Chapter Text
Midoriya was glad to be able to just spend time with his mom. School had been keeping him busy, lately, and usually the best he could do was call on Sundays. Moving into the dorms had been jarring, in this way. He had went from living with his one and only friend to living with so many others.
Midoriya was happy here, really. Well, as happy as he could get, considering whatever was wrong with his brain. He remembered times when he was doing much, much, worse, back in middle school. Earlier this semester, he had gone out with friends, participated in hobbies, eaten regularly, 8 hours of sleep each night. It was almost as if he was a regular, functioning, human being, you know?
He knew it couldn't have lasted for very long. The death of Night Eye and Mirio's quirk had caused him to spiral, and fast. Maybe the wound was just too fresh? Midoriya didn't know.
Either way, the past few hours he had spent with his mother were good ones. She had left only a bit ago. Midoriya was back in Recovery Girl's office, now.
Today had been the best in a while. He wasn't happy, no, but at least he wasn't sad. They got to have ice cream, and Midoriya got to have a conversation not revolving around what he did to himself.
And that was another thing. His mother had been so understanding . And, according to what she said, depression runs in families. Midoriya was glad that someone truly understood what this was like, but at the same time, thinking of his mom going through this made him want to hurl.
Did she cut herself? Did she skip meals? Has she ever tried to commit--
Midoriya couldn't think about that. He couldn't . Thinking about that too hard would make him burst into tears. Instead, he reassured himself.
'She said she was taking antidepressants, and I've always known she goes to therapy. Figured that she was just anxious about my line of work and stuff. Is that self centered of me? Gah, I don't know, I just-- I want her to be okay.'
The best thing he could do right now is keep an eye on her. Maybe he could ask Aunt Mitsuki to keep an eye on her? He knew that she and his mom were friends from high school. Most likely, she already knew about his mom's depression. Still though, it wouldn't hurt to make sure someone's there to take care of her.
He swung his legs from where he sat on the hospital bed. Midoriya glanced over at Hound Dog, the most recent babysitter, and grabbed his phone. He scrolled through his contacts to find Mitsuki Bakugo, under 'Auntie'.
Midoriya 1:03
hey auntie, i wanted to ask something if now's a good time
Auntie 1:04
Yeah what do you need
Midoriya 1:04
could you keep an eye out for my mom? i just want to make sure she gets out of the house every once in a while
Auntie 1:04
Sure kiddo I planned on asking her out for drinks soon anyway
Midoriya 1:05
thanks mitsuki!
Auntie 1:05
No problem
As soon as Midoriya saw the last text, he came to a realization. He slapped himself in the face, because of how big of an idiot he was.
He recognized that someone he cares about has a problem. He contacted people who could help. He did exactly what Todoroki did.
But Midoriya did the right thing, right? He's only looking out for his mom. And Mitsuki probably knew anyway, so it wasn't as if he actually made a difference--
God damnit.
Midoriya sighed heavily, and leaned back onto the hospital bed. He groaned into the palms of his hands. He's a massive hypocrite, isn't he?
But that begs the question: who's right, Midoriya or Todoroki? Does he have the right to be mad? Did he do the wrong thing when he texted Mitsuki?
Midoriya flipped over to lay face down on the bed.
"What's wrong, pup?" Hound Dog asked from the dreaded corner.
Midoriya didn't move, but he startled. He… didn't know that Hound Dog could talk . Last time Midoriya heard him speak, his words had been horribly broken up by growls and snarls. Oh well, guess you learn something new every day.
"Nothing, really," Midoriya said. He was glad that the guidance counselor at the school had a quirk like the one Hound Dog did. Heightened senses wouldn't dig into his brain like other quirks would.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Hound Dog said. "But we do have a session scheduled for later today."
"Forgot about that," Midoriya sighed, sitting up. He turned to where Hound Dog was in his peripheral vision.
"If you don't think you're ready to start therapy yet, we can reschedule."
"No, it's fine. Should probably rip the band-aid off quick." Midoriya cracked a knuckle. "You're… different, from how you were at the assembly."
Hound Dog chuckled sheepishly, his laugh a deep rumble. "Yeah, I was pretty upset. Wait, weren't you one of the kids that was out fighting?"
Midoriya nodded. "Yeah, me and Kacchan. He was upset about something, and he's just the sort of person who needs to punch away his feelings."
Hound Dog hummed. "If that isn't a healthy method of dealing with emotions, then what is?"
"Bottling them up until you can break down in privacy?" Midoriya responded. "It's only polite."
Hound Dog leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. "Do you really believe that?"
"Course' not," Midoriya snorted. "But is beating up everyone around you any better?"
"Definitely not. But if you knew he would listen, what would you recommend Bakugo to do about his feelings?"
Midoriya paused for a second. "Probably just tell him to find a therapist. Maybe journaling? I don't know," he answered honestly.
"So if those methods are healthy ways of dealing with emotions, would you use them?" Hound Dog asked.
Midoriya looked away, his gaze down. "I'm happy with what I'm doing now."
"If you were really happy, why are you here?"
"Because I'll get sedated if I try to leave the room?" Midoriya said.
"I meant why you tried to commit suicide," Hound Dog elaborated.
"I didn't try to kill myself because I was sad ," Midoriya said, as if it were obvious.
"Then why did you?"
He paused. Thinking for a moment, he crossed his legs, and pushed up imaginary glasses.
"I'm sorry, that's all the time we have for today," Midoriya mocked.
"Look, pup," Hound Dog said with a sigh. "I'll back off of this topic if you want. But what was wrong in the first place, when we started talking?"
Midoriya went quiet. Maybe Hound Dog could actually help him with this. He did, after all, need advice.
"My friend told Mr. Aizawa that I was cutting myself, when I thought he would keep my secret for me. I just found out my mom had the same problems I have, and so I asked her friend to look out for her. I did the exact same thing as my friend," Midoriya ranted.
Hound Dog nodded. "And so you're not sure if you're a hypocrite?"
"Yeah. Because he really hurt me when he did that, you know? I don't want to be here," Midoriya sighed. "In this room, or alive. But he went behind my back, and even if it was to help me, he broke my trust. And then I went and did the same thing !"
"I think your participation in what your friend did is tainting your point of view. If you knew your friend was going to kill himself, you would try to stop him, right?" Hound Dog asked.
Midoriya gaped. "Of course! I'd never let him-- oh."
"Exactly," Hound Dog stated.
"I guess," Midoriya started. "I guess I never thought of that, cause' I was relating it to his secret. And that's different, because me telling puts him in danger, while him telling put me out of it."
"Your friend is in danger?" Hound Dog asked, cautiously. "Is this a friend you have at UA?"
"Don't have any other friends," Midoriya said, waving him off. "And I don't want to talk about his secret. Anyway, what should I do now? Me and my friend just made up from a fight, and now there's this."
"That depends on what the last fight was about," Hound Dog said.
"Oh. Uh, it um, he--" Midoriya stammered. "He accidentally, uh, asked me out, and I, uh. Didn't, I-- I avoided him for a while."
"It made you uncomfortable?"
"No, I-- I uh, I was actually-- I was, I--" Midoriya stuttered.
"Take your time to answer if you need to, pup," Hound Dog said, hiding a snicker.
"It uh, made me happy to hear that, but, I um-- I thought that I was going to die soon, so I didn't want to-- I figured I should push everyone away."
Midoriya shifted awkwardly on the hospital bed. He didn't think he would encounter homophobia at UA, especially not from any of his teachers. In general, it was a thing of the past. Still, though, there were a few stragglers-- Endeavor was oh-so-certain that Todoroki needed to produce grandchildren-- and so Midoriya was still worried. But to be honest, he would be just as uncomfortable talking about any crush to a teacher. Because really, who would want to do that?
"So you avoided him?" Hound Dog asked.
Midoriya nodded. "Yeah. I regret it now, I guess I was just hurting everyone. But it wasn't like I could date him, you know? I was about to kill myself."
"What happens now, when you aren't going to commit suicide?" Hound Dog prodded.
"Who says I'm not?" Midoriya said with a smirk. At Hound Dog's grimace, Midoriya shook his head. "I'm not going to try again, at least not now. But really, I'm more concerned about our friendship than anything else. Even though, that uh-- that would be nice."
"The only thing is," Midoriya continued. "What do I say now? Do I apologize, do I ask him to?"
Hound Dog sighed. "He betrayed you, but at the end of the day you would have done the same thing?"
Midoriya nodded.
"Let him know that he hurt you, and talk it out with him. If you both want to be friends, then there shouldn't be a problem."
"I guess…" Midoriya said. "Thank you for the advice."
"Of course, pup, it's my job. And besides, I like to help people," Hound Dog said with a smile.
"Oh my god," Midoriya said in realization. "You were doing the therapy thing."
"The therapy thing?" Hound Dog asked in confusion.
"Like, is-- is this what therapy is like? No getting chained to tables and tortured for information?" Midoriya said in disbelief. "I'm exaggerating, but, I figured this would suck a lot more."
Hound Dog chuckled. "Yeah, that was pretty much a standard therapy session, or at least what I usually do."
"Wow," Midoriya said, leaning back into the bed, propping himself up with his hands.
Wow. Midoriya had been dreading therapy, and this kind of sucked, still, but it wasn't as bad as he thought.
"Now, keep in mind," Hound Dog started. "In some sessions, things can get pretty heavy. That's necessary, if you really want to get better."
There's the other shoe.
"And if I don't want to get better?" Midoriya asked quietly.
"Then you'll get there eventually," Hound Dog promised. He glanced over at the clock. "Oh, I've got to head back pretty soon. If I remember correctly, Ectoplasm's next."
"This was… not nice, but not as bad as I expected," Midoriya said. "Thanks again."
Hound Dog nodded with a smile, and stood up when the office's door opened. Ectoplasm walked in, and Hound Dog left. Midoriya waved at him in greeting, but decided to avoid conversation for a bit. He had a lot to think about.
__________
Midoriya ended up skipping the scheduled therapy session he was supposed to attend that day. It made sense, really, because he had basically already went to one.
Which hadn't gone that bad, actually. Midoriya was still kind of unsettled at the idea of therapy, but that conversation had reassured him just the slightest bit. Because if that was what therapy was like, then maybe he didn't have to worry about it?
Now, don't get him wrong, he still wasn't that excited about the whole living thing, but this was still more appealing than the other option of hospitalization. Just… Midoriya wasn't sure if therapy was as bad as he had imagined it would be.
Not that he actually wanted to get better. Nope, the only route for Midoriya Izuku was pretending to get better until he could leave and end it all. Definitely.
But still, he wanted to get to know this a little, first. Maybe. Maybe.