Archive of Our Own ^beta

Coley

Sonya’s hand was gentle and steady as she put on my lip gloss, like she’d done it a thousand times.  Well, by now she probably had done it a thousand times. I’ve always liked it, even if it wasn’t until last year that I figured out why I liked it so much. But even when we were middle schoolers first experimenting with makeup, I liked it. How her attention would focus singularly on me, and she’d look at me like she was creating a work of art.

This time felt a little different, though.  I couldn’t pin down why. We were on her bed, same as always, but something in her eyes looked—hurt? Resigned? I couldn’t figure out what it was. But there was no time to ask in that moment.

We could hear the party downstairs beginning its rumblings, Trenton loudly welcoming the first guests. It was really going to be more of a kickback than a party, but I was glad for it and annoyed all at once. On the one hand, there were people to distract Trenton. But on the other hand, I always had to be extra careful around other girls. I was never sure, but I swore sometimes people could see how I looked at Sonya.  I didn’t want them to know. Hell, I didn’t want to look at her like I did. I just couldn’t stop myself.

She smiled at me a little thinly, the whatever-it-was still behind her eyes, as she put away the lip gloss.

“Let’s see who’s here?” she said, aiming for her usual levity and missing just slightly.

“Yeah. I wonder if Cassie and Jake will show up together—they’ve only been flirting like, all summer,” I said, hoping gossip would ease whatever was going on. It seemed to work.

“Ha, yeah, I wonder if she’s figured it out yet. He’s totally trying, but I think she’s always thought of him as a friend.”

“That could be a good thing for them, though. Remember the time Cassie dated that rando guy from St. Mary’s and he was a total douche canoe after like, two weeks of dating?”

            “Yeah, and yet they stayed together forever. High school is so weird. I’m so glad we’re seniors now. Well, almost.” Sonya said, her smile looking a bit less thin.

            We headed downstairs, and Cassie was already there, but it looked like she’d come with her best friend Becca and her boyfriend. Huh. Hopefully Jake would show. Someone should get laid after this party. Well, besides—nope, I did not want to think about Sonya and Trenton.

            I tried really, really hard to like Trenton. He wasn’t like, the worst guy ever or anything. He drank a little too much and he wore ugly shirts, but it’s not like he ever hurt Sonya. If he’d hurt her, he’d be long gone. I don’t know if it would be because of Sonya or me, but if she didn’t get rid of him I sure as hell would have. So, I sat down next to him on his couch and watched as people filtered in, my jungle juice in hand. I was barely drinking—drinking and biking hadn’t gone well for me in the past. I was a little buzzed, but that’s about it.

            Trenton blathered at me about baseball for a few minutes before he got bored and just started watching Sonya. He always watched her like a hawk at parties. I never got it. What was she going to do? But then again, I’d caught myself watching her so many times, maybe that was just how he watched her.

            I stared off into the distance before realizing Becca was sitting in front of me. She was pretty enough, I thought to myself. She was definitely straight, but there were totally other pretty girls out there who would be into girls. Right? But I knew I couldn’t really look at anyone else like that, not with Sonya around.

            As though she knew I was thinking about her, Sonya turned and somehow caught my gaze. She got up and whispered in Trenton’s ear that he should go grab some more beer, and then immediately took his spot next to me. I instantly relaxed. Part of me was warning not to get too relaxed, but it seemed like everyone else was caught up in their own romances. So, I softened my gaze and let my real smile come through as we started talking.

            By the time Trenton came back with beer, Sonya and I had kind of sunk into the couch a bit, laying half facing each other and talking. I’d finished my jungle juice, which was a little stronger than I’d expected. I’d definitely need to wait a bit before I biked home. We were still talking when Trenton came over and pulled Sonya up by the arm and put his hands around her waist, kissing her neck possessively. She looked a little uncomfortable, and I made eye contact briefly before looking away, trying and probably failing to make my expression more neutral and less sad. He was her boyfriend. Of course he kissed her like that. It wasn’t his fault I wanted to be in his spot.

Sonya

            I saw the hurt on Coley’s face when Trenton started kissing my neck, and I pushed him off me to take my seat back down by her. I laid my head down and looked at her. She looked at me briefly before she took a long drink from her basically empty cup—a nervous habit of hers. She didn’t like to get too drunk, but she liked to look like she was drinking, so if she felt uncomfortable, she’d just drink from an empty cup. I don’t think anyone ever noticed besides me. I felt bad that was uncomfortable. Truthfully, I was too.

All day—well, really all summer, but especially today—I’d felt the air between us getting thicker with tension. I’d realized about two months ago, at the start of the summer, what it was. I’d always kind of guessed that the way we looked at each other wasn’t totally “normal,” but what the hell did normal mean in high school anyways? Everyone was just trying to get by. And since I was eleven, Coley had been right there helping me get by. There was no problem with that. Right?

But then I realized how softly I looked at her when I did her nails, how much I liked having her fingers touching mine. I realized how much I liked that she shared my bed when we slept over—we didn’t cuddle, but the air between us had always felt heated in a way I couldn’t describe. I realized how much I cared what she thought of my new bathing suit, not what Trenton thought. But I was dating Trenton, I would remind myself.

After a couple of hours, the party began to die down, and people wanted to migrate to Jake’s place (he had a home movie theater and his parents were also out of town), but Coley, Trenton, and I all hung back. Coley disappeared upstairs, I guessed to take a nap or at least sober up for a bit before biking home. She wasn’t drunk, but she was super worried about getting a ticket for biking while intoxicated. Also, something about crashing into a parked car one time.

Trenton was out cold, so I went to sit by the pool and think. I dipped my feet in, enjoying the cool water. I thought about when I’d realized how I felt about Coley. I thought of when we were laying on my floor, Coley in her light grey pajama shirt, her dimples showing as she smiled at something I’d said. And all at once I realized that that was what I wanted my life to be—seeing Coley in her pajamas, looking over at me smiling at something I’d said. I wanted her, in every way.

I hadn’t exactly handled it as well as I should have, in retrospect. Coley could totally tell something was up. I just brushed it off as having a date with Trenton and wanting to get ready, so I told her to go home. That night, I had sex with Trenton for the first time. I hoped that maybe having sex with him would make me realize I was totally wrong about Coley, I just was horny like teenagers are, and got confused.

That didn’t work out at all. He was polite—more polite than I would have expected of him, actually—and did his best to make me enjoy it, so I acted like I did. I had the thought that if Coley didn’t exist, Trenton might really be somebody I could love, or at least enjoy having sex with. But Coley did exist and having my boyfriend of two whole weeks have sex with me did nothing to make that any different, or how I felt about her any different.

I stayed with Trenton because I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t imagine that Coley felt the same, and even if she did, I wasn’t sure what that would look like. Sure, her mom wouldn’t care, and my parents literally wouldn’t notice, but people at school would know. More importantly, it could change what I already had with Coley. And I couldn’t risk losing her. So, I put up with two months of Trenton’s beer bottles all over my folks’ house—good thing they were gone all summer—and let him talk me into smoking cigarettes. I got Coley into it too, even if it was just so I could put the cigarette in her mouth.

I thought about all of this while I sat, and I didn’t even hear Coley approach until she was seated next to me, her feet gently splashing and making small ripples that hit my shins as she put them in the water. I looked at her, but she was looking a little away from me, shifting slightly. I think she knew something was off.

I laid my head on her shoulder, the only thing I could think to do in that moment. I needed to feel that she was still real, that she was with me. I knew I’d have to say something soon, so until then, I wanted to enjoy that feeling of support I’d had for seven years. We sat there together for a few moments, until I felt her tilt her face fractionally towards mine. I looked up at her, hoping for—I don’t know what I was hoping for. Some kind of hope, something to hang on to. She’d been my rock for so long.

I lifted my head and rested my chin on her shoulder, looking at her more. Then I lifted my head, almost unconscious of what I was doing. She finally turned to look at me, actually look. In that moment, I was overwhelmed with everything I saw in her face: pain, restraint, sadness, desire, nervousness…all the things I was feeling too. We made eye contact and almost unconsciously we began to move as one, tilting our heads in opposite directions and leaning in. I had just shut my eyes when I heard Trenton’s loud voice, breaking whatever reverie I was in.

“Ahh, are you kidding me? Of all people, her? Don’t even try to defend yourself in front of me,” he said, angrier than I had ever heard him. I stood, and as I did realized Coley was laying on the ground, not moving. He must have shoved her or something. I felt shame and rage and fear all boiling inside me at once, but I just stood looking down as he yelled in my face.

“Just keep your mouth shut. You’ve done enough already! Look at me, not her!”

Coley

My mind went black for a few seconds, but I don’t think I completely passed out. I was so confused. One second I’d been—well, I thought I’d been about to kiss Sonya? Maybe I hit my head really hard, that couldn’t be the case. I rolled over, dazed, and heard muffled yelling from Trenton. I vaguely remembered him grabbing my hair to yank me away from Sonya. As I gained a bit more of my senses back, I heard him yelling more clearly.

“How dare you do this to me!” He screamed as he began to raise a fist. That was the last straw for me. My brain went white. No one was going to hurt Sonya. Especially not Trenton. And especially not because of something I’d done. No way. I leapt up and lunged at him, fist outstretched. I hit him in the side of the head. He was down but I could tell he wanted to fight, so I kept hitting. I felt the skin on my knuckles break open, but I didn’t give a damn. I yelled out. I thought of every moment I’d had with Sonya, every soft, sweet moment, and the fact that he tried to hurt her just enraged me all the more.

I don’t know how many times I hit him before I felt Sonya’s arms wrap around my waist, pulling me away from him. Oh shit. I just beat the crap out of Sonya’s boyfriend, I thought. I had forgotten myself in that moment. She hauled me up. But there was absolutely no anger on her face as she pulled me to face her. There were tears on her cheeks, and she looked absolutely devastated and worried. She reached her hand up and tenderly stroked down the side of my face that had hit the rocks. Her thumb grazed where my lip was split open. It hurt, but having Sonya touch me like that was worth it.

I reached up and put my hand on her wrist, smiling despite the pain in my head. I wanted to cry and laugh and kiss her all at once. She brushed a bit of blood away from my lip and our hands intertwined on the side of my head. I gulped, and then I pushed forward. I just had to kiss her. I had to. Thankfully, she felt the same way. She put her hand further back on the side of my face and pulled me into a heated kiss. It hurt my lip, but I would kiss her all day if I could. I didn’t know what any of this meant for us, so in that moment I wanted anything I could get.

We broke apart for a second, smiling and gasping for air, before we dove back in. We broke apart again briefly, looked at each other, and once again crashed our lips together. Eventually I pulled back, just slightly, so I could really look at her. Try to figure out what she was thinking. And when I did, I saw everything I’d been feeling for the past year, or longer if I was honest with myself, reflected in her eyes. I pressed my forehead to hers, smiling. She softly caressed my hair. It was a perfect moment. My head was throbbing, my lip was bleeding again, and I’d just made my senior year a lot more complicated, but it was perfect.

We hugged, hanging onto each other tightly. After a few seconds we heard Trenton beginning to stir. She pulled back, just a bit.

“Cole, I know we really need to talk, and trust me I want to, but I should probably deal with him first. Are you good to bike home?”

I nodded, as I did so I realized just how much my head hurt.

“Ok. I promise I’ll try to do this fast. I—can I come over after?”

I nodded again. I saw Trenton starting to get up, but he seemed a bit dazed too.

“If he tries to hurt you,” I whispered under my breath, so he couldn’t hear.

“He won’t. He’s not that tough. You probably scared the shit out of him. I’ll deal with him. I’ll see you soon.”

I looked at him briefly as I left, and yeah, he looked pretty rough. I couldn’t really bring myself to feel bad.

I biked home, a little out of it, but I smiled at our kiss. Whatever conversation we’d be having tonight, it was so worth it.

As I got home, I pulled my phone out and called my mom before I really thought about what I was going to say. I just knew she’d know what to do about getting hit in the head, and she was gone for the weekend, so I wanted her advice.

“Coley! I thought you were at a party at Sonya’s?” My mom sounded happy to hear from me, but surprised.

“Yeah, look mom, I, uh, I kinda tripped and hit my head, so I—”

“Oh no, are you alright? Wait, were you drinking?” She asked with a hint of admonishment.

“No, mom, I’m just a klutz and it was slippery by the pool. I kinda hit the rocks when I fell though, and my head hurts really bad.” I hated lying to my mom about drinking, but that definitely wasn’t why I’d hit my head, so I didn’t think it mattered that much.

“Oh honey, I’m sorry I’m not there. Are you having any trouble balancing?”

“No, I biked home just fine.”

“Are you tired? Does light hurt your eyes? Are you nauseous?” My mom rattled off. It helped having a nurse for a mom.

“Yeah, I’m pretty tired and kinda out of it. Light hurts a little, but I’m not nauseous.”

“Ok, sounds like you have a mild concussion. I’d try to fly home tonight but I know there’s no way I’ll get a flight. I’ll be home tomorrow afternoon anyway. Do you think Sonya would come over and keep an eye on you?”

I smiled. Even my mom knew Sonya was always looking out for me.

“Yeah, she’s gonna come by later to check on me anyways.”

“Wonderful. Well, you tell her to call me if anything weird happens. Remember, it’s a myth that you shouldn’t sleep, but she should keep an eye on you overnight if you think she can do that. I know she’s dating that Travis boy, but surely he’ll understand for one night.”

I almost laughed out loud at both my mom not caring enough to remember Trenton’s name and about just how much I’d be explaining whenever I eventually told her what all happened.

“Yeah mom, she will. I love you,” I said, glad she hadn’t asked too many more questions.

“Love you too dear. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“I promise. Bye mom.”

After I hung up, I paused and looked around my house. I hung my keys up on the hook and went upstairs to get some pajamas on. I meant to go back downstairs, but my bed looked too inviting. I laid down, hoping Sonya wouldn’t be too long.

Sonya

I watched Trenton carefully as he stood, listening as Coley left through the side gate.

“What the fuck was that?” he asked, but without the same rage as before. He mostly just sounded confused.

“Seriously? You’re asking me that question? You were ready to punch me!” I yelled back.

“Yeah, because you were about to make out with your best friend, you fucking pervert!”

His words stung, but I knew I needed to be the one deescalating the situation.

“Trenton, look, I’m sorry. I should have broken up with you first. I didn’t mean to do this this way. Come on inside, I’ll give you a first aid kit and you can patch yourself up.”

“Oh fuck, what am I going to tell everyone about what happened to my face? No one would believe me if I said fucking Coley Pearson beat my ass.”

I smiled at this despite that probably not being the right reaction. People sure underestimated Coley. We walked into the house together and I handed him the first aid kit, which he took with him into the guest bathroom. He left the door open as he looked at the bruises and a minor scrape on his face. He had a black eye and his cheeks were red, with a small scrape from one of Coley’s rings, but there wasn’t much to do with a first aid kit.

“Why don’t you say you got into a fight at the bar? Everyone knows you have a fake.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. Maybe I’ll say some dude was hitting on you and I took him outside.”

I hated being involved in the story, but it was more important that Coley not get into any trouble for defending me. It made me smile again, thinking of her defending me.

“Sure, you can say that. You can even say I got pissed at you about it and we broke up,” I suggested.

Trenton came out of the bathroom with just a small band-aid on his cheek.

“So, we’re seriously breaking up?” He said, sounding a bit pissed off.

“Yes, Trenton. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have prolonged things. Now go home and get some ice on your face. Your brother’s home from school still, right? He’ll keep an eye on you.”

“Yeah, yeah. Have fun being a fucking dyke or whatever,” he said as he walked out of my house, not even bothering to shut the front door. Well, I guess I dodged a bullet there. Asshole.

My main concern now was getting to Coley’s. I thought about biking but decided to take the car so I could stop for some supplies.

As I pulled up to Coley’s house twenty minutes later, I had cookies and cream ice cream, two bags of frozen peas so we could alternate, a new first aid kit, and a little stuffed cat that I’d seen and bought on impulse. Coley liked cats. Maybe it would cheer her up if she was hurting. I hated the idea that I was why she would be hurting.

I knocked on her door and didn’t hear an answer at first. I knocked again and started to get a little concerned. Thankfully, I heard her coming down her steps and she opened the door, looking beautiful and a bit of a mess all at once. Her hair was a little disheveled. I wondered if she’d been sleeping before I got there. I wasn’t sure if that was okay after hitting her head.

“Hey,” she said with a nervous smile. Oh Coley, she had absolutely nothing to be nervous about.

“Hey, can I come in?”

“Yeah of course, of course,” she said, backing up to let me in.

I shut and locked the door behind me and sat down my bag of groceries. She still looked nervous, so I pulled her into a hug. She returned it immediately, gripping at me tightly.

“I’m so sorry Trenton hurt you, Cole.”

“Honestly? That’s been the last thing on my mind, Sonya,” Coley said, pulling back slightly and eyeing my lips.

I leaned in and captured Coley’s lips with my own, licking at her bottom lip. But then I tasted blood and felt Coley suppress a whimper, so I pulled back.

“I’m sorry, it just—my lip really hurts, I’m sorry Sonya.”

“Why on earth are you sorry? I can’t believe my asshole ex-boyfriend gave you a split lip and scrapes and cuts.”

“And a mild concussion, according to my mom. Wait, ex-boyfriend?”

I paused at this, surprised she could even be asking that question. I realized we hadn’t actually talked about anything yet. I broke away from her and grabbed the bag, walking towards her kitchen as I heard her follow.

“Yes, ex, of course. After what he did to you. Besides, I was hoping…” I trailed off, not sure why I was getting nervous. I busied myself putting the peas and ice cream in the freezer and set the first aid kit and stuffed animal on the counter. Coley sat at the dining table. The more I looked at her, the rougher she looked. She looked exhausted, and the left side of her face was definitely swelling. Her lip was bleeding again. She was also looking at me with hope and nervousness in her eyes.

“You were hoping…?”

“Coley, do you like me?”

Coley froze at that, so I continued.

“Coley, I really like you. Is that okay?” I said as I grabbed the stuffed animal and first aid kit and walked over to the kitchen table, sitting next to her.

“I—of course! I just didn’t know…”

“I’ve known for a little while now. But I was scared of messing up our friendship. I am scared of that. But today I realized it hurt too much trying to pretend I didn’t feel this way towards you. I can’t just be your best friend anymore. I can’t pretend to like Trenton anymore. I can’t like anyone else knowing you’re right here,” I finished, realizing I’d been rambling a bit.

“Sonya, I…look my brain’s a little fuzzy right now so I’m not gonna say this right. I think I’ve liked you since the day I met you. I didn’t realize until last year, but it’s always been there. It’s you, Sonya. I can’t date when you’re right here. I’d rather be your best friend and alone than be with somebody else.”

“Coley, you’d never be alone with me around. But I want…will you be my girlfriend?” I sort of stammered the last bit out. I hadn’t really known I was going to say it until I said it, but it was absolutely what I wanted.

Coley’s grin could’ve powered the town. “Yes, Sonya. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“I kinda think that’s how this all works, Cole. Yes, I’d be honored.”

“Is it cool if I tell my mom?”

“Yeah. I’d like to talk more about school when you’re feeling better, but I’m not sure how well I’m gonna be able to hide this. Honestly I’m not sure how well I hid it all summer.”

“You’ve known all summer? But you and Trenton…”

I facepalmed at that, not having a better reaction. Coley pulled my hand away.

“It’s okay, Sonya. I just wish you’d said something.”

“Hey, you’re one to talk. Did you say a year?”

Coley got quiet at that and looked away. I was worried I’d said the wrong thing.

“I didn’t…I didn’t want to feel that way, so I pretended I didn’t. But you’d hold my hand or lean on my shoulder or push my hair away or do my nails and I’d just—I couldn’t help it. But I couldn’t deal with the idea of ruining our friendship. Like I said, I’d rather be a crazy cat lady and your friend…”

“Speaking of,” I said, smiling a little, “I got you a stuffed animal. I hope they make you feel better. I’m so sorry you got hurt. Can I take care of you?”

Coley smiled shyly before taking the cat from the table and bringing it to her chest.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Coley, we both know I’d be over here taking care of you no matter what. But I’m your girlfriend now. Doesn’t that mean I get to do this sort of thing?”

“Thanks hon. Wait sorry, is hon weird? I don’t—”

I cut off Coley’s nervous babble before it really got going. It’d been a while since I’d heard it directed at me.

“You can call me whatever you want, sweetie. Hon. Cupcake. Just let me take care of you. Now, are you hungry?”

“I am, but do you mind if we—I—call my mom first? I’m just gonna be nervous about telling her until I tell her.”

“Of course, Cole. Do you want me here for it?”

“Yeah, I do, if you don’t mind?”

“I’m right here, babe,” I said, smiling as I grabbed her hand that was laying on the table and gave a squeeze. She squeezed right back.

“Oh shit, I left my phone upstairs, do you wanna come with me or…”

“I’ll come with. I wanna keep an eye on you going up the stairs anyways.”

“Ugh, you and my mom are gonna be a terrible team if this goes well. She already asked me to have you stay over to watch me. Huh, I wonder if that will change now.”

We stood, still holding hands, and went up to Coley’s bedroom. Someday I looked forward to doing some more exploring in here, but for tonight that wasn’t my main priority.

Coley looked at me nervously as we sat on her bed before she grabbed her phone.

“Hey, um, is it cool if we don’t like…is it cool if we don’t…like I want to, but I’m really tired and my lip hurts and my head hurts and I just don’t really think it would be the best…”

“Shh, you’re ok Cole. Of course we don’t need to do anything tonight. We can treat it just like another sleepover but with more cuddles. Or no cuddles if you don’t want,” Coley made an outraged face at that idea that I just had to kiss, just a quick peck on the uninjured side of her lip.

“Okay so definitely cuddles then. But seriously Coley, we’ll wait however long we wait. I want to too, but we’ll know when it’s time, right? Just promise you’ll always be honest with me. I never want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Only if you promise the same,” she said, eyeing me seriously.

“I promise,” I said, instinctively holding up a pinky. Coley smiled as we pinky promised.

Coley looked nervously again at her phone. “Is it cool if I have her on speaker? I’d just tell you everything anyways.”

“Sure thing, I’m right here.”

I swore from the time Coley pressed her mom’s contact to the time she answered was an eternity. I knew, I just knew she’d be cool about it, but it was still scary. Especially since I knew Coley was scared.

“Hey sweetheart, are you okay? Did you get worse?”

Mrs. Pearson was always so concerned about Coley, it made me worry a little bit more that she could be losing this because of me, even if she almost definitely wouldn’t. I squeezed Coley’s hand.

“Hey mom, no I didn’t get worse. Listen, Sonya’s here, and I—we—”

“Oh hi, Sonya darling. I haven’t seen you in a couple weeks, you should come over for dinner sometime soon!”

I smiled. “Hi Mrs. Pearson. Yes, let’s have dinner soon. But anyways, Coley wants to tell you something.”

“Uh oh, you both sound serious. What’s going on dear? Everything okay?”

“Yeah look mom, I just, Sonya and I are dating now and I think I’m gay but I might be bi? I’ve just really liked Sonya for like ever and I guess she likes me too and—”

“Shh, take a breath sweetheart. I can’t really say I’m surprised. I’m happy for you of course, and I’m so glad you told me, but I’m not exactly surprised. You’ve been a couple since the day you met in some ways. Just in case you need to hear this, this doesn’t change anything about how I think of you. You’re my sweet, darling Coley, and I’m so so proud of you. It’s not easy to come out.”

I teared up, and I saw Coley was fully crying at this. I really knew it would be okay, but hearing Mrs. Pearson react like this made me feel so much better.

“I promise I’ll be good to her, Mrs. P. I’m gonna take care of her all night. I mean—like from the concussion, and she needs some first aid, I’m not—” Coley looked at me with the most intense “dude, shut up” eyes I’ve ever seen, so I shut my mouth.

Coley’s mom belly laughed at my idiocy, which made me feel a fraction better. “Oh Sonya, dear, I’ve always liked you. Don’t you worry. This doesn’t change a thing. Now I’ll be honest, I know you’re both eighteen, but I don’t want to know what you two get up to when I’m not around. But you’re more than welcome over. I hardly think I’d stop you anyway.”

I started to cry a bit at this too, while also blushing at the implication that Coley’s mom was aware we might have sex, but I tried not to get too caught up on that part.

“Thank you. I really appreciate you saying that. But I’m serious about tonight, Coley needs rest and ice. I brought her ice cream and I’m gonna make dinner.”

“That sounds wonderful. Don’t burn down my kitchen, please. Are you going to tell your parents? I’m happy to keep it a secret.”

“No, I’m gonna tell them when they’re back from Africa. I don’t really think they’ll care. It’s not like Coley wasn’t over at our house all the time already, well when I wasn’t here.”

“Hey mom?” Coley choked out, still crying. I let go of her hand and started to rub her back, which she leaned into.

“Yes?”

“I’m just really happy you’re not upset or anything. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Coley. You’re my daughter, and nothing will ever change that. Now go get some rest. Sonya sounds like she has a good plan. And remember Sonya, it’s fine for her to sleep, just keep an eye on her.”

“Sure thing.”

Coley and her mom exchanged goodbyes and she hung up. Coley wiped at her face.

“Well that literally couldn’t have gone better. Thanks for being there Sonya. Though, babe, please don’t ever reference our sex life to my mom ever again. Please.” She said with a bit of a laugh in her voice.

“I promise. I just realized I’d said it weird and then I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Hey, I’m the nervous rambler. Don’t take my thing!” She said, smiling again.

“Do you want to go downstairs and have me cook for you?”

“Yes please. Can we just do something like soup? I’m afraid chewing is gonna really hurt right now.”

“Of course, babe. Do you have some in the house? I brought my dad’s car if I need to go get anything.

“We’ve definitely got something, let’s go look. Oh and I got you ice cream. Cookies and cream!”

“You’re the best girlfriend ever.”

We made our way downstairs, hand in hand. I realized Coley was still holding the stuffed cat I’d gotten her.

“You gonna name them?”

“She has told me she’s a girl, and I’m going to name her Megan. There’s this movie…okay this is lame.”

“No, not lame, tell me!”

“There’s this movie I found right when I figured out I was into—well, you—and it made me feel more normal. It’s totally dated by now but it’s still funny and it made me feel like we could work out. Anyways, the main character is named Megan. Seems appropriate for the occasion”

“Wait, there’s movies? I know about RuPaul’s show but that’s kinda it. Oh, and Glee. Did the hot cheerleaders end up together?”

“Ha! You thought they were hot too! I think they end up together. I gave up on that show in like season three, I’ll google it. And yeah, there’s like, a lot of movies. Most of the ones with girls have sad endings so I won’t watch them. But this one has a happy ending.”

We got into the kitchen and I began looking for soups. I held up chicken noodle or beef, and Coley pointed to the beef one. I started getting it ready while we kept talking.

“We can watch it tonight if you want, I’d love to see that. We can cuddle on the couch and ice your face after I patch it up. I know you’re tired and it’s cool if you doze off, but I’d like to get some ice on there, you’re starting to swell kinda bad.”

Coley felt the side of her face and looked a little surprised, picking up her phone and opening the front camera.

“Oh god, I look like a wreck. You’re sure you wanna date me?”

“Of course. You’re gorgeous, always. I just know if we keep the swelling down you’ll hurt less.”

I finished up making the soup and brought our bowls over to the table before going back and getting us water.

“Make sure you drink. Everytime I’m sick your mom tells me to drink more water, and even though you’re not really sick, it’ll still be good for you. Besides you did have some alcohol today.”

“Will do babe. Thank you for making dinner.”

“I heated up soup, Cole. Sometime we should try making dinner together. I’m not great in the kitchen but maybe between the two of us we can be one decent cook.”

“That sounds great,” Coley said with a smile, “and my mom would probably be happy I was actually trying to cook for once.”

We ate mostly in silence. I noticed Coley was taking small sips and avoiding the split side of her lip. I got mad at Trenton all over again. Though we were quiet, we kept touching toes under the table, and I was surprised that even made me giddy. I guess I shouldn’t have been, though. I’d always liked touching Coley.

After we finished dinner, I cleaned up and refilled Coley’s water.

“Do you want ice cream now?”

“No, I think I kind of just want to get some ice on my face. You’re right, the swelling is starting to hurt.”

“Sounds good. But first let me patch you up, okay? I wanted to wait until after we ate so you didn’t have annoying band-aids in your way while eating.

“Sonya, you’re—I don’t feel like I deserve all this.”

I froze at this. How could Coley not realize she deserved everything?

“Coley, babe, of course you deserve it.”

I sat back down and opened the first aid kit. I saw alcohol wipes and wanted to start there, since my backyard probably wasn’t super clean.

“This is gonna sting a little, baby, but it’ll be fine. You can hold onto my other hand while I do it okay? Just close your eyes.”

Coley complied as I gently began to wipe away the dried blood and some dirt from her various scrapes. She winced and gripped my hand a bit tight, but otherwise didn’t react. My tough, brave Coley.

“Okay, now going to put on some Neosporin. This won’t hurt.”

“Hon, my mom is a nurse. I do know this stuff. But thank you.”

“Right, sorry. I’ve basically only ever seen this stuff on TV and they always explain what they’re doing.”

“You’re doing great, Sonya. Besides we learned first aid last year, and your notes were better than mine.”

I put the Neosporin and band aids on quickly. I gave her a quick peck again, unable to help myself, and told her we were done. We grabbed our drinks, I grabbed one of the packages of frozen peas and a washcloth to wrap it, and Coley grabbed Megan. We walked over to the couch, both standing a little awkwardly.

“How do you—” “Do you want—” we both started at the same time, and then laughed.

“You’re the one who’s hurt, you just tell me what to do.” I said, smiling. I hadn’t meant it flirtatiously, but Coley reddened a little. I really liked the idea of Coley telling me what to do. But now was not the time for that.

“Uh, okay. Why don’t you just like, get comfy on your end of the couch, grab a blanket if you want, and then like, I’ll put a pillow in your lap and lay down, and you can hold the ice on if it starts to slip or whatever. Is that okay?”

I smiled. “Sounds perfect, gorgeous. Why don’t you get the movie queued up?”

Coley did that as I got settled, and then she laid her head down on the pillow in my lap, wiggling a little to get cozy under her own blanket. She put Megan in front of her and put her free hand on my thigh. I was amazed how right it felt to be touching this way. I gently lowered the frozen peas onto her face and steadied it when it looked like it might fall. I settled in and began watching the movie.

About fifteen minutes in, I absently started to card my free hand through Coley’s hair. Soon I was full-blown combing her hair with my fingers. She sighed happily, and then I started to scratch her scalp gently. She let out a breathy exhale at that.

“Oh sorry, should I stop? I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“No, it just feels really nice, please don’t stop,” she mumbled, sounding half asleep already.

About halfway through the movie Coley was definitely asleep. I kept playing with her hair all the same, just enjoying how soft it was, that I got to do this now. I knew I should get up to switch the ice packs, but I couldn’t bring myself to disturb her. So I took the now mostly melted peas off her face and set them on the end table. I ran my fingers softly over her cold cheek. Her skin was so soft. I rested my hand on her shoulder, absently tracing patterns.

When the movie ended, Coley stirred on her own.

“Oh sorry, I totally fell asleep. Didja like the movie?” She said while sitting up, sleep slurring her words a bit. It was indescribably charming.

“I really did. RuPaul made me laugh really hard. I just tried to be quiet for you.”

“You’re so sweet,” Coley said, still clearly sleepy.

“Do you want to go to bed, cutie?”

“Are you trying out different nicknames for me?”

I blushed at being caught out. “I just want to call you all the nice ones I know.”

Coley smiled big at that before saying “you can try whatever you want. And yeah, I’m really tired. Can we have ice cream for breakfast?” Coley asked with puppy dog eyes that I knew would absolutely be my downfall.

“Your mom would be mad, but yes. Let’s just go to bed. Do you still have the pjs I left here?”

Coley looked almost embarrassed at the question. “Yes, I do, but okay, confession. Sometimes I’d sleep in them because I swear even after I washed them, they smelled like you. Okay now I just sound like a creep. But yes. They’re clean.”

“I love you,” I said, overwhelmed by the emotion I felt. Coley looked stunned for a second before quickly kissing me and whispering back, “I love you too. Man, that feels so good to say.”

“We always said I love you before,” I replied.

“Well yeah, but it feels—different, now? I don’t really feel any different but now that you’re actually my girlfriend…it’s different.”

We headed upstairs together. Whether out of habit, sheepishness, or both, we still changed facing away from each other. I smiled at the fact that that wouldn’t be true for that much longer, probably. Coley’s bed was smaller than mine, so we didn’t share it when I slept over, so I wasn’t sure which side to take. I waited for Coley to get in before she looked at me.

“Would you be my big spoon?”

“Gladly, Cole. Gladly,” I said as I got into the other side of the bed. The size made cuddling sort of inevitable, and I couldn’t find myself mad at it. I pressed in close to Coley, and put my arm around her stomach. She grabbed my hand and pulled it up to her chest, kissing it before pulling me in even closer.

“Love you, Sonya,” she said sleepily.

“Love you too, baby. Love you too.”