Chapter Text
They got to the truck and Caleb couldn’t help but sigh with relief. It was a little bit embarrassing how much help he needed to get into the cab, but he appreciated it anyway. Fjord had put up the middle console, turning the seats into a bench. It was still chilly, and they hadn’t been able to get his arm into his coat sleeve. He pressed against Fjords side as they drove, his head was beginning to ache and he couldn’t move too quickly without getting dizzy. Fjord was solid, one arm wrapped around his shoulders and Caleb sighed.
“Don’t fall asleep in here, we need to get you changed first”
Caleb scowled down at his shirt; the dried blood made him nauseous, so he closed his eyes again
“I am not sleeping; the streetlights are too bright”
Beau hummed in response and he heard her pull out her phone. The rest of the drive was quiet, and they managed to get up to the apartment without him falling over or banging his arm against anything. The apartment was dark and quiet when they opened the door, the light in the bathroom was on but set to its lowest brightness. Caleb could only barely see, but he knew Fjord would be able to see in the semi-darkness just fine.
“Oh darling, look at you” Molly tutted quietly, his voice was lowered to nearly a whisper, and it occurred to him that Beau must have warned him.
“Beau can tell me what happened, I’m sure you’re wiped out”
Caleb nodded gratefully as Fjord helped him get out of his jacket and boots. He was so tired, and the concussion made everything feel distant and hard to focus on.
“C’mon Cay, lets get you to bed”
“Smooth talker” he teased, his voice was rough and just a bit too breathy, but Fjord chuckled anyway
“Maybe once your brain is less fuzzy”
“Hm”
Caleb registered vaguely that this was the second time in an hour that Fjord had seen him stripped down to his boxers. It wasn’t like they hadn’t seen each other like that before, but not often. Fjord had made it clear that he couldn’t in good conscious go any farther when Caleb had been drinking. Since then they hadn’t managed to get a day off together.
Fjord helped him into bed, laying down on his side next to him. Caleb reached out his good hand, flinching slightly when he registered the scrapes and bruises that covered it. Fjord took it and squeezed gently, letting out a shaky breath into the dark room. Caleb couldn’t see his face, but he could feel somewhere in his gut that Fjord was frowning.
“What’s wrong Süsser?” He kept his voice soft, something about the darkness made everything feel still.
Fjord sighed “you got hit by a car, Cay”
“I’m alright”
“You might not have been, I—" he paused, and Caleb brought their joined hands to his mouth, kissing the inside of Fjords wrist “I don’t think I’ve ever been so damned scared Cay”
The admission was quiet, a shaky whisper that made Caleb’s chest constrict.
“It has been… fuck” he huffed “I was terrified waking in the hospital again”
“Let me drive you home for a while, okay?”
Caleb hummed, pretending to think it over but knowing he didn’t need to. Any excuse for more time with Fjord was a good one.
“Ja, okay”
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Fjord slept next to Caleb all night, though if anyone other than Caleb asked he wouldn’t be able to honestly say he slept much. He kept replaying the phone call in his mind, hearing the womans voice saying “there’s been an accident”, his sleep deprived mind turning over all the other meanings that sentence could have had. How lucky he was that Essek had even seen Caleb at all, and had tried to stop. How much it had hurt to hear Caleb begging to just go home. He lay in the dark, watching the thin chest rise and fall rhythmically next to him, savoring the small noises the wizard made in his sleep. He had tried to untangle some of the knots in Caleb’s hair at one point, but had to stop when he hit dried blood.
Once Jester got him sorted out he would need a shower… and these sheets would need washing, along with his clothes.
Caleb had been so brave too, standing up for himself to Essek and sitting alone in that hospital room. Fjord knew the last time he had woken up in hospital had been the night he had tried to slit his wrists… it couldn’t have been pleasant to wake that way again. Covered in blood and in pain… He shivered.
By the time Caleb woke (with a pained groan that had Fjord on the edge of panic again) it was nearly two in the afternoon. Beau had sent a text saying she spoke to Gus, he would be off until the weekend.
“Cay? How’re you feeling?”
Another soft groan and Caleb turned his face towards Fjord, squinting in the dark room.
“Like I was hit by a very expensive car”
His voice was hoarse, but Fjord could hear the attempt at sarcasm, and he smiled slightly. He scooted closer, nudging Caleb’s nose with his as a warning before he kissed him. Caleb sighed into the kiss, shuffling on the bed as well as he could to reciprocate it and pressing the palm of his good hand against the side of Fjords neck lightly. When they broke apart Caleb smiled at him, blue eyes warm even in the dark
“That helps”
Fjord kissed him once again, smiling “good, happy to be of service”
It took them a few minutes to get out into the kitchen where they could hear low voices talking. It turned out to be Molly and Yasha, the Tiefling seated at the island and Yasha standing leaned against the sink. They both looked up and smiled when they saw Caleb, leaned heavily on Fjord, up and moving.
Fjord maneuvered him to the living room, setting him in his big reading chair since it had the sturdiest back and arms. Caleb sank into the leather with a sigh and a grimace.
“Any word from Jess or Cad?” Fjord asked, looking over at the others as they settled on the couch (and the floor, in Yasha’s case).
Molly hummed an affirmative “yup, she’ll be here soon she just had to wait till the end of her shift” he paused and pointed to Caleb “oh, call Veth, she’s been blowing up our phones all morning”
Caleb smiled and thanked him, borrowing Fjords phone to make the call.
When Jester finally arrived half and hour later, Fjord once again helped Caleb into the kitchen to standing leaning against the island. He fought the urge to just pick the smaller man up and carry him. The faster Jester got to work on him the better.
“Oh Caleb” she half-whined “look at you! I’m so so sorry that I didn’t come sooner, I left my phone at work and didn’t see like any messages until this morning, and then Caduceus had already left to do deliveries and well…” she trailed off, looking miserable and contrite.
Caleb shook his head and tried to smile at her even though it clearly hurt.
“Nein, it is fine Jester, I just appreciate you helping out”
Fjord felt a rush of affection for the man. He had been through so much shit and somehow he was still kind. She just sighed and shook her head again
“They have clerics at the hospital too you know! I know I’m like the best cleric, but you look so sore”
Fjord watched as Caleb’s smile disappeared and he shook his head, a shiver going down his spine.
“I do not let people I don’t trust use magic on me, you know that Jester”
She flushed and nodded, there was silence for a moment as Fjord remembered what Caleb had told him about the man who killed his parents.
“He tricked us, changed out memories so we could not tell the horrible things he was doing…” he had trailed off, staring out the window “he made us forget… or made it seem, I don’t know- normal I suppose?”
Fjord had reached out, unsure and tentative, to take the pale hand in his, to try and calm the shaking there. Caleb had turned back and smiled, but it had been a sad smile, bitter. Fjord had pulled him close, held him until the shaking stopped.
Fjord reached out again, taking Caleb’s good hand in his and squeezing, Caleb squeezed back and smiled at him before letting go.
Jester took a deep breath and stepped forward slowly, hand held out
“All ready to feel better?”
“Please”
Fjord watched as Jester took his hand now, swirls of green and pink magic flowing from her. He watched as the scratches and cuts on Caleb’s face closed, the bruising fading until it looked at least a week old. Caleb took a deep breath and smiled as the magic faded, reaching up to unhook the sling that held his arm. The relief was clear on his face as he thanked Jester, who threw her arms around him in a hug that would have knocked him out a few minutes before.
“Ooooohkay” she sang happily “The Traveller says you’re totally all better, other that some of the bruises but they’ll go away soon too!” She turned to Molly and Yasha “ready to go?”
Fjord tilted his head curiously and looked between his friends, Molly smirked mischievously as Jester sighed happily
“We’re going shopping! It’s been ages since we all had time off, so we’re going to hit every single store we can before they close!”
Fjord rolled his eyes, of course it was shopping. He would never understand the groups collective love for wandering around stores for hours. The only time he had ever enjoyed it was when he went with Caleb to the bookstore… and that was more about watching the man then the actual shopping. They watched the others leave in a flurry of colours and chatter, waving goodbye as the door clicked shut and the lock slid into place.
Caleb let out a sigh and leaned back on the counter, smiling when Fjord caught his eye. Fjord stepped closer, reaching up and gently taking the gauze pad off Caleb’s previously cut cheek. He ran a thumb over the still lightly bruised cheek bone and smiled when Caleb leaned into the contact.
“Feeling better?”
“So much. You never realize just how much your ribs do until they stop doing it”
Relief, still tinged with fear was gnawing at the back of his mind. The image of Caleb on that hospital bed, the blood soaked shirt he had thrown into the corner of the room last night. The fact that if Essek hadn’t slowed down quick enough that horrible phone call would have been even worse…
“Hmm” Fjord leaned in and pressed his lips to Calebs, warmth spreading through him when warm hands gripped his shirt in response “Don’t scare me like that again, please” he mumbled into the kiss.
Caleb nipped his bottom lip lightly before pulling away just enough to respond “I will try, I’m so sorry I-“
Fjord cut him off with another kiss, pouring all the relief and the still faintly buzzing fear into it. Caleb gasped, hands moving to grip his shoulders as Fjord licked into his mouth. Fjord rumbled low in his chest, the familiar taste of Caleb on his tongue. He slid his hands down Caleb’s sides, hooking them under his knees and lifting him. Caleb’s fingers dug into his shoulders as he set the smaller man down on the counter, pressing forward to slot himself between warm thighs. Fjord broke the kiss, earning a soft whine from Caleb which morphed into a low moan as he dragged his teeth down the column of pale throat. Fjord tangled one hand in the soft hair at the base of Calebs neck, trying to push the image of dark blood staining it out of his head.
Caleb was here, he was here and he was okay. Not bleeding out on asphalt in the dark, not lying in a hospital bed.
Here. Safe.
Fjord growled at the images in his own mind, pressing lips and teeth against Caleb’s pulse point, reveling in the strong beat he found there. Caleb gasped his name as Fjord nibbled at the sensitive skin, rolling his hips against Fjords and dragging blunted nails down the back of his neck. A spike of arousal shot through him at the press of Calebs half-hard cock to his skin, and very suddenly they were wearing far too much clothing.
He tugged pointedly at the hem of Caleb’s shirt before pulling away. Caleb made a needy sound in the back of his throat as Fjord whipped his own shirt off, tossing it to the floor. Caleb copied the motion, pressing his hands to Fjords chest and staring up at him with pupils blown out.
“Fjord” Caleb’s voice was breathy and full of want, and Fjord felt his orcish hindbrain kick in.
He closed the space between them, capturing Caleb’s lips again in a desperate kiss. He tangled a hand back in the long hair and tugged, pulling a rough moan from the man in front of him. His free hand slid past the hem of Caleb’s pajamas, cupping his ass as Fjord rolled his hips, seeking out any form of friction. He moved his lips along Caleb’s jaw, the rough texture of stubble scratching at them as he went, before pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the tender skin below his ear.
“Caleb” his voice was low, and he would have been embarrassed by the desperate need in it if he had any room in his mind for it “Can I-?”
“Bitte, please Fjord please I-“
Caleb’s breathless begging turned to a satisfied moan and soft panting as Fjord bit down on the skin under his lips, sucking a new bruise into pale skin and laving it with his tongue to sooth the sting. He worked his way down Caleb’s neck, spurred on by the way his lover tilted his head to give him better access.
“I thought- when they called—" he mumbled between biting kisses “I thought you—"
“I know” Caleb soothed, voice rough and just a little desperate “I know Schatz I know” one pale hand came up under Fjords chin, tugging him upwards again.
Caleb’s eyes were dark with want, his cheeks flushed and lips red and swollen. It was an image Fjord would kill to see every day.
“I am here Fjord, I’m here”
He whined softly, it felt like his heart would burst through his chest at any moment as Caleb pulled him in for another kiss. This one was slower, deeper, Fjord parted his lips as Caleb’s tongue pressed against them. He pulled himself up to his full height, pressing in so their bodies were flush against each other and he could feel Caleb’s heartbeat pounding against his skin. He slid his hand out of Caleb’s hair, moving to grip his thighs again. Caleb wrapped his legs around Fjords waist in response, pulling a huff of laughter out of him. He lifted, and started walking back towards Caleb’s room
“And just where do you think you’re taking me?” Caleb purred against his ear, nipping lightly at the lobe
“Somewhere I can take you apart without having to worry about your counters” he growled back, the sharp hitch in Caleb’s breath made him smile.
It took a moment to get oriented on the bed, Caleb clung to him as he crawled to the center of the bed, one arm still around Caleb’s back. The sheets were cool by now, but he knew that wouldn’t last. He knew somewhere in the back of his mind that this wasn’t how you were supposed to respond to your boyfriend nearly dying. But he couldn’t help it. He needed to feel the way Caleb’s heartbeat pulsed beneath his tongue as he mouthed along his neck. The way his skin warmed to under Fjords larger hands, solid and hot and real and here. He needed the noises, the gasps of breath, the moans, the broken Zemnian stuttering at his touch.
Needed the heat of him, familiar and wonderful and alive. The way Caleb’s body, his too thin-too pale-too bruised body reacted to his slightest ministration. The fever warm taste of his lips.
After, when they were laid out, Caleb’s head resting on Fjords chest and Fjords fingers pressed lightly to the pulse point on Caleb’s wrist, he would think about it. He would shake and Caleb would calm him with soft kisses and softer words. Fjord hadn’t lost him; he hadn’t lost someone else he loved. Because he did, love Caleb that is, and he couldn’t go through that again.
But that would be later, for now he could focus entirely on the warm body beneath him, and then above him… and then in front of him.
Here.
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Caleb woke again, sprawled across Fjord’s chest with the steady beat of his heart beneath his ear. The room was just on the edge of too-warm, the smell of sex and sweat laying heavy in the air. He shifted slightly, sliding his hand up to cup the side of Fjord’s neck and smiling at the responding flex of his hand on Caleb’s waist. He sighed happily, laying there in the semi-darkness he was safe, comfortable… if a little bit sore.
“Y’alright love?” Fjord mumbled from above him, pressing a kiss to the top of his head
“Just fine, go back to sleep.”
“Hmm…” Fjord stretched under him, shuffling his legs where they were tangled “we should eat, you haven’t had anything since yesterday.”
Caleb grumbled, pressing himself forward and tilting his head to nuzzle up against Fjords throat. He knew Fjord was right, they ought to eat, and he was sure that if he stopped and thought about it for a moment, he would be hungry… but he was so comfortable. Caleb was so very rarely comfortable; he wasn’t sure he was willing to give it up. Seeming to read his mind, Fjord chuckled and began carding his hand through Caleb’s wild hair.
“Just some dinner Cay, then back to bed if you want… though showers might be a good idea too.”
“Are you trying to say something?” he leaned on his forearms on Fjords chest, smiling down at him
Fjord wrinkled his nose with an exaggerated frown, sitting up quickly enough that Caleb had to grab his shoulders to avoid falling. Fjord pulled him into his lap, making a show of sniffing loudly while he brushed his nose across Caleb’s skin. Caleb laughed, giving him a light shove and pouting back in the same theatrical way.
“Oh, can’t have that…”
Fjord leaned in, smiling as he caught Caleb’s pout with a kiss and laughing when Caleb kissed back eagerly. He hadn’t felt this way in so long, maybe he never had at all… he couldn’t remember. There was something about Fjord that just made him feel… light, like the weight he had carried for so long could be put aside for a moment.
Eventually, after many more smiling kisses, they made their way out into the kitchen. Fjord had tried to insist that he shower first, but Caleb had argued him down, promising to eat while he got cleaned up. There was a note stuck to the fridge, in Molly’s scratchy writing, that promised leftovers and let him know that his occasional roommate was having ‘girls night’ with Jester and Yasha. Pulling the door open, sure enough there was a paper bag with “Caleb & Fjord” written on it, surrounded by hearts.
He did eat, and get a shower, and as promised spent the majority of the weekend wrapped around Fjord in one way or another. The only problem was the headaches.
And the nausea.
And the shakes.
Okay, maybe a good portion of why he was so firmly attached to Fjord for the rest of the weekend was the withdrawal. Everything ached, his head pounded. It was like the concussion all over again, but no cleric was going to come prancing in to save him this time. Fjord, to his credit, took it all in stride. He sat with Caleb through the shaking, helped him navigate the darkened apartment and made a point of keeping water at hand. He had even been kind enough to hold Caleb’s hair when he raced to the bathroom to be sick the first time. The quiet moments after had almost been nice, sitting in the bed while Fjord braided his hair for him when he said the hair tie bothered his head.
“Do you want to try?”
“Try riding it out you mean?”
“Yeah, you can if you want to. You know I’ll stick around and help however I can”
Caleb had thought about it then, sitting on the bed with his stomach still rolling. Did he want to quit drinking? Did he want to use the rare opportunity his concussion and subsequent weekend off would offer?
“Yes. I want to try.”
Fjord had kissed the back of his neck then, and Caleb could feel the smile on his lips.
“Alright love, we’ll try.”
Of course, withdrawal only gets worse before it gets better, Caleb knew that better than most.
Fourty-eight hours, and the fever had set in. He had sweat through three shirts before Fjord just wrapped him up in a blanket instead, brushing his flyaway hairs back and talking quietly. He couldn’t remember much from the last day or so, everything was fuzzy and confusing. He knew he had begged for a drink though, had pleaded for something – anything – to make it all go away. He was feeling clearer this morning… but he knew it wouldn’t last. He had to convince Fjord to go home, had to stop him from seeing what came next.
“I—I am so sorry about this” Caleb panted, laying in bed as his heart tried to race right through his chest “You should go home, it only gets… it is not something I want you to see.”
“I’m not going anywhere Cay, what if it gets worse?”
“That’s what I am saying Fjord, it’s going to get worse, that’s the problem!”
He couldn’t help the annoyance that slipped into his voice. It was Tuesday now, just about 72 hours since his last drink. He remembered this phase; he knew the chances of hallucinations where higher for him than other addicts… he knew exactly what kind of thing he would see if they came around. He didn’t want Fjord to see that side of him, and his conviction that he could make it through another round of the DT’s was fading rapidly. There was no booze in the house, Molly had made sure of that the day he came home from the hospital. The larger than average bag he had left with had suddenly made sense when Caleb had opened the liquor cabinet and found it empty. That cabinet had never been empty, not in the entire year he had lived in the apartment. He was only a little bit ashamed to say that he had cried when he saw it, sitting on the kitchen floor until Fjord woke up and held him.
“Caleb, darlin’, I’m not going to let you do this alone.”
“You should, I—” he took a deep breath, a wave of nausea crashing over him “hallucinations Fjord, nightmares, a-and more—”
He leapt from the bed, moving as fast as he could to the bathroom and just barely making it before his stomach tried to expel what little there was in it. Pure bile. As he knelt panting over the toilet a cool hand landed lightly on his back, rubbing up and down soothingly. He dropped down, sitting with his back against the tub and trying to breath slowly through the waning nausea. Fjords hand slid into his, lacing their fingers together.
“I’m not leaving.”
To his surprise, a wave of relief washed over him at the words this time, and he squeezed Fjords hand.
“Thank you.”
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The hallucinations that Caleb had warned him about did come, taking Caleb’s scatterbrained confusion all the way to the next level. They spent three more days essentially locked in the apartment, Fjord having emailed the school from Caleb’s computer. He had made the excuse that the concussion was worse than it had seemed and managed to get an indefinite amount of time off.
He held Caleb close, curled up in bed as he muttered in desperate Zemnian. Fjord didn’t understand all of it, but what he did catch was heartbreaking. On the second day, after a particularly violent hallucination that had ended with Fjords arms covered in scratches and Caleb sleeping fitfully, Fjord was surprised to hear a quiet knock on the door. He pulled the bedroom door almost all the way closed, leaving a gap so he could hear if Caleb woke up, and made his way across the apartment. Opening the door he couldn’t help but smile.
“Beau, Mols, what’s up?”
They smiled tentatively at him and walked in, holding up grocery bags.
“We figured you might be running low on some stuff” Molly whispered, eyes flicking to the bedroom door “hard to do groceries at the moment yeah?”
“Very true, thanks guys”
They set to work unpacking the food and drinks, moving about the space as quietly as they could. Finally, Beau pulled out subs for them all, and they settled at the kitchen island. They ate in silence for a little while, before she cleared her throat and nodded towards the dark bedroom.
“How bad is it?”
“It’s… well, it’s definitely not good anyway” he sighed “he’s hallucinating, and then as soon as he gets lucid again, he starts trying to get me to leave.”
“Yeah, that tracks for Caleb” she shrugged when he raised an eyebrow at her “he would rather suffer by himself, knowing him he probably thinks he deserves it or something.”
Fjord let that idea sink in a bit, nodding along as they told him about what was going on outside of their little cave. They were cleaning up their dishes when the bedroom door creaked open slowly. Fjords head whipped around at the same time as the others froze in their tracks. There in the door stood Caleb, a pair of loose pajama pants on, his braid had come loose and now his hair framed his face in a messy cascade. His eyes were wide and glasses, staring off into the distance at something no one else could see.
“Hey there darling…” Molly whispered uncertainly “did we wake you?”
Caleb looked over at him, confusion colouring his expression as he took another few steps forward.
“I am… where is Mutter?”
Fjord felt his heart crack in his chest, in the faint glow from the under-counter lights he could see just how flushed Caleb still was. There was a sickly colour high on his cheeks, and he could see where the sweat had pasted whisps of hair to his forehead.
“She just stepped out for a moment dear” Molly said kindly, walking towards Caleb now “are you hungry? Or shall we get you back to bed?”
Caleb yawned at the mention of bed, but his eyes drifted back to the front door uncertainly. Molly wrapped an arm lightly around Caleb’s waist and started leading him back towards the bedroom. He shot Beau an encouraging look before quietly offering to sing Caleb back to sleep. Once they were back in the room, Fjord turned to look curiously at Beau. She took a breath and nodded at him, concern on her face.
“You need a break, and a shower. Definitely need a shower.”
“I can’t just leave him like this—”
“No one is suggesting you do. We’re here to help man, go take a shower, go home for a night and get some proper rest” she reached out and gripped his arm “we love him too, we’ll look after him.”
He was torn, he did really need a shower, and he was exhausted. The idea of leaving Caleb made his gut twist, and he really wasn’t sure he would be able to rest anywhere but here.
“Okay, the shower I can definitely agree to… but honestly I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep.”
“Try.” Her voice was hard, and he knew the expression on her face all too well “go home, shower, try to sleep and—” she waved her hand relentingly “and if you really can’t then come back. At least you’ll be clean and have fresh clothes.”
That was fair. He could do that.
Probably.
He took a deep breath and agreed on the condition that they call him immediately if anything changed. Before he left, he peeked back into the bedroom: Caleb was laying curled up on his side with his head pillowed in Molly’s lap. Molly had his hand running through Caleb’s hair, which was completely loose now, and was humming softly under his breath. Red eyes, glowing faintly in the dark met his and Molly smiled slightly and waved with his free hand. Fjord smiled back, a blanket of comfort settling in his chest. Caleb would be fine, Beau and Molly were more than capable of keeping him safe and as calm as one could hope.
Okay, he could do this.