Chapter Text
Jasper Hale didn’t trust in Uber – he was an old soul, really - so he had rented a Volvo along with the tickets. He went to get the car and Valerie waited for him at the exit. As she looked around, the girl sighed.
Arizona brought her so many memories back: good ones, bad ones, excellent ones, and life threating ones. The girl knew this was something mandatory, that she had to do in order to heal, yet it still hurt: it still hurt a lot to think that Arizona was her safe haven and her hell on earth at the same time. It was weird.
Valerie had found out that sunlight bothered vampires a lot and that it even had a cool light effect on their skin but that it didn’t burn them, so December was the perfect time to visit Arizona with Jasper and not catch the attention of people. It was also chilly – not the same chilly as Forks, but still – even though Valerie wished she could just feel the sun touching and kissing her skin again. She sat down in the Volvo and texted her mother. It was 11pm of a Friday and they would return on Sunday. Valerie was grateful that she still had two days at home before school started to think about the trip. She had been so happy about it when she received the tickets, but she was starting to regret it now.
‘How are you feeling?’ Jasper asked as he caressed her tight and got the car to move. She shrugged and joined their hands.
‘I’m fine, I guess. I’m just happy to be here with you. I always love when we ride at night, but a whole ass trip together is different.’
‘It is, indeed.’ Jasper replied and he could feel his smile growing. He had lived a lot of years, some alone and some with a partner, some dark and some light, but he had never felt so much at peace like he did when he was with the human girl. ‘My family has a cottage by the beach where we can stay. Are you okay with that?’
‘More than okay, Jasper. This is amazing. I really, really, can’t thank you enough.’
The drive from the airport to the cottage was pretty quick; after spending three hours in an airplane, Valerie decided to roll the windows down and enjoy Arizona’s weather, something that she had missed so much. She had get used to Forks and its rain, yes, but Arizona and its 13ºC of temperature in December brought her really good memories. She inhaled the scents of her childhood, a childhood that she would never have back, but was thankful for not recognizing most of the houses and landscape amongst them; she used to live in the other side of town.
Jasper parked his car next to a beautiful white fence and muttered “we’re here”. Valerie left the car and the sound of the waves crashing the shore nearby and the beautiful smell of the ocean filled her lungs as she finally stepped into the sidewalk – into Arizona’s sidewalk, for the first time in three years; she closed her eyes and enjoyed being alive.
As she opened them, she realized that the beautiful wooden cottage inside the white fence was meant for them to stay, being Cullen’s property. It looked as if it was straight out of a fairy tale – not as modern as the Cullen’s house was, but it was very welcoming and it looked warm. The garden outside was kept clean and organized, with no personal items nor any decorations. The entire cottage was made of dark wood, the door to allow the entrance being white, painted with flowers and newly replaced, Valerie realized, as she pushed it open.
It was even better than she was expecting and way more than she would ever ask the Cullen’s for. The interior was very simple, the cottage having only two rooms: the bathroom and a common room. Valerie’s gaze touched every single spot of the common room, where a big kingside bed was placed along with a kitchen with everything they needed, a small sofa with a TV and a small round table for two people. There were no pictures, no flowers, nothing – everything was very impersonal yet so neat and beautifully organized. The cottage had three big windows: one was right next to the bed while the other was next to the table. They were not like Forks’ windows, big and covering an entire wall and an entire floor. Arizona had sunlight sometimes and the family needed to protect themselves from it, so they were smaller windows covered with curtains. Valerie could see sand as she looked through the window and the waves forming in the sea and crashing in the shore; she smiled. She had missed seeing an actual beach, a familiar one. She had loved the ones she had gone to with Jasper, but Arizona was always different. It felt different. Yet it didn’t feel like home.
Jasper dropped their things on the floor, not really caring because they weren’t exactly taking the clothes out of their bags as it was such a small trip. Valerie decided to jump into the big kingsize bed and lie down for a little while Jasper looked through the windows; he was probably looking for signs of trouble, such as James. As long as it wasn’t that sign of trouble, Valerie really didn’t think anything could ruin their perfect trip to her perfect place on earth.
Valerie didn’t feel out of place, no; she was a few kilometers away from where she used to live and from where she used to go to school with, so it was just Arizona. It was just Arizona where she used to live and had been so happy. However, it was also Arizona where she had lost her will to live; it was Arizona which had taken away her best friend, away from her and away from her world; it was the same Arizona that had ruined her life forever. But she was there to grieve; she was there to see her best friend for the last time – at least for some years – and make peace with herself. That was what mattered.
Valerie unlocked her phone and quickly sent a text to her best friends, their Whatsapp’ group going absolutely insane when she sent a picture of the beach behind her. They knew she was going to visit her hometown but they thought she was going alone and that her mother would join her for New Year’s afterwards. They also didn’t know that she was in a mission to escape her past and visit her best friend with a Cullen.
Jasper suddenly held out his hand to her. Valerie dropped the phone, turning off the notifications and just turning herself off from the real world. She took his hand without asking questions, and she was soon being dragged to the beach in his vampire speed.
‘One day I’ll throw up on you, I swear.’ Valerie mumbled, clearly irritated about being dragged like a doll around. Jasper laughed as they both took in their surroundings.
Valerie took her shoes off so she could feel the golden sand touching her feet like it had touched so many years ago back when she lived in Arizona, back when everything was good. The beach was completely empty, the two teenagers being the only ones around enjoying the rhythmic sounds of the waves crashing on the shore. Valerie closed her eyes and breathed in deeply; she could almost feel her best friend next to her.
Jasper looked up at the night sky; he had spent hundreds of years watching the stars yet he could never grow tired of them. The moon was reflecting on the water, unusually round and white. Jasper felt the dark, frozen breeze hit his face, the fresh and deep smells of the ocean mixing with her perfume right next to him.
She was taking off her jacket and sweatshirt before he could blink.
‘What are you doing?’ Jasper questioned, his eyebrows furrowed. Valerie laughed.
‘I’m living a little!’
Valerie took off running in the water and soon after she was diving into the deep ocean. Jasper was after her a second later.
The moon was the only witness of a vampire and a teenage girl finding shelter in each other’s arms, in the end of December, in the cold waters of Arizona.
If only things could last forever.
☔
If only things could last forever, Valerie Addams would have stayed in that water and in the golden sand forever since last night.
The girl was never the one to share intimate moments with anyone; Mary had always been the most open on those subjects, whether it had been about boys, about her Summer romances or about her teenage dramas, Mary had always shared with Valerie her adventures. And Valerie wished she could do the same with Mary, but she wasn’t there. She wanted to tell her best friend how much she appreciated Jasper, how special he had her feel and how much she enjoyed his company.
That was only a small dream of hers, though. It would never happen.
The bad thoughts hit her in the morning. Jasper didn’t say anything but he indeed used his powers on her as soon as he realized the only thoughts on her mind happened to be about her best friend – her dead best friend that was buried a few kilometers away from them.
Valerie was feeling calmer as she watched Jasper graciously swimming in the freezing waters. She thought about joining him but she realized that she liked better watching him using his arms and legs to send himself quite literally flying in the water; everything about him was beautiful. Valerie wrapped a blanket around her and buried her hands on the sand – she had missed her hometown, but it wasn’t home anymore.
After going for a swim, Jasper Hale got out of the water, his clothes absolutely drenched, and threw his body against Valerie’s. The girl let out a screech as she felt his cold body hit hers and getting water all over her. Her noses were touching.
‘How’s the water?’ She mumbled, staring at his lips.
‘Come for a swim.’ He invited her, kissing her forehead. ‘I promise I will let you win this time.’
Valerie rolled her eyes; of course he would never let her win on their races, he swam stupidly fast in his stupid vampire speed and he was too proud of himself and his powers to let her win even if it was just one time. He just wanted to see her hair looking like a wet poodle.
‘I was thinking of visiting the mall to grab a souvenir for your family and my mother and grab dinner somewhere. What do you think?’
Jasper looked her in the eye.
‘We still have to-’
‘I know.’ The girl interrupted him. Valerie kissed his nose and rolled over, his cold and and now wet body pressing against hers. ‘I just don’t want to think about it yet.’
Jasper was okay with going to the mall; he was not okay, however, with Valerie having a mental breakdown over buying whether a snow globe or a biologic wine that tasted like strawberry that she swore Jessica needed to taste. Why were humans so complicated?
Jasper grabbed the snow globe.
‘Does it even snow in Arizona?’
‘Does it matter?’ Valerie growled back, fumbling as she looked at the two things in her hands. ‘Which one do you think I should get?’
Jasper had learned a lot since he had met Valerie. First of all, he must never, ever, ask her why she was mad before she had her morning coffee. He also learned that when she looked for his opinion, if he didn’t pick exactly what she had been thinking she would get rather sad about herself and pick his option instead of hers.
‘Well…’ Jasper hesitated. ‘Which one do you think she will like the most?’
‘I don’t know Jazz, that’s the problem!’
Jasper looked puzzled. He had never, ever, thought he would be standing at a souvenir shop in the middle of Arizona trying to pick a present for his mate’s best friend – and well, that his mate would be a human. He sighed.
‘Why don’t you get the two?’
‘Isn’t that too much?’
Jasper didn’t usually buy souvenirs, he didn’t know.
‘Is it?’
She bit her lip.
‘What if she thinks I’m calling her an alcoholic because of the wine?’
Jasper raised his eyebrow. Humans were weird.
Two hours later, Valerie had finally decided what she wanted to get for Jessica and they were off to eat.
As she nervously looked at her watch was when Jasper realized that she probably did know what she wanted to get – she just didn’t want to be free to go visit her best friend.
☔
It was rather a quick drive, and it was rather late as well.
Jasper could feel Valerie tensing against the car seat, but he didn’t say anything – there wasn’t anything to say if he wanted to be honest with himself. Sometimes silence was also an answer and sometimes silence was his best shot with the girl.
He parked right next to the big stone wall that would – try – to stop them from getting in. Forks’ cemetery was open 24/7, with only a little dark fence stopping people from coming in, but Charlie had never been the one to arrest people for visiting the cemetery at night unless it was for vandalizing purposes. Arizona’s cemetery, however, had a different schedule. It would take some convincing to let the guard let them in, but Jasper didn’t care.
Valerie was shaking as she grabbed his hand, looking for comfort and for his usual cold that felt so warm. Jasper looked at her trying to get a hold of her face, but she wasn’t looking at him, she was actually avoiding his gaze as she looked at her shoes.
Grieving was hard.
The guard was sitting on a chair right next to the big gate that would allow them in, reading a newspaper and looking quite bored.
‘Goodnight.’ Jasper croaked, and the man looked at him and raised his eyebrows. ‘We would like to visit a grave.’
The man chuckled and rolled his eyes.
‘Of course you would, except we close at 5pm. Come back tomorrow, the dead can wait.’
Valerie gripped Jasper’s hand. Jasper exhaled.
‘I said,’ He growled, and the man looked at him startled. Valerie watched as his eyes turned glassy. ‘I want to visit a grave.’
Valerie had seen Jasper’s powers in action sometimes, but she had never seen them so much in action like at that exact moment. As the guard’s eyes remained glassy, he took out the keys from his pocket – which Valerie was sure that Jasper could have simply snatched them away from him, but he liked to do an impression – and opened the huge black gate that towered above both of them. Valerie breathed in, breathed out as the gate opened and creaked. She had tried so hard to avoid this. They had fun all day, having dinner and buying gifts from people in Forks that it was now very late at night – but she had to visit. She had to make peace with herself and with her best friend.
‘You forget a lot of shit everyday. Forget this too.’ Jasper growled to the man as he allowed Valerie to go in.
The cemetery was big. Every cemetery in Arizona was quite different, but this one consisted in a field full of graves. She had seen many around Arizona and they were all so different: some of them consisted only on tombstones, headstones and sometimes graves that were only dirt and clay soil with a cross in the middle – people died more in Arizona than they did in Forks, and they were from all different economic status.
Three lamps were shining light on the first tombstones that they came across; right in the entrance was where they usually buried the babies. Sometimes stillborns. sometimes newborns – if they died with their mothers, sometimes they were still buried in their womb. Their tombstones were decorated with baby bottles, pacifiers with the deceased’s name written and a rather good amount of toys and blankets. As she read the dates of their birth and of their death, Valerie could identify that there were toddlers buried in there as well. She glanced away; she had gone through a lot, but she was sure she could never handle the pain of losing a child.
Cemetery’s in Arizona all followed the same rule: the latest ones to be buried occupied the places in the front. As she walked and glanced at every name, at every date, her breath quickened; they were still in 2020, apparently a lot of people had died in 2020. Jasper was silent as he held her hand and walked behind her – he knew he needed to be there, yet this was her moment and he wasn’t planning on interfering.
Valerie heard brown leaves crunching under her feet but she wasn’t scared, even though it was nighttime – everything was too beautiful for her to be scared. The tombstones were beautifully decorated and had beautiful, precious stones carved to make everything more sacred, more alive – everything was so precious and alive but everything was so dead at the same time.
Valerie’s breaths became irregular as she started seeing dates of death by the year of 2018. Valerie quickened her pace, desperate to find her, desperate to find her best friend that she hadn’t seen in so many years, desperate to find answers and desperate to find a peace that she didn’t even know she would ever get.
‘Val.’ Came the soft voice from Jasper, a few graves away from her. As Valerie walked to him, it was like the grass was swallowing her, like the air was suddenly knocked out of her lungs and like she was sleepwalking.
There she laid to rest for eternity.
Valerie kneeled down, her hands buried in the soil next to her tombstone. Her hair fell down, caressing gently either sides of her tombstone. That was only when Valerie realized that her own tears were washing the dirt away.
Jasper gulped as he used his huge hand to clean the dirt out of her headstone so the words could be read.
Mary Johnson, 19/07/2004-20/09/2018.
Beloved daughter, sister, friend. Never forgotten.
She would have hated it.
She would have hated her grave so much. They only mentioned her as being a part of their family, of being a someone to a certain other someone. They didn’t mention her huge heart, her intelligence and the harmony that surrounded her and that she shared with others; they didn’t mentioned how much of a good kid she was, how much love she was able to give to the ones around her; they didn’t mention her love for coffee, her ridiculous taste in jackets and her bad morning moods.
The headstone was shaped as a heart with the message written in cursive and a picture of her best friend – the most recent one they had, probably - where she was smiling as she ate an ice-cream.
They had promise not to forget her, but her tomb looked so decrepit, so abandoned that Valerie doubted that her parents were still alive – she was almost hoping that they were dead so she could excuse their behavior. There wasn’t anything decorating it – she had expected maybe a picture from their highschool friends, a picture with her and a picture of her family, but nothing. She was all abandoned for eternity in such a cold, dark place. And she was all alone. She was like any other dead amongst the sea of dead people buried 6ft deep. She wasn’t special.
Valerie felt like crying, and screaming, and ripping, but she couldn’t; did grieve taste like this? Like dirt, like pain? Was this her wake up call, that she needed to take joy on everything and everyone while they were alive because as soon as they died, they would be forgotten forever?
Tears kept trailing down her pale face; she caressed the stone like she would caress her best friend if she could, like she was right there next to her. But it felt so cold. It felt like it was all a dream and that she would wake up and Mary’s warm body weight would be jumping in her bed yelling at Valerie to wake up and get her some coffee.
‘Valerie. Darling.’
Valerie couldn’t stand the weight of her head, of her heart, anymore. She just wanted to lie down next to her best friend and sleep there. Jasper wasn’t using his powers on her as she felt everything so raw, so hurtful and so real.
He grabbed a piece of her hair and put it behind her ear. Their eyes met, hers all puffy and red and his darker than they were supposed to. It hurt him as well.
‘I brought you this. I thought you would like it.’
She looked at his hands; she hadn’t seen it when they were walking, but now she did.
Jasper held out to her a white rose and a white frame. She took it in her shaky hands.
A picture of the two best friends in the beach. She had never seen it before, but they looked so beautiful, so alive – they looked so tan, their skin kissed by the sun, their hair lighter than it usually was as they were eating ice cream, their bodies full of sand.
She screamed into her hand as the memories flood into her. Jasper held her.
‘How-’ She didn’t seek for an answer. She put the frame on the gravestone, the rose next to the picture, and closed her eyes again. She touched the tomb, and it was suddenly warmer.
Time stood still as the two best friends said goodbye; the wind stopped blowing, the birds stopped flying mid air and the cemetery belonged to the death again as the two worlds touched.
Valerie’s heart started beating faster as she realized that no tombstone was the bridge of their connection; her love for her best friend was capable of opening doors into another world, into another dimension if it were needed. They would always be together, and they would always be each other’s soulmates.
The fireworks set off suddenly.
It was officially 2021. It wasn’t another year without her best friend, no – it was another year of honoring her memory.
Valerie got up, hugged Jasper and touched his lips. She still had him, and she would have him for eternity.
‘Happy New Year, Jazz.’
‘Happy New Year, Val.’
And that would be the first year together of their entire lives.