Chapter Text
Cal plunged into icy water as he finally lost his tenuous grip on the slippery, jagged fissure he’d fallen into. The last thing he saw before he was surrounded on all sides was Jayna’s horrified, helpless face as she lunged for him, BD-1 leaping forward beside her, and then nothing but the water and the darkness as he was swallowed up.
The frigid water was like knifes piercing every inch of his body as his hair and clothes were immediately saturated. He could feel his body seizing up, shock making him gasp even as he fought to deny the impulse, hands scrabbling for the rebreather attached to his belt. The pack on his back pulled him down, as efficiently as if he had a weight tied to his boots. Even as he slipped the rebreather into his mouth, taking a deep, shuddering breath, he shrugged the pack from his shoulders.
He knew he had only minutes before the shock would take over, and then he would be dead. The Force could shield him until he found a way out, but only if he got moving. As the pack sank to the bottom of the crevasse, Cal glanced around at his surroundings.
He was in a sunken, underwater tunnel of ice it seemed, possibly the remnants of an ancient canyon, long since swallowed up by the glaciers that covered the planet. With no way back up, he had no choice but to follow it and see where it led.
With his air supply restored, Cal focussed on slowing his heartbeat, taking long, deep breaths as he opened himself up to the Force. It flowed through him, its light and warmth easing the pain and cold setting into his limbs, so he could move.
Across the Force bond, he could feel Jayna reaching out, her own fear and worry tightly controlled by her calm. ‘Cal? Cal!?’ she called uncertainly, across the Force bond. ‘Where are you?
‘I’m… I’m okay,’ he replied, as he slowly started swimming, following the winding path of the tunnel. Muted though it still was, he could sense her relief even as concern sparked anew at his next words. ‘I’m underwater but I’ve got my rebreather. I had to dump my pack; it was weighing me down.’
He could practically predict what was going through her mind at that very moment, if only because he knew it too. Hypothermia was a very real danger now, with or without the Force. He could feel a numbness settling into his bones, the nerve damage that precipitated frostbite, even as he forced his limbs to keep swimming, heading desperately for the growing light source up ahead. ‘I’m in a tunnel… I’ll see where it leads. Keep going and I’ll find you!’ Cal continued over the bond, his voice weak and strained. ‘I…’
But he trailed off as the light in the underwater tunnel seemed to turn blinding, obscuring his vision as his mind seized, his body going limp. He fought it, as hard as he could, even as a voice echoed in his mind.
‘Cal… Cal…’
Jayna? But no, it was a masculine voice, a man’s voice… Master Tapal? Prauf? But no, there was no leap of recognition as he heard a man’s voice, refined Coruscanti accents trilling over his name, echoing in his head except…
He had heard it somewhere before.
‘Cal… Cal….’
He forced his eyes open to see a large crack in the ice above him, large enough for him to fit through, as he forced himself towards it. It was where the light emanated from and, in the Force, he could feel a pull, calling to him in that same familiar voice, repeating his name over and over.
But he was tired, his body weakening as the cold took its toll. His movements became sluggish and weak, as he stopped swimming, simply floating only metres away from the opening but unable to find the strength to breach the water.
His eyes fluttered closed one last time. ‘Cal…wake up, Cal!’
He jerked awake, pulled from his stupor as he looked up, shock waking him up momentarily as the numbness of his body receded for a moment. Above him, knelt by the crack’s edge, peering into the water was a familiar face, one he had once seen often.
It was a vision of his younger self, the boy he had been, dressed still in his Padawan’s tunic, his braid hanging down over one shoulder as youthful, innocent green eyes looked down on him. The cold made his mind sluggish, as he stared up at the mirage of his younger self in bemused confusion, even as the boy leaned down and thrust his arm into the water, apparently unconcerned by the frigid temperature.
‘Trust me…’ he said, his voice echoing around Cal’s mind as he floated in the tunnel. In the Force, Cal could still just about sense his bond to Jayna, but it was muffled, muted as if blocked once more. He could sense a vague echo of her emotions – fear, uncertainty, and awe – but he pushed them aside as he stared up at the ghost of his younger self. And then, once again, that voice…
‘Trust yourself… trust in the Force, Cal…’
With the last of his strength, Cal thrust his arm up, clumsily grasping his younger self’s hand. The boy he was nodded to him with satisfaction, even as he began to pull Cal up –
And then Cal was pulling himself up and out of the water, collapsing onto the ice-blanketed floor of the cavern he had emerged into, gasping for air as the cold attacked his body anew, his drenched clothes clinging to his body like icy poison, extending its tendrils into his skin as he groaned in pain.
For a moment, he let himself lie there, gasping for breath, curled in on himself in a vain attempt at warmth before he reached for his rebreather, tucking it back into his belt before he glanced up at his surroundings.
Ahead of him, his younger self was striding steadily away from him, seemingly unconcerned now his task was done, disappearing in a flare of light as Cal squinted through it. Once it faded, he realised he was in a large cavern, punctured by towering stalagmites of rock and glittering crystal, as the song of the Force surrounded Cal, reverberating and rippling around him as his senses were bombarded, drowning out the pain and the cold as he hauled himself upright.
There. The call in the Force… it emanated from the closest stalagmite, the one where his younger self had disappeared in a flare of light.
His body shivering violently, Cal stumbled on unsteady, shambling feet towards the stalagmite, forcing himself to make every step, his body aching with cold as his heart raced, his lungs labouring with every breath as the freezing air stabbed his throat and lungs with every inhalation.
The temptation to stop, to just give in, to give up and let himself fall, grew with every step. He was dying, he knew it… not even the Force could protect from hypothermia for long and he had been submerged far too long in such a cold climate. It would be so easy to just give up, and then all his suffering would be over…
But then he thought of Jayna, of BD-1. Of Cere and the holocron, of Greez and his sarcastic quips. Of the Mantis, and the cramped compartment he now called home. Of rainswept Bracca and Prauf’s kind, sad eyes. Of Master Tapal and his stern, exacting demands, and the unexpected tenderness in his eyes as he had looked on his apprentice one last time. And though he had tried not to for so long, he thought of his father, of the man he had once received a pleased smile from, and of his mother, a name he had only heard of, but never seen except for the odd snatches of footage on the HoloNet.
And he kept going, forcing himself onward even as his body folded, sending him tumbling to the unforgiving floor as he hissed in pain, his breath knocked from his body as it turned traitor and refused to carry him any longer. Shivering violently, Cal half-crawled, half-stumbled towards the stalagmite, his eyes fixed on a single point, shining in the scant light of the cavern.
A kyber crystal. His kyber crystal.
With a shaking, unsteady hand, Cal reached out and gently pulled it from its nest, cradling it in his palm as he looked down at it reverently. For a moment, he felt complete as the Force rippled and swirled around him, the energies in the kyber crystal reaching out and fusing to his own and then…
It cracked in two.
Cal stared down at the broken crystal in shock, as agony unlike anything he’d ever felt crashed through him in waves of hot, unrelenting shame and self-loathing. The crystal had rejected him. He had failed.
“No…” he gasped, falling to his knees. “No, no, no, no. NO!”
Closing his eyes to the sight of the broken crystal in his palm, Cal turned and let his body fold in on itself, leaning with his back against the base of the stalagmite, all the stubborn persistence of his spirit snuffed out as the cold and pain finally overwhelmed him. “It’s over,” he whispered, in anguish as he closed his eyes. “I failed.”
‘Failure is not the end, Cal…’ a voice stated firmly, kindly, refined, and elegant, as Cal forced tired eyes open, curled in on himself. What he saw made him gasp, surprise sending an electric jolt through him, waking his deadening senses as the Force rippled and glowed around him.
Stood before him, clad in stained, fraying robes, auburn hair lined with grey, face lined with care and old anguish as he looked down with a kind of patient affection, yet there was wonder and unease in those soulful blue eyes as Cal looked up into the face of his father. “Master Kenobi…?” he gasped uncertainly. “What…? How-?”
Obi-Wan Kenobi smiled. “You stand in the very heart of our ancient Order, where the kyber crystals that power our lightsabers are born and forged over hundreds of millennia… although, perhaps crumpled up in a heap might be a better adjective, hm? The floor can’t be very comfortable,” he said, with a gentle, chiding tone that had Cal flushing yet there was no mockery in Kenobi’s eyes. “The Force is concentrated here. Things are possible that could not be anywhere else.”
“You’re still alive,” Cal breathed. “How?”
Kenobi sighed, looking away as intense sorrow overtook his still handsome features. “That is too long a story to be told now. Suffice to say, I survived the Purge, just you did… my son,” he whispered, turning back to Cal as that look of wonder and unease glinted in his eyes. “It is what is enabling us to speak now. The bond of a father and a son… unknown until now, but still there.”
“I-I don’t understand!” Cal forced out through the chattering of his teeth.
“Nor do we have the time for it,” Obi-Wan sighed, crouching down in front of Cal. “I only learned of you recently. An… old friend informed me of your existence when he sensed Jayna’s awakening.”
“T-then you didn’t know? All those years ago… you didn’t know?” Cal asked, desperately as the older man frowned gently.
“No, I had no idea,” he whispered, in a pained breath. His eyes flashed darkly for a moment, as if seeing Cal’s memories of his confrontation with Trilla, as he added, “Distrust the Dark Side when it offers ‘truth’, Cal. It often fudges it with lies and half-truths to breed mistrust. If I had known… well, nothing would have kept me from you. Or your mother…”
“She was manipulated…” Cal breathed, recalling what Jayna had told him of Malavai’s manipulations.
“Yes,” Obi-Wan sighed, closing his eyes. For a moment, he looked like nothing more than a tired old man, if not for the traces of youth still clinging to his strong frame and handsome face, and not the legend Cal had revered as a youngling. “I am aware of Cordova… both of them… quite the piece of work, the Cordova twins,” he remarked sarcastically, as he opened his eyes once more, looking down at Cal with a twinkling glint there as Cal found himself seized with the urge to laugh. His heart was racing in his chest, full to bursting with so many emotions, he barely knew which to start with.
But the cold sting of the broken kyber crystal, cupped close in his hand, forced him to speak. “I-I failed,” he admitted, shamefacedly as he looked down at the fractured crystal. “It’s over,” he repeated. “I am no Jedi.”
“You are dying,” Obi-Wan said, in agreement as Cal raised his head lethargically, evincing no reaction to his statement. “Do you want to?”
It took a moment for Cal to reply. “No,” he admitted, almost sullenly. “But what use is that?”
“Do you believe that a lightsaber is what makes a Jedi?” the older man asked next, his voice still so gentle and calm. Cal frowned, glancing at the broken kyber crystal then at the shattered hilt still affixed to his belt, before looking back at Kenobi. He smiled sadly. “A Jedi is so much more than his weapon. He is everything that he stands for, everything that he seeks to defend, he is everything that beats in his heart. It is your heart that makes you a Jedi, Cal. Not your lightsaber.”
“If you had failed…” Kenobi trailed off, a tinge of anguish in his voice as he reached out a hand to Cal’s face, gently cupping his cheek. In that moment, Cal could have sworn it was real as he felt the warmth of sun-kissed flesh against his frozen face, as it spread outward from the older man’s touch. “You would have curled up beside your Master and waited for the troopers to find you on Bracca…”
Cal turned his face away, shame curdling in his blood as memories of that horrible vision on Dathomir flashed across his mind’s eye. “I failed him,” he confessed in an agonised whisper.
“No, Cal,” Obi-Wan shook his head, his voice still so quiet, calm, and patient, kind and wise as his eyes glinted at Cal sadly. “Tapal gave his life for the boy he loved as a son… there could be no greater duty for him than that… the only failure would be if you gave up, where you’ve never given up before.”
Cal was silent as Obi-Wan sighed, his gaze seeming to turn inward, yet his hand lingered on Cal’s cheek. “Failure is but the next step in the journey… a necessary step for without it, we cannot grow,” he continued solemnly.
“Master Tapal used to say something like that,” Cal whispered, his voice a harsh croak. Recalled from whatever dark memory the Jedi Master had been caught in, Obi-Wan Kenobi smiled approvingly.
“He was a grumpy sod, but he occasionally got it right,” he teased, surprising a quiet, rueful chuckle from Cal before his smile faded. “You can only move forward if you release the fears of the past. If you face them, confront them…”
“I thought I had,” Cal replied softly. “But they caught up to me in the end.”
“You ran from them, you suppressed them, but you did not face them,” Kenobi told him gently. “Confronting fear… is the true destiny of a Jedi. It is your destiny, and it is before you now. You and Jayna both.”
“Aren’t you going to reprimand me over breaking the Code?” Cal asked, surprised as he looked into Kenobi’s eyes and realised the older man knew about the depth of his feelings for her.
“Once, I might have… now, I am not so sure,” Kenobi sighed, sombrely. “Your feelings for her… they are a testament to you both, to the strength of your bond and your hearts… they could be both your greatest strength and your greatest weakness. But then that all ties into it, doesn’t it? Confronting fear… the fear you will face now, every day for the rest of your life, is the fear of losing her.”
“You did, and you didn’t fall,” Cal pointed out gently, thinking back to the news reports he’d seen of the assassination of the Duchess of Mandalore, broadcast over the HoloNet after the rogue Sith Maul had taken over the planet. He had only been newly apprenticed to Master Tapal then, ignorant of what it had truly meant yet… he had felt inexplicably sad, as though something precious had been taken from the galaxy… from him. A part of him had known his mother had died without consciously being aware of it, of her. Now he knew, now he was aware of it, there was a void, an emptiness inside of him that could only be filled by a mother’s love. And she had loved him, he was sure of it.
“No, I didn’t,” Kenobi nodded, with a sorrowful glance. “But it was a close thing. And it is a balance I must find for the rest of my life. As you will if you are to do what you must. Always, you will need to reconcile your feelings for Jayna and your chosen path, your chosen duty to the galaxy.”
Suddenly, he glanced round, as if something was happening out of Cal’s sight, as the older man frowned in concentration. “Our time runs short, and I have done all I can,” he breathed, looking back to Cal. “Remember, Cal. You must confront your fear. Overcome it, otherwise it shall always rule you.”
“Wait! Please! I have so many questions, so much I need to… so much we need to talk about!” Cal called, pleadingly as Obi-Wan went to stand. “Where are you? Tell me so I can find you again! We need you!”
“I… can’t,” Kenobi sighed, unwillingly, a spasm of yearning and anguish crossing his features as he gazed down at Cal. “My own path… I am tasked with something I cannot walk away from… what is more, I cannot run any risk of the Sith discovering my whereabouts, not if we are have to find new hope of defeating the Empire. Your path is dark, and full of uncertainty. If the Empire were to learn of my whereabouts from you…”
Cal hissed in a pained breath, but he understood. “Will we ever meet again?” he asked, his voice vulnerable and soft, like the boy he had been as he looked up at the strong, steady figure of his father.
Obi-Wan Kenobi’s lips quirked as he stroked his neatly trimmed beard thoughtfully, his eyes distant. “I have a feeling our paths might cross again,” he admitted, with a small smile as he looked back to Cal. His smile turned sad as his eyes roved Cal’s features hungrily. “You have my looks but… you look so much like her still. Your mother,” he explained, at Cal’s questioning glance. “Satine would have been so proud of you, my boy. As I am…”
Cal couldn’t hold his gaze at that statement, full of love and a limitless sorrow, so deep and expansive he didn’t know how the other man could live with it, but somehow, he did. Somehow, he found the strength. A pang of sorrow sounded within him too, for the mother he had never known and the father he had discovered too late.
“Your choice is fast approaching, Cal,” Kenobi declared sombrely. “Only you can confront the darkness within yourself and make the choice that will mark you as a Jedi. It is your destiny and the will of the Force… take comfort in that… trust in it, as you once did, and let your fear go…”
As he spoke, his form became more translucent with every word, until he faded from view. In the Force, Cal felt the connection fade as he called out longingly. “Father? Father!?”
‘Remember, Cal… the Force will be with you always… and so shall I…’
Obi-Wan Kenobi’s calm, loving voice in his head faded as it was drowned out by the sound of footsteps, as a familiar chirruping was overlaid by a panicked, relieved cry of his name.
“Beep-boop!”
“Cal!”
He raised his head and peered through bleary, blinking eyes as two shapes rushed towards him. As the final traces of the Force vision faded, he felt the last ghostly trace of his father dissipate from his mind. But the warmth his presence had instilled in him, that didn’t fade. It lingered, easing the numbness in his limbs, alleviating the chill in his body. Granting him precious minutes.
One of the blurry shapes resolved itself into the form of a young woman, brown-blonde hair tightly braided, clad in black and grey as she threw herself down beside him, hands clasping his face. “Cal? Cal? Answer me, you nerf-herder!” she snapped, brown eyes blazing as her hands searched for his pulse. Despite the panic in her voice, her hands were sure and practiced as they slid over his skin, lingering over the spot where his heartbeat throbbed weakly. “His pulse is weak. BD?”
Beside her, the little exploration droid opened one of its stim storage drawers, popping it up and out into the woman’s waiting palm. “You’re freezing,” she hissed, as she jabbed the micro-needle deep into the skin of his neck. “And drenched.”
“F-Father…” Cal murmured, as the woman glanced at him sharply.
“And delirious. Cal, I need you to listen to me. You’re hypothermic. I need to get the emergency hide set up, then get you out of these wet clothes. You need to stay awake; do you hear me?” she barked at him urgently, dark eyes intent on his. A moment later, she clasped his face between her hands, pulling his lips to hers.
A sharp wave of heat speared through him, warming his body further even if only for a moment. Recognition pierced the fog currently swathing his brain as she leant back from him, gazing down into his eyes. “Stay with me, Cal,” she breathed, as he raised lethargic hands to gently cup her waist.
“Always, Jayna,” he whispered, leaning his forehead against hers for a moment as relief filled those dark eyes as she returned the affectionate pressure.
“BD? Keep an eye on him,” she muttered urgently to the droid as she scrambled off him. “If he starts to drift off, give him a little shock.”
“Hey!” Cal protested weakly, but he didn’t have much strength for it. Jayna ignored him as she shrugged the pack off her back, digging through it as BD-1 trotted closer to Cal, booping worriedly. “Hey bud…” he breathed, reaching out a hand to affectionately caress BD’s head. As he did so, he opened the hand that cradled the fractured crystal as BD looked down at it. “I failed, BD,” he whispered, the warmth of his Force vision and his father’s words lifting as he followed the droid’s gaze to the broken crystal. Despite what he’d said, what Kenobi had assured him, Cal still couldn’t feel anything but the crushing weight of his failure. What did he have left to confront his fear if he didn’t have this…?
“Beeeop!” BD assured him, as Cal patted its head reassuringly.
“That’s good, buddy,” he breathed, as on his other side, Jayna pulled out the emergency survival hide Cere had packed for them. A marvel of innovation, it had been developed for the Grand Army of the Republic during the Clone Wars to serve as emergency shelters if their troopers were ever cut off from rescue and evac. The hide was completely heat-sealed, so no excess heat could escape while the flaps were closed so it was impervious to detection by anything that tracked via heat emission. Its inventor had been inspired by the colour-changing scales of the Kashyyyk chameleon so it could blend in with a number of environments as further camouflage. How Cere had managed to get her hands on one, they would likely never know but Jayna thanked her lucky stars she had one. Once set up, she could get the heater going and Cal out of his wet clothes before he was too far gone.
As she worked, she tried not to look at the broken crystal in Cal’s palm, unsure what she could say to alleviate the pain and uncertainty she could feel emanating from Cal. Cal’s entire life, the sum of his identity, was defined by being a Jedi. She didn’t know if this latest blow was one he could come back from. The surety she had discovered after her own Force vision still glowed within her, hot and indomitable as she inwardly vowed to do whatever was necessary to help Cal find his own.
Just as she pulled the toggles that would have the hide springing up from its packing, BD-1 burbled at Cal before the droid trundled away, its holoprojector flaring to life as a familiar voice filled the air once more.
“The time has come…”
Jayna paused in her work, glancing over her shoulder as the grainy hologram of an aging Jedi Master shimmered into being, walking towards a holographic projection of BD-1, affection in those kindly old eyes. Despite herself, she couldn’t help but tense at the sight of Malavai’s twin, no matter how disparate they were in their approaches. Now she knew, she could see the resemblance between the two, but Eno lacked a quality Malavai possessed in spades: arrogance and yet, she could see the same near-fanatical devotion burning in his eyes. His strength of conviction was at least the match of his sister’s.
“This may be the last you see of me,” the Jedi Master stated, a slight break in his voice. “I can sense the doom of the Jedi Order is upon us…”
“Be-bo-beep?” the holographic BD-1 replied, its head drooping sadly.
Cordova chuckled as he stepped closer to the droid, his voice turning firm and comforting, despite the sadness lingering in his eyes. “No! Failure is not the end. It is a necessary part of the path. Hope will always survive in those who continue to fight. Like you, BD-1…”
Both Jayna and Cal turned from Cordova’s ghostly hologram to look at BD-1, the droid patiently relaying its master’s final holo-log even as its holographic doppelganger stepped forward towards Cordova eagerly.
“I believe you will find someone as brave and persistent as you have been,” Cordova continued, with a reassuring smile as he knelt down in front of the droid. “And you will help them as you have helped me. But your memory will be completely lost. Are you sure you want to do this?”
Cal’s laboured, foggy breath hitched as he looked to BD-1 in shocked understanding, as Jayna covered her mouth with a hand, her eyes misty. In front of them, the holographic BD-1’s head drooped, seemingly considering Cordova’s words, before it raised it and replied with a firm, defiant chirrup as it stepped towards its holographic master.
Cordova sighed, reaching into his utility belt for a data chip, holding it ready in his hand. “Beginning total memory encryption,” he said, his voice hoarse with both remorse and affection as he inserted the data chip into the port on BD’s chassis, his eyes visibly misty with tears as he looked down at the little droid. “Only with a trusted connection will your memories be restored. By the time you reactivate, I shall be gone and you will have no knowledge of me, or of our time together…” Cordova seemed to pause, as BD burbled and chirruped, a sad smile breaking through even as he continued solemnly a moment later. “I believe in you… as I always have… and I believe in whom you choose to replace me…” he reached out, caressing BD’s unresponsive head as the droid went into shutdown, deactivating as the memory encryption protocols started taking effect. For a moment, the old man seemed to look up, and directly into the eyes of Jayna and Cal, before sadly glancing back down at the droid at his feet. “Goodbye… old friend.”
Jayna and Cal watched in stunned silence as Cordova removed a small remote from his belt, holding it up to some unseen point before the hologram shimmered and stuttered out of existence, taking the ghost of Cordova and BD-1 with it.
“Be-beep. Be-beep,” BD-1 chirruped sadly as its holoprojectors deactivated, standing staring at the spot where its old master had stood, for a few moments, like a ghost from the past.
“BD…” Jayna breathed, sorrow and awe in her shaking voice as she realised the depth and strength of the droid’s devotion and determination.
“Your memories…” Cal muttered brokenly on her other side, staring at the droid. “You risked them for me?”
The little droid turned and faced them, its head dipping as if in a nod. “Be-beep boop!” it assured Cal, as it stepped towards him once more.
“Yeah, I believe in you too buddy,” Cal sniffed, laughing weakly as Jayna blinked away tears.
“Beep!” the droid asserted, jerking its head towards the hand Cal cupped close, holding the two halves of his kyber crystal. Glancing down at it, Cal’s resolve returned as his father’s words echoed in his head, as well as Eno Cordova’s.
BD-1 had been courageous enough to give up its memories, willingly, and with no certainty that they would ever be decrypted. The least Cal could do to honour the droid’s sacrifice, and trust, was to try and hope. One last time.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Cal breathed, looking down at the two halves of the crystal. Like the two halves of his life, his being. The boy he was and the man he had become. The light and the dark inside of him… Hope flared, weak but resolved, as Jayna reached into her own belt, retrieving her twin pair of kyber crystals. “There’s still a chance. There’s always a chance.”
Jayna opened her palm to reveal her own crystals, golden tinged like twin stars in her hand. “Just as long as we keep fighting,” she whispered as Cal looked down at them, then back up at her eyes. They were calm and at peace, strong and fearless as he had never seen them before. In the Force, he could sense it within her… balance. She had found her peace and made it with her past. That was reflected in the twin crystals that had bonded to her.
Now it was his turn.
Even as he made that resolution, digging deep for the will to move, the crystals seemed to glow from within. In the Force, they resonated with a melodious harmony, one that called to Cal as he looked back at them, barely daring to credit it in case it was just another hallucination of his hypothermic brain but… it was no illusion. The two halves of the crystal gleamed once, an effervescent silver, before they darkened to a bright indigo, vibrant against the bloodless skin of his palm.
As Jayna held her crystals next to his, they seemed to hum in recognition and harmony with each other, a twin set of pairs, of darkness and light recognising one another as Cal and Jayna’s eyes met and held. Like their bond, the kyber crystals in their hands shone like stars, rippling with heat and understanding as the last barrier between them seemed to melt away, leaving them as close as they were before their confrontation with the Ninth Sister on Kashyyyk.
In the Force, the crystals called, and Cal felt every cell of his being leap in answer. But as he tried to scramble to his feet, his legs failed him, and he collapsed to the ground.
The spell broken, Jayna hissed and reached out, hauling him against her. “Oh no, you don’t,” she grumbled, shoving their kyber crystals into the safety of her belt unceremoniously. “Uh uh, no Jedi rituals until we’ve got you warmed up.”
“But…” Cal tried to protest, but he wasn’t really up to it as his body tried and failed to meet his resolve, the shivering returning tenfold as his body practically vibrated in Jayna’s arms.
“Don’t even think about arguing with me, Kestis!” Jayna growled, yanking him towards the hide. “You’re about a minute away from needing serious medical attention. Now strip!”
Even with the flaps open, the interior of the survival hide was warmer than the cavern as Cal momentarily considered protesting once more, but Jayna’s eyes narrowed dangerously as he meekly reached for his drenched, frozen poncho. Hauling it up and over his head, he tossed it aside as Jayna turned and rummaged in her pack. Hauling out three small, tightly packed bundles, she unwound them to reveal thermal blankets, tossing them at Cal’s feet. Unselfconsciously as he could, Cal stripped naked, wrapping himself in the blankets as Jayna set about constructing the heater, beckoning BD-1 in.
“D’you think you could get the heater going with a jolt?” she asked the droid, reaching for the flap seals and snapping them shut.
Feeling a little better, Cal tried to speak up again. “Jayna, we don’t have time for this. We need to get moving before the Imp-!?”
“You’re going nowhere until your core temperature has returned to normal,” Jayna hissed shortly, as the droid scurried to do her bidding. “We’re deep in a remote cavern in the middle of a blizzard. I think we’re safe as we can be, under the circumstances,” she reasoned, as the small heater buzzed to life, its solar batteries radiating intense warmth as Jayna shrugged off her jacket and tunic. Rolling them into a roughly square bundle, she placed it down near the heater and pointed to it. “Lie down while I make us some tea,” she ordered firmly, already turning and rummaging in her pack for her share of the rations.
“Yes ma’am,” Cal replied sarcastically, as she shot him a darkling look, but he could sense her satisfaction with his strengthening voice and mind. The warmth was already easing some of the chill in his bones as he laid down, careful to cover himself as much as possible. Soon, he was as snug as a wampa in a starfighter as Jayna bent over the heater, preparing the tea. She’d rearranged his heap of damp clothing in a tidy pile as close to the heater as she could, letting them dry off as BD watched her curiously. Finally satisfied, she poured out a mug of steaming tarine tea from the rations Cere had packed, crawling across, and handing it to him. It was bitter and unsweetened, but a welcome relief as Cal gasped as the heat from the drink seemed to seep into his muscles. It nearly scorched his mouth, but he drank it as quickly as possible while Jayna hovered over him worriedly, her eyes lingering on the minute shivers that still racked his body uncontrollably underneath the blankets.
“Hey, BD?” she called to the droid, as it perked up and tilted its head quizzically at her. “Can you keep a lookout for us?”
The droid beeped an affirmative as she stood, slightly hunched over in the cramped interior of the hide. Kicking off her boots, she reached for her vest, stripping it off quickly. Speechless, Cal watched as she stripped down, even her thermals, until she stood in her underwear. “What are you doing?” he finally managed to choke out, as she rolled her eyes at his discomfort.
“Sharing body heat,” she replied curtly. Kneeling beside his makeshift bed, she quickly burrowed under the blankets, sliding her body over his until she seemed to lie over him like another blanket, her warmth washing over him with all the comfort of a hot bath. “It might help you warm up.”
“It’ll do that alright,” he muttered lowly, as she shot him an unimpressed look, before laying her head on his chest, her arms tightly pressed across his torso. ‘You know, if you wanted to get me naked, you just had to ask…’ he quipped across the bond, as Jayna smothered a snort against his chest.
‘Cal!’ she retorted in a scandalised whisper. ‘Not in front of the kids! You’ll traumatise the poor droid!’
Chuckling, Cal raised his arms and held her close. Their legs tangled together under the blankets, Jayna wincing at how cold he still felt, but it lessened with every moment that passed, as the effects of the tea, Jayna’s body heat in close proximity to him, the blankets and the hide all helped to slow the shivers racking Cal’s body until they stopped altogether. Eventually, Cal drifted off in a light doze, his body relaxing as he sank gratefully under a cloud of warmth, affection and intimacy, from Jayna, from BD-1 and even in the Force where, just out of reach but still there, he could sense his father’s love rippling through him. His words like a balm, as he inhaled deeply, letting the Force wash him clean as he slept, safe in the sanctity of the Force bond as Jayna floated with him, their peace and strength restored despite the ordeal of the Crystal Caves.
Cal awoke sometime later; unsure how much time had passed as he blinked awake. The shivers had stopped, and he felt normal as he realised whatever Force healing technique his father had used had kept him from the brink of death, only helped by Jayna’s attentions. She slept on against him, her head pillowed against his chest in their cocoon of blankets.
Cal heard a familiar burble, sticking his head out of their cocoon to find BD-1 peering down at him worriedly. “Hey buddy,” he smiled at the droid, wordlessly reassuring it that he was alright. “Thanks for saving my butt. Again.”
BD-1 burbled and chirped, before glancing towards the flap of the hide. Cal’s smile deepened as he laughed quietly. “Sure, bud,” he assured the droid. “Go ahead, just don’t go too far. And be careful in case there are any more Imperial probe droids lurking about.”
BD-1 trilled affirmatively, before scurrying towards the flap. Cal extricated himself from Jayna’s embrace, ignoring her sleepy grumbling as he reached for the flap seal, opening it, and letting BD-1 out as the droid hurried off to explore the cavern.
Once he’d re-sealed the hide, Cal turned and slipped back under the blankets with Jayna, all too wide awake as she grumbled and burrowed deeper into their shared warmth. Smirking affectionately, he leant down and brushed a kiss across her rumpled braid. He felt her stir, waking slowly as she stretched on top of him. “Good morning,” he whispered against her hair, his voice slightly strained as her warmth impinged on him, his body languidly responding to the stimulus as her legs lazily twined around his own.
“Is it morning?” she replied sarcastically, raising sleepy eyes to his as she yawned. “How are you feeling?”
“Better. Normal,” he replied. And it was true if anything… he was starting to feel a tad overheated. As he saw her glance around for BD, he continued, “BD got bored, so he went off exploring.”
“I suppose he’s light enough and smart enough to stay out of trouble,” Jayna conceded, laying her head back down, her fingertips trailing lightly over the muscle of Cal’s biceps and chest. “If you’re feeling better, we should probably think about getting a move on.”
“Not yet,” Cal replied, leaning his head down so he could nuzzle her ear. “We’ve got time.”
Jayna raised her head to stare at him, brows raised. “This from the guy who was all for getting started on building his new lightsaber while only minutes away from dying of hypothermia? What’s got into you?” she asked incredulously.
“Think of it as an… epiphany,” he said, laying his head back down as he stared up at her. “Our lives are so full of darkness and danger… I think we need to stop and appreciate the peaceful moments when we can.”
Jayna eyed him suspiciously, her brows nearly disappearing into her hairline before she huffed and laid her head back down on his shoulder. “If you say so,” she muttered. “Even so, this is… nice.”
“Almost cosy,” Cal grinned, feeling her irritation flare as she snorted against his chest.
“You had to go and ruin it, Kestis,” she quipped, as he chuckled, his arms tightening around her. For a few moments, they lay there in silent companionship, their Force bond glowing like an ember between them, restored to its former strength at last. All around them, they were surrounded by the sounds of the cavern; the slow, unstoppable grinding of the glaciers nearby, the Force-song of the kyber crystals all around them, the trickle of water in some nearby rivulet. Thoughts of the Mantis, Cere and Greez, even the Empire… couldn’t intrude there. “Cal?” Jayna asked, finally breaking the peaceful silence. “What happened? Before we found you?”
Cal sighed, remembering the anguish of the moment when he’d held his kyber crystal and watched as it snapped in two, then the strange, raw tenderness of that Force vision as he’d spoken with his father for the first time. “I saw my father,” he whispered, as Jayna’s eyes snapped to his, wide with shock. As he explained, the shock turned to wonder, her jaw dropping open slightly. Once his tale was done, he looked to her and asked. “What happened to you? I could sense… something, but it was muffled.”
So she told him, explaining how she had found her path to the crystals blocked by an illusion of herself as a Sith, her conversation with Bastila and the vision she’d seen, of her ancestors, her family and the battles they’d fought, and the battles yet to come, with the tall, dark man and the woman in white who looked so much like her.
After she’d finished, Cal laid back, brow furrowed. Her recollections, her visions, resonated all too closely to the prophecy she’d told him Malavai Cordova had been obsessed with. He uneasily wondered what it all meant.
“What do you think they meant?” she asked, drawing him from his ruminations. “Bastila, Kenobi… kind of feels like they were trying to make a point to us both.”
“Perhaps they were,” he agreed, as the image of Jayna’s scarred hand reaching out to her shadowy doppelganger flashed across his mind like it was his own, and he knew she was reliving it in her own head. He thought of the hope he had found, BD’s sacrifice, Cordova’s faith, his father’s words… “Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi,” he murmured, as Jayna looked at him questioningly, her eyes serious.
A moment later she spoke too, her voice lilting and soft. “Love is the key to the darkness. It is the shield to protect you, the sword to defend you, the candle to light your way and guide your footsteps…”
“We carry their strength within us. Your family, your parents… mine, Master Tapal… all the Jedi that have come before us,” Cal continued. “They confronted their fear and rejected it. They found their strength in the hope for a better galaxy, a better future. Now we must do the same. That’s what being a Jedi truly means… not the Code, or the Council or a thousand millennia of rules and traditions that couldn’t save us. That’s what we have to find again.”
“Not light, not dark but somewhere in-between. Balanced,” Jayna breathed. Cal nodded.
“My father found the strength to resist the Dark Side when my mother was killed,” he continued, as she raised kind eyes to his. “His love for her made him stronger, not weaker.”
“Love only becomes a weakness if you let it hold too much power over you,” she whispered, looking away. “I said once the Jedi’s view of love was skewed. Do you see me as your possession?”
Cal frowned. “No,” he declared, almost scoffing at the thought. How could anyone imagine… no, delude themselves that they owned Jayna? Wild, untameable Jayna? “You are your own person. I’ll stand beside you for the rest of our lives, but I would never try to hold you down.”
“Any more than I would you,” Jayna replied softly. “If we go into this with our hearts and eyes open… this will become a strength, not a weakness. But for it to work, we have to trust one another to do what’s necessary. To never let our feelings become more important than our duty.”
“I think we have an agreement then,” Cal said, smiling suddenly as she blushed and hid her eyes from him. He had never seen her so bashful, but then he’d also never seen her so unapologetically, emotionally open before. Their lives were so full of danger, the threat of death always hovering, but he knew now they were strong enough to face it together. Even if the worst happened, even if they lost one another… they would carry on, never truly alone. ‘There is no death, there is the Force…’ the Force had brought them together, and now it bound them so tightly they were all but one being. Prophecy or not, manipulated or not, Cal couldn’t find it in himself to care anymore. If any being was foolish enough to believe it made them vulnerable… they would learn their mistake soon enough. “I love you, Jayna Shan.”
Jayna’s breath stilled in her chest, her eyes bright and shining with the same emotion, even if the words stalled on her tongue. Instead, she lunged up and kissed him, pouring all her feelings into it as Cal groaned and clutched her closer. He rolled them over, so he laid over her, his hips cradled between her thighs as she moaned and arched against him, her warmth a potent temptation. Her hands slid into his hair, caressing the fiery strands before sliding down his neck to grip his back as he pressed against her.
They parted, gently panting against each other’s lips as they smiled and suddenly started laughing. ‘Please tell me you weren’t planning on trying to have sex for the first time in the Crystal Caves…’ Jayna trailed off, as Cal snorted, his eyes gleaming.
‘While that would be a novel way of warming up…’ he joked, as Jayna’s eyes widened.
‘I think I just sensed a thousand Jedi Masters turning in their graves,’ she interrupted, only half-joking. ‘I thought this place was sacred!’
‘Perhaps if the intention was… less than pure. But what’s purer than love, and expressing it in its most physical form?’ Cal replied, eyes distant. When he finally looked back to her, his eyes were serious even if a mischievous smile still flirted with his lips. ‘When we finally make love, it’s not going to be in the ‘fresher onboard the Mantis. It’s not going to be while we’re stuck in an ice cave in the middle of a blizzard… it’s going to happen in a warm, comfortable room, with a fire and a bed and all the time in the world because I’m not rushing this. We’ve been pushed into everything so far, our choices all but non-existent. I refuse to let our feelings for each other be another victim of fate, or prophecy or... or circumstance!’
‘I never took you for a romantic, Kestis. A dork and nerf-herder certainly, but this is an unexpected side of you…’ Jayna quipped insouciantly, but Cal could sense the swell of affection as if it was his own. He lowered his head to kiss her once more, but they were interrupted by the chirruping trill of BD-1 as they glimpsed the droid’s outline through the fabric of the hide.
“Great timing, BD,” Cal muttered, as Jayna rolled her eyes, playfully shoving him off her before she sat up.
“We’d better get moving. If the storm blows itself out before we can get back to the Mantis, we’ll be sitting ducks for the Empire,” she pointed out, reaching for her clothes. With a sigh, Cal did the same, dressing in his now dry, if wrinkled, clothes once more as Jayna began packing up the hide. Once they were both dressed and their blankets, heater and rations packed away into her bag once more, they undid the flaps and stepped back out into the chill of the cavern to find BD-1 waiting for them, chirping inquisitively as both smiled affectionately down at him.
“Alright, BD. You’re right, it’s time to get moving,” Cal admitted, as Jayna set about packing away the hide into its packing, compressing it down until it was a fraction of its normal dimensions and stowing it in her pack. As she did so, her hands grazed the box of lightsaber components Cere had given them, as the Force seemed to ripple at the touch.
‘It is time…’
At Bastila’s whisper, Jayna pulled it free, turning to Cal as he nodded to her. Together, they turned towards a large shelf of rock. It could have been mistaken for a naturally occurring formation, covered in ice and crystalline deposits, but something in Jayna whispered it had been placed there for a reason.
In silence, they approached the bench, placing the box of components down as Cal unclipped his lightsaber from his belt and Jayna did the same, laying them side by side on the cold surface of the bench. Next, Jayna reached into her belt, retrieving their kyber crystals and placing them down beside the hilts before she looked to Cal.
“What now?” she asked quietly, as BD hopped up on Cal’s back, peering curiously over his shoulder as Cal smiled gently.
“There was an old chant Jedi Masters would recite while watching their Padawans construct their blades,” he explained. “Before the Clone Wars, when the Gathering was a ritual conducted only between a Padawan and a Master.”
“Alright,” Jayna nodded. “But I’m no technical genius here? How do I build a lightsaber?”
“Let the Force guide your hand,” Cal replied. “Close your eyes, let it in. Reach out, and let your feelings guide you.”
Taking a deep breath, cognisant of the fact that once upon a time, such advice would have had her rolling her eyes with derision, Jayna closed her eyes, shifting her awareness within until she found that anchor within herself, before sending her awareness out as the Force poured itself into her. On the opposite side of the bench, she felt Cal do the same as he started to speak aloud, his voice soft but commanding. And in the Force, she felt the echo of an untold number of voices, a softly whispering gestalt of the Jedi that had come before them, urging them on with approval and hope as the words of the Jedi echoed around them:
“The crystal is the heart of the blade…”
Cal and Jayna removed the kyber crystals from the hilts, the shattered pieces of Jaro Tapal’s crystal and the faded green of Cere Junda’s. Reverently, they laid them aside as they reached for their own crystals, but not with their hands. With the Force.
“The heart is the crystal of the Jedi…The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. ”
Jayna felt the deep peace of meditation wash over her, as her senses expanded to encompass the cavern they stood in, the wind as it whistled and howled over the mountains above their heads, the slow grinding of the glaciers under their feet, the heat of the magma as it glowed and spat molten fire in the depths of the planet. And through it all, she felt the crystalline harmonies of the Force as it resonated in the crystals all around them. She felt it enter her soul, taking root even as she felt it do the same in Cal, as slowly, the hilts of Jaro Tapal and Cere Junda were stripped away until only a skeletal chassis remained.
"The Force is the blade of the heart… All are intertwined…" Cal and Jayna intoned, their voices layered with the power of a million others, as slowly their new weapons took shape under their power. What would have exhausted her before, now took barely a thought as she sank ever deeper into the energies of the Force around her, as the image of her weapon took shape in her mind, and as it did so, new components were summoned and manipulated by invisible hands under her own, as they hovered beside Cal’s. Eyes unseeing and yet seeing everything, they looked up as they felt the last words of the chant echo in the very fibre of their being, the Force bond vibrating like a string on a harp, glowing with all the vibrancy of a supernova.
“The crystal, the blade, the Jedi… You are one…” the voices of the Jedi, of the Force itself, declared as Cal and Jayna straightened up, slowly coming back to themselves as their awareness ebbed, the bond dying to a smouldering ember in their minds, their power simmering comfortably in their veins as they looked down at their work.
The dented, tarnished components that had made up Cere’s blade were gone, piled in a heap beside Jayna’s hand, and in its place was a long, slender double-ended hilt of osmiridium layered over the chassis, enamel panels laid over dark animal hide bindings. At one end, Cere’s emitter was still visible, as Jayna laid a trembling hand over its grip.
Opposite her, Cal’s hilt had also taken shape. He had stripped the tarnished duranium away and replaced it with shining chromium. At one end, the cylindrical emitter from his old saber could still be seen, but its other end was gracefully blunted with an extended lip, shining in the silvery-grey light of the cavern. In the centre of the hilt, Jayna could see a seam where Cal had repaired the broken end of his Master’s hilt. With a hidden switch at the other end of the hilt, he could detach the two ends and wield dual sabers.
For her part, untrained as she was in Jar’Kai, she had opted for a dual-ended saber, albeit one with a redundancy built in, in case the hilt was ever severed in two, courtesy of her twin crystals. Just as she did, Cal held out his hand over the hilt and she sensed him reaching out to the crystals within, shuddering as the connection was forged.
With a trembling breath, she felt the same connection snap into being between her and her own crystals, as the Force trembled around them.
Meeting each other’s eyes, they picked up their new sabers, stepping away from the bench.
‘This is it…’ Cal breathed across the bond.
‘Now or never,’ Jayna agreed, as her fingers squeezed the switch. Beside her, Cal did the same.
With a deep, comforting hum, their sabers emitted shining blades from each end, glowing deep indigo and golden yellow, as they flourished them, testing their weight and balance as Cal split his saber in two, twin blades the colour of a star-nebula slicing through the air. Just like her quarterstaff had once felt, Jayna spun the hilt of her saberstaff above her head, its dual-ended blade like a sword of golden sunlight.
Pleased, exhilarated smiles lit up their tired faces as BD-1 booped exuberantly from Cal’s back as they deactivated their new sabers. All around them, the Force echoed and rippled with the weight, the rightness of the moment as they clipped the hilts onto their belts, standing tall and unbowed as they looked to each other and nodded once.
“We will honour the past…” Cal breathed.
“But we won’t be bound by it,” Jayna finished for him, as she glanced towards the bench where the spare components, and the shattered remnants of Jaro Tapal’s crystal and Cere’s, waited for them. By unspoken consensus, they packed up the unused components once more, including the discarded parts of their old hilts, before picking up the old crystals.
In Jayna’s palm, Cere’s meadow-green crystal glowed faintly while in Cal’s cupped palm, sparkled the shattered fragments of his old Master’s shining blue crystal. She could sense the faintest echoes of the man who had wielded it, his tenacity, ferocious courage and gruff kindness emanating from it as Cal stared at them, lost in thought, or memory, as his psychometry showed him the hidden depths of the man he had looked to as a father.
With a sad smile, he turned and tipped the crystal shards into a small alcove at the base of the rock formation he’d taken his own crystal from. Wordlessly, Jayna joined him, placing Cere’s crystal alongside it. Laying the past to rest.
For a moment, they stared down at the crystals lying side by side, in the company of their unclaimed kin, in silent respect as Cal reached out and grasped Jayna’s hand tightly. She squeezed back, before they turned and walked away.
Just beyond the bench was an old tunnel, long since blocked by sharp, ice-covered stalagmites. They strode purposefully towards it, pausing for a single moment as something, a feeling, caused them to hesitate at the edge of the tunnel opening.
Cal and Jayna glanced back, ignoring BD’s questioning boops, their eyes roving over the abandoned workbench, the glittering crystal points of the rock formations, feeling the echoes of the Jedi who had walked the same path they had, as a familiar pair of voices echoed in their heads.
“The Force will be with you…” whispered the voice of Bastila Shan, gentle and loving.
“Always…” whispered the voice of Obi-Wan Kenobi, kind and warm.
With tears in their eyes, but their strength, hope and purpose renewed, Cal and Jayna turned away from the crystal cavern. With twin flourishes, they activated their blades, nebulous indigo, and shining gold, as they began to carve a path through the stalagmites, soon leaving the cavern and its crystalline secrets, far behind.
To be continued…