Chapter Text
“Who is it?” Kara calls in answer to the doorbell ringing.
“I’m Batman!” says a low, growly voice.
Kara and Karen exchange glances, trying not to laugh, and Karen calls, “Come in!”
Foggy opens the door, grinning, Matt behind him. “I could have been Batman,” says Foggy.
“I’m pretty sure Batman wouldn’t actually announce his presence like that in this sorta situation,” Karen points out, chuckling.
“He does sometimes, but it’s a whole speech,” explains Foggy. “It’s like, I am vengeance! I am the night! I am Batman! But you’re probably right.”
Autumn comes over to greet them, tail wagging, and Matt laughs when she licks his hand. “Hey there. Not much for you, sorry.”
“Aw, she’s just being friendly,” Kara says. “She’s realized that Karen and I aren’t giving her any treats yet, so she’s moving on.”
“Well, I have something for her,” Foggy says, pulling a bunny-shaped squeaky toy out of his pocket and throwing it. Autumn lopes after it, thrilled, and starts squeaking it happily.
“It’s such a good thing she sleeps when I sleep,” Kara says, shaking her head with a fond smile. “Otherwise that would be keeping me up all damn night. It’s really cute, though. Thanks, Fog.”
“Oops,” says Foggy, not sounding all that sorry. “Anyway, do you guys need any help with anything?”
“We’re doing okay,” Kara says, shrugging. “Just sit down, we’ll be ready soon.”
“If you’re sure,” Matt says. He and Foggy go to sit on the couch, and Matt calls, “The sauce smells good, by the way.”
“Thanks,” Kara replies. “You guys doing okay?”
“Oh, yeah, we’re fine,” Matt says. Autumn jumps up next to them and puts her head in Foggy’s lap, demanding ear scritches.
“You guys are so cute and domestic,” teases Foggy.
Karen grins and tosses hair over her shoulder. “We can manage it if we try,” she says.
“Who else is coming, anyway?” Matt asks. “I mean I figured Elektra and Vanessa.”
“Yeah,” Kara says. “And, uh, Claire and Candace.”
“Oh! I haven’t seen Claire in awhile,” Matt says. “How long have she and Candace been dating? She mentioned her but I don’t know a lot.”
“Not… that long?” Karen says. “I’m honestly not sure either. I think she’s been keeping it kind of chill.”
Foggy nods. “Makes sense. But hey, it’ll be nice to catch up with her and stuff. Matt’s been giving her space.” He smirks. “Honestly, he was treating their not-breakup kind of like a breakup.”
“Hey, I was just making sure she didn’t feel like I was forcing anything,” protests Matt, laughing. “You act like that’s a bad thing.”
“It’s not, you’re just so damn intense about everything that it’s hard to tell when you’re being serious,” teases Foggy.
“If he wasn’t intense, he wouldn’t be Matt,” Karen points out.
“Wow, you guys,” Matt says dryly. “Really feeling the love here.”
“I mean it fondly,” Karen promises.
Then there’s another knock, which turns out to be Claire and Candace. “Hey,” Claire calls as they enter. “How’s it going?”
“Good!” Kara says. “We were just talking about you, kinda.”
“I hope that’s a good thing,” Candace chuckles.
“Yeah, we were just saying we hadn’t seen you in awhile,” Matt says, sidestepping the actual topic. “How’ve you been?”
“Not bad. Work’s been, y’know, same as usual. I got another bunch of vigilante idiots calling on me awhile back.” Claire shrugs. “Been relieved not to hear from you, Matt, to be honest. No offense.”
“None taken,” says Matt good-naturedly. “I figured you could use the break.”
Autumn comes over to investigate the new people and Candace grins. “Hey, there,” she murmurs. “Cutie.”
“Autumn, right?” Claire asks, scratching the dog’s back.
“The famous Autumn,” Kara agrees, laughing nervously. “If you want her to leave you alone, you can just tell her no.”
“And why would we want that when she’s so cute?” Candace coos.
Kara shrugs. “Some people… just do, sometimes? I just wanted to make sure you knew the options.”
“Well, thanks,” Candace says. “But I seriously don’t see it being a problem.”
“You guys want help with anything?” asks Claire.
Karen shakes her head, grinning. “We’re fine. Almost ready, I promise.”
“Come join us!” calls Foggy. “We don’t bite. Much.”
“You don’t bite at all,” Claire says, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. She goes over to join them on the couch, Candace following.
“It’s a nice place you have here,” Candace says to Kara.
“Thank you,” Kara replies. “I… I try.”
“You succeed,” Karen murmurs, bumping Kara’s hip fondly.
“Candace, right?” Matt asks. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Matt.”
“We haven’t,” Candace agrees. “I would, in fact, be Candace.” She chuckles, not sure how awkward this is supposed to be.
“And I’m Foggy,” says Foggy, grinning at her. “Claire probably told you terrible things.”
“Claire’s told me plenty of things and left me to draw my own conclusions,” Candace replies, sounding a little smug.
Foggy’s eyes widen comically. “I’m not sure if that’s better or worse. Anyway, nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Candace says. “I was beginning to think I’d never get to.”
Claire snorts. “It wasn’t really on purpose. We’re just all busy.”
“Sure,” Candace teases, nudging her.
“So where did you guys meet?” Foggy asks. “You’re not one of her unexpected drop-ins, are you?”
Candace shakes her head, laughing. “We live in the same building,” she says. “Nothing fancy or dramatic about it.”
“Yes, I can in fact find dates who don’t drag themselves to my doorstep covered in bruises,” teases Claire. “How’re the two of you? Law school not killed you yet, I see.”
“Not yet,” says Matt, shrugging. “Still trying, I think.”
Foggy nods. “I haven’t read anything that isn’t class-related in a month. I’m starting to forget how to read for fun!”
“It says something good about you that you knew in the first place, at least,” Kara remarks.
“I mean, I didn’t even read that much, but still,” says Foggy.
Matt snickers and adds, “Yeah, when he says ‘for fun’ he mostly means Star Wars books.”
“Some of them are good!” Foggy retorts, sticking his tongue out.
“Hey, it’s something,” Kara laughs.
Elektra and Vanessa are the last to arrive, both vaguely disheveled in ways no one else wants to comment on. “Sorry,” says Elektra, smirking. “We were... tied up with something.”
Karen rolls her eyes good-naturedly as Kara says, trying not to laugh, “Happens to the best of us. Come in, get comfy.”
“Hello, Matthew, Franklin,” purrs Elektra. “Claire and Candace. How are you all?”
Foggy looks like someone gave him a whole lemon, while Matt nonchalantly says, “Fine, thanks.”
“Well, I’m doing even better now that I heard that,” Candace declares.
“You see why he goes by Foggy,” quips Claire. “Hey, you two. Nice to see you again.”
Vanessa, meanwhile, is dramatically hanging her coat, watching all of this like it’s just so droll, and to her hostesses she says, “If I brought dessert, where should it go?”
“Kitchen,” Karen replies. “Let me get it from you.”
Elektra waits until Vanessa has done that and sat down in a chair that is definitely meant for one person, before casually settling onto Vanessa’s lap. Autumn trots over, tail wagging. Elektra murmurs a greeting in Greek and leans forward to scratch her ears.
“My, what a creature,” Vanessa says, not distastefully but mostly just not sure what to do.
“That’s Autumn,” Foggy explains. “She’s Kara’s dog. She mostly just likes attention but if you tell her ‘no’ she’ll go find something else to do. Or I can call her over if you want?” He grabs the squeaky toy off the floor.
“She’s fine,” Vanessa says. She doesn’t seem convinced.
“Have you not had dogs before?” Kara asks, genuinely curious.
And it’s such a sweet, innocent question that Vanessa tries her very best not to start laughing. “Never been in the right place to,” she manages.
Claire smirks. “Well, Autumn’s sweet. I’m not a huge animal person, but she’s about as good as it gets.”
“I forgot to mention her to you,” says Elektra, looking chagrined (which is a strange sight for everyone else).
“It’s fine,” Vanessa promises, petting Elektra’s shoulder with a gleam in her eye. “I’m just not accustomed to traditional pets.”
“Do you have a snake or something?” Candace asks, blinking.
Vanessa shakes her head, smirking, and Elektra says, also looking smug, “Her family raised, ah, horses.”
“Close enough,” Vanessa murmurs.
Foggy pokes Matt and whispers in his ear, “I know these are sex references but I can’t tell what they mean and it’s weird.”
Matt snorts. “It’s fine. Just ignore them.”
“But they’re gonna do it all night!”
Deliberately ignoring the accidental innuendo, Matt just says, “You know Elektra, she does it for a reaction.”
Determined to get the conversation off of sex in any way possible, Foggy chirps, “I have gerbils!”
“Do you,” Vanessa says, smirking.
“They’re called Skullcrusher and Carnage since they’re so small,” Matt adds. “It’s, y’know, ironic.”
“I didn’t know you had it in you, Franklin,” Elektra says wryly.
Foggy’s eyes go wide and he abruptly says, “So, Candace, you work at Starbucks, right? How is that going? You must know a lot about coffee!”
“I know enough, anyway,” Candace says.
Claire raises an eyebrow. “You’re asking a lot of weird questions, Foggy,” she says.
Foggy shrugs. “I’m just trying to get to know people, y’know.”
“For what it’s worth,” Candace says, “the coffee is really only a minimal part of the experience for the people working there.”
“Yeah?” Matt asks. He can tell Foggy’s running out of topics, so they might as well stick with this one.
“I mean, it’s the same as most workplaces, probably,” Candace shrugs. “Coworker drama. Stuff that seems bigger than it really is when you’re around it constantly.”
“Tell them about your manager’s maybe sugar-mama,” coaxes Claire, grinning. “Don’t worry, they’re good at keeping secrets.”
Candace chuckles. “Well, my manager Shades claims he’s dating the mayor of the next town over,” she says. “Who conveniently hates having her picture taken and refuses to approach his place of business.”
“Huh,” Matt says. “That’s... slightly suspicious.”
“So that’s who she’s seeing,” Vanessa murmurs.
“Who who’s seeing?” Karen asks, sounding confused, but Vanessa just shrugs.
“Anyway, he’s always going on about it, bragging and everything,” Candace says. “But the boy is seriously lacking receipts, so it’s more of a joke than anything else.”
Foggy snickers. “Yeah, that’s pretty funny. You’re sure he’s not just making it all up?”
“Nope,” Candace declares. “But it’s a hell of a ruse if he is.”
They all chuckle about that, and then Claire says, “Oh my god, I had the craziest thing happen last week. Guy came into the clinic acting completely smashed, blood alcohol levels ridiculous, but he insisted he hadn’t had a drop.”
“Alcohol cupcakes?” Karen suggests, grinning in a way that shows she knows it’s a silly guess.
“Nope. And his roommate said they’d both been in their room studying all day, and he knew for a fact the guy hadn’t had any booze. So we couldn’t figure out what was going on, we thought somebody had to be lying, so we sent him out. Then he came back the next day, same story. Helen and I didn’t know what the hell to do, so we kept him under observation for twelve hours, and he didn’t have a single drink of alcohol. We gave him food and water and stuff, you know, PBJ and whatever, but nothing else. About an hour after he had that sandwich he was acting like he’d just downed a six-pack.”
“How?” Kara asks.
“Well, we had to send him to a real hospital and it turns out the guy had a rare gut bacteria that caused it to ferment carbohydrates and sugar in his gut. It’s called auto-brewery syndrome. Basically, if he eats bread or fruit or whatever, he gets drunk.”
“Holy shit,” Foggy says. “That kind of sounds awesome.”
Claire shrugs. “Can be. He seemed pretty disoriented most of the time, though, and when I looked into it I guess it can be debilitating. But at least they figured it out.”
Karen clears her throat, somewhere between amused and apologetic. “And on that appetizing note, dinner is ready!” she announces.
“Are we all sure we don’t have that?” Matt jokes.
“Trust me, you’d know,” Claire says with a fond snort.
“Seriously,” Kara says. “Food’s ready. Come over to the table.” She nods and gestures in the appropriate direction showily, smirking.
They all make their way over there, Matt leaning on Foggy, and sit down. “So it’s not a huge table, but we can all fit if we try,” Karen declares.
“I could sit on Vanessa’s lap again,” Elektra offers, grinning.
“There are enough chairs,” Kara says, shaking her head. “That won’t be necessary.” Elektra nods, only pouting a little, and sits down next to Vanessa instead.
“So there’s salad, garlic bread, pasta,” Karen explains, even though all of those are out on the table and it’s pretty self-explanatory. “And wine, if anyone wants any.”
“Wine sounds nice,” Claire says, and Candace nods.
“Some for me, too,” chimes in Elektra.
“Here we go, then,” Kara murmurs, starting to pour.
Foggy serves himself and then proceeds to eat a piece of garlic bread. “Oh man,” he says, “this is really good.”
“Good!” Kara grins. “It’s just garlic bread out of a box, so.”
“Well, it’s really good,” he insists.
Kara and Karen grin at each other, clearly pleased, as everyone begins to eat, and after a minute Candace pauses to ask, “So Vanessa, what do you… do? I’ve missed it somehow.”
“I sell everyday people their everyday art so they can pretend they’re fancier than they are,” Vanessa says with a smirk. There’s clearly more to it even than that, but she doesn’t appear to be inclined to explain.
Foggy leans over to Matt. “You don’t believe that’s all she does for a second, right?”
“Nope,” murmurs Matt. “But she doesn’t seem inclined to share, either.”
“Maybe she’s a vampire,” muses Foggy, and Matt snorts fondly.
Vanessa, for her part, sees this exchange and says nothing, just looks at Elektra to silently convey her amusement. Elektra notices, of course, and smirks back before saying, “You two seem to be awfully close over there.”
“What?” Foggy asks, looking up guiltily. “I was, um, sharing a joke I remembered from earlier, that’s all.”
“Oh, a joke!” Vanessa says, fully aware that wasn’t what was going on. “Do share with the rest of us, won’t you?”
“Uh,” says Foggy, scrambling, “well, we have this really scary professor named Jeri, and I was telling Matt I came up with a pretty good nickname for her, Jeri-cuda.”
Matt snorts. “It’s apt, I’d say.”
“That’s funny,” says Elektra. “You have a way with words, Franklin.”
“Thanks?” says Foggy, not quite sure how to take that.
“A useful skill for a lawyer, I think,” Vanessa murmurs.
Foggy nods, sort of making a face like he’s pondering that, and then Claire says, amused, “You guys seem pretty close. Should I be reading into anything that you came together to this vaguely Valentine’s dinner?”
Foggy looks startled, and Matt says, “No, it just made sense to come together.”
“Yeah, I mean, I don’t really have a ton of other friends,” says Foggy, laughing nervously. “I mean, uh, I do, I totally do! I’m just stuck with this loser hanging around all the time.”
Karen snorts. “Wow, nice to know what you really think.”
“Well, you and Kara are different,” Foggy says, while Matt snickers.
“How’s that?” Kara asks, giggling.
“Because... uh... because I’m not around you guys all the time, at school?” Foggy shrugs helplessly.
“You should probably stop trying to dig yourself out of this hole,” teases Matt.
“So,” Elektra says, taking pity on him, “St. Patrick’s is coming up, Matthew. I know you’re excited about that.”
“I am really indifferent towards it,” says Matt dryly. “Not all Irish Catholics care that much about it.”
“We’ll probably just go to Josie’s, unless we’re swamped with homework,” adds Foggy. “She’s got decent specials.”
“Also, pinching,” Matt adds. “Really not a fan of that. Especially since I don’t know what color I’m wearing anyway.”
Elektra chuckles. “I couldn’t resist.” Then she turns to Kara and Karen. “You two are adorable, by the way. Lovely hosts. How are you doing?”
Kara blushes and Karen says, “We’re good. Things are good.” Neither of them want to say much more than that, clearly.
“Glad to hear it,” hums Elektra.
They finish dinner, making idle small talk, and Vanessa says, “My cheesecake?”
Karen nods and hops up to retrieve it, beaming. “It looks very fancy,” she says.
“I can’t take credit for baking it,” Vanessa demurs, “but thank you.”
“I feel like maybe we shouldn’t eat it,” Foggy mutters to Matt. “It might be weird vampire food.”
Matt snorts. “Look, even if she’s a vampire, you should still be polite and eat some of it. Don’t piss off vampires.” Foggy considers this, nods, then takes a (very small) slice.