Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the middle of summer.

The whole crew was at a party someone from their old class was throwing.

The boys were hurled up in some corner. Matteo was leaning on to David and David was leaning on to the wall with his one arm around the other boy’s waist.

Jonas was watching Hanna dance with the girls at the other end of the room. He could hear the boys teasing him about it. They have been back together for some time now.

When Jonas finally turned back to the boys the general topic was the same but the specifics had changed. Now they were talking about Abdi and Sam. Jonas was clearly seeing Abdi blushing but he was finding it hard to follow their conversation.

He felt like that a lot lately. He would zone out of conversations with his parents, friends and even Hanna. People thought he was a good listener and he took some pride in that but now he was losing that part of him.

He was at a party with the girl he’s always loved, with his friends who were all finally happy too and he wasn’t smoking anymore. So he should be fine right?

Apparently not.

It wasn’t just this night.

He was always stressed that he was gonna mess up what him and Hanna had, once again.

Like the other day when Hanna pronounced a word wrong he said with a smirk:

“Not everybody has to be good in their mother tongue, you know?”

She smacked him on the arm, they laughed but somewhere Jonas got stressed that she would take him seriously so he added:

“I’m just kidding.” with a really low voice to which Hanna rolled her eyes and replied:

“I know.” and she gave him a little kiss.

Or he was always stressed about what he was going to do now. He knew he wanted to study politics but he had fucked up his Abis. To him it was even a miracle that he didn’t fail them considering how much of the classes he went high this past year.

He knew he wanted to stay in Berlin. It’s where he has been his entire life and frankly he loved Berlin and all its chaos. Matteo, David, Abdi, Carlos and Hanna were planning on staying in Berlin too. So he really had no reason to get out.

Just a couple of days ago he stayed up all night going through every politics program in Berlin and as expectedly with his results he didn’t have much options. That meant that he might have to look at universities elsewhere which meant that he might go away from his friends and Hanna. Even the thought of that made his head hurt. He could feel the stress rising in chest. If only there was something that could make it go away.

Jonas was looking down and playing with the label on his beer bottle when he was interrupted from his thoughts with a collective:

“Jonas!” from the boys.

He looked up and saw the boys’ face filled with worry. Carlos bumped lightly on his arm:

“You okay man?”

“Yeah, yeah.” he said and proceeded to take a big sip from his beer.

None of them looked convinced. Matteo was no longer leaning on to David but instead was standing straight looking right at Jonas. He felt smaller under all of their gazes. Carlos had just opened his mouth to probably ask another question but he was interrupted by Kiki asking him to dance. He followed her but kept his eyes on Jonas as he walked.

Then, Sam came and took Abdi with him. Just like Carlos Abdi was keeping his eyes on Jonas too.

Jonas took the opportunity there and said he needed another drink perfectly avoiding any questions Matteo or David might have.

As he made his way to the booze table he saw someone standing next to it rolling up a joint. All of the noises faded and he remembered how good it felt when smoking made all the stress go away. The coming down of it wasn’t cool but at least he forgot about everything for a few hours.

Jonas was slowly walking towards the boy. He was so focused on the weed he saw lying on the couch that he didn’t realize Hanna coming up to him and wrapping her arms around his waist from the back. That was all it took to pull him back to the reality.

He turned around to meet Hanna’s soft face and ginger hair that was pulled into a bun. Her arms were now around his neck and she ruffled with his hair from the back. Jonas could feel the stress replaced by her warmness.

She asked: “Do you want to dance, waltz maybe?” with the biggest smile ever.

Jonas tried to match her smile, “Of course, milady.”

It’s two days later when he was alone with Matteo since what felt like forever. David was absent as he going through his portfolio for applications and they were waiting for the other two boys to play table tennis.

There was an awkward silence. Matteo opened up topics but Jonas’s mind was somewhere else, again. He drifted off, again.

Matteo cleared his throat and called his name. So Jonas had no chance but to look at him and pay attention.

Jonas saw the worry basically spreading from his face. It was almost like the winter but with a tint more compassion. Matteo looked sad with his shoulders down and with his red nose which was definitely not from cold because they were in July.

Matteo sighed and rubbed his eyes:

“Man, Jonas look we’ve been through this two times already. One, with you. One, with me. Just talk to us.”

Jonas sighed as well. He knew Matteo was right; he should know better but he still tried to deny it.

“I’m fine. Just tired.”

Matteo shook his head:

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

This was a side of him Jonas wasn’t used to much. It was the same side that gave the crew the “speech” about how they should ask for David’s opinion first.

Jonas realized there wasn’t getting out of this so he tried to explain as vaguely as possible.

“I’m stressed so I want to smoke again but I don’t want to smoke again but I feel like I need to.”

He shrugged his shoulders to signal that he was finished.

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.” Matteo said with a sheepish smile.

Jonas chuckled in return feeling the stress replaced by warmth once again.

Matteo added:

“I’ll make sure you stay away from any weed.”

“Thanks, little one.”

He messed Matteo’s hair despite him trying to get away.

At Saturday night when they were chilling at Matteo’s and Carlos and Abdi weren’t smoking and everybody seemed to drink much less than normal Jonas understood it was Luigi’s doing.

The awkward silence was still present too. The boys were all watching him and averting their eyes at the same time.

It was David and his genius that broke the silence.

He looked up at Jonas with a little smile and pointed to the guitar standing in front of the wall:

“Wanna play us a song?”

Jonas hesitated at first but David was looking at him with bright eyes that encouraged him so he picked up the guitar.

“What do you want to hear?” he asked.

Abdi looked at Carlos and started to laugh:

“Maybe some Miley Cyrus for Carlos.”

Everybody laughed. The two were, obviously, sitting next to each other so Carlos smacked him:

“Kiki and I are doing great so no need.”

Matteo put on that sheepish smile from before and said:

“How about some Sam Smith?”

Jonas smiled at him remembering last year. He felt emotional thinking about how much has changed.

“I’m going with Luigi’s idea.”

Jonas started to play the riffs to “Like I Can”. When he got to the chorus the boys joined him. It was probably the most random thing that all of them like Sam Smith.

David started to help with the beat. He was hitting on his knees and on the couch trying not to make Matteo that was lying on him uncomfortable.

David still had the encouraging eyes and when their eyes met he smiled at Jonas. David was a part of the “ok.cool" now, Jonas called him one of his best friends. They would talk all day about politics, they were at almost every “Fridays For Future” protests. They genuinely were getting along, none of them were doing it for Matteo.

Singing with his best friends made the stress get replaced by warmth once again.

When he was leaving David was the one to walk with him to the door, not that he needed to.

“Jonas.” he said. “Matteo and the boys are worried about you.”

Jonas didn’t reply only nodded as if to say ‘I know.’

“Speaking from experience, running away or avoiding things isn’t the best solution."

David gave him a faint smile and both of them were brought back to those painful two weeks.

“I know.” Jonas said out loud this time.

“Whenever you’re ready, go talk to someone. You can come to me too.”

His reply to this was giving a huge hug to David silently saying ‘I know.’ once again.

Another couple of days had passed and Jonas and Hanna were out on a double date with Kiki and Carlos. When the girls went to the bathroom Carlos’s bright face swapped with the worried face of the last week:

“How you doing man?” he asked.

Jonas shook his had up and down and forced a smile. “Good.”

“The vibe I’m feeling from you isn’t very good.” he said with raised eyebrows.

Jonas sighed. He was trying to hide and suppress everything most of all today because Hanna was there too. But there was no getting around with the boys especially not with Carlos. He was always the observant one (much more observant than Jonas as proved with Matteo situation).

“Maybe not good but not bad either.”

Carlos leaned back in his seat:

“Well, that’s perfectly human.”

“Thanks.” Jonas said.

Out of nowhere they started to laugh at the conversation they were having. That laugh replaced the stress a bit with warmth. Then Jonas said:

“Thanks.” one more time which he saw confused Carlos a lot.

“For?”

“For not smoking around me. Drinking so little around me.” Jonas said pointing to the glass of lemonade Carlos was drinking that night.

Carlos remarkably failed to play that off, “Oh, that. You know that’s because of Kiki and-

“I know Luigi talked to you.”

“Yeah.” Carlos answered defeated. “We didn’t want to push you to that, you know. You stopped smoking really well and got all healthier.”

Jonas knew that feeling pretty well. After Matteo’s little spiral and seeing how much smoking add up to that Jonas blamed himself a lot. Because Matteo started smoking after Jonas when they were 15. That blame had add onto his stress.

Jonas replied to Carlos with a faint smile.

“Maybe you should talk to somebody.”

Jonas nodded, “I will.”

Carlos rubbed his head and Jonas felt like he was trying to get the right words out:

“Maybe not to us and not to Hanna but someone else. Somebody professional.”

It clicked to Jonas at that point. Carlos had a point. He wasn’t exactly the best at opening up to his best friends so maybe talking to a third party who knew what they were doing would help better.

Jonas smiled his biggest smile of that night. He grabbed his glass of water and extended it to Carlos who grabbed his lemonade and they made the ‘cheers’.

It was probably quite the surprise to Kiki the next day when Jonas texted her to ask about the therapist she was seeing. She was the only person he knew that was going to therapy and considering how now they were spending more time with all the double dates he hoped it wasn’t weird.

And it wasn’t. She was more than eager to help. She sent him her therapist’s number and address. She even offered to go with him but he made up something and politely refused.

Two days later, he was over at Hanna’s. Her dad wasn’t home and they were in the living room lying on the couch watching a documentary Hanna found on Netflix. She had her head on his chest and he was holding her. He would rub her back, play with her hair or plant kisses on her head from time to time.

It was normally an interesting documentary but Jonas’s mind, like always, was somewhere else. His thoughts were interrupted with Hanna looking back at him with her big eyes:

“Jonas.” she said softly.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” she said paralleling the voice and the expression of her worried face from last winter. He could feel some scaredness in her tone too.

He hated himself for causing that. Another thing to add onto the stress.

“Great.” he said with a forced smile.

Apparently his forcing wasn’t convincing because Hanna pushed herself up. Now, they were sitting on the couch facing each other. She wasn’t saying anything which meant one thing:

“Kiki told you.” he said followed by a big sigh.

She nodded slowly:

“Let me ask you again, are you okay?”

For the first time probably Jonas said it just how he felt it:

“I don’t know.”

She didn't say anything and it was almost like she was waiting for him to talk in his own terms.

“It’s just that I’ve been stressed a lot lately. With us, with the future and what I’m gonna do now."

“What about us?” she asked and he saw her little gulp. That was exactly what he was afraid of, stressed about.

“Nothing, nothing. I’m just scared to mess everything up again. Do the wrong thing or say the wrong thing-

He would go on and on if Hanna didn’t interrupt him with a kiss. He was loving how much more confident Hanna was now with everything, with her life, with her friends, with their relationship.

“Just the fact that you’re that careful means you won’t mess it up. And I played a role in our break up too.”

Jonas was shaking his head from side to side. He knew it was objectively entirely his fault.

“No, don’t do that. I know where I want wrong and what I’ve done wrong.”

She only smiled a bit at him probably unsure of what to say. He went on:

“I’m sorry for keeping how I was feeling from you.” he stopped and added more quietly, “Just like before.”

This time Hanna was objecting:

“No, it’s not the same thing. Okay, maybe we weren’t the best back then. But now we are having this conversation. This means that you have, we have grown.”

He smiled, for real this time. Then leaned in to give her a kiss. It was a small kiss.

“What about the future?” she asked.

“My Abis weren’t exactly the best.” he said with a head tilt and a shrug of shoulders in the end.

“I wonder why they might be because of.” she said with a smirk and Jonas flipped her off laughingly in return. He felt better like the Jonas he was before.

She continued, “We’ll go through the universities together.” It wasn’t worded like a question or an offer. That was decided as the plan by her and Jonas loved her for it.

He leaned in for another kiss that lead to them resting with their foreheads touching. “Thank you.” he whispered.

When they finally pulled back he slowly said: “But I still want to see the therapist.”

“I think that’s a good idea. I know she helped Kiki a lot.” A beat and she took a deep breath. He saw that she was trying to say something but she was hesitating. He could see that her eyes were getting watery which made his eyes get watery too. She finally added:

“Jonas, I don’t want you to lose yourself again.”

He let out a big breath, “I don’t want that either. I promise I'm trying. Boys are helping a lot too.”

She let out the same big breath and let herself fall down on his chest again. Before pressing play on the documentary she looked back again,

“I can come with you, if you want.”

The stress was almost fully out from his chest and replaced with warmth with that sentence.

“I would love that.” he said and planted a small kiss on her nose.

He couldn’t even find the words in his mind to describe how he felt for Hanna.

So, two days later after his morning swim he went to his appointment. Hanna came with him and waited for him there. He left feeling like some weight has lifted off his shoulders making another appointment, same time next week.

They left hand-in-hand to meet the crew at the flat. Mia was back from her internship for the weekend so they were all partying.

For a house party in Berlin, Germany they had surprisingly low amount of beers and almost none of the other types of alcohol. Jonas knew exactly the reason for that especially when he made his way over to the beers and everybody was watching him. The warmth has once again won.

He grabbed one beer and promised himself to finish off the night with just that. That was when Abdi came to him:

“You are looking better brudi.” he said.

“Feeling better too.” Jonas said making poses to show off his arm muscles which made Abdi laugh a lot.

“You should eat sucuk with eggs every morning. That gives you great energy.” and this made Jonas laugh. After their laughs died down Abdi got all serious all of a sudden and said:

“About your Abis, we practically studied together. I know you tried your best. Whatever point you got doesn’t matter because you did your best, brudi.”

Jonas loved these little moments of seriousness from Abdi. “Thanks.” he said with not a forced smile anymore but a genuine one. Then gave Abdi a hug.

He looked around the room and his eyes first met with Matteo who was listening to David enthusiastically chat with Mia. Jonas loved how hyped up David got over the things he loved. He saw Jonas looking at him and gave him a smile. Then Matteo and Jonas looked at each other and both of them smiled. Matteo hit two times over his heart and pointed at Jonas, something they used to do as kids, which basically translated into ‘I’ve got you.’ Jonas was so proud of his little one.

He looked over at Carlos who was dancing with Kiki. They looked so happy, he looked so happy.

Then he saw Hanna who was laughing with Amira. Hanna saw him too but her eyes darted at the beer bottle. He raised his pointing finger and showed the number “1” at her saying it was his first and only one. Their eyes met this time and Jonas sent her a kiss. Hanna sent one back and Jonas jumped up to “catch” it.

All this movement made Amira look back at him and she laughed at them. He looked at her too and smiled.

It was a journey. He knew that know. He would get back up and almost spiral down again. Almost was important for him. He could come back from almost.

It was okay. He had the “Abi Chaker Clan” beside him. He could get stressed again, worse again; he might want to drown all those down but he had people who wouldn’t let him.

Chapter Text

Matteo and David loved long mornings in bed. They would stay in long after they have woken up chatting, cuddling or sometimes just staring at the ceiling in their own worlds.

Both of their favorite activity was David drawing Matteo. David loved it for obvious reasons and Matteo just loved watching David work so focused, lost in his own world.

But lately Matteo was staying bed longer than David was. He was only getting out because David was calling for breakfast. All of his movements were so slow too. Sometimes David had to come and rip Matteo off the bed. At first it seemed like David was finding it cute but now Matteo could see that his worry was increasing.

It was not that Matteo didn’t want to leave the bed. He loved waking up to David’s shakshuka or any other dish he made that made everybody at the flat absolutely lose their minds. He loved walking into the kitchen and seeing the Schreibner siblings making breakfast with some Edith Piaf song playing in the background.

He just wished he could experience all that in the bed.

It was one of those mornings.

Matteo could smell the delicious odor coming out of the kitchen but his urge to stay in his warm and quiet bed was higher.

He could hear David moving through the corridor shouting:

“Mr.Florenzi! Your breakfast is ready.”

He didn’t reply instead pulled his sheets up almost covering all of his face.

David shouted another, “Mr Florenzi!” when he came to the door.

Matteo looked up and murmured a quite:

“Coming.”

He was hoping this would send David back to kitchen but he was wrong. It did the opposite. David walked up to the bed and sat next to him:

“I could bring the breakfast to bed too but I think you can use a little walk.”

Matteo pushed down a bit of the covers:

“Okay, Mr. Advanced PE.”

David laugh and went in for a kiss which Matteo replied with another kiss and to Matteo’s luck they lied back on the bed kissing.

Two days later Matteo was back at his own apartment. He got up once to pee and once to eat some toast for breakfast. Since then he has been sitting in his room playing some computer game. He had his big headphones on so he didn’t hear Hans coming in.

That’s until Hans jumped on the bed which made Matteo jump too.

He looked down on a now lying Hans and then sighed and paused his game. He removed his headphones:

“Hello, Hans.”

“Hello, butterfly!”

He said more cheerfully than Matteo could handle at that point. Hans seemed like he was in his own world so Matteo grabbed the controller to start his game again but the moment he did that Hans grabbed it from his hands:

“Do you plan on getting back to the real world? You know socialize.”

Matteo rolled his eyes at him and pointed at the screen:

“This is an online game I’m socializing.”

A lie he didn’t believe in obviously.

“I meant with living, breathing humans. Like you and me butterfly.”

Matteo was about to make a snarky comment but he held himself:

“Maybe later Hans.” he said instead.

Hans was about to say something probably offer to cook something together when Linn came through the door with Amira behind him.

When Matteo saw her he groaned and cursed inside. They were supposed to meet today and go to a foreign university counseling office. After Amira told him about her dream about studying medicine in Australia he was the one to offer that. She had helped him a lot and had put up with him a lot. It was only time he did some helping back.

Amira was standing in the door with folded arms. Probably because of her posture and glare Linn backed out of the room. After giving Matteo a kiss on the cheek Hans left too, without daring to look at Amira.

Before giving Amira a chance to say anything Matteo rolled out of the bed and landed on his feet:

“I’m getting changed right now.”

But Amira put a hand on his chest and stopped him:

“Sit down.” she said. “There’s still time.”

So Matteo let himself fall to bed with Amira standing right in front of him. She looked at him from top to bottom like she was measuring him:

“What’s going on?”

Matteo didn’t answer just shrugged off his shoulders and looked down.

“Matteo.” It sounded like a warning which meant that Matteo had to look up.

“Don’t go down that road again. Reach out.” she added.

Matteo just shook his head up and down.

“Don’t use excuses, don’t repeat the same mistakes. Don’t start smoking, don’t stay in the same clothes.”

Matteo was still just listening and shaking his head up and down.

“Remember, don’t let the fear win. I know the strength is trying so hard to get out. I can see it in your eyes.” she said pointing right at his eyes.

Matteo smiled a little at her. It was almost a proper smile. There was no one like Amira that could provide tough love.

He changed into a clean t-shirt, as an effect of Amira, while she waited for him at the door. He wasn’t going to go down that road again.

When he reached the door she showed him a box of ‘baklavas’ she brought over and said “For you.” Matteo took one and smiled again. It was a proper smile this time.

Two days later Matteo texted Jonas and asked him if he wanted to have some lunch, maybe some dürüm.

So they met that day and by fate it was the same park that they had “the talk”.

Without David or Amira to drag him out of the bedroom he ran late. When he got to the park Jonas was already sitting on a bench with two dürüms in his hand:

“I was afraid it was gonna get cold.” He said.

Matteo muttered a ‘thanks’, grabbed his dürüm and sat down next to Jonas. He reached for his wallet to give his share of the dürüm but Jonas noticed, in the middle of his bite:

“On me.”

They sat in silence for a while eating their dürüms and looking at the kids playing around, teens chatting or skateboarding.

Matteo looked over at Jonas who was looking better, so much better in fact. It made him happy. He couldn’t handle it when Jonas was down. It was harder when Jonas was down; he was unpredictable, Matteo was not.

Jonas noticing Matteo said:

“What?” with a full mouth.

Matteo chuckled a little at the sight of his best friend with his food dripping down from his mouth:

“You look good.” he said.

Jonas smiled widely:

“I am.”

Then he looked up and down at Matteo:

“Are you good little one?”

Matteo looked down:

“Not really.” He waited a few seconds before explaining more, “I don’t feel like doing things anymore. I want to. Like I-I wanted to come here to talk with you. But it was so hard to get out of the bed.”

He looked back at Jonas at the end of the sentence and saw him with his eyebrows knitted listening to Matteo with a worried face:

“Is it like that summer before high school?” he asked.

Matteo silently nodded. His tiredness and unwillingness was nothing new. 

Jonas let out a big sigh and Matteo could see that he didn’t know what to say. Jonas was probably aware of his issues before he himself was and that meant Jonas knew he couldn’t make it better:

“For one, I’m here as always.” He gave a little pat to Matteo on his leg. "Two, maybe you should see someone too. It’s helping me a lot.” Jonas motioned at himself showing of his ‘muscles’ with a big smile.

Matteo smiled too, “Maybe.” he said.

This time he reached his dürüm to Jonas’s to bump them together.

It has been around two weeks since he started seeing the same therapist as Kiki and Jonas. It had turned into an inside joke with the crew. Not that anybody was making fun that they were going to therapy but the fact that they were all going to the same person. At this rate she was going to have to give them some group discount.

It was weird for Matteo. When Jonas started he was glad for him but he didn’t see himself going to therapy. Considering everything from his childhood, his mom’s constant trips to the psychologist (to which she brought him as well) he was hesitant with therapy of any kind. For a long time he refused to believe he could be like her. But now, he knew it wasn’t a bad thing to be like her; it was human.

It was another session. David had to turn in some application and Jonas was out of the city with his family so Matteo had come alone. He never asked the two to come with him but they knew the hours of his appointments and the fact that they did made Matteo love them even more. That’s why Carlos was super surprised to see Matteo there, alone:

“Brudi, why didn’t you tell me you were coming today?”

Carlos was sitting in the waiting room, obviously waiting for Kiki.

“I can come alone, Carlos.” he said unintentionally sounding annoyed.

Matteo sat next to him and Carlos bumped him lightly on the arm, clearly ignoring the annoyed voice.

“I know that, Luigi. But you don’t have to.”

Matteo looked up and saw a grinning Carlos. His grin spread on to Matteo and now he was grinning wide too. He could also feel his eyes watering so he blinked like crazy to make them go away.

“I’m adding your appointments to my calendar too.” Carlos said pointing to his phone.

Matteo just smiled and kept on blinking crazily. So Carlos added:

“We are going on this hike in some forest this weekend with Kiki. You are welcome to join.”

“I’ll think about it.” He said shaking his head and trying to laugh.

After, they chatted about random things like a football match Matteo clearly didn’t watch so Carlos had to explain to him or a new sauce recipe Matteo found for his famous “Pasta a la Luigi”.

When Kiki exited and it was Matteo’s time the doctor made a joke about all of them being there together. They all forcedly laughed at that with Matteo and Carlos glancing at each other barely holding it together.

It was quite a surprise to Matteo to see Carlos waiting for him when he got out. Apparently, after dropping Kiki to home he had come back just to wait for Matteo so that he wouldn’t be alone when he got out.

When Carlos spotted Matteo he immediately got up and gave him a big hug. Matteo tried to hide his tears on his t-shirt. Carlos didn’t complain afterwards about any tear stains.

At the weekend he was back at the Schreibner apartment. Most of their nights went with them spending time together in the bed but this time, as per the advice of his doctor, Matteo took their date night to the living room. He made pasta, as always and before kicking her out of the apartment with the help of Laura he made a great spicy sauce.

When David saw the table he smiled brightly:

“To what I owe this table?”

Matteo gave him a side grin:

“You know, just because you are you.”

David’s smile widened which Matteo didn’t even think was possible.

“Did anybody tell you what a romantic you are Chef Florenzi?”

With that he sat on the table and Matteo grabbed the pot to serve the meal.

“I think you did. Many times.”

Another smirk.

After he finished the service he sat down too. David in front of him was looking at the pasta and smelling it. Matteo laughed and shook his head:

“You won’t get poisoned.”

David made a fake laugh noise:

“Ha-ha-ha.”

Then, Matteo saw David squint his eyes at him, he asked:

“Did you make this alone?”

Matteo put some pasta in his mouth:

“Of course.”

David raised the fork with pastas dangling from it: “

So Laura didn’t help, at all?”

Matteo didn’t answer and proceeded on with his meal which made David laugh which in return made him laugh. They laughed for a good few minutes before their laughs died off. Then they fondly looked at each other and David grabbed Matteo’s hand on the table:

“How are you?”

Matteo would have loved to dodge that question but after everything they went through if there was one thing they agreed on that was to talk about everything going on in their heads.

“Better. Trying. I feel more energetic.”

David stroked his hand gently:

“Good.”

They stared at each other a while before David added:

“Is there anything I can do?”

There it was again, Matteo’s eyes were getting watery. He hated the way his body reacted to support. “

You are already doing more than enough.”

With that Matteo got up and walked over to David’s side and gave him a kiss. Then they cuddled while David was still sitting so David was resting his head on Matteo’s stomach.

David looked up at him:

“Still. I got this idea.” He waited for Matteo’s reply which was a little nod and continued:

“I made this chart. I even drew some things on it. It has all the days of the week and hours. So you can fill it in according to your day. Maybe it will help you get out of the bed easier because it’s written down like a task.”

Matteo’s reply to this was giving him another long kiss. When they broke apart David brushed off Matteo’s hair from his eyes and Matteo said:

“That’s a great idea.” A pause and, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Matteo was so lucky, so lucky to have found somebody like David.

Few days later it was Friday. A Friday with a “Fridays For Future” protest and obviously David and Jonas was there so was Matteo and Hanna. David and Jonas were upfront talking with some of their friends even carrying a poster that they have made together this morning with whatever left over material David had in his room.

Matteo and Hanna were trailing behind. The two boys in the front started to chant some slogan and Hanna laughed:

“Good thing our boyfriends are getting along.”

Matteo laughed too.

“Yeah.” he said.

It was something he was so grateful for. The fact that David fit so easily with the whole of “ok.cool” and how much Abdi, Carlos and Jonas embraced him.

Suddenly Hanna grabbed his arm and locked her arm around his:

“This way I can see you more.”

Matteo smiled looking down:

“That’s definitely the best side of all this.” he said pointing around him.

Hanna put her head on his shoulder, a movement that took Matteo by surprise but he loved it nevertheless.

“How are you doing little one?”

Matteo rolled his eyes with a smile:

“You too?”

Hanna raised her head and looked at him:

“What, you are the little one.” she said with a little smirk. “So how are you?”

“I’m okay." She smiled with her nose scrunching:

“You look more than okay. You seem more present than you’ve ever been.”

He nodded to approve her statement.

They walked silently for a while following their activist boyfriends upfront until Matteo said:

“Last year, would you ever think both me and Jonas would stop smoking?”

He meant to make it sound like a joke but it was a serious question too. Hanna didn’t answer for a few seconds and he saw her watching Jonas:

“To be honest, no. But I’m so glad you did.”

“Well, it doesn’t help with anything.”

They smiled at each other before Hanna put her head on his shoulder again.

“Whenever you don’t want to get out of the home call me and I’ll be there. Or anyone from the Abi Chaker Clan too.”

He didn’t say anything but squeezed her arm as if to say thank you.

Then his eye caught on his best friend and his boyfriend (he loved saying ‘my boyfriend’ about David) who were now jumping up and down. They looked so happy fighting for what they believed in.

David had a little transsexual flag pin on his backpack, sometimes he would even bring the actual flag to demonstrations. Matteo was so proud of him.

Jonas was himself again, he didn’t seem distracted at all. Matteo was so proud of him too.

Hanna next to him looked so confident, not afraid of anything. Matteo was so proud of her.

And finally, Matteo was proud of himself too. For reaching out, for not running away, for being a good friend, for being a good boyfriend, for trying, for not giving up on this journey.

No matter how lost, unenthusiastic, weary he felt he had his family around him.

His blood family: This week his mother had come with him to the therapist after they grabbed a lunch together. It was a great day. They talked about everything. How he was feeling, how she was feeling; about his friends and about David. She absolutely adored David.

His little found family: Who never gave up on him, not even on his worst day; not even when he was the worst to be around. That was just enough.