Chapter Text
"Boss, what the hell cologne are you wearing?" Kaoru asked loudly enough that it could be heard throughout the entire music room, waving his hand in front of his nose. He was following through on his promise quite promptly. I respected him for that. I was also delighted that this would solve a problem for Haruhi, as well as provide me with some late-afternoon entertainment.
"What are you talking about!?" Tamaki squawked. "I wear this nearly every day!"
"Are you BATHING in it?!" Kaoru yelled back.
"Yeah, Boss. You smell like some cheap cologne that you picked up at a discount outlet." Hikaru chimed in. Kaoru wasn't kidding; he jumped in the mere moment there was an opening.
"I most certainly did NOT purchase this at some commoner's discount store!" Tamaki stood up from the table the three sat at, smacking his hands on the table. I glanced up at Haruhi, who was working on her homework before any clients showed up for the day. She was clearly stifling a laugh. Her face almost made me chuckle as well.
They continued like this for at least ten minutes.
Tamaki then dramatically got out of his seat. "HARUHI-" he yelled. She barely looked away from her book. He charged toward her. "DO YOU THINK THIS FINE COLOGNE IS AS REPUGNANT AS THESE TWO... VAGABONDS!?"
"Vagabonds...?" Hikaru muttered.
Kaoru hastily got out of his chair in a panic, my assumption being he was trying to rescue Haruhi from Eud de Tamaki.
"Yes."
Haruhi's voice silenced the entire room.
"...What did you say, Haruhi?" Tamaki almost whispered. "I couldn't quite hear you."
Haruhi's voice took on a bit of a mocking tone. "Yes. I also think that cologne smells repugnant." Her face may have looked rather severe to the untrained eye... but I saw it. I believe Kaoru saw it, as well, as he was quite clearly trying to maintain his composure in this admittedly comedic moment. Haruhi was trying so very hard not to laugh.
"Oh." Tamaki squeaked. He stood there, unmoving, for at least a full minute before he shuffled away towards the kitchen.
Even I couldn't help but smirk at the situation.
"KAORU LOOK." Hikaru shouted, wrapping an arm around his brother's shoulder.
They were looking at me. Wonderful.
"Oh my god... is the Shadow King going to LAUGH!?" Kaoru seemed genuinely surprised at the notion that I could, in fact, laugh.
"Oh my god, he is..." Haruhi giggled, having set her book down and turned in her chair to face me.
I sighed. "Why is the idea of me reacting to an objectively comedic moment so impressive to you all?"
Haruhi smirked at me, turning back to her book. "Maybe the Shadow King isn't all that Shadowy after all..."
Hikaru stared at her for a moment. "What's that supposed to mean?" His tone was bordering accusatory.
Kaoru attempted to intervene. "I think that was supposed to be a joke." He nudged Hikaru, laughing. "You know Haruhi isn't funny, Hikaru. Let her try! Be supportive!" Haruhi smirked.
Hikaru quite blatantly ignored his brother. "What does that MEAN, Haruhi?" His voice getting a little louder with each word. Haruhi just raised an eyebrow at him. She was so used to Hikaru's outbursts that they rarely bothered her. I, however, would like to personally introduce his face to my fist in this moment. Alas, this is not what Haruhi would want from me right now.
She spoke up, setting her book down. "What do you mean 'what does that mean'? I see him a lot more than you guys do. He really isn't particularly "Shadowy" at home."
"Stop calling it "home." His house isn't your home." The silence in the room was... palpable.
Kaoru looked genuinely confused. "Hikaru, what the fu-."
I set my notebook down. "My house is as much her home as your house is yours." I sighed. "Hikaru, I'm not entirely sure what's upset you, but I would much prefer you tell us what that thing is, and if I may suggest, that you watch your tone."
"I'll use whatever fucking tone I want." His words hissing through his teeth. He stepped closer to Haruhi. "Haruhi, I-" He cut himself off as he turned to look back at her. His voice and face softening almost immediately. "Haruhi, are you alright?"
She was, indeed, not alright. I watched the color drain from her face. A sight I was now all too used to. Hikaru had less than 15 seconds to move before Haruhi either kicked him or vomited on his shoes. She would very much dislike both of those options.
Kaoru assessed the situation impressively quickly, pulling Hikaru away from her. Then, very swiftly and silently, she got up and headed toward the restroom.
Hikaru pulled his hand away from Kaoru, and stood silently, watching in the direction of the restroom.
"Did I... do that?" He asked quietly.
"I'd wanna hurl if you yelled at me for no fucking reason, too." Kaoru said teasingly, though I could clearly see that he was almost as irritated as myself.
He wasn't all that incorrect, though. Haruhi got much sicker when she was stressed out. Last week, I took her for genetic blood testing for the baby. She had herself so worried about it that she was sick three separate times in that office.
The fact that we were still waiting on those results was probably also a factor in how sudden this particular bout seemed to come on. I had also been fairly on edge about it.
Kaoru glanced at his phone, and looked at Hikaru. He then looked at me, a certain... desperation in his eyes.
He mouthed the words "Distract him." I stared back at him, with what I assumed must have been the look Tamaki lovingly calls my "evil eye." The last thing I currently wanted to do was babysit an angry twin.
"Please?" He mouthed again.
Fine.
"Hikaru, she'll be fine. I assure you, she's-"
He turned from where he was looking to me. "Why the fuck aren't you doing anything right now? If you're such a... not...shadowy... boyfriend.... Shouldn't you be following her? What is WRONG with her? Why aren't you helping her?!"
Kaoru gave me a very brief thumbs up and jogged towards the restroom.
Ah.
"Hikaru... do you honestly believe that my having the title of significant other makes her any more willing to accept help in moments like this?"
He stood silently for a few seconds. "... Damn, seriously...?"
"She would shut the door in my face with the same amount of thought as she would Tamaki." I only partially meant that. She hated being sick when others could hear her, myself included. But she's never requested I leave if I'm around.
"... Sorry."
"I do believe that apology should be redirected to the young lady in the restroom once she returns."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, well. Sorry to you too, I guess."
"Though appreciated, none required."
"She's okay, right?"
"Hikaru, do you think I, of all people, wouldn't have her being constantly monitored by doctors throughout all of this?"
"... I bet she hates it." "You can not begin to imagine how much she dislikes it."
After a few minutes of very forced conversation about Haruhi, Kaoru came walking back. "Did we make up?"
"His majesty ain't kicking me out of the kingdom yet."
I smirked. "Let's emphasize that 'yet'."
Hikaru, again, rolled his eyes and walked towards the kitchen, where the others were undoubtedly listening in at the door to his impressive temper tantrum.
Kaoru walked up to me, leaning in a bit. "Kaoru one, Haruhi and Kyoya zero." He snickered. I raised an eyebrow.
Before I could even question him, he ran off, presumably to get Hikaru. Haruhi walked back not long after.
"Where did everyone go...?" She asked, looking confused.
"They are all huddled in the kitchen, and have been for quite some time. Either they're still listening to us, or they're having one hell of a time washing teacups."
She laughed, clearly feeling better. "Want to go home and do UNHOLY things in our bedroom?" She half yelled. Looking at the kitchen door. The shuffles and muttering were very audible through that door. She smiled, pleased with her joke.
"Always, Love." I responded in a low, hushed tone, standing up beside her. She looked a bit flustered. I loved when I was able to do that to her. I grabbed my bag, as well as hers. She seemed rather antsy to get home. And if this was the reason? Who am I to stop her...
_____________
Haruhi had been checking her phone every few minutes the entire time we'd been home. She wouldn't sit down for more than a moment or to at a time.
"Are you alright, Haruhi? You seem rather...-"
She looked at her phone and immediately lit up. "I'll be right back!" She spouted, already halfway out the door.
"I... suppose you are alright, then." I muttered to myself.
Haruhi was gone no more than five minutes, but it felt like an eternity.
"Sit!" She yelled, excitedly. Perhaps, nervously?
"Darling... I am sitting."
"Okay... well..." She walked over to me, and handed me a gift bag. "Open it then."
She was practically bouncing on her toes.
"Should I be excited... or concerned..."
Her eyes looked to the ceiling. "I have no idea, so please just open it before I lose my mind."
"Quite the sell, there, Love...." I smiled at her. "But fine."
I slowly began removing the tissue paper from the bag. Haruhi looked like she could tear her hair out at any moment. I had zero idea what this could be. When did she order this? Why was it so urgent to give it to me now...? All of my questions were answered the moment I pulled away the final piece of paper.
A pink hair bow. On top of a pile of what I could only assume were clothes. Very tiny.... Very pink clothes.
I picked the bow. A cloth headband attached to it, small enough only for the head of a newborn.
"Haruhi...?"
"Yes?"
"... Are we having a baby girl?"
She nodded, feverishly.
I reacted the only way I knew how. I stood up, bow still in hand, and hugged Haruhi as tightly as I could.
"So... you're not disappointed...?" She asked, wrapping her arms around me.
I didn't know how I felt. But I knew I wasn't disappointed. "How could I possibly be disappointed in the fact that I'll have the opportunity to raise a beautiful young lady with the absolute love of my life?"
She hugged me tighter. "I love you."
I kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too, Haruhi... When did you...?"
"Find out? I got the notification about that blood test thing while I was in the bathroom sick earlier."
"And you couldn't wait to look at them with me?"
"Would you have?"
"... No. No I would not have. I assume all of the other testing came back clean, then?"
"She's perfect." Hearing Haruhi say "she"... I was going to have a daughter.
"Of course she's perfect, she's growing in your body. She had no chance at anything less than perfection."
"Open the rest!" She half yelled. "They're real cute!"
I did as instructed. And she was correct. Even I thought they were all adorable. And just... so tiny. I'm unsure I've ever even held a baby before. Surely, they aren't this small...
Then I noticed the tags on the clothes. Hitachiin.
"Was that Kaoru you just ran to meet at the door...?"
"Maybe."
"... You told him first?"
"Kyoya, I was going to physically burst if I didn't tell someone, and I wanted to tell you in some kind of cute way. So. He helped me out. Without alerting Hikaru."
I smiled. "I would've done the exact same thing."
As I reached the end of the bag, I noticed a note at the bottom, written in hasty, bad, handwriting.
"Kaoru one. Haruhi and Kyoya, zero. -Favorite uncle to his NIECE."