Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was all over, Kalvaxus was defeated. Her family left, their house was completely gone as they left her behind. I don’t know why I go back to where the house was. It didn’t change anything, it’s not like one day they would be there with open arms and having me as their daughter. They left me, and maybe her friends will too one day. She wouldn’t blame them.

It was one of the times that I was standing on the edge of the empty property that Fabian found me there. He was riding the Hangman and passed me, but came back as I stood there. It wasn’t until he stood in front of me that I realized he was talking to me.

“Adaine? Are you okay?” He asked a frown tying his eyebrows into a furrow.

I feel the lump in my throat grow as I opened my mouth but only silence fell out. I shake my head and feel something cool roll down from my eyes. It wasn’t until I gently touched it that I realized I was crying. So quiet I didn’t even notice. From years of practice of crying in the bathroom after dinner, or letting them fall freely behind my closed door after a disappointing conversation with my parents.

They continued to fall as Fabian guided me to the Hangman and then before I knew it we were at the Seacaster estate. I tried to walk but stumbled to have Fabian catch me then we were in a drawing-room of sorts. My surroundings distracted me from my inner turmoil as there were swords scattered and books half-open laying on the floor. The sun shone through the window and painted the room in a calming ambience.

“This isn’t anything like what our drawing-room was…” I mumble I hear a chuckle from Fabian.

There’s a blanket put around my shoulders. “Yes well, Papa did keep lively company… I’d be surprised if there are many drawing-rooms like this one.”

“Ours was always tidy… even if you left to get tea and left a book on the side table it would be whisked away by one of the servants.” A hoarse laugh leaves my throat. “It’s where I’d argue with my parents a lot. If they weren’t out and doing who knows what they’d be in the drawing-room. Reading researching.”

Fabian nods and listens attentively, something I didn’t think could come from such a brash fellow.

“I’d go in and ask a question or when I first came out… I don’t even know why I thought it was important to tell them. I’m sure they didn’t care about me enough to care about who I love.” I shake my head and wrap the blanket around tight. “They dismissed it and treated it like it didn’t matter unless there was evidence to prove it was relevant.”

“I can’t even imagine… That must have been terrible to go through.”

I nod and laugh humorously, is this what it came too? Laughing over the atrocities my parents put me through. The great Adaine Abernant, Elven Oracle, laughing and crying over pain.

“It was… imagine telling them hey I’m a lesbian, but I’m not down for the sex part of it if that makes sense. And just receiving a very well, and a look that screamed what does it matter.” I let out a breath and try to catch another. “Imagine… Feeling like nothing you do is good enough so you say screw it and stop trying to please them to conform. But inside you still want that approval, the support. Anything that says they care and are proud, to be met with a stubborn wall.”

Tears fall again and Fabian hands me a handkerchief, it’s surprisingly soft. And I note to ask him later where it came from.

“Trying your hardest to care, but caring hurts. And either way, you’re sitting in bed staring out the window wondering if you’d be better off running away… Because what does it matter? They don’t care and you don’t have friends.”

I fiddle with the tassels on the blanket as silence settles in. Fabian shifts before clearing his throat. “But you do have friends… Adaine- if we aren’t friends after defeating a whole dragon and surviving after everything else. You’ve got some high expectations on what a friend is.”

“None of you have said it, we didn’t have a formal discussion about it. I tagged along with everything and hoped every time that none of you would shut me out.”

Fabian scoffs and I look at him with a scowl. “Adaine you- we don’t need to formally discuss we’re friends. But- okay let me meet you on your level. Logistically speaking,”

He smiles as I interrupt him with a giggle.
“We need you for so many reasons. You keep us grounded, we love you for what you are. The only expectation we have of you is for you to be yourself. After everything, I’m sure we’re glad to have a literal powerful elven oracle as our friend.” He pauses and takes my hands, his are callused and bigger than mine. “You’re not a failure because your parents never told you otherwise.”

And the tears come back as I lunge forward and hug Fabian tightly. He hugs back and holds me tight as I take shaky breaths and continue to cry. After a while, I pull away and somehow there are now glasses of water on the coffee table, Cathilda must have brought them in while I was crying. Fabian grabs one and gives it to me.

“Feel better?”

I nod and take the glass and down most of it in one go. He laughs.

“Fabian… thank you.”

He smiles. “What can I say? We elven folk got to stick together.”

We both laugh at that and I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders. As if expectations of the past have realized it’s the present and they don’t belong here.

“And what about you? Got any issues to work out while we’re on the topic.”

Fabian shrugs and looks off for a moment, he takes his eyepatch off and looks at it in his hands. “Yeah, I think we all do. A lot of what you said I could connect with, but you know slightly different.”

I nod and take a sip of water. He listened for me, it’s only fair I do the same for him. It’s what friends do, listen when no one else will.

“I feel like even after helping defeat Kalvaxus and killing my father… That I am not enough to uphold his name. Mama says there are stories of him that I haven’t even heard. That the ones I did were introductory. Imagine that only a fraction of how amazing he is- was. How am I supposed to follow that up?”

I sigh and hold one of his hands. “There comes a point in any kid I think. Where we realize our parents are a part of our lives, they are not a part of us. We can and should be our own people without their say or approval… You don’t have to feel that way now, you don’t have to try be your own person now-”

“How am I supposed to even do that? Even if I try I feel like he’s going to outshine me and I’ll never live up to it.” He says panicked and I squeeze his hand.

“Fabian, you will become your own person one day. And I think that you will be amazing. Because you’ll have pieces of your father, but only a piece. Because you’ll be more than him in unimaginable ways.”

He nods and flops backwards against the couch, I sigh and curl up.

“Imagine that huh… maybe one day.” He says and I nod.

Silence settles once again as we let the conversation die. I imagine the talk with Jawbone after this, I have been talking with him about some things. But apparently there’s plenty more to be said.

The room dims as the sun sets and soon enough it’s dark as Fabian falls asleep I imagine the other adventures me and my friends can find. The talks with Jawbone I’ll have. And the happiness I’ll pursue.