Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Izuku is eight the first time he stands on the roof of a high-rise building with the intention of dying.

The railing on the roof is taller than Izuku, towering over his tiny frame. But he knows that he could climb over it if he tried. He sticks his head through the gaps of the railing and stares at the busy traffic and groups of people walking. The world around him moves even though his has been shattered and ripped apart.

The streak of horrible days had started early this month (well it had started when he was four and found out that he was quirkless, but that became the new normal) 

First, he’d found out (through an eavesdropped phone call - but Izuku’s mother had been yelling over the line, so it wasn’t even his fault) that his father was sending less money from America than he’d originally promised, so his mother had been forced to pick more shifts at the hospital and she was barely around anymore. 

Kacchan’s quirk output had increased and the starburst patterned scars decorating his body were increasing with the output. It didn’t look like Kacchan was stopping anytime soon.(Izuku is proficient in cleaning and bandaging those wounds without any help now. And lying to his mother has somehow become easier than breathing.)

His classmates had laughed and called him names, tripping him in the corridors and in the staircases. It had been a rough month, but nothing out of the ordinary. 

After all, he was a weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku . 

And then during the period before lunch, when Adachi sensei had given them some free time, Izuku’s world tilts, and then like being sucked into a black hole, he spirals from there.

Tsubasa watches Izuku with a wide gloating smirk and then calls out to the class as he uses his wings to fly higher - all eyes on him. “I heard my mother saying that a high school girl killed herself because she was quirkless.”

Izuku goes ramrod still, he’s not even sure if he’s breathing, fingers tightening around the pencil in his hand. He pointedly stares at the notebook in front of him, ignoring all his classmates, ignoring the lump rising in his throat.

“She jumped off a roof because she didn’t want to be useless anymore. Because no one wants her, no one cares about her.” 

The pencil clatters to the floor, but the sound is lost in the outburst of laughter coming from his classmates. Even Kacchan snorts and the room is too hot for Izuku, he can hear his heart in his throat - thump thump thump . He can’t  b r e a t h e. And the stark realization that no one wants him to breathe anyway - it slams into him and kick starts his body.

Izuku is flying out of his seat and towards Adachi sensei. “May I use the restroom sensei?” he glances at her for a moment and sees amusement dancing in her eyes. He tenses. She’d been watching, listening, and yet, yet - a sob gets stuck in his throat.

Weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku. 

“It’s lunch next Midoriya, you can use the restroom then.” she smiles, saccharine sweet and the laughter behind him grows louder.

He presses his trembling lips tightly. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry . And he stays still in his seat, breathing uneven and shallow - even as the heat of Kacchan’s explosions fan his face.

Izuku, on some fundamental level, knows that this is barely the tip of the iceberg. He thinks of how his mother wouldn’t have to worry about money, of how his classmates couldn’t care less if he was reported dead on the news. He thinks of Kacchan and his explosions - searing pain on his skin and Izuku’s knees buckle. He presses his face against the railing and finally allows himself to cry. Alone on this rooftop with no one to hear him, the sobs echo in the wind.

He thinks, most importantly of the high school girl who’d jumped off the roof of a building just like this one. He wonders how many years of pain she’d endured, how strong she must have been to make it all the way to high school. He could hardly make it out of primary school. Weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku .

He wants to become a hero but he also wants the pain to stop. No more mean words, no more bruises, no more burns - he wanted - he wanted to be more than just a Deku .

“Kid?”

Izuku startles violently and presses himself against the railing harder, curling upon himself to make him smaller.

“Hey, hey kid it’s alright. I’m a hero, I’m only here to help.” 

Izuku slowly peers up at the hero who’s a few feet from him. The man is wearing dark clothes and there’s a roll of bandages nestled around his neck. And he's holding...grocery bags? Izuku frowns, eyebrows drawing together in suspicion. “I love heroes, so I know a lot of them sir.” his voice is thick with tears and he tries to sound more confident “But I’ve never seen you before.”

The man nods and places the grocery bags down “I’m Eraserhead, I’m an underground hero. You’re not supposed to know of me.”

"I know what underground heroes are." Izuku sniffles, wiping his tears away hastily "Do you have proof?”

The man moves his right hand slowly, deliberately so Izuku can follow it, and then he pulls out a card and slides it across the floor of the roof. Izuku picks it up, examines it front, back and side. Once he’s satisfied, he walks up to the man and hands it back.

“So, do you want to tell me what you were doing here kid?” Eraserhead’s voice is gruff, but he raises an eyebrow at him. 

He hears Kacchan’s voice in his head “Because you’re a Deku, no one will ever help you, even heroes. You’re a worthless waste of space.”

But this man didn’t know Izuku was quirkless. Still, Izuku thinks that standing on the roof of a random building definitely meant trouble if a hero stopped by to check on him.

“The view is nice Mr.Eraserhead.” he responds quietly, hands fiddling with the straps of his backpack.

He hears the hero sigh “Kid, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth.”

And Izuku flinches at that. A beat later, he comes face to face with the hero and realizes that the hero has crouched down to his height.

“What’s going on kid? You were crying earlier.”

“I’m s-sorry for causing tr-trouble.” he speaks automatically, tears starting to form in his eyes, head hanging low as he stares at his shoes.

“You’re not in trouble and you haven’t caused any either.”

Izuku looks up in surprise “R-really?”

Eraserhead’s face softens as he speaks in a much gentler voice “Really kid. I’m just worried that you’re here alone.”

“Oh.” Izuku blinks and then he looks away guiltily “I-I just had a ba-bad day. I won’t come up here again. I’m sorry for wasting your time, Mr. Eraserhead.”

“You’re not wasting my time kid.” Eraserhead settles down onto the floor, crossing his legs “I’m the one who chose to check in on you, so I’m here because I want to. Okay?”

Izuku nods and then he sits down across from Eraserhead mimicking the older man’s position, he supposes that he's a little tired as well. “Mr.Eraserhead, what’s your quirk?”

Eraserhead looks at him, dark eyes scanning his face and then he says “I can erase a person’s quirk by looking at them.”

Izuku’s jaw drops “That’s so cool!” he yells out and watches as the hero visibly startles.

“So-sorry.” Izuku mumbles out as he hunches in on himself. ("Your muttering is creepy Deku. Are you a villain?")

“Don’t apologize. I didn’t think you would react like that, that’s all.” Eraserhead says gruffly.

“React like what?” Izuku frowns at him, curious.

Eraserhead shakes his head tiredly “How about we do this. For every question I ask you, you get to ask me one.”

Izuku bites his lip, thinks for a moment, and then nods excitedly “Okay.”

“First question, what’s your name?”

“Izuku.” he smiles innocently.

Eraserhead’s lips twitch “Fair enough, I should have been more specific.”

“My turn!” Izuku chirps softly “What's the thing around your neck? I thought they were bandages, but now from up close, it doesn’t look like that Mr.Eraser. Can I call you that? Eraserhead is really long.”

Eraserhead sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose “The thing around my neck is called a capture weapon and it’s made out a carbon alloy, so no, they are not bandages. And yes, you can call me Eraser.”

“A carbon alloy?” Izuku tilts his head and then grins “That’s really cool! Can I write this down?”

Eraser looks a little uncomfortable at the idea “I would prefer you don’t, considering I’m an underground hero.”

Izuku pouts, but then nods “I understand Mr.Eraser.”

“How old are you Izuku?”

“I’m eight. What do you use the capture weapon for?”

“Since my quirk can only erase other quirks, I use my capture weapon and other fighting techniques to fight villains and capture them. Where are your parents? Won’t they be worried, kid?”

“Mom’s working at the hospital and my dad left when I was four.” Izuku answers quietly and he places his backpack in front of him like a barrier. Because his mind is whirring and his thoughts are all jumbled up. Because...he doesn’t understand…

How can... how can Eraserhead be a hero?

“But- but,” Izuku's face scrunches up in confusion and Eraser patiently waits for him to gather his thoughts “Doesn’t that mean,” Izuku starts in a low voice “That you’re basically fighting quirkless ?” he finishes, words barely a whisper.

“I do. So ?” Eraser asks, in the same monotonous voice, but Izuku sees the curiosity in his eyes and hears the edge in his voice.

“Do you - do you think that a quirkless person can become a hero then?” Izuku averts his eyes, hugging his yellow backpack tightly.

The hero watches him carefully for a few moments and then finally speaks slowly, as if trying to make Izuku understand something very important “A quirk is a tool Izuku, it definitely helps to have one as a hero. But that doesn’t make the hero itself. I’m not saying quirkless people can just as easily become heroes, because they definitely have to work ten times harder and they’ll face a lot of obstacles. But ultimately, it's what's in here - ” Eraser taps his forehead - “And what’s in here - ” Eraser taps right over his heart - “That really matters.”

Izuku tries very hard to not cry, to not feel special , but this is the best thing that has ever happened to him and within seconds he’s launched himself at Eraser, backpack flying to the side as he bawls into the hero’s chest.

At first, the hero doesn’t respond, but quickly Izuku is wrapped in a warm embrace and the hero rocks him as he shushes soothingly. “It’s okay Izuku, it’s okay, you’re going to be okay kid.”

After a while, when Izuku is done crying, he hugs Eraser tightly again “Thank you.” he croaks out “I - I was going to jump off the roof because I’m quirkless.”

He feels Eraser stiffen and then his arms wrap around Izuku tightly “Did anyone tell you to?” Eraser’s voice is quiet but he sounds angry.

Izuku nods, burying his face into the crook of Eraser’s neck and somehow Eraser’s grip on him tightens further like he means to never let Izuku go.

“Can you tell me who?”

“A boy in my class said so and everyone else agreed.” Izuku mumbles as he plays with the edge of Eraser’s capture weapon.

“What did the teacher say?”

“She laughed.” Izuku shrugs “Everyone hates me Mr.Eraser.”

“I don’t hate you Izuku.”

Izuku peers up at him and looks at his face for a long while to see if it’s one of those lies adults say to make someone feel better even though they don’t mean it. When he finds only sincerity in Eraser’s face, Izuku beams “Thank you for caring Mr.Eraser. You’re the first one other than mom.”

“Izuku, the way people are treating you is wrong.” Eraser tells him gently as he threads his fingers through Izuku’s curls.

Izuku leans into the touch, it feels very nice and makes Izuku feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

“I need you to tell me more, kid, I can’t let you go like this - what I did was how any human being should treat another.”

“It’ll be okay.” Izuku smiles up, patting the man.

Eraser sighs “Alright, let’s get down the building first and then we can talk more.”

Izuku lets go and then puts on his backpack - “ No Mr.Eraser I’m eight, I can walk down the stairs by myself, you don’t have to hold my hand - I walked up here all the way by myself .”

Halfway down the building, he turns back to Eraser “Does this mean you’re my friend now Mr.Eraser?”

Eraser’s lips twitch again and Izuku thinks that’s how Eraser smiles and it makes Izuku feel like he’s accomplished something big. “Yes Izuku, it means we’re friends now. Although, you should have friends your own age kid.”

Izuku hums at that but doesn’t say anything else.

And when they get out to the street, he looks up at Eraser “Mr.Eraser, I’m sorry sir - ”

Eraser opens his mouth to reassure him presumably but Izuku continues without giving him time to respond “You’re the coolest friend I have. I hope I meet you again someday!” and he turns away from the hero and bolts . 

He hears Eraser shouting for him and knows that the hero tries chasing after him, but Izuku is small and smart, so he gets back home without getting caught. When he walks into his room and dumps his bag in the corner, he smiles widely - I’m going to be a hero and no one can stop me .

Chapter Text

Izuku is eleven when he visits the building’s roof again.

His bag is overflowing with red and white Spider Lilies and he spills all of the contents from his bag onto the roof without a care at how it scatters all over the place. He’s screaming and sobbing in anger, in bitterness, in agony, in pain . Always in pain . 

Last evening, three middle school quirkless students had killed themselves - slit their wrists together and left notes behind for their families. Izuku had thrown up when he’d read it on the news and he wanted to skip school altogether today, but he knew that if he didn’t turn up, it would somehow be worse. 

And when he had walked into the classroom, a quiet hush falling around him. He’d stood in front of his desk stacked with bouquets and bouquets of Spider Lilies and wished

                               h e   h a d   d i e d .

He picks the Spider Lilies, gathering them in his arms, and then unceremoniously dumps them onto the other side of the railing. He watches as they drift in the air and then fall down, spinning and spiraling to the ground. For a minute he pauses, eyes trained on the flowers and then he reaches out for the wind to take him, tilts forward to fall on the other side - he’s only just leaning against the railing when something binds around his waist and pulls him back. 

He crashes into something solid and then arms come around him - warm, tight, safe . 

“Izuku.” the person greets him, voice just as gruff as three years ago.

Izuku lets out a watery laugh and clings on tightly “Eraser.”

“It’s because of the suicides from yesterday.” 

It’s not a question, but Izuku answers anyway “Yes.”

“Your classmates gave you the flowers.”

“Yes.”

“And the teachers did nothing.”

Izuku’s silence is enough of a response. Eraser cradles him against his chest and gently lowers the both of them down onto the floor.

“Did you,” Izuku pauses, clearing his throat “Did you come because you thought I might be here?” he thinks he sounds a little too hopeful.

"Yes." Eraser breathes out and he threads his fingers through Izuku's hair - gentle yet firm and grounding "I'm so glad I did."

"I wasn't really going to jump." Izuku mumbles, fiddling with the edge of the capture weapon "I was just - I just wanted to - " Izuku's throat gets stuck as he chokes on a sob, and his entire body trembles . Eraser as ever waits patiently and rubs his back soothingly. Weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku.

"I hate myself so so much." He chokes out "I know being a hero isn't going to be easy for me, but no one said it was going to be this hard either."

Eraser is quiet for a long moment and then says "It shouldn't have to be this hard for you kid. What people are doing to you, it's unfair. No one should ever have to go through what you're going through." Eraser cups his face and tilts it up so that their eyes meet "And for the record, I still don't hate you kid."

Izuku smiles weakly "You're a hero, I don't think you're allowed to."

"No Izuku, it's because I'm your friend ."

Izuku bursts out sobbing again "I can't believe you still remember everything I said - I was eight Eraser ."

"A pretty smart eight-year-old at that." Eraser answers, voice monotonous but his lips twitch. 

Izuku wipes away his tears, sniffling lightly. "As a friend will you help me throw the rest of these flowers off the roof."

"I think I have a better idea." Eraser smirks, it's a new expression that Izuku hasn't seen on the man’s face and it makes Izuku a little excited but scared all at once. 

After an hour or so, when they get away from the city to a quiet place with no people and Eraser piles the flowers into something like a bonfire, Izuku finally decides to speak up about their destination. "Eraser, are you kidnapping me?"

Eraser huffs in amusement "As an underground hero, I assure you, I know foolproof ways of kidnapping."

"You're not making me feel any better."

"We're here to burn the flowers." Eraser says casually like he's talking about the weather. 

" What ?"

Eraser hands him a lighter "Try it out."

Izuku blinks at the lighter and then steps in front of the flowers and lights one of them. He watches as the flames dance around, spreading to the rest of the pile, and then he smiles. He grins with joy . 

"Told you it would feel good." Eraser ruffles his hair. 

“Do you smoke or do you just happen to carry a lighter with you all the time?” Izuku raises an eyebrow at him.

Eraser shrugs “I used to smoke, but then I quit. Now I just hang on to it in case I need it during patrol.”

Izuku sighs “I’m glad Eraser-san. Smoking causes cancer.”

“You’re one to talk.” Eraser replies pointedly and then he wrinkles his nose “Don’t use formalities with my hero name, it sounds weird.”

“Thanks for caring about me Eraser-san.” Izuku smiles innocently.

Eraser pinches the bridge of his nose and then shakes his head in what Izuku thinks is fondness “Aizawa.” he finally says.

“Huh?” Izuku stares at him in confusion.

“Call me Aizawa kid. My civilian name is Aizawa Shouta.”

Izuku smiles at  “Midoriya Izuku.”

Aizawa smiles back softly “Let me drop you off at your house Izuku.”

“Pretty sure you’re not going to listen to me even if I say otherwise.” Izuku sighs as he swings on his yellow backpack

“Not a chance in hell.” Aizawa scoffs, one hand already steady on his capture weapon.

“I won’t run again, last time was lucky.” Izuku pouts and after a few beats of silence, he quietly adds “I don’t want to run away either.”

Aizawa sighs and then lays a hand firmly on his shoulder, a solid presence as he steers Izuku to the train station.

Somehow Izuku ends up parting ways with the hero’s phone number and his lighter. 

( “Call me every day, If you don’t, I’ll come looking for you problem child.”

“Problem child?”

“You’re going to send me to an early grave, that’s why - my problem child.”

Izuku grins cheekily, Aizawa’s eyes narrow in suspicion.

“Are you sure you don’t need the lighter? I might start some accidental fires.”

Aizawa huffs “Take care of it for me Izuku. I think you’ll put it to good use.”

“Until next time Eraser-san.”

“I hope we meet somewhere that isn’t a roof problem child.” )

Chapter Text

The next time Izuku arrives on the roof of the building, he’s the one to voluntarily summon Aizawa.

By now, Izuku and Aizawa have been trading calls every day for a year. Izuku like clockwork calls at 4 pm and Aizawa always picks up - he tells Izuku that 4-5 pm is reserved for his problem child, he refuses to pick up any other work during that time. 

Sometimes Izuku will hear Aizawa doing the dishes or the laundry with Present Mic - who Izuku now calls Yama (He can’t believe Aizawa is married to Present Mic of all people - Izuku teases him about it every chance he gets), other times Aizawa will send him pictures of their cats and Yama will send him pictures of Aizawa with their cats. 

Inko Midoriya works at the hospital all the time, Izuku can’t remember the last time he’d actually seen his mother. But she leaves him with money on the table - to buy notebooks, to buy groceries, to pay the rent and whatnot. But she herself never stays in the house. When Izuku mentions it to Aizawa, Aizawa doesn’t say much, but after knowing the man for so long, he can tell even over the phone that Aizawa is simmering. 

Izuku lives for the Aizawa-Yamada hourly calls .

So when he comes up to their usual rooftop and he leans against the railing, looking down at all the cars and the pedestrians - instead of thinking about the weightlessness of falling or the way the wind would feel against his face, he feels the weight of his phone in his pocket and thinks of the way Aizawa’s hand feels against his hair.

Aizawa picks up on the second ring.

“Izuku what’s wrong?”

Izuku squeezes his eyes tightly “I- I’m never going to become a he-hero.” his voice cracks badly, hoarse and dry but he’s managed not to cry yet. He hears rustling and the sound of a door closing and knows that Aizawa’s on his way.

“I’m not going to jump.” he tells Aizawa, firmly, calmly - even though he’s shaking like a leaf, clothes battered and skin bruised, bruised to the bone . 

“But you’re on our rooftop?”

“Didn’t realize we owned the building.” Izuku tries to lighten the mood.

“I still don’t know how no one notices you sneaking in.” Aizawa retorts back, going along with him.

“I’ll stay on the phone.” Izuku promises as he sinks to the floor, energy sapping out of him as he leans against the railing.

“Good.” 

Izuku hears honking and the swooshing of the wind and he cracks a smile “Couldn’t you have just driven a car or taken the train like a normal person? Are you seriously running on the rooftops right now?” 

“It’s faster.” Aizawa answers shortly.

“You’re totally losing grip on the phone.” Izuku says “It’ll be faster if I end the call, so I’ll - ”

“Stay on the phone with me Izuku.” Aizawa orders, leaving no room to argue.

“O-okay, yeah, I’ll do that.” Izuku wheezes out and then bursts into a coughing fit.

“You’re injured.” Aizawa says quietly from the other side.

Izuku grimaces “Sort of?” he spares the man a heart attack over the phone, when Aizawa actually sees him, oh god he was in so much trouble .

“Hey Eraser-san,” Izuku starts, words tumbling out in between wet coughs as his lungs hack away, blood tainting his mouth.

“Izuku, I’m almost there, just stay - ”

“Are you worried that I’ll jump even if I’m telling you otherwise?”

“No kid,” Aizawa sighs, and then Izuku hears the thud sound of someone landing on the roof and looks up to see Aizawa who’s out of breath. The phone clicks shut and it slips from Izuku’s hands, clattering to the floor.

“I was worried that you were lying to me about your injuries and by the time I got here, you’d be unconscious.” Aizawa strides towards him and then collects him gently in his arms “And wasn’t I right problem child?”

“Ya kno’ me so we’.” Izuku slurs as he half-smiles at Aizawa “No hospies Zawa.”

“No hospitals Izuku.” Aizawa nods as he secures Izuku against him using his capture weapon “We’re going to go see Recovery Girl.”

“Te Youful Heroine.” Izuku murmurs dazedly.

Aizawa chuckles softly “That’s right kiddo.” and then Izuku succumbs to the dark abyss.

.

.

.

When Izuku wakes up, he blinks to clear his vision. Because on the ceiling are different shapes and colours of stars and planets - an entire galaxy. Where was he?

“Chiyo - Recovery Girl thought it would make students feel less like a hospital if those stickers were there.” Izuku turns to his side to see Aizawa sitting in a chair, arms folded, face carefully blank.

“Oh.” Izuku responds and then tries to sit up, his body is sore and he uses Aizawa’s help to get up and lean back into the bed rest. Everything floods back into his memories and he grimaces thinking about his injuries.

“How - ” Izuku licks his lips and then accepts the glass of water Aizawa holds in his outstretched hand. After finishing up the glass he starts again “How bad was it ?”

Aizawa lets out a long sigh and then “Four broken ribs, a black eye, a bloody nose, one arm was entirely filled with scratches and there were a bunch of first-degree burns.”

Izuku nods and stays silent, eyes tracing the stickers as his lips tremble - he didn’t want Aizawa to see him like this, he didn’t want Aizawa to leave. Weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku. 

“I’m sorry.” Izuku whispers, head bent in shame as he stares at his palms.

“For?” he doesn’t need to look at Aizawa to know that the hero has an eyebrow raised at him.

“For calling you and causing trouble.”

“I’m glad you called me Izuku.” Aizawa’s hand comes up to Izuku’s hair as he gently threads his fingers through it. “You were supposed to call me if something like this happened, you did everything correctly.”

“I got a one-week suspension from school.” Izuku mumbles quietly.

“You’re the victim here.” Aizawa responds with thinly veiled anger.

“I’m quirkless,” Izuku shrugs “This is how it’s always going to be.” he exhales deeply, and then “This is going permanently on my record, so I can’t apply to UA.” This is when the tears finally come - silently they flow down his cheeks.

“I can talk to Nedzu, that won’t be an issue.” Aizawa says immediately gently shifting Izuku towards him.

“Really?” Izuku sniffles, looking at him.

Aizawa nods back.

“You’d do that for me?”

“There’s a lot more I want to do for you kid.”

“Huh?” Izuku blinks at him in confusion.

“What do you think about self-defense classes?” Aizawa’s face is blank, but somehow it’s full of patience and concern all at once that makes Izuku trust him even more.

“The nearest Dojo that accepts quirkless kids is thirty miles away.”

Aizawa gives him an amused look “I meant if you’d like to train under me, problem child.”

Izuku gapes at him before his face splits into a wide grin “If-If you’ll have me.”

Aizawa sighs exasperatedly and ruffles his hair “Kid, wasn’t your mother supposed to be informed about this? She hasn’t called to say a thing.”

“Oh uh mom didn’t uh pick up the phone today and the school didn’t care all that much so they let me go.” Izuku hunches in on himself, biting his lip.

“They let you go without any adult supervision?” Aizawa scowls, anger seeping into his voice.

“Ye-yes?” Izuku says hesitantly.

“What if -” Aizawa starts slowly “How would you like it if I put in mine and Yamada’s numbers as your emergency contact instead?”

“Why?” Izuku frowns.

“Because you should have been picked up from school Izuku.” Aizawa runs a hand through his hair. “I can’t believe you walked all the way to the roof of that building in the condition that you were in.”

“Why do you care so much?” Izuku asks, he’s so very confused. He knew Aizawa was doing his job as a hero but he didn’t have to do any of this. So why?

“You’re right, I don’t have to do any of this.” Aizawa says gently as he sits on the edge of Izuku’s bed, laying a hand on Izuku’s shoulder. Izuku’s cheeks colour a deep crimson as he realizes that he’d spoken out loud.

“But,” Aizawa says firmly, meeting Izuku’s eyes “I want to do all of this.”

“Why?” Izuku croaks out. Because he doesn’t understand. He’s just a weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku. 

“Because you’re my  kid.” Aizawa answers like it’s the easiest thing in the world to admit, but his eyes burn with a certainty that makes Izuku’s breath hitch.

Oh. Oh . 

Izuku clamps his jaw but then throws himself against Aizawa like he’s done many, many times before. Aizawa says a quiet “Careful Izuku.” but he laughs gruffly after that and Izuku laughs with him.

“Does Yama know?” Izuku asks weakly as he tries to process this.

“Hizashi claimed it long before I ever could.”

Izuku can’t stop crying and his dad, rocks him back and forth, saying over and over again “ You’re safe now, it’s going to be okay. You’re safe now, it’s going to be okay .”

So this is how it feels to be loved unconditionally Izuku thinks as he drifts off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Izuku sits in principal Ito’s office, and next to him sits Takahashi sensei, his math teacher who’s sporting a bloody nose. A bloody nose that Izuku had given him.

Izuku is shaking. He clenches his hands, fisting the material of his pants in them, and sits hunched in his chair as tears roll down his cheeks.

“You’ve always been such an attention seeker.” Mr. Ito bangs his table and Izuku whimpers, startling at the loud sound.

“I didn’t - I didn’t - ” Izuku chokes on his words, sobbing instead and he flinches, nausea rolling in his stomach as Takahashi sensei lays a hand on his thigh.

“Midoriya, just apologize and admit your mistake, you won’t be expelled that way.” Takahashi sensei speaks, voice falsely polite and sweet. Bile rises in Izuku’s throat - he just wants Aizawa .

“Takahashi sensei has decided to let you off with just a one-week suspension for your little act you brat.” the principal hisses “So stop crying like a baby and fess up.” 

Izuku further hunches in on himself and squirms under Takahashi sensei’s touch, leaning away from him, trying to get away from his math teacher.

“Midoriya this is unacceptable behavior!” The principal yells and Izuku wants to scream, he covers his mouth with a hand as he tries to stifle his cries. Why haven’t they called Aizawa yet? He wants his dad. The weight of the lighter in his pant pocket offers him small comfort.

Takahashi sensei wraps an arm around his shoulder, voice turning to ice “Midoriya, an apology is all I’m asking. Do you think that you’re beyond that?”

“N-no.” Izuku shakes his head, still shaking like a leaf.

“No what?” Takahashi sensei asks sharply.

“N-no sen-sen-sensei.” Izuku stutters out badly. His heart is hammering in his chest and he can’t breathe. He’s going to puke .

Takahashi sensei presses a finger under his chin and tilts it upwards, Izuku lets out another whimper as he squirms. His vision is blurry, black spots in the corners and he can’t breathe - he can’t  b r e a t h e .

“So what do you have to apologize for?” Takahashi sensei asks.

“I’m - I’m sorry fo-for assaulting - ” Takahashi sensei cuts him off “ Sexually assaulting Midoriya. You tried to seduce me into giving you a higher grade because you’re barely passing in any of the subjects. I suppose you just thought I was an easy target.”

Izuku sobs and he sounds like he’s wheezing “I’m sorry - ”

“ - I suppose you didn’t think I’d disagree and then when you got angry, you punched me in the face.”

Izuku shuts his eyes and buries his face into his hands. He hates life so much . 

“Apologize properly Midoriya.” The principal commands him. Izuku thinks of Aizawa’s capture weapon and the smell of Yamada’s cologne. He thinks of the cats and Aizawa’s super soft sleeping bag. He thinks of Yamada’s humming and the smell of Katsudon and he weeps harder .

He grits his teeth and stutters out the best apology he can “I’m sor-sorry for sex-sexually assaulting you Taka-Takahashi sen-sensei.”

The principal makes an annoyed sound and then he hits the table twice “Dismissed Midoriya. Get out. I’ll speak with your mother and see what other punishment must be given.”

Izuku doesn’t need to be told twice. He runs out of the principal’s office, all the way up the stairs and up to the roof. He bursts onto the roof, swinging the door wide open, and promptly throws up behind the door. When he’s sure there’s nothing left in his stomach to throw up, he walks all the way to the edge and collapses against the wall. He curls up like a little child and blinks, trying to even his breathing. He recalls breathing exercises that Aizawa and Yama had taught him, but he’s so panicked with nausea still swirling in his gut that he can’t help but suffocate and choke.

He lies there for he doesn’t know how long, his vision blurry, breathing shallow as he clutches Aizawa’s lighter in one hand. And then he hears a voice - distorted, distant but strangely familiar.

“ -athe - Izuku please - can you - I need - ” like pieces of a puzzle, the words filter into his ears and the static slowly recedes. The last of the buzzing fades away as he feels the familiar texture of Aizawa’s capture weapon bundled in his arms.

“Zawa?” he whispers.

“Yeah Izuku, it’s me, Aizawa. Can I sit you in my lap kid, or would you prefer no touch?”

“Lap.” Izuku says feebly and he feels himself getting scooped into Aizawa’s arms.

“Breathe with me Izuku - in, two, three, four - hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven - out, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” Izuku follows Aizawa’s counts and finally feels himself calming down.

“I didn’t - I didn’t - ” Izuku starts right away, a guttural sob tearing out of his throat.

“I know kid, I know.” Aizawa shushes him, rocking him gently.

“I was so scared dad.” Izuku breaks down, arms coming around Aizawa’s neck and he buries his face into Aizawa’s chest, inhaling the smell of coffee and coconut. “ I was so scared .”

Aizawa’s grip around him tightens. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. But I’m here now, and you’re safe kid.”

“They didn’t - they didn’t call you first. Why? ”

Aizawa stays quiet for a moment and by his breathing, Izuku thinks Aizawa might commit murder “They - they wanted to toy with you further, before an adult could stop them. What they did was wrong Izuku.”

“I’m getting suspended again.” Izuku mumbles as he clings onto the capture weapon.

“It’s better that way.” Aizawa says teeth gritted “Yama and I are going to take you to UA and introduce you to Nedzu, he’s been meaning to talk to you since he took a look at your analysis notebook.”

“Nedzu wants to talk with me?” Izuku asks tearfully.

“You’re so smart and so strong and so so brave my problem child.” Aizawa murmurs, kissing him softly on the forehead. “You have so much potential that none of these bastards can see.”

Izuku listens to Aizawa’s steady heartbeat and he thinks of how Aizawa means safe, means home.

“Do-does Yama know?”

“He’s dealing with your stupid principal.” Aizawa says.

“You - you left Yama with the principal?” Izuku wrinkles his nose as he pulls away from Aizawa’s chest and stares at Aizawa.

“Oh trust me,” Aizawa offers him his signature grin “You never want to get on Hizashi’s bad side.” and Izuku shivers lightly at that.

“You know we’d pull you out of here if we could.” Aizawa says as he stands up, carrying Izuku who’s holding onto him like a koala bear.

“My mom.” Izuku grimaces, thinking about how hostile she’d gotten when Izuku had tried to introduce both heroes to his mother.

“Once you get into UA, it’ll be much easier for Nedzu to start the procedure.” Aizawa sighs “Until then, just hang in there Izuku.”

Izuku hums as he tries to suppress a yawn.

“Go to sleep, Hizashi and I are taking you home, problem child.”

Izuku thinks he says something like “But you are home dad.” before he lets sleep overtake him.

Chapter Text

Izuku starts thinking that with every year he lives, the universe is running a contest to see whether it can outdo itself from the previous year for the worst day in his life.

Today, without a doubt, is definitely the worst day of his life.

First, Kacchan explodes his notebook - burn marks permanently etched on the cover, a few pages sustaining damage as well. And then he tosses the book out of the classroom window - Izuku’s lip wobbles and he clenches his fists tightly because that was his life’s work and it had been destroyed within seconds . 

The final nail in the coffin had been when Katsuki had smirked at him, lips curled, teeth bared, and said “ If you want to be a hero so badly, then pray that you’ll get a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building .”

Izuku almost does . He walks up the stairs to the roof, and then stands on the threshold, hand curled around the door handle. But then thinks of Yama crying and Aizawa gritting his teeth in pain when they see his body - all these years of love they showed him - no, Izuku couldn’t do that to his dads . And his legs automatically move in the opposite direction, away from the roof.

When he’s on his way home, a villain forces himself down Izuku’s throat and Izuku  d r o w n s - he can’t breathe, his lungs are on fire and he’s helplessly holding onto life by a thread. And then All Might saves him.

But finally, All Might leaves him on a roof, alone . And Izuku wants to laugh at the irony because it’s the roof he’s been coming to since he was eight. He stands still, thoughts traveling a million miles per minute. He doesn’t know how long he’s been standing there, but by the time he looks up, the sun is already setting. 

He knows logically that Aizawa’s opinion holds much more weight than All Might’s ever should. But All Might is All Might - he’s the number one hero and Izuku had never stopped looking up to him. But now, e v e r y t h i n g was falling apart.

“It would be a lie if I told you that you could be a hero without power.”

Right foot forward.

“It’s not bad to dream, but you have to face reality.”

Left foot forward.

“If you want to save people, you can become a policeman.”

Right foot forward.

“I’m sorry Izuku, I’m so sorry baby.”

Left foot forward.

“Take a swan dive off the roof of the building.”

Right foot forward

“Weak, pathetic, worthless, useless Deku.”

Left foot forward.

He climbs over the railing and watches the night sky - stars twinkling against the vast darkness. The crescent moon hangs low tonight. He inhales deeply, the wind caresses his face invitingly and he glances one last time at his battered notebook.

I’m so sorry Aizawa, Yamada, guess I was too weak after all. Guess all I can be is a Deku. This isn’t your fault, you guys were the reason I made it as far as I did, and this , it’s my choice. I love you both so so much.

Your Problem Child and Favorite Little Listener

And then, 

                he lets go .

He’s free-falling, eyes closed, and head first towards the ground. For the first time that day, he smiles as the wind rushes past his face and a sense of calmness washes over him. 

Goodbye .

And then something catches him by the ankle and he’s yanked back. He opens his eyes and he almost hits the side of the building as he’s tugged back upwards. When he’s close to the railing, two arms catch hold of him and pull him back.

He tumbles to the floor and gets wrapped in a death tight hug. His leg is most definitely sprained.

“What the hell were you thinking Izuku?”

Aizawa’s entire body is shaking as he holds Izuku close against him. Izuku just hugs him back quietly, too shocked to say anything.

“If I hadn’t covered for Amplifier tonight - what - what - ” Aizawa’s voice cracks and Izuku winces. He can hear how fast the man’s heart is beating as his grip on Izuku somehow tightens further. 

“I’m sorry.” he whispers, voice hollow.

“What happened?” Aizawa demands wildly, pulling back and tilting Izuku’s face so that their eyes meet. Aizawa’s eyes are blown wide and he looks like he’s about to cry. Izuku swallows hard. He’s never seen devastation on the hero’s face before. But now, the man was so incredibly torn up that Izuku could read him like an open book. He looks away, guilt rolling in his stomach.

Izuku opens his mouth to explain but nothing comes out. He closes his mouth and tries again but he can’t find his voice. And all of a sudden, tears are rolling down his cheeks and he’s sobbing, having a breakdown as Aizawa rocks him in his arms.

And after a long, long time. He finally says “ I’m so tired dad .” 

“I know.” Aizawa answers quietly “I know kiddo.” 

“We’re going home Izuku and the first thing I’m doing is having Nedzu process adoption papers.”

Izuku clings on pathetically to Aizawa’s capture weapon and he doesn’t know what sound he makes but Aizawa tucks Izuku against him - warm, safe, home .

“Go to sleep Izuku. I’ll get us down the building, and we can talk about this later.” Aizawa murmurs gently.

 He lets his eyelids fall shut and he’s taken captive by the darkness.

Chapter Text

The first time Izuku visits the roof of the UA dorms is on the one-year anniversary of what had been his, final suicide attempt .

It's two in the morning but Izuku is lying down on the warmish floor of the roof, wide awake as he stares up at the night sky  - it's a galaxy tonight, speckled across the darkness. Izuku marvels at it and his lips tug up as he thinks of the past year. With villains attacking UA, it had been messy and tough, but he’s made friends now, and he’d officially become Yamazawa Izuku. Most importantly, he thinks of all the things he could have missed out on if he'd succeeded that day. 

The roof door clicks open behind him and the person sits down beside him. “I thought we were past roofs now problem child?”

Izuku smiles now, a huff escaping "I wondered how long it would take for you to come up here."

His hair is ruffled "I'm getting better at trusting you on high surfaces."

Izuku finally moves his eyes away from the sky and looks up at his dad who's watching him just as intently. 

"I thought you'd be awake the entire night."

"I was." Aizawa admits, leaning back as he tilts his head towards the sky. “Hizashi convinced me to give you a moment before I ran up here in a frenzy.”

Izuku snorts at that and Aizawa’s own lips twitch in a tell-tale smile.

"Thank you." Izuku says quietly after a few moments and by the soft smile that blooms on Aizawa’s face, he knows that the older man understands the years of thank you's behind it.

" Always ." Aizawa whispers "Hizashi and I will always be there for you."

"I love you and pops." Izuku says, the corner of his eyes filling with tears. He sits up and leans against Aizawa as the man wraps an arm around Izuku's shoulder. 

"And we love you." Aizawa rests his face against Izuku's hair. 

"Hey, dad?" Izuku pulls his shirt lightly.

Aizawa hums in response.

"How about we go down to the common room now?"

And for the first time, Izuku leads his dad down the stairs .