Chapter Text
Ragna has added Nothing to Report to Three Hoes sitting in a hot tub, 5 feet apart because their all related in some way !
Ragna: Guess who got the Gatekeeper a tablet!?
Ragna: It was all of us. We love him platonically.
Alm: My heart has been stolen. Too pure
Anthony: Should we ask what even happened with the Fodd Squad?
Ragna: No but I do like that name.
Ragna: @Arvis @Frederick what’s the best type of wood for bonfires?
Cyril: Finally something I can answer
Cyril: Hickory. It burns hotter than most other woods, has low moisture, and is tough to split.
Ragna: Oh wow. I didn’t know that. Thanks.
Arvis: Why do you need to know that?
Ragna: We’re doing the spring cleaning and we were thinking of a bonfire for the unwanted materials.
Berkut: Can I send over the porn Fernand keeps writing of me? I don’t want to see it again.
Cyril: Anything counts. We even burned Hubert’s speedo one year.
Always Watching: Bitch that was my lucky speedo. I thought I lost it.
Julia: Would u people believe me if I convinced Rhea to change Fodlan’s history books to cover everything minus the Opedius complex?
Edgelord: VICTORY SCREECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reinhardt: No! No screeching in the chat room! I finally got Lukas to sleep!
Edgelord: *whispering* ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Shade: Can I yeet myself into the bonfire?
Several People are typing….
Bernadetta: Why would you do that?! There’s cake to live for!
Marianne: There’s things worth living for in this world Shade. Have you seen a bunny yawning?
Depression: I just got these voices out of my head I don’t need more.
Flayn: Fish!
Richter Belmont: Bara Tiddies. Plus Legendary Julia.
Anthony: Me and the Gatekeeper in heroes!
Silas: Leon and I are at +10 and Berkut's pretty close!
Eir: I'm away from my mom!
Ashe: Good Food!
Osamu: The fact I will be killing some bitches.
Claude: Me shaving Lorenz.
Shade: Alright I won’t yeet myself into the bonfire like Sigurd. Mainly for Claude shaving Lorenz of his stupid ass haircut.
Cyril: @Everyone if you have unwanted stuff, just place it by my door. We are holding a bonfire to signal peace among Fodlan’s 3 Heirs.
Meme Man: I’d bring over some of my childhood clothes but Oboro stole them for new patterns and their fabrics.
Cyril: Valid.
Lorenz: No we are not shaving my beautiful head.
Sylvain: Is this a bad time to mention somehow one of Dorothea’s panties got into my underwear? Like guys, I know I wear speedos, but I don’t wear women’s underwear.
Marth: That actually might be mine. Does it have Pokeballs and Pikachus?
Sylvain: It’s pink and has Clefaries on it.
RADiant Hero: That’s mine.
Sylvain: Whoops….. Nevermind then it being Dorothea’s….
Sylvain is offline
Ken: Thanks for the cover Ike.
RADiant Hero: No problemo.
Sleepy boi is now online
Sleepy boi: I created a monster.
Edgelord: CRESTS!!!!!! (ノ°益°)ノ
Sleepy boi: No. Actually me and Caspar found this little kid’s toy in the trash can so we decided to try and upgrade it to watch over the monastery at night and we fucked up somehow. It won’t stop going faster than Lon’qu and it keeps blaring an earrape version of the my little pony theme
Shade: How do you fuck up that badly and we’re not even related!?
Sleepy Boi: At this point I don’t know. We can’t even hold it down long enough to remove the shard powering it.
CaSPAR: Good news is Ferdinand is terrified and Hubert is laughing maniacally. First time we’ve seen him do that.
CaSPAR: SHIT IT WENT AFTER ALOIS
Nothing to Report: Greetings Professor and Summoner, there is something to report! A demonic beast is attacking the ankles of everyone around the monastery! I sure am lucky to have ankle guards!
Sleepy boi: Nevermind this was a good thing.
Ragna: Hold on I got a message from seteth
Ragna: @Seteth Babe I love you but this is ridiculous.
CaSPAR: So it went from tormenting Alois to locking Seteth in the bathroom. Nice.
Meme Man: And I’m not even behind it so HA!
Depression:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfhyRjIcBbQ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJxrY_lgYU8
Meme Man: Did Dimitri create a vine?
Edgelord: So how do we stop this?
Depression: It’s more like how do you stop it since they are your housemates
Edgelord: You stole Linhardt!!!! And made him gay!!!(ง'̀-'́)ง
Depression: UR BI AND LIN WOULD STILL BE GAY EVEN IF WE WERENT TAKING HIM! HE WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ASHE BEFORE HE TRANSFERRED (ง'̀-'́)ง
Cyril: Bonfire canceled, way to go fuckwads.
Berkut: I have procured the porn. Turns out he has much more than I expected so I got all of them scanned in for live readings if we really wanna be that risky.
Clive: Spill the tea my dude.
Berkut: There’s me, you, Mathilda, and then one notebook that’s just him pissing into python’s mouth, him getting hard and then cumming all over himself like a fuckface.
Clive: That happened once actually. Minus the piss. Forsyth jacked him off a little too hard.
Alm: GUYS ANTHONY IS HERE!!!!! (ง'̀-'́)ง
Lyn: Yo uhh, I found a shit ton of images that I did not consent to.
Berkut: Where?
Lyn: In one thumbdrive I don’t know who it belongs to.
Hector: Wasn’t me. I may hate u but all women r queens
Sylvain is online
Sylvain: Wasn’t me. I at least know my fuckin limits
Ingrid: But not on sending cursed images into the chat. You fucking know why.
Ragna: So everyone, we need to stop whatever the fuck Linhardt and Caspar unleashed into the world.