Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tommy was bored. Sure, he was busy editing some upcoming vlogs but that didn't change the fact that he was still incredibly bored. Should he post another TikTok? Should he tweet something? 

Ever since the lore in the dream smp got slower, Tommy found it harder to focus on anything else. After Dream was sent to prison, streams on the smp became increasingly less frequent. He just hopes something interesting will happen soon.

The flickering lights of his pc illuminate his room as he swings aimlessly on his chair.  

A wave of exhaustion hits him. 

Suddenly, he's too tired to move, too tired to keep his eyes open, too tired to stay awake.

A quiet buzzing noise hums through his ears as his consciousness begins to slip. Sleep sounds good right now, he'll edit his video later.

_________________

Tommy wakes up with a gasp and is greeted by an unfamiliar place. 

"What the fuck?!" 

Where the hell was he?

The boy awoke to blindingly bright light. A Tall white building menacingly loomed over him, drowning him in its shadow. Wide pavements trailed towards a pristine, white gate. Everything around him was saturated with a sickly shade of white.

This wasn't his room. 

Thoughts rapidly rushed through his mind, desperately trying to make sense of the situation. "Holy shit, I've been kidnapped." Before he could panic any further, voices erupted in his head. Barely even a whisper, they chanted words in a language that was unrecognizable to the boy.

Oh, hell no. 

That sounds like a cult. He's been abducted by a cult, hasn't he? They're going to take all of his organs. They're going to sacrifice him. They're going to sell his elbows. He's so screwed.

Adrenaline rushed through his veins, leaving him with a sick feeling in his chest. "What the fuck." He hesitantly breathed out, scratchy and rough.

 Classy 

 Spoken like a true poet 

 Tommy 

 Tommy 

 Tomathy 

 Guys why bother? he can't even hear us 

 He never hears us :(( 

 Don't worry, you're safe 

Correction, he  can  hear them. Who the hell are these cult members trying to fool?

"What the fuck."

 Is he broken? 

 broken record 

 try expanding your vocabulary 

 you spelt that wrong 

 nerd 

He may be kidnapped and completely defenceless but he's not about to let these cult people insult him. 

"I'm not a broken record dickhead." He crossed his eyes and glared furiously at the sky, unable to pinpoint where the voices were coming from.

 WHAT 

 ?? 

 HUH?? 

 ??? 

 HEH 

A brief moment of silence fills the air. 

 HE CAN HEAR US 

 ONE OF US 

 OMG 

 RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU CAN HEAR US 

 WOOOOOOOO 

 I'M SO EXCITED 

 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA 

...

Tommy's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, hesitantly raising his hand. Of course, he could hear them. They're incredibly loud. "Who are you? What do you want from me?" 

Well, you see... 

We want everything from you 

just here for the ride 

"So you just kidnapped me for no reason? Surely there's a reason?" he impatiently tapped his foot, uncaring of seeming rude.

 Change it. 

 Don't let history repeat itself 

 Fix it 

 FIX IT 

 DON'T REPEAT 

 FIX THEIR MISTAKES 

 STOP THEM 

 STOP IT 

 DON'T MAKE IT REPEAT 

The air in the room became heavy as the voices became louder, slowly going up into a crescendo of hisses and demands. The blonde flinched back as the shrieks grew to an unbearable volume.

Afraid of angering them more, he stayed silent, clutching his ears. Any questions left at the tip of his tongue were drowned out by the dizzying yells of seemingly thousands of individuals.

As the seconds ticked by, the boy was unable to stay standing because of the pressure building in his ear drums. Tommy hit the cold ground with a thud, laying completely still before his vision was ripped away from him. Absolute darkness enveloped his figure as he slowly lost autonomy.

"Don't stray from the path," He involuntarily whispered, unable to stop the words from exiting his mouth as a hazy sensation infested his mind. 

_________________________

Smokey air burned through his nostrils, making his face contorted to a heavy grimace. After a while of slow breathing, he recognised the familiar sound of mumbles in the distance. Confused, he forced his eyes open.

The strange white area he was previously in was replaced with an oddly familiar plaza. His eyes darted around the area, gravitating towards the brightly coloured flag that swayed in the wind. 'Wasn't that the L'manberg flag?'

Suddenly, a loud, booming sound rang throughout the whole plaza, startling Tommy and a few other people around him. "My First decree as president," the man's words sounded drunken, syllables slurred together. 

"Is to revoke the citizenship of Wilbur Soot and Tommyinnit." 

After those words were said, pandemonia broke out. Screams of protest exploded from the crowd as waves of people tried to rush toward the speaker. There are going to be so many noise complaints. Chaos ensued as the blonde tried his best to make sense of the escalating situation.

Don't panic

We're at the start of the Pogtopia era 

RUN

"What the fuck do you mean Pogtopia era? This isn't Minecraft." He yelled as he unsuccessfully tried to remove himself from the angry mob of people. He knew that panicking in the middle of a riot wasn't a good idea, so instead, he tried to keep his composure and take deep breaths.

That was until someone whipped out a fucking crossbow.

Who brought a crossbow to a protest?! That's a massive public safety violation. "What the hell is going on?"

EXILED 

POGTOPIA ERA 

STAY CALM 

YOU'RE IN THE DREAM SMP 

GRAB WILBUR AND RUN 

ELECTIONS 

LOST 

"What are you guys smoking?" He shouts, deciding to not even consider believing their outlandish statements.

A stray arrow zooms past Tommy, leaving behind a small cut across his cheek.

Ok, never mind. He takes it back, the voices sound very believable.

Chapter Text

Tommy could barely stop himself from panicking, all he could think about was how this was even possible. Maybe this was all just a bad dream or even just him tripping balls. Had the asbestosis finally gotten to his brain?

A calloused hand gripped his arm roughly, pulling him away from the crowd. Startled, Tommy looked up to see none other than Wilbur Soot. "Tommy, what are you doing? We need to go." 

____ 

 Everything became a blur as the two ran outside the walls and towards the forest. Tommy couldn't help but marvel at his surroundings. Every tree, every hill looked so familiar yet so foreign. It left an odd sensation in his stomach, making him uneasy and filled with dread. 

His feet ached as they sprinted across the uneven terrain.

Everything felt too real. The stray twigs brushing against his arms, the way he could already feel the blisters forming on the sides of his feet. It felt too real. Whatever this was, it certainly didn't feel like some sleep-deprived hallucination.

But what makes this situation worse is that he was now apparently in the dream smp. He was stuck in a Minecraft, Hamilton roleplay world. Getting shot by a crossbow doesn't sound half-bad anymore.

The clicks of crossbows getting reloaded rang through the forest.

That was a joke. Tommy was joking.

 Perfect timing 

 I recommend going faster 

 BLOOD 

 WE'RE SCREWED 

 STOP CHASING USSS 

 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 FASTER 

 WATCH OUT 

 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 STOP IT WE DON'T LIKE IT 

 WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE 

 WE'VE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES 

 CHILL 

 O7 

Everything was going to be okay. The odds of an arrow hitting either of them were very low. 

Wilbur shrieks.

"You're kidding me," Tommy whispered as he watched the brunette fall to the ground in pain. "Are you alright?" He said a bit louder, scared of alerting people of their location

Tommy's hands shook as he tried to pick up the older man, noticing the pool of blood that had already begun to seep through the grass.

'How much blood does this mother fucker have?' 

________________

Miraculously, he somehow managed to drag Wilbur far enough that the hunters seemed to give up. He let out a sigh of relief, staring ahead at the ravine he coincidently found himself at.

POGTOPIA 

WOOOOOOOOOOOO 

REVOLUTION TIME BOYS 

BUTTONS 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

"Woah," was all the blonde could say as he stared down the bottom of the ravine. He was speechless. It looked incredible. He'd never seen anything like it in his entire life.

Snapping out of his amazement, Tommy carefully clambered down the sides of Pogtopia, struggling to carry Wilbur with him. 

______

"Finally." Tommy sighs as he stumbles onto the cold ground, placing Wilbur down carefully. "Once this is over, I might want to consider a career in rock climbing."

 ROCK CLIMBER-INNIT 

 WHAT ABOUT STREAMS?????? 

 RETIREMENT ARC?? 

 NOOOOOOOO 

"Chill out cult-guys, I'm not planning on changing career paths anytime soon. Think of it as a side hustle."

 WOOOOOOOOO 

 FAVORITE STREAMER 

 YAYY 

 potential vlog content? 

"Yeah, expect a rock climbing vlog soon." Tommy snarks, "Anyways, You guys are sentient, right? How do I stop Wilbur from dying?" He questions, poking Wilbur in the arm.

 Check his injuries 

 TAKE HIS CLOTHES OFF 

 He probably doesn't need stitches 

 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 Mans about to die 

 Anyone got a thermometer? 

 Coma?? 

 CPR??? 

 He's not having a heart attack 

 None of us knows CPR 

 Who's CPR? 

How do I leave?

"Okay, okay, slow down, I can barely hear myself think." He carefully removed Wilbur's jacket, revealing his very bloody, injured shoulder. "...He's gonna live, right?"

 Yeah 

 It doesn't look too bad 

 Better than last time 

 just clean and bandage it 

 You have water and bandages in your inventory, right? 

"Alright, alright... clean and bandage." Tommy pauses for a moment "Wait, inventory?!" As if the word 'inventory' triggered something, a screen popped up in front of him "HOLY SHIT! This is so cool!" His eyes widened as he started to press random item boxes, watching as they materialized in his hands.

"Look at all of this stuff!! I've got some cobblestone, birch, an iron pick, salmon- wait, how does salmon even stay fresh? What type of magical shi-"

Tommy was interrupted by Wilbur's pained groans.

Oh, he's still dying.

"My bad." The blonde apologised, clumsily pulling out the bandages and water from his inventory. "Fun fact, you're the first person I've ever performed surgery on. Feel honoured, bitch."

Wilbur blinked drearily at him, briefly displaying his confusion. Tommy hoped he wouldn't be conscious enough to remember this.

Even though Tommy had absolutely zero 'real-life experience in the medical field, he had 'technically vigorously trained for this exact predicament. (No one has to know that his training came from a  surgeon simulator game ).

Wilbur hissed when Tommy carelessly splashed the wound with water.

"Yikes... sorry king, don't worry it'll be over in a sec." Examining the wound, he realised that the water wouldn't be able to wash out all of the twigs and gravel sticking out. 

Deciding he needed a new strategy the blonde attempted to pick out all of the debris with his bare fingers.  Keyword attempted

"Think this is sanitary?" 

 Definitely 

 100% 

 obviously 

Although Tommy tried not to show it, he was already starting to feel sick. So he figured he should try and distract himself from the situation. Being distracted whilst 'professionally operating' on someone probably isn't that smart but he's too much of a girl boss to care.

"Hey Cult guys, your name is waaay too long, mind telling me a shorter version of it?"

 That was never our name, to begin with 

 I like it tho... 

 OI! we're not a cult! 

 Yes, we are. 

 NO. 

 It's a secret 

 CHAT 

 CHAT 

 SHHHHHHHHHHH 

 CHAT 

 DON'T TELL HIM 

 CHAT 

 AAAAAAAAAA 

Tommy blinked. "Uhhhhhhhh... So your name is Chat? All of you?"

 HOW DID HE KNOW???? 

 HEHH???? 

 HE KNOWS 

 ?????? 

 IMPOSIBLE 

 AAAAAAAAAAA 

 HOW???!!! 

"You literally just told me pricks." Tommy sighed and rubbed his temple, accidentally smearing blood across his forehead. "Where did you even come from?"

 You're subconscious 

 Maybe we're not even here 

 Perhaps we're just a hallucination 

"Helpful... very, helpful."

Very quickly, Tommy came to the realisation that questioning chat was useless so he decided to stare at the ceiling of the ravine instead. He sighed, allowing his mind to wonder as he stared at the darkness that crept in the corners. 

"We're going to need so many lightbulbs." Tommy said to no one in particular, "Wait, light bulbs probably don't exist here. Would I have to use torches instead?" Maybe he should try to invent the light bulb, After all, he did watch a documentary about Edison ages ago in his history class. But then again, he'll look incredibly suspicious. But It's also beneficial for evolution. But it's wasting precious time. But it'll be funny to see the whole server's reaction to it. But they could label him as a witch. Would that be bad? Did they have witch trials? He doesn't remember that being in the cannon, although, it's not out of the realm of possibility. Maybe it's better to play things safe. He's not too keen on being burnt at a stake. That sounds very uncomfy and unsafe. unrestricted fire usage is bad, it could lead to severe-

A loud groan echoed throughout the ravine.

"Holy shit, is that a ghost?" He's not mentally, emotionally or physically prepared for that. All he could do was hope that there was salt somewhere nearby. Tommy covered his head with his hands and looked down.  

Oh.

OH.

"Oh, I forgot Wilbur was there."

 CLIP THAT 

Poor Wilbur

 FAVORITE STREAMER MOMENT 

 KEKW

Streamer bad 

______

Chapter Text

The day passed with Wilbur remaining unconscious, only adding to the blonde's anxieties. Tommy knew that Wilbur would be ok, he would never doubt his surgical skills, but that knowledge didn't stop him from having multiple panic attacks in the last 24 hours.

He uncomfortably lies down beside his friend's character and closes his eye's in an attempt to escape from this fictitious reality. Tommy relished in the silence, the calm he knew would never last much longer.

All he wanted to do was leave, to be back in his room, submerged in the blindingly fluorescent light of his monitor. Deep down, he knew it wasn't possible. So instead, he pretended he was home. He pretended to be with his friends, laughing at their unbearably crude jokes, while in reality, he allowed the cold to eat away at his fingertips until they were numb.

He debated whether he should stay like this forever. 

Lying on the floor, feeling as the rocks slowly pierce into his side. Never before had he felt lethargic, so withdrawn from himself and his thoughts. The experience was indescribable but not unwelcomed. He enjoyed the peace it created.

I'm BORED

ENTERTAIN US

Wake up

Wake up

The blonde sleepily grumbled insults as he prepared to meet the onslaught of voices coming into his head. "What do you want?" he slurred, too tired to speak any clearer. "You want me to plan? For what? My inevitable doom?"

DESTROY THE GOVERNMENT 

THERAPIZE THEM 

THERAPY ARC 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

Beat up Schlatt 

FAMILY REUNION 

Save them 

ARSON POGG 

Minor terrorism 

BAKE WITH NIKII 

NIKII 

NIKIIIII 

"Kings, I can't focus with all of you speaking at once." He muttered as he opened his inventory, briefly commenting on how he should probably write a to-do list whilst taking out a book and quill. 

Tommy angles his quill at the page, "What degree of arson are we talking about?" After pausing for a moment, he begins to write, trying not to laugh at the outlandish ideas chat began to suggest.

 "I can't believe I'm just accepting this shit now." He complained mid-way through writing a sentence. Instead of continuing to finish his writing, he paused for a longer period of time. "Why am I here? Be honest with me. This is a safe space." 

FIX IT 

FIX IT 

FIX IT 

FIX IT 

FIX IT 

His head felt like it was bursting as he was bombarded with the loud, unforgiving sound of chats demands. "Ok, ok, I get it. Just please shut up."    

The chatter promptly ended, everything falling back into a peaceful silence. Until the voices got bored.

BAKE WITH NIKI 

BAKER ARC! 

POG 

BEAT TECHNO 

SELL FOOT 

HELP EVERYONE 

THERAPIST INNIT??? 

EEEEEEEE 

FIX WILBUR 

Nevermind. He can already feel the headache coming.

_____________________

After some long, drawn-out minutes of procrastination, Tommy and the voices had come up with a mildly concerning to-do list. 

"Alright..." he sighed, lifting the quill of the paper "Let's just go over the list one more time to see if we missed anything." 

"So we have...

1. therapize people
2. Become buff
3. Beat up Techno
4. Ban Wilbur from explosives
5. Get rich
6. Sell foot (optional)
7. stop tubbo from exploding
8. beat up the egg
9. Stop people from murdering each other
10. Become buff
11. Possibly murder?

Did I miss anything?"

ARSON POGG 

ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES?? 

SERIAL KILLER ARC?? 

Even if he was a big advocate for illegal activities, Tommy didn't really want to become a convicted felon. But then again, last time he checked, there was barely any legal system on the server. Maybe he could have a tiny 'crime boy' arc later on.

__________

For the second time that day, he lay beside Wilbur, sadly staring at the man's face. He couldn't help but compare him to his Wilbur.  The real Wilbur.  Would they be the same? Would they share the same laugh? 

He hopes they don't. 

"They're not the real Wilbur." He dug his nails into the gravel and tried to forget whatever he was thinking about. Unable to do anything else, he tuned into the voices' conversations. Softly laughing at their attempts to rationalize mass genocide, he closed his eyes. Despite the distraction, one thought never left his mind.

Why him? 

____________________

If there was a way to obliterate the sun, Tommy would like to know immediately.

He was angry, pissed and agitated.

"fucking sun waking me up. fuck the fucking sun. Fucking prick." He muttered, pure venom spitting from his tongue. "You've got to be shitting me. Absolute bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit." 

He swayed slightly as he begrudgingly stood up. He dusted himself off and immediately regretted his decision. The urge to jump off a cliff was increasing by the second. 

He was abruptly snapped out of his agitated daze by the familiar sound of chat panicking.

WHO'S THERE? 

INTRUDER 

HIDE 

intruder 

EEEEEEEEEEEE 

THEIR GETTING CLOSER 

RUN RUN RUN RUN 

"Shit." Tommy's eyes darted to Wilbur. He needed to hide him. He needed to protect him. He needed to-

His ears perked up at the sound of footsteps. The sound only grew closer by the second. But there was no time to hide. Nowhere to run. How did they even find him?

Tommy carefully bent down and picked up the sharpest rock he could find.

Just play it cool 

Act natural 

STAB 

...

"Tommy?" He dropped the rock in shock.

Toby?

"T-tubbo?"

...

Tubbo flung himself into Tommy, causing the two to tumble to the floor.

"Thank prime, you're alright!" Tubbo hugged Tommy tighter "I-I saw them shooting at you and there was blood and a scream, well there was lots of screams, and fire and-"

"Chill out to-tubbo, I'm fine... We're fine". Tubbo only gripped tighter, latching his fingers onto the fabric of Tommy's t-shirt.

"God, you're such an idiot." The brunette said, shaking his head in disbelief.

"kinda my brand at this point, big man."

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Tubbo pulled away and lightly punched the other boy's arm. Anxiously, he took a deep breath and said a phrase Tommy was hoping to never hear.

"I'm... I'm Shlatts right-hand man."

Tommy stills.

Quickly backtracking, Tubbo quickly adds, "But it wasn't my choice! I would never betray you or Wilbur."

The blonde remained quiet, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong. 

"...I could be a spy."

 Tubbo's blood splattered across the floor. 

"I'll be your double agent." Tubbo giggles.

 'You said he wasn't going to hurt me.'

"Schlatt wouldn't even notice!" 

'He's the traitor.'

"It'll be perfect."

'I'll make your death as quick and colourful as possible.'

"Tubbo, It's a bad idea." Tommy uncomfortably shifts, "So many things could go wrong."  

Tubbo stares disapprovingly, "But I could help you out."

"Tubbo, king, just trust me. This is a shit idea."

"Why not??" The brunette argues, "I'm not useless!"

"Tubbo, please-" Tommy raised his hand placidly.

"You're acting weird. What could possibly go wrong?" The brunette swatted the hand away 

 Tubbo's skin torn off. 

"So, so many things."

...

"Wilbur would agree with me." He quietly muttered.

Tommy had no rebuttal to that. 

He knows this argument was a losing battle, and he couldn't risk damaging his relationship with his friend this early on. Tommy took a deep breath, "Just be careful, ok? Don't take any powdered substances Big Q offer you." He joked, trying to disperse the tension.

Thankfully, his joke was successful and allowed the two to fall back into their banter. It was strangely familiar, the banter, the quips. He sounded so irrefutably... Tubbo. Almost as if he was the real one, not a fake.

The mere implication made Tommy shiver. 

Before he could ponder any further, he was snapped out of his thoughts by Tubbo. "I hate to say it, but I have to go now. Schlatts' probably getting suspicious."

"You- Are you sure you want to go back? It's fucking dangerous." Watching someone's face gets blown off wasn't on his bucket list.

"Jeez, someone's being clingy. You good?"

CLINGYINNIT 

CLINGYINNIT 

CLINGYINNIT 

AWWWWWWW 

CLINGYINNIT 

CLINGYINNIT 

EEEEEEEEEEE 

CLINGYINNIT 

AWWWWW 

CLINGYINNIT 

AWWWWWW 

HE'S SO BABY 

For fucks sake. This wasn't even the real Tubbo, it wasn't. He wasn't in denial. 

"I'M NOT CLINGY BITCH BOY." He winced at the hoarseness of his own voice. 

Tubbo eyes him suspiciously. "Alright, boss man, take care of Wilbur. I don't know how bad his condition is, but you're literally drenched in his blood."

Looking down at himself, he didn't even notice that he looked like the typical slasher character in a horror movie. He should probably take a bath. "Will do."

With that, Tubbo climbs out of the ravine, unaware of his friend's crippling mental state.

...

Once tubbo was out of sight, Tommy shoved his grimy hands into his face.

"I'm such a fucking idiot." He couldn't believe how stupid he was.

 YEPP 

 AGREED 

 finally noticed? 

 He's become self-aware 

"What now?" He sighed, wanting to do anything but fall back into another crisis.

Get rich? 

Get bitches

Materials 

Training arc? 

Get materials 

MAKE BED 

TRAIN 

DECORATE 

"Ok, let's go get some materials."

___________

Chapter Text

Was Tommy planning to speedrun getting rich? No, but he did it anyway. Apparently, having sentient voices in your head is helpful when it comes to gathering materials.

After weeks of constant mining and meticulous planning, he's finally done it. He's on his way to becoming richer than ranboo. Did ranboo even exist yet? Is he going to spawn into existence or is he already alive somewhere else? Screw Minecraft physics.

Exhausted, Tommy sighs and skims over his inventory. He managed to collect a couple of stacks of diamonds, Enchantment books, gapples, and Tnt (The last one’s probably not a smart idea). Almost every useful material he could think of was there, excluding items from the nether. He refused to even think about entering the nether. Nothing would convince him to travel to that fiery hellscape, much to chats dismay. 

With a pleased huff, Tommy closed his inventory.

"Ok, I know for a fact I won't be able to hold a bow without breaking my arms. So now that we're rich, we should probably start training."

YEAH! 

SOUNDS GOOD 

We'll help 

We'll be your coaches 

I'M A REGISTERED TEACHER :D 

No one asked 

EEEEEEEEEEE 

Screw you 

BUFFINNIT 

"God no, please don't call me buffinnit. I will cry."

 BUFFINNIT 

 BUFFINNIT 

 BUFFINNIT 

 BUFFINNIT 

 Buffinnit 

"Why do I even bother?" Tommy murmured under his breath.

_____________________________

Tommy clumsily whacks a tree with a wooden sword, then promptly trips and falls.

 YEAH JUST LIKE THAT 

 YOU'RE DOING GREAT SON!! 

 POP OFF KING 

Tommy is swaying on the edge of a mental breakdown.

_____________________________

"For the last time, I'm tripping because of my superior fighting style, nothing else." Tommy brushed the dirt off his trousers for what felt like the hundredth time that day. "I'm not weak, I'm a strong man."

Denial 

You physically hurt me

You're fighting style is shit

Get better soon

"Y'know chat... I feel like we're forgetting something." Tommy lowered his sword, taping his chin with his index finger.

...

"Or someone".

 Don't ask us 

 Probably not important 

 Get back to training! 

_____________________________

Something rustles in the bushes and Tommy tenses. Cautiously, he shuffles towards the noise.

"Holy shit is that a spider??!!" Tommy stared at the massive mockery of a spider. They were adorable. "Awww, your name is now shroud."

_____________________________

Tommy sat in the bushes petting the spider when suddenly he felt that weird feeling again. Something was definitely wrong.

"Are you guys sure we didn't forget anything important?"

 Dunno 

 No clue 

 Hmmm can't remember 

 SHROUD 

 AWWWW SHROUD IS SO CUTE 

 Not sure 

That's odd... Something feels off... Wait.

Fuck

.

.

.

"We forgot about Wilbur."

_____________________________

"T-Tommy? Wha-" 

"Haha, Heyyy Wilbur... I'm so glad you're awake... We've- I've been with you the entire time."

...

Wilbur tiredly eyes Tommy with suspicion. "You little gremlin, what the hell did you do?" he groaned.

"Nothing! Nothing at all!" 

"Likely story, what did you do?" Wilbur attempted to sit up and immediately fell backwards, shrieking in pain.

"Woah, Woah calm yourself, king. You're going to start bleeding again." But of course, in true Wilbur fashion, he ignored the kid and tried to hoist himself up again. "Ok fine, I guess I could show you what I've been up to." Wilbur seemed to stop struggling for a moment, eager to know what had happened.

"What here." Tommy huffs and walks out of the room, leaving the brunette alone and incredibly confused. After a few moments, Tommy returned carrying an assortment of items. "Ok, Ok so I may have gotten ever so slightly a little bit bored."

Tommy drops the items almost directly on top of Wilbur. 

"And hyper fixated a lot... Like a lot."

The man stared at the mountain of valuable materials. In shock, he looked back at the blonde.

"Tommy what the fuck."

______________

Once Wilbur was healed enough to walk around, Tommy excitedly dragged Wilbur around the ravine, claiming that they were 'Lads on Tour but better.'

'Whatever the hell that means,'  Wilbur thought, barely able to make sense of the current situation. Too many of the questions the man had were left unanswered, often by Tommy who would derail and distract any train of thought he had.

"Why the name Pogtopia? Surely you could've picked a better name for our new nation right?" 

...

Tommy stared at him with a feigned look of disbelief and betrayal. 

"First of all Pogtopia is an amazing name, worthy of glory and praise. How dare you even think to slander such a powerful name? Secondly, this isn't a new nation, haven't you seen what happened with L'manberg?” Tommy pauses and stares directly into Wilbur's eyes with a glint of mischief, “I say we go down the anarchy route instead."

Wilbur sadly looked down at his shoes and mopped, apparently not sensing Tommy's incredible sarcasm.

"Woah, hold on Wil! Everything I said was a joke!- Well most of it". Tommy mumbled the last part, "For legal reasons, the anarchy part was a joke." 

Wilbur's face brightened at his words and snapped out of his previous gloomy mood. "I never took you for an anarchist Toms, when did this happen?"

"WHA- I'm all for anarchy but I'm not an anarchist! I've devoted myself completely to Lizzie." The teen crossed his arms.

"Who the hell is Lizzie?"

Tommy lazily placed his hand on the brunette's mouth and shushed him. "Shhhhh you ask too many questions."

...

...

...

 Awkward silence 

 I could cut the silence with a knife 

 Please- I can't take the silence 

 eeeeeee 

 please talk 

 I’m begging you 

The blonde didn't utter a word out of pure pettiness. Sadly, Wilbur didn't get the memo and gently slapped his hand away.

"Sooo..."

....

The brunette just made the silence even more unbearable. At this point, Tommy was writhing in agony. He couldn't take it any longer.

"...Speaking of anarchy, how about a little family reunion?" He didn't know whether or not the SBI family dynamic was canonical but he was willing to take his chances.

"We are not calling Phil or Techno."

 DADZA 

 BROTHER BLADE 

 SBI 

 2/4 

 CROW FATHER 

"I mean, calling them would be kind of helpful right?" 

"We aren't calling them full stop."

"AWWWW but don't you wanna talk to Techno??? It's been so long, it wouldn't hurt talking to him for a tiny bit, right?" Wilbur's eyes flickered with something similar to regret and longing.

"Fine..." He sighed, "but only Techno." 

"YESS!" Tommy threw his hands in the air in excitement. He's glad Wilbur was also desperate for Techno's approval.

__________

So far everything was running way smoother than he initially thought it would be. After the first day, the teen was expecting more bloodshed and carnage. Not that he's complaining. But things are just a tiny bit too calm. Where's the spice?

Wilbur had agreed to message Techno and invite him to Pogtopia. Hopefully, he'll arrive sooner than later, he was dying to know if Techno would look like an actual pig.

Sadly, he couldn't convince him to call Phil.   He'll work on that later.  But for now, he'll work with what he's got.

"OI TOMMY!" Beenie man yelled.

"WHAT?"

"Why the hell are there diamond fucking blocks in the walls?"

"Decoration." Tommy deadpanned. 

"Your decoration skills are shit."

Tommy took a deep breath as he tried to contain his anger. He knew that Wilbur's tiny, feeble mind would never comprehend the true renaissance and emotional complexity of his impeccable architectural endeavours.

"You're kidding me, right?" The brunette continued as the teen stayed eerily quiet. "No way is someone actually this dumb." 

That was Tommy's last fucking straw.

 Stab him. 

 BLOOD 

 CURB-STOMP THAT BITCH 

 TAKE HIS KNEECAPS 

 KNEECAPS 

 BLOOD 

 BLOOD 

 KNEECAPS 

 BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD 

 The sheer audacity of this man 

Wilbur was about to lose his kneecap privileges.

_______

Chapter Text

TECHNOOOOO 

 BROTHERBLADE 

 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 not supposed to be there. 

 MESSAGE 

 TOMMY 

 CHECK COM 

 MAIL 

 TOMMY 

"Chat stop. It's like 5 in the morning." Techno groaned as he sat up from his bed, "Why would I even get a message from Tommy? I haven't spoken to him in ages."

 MAIL 

 CHILD 

 MESSAGE 

 BAD BROTHERBLADE 

 BEDROCK BROS 

The piglin tiredly picked up his com and searched through his messages.

 'One new message from       Tommyinnit       !' 

Huh. he wasn't expecting that. It's almost been half a year since they last talked, so why now? 

Techno quickly swiped open the message and let out a disgruntled huff.

   Tommyinnit:       Ayup Techno! 

 Just wondering if you would be interested in obliterating a corrupt government with me? :D 

That was mildly concerning. Techno wracked his brain trying to figure out when the child had become an anarchist.

 They're brothers your honour 

 ANARCHY 

 TOMMY 

 Can we let him join our cult? 

 ONE OF US 

 ONE OF US 

Already is

 BLOOD 

"For the last time, we are not a cult and we aren't indoctrinating my little brother." The piglin rolled his eyes, ignoring the backlash he received from his statement.

 Waste 

 We'll get him next time 

 But- 

 WHyy 

 ONE OF US 

"Why are you guys interested in Tommy now? You never were in the past." He asked while lazily braiding his hair into a neat plait.

 The weather is quite dazzling today 

 It's way too early for this shit 

 OH LOOK! A bird! 

 BID 

 BIRD 

 ADOPT 

 PIGEON NOOO 

...

Chat didn't sound suspicious in the slightest.

After a brief moment of consideration, Techno decided to be a good older brother and help Tommy commit some minor terrorism. "Phils gonna kill me, isn't he?"

Without waiting for a response, the piglin swiftly opened his inventory to check if he had all of the 'necessary’ supplies and headed out the door. He hoped that things wouldn't go too horribly.

_____________________________

A communicator buzzed in Tommy's pocket. Hastily fishing it out of his jacket, he paused when he saw the caller ID.

 ' Technoblade  is calling'  

"Why is Technobitch calling me this late?" He hoped the other Tommy never recently offended or wronged the man in any way. He prepared for the worst as he cautiously answered his communicator. 

"Hello, Tommy, ready for some light terrorism?"

Oh fuck

He forgot about that. 

A couple of nights ago, when he miraculously convinced Wilbur to contact Techno, the blonde did something incredibly impulsive. He sent a message to the piglin asking him if he wanted to partake in some light terrorism, without consulting Wilbur about it. 

He panicked thinking about all of the things that could and would go wrong. After all, he just asked an anarchist if he wanted to blow up a government.

This was bad.

Like really bad.

"Theseus? You still there?" Techno's voice dragged Tommy away from his thoughts. "Hullooo?"

Utilizing his quick thinking skills he did his best to act natural. "STOP CALLING ME FUCKING THESEUS, DICKHEAD." He screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Bruhhh, do you want help or not?"

"Actually no, I don't want your help. I'm going to be a good exiled citizen and not commit a war crime." Tommyinnit would never, over his dead body, commit a crime. In fact, crime was his second least favourite thing to do. 

"Too late, I'm already here." Technos monotoned voice droned through the coms speaker, "And who said we were only committing one?"

"Jesus Christ, go back to harassing children over potatoes." Tommy jabbed, immediately regretting what he had said. The teen had taken a massive gamble. He had no way of knowing if the man was canonically a potato farmer. If he wasn't, things were about to get awkward.

"First of all, who told you that information? Secondly, what's a Jesus Crust?" As much as he wanted to laugh at the horrible mispronunciation, he couldn't. He was too busy thinking of ways to explain how he knew about Techno's farming arc.

How’s he meant to explain himself? He could just blame it on the sentient voices in his head but that would be stealing Techno’s brand. He doesn’t want the taller man to feel robbed of his trademark. So Tommy did the one thing he knew would never fail.

"Your mom." Gottem. 

Wait, fuck. He messed up. Isn't their cannon mom dead or something? He could have sworn there was some plotline to do with a Samsung smart fridge but he couldn't be sure. All he knew was that his comment had probably deeply offended him.

...

"You spoke with mu- Kristen?"

This is it. He's dug his own grave.

"What did she say? How is she doing? Only Phil has been able to talk to her!" Techno's desperate voice rang throughout the speaker.

What's he meant to say now? 

Tommy put his com up to his mouth and loudly began to cough, "I'm sick." Thanks, Karen Smith, he's going to start planning his funeral now.

 Bye 

 I can play the trombone 

 My childhood 

 Favourite streamer 

 Bold of you to assume you could die 

 HANG UP 

 We're dead 

"Oh, I forgot how you get when you're sick."  He actually believed that?  "Are you still gonna pick me up?"

"Yeah sure." Tommy tacked on another obnoxious cough to sound more convincing.

"I'll send the coords then." With those last words, the call ended.

"Well, that went well." The blonde said with feigned confidence.

 It really didn't 

 1/10

 LIES 

 Brain cells are in the negative 

 Keep telling yourself that 

Ignoring the voices, he called out to Wilbur. "I'm about to do something really stupid, I'll be gone for a bit!"

"Don't do anything illegal." 

"I would never."

Those words would  not  age well.

_____________________________

After a few hours of reluctant walking, Tommy finally made it to the Coordinates. His legs trembled and ached from the over-exercise.  

"Stupid Americans and their stupid- Oh! Ello Tech-no-blade!" He was rudely interrupted by techno's sudden emergence from the bushes. The blonde stared for a moment, shocked by his appearance. He looked like an actual humanoid pig.

 Technoblade 

 How long was he there??? 

 Since when was he here?? 

 TECHNOBLADE 

 Stealthnoblade 

 That's not creepy at all 

 BEDROCK BROS 

 Technocreep 

"You need to be more aware of your surroundings." Techno droned, dusting the leaves off his cape.

"Well, you need to be less of a prick."

"Whatever you say gremlin."

STAB HIM 

The disrespect 

RUDE 

BLOOD 

TECHNOBLADE 

SHANK HIM 

BLOW HIM UP

"Anyways, mind filling me in on the situation? You never really expanded on the whole 'obliterating a corrupt nation' thing."

"Uhhh..." Tommy nervously laughed, attempting to collect his thoughts, "So it all started when Wilbur built a drug van..."

"Heh?!"

_____________________________

"So you're tellin' me that you got exiled from your drug nation by a drunk salesman who is currently hunting you and Wil down."

"Yepp."

"And you want help with blowing it to smithereens?" 

"Not exactly, I want to commit a hostile government takeover, then abolish the government. And maybe sprinkle in a bit of explosives."

"And Wilbur is okay with this?" The piglin eyed Tommy suspiciously.

Tommy laughed nervously.

"Well, I haven't exactly told him yet."

Techno made a strangled noise.

__________

Chapter Text

"Welcome to Pogtopia, Technoblade," Tommy said as he led the piglin down to the bottom of the ravine. Techno curiously glanced across the space, staring at the 'uniquely' decorated walls.

"Which idiot thought it was a good idea to dig random diamond blocks into the wall?"

"Fuck you."

"Wh-" Techno was interrupted by the child kicking his shins, "What was that for?" Techno yelped.

"For the love of God, just follow me." Tommy snapped. "Or next time, I won't hesitate to take all your kneecaps."

"Bruhhh, that's not even-" The blonde gave him a murderous glare and stormed off into a dark corridor, gesturing for him to follow. Eyeing Tommy with apprehension, he followed the teen through the ravine until they reached a door.

"Wilbur!" Tommy's voice broke through the silence, echoing off the walls. 

"What?"

"Ready for some quality family time?" 

"The hell are you talking about." Wilbur tiredly emerged from the door and in a heartbeat, regretted his decision.

"'Ello," Techno spoke up, "Heard you're fighting the government." Without hesitating, the brunette slammed the door shut.

"3/4." Tommy giggled under his breath, prompting Techno to raise his brow.

___________

Staring off into space, Tommy carelessly fumbled a sword between his hands, not caring if the blade was coming dangerously close to slicing his skin. 

The voices were getting restless, and so was he. He needed to keep moving, do something, find something else to hyper-fixate on. 

His eyes lazily scan across the room, slowly gravitating towards a certain pink braid. Apparently, Tommy's 'intense' stare didn't go unnoticed. 

"What do you want, child?" The piglin sighed. Sharp red eyes meet mischievous blue ones. 

Tommy flashed him a toothy grin, "I'm bored. Fight me."

"No." 

"Please?"

"No chance." Techno glared.

"Why not?" Tommy blankly stared back. 

"you're a child."

"And you are a bitch." The blonde refuted, immediately winning the argument.

_________________________________

The two brothers stood in a field, pointing swords at one another. The bright light from the morning sun bounced off the swaying trees, allowing slivers of dawn to trickle through.  

"Your stance is awful." The older one chided.

"Eat shit." The teen growled as he clumsily swung his sword.

No matter what Tommy did, he couldn't even land a scratch on Techno. 

Maybe Tommy should have taken into account that he had absolutely zero experience with fighting before he challenged a killing machine. That would have been a good thing to consider.

Out of nowhere, he was swept off his feet, bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Feel like givin' up, Theseus?" The only thing he feels is regret.

 L 

 L 

 Have you ever tried getting good? 

 L 

 This is sad to watch 

"Why are you guys always so rude." The boy whispered to chat, "What do you suggest I do?"

 Throw dirt in his eyes 

 Make him lose his balance 

 Bite his ankles 

 Bye-bye ankles 

 Catch him off guard 

 Play dirty 

 BONK HIM WITH YOUR SWORD 

Techno's ears twitched as if they were trying to hear whatever Tommy was whispering. What a creep.

Taking a deep breath, Tommy scooped dirt into his hands and threw it directly into Techno's eyes. As predicted, his target lost balance and hunched forwards in agony, leaving a window of opportunity. '  In the midst of chaos, there is opportunity.' 

Not wasting a second, the blonde slammed the hilt of his sword into the piglin's head, effectively giving the man a killer concussion. Then Tommy discarded his sword and latched his hands onto his target's pristine, white shirt, yanking him to the ground.

 Holy shit 

 BONK 

 WOOOOOOOOO 

 you actually got him 

 My streamer!! 

 BNOK 

 Hold 'em down! 

 PIN HIM DOWN 

 PRESSURE POINTS 

 That'll totally work 

Before Techno could get back to his feet, Tommy listened to chat and pinned the man to the ground using that one stapling technique he saw years ago online. 

Tommy had effectively immobilized him. Holy shit.

The only thing techno could do was stare at his brother in shock. You could practically see the five stages of grief wash over his face as he struggled against the younger's hold.

 GOTTEM 

 STAGED 

 THAT WORKED??? 

 HEHHH???!!! 

 NO SHOT 

 HE'S LIKE TWICE AS BIG AS US 

 NO WAY 

 NO WAY 

"What the shit?! No shot, I actually did that." Tommy loosened his grip, allowing Techno to move away from his hold.

"What the heck? How did you even manage that?" Technoblade mumbled more to himself than Tommy.

Tommy didn't realise the piglin was talking, too occupied trying to listen to frantic shouts racing through his mind.

"I mean- I was holding back but still... He shouldn't be able to do that- He's never been able to do that." The man muttered in distress, "Chat stop making fun of me."

Techno's last sentence seemed to snap the blonde out of his haze and make him slightly panicked. "Haha, I'm just too good, Tech-no-blade." Tommy laughed nervously.

"How did you even beat me?"

"Have you ever tried getting good?" That statement earned an audible sigh from the piglin.

_________

Technoblade stares at Tommy as he slowly disappears into the woods, unsure of what to think.

How was the boy able to hold his own against him? Even though the piglin was significantly holding back, Tommy still wouldn't have been able to pin him down like that. He literally couldn't even hold a sword properly! It made no sense!

But that's not the only concerning thing the pinkette noticed. 

The kid was clearly spaced out like 90% of the time. He was completely out of it. Did Wilbur feed the child drugs again? Surely Wil would have learnt from their previous mistakes, right?

The more Techno thought about it, the more things he would begin to question. There were too many discrepancies in the boy's behaviour and too many red flags. 

Techno decided that he will get to the bottom of whatever happened to the kid. He was way too emotionally invested in this to just ignore it now. 

Surely Tommy wouldn't mind if he did some light stalking.

 Stalker arc 

 Creepyblade 

 I have a feeling the child won't enjoy this 

 Brotherbladeeeeee 

 EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 

 BEDROCK BROS CRUMBS 

 Slightly illegal but ok 

 CRUMBS 

 _________

Chapter Text

Techno had severely underestimated his brain's ability to function. After only a few hours of watching Tommy, he was already sick of it. 

Don't get him wrong, he likes the kid, he's his brother after all, but one can only withstand a certain amount of... chaos before it all gets too much.

The first couple of hours of spying went by without a hitch. Tommy was just doing normal, teenage stuff like eating moss. Everything was fine. Until it wasn't.

It all went downhill after Tommy spotted a random salmon. He watched as the teenager began to ominously threaten the fish, saying something along the lines of 'fess up, sally' and 'I know what you did.'

In the end, Tommy spent a straight 45 minutes interrogating a fish.  45 minutes.  It was the most agonising 45 minutes of his life. 

Granted, this was probably the most investment the piglin had ever felt in watching a one-sided argument. But still, it just led to more questions than answers. 

The lack of answers disappointed the piglin greatly, but he knew that sooner or later, he was going to discover something. So with his 'theory' journal in hand, he kept quietly trailing after the boy. 

Any moment now... 

Any moment now...

______

"Y'know, we could probably start a cult." The blonde said in the distance.

 Who's we? 

 WE?? 

Technoblade couldn't see anyone else with Tommy. So who was he talking to? Was this another one-sided conversation? Maybe his twin did feed him drugs, causing the teen to have visual and auditory hallucinations.

But what wracked his brain, even more, was Tommy's sudden desire to start a cult. He couldn't remember a time when Tommy was anywhere near religious. He's gotta write that down for later.

"You're so rude! Sure, it wouldn't be ethical but think about the benefits." Tommy continued to banter with thin air as he wrote down as much information as possible. Seriously, how lonely was this kid?

"Like... free tax." 

Hmmm, Tommy hates tax to a degree where he would involve himself in some illegal activities. This clearly was a direct cause of some unknown trauma that happened in the past. He'll ask about that later.

"How will we get followers?" the blonde paused for a moment, grabbing a book from his inventory and scribbling something Techno couldn't see onto it. "Fella's, I call this Tommyinnit's 2-step plan to success. First, we stab, then we gaslight."

Gaslight? Isn't that a type of lamp?

 OLD 

 OLD 

___________

"Woooah, look at all this mud." Techno's ears twitched as he tuned into yet another one-sided conversation. "Did you guys know that mud actually has a lot of health benefits?" 

Again why is Tommy talking to thin air? 

"Like it's good for rheumatoid arthritis and is apparently quite palatable if prepared correctly." Huh, interesting information. 

"We should feed some to Techno. Since he's going all week 'n' frail."

Tommy's banned from the kitchen. 

 EW 

 So many diseases 

 It sounds kinda good tho... 

 AGAIN WHO'S WE? 

 I'm late what did I miss? 

 one of us 

 Imaginary friend? 

"Speaking of mud, did you know that every year, it's estimated that 183-" Tommy suddenly paused, too stunned to speak. The piglin tensed, scanning the area for a potential threat or for whatever made Tommy pause in the first place.

"Shroud!" The blonde squealed in excitement, catching Techno off guard. "Awww, have you been looking for me?" Forgetting about the mud, Tommy ran over to a... SPIDER?! Does this kid have a death wish? 

Apparently so, because the blonde flung himself into the spider, wrapping the monster in a tight embrace. But the strangest thing was that the monster leaned into the hug and didn't even try to attack Tommy. 

 SHROUD 

 WOOOOOO 

 MY HEART 

 AWWWWWWW 

 CAN WE KEEP HIM?? 

 ADOPT 

________

"Hypothetically, if we were to 'accidentally' fall down a 65-meter drop... would that kill us?" Tommy questioned, standing on a cliff that was exactly 65-meters tall.

The piglin rubbed his eyes aggressively, becoming increasingly more fed up with the shenanigans the child was pulling.

"Only one way to find out."

HEH?

Techno's eyes shot open, darting to the spot the boy was previously in. Tommy was gone. In a panicked frenzy, the piglin barreled out of his hiding spot and went towards the cliff's edge. 

Peering over the edge, he managed to catch a quick glimpse of red before it completely faded into obscurity. 

No. 

No.

NO.

He wasn't- he couldn't. Nonononononononono. 

Techno began to manically scale down the rockface, dark thoughts consuming his mind. 

His little brother, his sunshine was gone. He's dead. He wouldn't have survived the fall, he couldn't have. He just watched Tommy jump off a ledge. He just watched his little brother plummet to his death. And it was all his fault.

 It's all your fault. 

He took his eyes off the kid for one second, and now he's gone forever. 

The piglin's fingers slip up on the crumbling rocks. 

He could've stopped it- he could've reached out- He should've done something, Anything. 

His feet stumbled down the jagged edges of the rock side.

Why would Tommy even- How could he? 

Tears weld up in his eyes as he continued to climb downwards. Mentally preparing himself to see something he would never forget, he looked over his shoulder.

...

There his brother laid, bobbing up and down in the river, pale as a sheet of- Wait, was that... did his chest move?

He's breathing?

He's alive?

 HE LIVES 

 TOMMY NEVER DIES 

 Bitch is immortal 

 No shot 

 Plot armour 

"Please, please, please," He desperately whispered as he tumbled down the remaining bits of rubble belonging to that stupid cliff. 

"Tommy." Techno's voice warbled out, scratchy and raw, as more tears threatened to fall the closer he got to Tommy. 

He silently pleaded for the blonde to answer, to give him any sign of life as he shakily wrapped his arms around the small boy's body. 

"Put me down bitch boy!"

That's his voice.

He's alive.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, the piglin hugged the boy tighter, as if he would disappear at any moment. 

"PUT ME DOWN." 

Techno squeezed his puffy eyes shut, ignoring the blonde's frustrated complaints. "Tommy, Tommy, Tommy." He painfully whispered the mantra.  

Tommy, being the empath he always has been, picked up on the piglin's emotional distress and asked, "You seem upset. What's bothering you, king?"

"You- you," the pinkette chocked on his own words. "I can't- you-"

"Calm down, man. You're starting to hyperventilate". The blonde eyed the piglin with concern.

Despite his words, Techno spiralled further into his panic attack. 

"Ok, Techno, I need you to take some deep breaths, ok?" Tommy wasn't sure if Techno could hear him but continued anyways, "Can you tell me 3 things you can see?" 

"yellow, dirt, shirt." 

"What are 2 things you can hear?"

"You, wind."

"Okay, what's 1 thing you can taste?" 

"Blood."

Taking one last deep breath, the piglin opened his eyes. 

"Are you feeling any better?" The blonde questioned. 

"Why did you do that?!" Techno shouted at Tommy, disregarding the question.

"Do what?" The blonde asked innocently as if he didn't just hurl himself off a cliff.

" Do what?"  he mimicked, "You threw yourself off a cliff!"

"Ohhh, that... Yeahh gotta admit, not the brightest idea." Tommy huffed, "I didn't really think that one through."

Techno's eyebrow twitched at Tommy's relaxed behaviour. 

"What exactly were you thinking?"

"MLG."

"What's an MLG?"

"Water bucket."

Techno blinked slowly. "How are- how are you still alive?" 

"Spite."

_________

"You do know you can put me down now, right?" Tommy said after what felt like forever in Techno's arms. 

"Nah, You're a flight risk."

"It wasn't even that high! Stop mother henning me." He whined.

"65 meters Theseus, 65 meters."

"You suck."

______

Chapter Text

"Wilbur, for the last time, calm down," Tommy yelled over Wilbur's screeching voice.

Normally, Tommy would be able to deal with these situations better but he just escaped from Techno's bearhug like 10 minutes ago. The last thing he needed was to deal with more bullshit.

We left him for 2 seconds-

What even happened?

WHYYYYY

WHY IS HE SCREAMING

AAAAAAAAA

We did nothing to deserve this

Tommy was confused. He thought he had prevented the whole 'Wilbur psychopathic arc', but apparently not. His paranoia must be more deep-rooted than he initially thought. 

"Tommy, Tommy, you don't understand but that's okay! Soon you'll see that-"

"Everybody is lying to me and Tubbo's a traitor." The teen rolled his eyes, "I got the memo like 20 sentences ago." 

"Th-then you agree with me, right? You agree with me?" Wilbur stumbled closer to Tommy. 

"God no, you're just making baseless accusations because of your paranoia. Where's your proof?" 

"Aww, Little Tommy's using big words." The brunette mocked as he patted Tommy's head.

"Where's you're proof Wilbur?" He repeated blankly, causing the older man to reel backwards at the tone of his 'brothers' voice.

"I- Well, they would hurt you! They will hurt us!"

"That's not proof Wil."

"... It's- it's just a work in progress." The man fiddles with the hem of his trench coat.

"So no proof?" 

Struggling to find any words to refute that claim, Wilbur scratches his neck. 

"Not yet but like I said-" 

"Innocent till proven guilty" Tommy cuts him off.

"huh?"

"Innocent until proven guilty." The blonde repeated louder. "Don't suspect people when you have no proof to back up your claims."

Wilbur's resolve wavered. 

"They could hurt-" 

"No. They won't." The blonde sighed, "Everything's going to be ok, We're going to be ok." 

Calmly, he hugged the man. 

Wilbur can't help but believe his words.

...

Through the depts of the shadows, Technoblade silently emerges, clutching a red string and a bullet board.

_______

Tommy lied. 

They're fucked.

Ohh shit

We're screwed 

EEEEEEE

Jesus take the wheel

I hate eggs

Who would have known that watching a cult parade down the prime path 15 minutes after telling someone that 'everything was going to be ok' would be such a great feeling? Absolutely delightful, would recommend.

"I have a tiny feeling that something bad's about to happen." 

NO SHIT

WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

AAAAAAAAAAAA

Can we jump off another cliff?

LORE

DO A FLIP

The nearest cliff is 0.5 kilometres to your right 

Tommy sighed as he slumped down the rock he was hiding against.

"How are we supposed to deal with this?" He groaned, burying his face into his palms.

SIRI'S NOT RESPONDING

NOOOOOOOOO

WIKIHOW?????

Therapy?

Cry.

THERAPY

He was starting to get really sick of the voice's incredibly unhelpful comments. 

...

' Therapy.'

...

No one's gonna be safe.

______________________

A poorly designed clinic poster viciously clung onto Tommy's hand, ignoring the boy's desperate attempts to free himself.

"Oi, chat stop laughing. I'm trying my best!"

The struggle lasted for a few more minutes before the blonde finally shook off the sticky paper.

"Whichever one of you pricks suggested to hang up therapy advertisements is about to have zero parents." 

Jokes on you we ha-

SHHHHHH

SHUT 

AAAAAAAAAAA

NOOOOOOO

BAN THEM

_______________________

Tommy watched as members of the Eggpire, (he still can't take that name seriously), piled out of a very un-suspicious building. Incredibly subtle- Wait, is that blood on Bad's robes? Oh God, is he a witness? Did he just catch the aftermath of a sacrificial ritual?

AWWWWW

LOOK AT THEM GO

GO LITTLE ROCKSTAR

SO PROUD

"AWWW Look at that cult they're so skrunkly with their blood smeared robes," Tommy said in a mocking tone. 

Chat fell silent in disgust.

"What?"

You've fallen off

We're disappointed

I'm unadopting you

Unsubscribing

________________________

Due to the Eggpire's rising activity, Tommy was unable to sleep. 

He was incredibly overwhelmed. There was so much to do and so little time. He felt like he was walking on eggshells. If he made one wrong move something could go terribly wrong. 

Tensions were thick, and nobody else knew. It was just Tommy, alone, fighting an uphill battle. 

But that's ok. Since everyone else was oblivious, that meant that the Eggpire would assume no one has caught on yet. 

And that gave him time, plenty of time. 

"Theseus, you need to slow down." Techno said wearily, "What are you even doing?' 

"Got no time to talk." Tommy quickly dismissed Techno as he ran up and down the ravine, searching for the random items Chat was demanding. "Where the hell is the table salt" He mumbled to himself.

Left

Shelve

Top shelve

"Who are you talking to?" 

"Your mom." Tommy grabbed the salt from the top shelf of the cupboard.

"Wha- You're speakin' to Kristin again?!"

"Shhhhhh, I have an exorcism to perform." He said as he exited out of the room. 

"That's not- What?"

_________

Collecting all of the materials seemed to take way longer than it should have. The sun had already gone down by the time he had gathered everything. 

"Okay, so we've got salt, a homemade bibble, vinegar, a random rock we're gonna channel positive energy into and a diy crucifix. Did we miss anything?"

A SACRIFICE

SACRIFICE

BLOOD

"Alright then, we've got everything." 

Ignoring Chats demands, Tommy quietly exited Pogtopia, making sure to not wake anyone up. 

He tiredly walked through the surrounding woods with no particular destination in mind. He was unable to recall where any of the eggpire members lived and would only tell him if he had a sacrifice. And it's safe to say that Tommy isn't too keen on sacrificing anyone to some disembodied voices. 

He just hopes that he'll be lucky and stumble across one of them by chance.

Seemingly alone, the boy sighed as he continued his walk through the dead of the night. 

But unbeknownst to the boy, someone was trailing right behind him.

Chapter Text

Apparently, looking for people to exercise is harder than it looks. 

"Y'know, it would be slightly helpful if you guys stopped being petty and actually said where those egg bitches are." This was a time-sensitive matter, they don't have time for this buffoonery.

You're getting warmer

That's hurtful

Wow rude

Give us blood first

This bit is getting old, I'm bored

No

"great thanks." He sighed in frustration, continuing his trek through the prickly bushes and overgrown grass. Times like these reminded him of how much he loathed Chat. They have absolutely zero empathy. 

After a while of aimless walking and half-baked insults, he could distantly hear faint murmurs. Bingo.

_______

"Hey, bitch," Tommy shouts, "Have you accepted the Lord as your rightful ruler and saviour."

The confused demon wrinkled his nose in disgust as he turned to face the young boy. "What the-" 

"Take that, you heathen." Tommy hurled his very cool bible at Bad.  

Successfully stunning the cultist, the blonde reached for the holy water that was resting in his pocket. Before he grasped the glass flask, something behind him scooped him up into a tight bear hug. Not this again.

"WHAT THE SHIT."

"I apologise for my brother's behaviour." Oh God, that's Techno's voice. "We'll be going now." The gruff man apologised.

Tommy flailed around in Techno's arms, screeching profanities. He's about to lose his shit. What the hell is wrong with this man? Is this guy really that desperate for hugs? He hopes this doesn't become a recurring theme.

Whilst techno was forcibly removing Tommy from the altercation, he angrily whispered to the boy, "What the hell are you doing?"

The blonde struggled against the other's hold, "I'm literally saving everyone from the extra trauma." He boredly explained, attempting to rip out the piglin's hair. "Lemme go, bitch boy." 

"I just watched you throw a book at that guy," Technoblade sighed, "How's that saving anyone."

"Just wait till season 3." 

"Heh?"

______

"Stupid, freaking Techno and his stupid bloody hugs." 

BLOW HIM UP

1/10

"I was this close! This close." Tommy waved his arms around in frustration. He was so close to completely preventing the whole 'egg situation' from happening but of course, techno had to step in and ruin everything.

"Y'know what, fine, I bet he'll enjoy that extra bit of trauma." Tommy rolled his eyes, "It'll give him some extra character development."

___________

During the teenager, fuming rant, he grew more restless and that's never a good sign. After being banned from exercising the masses he's become empty. A hollow, shallow self of who he once was. Being forced to abstain from one of his few joys in life was already taking a toll on his mental stability. 

With his future dreams of becoming a priest cut short, he needed something else to fill the bottomless void in his heart. But who is he without his crucifix?

...

A baker.  

He's realised something during his minutes of self-reflection. Exorcism was never his true calling, it was baking. He was once blinded by self-righteousness, now he's a changed man. But the teenager had one, minor problem, he couldn't bake. Although he knows who can. 

Tommy stomped down the prime path towards l'manberg with his head held high, feeling incredibly lost. Even though he had no idea where he was going he had ambition. An ambition that he was willing to risk everything for. 

And anyways, unfamiliarity mixed with his constant state of existential doom makes the walk more enjoyable.   

 God, he needs therapy. 

______

"Niki! My friend!" 

"TOMMY?! You're not-"

"Are you looking for any apprentices?"

"I'm sorry, what?"

______

"Oh prime, don't put your hand in the oven." 

Tommy, ignoring Niki's cries, proceeded to stick his entire hand into the oven. 

Huh. Ovens are pretty hot. That's cool.

"TAKE YOUR HAND OUT." Niki shrieked as she tore the teen's hand away from the oven. "What the- what were you thinking?" 

"I was just checking the dough." He gently swatted Niki's hand away. "Needs to be the right temperature." 

"... We haven't made the dough yet," Niki said, gesturing to the untouched bowls. 

"We haven't?!"

Silence and an exasperated look was the only response he received. 

"So... What's your opinion on today's current political climate?" Niki's eyes momentarily glistened with rage at the question. Oh shit.

_____

"And now I have taxes! TAXES!" The pinkette shrieked as she aggressively whisked the clumpy mixture into oblivion. "Can you believe this shit?"

It's been 8 hours, 8 hours of suffering. That question was meant to be a fun, little ice breaker, not an insinuator for violence. 

GO OFF

POPPING OFF

GIRLBOSS

You missed netherite

Can we indoctrinate Niki?

Niki Villain arc??

IT'S HAPPENING

"Stop yelling. Can't you see I'm terrified?" Tommy quietly whispered to chat. The boy's incoherent mutterings caught the attention of Niki, who raised an eyebrow in response. "I-I can't believe it. Go on, king." 

"But that's not even the start! Wilbur is completely ghosting me. When I tried to talk about all this to him, he didn't even bat an eye." When did Wilbur visit her? He's supposed to be resting and shouldn't be hanging around enemy territory! That's so reckless. "Am I that replaceable? Am I that unimportant?! When did I become so useless in his eyes." Tears welled up in the woman's eyes as she continued to stir.

"Niki, listen to me, you aren't any of those. Wi-" 

"THEN WHY IS EVERYONE TREATING ME THIS?" The whisk snaps under the pressure of Niki's grip. "What did I do?"

"You did nothing. Wilbur and whoever else is treating you like this are being massive pricks. You don't deserve any of this." It shattered his heart to hear the young adult speak so negatively of herself. She deserves so much better than this. He needed to figure out a way to help her.  

Silently, the blonde hugged Niki. Despite his current opinion on hugs, Niki could be the exception. And after a while, the pinkette slowly returned the hug.

"Have you ever heard of a thing called tax evasion?"

Chapter Text

Time flew by quickly. 

Tommy's days were filled with baking. Nothing but baking. Determined to reach his peak of culinary expertise, his schedule consisted of constant visits to the bakery, learning the inner workings of the 'oven' (Ovens don't fucking exist prove me wrong bitch) and educating Niki on all topics relating to fabrication, political assassinations and embezzlement. Passionately talking about pyramid schemes whilst stirring cookie dough turned out to be quite the therapeutic activity. He should make this into a podcast once he gets home.

Although he was having the time of his life, Wilbur was unfortunately not. For the past week, the brunette had looked, to put it eloquently, like shit. Normally this wouldn't particularly bother the blonde, by now, he was accustomed to dealing with a moody and slightly murderous brotherly figure. 

But this time something was different.  

He quickly noticed that it wasn't just Wilbur acting anxiously, but everyone was. Niki gradually began to obliterate more whisks, Techno took a liking to hiding in bushes and Tubbo was nowhere to be found. Tensions were rapidly rising and Tommy had no idea what was causing it. 

Until Tubbo texted him the details of the presidential speech.

He's not emotionally prepared for this.

_____________

"Tubbo- Tubbo look at me." Tommy clutched the goat hybrid's shoulders tightly, "The moment you feel like something is about to go wrong, you get out of-" 

"I get it bossman, you've been repeating the same thing for the past hour." Tubbo shoed the blonde's hands away. "You don't have to worry, I'll be fine" He looked down for a moment, "Probably." That didn't even slightly calm Tommy's nerves.

"I just- something bad will happen, ok," The blonde stumbled, "I'm worried, king. Please be safe." 

This time Tubbo remained silent, contemplating the true worth of his friend's words.

___________

The smoke in the air tasted bitter on the boy's tongue, dry and unforgiving. The rundown roof of the building creaked beneath his feet. As he peered below, nausea smothered his senses.

The festival has begun. 

_____________

Tommy jolts at the slow sound of footsteps. He swiftly turns around, gripping the concerningly sharp stick that he held at his waist.

"Calm down, it's just me." Much to Tommy's relief, the footsteps belonged to Wilbur. "Suprised you're here this early." The brunette spoke as he sat down beside the boy, allowing his feet to dangle off the side of the roof. "You're never early."

"We're- I'm just worried about Tubbo." The younger sighed, continuing to watch the bustling people below.  

"Tubbo will be fine." With a tang of bitterness, the brunette distractedly kicked his legs over the edge. "I-" He briefly hesitated before going silent once more. The words felt foreign to him but he felt like they needed to be said. he needed some kind of validation or confirmation. "Tommy, are we the bad guys?"   

"Hm?" Pulled out of his thoughts, the blonde peered up at the adult, tracking the light in the other's eyes. 

"Are we the villains in their history books?" 

"...No." 

Oh no

Please no

Goddammit

But we gave him therapy

WHY

"Why would you ask that?" The teen asked, trying to stop the urge to throw himself off the building.

"We're just illegitimate rulers of a bloodied nation." Wilbur let out a breath of air "We're nothing but tyrannical pricks who squish the lower classes underneath our thumb." The brunette's eyes looked lost, aimlessly gazing at the sky.

"It's-"

"The truth isn't? That's all we are."

"I-"

The ear-grating sound of a microphone sharply cut through their conversation, signalling the start of the speech. Whatever was spoken during the next 10 minutes was incoherent to the blonde's ears. His attention solely focussed on Tubbo, who was now being led towards the podium.  

Tommy's hand tightly curled around an ender pearl.

"Tommy, what are you doing?" Wilbur asked curiously before his expression morphed into panic. 

Distant screams shot through the air. 

Tubbo was in the cage. 

Techno loomed over him. 

Tommy readied the pearl in his hand. 

What followed after was an eruption of colours. Flashes of light cast shadows upon nameless figures. A sea of voices called out to one another, desperate and fearful. Cracks of fireworks blared throughout the sea of people. The brunette could only look on in horror as his brother jumped into the fray. 

__________________

The blonde crashed into the platform and scrambled towards the cage. He mentally beat himself up for being too late. Ignoring the excessive amount of smoke pouring into his vision, he somehow managed to force the bars open.  

"Tubbo! Tubbo are you still breathing?" 

the only response he received was an incoherent string of mumbles. "I'll take that as a yes." He quickly said as he struggled to pull the other boy out of the rubble. 

Once he got Tubbo away from the carnage he properly accessed the boy's injuries. He had a large wound that stretched from his left eye to his cheek, oddly twisted fingers and probably more than a few broken bones. Tommy doesn't think aloe vera cream can fix this.

"Hey Tubbo," Tommy looked back nervously towards the stage noticing a very bloodthirsty Technoblade, "I'm- I'm gonna head back to stop Techno, can you stay here and wait for Wilbur yeah?" 

Unable to speak Tubbo weakly grasped the blonde's wrist and glared at him. "I know you're in a lot of pain but please hold on. Wilbur will be here soon."

Trying his best to ignore the brunette's silent protest, he sprinted back towards the crossfire. 

"Tubbo's going to be ok. We're going to be ok. Everything is going to be ok" Tommy mumbled as he approached the bloodied warrior.

WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE

BYE

Goodbye vlog nation

We had a good run

Awooga

NO THANK YOU

RUN

Are we visiting mumza?

How many canon lives do we have again?

E

Chapter Text

"Techno? You still- Are you still there?" The Piglin's neck snaps toward the direction of Tommy's voice. Albeit creepy, it's a good sign. Techno might be somewhat conscious.

The piglin swiftly let go of a very positively skewered ram and stalked his way towards the blonde.

 That's a big red flag.

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL

IT'S HAPPENING

HOLY FUCK

AAAAAAAA

Tommy tightly clutched his hands together as he tried his best to recall the countless headspace seminars he's attended, "Deep breaths, man. Find the inner you." Headspace has never failed him.

A stray arrow interrupted his thoughts as it landed directly beside his foot. 

"Why is it always the fucking arrows?"

___________

Wilbur was on the verge of passing out.

Techno's killing people again, Tubbo's probably dead, Schlatt has become a glorified kebab and Tommy, he... Wilbur lost sight of him a while ago. He can only assume the worst. 

The thought of his brother laying amongst the rubble, bleeding out, dying alone, crushed his heart. He couldn't bear the heartbreak. So he prayed to lady death, seeking mercy for his brother, for the blonde to be spared from Death's arms.

As if a miracle descended upon him, Wilbur caught sight of a familiar silhouette obscured in smoke. He almost cried in relief.

His brother was safe. 

He was alive. 

The weight on his chest lifted.

Everything's going to be alright.

As long as Tommy doesn't draw attention to himself, he'll be safe.

The blonde only needs to be quiet.

"HEY, TECHNOBITCH! LOOK OVER HERE."   

Wilbur's passing out.

________________

Tommy's strategy was successful. His plan of steering the Piglin's attention away from other people had worked. Although he has gained a slight, unaccounted problem. Technoblades attention is currently on him and that guy seems a bit bloodthirsty.

Techno slowly stalked towards him. Tommy had a light-bulb moment. 

In theory, if Technoblade is currently being possessed by the  'demon'  voices in his head, he could technically exorcise him. It may be risky but he's willing to take his chances.

'Guess it's finally time to come out of retirement', The blonde thought as he grabbed his diy crucifix. 

The hell's that

That is NOT a crucifix

THAT'S A BLOODY ABOMINATION

Where did we get Elmer's glue from???

Is this a hate crime???

I'm suing whoever made that

I'm sorry- is that glitter?

Hello??? what is that?

We're all going to die. 

Ignoring all of the haters in his chat, he waited for the piglin to come into his throwing range. 

Once his target was close enough, he threw the crucifix. 

With a bated breath, he watched as Technoblade crumbled to the ground.

NO SHOT

BULLSHIT 

HE'S DEAD

what in the Wattpad-

I refuse to believe that worked

FAKE

NAWW

Holy shit. That actually worked. Screw chat's negativity, he just stopped a mass genocide. His parents would be so proud. 

Quickly getting over his excitement, the boy strolled up to the unconscious man and hauled him over his shoulders. He gritted his teeth as he dragged the piglin away from the festival. 

"Another day, another slay." 

 _______________

Nobody moved. 

Nobody spoke

Nobody dared to breathe.

Survivors of the festival's 'event' sat huddled under the fallen pieces of concrete.

"Is it over?" Niki softly spoke, being the first to bravely open her eyes. She wished she hadn't. Unwillingly, her eyes scanned the area. Concrete pillars were tipped upside down, and broken chairs littered the ground. Posters and signs were messily torn to shreds and tainted with soot. Abandoned balloons and singed streamers polluted the skies as obnoxiously coloured glitter did the same to the ground. But what made Niki's stomach churn the most was the blood that bathed the scene, that dyed it a deep, red hue. 

Niki felt sick. 

"The hell's that?" fundy questioned, alarmed. Niki craned her neck to see what fundy was pointing at and gasped. "What the-" 

The two watched in shock as Tommy dragged Technoblade away by the foot.

_____________________

"WILBUR!" Tommy shouted, "WHERE ARE YOU?." The blonde could barely see a thing because of the smoke and dust.

"Tommy?! Are you ok? Are you hurt?" Wilbur suddenly emerged out of nowhere.

"I'm good, but Tubbo's not." In the heat of the moment, Tommy didn't think rationally. He shouldn't have ever left Tubbo alone. He felt nauseous thinking about the state he had left the boy in. "You need to find- Actually, never mind, take techno away from here. I'll get Tubbo." 

"Wait, what? Don't you dare-." Wilbur's shouts were disregarded as Tommy dumped the unconscious anarchist into his arms and sprinted away. 

Despite his better judgement, Wilbur held the body close to his chest, reluctantly watching as the boy disappeared from his view. 

He didn't follow the boy. A decision that he would regret for a long time.

__________________

"Tubbo!" The blonde yelled out, trying to locate the other, "Where are you? This isn't funny." He searched through the rubble for what felt like hours. Hands blistered and raw, he continued to lift chunks of debris until his fingernails were caked in blood.

Tired, his mind succumbed to dark thoughts as he slumped against a boulder. The ringing in his ears grew louder as the pressure in his eyes pounded until everything abruptly stopped. He heard someone quietly gasping for air.

He hastily followed the sound until it led him to a massive boulder. Using the last of his strength, he pushed aside, revealing a boy drowning in a bloodied mess.  It was tubbo.

:0

:0

:0

:0

:0

Has anyone watched Chicago med?

Stfu

Somehow the brunette's condition worsened during the time Tommy was away. Seeing Tubbo's body sprawled across the ground, face drenched in blood, caused the bile in Tommy's throat to rise.  It was all his fault.

Ew

Can we leave now? 

Gross

Don't throw up. We will cry

Why does everyone in this world have so much blood?

Chapter Text

Hi guys, I don't really know how to start this. You've probably already heard the news and if you haven't I'm so sorry you're finding out through me and I suggest you watch Techno's latest video to get more context.

My heart goes out to all of Technoblade's family and friends. I can't imagine how much grief they're going through. Please do not spam messages about his passing in other people's chats and discords. I've already seen this happen to Sneeg and others. Please be respectful, they are also grieving.

Technoblade has helped me and so many others in so many ways, especially with mental health. Whenever I felt really awful at night I would often put on a Techno video to make myself feel less alone and I know so many people can relate to that sentiment. I'm so grateful for all the things he has done for us.

If you're able to, check out Techno's farewell merch. https://technoblade.com/
A portion of the profit is going to an organization called curesarcoma.org

Remember to drink some water and eat something.

Goodnight

“I'm pretty sure, I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty sure if you die, the cancer dies at the same time. That's not a loss. That's a draw.” 

Chapter Text

He can't breathe. 

There's so much blood. 

It's everywhere.

It's on the ground.

It's on his shirt.

It's on his hands. 

Oh god, there's blood on his hands.

He doesn't know what to do. 

He cradles his arms around the brunette. Holding back sobs, Tommy presses his hands onto the wound in a desperate attempt to delay the bleeding. The red liquid slowly seeps between the cracks of his fingers.

He saw the way Tubbo's eye's slightly glazed over when they made eye contact. He's never seen Tubbo look... so detached. It was disturbing. It felt like he was staring at a stranger. 

"I-please," Tubbo's voice was barely a whisper, "I can't- I don't wanna- Please- I'm scared." The brunette weakly gripped Tommy's shirt. "I'm so scared."   

"It's going to be ok, It's going to be ok," Tommy repeats the mantra, again and again. But that does nothing to stop his hands from drowning in the red. His attempts of keeping the blood from leaving his friend's body seemed useless. Despite this, Tommy continued to press firmly against the wound until his voice grew horse and the blood began to trickle down his forearm. 

There was no way Tubbo would survive much longer. He was losing too much blood.

Tubbo took one last breath before his grip went limp, the dim light in his eyes flickering out. Tommy didn't breathe either, hands going rigid. He watched with bated breath as the brunette slowly disappeared and slipped away from his grasp.

In a matter of seconds, Tubbo was gone, Leaving Tommy behind in a pool of blood.

_____________

"You said you were going to protect me!" His voice cracked, "You said- you said-"

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry. I tried. I told you not to go. You didn't listen!"

"But why did you- Why didn't you stop Techno?!" 

"I was held back! Wilbur stopped me from pearling down!"

They sat on the bench in silence. 

"I-I watched you die."

"Traumatic," Tubbo mocked, words being followed by another dreaded silence. Both watched as the sun began to set. 

"I'm so sorry." 

...

"It's not your fault."

"But-"

"You've been acting weird lately." Tubbo suddenly interrupted, not bothered enough to look back at the blonde's reaction. "Did something happen?"

Tommy stayed silent, carefully watching his friend's now stoic expression. He had nothing to say to that. He was simply too exhausted to lie to Tubbo anymore.

Without warning, Tubbo stood up, "I'm going to see if Niki's alright," and walked away. Once again, Tommy was left alone. At least his shirt was clean this time.

He watched the teen disappear into the distance as he curled up in a ball on the bench. "I'm such an idiot." He sighed, voice trembling. "Such an idiot."

At least he's self-aware.

_____

It's been a couple of hours since the festival and Wilbur was becoming increasingly anxious. As the seconds passed by, Wilbur could practically hear his heart thumping. Tommy hadn't returned yet.

"Hey Techno," Wilbur lightly slapped his brother's face only to receive no response. "I'm going out to look for Tommy. Don't do anything stupid or I'll replace you with an actual pig." He continued, hoping that the Piglin's subconscious would get the message.

Satisfied, Wilbur left the ravine and walked through the forest aimlessly until he heard a familiar, distant shriek. "No, you don't get it!" Wilbur stopped for a moment before trailing after the voice. "I can't just forcefully shovel someone's blood back into their body!" Wilbur let out a sigh of relief, recognizing the shouting to be Tommy's. 

"Ever heard of infection. Mimimi, Of course, you fucking haven't." Who's he arguing with? "Guys, just shut up and do a flip or something." The brunette expected to hear another voice spewing insults back but strangely, he couldn't hear anyone else. "I can't make him drink it either! What the fuck. No, that's just- that's not how it works."

As the brunette finally got close enough to see the blonde, he noticed something was off. Tommy was alone, no one else was in sight. He was arguing with himself.

Despite the growing pit in his stomach, he decided to ignore his concerns and instead called out to the boy. "Tommy! There you are!" 

The blonde was startled at the sudden disturbance and snapped his head towards Wilbur's direction. "You scared the shit out of me man. Remember to knock next time." 

"Tommy, this is a Forrest. There are no doors here." He shot Tommy a look of disbelief.

"Correction, dumbass, we're on a hill."

"A hill in a forest." 

Tommy shakes his head in false confusion, "This doesn't look like a forest to me." He shrugged, purposefully ignoring the massive tree right beside him.

Wilbur waves his hands around and does a little twirl. "Look around us. Can you count how many Trees there are?" He said in a mocking tone.

"Well, if you wanna get geographical on me bitch, statistically speaking, there are roughly three trillion trees in this world. And if we take into account the forest algorithm, there are around 4.1 billion tree's inhabiting the area. This would be simply incorrect because If we divide three trillion by the global population, that equates to 400 trees per living human. If we were to take that sum and multiply it by the number of people on the smp, that's estimated to be around 6400. That number is a far cry from 4.1 billion. I rest my case."

"You make zero sense. There is no such thing as the 'forest algorithm.'"

"It makes complete sense. You're just a bitch."  

"How does reciting some random tree trivia make sense to you."

"You are a bitch."

Wilbur sighs, "Look, as much as I would love to bicker with you, we need to get back to our base." He nervously glances back towards the ravine. "I left Techno there, alone... and unconscious." 

"You left him alone?!" Tommy gawks as he swings himself off the bench.

"Yeah"

Tommy stumbles toward the brunette and starts shaking his shoulders. "Why did you leave him alone?! He's technically a war criminal now!"

"Oh shit." Wilbur gasped, grabbing the boy's hand and running wildly through the 'forest' towards Pogtopia.

By the time the two reached the entrance to the ravine, they were both out of breath. At least Technoblade wasn't awake yet-

"Hullo. Tommy, we need to talk."

  HE KNOWS

He's on to us

DON'T BE SUSPICIOUS

act inconspicuous

HOW WOULD HE KNOW?

DO WE STILL HAVE THE CRUCIFIX??

Chapter Text

Techno led Tommy into a separate room, dismissing Wilbur's questioning glance. The only thing on his mind was Tommy.

"Sooo, How- How are you?" Tommy nervously picked at his fingernails, attempting to remain oblivious to the rising tension.

"How did you do that?" 

...

"How are you?" Tommy stubbornly insisted. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could get Techno to drop the subject. It was too early in the morning to have this kind of conversation. 

What are you talking about?

It's literally 9 pm 

It's midnight where I'm from 

7:00

8:00

11:00

Chat, don't spam your time zones

Stop spamming 

14:00

2:00

"I know for a fact you have positively zero way of knowing how to deal with situations like... that one. How did you do it?"

"How are you?" The blonde demanded loudly, ignoring the way the pinkette's eyebrows twitched.

"Stop evading my questions, Tommy. You-"

"YOU ARE A BITCH." The blonde suddenly interrupted. 

"Wha- Huh?"

"We don't talk to bitches." Tommy crossed his arms and looked away, flicking his hair to the side. "Fuck you."

"You're actually- You sound so suspicious. What did you do? who's we?" Techno looked concerned, mild panic rushed through his veins. "Did you kill someone? Sacrifice a child? Offer an organ? Do you need help hiding the body? What did you do?!"

"Excuse me, what?" 

"What did you do?" Techno gripped Tommy's shoulders tightly, forcing the boy to meet his gaze. Startled, the boy tried to wiggle himself out of his friend's tightening hold.

"You're acting weird, king. All we- I did was throw stuff at you."

"You're lying to me. What are you hiding?"

NAWWW

Can we leave?

It's passed my bedtime

10 bucks we get stabbed

I'm not enjoying this

THAT'S OUR CUE TO LEAVE

MAKE AN EXCUSE

"We never lie. Being truthful is one of our key personality traits. Frankly, We are quite shocked that you would so much as even hint to the notion that we would have the capability or even the capacity of considering to do such a deceitful thing."

The Piglin only reciprocated his statement with a blank stare that could pierce through the eyes of many. 

You're so dumb

We're screwed

Techno released the boy from his grip and slowly pulled out a corkboard from his inventory.

"What are you doing?"

The Piglin ignores the blonde's question in favour of pinning and unpinning random notes to the board. After a while of dead silence, Tommy awkwardly took that as his cue to leave.

"I'm- I'm just gonna go."

 ______

"It's all coming together." Techno fiddled with the red thread strung around the pins. "I'm finally starting to see the bigger picture." 

Technoblade was so close to figuring out Tommy's secret that he could almost taste it. He still had a long way to go, but at least things were starting to look somewhat connected.

"What bigger picture? What are you scheming?" A voice called from the doorway. 

"Ah, Wilbur. That was convenient timing." The Pigling slowly looked up from his work and beckoned the brunette to come closer.

"Convenient timing?" Wilbur urged as he made his way towards the man.

"Follow me," Techno said ominously, walking down the hallway towards the door of another room. He paused, for a moment, allowing his hand to rest on the Doorknob. Anticipation crept through Wilbur's nerves. 

"What's the hold-up?" Wilbur questioned, his voice echoing his restlessness.

"Now, Wilbur," Techno's monotone voice droned, "I don't want to alarm you but have you ever heard of extraterrestrials?"  

He turned the doorknob, slowly creaking the door open. 

"What the fuck is this?"

______________

Wilbur silently trailed around the room, taking in every detail. The dim flicker of the two twin lanterns cast a shadow above both men. The walls were lined with parchment paper drowning in feverish writing. Strings of all colours were draped across the walls, twisting and turning to connect the miscellaneous sheets of parchment. Forgotten scraps of notebook pages and snapped pens were brushed aside to the darkest corner in a frantic attempt to keep the space somewhat neat.

Whatever the information on the walls contained, it only took Wilbur a few glances to recognise the signs of a lunatic-induced obsession. 

"Techno, what is this?" Wilbur was at a loss for words as he traced his fingers along the indents of Tommy's name that appeared across one of the many notes.

"This is the fruits of my labour."

"You call stalking our younger brother 'The fruits of your labour'?"

Techno put his hands up defensively, "No need to get snappy. You and I both know something up with him."

"So that's how you justify this?" Wilbur waved his hand across the room, exaggeratedly. "I know that he's hiding something but that doesn't make it right to stalk him."

"I never... technically said I was justifying my behaviour. I'm doing all of this out of concern."

"Concern my ass. Can't you see that whatever energy you're wasting on this stupid pet project is better spent doing something productive?" Wilbur venomously spits out.

"Wil, this is productive. I'm gathering data." The piglin rolled his eyes,

uncaring of his brother's opinion.

"On a teenager." The brunettes eye's narrowed.

"Yes, on a teenager."

"Do you not realise how insane you're acting? Why can't you be normal for like 10 seconds?"

"try acting normal after watching the kid fling himself off a cliff, willingly."

Wilbur flinched.

"What?" He speaks, low and hesitant.

"You heard me." 

"Why didn't you mention this before?"

"It..." The Piglin glances to the side nervously, "Wasn't particularly relevant at the time?"

"Are you kidding me?" Wilbur shoved his face into his palm, sighing deeply. 

"Look, I didn't tell you because I knew you would make it worse."

"How? By stalking him?" Wilbur mocked, turning back towards the strung-up paper. "You know what? Whatever, I'm done arguing with you. What do you even have written on these?" The older twin took a closer look at what the notes contained. His eye's Widened in realisation, mouth agape. "You think Tommy is possessed by multiple angry, ancient spirits who are hell-bent on 'purifying' this 'unclean' world? And that, they are in league with the spiders to achieve absolute, archaic peace?" 

"This is a very logical and calculated-"

"Please stop talking."

_______

Chapter Text

"Techno, remind me why we're in a bush again?" Wilbur asked, plucking a thorn from his arm.

"Stealth purposes." The piglin replied blankly, barely acknowledging his brother's existence.

"I still don't see the point. I'm suffering." The recovering theatre kid swayed from side to side, dramatically bumping shoulders with the other.

"Shh, look Theseus is doing something." Techno quickly smacked Wilbur's face away, hoping that would shut him up. 

The brunette rubbed his face in agony, "You've been saying that for the past 5 fucking hours." The older twin was contemplating why he was even there in the first place. He should've fought harder when Techno dragged him here. Wilbur groaned, "All he's doing is breathing."

"But at what decibel?" The pinkette inquired, studying the boy carefully. 

"What do you even mean? How do we even measure that?" The brunette rolled his eyes, his patience growing thinner. He rubs his face harder, trying to chase off the incoming headache.

"Well," Techno drones, "We can't measure that for humans but you know who can be measured?" He poked his twin's shoulder, staring at him expectantly.  "felonious demons." 

"We still wouldn't be able- Nevermind." All Wilbur could do was sigh at his twins' antics. The brunette had long since resigned himself to whatever odd things his brother would say.

Suddenly Techno's posture stiffened, "HE'S DOING SOMETHING, HE'S DOING SOMETHING," Technoblade whisper-shouted, excitedly shaking the leaves of the bush with his hands.

"What? Is he breathing at a higher decibel now?" Wilbur mocked, waving his hands in feigned excitement. The Piglin glared at him, not amused in the slightest.

"FUCK." The two's heads shot in the direction of the shriek. "Why the fuck is it spreading so quickly?!" The two watched as Tommy kicked an oddly coloured vine away from himself. "This literally sucks ass."

"What's spreading?" Wilbur whispered to the pinkette, who shrugged in response, unsure of what was happening.

"This is so fucked. Since when could it regenerate?" The two brothers looked at each other with only one thing on their minds.

What was regenerating?

____________

"Fuck my life."

Tommy was two seconds away from having his third panic attack of the day. He couldn't believe what was happening. How could they let things get this out of hand? At this point, he would rather leave this mortal plain than deal with whatever was to come.

The egg was growing. It was gaining power far quicker than they had expected. Tommy couldn't believe they missed the grotesque rise in the vine's destructive power. It seemed as though every inch of the forest was now slowly being suffocated by the vines.

"This isn't- This isn't meant to happen." Tommy continued his rambling, "It's way too early." He couldn't help but wonder if his arrival had something to do with it.

We're so dead

bye

Ruining the vibes

Can we just ask them to stop?

Stop it I don't like it

Stfu

OI

Tommy hesitantly poked one of the vines with a stick, causing it to flop around and hiss. "It's like a worm." He giggled, "Lil' wiggly boy. Look at him go." This was prime pet material.

STEP AWAY

NOOOOO

AWW

LEAVE

Pet it

New friend?

Absolutely not

KILL IT

"What do you mean to kill it?!" Tommy shouted, absolutely appalled at chat's behaviour, "They're so adorable. Look at 'em zoom."

NAW

KILL IT

PLEASE

BLOOD

Tommy sighed, a look of regret and apprehension flashing past his face, "Fine, we're sorry little guy." Without wasting another second, the boy violently stabbed the vine with his stick, watching the red splatter across the grass. With the stick, he smeared the red further into the dirt and grass. "Would this be vegan?"

Tommy continued to mindlessly poke at the seemingly dead vine until it suddenly reconstructed, startling him. They forgot it could do that.

___________________

"Where did he get that from?" Wilbur gasped, rubbing his eyes in disbelief. The two watched as Tommy pulled out a very, familiar block from his inventory. Somehow, along the line, the child managed to get his grubby hands on highly explosive... explosives.

"How am I supposed to know?" Techno questioned, just as equally shocked.

"You literally stalk him as a hobby." The piglin shot his brother the most pained look he could muster. Before he could make a snarky remark, a loud explosion erupted from the ground. 

Smoke burst through their eyes, limiting their vision to a violent cloud of dust. The two struggled at the pushback the explosion created as debris pelted their faces. 

"What the-" Wilbur huffed, attempting to regain his footing, "What was that?"

"Tommy... I think Tommy was in the centre of that." Techno shakily stated, "You don't think..." 

Wilbur could feel his anxiety heighten at the thought of his brother being harmed. His mind briefly wandered back to the festival. He would protect Tommy this time. "Screw stealth. I'm checking on him."

Wilbur emerged from the beaten-down bush, "TO-" he suddenly jolted back in shock, completely baffled by the sight he witnessed. 

He saw Eret. 

He saw red. 

That traitorous bastard blew Tommy up. 

Before Wilbur could act upon his rage, he was yanked back down by Techno. "What are you-"

"Wilbur, calm down," The piglin interrupted, "Tommy's fine. Look over there. He's in that hole." He gestured towards a deep ditch.

"That still doesn't change the fact that he almost died." The brunette huffed, dusting the dirt from his cheeks. "And Erets there as well."

Technoblade only hummed in response, too invested in the conversation between Eret and Tommy to give his brother any attention. Soon enough, Wilbur seemed to realise that as well and glared at the Piglin.

 "Tommy?" Eret's voice called out, causing Wilbur to grit his teeth, "You're not hurt, are you?" Her voice was elegant and laced with concern. Concern that Wilbur knew to be false.

Wilbur knew that the filthy traitor could never be trusted again. He knew better than to fall for their deception a second time. That's why he knew that Tommy would do the same. The boy would surely understand that the monarch was only trying to manipulate him. Wilbur bets that he wouldn't even respond to the traitorous bastard.

"Hey, king!" Wilbur's jaw went slack, "Lovely weather, isn't it?" 

Even Eret looked mildly surprised. No one was expecting Tommy to respond so... calmly.

"It is." She paused for a moment, "Are you alright?" 

"Never been better." With a bit of struggle, the blonde hauled himself out of the ditch, revealing his tattered shirt and muddy hands. "Did you know that mud has a lot of medicinal and beneficial properties?" He asked, smudging the mud onto his pants.

"Oh... That's interesting. What sort of properties?" She offered him a handkerchief. Much to Wilbur's dismay, the blonde gratefully accepted it.

Although on the surface it may seem like a kind gesture exchanged between the two, an ulterior meaning laid thick in the ex-president's mind.  A sign of reconciliation.

It made his blood boil.

"Can't remember. All I know is that it's good." Tommy explained, using the cloth to wipe away the remaining mud from his fingertips, "Maybe it's good with digestion... Are you feeling peckish?"

"Hmm, sorry Tommy, I'll have to pass on that one." Eret softly chuckled, fondness dripping from his lips. "Anyways... Why was there an explosion here? A Creeper?"

Wilbur wanted to tear her to shreds.

"Nahh... Y'know me... just messing around with some deadly explosions." The blonde quickly backtracked, "I didn't mean for the explosions to actually explode, though."

"...Sure." The monarch replied, sounding unconvinced.

Tommy and Eret continued their idle chat, oblivious to the eyes that watched them. As time flew by, it quickly became dark.

"It was nice catching up with you, but I must return now. I wish you luck with your rebellion."

"It's been fun! Drop by whenever you get bored of the monarchy." Eret waved his hand in return and started his trek back to the Essempi. Before he could get too far, he was stopped by Tommy's shouting. "Wait! I forgot to give you this." 

The blonde ran up to Eret and slid him a slip of paper. Wilbur craned his neck to get a better view. "Wha-" 

"You'll thank me later," Tommy said with a wink and skipped away, leaving the monarch alone and confused.

Once the boy was out of view, she stared at the brochure she was handed.

'THERAPY WITH A LEGAL THERAPIST BOOK NOW.'

"..." Eret looked down, contemplatively, "Tempting."

____________

Chapter Text

"Tommys in cahoots with the enemy." The frantic pacing of Wilbur's strides burnt holes into the grass, "Tommy is in cahoots with the enemy." He breathlessly repeated once more. "Tommy is in-"

"Alright, that's enough, Wilbur." Techno cut into the brunette's rant, gently placing his hand on the other's shoulder.

"Enough!? Is that all you have to say, Blade?" The brunette snarled, shaking off the pinkette's hand.

Techno tensed, "You know not to call me by that name, Wilbur." he narrowed his eyes, "That was incredibly rude and unprofessional of you."

Wilbur scoffed and turned away from him, "Why is everything a joke to you? This is serious." Out of pure frustration, the ex-president angrily punched a tree, barely making a dent. Techno held in a laugh.

"C'mon, he's just making friends." Techno walked up to Wilbur, gently brushing the splinters away from the brunette's knuckles. "He needs to work on his social skills somehow."

"He's making friends with a threat, a traitor." The brunette pushed Techno backwards with a dangerous gleam in his eyes. 

"Oh no, what is he gonna do? Stab him in the chest?"

"I wouldn't put it past her to do it again."

"Again?" The joking tilt in the piglin's voice vanished.

"They killed him in the final control room a couple of months ago." The older twin sighed, the eye's glossing over at the memory. No matter how many times Wilbur tried, he could never forget that day. The guilt was all too much.

"What?" Techno stood back in shock, "Tommy's lost a life?" He couldn't believe it. The air in the forest turned stale, the wind becoming all too silent.

"Techno, He's lost two." 

Techno held his breath, pupils dilating.

Tommy's on his last life.

___________________

SOMEONE STOP THIS CHILD

PLEASE STOP

I'M DYING

WHYYYYY

ABSOLUTELY ZERO TASTE

FUCK YOU

Tommy didn't understand what all of them were complaining about. He had perfect taste. They just didn't appreciate true architecture. 

Tommy rolled his eyes and slowly stood up. He carelessly discarded his shovel, allowing the metal to clang against the rocky floor. Taking a step back, he spared a few moments to silently, marvel at his craftsmanship.

After his talk with Eret, he seemed to suddenly have a spark of creative inspiration, a light bulb moment. The blonde had come to the daunting realization that he couldn't have a therapy clinic without a clinic. 

So he dug a hole into a wall.  It was flawless.

This looks like a hostile work environment

This is shit

You're going to get no customers

Hello?? You're not even licenced???

Someone report this child

"Oi, remember what I said about negativity?" Tommy rolled his eyes whilst he struggled to hang a sign on the top of the entrance. "We don't need none of that in the Tommyinnit headspace." The blonde quickly gave up on hanging the sign and placed it beside the makeshift doorway instead. "Close enough," he mumbled.

It's not negativity

It's constructive criticism

We're just being honest

Someone's gonna steal that sign

It's not stealing. It's free

It's free real estate

Suddenly, his comm buzzed. He quickly opened his device to find a message from Eret, his esteemed first customer. Briefly, he wondered how susceptible the man would be to medical scams.

Eret: Hey Tommy, is the therapy still available? And who's the legal therapist?

Tommy wasted no time replying and hastily typed out his response. 

Tommy: It's still available :D

Tommy: dw about the legal therapist. They're significantly legal

Tommy: What time would you like to come by?

Eret: ...

Eret: Is tomorrow morning good?

Tommy: Yup, I'll send the coords

Powering off his communicator, the blonde skipped back to Pogtopia with a wild grin painting his face. Tomorrow was going to be a good day. 

____________

"Tommy," Wilbur rushed up to the boy, "Why did you come back so late?" The brunette demanded, softly grabbing Tommy's face to check if he had any injuries. Thankfully, Tommy was injury-free. The only concerning thing about the boy was that he was covered from head to toe in dirt. 

"Wil, get off me or I'll bite your fingers off." Tommy pulled away from the brunette, repulsed by his sappy behaviour. Tommyinnit, vlogger extraordinaire, was never sappy. It goes against his morals. "Stop mother-henning me, prick."

"Well, forgive me for being concerned." he rolled his eyes, "Where were you?" Wilbur asked as if he didn't already know. 

"I was busy promoting my small business." The teen replied slowly, "Don't you dare even think about getting into  my  industry. I'm monopolizing the market." He playfully jabbed a finger into Wilbur's side, gaining a wince from the other.

"You're what?" Techno's voice called out from the shadows. Why does he always feel the need to sneak up on people?

"My business." The three stood in silence. The twins flashed awkward glances at each other. "I'm like a corporation."

"What's a corporation?" 

The blonde cleared his throat, "Well, it all started in 1602 Europe when supposedly the first modern-day corporation was formed. They were a 'non-profit' corporation that built institutions for the public. After the American revolutio-"

"I didn't ask for a history lesson. Stop making up fake places to fit your fictional narrative." Wilbur rolled his eyes in frustration. Tommy relished in his reaction.

"What's a Europe?" Techno mumbled to himself.

"How were we supposed to know you didn't want the history? You expect too much of us, king." Tommy couldn't believe the sheer audacity of the man. 

"I- just give me the definition." The brunette sighed, pretending he didn't hear his brother refer to himself as more than one person again. 

"I dunno, man, it's just a big group of companies that act as a single entity. Kinda like a cult."

"Wha- a cult?! Tommy, you are not permitted to even think of starting one."

"calm yourself, king, it was just an ana-lo-gy." He shrugged. "Anyways, it's been great, but it's like 5 hours past my bedtime. I need my beauty sleep."

"Hold on, you can't just-" Tommy left the room without a second glance. "Leave..."

_________________

WAKE UP

WAKE UP

YOU'RE GONNA MISS IT

MOVE

"What," Tommy pressed his face into the pillow, trying to ignore the voices. Sadly, they took his actions as an opportunity to be even louder.

WAKE UP

SO RUDE

YOU'RE FALLING OFF

THERAPY TODAY

YOU'RE GONNA MISS A CUSTOMER

The blonde fell out of his makeshift bed, making a loud thump. "Fuck. I have to meet up with Eret." He scrambled to get ready and barreled out the barely functioning door. 

"What's the rush?" The voice startled Tommy as he ran through the hallway. 

"No time, pinky. I've got business to do." He shouted whilst barrelling out the door, not bothering to glance at Techno.

Techno tiredly looked at his book before closing it, "WILBUR! We've got a child on the loose." 

Not even seconds later, Wilbur emerged from his room looking frazzled. Techno snorted at the state the man's hair was in. "This is why I suggested a leash."

________

Tommy ran to his 'homely' clinic at record speeds thanks to Chat's cheering. He made it there just in time to see Eret emerge from the treeline, draped in her kingly outfit.

"Eret, My favourite customer!" He chirped, "how are you on this fine morning?" Tommy waved, beaming at the brunette.

"I'm going quite well, Tommy. Thank you for asking." He returned the wave, a small smile tugging across their lips.

"Right this way, right this way." Tommy motioned her over to the structure, leading them toward the doorway that was missing a door.

Eret pushed down any negative thoughts about the structure's... humble design. After all, they didn't want to appear rude. He knew that resources were probably scarce due to the boy's exile. So, she pretended to be blinder than they already were and brushed off the specks of dirt that landed on her shoulder as she entered. 

Nothing in the world could have prepared Eret for the sight she witnessed while entering. The interior of the clinic, to say the least, was definitely decorated. The walls were lined with thick clumps of mud that somehow were also used to mould a mock version of chairs and tables. 

But what really shocked the king was the random diamond blocks were half hazards scattered across the floor, jutting out at uncomfortable angles.

Eret was starting to reconsider their thoughts on Tommy's current resource situation.

Overall, the 'clinics' design was certainly... a choice, a choice that was almost too on-brand for the boy. The monarch could barely mask a soft chuckle with a cough.

"A Lovely place you have here," Eret began, lying through his teeth, "If I may ask, where is the therapist? Are they running late?" The woman tilted their head to the side, patiently waiting for the blonde's response.

"What are you talking about?" Tommy furrowed his brows in confusion, "I am the therapist."

"..." Eret stared at the child in front of him with a hint of amusement, "Oh?" He prompted, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, it's me! Biggest therapist to grace the planet, taking the modern world by storm." 

The monarch couldn't control the small amount of disappointment he felt at the sudden turn of events. They could already sense the chaos that was about to take place. But Eret couldn't find herself being mad about it. 

After all, this was her second chance. 

______________

"Eret, after hearing you speak, I have come to an official conclusion," Tommy said with the utmost solemnity. Eret could feel the dread pool into their stomach, "You need therapy."  

She slowly blinked at the boy, at a loss for words. "Haven't we been doing that for the past thirty minutes?"

"Ah." Now it was Tommy's turn to lose his words, "...I was- I was just testing you." 

The monarch paused, for a moment, examining how the boy's chest puffed out in indignation. "Sure." They drawled out, "What's my actual diagnosis then?"

"Well," The blonde took a deep breath, preparing himself to pronounce some big words. "I noticed you show symptoms of facial dysmorphia, body dysmorphia, a hint of imposter syndrome, PTSD and possibly claustrophobia, but I'm not so sure about the last one." 

Eret remained silent, taking in the information bomb Tommy had dropped on him. The blonde took her silence as a sign to keep talking. "If I were you, I would take everything I said with a grain of salt. Thirty minutes isn't nearly enough time to properly identify anything."

"I-" The monarch started before stopping themself, "I'm sorry, but I don't understand half the things you just mentioned."

"That's completely ok. This is what therapists are for," Tommy replied, soothing her nerves, "What would you like to know?"

"uh, I guess I'm mainly unsure of what imposter syndrome and PTSD is. Is it an acronym for something?" The monarch picked anxiously at their nails.

"Yeah, PTSD is short for post-traumatic stress disorder. It usually occurs with people who have seen or experienced something traumatic. As for imposter syndrome, basically, it's when you think you a fraud or a fake. Keep in mind those definitions were incredibly oversimplified." 

"Oh." Words felt dry to her tongue, "Is it curable?"

"Not exactly," The monarch made a worried expression at the boy's answer, "But it's manageable. If you want I could help you through the healing process, give you some handy strategies."

"That sounds-" 

Unexpectedly, something shot through a wall, interrupting Eret's response.

"What the fuck?" shrieked Eret as a red vine began to snake its way across the mud wall. "What is that?"

Much to the monarch's horror, the vines only seemed to multiply as more shot through the cracks of the room. 

"Shit." Tommy quietly swore, "Why do I keep forgetting about those pricks." The blonde picked up a stray stick and stabbed it directly into the middle of one of the vines. In response, the plant erupted in shrieks and hisses, flailing uncontrollably before going limp. 

"Look, Eret, you need to get out of here." The blonde eyed the remaining vines that seemed to only be slithering closer.

"What? No, I'm not leaving y-" 

"Oh, shut up." Tommy changed his mind, grabbed her hand and ran out of the clinic, narrowly escaping the vines.

Eret stared at the teen dumbly, "What was that?" He asked shakily. The blonde didn't respond, too caught up in his own thoughts. "Tommy?" She gently shook the boy's shoulder.

"Shit." Tommy quietly breathed, "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." Tommy's foot loudly thumped against the grass in an effort to dispel his nerves.

"Tommy, what's going on?" Eret asked softly, taking off their glasses. The panic displayed on the boy's face felt foreign to Eret. They've never seen Tommy act in such a way.

Abruptly, Tommy jolted into awareness and stared directly into Eret's ghostly white eyes. "You shouldn't be here. You need to leave now." The blonde blankly spoke, panic replaced with an artificial calm.

Glancing at his stone-cold expression sent shivers down her spine. 

"Just go." Tommy switched his focus onto the destruction his build had sustained. "And a word of advice, don't go back to the forest for a while."

Words refused to process on the monarch's tongue as she walked away from the scene. Everything in the forest seemed to be impossibly quiet, impossibly still. 

Eret felt that their second chance would be put on hold for now.

_____________

Tommy sighed, glaring at the destruction the egg had caused. To say that he was devastated would be an understatement. The teen tapped his foot restlessly. He needed to stop distracting himself from destroying the egg. The problem was that he had little to no motivation to do so.

Upon closer examination of the damage, Tommy noticed that the vines nabbed his therapy sign. That was the final straw.

In favour of having more time to plan his future moves, Tommy walked away from the scene, uncaring of the mess he was leaving behind. All he could afford to care about was focusing on the task.

He hoped he didn't scare Eret away. 

___________

Techno and Wilbur wandered aimlessly through the forest, unable to find the teen. 

___________

Chapter Text

After his disastrous meeting with Eret, Tommy made it back to Pogtopia relatively quickly. Strangely enough, neither Wilbur nor Techno were present when he got back. Although slightly worried, the blonde decided not to stress over it. After all, they'll come back eventually. It's not like those two are lost.

Tommy lit a small torch, watching how the light bounced off the rocks as he entered his room. Warmth flooded his face as the light painted his surroundings an orange hue.

He sat on the floor and did what he did on the first day he got here. He summoned the book and quill and began to plan.

"the 16th" The blonde paused, twirling a quill in his ink-stained hand, "That's when we'll strike." The boy's breath hitched as the candle snuffed out. 

Tossing the book and quill aside, he slumped to the floor, uncaring of the cold that nipped at his bones. "Everything will be ok." He whispered the familiar mantra to himself and closed his eyes.

______________________

"I know where we're going." The pinkette confidently claimed, pushing away the stray twigs that threatened to graze his skin.

"Bullshit." Wilbur roughly rubbed his temple with his palm, "It's two in the morning. There's still no sight of Tommy." The brunette groaned, trailing after his brother at a much slower, reluctant pace.

Techno rolled his eyes at the other's complaints, "It just means we're getting closer." The piglin pushed another branch to the side, allowing it the rebound and hit his brother. "Hurry up, or I'll leave you behind."

The brunette shrieked at the stick slamming into his face, "You did that on purpose, you prick!" He broke the branch of the tree and hurled it towards the smug man.

"I will not confirm or deny such claims," Techno replied, easily dodging the flying object. "Was that really necessary, Wilbur?"

Wilbur angrily grumbled, "Prime, you're such a prick. I liked you better when you left us to kill a bunch of tyrants. At least, then I wouldn't have to stare at your ugly face."

"C'mon, Wilbur, I've put that era behind me. I'm a retired man." 

The brunette rolled his eyes at his statement, muttering, "Not for long." 

The pinkette's eyes narrowed in response. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why are you acting so confused? I literally told you this like an hour ago." The brunette mirrored Techno's irritated facial expression.

"Jog my memory."

Wilbur sighed, too tired to glare at the hybrid. "The 16th... we're assassinating Schlatt."

"Wait, tomorrow? Have you told Tommy?"

"I plan to... eventually."

Techno shakily took a breath, "You better tell him today. The last thing we need is an angry child throwing rocks at our knees."

"That's if we can find him."

__________________

"Are you kidding me?!"

"When did you get back?"

The twin's voices overlapped, mirroring each other's exasperated expressions.

"Wha?" Tommy blearily blinked as he sat up from the ground, bones cracking uncomfortably at the sudden movement. "What do you guys want? You're screwing up my sleep schedule."

"What do we want?!" Wilbur interjected angrily, "We've been looking everywhere for you. Where were you?!"

The boy glanced at the two men, weighing out his options. There was absolutely no way he was telling Wilbur the truth.

Telling the truth would mean risking the 'egg situation' becoming public knowledge. As much as Tommy loved the idea of inciting mass hysteria, today was not the day for that. Today was his rest day. He wanted to save up as much energy as he could before fighting a stupid demon egg.

They're gonna get so suspicious

Lying is morally wrong

It's not lying, it's girl bossing

slaying the day away

He took a deep breath, preparing for the biggest girl-boss moment of his life. He was going to gaslight the shit out of Techno.

"What are you talking about, king?" He questioned innocently, tilting his head to the side, "You could've just knocked on the door." 

"Bruh." Techno's breath drawled out, "You weren't in your room since this morning."

"Yes, I was." Tommy rebutted, keeping his tone neutral and unsuspecting, "I haven't left since the last time I talked with you." 

"Techno?" Wilbur said and turned his head to face the hybrid, confusion etched onto his face. At least that one was buying it.

"You're lying to us. I saw you leave through that exit with my own two eyes." The piglin pointed to the exit, voice raising to display his growing frustration. 

"I- I don't know what to tell you, man. I've been here the whole time." The blonde raised his hands placidly. "Have... Have you been under the influence of any drugs or hallucinogenics recently?"

"Wha- no! Why would you even think of that?"

"Techno... Maybe you should lie down for a moment." The brunette chimed in, a response full of pity. All Tommy could do was thank Wilbur for being gullible.

"Wait. Wilbur, are you actually believing the stuff he's saying?"

Wilbur gave Techno the most sombre look the blonde had ever seen. He quickly matched the brunette's expression, wishing he had a camera to commemorate this moment.

"You're being scammed, Wilbur." Without another word, the piglin stormed out of the room, desperate to get away from his 'two' idiot brothers. 

"Sooo..." 

"..."

After a long pause, Wilbur cleared his throat, "We're removing Schlatt tomorrow."

Tommy choked on thin air, "Excuse me?!"

"Look, Tommy-"

"You- That's not how you start a sentence, king." The blonde wheezed out, trying to maintain his composure.

"Instead of antagonizing me, could you actually listen?!" 

"No, I'm busy. Pick another day." He deadpanned.

Wilbur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Are you or are you not against killing Schlatt?"

"KILLING?!"

The ex-president covered his ears in an attempt to protect his hearing. "Why are you acting so surprised? What did you think I meant by removing him?"

"I don't know. I thought you meant dethroning or something."

"...So you are opposed to killing him?"

"Of course I fucking am."

"Toms, I know you're not the sharpest when it comes to politics-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Wilbur." Tommy complained, "Just kick him out or something."

"You don't understand. Schlatt deserves death. That man took everything away from me. He took away my nation. He took away my friends. My home is gone."

Tommy painfully sighed, "We've been through this, dickhead. Nothing has been taken away. Your home is still there."

"You can't talk me down from this. In the grand scheme of things, you are just a child. You have no rights" A spark of rage lit up the blonde's eyes. How dare he call him a child.

"The way you keep trying to win arguments and losing speaks volumes about your personality." Tommy coldly shoved him out of his room, causing the man to tumble backwards.

"You-"

"If you want him to die that badly, just wait for the cardiac arrest to do its job." He slammed the door shut, immediately regretting how aggressive that action came off as. This whole interaction was probably going to set back his progress with Wilbur by a mile.

On the other side of the door, Wilbur sat in shock, unable to process what had happened. "Cardiac arrest?" He snorted in disbelief.

Chapter Text

The next day arrived far too quickly for Wilbur's liking. For some strange reason, he was already dreading the day. It was all Tommy's fault.

Wilbur knew he shouldn't be feeling so upset. After all, today was sure to become a momentous occasion. A holiday celebrated for decades to come. A historical moment, a pivotal point in L'manberg's history books. 

Today was the day he'll take it all back. 

And yet, he couldn't help but feel sick. Almost as if his subconscious was trying to warn him of something. A deterrent for a tragic, unforeseeable event. 

And it was all Tommy's fault.

Wilbur thinks he blames everything that has happened on Tommy. It's an ugly thought, but he can't stop it. The boy had done nothing but slow him down. He was a roadblock, a traitor, a distraction. But despite everything, he was his brother.

Tommy doesn't know anything. He couldn't. He's just a child. A child that needed guidance. And Wilbur was more than happy to be the guide. Schlatt's death will be the first of many lessons the brunette will teach.

With a chipper voice, Wilbur called out for Techno. They have a ram to hunt.

__________________

The infiltration went off without a hitch. 

Wilbur's only complaint would be the thick smell of alcohol that plagued every crevis of the white house. It turned the air vile and suffocating. He could tell Techno wasn't a big fan of it, either.

As much as he'd love to bitch about the man's drinking habits, he had a mission to complete. Victory never felt closer. 

The two brothers snuck down the abandoned halls, careful not to stumble on the broken glass. They listened closely for any faint noise that would expose Schlatt's whereabouts. 

A quiet murmur from the last room down the corridor broke the suspense. The two silently looked at each other. Wilbur held his breath as Techno slowly turned the doorknob, watching as the door creaked open to reveal the man of the hour.

This was the moment. This was  his  moment.

"Schlatt," Wilbur smirked as the ram's head snapped towards his voice, "I think you and I both know what's about to happen." The brunette watched the horror dawn upon the man's face. It made him feel exhilarated. For the first time in a while, he was in control.

"Wilbur." the president slurred, absolutely trashed, "I wasn't expecting you." 

"Hmmm, really? I couldn't tell." Wilbur dramatically swayed from side to side, taking in the wreckage of a room they'd stepped in. "Nice place you have here."

"I'm not in the mood for games, Soot."

Wilbur chuckled, glints of amusement that made Schlatt's spine shiver. "Alright then, let's cut to the chase." He stopped swaying, cheery bravado gone, "Schlatt, you have been a thorn in my side ever since you came to this prime-forsaken server." The brunette summoned a crossbow from his inventory, "Your reign of tyranny ends here."

Wilbur lifted the crossbow and levelled it to the ram's forehead. He could feel it. The adrenaline, the triumph, the power, he could feel it all. The dread that sat like a brick in his stomach was long gone.

This was his moment.

"You know Wilbur, if I go down then, this whole country-" Schlatt was interrupted by a coughing fit, his spit splattering across the tiles. The president's expression morphed into confusion as he experimentally sniffed the air, "Does anyone smell burnt toast?"

Not a moment later, Schlatt fell. He gripped his chest tightly as air escaped and refused to go back into his body.

The twins remained silent as the man went limp. The brunette slowly lowered the weapon, expression eerily blank.

"I think he's dead," Techno loudly whispered, slightly leaning towards the brunette. Wilbur's eyes only widened in shock. 

"Wilbur?" He remained unresponsive, "Please tell me you're not having a heart attack too." 

Shakily, the ex-president shallowly breathed out, "He was right."

"Heh?"

"Tommy. He- he predicted this." Wilbur frantically ran his hands through his hair, "He was- He knew. He fucking knew. How did he know?" 

"He knew? What do you mean?" The pinkette calmly placed his hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know!" The brunette defeatedly waved his hand in the air, "Yesterday, Tommy yelled at me to, 'Wait for the cardiac arrest to do its job, and pushed me out of his room." 

The pinkette stood for a moment, processing the information. He slowly opened his inventory and gingerly handed a corkboard to the brunette.

"I fucking hate you."

_____________________

The two returned to the ravine shortly after, with Wilbur moping the whole way back.

"That was the most lacklustre experience of my life." He shouts scaring the nearby birds, "How dare he have a heart attack. He stole my moment! My thunder!"

"Mmm yeah, I agree with you," Techno replied automatically already hearing the phrase thousands of times before.

"It was my moment." Wilbur kicked at the tall blades of grass, "My fucking moment."

"Yup."

"But no, he has to go, have a heart attack and ruin it!" The brunette let out an inhumane shriek as Techno tried to cover his ears.

"uh-huh"

"That selfish bastard! I hope he gets fucked over in the afterlife." His shrieks and angry shouts only got louder.

Techno took a few steps back from Wilbur, contemplating if he should leave. "Yeah, I'm with you, man." 

"He's ruined my day, my year, my legacy." 

"Yeah, I agree with- Hey, what's the child doing over there?" Techno's plan for escaping was halted by the appearance of a familiar blonde.

"Tommy?" The boy flinched at the sudden use of his name and turned around to see who it was.

"Tommy, where are you going?"