Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Hello!

I will write pretty much any sort of Ranboo angst, heavy or light, comfort or no comfort, AU or no, with the following exceptions:

NO shipping (Ranboo is a minor, I do not condone shipping minors)

NO rape/non-con

NO sexual anything

NO reader inserts or OCs

And make sure that it conforms to the cc's boundaries. I found this list that someone awesome compiled for us: https://smp-boundaries.tumblr.com/post/611044520230109184/smp-creator-boundaries-masterpost

Aside from those, there's nothing I won't do. That being said, if I think of another boundary or if I just don't believe myself capable of writing your request well, I may not do it. If that happens, I will do my best to let you know.

Request away! Requests give me motivation to write

Also, note: TWs will be in the notes at the beginning of every chapter, please pay attention to them and be safe. I love you all and I care about you

Chapter Text

Ranboo had always hidden his hybrid traits.

It hurt, sometimes. It was hard to keep himself from slipping into the Ender language, or just making small, nonsensical warbles and chirps to himself when he was excited or scared or frustrated. It was hard to make eye contact, or to suffer being watched. It was hard- painful- to stand the sting of rain and water when he was around others. But he managed, and the only enderman-like mannerisms he’d ever shown were when he was too panicked to contain them.

He couldn’t remember why. Maybe there had been something, some event in his childhood, that sparked his fear of showing his true self. All he knew was that he did not show his hybrid traits. It was dangerous, and it sparked panic just thinking about it. Maybe it was a good thing he couldn’t remember.

It had led to some awkward situations, of course. 

Once, Ranboo had stayed out in the rain a little too long walking with Tubbo, and the stinging became visible burning. He hadn’t noticed. Not until Tubbo pointed it out. Ranboo still remembered the fear and shame that had come with having to admit that he was so used to the pain, he didn’t notice when his own skin was blistering and steaming until it was too late. He remembered the concern in Tubbo’s almost shaky voice. But Ranboo had managed to brush it off and change the subject before his husband asked too many questions.

Before that, back when L’Manburg still existed, before it became a crater, he remembered being surrounded on all sides by people watching him, staring at him, accusing him. Traitor. Betrayer. He forced himself to take it for too long, and he let it anger him. He let it drive him to panic, racing away from the crowd after the conflict and finding himself unable to breathe in the tiny obsidian room, hearing a manipulative voice, wheezing, gasping for air that wouldn’t come until he passed out-

But that didn’t matter anymore. That was a long time ago. His current neighbors did not know the extent of his hybrid traits, and he intended to keep it that way.

Now, he was walking to Techno’s house, wanting to see if the man was there to discuss something about the last Syndicate meeting. He wasn’t sure if he could trust Wilbur, wasn’t sure if he should try to befriend him or avoid him altogether, and he wanted to ask Techno’s advice.

He dismissed the faint stinging around his ankles from the snow, shaking it off once he got to the deck, and went inside.

“Techno?” he called. No response. He repeated his call, and this time, he noticed a quiet enderman warbling. Turning, he saw an enderman sitting in a boat, holding a grass block.

Edward. 

His warbling was constant and melodic, almost as if he was… singing?

Ranboo curiously stepped closer.

Edward lowered his voice slightly, then raised it again, and chirped.

Yeah, this definitely seemed like singing.

Involuntarily, Ranboo let out a small chirp , copying Edward. Immediately, he gasped and pressed his lips together tightly.

Why did I do that, how could I do that, he’s going to hurt me, what if I broke enderman etiquette, I’m being annoying-

Edward, however, simply looked expectantly at him (avoiding his eyes, of course) and held up his hand, as if to say, your turn.

Ranboo shook his head.

Edward only reached his hand further.

There was silence for a moment, and then finally, a hesitant warble. Edward nodded encouragingly, repeating the melody he had been singing, and waited.

Ranboo copied the melody quietly, his own song sounding much more shaky due to his still-present anxiety.

Edward changed the song slightly, a longer line.

Ranboo copied again, a little louder. After all, Edward wasn’t human. He was an enderman, like Ranboo. Maybe... he wouldn’t mind Ranboo’s enderman traits.

Eventually, with this realization, the two sang back and forth to each other in warbles and chirps. They simply enjoyed the company. It was rare, after all, for an enderman to encounter another of its kind, and not many of the endermen Ranboo encountered were so willing to interact with him. It was nice.

Ranboo wasn’t sure how long they’d been singing, but it hadn’t felt like more than a couple of minutes before he heard a voice behind him, making him jump.

“Having fun?”

It was Techno.

Of course it was Techno.

Of course one of his neighbors had walked in on him singing in enderman warbles.

He shouldn’t have joined in. He was going to get kicked out. He was going to get kicked out, or punished somehow. Maybe both. Why did he join in? Why did he-

“You alright, kid?” Ranboo was shocked out of his thoughts by a hand on his shoulder. He must have been holding his breath, because now it felt like there was no oxygen in his lungs. 

“H- how-” he swallowed hard. “How long have- have you been here?” He shifted himself away from Techno’s grip, twisting to face him.

Confusedly, Techno lowered his hand. “Uhh. A while? I was takin’ a nap, woke up to you two singin’.”

How could he have let his guard down like this? He should have known it wasn’t safe, he should have known they weren’t alone. His chest felt weighted by both embarrassment and fear. He couldn’t even remember why he felt this way, he didn’t understand, he just knew that he couldn’t let anyone else see him, the real him, or he would be hurt-

“Ranboo, hey. What’s goin’ on? Do I need to get Phil?”

Quickly, Ranboo shook his head. “No- no, I-” He stepped backwards, toward the door. “I don’t- I can’t- I’m sorry, I’ll- I-” Desperately, he tried to find the words, only to find that his voice refused to cooperate. All he managed was a pitiful sound halfway between a whimper and a warble before he turned and ran out of the cabin. He heard Techno yell something behind him, but he couldn’t understand it. With one hand over his mouth in an attempt to muffle the warbles that wouldn’t stop falling out of his mouth, and the other on his chest trying to quell his rapidly-beating heart, he stumbled through the snow towards his house. He looked up to see Phil in front of him, just in time to catch him as he nearly collapsed.

“Woah, hey, mate, are you okay?”

Ranboo shook his head, pressing his hand harder against his mouth.

“Okay, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He shook his head again. If he spoke, all that would come out was enderman sounds. He couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t getting enough air, but he couldn’t open his mouth, he couldn’t . The world spun around him, Phil’s gaze only intensifying it, and he shut his eyes tightly to block it out.

“O...kay. Just breathe. Come on, let’s get you out of the snow, yeah?”

No, they’d just prolong kicking him out, he needed to get out before they could hurt him, he needed out!

He tried to run back to his own cabin, only for Phil to hold him back.

“Hey, no, you’re coming back with us, I need to make sure you’re not hurt, okay?”

Still, he tried again to escape, but he felt weak and dizzy. He had no choice but to let himself be half-carried back to Techno’s cabin.

Phil set him on the couch and sat next to him, breathing deeply. “Just breathe with me. It’s alright. Can you move your hand?” He felt Phil’s touch on the hand he had over his mouth, but he only pressed it tighter with another shake of his head.

A gentle sigh. “It’s going to be much harder to breathe without opening your mouth, Ranboo. It’s okay, you’ll be fine, I promise.”

Slowly, hesitantly, Ranboo lowered his hand, still gasping for air. Only a second after, he heard himself warble again, and immediately tried to re-cover his mouth. Techno stopped him, firmly holding his hand.

“Is that what this is about?” he murmured quietly, as if to himself. Then, louder, “kid, it’s okay to make noises. Have you never heard Phil chirpin’ like a bird? Or, Prime forbid, cawin’? I have. It’s much worse than singin’- ow!” he added, as Phil shoved him.

He then sighed. “Techno’s right, though. It’s okay. Just breathe. Look over there,” he said, pointing across the room. “Can you tell me what you see? You don’t have to talk, just point to them, or tap my hand for each thing. Just five things.”

Ranboo looked across the room, trying to focus through his swimming vision. 

He managed to make out flames in the fireplace, and tapped Phil with the hand that Techno wasn’t holding.

The table in front of them. Another tap.

A family portrait hung on the wall. Tap. Ranboo felt his heart start to calm.

A door, leading to the kitchen. Tap. His breathing calmed, too.

A thick, soft-looking coat, hanging off of a hook. Tap. The oxygen seemed to return to the air.

Phil nodded proudly, and took Ranboo’s hand in his own. “Great job, mate. Do you want to count four things you can feel?”

Ranboo nodded.

He squeezed Techno’s hand, tapping Phil’s as well.

His ankles still stung slightly from the snow. Tap.

His tears dried onto fresh burns on his face. Tap.

The couch underneath him was soft and comfortable. Tap.

He felt the warmth of his friends on both sides. Tap.

His breathing was mostly back to normal now, he realized, save for a few hitches here and there. Phil seemed satisfied, at least. “There you go. Can you talk now?”

He opened his mouth and tried to say something, but instead, another vwoop slipped out. His hands moved to cover up the noise yet again, but both were held down by Phil and Techno.

“Hey, none of that. It’s okay to make noises, remember?”

With a deep breath, Ranboo nodded slightly.

“Alright, good. So Techno was right? That’s what caused it?”

A small nod.

Techno sighed. “Kid…”

“Do you know why? Why it makes you so nervous, I mean?”

Ranboo looked down at his feet and shook his head. He couldn’t remember.

“Okay. Well, we’ll help you overcome it.”

He looked up in alarm.

Phil smiled. “No worries. You can just practice with Edward, as a start.”

“Yeah, you two looked like you were enjoying yourselves,” Techno added. Phil looked at him questioningly. Techno shrugged. “I’ll explain later.”

Ranboo couldn’t help but flinch slightly at the reminder. A familiar warble from the aforementioned enderman calmed him slightly.

Very, very quietly, almost imperceptibly so, Ranboo chirped back, watching his friends for their reactions.

All they did was smile.

He warbled.

Their smiles widened, and immediately, Ranboo found himself enveloped in a hug, sandwiched between both of his neighbors.

“See?” Techno said. “Not so bad, huh? You got a nice singin’ voice by the way, kid.”

The corners of Ranboo’s lips turned up slightly in his own attempt at a smile.

And, very quietly, his voice slightly raspy: “Thank you.”

The two hugged him tighter. “Anytime.”

Chapter Text

"I'm going in! I'm going- oh- oh- geez, and I'm dead again," Ranboo said, getting knocked off of a bridge. 

He was streaming and playing bedwars, reading donations, and just talking about random things as usual. 

It had been a pretty normal day. He'd watched a movie with Tubbo earlier, who was now watching his stream from the other room. Occasionally, he would send a message in the chat, too. Ranboo felt a little more on edge than usual, and he didn't know why, but it was nothing he couldn't push past for the stream. But then, a new donation came in.

When are you going to do a face reveal?

And… of course they would ask that question today. Why not, right?

“Uh, whenever I’m ready for it? I don’t really know, I’m not really… comfortable with the idea yet.”

Suddenly, the chat was filled with people talking about his potential face reveal. This happened sometimes. It came with being a popular faceless streamer. But today, it was worse, somehow - or maybe it just seemed like it because he felt anxious. Whatever it was, it started to get to him. It was affecting his performance; he was missing every hit and jump, and the chat was noticing. 

He felt his breath start to speed up, praying that the microphone wouldn’t catch it. 

Luckily - or unluckily, Ranboo wasn’t sure - Tubbo had noticed, too.

“Ranboo!” he called from the other room.

Trying to hide his growing panic, he called back, “Yeah?”

“I made you food!”

Oh, thank goodness, I have an excuse to end stream. He took it gladly. “Oh. Tubbo made me food! Welp!” He clapped. “Got to go, guys! Sorry about the short stream, I hope you guys enjoyed! Goodbye!” Hastily, he clicked the end stream button. He knew, in the back of his mind, that everyone watching would notice something was off, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. Not now, anyway. 

He shakily stood up from his chair, only to find that the room spun around him. Stepping back to lean against the wall, he ran his hands through his hair and tried to calm himself down. It’s okay. It’s okay. They’re just curious. You don’t have to do it. Come on, it’s fine. It’s fine, why can’t I calm down? I can’t breathe, why can’t I breathe? Why can’t I-

“Hey, hey, you alright, big man?” 

Tubbo. Ranboo shook his head frantically, lowering himself to the floor. I didn’t even hear him walk in, what’s wrong with me?

“Okay, okay, it's okay. Hey, just breathe, alright? Breathe with me. In and out. Uh, what is it? Four seconds in, hold for seven, out for eight, yeah? In for four…” Tubbo took a deep, exaggerated breath, counting to four before holding. Ranboo tried to do the same, but he choked on it, he wasn’t getting enough oxygen, he was going to pass out, he was going to die-

“Hey, hey, slow down, alright? You can do it, just try again. Can I touch you?”

He nodded, taking another breath in, trying to hold it. He failed again, coughing it back out and wheezing. He felt a hand on his shoulder, another on his own hand, guiding it to Tubbo’s chest.

“With me, yeah? Like this,” Tubbo said, exaggerating his breaths again. This time, Ranboo managed to make it the full four seconds before hyperventilating again. “There you go! See? It’s okay, it’s okay. Keep going.”

Four, he thought, inhaling again. Hold for seven. He did it. Out for eight- Nope. Not enough air, I can’t do this, I can’t do anything, I can’t even show my face-

“Hey. Ranboo. Eyes on me, okay? Look, my eyes are closed, you don’t have to make eye contact. Just focus on me. Breathe.”

Focus on Tubbo, focus on Tubbo… He felt like he was drowning, why wasn’t there enough air? There is, there is, I just can’t breathe it- focus, come on, I need a distraction-

“Tubbo-” he gasped, then tried again. “I need- can you- just talk? I- please-”

“Okay, okay, big man, you got it. Uh, I was talking to Wilbur earlier, he’s trying to think of more ideas for videos, he’s got this one really cool idea…” Tubbo kept rambling, eyes still closed, sometimes straying off into other subjects before correcting himself and going back to the topic of Wilbur’s videos. 

Eventually, Ranboo managed to get his thoughts onto Tubbo’s stories and away from the stream. His breathing evened out slowly, and he tapped Tubbo’s hand to let him know he was okay.

Tubbo stopped rambling and opened his eyes. “You good now?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah. Yeah, I- I think so. I’m sorry,” Ranboo said, looking down.

“Hey, no, don’t… don’t apologize, big man, not your fault.”

Ranboo nodded shakily.

“Can you, uh… Are you okay to tell me what caused that?”

“Uh…” he took a deep breath, then scoffed at himself. “It’s kind of stupid. Just… people talking about a face reveal.”

Tubbo lightly flicked him. “Hey, none of that, it’s not stupid,” he said. “‘Specially not if it caused that. They need to learn not to pressure you, you don't have to do anything they say. Got that?”

Ranboo hummed.

“Is there... anything else I can do?” Tubbo asked. He still hadn’t taken his hand off of Ranboo’s shoulder.

“No, I- no. Thank you. So much. I know you’re not really comfortable with touch, I’m… I’m sorry.”

“No apologies, big man. If I wasn’t okay with it, I wouldn’t have done it.”

“Mm. I don’t think that’s always true.”

Tubbo smiled sheepishly. “Maybe not. But it is this time. Do you want a hug?”

Ranboo hesitated, then nodded slowly. “If you’re okay with it.”

Immediately, Tubbo wrapped his arms around him, and Ranboo just about melted into it.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"'Course."

"Ugh, I'm going to have to deal with the stream…"

"You ended it, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, just. I think they could tell something was off."

"Oh. That's alright, you don't have to tell them anything."

He sighed. "Yeah, you're right. ...Did you really make food for me?"

Tubbo laughed. "Yeah, it's probably cold now, we'll have to reheat it."

"Oh. Thanks, anyway."

"No problem."

Chapter Text

Hey so yeah I'm sorry.

I've just been gone for a couple of months. I still haven't forgotten about this, I still plan on writing all the requests I have and eventually opening up to more, just. school and life and mental stuff have just slapped me in the face repeatedly so I never got around to writing.

This summer, once school's over, I'll probably be able to find time to do this.

(Of course, given how that's worked out in the past, maybe just... take all of my promises regarding deadlines/timing with a grain of salt... sorry.)

Until then, here's a little about me!

My name is El, I'm a minor, I'm American (yeah I don't love it either), and I have ADHD. I love drawing/painting and, of course, writing, although I rarely get around to it. I thrive on comments so if you notice something about my work that you think could be improved upon or something that you really like or if you just have something you want to say, please comment on it. Also, I'm here to help, so if anyone needs to talk I will be your internet sister. I may not always have advice but I am always willing to listen.

Oh, and I know I don't have much of a following yet (especially not with how sporadically I post...), but what do those of you who are here think of me making a discord server? It'd be for all writers, open to everyone, just a place to hang out and talk about whatever. (I want friends. Please. I have like 2 of them. I want more. Please be my friend.) So let me know what you think!

Anyway, Ily all, and I swear I will come back as soon as I can.

Take care of yourselves!

EDIT: yeah, I’m sorry about that, again. Remember when I said “take my promises with a grain of salt”? Yeah. That discord isn’t going to happen, and I am unfortunately no longer a part of this fandom and as such am abandoning this work, but I still appreciate all of you so much for reading this, and I hope you all have wonderful lives!