Saturday, 8 of December 2018

“Gently…” Jeno explains calmly to a very much annoyed Renjun whose face had already turned slightly pink from how much frustration the whole ordeal was causing him. “You have to be careful or you'll go flying out of the window.”

The younger grumbles but nods nevertheless. It was time to try once again, he curls his fingers around the steering wheel and breathes in sharply before pressing down on the pedal. They both jerk forward but, instead of looking annoyed, Jeno lets out a cackle.

“I can't do it.” Renjun punches the steering wheel and screams when the horn rings loudly in his ears. “I want to cry.”

“Injun” Jeno forces his boyfriend to look straight into his eyes by tugging at his chin. “It's really not hard you're just being harsh on yourself. Now, press gently. ”

Renjun nods while pouting cutely. He gets ready to push down on the pedal once more, but before he does so, he looks over at Jeno for reassurance. The other shoots him two thumbs up and a cat like smile which instantly make the younger's heart calm down slightly. That time around he does manage to make the start up smoother — at least it didn't involve them almost flying right out of the window, so that was something. He begins driving around the empty parking lot very slowly, careful to not damage Jeno's car in any way or form.

“You're doing amazing!” He coos with a big grin plastered on his face. “See? I knew you could do i-”

They jerk forward again just as a loud thud sounds from the back of the car. Renjun sits very still staring ahead at the road with wide eyes, meanwhile Jeno opens and closes his mouth a few times before coughing loudly and letting one long sigh out. The younger flinches at that, he knew he had fucked up, just how badly though, it was impossible to tell right away. He felt awful, the car was a new present given to Jeno by his parents, it wasn’t even two months old and he had already managed to damage it.

“Jeno i’m so sorry.” Renjun cries out, eyes already sparkly with newly formed tears. “Fuck i’m really sorry i told you i couldn't do it, you should've heard me. I fucked up.”

His boyfriend grabs both his hands and squeezes them while smiling gently. “Look, it's not the end of the world. The car is still working.”

“But it probably is all ruined! It sounded pretty strong.” He looks back and sees what he had hit. A tree. A stupid barely ten centimeter diameter thick tree. “Jesus. That has to create some sort of damage-”

“Injun.” Jeno calls out, voice lower than usual, more authoritarian, the usually puppy looking boy stared at him with a very serious expression that sent chills down his spine. “It's fine, really, it's fine. I don't mind and i know the more you practice the better you'll get. You're a fairly quick learner so just keep trying.”

Renjun sighs. Jeno was too nice for his own good, he still wasn't used to someone being as kind as the boy was. Everytime he fucked up, he expected to be reprimanded. But each time no such thing came. Instead Jeno would prefer to approach the problem calmly, and to someone as snappy and hot-headed as Renjun, it was something he very often needed.

“Okay.” He presses his lips against Jeno's knuckles. “We can share the reparation costs then.”

The other clicks his tongue but agrees to it in the end, seeing how the younger was not going to let go of that idea. And plus, reparations were quite expensive, he couldn't say no to some help.

Just as Jeno predicted, by the time the sun had set, Renjun could almost drive smoothly enough to pass as an experienced driver — which he had yet to become. Driving lessons would be too much of a weight on his already fairly busy schedule, plus he didn't need a car when he had a boyfriend who did.

He places his arms behind Jeno's seat and turns his head back while trying to move the car backwards. His tongue darts his tongue out of his mouth while concentrating in the task in hand, though that made it incredibly hard for Jeno to pay any attention so he could help the younger. Instead he observes the details of the boy's face highlighted by the yellow car light just above them, Renjun never looked ugly in his eyes, only beautiful and beautifuler . But right there and then, it was more than that. Renjun looked hot with his extremely focused gaze, showcasing the skills that he had learnt with more ease than a regular person would.

Jeno feels his body melt in both admiration and pure, raw attraction. He can't even worry if his boyfriend was about to smash his car against something again, his brain was solemnly set on admiring the boy as if they hadn't been dating for months already. It was just another one of those moments were it truly hit him that he was dating Renjun, the only person that managed to make his heart hammer so crazily inside his chest.

“You're staring.” The younger smirks smugly. “Creep.”

“Pay attention to what you're doing.” Jeno rolls his eyes while smiling fondly.

“Heh, i look sexy don't i?” He wiggles his eyebrows and steals one quick glance at his boyfriend. “You think i look sexy while doing this, don't you?”

Jeno chuckles but doesn't deny the accusations either, instead he leans back on his seat and changes the song. “You're an idiot.” He mumbles pretending to be too busy changing stations to answer him.

“I'll take that as a yes.”

They go around some more. Renjun had begun getting bolder, doing tricks that even Jeno still refused to try. His boyfriend constantly tells him to be more careful but the younger seemed to be far more interested in having a good time. That is, until he accidentally presses down on the brakes and almost sends them both flying out of the windshield.

“Shit.” He coughs out, the seat belt had pushed too tightly on his chest at the impact. “Are you okay?” Renjun croaks out while looking at the other who seemed to be just fine — just slightly paler than usual.

“You almost gave a full on heart attack just now.” Jeno pants then chuckles lightly. “You almost killed us both.”

The younger furrows his eyebrows in pure confusion. “Why are you laughing?”

“Defense mechanisms, ever heard of those?” He rubs his face then turns to Renjun. “I think i just shat myself.”

“Okay, gross. Too much information.”

“This is your fault, deal with the consequences.”

They both laugh, then remain silent to get over the shock. A ballad plays softly in the radio, it fills the entire car with its soft melody. Renjun perks up first and observes his boyfriend with a faint smile. “Can we go over Chenle’s before we go home?”

Jeno nods as expected — it was a rarity to find him going against someone's wishes, especially Renjun’s. “Okay, just don't kill us in the process.”

“You're the best.” The younger beams and leans forward to press his lips against Jeno's soft cheek with as much strength as he possessed. He back away with a loud wet sound that makes them both cringe. “Love you.”

“Yeah yeah, just get us home safely will you?”

He parks the car right outside Chenle’s gate and looks at the house to check for any signs of life. Light came from three windows, Renjun could recognise Chenle’s room as being the one at the utmost right of the facade.

“So.” Jeno slaps his hands on his own thighs. “Wait no-”

The car’s honk rips through the silent night just before he could even finish speaking. Renjun honks three more times then opens the window and peaks out from it. “Hello miss Zhong!” He greets with a big smile and, even if the woman didn't seem to be very pleased with the whole ordeal, she still smiles back and goes back inside. “Lele come down here.”

“Did you steal Jeno's car?!”

“No fool he's right here with me.” Jeno sneaks his arm out and waves it up in the air. “Lemme show you my newly acquired driving skills.”

Chenle shows up by the entrance not even a minute later and trots his way towards the fence like a happy child. “When did you learn?!”

“Just today!” Renjun shoots him a cocky smile.

His friend's eyes drift away from his to analyse the car that he had only seen about two times before. “Is that a bump-”

“Anyways! Watch this.” Renjun cuts him off and presses down on the pedal, though with all the excitement he had been too brusque which made the startup not be as smooth as it should've. Chenle snorts while observing the boy in action, the car goes till the end of the road and then does a U turn and comes around, stopping right at the same place as before. “Cool, uh?”

“So you can drive me around now?”

“Hey, the car is still mine.” Jeno butts in.

“You want it even with that ugly bump?!”

Renjun’s face drops, and it doesn't go unnoticed by Jeno who glares at Chenle from where he sat hoping the younger could see his face clearly enough to know he should shut up. “Not all of us shit money.”

The boy shrugs. “Valid. Plus i guess it ain't that bad.” He forces out through gritted teeth.

“Good boy.” Jeno mouth and then pats Renjun’s knee. “We should start heading home, i promised your brother i wouldn't keep you out for too long.”

The younger frowns. “I'm eighteen why should Sicheng have to give me a curfew still?!”

“You're already lucky your family lets you guys sleep in the same room.” Chenle mumbles bitterly and Jeno quirks one of his eyebrows to show he agreed with him.

“Ugh fine, lets go then.” Renjun grumbles then waves Chenle goodbye. “I'm driving us home by the way.”

Jeno does try to get his boyfriend to go in the passenger's seat but the other doesn't budge — he had held tightly to the steering wheel and threatened to honk if Jeno didn't let go of him. In the end, he wins and they finally head home (slowly as Renjun tries his best to not cause further damage to the car now that he had been reminded of his little mistake).

They only get to their destination five minutes before midnight, which just about saved Jeno from being reprimanded by his own friend.

7:46 p.m Monday,  24 December 2018

When Renjun had suddenly asked Jeno to join them for their Christmas dinner, he had not expected the other to actually say yes. It was a simple wish, a mere fleeting thought that he had somehow voiced out loud. So when the older had agreed so quickly, he couldn’t help but stare at him with pure surprise — but as it turned out, Jeno’s family celebrated Christmas on the twenty fifth which was perfect both of them.

He didn't know how to act around his family, his relationship was very fresh and there was still a big question mark hanging over everyone’s head of whether or not it would last. Though, by the time he chugs down a few glasses of wine, Renjun couldn’t be bothered of what exactly his family thought of it all.

When they finish eating, the ‘youth’ (as the responsible adults called them) moved to the living room where Renjun pulled Jeno onto the couch. And there he stays, sitting comfortably on the boy’s lap as they all comment on the program playing on TV.

As per usual, it didn’t take many drinks for his head to begin to feel slightly too heavy to be normal. He swings back and forth, unable to remain still, and then ultimately fall backwards onto his boyfriend's chest where he lays with his eyes closed.

“Hey.” Jeno whispers right next to his ear. “You wanna go to bed?” Renjun grumbles something impossible to decode and snuggles closer to the other. “You big baby, answer me.”

“What…” The younger whines then cracks one eye open. “We can't go, still gotta open presents.”

Jeno sighs then nods, he had totally forgotten about that small yet important detail. He wraps his arms around the boy's smaller frame, pulling Renjun closer so he could be more comfortable, and then joins Sicheng's conversation with his cousins (all the while his boyfriend snored lightly on top of him).

Perfect he thinks.

Renjun stomps back into the living room with his slightly too big reindeer onesie. Jeno instantly gets the urge to get up and coo him on just how adorable he looked. The boy makes his way towards the center and flashes a few poses that make them all either laugh or awe, Jeno could only stare with heart eyes in pure silence.

Even his nose was slightly red from the remains of alcohol that still ran in his veins. It was unbearably cute. “Come here.” The older murmurs and tugs at the soft fabric. “My heart is about to burst.”

“It can't! I still want the rest of my presents.” Renjun pouts dramatically. “Especially yours.”

“Don't expect much.” Sicheng butts in. “The fact that he bought you something is already a miracle.”

Jeno glares at his friend to tell him to shut up then smiles awkwardly at Renjun. “It's not much don't get your hopes up.” He admits sadly but the younger shakes his head right away and pecks his lips to reassure him silently that he didn't care for such things. Jeno believes him.

The time to open his present eventually comes around. He watches as Renjun gets off his lap and grabs the awfully wrapped present which he knew for sure would be Jeno's — the older had sworn he had tried his best, it was his first time doing it by himself so it was only natural that it wouldn't look all that good. “So this is Jeno's.” He declares proudly to his whole family and then begins ripping the paper.

When the boy comes to an halt, Jeno worries it's due to the disappointment, but soon enough Renjun look back up at him and a big smile spreads across his face when their eyes lock. He pulls out a Moomin plushie wearing a typical painter bonet and with a little palette sown in the doll's left arm.

“Jeno.” The younger giggles and then looks down at the present again. “This is so cute.”

“There's a little extra there.” Jeno points out softly and gestures to the mess of wrapping paper by Renjun’s lap.

The other quirks his eyebrow and searches around for the extra bit his boyfriend had mentioned which turns out to be drawing materials that Renjun often complained he lacked. “You said it would be disappointing, how dare you?”

Before Jeno could answer, Sicheng joins in the conversation. “I'm surprised he didn't gift you a fucking avocado.” He says bitterly and shoots mental daggers at his friend. “Now that i know you're capable of good presents, don't dare give me half assed stuff ever again.”

“You might not wanna open your Christmas present then.” Jeno mumbles while avoiding Sicheng’s gaze.

“Jeno Lee if you gifted me socks i will kick you out this house-”

The other wheezes out a little laugh and curls into a ball just before his friend begins smacking his back for dear life.

9:02 p.m Friday, 25 January 2019

“I can't believe you've never shaven.” Jeno cackles as he watches his boyfriend smear the white foam across his cheek with far too much care.

“This is bullying.” Renjun whines and throws the remains of the substance on his fingers straight into the other's face. One big piece lands right at the tip of Jeno's nose making them both giggle childishly. “Some people are just not hairy, plus you're acting like you have much yourself. Your face are as soft as a baby’s butt.”

“That's because i shave!”

“Moustaches don't count, plus if you didn't shave that regularly you bet i wouldn't kiss you as much.”

Jeno frowns. “Good to know.”

“It tickles!” Renjun protests. “I don't like it.”

“I would kiss you even if you had a Santa Claus beard.”

“One, i doubt that.” The younger rolls his eyes at him. “Second, unrealistic. I won't ever have that big of a beard in my entire life.”

That shuts Jeno up right away. His victory smirk doesn't leave Renjun’s face as he watches his boyfriend skillfully shave his face, he knows Jeno can see him through the reflection in the mirror and was simply choosing to ignore the fact that he had lost — or allowed himself to lose, though that wasn't very plausible seeing how the older was quite stubborn.

Renjun comes closer to the sink and then moves the Gillette closer to the foam, he worries he was going to cut himself, just the thought of blood pouring out uncontrollably made him feel nauseous. “Need help?” Jeno asks gently, but the sight of the boy with half of his face covered in white was too comical to not laugh. “What are you laughing at?”

He looked genuinely hurt. Renjun’s heart squeezes in his chest and he stops laughing immediately. “The foam makes you look funny, is all.” He explains and then looks down at the Gillette in his hand. “I'm worried i might cut myself.”

Jeno nods and comes closer, he puts his own razor down and grabs Renjun’s, then holds the boy's face up so he could demonstrate better. They lock eyes in the mirror and the older smiles before beginning to explain which directions were best for the different parts of his face.

The younger gets the hang of it quickly, as per usual. However little red dots still form after he cleans the foam off his face. “Your face is sensitive, plus it was your first time. It's fine.” Jeno reassures him when he notices his boyfriend looking disappointed at his own reflection.

“I look ugly like this.” He whines while grabbing the box full of band-aids which he then starts applying onto his face.

“Nonsense.” Jeno clicks his tongue and backhugs the other, placing little pecks all across the exposed area of his nape and shoulder. When he looks up again, he finds Renjun covered in circle shaped band-aids. He tries containing a laugh but doesn't manage.

“Jeno!”

“I'm sorry but why did you think that was a good idea?”

“I have to stop the bleeding!”

“You are not gonna die from five little cuts on your face.”

Renjun hits his elbow against Jeno's stomach making the other grunt in both pain and surprise. “Whatever asshole get off me.”

“No.” Jeno shakes his head, presses his forehead against Renjun’s shoulder and pulls the boy's torso against his. “You still look beautiful, it's unbearable.”

“Sweet talk isn't going to win me over this time, stop it.” He wiggles his entire body to try and free himself. “Let go.”

Jeno whines in the back of his throat and once more begins peppering kisses wherever he could get his lips on, from his jaw to his shoulder blade, smiling mid kiss when he finally feels Renjun’s muscles relax under his touch. “I already told you, no matter what you do i will always think you're the most gorgeous person alive.”

“Whatever.” The younger mumbles under his breath.

“You know i mean it.” Jeno rests his head on the narrow shoulder and stares at his boyfriend's reflection with a fond smile. “You're blushing.”

Renjun slaps Jeno's hands and looks away. “Can we go to bed now?”

“Only if you kiss me first.”

“Okay cool i guess i will sleep standing then.”

Jeno tries locking their eyes just so he can shoot the other his best puppy eyes. “You don't wanna kiss me?” He pouts feigning deep sadness.

“God i can't fucking stand you.” Renjun grunts but twirls in the boy's embrace so he's facing him and leans forward to give Jeno one fleeting kiss.

One turns into two, then three, and then next thing Renjun knows they were already laying in Jeno's bed kissing lazily, unable to break apart. He runs his hands through the black locks and toys around with a few strands, knowing full well that that always made the older feel sleepy.

"Goodnight, annoying idiot." The younger whispers noticing that his boyfriend was slowly slipping away.

"Goodnight to you too asshole."

7:33 p.m Sunday, 9 of February

Accepting to go to party on a Sunday was possibly one of the dumbest decisions Renjun had made in his entire life, but Jeno has insisted so much that he would join him and his friends that he ended up accepting his boyfriend’s wishes.

He had it all under control, there was just about one hour left before Jeno would come pick him up. However, not even five minutes into getting ready, Chenle had called to update him on the cute boy from Lab 5. When Renjun looks at the clock once more it told him that he had less than fifteen minutes left so he hurriedly says his goodbyes to his friend and tries his best to not panic.

He looks at his wardrobe while tugging at his hair strands harshly from how stressed he was, if Donghyuck had been there with him perhaps he would've helped him find something party worthy as he had lots of experience with those sorts of things. But, as per usual, his roommate had gone out earlier to go to what he supposed was another party.

The boy assumes he would need to look somewhat dressed up yet laid back so he grabs a white shirt which he buttons all the way up then rummages through one of his drawers trying to find a pullover he could possibly throw over the thin shirt. He eventually finds one that he thought would suit the rest of the outfit nicely.

Renjun analyses it carefully and then snorts when he realises it was in fact Jeno's, there was even some leftover cologne oozing off it — though most of the smell had been replaced by his own perfume. He puts it on and checks himself out in the mirror, the pullover was slightly too big on him but it didn't look bad. Renjun felt quite cute as he moves his arms around and watches the sleeves swing about, he knew Jeno would start aweing the moment he realised it was his clothes and the thought makes his face burn. He never enjoyed being babied, but whenever that sort of attention came from his boyfriend, his entire body would melt. It was gross, really gross, but he couldn't help it.

The bell rings as he was trying his best to adorn his eyes — nothing too extreme, just a little line in his bottom eyelid. The boy squeaks and accidentally slaps Donghyuck’s bag filled with makeup supplies inside the sink, he stares at the mess he had made and cries out. One of his eyes was yet to be filled and now he had probably ruined his roommate's eyeshadow.

He runs to the door and opens it up slightly before bolting to the bathroom again, the first thing he checks is the palette which turned out to be just fine much to his luck. Renjun sighs in relief and places everything inside again just as Jeno appears behind him with a puzzled expression on his face.

“You startled me.” The boy explains. “Go eat something while i finish up, i think i might stab my eye if i do this with you here.”

Jeno snorts then quietly places one kiss in the back of Renjun’s head and heads out as if he had never been there to begin with. The younger goes back to paying attention to his eyes, hoping that the look wasn't too much considering he never used makeup. The reason he had decided to do so that evening was because Donghyuck had made him his lab rat the past few weeks, and he found he quite liked the way he looked when he was all dolled up. Of course, he could not compete with the boy's skills but he still thought he looked alright with just a tad of black adorning the corner of his eyes.

“I'm done!” He chirps while walking to the little kitchen, he finds Jeno sitting on top of the counter munching on a banana while scrolling through his phone. “Should we go?”

His boyfriend looks right into his eyes and then a wide smile takes over his previously serene expression. “Oh shit.” He breathes out and jumps off the counter so he could take a closer look at the other. “You look gorgeous.”

Renjun shoots him a toothless smile from how flustered he felt but he couldn't suppress the soft giggle that manages to escape his lips. “You should see me when Donghyuck does his tricks.”

“Well now you're obliged to take selfies and send them to me when he does so.”

“I hate taking selfies and you know it.” He clicks his tongue and tries looking away, pretending he was merely checking what time it was when in reality Jeno's gaze was far too intense for him to handle. He was too used to his boyfriend's kind, soft eyes, the new intensity was overwhelming.

“Please.” He pleads quietly then, using his index and thumb, forces Renjun to look at him again so he could connect their lips in a slow kiss.

The younger nods when they break apart, he truly hated taking selfies but Jeno's gaze was hypnotic, he couldn't say no. “Okay. Fine. Should we go now, then?”

“I was thinking.” Jeno smirks. “Maybe you can doll me up a bit too.”

“Really?!” Renjun beams and jumps up and down like a rabbit. “Yes, i’m no good but i will try my best.”

“I'll be happy with anything if it comes from you.”

“Shut up, idiot.”

Renjun wants to laugh, though he knows he shouldn't.

Jaemin, as the boy had introduced himself, was currently speaking to him with such an attentive expression that if Renjun wasn't already slightly drunk, he would've started feeling awfully flustered at the overflow of attention. He knows, in fact he feels, Jeno's gaze on him from far away but the older hadn't come over just yet. After all, it was simply a harmless conversation. Jaemin had bumped against him when he had gone to the table filled with all kinds of drinks and from then on their chattering had kept going on and on as if they had been friends for years.

Renjun blamed the alcohol, it made him confident and got rid of all the worries that would otherwise cloud his mind. If it hadn't been for it, he knew he wouldn't answer Jaemin so quickly and eagerly fearing that the other would find him annoying or even worse, desperate. There was a big chance he was annoying, he could not deny that for sure, but Renjun knew that he was far from desperate. And the constant reminder of Jeno's presence made him worry he was giving off the wrong impression, especially when Jaemin wouldn't stop glancing down at his lips in a not very discreet manner.

“By the way, i don't want to disappoint but i’m dating…” Renjun smiles apologetically but Jaemin doesn't seem phased by that in the slightest.

“Oh yes i know, i’ve seen you and Jeno around often.”

Renjun blinks back at him a few times while trying to process what that meant. Jaemin knew Jeno's name, he had even seen them around, yet he had never seen Jaemin ever before. Or at least he could not recall it. “You- Know us?”

“Course! I'm in one of Jeno's class, i see you waiting for him at the end of it.” The boy admits and sips on his drink. “Don't worry, i was not hitting on you. But can i get your number anyways?”

“What for?” Renjun tilts his head slightly with confusion.

“In case you guys break u-” Jaemin says with a serious expression, but seeing that the other had fallen for his joke he barks out a laugh. “Wow you really fell for that. Anyways, we clicked so well it'd be a pity to not see you again after this. As friends. Of course.”

The other chuckles and nods. He had forgotten his boyfriend entirely as the guilt dissipated now that he knew there was no second intentions in Jaemin’s actions and words. But he soon gets reminded of the older.

Just as he finishes writing his number down, an arm snakes around his waist and pulls him away from Jaemin. Renjun doesn't need to look to know who it was, he forces down a laugh at the realisation that he had managed to spike jealousy in his boyfriend so badly that the other had not managed to contain himself. Jaemin looks between them and licks his lips, then extends his arm so Jeno could shake his hand. It was all very cordial, calculated, and it was making it hard for Renjun to not laugh out loud at how stupid it all was.

“You're Jaemin, right?” Jeno asks, voice slightly lower than usual, and squeezes his boyfriend's waist tightly.

“That's right.”

A silence falls over the three, it was so awkward that it made Renjun shiver. “Okay anyways we were done here anyways.” He coughs and smiles warmly at Jaemin. “I'll see you sometime.”

“I'll text you!” The other exclaims, and Renjun was sure he had said that knowing the exact effect it'd have on Jeno. They share a knowing look just before the boy walks away and disappears in the middle of the crowd.

“God, Jeno, really?” The younger snorts and finally turns to face his boyfriend when Jaemin was out of their sight. “Really?”

“What?!” Jeno squeaks, looking highly offended that he was being frowned upon. “You guys exchanged numbers. C’mon!”

“You're unbelievable.”

“Stop.” He pouts childishly and then whines when Renjun keeps mocking him. “It's not my fault!”

“You're really bold, you know?” The boy snickers and goes on his tiptoes, then suddenly lightly bites the top of Jeno's nose. The older makes a loud confused noise but doesn't pull away, instead he waits for the other to stop before shooting him a look of pure confusion. “You're really bold to assume i want anyone but you.”

“Why did you jus-”

“Because i wanted to!” He giggles. “And because you look adorable, i can't take your jealous face seriously anymore.”

“You know i can't help it, you're too cruel.” Jeno whines cutely and starts dragging the younger away towards a more secluded area of the building.

“That's why it's so funny to me. You become so irrational over nothing.”

The other huffs and turns to face Renjun. “It's not over nothing though. I worry-”

“Jeno don't.” He says, seriously this time. “Just please stop, i promise you i am still as fond of you as i have been since i was very young. Nothing has changed at all.”

“Okay.” The older breathes out and nods weakly. “Sorry.”

Renjun shakes his head, he then rests the palm of his hand on Jeno's cheek and caresses the skin with his thumb. “Should we just go home? We have classes tomorrow.”

Jeno nods once more and lets Renjun guide them both out of the house into the cool pitch black night. They walk side by side silently, the younger moves his hand closer to Jeno's and then intertwines their fingers. Renjun squeezes his boyfriend's hands reassuringly just as they find the familiar black car, and then finds himself being pushed against the hood in just a blink of an eye.

“Can you say it?” Jeno whispers and then sucks on the area just below the boy's earlobe making him jerk his hips forward at the sudden contact.

“Say what?”

“The thing… Y’know…”

Renjun chuckles and wraps his arms around Jeno's neck. “You're the man of my dreams.” He murmurs softly right next to his ear and then whimpers when the other bites down on the same exact spot he had previously sucked on. “And i’ve wanted you since i was fourteen.”

The older relaxes instantly, a heavy sigh rips through the silent night and then he finally looks into Renjun’s eyes. “I love you.” His words sound so genuine, so full of emotions, that the other feels like crying with the overwhelming adoration bubbling in his chest.

“I love you too, my big doof.” Is what he lets out, making them both crack a smile before connecting their lips once more.

3:20 p.m Thursday, 21 of February 2019

“So have you guys…” Chenle blurts out while the three of them seat on the floor watching a random show Donghyuck kept on insisting was the best thing he had ever seen. Renjun furrows his eyebrows in confusion and looks at his roommate to see if he had understood the question either. “You and Jeno, you know-”

“No.”

“No?!” Donghyuck and Chenle squeak at the same time.

Their surprise baffles Renjun he couldn't believe both of them thought he would've kept such a thing a secret from either. “I would've told you guys…”

“But you've done things right?” His friend presses on. “And to be fair, everytime we mention these things you flush red. I just assumed you didn't have the guts to tell me or something.”

“Yes we've done...other things. ” Renjun rolls his eyes. “It's just awkward to talk about it, but i would still tell you. I know i would.”

Donghyuck pauses the video and turns to the other with a serious expression. “Is something wrong? Or are you just taking it slow?”

“I don't know? Nothing is wrong, we haven't discussed it that's all. Somehow it never escalated to that extent, i guess.”

“Well, it's been like six months now, it's not like you guys are not interested in that so i’m sure it'll come around eventually. I bet it's on his mind.” Chenle shrugs nonchalantly while munching on his popcorn. “But i didn't mean to stress you or anything!”

“Yeah, some people take everything slow that's normal.” Donghyuck adds and pats the boy's back soothingly. “We were just prying not judging okay?”

Renjun nods, he knows his friends well enough to be able to their intentions anyways but the reassurance still comforted him. “I know. Don't worry i didn't feel that way.”

“Anyways!” Chenle clasps his hands together. “When it does happen, you must tell us!”

“I will.” He snorts. “But no TMI!”

“Ugh boring.” The other two grumble in sync making Renjun bark out a laugh.

They go back to watching the show, but the little voice inside his head would not cease to remember him of his friend's words. Suddenly he too questioned himself what Jeno thought about the topic in general, or if he thought about it at all.

4:50 p.m Wednesday, 1 of March 2019

His classes were finished for the day. Renjun decides that he doesn't really feel like heading home just yet, the motivation to study was not there at all and his roommate wouldn't be home till later. He opts instead in paying a little visit to his boyfriend’s apartment which was nearby, chances were that Jeno was still in class but maybe Doyoung would be there so he would have someone to chat with.

He fetches the keys which were hidden in a little orifice near the door, and walks inside the seemingly empty house. “Nono? Doyoung hyung?” Renjun calls out loudly. Nothing. “Okay…”

Disappointment washes over him, but since he was already there Renjun did not feel like going out once more. Instead he enters Jeno's room and flops onto the bed where he lays unmoving for many minutes.

Chenle’s words begin swimming in his brain and he turns to face the nightstand by Jeno's bed. He stares at it as if he had X-ray vision that allowed him to figure out what was inside of it, as if the answers to the questions that kept popping in his brain could be being kept there.

Renjun doesn't like to pry, he truly doesn't. But curiosity takes over him with such intensity that he can't help but crawl closer to it and let his hands hoover above the handle. He shouldn't… But he still does it nevertheless.

Socks, boxers, a nail clipper, body cream. All things that were expected to be there, except one that stands out to him the most. It was a box with a picture that he easily recognised to be from a famous Marvel poster printed right at the center. PUZZLE: MARVEL EDITION (HARD) the bold writing at the top read.

Renjun can't help but snort at the irony of it all. He had come there looking for things that could be considered everything but pure, and yet he had found the purest thing of them all. Jeno never mentioned liking puzzles, he found it adorable that his boyfriend kept what was probably an embarrassing hobby to himself. Though the younger didn't think he should view it as something to be ashamed of, it was rather endearing actually.

He places the box of the floor and opens it. Apparently Jeno hadn't started connecting the pieces just yet, and Renjun, who loved a good challenge, felt it was his calling to be the one to finish the so called hard level puzzle. He gets so into it that he doesn't hear the sound of the door opening an hour later, the boy was far too engrossed in his task.

Jeno leans by the door with his arms crossed across his chest with a smile ghosting on his lips, rather than annoyance, the boy seems to be fond as he watched his focused boyfriend grunt whenever the pieces didn't fit together like he thought they would. “Babe-”

Renjun jumps in the air, he lets out an embarrassingly loud shriek and then looks back at Jeno worriedly — scared the older might be angry at him for obviously having gone through his things. “I'm sorry, i was so bored and nobody was hom-”

“I'm not mad. Really, i’m not.”

“Okay” The other sighs in relief. “Since when do you like puzzles?”

“I always did, they're a good way to relax when there's lots on my mind. Or when i can't study and need to feel productive somehow.” He explains calmly. “I'm gonna grab something to eat, anything you'd like?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Hot choco? With some Doyoung made cookies?”

Renjun nods vigorously. “Perfect! I was starving and i didn't even notice… I was so into this.”

Jeno takes a look and then snorts. “I can see that. It's nearly finished.”

“I can and will finish it by tonight!” The boy raises his fist up in the hair with a determined look on his face that makes his boyfriend smile even brighter.

“Mhm, play well.” Jeno giggles before disappearing, leaving Renjun alone so he could complete his task like he promised he would.

10:30 a.m Thursday, 23 of March 2019

Renjun adores the feeling of Jeno's skin scraping against his, the closeness and simplicity of it all always created goosebumps all over his body. He traces the pretty designs of the boy's tattoo with his fingertips, it had been so long but it still mesmerised him every time.

In his hazy state, as Jeno nibbled all over his neck, Renjun finds himself letting out noises he'd otherwise suppress. He doesn't care, it's his birthday and he had been with Jeno for so long, it was pointless to keep holding back things that were natural. Perhaps to him he sounded stupid, but from the way Jeno began increasing the pressure between them, it seemed the other found them to be anything but alluring.

That gives the younger a sudden confidence boost, he swallows down hard before whispering things that he would probably regret later, things that made Jeno growl in an almost animalistic manner. It was intriguing and exciting to find out he had that much power over someone, he never had stopped to think if he was capable of such a thing, frankly he just assumed he wasn't and that was the end of it.

Jeno grabs Renjun’s thighs harshly and pulls him closer then begins kissing the boy's entire face, ending the little attack with a final peck to his lips. Disappointment washes over Renjun when his boyfriend flops to his side, chest rising up and down very quickly, and remains still as if regaining consciousness. That time around he didn't want it to stop there, he didn't want Jeno to come back down from his carnal haze. So he sits right on top of his lap and grinds down defiantly, watching as his boyfriend chokes up and instantly latches his hands on his slim hips to try and make Renjun stop.

“What” Jeno croaks out. “exactly are you doing?”

“It's my birthday.” The younger stops and looks down at the other with pleading eyes.

“Yes, i know. We've established that-”

“Jeno you know what i’m doing stop acting dumb.” Renjun cuts him off immediately.

His boyfriend visibly swallows, Adam's Apple bobbing up and down prettily as he does so. He stays silent for a while, looking right into Renjun’s eyes as if searching for something. “And you're sure?”

“Yes” He confirms, tone filled with exasperation. “I am, i thought about it for weeks on end and it's my birthday, it's perfect.”

Jeno grins, fondness pours out of his eyes as he nods and gestures for his boyfriend to get off him so he could move. Renjun follows his every move, he watches as the older search for something in his nightstand and that's when he realises that he had searched on the one on the other side of the bed. He had gotten so caught up with the puzzle that he forgot to check the other.

A giggle leaves his lips involuntarily, the situation was too comical, but Jeno doesn't understand why he was finding it funny. “Oh no it's not because-” He can't finish his phrase as another giggle rips through.

“And you call me a weirdo.”

“We both are.” Renjun rubs the tips of their noses together in what his mother used to call an Eskimo kiss before actually kissing Jeno right on the lips. At first it was sweet and gentle, their lips moved together in a calming harmony. But it only takes one jerk of his hips to make Jeno become rougher, he bites down on Renjun’s plump bottom lip then sucks on it while keeping the eye contact with the younger.

Jeno pushes him lower and lower until he's hovering above Renjun, his beautiful tattoo full on display for the other to see. However he can't quite focus on it when Jeno looks so enticing with his hair dangling in his of his eyes and red saliva slicked lips parted waiting to be devoured once more. He places his hand on the back of the boy's neck to push him down so they can kiss again, and again, and again a thousand times.

Their lips never come to an halt, moving even as the older tried to manoeuvre them around. It's messy, their teeth crash here and there, but Renjun doesn't care and neither does Jeno. He's too far gone to even think about any of it, his brain could only tell him one thing and that was that he wanted more. He wanted to feel Jeno closer, the closest possible. That was all his focus was on, he longed for it like a human necessity and, perhaps in a way, it was.

Somehow in the midst of it all, he finds himself admiring Jeno in a way he had never before. It was more raw — in many ways the other did not look his best, his face was flushed red, his body covered in sweat, his hair poked in every direction possible. But he finds it endearing, attractive even, and he knew he probably looked like a hot mess himself. And that was okay, because Jeno was still looking at him like he was an angel, it was okay because both of them were far too in love to bother about superficial things such as those.

That's when Renjun realises he finds that he adores how vulnerable and exposed he feels, adores the closeness and the intimacy of it all. Because it was Jeno, and when it came down to Jeno, nothing was ever scary. Rather he saw them as new chapter of his life, something to look forward to, a promise of a future filled with surprises. And he loves it, he loves Jeno he loves life.

6:58 p.m Friday, 5 of April 2019

It was something unexplainable to him, after months and months of dating Jeno Renjun thought he could never go back to the same puppy love of before. He thought that longing constantly for the other was something of the past, of when he could not have Jeno whenever he wished to. But he could now, and yet it felt like it was never enough.

He presses his entire body down against his boyfriend's, but his brain still begs for more, to get closer, it was a suffocating sensation. One he hadn't missed at all, but he couldn't seem to get rid of it now that it had come back. "Jeno." Renjun whines as he grinds down needily.

The older grunts and stops the other by holding his hips tightly, he looks right into Renjun’s eyes and frowns. "You're acting weird."

"I want it again."

Jeno sits up, allowing the other to stay seated on his lap as he strokes his face gently. "That's not like you, something is off…"

"Why? Why do you think that?" He pouts and tries kissing his boyfriend but the boy dodges it and keeps Renjun’s head in place by grabbing it with using both his index and thumb. "Nono…"

"I'm flattered." Jeno rubs their noses together. "But i've been there before and i don't want it to happen to you."

"What are you even going on about?" Renjun cries out and buckles his hips up again searching for some sort of friction.

"Jun." The older glares at him and the boy stops right away. "You're acting like a dog in heat because sex is new and exciting but-"

"That's not it at all!"

"Think about it for a second." Jeno says sternly. "And that's fine, but we've been going out together almost everyday now."

The younger tilts his head with confusion, Jeno doesn't like the way his eyes seemed to become sparkly with a coat of tears that threatened to fall. He doesn't like it one bit, but he knows having that conversation was the right thing to do as he wished someone had had it with him when he dated for the first time. "So you're saying you're getting bored of me?"

"Not at all."

"That's what it's sounding like to me." A flake of anger lingers in his voice, Jeno wasn't scared of him but he was scared things would escalate in a way he hadn't intended.

"But it is not." He keeps his calm posture and begins stroking the boy's back in a relaxing manner. "We are our own people we shouldn't spend this much time together, we never have during our entire relationship we shouldn't start now." Jeno explains trying to put some rational thinking back into his boyfriend's head. "When was the last time you hung out with your friends? Have you even gone more than one hour without trying to text me? I noticed the change, i thought it'd go away after a week but it's almost been two now and here we are."

Renjun’s lips tremble and a small tears rolls his now rosy cheeks, Jeno hated to see him like that and to know he was the cause of it made it even worse. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy his boyfriend's presence, but he knew if they kept going like that then at least one of them would get bored. In the end, humans always long for what they don't have. It reminded him of the old example his mother used to give him when he was little, if you eat your favourite food repeatedly you grow tired of it whereas if eating it is a rarity, it remains special. It was common sense, most people worked like that, and he didn't want to turn what they had into something dull — because it wasn't.

"Okay." He finally croaks out. "I'll get going now."

Jeno frowns and tries holding onto the other but Renjun pleads for him to let go and so he does. The older watches with sad eyes as his boyfriend slams the door to his apartment closed and then deflates when he finds himself all alone with the guilt of what he could have caused with his honesty. He just hoped, with all his heart, that Renjun was mature enough to understand the point he had tried putting across. Jeno trusted Renjun, but the fear still lingered.

4:15 p.m Sunday, 13 of April 2019

It had been an entire week of pure silence from Renjun’s side and, quite honestly, Jeno felt himself losing his sanity by the second.

He scrolls past his unread messages and reaches the time where his boyfriend had been the cute clingy mess that had gotten him into that situation. "Maybe i overreacted." Jeno sighs, the urge to punch himself in the face was so immense that he's surprised he managed to resist it in the end. "It wasn't even that bad."

The boy lets his phone fall onto his bed and stares up at the ceiling with empty eyes. He considers getting up and barging into Renjun’s apartment, in the end of the day the other could not keep silent forever. If things were to end then it would have to be a two way thing, and they'd talk it out like the adults they were. The fear of rejection was far too scary however, he finds himself glued to the sheets but promises himself to do something before his birthday that was just around the corner.

Just as he was about to open Jaehyun's chat and press record to send his friend yet another audio crying about the same exact thing, a knock echoes inside the empty house. His eyebrows knit with confusion, Doyoung had never once forgotten to bring his keys with him. Plus, his classes wouldn't end until later in the day.

Jeno gets up groggily and weakly drags his feet across the floor. That is, until a series of desperate knocks come from the other side. He quickens his pace and opens the door, the shock of finding his boyfriend standing there in the middle of the hall was so big that he can't help but launch his entire body in his direction so to squeeze the younger in a tight hug. It was all so involuntary, automatic, that Jeno doesn't notice he's doing it until Renjun begins sniffing loudly and wakes him out of his daze.

He backs off him and analyses the boy from head to toe. Renjun looked like a wreck with his worn out baggy clothes and puffy face, his hair had clearly not been washed in days either. Still, Jeno's heart hammered so strongly in his cheat that the boy worried it might rip through his chest. He had missed Renjun too much.

"Renjun-"

"My grandmother died."

His words feel like a blow to Jeno's gut. Worry fills his entire body and he pushes the other inside so they could talk more comfortably. All of a sudden nothing else mattered, not even the fact that Renjun had mercilessly given him the silence treatment for an entire week. He just wanted to make sure his boyfriend was okay.

"Oh god, i'm sorry Injunnie."

"It's okay, i guess." The younger shrugs. "I haven't seen her in what? Six years?"

Jeno shakes his head and pulls the boy close in his embrace. "That doesn't make it any better."

"I guess. But it didn't hit me until now.” Renjun murmurs weakly. "I just keep having these flashbacks of when i was younger and still lived in China you know? We were so close and she's just such a kind woman, and i know she's already old so it's only normal but i just really hate that everyone's existence is fragile like that."

Jeno rocks their bodies together as if Renjun was a child, he doesn't know what to say, or if he should say anything at all. So he doesn't, as usual his actions say it all. Words were pointless.

"It made me think of you, and i am so stupid for not understanding what you were trying to tell me. I haven't hung with my friends in weeks, i even cancelled plans just to be with you." He admits mid sobbing. "I was being so childish i'm sorry, i'm sorry it took me imagining you dying to finally realise i should stop being a kid."

"It's alright Injun, give yourself some credit. You're nineteen, we're so young we can't be perfect. Adults too act childishly all the time, i'm not angry. I was just worried i had ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me."

An even louder sob rips through Renjun’s chest, the boy stuffs his face in Jeno's chest and allows himself to cry as loud as he wished. The sounds hurt, they make the older's heart break but still he keeps himself calm. For Renjun, he knew he had to.

"Thank you for being in my life." The boy cries out after calming down slightly. "I really really love you."

"And i love you right back, i hope you know that."

Renjun nods. "I told myself you didn't just because i was hurt and angry, but i know you do. Deep down i knew the entire time." He looks up at Jeno with a weak smile and raises his arm so to run his fingers through the black locks. "Just don't go."

"I promise you i am taking good care of myself." He chuckles. "I will live until i'm a hundred years old just for you."

"Good, you better." Is all the younger manages to get out before flopping against Jeno's body, he had no energy left from how mentally exhausted he felt.

The last thing he hears as sleep takes hold of him is Jeno's whisper sweet nothings against his ear like a sweet lullaby.

7:00 a.m Tuesday, 23 of April 2019

Renjun had been quite gloomy those past few days, so when Jeno wakes up on his birthday he doesn't expect anything much to come from it. At least not from his boyfriend. Perhaps he and his friends would go out for some drinks, but that would be about it. And that was okay, he supposed. He was twenty one after all, mother had always told him the older he'd get the less meaning and excitement would arise on his own birthday.

It wasn't depressing per say, but it all still felt very much dull. As he stares at his own reflection, Jeno can't get himself to smile. Not even a little bit. He feels nothing.

His phone is left unchecked, he had no energy to reply to the happy birthday wishes. He eats breakfast in pure silence, it wasn't even anything special like the meals his parents would prepare for him when he still lived with them. Still he can't quite get himself to care, not in the same way he thought he would when he was younger.

"Good morning birthday boy!" Doyoung greets and pats Jeno's dishevelled hair. "How are we feeling?"

When the other responds with a shrug and remains mute making Doyoung frown. The older doesn't say anything else though and begins doing his own breakfast to get ready for work. But, just as Jeno was about to leave the kitchen after having finished his meal, he speaks up once more. "Hey." He calls out and waits for the boy to turn around. "Don't treat your day like it's nothing just because people have put in your head adult life has to be the same old monotonous cycle. It is not true."

Jeno gives him a half smile and nods. "I just can't see what could come out today that could make it any special, but i appreciate your words nevertheless."

"Call your friends and your boyfriend! Even a little hangout would suffice, but i better not get back from work and find you home. Got it?"

"Yes, chief." He snorts and walks back to his room. Doyoung was right, he knew adult life was nothing like he had been told it be, but he truly couldn't get himself to be excited in the slightest.

It infuriated him more than anything else, but he accepts it and gets ready for his day just like it was any other day, because well, technically it was.

"Bye hyung!" He shouts before closing the door and walking down the stairs.

At least the sun was shining brightly, that alone was enough to make his mood better. Jeno opens the door to his apartment building and begins walking the same path he always did every single morning. Things seemed to be going like usual. That is until the sound of a loud car honking sounds in the distance. When he finally  looks up, Jeno finds Sicheng in his car with Renjun poking out of the window with a big cardboard that read

#HAPPYJENODAY  

21 YEARS OF ANNOYING PEOPLE FOR A LIVING PURE AWESOMENESS

i love you please never change

He barks out a laugh and almost falls onto the floor from how badly his body shook with laughter. It takes a while but he eventually manages to get himself together and waves at the two who were driving nonstop all around the roundabout. "Yah you idiots!" The boy shouts and watches as the car drives right in front of him once more. "Will you drive me to class while you're at it?"

"Why of course captain!" Sicheng shouts right back and keeps on driving until he finds a free parking lot slot nearby.

Jeno catches onto them a few minutes later, a smile seemed to have glued itself to his face from how happy the surprise had made him feel. Because it was, indeed, a surprise. He hadn't expected anything at all from anyone, so even a small thing such as that made him radiant.

"Hey." Renjun greets quietly before pecking his lips and giving him space in the back seat. "Happy Jeno day, we only speak of our lord and saviour today so please mention Jeno everytime you speak. Those are the rules."

Sicheng chuckles and locks eyes with his friend through the rear mirror. "He's totally serious, Donghyuck almost choked to death because he refused to cooperate, Jeno."

"Does it apply to me too?"

"Technically yes but i am not gonna hurt the birthday boy." Renjun stops for a split second before he adds: "Jeno."

He laughs wholeheartedly once again, and then pulls the younger close into a bear hug to show his gratitude. Jeno knew the other was probably still not at his best mentally and yet he had put time to think of something he could do to make that day somewhat special.

"I love you." Birthday boy declares, loud and proud, to make sure his gratitude was obvious. "Are we doing anything tonight?"

"If you're asking if we're getting shitfaced later today, Jeno, then you are absolutely correct. I already contacted everyone and they all said yes, get ready."

"Me included." Renjun butts in with a big grin. "All of Jeno's best mates were chill that i would join."

"Of course they are, Yuta would never miss the chance to bully you. If they said no, he'd murder them all." Sicheng snorts.

"I think you forgot something in that sentence of yours,  hasn't he Jeno?"

His brother furrows his eyebrows and then opens both his mouth and eyes wide. "Ah yes, how could i forget. Jeno, our lord and saviour."

"Isn't this a little extrem-"

"Shut up Jeno."

The best part of getting drunk with his friends was watching Yukhei become an even louder mess. Everyone else was hilarious too but Yukhei , Yukhei took things to a whole different level.

"I'm gonna stick my dick in it." He blurts out suddenly as they leave the toilet and walk past a tube hanging from the wall.

"No-" Jaehyun pushes him back before the boy even got the chance to do anything.

"I was joking!"

"Knowing you, you weren't." Yuta mumbles, words slurred from the amount of alcohol currently running through his veins. "Wouldn't be surprised if we would end up at the hospital for some weird shit by the end of tonight."

Yukhei pouts like a little child and stomps his feet on the ground, a tantrum that would've been cute if the boy wasn't a muscly giant. Everyone turns their heads towards them worriedly (probably scared they were about to get beat up by Big Foot) and Sicheng waves them all off with one of his gentle smiles.

"Behave." He says through gritted teeth and smacks his hand on the top of his friend's head. "Anyways Jeno, want some more drinks? It's free of charge for you."

"Please say no, my bank account is being drained as we speak." Yuta pleads with the best puppy eyes he could muster.

"He's already drunk enough, look at him." Renjun points at his boyfriend's goofy smile that would not leave no matter what he did to him. "He's not even reacting anymore, frankly i'm getting a bit worried over here."

Sicheng comes closer to the birthday boy and grimaces when he realises his brother was right. "Okay yeah he needs to sleep he's so out of it."

"It's probably because of the weed, i swear everyone inside this club is smoking except us. Not that we need to, i'm getting second hand highness." Yukhei giggles.

Yuta rubs the bridge of his nose in an overly annoyed manner. "Second hand highness is just not a thing-"

"You know what i mean, asshole."

"Go stick your dick in the wall and shut up."

"Alright." Jaehyun chuckles awkwardly and moves in-between them. "We all need to head home now."

Sicheng drags Yuta out of the building alongside Jaehyun who did the same with Yukhei, Renjun followed behind with Jeno who insisted on mumbling random words with no connection whatsoever the entire time.

"How are we getting home?" Jaehyun asks and looks at every single one of them for some sort of answer.

"I think i'm gonna call Donghyuck to pick us up or something."

His brother nods and turns to Jaehyun. "We could risk getting caught by the cops and have me drive us all home." He suggests hesitantly knowing the other didn't usually like infringing the law when it wasn't absolutely necessary. After all they could call a taxi or an uber instead, but it'd be such a hassle to come get the car the next day.

"Fine, but if we get caught i ain't paying shit."

They say their goodbyes, and then it's just Renjun alone with Jeno that remain. He looks at his boyfriend's shitfaced expression and chuckles, each time they'd go out together to party it seemed the older would surpass his limits and go wilder. But since it was his birthday, Renjun doesn't nag him for it.

"When… Home?"

"Hyuck is on his way."

Jeno hums and puts his head on his boyfriend's shoulder (with a bit of difficulty as the other was slightly shorter which made the entire process slightly uncomfortable). "Thank you Injunnah."

"For what?" He pinches Jeno's nose with a loving expression, making the other begin sniffing loudly like he would whenever he'd go near any cat.

"Being the best boyfriend ever." The older mumbles lazily and then sneezes loudly. "Fuck, i knew you were a cat! Don't touch me i might get allergies." He squeaks and flinches away.

Renjun pushes himself on top of Jeno and relishes the way his boyfriend cries out like he was being stabbed in the gut. Dramatic fool he thinks fondly. "Meow." He says cutely before kitten licking the boy's cheek.

"Ahh!" Jeno shout and moves all of his limbs about to try and get away from the other, his drunken brain seemed to have forgotten that he had the entire parking lot to run away from Renjun. It was amusing to the almost sober boy that kept poking his boyfriend and laughing at the dramatic reactions he'd get.

"Hey idiots!" Donghyuck calls out for them. "I want to sleep so get in here quickly."

It's a perhaps seven meters walk from where they stood to get to the car but Jeno still manages to almost fall about three times in the meantime. Donghyuck filmed the entire thing with a mischievous smirk — he was definitely going to use it later on to tease Jeno and Renjun wasn't going to try and stop him either.

The older flops onto the backseat and his boyfriend follows right after, he places Jeno's head on his lap and motions to his friend that he could start driving. "If one of you dies because you're not following the safety procedures then that's none of my business by the way."

"We go out together!" Jeno blurts out extremely loud. "Death with Injunnie or no death!"

"I would go for no death-"

"No death!"

Donghyuck turns back for a split second and then begins laughing so loud Renjun was sure anyone out in the streets could hear him. "Man your boyfriend really is something else."

"Yeah thanks." His friend replies feigning annoyance, all the while stroking Jeno's face like he was the most precious being alive — which he was, to Renjun at least. "I'm aware."

The older closes his eyes and cuddles closer to Renjun so he could be in a more comfortable position. Silence falls inside of the car, and since it was already late night so barely any sound came from outside either. It was pleasant especially after so many hours of abusing his ears with loud music.

Renjun catches his boyfriend mumbling something under his breath and leans in closer to hear what Jeno was saying in his dreams. "Death with Injun or no death…" He catches by luck in the midst of a mess of slurred phrases.

A smile spreads across his lips, he stares at his boyfriend's face relishing the fact Jeno was his and nobody else's. Renjun wasn't a very possessive person per say, but the little reminder warms his heart in an indescribable way.

"Death with Nono or no death." He whispers right next to the boy's ear hoping that even in his dreamy state Jeno could somehow hear him.

3:49 p.m Friday, 31 of May 2019

The sunrays peaked through the curtain and illuminated the room making it far more lovely than its usual dull state — Jeno had put zero to no effort in transforming it ever since he moved in.

Usually in a sunny day like that, Renjun would nag for them to go out for a walk, maybe grab some ice-cream. Jeno, however, being the couch potato he was, had imprisoned the younger in his arms and whined relentlessly until Renjun allowed him to have his way. Meaning they'd stay inside playing on his boyfriend's xbox.

Renjun isn't the most fond of such things, he barely knows how to play, but it doesn't take him very long to get competitive. Everytime he'd manage to beat Jeno (a rarity), he'd begin shouting and jumping up and down like a rabbit in pure bliss. Jeno didn't care, he found it endearing more than anything — and to be frank, Renjun was still pretty damn bad so he didn't felt threatened, he even let his boyfriend win on purpose once or twice just so he could see the boy’s face lit up once more.

“I'm getting so good at this, you better watch out.” Renjun boasts, Jeno smirks but remains quiet. It only takes five seconds for the younger to die, five seconds . “That was just bad luck.” He huffs when the other snorts. “It was! Stop laughing!”

“I'm not.”

“I CAN SEE YOU SMILING.”

Hours go by, Doyoung leaves them some toast to eat and rolls his eyes when they barely thank him as they were too concentrated on trying to kill each other. Renjun had become highly irritable due to his lacking of kills, his infuriated and desperate screeching became so annoying that it took Doyoung nagging him about it with his bitch face to finally shut the younger up. After that the boy had decided to let out his anger on the nearest pillow, smacking it over and over again with his tiny fists — that was when Jeno thanked the Gods above that Renjun didn't have the strength to actually hurt someone, his temper would've gone from entertaining to scary if that had been the case.

“We should sto-”

“No! I must win again.”

Eventually Jeno does put an end to it all, much to Renjun’s demise. He tries putting up a fight but the older easily grabs his thin wrists to make him stop, it wasn't often that he would use his authoritative gaze on Renjun but he deemed it necessary then. “Injun.” Jeno sighs. “You need to stop now. I shouldn't have let you go on for this long in the first place.”

“I'm not a baby.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

He heads to the kitchen with the dirty plates and begins cleaning them silently. It felt wrong to be harsh on the other especially knowing he was still sensitive after what had happened, but it would probably be worse to let Renjun let out his anger in that way. Jeno hadn't even realised how much frustration he had kept in until then, it was impossible that the younger had gotten so carried away simply due to his hatred for losing.

Another sigh escapes his lips, he heads to the living room once more and finds Renjun curled on himself staring at the black screen — or better yet, staring at his own reflection. “Babe.” He calls out softly and kneels behind the other so he could wrap his entire body around him. “I'm sorry if i was harsh.”

“You really weren't.” His voice comes out so frail, so sad. Jeno's heart squeezes in his chest.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Renjun shakes his head then lets it fall until his forehead hits his knees. For a while nothing could be heard but the sound of music coming from Doyoung’s room, Jeno runs his hands up and down his boyfriend’s arms while placing kisses in the back of his head occasionally.

Suddenly a soft sob rips through Renjun’s chest, it was as if a dam had been opened after that. The boy's entire body shakes as he cries it all out, Jeno could only hug him tighter to try and comfort him the best he could.

“What's wrong, what's wrong Injunnie?” He murmurs while rocking their bodies back and forth in a calming manner. “What's gotten you so upset?”

Renjun could only shake his head and cry louder in response. Jeno doesn't press on, he knows it'd be best to wait in silence until his boyfriend calmed down enough to speak. Time goes by slowly, and then sleep starts taking over him as the boy's cries fade away. He keeps rocking their bodies together the entire time and doesn't stop even when Renjun finally croaks out something inaudible.

“What did you say?” Jeno kisses his cheek gently and then pets it with his knuckles.

“Everything is going to shit.”

“Define everything.”

Renjun grunts then tries smacking himself but gets stopped midway by Jeno who had already seen his boyfriend do it before whenever he felt he was to blame for something. “I feel so unmotivated, and i don't have an excuse. Mom knows i wasn't close with my grandma anymore so she won't take that as an excuse, and she's right, it isn't.” He grinds his teeth together, but Jeno soon grabs his jaw to make him stop. When Renjun puts his hand over Jeno's, the older retrieves his own to let him keep talking. “But my grandma's death made me think so badly about so many things, it isn't about her per say.”

“What do you mean?”

Renjun searches for Jeno's hand and begins toying around with his bony fingers. “Death. That's what this is all about.”

“Injun…” The older whispers worriedly and curls his fingers around Renjun’s index.

“No i don't want to die.” He promises and chuckles when Jeno visibly deflates. “But life is so awfully pointless, i feel it is. The only time i feel anything is of any worth is when i am with you or my friends.”

“That's normal. As long as you feel alive sometimes, i think many people end up not finding anything to live at all.”

Renjun shakes his head. “But what's the point of me studying, putting effort into such useless bullshit? I could die tomorrow, what would my work amount to?”

Jeno frowns. He hadn't put much thought into those things before, rather he saw life as something to follow through without much questioning. Study, work, have fun with loved ones, maybe kids, then enjoy the remaining of life before death. And that was okay by him, he wasn't there to mark Earth, that wasn't his purpose and he knew it. All he wished was to be happy, to die knowing he had lived a good life.

Renjun’s train of thought diverged from the mindset he had kept all of his life, and suddenly he didn't know what to say either. “You should do what you love, be in the course you love enjoy what you do. Instead of seeing it as useless, if you enjoy doing it then there was a motive for you having done it. No? And if you are to die tomorrow, you have left an impact on others. It isn't useless.”

“Others die off too.”

“Even big historical figures are forgotten. You may mark the Earth massively and yet you won't be forever remembered. That is okay.” Jeno finally crawls in front of his boyfriend to look at him straight in the eye, in that way he felt his message could truly pass across. “Think about it. Think of how many people are born everyday, how many die too. How many are living currently. We are nothing but a piece of dust even in our own planet, we are nothing in an universal scale. But still we are here and we are a product of a miracle, the probability that someone else entirely would've been born in our place is enormous. Yet here we are.”

A single tears rolls down Renjun’s rosy cheeks, but Jeno could see a shift in his attitude. His shoulders sag down and his eyes soften, finally it seemed Jeno had managed to get him to listen. So. he keeps going in hopes of changing his boyfriend's mind further.

“I don't know why we are alive i don't know our purpose. I guess it's up to us to find one.” He smiles softly and wipes away the new tears falling from the younger’s eyes using his thumb. “I already found mine, i live to love and to be loved and i am fully content with that. I wanna strive to become someone better so i can love others harder, their happiness is mine. I don't care if my impact is at a small scale, really i don't. I will die knowing i have done something with my life even if, technically, i will be forgotten since the scale of my doings is far too small to matter. That's okay, as long as i’m satisfied.”

Renjun gets up suddenly and walks towards Jeno's room. The other trails behind curiously, he follows his boyfriend with his eyes as the boy grabs the guitar gaining dust by the far corner of the room and places it on top of the bed. “Do you know any song?”

“I know three or four.” Jeno blinks a few times before picking it up and sitting on the the bed. Renjun crawls behind him, lays down then wraps his arms around the boy's torso so to pull their bodies closer to each other. He rubs his face against Jeno's shirt and inhales the familiar scent just as the older begins toying with the strings.

The soft melody fills the room, Jeno hums the lyrics under his breath with his eyes closed and his head nodding slightly at the beat. Renjun watches it all, tears begin forming once again but not out of sadness. He couldn't quite place the exact emotion running through his veins, but it didn't matter in the end.

What really mattered was that for the first time in weeks, life felt worth living once again. And maybe his agony would return again and haunt him down, but he knew Jeno would be there to talk him out of it. The mere realisation that he had Jeno by his side for the worst and the best already made life seem brighter, more worthwhile.

Renjun figures that, until he finds his true motive to keep on living, loving Jeno would suffice.

1:31 p.m Saturday, 22 of June 2019

They were roaming around the Seoul streets when Jeno spots a crowd beginning to gather ahead. None of them knew what it was about but their curiosity won them over and so there they were now, squished in-between a sea of bodies not knowing why exactly.

“Get on my shoulder.” The older says and taps his shoulders when Renjun shoots him a puzzled look. “So you can see what's going on.”

Jeno crouches down and waits for his boyfriend to get on, Renjun considers saying no but ends up putting his legs over the wide shoulders and allowing himself to be lifted up high like a child.

He squints his eyes. There was a group of people apparently parading, what they were celebrating he couldn't tell but it looked like they had gotten themselves in some religious gathering. “Uhh babe.” Renjun snorts. “I think it's something religious.”

“Wanna get off?” Jeno asks and the younger nods, he enjoyed knowing the other could lift him up but the unwanted attention of being so up high wasn't something he particularly enjoyed.

Once he's back on the floor, he gets ready to walk away from the crowded mess but Jeno grabs his wrist to stop him and pulls him closer once more. Renjun furrows his eyebrows at him in response “You wanna stay?!”

“Why not? Got a better plan?”

“I got about a thousand better ideas than watch a parade for something i couldn't care less for.”

“I wanna find out what this is about!” Jeno presses on and intertwines their fingers before shameless pushing through the crowd towards the front. Renjun tries apologising to everyone around them but the people still looked unsatisfied — which was understandable, he too would like to punch them if he were in their place. His boyfriend didn't seem to care less however, he was set on figuring out what was going on.

They don't quite reach the front, a loud almost bomb like sound rings in their ears and makes them stop in their tracks. It didn't exactly sound like a gun and nobody around them seemed to panic, which meant it was all part of the whole thing. “What the fu-” Renjun’s voice gets muffled by a series of the same gun noises which he concludes to be fireworks. Stupid, useless fireworks.

He finches and clings onto his boyfriend for dear life, it was pathetic but the noises were so loud and repetitive that Renjun couldn't help but feel he was under attack. Jeno seemed to be pretty calm about it all though. “It's just fireworks, Injunnie.”

“Yeah okay, loud ones.”

“That's because we are super close to them.” Jeno smiles down at him while gently stroking his back. “You wanna go?”

Renjun nods weakly with a little pout ghosting on his lips as he does so. And who was Jeno to resist the cuteness of it all, his heart was far too weak.

They pass by the same people they had just pushed through, Renjun smiles awkwardly at them as Jeno guides them and hopes he would never see them ever again in his life. Seeing from their expressions, Renjun knew he'd get punched square in the face if that was to happen.

Finally the sea of people comes to an end. Jeno pretends to wipe sweat off his forehead making them both chuckle like children. “Whew, we made it.”

“Thought we'd die in there.”

The sound of fireworks was still relentless going on in the background, Jeno could see the way Renjun flinched every time the loud noise filled the air and frowns. “Wanna go back to the apartment, it's almost six now.”

“My feet hurt anyways, and we've barely eaten today. So yes please.”

“Hmm,you're right.” Jeno pokes Renjun’s nose and grins. “What are we eating today, chef?”

“Anything that is not ramen sounds good to me, Donghyuck and i have been too lazy to eat properly for a week now… That's all my stomach has been filled with this entire time.”

The older clicks his tongue. “That's no good, we gotta make a whole full course meal then.” He clasps his hands together and rubs them against each other with a overly malicious smile. “I already have something in mind, we can go to the supermarket nearby my apartment on the way.”

“Should i be excited?”

“Why of course! I've been practicing my skills just for you.”

“I don't know how i haven't gotten food poisoning by now.”

Jeno pinches Renjun’s cheek with far too much strength making the other hiss loudly. “Be nice or i will simply cook you some basic ramen.”

“Ow okay Jeno oppa i love your cooking so much!” The younger coos in an overly high-pitched voice.

“Oppa?” Jeno quirks his eyebrow up and smirks.

“God don't tell me you like that.”

“Maybe.”

“I'm breaking up.”

All was good. That was, until the sky decided to make rain start pouring down on them out of the blue. It was June, nobody walked around with an umbrella especially when it had been fairly sunny not even two hours previously. And the worst part of it all was that they were still at least half an hour away from reaching Jeno's apartment.

“This Is some sort of Karma.” Renjun grumbles. “It has to be.”

The boy sighs loudly when his foot lands on a considerably deep puddle making his entire right foot become soaking wet. The sensation was terrible, but somehow he was beginning to get used to it. It had been many many years since he had allowed himself out in the rain long enough for it to feel like he had taken a shower out in the streets. It triggered the inner child in him to the point where he began giggling loudly for no apparent reason.

Jeno watches him fondly, there was not an ounce of judgment in his gaze. “What's so funny?”

“Not sure.” He giggles even louder and flops against his boyfriend's chest, the wet shirt muffles his laughter ever so slightly.

“I always think of rain as God pissing on us.” The older blurts out and then smiles when his boyfriend barks out a loud, genuine laugh at that.

“Your brain.” Renjun tries breathing in and out properly to calm himself down but fails miserably as another laugh rips through his chest. “It's odd, i love it.”

“You sound drunk.”

“I know. But i am not. Maybe the ramen is affecting my system.”

Jeno cups his boyfriend's face and begins leaving kisses all over Renjun’s small face, he makes sure every bit of skin had been touched by his lips and then finally connects their lips. Raindrops roll down their faces down to their lips as they move against each other in a sweet yet fiery manner, it was as if it was their first kiss all over again. So needy, so possessive, like Jeno feared the other would slip through his fingers like sand.

The kiss comes to an end when a car honks in the distance making them both flinch away. Renjun looks all around them to find the culprint, it wouldn't be the first time someone would try to bother them with their homophobic bullshit but thankfully it seemed that had not been the case that time around.

“We're soaking wet.”

“In God's piss.”

They both laugh, the joke wasn't necessarily all that funny but for them it sure felt like it was. And it was okay if it wasn't, neither of them cared for their image around each other anymore. Nothing Renjun did could make Jeno's eyes stop glinting with love, and vice versa. It was freeing to be their truest form unapologetically like that, like being drunk without the alcohol running through your veins.

Jeno's apartment was warm and cozy, Renjun’s body relaxes instantly. “Shower?” The older suggests and he nods.

“Do i get to use your clothes after?”

“Yes.” Jeno snorts as he opens his wardrobe and looks inside. “What will you steal today?”

Renjun looks inside as well and, after some seconds of scanning his options, opts on snatching Jeno's hoodies with mitch matched yellow and red sleeves. “Perfect.”

Inside the bathroom, his boyfriend had already started undressing and preparing everything they'd need such as towels — Doyoung usually left everything in place already but, as he was off on vacation for two months and Jeno could not be bothered to keep such routines. “Sorry for the mess.”

“How do you survive without Doyoung?” He jokes while eyeing Jeno's tattoo, he traces the shapes with the pad of his finger as if he was seeing it for the first time while the other spoke.

“Man i honestly underestimated how much he does for us both, i mean we are both lazy but we have all these things set up and now i have to do double because he isn't here. Except I don't do them, and it's chaos. Obviously.”

Renjun finally drifts his attention from the inked arm towards his boyfriend's face. “Frankly i expected that you would've set fire to the apartment already.”

“Have some faith in me will you?”

“You make it hard to sometimes.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and goes inside the shower. “Coming or not?”

There was a time where the thought of being so exposed to Jeno seemed unthinkable, not that he hated his body but he wasn't proud of it either. Too lanky, too scrawny, too this, too that. Jeno never looked at it with anything but adoration, or simply didn't acknowledge it especially at times like those where it didn't matter if they were naked or not. The point was to shower and get into bed to watch Netflix as soon as possible, Renjun doesn't even think for more than a fraction of a second before throwing his damp clothes on top of Jeno's and following his boyfriend inside the shower.

“Will you come by often now that Doyoung is away?” Jeno asks as he massages his own scalp with shampoo.

“Is that an invitation to get laid, Lee Jeno?” Renjun smirks.

“Perhaps.”

The younger cackles loudly and slaps the boy's bicep. “That's not even a question though. Chenle is off to Dubai or some fancy place like that, Donghyuck and you will have to deal with me for the entirety of this summer vacation. I would be up on your ass even if you didn't want to.”

“I would never say no to having you in my ass-”

“I SAID ON. ” Renjuns squeaks and huffs when Jeno throws his head back in laughter. “Idiot.”

“But did i lie?”

“I will shove this shampoo in your mouth.”

Jeno bats his eyelashes and moves closer to his boyfriend's face, so close their eyes became crossed. “I'd rather you'd shove something else.”

Renjun doesn't waste a single second before smacking his shampoo filled hand right on top of Jeno's mouth. The look of pure horror in Jeno's face was gratifying, he couldn't feel a drop of guilt as he watches his boyfriend spit out the remains of the product.

“You're so mean.” The older growls after having made a throughout cleansing of his mouth to make sure he wouldn't die from contamination.

“You were asking for that one.”

“No i was asking for dick actually.”

“Seems you haven't learnt your lesson.” Renjun glares.

Jeno presses his lips tightly together so his boyfriend could not repeat the same attack of before and wiggles his eyebrows. The childish banter was no news to either, it would be odd for there to be none in fact. And even if Renjun was seemingly annoyed, Jeno knew better than that now. He could see the way the other’s lips twitched threatening to turn into a smile.

Renjun steals another glance at the older and rolls his eyes. He couldn't believe he was head over heels for an idiot like that, but above all he couldn't believe he was just as much of an idiot as Jeno was.

A match made in heaven indeed, who would've thought.

11:02 a.m Sunday, 8 of July 2019

The intense sunrays slipping through the curtains hit him straight in the face and stir him awake. Renjun grumbles and hides his face the best he could but the damage had already been done, he couldn’t get himself to fall asleep again.

His hand roams around the bed as he keeps his eyes closed, desperation almost hits but then he finally feels something which he assumed was Jeno in the far end of the bed. The older giggles when Renjun travels his fingers up and flickers them just below Jeno's ribcage. “Stop tickling me!” He pleads between giggles and then turns to the side so he's facing his boyfriend. “Morning beautiful.”

Renjun snorts then punches Jeno's chest lightly. “Your breath stinks close that mouth of yours.”

As per usual, Jeno doesn't waste any chance he could get to annoy the younger. He opens his mouth wide and breathes out through it right in front of Renjun’s face, which in turn makes the other begin screaming as if he was being attacked.

Jeno slams his hand over the boy's mouth to muffle the sounds, he looked so distressed that Renjun couldn't help but laugh loudly. “Idiot the neighbours will come check if something is wrong. What if they think i’m raping you?!”

The younger says something from behind the strong hand but it came out as a series of indistinguishable sounds. Jeno hesitantly takes his hand away to let him speak but keeps it close in case Renjun decided to start screaming again. “You are. You're raping my nose with that breath of yours.” He teases with a wide grin.

“And you say i’m childish.”

“We both are. That's the beauty of it.”

Jeno rolls his eyes and gets up groggily. “Anyways don't expect me to make you breakfast after all this.”

“Jenooo.” Renjun whines and bats his eyelashes, but to no avail. Jeno had already set his mind on something, and when that happened there was just no going back.

They sit in silence parallel to each other while stuffing themselves with their breakfast. Renjun had not bothered to prepare anything special so he sits crossed legged with his packet of cookies and a bowl filled with milk to its very brim. Jeno gave up on making himself a proper breakfast as well not even a second after he had taken out a pan to scramble some eggs, in the end he too opted in filling up a bowl with his favourite cereal instead. And so there they sat lazily, with their half-assed breakfasts and morning hair.

It wasn't an unusual sight, Renjun already found himself comfortable to look his worse next to the other from previous sleepovers. Though the memories of him running early morning to Jeno's toilet so to fix himself up before his boyfriend woke up were still very much fresh in his mind. He could only laugh at them now and how foolish he used to be. Jeno never once looked at him in a way that made him feel unattractive, it had all been pointless.

Even then, when their eyes lock, Renjun could see Jeno's eyes glint with pure adoration. He can't help but mirror his expression, because even if in all honesty Jeno did not look his best, he still found him oddly attractive. His face was puffy, slightly oily even, and his hair could pass as a Naruto cosplay. Yet, Renjun still gets the overwhelming need to lean forward to place a short kiss on the boy's lips. Which he does without a second thought.

It's casual, natural, he loves it.

“You're thinking.” Jeno points out as he picks a spoonful of his cereal and shoves it in his mouth.

“Indeed” Renjun snorts then looks out through the little window onto the buildings ahead. The sound of chatter and cars was peaceful, even the odd honkings here and there brought him a sense of comfort. He loved being over at Jeno's more than anything, especially when Doyoung wasn't around and they could pretend they already lived together in their own little apartment. “I know it's so early, but if things go well, would you wanna live with me?”

Jeno's face lits up instantly, his eyes turn into crescents as he displays his infamous bright smile. “Of course! I would do it right now if i could.”

“Isn't that too early?” The younger chews on his lip while staring at his bowl so to run away from his boyfriend's gaze.

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “I don't really care, it's not like it can happen anytime soon but if it could i would definitely go ahead with it.”

Renjun remains silent as the wheels inside his head turn, and then after a minute or two he lets out a loud sigh. “You don't worry that we might breakup?”

“Should i?”

“No!” He shrieks and shakes his head so violently Jeno thought it might fly off. “That's not what i mean, i just i don't know? We are so young i feel all around me couples don't tend to last like that, yet i keep thinking of all these long term things i hope to do with you. But i don't even know if that's realistic, I've never been in love until now… So i feel like a fool that's getting carried away, but the thought of us breaking up ever makes me sick to my stomach.”

Jeno looks at the younger as he rambles, his eyes don't leave Renjun’s face the entire time and then, when the other stops speaking, he extends both his arms so to intertwine their fingers. He squeezes the boy's hand reassuringly before bringing Renjun’s knuckles close to his mouth to press his lips against them. “Babe, listen to me.” Jeno starts but doesn't continue until Renjun is looking him straight in the eyes. “I get it, it also makes me feel uneasy to dive in so carelessly into a relationship, i don't think i’ve ever been in love before you came along either. But i’ve done my fair share of breakups and i can tell you life does move on even if you think that person was the one, and if we are not meant to be then that's alright. For now though we are together, and i think that's all that matters.”

The younger’s lips begin to tremble and he drifts his eyes away to stare at the kitchen's wall. He breathes in shakily then nods and turns back to Jeno, his eyes were sparkly and red, a tear already threatened to fall from his eye. “I just hope it lasts. I'm so happy that it scares me? It feels happiness like that is bound to end, it feels so fragile.”

“It is fragile but i trust us to take care of this with all we've got so it doesn't break. I trust you.”

Renjun nods, a single tear rolls down his cheek but instead of a frown he's grinning. “Sometimes i realise how rare this is.”

Jeno chuckles. “Pretty damn rare.”

“That's why it ending makes me physically sick.” The other murmurs and tightens his grip on Jeno's hand. “I trust you too.”

“Focus on the now, the future is none of our business. I'm here now, am i not?”

“You are.” Renjun breathes out before dragging his chair back and practically jumping on top of his boyfriend — and almost knocking his bowl to the floor in the process. “And you're mine.”

“I am.” Jeno wraps his arm around the boy's waist to pull him closer before connecting their lips in a sweet, slow kiss. “And you're mine too.”

“I am.” Renjun giggles against his lips. “Hopefully forever.”

11:12 p.m Friday, 27 of September 2019

Mixing his friends with his boyfriend always ended in pure chaos, but Renjun still kept on insisting on putting them together in the same room even it meant he would get a headache from how annoying they were. He leans back on his seat while they argue heatedly about which artist was most fitted to the “nations angel”, it was highly amusing, though he kept an eye open to their body language. If one of them decided to throw fists because they didn’t agree that Park Jihoon was Korea’s baby angel, then they’d never be allowed back inside the bar and that’s be disgrace as it was his favourite.

“Twice are clearly Korea’s baby girls what are you on about?” Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “You two keep saying all these men deserve the angel title, that’s pure bullshit.”

“Park Jihoon literally made the entire nation fall for him in produce 101.” Chenle argues.

“He’s a kid compared to SHINee.” Jeno butts in, Renjun notices the prominent vein on his neck that always popped out whenever he was stressed or angry. He just hoped his boyfriend’s impulsive personality would not get either of them into any trouble, after all the discussion was harmless but the older had already chugged down a fair share of alcohol down his throat. Not that Jeno was violent, but he often forgot his strength, just that that one time he slammed his fists against Doyoung’s Ikea table and left a pretty large crack on its surface.

“I guess that’s valid, but still i think the public doesn’t really focus on SHINee like that anymore.” Donghyuck shrugs. “Like? I see everyone hype Twice up everytime they release something, i can vomit out all their lyrics from how often their songs play in the radio.”

“Well if Twice are the Nation’s angels then SHINee are the Nation’s babies.”

“I’ll take that.”

Both boys shake hands after reaching an agreement and then drift their eyes towards a very sulky Chenle sipping on his drink pretending to not be listening to what they were saying. “Aw what a baby.” Donghyuck pokes the boy’s cheek and giggles loudly — too loudly , Renjun could tell he was already drunk.

“Then, can Park Jihoon be the Nation’s fetus?”

“No.” Both boys say at the same time.

Chenle melts in his seat with a pout and goes back to slurping on his straw (loudly, to make sure he was annoying them all as a payback).

Renjun giggles to himself. A mess, but he hadn't expected less from those three.

The lukewarm night air felt much nicer than the stuffy ambient inside. Renjun breathes in sharply and closes his eyes, appreciating the way a light breeze hit his face and cooled it down.

He hears steps and then a hand clasps around his bony shoulder. "Injun." Jeno whines.

"Is everyone ready? Can we go now?"

"They're on their way but-"

Renjun's eyebrows knit together in both confusion and worry as he watches his boyfriend fumble with his shirt. "What's wrong?"

"I just really…" Jeno grinds his teeth together. "Need to scratch my ballsack."

The scream Renjun let out was automatic and sadly scandalous enough to make people look at them with worry. The younger pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs loudly, like a dad tired of hearing his annoying child's crap for an entire day. Technically, Jeno should be the dad of the relationship, but reality was not simple like that. Drunk Jeno was worse than a five year old at times.

"Why are you telling me this? Just go do it!"

"Here?!"

"No, not here. Of course not here." Renjun grunts and then pushes his boyfriend back inside the building. "Toilet. There. And call the others for the love of God where are they?!"

He watches as Jeno disappears in the crowd and then leans against the electricity post. After staring at nothing for a few minutes, he snorts. Dating Jeno was nothing like he could've envisioned, and yet he couldn't be happier. Despite his age, Jeno was nothing more than a kid sometimes, it was never boring or dull, dating Jeno was a roller-coaster. The good kind.

"Idiot." Renjun whispers with a smile as he thinks of his boyfriend. "My idiot."

"Renjun."

He keeps on walking in silence. Jeno had latched himself to his left arm and clung onto it like a koala making it incredibly hard to walk as he was fairly heavy — at least compared to Renjun.

"Jun."

Donghyuck raises his eyebrows at them and, when his eyes lock with his friend's, he shoots him a look that quite literally translated to What The Fuck Is Wrong With Your Boyfriend?

"Injun."

Renjun finally drifts his attention to Jeno who walked with his eyes closed and spoke with a pout as if he was a kid.

"Injunnie!" He whines even louder. "Injunnah."

"For fuck sake can you please acknowledge him so he stops? I'm going insane."

"If i do that he'll just giggle and go back to being annoying not even a second later."

"Junnieee." Jeno sings off key as he squeezes the boy's bicep.

Renjun slaps the top of the older's head. "Hey Jeno that hurts stop it."

"But Injunnie…"

"Jeno!"

Jeno does let go with a huff like a child being denied a piece of candy. "Fine! You're mean."

"You were hurting me."

"I was not. "

Renjun tugs at his own hair strands in desperation and lets out a high-pitched frustrated noise. "If this is what having kids is like i don't know if want one anymore."

"But you said you wanted to have kids with me."

Chenle's and Donghyuck’s head simultaneously shoot to the side to stare at Renjun, their eyes were wide open and filled with nothing but surprise. "You what?" Chenle squeaks.

"I was having a moment! And i said i did, and i do but i know we are too young okay i ain't planning on anything!"

"Holy shit, Le. Watch out one of these days he will pop by saying he adopted some kid on a whim and that we gotta help changing diapers."

"I would not do that."

"Both of you are so impulsive i wouldn't be surprised, watch out for that baby fever. You're only nineteen."

Renjun growls to try and look threatening but his friends just laugh at the sight and keep throwing jokes around. Meanwhile Jeno had gone back to clinging onto his arm and mumbling things under his breath. "You three are gonna drive me insane."

"Whose idea was it to put us all together?"

"Fuck you."

Jeno kicks the door to his apartment wide open, Renjun cringes at the loud noise and then cringes once again when Doyoung's angry voice sounds from inside his room. "Jeno Lee i swear to God i will murder your one of these days."

"Okay!" The boy cheers as he drags himself across the hall while Renjun closed the door — carefully so to not cause more disturbances.

"Sorry Doyoung hyung." The younger apologises and then smacks the back of his boyfriend's head. "You're a fucking idiot."

Jeno giggles. Giggles. As if it was the funniest thing Renjun had said in his entire life. The boy lets out an exasperated sigh and helps Jeno on his way to his room. "Injun."

"What is it?" He asks, clear annoyance in his tone. Not that the boy's drunken brain would care for it, especially when Jeno adored annoying others even when he was entirely sober. The alcohol sadly only bass boosted the effect.

"I'm horny."

"Jesus Christ." Renjun rubs the sides of his head using both his index fingers and then begins taking off his boyfriend's shoes. "Could you be any more blunt?"

Jeno hums then nods excitedly, smiling so big that his eyes had turned into two thin lines. "Yes! I can!" He exclaims. "I want you to suck my dick."

"Oh my go-" The younger chokes up, his eyes fill up with tears from how badly his throat hurt. He massages his neck and tries regaining his breath before smacking Jeno's knee with as much strength as he possessed. "I want to murder you."

"Ah why?! It's nothing new!"

"Jeno." He threatens with his eyes, but of course that only fuels the boy to push further seeing that he had gotten the reaction he wanted.

"Please? You're already down there and everything."

Renjun stabs his nails on the exposed skin of Jeno's ankle and smirks when the older twitches in pain. "Are you done?"

"Babe-"

"I'm going to use all what you've said today as teasing material for the rest of your life." He shoots his boyfriend a malicious smile. "Even the ballsack thing."

"No please not that." He whines and stomps his feet like a child. "Injunnie."

Renjun simply shrugs and gets up to find a shirt he could use as pajama for the night, when he turns around after finding one of his favourites, he finds Jeno struggling to take his clothes off. "Please never get drunk ever again." The boy cries out when he realises he would have to do all the work for the rest of the night.

"No!" Jeno protests childishly then proceeds to trip on his own shoe and fall onto his knees with a loud thud. He whimpers in pain, but Renjun doesn't feel an ounce of pity. "Help."

"When i signed up to date you," The younger growls as he helps Jeno back onto the bed so he can help the other undress. "i didn't think i was signing up to babysit a man older than me."

"But you love me." Jeno says quietly, and he sounds so unsure that Renjun can't help but want to drop his cold act and hold him close. "Don't you?"

"If i didn't i would've left this apartment by now, trust me."

"But can you say it?"

The younger looks up at his boyfriend and snorts, a gentle smile spreads across his lips at the sight of the other looking like he was about to tear up. It wasn't very often that Jeno showed emotional vulnerability like that, it wasn't surprising that his deeper worries were surfacing like that in his drunken state.

"I do love you, idiot." He assures him. "Now be a big boy and help me get that shirt off you."

Jeno complies with the widest grin in his face, and maybe dating was an hassle especially when your twenty one year old boyfriend loved acting like he was a toddler, but Renjun knows he wouldn't trade what they had for anything in the world.

12:59 a.m Monday, 4 of November 2019

“I am not drinking that.” Renjun grumbles as he stares at the soup his roommate had just prepared specially for him. He appreciated the gesture, but the sight of it was making his stomach twist so badly he thought he might puke.

“Dude! I even asked my mom the receipt, it does wonders.”

“Thanks but i think i’d rather die either way.” He pushes the bowl away, but the way his friend's face drops hurt his heart far too much. Renjun grunts before grabbing the spoon, he couldn't believe he was about to put himself through that just to see Donghyuck smile. “If i die of food poisoning, you cannot have my stuff. Don't touch a single thing.”

“As if you would have any power over me to make sure i’d follow through with that.”

“I'm tasting this terrible soup for you and this is how you treat me?!”

The other shrugs with a smug smile on his face, and maybe if Renjun wasn't feeling so weak, he would've put him on choke hold so he'd taste the pain he was feeling. Instead he chugs the awful thing down, hoping that it would at least make him feel better afterwards like Donghyuck promised it would.

Just as he shoved yet another spoonful of the soup in his mouth, the sound of the door clicking open echoes inside the quiet apartment. They both furrow their eyebrows at each other while listening attentively to the sound of the sudden visitor’s footsteps, there were three people apart from them who had the house key but Renjun still felt agitated as if it could be a potential robber — which was awfully irrational but his mind often went places it shouldn't.

Donghyuck puts the soup in the table nearby and grabs Renjun’s hand, they both stare at the door waiting for the intruder to walk in. Which he does just a few seconds later. Renjun instantly lets out a sigh of relief seeing his boyfriend’s familiar face pop up in his camp of vision.

“Idiot! Who said you could just walk in like that?!”

“You di-”

The younger shrieks so he doesn't have to hear what Jeno had to say and then extends his free hand in the boy's direction. “Why did you come by?”

“I just felt like it honestly.” He shrugs then, noticing something was clearly wrong, frowns. “What's wrong?”

“Just the flu, i think.” Renjun smiles weakly. “I was about to ask for a kiss but i guess that's out of question.”

Donghyuck gags loudly and then gets up. “I hate couples so much it's unreal.”

“Yeah okay bastard when you start dating that Canadian boy of yours we can talk!”

“That's never happening but go off!” His friend shouts already from afar. “Enjoy babysitting him, Jeno Lee!”

“I will!” Jeno shouts right back with a big goofy grin. He then looks back to his boyfriend and gently pushes the brown locks back to display Renjun’s forehead. His hand rests there for a second or two before he frowns once more. “Yeah… It's pretty bad. How are you feeling?”

“Kiss deprived.” Renjun clicks his tongue, faking discontent (well, truthfully, he was truly bitter about it). “The pains have gone down, i’m fine but Donghyuck keeps me chained up to this bed and i guess i get to have an excuse to rest now so whatever.”

Jeno snorts and nods. “Okay, that's good.” He looks around while humming and then turns to the boy again, his eyes sparkled with excitement. “Can we watch a movie? Yukhei recommended this one to me and it looks awesome, i think you'd like it too.”

How could Renjun say no to that when Jeno was looking so animated, when his whole face radiated like that? He was a sucker for Jeno Lee, what could he do but accept it? There was no turning back anymore.

Midway through the movie the door slams open starling them both and almost making the laptop fall onto the floor. Donghyuck barges in with his go to smug expression and then rolls his eyes. “Ah come on i knew you guys were vanilla and all but to take Netflix and chill seriously is almost too much.”

Jeno chuckles at that and Renjun finds the nearest pillow he could get his hands on to throw at the boy's face. “I can't believe you're disappointed because you didn't walk in on us fucking.”

“I half expected this boring outcome.” Donghyuck sighs dramatically and throws the object back. “Anyways, not that you will, but don't do anything i’m literally next door and won't leave until six.”

“Okay, Hyuck.” Renjun rolls his eyes and pinches Jeno's arm when his boyfriend giggles.

The older looks up at Donghyuck just as the boy was about to leave and tilts his head like a confused puppy. “What is that? On your face, i mean.”

“Jun tell me your boyfriend did not just ask me what a facemask is.”

“Listen,i swear he takes care of himself it's jus-”

“I can't believe this.”

“I know it's a facemask, i just wanna know what it's for.” Jeno tries explaining himself then realises he sounded even dumber after. “Like… Hair?”

Donghyuck and Renjun whimper simultaneously, which Jeno assumed was a sign that he had yet said something stupid. “You do exfoliate your face at least, right?” The other nods and Donghyuck sighs in relief. “Okay, at least that. This one i have on is for pores, cleaning them and shit, just basically gets rid of all the dirt that i don't want.”

The movie gets paused. Clearly Jeno was far more interested in learning about personal hygiene than if the main lead was going to get through with his mission or not. Renjun didn't mind, he found it endearing to see his boyfriend so into those things. The next thing he knew Donghyuck had already began spreading the black substance across Jeno's face to show the older how it felt.

“Beautiful.” Renjun snorts when Jeno looks at him and poses with a layer of facemask covering his face. “I want it too.”

Donghyuck shakes his head violently. “No way, i don't want you getting out of that bed to wash your face afterwards. You have to stay warm!”

However much his friend tried, Renjun always found a way to get what he wanted. So he waits for him to finally stop chattering with Jeno and then turns to his boyfriend when they're finally alone again with the best puppy eyes he could muster. “Jenoooo.” He whines while batting his eyelashes.

“You're unbearable.”

“Pwease.”

“ Unbearable. ”

And that's how he ends up with Jeno sitting on his lap, one hand holding the flask and the other busy spreading the substance all over Renjun’s face. His fingers move slowly and carefully as if the other was made of glass, both that and the concentrated look on Jeno's face was making Renjun want to grab his boyfriend’s face and smack their lips together. But he doesn't, he'd hate himself if Jeno would get sick because of him.

“Done?” He asks when Jeno sits motionless staring at him with a smirk.

“You look like an idiot.”

“Have you looked at yourself?”

They both laugh and then Jeno gets up to put the flask down. He picks his phone up to check himself using the camera and begins laughing once more, when he's done laughing at his own face he turns to Renjun and snaps a few pictures of his boyfriend who could very little to stop him. “I'm sending these to your mom.”

“ MY MOM? ” He shrieks. “Why do you even text my mom?”

“She pays me to take care of you, i thought you knew.” Jeno clicks his tongue. “Not very much for all the hassle you create but i’m a poor student, i’ll take it.”

“Shut up and get back here, i’m getting cold being here all by myself.” Renjun whines while impatiently patting the space next to him.

“Do i get paid extra to serve as heater?” The older teases while crawling back into bed and snuggling next to his boyfriend.

The other flicks his forehead and feigns annoyance. “You get paid with a foot up your ass.”

“And Hyuck says we're vanilla. Unbelievable.”

“God plesse shut that mouth of yours.”

7:51 p.m Tuesday, 21 of January 2020

The sun had already set when Renjun finally finished his project. His stomach grumbled loudly begging for some sort solace and on top of that his ears were buzzing from the constant noises that had surrounded him since nine in the morning. He wishes nothing more but to be in bed, stomach full, body smelling of his new lemon body gel and with no other sound than his own breathing accompanying him.

A ding sound snaps him out of his daydream, he snatches his phone from his pocket and instantly smiles seeing who the message had been from.

jeno :}

is it done already?

He types his answer quickly and goes back to admiring the night view all around him, the almost deserted streets and sparkling lights calmed his soul after a long day working nonstop. Another notification sound comes from his phone once again stirring him out of his thoughts.

jeno :}

can i pick you up?

Renjun cogitates on it for a few seconds but already finds his fingers ghosting above the letter ‘Y’. He knew that no matter how tired he felt, time spent alongside Jeno was not something he thought he could ever refuse. So he does what he should've not and accepts the request, then sits on a bench nearby waiting excitedly for the familiar car to arrive.

It doesn't take very long, it actually catches the boy by surprise that Jeno had managed to get there in about ten minutes. “You need-for-speed your way over here or what?” Renjun teases as he sits down, leaning against the seat with a sigh of relief.

“Maybe.” Jeno's eyes turn into crescents, a sight Renjun adored above anything else in the entire world. “Where to?”

“Food. Please i just need food.”

“I think i just went by a Burger King but you don't really like fast foo-”

“ Anything. Anything at all is good right now i think i’m about to pass out.”

Renjun didn't need to repeat himself, Jeno presses down on the pedal and off they go, need-for-speeding their way around town.

It shouldn't be cute, but seeing Renjun devour the burger like he hadn't eaten in days was oddly endearing. Usually the younger tried his best to keep some manners, though Jeno had more than once told him to let go of old habits considering how long they had been dating — all to no avail. For the first time Jeno felt he got to see Renjun as he truly was, his simple form when he was all by himself. The sight didn't phase him in the slightest, it actually made his heart grow fonder.

“You're staring.”

Jeno hums unbothered. He couldn't care less if he looked creepy, afterall Renjun was his boyfriend, he had the right to admire him whenever he felt like it. “Satisfied?” The older asks with his head resting on the palm of his hands.

“Very much indeed.” Renjun almost moans out and then proceeds to shove the remains of the burger in his small mouth — which proves to be a difficult and messy task, but he manages nevertheless. His chipmunk cheeks slowly disappear, but in the meantime Jeno had already pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of it which he refused to delete since it was “too cute”.

“Grab your drink.” He orders after all the fries vanish as well, and Renjun follows without questioning it. They head back to the car in pure silence, it's only when they're both sitting comfortably inside that Jeno begins talking. “You love the stars, right?” The younger doesn't need to reply, Jeno was probably more than tired of hearing his rambling sessions about the universe. “I thought we might check them out for real this time.”

Renjun raises his eyebrow at him but doesn't utter a single word, instead he lets Jeno guide them wherever he wished to. He watches as the building flash past them, the lights become more and more scarce as they keep going, fields after fields stretched in the horizon after a while and then they finally seem to get to their destination.

The older stops the car at the side of a large field and turns to Renjun with the corners of his mouth curled up smugly. “Let's go.” He gestures for the other to follow him.

There was already a path laid out for them from other people having done the exact same route as they were, making it easier to navigate through the tall overgrown plantations. Renjun holds on tightly to Jeno's hand and observes his boyfriend under the full moon, a smile spreads across his face as a wave of adoration strikes him right in the chest. It was almost unbearable how much he wished to stop Jeno, turn him around, and kiss him until his lips bled — all that from simply seeing his back view. He could almost not believe how whipped he still was after so long.

Finally the weeds begin diminishing in size until they reach a plain field, but Jeno doesn't come to a halt, instead he keeps going in the direction of the trees ahead. Renjun has no clue where he's being led to but he doesn't ask questions either, he was quite enjoying the guessing game Jeno was putting him through if he was to be entirely honest.

“This has been shown to me by a classmate ages back.” Jeno finally says breaking the peaceful silence. “I think it's beautiful.”

They go inside the little woods, that's when Renjun notices the lake in front of them. There were little trails leading towards it as well as little hiding places where people obviously came to lit up bonfires. It was indeed one of the most beautiful places Renjun had seen, it was so secluded, it almost like he had entered a new world.

“It's so…” He breathes out and trots down one of the paths to get nearer to the water, the stars reflect perfectly on it due to its stillness. “You come here often?”

“Not anymore.” Jeno shrugs then sits on one of the trunks that was lifeless laying nearby. “We used to bike here, the first time they challenged me to bike through the motorway i almost shat myself, not gonna lie. But it's pretty deserted around here so nothing ever happened.” He looks up at the sky with a ghost of a smile. “We would camp out here then head back home first thing in the morning.”

“Your mom let you do this?!”

“You think she knew? They all thought we were sleeping over at each other’s, and somehow they never caught up onto us.” The older snorts, Renjun could see the nostalgia dancing in his eyes and so he decides to observe the place in silence so Jeno could have his little moment without any disturbances.

If it had not been for the full moon, the sky would've been filled with tiny shiny dots. But either way, it was beautiful, and the few stars that managed to outshine the moon were already enough to take his breath away. He observes every single detail that his eyes could capture, making sure to engrain the view in his brain for the future.

“Hey starboy, i’m getting cold over here.” Jeno blurts out and does grabby hands like a small child.

Renjun chuckles lightly but doesn't waste another second away from his boyfriend, he sprints back up to where the other was and sits on his lap. They stare at each other in silence, like they often did, and then Jeno leans in to place a curt peck on the boy's lips. “Starboy, uh?” Renjun smirks while rubbing their noses together.

The older grazes his teeth on Renjun’s bottom lip after kissing him yet again and then nods. “Fitting, don't you think?”

“I suppose so.” He giggles while twirling a strand of Jeno's black hair around his index. “What would you be then? Gamer boy?”

Jeno laughs loudly at that and then shrugs. “It wouldn't be wrong, that's for sure.” He pokes Renjun’s nose lovingly making them both giggle simultaneously, like two kids that found the smallest things fun to laugh at. But it didn't matter how childish they were, didn't matter if to an outsider they looked stupid, it didn't matter because there was no one there to judge. Just them both, and the stars.

5:04 p.m Wednesday, 12 of February 2020

It was just another day in his life, Renjun doesn't expect anything to come out of it. He really doesn't. So when he opens the door to his apartment after a long day of classes after classes, he is more than confused to find heart balloons scattered all over his living room.

"Donghyuck?" He calls out. Nothing.

Just as he pulls out his phone out of his pocket to call his friend and ask him what that was all about, he feels a pair of arms snake around his torso and pull him back. "Happy valentines." Jeno murmurs against the shell of his ear.

"All of a sudden?!" Renjun furrows his eyebrows and turns around to face his boyfriend. "You didn't do anything last year."

"I forgot about it, but Yuta mentioned it a few weeks back and they all bombarded me with questions. Your brother was pretty disappointed to find i hadn't done anything last time." He shrugs then pecks the boy's soft lips. "Am i gonna say no to an opportunity to show you how much i love you? No way."

"Fool." Renjun giggles before connecting their lips once again in a slow kiss. He kisses Jeno lazily, savouring the way their lips moved against each other in sync. What could be better after a long day than a shower of affection from his favourite person? Absolutely nothing.

"Wait it's not over."

He guides the younger towards the bedroom, the strong smell of the scented candles inside makes Renjun melt instantly. "My favourite." The boy mumbles as he takes a deep breath and lets his body collapse on the bed.

Jeno crawls next to him and holds him close while toying with the dark brown locks, Renjun’s black roots had grown quite a bit but the boy was far too lazy to get his hair done. "I could dye your hair one of these days."

"I think that's gonna end up in me looking even worse." He snorts. "You're the sweetest but really, i don't know if your love is strong enough in case it goes wrong."

"You're underestimating me." Jeno clicks his tongue and kisses the top of Renjun’s head. "I thought we had established that i am more than whipped."

The younger looks at up at him with a shy smile, he shakes his head and sighs lovingly. "Stop spoiling me."

"Thank you for your recommendation, but i think my answer will remain a hard no."

Renjun pushes the other down until he's laying on top of him, he rubs the tops of their noses together and then kisses it. "I didn't do anything for you for valentines though."

"Ah but i didn't expect anything either."

"Still." He mumbles while nuzzling his nose on Jeno's neck, the other automatically gives his boyfriend more space to roam around and so Renjun does. His lips travel all around leaving a trail of kisses behind, quite literally since it his lipstick had seemed to survive until then.

Renjun giggles when he notices the faded lip shaped marks all around Jeno's neck and then proceeds to make it his missions to fill as much of the boy's face with it until no more remained in his lips. Jeno looks at his boyfriend with confusion but doesn't complain, that is until he realises what exactly was going on. "Yah." He whines while trying to rub away the product.

"No, don't! It looks sexy." Renjun slaps his hand away then looks at his creation with pride. "Like you came out of a sex magazine."

The way Jeno's cheeks flush red wasn't something Renjun had expected, it ends up being the second big surprise of the day. He quirks his eyebrows and smirks down at his boyfriend who was the most flustered he had seen him in quite a long time. Cute he thinks to himself.

"What's gotten into you?" Renjun asks completely aware that his boyfriend would not actually answer. He places one kiss just below Jeno's earlobe and then flickers his tongue around that area knowing full well that'd drive the older insane. Which it does, Jeno twitches under him and his breathing becomes uneven, jackpot.

His hands roam all around, nails scratching here and there just to drive Jeno even more to the edge. And then finally, when Renjun presses his front teeth down on the exposed skin of his boyfriend's chest, Jeno reacts. He grabs onto the boy's bicep and turns them around in one quick move so that Renjun was laying below him.

There was a glint to his eyes that was unmissable, a familiar lustful gaze that always managed to send shivers down Renjun’s spine. It was always fun to turn Jeno's usual soft expression into the total opposite, he knew exactly which buttons to press to get what he wanted and Jeno always complied. Knowing someone well enough to have so much power over them was still something new to him, but above anything else it was exciting.

"So that's your present?" The older's voice comes out slightly deeper and raspier than usual, Renjun’s entire body feels as it was being engulfed by scorching hot flames.

"If you want it to be." He whispers weakly and then watches as Jeno's jaw tenses up before the boy attacks his lips in a heated, needy kiss — that he welcomes happily with just as much vigour.

He loved it. He loved it all. Having Jeno so close to him — all over him in fact. It wasn't something unusual per say, but no matter how many times would pass it always felt like it was their first. Renjun was convinced he would never get enough of Jeno.

2:37 p.m Monday, 23 of March 2020

His boyfriend greets a tattoo filled guy with a cheerful grin and then pulls Renjun closer by tugging at his boyfriend’s sleeve. “This is Johnny.” He introduces. “Johnny this is Renjun, my boyfriend.”

“How did you manage to snatch such a beauty?” The man jokes then bows down slightly in Renjun’s direction. “Nice to meet you, i hope Jeno treats you nicely and if not my number is in those little cards by the des-”

“Anyways.” Jeno butts in and then coughs. “He wants to get his first tattoo.”

“Lord tell me you guys are not getting matching tattoos.” Johnny grumbles but sits down on his chair near his utensils nevertheless. “I'm telling you that you won't enjoy seeing Jeno's big nose on your back every single morning.”

The other hisses at him then slaps the back of the artist's head. “It is not a couple tattoo, stop shading me.”

“Alright then, do you have some pictures?”

Renjun forces himself to stop laughing and then unlocks his phone, he clicks on the pic of a moomin with a palette just like the plushie Jeno had given him years back. Johnny nods with a gentle smile. “I would also want a picture of the aries constellation right below it.” The boy points at his forearm to try and explain the positioning of it all hoping that he was being clear enough.

“Easy peasy.” Johnny shoots him two thumbs up. “It shouldn't take too long either, both designs are fairly easy.”

The younger breathes in sharply as he watches Johnny begin getting ready for the procedure, he had no clue what the other was up to and he couldn't get himself to care. His brain was too hyper fixated on the fact that he was about to be pierced by multiple needles nonstop for god knew how long.

Jeno, noticing his sudden distress, comes closer and slides his hand under Renjun’s so he can hold it tightly. He squeezes it reassuringly to which the other replies with a uneasy smile. “You'll be fine.”

Renjun merely hums in response.

“At this point i’m going to ask you to make out with him to shut that mouth of his.” Johnny whines after Renjun lets out a especially loud screech, one of many. “I thought you were bad but-”

“Hey! I wasn't that bad.”

“The old lady next door came down here worried i was killing someone.”

The younger manages to bark out a laugh even if arm hurt in a way he had never had the ‘pleasure’ to experience before in his entire life. He looks at Jeno with a smug smirk and quirks both his eyebrows, Jeno had always spoken of his experienced as if he had gone by smoothly, he had even reassured him that the pain wouldn't be too bad.

Johnny sighs and then rubs the side of his face. “Okay it's almost over, please be kind to my eardrums.” He pleads to Renjun whose cheeks were rosy from embarrassment.

The boy holds on tight to Jeno's hand, squeezing it so harshly his boyfriend hissed in pain alongside him. He does try to keep his mouth shut by pressing his lips together or biting down on his bottom lip (he knew he'd regret that later when a metallic taste fills his mouth).

Finally hell ends. Johnny puts his tools down and begins cleaning everything up gently before wrapping the tattoo in what Renjun guessed to be plastic. He looks at Jeno with a proud grin and then at his tattoo that he could barely see, but it was still there and all he wanted was for time to pass by quickly so he could admire the design properly.

“What a painful birthday present that was.” Johnny chuckles and pats Renjun’s thigh. “But it's all done now, and i’m quite proud of it.”

The artists explains everything he needed to know, how to take care of it, when he could take the plastic off, etc. Renjun listens attentively even though Jeno had already told him half of those things before. Johnny's gaze was too strong to look away, the man didn't need the tattoos to look intimidating, Renjun found himself unable to look away as if he had been put under a spell.

That is, until Jeno pinches his hip making him squeak and return to reality. He turns to his boyfriend with a scowl and then back to Johnny who was holding back the urge to laugh. “Well then. That is all, do come back if you have any problems or if you want more of my services.” He says cordially and extends his arm so Renjun could shake his hand. “And don't forget, my number is in that ca-”

“We'll be on our way now thank you.” Jeno squeaks as he drags the younger out of the store. Renjun waves Johnny goodbye and jokingly winks at him just to see Jeno fume with another blow of jealousy. “You're the devil.”

“You're in love with the devil.”

“Unfortunately it seems i am.”

2:12 a.m July, 31 of July 2020

Renjun pushes the gate open, it squeaks loudly piercing the serene ambient with the unpleasant sound. The boy cringes and ponders closing it but the promise of having his eardrums explode once more makes him decide against it. He doubted anyone would rob them, everyone knew each other around that area, it was highly unlike that someone would do such a thing.

When he unlocks the door, the cool air inside the house hits his skin and makes every hair in his body rise. His parents had been gone for a week in a couple vacation as they called it, which left the house entirely unattended. It was summer vacation though, so like usual he had come back even if technically there was no one to come visit.

He opens the shutters to let in sunlight which instantly brings life to the entire place. His room, which seriously needed some remodeling, had been left empty since the last he had come over. The sight is depressing, especially when the only colours adorning the room were white and grey. Not even the warm sun rays made it any better, Renjun could only wonder how he had managed to live there before and not see how sad it all looked.

Though, perhaps, his outlook on such things had been heavily influenced by Donghyuck whom he shared his room with at the University dorms. He had decorated the entire place with pretty colour schemes and plastered posters and photos all over the walls. It was homely and cozy, the contrast to the life he had led before college always hit him like a truck whenever he'd come over to visit. Nevertheless, Renjun smiles. It was a nice thought, to know he had changed for the better and become a happier version of the same boy.

He heads downstairs to get himself something to eat, even if he knew the variety would not be very broad. All that would be left was probably canned food, cookies and some cereals, but for his grumbling stomach, that would have to do the trick. The boy fills up an entire bowl with the only cereal he liked out of the four that there was inside the cupboard — he never knew why his parents needed so much cereal to live, and he never bothered asking either. His parents could be weird in every sense of the word, sometimes it was best to not question what you see or hear but rather move along like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He supposed that's where he had inherited the talent of craving for weird, random things.

Like that one time he had come home wanting locust so badly he forced Donghyuck to come to the nearest restaurant at five o'clock to eat some, even if it meant they'd both be broke for the next few days — whether he wanted or not, ramen was all he had eaten for the week that followed. It had definitely not been worth it, but Renjun always found himself to hold back from stupid urges. Just like his parents probably could not hold back from buying trillions of different variants for the same exact food.

He knew if he opened the second cupboard he was bound to find their broad variety of canned sausages. And they weren't big fans of sausages, barely ate them at all. Hence why the shelves were full of cans after cans that longed to be opened but never would. A waste indeed, just like locust had been a waste of his precious scarce money supply.

His wandering thoughts come to an end at the loud sound of the door upstairs being slammed open followed by a choir of rowdy voices. Renjun puts his bowl down and sighs, the one time he thought he would have the house to himself had to obviously be ruined.

“Hello?!” Sicheng calls out, the sound of his footsteps echo all over the house. “Injun?”

Renjun peaks his head through the kitchen's door and glares at his brother. If looks could kill, Sicheng would be seven feet under already. “Yes i’m here and so are you apparently.”

“I told you i would come!”

“I thought you meant tomorrow!” The younger retorts.

His brother clicks his tongue then walks closer so he can cup Renjun’s small face. “I brought someone over who i’m sure will bring your mood up.”

Just as he finishes speaking, what seemed like the sound of bulls trotting in the distance snatches Renjun’s attention away. He frowns then drifts his eyes towards Sicheng who had an annoying smirk on his face. When he looks back at the source of the noise that only seemed to come closer, Renjun understands.

To be fair, he should’ve (and could've) understood what exactly had been going on from the very beginning if he hadn't been so focused on wanting to strangle his brother for ruining his alone time. Who else could create such a locumotion but the old gang?

“Jeno.” Renjun quirks his eyebrows up and pinches the bridge of his nose. “You told me you weren't free.”

“Surprise!” He chirps with his eyes wide open asking for a hug. “No? No hug? Why are you mad?!”

The other grumbles. “I wanted the house to myself.”

Jeno fake gasps and pulls the younger in his embrace. “Should i be offended?” He jokes lightly even if his boyfriend was currently too busy slamming his small fists against whatever body part he could get his hands on. “Why are you so cranky?”

Finally he stops, a long frustrated sigh leaves his lips and he looks up at Jeno. “Donghyuck has been extra clingy lately. Like, i can barely take a shit without him clinging onto me kind of clingy.” He fake sobs then grunts. “Sue me! I wanted to be alone!”

His boyfriend pouts while fixing the boy's fringe that kept getting in front of Renjun’s eyes. “Look, i can ask them if they wanna go out tonight so you have your alone time.”

The other shakes his head and lets his whole body loosen up. “It's fine, but don't be surprised if i lock myself in my room for no apparent reason.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know the drill.”

“Do you though? Last time i did that you wouldn't stop trying to get me to open the door.”

“I was worried!”

“No you weren't, you knew i was doing just fine. You just wanted to cuddle.” Renjun snorts and, when Jeno doesn't reply, he knows for sure he's hit the nail on the head. “You're such a baby.”

“I'm older than you, and you're the one whining-”

“You're both babies, those annoying loud ones that never stop fucking crying for two seconds. Yeah, those.” Yuta cuts him off. “Now are you going to come play with us or not?”

Life changed a lot in the course of two years, most things were not the same anymore, it was inevitable. But there was one thing that had not wavered.

The constant urge Renjun felt to slam his fist square in Yuta’s face had gone by the years unchanged. He had just gotten slightly better at masking it as he knew the older fed off the reactions his teasing created.

Renjun jolts awake. He blinks a few times before noticing the saliva stain left by him in his boyfriend's shirt. Now, the boy knew Jeno didn't mind it and that he wouldn't find it disgusting, but he still whines softly and begins pouring a series of apologies. He doesn't stop, not until Jeno gets sick of his unnecessary worry and covers the boy's mouth with the palm of his hand.

“Are you done?” The older quirks his eyebrows up and then retrieves his hand when Renjun nods weakly. “The rest already went to the guest’s room.”

“Why did you stay here? You could've woken me up, y’know?”

Jeno shrugs. “I was quite enjoying watching the same repeated ads about protein.”

Renjun hits his boyfriend's shoulder then flicks his forehead. “Let's go to bed, idiot.”

No matter his age, no matter how many years he had spent in that same house, walking around it at night still terrified Renjun more than anything in the world. He holds Jeno's hand for dear life and walks as close as he could to him as if the older could protect him against the ghosts that might haunt the house. Jeno found it endearing, always had always would, so he doesn't comment on it. Though Renjun could see a ghost of a smile on his face even under the very dim light that illuminated their surroundings.

“Babe-”

The boy squeaks loudly at the sudden sound then begins hitting Jeno's arm with his (little) fists — which he knew felt like feathers to the other who couldn't help but chuckle at the inoffensive attack. “God you're so fucking annoying i felt my soul leave my body you prick.”

“I can see that-”

Renjun growls and stomps his feet as he heads to his room, just like a little child throwing a tantrum. Thee sight wasn't unusual, far from it in fact. Sicheng had once pointed out that both of them were quite childish, but in very different ways. The younger threw a fit at anything that went against his liking, while Jeno whined for attention just like a small baby. In their own way, though, they were what the other called ‘the googoogaga couple’.

Jeno never got annoyed at such things, only once had his blood boiled. He always found it rather amusing and plus, all it took was a kiss right below Renjun’s ear to make him melt as if under a spell and cool his temper.

“Injun.” He calls out as he opens the door and finds Renjun throwing his shirt on top of his chair. With calculated steps, Jeno comes closer and closer until he can easily wrap his arms around the slim torso. “No ghost is out to get you, i promise.”

The other scoffs and tries wiggling out of the strong hold around him. It was pointless, he knew so and yet he refused to let Jeno get his way. Though, when he feels the tip of Jeno's nose scrape against the sensitive area of his nape, his body stills. A pair of lips attach just below his earlobe and he shudders involuntarily. “Bastard.” Renjun breathes out knowing that the was nothing he could do about the way his body melted at the gentle action.

“Let's sleep.” Jeno squeezes the boy's waist twice before letting go and undressing as well down to his boxers. He sits on the bed watching as his boyfriend rummaged through his half empty wardrobe and finally decides on a yellow pajama that was just slightly too small for him.

The older does grabby hands at the other while pouting in what he hoped to be a cute manner. Renjun rolls his eyes but the corner of his lips twist upwards slightly nevertheless. He looks Jeno right in the eye before whispering very softly: “Renjun who brightens up the whole world.” — a ritual that Jeno had discovered just a few months into dating the boy, one which he adored very much.

He smiles, though he knew Renjun could not see. When something hits his knee, he feels around to get a grip of the younger. “You're the cutest.” Jeno murmurs as he places his hands on both sides of the boy's face.

Renjun bends down, at first missing Jeno's lips completely, then when he gets the hang of it; they kiss softly as if it was their last. He lets his body collapse against the older that falls onto the bed, they never disconnect their lips the entire time even when their teeth accidentally crash against each other quite painfully.

“I love you.” Renjun declares when they finally part, only to have his mouth attacked by Jeno once more in a more needy kiss. He whimpers softly in the back of his throat knowing that'd rile Jeno up, and it does for the other tugs at his hair carefully while pressing his teeth down on the boy's pouty bottom lip.

“I love you.” The older whispers, though it came out more like a groan. He kisses Renjun’s entire face, stopping each time to repeat those same exact three words over and over again. And each time, the other would giggle as wholeheartedly as the time before.

It doesn't take very long for exhaustion to take over them, however. Renjun flops to his side and throws his leg over Jeno like a koala and nuzzles his face in the crook of the boy's neck lazily. “Night night.” He manages out just at the brick of blacking out.

“Goodnight, starboy.”

6:03 p.m Monday, 7 of September 2020

Renjun stands outside the big building feeling awfully childish and small. He definitely did not belong in the midst of all the well dressed, serious people walking all around him. Though, even if he obviously did not fit in there, nobody seemed to pay much attention to his presence, too busy fast walking all over the place. Everyone seemed to be far too stressed to care for anything going on, Renjun pitied them in many ways, and then his brain reminds him that his sweet awkward boyfriend had somehow managed to blend in with those robotic looking people.

His face twitches thinking of the possibility of Jeno becoming someone else as time went by, he did not want to lose the other to some high paying job. Renjun bites the inside of his mouth and sighs — surely that wasn't going to happen, Jeno would remain the same person he fell for till he took his last breath. He had to.

As he stares at his own reflection in the glass facade, Renjun notices quite a few smudges of paint scattered all over his face. He grunts and tries cleaning it off using his fingers but that only makes it worse as it spreads it around even more. Great he thinks while sobbing dramatically. Nobody cared, but the longer he stayed there among those slick clean people the more Renjun wanted to run home and hide. He had promised Jeno he would wait for him though, and so he knows he has to out through with it. The boy had to forces down the urge to turn around so he could check his appearance more time than he could count, just as he was about to give in though, he hears someone call out for him just a few meters away.

“Finally.” Renjun cries out and runs towards Jeno. “What took you so long?”

“Sorry the meeting was prolonged.” The older pouts while running his fingers across Renjun’s face. “You had art class?”

“Clearly.” They both snort. “You look so handsome, i can't believe you manage to fit with these people.” He eyes his boyfriend from head to toe, admiring how gorgeous he looked with his hair neatly slicked back and his dark blue suit that they had chosen together.

Jeno frowns. “What do you mean?”

The other shrugs, then drifts his eyes away to look at the bypassers. “Everyone just looks so robotic around here.”

“They act like it sometimes.” He admits as he grabs the cardboard Renjun had been carrying around and starts walking to the parking lot. “But i’ve come to find that most are simply trying to live in this society, you always gotta be at your best otherwise people will stomp on you.”

Renjun nods, deep down he knew all that already. He knew everyone had emotions, that those people surrounding them walking by with poker faces were just like them. And yet they scared him. “I just hope you don't become too much like them.”

Jeno turns to look at his boyfriend with his eyebrows glued together in what seemed to be pure disbelief. “I won't ever be like that. At least not around you, i could never.”

They reach the car, Renjun follows the other with his eyes as he opens the backseat door and carefully puts his pure down then sits at the front. He snaps out of his daze as Jeno shuts the door with a loud thud, and then he too sits down. The older hands him his art project back which he puts in between his thighs, and then starts the engine.

“You know.” Renjun starts. “Seeing you look so serious isn't a bad sight.”

“Thought you didn't want me to turn robotic.” Jeno chuckles and quirks his eyebrows playfully.

“Well i don't, but you'd be the sexiest robot of them all.”

The older snakes his arm around Renjun’s shoulder and caresses his face gently with the pad of his fingers with a little smile on his lips. It was as if he wished to speak, but couldn't find the exact words to speak, so he doesn't. Instead he stares full of adoration and gratification, hoping that the other would understand the sentiment through his actions alone.

He leans in suddenly catching Renjun by surprise, his eyes slowly closing as he moves closer and closer until their breaths become one and finally he closes the gap connecting their lips. His hands cup the boy's face pulling him closer so Jeno could deepen the kiss further, in yet another display of affection. He knows Renjun understands what it all means, he knows Renjun understands he's precious to him. Jeno felt his sole purpose was to make sure the younger knew it and that he'd never question it for a single second of his life his worth.

And they giggle, not because it's funny, but because of the overwhelming joy of having the luck to enjoy the wonders of true reciprocated love. They giggle, on and on senselessly, against each others lips as if that moment was everlasting.

Wednesday, 23 of September 2020

"INJUN!" Someome screams making the boy jolt awake, he cracks his eyes open and looks around him half expecting to find himself at the end of the world from how desperate the person had sounded. But instead of a frenzy, the room is empty. 

"What?!" He shouts but nobody answers. 

Angered, and quite offended, the boy stomps his feet as he gets off the bed and searches for the culprit. Though what he finds outside his room makes all of those emotions vanish into thin air. 

Pictures, a whole lot of them. Scattered all over the walls, even the ceiling had not been spared. At a closer inspection he finds them to be pictures of him and Jeno, dating all the way back to when they had first crossed paths. At the very middle, surrounded by hearts, was the picture his mother insisted on taking the very first time Sicheng had brought his friends over. 

Renjun's breathing becomes shaky, but he comes closer to it nevertheless. Little Renjun stares back at him with a nonchalant expression, it was an odd sight to find a version of him that was even smaller. By the side of the grumpy boy was the infamous sixteen year old Jeno, whose fringe always stayed in front of his face no matter how many times he tried getting it off. It wasn't surprising to find he couldn't see anything above Jeno's nose. 

He chuckles and that's when he notices just how close the older was to him, a detail that he had entirely missed at the time. A little note had been placed next to the photo, he grabs it and smiles brightly. 

It has never been a one-sided love, from the beginning i found you to be the most adorable being i had ever seen. 

Renjun knows he is at the brink of crying, and still he keeps looking all around him at the memories he had forgotten. Memories of before they had confessed to each other in August 2018, and memories of the after. When he looks up he finds yet another picture surrounded by hearts, it takes a while for him to finally grab it from the ceiling but eventually he does. And when he realises it was the picture Chenle had taken of them right after Jeno asked him to be his boyfriend, a single tear falls onto his hand. Not a sad one, rather a happy one filled with nostalgia. 

It had only been two years and yet they seemed like totally different people in many ways, and they were. Though most changes had happened inside, he had grown more than ever in his life alongside Jeno whom he trusted with all his secrets and thoughts. Looking back to that day, he knows eighteen year old Renjun had no idea just how different life would be mere years later. He knows that boy hadn't even dreamt of being together with the older for that long, but there they were. Renjun couldn't even bear the idea of letting Jeno go now. 

"Happy two years, star boy." Jeno whispers softly and pulls the boy into his strong embrace. "Here's to the happiest two years of my entire life."

The younger turns around, his entire face was already filled with tears but he doesn't care if he is red all over, or puffy, or even if he had snot running down his nose. Jeno loves him, he knows it. He knows petty things can't change their bond in any way, their love doesn't waver anymore. 

"You're incredible." He chokes out as he snakes his arms around the boy's neck in a tight hug. "I'm so grateful i have you."

Jeno chuckles and pulls him even closer, his hands roam all around Renjun’s back as he kisses the soft area of the boy's neck. "I could say the same." He murmurs in-between kisses and then steps back so he can cup his boyfriend's face with his hands. "Thank you."

A whole new waterfall of tears pours out of his eyes, and yet again none of them were out of sadness. The emotions running all over his body were far too overwhelming, and to think he was like that after two years when there would be far many more to come. It makes him snort at himself, he couldn't believe he was so emotional over such a thing. 

"God, this is embarrassing." He laughs while trying to clean his face. "It's just two years."

"You say that like it's little."

"It kinda is."

"Well, is it too early to ask you to move in with me then?" 

Renjun chokes up on his own saliva and begins coughing loudly, his throat hurts horribly when he finally stops. The boy rubs his neck and then looks back at his boyfriend who was still staring back with worry in his eyes. "That was… Sudden." He lets out a breathy laugh and swallows down thickly. "I suppose it is early, to me at least. I'm scared of one of us getting bored… Remember that whole speech you gave me ages ago?" 

"I do, but-" Jeno licks his lips and sighs. "If you think about it, yes we will see each other more often but not an awful lot. We both leave early morning for our things, then come home fairly late. But i think my days would go by faster if i knew i would come home to my beautiful boyfriend." 

The younger rolls his eyes but giggles nevertheless. "That makes sense." He looks straight into the other's eyes and slowly a smile begins forming in his lips. "Of course i would love to live with you."

Jeno beams at that and, in an explosion of euforia, lifts his boyfriend up high and twirls them around in the middle of the hall. "I have been looking for options! We can look together to make sure we are both satisfied."

"Speaking of which…" Renjun looks around. "Where did you hide Donghyuck?" 

"He's at his boyfriend's house or something."

"Ah yes Mark Lee, love that dude."

"Hey!" Jeno frowns. "No thinking of other guys today, it's our day" 

Renjun smirks smugly and pretends to be deep in thought. "Oh i don't know he's so sweet and adorable i might have to reconsider this whole moving in with you thing now…"

"Junnie." The older whines, genuinely hurt by what the other was saying. "Stop that…"

"Oh god you idiot, i literally just cried waterfalls thinking about us and you're still out here being all jealous and shit." He lets out an exasperated sigh and pinches Jeno's cheeks. "Two years! When will you understand that you're the love of my life, the boy of my dreams, my soulma-" 

When a single tears falls from Jeno's eyes, Renjun stops talking and pouts. He grabs the boy's face and presses their foreheads together.

"You're crying, Jeno Lee you're crying."

The older closes his eyes and grumbles lowly. "I wasn't."

"I literally just saw you."

"Stop."

"Jeno did you know you're the only man i have ever desired?"

The other shakes his head weakly but remains with his eyes closed. 

"Never once have i considered dating anyone else."

Jeno presses his lips so tightly together they form a straight line, Renjun smiles softly and keeps pushing knowing he was having an effect on the boy whether he wanted to admit it or not. 

"I wake up everyday and you're the first person on my mind."

"Stop." Jeno repeats weakly. 

"Your face alone makes my heart sing with happiness, when my day goes to shit i stare at my wallpaper and things feel okay again."

"Renjun-"

"You've been my mentor in so many ways that i can't begin to thank you for how much you've helped me grow. And i can't wait to watch us grow together forever, i don't want to share that with anyone else. I don't want to share, because i'm yours and you're mine, we're each other’s."

Finally, he cracks. A flow of tears rolls down his cheeks and, no matter how hard the boy bit down his bottom lip, he could not stop it from shaking. Jeno pulls Renjun into a suffocating hug and begins sobbing loudly like never before, it was new to them both but not bad. Not bad at all, Renjun quite liked to know behind the walls of his emotionally constipated boyfriend was a crying baby just like him. 

Though of course he didn't mind the way Jeno showed emotions through actions, in fact sometimes then felt far more genuine than words. But crying together like that felt different, a connection in another sense. Almost like the last string that needed to be attached between the two. Even if both their bodies shook, there was a serenity swimming inside Renjun’s heart that had not been there before. 

"I love you." Jeno hiccups and squeezes his boyfriend one last time. 

"I love you." Those words, they held so much meaning in them, and yet felt so empty compared to the way they held onto each other for dear life. Still Renjun says them, he savours the way it flows off his mouth and feels as his heart smiles with nothing but contentment. 

Years could go by, things could shift and break, change in unimaginable ways. Yet Renjun is sure what they have is forever, it too would suffer alterations, but he didn't fear losing Jeno like he used to anymore. Maybe it was foolish, perhaps younger Renjum was right to be afraid, but he doesn't care. He wants to believe love like theirs wasn't something that could ever die, he wants to believe that no matter what was to happen in the future that their bond would be something he could cling to when things got hard. 

Because he had already found his goal in life, and that was to share it with Jeno. For the good and the bad.

Death with Nono or no death. 

"Renjun look at this." Jeno points at a picture of them all outside of a Bowling Center for Sicheng's eighteenth birthday. "Remember your snaggle tooth? Look how adorable."

"Oh God, Jeno Lee, if you don't burn that shit right now-"