Chapter Text
At a little after lunch time the next day, Bucky’s phone buzzed to life.
[Izzy] Morning Buckinator! This is your next morning sobriety text! X
So much for her forgetting, he thought ruefully. I guess I’m really gonna have to consider the options, now. Fuck!
[Buck] Good morning. You feeling rough? x
[Izzy] I feel like I licked the inside of a trash can. What did you give me to drink? Booty juice? X
[Buck] Hey, you asked for it x
[Izzy] I remember asking for something else too… so how about it? 😉
Euphoria. Fear. Anticipation. Dread. He felt them all and more each time he thought about the predicament that Izzy was putting him in. He made a promise to himself that he’d keep his feelings under wraps, and do whatever he could to keep her in his life. She was offering him something that he never thought he’d ever have but it was only half of what he wanted and it could ruin them if things went badly.
Rules were a good idea, they would help keep things in check and set boundaries. There were only a few things that Bucky really wanted out of this arrangement and that was to safeguard their friendship and for it not to be a drunken booty call thing. Oh, and safe sex.
[Buck] I dunno Iz we got a lot to lose if this goes bad x
[Izzy] It won’t. Pinky promise. XX
She had to go and say fucking ‘pinky promise’.
[Buck] What got you started on this idea?
[Izzy] Honestly? I’m horny and every guy I meet either comes with some amount of bullshit that I just don’t have the time or energy for right now. I need a friend, someone who understands and will share this with me. Guys I meet for 1 night are just there to get themselves off. I want a bit more respect than that. X
[Buck] And your 1st thought was me? xx
[Izzy] Actually no, my first thought was paying for an escort but that doesn’t get you over the awkwardness of sex with a stranger. X
[Buck] I dunno that can be fun :p
[Izzy] Fun but not what I’m looking for. X
[Buck] Fair enough. Why me? xx
[Izzy] Of all of the people I know who would probably sleep with me, you’re the safest option. I can’t ask Steve, he’d die of embarrassment lol. X
Steve would probably drop down dead if Izzy had asked him. As it was, Bucky wasn’t doing much better. His mouth was dry and he was almost shaking with nerves, skin pale and clammy. Panic was growing in his chest and all he could think about was losing her if this all went tits up. He registered somewhere in the back of his mind that Izzy had put him on the list of people who would maybe want to sleep with her. He didn’t know if that said more about her or him, and didn’t know if he should be offended or not. He let it slide.
[Buck] I’m pretty much dying over here too xx
[Izzy] You can say no, Bucky. I’ll not be upset or anything. XXX
[Buck] true story? x
[Izzy] True story. Listen, are you free in an hour? X
[Buck] Yep, I work at 6 though x
[Izzy] Come round to mine, we’ll talk ok? XX
[Buck] Ok doll xx
Jesus what was he doing? This had to be the worst and the best idea of all time. He was torn between protecting what he had and seizing this new opportunity. He might actually get the chance to sleep with Izzy, more than once too, and have it not ruin their friendship
Izzy answered the door in lounge wear; black leggings and a huge white rolling stones t-shirt. There was no big showy seduction going down here which made him feel more at ease. He was usually confident when it came to sleeping with women but this was one of his best and oldest friends. There was a history there that he cherished as much as he cherished her.
“Drink?” She offered, shuffling off to the kitchen in her slippers.
“Soda, coffee, whatever. I’m easy.”
“Well I had heard that about you but I didn’t want to believe the gossip.” She quipped.
“I see my reputation precedes me. I presume that’s why I’m here.” It was half a joke and half serious.
He was curious as to whether Izzy had chosen to ask him because he slept around a little and had no problem with no strings sex. The problem was, with her, there were so many strings it was a tenuously strung web of feelings and memories. No part of this was going to be easy for him, but she had asked, and he would give her anything.
She passed him a chilled can of diet Pepsi before slouching on the sofa. She seemed comfortable with him, even in this awkward situation.
“I wouldn’t say it preceded you but I’m aware of it.” She smirked lightly.
“I do come with recommendations.” Bucky raised a sarcastic eyebrow.
She nodded, distracted, distant. The missed opportunity for a ‘your mom’ joke betrayed her nerves.
“Look, you can say no. I understand it’s not ideal. I just need someone reliable who gets me and won’t hurt me. Someone I connect with but who won’t make demands on my time or dictate to me how to live my life. You’re one of the most laid back guys I know and you’ve always looked after me, Bucky. I just need someone I can be with without any drama, you know, without any bullshit.”
Bucky felt like he was watching the scene from somewhere deep in his skull, too far behind his own eyes for him to actually be in control of his own mouth at this point. What she was asking for was virtually everything he wanted but he wanted love too. She was willing to give him almost everything he wanted other than a full-on relationship.
He decided it was as close as he was ever going to get and who knew, maybe the feelings would come for her later, just maybe she could learn to love him like he loved her. Or even part way to that and he’d be ok with it.
“I know I can, Iz, it’s just that I really cherish what we have and if this thing that we’re talking about here doesn’t work, and if it ruins our friendship I don’t know what I’d do. You and Steve, you’re everything to me. I can’t lose you, not for a few tumbles in the sack.” He was being as honest as he could without breaking his promise to himself.
“Then that’ll be one of the rules.” She said, regarding him carefully.
Bucky licked his lips absently as he thought about it. It could work, if they absolutely promised each other that their friendship came first, no matter what.
“Okay.” He said, blowing an unsteady breath out through pursed lips.
“Okay?” She jumped with anticipation.
“Yeah.” Bucky sighed right before Izzy threw herself forward to hug him.
“You’re awesome!” She breathed against his neck.
She felt different, all of a sudden. The giddy thrill of holding her with his feelings kept hidden had been replaced with the deep burn of longing. He had permission to want her now, permission to touch her more than he ever had, but yet he didn’t. They needed to set boundaries.
Pulling away, he stood up, turning his back to her as he collected himself.
“I have requirements.” Bucky said, after a few long moments of silence where they both just existed in the space, contemplating how everything was going to be different for them both after this.
“Okay,” she pulled out her phone. “Rule 1.”
“Protection. The sex always has to be safe.”
“Okay, yeah, good.” She typed quickly. “Rule 2.”
“Respect.” Bucky crossed his arms across his chest and frowned slightly as he searched for the right words. “No drunken booty calls, or making the other person feel shit for saying ‘no’. We respect each other as we always have and respect our other friends too.”
“Okay, got it.” She smiled softly.
“You do one or I’ll feel like I’m dictating.”
“Rule 3. No catching feelings.” She said after a long pause. “If it’s just sex it should be just sex. One person falling for the other will probably end in disaster so no feels and no jealousy.”
That was her first rule, no falling in love with him? Did it matter that he had already fallen for her? She said ‘no catching feelings’ but his were already caught. No matter how he looked at it, it still hurt to hear.
“Ok, in that case rule 4 should be no displays of affection. No kissing, no cuddling, no holding hands romantically, no gifts other than maybe the standard shit we’ve always done at Christmas or birthdays.” He clenched his jaw slightly. This was more difficult than he’d thought it would be. “Rule 4 supports rule 3. If there’s to be no chance of one of us catching feelings then avoiding the little things like that will help.”
“Right.” Her fingers tapped frantically over her phone screen. “Rule 5. We both have to get off. I’m about done with guys and their panda antics.” She said with a frustrated sigh.
“Panda antics?”
“You know. That joke? Why is a man like a panda? Because he eats, shoots and leaves.”
“Ohhhh, that’s witty.” Bucky smothered his smirk. “You know I’d never do that to you, right?”
“Let’s call this insurance.”
“What if I want to get you off but not myself?” He couldn’t believe he was even discussing this stuff with her.
“I suppose that’s your call.” She bit her lip thoughtfully. “Okay, so we both have to be willing to make sure we both get off, unless we choose otherwise for ourselves.”
“Okay, deal. Rule 6.” Bucky sat back down beside Izzy, the warmth of her leg against his was both comforting and alluring. “We only do this while we’re both single. And we’re up front about the people we’re seeing.” He wanted to know in advance if there was to be someone else on the scene.
“As soon as we think we might like someone we press pause.” Izzy was concentrating on getting it all down on her phone as Bucky watched her. The way she chewed the inside of her mouth, her minuscule frown. He couldn’t believe he was this close to having her.
“Rule 7?”
“Rule 7.” She mused. “We have to keep it secret.”
“Yeah, Steve would freak the fuck out!”
“Imagine the lectures? Oh god!” She laughed.
“No one is gonna understand this whole thing so yeah, keeping it to ourselves is a good call.” Bucky could do that. The only person either of them would have an issue keeping a secret from was actually Steve. It would be interesting to see if he could tell there was something going on.
“Rule 8. Just sex, no making love.” She sat back against the cushions as she wrote. “No sleepovers in the same bed either. And we should probably avoid using the word ‘love’ at all too.” She tapped her phone against her thigh as she mentally weighed the idea. “If we never say it, even to describe something, then it can never be misconstrued. Rule 3, remember?”
“Sure.” He said in absent agreement. “Define making love.”
“Oh, you know, slow and passionate, with kissing and holding each other. Staring lovingly into each other’s eyes, that sort of thing.”
“Right.” He had a significant downward turn to his excitement now. All these rules put in place just to stop either of them from catching feelings. Knowing when you were breaking rule 8 might be difficult but he supposed that if you left out the kissing and eye contact then some slow sex might get past unnoticed. “Rule 9?”
“No nudes.”
“Seriously?” Disappointment didn’t cut it.
“Seriously!” She chastised. “There’s no way I’m letting naked pictures of myself anywhere near your phone, that any one of your friends might see… Hell no!”
“What if I wanted to send but not receive?”
“You wouldn’t want to receive?”
“Well, yeah I would, but...”
“No nudes, Bucky.”
“Ahh come on, you’re breaking my balls here.”
“What would you want them for anyway?”
“You have to ask.” He laughed.
Izzy just shook her head with a bemused smile. She knew, of course she did. All guys liked to keep something to get them going with their personal time.
“Okay then, rule 10?”
The pair of them pondered in silence for a few moments.
“I got nothing.” Bucky shrugged.
“Ooooh!” Izzy twitched. “Rule 10 should be the all-encompassing friendship rule. Our friendship comes first, no matter what.”
How could he have forgotten that one? It was the thing that was most important to him. The first thing he’d said before they even started concocting rules and boundaries.
“That’s the most important thing to me, Izzy, I mean it.”
“Me too.” She smiled and squeezed his hand.
After a long pause, she read through the 10 rules they had drawn up. There were a few things that weren’t covered but they could go on for days creating red tape for themselves.
Red tape, hmm, I wonder.
“So is there anything you don’t like, or won’t try? Anything that’s a total turn off?” Bucky wanted to get some insight into the territory he'd be traversing.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I guess we just talk about it? Do the respect thing, no forcing each other and no guilt trips if one of us says no.”
“Sounds fair.” Bucky nodded. “And when exactly are you thinking we start this arrangement?”
“Whenever you’re ready.” She said calmly, like this wasn't the most nerve racking thing he'd done since leaving the army.
Bucky just blinked. Was he ready?