Chapter Text
Jeonghan was locked in his room while Secretary Jung reported to his parents about what Jeonghan had done.
He got a call from Soonyoung which he declined, simply texting him that he was at home, busy. His fingers were shaking.
After twenty minutes, Secretary Jung appeared and summoned Jeonghan to his father’s office. His mother was once again sitting on the couch.
She took in Jeonghan’s appearance with distaste, wrinkling her nose at the blood on his uniform. He didn’t dare look at his father’s expression.
“Jeonghan, couldn’t you have changed before coming in to see us? Disgusting and disrespectful,” she snapped.
Jeonghan bowed his head. “I’m sorry, mother.”
“Apologize to your father for coming to see him in such a state, as though you weren’t already in disgrace.”
He turned and bowed low, staying down. “I apologize, father.” He waited, holding his breath, knowing this first reaction would be very telling for what was in store for him.
The silence was deafening. Jeonghan’s throat went dry.
After what must have been at least a solid minute, Jeonghan heard footsteps.
“What did you promise me?”
He tried not to flinch, still bowing. “I promised to focus on studying—”
“Did you keep your promise?”
“I—”
“Think carefully, Jeonghan. Did you keep your promise to your father, or did you break it to get into trouble with one of your so-called friends?”
“He was being attacked, father, I—”
“Silence! Do not make excuses to me!” his father roared.
Jeonghan dropped to his knees. “I’m sorry, father. I broke my promise,” he said wretchedly.
“Very good.” His father’s tone was suddenly normal again. “So tell me, Jeonghan, what do you deserve?”
He was silent. He knew what he was supposed to say. He knew that he’d gotten into trouble knowing the consequences. But he was scared.
“Jeonghan, speak up,” his mother ordered.
“I deserve…” Jeonghan swallowed. “To be punished.”
“How shall I punish you?” his father asked.
Jeonghan grasped onto that chance. “I’ll—I’ll go to more academy classes. I’ll do volunteer work. You can take my phone, I—”
“That all sounds like a good idea, Jeonghan, but it’s not enough. Those are things that will help you, not punishments.”
His heart sank. “I’m sorry, father.”
“Hm. Get up.”
Jeonghan got to his feet nervously.
He saw his father wander over to where his golf clubs were kept in a case by his desk. He squeezed his eyes shut as he heard the cabinet opening.
“Sir—”
“Yes, Secretary Jung?” There was a dangerous edge to his father’s voice that made Jeonghan flinch.
“Nothing, sir.”
“Jeonghan, against the wall.”
He forced himself to walk forward and brace his hands against the wall, taking deep breaths. He knew what was coming. This was a rare punishment, the worst of them. The first time it had happened had been after Jeonghan was accused of bullying. He’d been grounded for a week, but he’d also been recovering from his subsequent injuries. It had happened maybe two or three times after that. So he was braced for it, although he knew it wouldn’t help.
He heard his father approaching and his fingers curled against the wall as he struggled not to hyperventilate. He’d brought this upon himself.
The first blow was worse than Jeonghan had been prepared for, right across his shoulder blades. The pain nearly brought him to his knees and he cried out—though he bit it off right away.
“Quiet!” his father snapped.
Jeonghan trembled, forcefully holding in tears. Crying now would only make this worse. His parents hated shows of weakness. That’s why he was never allowed to complain about bruises, never allowed to limp. Never allowed to cry.
The next few blows were even harder, striking his shoulders and back. His whole back was on fire as he dropped his forehead against the wall, just waiting for it to end. The next blow sapped his strength and he slid to the floor, barely noticing he’d done so.
He heard voices, words he couldn’t process, and his eyes slipped closed.
--
Jeonghan woke up in a hospital bed.
Someone was holding his hand. He expected Soonyoung or maybe even Joshua, but to his surprise, it was Jihoon, one cheek squished against the mattress.
“Jihoon,” he said, voice coming out a bit scratchy.
Jihoon instantly woke up, blinking his eyes open. “Jeonghan? You’re awake!”
Jeonghan brought his free hand up to his head, which was free of bandages and injuries. “Was I unconscious?”
“No, just sleeping,” said a nurse, entering the room. “We think your body knew you needed some recovery time.”
“Oh.” Jeonghan’s eyes widened. “What—”
The nurse gave him a small smile—not fake and customer-service-y, but a genuine and somewhat satisfied smile. “What happened? Someone stepped in to stop the assault against you and you were rushed to the hospital along with some friends and have received many, many visitor requests in the past few hours. The culprit is currently being detained and police are taking statements from all the witnesses, and it isn’t looking good for him. Or so I’ve been told.” She checked Jeonghan’s stats and tidied some things in the room. “Your injuries are relatively minor, so you can have visitors as soon as you give the word. Would you like to see everyone else?”
Jeonghan nodded wordlessly, still trying to process the idea that the culprit—his father—was in jail. Temporary jail. He had no doubt about that, no matter what the nurse said. But still jail.
Before he could think too hard about that, the nurse let the others in, and face after face appeared—Joshua, Soonyoung, and Seungcheol first, with all the others from their friend group crowding in behind them.
Even though they were all clearly attempting to keep their voices down since they were in a hospital room, the combined voices of a dozen teenage boys made the room feel noisy. Jeonghan didn’t really mind, though. Everyone tried talking to him at once, asking how he was feeling, if he remembered anything, if it was okay if they were there.
Jeonghan tried to answer all the questions.
He felt fine, mostly.
Of course he remembered, it wasn’t like he’d had a head injury.
And…yes, it was fine with him that they were there.
He fiddled with the edge of one of the blankets, shoulders a little tense. “You don’t have to stay,” he assured them. “I’m fine.”
When he glanced up, the others had gone quiet and were looking at him with a mixture of expressions ranging from sympathetic to surprised to sad. Jeonghan blinked at them. “What’s wrong?”
Soonyoung leaned in, grasping Jeonghan’s hand. “Nobody’s here as a chore, Hannie.”
“I know, I…” Jeonghan trailed off. Other than Soonyoung and Jihoon, and maybe Joshua, the others didn’t ever like him. So why else would they be here?
His thoughts must have shown on his face because Soonyoung frowned and Seungcheol noticeably winced.
“Jeonghan, I…” Seungcheol began. “I’m sorry.”
Jeonghan stared at him for a moment. Seungcheol met his gaze steadily but nervously.
“I—” Seungcheol started. Jeonghan held up a hand to cut him off. This was not what he wanted to hear right now.
“No. Apologizing to me while I’m in a hospital bed is just too cliché. I’ll give you time to think about how you really feel once I’m not looking so pitiable anymore, okay?”
Seungcheol’s mouth closed.
Seungkwan was glancing around the room, sensing the tense atmosphere, and suddenly clapped his hands together. “Okayyy!” he said cheerfully. “How about some of us go get food—now that we’ve seen Jeonghan—and pick up something for the others? The nurse said Jeonghan’s okay to eat now.”
The others began nodding in agreement and discussing what to get, asking Jeonghan’s opinion several times.
An offhanded comment made by Minghao made him feel oddly warm: “I’m glad that we can go get the food this time, since Jeonghan had to miss out last time when he got food for us.”
In a matter of minutes, everyone but Soonyoung, Jihoon, Joshua, and Seungcheol had left, not return for about an hour.
Seungcheol stood up almost as soon as the door closed behind them. “Jeonghan, I’m not saying this just because you’re in the hospital. I had a grudge against you for things that are in the past, things that everyone else involved was willing to move on from. I stirred up trouble and exaggerated because I was looking for validation for my own view of things. But I told the others I was wrong. I’m sorry, for real.” He crossed his arms and Joshua patted his shoulder reassuringly.
Soonyoung was looking at Seungcheol with a stern expression, but Jihoon nodded in acceptance of the words.
Jeonghan looked down at his lap, then looked into Seungcheol’s eyes. “Are you sure you mean that?”
Seungcheol blinked, then nodded. “Of course I’m sure. It doesn’t feel that great to admit being wrong—being a jerk—so why would I say this unless it was true?”
Jeonghan snorted lightly. “That’s true. But these guys might have put you up to it.” He nodded towards Soonyoung, Jihoon, and Joshua.
Seungcheol glanced at them. “They could have. And I’ll admit they all pressured me in their own ways to stop being angry at you. But they’ve been trying that for a while, and I was always adamant before. I changed my mind, Jeonghan. That’s not something my friends can do for me.”
Jeonghan sighed. He partially believed Seungcheol, but remembering the way Seungcheol had spoken about him to Joshua, to the others… Could that really be reversed so quickly?
There was silence for a few seconds.
Seungcheol set his jaw. “I heard about what you did for Joshua. That you defended him against those guys.”
Jeonghan glanced up, not expecting that. “And that changed your mind?”
“It helped. I…” Seungcheol clenched his fists. “I never got to do that.”
Joshua’s eyes softened. He placed a hand on Seungcheol’s arm, but the other boy shrugged him off. “That whole time, those terrible things were happening to him, but we were only casual acquaintances—I didn’t know… Not until it was basically too late. I never bothered to figure out… I was so stupid, I just let it all happen…”
“Cheollie,” Joshua reproached. “It’s not your fault.”
“I was looking for someone to blame. The others got expelled, but then you started to be mean to Jeonghan. I thought, this time I can protect him,” Seungcheol confessed, looking at Joshua. “I wanted…in a way…you to be an enemy, so I could defend him and make up for the fact that I’d done nothing…”
Jeonghan’s throat began to burn. “We were both looking for someone to blame,” he said softly.
Seungcheol glanced at him sharply.
“I blamed Joshua for the way my parents were treating me,” Jeonghan admitted shakily, wretchedly, shoulders drawing up defensively. “I didn’t even realize what I was doing until I was forced to confront some facts at my birthday party.”
Joshua turned to him with his mouth open, eyes filling with tears. “What?”
Jeonghan shrugged, trying to smile and play off what he’d just said. “It seemed to me that my troubles all started with what I thought was a false accusation. I kept obsessing over it because my parents were still angry with me, still punishing me constantly. It was obvious that it wasn’t about something Joshua had done, but I was too stupid, too stubborn, to admit that to myself. To admit it was my fault.”
Soonyoung suddenly threw his arms around Jeonghan, making him wince at the pain in his back.
“Jeonghan, none of that was your fault,” Soonyoung whispered fiercely. “Nobody has the right to do that to you. I’m the stupidest one here, for not realizing what was happening to my best friend and stopping it.”
Jeonghan shook his head instinctively. “How could that have anything to do with you? I was the one who kept messing up, I disobeyed them and lied to them, of course they would be mad—”
“Shut up!” Jihoon said suddenly, standing from his chair. “Stop what you’re saying, Jeonghan, right now. Soonyoung’s right. Nobody has the right to treat you that way! And how dare they make you believe it was your fault?” He wiped his eyes angrily.
Jeonghan bit his lip. Deep down, he knew that what had gone on in the Yoon household wasn’t right, but… If it wasn’t his fault, if he hadn’t deserved any of that, then had he suffered that all…for nothing?
A pained gasp from Joshua made him realize he’d mumbled some of that aloud. He flushed with shame, but Soonyoung simply hugged him firmly. Jihoon had tears in his eyes but looked at Jeonghan resolutely. Seungcheol looked slightly in shock, but Jeonghan didn’t feel any grudge or hostility from him.
Joshua stepped forward, eyes brimming with tears and with warmth. “I don’t have answers for you, Jeonghan, but you have friends in this room who love you—including me. And Cheol will soon, even if he’s being a bit stubborn. The point is, you’re not to blame for what was done to you. None of us blame you either. You’re allowed to have friends like us, to do what you want with your own life. Okay?”
Jeonghan suddenly lost his ability to speak, simply nodding, biting his lip hard.
There was silence again for a bit, but this time it didn’t feel stifling or awkward. Jeonghan supposed this might be the feeling of “clearing the air.”
Finally, he cleared his throat. “So…I remember what happened up to a certain point, but what happened after that?”
Relieved to move to a less emotional topic, it was Soonyoung who answered, telling the story as he’d heard it.
It was Secretary Jung who had come to his rescue. The man had known that the Yoons were very strict with their son and it wasn’t his place to judge that, he explained to the police. But he hadn’t realized the extent of their strictness—their cruelty. It was only when it became clear that the situation with the golf clubs was a regular occurrence that Jeonghan had been trained for that he decided to take a stand, trying to intervene. He’d been a coward, he admitted, to let it get as far as it did, but he’d been worried about his job. But when Mr. Yoon had wanted to continue beating Jeonghan after he fell to the floor, he’d physically stepped in, pinning Mr. Yoon to the ground. Just about then, Soonyoung, Joshua, and Seungcheol had showed up and Secretary Jung instructed them to call the police and an ambulance.
After that, Jeonghan had been rushed to the hospital and Jihoon had been informed. Word quickly spread to the rest of the friend group.
Jeonghan slightly cringed at that, and Joshua gave him a soft, knowing look. “They were only told that you were hurt, not how,” he said. “The rest is your business—to tell or not to tell. But know that none of them would judge you for any of this.”
Jeonghan nodded. “Thanks.”
He wasn’t quite sure he believed it, but everyone in this room knew and had only shown him love…so, maybe…
--
The others returned much more noisily than they’d first arrived, toting bags of delicious-smelling carry-out.
Jeonghan was surprised at how carefree the atmosphere was. How carefree HE was. Of course, the past hadn’t changed. He was still injured—mentally as well as physically—and still wasn’t sure how to handle that. He knew his father would get out of jail soon enough and things would likely go back to the way they were.
But none of that seemed too much to bear. He had friends now—not just Soonyoung, Jihoon, and Joshua, but every single one of the boys crammed into the hospital room, draped over each other, laughing and fighting over food.
Everything he’d ever felt about being out of the loop, about being unwelcome, about being unable to participate in the friendship the way the others did, had melted away. He was shocked by how natural all this felt, despite the circumstances.
Soonyoung, who’d been glued supportively to Jeonghan’s side the entire time, still looked a bit upset, but Jeonghan smiled, laying his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. “I feel a lot better now,” he assured him softly.
Soonyoung looked a bit doubtful, but nodded, and started to lighten up.
By the end of the night, when a few of the boys had to leave but most of them decided to stay and sleep in the chairs and on the couch, Jeonghan had changed his mind slightly.
Things would never go back to the way they were. With all his friends to rely on, he could leave that hollow house and start his own life. Just like Joshua had finally uncovered his secret about being bullied and gotten the bullies expelled, Jeonghan had his own secrets revealed—he’d been freed. He wouldn’t go willingly back to that hellish life, no matter how hard it would be to stand up to his parents. This would be his greatest failure, his biggest disappointment, but although Jeonghan was afraid of their reactions, he made up his mind not to let that fear stop him.
He had friends who loved him. So why should he care about people who didn’t care about him at all?
--
2 Months Later
--
Jeonghan hung up the last of his clothes and re-zipped his suitcase.
“All done?” Joshua asked.
“Looks like it.” Jeonghan surveyed his work. He felt like he should have brought fewer clothes, but in spite of it all he did enjoy having them, wearing them, so symbolically leaving them behind didn’t really appeal to him.
“I guess it’s official, then,” Joshua said with a smile.
“Roommates,” Jeonghan finished.
“You know we’re just going to have to move again when we start University,” Joshua reminded him again.
Jeonghan shrugged. “Worth it.”
“I guess so.” Joshua came and put an arm around his shoulders, a casual, comforting touch that Jeonghan had grown accustomed to among his friends these days. Joshua knew that Jeonghan had struggled with facing the future, even after he’d decided to leave his parents.
For a while, he’d talked about dropping out of high school and simply not applying for universities, but the others had helped him see what a waste that would be. Even though his parents had pushed him to do so, he’d gotten to the top of his class. His grades were excellent, and would help him get into a good university.
“It’s not like your parents did that for you, either,” Seungcheol had objected when Jeonghan confessed that continuing on that path felt like he was benefiting from his parents. Just as Joshua had said, Seungcheol had warmed up to him rapidly, and now their old animosity was the subject of jokes rather than an uncomfortable reality.
“Yeah,” Soonyoung had agreed. “You did all the work. Anyway, it can’t hurt to put in a few more months of effort and keep your options open. If you decide to be a taxi driver or something, well, you have something to brag about to your passengers.”
Jeonghan had blushed and scowled at the reference to one of his late-night ramblings about how the life of a taxi driver was so romantic—seeing all these strangers, helping them along, hearing and telling stories—but in the end he laughed.
“I don’t think I will.”
The others—Soonyoung, Joshua, Seungcheol, Jihoon, and Wonwoo—all looked at him.
“Have you made up your mind, then?” Jihoon asked.
Jeonghan nodded. He knew he didn’t have anything to fear from anyone in this room—he’d started getting friendly with Wonwoo over the past few days—but he still felt a little shy as he said, “I want to be an event planner.”
Their reactions were better than he’d expected—they all grinned, and Joshua gasped out, “That’s literally perfect for you!”
Jeonghan nodded, encouraged by their responses. “I’ve always liked helping people feel happy, creating a good atmosphere and everything. Planning my birthday party was so fun, though for a while I wasn’t so sure about becoming a planner because maybe it wouldn’t be as fun if it’s not for me, you know? But then I thought back on it and realized I’d planned the party for my guests, anyway. The best part was trying to figure out what they would like best.”
So Jeonghan had begun researching schools with degrees that would help him on that path. Since there wasn’t a specific degree for event planning, he’d found out that Marketing was a good choice, and the better the university, the better his career options would be. He’d thanked his friends countless times for helping him see sense, thus giving him the chance to get into what became his own dream school—not his parents’.
That had all happened within a few weeks of getting out of the hospital, during which time he alternated between staying with Soonyoung and Jihoon while he waited to hear the verdict about his father.
Despite Jeonghan’s initial certainty, it seemed the man wouldn’t get away so easily. That was partly due to Secretary Jung’s testimony, and largely due to Jeonghan’s own statement. He’d explained everything that had happened—the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse—and how frequently and severely it occurred. He left out no detail. He felt oddly calm as he’d explained to the counsellors and police detectives. He didn’t feel wretched or bitter or scared. He’d been the victim of a crime. He had nothing to be ashamed of. Joshua had helped him see that, during long talks about how their experiences paralleled each other—the bullying, the domestic violence.
“It took me a long time to come to terms with everything, even though on the surface it seemed so obvious that nothing was my fault,” Joshua confessed one night, and Jeonghan understood that.
Joshua got in to the same school, planning a degree in Early Childhood Education, wanting to become an elementary school teacher. Jeonghan thought it was literally perfect.
Partly due to that, and partly when the verdict came out with a six-month jail sentence for his father and his mother moved overseas, the two of them decided to move in together. Joshua was living alone, anyway, and in spite of the generous welcome from Soonyoung and Jihoon’s families, Jeonghan would rather not intrude into their homes any longer.
So here he was, standing in the middle of the small but cozy room, looking at all his stuff unpacked and thinking how homey it seemed already.
Though Joshua was right, and they would move again for the beginning of university classes in just a month or so. They had already made arrangements to be roommates at the dorms, as well.
They made dinner together—just instant ramen jazzed up with fried eggs and vegetables—and then headed off to bed, lying down in the dark and talking without seeing each other.
“You’re getting a restraining order, right?” Joshua asked.
“Yeah. For both of them.”
“That’s a relief.”
Jeonghan hesitated. “Thank you.”
“Me?” Joshua sounded genuinely surprised. “For what? The room?”
“No. It’s thanks to you that I’m getting those restraining orders.”
“What? Jeonghan, that—”
“If I’d given my testimony in the headspace I was in before we talked, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to this point,” Jeonghan admitted, blowing out a breath. “I would have downplayed it, like it was just strict discipline, maybe that went a bit far at times…”
“Jeonghan…” Joshua trailed off. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks. And I’m proud of you,” he returned, smiling. “I still can’t believe you confronted those guys just because they were bugging me at the library.”
“I can’t, either,” Joshua joked, then continued in a more serious tone, “Knowing your history with violence, I’m stunned at the way you jumped into that situation, honestly.”
Jeonghan swallowed. “I didn’t want him to hurt you.”
He heard rustling as Joshua sat up and crossed the room, settling down beside him and stroking his hair. “Thanks.”
Jeonghan relaxed into Joshua’s touch. “I think you literally saved me, Joshua.”
“That day?”
“Just in general.”
“I don’t think I’m that special.”
“That’s one of the reasons you are,” Jeonghan teased. “But I mean… I endured that life thinking that my shortcomings justified how my parents treated me. That if someone does something wrong or frustrating, they don’t deserve consideration. They deserve punishment. If I hadn’t been forced to change my mind about you, I never would have been able to see myself the way I do now.”
“Oh.” Joshua kept stroking his hair.
“What I mean is, realizing that I didn’t really want to hurt you—in fact, I kind of liked you—even though you’d supposedly wronged me and disliked me… that helped me realize that there doesn’t always have to be revenge or punishments. That you can simply love someone and care about them, even when they do things that might upset you sometimes. If it wasn’t for you, I would have lived my whole life thinking I was to blame. That my inability to give my parents the perfection they wanted made me deserve what they did to me. So, thank you.”
Joshua hugged him, burying his face against Jeonghan’s shoulder with a sniff.
“Are you crying?” Jeonghan asked, patting his back.
“No,” Joshua said, voice muffled, but still obviously choked up.
Jeonghan snorted. “Whatever you say. I would say it’s not that big of a deal, but it really is. You and all our friends have changed me so much. Or rather, revealed me. The things I thought I shouldn’t show or feel, the ways I believed I should think… those all contradicted what I really wanted. I feel more like myself the past couple of months than I ever have. That’s why I love you guys.”
Joshua gave him a squeeze, then drew back, being a bit obvious (even in the dark) as he wiped his eyes. “We love you too, Hannie.”
Jeonghan grinned. The word love had been thrown around any two members of their friend group and to the group as a whole countless times the past few months. At first, Jeonghan had been thrown off by that, but after a while he came to love it. It felt natural now, and that made him indescribably happy. That love was a natural, common part of his life now, rather than something he distantly hoped to gain in the future.
“Goodnight, Joshua.”
“Goodnight, Jeonghan.”
“Good talk.”
“Yeah.”
After a moment of silence, they both burst out laughing.
“Good talk?” Jeonghan sputtered.
“You said it!” Joshua gasped.
They dissolved into laughter again.
“We need to sleep,” Jeonghan panted. “Why can’t we stop laughing?”
“I’m only laughing because you are!”
They laughed themselves breathless for several minutes before getting themselves under control. Jeonghan felt oddly sleepy.
“Finally,” Joshua groaned. “We’ve got Seungkwan’s birthday party to set up tomorrow; we need all the sleep we can get.”
“True. Goodnight again,” Jeonghan said.
“Goodnight.”
Silence reigned for several minutes, and Jeonghan had nearly drifted off to sleep when Joshua murmured,
“Good talk.”
Jeonghan sat up, snatching his pillow, and hurled it at his roommate. “It’s not funny!” But he was already laughing.
And honestly, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
--