Chapter Text
Techno had a very shitty car. It was a fact, not an opinion. Techno was incredibly intelligent, had a job he loved, wore his hair long because he liked the heavy feeling of the braid, and drove a shitty car that more often than not broke down. He had gotten said car not too long after he graduated high school, with the money he earned from waiting tables at a local diner, and for a while he was proud of it. Until an impatient soccer mom re-ended him on his way to class and the car just never ran the same again. Nowadays he made more than enough money to get a new car, something Wilbur constantly reminded him of every time his car broke down, but Techno felt that it added character.
Wilbur would always snap back, saying that Techno just didn’t want to go out and look at cars. He was right, though Techno would never admit it to his face. The thought of having to go and look at cars while dealing with an over enthusiastic employee trying to earn their commission sounded like the 7th circle of hell. So, Techno continued to drive his shitty car that broke down every other week, even to his own detriment.
Which, of course, led him to waking Wilbur up to drive him to work 3 hours before his roommate had to be at his shift. This, obviously, would not end well for Techno. Really, most things involving Wilbur didn’t tend to end up well for Techno. He assumed it was some sort of cosmic retribution for how easy his life was up until this point. More likely, Wilbur just enjoyed being difficult. It was anyone’s guess.
Wilbur let out a loud yawn, stretching in the passenger seat. They had decided that it was probably safer for everyone involved to have Techno drive this morning. He didn’t mind too much, Wilbur had a nicer car with working air conditioning and a GPS. It made him feel like royalty. “Hey,” Wilbur’s yawn turned into a mumble, “we need to pick up George on our way in.”
“George? Didn’t he work late last night?”
“Yeah.” Techno watched from the corner of his eye as Wilbur pulled his phone out of his pocket, going to quickly text on it. “He has to come in early for some sort of breeding program they are trying with one of the spiders. I don’t think he even went to bed, hell knows nothing would be waking him up if he did.”
Techno quickly turned on his blinker, merging into the lane that would take them to the freeway. “Why isn’t Dream or Sapnap taking him in? Aren’t they normally his ride in?” George’s apartment was honestly a bit out of the way and would add on an extra 10 minutes to their drive. Luckily, Techno liked to always show up around an hour in and Wilbur didn’t have to be at work until 1:30.
Wilbur hummed, finishing his text message before replying, “Sapnap is off today. Dream is, apparently, sick. He was going to catch an Uber since I would never volunteer anyone to get in that thing you call a car. However, we are already on our way there so I told him we would just grab him on the way in. It’s not like it’s out of the way or anything.”
“It is out of the way, Wilbur. We literally have to pass the Zoo to get there.”
“Nothing is out of the way when it comes to George. One day, you will understand.”
“No, I won’t because I will never fall in love. I refuse to be caught slipping like that.” Wilbur didn’t reply. A quick glance out of the corner of his eye showed him that Wilbur had somehow managed to fall asleep in the 10 seconds it took Techno to reply. Great.
The drive to George’s apartment was spent in silence seeing as Wilbur had fallen asleep and his phone was the one connected to the bluetooth in the car. Techno couldn’t connect his own while driving, he was a good citizen of the law, and he would never result to listening to the radio. If Techno had to listen to any infomercials it would immediately become a bad day. Especially if they had to do with men’s body hair care. They were just so… weird.
Luckily, George’s apartment wasn’t too far out. Unluckily, Wilbur never woke up so when George crawled into the backseat of Wilbur’s 2019 Toyota Corolla, Techno was the only one awake to greet him. “Uh, mornin’.”
“Time is an illusion made only for me to suffer.” George muttered, “Did Wilbur fall asleep?”
“Yep.”
Techno stayed parked, eyeing George from the rear view mirror. After a minute, George looked at him, confused. “So, uh, why aren’t we leaving?”
“You aren’t buckled.”
George chuckled as he reached over to buckle himself in, “You are a mother hen, Dr. Technoblade.”
Techno shook his head, putting the car into drive and heading out of the apartment’s parking lot. “When you live with Wilbur you develop parental instincts. I think its due to his inherent ability to come close to dying every 5 minutes as well as his toddler-like behavior. Also, just Techno is fine.” George only lived about 7 or so minutes from the Zoo so hopefully, this car ride wouldn’t be horrible. In all honesty, Wilbur was asleep so he wouldn’t even notice if Techno and George spent the entire time in an awkward silence. However, Techno was a good friend and wanted to continue to try and form some sort of bond with his best friend’s boyfriend. “How has your day been so far?”
Something slammed in the back of the car, causing Techno to jerk slightly. Wilbur only snored. “Oops, sorry,” George’s voice was accompanied by another slamming sound. Techno was glad this was not his car, though he supposed there wasn’t much George could do to make his own car any worse. “I haven’t slept in 30 hours. Did you know that we have been trying to mate our female peacock tarantula for the past 2 years, but she keeps eating all of the suitors? Which wouldn’t be too big of a problem, but these tarantula’s are part of the critically endangered. We can’t keep risking all of the males when there is a chance another female will mate with them, but she’s the only female we have and she’s getting pretty old. This could be her last mating season, y’know, and we aren’t sure if we want to risk our newest male or if we just call it quits on her. If we call it quits, we only have 3 males until one of the other zoos can successfully mate one of their females that we can then trade for.”
“That doesn’t sound very good–”
It was almost as if George didn’t hear him. “Gregory suggested looking for a local breeder which opens a whole other can of worms. Do you know how much politics there is when buying from a local breeder? If its successful, the previous owner can feel entitled to the children. Why the hell would we give the children away when the whole point of breeding them is to try and increase the population to a healthier level? Plus, we can’t guarantee that their tarantulas are healthy. We run the risk of them lying to us and breeding unhealthy, possibly inbred, tarantulas that we would share with other zoos and conservationists. Fucking idiot keeps pushing for it too, he’s giving me a damn migraine. Who the hell even hired him?” Ruffling sounds came from the back of the car, like George was digging through his backpack.
Techno knew almost nothing about spiders or whoever this Gregory guy was, “Uh…”
“This is the same dumbass who tried to feed one of our Garter Snakes a live rabbit.” George ranted, “I mean come on, who works in the reptile facility and doesn’t know that Garter Snakes don’t eat mammals that big. We tend to feed them frogs or incests, not fucking mammals.” Techno kind of wanted to cry. There was a reason he tried to avoid the reptile facility. Those poor rabbits… “I had to hop in there and get the fucking rabbit before it hurt the snake or itself. I don’t know how he got the damn Garter Snake confused with our Amethystine Python. They don’t look anything alike.”
Techno could at least appreciate the small mercy that was the lack of an awkward silence, though he did silently cheer to himself when they pulled into the employee parking of the zoo. Still, he had to make some sort of effort, “That, uh, sucks. I hate it when that happens.” Good job.
A muffled laugh drew Techno’s attention back to the rearview mirror where he caught sight of George’s smirk. “I didn’t know people tried to feed your polar bears live rabbits, Dr. Technoblade. Sounds like you have a slightly bigger issue on your hands then I do.”
He put the car in park, reaching over to shake Wilbur awake. “If anyone put anything alive in Steve’s enclosure, they wouldn’t be getting it back out. It’s just Techno.”
Wilbur awoke with a start, “Hello?”
“Welcome to work, Wilbur. Try not to get kicked out of any exhibits today.” Techno exited the car before Wilbur could respond, the closing of his door cutting off George’s laughter. The other two passengers quickly joined him in standing, George lifting a heavy bag over his shoulder with a huff. Techno tossed Wilbur his keys, “I have a ride home today. Don’t worry about me.”
Wilbur just nodded, turning to face George and reaching out to kiss him. “Good morning–” Techno rushed off before he was a witness to something he had no desire to see. Surprisingly, he lived the awkward 8 minute car ride with George and it went… well. Better than most of their interactions at least.
Techno counted this one as a win and hurried off to his lockers, carrying more knowledge on tarantulas then he would ever need or expect to have.