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Apollo moves away from Neil toward Eva and grabs her wrist with just enough force to pull her toward the couch where Neil's standing.
Apollo gently pushes Neil back into the couch. "Sit."
Then he sits down and pulls Eva down with him on his opposite side so he's sitting between the two.
Eva hiccups and he sighs. "Eva, breathe."
When she's calmed down a bit, one hand protectively circling her stomach, he reaches behind the couch and pulls out a painted rod. "Since neither of you are acting your age, we're going to handle this the same way we do family meetings with the kids. This is the Common House talking stick. Whoever is holding the stick has the floor with no interruptions. When we have the stick, we use I statements and when the person holding the stick says they're done talking, we thank them. If you want the stick, you have to raise your hand. Any questions?"
Both of them shake their heads and he smiles. "Good. Now who wants the stick first?"
Neil's hand shoots up first and Apollo passes him the talking stick.
"Eva... I have the cane because Ray suggested it as a support for when i start running out of spoons, so that I can slow down and catch myself before my legs buckle on me. Before now, I never really took the time to consider when I was running out of energy. I'm trying to be more honest. It's just hard because I'm so used to not telling the truth so i can keep working. It's weird not having Rob on my case anymore. It also isn't helpful when you yell at me when I'm trying because then I don't want to share anymore. I'm sorry. I'm trying Eva, really I am. It's just this is all really new to me and it's taking awhile to get used to the fact that I don't have to hide the truth. I think that's all i have to say."
"Thank you Neil." Apollo glances at Eva and prompts, "Eva?"
"Thank you for explaining Neil."
Neil nods, "You're welcome."
Eva holds out her hand for the talking stick and Apollo passes it to her.
"I'm sorry for yelling Neil. And I could probably blame hormones for part of it, but we're married. We promised each other we'd take care of each other. I can't do that when you hide from me. I know it seems like a little thing in the grand scheme of things, but I want you to be able to tell me when you can't do more. I don't like puzzling out the answers from your behavior. And it's really hard when the only way I know you're in trouble is when you throw a temper tantrum or collapse and by that point even I know that you're at the end of your rope. I think I need a list of signs so that I know when you need help. Do you think you could maybe do that for a start, if you can't tell me how you feel?" She pauses. "I think I'm done too. And thank you Apollo for your help."
Apollo smiles taking the talking stick back again. "You're welcome and thank you Eva."
Neil smiles tiredly and holds out his hand taking the talking stick from Apollo. "Thanks Eva and I can try..." He glances at Apollo. "Ray said I should ask you for the worksheets you use with Kalli."
Apollo smiles, "That I can do. Have you ever heard of spoon theory?"
Neil looks at him, "Yeah, I just used that term, Apollo. Ray explained it briefly when she was giving me an exam, and i kind of understand that it's using spoons as a metaphor for energy and ability, right? She gave me the story too. It's... In the holo." He flicks the air and it opens where he needs it to. "Brain gets fuzzy when I'm exhausted. Exhausted today but I'll try to understand."
Apollo smiles. "Yeah. Showing might be better than talking too. Give me a minute. I'm gonna walk Eva through the theory so you can just watch and contribute. You have RA, right?"
"RA and fibro and MPS. I'm a mess."
"Kalli has the exact same diagnosis as you except it's the juvenile version and a couple other related health issues. The original story this is from is about Lupus, but the stuff applies to pretty much any chronic illness. I use it for PTSD sometimes. Sit together so that I can face you both from the floor."
He goes to the closet and pulls out a handful of plastic spoons from one of the place settings from the kids toys. "Okay, Eva now you have Neil's illness. Count those."
"Why?"
"When you're well you assume you have a limitless supply of spoons, energy to do whatever needs to be done. When you're like Neil or my daughter, you don't. You have to plan your day out now and you might lose spoons along the way, but it's good to know how many you're starting with."
"Twelve. This seems sad."
"Okay, so let's walk through a day. Neil, if you want to interject anything just talk and I'll take spoons from Eva. Prompt me when I should take one. "
"Get up and get dressed."
Neil shakes his head. "You have to separate those, Eva. Getting up involves realizing you missed your alarm and you're late because you didn't sleep well last night because everything hurt. that's a spoon lost before you've even woken up."
Apollo pulls one spoon out of Eva's bundle and puts it on the floor.
"The first thing you have to do is go make food and take your meds. That's another spoon, Apollo."
Apollo smiles. "Neil, why can't Eva skip the meds?"
"Might as well be dead without them. If I ever skip them, I'm in pain for three days straight and prone to collapsing or falling asleep on the job."
"Getting dressed." Neil shakes his head. "Getting dressed has pieces too. I have to know what I'm capable of wearing. I have to know what i might need to bring along with me. I have to make sure I look presentable enough. That's two more spoons, Apollo."
Neil frowns, "And then take in the fact that I have to spend 5 minutes feeling bad that all this took me twice as long as a healthy person. That's another spoon."
Eva looks down at the spoons in her hand. "I have 7 left and I haven't left the house yet."
"Exactly."
"Driving."
"That's another spoon."
Work takes a couple more spoons and Eva looks at him when they haven't even gotten to lunch and she's down to four spoons. "Suddenly your slacking off takes a whole new perspective. You stop working on serious stuff when you're low, don't you?"
Neil nods. "If it's fun, I'm conserving spoons by it. Most of my programming is just modifying other people's works so i lose less spoons. I don't think Rob realizes how mentally taxing being a technician can be. And I don't want to borrow spoons against tomorrow most of the time, Eva. I never know when I might be getting sick."
At the end of the day, Eva is out of spoons and gives up and orders take out. She looks from him to Apollo. "That's a really long day even if it was made up from a story."
"A partially true story," Neil corrects.
And Apollo smiles. "It gave you an idea of what his life's like, though didn't it?"
Eva nods. "I still want a list of warning signs, though, Neil."
Apollo grins. "Give me ten minutes to run to the office. I'm going to give you an exact copy of the binder I use with kalli. It's a pain and fatigue log and an activity log with spaces for you to add your own."
Neil smiles. "I think I can do that."
And Eva smiles. "Thanks again, Apollo."
"It's nothing. Be right back."
Apollo returns with a flexible binder and hands it to Neil. Neil smiles at him. "Thanks Apollo."
"Any time. Just try not to argue so much. It makes Athena uncomfortable."
Eva stands up. "I'll go apologize to her for that. Neil, if you're tired go rest."
Neil nods and stands up to head toward their room.