Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Samantha Carter is exhausted. Not the ‘I’ve been working in my lab and forgot to check what time it is’ exhausted, but the kind that makes her bones ache and her mind flitter about with no concrete thought to settle on. The kind of tiredness were she can’t help but drag her boots against the pavement as she makes her way towards her front door, fumbling with the key in suddenly uncoordinated fingers. She’s already envisioning taking off her coat then slugging towards her sofa where she hopes to pass out for a considerable amount of time. She knows she should stop and eat something but right now, all she wants is to rest.

She’s absolutely, thoroughly, completely exhausted.

It surprises her more that she’s willing to admit. Pulling long hours isn’t anything new for her, after all she had fought the Goa’uld for years, saved the world countless times, blew up a sun, rewrote physics more times than she should have, supervised the study of alien technology, and designed battleships. Long hours and working well through the night was a second nature to her. Yet in none of those times has she been as exhausted as she is right now.

Perhaps it is that despite the long hours in each post, her body has simply platoiad and got used to not being involved in physical fighting. She is physically fit, has always been, but there is a difference between hitting the gym daily and running for your life in a faraway planet while someone is shooting -or blasting- at you. Yes, that’s what it is, her body simply has to get used to being on the battlefield again, this time as they fight the Ori. She can’t think of the other thing that might be making her this tired, not right now.

She fumbles once more with the keys as her boots hit the wooden steps that lead up to the house’s deck. It’s late and she can’t quite see the keys in her hands to choose the right one. Groaning under her breath, Sam walks up to the side of the door and uses the light coming through the window to see the keys. She’s about to push the key into the keyhole when she freezes.

Light. Light inside of her house.

She doesn’t remember leaving the light on when she left the previous morning. In fact, she distinctly remembers flicking off the switch seconds before closing the door behind her. The light is on though. That can only mean someone is inside.

All traces of exhaustion leave her body as adrenaline rushes through her veins. She swiftly puts down her bag, the sound of the zipper opening coming before it’s contents have even had a chance to settle on the ground, and digs through it to find her service weapon. Nimble fingers instinctually load the weapon, her arm rising to bring up the gun to eye level, her finger laying straight over the side of the trigger as her other hand reaches for the handle.

It’s unlocked. The realization makes her run cold. She definitively didn’t leave house unlocked when she left.

Slowly, she pushes the door open. The room before her is bathed with light, the dinning table standing proudly in the center with boxes upon boxes piled to the sides where they wait for her to comb thru and put things were they belong. She takes a step inside and turns quickly to the left, gun pointed and steadied by both of her hands. Sam faces the living room, her eyes quickly sweeping over the sunken space without going down the steps. It’s empty except for some boxes she’d been going through days before. She turns to the right, knowing she needs to clear both sides of the room before stepping further in, but she only sees a darkened hallway that leads to the bedrooms.

The sound of something falling makes her snap once more towards the dinning room but seeing as it is still empty she knows that whomever is in her house must be in the kitchen.

Sam wills her heart to settle its pounding against her rib cage. She knows that if she has to shoot, having a steady hand and a clear mind will serve her far more than letting the panic of someone invading her space wash over her. She takes a couple of measured steps towards the entrance of the kitchen, pushing herself into an angle by the door frame to be able to cover all sides of the room.

“Freeze! Hands up!” She commands as soon as she sees the intruder, not taking a second to let herself study the man.

Hands quickly rise up, one of them holding a sauce smeared spatula, the other holding a beer. The intruder doesn’t freeze in place though, instead, he turns slowly to look at her, a well-known smirk on his lips.

“It says kiss the chef, not kill the chef.”

His grave voice instantly washes over her, making her slump slightly as she lowers the gun. “Sir.”

Jack O’Neill is standing in her kitchen obviously in the middle of cooking a late dinner. Secured around his waist and neck, he wears an apron that Sam knows had been a gift from Daniel. Beneath that is a blue shirt that is definitively a size too big and khaki slacks that are somehow loose on the legs but still tight enough around his bottoms.

“Auck, Carter!” He waves the spatula slightly, as if he had been waiving a finger at her in protest to her use of the honorific.

“Sorry,” she mumbles. Her cheeks flare as he smiles at her and lowers his spatula, his beer bottle rising to his lips to take a sip. “Jack, what are you doing here?”

He smiles around the edge of the bottle as he hears her say his name then turns halfway towards the stove to check on whatever he is cooking. “Heard Mitchell’s been dragging you all over the galaxy after convincing you to join SG1 and that you were scheduled to return from a mission tonight.” He explains. “Knew you’d be tired, probably falling back to bad habits. Thought I’d welcome you home with a cooked meal.”

Home.

Once upon a time that word had meant a house where she hardly spent time at, a place to sleep and recuperate when luck hadn’t been on her side and Janet had banned her from the base, and somewhere to hide when the pain of loss and years of combat got to be too much for her. Now it was something completely different.

“So you came all the way from DC to cook me a meal? That seems excessive, General.” Sam asks teasingly as she approaches him. Her gaze quickly falls to the pot in front of them. She can’t help the grin that comes forth as she notices what he’s preparing. Macaroni and Cheese. The kind that doesn’t taste like chicken. Something warm and delicious and simple, just like Jack.

“Never for you Sam, never for you.”

Unable to stop herself, Sam wraps an arm around his waist, hooking her finger on the belt loop on his pants. She molds her body to his and hums softly. Jack replies by placing his beer on the counter then raising an arm over her head and settling it on her shoulders, pulling her closer. He presses a kiss to the top of her head before using the spatula to move the cheesy noodles around.

Tilting her head back, she lets her gaze wander over his face appreciatively. He’s as handsome now as he had been back when they were both on SG1 and she wasn’t allowed to be this close to him. Sure, Washington had brought some lines to his face, and more grey in his hair, but he was still the handsome man she had fallen in love with.

Sensing her gaze, Jack turns to look at her with that devilish smirk of his. “Thank you.” She whispers before going on tip toes to press a kiss to his lips.

The kiss is as chaste as any kiss can be and a far cry from the passionate kisses they are known to lose themselves in, but it still manages to steal the very breath from her lungs. Sam smiles against his lips before pulling back. She laughs as he chases her lips with his own, asking for another kiss, not quite ready to let her go. It doesn’t take much chase before she presses another kiss to his lips, this time a little deeper.

As if her body has suddenly realized that she isn’t in danger and the initial wave of adrenaline has run its course, the bone aching tiredness she had been feeling suddenly slams back into her. She grunts softly as she breaks the kiss and buries her face against his chest.

“You are exhausted.” Jack mumbles against her hair.

“Hmm fine.” Sam mumbles, not quite willing to leave his warm embrace. Her body feels heavy though and she knows he can feel it too as she leans further against him.

“Go lay on the couch. I’ll take a plate when it’s ready.” He promises.

Sam gives a little groan of disdain but the weight of her gun reminds her of the pack she’s left outside and the fact that the door is open. She pulls herself away reluctantly. If the front door hadn’t been open she would have forgone the couch and simply stayed at his side. She knows Jack wouldn’t have minded.

“I’ll wait for you at the couch, flyboy.” She mumbles before leaving the kitchen.

The chuckle that echoes from the kitchen brings a grin to her lips. She loves hearing the sound almost as much as she loves the feel of his lips against hers.

Putting back the safety lock on her gun, Sam approaches the door and quickly grabs her bag. Closing the door behind her, she walks to the dinning room and deposits the bag on the nearest chair. She’ll take care of it later, once she’s had a full belly and a few hours of sleep. Ignoring the boxes that are practically screaming at her to look through, she shuffles over to the hidden gun safe where she locks her gun, then to the bowl where she usually drops her keys before moving down the steps into the sunken living room and towards the couch.

She flops back against the couch after taking off her jacket, her tired limbs feeling like heavy lead appendages that she has to haul up. Feeling more exhausted by the second, Sam reaches for the blanket stern haphazardly over the back of the couch and drapes it over body. Jack must have caught a nap before her arrival because it smells like his cologne.

The sounds coming from the kitchen lull her. She closes her eyes and relaxes, unable to stop the thought that this is as domestic as they’ve ever been allowed to be. It’s different but she loves it, especially with the way they’d had to fight to be even allowed to be together.

Not so long ago, all of this would have been impossible. Military’s rules and regulations had kept them apart for eight long years. It had taken the downright panic for the wedding and the realization that she wasn’t happy with Pete and the life he offered for her, to understand that she couldn’t be away from Jack anymore.

When she had seen him with Terry, it had been as if someone had taken her service knife and pushed it through her heart. She had thought she had lost her chance, she’d come to her senses too late and had lost him. She had been ready to retreat and lick her wounds when her father’s health had taken a turn to the worse. After his death, everything seemed inconsequential and unimportant, especially the rules and regulations. She hadn’t wanted to be held back by them, not when she was miserable with her life to the point that even her father had given her a little push to help her find her happiness. Sam needed to find a way for them to be together, for their feelings and everything they had left unsaid to be pulled out of the room they had locked it in. If Jack still wanted it, that is.

Always. That’s what he had said.

She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it.

Always.

That’s why after her father’s funeral, both the human and the Tok’ra ceremonies, Sam had once again found herself outside his home. This time there was no smoke coming from the back, just light filtering through the window. She could still remember the surge of adrenaline and nerves as she waited outside of his door, hand poised to knock. So many questions and worries seemed to rush through her mind, one after the other, not letting her decide whether to knock or not. What if it really was too late? What if what he had with Terry was too good to let go of? What if what he’d felt all those years ago had vanished, locked away in a dusty and forgotten room never to be seen again? What if she had misunderstood his feelings all those years ago? What if? What if?

What if his always had been meant as only a friend?

She’d pulled her hand back as if burned. She couldn’t do this. All of the bravado that had brought her to his doorstep had rushed away from her. She quickly took a step back, then another before turning and rushing down the steps that led to his home. She couldn’t do this.

But what if he had meant he’d always be there because he loved her? What if she was straight with him and she gained everything she had ever wanted? Everything she’d ever ached for?

In the end, Jack had taken the decision from her.

“Carter?”

The voice behind her makes her turn instantly. Her body reacts to the military training that has served her well all of her career. She’s been trained to turn in attention whenever her CO calls her and this time it is no different. Except she wants it to be.

“Sir.”

She winces inwardly. This is already not going the way she wishes it to go.

“Saw you fluttering about outside.” Jack gives a wave of his hand in the general direction she’d just been occupying. Of course he would have known she was outside, he is a black ops trained soldier after all. A blush settles on her cheeks which she hopes the dark of the night hides before she makes a fool of herself. “Everything okay?”

“Yes, everything’s fine.” She replies without a second thought. That’s another trained response, though this time she knows it has nothing to do with the military and everything to do with her own rules of independence.

Jack fidgets in his place, his eyes sweeping through her in a way that she instantly recognizes. He’s assessing her, noticing every little thing about her stand, about her presence, in order to see if she truly is fine. He’ll be able to see right through her carefully constructed façade so she might as well admit she’s not fine. “Actually, Jack, no. I’m not okay.”

He instantly softens at the sound of his name. Gone is the soldier and in his place is the man she’s grown to love, the man who has stood by her side through the death of her father, an arm wrapped around her, anchoring her to reality. Perhaps others wouldn’t be able to tell, but she does. Worry enters his eyes, a couple of lines appear on his forehead and he takes a step forward.

“Can we... Can we talk?” She stutters.

She knows he doesn’t like to talk about feelings. He is a military man, trained to conceal his emotions in order to see a mission through. Normally it doesn’t bother her, but tonight is not normal and she needs him to listen to what she has to say and to share what he feels and thinks.

“You sure, you betcha.” He takes a couple of steps closer to her until he reaches the edge of his front door steps then sits. He points at the spot besides him, silently urging her to sit with him.

Sam bites her lower lip. The soldier part in her instantly tells her it’s a bad idea. It’s forbidden. If anyone from the base happens to drive by and sees them it could mean trouble. She tells herself she could sit a couple of steps down, put more space between them, but the other side of her instantly rebels against it. She wants to sit at his side, to press the side of her body to his, to share space as much as they can in the semi public spot. She ends up fighting against her first instinct and crossing the distance to sit at his side.

Silence settles between them. It’s not awkward but it is charged with emotions and unspoken words. She’s trying to find a way to tell him everything she feels, everything she’s had to ignore and hide in a room, every mistake she’s done with her personal life, but she doesn’t seem to be able to find the words. She knows that if she opens her mouth everything will come rolling out and nothing will make sense. He deserves better. They deserve better.

Jack gently bumps her shoulder with his, urging her to speak. “Words gotta come out of your mouth if we are going to speak, Sam.”

“I just... I don’t know how to start. Where to start.”

This time he bumps his knee with hers. Somehow she knows that he wants her to look at him so she turns her head towards him slightly, her blue eyes searching his semi-obscured face.

“The start is usually a good place.”

If it were any other moment, any other situation, she would have grinned at his silly antics. Right now, though, she can barely contain her nerves much less smile. “I just... I just don’t know where the start is.”

When had she started loving Jack O’Neill?

She wants to believe that it had started when they’d been unknowingly stranded in Antartica. Laying besides him, thinking they were about to die and there was nothing she could do about it, Sam had admitted to herself that at least she was dying besides the man who made her heart thunder and her mind race. She’d felt a touch of sadness when he’d called her ‘Sara’ but she’d pretended to be his ex-wife so that he’d pass as calmly as he could. She couldn’t save Jack but at least she could give him a moment with the woman he seemed to still care about.

But that wasn’t it and she knew it.

She’d always thought that when the Brocca Virus had affected her there had been an underlying cause to her choosing Jack as a mate. It had all been explained away as her seeing him as the alpha male and thus seeing him as the only one worthy of procreating with. Afterwards she had remained quiet as Janet explained everything though secretly she had continued pondering why she had gone to him, wanting to know if it was a byproduct of what she had thought was hero worship.

It wasn’t. She knows that now. Even then she had felt something strong for him. It had floored her and left her confused so she had hidden it away deep inside. Never to be mentioned. Forbidden.

Yet even the virus was not the first time she had felt something. The butterflies and nerves had been present before she’d gone Neanderthal and propositioned him in the middle of the locker rooms.

She’s never admitted it to herself but now it hits her like a run away locomotive straight to the chest.

“Oh god.” She mumbles under her breath as she buries her face in her hands. She knows she’s blushing because she can feel the tip of her ears burning which only makes her lean forward until the back of her hands touch her knees, curling into herself and hiding.

“What? What is it?” She hears Jack ask, his voice full of confusion and worry.

“It’s... it’s such a... a cliché.” She groans into her hands. She knows how much he hates cliches.

“You know how I feel about those.”

“I know!” She groans once again but pulls back, her head tilting up to hide the roll her eyes make. “A subordinate feeling things she shouldn’t feel for her CO from the moment they met. It’s the worst of military cliches and yet, here I am.”

Her shoulders slump in defeat. If they are going to be talking about it, truly talk about everything they’d left in the room, she might as well admit that she’d been attracted to him from the start.

“Is that why you offered to arm wrestle?”

This time she does smile, unable to stop herself. She swings her knee against his to get him to stop teasing her. No sooner have they sobered up that the nerves she had been feeling come right back, leaving her silent and hesitant.

“My dad talked to me before he passed.” She finally admits in a much more subdued tone of voice. It still hurts to think about her dad. She misses him terribly, feels like there’s a part of her that is now empty and aching for one more chance to wrap her arms around him. “He... he said he was proud of me, of everything I had done even though it was nothing like what I had originally planned to do.”

“He was proud of you, Sam.” Jack promises. “Never doubt that.”

Sam gives a tiny nod, almost imperceptible in the darkness around them but she knows he sees it because he replies with a nod of his own. “He said something else though.”

“What was that?”

She takes a deep breath because she knows her next words will either be the start of what she’s always wanted and could never have or the beginning of the end. “He said I shouldn’t let rules get in the way of what I truly want.”

“What you truly want?” Jack repeats her words under his breath. “And that is..?”

“You.” The word tumbles out of her lips before she’s even able to think about it. The truth rolls easily off her tongue after being held back for so long. Why had it been so easy to say now and why hadn’t she admitted it before?

The silence stretches between them, her heart hammers in her chest as she feels him fidget besides her. She can’t help but bite the inside of her lip to stop herself from saying anything else. She needs a sign from him, something, anything that could reassure her that she hasn’t misunderstood his promise to be always there for her.

Sam’s feels her entire hope crash when she hears him clear his throat. “Sam-”

“Don’t say anything.” She quickly begs as she pushes herself to stand, stumbling slightly down the steps in her attempt to escape. This has been a bad idea. She had known it was a bad idea. Why hadn’t she listened to herself?

“Sam, wait-“ She feels his hand brush against hers as he tries to stop her, to hold her back, but she pulls her hand back as if burned.

“No, it’s okay, really.” Sam assures him. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shouldn’t have told you. I... I’ll understand if you want to write me up over th-“

“Carter, stop!”

Once again her training takes over, her mouth closing almost as soon as the order has been delivered. She stands stiff as a board, looking everywhere but at him. She knows that if she looks at him she will truly fall apart.

“Sam.” Jack’s voice is softer voice. He’s using the same tone that he had used in the observation bay when he’d placed his arm around her shoulders and promised to always be there for her. “Sam, you can’t just drop that and flee. You said you wanted to talk, so we talk.”

“I don’t want to talk anymore.” She admits with a shake of her head. “It was a mistake. I... I misunderstood, that’s all.”

“Look, I don’t pretend to always understand what you say when you go into your... technobabble, you know that, but you aren’t making any sense now either.”

Sam whimpers. Sometimes she forgets that even though they can communicate silently on the field, Jack cannot read her mind. He has no way of knowing that she’s come here to ask what he meant with his promise to always be there for her. He can’t have know that even her father had sensed that her feelings for him ran deeper than she’d even admitted to herself. Jack has no way of knowing how tired she is of hiding her feelings and fighting against her dreams when all she wants is to be with him. She’d just dumped it all on him then panicked when he hadn’t reacted the way she’d hoped he would.

This time when he reaches for her hand she doesn’t pull away.

“Talk to me, Sam.”

She needs to calm down, fight against her desire to flee and unscramble her thoughts.

Taking another deep breath she settles herself. She doesn’t rejoin him on the step they’d been previously sitting at. Instead she sits a step down, keeping a little bit of distance to somehow ground herself. Yet even with the difference in sitting levels, his hand remains wrapped around hers.

“Remember when Anise thought we were Za’tarcs?” She knows he remembers by the way his expression tightens. Jack had never liked Anise, never trusted her either. Having gone through the testing ordeal hadn’t helped him change his mind, especially when she’d made him admit something he shouldn’t have had to admit in order to prove that he wasn’t a threat. “Remember what we had to admit?”

“Yeah.” His expression somewhat softens but she can still see he’s guarding himself, unsure of where she is going. She doesn’t blame him. “We left it in the room. Like you asked.”

She should have never offered to lock it away, she knows that now. Back then she’d been terrified of what they’d just admitted, terrified of losing everything she had ever worked for, terrified of getting court martialed and terrified of the feelings she had somewhat managed to ignore up until that point.

“The truth is that I don’t think I ever left it in the room.” She mumbles. “I tried. I forced myself to push it aside, to be the perfect soldier, the perfect 2nd, to be what you needed me to be and not what I wanted to be. I had been ignoring the feelings for years so it wasn’t hard to do. Or so I thought.”

Sam turns her head slightly, just enough to catch a glimpse of him from the corner of her eye to try and judge how he was taking her words. He has a far away look on his face that she can’t quite read. “Truth is... every time we were faced with near death, every time you were injured or I thought I had lost you, the feelings would bubble to the surface and I wouldn’t know what to do with them. I would tell myself that that was it, that I wouldn’t hide from what I felt anymore, that I would tell you and we’d find a way. Then you’d come back and you’d act like everything was alright and I would hide again.”

“Sam-“

“Let me finish, please.” She begged. She needs to tell him now or she’ll never find the strength to say it. She will hide once again, ignore her feelings and remain as miserable as she has always been. She can’t do that, not anymore, not when her father has told her she can have it all.

With his free hand, Jack gives her a little wave to continue.

“I convinced myself that if I couldn’t have what I wanted then at least I could have you as a friend. I could watch your six and make sure that you made it back safe. I could wait, for as long as I needed to wait, and we would defeat the goa’uld and then maybe...” Sam doesn’t end her thought. Instead she gives a little shrug that hopefully relates what she’d wanted to say; maybe they could be together once the war ended. “Before I knew it, so much time had passed and we’d... you’d never mentioned it again. I realized you’d left it in the room like I had asked, moved on and that whatever you’d felt was probably long gone.”

“It hasn’t.” Jack interjects before she can stop him. Her face quickly turns fully towards him, her heart once again beating so hard against her chest that she is sure he can hear it. “It hasn’t.”

“I...I...” Sam stutters, unsure of how to reply to his confession.

“You didn’t know.” His words almost feel like an absolution that she doesn’t deserve. She knows, just like he does, that she had given up. “Is that why you found the cop?”

“I had hallucinations when I was on board the Prometheus.” She reminds him. “ I wrote in my report that Daniel, Teal’c and my father had helped me find a way out. I wrote about the little girl and how she helped me-“

“Yeah, what was that about? You hallucinated them but I somehow didn’t visit you?” Jack exclaims. “I’m wounded.”

She cracks a sad smile before continuing where he had interrupted her. “What I didn’t write in the report was that I had another hallucination. It was you.”

She can tell Jack is surprised by the way his eyebrows climb up his forehead. Had he truly thought she wouldn’t have hallucinated him? He was the single most important person in her life, there was no way her brain wouldn’t have conjured him up. “We talked about... well about this. I realized that as long as I held on to the hope of us, of you, then I wouldn’t be hurt by anyone else. I asked what would happen if I quit the Air Force, if I made it so that the regulations didn’t matter, but you said you’d never ask me to do that. My concused mind made me believe there was nothing left between us and I was just using you as an excuse to not be happy. And when I woke up and you corrected me when I called you by your name, I knew I had to let you go.”

His hand tightens around hers. She knows that he wants to say something but she also senses he’s holding it back for her sake. She wants to urge him to tell her but instead she continues on to answer his initial question. “Pete is my brother’s best friend. He arranged a blind date and we hit it off. He is... a complete opposite of you, I can see that now, and maybe that attracted me to him. I thought I was happy. In love, maybe. He was attentive and loving and he wasn’t... forbidden. He was intense, wanting to go steady, changing his whole life for me, and asking me to marry him.”

“Doh.” Jack breathes out. Even he knows that it had all moved so fast for her.

“Yeah. Except at that moment I thought that’s what I wanted, or at least as close as I could get to it.”

Jack shakes his head and squeezes her hand again. “Somewhere in that big brain of yours something must have been telling you it wasn’t. You took two weeks to give him an answer, for crying out loud.”

“When I showed you the ring I was hoping you’d say something. That I shouldn’t marry him. That he wasn’t good for me. That you still felt whatever it was you had felt for me all those years ago. When you didn’t... I resigned myself. He is a good man, he could make me happy, I just needed to put in the effort. I could have the life I had always dreamed off if I worked hard at it; the husband and 2.5 kids, the house with the white fence and the yellow kitchen, maybe even a dog and I wouldn’t have to quit my job. He bought the house to give me that dream but it was all wrong and I panicked.”

“And ended up here.” He sighs as he let’s go of her hand. She misses his touch instantly, her eyes running over his expression to try to figure out why he’d let go but she comes up empty. The night air instantly leaves her fingers chilled, so she pulls the hand he’d been holding close to her and covers it with her other hand in an attempt to keep the ghost of his touch on her skin.

“I swear I didn’t know that you and Kerry... I wouldn’t have come up here if I had.” She knows her voice has dropped so low it’s practically a whisper but she needs him to know that she hadn’t meant to barge into their relationship. “I just... I needed you to know that I had never stopped feeling feelings for you. I needed you to know I had realized the mistake I was making. I wanted the house, the marriage and the family but I didn’t want it with Pete. I wanted it with you. When she came out of your house... I knew I had truly lost you.”

His reaction to her words is instant. He turns fully towards her and pushes his body off the step so that he can lower himself to the step she’s occupying. His hand, which had just let go of hers, reaches out to her and she takes it before she can even think. Their fingers lace together and her heart jumps in her chest, the butterflies taking flight in her belly. He holds her gaze with his intense eyes and she finds herself getting lost in the dark chocolate of his irises. “You will never lose me, Samantha Carter.”

A sob falls from her lips. She’s not sure where it came from, nor does she wish to investigate. Instead she lets his words wash over her, calm her, ground her in the moment. She wants to lean forward and kiss him, let him see how much she loves him, but they haven’t finished talking and she’s still not a hundred percent sure where they stand. He is still forbidden to her.

As if sensing her hesitation, Jack continues, his gaze never leaving hers. “Kerry... is out of the picture. She dumped me.”

“I’m sorry.” Sam knows it’s her fault. She knows her coming to his place, interrupting their evening with her need to confess, had probably derailed their relationship. He’d been happy, he’d found someone to spend time with, maybe spend the rest of his life with and she had messed it up. It’s on her.

“I’m not.” The honesty in his words surprise her. He doesn’t sound regretful, doesn’t even sound sad at his failed relationship. “She was right. I couldn’t commit to her when I am already in love with someone else.”

The air rushes out of her chest. She knows her eyes are wide, her mouth has dropped, and she’s staring at him like a deer caught in the headlights. Has she heard him right? He is in love? Jack had never used that word before. He’d only said he’d cared for her more than he should have. Had he been in love with her all this time without her knowing? With her thinking that he’d moved on and she’d lost him? Was he even referring to her?

She opens her mouth to ask him just that but he shakes his head. “My turn now, Sam. You know I usually don’t do the ‘feelings talk’ but we need this and it’s my turn.” Sam nods to tell him she’ll wait for her turn.

From the moment she had met him, Jack O’Neill had kept his feelings and inner most thoughts close to his chest. War and the loss of Charlie had made him retreat, build up walls and guard himself as best as he knew how. After all, it’s easier to pretend to be dumb and emotionally unavailable than to deal with the pain that someone else can cause you.

Sam, however, has always known that behind the sarcasm and hard soldier is a truly wonderful, intelligent, caring and complex man capable of so much love. She’s seen glimpses of it in his dealing with other cultures, especially with children, and it has all served to make her fall in love with him harder than she’s ever fallen. Even now, she can see him stripping himself of all his emotional shields in order to talk to her, to be fully open with her despite whatever pain may come his way. She can see the raw emotions in his eyes which makes her want to wrap her arms around him and protect him with her very soul. She remains silent, patiently waiting for him to speak, the tightening of her fingers against his serving as the support he needs to finish opening up.

Jack’s doing this for her. She’s ready to catch him if he needs her to.

“What I said back at the Zanax testing,” he starts. “It was true. I cared about you more than I was supposed to. I would have gladly died right there and then than leave without you. We were lucky, very lucky.”

“Extremely lucky.” Sam agrees with him.

“When you said that we could leave it in the room, I didn’t want to, not really.” Jack turns his chocolate gaze towards her, his eyes begging her to understand why he’d so easily agreed to her idea. “But I knew I had to. I couldn’t, wouldn’t, put your career in jeopardy. Sam, I’m not exaggerating when I say you’ll make General someday. You are right on track and I could see it even back then. Plus you are smarter than the whole base combined.”

She can’t help but smirk at his words. Yes, the thought of eventually becoming a General had been something she’d allowed herself to day dream once upon a time, but now it wasn’t the most important thing to her.

“If we hadn’t left it in the room, if we’d... done... something about it, you would have suffered far more than I would. You’d been demoted, court-martialed and stripped away from the program. I couldn’t do that to you. Not then, not ever.”

She opens her mouth to repeat the words she’d said back on Prometheus, to ask what would happen if she left the Air Force voluntarily, but he stops her with a shake of his head. “But I could definitively put mine on the line. That night I wrote my resignation.”

“What?” She asks in a shocked cry.

“Don’t look so shocked, Sam. I’ve been trying to retire since I was called back. Except now I had a good reason to do it.”

She can feel the heat of her blush take over her face. She knows her face must be bright red but she does nothing to hide it. “But, you didn’t turn it in.”

“Wrong,” he gives her a little smirk, the one that makes butterflies take flight in her belly, the one that lets her know he’s got something up his sleeve. “I did turn it in but it was declined. Hammond wouldn’t hear about it. Something about needing an old soldier like me on the front lines.”

He’d turn in his resignation and she had never known. Jack had be willing to retire so they’d have a chance to explore whatever it was that was growing between them and she’d never been aware of it until now. How could that be?

“You weren’t the only one ready to tell the regs were to shove themselves,” he continues. “You know me, I’ve never been a stickler for the rules. Every single time you were hurt or missing, I was ready to throw it all to away and just... tell you. I i tried to retire, to resign each time. Then things would calm down and I’d remember how valuable you are to the program, and how much life you still have to live and I’d stop myself. Let’s face it, I ain’t exactly a catch.”

“I wish you hadn’t.”

“I couldn’t be selfish, Sam, not with you.” His thumb gently smooths back and forth over her skin as his gaze falls from hers. He’s trying to focus on anything but her, trying to not look up into her face for the next part. She doesn’t have to ask to know what’s coming next; Pete.

“Then the cop happened. You were happy and in love. You were humming for crying out loud! You were actually going home instead of just staying on base to work on your doohickeys.” He gives a little shrug but even in the small movement Sam can see the weight that settles on him. It makes her heart ache painfully. “I forced myself to pull back. Couldn’t be the reason you were unhappy. You were moving on and as much as it hurt, as much as I had hoped for... I had to let you go. Seeing you happy with what you wanted was enough.”

“It’s not what I wanted.”

“I didn’t know that.” He quickly raises his gaze. His chocolate eyes meet with her own blue. “I had to just be your CO.”

“Then you met Kerry.” She wasn’t demanding an answer from him, not really. She was simply stating the truth, a truth she had somehow failed to see until she’d stumbled right upon it.

She still remembers that day as if it had been yesterday. Seeing them through the map between his office and the briefing room had made her pause right away. The bubbling hotness of jealousy had settled in the pit of her stomach as her chest had constricted and her mouth had gone dry. She’d known something was different, something was happening, but she hadn’t known how deep Jack had been.

“Kerry helped distract me.” He finally admits. “From you. From the cop. From the regs. She wasn’t something I had to fight against. It wasn’t fair on her and I’m not proud of it.”

Silence falls between them as Sam tries to find the words she needs to ask about them. She knows he and Kerry have broken up, he’s told her as much, but that doesn’t mean anything. They are unfortunately still separated by the Air Force’s regulations and by their ranks. They are still as prohibited as when they had been in the middle of the Za’tarcs testing.

Closing her eyes, Sam gathers what strength she has left within her and prepares herself to ask what she truly wants to know. As if he knows what she’s thinking, Jack waits for her, giving her as much time as she needs.

“When... when my father was dying you said you’d always be there.” She finally whispers as she opens her eyes to look straight at him. “What... what did you mean?”

“Always.” He says again, his voice unwavering. “Whatever way you want me.”

“If I told you that I only wanted you as a friend?” They both know that’s not what she wants, at least she hopes he knows, but she still has to ask.

Jack tilts his head to the side and observes her for a moment before answering. “Then I’d be your friend.”

“And if I said I wanted more?”

“I’d ask if you were sure.” He admits.

It strikes her that even now Jack wants to make sure that she doesn’t suffer, whether it is professionally or personally. He’s always made it her choice, always let her know that he respects her too much to hurt her in any way. What she’d subconsciously seen as some sort of rejection had been anything but that. He’d always wanted her to be sure of what she wanted, nothing less.

What does she want?

Does she want to keep being soldier Sam who saves the world from the grasp of danger and follows the rules to perfection? Or does she want more? She’s tired of denying herself what she wants the most. She’s tired of being unhappy and letting sadness fester in her soul. Her father had been right, she deserves to be loved and to love, she can have everything she wants if she’s willing to run the risk.

What does she want?

She knows the answer before she’s even finished asking the question?

“It’s always been up to you, Sam.” She hears him whisper before she feels his calloused fingers push back a strand of unruly blonde hair behind her ear, followed by his hand settling on her cheek.

“That’s not fair on you.” She leans against his touch, seeking the warmth of his skin, wanting to lose herself in it.

“Sam-“

“It’s not!” She pulls back from his touch so that she can see straight into his eyes. She misses his touch instantly. “If... if any of this is going to work then we have to be a team. It’s not up to me, not anymore. It’s up to both of us; either we both agree to remain as friends and be miserable or we both agree to give this a try and be happy.”

Sam knows his first instinct will be to insist that she has more to lose, which she does but not because of what he thinks. Sure, she could lose the impecable career she has forged for herself, could be demoted and shamed, but none of that weighs on her when she knows she will be losing the man she’s secretly loved for the last eight years of her life. Losing her career would be hard but survivable. She’s sure she cannot say the same of losing him.

Slowly, she leans forward. Her gaze remains locked with his until the nearness of their faces makes it hard to look into his eyes. She closes her eyes as the tip of her nose touches his in a soft caress. She can feel the warmth of his breath against her lips, her heart rate jumping and the all too familiar butterflies fluttering about in her belly yet again.

This will be their first kiss, at least the first one that counts. There is no alien virus, no alternate reality, no mind stamps and no hallucination created by a concussion. The world is not ending and neither of them is dying. This is just Sam and Jack sharing their first true kiss after eight years of holding back.

Their lips brush together, tentative and soft. It’s too much and not enough, all at the same time. The tender caress deepens as she puts purpose behind her kiss. One of her hands rises and presses against his chest, the other one wraps around his neck, her fingers threading through the small hairs of his Air Force hair cut, her fingernails scratching just enough to signal for him to come closer. Jack understands her and pulls her towards him, parting his lips tentatively. It’s an invitation that only she can answer.

The first touch of their tongues is electric and Sam instantly wants to know why her body reacts the way it does. She wants to break it down to the atoms that make the both of them until she understands it. Before her brain can get the best of her, her heart takes over and simply feels. She hums in the back of her throat as his hand once again cups her cheek, pulls her closer, make her lose herself in him. He tastes like something sweet, cake no doubt, a tinge of the beer he must have drank at some point, and something that is uniquely Jack. She’s instantly hooked.

Their kiss turns more passionate. For a moment she forgets where she is, forgets to breathe between their kisses, forgets everything but him. Her world and all of its equations are reduced to one answer, one constant; Jack. Nothing else matters but the feel of his lips against hers, the warmth of his touch against her skin, the beating of his heart under her hand.

She’s kissing Jack O’Neill and the world doesn’t end.

She feels like she’s finally home, where she is meant to be.

Why hadn’t they done this before?

They would have probably remained on that spot, kissing like a couple of teenagers, if it wasn’t for the flashing lights of a car passing by. It’s plainly obvious they’ve both forgotten where they are and though she should have been terrified at the prospect of someone catching them, Sam finds herself not being able to care. She’s finally kissed Jack O’Neill. She’s finally getting what she’s always wanted and she’s not going to let anything get in her way.

After she finally manages to catch her breath and she calms her fast beating heart, Sam leans forward and presses her forehead against his. “What do you want, Jack?”

His answer comes with no hesitation. “You. It’s always been you, Sam.”

She smiles at him, she can’t help it. It’s one of those smiles that takes over her whole face. One of the smiles she saves only for him. It’s a true happy smile, one she hasn’t smiled in what feels like an eternity.

“And I want you.” This time the words don’t stumble out of her before she can stop them. This time she says them with intent and conviction. That’s what it comes down to. She wants him. She’s always wanted him. Jack O’Neill. No one else.

For some time she’s theorized, and really tried to convince herself, that the reason why she panicked in her previous relationship was because Pete was moving too fast. He had taken vacation to be with her after only a couple of dates. He’d uprooted his whole life and changed states when she’d barely been settling in their relationship. He’d asked for her to marry him before their relationship was even through the first year. He’d bought a house and imagined their family in it before they were even married. It was all too fast, too soon and so she had panicked. Her theory had been wrong though, very wrong.

After the newness had worn off, her mind had constantly told her to run, to hide, to break things off and never look back. Her soul had told her that everything was wrong multiple times but she’d been too stubborn to listen to it and had instead convinced herself that she was simply not meant to have the family life she craved. Now she can see it clear as day; everything had been wrong but not because Pete was moving too fast but because he simply wasn’t Jack. He wasn’t the man she loved with every fiber of her being despite not having the right to love him. He could never fill the hole in her heart the way that Jack did by simply existing.

“I want you.” She repeats with a tone of relief at finally being able to say it out loud.

“As a friend?” Jack asks. There is a glint in his eyes and the slight curling upward of his lips that tells Sam he’s only teasing her. Of course he’d find a way to tease her and make her smile even wider. Typical Jack O’Neill, he’s all hers.

“Yes,” she teases back though she quickly adds. “And as a lover, as a partner, maybe even a husband.”

Jack raises an eyebrow in a move that reminds her of Teal’C. Instead of coming back with a deflecting comment, he simply grins. “Nice.”

“Is that… is that something you’d like?” She doesn’t want to sound unsure but she wants their relationship to start, if it starts at all, with clear expectations.

“That was always my long-term mission.” He surprises her with the softness of his voice. She’d almost expected an O’Neill wisecrack and sarcastic reply. “You and me. The cabin. Some fishing. Maybe couple of kids running around.”

She sighs contently, surprised at the fact that her first reaction isn’t to flee at the thought of a domestic life. She twists her body so that she’s sitting with her side pressed to his and leans her head against his shoulder. Their hands once more find each other, fingers intertwining before she settles them on her lap. “I’d like that too.”

“So we are doing this?” Jack asks as he signals between them with his index finger. “Telling the regs where to stick themselves.”

“Yeah sure, you betcha.” Sam replies right away. She needs no time to think about it, not with Jack. “We are doing this.”

“We’ll have to be careful. No one can know at the base. Can’t do anything that will hint favoritism.” With his words, Sam knows Jack is still thinking about her and her career. He’s always going to want to protect her just as she wants to keep him safe. One wrong reaction, one inappropriate action, could end in court martial.

“We’ll be careful.”

“Teal’c will be happy.” She hears Jack say through a soft chuckle. They both know that he is aware of their feelings, after all he’s been there when they’d been forced to confess during the testing and had been a source of strength every time she thought she’d lost Jack.

“Daniel and Teal’c will keep our secret.” She reminds him. She hears a hum of agreement which only makes her nuzzle closer to him. “No one else needs to find out. This isn’t between Carter and O’Neill. This is just Sam and Jack.”

Another flash of lights makes her perk up. She would have probably pulled her hand away, had he not been holding on to her tightly, relying on her schooled reaction to pretend there is no feelings between them other than friendship. They can’t stay outside much longer.

“Come on.” He beckons as he stands up. It takes her a gentle pull of his hand to stand up and to follow him into the privacy of his home but once she’s inside she’s able to relax once again.

His home is nothing new to her, after all they’ve had hundred of team nights in it over the years, and yet today it feels different. It’s not a jarring difference, but a difference nonetheless. She knows that nothing has physically changed and yet she feels like this place will soon become a sanctuary, a place where they can just be Sam and Jack without rules, without their job, without the Air Force and the future of the world weighing heavy on their shoulders.

“Want a beer?” He asks as he guides her further in.

She follows him to the kitchen, nodding that she does indeed want one. She watches silently as he moves towards his refrigerator near the corner of the room, pops open the cap then offers it to her. Her heart fills with love at the picture of Jack O’Neill mischievously offering her a bottle of beer as he stands in the middle of his off-yellow kitchen. She could get used to this. She definitively could get used to this.

It takes her brain a second to fully process what her eyes are seeing, her hand frozen halfway up to reach for the beer bottle. She must have looked a sight because his forehead creases with worry as he takes a step closer to her. “Sam, what’s wrong?”

She blinks herself back to reality and shakes her head. “Nothing.” She tries to brush off her realization with the hope that he won’t dig further but she should have known better. This is Jack O’Neill after all.

“What is it?”

“Your kitchen.” She replies as if her answer is all he needs to understand what she’s thinking, to know what she’s just realized. When she sees his expression change from worry to confusion she can’t help but giggle.

“Hey! What have we said about giggling?”

“Sorry.” She replies though it’s quite obvious she really isn’t sorry. “It’s just… for the longest time I’ve had this idea of the perfect kitchen in a house I’ve seldom let myself daydream about. It’s… it’s always this soft yellow color, between yellow and cream.”

“Not following, Sam.”

She grins, unable to hide the happiness she feels as she lets her eyes wander back to his walls. She’s been in his kitchen hundred of times before and she had never realized it. “Your kitchen is yellow. Between yellow and cream. All this time… I got it from your kitchen.”

Jack turns to look over his shoulder at the stretch of wall between his refrigerator and the stove. As if he too is realizing for the first time the color of his kitchen, he grins and turns to look at her. “Sweet! One less thing to worry about.”

They’d never looked back after that. Sure, they had to be extremely careful with what they did and said at work to maintain their working relationship and the O’Neill and Carter dynamic, but once in the safety of either of their homes they were simply two people deeply in love, living their lives as best as they could given their circumstances.

And not once has Sam regretted any moment of it.

TBC

Chapter Text

Something is wrong.

From the moment Jack picked her up at her house, he’s been far too quiet, quieter than usual.

They’d been planning this trip for quite some time; a trip to the cabin where they can unwind and not have to worry about the SGC for the weekend. Officially, Jack had gone to his cabin and she had gone to San Diego to spend some time with her brother. No one else knew the real itinerary. No one else knew they were both in a little cabin in the middle of Minnesota.

They’d arrived late Friday night just in time to pull everything out of Jack’s truck and slide into bed. She’d been too tired then to really catch the difference in his behavior. Saturday morning had been a little off but not enough for her to point out he was acting strange. He was a little pensive, a little more quiet, and had spent longer at fishing that he usually did when they made it up here, but she’d brushed it off as him being tired. The afternoon had recaptured their usual chemistry and she’d completely forgotten about the issue. That night they had made love twice; the first time hurried and passionate, as if he couldn’t get enough of her, the second time slow and tender. She was sure he had committed every inch of her skin to memory. They’d fallen asleep intertwined, happy, and fulfilled, but then Sunday morning had come and he’d pulled away almost completely.

Something was wrong. Deeply wrong.

Breakfasts was spent in silence. Jack focused on his bowl of cereal all the time, while Sam tried to think of what to say to pull him out of the funk he seemed to have fallen into. He’d gone fishing afterwards without as much as a playfully invitation thrown her way. She’d tried to busy herself with reading one off the Air Force books he kept at the cabin, but the nagging feeling that something was horribly wrong kept pulling her attention away from it. When lunch came she fixed them up something and called out for Jack to come in but he never did. She ate by herself while he kept on fishing. Now, as the sun starts falling over the horizon, she can’t help but gaze out to the small dock where he has remained all day, and wonder what went wrong.

Her mind keeps circling over the same questions as she tries to understand his behavior. Is he mad at her? Has she done something wrong? Is he regretting their weekend getaway? Has the thrill of their relationship already faded for him? Is he regretting their secret relationship? Is he disillusioned by what she is after all those years of dreaming a relationship with her?

“For crying out loud!” She groans under her breath. She’s been leaning against the window frame for what feels like hours, willing him to come inside and reassure her that everything is fine. It hasn’t worked. She knows she has to go outside and confront him but her feet are as heavy as lead and refuse to move. She’s not ready to hear the dreaded words ‘this isn’t working’.

She watches silently as he reels in then casts the line. As much as Jack boasts about enjoying fishing, it doesn’t seem like he’s currently as relaxed as he’s supposed to be. She watches him mumble something before reeling in the line again. This time, however, he doesn’t cast. Instead, Jack seems to pause and deflate before lowering the pole on to his knees.

That’s it. However this ends, Sam knows she needs to talk to him.

Pushing the door open, she moves towards him. With each step she slows down, fighting against the butterflies in her belly. No, these aren’t butterflies. The feeling they evoke is nothing short of dread. They have to be moths, horrible ugly moths that eat at her insides and poke holes into her stomach. They continue even as she pauses when she’s only a couple of steps away from the folding chair he likes to sit on.

Silence continues between them; heavy and thick. It makes everything slow down and leaves her almost out of breath. She has to fight to push out her voice from the molasses that have settled in her throat.

“Jack?” The effect is instantaneous. The moment he hears her voice he tenses, his hands tightening around the fishing pole and his jaw clenching. That’s not the reaction she’d been expecting and it feels like a sharp blow to her stomach. Something is terribly, horribly wrong. “What’s going on?”

“Going on?” He asks without turning to look at her. “Just enjoying some good ol’ fishing.”

“Not from where I’m standing.” She can’t help but nervously bury the tip of her boot against the grass that surrounds the dock. It reminds her of all those times she had faced her father as a young girl, ready to be given a reprimand for whatever wrong she’d done, trying to not let out her nervous energy and get in further trouble. She pulls her foot back then buried the top again.

Jack grumbles something that she doesn’t quite catch. Silence settles between them again, breaking her heart even further.

“Jack?”

“Carter?” The use of her last name freezes her on the spot. Sure, he’s used her surname thousand of times before, even while they’ve maintained their secret relationship. It’s become a term of endearment in its own right. It’s warm and tender and so full of a love they can’t quite express in public. But that’s not the way he’s said it now. This time it’s cold and desolate, reminiscent of times in the field when he’s been angry or trying to pull away from her.

“What’s wrong, Jack?”

“Nothing.”

She sighs and bites the inside of her lip. Tears rush to her eyes but she quickly pushes them away. “Jack?”

This time he doesn’t even answer.

Uncomfortable and feeling like the world is shifting around her with no way to stop it, Sam waits for him to say something, anything, but she’s met only with silence. The silence is so deafening that she has the incredible urge to babble in order to fill the empty space between them. Unable to stop herself, she does exactly that. “I don’t know what’s wrong with you but something obviously is. You’ve… you’ve been acting weird since we left the Springs and I think we should talk about it.”

Once again she’s met only with silence.

“Jack, please. I know it’s hard to talk about what bothers you, but I’m here to listen, I want to listen. You know you can talk to me.”

“Nothing is wrong.”

“Bullshit!”

Under normal circumstances Sam would have never dared to talk that way to a senior officer, much less her CO. This weren’t normal circumstances though. She wasn’t talking to General Jack O’Neill, she was talking to Jack, her Jack, the man who owned her heart and made her the happiest she’d ever been. He was the man who made her smile by simply being at her side, who made her consider the future she had always wished for. She needed to break through the barrier that he had obviously erected between them and if that meant using such language then she would do so. Carters don’t quit.

There is no reaction from him. Not even a wince at her colorful expression.

“Fine.” She says between clenched teeth. With a bubble of determination that seems to come out of nowhere, Sam moves to stand in front of him, partially covering his view of the lake. “It’s obvious that whatever is bothering has to do with me, otherwise you wouldn’t be out here, avoiding me. So what is it? Did I not live up to your standards? Are you regretting us? Are you done with me? Were the post months all a moment of weakness, an itch you had to scratch and now that you’re done you don’t want to do anything with me?”

There’s a slight change in his expression. To anyone’s untrained eye, the pulling of his jaw muscles and the sharpening of his gaze would mean nothing. To her, the person who has watched his six in battle for years and has learned to read what he’s preparing to do before he even does it, those movements are a loud exclamation of his thoughts; he doesn’t like what she’s saying but he’s not willing to open up about it, to be vulnerable and perhaps accept that her words are true.

“Is that it?” She questions though she knows she won’t receive an answer. “Then why did you bring me here? You could have dumped me back at home and saved yourself an awkward weekend.”

“Carter.”

“Don’t! Don’t Carter me!” Sam demands. She doesn’t care if her voice has risen a couple of decibels . “Tell me what’s wrong. You owe me that!”

Jack’s gaze falls down to his fishing pole, a sigh of something she can’t quite distinguish leaves his lips as his shoulders slouch forward. He almost seems to be curling into himself, physically protecting what’s left of his painfully battered heart. A huge part of her hates herself for demanding an answer, for obviously prolonging something that neither of them want to experience, but the other side of her needs to hear him say that he wants her out of his life. She might never understand why or what happened to suddenly change things between them, but at least she’d know.

She isn’t expecting the icy tone that comes from him or the way his eyes fill with anger. “I don’t owe you anything, Colonel.”

The use of her rank is enough to break the last bit of her heart. She has her answer, even if he didn’t say the words outright. Tears once again fill her eyes as the anger rushes out of her to be replaced only with deep pain. She finds herself unable to breathe, unable to think. Relying only on survival instinct, Sam instinctively moves away from him, rushing into the house to find some semblance of protection.

Pressed again the closed door, Sam takes a second to breathe, to try to order her thoughts, but her pain continues to overpower her. She despairs as she looks around the cabin. He is everywhere. Every corner of his cabin is a reminder of him, of what they’ve shared, of the future that has just been ripped from her bare hands. She can’t stay here. She has to leave.

She rushes towards the master bedroom and starts gathering her things. Where she would normally fold everything and meticulously arrange her duffle bag, she now throws everything into a jumbled mess to sort it out later. Clothes and toiletries get dumped in before she sips everything up. She needs to get out of the cabin before he comes inside. She’ll walk to the nearest town if she has to and figure out the rest from there.

How could she have been so stupid to believe that she was finally getting everything she had ever wanted? Her love life’s track record had to be the absolute worst; first an engagement with a man who eventually thought himself a God and who only wanted to manipulate and control her, then an engagement born out of settling because she couldn’t be with the man she loved, and now the man who owned her heart was booting her out. She should have known that this wouldn’t end in the dream future she’s wanted, that it wouldn’t end in a long marriage with children and grandchildren. She should have known.

Pulling the duffle bags loops she hauls her bag over her shoulder. It’s not heavier than her usual mission pack so she will be able to carry it without issue. One less thing to worry about.

Sam is about to leave the bedroom as fast as she came in when something catches her eye. On Jack’s bedside table, besides the well loved picture of Charlie, is a picture of them. It had been taken on the first solo trip they’d made to the cabin. In one of those romantic moments that she absolutely loves, Jack had pulled out a camera and insisted on snapping a picture to commemorate the fact that she had finally made it to his cabin. If she remembered correctly, he had snapped more than one of them, each picture becoming more and more unruly as his fingers teased her sides and she belly laughed. The picture he had decided to display is one where he is still tickling her but is also attempting to give her a kiss. Sam is laughing against his lips, happy teary eyes on full display.

What had happened to the love that was so obviously felt between them? She couldn’t have imagined it, not when it is plastered in front of her, frozen in time for all to see. He loves her. She loves him. Then why is he behaving the way he is? Why is he pushing her away? She can’t ask him again, not after the way he’d reacted at the dock. History tells her that asking Jack O’Neill to open up about his feelings is a moot point so she has to accept that she will probably never know.

Before she can try and come up with something that makes sense, heavy footsteps interrupt her train of thought. A dash of panic runs through her at the thought of facing him in the state of pain and confusion she is currently in and she immediately looks away when his figure appears at the doorway.

“I’m leaving.” She assures him. “You won’t have to deal with me anymore.”

“Sam, wait-“

“No,” she shakes her head promptly, catching glimpses of his gaze as she does. “I don’t… I don’t know what happened and we both know you aren’t going to tell me. If you want me out of your life then I’ll leave.”

Realization flashes in his eyes. Of what, she’s not completely sure, but she knows him enough to know that he’s quickly trying to access the situation. “Sam.”

She tries to push past him, placing a brave expression on her face and hoping that her tears aren’t too obvious, but Jack doesn’t let her. Instead, he surprises her by not only blocking her exit but also wrapping his arms around her. She struggles for a second against him, her duffel bag falling to the ground, but she knows that even her hand to hand combat training isn’t as advanced as his black ops training. If he wants her to stay she is going to be stuck until he lets her go.

“Please, let go.”

“No, I need to talk to you.”

A lick of anger makes her snap at him, delivering words she instantly regrets. “Now you want to talk? When it’s convenient for you?”

She can feel his body stiffen in reply to her words. Instead of pulling away, he mumbles as he buries his face in her hair. She’s been letting it grow out just a little which allows him to nuzzle her with his nose and hide his expression from her. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry. I… we need to talk.”

“You’ve already said enough, sir.”

She knows the use of his honorific hurts him as much as hearing him voice her’s had. It’s certainly enough for him to loosen his hold on her. She has her chance to break free of him but something makes her stay, grounds her to the spot she’s been occupying. “I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I’m sorry I called your Colonel. I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t care.”

It’s uncharacteristic of him to talk about his feelings. Jack has always been someone who conceals his inner most thoughts, he’d learned it from the Air Force and it is a tough act to revert. She knows this because she’s the same way. They’d promise to communicate better at the start of their relationship, to talk about whatever was bothering them whenever they were ready, but now she’s not sure she actually wants to hear it. Still, she doesn’t move away.

“I just want to know what changed.” She admits as her eyes flood with tears once again. “What made you fall out of love with me?”

His head snaps up as soon as the words leave her lips. His eyes are wide open, shock running through them as he makes eye contact with her. He seems confused, surprised by her words. The wrinkle on his forehead becomes even more pronounced as he tries to understand “What?” He squawks with a shake of his head.

Sam’s taken a back. She hadn’t expected that reaction from him. It takes her second to repeat her words, their delivery much more unsure this time around. “What made you fall out of love with me?” She whispers.

“That’s… that’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said, Sam.”

This time it’s Sam who looks at him confused as she finally pulls away from him. Her confusion leaves her silent for a second before her need to know what’s happening takes over. The words come out of her so fast that she can barely keep up with them, babbling her way through them. “Ridiculous? Jack you’ve been avoiding me all day, you’ve been acting weird all weekend, you start using honorifics and you won’t tell me what’s bothering you. You… you said you didn’t owe me an explanation, which I admit you don’t, but I was hoping by now you’d feel you could talk to me, trust me beyond the battlefield but instead you shut me out. What am I supposed to thi-.”

“They are sending me to Washington.”

His words leave her in shock. She stares at him, blinking rapidly as his voice repeats over and over in her mind. It suddenly makes sense; he hasn’t been acting weird and pulling away from her because he’s stopped loving her. He’s been doing it because he’s going to leave.

“Sending you to Washington?” She finally asks under her breath. “Why?”

“Hammond is retiring at the end of the month. He said that he wants to enjoy the time he has with his grand-daughters before he’s too old.” Jack explains. His arms fully drop from around her and she instantly misses his warmth. She wants nothing more than to hold him close but she stays in her place, frozen as she processes what he’s saying. “He’s recommended I take over his position and the president has agreed that it’s a good idea. I ship out in two weeks.”

“Two weeks?” Sam repeats as she is still playing catch-up.

“Yeah.” Jack let’s out in a sigh. Dejectedly, he moves around her and towards his bed where he flops down. His hands cover his face, his fingers pressing against his eyes. “You should have seen George’s face; he was excited about my promotion and new position.”

“Head of Homeworld Security.”

“For a minimum of two years.”

It’s plain to see that the idea of relocating to Washington is anything but thrilling. Jack has never been one to surround himself by politicians and the brass and this new commission is placing him in the middle of it all. If it were any other person, Sam would have already been congratulating them, after all, it’s a position that oversees all of the Stargate program. It’s a position of power that not many are considered for. However, this wasn’t any other person. This was Jack, the love of her life, her secret lover and the only man she sees a future with. She wants to congratulate him, she truly does, but she also knows what this would mean for them.

It hurts.

“I turned in my resignation.”

His words have her turning to look at him, a gasp leaving her lips before she could reign it in. “What?”

“I don’t want to go Sam. I want to stay here… with you.” His hands pull away from his face as he tells her so. He pushes himself into a sitting position, his eyes searching for hers. The dark pools of his irises are full of pain and desperation. Now she knows why he hadn’t wanted to look at her at the dock. She would have been able to see it right away.

For a moment, Sam feels a rush of hope. If he’d turn in his resignation then that meant he wouldn’t be leaving. He would stay here, with her. Yet, her rational brain rebels at the idea. If he is staying then why he’d he behaved that way towards her? It made no sense and she knows it. She doesn’t have to wait long for the other foot to drop.

“They didn’t accept my resignation.”

Of course they didn’t. For all that Jack insists that he is an old soldier with nothing else to give, Sam knows that his tactical expertise and his years at the helm of SG1 makes him a commodity that the Air Force can’t do without. Won’t do without. If only he could see it. If only he could see how much he is needed.

Unable to look at him in such despair, Sam moves to sit besides him. Their shoulders are pressed together and it takes everything in her not to slide her hand into his and hold on forever, to beg him not to leave her even though she knows there is nothing he can do.

“So you decided to break things up between us.” She finally whispers. It’s not an accusation just a statement of facts. She knows how Jack operates, knows that he is always thinking of the welfare of others, specially hers.

“You deserve better, Sam. You always have.” Jack replies. She immediately shakes her head at his words. “You do. Far more than I can offer you.”

“I don’t want anything else.” Sam quickly explains as she turns her body towards his. This time she grabs his hands, holding them tightly in hers.

“You want a family Sam. A husband you don’t have to hide for fear of being court martialed, children you can love and watch grow, a home to keep them safe with, a career you excel at.” He lists everything they had been hoping for, everything that with his move was now a little less attainable. “I’m not going to be the one to keep you from it.”

Sam shakes her head again, this time a little harder. Yes, she wants all of it, but she doesn’t want it with anyone that isn’t him. She learned her lesson from her ordeal with Pete; she wants a future with Jack and no one else. No one else would ever measure up to the wonderful man besides her. She needs to let him know that. “Only with you.”

“Can’t offer you that, Sam. Not anymore.” He insists even as his fingers intertwine with hers. “I gotta let you go.”

“No!” She exclaims.

“Sam-“

“No! I don’t care. If I have to wait two more years then I wait two more years.”

“We don’t know how long it will be.” He reminds her but she will not budge. She’s waited eight years, she can wait two more. They’ve done their duty, they’ve been the good soldiers the Air Force wanted them, needed them to be, but she’d done with it. This time she will hold on, not let him go, even if she needs to resign her own commission.

“Then I’ll leave the Air Force.” She declares. Her words have him shaking his head right away but she stops him from speaking before he can even verbalize why he thinks it’s a bad idea. “I’ve done my duty. I want to move on. We can move to Washington and I can teach at the Academy-“

“The SGC needs you, Sam.” She can see how much it’s hurting him to remind her how deep her involvement with Stargate Command is. It makes her realize that he’s thought of everything, been turning it around in his mind as he pulled away from her, preparing himself to let go so that she will be able to move on. “They’ll fall apart without you.”

“So then what? We just let them break us up even though we love each other?” The hurt and pain she had felt just moments ago rushes through her again. “You go to Washington and I stay here and forget about you? That’s the solution?”

“I can’t ask you to wait for me to come back.”

“You wouldn’t have to ask.” She reminds him. She lets go of one of his hand only to cup his cheek, gently urging him to turn towards her. She can see his pained expression through her teary eyes which only makes her want to embrace him and never let go even more than before. “Don’t you get it, Jack? You are it for me. I have no desire to go looking for anything else. You are it.”

Leaning forward, Sam gently brushes her lips against his. Her lips tremble as she silently begs for him to not push her away again, to kiss her and hold her and never let her go even if he has to go to Washington. When he finally kisses her back it takes Sam’s breath away. Jack is a wonderful kisser but the need she feels as his lips press against her gives her hope she didn’t think she’d be feeling.

When she pulls back she does so only long enough for her to lean against him as his arm wraps around her back. Her hand once again slides into his, wasting no time in holding on to him. She’s not letting go, not right now and not in two weeks when he has to relocate. “We can continue to keep it on the down-low. I can fly to Washington whenever I have downtime.” She offers. “We’ll make it work.”

“There’s nothing more I’d want, Sam.” He admits against the top of her head. “But what excuse will you use to go up to Washington all the time? People will figure it out, rumors will fly and I won’t be the reason why your career is tarnished.”

He’s right. It’s hard enough to keep their relationship a secret while they are both in the same city, in the same military base. The stolen glances and caresses when no one is looking helps them hold on until they are alone in the sanctity of either of their homes, or his cabin, but how will they be able to do it with him in another state? Will their relationship be sequestered only to phone calls? She knows that anything else will be too risky.

Suddenly an idea comes to her. For months she’d been receiving requests to join Area 51’s science department. With the planned departure of their head scientist, Sam had been at the top of the short list to take over. She’d resisted the idea of taking the slot because it would take her away from her duties with SG1, and away from Jack and the somewhat new turn in their relationship, but perhaps she could accept it now. It would mean moving to Nevada, which was admittedly farther from Washington DC, but it would also mean that she would be reporting to someone who wasn’t in Jack’s direct line of command. She’s not sure whether he will like it or not but it offers the solution they need; a respite from the chain of command.

“What are you thinking about?” He asks, breaking the sad silence that had fallen between them with his voice. “Don’t pretend you are not, I know you.”

“I’m going to accept Area 51.” He pulls back from her right away. His movement dislodges her head from his shoulder and makes her look up. He’s staring at her with confusion etched on every line of his face, including the fold between his eyebrows that she loves so much.

“What?” A confused Jack O’Neill is the cutest and she can’t help but lean in for a chaste kiss.

“Area 51. You know they’ve wanted me for a while now. I’m going to accept it.”

His expression doesn’t change. He keeps staring at her as if she’s just proposed the idea of blowing up another sun. “What?” He repeats again with a shake of his head.

“Area 51. I’d be heading the science research station, working with the tech that the SG teams bring back. You know I’ve been wanting more time at the labs and this will give it to me.” She sees him nod but she continues speaking, not giving him time to catch up. “The position is in Nevada but out of your direct chain of command. If report to someone else who would then report to you. If I take it then no one can say that you are benefiting my career and it gives us a grey area to work in.”

“A grey area.” He repeats in a mumble. “To be together.”

“We can wait a couple of months then start visiting. If any rumors arise then… we’ll deal with it when they do, but it gives us options.”

She knows the moment Jack has caught up with her because his expression changes from confusion to realization and finally to happiness. This is an option he hadn’t considered in all the times he’d been turning things in his mind, trying to find a way to stay together. She doesn’t have to ask if he likes the plan because she can see it sparkling in his eyes.

“What about SG1?” She knows he’s asking so that she is sure this is what she truly wants. Heading to Nevada will probably result in a step back in how fast she will make her next promotion, but she doesn’t care. She’s served her time in SG1, it’s time for her to leave her zone of comfort.

“I’m sure they will find someone else to command it now that the Goa’uld and replicator have been dealt with.” She assures his with a smile. “Plus, Daniel has been going on and on about how he wants to head to Atlantis and Teal’c’s responsibilities with the new Jaffa nation are growing every day. Being in SG1 without the three of you just doesn’t seem as appealing.”

“I knew you were in it just for us.” He teases, the twinkle in his eyes growing as he gives her one of his trademark O’Neill grins.

“Somebody had to watch over the three of you, I was glad to do it.” She replies with a playful shrug.

Silence envelops them again. Sam watches as he looks down at their hands. His thumb gently smooths back and forth against hers as he considers this new option she’s put forth. “Are we really doing this?”

“Moving to Washington and Nevada?” She asks. “I’ll have to bring up the paperwork but I think my CO will agree with me that it’s the right move. Career wise.”

“And…” He uses his free hand motion between them. “Us?”

“You aren’t getting rid of me that easily, flyboy.” She whispers as she leans in. She presses her lips to his parted ones, grinning against them when it takes him very little time to kiss her back.

In a move that tickles her mind with the sense of dejavú, Jack uses his upper body strength to twist and tilt her until her back is pressed against the mattress and her arms have found their way around his neck. He hovers above her, thoroughly kissing her and leaving her without the ability to properly think.

When their kiss breaks, neither makes a move to pull away or change their positions. This turn of events is definitively not the way either had imagined, but she knows they are both grateful for it. The hurdled they’d just jump had been immense, all encompassing and destructive, but they’d manage to come out on the other end together, with a new path towards the future they both desired.

A chocolate gaze locks into a blue one, and he nuzzles the tip of her nose with his own, making her smile again. “Sam?”

“Hmmm?” She hums in reply.

“Marry me?”

—

“Dinner’s ready!”

The heavy scent of pasta and cheese wafts towards her before Jack makes his way down into the sunken living room. He smirks as he finds her snuggled into the blanket but waits until she’s extracted her hands from its warmth before handing her the bowl.

It’s only as she cradles the warm plate and takes a deep breath that she realizes just how hungry she is. “It smells delicious.” It doesn’t take long before she’s spooning up the macaroni into her mouth, moaning at the cheesy flavor as it hits her tongue. “Mmm… this is really… good.”

Chuckling at her sudden need to devour what’s in front of her, Jack leans down and picks up her legs before sitting down on the couch and placing her limbs over his lap. “See, it’s a good thing I came. When was the last time you ate?”

“Hmmm…” The fact that she has to really focus to remember when she last ate is too much for her. She’s tired and hungry and the food he’s given her is too delicious to think about the cold muffin and coffee she had earlier that day. “Don’t remember.”

“Sure you don’t.” His hand has found it’s way under the blanket in his attempt to tickle her feet. She giggles when instead he finds a heavy boot. “Oy!”

“Too tired.”

It doesn’t surprise her that Jack is instantly working on the laces of her boots. He’s always been a caring partner, making sure her needs are met far before his and this time it’s no different. Having finished her food by the time he is working on the second boot, Sam takes a moment to watch him.

He looks tired though not in the physical sense. She can see that Washington has taken its toll on him. There are a couple more wrinkles around his eyes, a slight tightness near his lips and more grey than brown in his ever unruly hair. Sam knows he has never liked to be near politicians and the brass but she also knows he’s done good in his new position. Head of Homeland Security. She’s extremely proud of him.

Groaning as he finally rids her of her work boots and proceeds to massage her feet, Sam leans forward and placed the now empty bowl on the coffee table. “That feels good.”

“I aim to please.”

She wiggles her eyebrows at him. His reaction is so pure that she can’t help but throw her head back and laugh as his skin turns a lovely shade of red. He lovingly squeezes her feet in return, waiting for her to be done before speaking. Instead of the gradual release of her giggles, she ends up suddenly yawning. “Do I have to talk to Mitchell about overworking the team?”

She doesn’t have to give him an answer because he already knows that she would never want him to interfere in her name. It’s part of their agreement and something she doesn’t want to start messing with. He might be in charge of all of the Stargate dealings but he has no say in her military career.

“He’s not overworking us.” She promises. “He’s eager, very eager to get out there and be SG1 and the Ori have given him the perfect excuse, but he’s not overworking us… yet.”

“And the Ori?”

“Invading any planet they can find, lying to the locals, converting those they can and killing those that refuse them. The usual.”

She doesn’t want to spend the time they have in his little impromptu visit talking about the Ori. She already talks about them at work all the time, the last thing she wants is for them to invade their little corner of the world.

“Reckless?” She knows what Jack is asking but she also knows that if she says that Mitchell is indeed reckless in some of his dealings with the Ori, Jack will find a way to blame himself for it. He is, after all, the one who promised Mitchell could go anywhere.

“Not quite. Just… young. I’m used to more seasoned COs.”

This time he does tickle her underfoot which makes her squirm under the blanket and pull her foot away. Instead of going for the other foot, Jack moves to attack her ribs, right where he knows he will elicit a laugh from her. The next bout of giggles comes even as he reminds her not to giggle. She momentarily forgets her tiredness, squirming under his fingers and twisting on the sofa so hard that she’s almost afraid she will fall. By the end of his tickle torture, Sam finds herself leaning back against him, with her back pressed to his chest, his hand caught with both of hers and laying against her belly. They only move so that he can reach for the beer he’d been drinking, then settle once again.

If she relaxes long enough, Sam knows that she will fall asleep right there and then. Then warmth of his embrace combined with the tiredness her body feels, will pull her under. To avoid closing her eyes, because there’s something they still have to talk about, she plays with his calloused fingers.

She’s always loved his hands. When they were both in SG1, she would sometimes let herself gaze at them. She liked to marvel at the strength and steadfastness they showed in battle, at the way he would hold his P90 or set a charge of C-4. Now she likes to watch as those same hard hands turn tender as they touch her, as they idly caress her arms and bring goosebumps to all of her skin, as his fingers intertwine with hers. Those hands have seen battle and war, but they’ve also seen love.

“Aren’t you missing something, flyboy?” She asks playfully. He gives a confused grunt so she raises their hands and twists lightly just in time to see a flicker of recognition in his eyes.

“Can’t have that.” He declares steadfastly.

Sam leans back again as he places his beer between his knees. They let go of each other long enough to reach for the chain that holds their dogtags and unlock them. In a move that is already second nature, Sam slides off the silver ring that has found a home with the steel of her tags, then passes them to Jack who places them on the armrest of couch.

“Ready?” She wiggles her fingers so that he will give her back his hand. The ring she’s been holding on to since the last time he’d visited slides perfectly onto his finger. It sits on his skin as if he’d never taken it off, catching the light coming from above and making it shine.

“Give me that hand, Mrs. O’Neill.” He interrupts her thoughts with a wiggle of his own fingers. She snickers but does as told. Her gaze once more zeroes in on vision of his hand as it tenderly holds hers and slides her wedding ring on.

Unlike his, her ring is not just a band. Sure, it looks like one at first glance, but if anyone has the chance to take a closer look they will be able to see that it’s anything but simple. Modeled after an old 16th Century astronomical ring, her wedding ring has tiny stars engraved all around it. When not on her finger, or on his tags for sake keeping, the ring slides into a sphere made out of 4 bands that slide from within it. Each band has something special; the first band has an engraving of the constellation most visible on the sky above their cabin, the second has the word ‘always’ etched on its metal, a reminder of his promise to always being there for her, the third has their names delicately inscribed with a tiny diamond star between them, and the fourth and last band had the symbols of the earth’s gate address. She has no idea how he’d gotten it made, or when he’d found the time to commission it, but she absolutely loved it.

Who said Jack O’Neill was not a romantic?

As if he could read her mind, and to prove her that he was indeed a romantic at heart, he brings her hand back and presses a kiss to the band on her finger before tucking their hands back on her belly. “Always” he whispers near her ear.

She hums contently as she lets his voice wash over her. The warmth of his gravely tones has always brought her calm, even in the midst of a battle against Jaffas. This time it’s no different. Beneath her hands, she feels his thumb move back and forth, gently caressing the swell of her lower belly that she’s always tried to get rid of but had never been successful at. The rhythmic pattern his thumb keeps, coupled with the warmth of his body and voice, quickly relax her. In a matter of moments her eyes have started closing promoting her to fight against the pull of sleep.

“Time for bed, baby, you are exhausted.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head but neither move to get up.

“No. I missed you.” She complains. She lets go of Jack’s hand only long enough to reach for his arm and hold it against her. “Let’s stay here a little longer.”

His thumb continues moving though this time it’s against the sliver of skin that got revealed when she moved. It sends a shiver through her which he must sense because he wraps his other arm around her, right beneath the swell of her breasts. “Cold?” He whispers.

It would be easy to let him believe that she is cold. He’d move her to bed, wrap her up in the blankets of their bed and cuddle close to share his body heat. She would easily fall asleep in his arms without a care in the world, not even the Ori. They can talk later, once she’s had a full night of sleep and once the exhaustion has been expelled from her body, but the movement of his thumb brings Dr. Lam’s little discovery to the forefront of her mind.

A little, not so little discovery.

She knows that what she’s about to share with him will change their lives instantly. It had certainly started changing hers before she’d been forced to shove it to the back of her mind in order to focus on the de-briefing that had been happening around her. She knows that this will come out of nowhere, that it might shock him. Even though they’d talked about it, had ocassionally fantasized about it together, all of their talks had been in the sense of a future: a future where they had finally been rid of all the threats against their world and could express their love. But this isn’t that future. In fact, the little discovery has come at a time where she is most needed at the battlefield and he is still stationed in Washington. Talk about an instant change. A change he still doesn’t know about.

“Jack?” She whispers as she finally opens her eyes. She wants to tilt her head back, to drown herself in the chocolate pools that are his eyes, but instead she focuses on his hand on her belly, on his thumb moving back and forth against her skin.

“Yeah?” He sleepily mumbles. He must be as exhausted as she is, though for very different reasons. Office work requieres a whole other set of skills than field work, but at the end of it it still leaves the person ready to crawl into bed. On top of that he’d flown in to see her. He must be as exhausted as she is.

“Remember how after every mission we have to report to the infirmary for a battery of tests?”

“Right. Those pesky nurses with their pesky needles.” He grumbles under his breath. “Jabbing is to death. Whatever they say I know they enjoy it.”

“Well… Dr. Lam found something… unexpected on my last examination.”

She feels him immediately react to her words; his hold on her becomes a little tighter as if he’s afraid someone will pull her from his arms right that instant and he stiffens beneath her.

Realizing her mistake, Sam shakes her head before turning in his arms so that she can make eye contact with him. “No, no, nothing bad.” She reassures him. At least she doesn’t think it’s something bad. Hopefully, and despite all the changes it will bring, he doesn’t think it’s bad either. “At least i don’t think it’s bad.”

“What’s wrong, Sam?”

“Nothing, I promise.” Sam insists. “I swear, nothing is wrong. I’m not dying. No goa’uld has found it’s way into me and no Ori has converted me. I swear.”

She can feel him start to relax so she takes a moment to gather her thoughts and find a better way to deliver her news. Eventually she realizes that whichever way she tells him it’s bound to bring a shock. Oh, Jack O’Neill will be shocked, of that there is no doubt. She just has to find the best way to shock him which doesn’t end with him taking her back to the mountain demanding to have her head checked.

It’s only until his hand finds it’s way back to her belly that she has her answer. She chuckles, unable to help herself as he once again finds a way to focus her wandering mind into looking at the most simple answer.

“What’s going on Carter?”

Her hand smooths over his, enough to cover it but not enough to stop the movement. "Just imagine, a little O'Neill is in there right now."

His hand stills against her skin, his thumb trembling slightly, tapping almost imperceptibly against the swell she now knows she won’t ever get rid of. She waits silently for she knows that he’s probably trying to either understand her words or convince himself he heard her right. “Wait… what?!”

“I’m pregnant, Jack.”

Chapter Text

The silence stretches between them sending Sam’s mind into a state of worry. They had talked about children when they first decided to not let regulations get in the way, but that had been some time ago. Perhaps by now Jack had changed his mind. After all they weren’t actively seeking to get pregnant.

Instead of turning to look at him, Sam focuses on his now still fingers. They twitch every once in a while against her but the gentle caress they’d been doing is gone. She hears him clear his throat, then watches as he pulls back his hand just enough to break contact.

“Jack?” She hates how unsure her voice sounds but she also can’t deliver it any other way, not with the way her mouth has suddenly gone absolutely dry.

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.” Sam quickly whispers.

It takes only a beat before she feels him shift, his voice delivering his surprise right by her ear. “What?”

She twists on the couch until she’s fully turned toward him. Her eyes instantly search for his but instead of finding his full of anger, she is surprised to find them full of confusion and fear.

“I... I thought you were angry.” She stutters.
Jack shakes his head and repeats. “What?!”

“Cause of the news.”

“No... I’m just... surprised.” She knows him well known to know that it’s not just surprise. There’s something else he’s desperately trying to hide amidst the bouts of sullenness. Sam has two options; she can either leave it like that or urge him to open up so he doesn’t spend untold hours turning it in she mind. She choses the later.

“Talk to me, Jack.” She urges. Her hand moves to grab his, giving it a gentle squeeze so he knows he’s got her full attention. Seeing he’s not going to talk without her narrowing the start of the conversation, Sam continues. “You are surprised cause of the baby. Is it a good or bad surprise?”

A shy little smile, so small that she almost misses it if she hadn’t caught the spark in his eye, graces his lips. For a second he looks almost excited before a little of the doubt starts creeping in. “Good!” Jack declares.

A sense of relief sweeps through her. He’s happy and obviously excited. Whatever had made him pause wasn’t the knowledge that he was going to become a father again. So then, what had made that fear she’d seen in his eyes appear?

Charlie.

It’s suddenly very clear to her. He’s about to become a father again and the surprise probably brought some unresolved feelings to the surface. She winces, berating herself for not thinking of a better way to tell him.

“I know we haven’t been trying to get pregnant but I guess it happened.” She can feel the blush already taking over her ivory skin and knows he can see it just by the way he chuckles. “Don’t look so smug. You’ll probably get a call when the General informs the higher ups about this.”

“Doh!” He mumbles under his breath.

Knowing he’s not mad that she’s pregnant allows her to lean towards him, letting her weight settle against Jack’s body. She curls sideways so that her head can rest on his shoulder and her legs fit on the sofa. Once she’s comfortable she lets out a little sigh of contentment.

Silence stretches between them but Sam lets it continue for as long as Jack needs it. She knows how hard it is for him to talk about his son. The times he had mentioned Charlie, it has always ended in tears for the lost boy and deep grief for her husband. As much as she knows those talks have helped Jack heal, even if only a fraction, she can’t help but hope this time it’s different. Jack needs the happiness linked to the memories just as much as he needs to heal.

Jack sighs beside her. She can feel the heaviness that his soul feels and how crushing it seems to be. She won’t let it crush him again, not this time. “It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“I know it won’t.” Sam assures him. “It was an accident, Jack. Charlie’s death isn’t your fault.”

She gently traces his fingers with her own, caressing the well used hands of an officer of his caliber. No one gets to Admiral General without seen some serious combat and his hands reflected his years of service. She knows they could be hard in battle, ready to make his P90 shoot or activate the Zat gun. Sam also knows how soft his hand can be because she’s been caressed by them, held and protected more times that she could count. A tiny little thrill runs through her at the thought of seeing him holding their baby with the same love with which he holds her.

“It was my gun, Sam.” He doesn’t need to remind her. She knows it was his service weapon that had robbed them of Charlie.

“Which you thought was secure and hidden. You couldn’t have known Charlie would find it.”

Jack knows she’s right, at a level far from his emotions, he knows she is right. Still, the memory of the gunshot, the panic that had run through him, the grief of finding his son had injured himself with a gun, his gun, and ultimately Charlie’s passing pulling him towards not believing. She understands.

“He was curious, a little mischievous and mad that I wouldn’t let him have a toy gun.” She hears him rub his stubble in an attempt to focus on something other than the memories. “I should have known.”

“How?” She whispers inquisitively. “How could you have known he would search and find your gun?”

“I...” She continues the gentle caresses hoping that they will provide a distraction.
Leaning her head back, Sam looks at him. She knows he has no answer. How could he when the future, even now that they know all they do, is so uncertain?

“We will keep our guns in the hidden safe. I can even ring it up so that it requires our fingerprints.”

She sees him nod, his hand leaving her shoulder enough to brush away a tear from his cheek before it keeps falling. “We will never open it in front of him or her.” Jack decides and she finds herself nodding immediately. If keeping it completely out of sight helps him then that’s what they will do. “And we will teach them how to respect guns, their dangers and responsibility.”

“We will.” She verbally agrees with him, her hand squeezing his as tightly as she dares to make him look down at her. His warm eyes are full of tears but unlike all the other times, there is a new sense of purpose in them as well. “And she will know who Carlie was, who her big brother was and how much he loved baseball and playing with his dad.”

Jack sniffles then leans down to kiss her forehead. Sam snuggles closer to him and he takes full advantage of the close contact to slide his hand from her hip to her belly. Realizing he must be in a very awkward position, Sam shifts yet again until she is laying down on the couch, her head nestled on his lap.

Jack wastes zero time in placing his hand gently, almost reverently, on her belly. She's always been slim but had somehow still had a little bit of a belly that no amount of workouts had gotten rid off. She'd never hated it, but it also had never been one of her favorite features. Now, she can't help but thank her body for letting her have something that he could physically feel, even if not all of it was baby related.

Feeling over her shirt is apparently not enough because Jack soon slides his fingers between her skin and her blouse, gently feeling and mapping, committing to memory for when their job and commitments separate them.

"That's mostly macaroni and cheese." She can't help but tease. Jack snorts but doesn't stop his exploration. His methodical caresses only serves to remind her of how tired she is and before she knows it her eyes are growing heavy and her limbs are relaxing.

"Wait a minute!" Jack suddenly exclaims. She jumps slightly in surprise and he gives her a little smile to say sorry for scaring her. She goes back to closing her eyes, trying to retain the sleep that had lulled her.

"What is it, dear?" She hardly ever uses pet names and when she does she definitively never uses dear, but she can't stop teasing him by pretending to be a little miffed over his sleep interruption.

"How?" She cracks an eye open to look up at him again but he's completely focused on his hand and her belly.

Unable to stop before the words are out of her mouth, she smirks and in a very serious tone starts explaining. "Well, when a woman and a man really love each other, they get together, make love and his sperm travels all the way to the ovum-."

"No!" He catches up to her teasing and gently pokes her side with a finger. She giggles, wiggling on the sofa just enough to escape the jab. "How are you... how did she... you've been going through the gate! How was it not detected sooner?"

It seems now its her turn to open up a little further. It's not anything new to him, they've talked about it before, but its still somewhat a sore topic for her. Thankfully the knowledge of their little baby soothes her worried soul this time around.

"You know how Janet and I theorized that I wouldn't be able to have a child after Jolinar left the marker in my blood and I had all those complications from her death? Or that I would at least need some help to do so?"

Jack nods slowly. His hand once more moves to her belly though this time his touch is more protective. "Yeah?"

She places her hand over his. She knows his first instinct is always to protect so it doesn't surprise her at all that he's already trying to make sure their baby is fine. "Well, a note was made in my file, which Dr. Lam has memorized by the way. When I was recalled to SGC, and with all the budget cuts they are trying to implement, it was decided that a woman with extremely low chances of conceiving would forgo the standard pregnancy testing before shipping off-world."

Jack stares at her as if she's grown another head before closing his eyes and exclaiming. "What?!"

Sam nods and gives him a little shrug. "Have to save as much as possible to turn on the gate and since the chances of natural conception were so... low... well, I didn't insist."

"Then how did she find out?”

She blushes bright red, turning her head slightly and raising her hand to cover her face in an attempt to hide against his knee. "I was so sure I was anemic again."

"I knew you weren't eating well!" He declares, proud of himself for having known his wife would return to her old lab habits. "You and Daniel always needed someone to drag you away from your labs."

She giggles because she knows he is right. It's a habit born from many years of running experiments, permutations and scenarios with long calculations. Surviving on coffee and the cakes or pies that Jack would bring had been a standard that she can't continue. At least not while she's pregnant.

"Go on," Jack urges, "What happened?"

"The gate happened." She mumbles in reply as she finally turns back to look at him. "Remember my first trip? Especially right after I rematerialized on Abidos?"

"I remember you pucking your heart out." Jack replies. The hand that isn't on her belly moves to her head, tangling with the slightly overgrown hair. The sensation is comforting and she can't help but wonder if he'd wanted to do that back then too. She'd plan to eventually get it cut now that she was back on active duty but his caress makes her want to keep it as is. "That happened?" He continues.

"Mitchell said he's never seen anyone as green as I was." Sam explains. She'd been grateful he had let her brush aside the little rookie reaction, after all, she hates being sent back in the middle of a mission.

"Let me guess," Jack interrupts before Sam can explain. "He sent you back, right?"

Sam winces and scrunches up her nose in an expression that should clearly tell him that wasn't what had happened.

"He let you go on?"

"I think he might be slightly intimidated by some members of SG1," She admits.

Mitchell almost hero worships them half of the time, at least the half that didn't have him making rash decisions in an attempt to prove himself worthy of his position. "I stayed until Teal'c had to catch me on the way down. He put his foot down and had the group go back. Vala complained the whole way and Mitchell apologized just as often."

A yawn catches her unaware but as soon as Jack is offering to go to bed she shakes her head. She's missed him and she's not about to misuse the time they have together. "Anyway, I came back and Dr Lam ran every test in the book except for the one I actually needed. She almost had Vala thrown out of the infirmary when she suggest I might be, and I quote, 'knocked up, preggers or stung by a serpent'."

Jack's extremely confused expression makes her laugh out loud, her belly quivering under his hand. "Don't ask." She warns.

By now Jack knows better than to ask her to explain anything. Instead, he drums his fingers on her skin, a sure sign for her to continue.

"Imagine my surprise when after insisting that I didn't need one, the little stick came back positive."

"I'm assuming Lam restricted your gate travel and I'll be receiving word that SG1 needs a new member?" She knows Jack is trying to pretend he isn't worried sick by making it about SG1 and her position within it, but she can see right through the work veil.

This time her hand joins his once again over her belly, her fingers half intertwining with his. She doesn't have to tell him how important this is for her, for them, so she settles for simply holding on to his hand, letting their combined weight settle protectively over their child.

"Lam said that our experience with pregnant refugees that have crossed the gate horizon indicate we should be fine if I wish to continue to travel and if the General permits it." She knows its probably not what he'd wish the doctor had said but she's not going to lie to him about her options. "She checked me over and the baby is measuring between 9 to 11 weeks. We couldn't calculate based on my las period caus-"

"It's so erratic since you've been at R&D" He finishes for her. Since she no longer had needed to keep her birth control shot up to date at R&D, and thinking she'd be there for a long period of time, she'd started preparing for the possibility of a family with him in a future where they could be together as husband and wife. The first step had been to get off the birth control to try and jump start what had been prevented for eight years while she was part of SG1 but her cycle had proved to be a headache to handle with its irregularity.

"Jolinar really did a number."

As much as she is no longer angry at the Tok'ra and hasn't been for years, Jolinar's passing and the absorption of her body had really created far too many consequences for her. It goes far beyond having to do totally different calculations for her whenever medicines are concerned. The truth is that she isn't sure what will come up the road health wise. It is a thought that scares her and used to keep her up at night.

"Doesn't matter though, I happen to have on good authority when exactly I got pregnant."

This time it's Jack's turn to blush and dip his head to hide his reaction. She knows him well enough to know he will be smirking even as he battles to keep a straight face. "Washington?"

Sam nods from her place leaning on his legs. "Guess that was a great send off, wasn't it?" She teases.

"Absolutely the best for the world's greatest mind." Jack teases back.

She snorts, the sound pushing itself out of her body without her permission. She doesn't mind him being smug, after all he had accomplished what she'd fear would never happen for them. He'd gotten her pregnant.

When the bout of smugness leaves, Jack sighs softly, his fingers once more finding their way to his hair and caressing her scalp. "I'm not staying with SG1." She finally declares. "I talked to the General and I'll stay at SGC but I'll head the science department, seldom going through the gate unless its absolutely imperative and I can't guide one of the scientist through the processes."

She observes him closely. She can see the relief on his face, even when he doesn't tell her outright that he agrees with her decision. He would have respected whatever she's chosen and supported her through staying with SG1 or transferring to the labs.

"Hold it! Why did no one call me about this?" Jack questions. "Am I not getting my urgent memos now?"

“You don’t read your memo’s remember?” She reminds him with a playful look. “And even if a memo was sent, you are playing hookie.”

“I beg to differ.” They hadn’t agreed for him to take time off to come visit her, otherwise she would have come home earlier to spend more time with him. She would have probably rushed over, eager to share with him the news. Instead she had stayed at her lab, processing what the news meant, and finishing her last mission reports. “I’m here to personally make sure that our national treasure is well cared for.”

She hums softly. She knows the conversation is now at a point they’ve decided not to discuss until they can actually make concrete decisions, but putting it aside seems impossible now. Slowly, she moves to get up until she’s sitting on the couch, shifting until their shoulders and legs are touching. “Lam offered congratulations to my partner.”

The one thing she dislikes from the arrangement they have is the inability to tell anyone that they are not only together, but actually married. While their relationship had been new and something they wanted to keep between them, Daniel and Teal’c, it hadn’t bothered her. It was what they’d needed to finally be together, a fact she had argued for. Now, because it is a condition imposed by the president himself, it makes her want to rebel against it. Yes, Samantha Carter, perfect soldier and one of the brightest minds in the project, wants to tell everyone that she was married to Jonathan “Jack” O’Neill and that in less than eight months their lives will be turned upside down by the arrival of their child.

If her father had been alive, he would have told her she’s been spending far too much time with Jack, all while smiling at her. It’s not enough though, it’s never enough time.

“Congratulations.” She adds with a bump of her knee against him. Lam didn’t know Jack was the father of her child, but she still wanted to pass on her sentiments to him.
Jack bumps her knee back but he’s already a little distracted as his mind catches up to the path their conversation is taking. She doesn’t get mad for she knows how his mind works. He has the need to get them to safety, where neither she nor their child will be affected, before he can even think about celebrating.

“I’ll resign... again.” Jack decides after a couple of minutes of silence. “For real this time, no buts or maybe’s. We did what they wanted, we kept it quiet for the sake of... whatever they needed us to keep it a secret.”

“They won’t accept it.” Sam warns before turning towards him, her left leg sliding up to the sofa, her hands landing between her legs. “You know it.”

“I’ve done my duty, Sam.” He sighs tiredly as he drapes an arm over the back of the couch. “So have you. It’s time we get to enjoy what we’ve been fight for all these years.”

“I could retire.” She floats the idea that has been circulating her mind at him. “I won’t be able to be on any team, not with the baby at home. I could retire from the Airforce and be a civilian scientist.”

The fact they are back at square one, right where they were before they decided to take things to a new level, doesn’t slip by her. Where they once had options, now they could only head one way. Hiding a marriage was attainable. Hiding a child, not so much.

“That’s not fair, Sam. When you were thinking of a life with Pete, you felt you’d have to choose between your kids and your job. I don’t want you to ever be in that position.” He brushes a hand over his face in something akin to desperation before turning to look at her. “I can be a stay at home dad, look after our kids, and make sure they don’t pull apart the TV without at least watching a season of The Simpsons. I will have my hands full if they take after you. No need for you to stop doing what you love.”

“And you wouldn’t get bored?”

“Bored?” He reaches for his long abandoned beer and takes a swing of it before grimacing because it isn’t chilled any longer. “Nah! Are you kidding me? I’ll be running after a mini Sam with O’Neill genes in the mix. I’ll probably call into SGC for backup.”

She chuckles at his words but seeing him doing just that is so easy to picture that she finds herself taking a moment to envision it. She can see him running around after a blond head child, his hair all tussled by either sleep or having spent a good chunk of his day playing with their child. Their baby would be laughing out loud, trying to run away from him so that Daddy wouldn’t make them clean their faces after lunch. When she’d finally get home, she would find them on the sofa, Jack passed out just as much as their child who would be sleeping on his chest.

The image seems as clear as thinking of him in combat. In fact, she knows that he will thrive being a father. She’d always thought he is meant to be one and had lamented the fact that Charlie had been ripped from him. Their child would never replace Charlie, but it would at least give him back that opportunity.

“Alright.” She whispers in agreement. “You can update your resignation letter.”

“Hopefully for one last time.” He teases. His arm slides off the couch and wraps around her shoulders, squeezing her gently. “Don’t worry Sam, we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

His words help ease her tension a little, enough for her to lean her head back against the backrest, near his hand. They seemed to have come to an agreement without having verbally declared it. Plan A; he will retire and be a stay at home dad for their child. Plan B; she will leave the Air Force and offer her services as a civilian scientist.

That hadn’t been as hard as she thought this conversation would be.

Either way one of them would be making a change. For the first time in her life, Sam doesn’t feel like she will be losing anything if she leaves the Air Force. In fact, she knows that if it comes down to it, she will step away with absolutely no remorse. She can fight the Ori from the labs and come home to her husband and child at the end of the day. Jack was right, they’d paid their dues and it was time they were allowed to enjoy their life and marriage.

She can feel the change in him almost immediately. With the mission objectives and execution plan settled, Jack was finally allowing himself to feel the happiness her news brought him. It was almost electrical. She can feel him shift in his place, trying to keep himself somewhat restrained, but as the news settles further and further into his mind and heart, she can feel happiness radiating out of him. A quick look up at his face shows her that the grin he’s been trying to suppress is now out in its full splendor. “Sam... I’m going to be a father again?”

She grins at him, her hand rising to gently cup his face. “Yeah.” She whispers.

Before she can prepare herself for the shift, Jack pushes off the couch just enough so that he can lean down and raise the end of her shirt. He takes her by complete surprise, a laugh bubbling out of her lips as he presses kisses over the swell made of baby and mac and cheese. Over and over he peppers her skin with gentle caresses, promises she can’t quite hear whispered against her skin. She ends up threading her fingers through his unruly hair, waiting for him to continue for as long as he needs.

“Hey.” She finally hears him whisper. “I’m your dad, kiddo. I know I probably sound a little crazy so I might as well tell you that I’m not the brightest color in the crayon box. I’ll teach you everything I know, though. All about the Simpsons, about cakes and pies and fishing, lots and lots of fishing. You and I, kiddo, we are going to go on lots of adventures. Don’t worry though, we got your mommy to keep us in check.”

“Who says I won’t be joining in the shenanigans?” She teases him with a little tug of his hair.

“Fine, fine, you can join us too.”

This time when the yawn threatens to overtake her, Sam doesn’t fight it. She is tired, too exhausted to continue to deny herself sleep. “Alright, up we go, bed time.” Jack decides as soon as he catches her yawn.

“But-“

“Nop, not gonna listen, you need sleep.” He doesn’t give her a chance to complain and instead helps her up. She groans, her limbs once more heavy as lead but doesn’t argue further.

Jack practically has to guide her from the sunken living room, through the dining room and down the corridor and stairs to their bedroom. She closes her eyes, simply letting him take over as he undressed her, guides her to the bed and tucks her in before joining her. She rolls over, curling against his side, her head on his shoulder where it is easy for him to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Congratulations, daddy.” She whispers.

Just before sleep takes her she is able to hear him one last time. “Congratulations, mommy.”

--

Its early morning when Sam wakes again, still somewhat tired but not as exhausted as the day before. She fully expects to be able to roll around and snuggle against Jack but she finds his side of the bed empty. For a second she hesitates and thinks that it had all been a dream, but the way his pillow is indented and the way the blankets are thrown towards the center tells her that Jack had indeed been there.

“Jack?” She calls out, thinking perhaps he is in the adjoining bathroom. She waits for his reply but hears nothing.

Deciding to get up anyways, Sam rolls to the end of the bed and slowly sits. She hasn’t gotten any morning sickness but after the effects of gate travel, she doesn’t want to tempt fate. Once she realizes that she’s not going to vomit, she gets up and goes towards the bathroom to wash her teeth then goes in search of her husband.

“Jack?” She calls out again as she makes her way up the stairs and down the hallway. She can hear his voice drifting from somewhere in the living room but he doesn’t seem to hear her.

“I know, Sir.” Jack replies to whomever he is speaking on the phone. “Sir, this wasn’t something that either Colonel Carter or I planned. We were abiding by the...” He is interrupted by whomever is on the other side of the phone line.

Knowing just by his tone that the person has to be someone of high rank for Jack to be speaking so solemnly, Sam decides not to interrupt and simply listen. She can always ask him who he was talking to later. She moves to the living room and sits in one of the single couches, opposite to where he’s standing.

“Sir-“Jack tries to speak but gets interrupted once more. He turns to look at her, no doubt having realized she was there far before she padded down the stairs of the sunken living room, rolls his eyes at the person on the phone then gives her a little smile. He might have sounded absolutely serious, but he was still irreverent in any little way he could be.

“Sir, as I said, this was not planned, but both Carter and I are looking forward to welcoming our child. “ He continues once he is able to get a word in. “We both refuse to hide our child.... No sir we haven’t discussed that but I am very confident that I know Sam wouldn’t want to.”

He is right. She doesn’t want to hide their child as if they were ashamed. She doesn’t even want to keep hiding her marriage.

“Sir... No sir... Yes sir, as you know, the chance of Carter being able to conceive unassisted were low, the fact that this has happen-.” He pauses for a long while, listening to the other end of the line without turning to look at her. She can see him losing patience with every second, his back straightening and his shoulders slightly pushing back. She could even see his jaw clenching as he tried to hold in the words he no doubt wanted to say. “Mr. President, we understand, but don’t you think that we are owed the chance to enjoy this?”

His words instantly remind her of another conversation that had happened not so long ago. One that had taken place with the same person.

They were both nervous. Far too nervous for her liking as they waited for the call that could seal their fate.

They sat side by side in front of the conference table which was empty with the exception of a phone. They were supposed to receive a call from the President but so far the phone had remained silent.

They both know this meeting is a direct result of the morning conversation Jack had had with the President, where he had informed Jack’s CO that after eight years of being coworkers, most of which they had adhered to the Air Force’s regulations, that they wanted to take the next step in their relationship.

“Just ring.” She whispers nervously at the phone.

She wants to get it over with. The president had insisted that he wanted to talk to both, but Sam had been in the middle of an experiment and she’d been unavailable until now. Even then, Jack had had to go into her lab and personally prevent her from starting another experiment to effectively hide. They’d both agreed that the call would be made during his next visit to the R&D so that they could face the fallout together but when the time had come it was suddenly more appetizing to hide in the lab.

A pit develops in her stomach every time she thinks of why he wants to talk to them. It could only mean one thing. If the President decided to start the process of bringing up charges for both of them, which was really the only reason she could come up with for this talk, she’d rather just know instead of waiting in limbo for the phone call.

At least Jack was sitting beside her instead of being miles away in Washington.

“Patience, grasshopper.” He’s been pretending he isn’t nervous but she can easily see through his façade. He is as nervous as she is, although usually he is the most impatient of the pair.

Sam gives him a look which he replies to with a shrug of his shoulders. “What can he say, Carter? That we can’t be together? That we have to stop seeing each other?”

“No, he could just court martial us.” She replies.

“He won’t, he likes us too much.” He pauses, his grin falling from his lips, then adds. “Or well, he likes you too much.”

If the President likes either of them it would more than likely be Jack who had his favor. He works closer to the president and has has a better chance to know him but she refrains from telling him so because the last thing they need is to get into an argument about why Jack is far more important for the program.

“You’ve saved the world one too many times for him to court ma-“

The rest of his word gets cut off by the shrill ring of the phone in front of them.

Her back straightens right away, as if the President himself had just walked into the conference room. She can feel her hands start sweating but she quickly brushes them off on her lab coat. She watches silently as Jack reaches for the phone and pulls the receiver towards his face, the sudden urge to snatch it from his hand and hang up rushes through her but she pushes it down. Suddenly, she doesn’t want to take the call at all. Would Jack notice if she scurried away back to her lab?

No, Sam. You’ve faced Goa’ulds. You’ve been interrogated and tortured by them. You can face the President.

“O’Neill speaking.” Jack answers. He gives a nod but quickly realizes that the President can’t see him. “Yes, Sir, she’s sitting beside me. Let me put you on conference mode.”

She watches as Jack pushes the conference button then puts the earpiece back in its slot. “We can hear you, Sir.”

“General O’Neill, Colonel Carter?”

“Yes, Sir?”

“I just got off the phone with George where we discussed your recent... development.” He continues nonplused.

She can’t really tell if the President is angry or not. The hand counted times that she had been in his presence had left her thinking that he could be either laid back or very strict, depending on the moment.

“You do know that pursuing a relationship with your second in command, or commanding officer in case of Colonel Carter, is a court martial offence, don’t you?”

What she’s feared the most is coming to pass; the President is going to court martial them. Otherwise, why would he mention it?

“We do, Sir.” Sam’s voice doesn’t quite come out as confident as she wishes it had. She quickly clears her throat and shares a look with Jack. “It’s a decision we did not take lightly.”

“Sir, with all due respect, Colonel Carter and I have shown time and time again that our respect and dedication to the Air Force is unwavering.” Jack continues. “As General Hammond might have mentioned, our feelings for each other aren’t a new development.”

Sam waits as silence meets them from the other end of the line. She’s about to ask if the President is still there when his voice filters thru. “I am aware of your feelings for each other.” He admits. “I’ve make it a point to read all of the team’s mission reports as well as those that landed directly on my desk from the base’s commander.”

“Of course you do, sir.” Sam quickly says. “We... we didn’t mean to make it sound like you didn’t.”

“How long has this been going on?”

Sam swallows uncomfortably. She knows they have to be completely honest with him just like they’d been with Hammond, but she’d been hesitant to talk about it even to the man she considered a surrogate father. “Almost a year and a half, sir.” She finally replies.

“A year and a half!?” Now she can detect the surprise in the President’s voice which makes her wince. She’s never liked letting anyone down and even though her life with Jack is the thing she cherishes the most in the world, she can’t help but feel that she is letting down THE President. “George didn’t mention that.”

Not wanting to sully Hammond’s reputation, Sam quickly replies “He wasn’t aware, Sir.”

Once again silence envelops them. Sam wants to scream just from the anxiety of waiting but she knows that if she does it will only be worse. She can’t add another court martial offense to the already pending one.

It is Jack who ends up breaking the silence this time, with what she feels is a well-rehearsed explanation. “Sir, as you are very well aware, the nature of the Stargate Program is very different to that of any other armed forces. We are stationed here for longer periods of time, building comradery and family. We have to in order to fully trust those we go to other planets with. Both Colonel Carter and I-“

“Skip the speech, son.” The president interrupts him. “George has already come to bat for you. Fact is that we’ve been aware of your feelings for each other for quite some time now. I shouldn’t say this, but it is commendable that you’ve managed to not fall into bed with each other earlier.”

Something catches in Sam’s chest and she grimaces. Her relationship with Jack is far more than ‘falling into bed with each other’. It is based on trust, mutual admiration and love. A quick look at him lets her know he didn’t like the comment either.

After taking a deep breath and searching for the patience that he’s tried to develop ever since being at Washington, Jack continues. “Sir, this isn’t a one night stand that will end badly. Colonel Carter and I are aware that our relationship is against regulations and we’ve gone to great lengths to stop it from affecting our work. We’ve been doing it for far longer than you are probably aware.”

“That doesn’t help me, Jack.” President Hayes sighs. “You know every decision you have ever taken pertaining to Colonel Carter will be put to question if this gets out, every commendation, and every rank advancement will be put under the microscope.”

“Sir, Carter is an excellent asset to the Air Force who has saved this world more times than I can count. We’ve both given far more than the Air Force has a right to ask.” Jack continues, his voice just a little stronger than before. Once again Sam gives his hand a squeeze. “And we’ve done so all this years without asking for anything in return.”


“But now you are asking.”

“We are, Sir.” She replies. “Only because this step seems to be the logical one and because, for the first time since the Stargate program was reactivated, we aren’t in each other’s direct chain of command.”

“And quite frankly, Sir,” Jack continues. “We are both ready to resign if our request can’t be granted.”

Hayes seems to be stunned into silence. She can’t blame him, it’s not every day that the Head of Homeworld Security and R&D threaten to resign. “You are putting me in a very awkward position and I do not like being backed into a corner.”

“Neither do we, sir,” She takes over by gently squeezing Jack’s hand so that he won’t talk. “But just like General O’Neill said, this isn’t something we are doing in the spur of the moment. We know that by asking this we are asking for a lot, and risking just as much, but we wouldn’t be doing so if we didn’t think our relationship was solid... Sir. We just... want to have the chance to... explore it further now that we aren’t working together.”

“We just want to get married, Sir.” Jack adds.

“I should be court martialing you two.” The president admits. Hearing him say that he should be doing something gives Sam hope that they won’t end up in some brig by then end of the day. She can see that Jack is getting ready to say something but she stops him with a very tight squeeze of the hand. They are on the winning side for now, the last thing they need is to lose that advantage.

“The only reason I am not doing so is because I know how much you two have given to your country and because George vouched for both of you, but I am not, in any way, pleased about the situation.” Hayes continued. “Seeing as I can’t accept your resignations at the moment, and you two are set in getting married, the only way I can allow you to do so is if it is kept completely silent. No one, and I mean no one, can know about your marriage. Colonel Carter will continue her work leading R&D and General O’Neill will continue being the head of Homeworld. If Colonel Carter gets recalled to SGC, we will re-evaluate the situation but your marriage will continue to be a secret, understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” They both chorus. It’s not exactly what they would have wanted, but it would at least give them the opportunity to get married.

“I mean it. If this gets leaked, or we detect even the smallest hint of work impropriety, it will force me to do something I do not want to do.” He warned them. “I think we can both agree that the Air Force cannot lose its reputation and I can’t be seen favoring some armed force members over others.”

“Yes, Sir.” Jack agrees once again.

She’s already smiling, the corner of her lips curling upwards even against her will. “Of course.”

“Let me add something before I end this conversation.” Hayes’s voice lowers slightly as he speaks. “I will deny ever saying this but ‘congratulations’.” He doesn’t give them a chance to reply. Instead the dial tone quickly fills the room before she reaches forward to press the conference button again.

They remain silent for a couple of seconds before Sam turns to look at Jack. He’s grinning like she’s never seen him smile before. She knows that he will find the same kind of smile on her lips. “Did that... did it really happen?”

Jack gives her a nod and quickly teases. “How does a work day wedding sound to you?”

She giggles. “Don’t want to risk the chance of him changing his mind?”


“Not for one second.”

They’d gotten married the next day with Teal’c, Daniel and Hammond as their only witnesses and only after being practically sworn in by Jack that they wouldn’t share the news with a single soul. After they had enjoyed a quiet ‘reception’ of Chinese food and cake at Sam’s home, their honeymoon had consisted of staying in bed all of the weekend, parting only when Jack had to catch a flight back to Washington. It was then that their little ring ritual had been born.

Hearing Jack continue talking on the phone, Sam can’t help but play with her ring. She doesn’t want it to become a habit since she mostly doesn’t wear it, but the movement does ease the nerves she can feel starting to form.

Jack remains silent for a while, listening to Hayes on the other side of the phone line. Looking down, Sam’s eyes focused on her belly. She stopped fidgeting with her ring and placed a hand over the general area of where she knows her child was growing. ‘We are gonna make it work.’ She declares in her head, promising the unborn baby that she would do anything in her power for them to be happy and healthy and definitively not hidden.

“Yes, Sir, I understand.” Jack finally replied. “Both Colonel Carter and I will remain here awaiting your call.” With that he places the phone down in its receiver but pauses before turning her way.

“The General gave me the weekend off after finding out I was pregnant.” She informs him. It had completely skipped her mind to tell him yesterday but he must have figured it out, or found out, since he’d just told the president they’d be readily available at their home phone number.

Jack raises his hands to rub his face and hair, leaving it in an even bigger mess than sleep had left it. A groan follows before he turns towards her. He gives her a soft sad smile before tilting his head slightly towards the kitchen. She knows they need to talk but he’s far too worked up to sit down and talk to her. He needs to do something. Breakfast it is.

“I’ll get the omelet started.” He gives her a little wink before entering their soft yellow kitchen.

Sam grins, already salivating at the thought of the delicious omelet he’s made time and time again for her. “That actually sounds delicious.”

He grins a boyish grin then makes a bee-line towards the refrigerator. While he pulls the necessary ingredients for breakfast, Sam moves to the coffee maker. It’s not until she’s almost done measuring the little cups for the amount of coffee needed, that Jack freezes, half through cutting the squares of ham.

“What?” She asks. She knows that whatever made him stop isn’t something to truly worry about because of his body language. He is somewhat relaxed and not on the hyper focus she has seen him exercise during missions, so instead of going on full alert she simply waits for him to answer.

“You can’t have this.” He concludes.

Frowning, she looks down at the pieces of ham and eggs nearby. “Why?”

“It has beer.” He declares abruptly. “And you can’t have beer. You are pregnant!”

“I knew it!” She laughs. “It does have beer! That’s your secret ingredient.”

He realizes what he’s let out and pushes his tongue out at her playfully. “Yeah well... I’ll have to think of something else.”

“It will be fine,” Sam assures him. “You are gonna cook it, whatever alcohol is in there will evaporate.”

He doesn’t look very convinced. For a moment Sam is tempted to pout at him because the thought of the omelet is really appetizing but he ends up shaking his head. “Fine, but no beer on it.” He declares.

Sam shakes her head and quickly asks. “Half?” she asks with a tilt of her head. If she has to use the Carter puppy eyes she will use them.

“Are you 100% sure it will cook out?” Jack asks as he reaches for the beer bottle. He quickly checks the alcohol percentage in his Guiness but ends up frowning when it doesn’t really tell him what he wants to know.

“I’m 100% sure that it will cook out.” She promises, this time letting her bottom lip curl outwards in a cute pout. “Please?”

“Fine, I’ll only do half though.”

“Will it taste the same?” She can’t say she’s the best cook from the two of them. As long as it’s edible, she usually calls it a win. She has a better chance of a successful win if she’s given step by step instructions and time to properly prepare. Jack is definitively the one with the cooking skills, and the creativity, to put out dishes that she absolutely inhales and which she knows their baby will actually eat.

“Sure, why not?” He answers with a little shrug as he pours half of what he usually would use.

“Then that’s fine.” She goes back to the cups of coffee in front of her. This time it’s her turn to frown before she picks up one of the steaming hot cups and pours it down the drain.

“What was wrong with it?” Jack asks after having watched her go through the motions of preparing another cup of warm water and stick a bag of tea in it.

“Nothing, really, for someone that isn’t pregnant.” She finishes with a little grumpy tone. “We are gonna have to swing by for decaf because there is no way I can give up on coffee, especially at the lab.”

Jack chuckles and continues cooking their breakfast. “Just remember not to accept anything prepared by Daniel. Don’t want the kid to come out with chest hair.”

Sam can’t help but laugh out loud at his warning. While she normally doesn’t mind Daniel’s coffee and has actually developed a taste for it after years of depending on it for late night experiments, she knows it is definitively out of the question for the foreseeable future. “Guess I”ll know now what Dad went thru when he gave up coffee.”

Jack pauses after turning the omelet so that it would cook on the other side. “Dad gave up coffee?”

She reaches for Jack’s coffee cup and places it on the counter by the stove. She waits for him to reach for it before she leans against the same counter, her back to it as she cradles her own cup of tea. “Yes. Selmac didn’t like it.”

Jack gives a little hum before checking the inside of the omelet to make sure it is fully cooked. “I could never.”

“You’d have a harder time giving out on beer than on coffee.” She takes the opportunity to lean over to press a kiss halfway on his chin and cheek, before moving to get the plates for him. Once the huge omelet has been cut in half and plated, they each carry a plate and a cup to their table.

The boxes awaiting them makes her wince but at least they have enough space for both of them to eat. “I still have to sort through them.” She admits. “Haven’t had the chance with all the missions.”

“Good thing you’ll be working at the labs for a couple of months.” He takes a mouthful of the egg, bites through it then swallows. “Actually, I’m not sure if that will help you get more time to settle in or if you’ll get lost in experiments and barely come home.”

Sam replies with a little cheeky grin before she takes her own mouthful of the delicious egg. The first taste of it makes her close her mouth and moan softly. His food seems to be hitting the spot and she’s not sure if it’s because her pregnant body craves his special cuisine taste, or because it’s probably the first time she’s had a home cooked meal since the last time they were together.

“That good?” He chuckles.

“Shut... up.” Sam mumbles around the next spoonful of egg. It’s far too delicious for her to stop and remember her manners, at least for the moment.

Before she knows it, she’s finished with her plate and is seriously eyeing his. Jack playfully pulls it away, taking in another piece of egg.

“You would leave the mother of your child hungry?” Sam asks him with a very serious expression even though she wants to burst out laughing at the expression he makes.

“No,” he replies playfully. She should have known he could see right through her charade. “But you’ve had your part, this one is mine.”

“And you are just going to eat it in front of me and not even give me a little piece?” Sam continues. She probably couldn’t finish it all but she wasn’t quite satisfied with her half of the omelet. She just needed another little bite that was all.

Pretending to be extremely put out by her request of sharing his food, Jack sighs heavily and pushes the plate towards her. “Fine, whatever I gotta do to make sure my wife and kid are fed.”

Sam grins, having won their little standoff, and takes the fork she’d been using to break a piece off his food. She happily hums as the egg hits her tongue.

“If I knew that all that I needed to do was make you one of my omelets to make you this happy, I would have done it the day I met you.” He too breaks off another piece of the spongy breakfast. Before he puts it in his mouth, though, he adds. “Might have saved me the whole reproductive organs talk.”

Sam blushes bright red but sticks out her tongue at him. “I might never let you go back to Washington.” She admits. “Gotta keep you around to make breakfast and dinner.”

“Glad I can provide such service.” He takes another piece of the egg then pushes the plate towards her. “All yours. I’m full.”

She’s sure that he’s not full but doesn’t complain. Instead the takes the plate and pulls it toward her while pushing away the empty plate she’d been using. “Thank you.”
He smirks. Sam can see how proud he is of himself for having cooked her something she really seemed to enjoy. Was this what cravings were? She couldn’t help but ask herself.

Jack stands up and starts clearing the plate and eating utensils that are no longer in use, along with his cup of coffee which he’d quickly downed. “If I have it my way, I’ll be able to make your omelets every day you want them.”

If they had it their way Jack would be retired before the baby arrived and living back in the Springs with them. She would continue to lead the SGC labs, occasionally going through the gate on needed basis but she would be back at a respectable hour every day to enjoy some time with her child and husband. Sam wasn’t a dreamer though, at least not where real life was concerned. Her perfect view of the future could be trampled over by the Ori, the sparse Goaul’ds who still tried to grasp dominance in their corner of the galaxy, or even by their own government. They’d been very lucky so far, but their luck might just be about to run out and she doesn’t want to set herself for a letdown.

“Did he tell you when he’d call?” She’s finished her food and picked up after herself, meeting with him back at the small sink opposite to his stove.

“Just said he’d call when he reached a decision.” She wasn’t surprised, after all Jack had sprung up the news on him after they’d abided by his desire to lay low for so long.

“Did he sound angry?”

Jack ponders but ends up shaking his head afterwards. “Angry? No. He was definitively exasperated, went on and on about the Air Force and our irresponsibility for a while. Then he sort of sighed and said to wait for the call.”

“Irresponsibility?” Sam asks surprised. She can’t believe they’d be accused of that, even if done so as a result of having surprised the President.

Jack gives a nonchalant shrug before wiping his hands clean on the kitchen towel. He moves toward her silently before wrapping his arms around her. “Hey, I don’t mind being called irresponsible if it means creating a family with you.” He whispers against her lips before gently kissing her. “I’ll be irresponsible every day of the week if I get to come home to you and the bean.”

“Bean?” Of course Jack would come up with a nickname for their baby. She’s not even surprised at how fast he came up with it.

“I thought about Junior, but then I remember Teal’c’s junior and... well no thank you.” He explains with a shudder which travels throughout his whole body. “Then I thought about Mac for Macaroni-“

“You are not calling my child macaroni!” She exclaims, cutting him off and earning herself a grin from Jack. “Or Junior!”

“Fine, fine.” He leans in for another kiss against her pouty lips then continues. “Then I thought of peanut but... I don’t know it’s just too obvious.”

“So you settled on bean.”

“Well...” He says. “I did consider calling him Pi”

She raises an eyebrow at him, her eyes showing the smile that she’s really trying to contain. “Pie? As in... fruit cake?”

“No, not pie, Pi. Our little Pi. I figured that having you as their mother they will hopefully inherit some of that wonderful brain of yours so why not call it something brainy.” He corrects her. Jack waits for it to dawn on her before he gives her that boyish grin that she loves. “Although now that you mention it, pie isn’t a bad nickname.”

“Pi, yes.” She decides. “Pie, no.” She shakes her head for emphasis just in case he really is considering calling their child that.

While Pi certainly couldn’t be considered a baby nickname, Sam couldn’t help but find it extremely cute that Jack considered it as a way to honor her scientific mind. It was little things like that which made her fall in love with him in the first place. It was also the double meaning behind it that made her grin; people would either assume he was calling their baby pie because he had a certain affinity to the desert or Pi because of her being a scientist.

“Don’t worry, that’s why I settled on bean.”

“Actually, I kinda like it.” She admits to Jack who looks at her with a surprised expression. “What? It’s an unusual nickname, something I’m very sure no one has ever thought of calling their child. I like it.”

Jack gives her a little nod, his eyes twinkling with happiness. “Pi it is. Our little Pi.”

Unable to leave their home as they wait for the call, Sam and Jack eventually settle for getting rid of some of the boxes that still littered their home. With Jack’s help, they were able to clear their living and dining room and move anything that still needed picking through to his office. After a light lunch, which Jack insisted on despite her telling him that she wasn’t really that hungry, they settled on their couch. Sam read one of the many scientific journals she’d been putting aside since she never had time to read while Jack watched re-runs of the Simpsons. It was all positively domestic. Anyone who dared to peek at them wouldn’t even think that they’d worked together for 8 years, saving the world on the daily from parasitic oppressors. She liked it. A lot. Enough to get used to it rather quickly.

“We are going to need a bigger house.” He interrupts her reading. He’s been gently massaging her feet while watching his show but he stops all-together when the epiphany slams into him. 

“Hmmm?” She asks, a little distracted. She looks over the edge of the papers to find him staring at her, not at all paying attention to whatever Homer Simpson is currently doing. “Why?”

“Pi.” Jack states. “A kid needs room to grow, bigger backyard, their own room. A real home, not a bachelor pad.

“This isn’t a bachelor pad.” She quickly replies before looking down at her paper again. She tries to focus on the mathematical equation in front of her but can still feel him staring at her. Putting down the scientific journal on her lap, Sam gives him a little challenging look. “It isn’t. It’s our home and it’s just the right size for you, Pi and I. We have a backyard which is just right for a baby.”

“But not for a kiddo that needs to run around,” He adds, “Or a dog.”

“A dog?” She knows he’s been thinking for years about getting a dog. It had started as a joke but as the fight with the Goau’ld continued it had turned into something he really considered so that he could have someone to come back to.

“For the kiddo.” Jack quickly explains though he knows she’s aware of his dog conundrum. “You should ask Cassie, there’s a law somewhere that says every kid needs a dog.”

She giggles at his antics. Getting a dog was something she could see them going through, especially now that the baby was coming. The thought didn’t scare her as it had once done with Pete. It seemed logical, natural even, that they would do it. “Just what kind of dog are you thinking of?”

The grin that Jack gives her lights up his whole face. He probably thought she would complain about it based on what she’d shared of the panic that had rushed through her when Pete had bought and presented the house to her. “At first I thought of a Golden, they have lots of energy so they can tire each other out but maybe a German Shepard. I’ve heard they are great with kids and great guard dogs as well.”

Sam nods. A German Sheppard would fit right along with their little family. She could already picture them taking their dog out on walks, little Pi strapped to Jack’s chest, their little legs kicking and dancing around as their hands waved towards the dog that walked in front of them. “I think I would like that a lot, but...”

“Doh!” Jack whispers under his breath at her words which earns him a dig of her toes against his belly.

“We don’t have to rush into it right now.“ She had always been the sensitive one of the two. While Jack no doubt would want to start immediately looking at houses and dogs available, she still wanted to wait for the phone call to even allow herself to start daydreaming of their future. “The house is big enough. When the baby is born we’ll probably have them in our room for the first few months. We can convert the guest room into a nursery once they are a little older. The backyard is big enough for both Pi and the dog to run around.”

Of course, Sam had never been a mom before this. Jack was the one that had all the parenting expertise and if he thought they needed a bigger house, they probably did. “If you really think that we need a new place then we’ll look, but I think that at least for the first few years we should be fine.”

Jack nods though she can see a bit of a pout developing on his lips. “What about our dog?”

“Well, we still have a few months before the baby gets here.” She reminds him although as soon as she does she remembers how long it took for her Cassie’s dog to be fully house trained and she can’t help but agree that perhaps he should start looking. “We can start looking for one after we hear from the President.”

The smile comes back to Jack’s face as he lets himself relax on the couch again. “Don’t worry, I’ll have it trained in no time.”

The phone interrupts her before she can try and tease him about his training abilities based on his rather unsuccessful attempts with Cassie’s dog. She shares a look with him before twisting around to reach for the phone behind her. Instead of handing it over to Jack, she presses the green button on the receiver. “Hello?”

“White house, please hold.” A woman’s voice that no doubt belongs to the President’s secretary promptly informs her that the call they’ve been waiting for is finally happening.

“Put it on speaker.” Jack urges. He must have forgotten that their house phones do not have the speaker option so she shakes her head at him and points in the direction of the kitchen, where another of their phones waits for him to use.

Jack barely enters the kitchen by the time Haye’s voice comes through. “General O’Neill?”

“No, Sir, this is Colonel Carter.” She informs him. “General O’Neill will be with us in a second.”

She hears the other phone connect before Jack’s voice joins the conversation. “Sir?”

“There you are.” Hayes replies. “You both certainly know how to keep me on my toes, don’t you?”

Whatever exasperation Jack had heard in his voice on the previous call was certainly gone now. Hayes seemed to be almost relaxed, which isn’t really an adjective she would usually give to the President. She tells herself not to panic, not to see if as a bad omen, but she can’t stop her heart from rapidly beating against her chest. She suddenly feels sick enough to vomit but she simply covers her mouth to try and contain the nerves within.

“We are sorry, Sir.” She hears Jack apologize, yet again. “We didn’t pl-.”

“Yeah, yeah, you didn’t plan for any of this to happen.” Hayes interrupts. “You already told me that.”

“Right, Sir.” She hears Jack sigh and she knows he’s probably wincing at himself for the awkwardness.

“What Colonel O’Neill means, Sir, is that we were willing to abide by what you had asked of us and keep our marriage under wraps, but... well Sir, to be frank from what my doctors had told me, the fact that I’m even pregnant without any treatment... well I believe Dr. Lamb said it was a miracle.” She uses her most calm and soft voice not only because she wants to soothe whatever her husband is currently feeling but also because she wants the President to know just how important this is for them. “I know we’ve already asked too much of you, Sir, but this... this is very important to us.”

“The Air Force, and certainly I, would never ask you to get rid of your child, Colonel Carter.” Hayes replies using the same tone of voice that she had previously used. “It just... complicates things a little bit.”

“We understand, sir.”

Hayes sighs on the other end of the line and once more Sam feels something jump within her, knotting at the base of her throat. “Colonel Cart... Sam, may I call you Sam?”

She quickly forces herself to reply, fighting against whatever is stuck in her throat. “Of course, Sir.”

“Sam, I need you to be honest with me. You are one of our finest officers and I don’t mean just in the SGC. The Air Force is lucky to have you.” She doesn’t detect any dishonesty in Hayes words or tone so she finds herself relaxing just a little. “General O’Neill once said that your potential would take you to one day be a General yourself. As much as I hate being the one that has to ask this question, it must be asked. What do you see of your future in the Air Force after your child is born? Do you plan to continue going off world and continuing to climb the ranks?”

“Sir!” Jack’s now angry voice sounds through the phone. “Colonel Carter is perfectly capable of being a mother and a soldier. Her dedication and focus will not be affected by having a child. Quite frankly, the question shouldn’t have had to be asked unless you plan to ask me the very same question.”

She knows Jack means well. He’s always been a soldier who treats every member under his command the same, whether they are a women or man. Throughout their years on the front lines, with the exception of their very first meeting, she had never felt that he looked down at her for being a female. She had felt she’d had to prove herself but she knows that was mostly her own need and not a reflection of how he saw her. She also knows that the last thing he wants is to put her in a position where she will have to choose between the life they both want and her career.

“Jack.” She interrupts the charade that she hadn’t realized had kept going.
“Yeah?”

“Just, let me think for a second.” She begs.

The line goes silent as Sam thinks about the future.

Did she want to continue serving the Air Force?

Ideally, yes. Traveling to other worlds, learning from different technologies and even advancements in science that made Earth’s pale in comparison, was a dream come true to the scientist inside of her. Life isn’t ideal, though, and she knows that even if Jack doesn’t want her to have to choose, she will eventually have to face that decision.

The memory of her younger years also makes her hesitate. Although now she knew that her father had loved her very much, back when her mother had passed away Sam had felt the loneliest. Growing up without a mother had left an incredible wound in her heart and soul that at times she feels she still has to deal with. Did she want her child to have to face a world where their mother never came back? Stepping through the gate was a risk every single time. Before she’d gotten pregnant, it was a risk worth taking, but now? Now she wasn’t so sure. She couldn’t bear the thought of leaving a son or daughter motherless, especially since they probably would be far younger than she’d been when she lost her mother.

The decision really was quite easy.

“Sir, as much as I wish my career could continue with the Air Force,” She broke through the pregnant silence that had settled. “My child takes priority.”

“Colonel Carter.”

Hearing the disagreement in her decision in Hayes’ voice, Sam quickly interrupts him. “No, Sir. An accident took my mother’s life and growing up with a grieving father who threw himself into his career left my brother and I in a very... lonely place. I can’t do that to my child.”

Sam’s not sure whether Hayes is surprised at her reply or pissed off because it’s not what he wanted to hear, but she waits patiently for the man to speak. “What if there was another choice?” He asks.

Confused, and partially surprised, Sam turns to look towards the kitchen just as Jack appears by its open door.

He tilted his head at her, as if to ask her what the option could possibly be but all she could do was shake her head to tell him that she didn’t know.

Turning her attention back to Hayes, Sam cleared her throat slightly before continuing. “Sir? What do you mean?”

“You could, if you desired, stay in the Air Force’s payroll as a scientist.” Hayes explains. “This option is usually reserved for the airmen who serve at SGC as medical personnel such as Mayor Frasier was, or even as a scientist like Dr. McKay, who despite having no military training remains part of the program. Of course you wouldn’t receive hazard pay since you wouldn’t be on the front line but it would leave an open door for you to continue your Air Force career later if you desired. .”

Stunned, Sam turns to look back at Jack who gives her a little shrug. She knows he’s not going to decide for her or try to influence her in any way, and she respects that, but she still finds comfort in his presence. “That’s a... I wasn’t aware that it was an option for us, Sir.”

“Normally, it wouldn’t be. However, this aren’t normal circumstances.” Sam wasn’t quite sure what he meant and judging by Jack’s expression, neither did he. “General O’Neill, at this present time, the United States’ Air Force is unable to accept your resignation. Your involvement in Homeworld is far too important for the survival of the Stargate Program and quite frankly, this world. “

There went plan A. Jack wouldn’t be allowed to be an at home dad because the importance of the future of the world surpassed the future of their child. As an airman, Sam could understand, as a mother she wanted to rant and rave.

From the kitchen, Sam watches as Jack’s hand strikes the edge of the door frame, a mouthed curse coming from his lips as he then shakes the pain away. She wants to go to him so badly, but she knows she has to remain as professional as she could. Jack slouches with a sigh, defeat running in waves from him.

“Colonel Carter,” Hayes continues. “As of this moment and with the threat of the Ori in the galaxy, I find it imperative that you continue to be involved with the program in any capacity that is possible. Because of this and the circumstances surrounding your marriage and pregnancy with General O’Neill, I am willing to issue a special dispensation so that you can continue to be a part of the program through the armed forces and in General’s O’Neill’s line of command, if you so wish to be, while continuing your private life with each other.”

She’s stunned into silence again. Sure, plan B in which she turns in her resignation had just gone down the proverbial drain, but if what the President is saying is true, not only would she be allowed to remain in the Air Force, but they’d be able to be married and welcome their child publicly. If she wanted, once their child was older and self-sufficient she would be able to return to a Stargate team and go through the gate again.

“Although extremely unusual, I am also willing to grant permission to General O’Neill to relocate for four days of the working week to new offices that will be located within Cheyenne Mountain,” Jack’s head raises immediately as he hears Hayes new proposition for him. “With two days to be spent at the Washington’s Office.”

“I’ll take it, Sir.” Jack quickly agrees. Sam knows that he’s not taking the chance of the offer being taken off the table, but she’s still too stunned to officially accept hers.

For the first time since this type of conversations started, Hayes chuckles on the other side of the line, no doubt tickled by Jack’s sudden eagerness to stay in command. “Yeah, I thought you would say that.”

Sam knows that it’s more than Jack had thought they’d ever receive. As much as they were firm on their plans, they knew that the last word would be ultimately spoken by the President. At least if either of them wanted to remain out of the brig.

“And you, Colonel Carter?” The President address her. “Are you in agreement?”

“I would remain as an Air Force officer while I stay in the labs?” She asks, just to verify that what she’d heard was real. “With the possibility to return to active duty once our child is older?”

Hayes chuckles again. A rasping sound comes through the phone and Sam can almost imagine him rubbing at his shaved chin. “Colonel Carter, you are very, very valuable to the program. Quite frankly, if it wasn’t for you neither General O’Neill or I would be alive. While the Air Force and I are unwilling to lose you we can agree that at the moment your expertise would benefit us in a different area. Let me make it clear, you wouldn’t be just a scientist at the SGC labs, you’d be the leading scientist. You’d oversee all of the technology that is brought through the gate before it is sent to R & D, as well as any experiment that is needed on a day to day basis to make sure that both the gate and the base runs as smoothly as it is designed to run. If, and I stress this to show General O’Neill that we are not making you choose between career and private life, if you chose to come back the Air Force will always be willing to reactivate your hazard pay.”

“And going through the gate while I am a scientist?”

“Would only be on needed basis and only if any of the other scientists are unable to deal with the problem on the other end of the gate.”

Jack had been right, yet again. When plan A didn’t work, and plan B had no merit, then plan C was always there to get them out of whatever though situation they found themselves in.

Hayes continued “Sam, Jack, this offer is only available as a courtesy for all that you two have done for this country, this world, heck this universe. It’s going to sound harsh but as soon as this call is done the offer is off the table.”

She knew that the last of his words were directed at her more than at Jack since he had already accepted his end of the deal. “We take it, Sir.” She quickly answered. “And... we are thankful.”

“We are, Sir.” Jack agrees with her from his spot at the door frame. “Truly.”

“Then that’s what we will do. Come Monday, Colonel Carter will officially be off SG1 and will assume her leading position at SGC labs. General O’Neill, I expect to see you in Washington this Monday to iron on the details of your new offices and to see who will be part of your staff at Cheyenne, as well as which days you are to report where. Am I understood?”

“Crystal, sir.” A quick look at Jack lets her see that he’s standing upright, his shoulders pushed back as if he is face to face with the President. She can see his hand fidgeting though and knows that while he’s being as serious as he can be, he truly wants to start celebrating this new turn in their lives.

“Very well.” The President gives another small chuckle before adding, in a much softer voice. “Congratulations guys. My wife insisted that I include her well-wishes in this call and I do not plan to ire her. She’s much scarier when she’s mad at me that all the politicians in this town put together.”

“Thank you, Sir.” They both say at the same time earning themselves another laugh. After their goodbyes, Sam remains quiet as she stares at her husband wide-eyed.

Had that really happened? 
 
Had the president just given them special dispensation so that they would be free from the regulations?  No more hiding? No more keeping their marriage and their child a secret?  They would be able to live together without worrying about someone catching them as they went about their lives? 
 
And Jack would be able to live at Colorado Springs? With her and their baby? She would be able to rejoin active duty once she felt ready, if she felt ready? 
 
No, this had to be a dream, right? 
 
“Sam?”  She hears Jack’s voice draw nearer and finds herself turning to it instinctively.  She knows she’s staring at him wide eyed, still not fully processing what had just happened.  “Sam, are you ok?” 
 
She nods but doesn’t say anything.  Instead she simply throws her arms around him, pulling him against her as tight as she can.  “Is it real?” She whispers near his ear. 
 
She can feel Jack’s chuckle reverberate against her chest as he pulls her closer.  “Yeah, baby, it’s real.” He replies. 

She doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh, so she settles on doing both.  In the safety of Jack’s arms she lets go of all the fear and worry she’d felt, of all the uncertainly for the future, as well as the relief that comes from not having to hide any longer.  She’ll blame the hormones later but for now she just lets herself feel. 
 
Sam only pulls back when she finally calms down.  When she does she turns to look at Jack who quickly brushes a tear away from his face.  Though still sniffling, she raises a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing away the evidence of the tears he too had shed.  When she looks into his chocolate eyes she can’t help but grin, her smile quickly mimicked on his face.  She’s immediately attracted by his smile, his little boyish grin that grows until it reaches his eyes and lets them sparkle.  God, she hopes their baby inherits that grin of his. 

The ring on her finger catches the light streaming through the window and makes her eyes draw to it.  She loves their little ring ritual but now that their relationship will be out in the open, she knows that she won’t be taking her ring off for anything other than when running an experiment.  She had to be careful, after all. 
 
“No taking it off anymore.”  Jack says as soon as he notices what she’s looking at.   He raises his hand to look at his own wedding band.   
 
“At least not when I’m out of the lab.” She reminds him.  
 
“Yeah, well… Gotta find a way to make sure the eggheads know you are spoken for.” He teases.   
 
Sam gasps as if she was truly offended but then gives him another little grin before pulling away from him and turning so that she has her back is toward him. She looks over her shoulder and  Jack quickly understand what she wants and leans back against the armrest, raising a leg up on the couch and opening space for her to lean back on.  Sam wastes no time in moving backwards, her body resting comfortably against his chest while he wraps his arms around her waist. 
 
It’s only when he presses his hand to her belly that she finds an answer to his teasing.  “I think that my belly growing will be enough to let them know I’m taken.” 
 
Jack hums under his breath, pretending not to be thoroughly convinced. “I don’t know, for being the brightest minds the world has to offer, sometimes they are completely clueless, Carter.” 
 
“Hey! I happen to be an egghead too.” She pinches the skin of his hand softly before soothing the spot with her own hand.   
 
“But you are a pretty egghead.” 
 
“Really?” She asks, turning to look at him over her shoulder. 
 
“The prettiest.” He replies before leaning forward to gently kiss the spot of her neck that meets her shoulders. “The most gorgeous, pretty, intelligent, loving egghead that ever existed.” He punctuates each word with a kiss down her shoulder until she’s shivering as a reaction, squirming against his arms. 
 
He soothes over the goosebumps that have developed on her arms, then settles his hand once more on her belly.  “Ready for the rest of our lives?” 
 
Sam sighs softly, her eyes focused on their joined hands over the gentle swell of her belly, which she is still sure is mostly omelet with a dash of macaroni and cheese from the night before,  “No more crossroads on our way?”  She asks and smiles even wider as she feels him press his chin against her shoulder then shake his head.   
 
“Nop, not one.” He whispers.  “Clear skies for our future; just you, little Pi and I” 
 
She knows the threat of the Ori is still out there, that they still have to defeat them but she’s not worried, at least not where their relationship and family is concerned.  After all, if the Goa’uld or Air Force regulations couldn’t keep them apart then certainly the Ori would not accomplish it either.  “Then I’m definitively ready for the rest of our lives, flyboy.”  She sighs contently as she snuggles closer to him. 
 
She feels him chuckle, his chest vibrating against her back.  “Nice.” 
 
The End