Chapter Text
Soft jazz music filled the room, combining with laughter and murmur of people debating over different topics. The lights would sometimes flicker. Loki imagined that it was on purpose as the establishment was rather lavish, but he also thought it looked somewhat cheesy. It reflected in the materials of the guests, in beads and sequin and satins and silk and leather and metal. It was all there, like a museum of oddities. The exact effect En Dwi liked.
He, himself was wearing a loose golden suit with turquoise shirt with a matching eyeliner on. He dressed Loki in a fine brocade blue suit that matched his shirt, entwined with golden threads. It cost more than Loki made in his life, and he knew he would never wear it again, because the man only had it made for his lover for this particular evening.
People flattered him, they hoped that by winning his good graces, they could get to Endy and possibly become a part of his strange business. Loki never really understood what branch exactly he worked in and eventually he figured out it might be better not to know.
“Ah, here you are.” Endy pushed through the mass of people to approach Loki who was just fixing his hair. It was cut short so it only reached behind his ears. He wasn’t used to it yet as the appointment with a hairdresser only happened this morning.
Loki smiled at him. He didn’t like these parties, but the man was entertaining and Loki often genuinely enjoyed his company. At least in the early stages of their relationship. “You looked busy, so I kept myself busy.”
“Ahrm, great, good for you. Listen, ahrm, my little, mhm, ocean dream, I talked to everyone I needed to talk to, so what if we, ahrm, got out?”
Loki lifted his eyebrow at seeing the man’s sheepish grin. “I thought you liked these parties.”
“Well, this one is a little boring. What is a party without, ahrm, an orgy at least.”
The young man shook his head, he was never sure if Endy joked or if he was serious. The more time he spent with him, the more he realised that most of the time he was serious. Or at least what his idea of seriousness was.
“You’re insane,” Loki chuckled.
“Is that a yes?”
“I suppose.” The boy shrugged.
He found himself in Endy’s apartment not much later, standing in front of a window, overlooking the night plunged city high above most of the citizens of London. Back then, he liked that idea. The man was kissing his neck while undressing his luxurious jacket.
“We should get away from the window,” Loki suggested.
“Ahrm, no one can see us up here,” the man hummed into his ear with a chuckle.
“But what about the building on the opposite side of the road? Someone could see,” he protested as Endy pulled his shirt over his head and his brocade trousers soon followed, sliding from his thin legs. “Really, hey, let’s not...let’s take this to your bedroom, it will be better that way.” The older man ignored him. “Please, Endy, I don’t like this.” Loki tried to unsuccessfully wriggle out of his arms, but they held him in place, pushing him more towards the glass.
“You talk to much,” he growled into his ear. “Aehr, here.” Loki saw his reflection as he pulled off his tie and it was pushed into his mouth and tied at the back of his head. It wasn’t the first time this happened. He no longer fought it. It was easier not to fight.
The glass of the window was cold against his skin as he was pushed against it. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest. It wasn’t just the fear of being seen, but the realisation of how high they really were and if the man behind him stopped controlling himself as he rutted into the boy, it wouldn’t be hard to push him through it. His stomach turned.
Even though Loki didn’t fall out of the window in real life, his head twisted the memory, ending it with him being pushed a little too much and then the glass shattered and he was falling and he was falling and he was...awake.
He sat up, panting. It took him a little bit of time to get oriented in his surroundings. No En Dwi, no expensive apartment overlooking London, no.
The Loki that sat on the bed, with his fingers raking through his hair while Thor slept soundly next to him, was a different Loki than the one who was getting fucked against the window or his writing desk when his boyfriends felt like it. He realised it, though it was rather difficult sometimes.
He didn’t own the clothes that En Dwi got for him anymore and he wasn’t as easily manipulated as he was with Fandral. No, he changed. For better, he hoped. He was stronger and more confident. He worked on himself and his career and he was proud about it, he knew he had every reason to be. That night was the first time in his life when he realised that the fact that he changed might just mean that he is ready to have a different kind of relationship than the ones he was used to.
It made him strangely calm as if he cracked some complicated riddle and he could finally rest. He was constantly worried that Thor would turn out to be the man of violent tastes he expected him to secretly be, but now when he understood just how much he changed, it was much easier to expect that he would attract a different kind of person.
He brushed a few strands of Thor’s hair from his face and smiled. Thor really was different and maybe, just maybe, he was worth everything he feared about being in a relationship or maybe they could make their own rules. Thor seemed like he might be willing to do just that and if nothing else, this made him worthy.
Loki couldn’t go back to sleep after this revelation. He kissed Thor’s cheek quickly before getting up. He reached for his soft dark sweater and pulled it over his head to protect himself from cold air that was ever-present in the house. He paced down the stairs to make himself a cup of tea. He hoped that it wouldn’t wake Thor up as he settled on the tiny couch and pulled his laptop close.
He was welcomed by a half written page as he usually was and it was strangely meditative. The whole process was. Hours slipped by quickly. The dark sky turned to orange and pink before it turned blue. He could hear Thor shuffling upstairs as he slowly woke up when the morning light entered the bedroom.
“Loki,” a raspy voice reached Loki’s ears, painting a smile on his face. He put the laptop aside, untangling his legs. He didn’t answer, instead he ran up the stairs, taking them two at a time and he knelt next to the bed, just in time to see the man turn to his back and open his eyes. And there he was, waiting for him with a fond smile.
“Hey.” Thor reached to stroke Loki’s cheek. “Why aren’t you in bed?”
“I was writing,” he answered simply.
“Oh, ok.” He closed his eyes again, his hand falling down.
“Are you hungry?” he asked the sleepy man.
“Always,” Thor replied with a deep chortle.
“I am going to cook something, then.” Loki stood up, but the other man just reached over and wrapped his arms around his knees.
“No,” he protested. “Stay.” He pulled Loki closer, urging him to join him in bed. It caused the smaller man to fall over him, victorious laughter booming through the cottage.
“We both have work to do,” the writer reminded him and did his best to get up.
“Shit,” he swore. “Too much, right?”
Loki nodded, even though the other man had his eyes closed. “I am sorry,” he added. Thor opened his eyes this time and Loki could tell that he was not crossed with him.
“Don’t be. So, you said you would cook breakfast?”
Loki didn’t follow Thor to the pub, he wanted to work and make sense of his thoughts before they met up with Jane in the evening. The blond was late again and his mood was a source of many jokes from his brother and father. He couldn’t stop thinking about last night and about how fulfilled he felt with Loki. It was something he never experienced with anyone else. And it had an end date... but they promised themselves not to think about it and they would not.
Loki came before Jane, but that didn’t surprise anyone. He was wearing black slacks and white shirt with cufflinks and his hair was combed back and tied in a bun. No one ever came to Asgard dressed like this. Thor was his contrast again, he was wearing last night’s clothes and he looked ragged, but it was just one of the things Loki liked about him, and knowing he was the reason for this look made him feel empowered in the upcoming meeting.
“Well, look at you,” Thor said instead of a greeting and he walked to Loki to kiss him.
“She’s not here yet,” it was half a statement, half a question.
“You’re here thirty minutes early,” Thor announced, running his large hands over Loki’s arms in a calming gesture.
“Am I?”
“It’s fine. Just a dinner between friends,” Thor assured him. No, Loki thought, it’s not. It’s dinner between your ex and your current...lover.
“If you say so,” he muttered.
Jane came in fifteen minutes later and that annoyed Loki, because now he couldn’t complain about her being late. She was wearing a red dress that tightly hugged her thin figure, not leaving much to imagination. While Loki always preferred the company of men to women, he knew she was exactly what was considered attractive.
The dress was the same shade of red he saw on Thor many times. His favourite colour, Loki assumed and Jane knew. This was just another point on the list of things he didn’t like about her.
She smiled at him and tried to hug him, but Loki just shook her hand, making her giggle awkwardly before she sat down. Thor quickly joined them, unwrapping his apron as he approached them. They hugged and Loki frowned upon it.
“So, Thor told me you’re working on a new book. What is it about?” she asked.
“I don’t like to say,” he replied. He realised that his tone was cold, but he couldn’t help himself. His acting skills only went so far.
“Oh, sorry,” she breathed out.
“It’s fine,” he murmured.
“Jane, I would love to hear more about that project you’re working on,” Thor promptly interrupted the staggering conversation and she took the clue to fill the silence.
Loki didn’t listen. He was examining her, planning on how to make her a character in one of his books. A villain for sure. Or a sacrifice to the ancient Gods? For a moment he got a vivid image of Jane cut open on a sacrificial table, her blood seeping into the stone as a high priest kept reciting prayers. God, he needed therapy.
“We went skiing recently.” The writer looked at the man next to him when realised that he’s being included. We. Thor and he. Not Thor and Jane. We.
“Really? Thor, do you remember the time we went skiing together instead of school?” she laughed.
“Oh, yes, of course. God, I thought that my mother would kill me when she found out.” He turned to Loki, ready to share the story. “It snowed the night before and Jane called me to ditch school. Of course I didn’t want to, but she is very persuasive.”
“Wow, wow, stop right there big guy, that is so not true! It was your idea. I told you it would get us in trouble!” Jane defended herself, laughing.
“I guess that this part is a little blurry.” Thor smirked and continued: “Well, we went away for a whole day and when we came back, my mother was already waiting. She knew everything. I still have no idea how she found out. Anyways, long story short, I got grounded for a month and I had to do the dishes in Asgard.”
“You also skipped the part when I kicked your ass when we were racing down the slope,” she winked at him.
“That’s because I am much better at snowboarding and you insisted on skiing.” Thor rolled his eyes and Loki watched their exchange curiously. They shared a few little details about their impromptu trip that got both of them into more trouble than it was worth. Loki could not compete with their past. He hadn’t had enough time with Thor to make them.
They diverted their conversation to literature next and Loki hated to admit that Jane was charming and immensely intelligent. No wonder Thor fell for her. She read or at least knew almost every book he mentioned (even though he tried to stay away from famous bestsellers) and she presented interesting views on most of them. Loki was even more horrified when he agreed with a lot of her theories and interpretations of some classic novels.
Thor used this opportunity to go grab something to eat for them and when he came back, the two of them were just laughing about how Thor pretended to read Shakespeare when he really was reading Loki’s books.
“That is so you,” Jane told him when set the plates on the table. The man pretended that he wasn’t affected by their jokes, but his cheeks earned a rosy hue. He sat down next to Loki again and the writer put his hand on his thigh gently.
Loki slowly began to realise that they acted like a couple. By the look on Thor’s face, he had the same enlightenment.