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American College’s Avengers Men’s Soccer Roster 2021-2022

After six of their strongest players graduated, American’s Avengers were expected to recruit at least five replacements. Instead, Captain Steve Rogers made the bold decision to only add one new player to the team: freshman Peter Parker. With this addition, the Avengers now only have one alternate, meaning unless injured, the entire team must play for the duration of the full match, every match.

Their players this year are as follows:

Bruce Banner First Alternate

Clint Barton Center Back Defender

Austin Drax Left Midfield

Scott Lang Defending Midfielder

Thor Odinson Goalkeeper

Peter Parker Striker

Peter Quill Right Midfield

T’Challa Ramonda Left Fullback Defender

Steven Rogers Captain, Right Fullback Defender

Tony Stark Sweeper

Stephen Strange Attacking Midfielder/Playmaker

Sam Wilson Assistant Captain, Central Midfielder

Chapter Text

[the avengers: housemates]

sam: oh dearest merciful god, end my life now

peter p: you ok mr sam?

steve: how many times i got to tell you kid, you don’t have to call us mr

peter p: but tony said it shows respect

natasha: tony’s fucking with you 

sam: hello?? having a crisis here??

steve: it wasn't THAT bad

clint: it was pretty bad

steve: you weren’t even there??

clint: heard it through the grapevine

sam: good song

sam: but even that can't distract me

bruce: is no one going to

bruce: do i have to

bruce: sigh.

bruce: what happened sam

sam: i thought you’d never ask.

sam: so i’m sitting in gender studies right

natasha: as one does

sam: acting like you didn’t take the class freshman year

sam: anyways it’s our first class of the semester, and i didn’t really know anyone besides steve,

steve: where would you be without me

sam: but prof carter is like get in groups of four so we team up with this wonder bread type dude and the hottest. motherfucking. man. i have ever seen in my life.

tony: i am not seeing the problem?

steve: hang on.

sam: then carter says we will be in these groups for the rest of the year, so we should introduce ourselves, and i start panicking

sam: i give my name pronouns, and a fun fact about me (that i BUILT MY OWN DRONE bc you guys i am still not over that)

sam: all is good and well, fine and dandy until wonder bread goes and says he uses “the normal pronouns”

tony: he didn’t

bruce: in a gender studies class??

sam: IN A GENDER STUDIES CLASS

tony: what did u do ????

sam: he just laughed it off so we moved on to steve. wasn’t sure if it was some sort of insanely meta joke or what

bruce: oh no

sam: oh yes

sam: steve do you want to take it from here

steve: gladly.

steve: so i say hi i'm steve i'm captain of american’s avengers the men’s soccer team, my pronouns are he/they, and this stupid republican man looks me dead in the eyes and says they only refers to multiple people

nat: oh shit

sam: and hot dude, who until now has been silent with his head down, looks directly into the asshole’s eyes and says “not according to the dictionary”

nat: yes hot dude!

sam: he KEPT FUCKING GOING and called the asshole out on his bullshit

steve: sam got a boner

sam: what is wrong with you i did not

tony: i still do not see the issue

steve: well because this handsome, hunky, brooding, guy went out of his way to defend my honor,

sam: you’d think you’re the one with the crush

steve: we ran out of time and didn’t get his name.

nat: what the fuck?

clint: why didn’t you just ask after class??

steve: the dude must have bolted out of the room

sam: we didn’t even see him leave

tony: gasp!

sam: you get it now?

tony: i get it now

clint: when is your next class??

sam: next tuesday. how will I make it until then??

nat: oh please. that’s what?? 5 days??

tony: never knew wilson was so dramatic

sam: it’s romantic, not dramatic

scott: does anyone want to go get burgers

nat: c’mon, read the room dude

[private chat: scott and nat]

nat: shake shack?

scott: obviously

nat: be down in 5

nat: and NO TAYLOR IN THE CAR

Chapter Text

Friday, September 10^th

6:07 pm

[the avengers: teammates and natasha]

iron man: it is time.

god of thunder: time?

black widow: time.

god of thunder: OHHHHH TIME

peter p: what is going on

captain america: oh young peter. where to begin!

captain america: for many decades, the men (and natasha) of the avengers have been assigned super hero – esque nicknames. you have trained with us, partied with us, played with us.

iron man: why did that sound dirty

captain america: it is time for us to continue the possibly cringy yet time honored tradition of giving you your nickname. in years past this would have been done at a very dramatic, very shakespearean ceremony with candles and the like but you know. technology.

falcon: plus you’re our only new recruit

captain america: without further ado

[captain america changed peter p’s name to spider-man]

spider-man: OH WOW

spider-man: spider-man

spider-man: oh man that’s so cool

spider-man: oh wow

spider-man: i didn’t prepare anything oh god

captain america: speech isn’t necessary pete

ant-man: council, why’d you choose spider-man

spider-man: THERE’S A NICK NAME COUNCIL?!?!?!?!? AJJSHDJAKHSJH

falcon: it’s just the six seniors. they won’t even let me, their ASSISTANT CAPTAIN on it.

spider-man: six???

t’challa: natasha is on it

spider-man: OH OF COURSE SORRY MISS BLACK WIDOW MA’AM

black widow: chill

the hulk: to refer to scott’s earlier question

the hulk: we had 3 main reasons for choosing the name

god of thunder: 1. peter is a very sticky young man

spider-man: oh-

god of thunder: ah sorry. he has sticky fingers. always stealing chargers and such. sorry, english is hard

the hulk: right anyways moving SWIFTLY on

hawkeye: 2. you are so good with the ball it’s like you have extra limbs

iron man: 3. you knit. which is sort of like spinning silk?

captain america: it made sense in the moment

iron man: the council only meets whilst severely inebriated

drax the destroyer: now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, onto more pressing matters

drax the destroyer: where are the parties tonight????? anything at the house???

black widow: the house is a no go, we don’t have water

t’challa: ..you don’t have water.

iron man: AT OUR CAPTAINS REQUEST i was trying to fix the water pressure in the upstairs bathroom and it just did not.. work out

black widow: NO YOU TOOK A HAMMER TO THE SHOWER HEAD WITHOUT GOOGLING ANYTHING AJHSHDJDGH

spider-man: are there any parties at frats?? they always look so cool in the movies

black widow: you are just so incredibly precious omfg

black widow: hydra is having a party if we’re interested

star-lord: oh we’re interested

star-lord: i need to get fuuuuucked up tonight

star-lord: does anyone know who i need to talk to to get aux

iron man: please you have the worst music taste of all of us. except maybe cap

captain america: leave me out of this

black widow: quill,  james says aux is all yours if scott brings the good stuff

ant-man: on it

spider-man: ??????

black widow: sweet baby

spider-man: i’m less than 5 years younger than you ok.

captain america: let’s arrange rides yes?? who wants to DD

star-lord: sleepover at the house after? pretty please?

falcon: cap?

captain america: ok yeah

captain america: house members can ride with me or tony

iron man: um says who

captain america: alright me or banner then

the hulk: sounds like a plan

captain america: can everyone else walk there? i can run shuttle back and forth after

star-lord: gamora’s got drax and me

iron man: WHO’S GAMORA

drax the destroyer: more importantly, why is gamora

star-lord: gamora is this pretty new girl i am seeing who you are NOT to embarrass me in front of. she is picking us up because she is very pretty and very nice so please, PLEASE chill

t’challa: you telling us to chill?? ironic

star-lord: was thinking more like tony, not you

iron man: i am not embarrassing

hawkeye: just an obnoxious playboy

black widow: and grossly rich

ant-man: damn double homicide

captain america: be ready by 9

9:43 pm

[the avengers: housemates]

steve: guys he’s here

bruce: he being…

steve: the guy

steve: sam’s guy his hot guy

steve: my knight in shining armor

bruce: oh

bruce: OH

peter p: which one is he????

sam: brunette with the long hair in the corner

sam: by the drinks

sam: god he’s even hotter with his hair like that

tony: TALK TO HIM

clint: OH WAIT HIM??

clint: one min

[private chat: partners in crime]

clyde: are we gonna tell them orrrrr

bonnie: nah

bonnie: I want to see this play out

clyde: roger that

[the avengers: housemates]

clint: nvm

Chapter Text

Saturday, September 11^th

9:09 pm

[the avengers: teammates and natasha]

iron man: what happened after i left? sam make any moves on his man?

the hulk: tony in all my years of knowing you i have never once seen you leave a party early. pepper was there!! and looking for you!!

iron man: spidey got sick, had to take him home early :(

falcon: u act like his father

iron man: someone has to

black widow: too dark too fast

iron man: sorry

black widow: too early. too hungover

iron man: someone give me a play by play rn

ant-man: i made over a thousand

ant-man: hydra dicks r so stupid

iron man: anyone make any progress w their respective lovers

captain america: ew don’t say lovers

iron man: just because you’re 100 years old

captain america: it’s just gross

star-lord: SINCE you asked gamora kissed me

drax the destroyer: on the cheek

t’challa: you gotta make a move man

star-lord: she is so scary. carries knives in her pockets.

hawkeye: sounds like natasha

black widow: didn’t know you knew about the knives. guess I gotta hide them better ig

god of thunder: jane and i danced together!

falcon: aren’t you already dating????

iron man: SAM

iron man: any update on our mystery man?

black widow: OUR

iron man: well i’m invested now

falcon: we made eye contact but he disappeared after a bit

falcon: oh god do you think he went home with someone else

hawkeye: he’s just not good with crowds

falcon: what

hawkeye: I mean he was like fidgeting right

hawkeye: standing off to the side

hawkeye: he just seemed uncomfortable idk

[private chat: partners in crime]

bonnie: good save

[the avengers: teammates and natasha]

captain america: i’m pushing practice to 5 pm

dr. strange: i don’t think practice today will be productive for anyone

iron man: strange??? you’re in this group chat???

dr. strange: i’m literally on the team

iron man: you just never respond to my texts i figured I had the wrong number

dr. strange: no.

[three musketeers]

natasha: james! want to come to our practice today

clint: you can sit off to the side and ogle t’challa with nat

natasha: I do not ogle

bucky: do too

bucky: yeah sure what time

clint: we’ll swing by hydra at 4:45

bucky: perfect

[private chat: partners in crime]

clyde: thought we were letting this play out

bonnie: got bored. plus I want to see sam squirm.