Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It began, as it always did, with Park Sooyoung opening her mouth.

She had arrived at their cafeteria table with a shit-eating grin on her face – an uncanny resemblance to the Grinch. In retrospect, anything Sooyoung said didn’t signify anything good.

It was a common lunchtime; the cafeteria was brimming with teenagers eating mediocre meals, laughing and chatting with friends, while teachers hung near the sides like vultures waiting for prey. Various aromas of undercooked and burnt food wafted through the air.

Seulgi enjoyed the only break she’d get before her lessons: double English with the dreaded Ms Thompson. She shuddered just thinking about it. She was a senior, which allowed her and her friends to have a table all to themselves – an unspoken rule, of course – away from the younger years by being placed perfectly in the corner and out of sight from the teachers.

Seulgi placed freshly-cut apple slices into her mouth while Joohyun, who sat beside her, occasionally snuck a hand in and stole a few. Not that Seulgi stopped her anyway, or minded sharing. Often, Seulgi would offer a slice to Joohyun, who leaned her head forwards to take a bite. She’d done this so many times that it became instinctual. Nobody questioned it. It was a natural sight to see between the two. Joohyun was her best friend and best friends shared everything, including food.

She’d been listening to Yeri, an underclassman of theirs, complain about her Math teacher’s awful stench, nodding along sympathetically. Yeri wasn’t exaggerating – it truly was a terrible smell. Wendy had a look of disgust on her face, her fork lay in her pasta forgotten.

Joohyun leaned into her side, her shoulder pressing up against Seulgi’s arm, and her head lay on her shoulder as she listened with a look of amusement.

“Bae Joohyun!” came Sooyoung’s loud exclamation from across the cafeteria as she bounded over to the table, a smirk stretched wide across her face. Her booming volume caused people to turn their heads and a few younger years looked startled. Seulgi knew that smirk signified trouble. “You sly devil, you!”

Joohyun barely moved from her position on Seulgi’s shoulder but she did raise a perfect eyebrow. “What?” she asked. “What are you going on about now, Sooyoung?”

Sooyoung scoffed as if personally insulted. “Like you don’t know. I can’t believe you wouldn’t tell us, you bitch. We're supposed to be friends.”

“Um. . .” said Seulgi, feeling slightly offended on Joohyun's behalf. Naturally, Sooyoung ignored her like she was a piece of trash on the side of the road, her gaze fixed on Joohyun. 

“Hi, Sooyoung, nice to meet you. My day was great, thanks for asking, how was yours?” drawled Wendy wryly.

Sooyoung briefly glanced at the rest of them. “Hi.” She turned back swiftly to glare at Joohyun.

Yeri, with a glint of curiosity in her eye, perked up, her previous story discarded for the next piece of gossip. “What’s going on? What’s Unnie done now?”

Joohyun shrugged indifferently. Sooyoung’s glare was directed at her so often that she barely reacted nowadays. “I don’t know, Yeri, maybe she’ll like to tell us perhaps. Any day now, before we all get white hair and start using walking sticks.”

Yeri snorted. “You’re already old, Grandma,” she grinned teasingly, and Sooyoung, whose attention was momentarily seized, cackled as Joohyun pouted. Yeri drew her hands up in surrender and mumbled, “Jeez, I’m joking.”

“Hey,” interrupted Seulgi with a frown. “Joohyun isn't old.”

Joohyun smiled at her fondly and patted her shoulder in gratitude while Wendy softly snorted with laughter behind her bottle of orange juice. Her eyes glinted with something unreadable that Seulgi couldn’t make out. Sooyoung wrinkled her nose at her. She was nothing if not persistent as she prodded Joohyun again.

“Yeah, so anyway, moving on from that sad sight. Is there something you’d like to tell us, Bae Joohyun?” inquired Sooyoung pointedly, “Something you’ve forgotten to tell your dear old friends? Something of importance, perchance?”

“I’m not a mind reader, Park Sooyoung,” sighed Joohyun, rolling her eyes at Seulgi as if sharing a secret. Seulgi’s mouth curled upwards. “Come out with whatever you want to say.”

“Oh, I’ll tell you, Miss Secret-Keeper,” taunted Sooyoung and took a deep breath before continuing as if to lengthen the dramatic effect. “You, Missy, are going on a date and forgot to tell us.” Sooyoung stared at her with a satisfied expression. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

“Oh, my, Unnie!”

Seulgi hardly heard the gasps of shock come from the others as she was too busy coughing from the water that had gone down the wrong hole. Sooyoung hardly even blinked, her gaze fixed on Joohyun’s surprised one. Wendy, being the caring friend she is, reached over to slam a hand on Seulgi’s back. Seulgi thanked her between wheezes and gulped down the last of her water before turning to stare dumbfounded at Joohyun, who appeared to be avoiding her expression.

“What?” she spluttered, her mouth gaping open like a fish as she tried to find the words. “How – I mean – when – what —”

“So, what do you have to say for yourself?” demanded Sooyoung haughtily. “How could you not tell us?”

Joohyun chewed her lip, and Seulgi noticed a tint of pink on her cheeks. “How did you find out?”

Sooyoung shrugged and crossed her arms. “It wasn’t hard. Your date’s been bragging through all of Physics class. You should have kept a tighter leash on him if you didn’t want anyone to know. But, moving on, you still haven’t answered my question – why didn’t you tell us?”

“Wait, it’s true?” quizzed Yeri, her eyes wide with anticipation. “Unnie?”

Joohyun sighed and positioned her hands on her lower arms to shield herself. “Yeah, all right, so he asked me and I said yes. It’s this weekend, in case you were wondering.” 

Yeri and Wendy squealed in excitement, and Seulgi believed she’d gone permanently deaf.

“Who is it? Who are you going with? Is it the cute guy from your history class?” grilled Yeri speedily.

“We really shouldn’t be talking about this,” huffed Seulgi in a weak voice. “It’s none of our business what Hyun does in her spare time.”

“No, it’s not him,” denied Joohyun with a twisted expression. She sighed exasperatedly at the expectant looks she received. “It’s, um, Suho.”

Oh. Well, then. Seulgi remembered him. He was the handsome boy that sometimes tagged along with her and Joohyun between classes. It had never occurred to her that he might be interested in dating her best friend. And Joohyun had never told her she was interested in him as well. Or maybe she was just oblivious to it all.

Wendy gently smiled and wished her luck. Joohyun turned to look at Seulgi with a nervous expression, her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

“Seul?”

Seulgi blinked; her mind was deep in thought for a moment before she addressed her best friend. “Are you sure about this, Hyun? Do you want to go out with this guy?”

Joohyun nodded slowly. “Yeah, I do, Seul.”

Seulgi smiled tentatively. “Okay. I’ll, uh, help you then. Get ready I mean. Your clothes and stuff.”

“Really?” Joohyun’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah, if you want. . .?”

Joohyun nodded with a soft smile and squeezed her arm in gratitude. Seulgi felt a warmness pooled beneath her chest. This only lasted for so long until Sooyoung interrupted yet again.

“So. Have you kissed him yet?” she probed shamelessly, causing Seulgi to choke once again. She swears that Sooyoung will be the death of her one day. Plus, why were they even talking about this? This was Joohyun's business, not theirs. “Suho? Have you kissed him yet?” continued Sooyoung.

Joohyun flushed and her eyes looked everywhere but Sooyoung. “. . .No,” she mumbled, then repeated it more clearly after clearing her throat. “It doesn’t matter, it’s not that big a deal,” she said coolly.

“Of course, it is,” said Sooyoung swiftly, mouth dropping. “You do know that he’ll want to kiss you after the date, right? And if you haven’t already, well —” 

Joohyun stared wide-eyed at her like she hadn’t considered the thought yet. Seulgi decided that enough was enough. Joohyun didn’t deserve to be put on the spot like this.

“Lay off, Sooyoung,” she snapped firmly.

Sooyoung scanned her with a narrowed gaze. Seulgi was stubborn, however. Sooyoung pouted but didn’t argue. Seulgi heard Joohyun’s sigh of relief beside her. Suddenly, she noticed a hand creeping towards her apple slices from the corner of her eye and immediately swatted it away with an added glare.

“Hey!” she cried, close to jumping over the table, “Get your own.”

Yeri, the culprit, pouted in response. “Oh, c’mon.” She pointed a finger at her. “You let Unnie have most of it but you’re not going to let me have even one teeny tiny slice? Some kind of a friend you are.”

Seulgi refused to budge, however, and hugged the container to her chest like it was her child. They were hers.

Joohyun rolled her eyes as if dealing with a bunch of children. “Just let her have some, Seulgi. She’s just going to complain if you don’t.”

Seulgi’s mouth dropped open as she swivelled around. “But, Hyun . . .” she whined, and Joohyun threw her a pointed look. She sighed in defeat, grumbling under her breath as she reluctantly handed over the container to a self-satisfied Yeri.

This was by far the worst lunch she’d ever experienced.

Seulgi was walking down the hallway towards her lessons when a hand reached out and grabbed her, pulling her into what appeared to be an empty classroom. She was about to scream when the same hand was quickly placed over her mouth.

“Shush!” hissed a familiar voice.

Seulgi furrowed her brows in confusion at the figure in front. “What the? Hyun, what are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack.”

Joohyun had an apologetic expression before shifting into a nervous one. She fiddled with the edge of her uniform and appeared quite shy. Seulgi gawked at her because Joohyun never looked bashful.

“Sorry, Seul, I need your help.”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow. “Oh, um, sure, yeah. But just couldn’t this have waited until after school? I’m kinda late, you know, Hyun.” She smiled half-teasingly.

Joohyun took a second to reply. “I can’t later. Besides, you’re the only person I can trust with this.” 

“With what?”

Joohyun bit her lip nervously then asked, “Do you think Suho will think I’m bad at kissing?”

Seulgi stood stunned as Joohyun avoided eye contact with her. Whatever she’d been expecting, that certainly hadn’t been one of them. Seeing Joohyun look uneasy and sceptical was not a common sight.

“I, er —”

Joohyun ploughed on anxiously. “Sorry, it’s just Sooyoung got into my head and now I can’t stop thinking about it. What if I’m bad at it and Suho doesn’t like me anymore when he finds out? He’s going to think I’m so inexperienced!”

Seulgi smiled at Joohyun’s antics. She seemed to be hung up over this. Seulgi couldn’t understand why though.

“Seulgi! This is a serious problem, stop smiling like that!”

Seulgi pressed her lips together to stop her smirk. “Hyun, I'm sure you're not as bad of a kisser as you think.”

Joohyun’s face turned hopeful, her eyes wide and just a little bit vulnerable. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged, rubbing the back of her neck. “Suho should like you for you, right? So, who cares if you’re a bad kisser? It’s something that can be learnt after a little practice, anyway. And if he doesn’t then it’s just his loss.”

Joohyun nodded hesitantly. “I. . . suppose so.” She was silent for a while, chewing on her lip as she stared at the floor.

Seulgi then felt Joohyun’s gaze move to her. She noticed Joohyun had an intense stare. Seulgi locked eyes with her. What was she doing? Joohyun tilted her head, her expression becoming pensive, slightly. . . curious.

“Hyun?” She checked the clock in the classroom. “I, er, should be going – don’t want to be late.”

Joohyun ignored her. “Seulgi, we’re good friends, right?” she asked slowly. 

The question caught Seulgi off guard. Joohyun didn’t look like she was joking. She was deadly serious.

“Well, yeah,” said Seulgi playfully with a crease in her brow, “Seeing as we’ve known each other forever, I’d consider us as best friends.”

“Right. And, you dated that one guy for a while, right? Last year, remember, the guy with the blonde hair?”

Seulgi didn’t know where Joohyun was going with this. She shifted uncomfortably at the mention of her past relationship. She didn’t need the reminder. She felt somewhat interrogated by the questions and wondered what the endpoint was.

“Yeah. Why does any of this matter, Hyun?”

“Would you say that you’re a good kisser then?” continued Joohyun as if she hadn’t heard Seulgi.

“I mean, I’d say so, yeah. Joohyun, what are you saying?” She was at her wit’s end.

Joohyun swallowed deeply and took a step closer. Seulgi hardly dared to breathe. “Do you – you don’t have to – but if you did . . . do you think you could let me kiss you, and tell me how good I am?”

Seulgi’s jaw dropped open. Her brain short-circuited. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. Maybe this was all a dream. But the longer she stood looking at Joohyun’s fairly determined face, the more likely it was that this was real. She closed her eyes.

“Please,” came Joohyun’s voice. “I need you to help me, Seul. It won’t even be that long. Just a few seconds so you can tell me how I am. I-I don’t know who else to ask. You’re my best friend.”

Seulgi knew that she could never say no to Bae Joohyun. It was one of her fatal flaws and probably will come back to haunt her shortly, but right then she opened her mouth to answer with resignation seeping in her tone.

“Okay,” she answered. Joohyun blinked, not fully comprehending the words but when she did, she beamed at Seulgi, who couldn’t help smiling back. “Just a one-time thing, alright?”

“Yes,” agreed Joohyun eagerly, “Just once.” She stepped even closer and raised her eyebrow when it looked as if Seulgi was frozen. “Well? Aren’t you going to kiss me?”

Seulgi’s breath hitched and she gulped before nodding at the question. She wiped her palms, which were most likely damp with sweat at this point, on her school skirt and took a deep breath in anticipation. She couldn’t bear to look away, even though her heart was threatening to jump out of her chest.

Her hand moved to Joohyun’s lower back timidly. The moment Seulgi leaned down and brushed their lips together, it was as if lightning had struck. Slowly, Joohyun moved her lips as well. After a second, Seulgi kissed with fervour, causing Joohyun to make an appreciative noise in the back of her throat, like a low grumble.

She could feel her chest rise and fall and smell Joohyun’s perfume, a sharp, intoxicating fruity smell that implanted itself in her consciousness. This was miles better than kissing her ex-boyfriend. His lips had been rough, and his patchy beard had unpleasantly scratched her occasionally; Joohyun’s lips were incredibly soft and she could taste her strawberry lip balm. She became lost in the myriad sensations running across her body.

Seulgi wanted her closer, as near as two people could be and pulled Joohyun towards her by the waist until they were flush against each other. Desperately, hungrily, letting one hand roam upwards, savouring each touch. Relishing in the way her body reacted as she traced the outline of her spine and the graceful curves of her hips.

She could only imagine how they would feel across her bare skin. It was a feeling she could get used to. Who knew a kiss could feel this good?

Suddenly a deafening sound caused them to separate. It was the school bell. Joohyun jumped backwards as if hit by something, a slightly dazed look on her face. Seulgi had stopped thinking, the lingering feeling of Joohyun’s lips still on hers.

“I —” began Joohyun, clearing her throat, “How was I?”

“Huh?”

“At kissing, I mean?”

Oh right. For Suho. She’d forgotten about that little detail.

Seulgi finally found her voice, but it came out sounding high-pitched. “Good!” she answered, hating herself for sounding like a prepubescent boy. “Really good!” She added a couple of thumbs up as well and immediately regretted it. God, why was she so awkward? It was only Joohyun.

A blooming smile crept on Joohyun’s face. Her cheeks were flushed red and Seulgi willed herself to look away. “Thank you, Seul. I knew I could count on you.”

Seulgi nodded mindlessly. “Yeah, er, anytime. . .”

Joohyun smoothed out her uniform, which had somehow become wrinkled in the process. A hot burst of pride ran through Seulgi at being the main cause of Joohyun’s rumpled state of appearance.

“Well, I think we should get to class before we are too late.” Joohyun placed a hand on the handle of the classroom door and stopped to turn around. “I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Sure.”

Seulgi had forgotten, if only for a minute or two, that Joohyun had kissed her for an entirely different reason. She scolded herself for being so stupid about it all. It meant nothing. For the greater good. It was merely a piece of goodwill towards her best friend, who was going on a date. With Suho.

And as she watched Joohyun smile at her shyly with red checks, a picture of beauty, Seulgi knew with a sinking heart that she was screwed no matter what she told herself. This was only the beginning.

Chapter Text

Seulgi avoided Joohyun after that. It was the only thing she knew how to do. She couldn’t help it and hated herself for it. Especially as Joohyun could tell she was doing it on purpose.

It was like they were in a fight, a cold war. They've never been in a serious fight before though. Their friendship had always been easygoing.

Joohyun’s unbearably wounded look was visible from across the hallway as she tried to make her way over, pushing through the crowd. Not for the first time, Seulgi would spin on heels, avoiding any form of eye contact; other times she would grab an empty seat next to someone in the classes they shared before Joohyun appeared. She even went as far as leaving her texts on seen. It was shitty of her, she knew, but necessary.

Seulgi couldn’t put a name to her emotions every time Joohyun came near her. All she knew was that an overwhelming wave of panic would crash over her as she remembered the way Joohyun’s lips felt on hers. She didn’t want to feel like this: out of control and unstable. Until Seulgi sorted herself out, she couldn’t go near Joohyun. No matter how much the longing in her chest ached at the separation.

Seulgi sat in class, but she wasn’t paying attention to the teacher at the front, who could have been jabbering on about vectors for all she knew. She couldn’t pay attention as her mind was too much of a mess.

And, Joohyun’s piercing stare burned into the side of her face several desks away. They usually sat together, but today Seulgi swiftly grabbed a seat next to some guy whose name she didn’t know.

Joohyun was pissed off. Seulgi could tell because of the tight pursing of her lips and the stiff manner of her body as she tried to catch Seulgi’s eye. Failing, of course, as Seulgi’s gaze was glued straight at her desk, staring so hard that it could’ve burned a hole in the centre. Her fingers clutched the edge of her desk, her knuckles whitening. It felt like her skin was on fire. Wendy could tell something was up, judging by the suspicious glances she gave the two of them.

As much as she tried to physically avoid Joohyun, she was taking up all the space in her mind. This was very bad. There had to be a logical explanation for her warped emotions though.

Maybe it was all the stress from the pressure of exams and homework. She straightened in her seat. Yes. That had to be it. Her teachers had been stricter now she thought about it.

Seulgi’s determination to avoid her best friend was making them both miserable. But it was the only way to get a hold of herself and nip this. . . feeling, or whatever, in the bud.

Perhaps she shouldn’t call it a feeling. Because it wasn’t. At all. No, sir. It wasn’t like she had actual feelings for Joohyun.

No.

The thought was ludicrous and caused a small smirk to appear on Seulgi's lips. So then, why was she making a big deal about this? Was she even doing the right thing? Seulgi chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. Joohyun confused her immensely that was for sure. But, most of all, every time she pictured their kiss, which was seared into her brain, her reactions baffled her.

How could she explain the way her lungs felt like they were collapsing? Or the rapid beat of her heart, the tingling just beneath her skin? It was wrong, but she couldn’t stop her thoughts or her traitorous body. . .

Seulgi would wake up in the middle of the night, breathless, panting, with the lingering taste of strawberry lip balm. A low heat would burn in the pit of her stomach.

She ran a frustrated hand through her messy hair. She hadn’t even acted like this with her ex-boyfriend. Not nearly enough. And she hadn’t just kissed him, she’d done other stuff with him, far beyond kissing.

This was complete madness. It was only Joohyun. Her best friend. Her other half, who she loved in a strictly platonic way. She’d grown up with her and seen her acne-ridden or with snot hanging out of her nose. The girl loved smelling fabric softeners for fun, for God’s sake. Seulgi had teased her about that as well. Surely that had to put someone off. Right? Plus, why was she even debating this in the first place? The truth was that she was just touch starved. Yes. That had to be it. Seulgi sighed in relief, a smile quirking up her lips. She hadn’t kissed anyone in a long time, so she’d misplaced her longing for affection with misplaced feelings for her best friend.

A quiet, half-crazed chuckle came from her. Well then. The solution was simple: she just had to find someone to date. A boy. Because she wasn’t into girls. Not at all.

Not that there was anything wrong with that, don’t get her wrong. Seulgi supported the LGBT community but as an ally – she wasn’t actually in it. She dated a guy for heaven’s sake. Her crushes had all been male. Popular boyband posters hung on her bedroom wall since she hit puberty. And she also liked some of the upperclassmen in the school, thinking they were handsome and cool – plus that boy that sometimes travelled on his bike past her house caused flutters to erupt in her stomach.

So, it was clear. She didn’t like Joohyun.

No, actually that wasn’t true. Well, of course, she liked her, Joohyun was her best friend after all. She just meant as in like like her. Seulgi grimaced, running a hand over her face. The boy sitting next to her shot her a weird look, which she promptly ignored. Great, on top of sounding like a middle schooler she also appeared crazy.

Seulgi picked up her pencil and stared down at the paper she was meant to fill in. She’d only written one thing. Her name. A sigh escaped her. All this thinking was driving her mad and hurting her grades. Think of something else, she willed. Anything.

She fiddled with the pencil between her fingers, tapping it against the desk. Question one: find the nth term for the sequence below. So, it wasn’t vectors after all. She chewed on her lip, wishing she’d paid more attention in class. The numbers swan on the page, making it hard to concentrate. She huffed, slouching back in her seat. Math was the worst.

Again, her mind drifted unknowingly.

Why did she kiss Joohyun in the first place? Nothing stopped her from saying no back then. It was one word, two letters. Nothing apart from Joohyun’s deep pout and pleading doe-eyes, Seulgi thought bitterly. They were like nuclear weapons: dangerous and enticing. Besides, best friends shouldn’t kiss each other. Not like they had.

She had seen other girls kiss before, don’t get her wrong – and, okay, so her lips might have brushed up against Sooyoung’s once by accident – but that was during parties. It was expected and in public, where they’d been surrounded by wasted teenagers cheering them on. Not in an empty classroom, alone and hidden away like a secret. Like they were having some secret rendezvous. It made Joohyun out to be Seulgi’s secret lover or something.

Oh.

A deep flush travelled from her neck and settled on her cheeks. She felt her face blaze at the depraved images that popped up in her mind. A hand rose to fan her face that suddenly seemed to be a furnace. The same boy halted his scribbling to stare at her like she was some demented patient who’d escaped from the asylum. Seulgi glared, embarrassed to the roots of her body. Could he read her thoughts? The boy shifted his eyes.

God. What had she been picturing? It was absurd. She didn’t know if she could look Joohyun in the eye again. Bile rose in the back of her throat and her stomach churned. Seulgi felt like she’d violated her best friend with her mind. Joohyun didn’t deserve this.

Well, that settled it. Seulgi just needed a little control back in her life.

A deafening, shrill ringing noise caused her to flinch. The boy finished his last scribbling and placed his pen back into his bag. Seulgi stared enviably at his page filled to the brim with ink whilst hers was a blank space of white.

“If you haven’t already finished, then the rest of the worksheet is your homework,” came the teacher’s strident voice, and a few dozen people groaned in response, Seulgi included. “I want it on my desk by tomorrow morning.”

Seulgi scowled, fighting the urge to bang her head down. She knew it was her fault. There went her option of watching Netflix all evening down the drain.

A shadow cascaded across her desk as she was shoving her books and equipment into her bag. She froze and bit the inside of her cheek, cursing herself for being too slow.

“So, are you finally done ignoring me?” Joohyun’s glare was penetrating and her voice sharp and demanding.

Seulgi flinched, her eyes drifting towards the classroom door, wondering if she could quickly make a break for it. What would it take, a couple of seconds? Her eyes snapped back as a scoff resonated.

“God, you’re still not paying attention to me,” said Joohyun angrily. “Seulgi, enough of this! Just talk to me.”

“I. . . don’t know what you mean?” Seulgi didn’t look her in the eye, twiddling her thumbs together in an attempt at distraction. Her chest tightened with something she couldn’t put a name to.

“Oh, really?” drawled Joohyun sarcastically. One of her hands reached out to cup Seulgi’s jaw with her thumb and forefinger. Seulgi’s breath hitched as her eyes snapped up to lock onto deep brown eyes, like a puzzle fitting into place. Joohyun guided her head up to face her directly, her acrylics grazing her skin. Joohyun’s voice lowered, almost a growl that had her shivering. “Seulgi, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I –” She paused. Why did Joohyun have to look at her like that? Her own emotions suddenly became too intense. She had to get away and fast. “Nothing’s wrong. We’re, uh, going to be late for class.” She stood up and tried to push past Joohyun, who blocked her exit, anger flashing across her face.

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” Seulgi flinched at her loud, cutting tone. “We haven’t spoken for days since, and every time I try to get close to you, you’re fleeing in the other direction. Care to explain?” Joohyun tapped her foot in demand of an answer. “Though I’ve got a pretty good idea why.”

She mumbled the last part under her breath, quiet enough for Seulgi to just catch it in time. A hint of desperation ran through Seulgi. She couldn’t know the real reason, right?

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Everything was slipping out of her control. She ran her tongue behind her front teeth. Joohyun appeared frustrated. Her arms were crossed and her jaw clenched tight. She looked like a haughty princess not getting her way. Despite the distress she was under, Seulgi couldn’t help the tiny smile that quirked up. Joohyun looked cute like that. Irritation, annoyance, and just a tiny bit of hurt swirled in those familiar brown orbs. Guilt pooled in Seulgi’s chest. An apology lay on the tip of her tongue.

“So, this is funny to you, is it?” snapped Joohyun, her tone harsh and bitter. “Your idea of a joke, right?”

Seulgi frowned and opened her mouth to argue. “What, Hyun, no – ”

“Well, I don’t know what to think anymore, Seulgi!” Joohyun’s voice was rising, and Seulgi briefly observed that everyone had left the classroom even the teacher. “You’re clearly avoiding me. You won’t answer me or my texts, and I just need you to – ” She broke off as hurt laced through her voice. She sighed and asked pleadingly, “Look, just. . . tell me, please, was it something I did?”

Seulgi’s tongue was lodged in her mouth, preventing her from speaking. Her chest ached as Joohyun stared back at her challengingly. A soft, disbelieving laugh bubbled from her.

“It’s not you, Hyun, believe me. I just – ”

“What?” whispered Joohyun, her expression soft and reaching out to pick up her hand. “I’m going crazy, Seul. I can’t stop thinking that you’re – ” Her voice cut off as if whatever she was about to say hurt her.

Seulgi swallowed, her gaze lowering to their joint hands in wonder, so close to spilling the truth. What was it about Joohyun that caused her to lower her defences? Had her hand always been this soft?

Thankfully, her reprieve came in the form of another teacher dressed in an ill-fitting grey suit. He frowned at them. “Come on, girls, get to your next lessons or you’ll be late. What are you still doing here? Oh, honestly, you’ll have plenty of time to chat at lunch.”

Seeing her opportunity, Seulgi snatched her bag, threw it over her shoulder, and made a run for it. She didn’t wait to see Joohyun’s expression.

It was when she was outside in the hallway that she noticed she wasn’t as breathless as before though her heart still raced from when Joohyun had grabbed her hand.

Joohyun wasn’t there at their usual lunch spot. To be fair, neither were Sooyoung and Yeri, but this was because they’d both wound up in detention for talking too loudly in lessons. Not that this made Seulgi feel any better, guilt nipping like ice in her veins. Trying to convince herself that this was good for her was a fool’s errand. Seulgi missed Joohyun terribly. She didn’t think she could take another day apart. Avoiding her didn’t seem to be working.

“What’s going on with you and Joohyun?” asked Wendy with a curious glint in her eye. “She looked as if she was about to cry in our class. What happened between you two? Did you guys get into a fight?” A single eyebrow of Wendy’s rose.

A pang was felt in her heart. Seulgi swallowed the piece of sandwich she was chewing. “What do you mean?” She kept her voice casual. “And, no, we’re not fighting – what gave you that impression?”

“The fact that she barely said a word to anyone and I could see her trying to hide her quivering bottom lip, which she only does she’s trying hard not to cry.” Seulgi clenched her fists under the table. Wendy shrugged. “So, what have you done?”

It was futile trying to argue that it wasn’t her fault. Because it was, she believed it. She gave a weary sigh, rubbing a hand across her temple.

“I think I’ve made a mistake,” she admitted. “She thinks I’m avoiding her.”

“Are you?” inquired Wendy, not unkindly.

“Well, yeah. . . I am.”

“Oh. Why though? You guys were fine a few days ago.” Wendy appeared intrigued as she sipped her carton of orange juice.

Seulgi flailed for words. “That – that doesn’t matter – ”

“Then fix it,” suggested Wendy, as if it was that simple. “You can’t be mad at each other forever.”

Seulgi snapped her head up, mouth falling open. “I’m not mad at her – who says I was mad?”

Wendy appeared exasperated. “That's what Joohyun believes, Seulgi.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not!” she snapped, furrowing her brows. “Mad at her, I mean.”

Wendy raised her hands in surrender. “Hey, don’t shoot the messenger. I'm just telling you what she thinks right now.” This made Seulgi feel like the scum of the earth, her heart sinking. Wendy’s voice lowered as she gently suggested, “Why don’t you just talk to her?”

Seulgi fixed her gaze on a spot on the table. Her voice was sorrowful. “She won’t listen to me. . .” Not when Seulgi had practically run away like a fugitive when Joohyun cornered her. And she wouldn’t blame her.

“ ‘Course she will,” said Wendy breezily, and Seulgi resented her confidant conviction. If only she was that certain. Like it was a given, scientific fact.

“How can you be so sure?” Seulgi demanded.

Wendy gave her a look as if she was totally stupid. Perhaps she was. “Because you’re Seulgi, duh – her best friend, remember? Joohyun will always make time to listen to you.”

Seulgi nodded slowly, hoping Wendy was right. She didn’t know what she’d do if she wasn’t.

During her last period of the day, Seulgi willed the time to go faster as she drummed her foot against the leg of the table. But it seemed as of the universe was taunting her, because the more often she stared at the white-washed wall clock, the slower the hands seemed to move. She gritted her teeth, cursing the damned clock inwardly.

The closer she got to the bell ringing, the less time she’d have to wait to see and talk to Joohyun. It was already taking decades. English class was her least favourite subject anyway. She barely understood anything, the words being gibberish. Besides, she’ll just get Wendy to help her.

Irritation burned in her chest as she noticed the boy next to her peek a glance at her for the hundredth time. What was his problem? She wondered if there was something on her face.

Come on, come on, she mumbled under her breath. 2:32 pm. It’d only been a minute. She groaned audibly, leaning back in her chair. She’s seen paint dry quicker than this.

Joohyun’s classroom was opposite hers. She knew this because they would usually meet afterwards to eat or go shopping after school. Hopefully, Joohyun was still there. She had to be. The second that annoying bell rang she’d run like the wind. Her muscles were poised to be the first person out of the door.

Her emotions were a reigning flurry of anticipation and dread. Terrible scenarios ran through her mind over and over again. Images of Joohyun slapping her, or flat-out refusing to talk to her, were the few prominent ones.

“What?” she snapped, shifting her body to glare heatedly at the tall, brown-haired boy, who once again peeked discreetly at her from the corner of his eye. “Why do you keep staring at me?” She was never the most aggressive person – and had been called sweet on multiple occasions – but her emotions were all over the place and she couldn’t help but lash out.

The boy froze in his seat, his expression commonly described as a deer-in-headlights, before reddening to a furious blush. He shook his head rapidly as he tripped over his words, not expecting to be caught. “N-nothing.” He cleared his throat. “I wasn’t staring at you, Seulgi, I swear.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes. He must have thought she was born yesterday. She briefly wondered at him knowing her name but she didn’t know his. “Right . . .”

There was silence before he spoke again as if thinking furiously with himself. “It’s just that, uh, you’ve – um – got a few questions wrong. Look.” He appeared nervous somewhat, barely making eye contact, and pushed over his worksheet towards her so she could see better.

Seulgi scanned his work, then hers with narrowed eyes. He was right. She’d mindlessly just been filling in the answers as she went along, barely double-checking.

“Oh. . . um – ” Embarrassment clouded over her. “Thanks, I guess.”

The boy snapped his head up towards her, a hesitant smile on the edge of his mouth. “No problem. You can copy mine if you want. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble – you know how Miss Choi is.”

Seulgi nodded. She did know. Miss Choi was an utter bitch. She gazed upon the boy with an odd expression, intrigued. He was fiddling nervously and shifting in his seat, an awkward smile stretched across his face. Seulgi faintly recognised him. He was the new foreign kid who’d moved to their school quite recently. From England maybe; she hadn’t been listening when he first introduced himself to the class. Too busy texting Joohyun at the time. He spoke Korean with an accent and his English was fluent. She has seen him at lunch for a moment, sitting lonesomely at an empty table. Until now, Seulgi had barely interacted with him. He was her desk partner but that was it.

“Oh, well, uh, thanks . . .?” she threw him a half-smile, silently asking for his name. He brightened instantly, the tips of his ears glowing pink for some reason. Weird, thought Seulgi.

“Oh, er, David,” he said cheerfully, while Seulgi scribbled down the answers.

“Da – vid?” she pronounced.

David nodded happily like a puppy. “That’s it.” Seulgi couldn’t help but softly chuckle. He was cute in an awkward, boyish kind of way.

They spent the rest of the lesson chatting quietly, out of earshot from Miss Choi, mostly about the lesson. David was charming in his bumbling, clumsy way and kept her more entertained than she thought possible with his bad jokes. English class might not be so bad now.

True to her word, Seulgi was the first one out of the room, distractedly waving goodbye to David over her shoulder and not stopping to hear his response. She made it as the class opposite opened and students started pouring out. Seulgi craned her head around for any sight of Joohyun, running over the various brown and blonde hair, and then –

Her breath hitched as she spotted raven locks. She was about to take a step forward when she halted. Joohyun looked pretty as ever with her head thrown back in laughter. Next to her was Suho, who grinned back. She’d forgotten that those two shared the last class. Joohyun then turned her head and caught her eye. Seulgi hated that her smile dropped. There was a moment of silence.

“Hi. . .” she began, seeing as no one else would, her gaze fixed on an unreadable Joohyun, who stared back. “Um – ” Why was this so hard? She’s never had any issue talking to Joohyun before.

“What do you want?” asked Joohyun, her voice cold and sharp like a thousand tiny blades.

Seulgi flinched. Yeah, she was mad alright. She swallowed and took a deep breath, wiping her hands along the sides of her skirt.

“Can we, um, talk?” Joohyun didn’t reply. “Please?”

“Oh, so, now you want to talk?” scoffed Joohyun, crossing her arms, “Whenever it suits you, right? Not when I was begging you earlier?”

Seulgi’s heart sank to the floor. “I know, Hyun. I just . . .”

“You just what?”

“Um, should I come back?” interrupted Suho, a confused expression on his face. “Seems like you girls need to talk.”

Seulgi had completely forgotten he was there. His deep, confused voice was somehow jarring. Joohyun’s head turned towards him, her face softening. Seulgi shifted uncomfortably on her feet, not knowing what to do with herself.

Joohyun sighed. “Thank you. I’ll see you later.”

“Count on it,” grinned Suho, “I’ll text you later, yeah?” He gave a polite nod towards Seulgi with a half-smile as he walked past. “Nice to see you again, by the way.”

Seulgi nodded mindlessly, not truly listening. “You too. . .” And he was gone. Seulgi couldn’t work out if this was worse for her or not. She took a peek at Joohyun, who was hugging her elbows as if to protect herself. The hallway was empty now. It was just Joohyun and her left. “I made a mistake,” she said in a regretful tone, “I shouldn’t have avoided you, I know, and nothing will make up for it, but I miss you so much, and I’m really, really sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

Joohyun was quiet for a second or two, hardly blinking, before sighing and uncrossing her arms. “I just . . .you didn’t even give me a reason, Seul. You just started ignoring me out of the blue. Do you have any idea how that made me feel?” Joohyun peered up from behind her eyelashes, her bottom lip trembling.

“I’m so sorry, Hyun, I. . .” How could she even begin to explain her conflicted emotions?

Joohyun’s voice lowered to a soft murmur. “Look, if this is about our – our practice kiss, then I’m sorry. . .” Seulgi head snapped up in surprise. “I know you’re probably disgusted by me, Seulgi, but I didn’t expect you to shut me out in every respect –”

“What did you say?” cut in Seulgi rapidly, mouth falling open in utter shock. There was no way. “Is that what you think?”

Joohyun blinked in surprise at her change in tone. “It’s just that you’ve been avoiding me since that day, so I realised that’s why. You were disgusted by me.” She huffed, though it came out weakly. “I can read between the lines, Seulgi, you don’t have to lie to me, but I just wish you’d spoken to me instead of running away.”

Seulgi’s mouth opened and closed repeatedly. She – she – what? Oh, no, no, no, no, hell no. Her guilt double-folded. She’d made a right mess of this.

“No!” she snapped, quite desperately as well, causing Joohyun to glance at her with astonishment. “You don’t disgust me at all. Take that thought out of your mind.” Her voice softened as she shot a meaningful look at her best friend. “You could never disgust me, Hyun.”

“Oh. . .” Joohyun straightened, her shoulder muscles relaxing in relief.

Seulgi ran a hand through her hair. “It’s not you, believe me. I’m just under a lot of stress really, and I─I’ve been overwhelmed with everything. School, exams. It wasn’t personal to you.” It was sort of the truth. 

Joohyun’s expression cleared and she took a step forward. “Oh, I see.” She bit her lip. “You could have come to me, Seulgi, you’re my best friend, I would be there for you.”

“I know, I’ve been an idiot, but it’s something I had to do alone.”

Joohyun smirked slightly. “Well, I can’t argue with that, you have been stupid.” Her expression turned soft and gentle. She reached out to pull Seulgi into a warm hug and said, voice muffled by her shoulder, “But I’ve missed you, too. Promise you’ll never shut me out like that again.”

Seulgi nodded with her face in Joohyun’s hair, her heart feeling lighter than it had for days. Vanilla and cinnamon wafted through her nostrils. “I promise, Hyun.”

Joohyun leaned back, a bright smile on her face that was too contiguous for Seulgi to ignore. “Good, now come on. You’re not off the hook too soon. You’ve still got some grovelling to do,” she teased playfully, a glint in her eyes, “You can start by buying me ice cream.”

Seulgi twisted her face. “Yoghurt flavour, right?”

“You know me so well.”

As Seulgi listened to the chiming bells of Joohyun’s laughter, a tiny nub of fear gripped her heart.

Chapter Text

Seulgi stood patiently in the queue, her order already decided when she reached the till. Mint chocolate chip, of course. Joohyun's arm was clasped under hers as she scanned the menu on the blackboard, which was written in chalk. Seulgi had a content smile on her face as she looked around the ice cream parlour. Every colour imaginable was splashed on the walls and floors – from pale pink to rich yellow – that was sure to catch an individual's eye in the large shopping complex.

Sundae Funday had been open since Seulgi could remember. In addition to ice cream, the place also functioned as a small cafe. It was her and Joohyun’s comfort place. Even though the name wasn't very original, they’d been coming here since they were young. Their mothers would bring them, but Seulgi knew it was so they could rest. Their mothers no longer took them, but the two of them have made it their own. It had become a sort of ritual. Sometimes, Wendy, Sooyoung or Yeri would join them but mostly it was just her and Joohyun. They came when they were stressed, upset, or even happy.

For Seulgi, ice cream fixed everything.

They were always recognised by Mr Park, the jovial, stout man behind the counter who knew their order by heart. He was the owner of the parlour and sometimes gave them an extra free scoop. Mr Park loved his job. Often, he experimented with different flavours. Seulgi had been on the receiving end of unnatural tastes like basil.

The parlour was fairly empty today. A stressed mother with a pushchair was trying to order while attempting to keep her fussy toddler quiet. Seulgi frowned. She felt sorry for the woman. There was nothing more frustrating than a snivelling child.

She peeked to the side. Joohyun didn't notice, as she was too busy standing on her tiptoes to see the flavours arranged behind the glass. Seulgi shook her head. She didn’t know why Joohyun bothered when they both knew what she was going to get. Her order hadn’t changed for a long time. But Joohyun once said that she liked having options. Seulgi still didn’t understand. It was simple for her.

If you knew what you wanted, why consider anything else?

Grabbing her cup of ice cream and her child, the mother left the shop, her expression tight and stony. Joohyun pulled her forward and smiled brightly at Mr Park.

“Ah, my favourite customers,” he boomed cheerfully, placing his hands on his hips as his moustache tickled as he spoke. “I wondered when I’d be seeing you both. It was getting too quiet around here now. So, what can I get you, girls?”

Mr Park might have been large and his voice loud but he reminded Seulgi of a friendly giant. He was nice to talk to when she was stressed. Ever since she could remember Mr Park had wrinkles, even when she was younger.

“Good afternoon, Mr Park,” giggled Joohyun, her eyes sparkling, which forced Seulgi to look away in time to avoid getting caught for too long.

“Mint chocolate chip, please,” replied Seulgi politely. The man grinned and grabbed a waffle cone with sprinkles on the edge. An enormous scoop of green was placed on the cone and it was handed over with a flourish.

Joohyun squinted before looking up to answer. “I would like a Yoghurt one if you please.” Mr Park laughed as Seulgi made a disgusted face at him and Joohyun nudged her elbow into her stomach. An ‘oof’ escaped Seulgi's mouth.

“Careful,” grumbled Seulgi, rubbing her stomach.

“Yoghurt is not a joke. Served you right,” smirked Joohyun, crossing her arms.

“Coming right up, Miss Joohyun.” He handed over the come, this time in a plain waffle cone. “Enjoy, girls. I hope to see you soon and please do come again.”

Seulgi sighed, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. “You know you’ll see us again, Mr Park. Why do you always say that?”

Mr Park grinned and nodded his hat at them. “It’s a sign of good customer service, my dear girl.”

“Right. . .” said Seulgi then took a small lick of her treat. A sweetness erupted on her tongue. “How much do I owe you?”

“4.80.”

Seulgi saw Joohyun reach for her purse and shoved a crumpled note into Mr Park's hand before Joohyun had time to react. Joohyun’s lips parted in surprise.

“Seulgi!” she exclaimed with a frown, “I could have paid for myself. You didn’t have to do that.”

“ ‘Course I did,” declared Seulgi breezily, “I said I’d pay for us both, didn’t I? It was my treat. Oh, and don’t bother trying to pay me back. Seriously.”

Joohyun shook her head and bit her bottom lip. Seulgi hated the way her eyes travelled toward this alluring motion. “I meant that as a joke. I didn’t think you’d actually pay.”

“I would and I did,” answered Seulgi firmly. “Besides, it’s on me for how I treated you. Trust me.”

Joohyun stared at her for a second or two. Seulgi wished she would not and suppressed the urge to squirm on the spot. That would’ve been embarrassing. Then a tiny smile crept onto Joohyun’s face, widening as she spoke further.

“Well, then. . . alright; I suppose that is a good reason. Next time I pay, yes? But thank you. Really.” She held Seulgi’s gaze, the latter who found it hard to break contact. Joohyun’s eyes were so deep and mysterious. Were they always this dark brown, bordering on black?

“Alright, girls – come on now,” interrupted Mr Park. He had an odd smile on his face as he gazed at them. It reminded Seulgi of the Grinch. “Were you here for ice cream or to shoot a Kdrama?”

Seulgi’s head snapped up. “What? No! I mean – ”

She closed her mouth and grumbled under her breath after hearing Mr Park’s belly laugh. Crazy, loony old man, she thought. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Perhaps he was getting too senile in his old age.

“We’re sorry, Mr Park,” said Joohyun and took the change from him. Joohyun barely seemed affected by Mr Park's words, other than a slight flush to her cheeks. It was just Seulgi who was a complete mess. “Thank you for the ice cream. We hope to see you again soon.”

Joohyun took her arm and dragged Seulgi to their table. Yes, they had a table. A two-seat table was placed in the corner, away from anyone overhearing them. Seulgi licked a circle around her desert. She could already feel a cold sensation trickling down her hand. Great, it was already melting.

“So, how’s your soccer practice been?” asked Joohyun.

Her ice cream looked clean and smooth. Everything Joohyun did was graceful. Meanwhile, Seulgi was an awkward mess. Well, recently that was. She remembered a time when she felt jealous of the other girl. It was near impossible not to be.

Seulgi swallowed hard and grimaced as she felt a tiny brain freeze. “Oh, um, good. Really good,” she responded. “The girls are all working hard and our first game is coming up soon I think.”

“You’re going to win, Seul,” reassured Joohyun confidently. “I know you will.”

She reached out to squeeze Seulgi’s hand soothingly before letting go. The moment Joohyun touched Seulgi, she lost the ability to breathe. Her gaze was drawn to the spot Joohyun had touched. She wished Joohyun wouldn’t do things so casually and indifferently. But maybe the other girl had always been like this and Seulgi was just overreacting. She scowled inwardly. Everything circled back to that damn kiss.

“How are you so sure?” Seulgi hoped her voice hadn’t cracked but Joohyun hadn’t noticed.

“Because I’ve seen you play, Seulgi,” said Joohyun with a soft glint in her eyes and a half-smile. “You’re good, believe me. I love watching you play.”

Seulgi was touched by Joohyun’s belief in her. She seemed confident in her soccer abilities but Seulgi wasn’t sure herself.

Last season had been a failure and they’d been defeated by a dreadful 3-0. Seulgi’s father had been hugely disappointed and she couldn’t look him in the face for at least a week or two. It was unbearable. It was like her chest was constricted and she felt suffocated. She hated disappointing her father in any way.

Now the pressure was mounting, and her father had been gruelling her with tips and techniques. Their first game was in two weeks and all Seulgi felt was a sick churning in her stomach every time she thought about it. They’d be lucky to make it to the semi-finals.

“Hey, are you okay?” asked Joohyun curiously with a tiny crease on her forehead. “You zoned out for a second.”

Seulgi gave a fake smile. “I’m fine.” She cleared her throat and spoke before Joohyun pushed for more. The latter had a way of knowing her true emotions. It probably came from knowing each other for so long. “So, are you all able to be there to see me in the first match?”

Joohyun nodded. “Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” She looked up and then stared at Seulgi with an odd expression. She blinked.

“What?” inquired Seulgi in a tone of confusion. “What is it?” Joohyun burst out laughing, confusing her even more.

“No, Seul – look, it’s – ” She spoke in between her laughs, raising a hand to stifle the giggles behind her palm. Joohyun dwindled her laughter to a slow finish though she still had an amused grin on her face.

“What are you laughing at?” demanded Seulgi, not liking being the brunt of the joke.

“Nothing really – just come here Seul, look.” Joohyun rose from her seat and held out a pocket mirror at Seulgi. “You’ve smeared ice cream all over your face. It’s everywhere.”

Seulgi felt embarrassed. She hadn’t even noticed. She was about to wipe it away with her hand when Joohyun stopped her.

“Seulgi, no. Here, let me.” With a fond smile, Joohyun grabbed a few napkins from the table and walked around the table towards Seulgi while the latter was still sitting. Joohyun shook her head with visible endearment. “Be more careful next time, silly, and eat slower. God, only you’d make your face look this messy.”

Her face loomed over Seulgi’s with a focused gaze, her eyes lidded. Seulgi couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. Joohyun’s touch was soft and gentle as she turned her head to each side. Instead of wiping the stain with a rough hand like anyone else would have done, she patted it gently. It was. . . nice. She leaned her head back until it rested against the chair. It wasn’t the most comfortable but Joohyun’s ministrations more than made up for it. A contented sound escaped from her mouth, almost like a purring noise that rumbled from deep in her chest.

“There,” whispered Joohyun, her voice low, “all done.” Her thumb caressed the edge of Seulgi’s mouth. “Be more careful next time, yeah?”

Seulgi swallowed deeply. Her voice came out all hoarse and low. “Er, thanks, Hyun.”

By the time they had finished and thrown away their rubbish – consisting mostly of stained napkins – Joohyun dragged Seulgi around the clothing shops. Seulgi wasn’t pleased. She’d been planning to go home and finish her math homework as it was due soon.

“I need clothes for my date,” Joohyun announced, grabbing Seulgi’s hand and pulling her along.

Seulgi frowned but let herself be hauled. “Don’t you already have some at home? There were some in your wardrobe the last time I checked.”

Joohyun turned her head to stare at her. “They’re old, Seul. How can I use them? No, I need new ones.”

Seulgi smirked. “Didn’t take you for a snob, Hyun.

“I’m not a snob!” Joohyun smacked Seulgi lightly on the shoulder and pouted. “Stop teasing me.”

Seulgi’s eyes drifted down to Joohyun’s bottom lip, which was jutted out rather enticingly. Pink, full, shiny from the lip-gloss. . .

Wait. Why was she thinking about her best friend’s lips so much today? That was weird.

“You wound me, Hyun,” she responded to distract herself, hoping her voice didn’t sound strained from her thoughts.

Joohyun merely ignored her and walked into the first shop. There went her homework for another night. She was going to fail at this rate.

She sat outside the dressing room, tapping her feet as she watched the pile of clothes beside her grow larger each minute. Joohyun wasn’t satisfied with any of them. For Seulgi, while it was fun to dress up and ‘get pretty’ sometimes, there were a lot of things she would rather do right now. How the hell she had been talked into this was beyond her.

“Don’t you think you’re slightly overthinking this?” Seulgi questioned as they walked into their fifth shop. Who cares what you wear? He should like you even if you turn up in a bin bag. I don’t think he’d even notice.”

There might have been a little bit of sullenness to her voice, but so what? It didn’t mean anything. Seulgi was just tired of being lugged around that’s all.

Joohyun smiled. “You’re sweet to think so, thank you. Still, I need new clothes– it’s coming up soon and I’m freaking out already!” After a few minutes, Seulgi heard an exasperated sigh and Joohyun call out, “Seul, come here, I need your help!”

Seulgi sighed and placed her phone in her pocket before rising from her seat and then kicking a box of shoes in her path. Did she just bring her along to be her servant? She ripped back the curtain before being yanked in, the curtain drawn behind her. She yelped, not quite comprehending what was going on before Joohyun turned to face her.

“I need you to help me zip this up, please. I’ve been fine with the others by myself but this is a tricky one.”

Joohyun turned around to face the slightly dusty mirror while Seulgi’s brain stopped working at the sight of her back. She inhaled sharply. There was so much skin on display that she felt faint. She formed a tight fist, not trusting herself to reach out and grab her.

Calm down, she willed herself. She’s seen Joohyun in a state of undress plenty of time at her house or hers or during PE. It was no big deal. She could do it.

“Seulgi,” came Joohyun’s voice in a tiny bit of irritation. Seulgi locked eyes through the reflection. “Come on, we haven’t got all day. Just zip me up. The sooner you do this the sooner we can leave."

Seulgi looked into Joohyun’s pleading brown eyes and felt herself melting against her will. Those things were like nuclear weapons. She sighed and threw her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay. . .”

She stepped forward behind Joohyun and wiped her palms against her trousers. Why was this so hard? Joohyun moved her hair to one side and Seulgi had to blink several times. She suddenly became aware of how warm the air was and how parched her throat became. The ice cream from before was useless.

Brown eyes took in the sharp curve of Joohyun’s shoulder blades that Seulgi desperately wanted to trace with her fingers. This whole thing felt strangely intimate even though it didn’t mean anything to Joohyun. She was acting like a creep. Focus.

Slowly, with fingers slightly shaking, Seulgi reached to pull up the zipper. She made sure not to snag the zipper into her skin or her long silky hair.

“All done,” said Seulgi a tad breathless. She felt dizzy and her cheeks were getting warmer with each passing second.

“Thanks, Seul.” Joohyun spun around, giving an expectant look. “Well?”

Seulgi blinked. Through strong will she kept her eyes fixed on Joohyun’s. “Well, what?”

Joohyun huffed an exasperated laugh. “Come on, Seulgi, wake up. Tell me how I look. Honestly, what is up with you today?"

Seulgi flushed. “Oh, er – ” she cleared her throat “ – good, Hyun. Amazing. Positively radiant.” She bit her tongue. Positively radiant? Who says that nowadays?

Joohyun hummed in thought and turned to look in the mirror. “I suppose it’s not bad. But I don’t know. . .” She suddenly seemed uncertain. “You don’t think it makes me look frumpy?”

Seulgi frowned. How could Joohyun think that? She was gorgeous. “No,” she replied firmly, making Joohyun appear astonished. “You look beautiful, Hyun and any guy would be lucky to go on a date with you.” A shy but pleased smile crept onto the other girl’s face and there was a light dusting of pink on her cheeks.

“Thanks, Seul-bear.” Seulgi was enveloped in the scent of vanilla and cinnamon as Joohyun pressed forward into a hug. She became aware of how small the dressing was. Joohyun let go and Seulgi couldn’t tell if this was a curse or a blessing. “Now, let me get changed, and we’ll just have to pay.”

Seulgi nodded mindlessly and left the dressing room.

It was no secret that Seulgi was terrible at Math. She just didn’t realise that it would come back to bite her in the rear.

After the bell rang, Miss Lee called her to her desk. Most of her classmates threw her sympathetic glances and Seulgi could only sigh. She found out the reason why and was ultimately given an ultimatum.

“What, you can’t do that!” snapped Seulgi with a fierce scowl.

“I think you’ll find that I can, Miss Kang,” said Miss Lee sternly. “I’ve already spoken to the Principal and your Coach about it and they both agree. Your grade needs to change or you’re off the team.”

Seulgi’s mouth dropped and she probably looked like a puckering fish. Because of her terrible math grade, all her diligent work training during the summer was futile. Miss Lee was an utter bitch. She imagined what her father would say when he found out and paled in response. Her breathing started to get ragged.

“This is your fifth ‘F’, Miss Kang,” continued Miss Lee without acknowledging the panic that must have been visible on Seulgi’s countenance. “I suggest you start taking my class seriously.”

Seulgi’s voice turned desperate. She couldn’t give up soccer. She just couldn’t. “I don’t get it, I barely understand it,” she said through gritted teeth but Miss Lee wouldn’t be moved. The woman was like stone.

“Then perhaps a tutor. But either way, Miss Kang, I want to start seeing some improvement by the end of the semester or it’s your future down the line.” Miss Lee fixed her spectacles and picked up a red pen while bringing the stack of papers toward her. “Now, hurry along before you miss lunch.”

That was it. Miss Lee had dismissed her. Seulgi shoved her chair back angrily – which made a loud squeaky noise against the floor – picked up her bag and stormed out. What the hell was she going to do now?

Most of the hallways were empty as the students had departed for lunch. But in her peripheral, standing by his locker was David. Seulgi stopped. She narrowed her gaze and pondered. She marched over and approached the foreign boy.

David closed his locker and jumped when he saw her standing close to him. His hand rested on his chest from shock. “Jeez, Seulgi – you scared me.” He smiled awkwardly then joked, “Your feet are like a ghost. Like Casper.”

“I need your help,” announced Seulgi without apologising. Her mind was too occupied and she had to find a quick solution otherwise it meant giving up soccer. And she had no idea who Casper was. “We’re friends, right?”

David’s lips parted in disbelief. “I mean. . . I guess so. We’ve spoken, I’m not sure if you remember. During class. Never mind.” He flushed and looked nervously over her shoulder.

“Right. . . anyway, I need your help.”

David blinked several times. Seulgi wondered if he had something in his eye. “M-my help?” he stammered. “Really? Not that I’m not willing to help, but what should I help you with?”

“I need a tutor. For math and you’re good at it, aren't you?”

“Um, I mean, I don’t know if I would classify myself as ‘good’, per se. I’m not a professor in Mathematics or anything like that, but I suppose so, yes.” David fiddled with his hands as he rambled. “I get decent grades.”

Seulgi sighed in relief. “Great, would you be willing to tutor me? Please.” She added the last part earnestly.

David chewed on his bottom lip and smoothed the front of his sweater. “O-okay. I’ll help you with maths. But we’ll have to do it after school. I have too many extracurriculars to do.”

Seulgi smiled. That was easier than expected. She thought she’d have to plead. “That’s fine with me. Amazing, so I’ll take your number down then.”

David froze for a second before fumbling for his phone. “You want my number? Oh, right, yes, yes. Of course – here you go, Seulgi.” They exchanged numbers and Seulgi promised to text him when they’d next meet.

She turned to him before she left for lunch. “Thank you, David. I appreciate this.”

David grinned shyly. “Anything to help a friend, Seulgi. I’ll see you later."

It was late evening on a Saturday when Seulgi heard a knock on her front door. Her Dad was working late and she’d already changed into her pyjamas. What in the world? She frowned, wondering who could be at her door at this time.

She grumbled as she got up. Seulgi blinked as the sight met her eyes.

“Joohyun?” she exclaimed loudly. “Are you alright? Aren’t you meant to be on your date?” She felt bewildered. “Is everything okay?” A lock of Joohyun’s hair stuck to her forehead and her bottom lip was trembling.

“No. I mean, yes. I mean I-I don’t know,” replied Joohyun quietly. She sighed.

“Where’s Suho?”

Joohyun ignored her. There was an expression of conflict on her face. Abruptly, she declared, “I need to ask you something, Seulgi.”

“You can ask me anything, Hyun, you know that.” She stood to the side, making room for Joohyun to enter. “Has something happened? What’s – ”

“I need you to kiss me again.”

Chapter Text

Seulgi’s brain malfunctioned. It probably stopped working, if she was being honest. She stared at Joohyun’s pleading and slightly desperate expression, not blinking. Did she hear correctly?

“What?” she croaked, then cleared her throat. “Um, Hyun, what did you say?”

“I – ” Joohyun faltered with her words, and a look of bewilderment flickered across her face. “I don’t. . .”

A beat passed.

“Come inside,” Seulgi gestured and made a wide arc behind her, eyes still fixed on her best friend. “And, we’ll talk, okay?”

Joohyun bit her lip. “Okay,” she answered in a quiet voice and tersely nodded.

They made a beeline towards the living room. Joohyun sat on the sofa, her brown eyes darting everywhere but onto Seulgi as she clutched her elbows tight.

Seulgi stood opposite, rubbing her hands against her side, feeling nervous for some bizarre reason. She grimaced, embarrassed, as she noticed tiny crumbs sprinkled on the other side of the sofa. She briefly wondered why she cared when Joohyun had seen her house in more disarray than this.

“So. . .?” Seulgi began and trailed off. She didn’t know how to bring up the topic. There was no way she misheard. Joohyun had asked her to kiss her. Again. Her chest weirdly jolted. “Do you want some juice?” She was buying time, she knew it. Plus, it was the polite thing to ask.

“I think I’m doing something wrong,” said Joohyun abruptly, ignoring her question. “I mean, I have to be, right?”

Seulgi stared. “What do you mean? Joohyun, what’s wrong?”

Joohyun didn’t answer immediately and stared at the ground as if in deep thought, fiddling with her fingers. “I went on my date with Suho,” she declared.

“Oh. That’s – that’s great, Hyun. So, er, how did it go?” She wanted to ask why Joohyun was at her house and not with Suho, but kept quiet.

“Good.”

“Okay. . .” Seulgi twirled a piece of string that had come undone from the edge of her top.

Joohyun sighed loudly and peered up to meet Seulgi’s eyes. She appeared confused and slightly frustrated. But why, Seulgi had yet to know.

“Well, it was good – at the beginning, at least.”

Seulgi frowned. “He didn’t do anything to upset you, did he?” Her tone sharpened while her mind raced.

Joohyun shook her head. “What? Oh, no, no – Suho was a perfect gentleman. He’s funny and smart and charming, and – oh – the way he opened the door for me and insisted on paying. He’s just –” Joohyun smiled sweetly as if reminiscing “– the best, you know?”

How could he not be? “Right. . . I see.” Seulgi sharply tugged the piece of string until it started unravelling even more.

Joohyun sighed deeply and covered her face with her hands as she groaned. “Ugh, this is so annoying and confusing! Why am I like this?”

Seulgi’s face softened as she saw Joohyun’s dejected countenance, her heartstrings tugging. She never could resist a downhearted Joohyun. It was like her Kryptonite. She brushed the crumbs off the sofa and took a seat next to Joohyun.

“Then what’s the matter if he’s perfect, Hyun?” she asked in a soft voice.

“I – he just – ” Joohyun breathed in, then continued in a quiet voice as if admitting a shameful secret. “His kiss was all wrong.”

Seulgi blinked several times to remove the unpleasant images popping in her head, most of which included Joohyun and Suho locking lips in a tight embrace and doing her best to ignore the churning of her stomach.

“H-how do you mean?” To her dismay, her voice cracked like a prepubescent boy. Thankfully, Joohyun didn’t notice.

Joohyun frowned. Her voice quickened. “I mean, his lips were too rough, and I think he used too much tongue. I didn’t feel anything. All I kept thinking was how much I wished for it to be over, and he just smiled that perfect boyish smile at me – the one that I’ve dreamed of for weeks now – and when it was over I just – ” Joohyun closed her eyes for a second. “I didn’t have the heart to tell him I didn’t like it. He looked so happy, Seul. So, I lied to him.”

Seulgi’s mouth parted slightly. “Oh, um, well – ”

Joohyun swivelled her body sideways until she fully faced Seulgi. “I mean it’s supposed to feel amazing, right?” she demanded. “I’ve heard some girls talk about a tingly feeling, but I only felt that with – ”

Seulgi stared as Joohyun broke off and flushed red suddenly. “With who?” she asked in curiosity.

Joohyun shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is I. . .” She glanced sorrowfully at Seulgi as if the latter was the cure to her problem. “I think something’s wrong with me. I must be doing it wrong. That’s the only explanation I can think of.”

Seulgi was quick to answer. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Hyun. Maybe you’re just overthinking it.”

Joohyun looked as if she didn’t believe her. “Maybe.” Her eyes narrowed in a hopeful expression, biting her bottom lip. She shivered. “All I know is that I can’t go through another kiss with him again. Which is when I thought I could ask you for help. Perhaps you can do it.”

Seulgi furrowed her brows and crossed her arms across her chest. “Suho’s mediocre kissing skills are his problems,” she pointed out. “I can’t do anything about that.”

“No!” exclaimed Joohyun, shaking her head with a short laugh. “No, not like that, Seul. I meant I wanted you to help me .”

Seulgi must have looked like someone had hit her on the head. “Oh. . .” Well, then.

Joohyun reached out to grab her hands and gave a soft squeeze. “Please, Seul. I thought that if we practised, as we did before, I could become a good kisser for Suho and maybe our kisses would become better. I wouldn’t ask if I wasn’t desperate. So pretty please.”

Seulgi shifted uncomfortably and pulled her hands out from under Joohyun. “I don’t understand – why me? Why not Wendy or Joy even?”

Joohyun wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Ew, just no. I can’t imagine myself kissing them. It’s too weird. Also, you’re the only one who knows how to kiss properly. You have the most experience, remember? But most of all, it’s because you’re my best friend. I trust you.”

Seulgi’s breath caught in her throat and she had to look away from Joohyun’s expressive eyes. “I don’t know about this, Hyun. . .” she admitted in a wary tone.

She didn’t appreciate the mention of her ex-boyfriend and pursed her lips, but couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling as Joohyun pleaded with those pouty lips and deep brown eyes.

“Look, you don’t have to make your decision right away. Just. . .think about it, okay?” Joohyun rested a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder.

Seulgi had a terrible feeling about this. She knew it was going to be hard to say no.

It was after school, and Seulgi looked for David. Today was her first tutoring session. Turns out David was even more talkative over text than in real life.

Most people had gone home and only a few lingered in the classrooms. She turned the corner to a hallway and spotted David’s back shoved against the lockers. She approached closer but noticed he wasn’t alone.

Seulgi frowned. David appeared close to tears as he was hunched up. Two boys in the grade above had huge smirks on their faces as they loomed over him. Seulgi recognised them as notorious troublemakers who sometimes snuck to the roof to smoke weed or drink, though it was prohibited. She made out some sentences.

“ – You hear me, little bitch-boy?”

Their voices were low, but Seulgi didn’t have to be a genius to realise that David and they were hardly friends.

She approached with narrowed eyes and her hands behind her back.

“Something wrong here?” she asked slowly, watching how one boy removed his hand from David’s collar and straightened it out with a winning smile.

“Everything’s swimmingly,” answered the shorter one, showing his hands in his trouser pockets. “We were just having a little chat, isn’t that right?”

David cringed and barely lifted his head to meet Seulgi’s eyes. Seulgi guessed he was embarrassed. His cheeks were red and his jaw tight.

“Right. . .” She drawled wryly, hardly believing a word. She hated bullies. “In that case, you can both get lost, then. I need to talk to David.”

The taller one sneered. “Careful, Kang. You won’t be the school’s star soccer player forever. I’d watch your back if I were you.”

Seulgi raised an unimpressed eyebrow. Her father was much more intimidating than these two clowns who fancied themselves rebels. “Your opinion is noted. Now crawl back to whatever loser den you came out of.”

The taller one growled low and took a step forward, causing Seulgi’s muscles to tense, but a teacher appeared in the corridor, throwing all of them suspicious glances. The boys gave one last glare at David then disappeared. Seulgi turned to David, who smoothed out his uniform.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “What was that all about?”

David fixed a forced smile on his face and picked up his bag, which had fallen on the floor. “Nothing,” he quickly replied. “F-fine. I’m fine,” he repeated, flustered. “No need to worry. Believe me. I think they were just joking around.”

“Are you sure?” Seulgi raised an eyebrow. David appeared far from fine.

“Positive. You don’t have to worry.”

David pulled out a pair of glasses, wiped them clean with his shirt, and put them on. He blinked large blue eyes. The glasses were square, those black-framed ones that didn’t look very fashionable.

“I didn’t know you wear glasses,” Seulgi remarked with a tone of surprise.

“Oh, I, er, don’t wear them all the time, you know?” said David with an awkward shrug. “It gives me headaches if I wear them for too long, so I just wear them whenever I can. I need to see from far away, basically.”

Seulgi nodded and changed the subject before she knew more about glasses than she needed. David did that a lot, she’d noticed: rant about whatever topic they were talking about until it grew tedious for her.

“So, shall we go for tutoring? I need this grade to go up soon. A test is coming up, remember?”

David perked up with a half-smile. “Oh, yes, I almost forgot. Yes, let’s go. Is the local library fine with you? I thought we could study there because their desks are bigger than mine at home.”

Seulgi shrugged, not caring about the size of the desk. She just wanted to raise her grade to at least a C so she could stay on the soccer team. God forbid her father found out if she couldn’t pass her exams. She was betting on David so much.

“Sure, whatever.”

Seulgi stared blankly at the numbers in front of her. She did not know what was happening or how to solve this. She rubbed her head against her temple, feeling the beginnings of a headache emerging. She threw her back in her chair and groaned.

“Fuck this shit!” She scowled with a huff. “Actually fuck this.”

“Mind your language, Seulgi,” murmured David, peering around the fairly empty library for any dirty looks. But no one would willingly come here on a Friday after school. “Come on, you were doing so well on the earlier questions.”

“Yeah, well, they were simple, but these sound and look like they came straight out of hell,” she grumbled. “How can you even like this?” She turned to look demandingly at an amused David, with a pen between his fingers.

“Maths is fun,” he defended half-heartedly.

Seulgi snorts. “As fun as watching paint dry, I’m sure.”

“It’s logical, and it makes sense,” continued David. “It doesn’t lie, and it solves most of the world’s problems.” He shrugged shyly. “Also, I kinda want to become a maths professor. It’s been a dream of mine ever since I was little.”

“You’re crazy, David,” said Seulgi, shaking her head as she stared at him. “But each to their own, I guess.”

“Well, what do you want to be?” asked David curiously.

Seulgi turned quiet for a few seconds. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

David raised an eyebrow. “You don’t want to be a professional soccer player? Everyone thinks you’ll be one. At school, I mean. It’s just I’ve overheard some people.”

“No! Yes. I mean. . . I don’t know,” Seulgi sighed, then smiled as she remembered something. “My best friend and I always said we’ll buy twin houses next to each other when we were younger and live by the beach every day, so that’s something at least.”

“It’s a delightful dream to strive towards,” smiled David. “Very picturesque.”

Seulgi shrugged indifferently. Joohyun and she had been stupid kids when they made that promise, caught up in the moment of child’s play.

Now, Seulgi knew better, and it was unlikely to happen. Joohyun would marry and have kids and live somewhere else, possibly in a large city. It seemed inevitable, so why was there this uneasy feeling in her stomach?

She shook off her thoughts. “Come on,” she remarked breezily, leaning forward to peer at the worksheet. “Explain to me this again. I still don’t quite get it.”

With that, Seulgi’s brain became full of complicated sums and far away from thoughts of the beaches, cottages and Joohyun. Including what she was going to do about Joohyun’s suggestion of kissing practice.

Chapter Text

The light glowed through the oval window and lay on the floor like sweet honey. Seulgi breathed in deeply. She got up to open the curtains.

The golden rays soaked into her skin. It reminded Seulgi of the time she slept on the beach when she was nine. Joohyun had been with her then, the two of them laughing and playing in the crystal blue water with carefree grins. 

For a moment, her mind conjured the rhythmic waves, her heart beating at the same slow pace, Joohyun’s hand in hers as they ran across the sandy shore. Her father looked so happy. His wavy hair danced, and a rare smile stretched widely across his sunburnt face. He looked years younger without the worries marking his features. He had helped them build a sandcastle, and then later bought them ice cream from the pier. Large scoops of vanilla ice cream oozing with chocolate sauce and pistachios. She'd never heard her father laugh so much.

He doesn’t laugh now. Not like he used to. Not anymore. Not with work consuming him.

A couple of minutes later, Seulgi was dressed. Her hair was placed in its usual ponytail, away from her face.

Seulgi approached the living room. The familiar pungent aroma of smoke filled her nostrils. True to form, her father sat in his plush armchair, a cigar placed between two fingers. A stack of papers lay on the coffee table. He wore his pristine black suit. Her father rarely wore jeans even around the house. He sniffed in displease if anyone encouraged him to wear a pair. He felt it was too lazy and unrestricted. 

The TV was switched on to the news channel. A broad, heavy-shouldered man with a heavy moustache frowned intensely on the screen. Her father glanced up as Seulgi walked in.

“Good morning, Dad,” she greeted quietly.

He grunted in response, his eyes still scanning over a document. A second later he spoke. “How are you? Did you sleep well?”

“I slept well, thank you. What about you?”

He waved his hand as if to ward off the question. “As well as can be. Are you ready?”

“Yes, Dad.”

“An important year for you, yes? But make sure you remember that every year is important.” He peered at her with a stern expression before glancing back down.

“Yes, Dad.” Seulgi thought that it was the end of the conversation but he spoke again, causing her stomach to clench in discomfort. It was always awkward talking to her father. She had a sudden desire to flee the room.

“Are you keeping on top of your practice? I do hope you are aware that you cannot afford to slack behind.” Her father’s tone was cold and had sharpened somewhat, causing her to shiver.

“I am. I practise every day.” Unconsciously, her posture straightened. “Our first match is coming up soon.”

“Make sure you win,” he said coolly, without looking up.

She nodded then clenched her fists. “Dad, you shouldn't be smoking right now. It's not good for you.”

“These doctors will say all kinds,” said her father with a disparaging smile. 

“It's for your own good.”

He sighed harshly in displeasure as he placed the cigar down. Seulgi almost regretted saying anything.

As she was about to leave, he muttered, “Focus on your soccer and your grades, Seulgi. Don't get distracted by anything unnecessary. I have high expectations for you, understand.”

She swallowed inaudibly. She knew what he alluded to. “I will, Father.”

He glanced at her, the furrow in his brows softening for a second. He looked as if he was about to say something but gave a curt nod as if dismissing her like he would one of his employees. The room felt heavy all of sudden. Seulgi fought the urge to tug on her tie and wetted her dry lips. Her father glared at the man on the TV, his lips turned into a sneer.

And just like that, the dry, stilted conversations between her and her father resumed. Seulgi didn’t know whether to feel grateful or resentful.

The pitch was damp from the rain yesterday but it didn’t stop Seulgi’s team from winning the practice match. Her lungs were aching and sweat ran down her face but a cheer escaped her mouth.

Seulgi had been playing soccer her whole life. She had sworn at one point in her young life she would become a professional, be well-known for her skills, and be the world’s best soccer player. Her father encouraged her, of course, but to a higher intensity. It was all he could focus on every time he spoke to her. Seulgi wished on a rare occasion that he would question her about anything else.

As she got older, she drifted off from her dream but her passion for the game continued. She still loved playing soccer but didn’t know if she wanted to go professional. Every time she thought about universities and future careers, her chest tightened and she found a way to evade the subject. Until when? She had no idea.

After the game ended both teams huddled together as high fives and shouts of a good game went around.

“You get better every match, Seulgi,” said her teammate with a grin.

Seulgi shrugged bashfully but couldn’t help puffing her chest out in pride. Her father would sneer and think her a fool for becoming too big-headed over a practice match, but she couldn’t help it. The adrenaline and thrill of taking the winning shot would never get old.

Ignoring the faint words of her father in her mind, she high-fived some of her teammates and received some pats on the shoulder.

“Hey, Seulgi!” her team yelled and nodded in the direction of the stands with a teasing smirk. “Your wife’s waiting for you.”

Seulgi spun around a caught a glimpse of Joohyun sitting on a chair, wrapped in a scarf and clapping along with the others. She scowled at the jeering and ignored the weird jolting in her chest.

“Fuck off,” she said, flipping them off and jogging over towards Joohyun.

“Isn’t it too early for you to be here? School’s not for another half hour,” she smiled, her stomach doing that strange fluttering when her eyes latched onto Joohyun’s.

“I don’t mind,” shrugged Joohyun. “I like watching you practice. Here – ” Joohyun handed over a white towel and a water bottle.

Seulgi groaned in relief. “Oh, thank God,” she said, feasting her eyes on the items like they were her saving grace. “I could marry you right now, Hyun.”

She took a huge gulp of water, feeling a trickle escape and trail down her neck. She hadn’t realised how parched her throat became until she saw the water. Joohyun laughed at her comment and slapped her shoulder before covering her mouth. There was a light pinkish tint to her cheeks but Seulgi guessed they were from the icy wind.

“Ah, you wish,” smirked Joohyun. “You’d make a terrible wife anyway.”

Seulgi’s mouth dropped open. “What? How can you say that?” she demanded. “You should be lucky I even considered you.”

Seulgi wanted to keep a straight face but the smile on the other girl's mouth was contagious. She was suddenly aware of the warm sensation in her chest. Joohyun’s eyes sparkled with happiness and mirth as she threw her head back to laugh. Her teeth glinted and her lips were all plump and red like a cherry’s. . .

Seulgi felt a crashing desire to pull back as a tiny nub of fear gripped her. She pulled her arm back from Joohyun’s and took a step back, clearing her throat. Joohyun’s smile faded into a half-smile. She almost looked disheartened at the loss of contact but it must be Seulgi’s eyes playing tricks.

“So – ” she began, grateful for the distance. “How’re things with Suho?” It was the first topic that she could think of and immediately cursed herself for bringing it up.

Joohyun sighed; her mood shifting, a stark difference from before. She appeared troubled and a furrow creased her forehead. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m kind of ignoring his texts.”

Seulgi eluded the tiny spiteful voice in her brain that this told her it was a good thing and she should be happy. Shut up, voice. I’m trying to be a good friend. “Oh, how come?” she asked, trying to make her tone sound concerned.

“I can’t face him, Seulgi,” sighed Joohyun. “I can’t even look at him in the hallways and it’s killing me. I – I don’t know what to do. Or say to him.” Her bottom lip trembled.

“Why can’t you just tell him that you don’t enjoy kissing him?” suggested Seulgi.

Joohyun looked at her like she suggested jumping off a cliff at the next opportunity. “Are you crazy?” she squealed. “And have him break up with me. No. Do you know the number of girls who would kill to be in my position? I can’t lose him, Seul. Not when I finally have him.”

Seulgi exhaled in annoyance. She started to become irritated. “Well, I’d say you’re doing a fine job of that yourself, Hyun, by ignoring him.”

“I know, I know – I just – ” Joohyun’s voice came out quiet. She glanced up shyly. “I don’t know what to do.” She chewed on her lip for a silent moment. “Have – have you given any thought to what I suggested previously?”

“Oh, um, I’ve thought about it, yeah – ”

It wasn’t technically a lie. Seulgi had thought about continuing their kissing practice. She’d thought about it during lessons when she was bored – particularly math class – during soccer practice, and when she lay in bed at night. She even made a list of pros and cons before scrapping it in the bin. She’d run through all the scenarios of why it was wrong to kiss your best friend. 

And so she was going to reject Joohyun. She wasn’t going to go through with it and decided to tell her so. Now was the perfect opportunity.

Why was her tongue stuck, and why could she not form a proper no? It was two letters, one syllable. N. O. No.

“I mean we’re both girls so it wouldn’t count as cheating if that’s what you’re worried about all this time,” said Joohyun, fiddling with her thumbs.

It wasn’t, but Seulgi didn’t mention this. She looked down at the ground and shifted her weight from each foot. “I – um. . .”

“Oh, right. I understand, Seulgi,” interrupted Joohyun, her chest deflating. “You don’t need to tell me. I get it. I’m sorry I asked you.”

“No!” blurted out Seulgi. The exclamation passed her lips without permission, and it was strikingly loud, echoing in her ears. Joohyun’s eyes widened. “Let’s do it. I’ll help you.”

Joohyun’s eyes lit up as she asked excitedly, “Really? You’re going to help me?”

“Yeah, it’ll be a favour to a friend. My best friend. It’s no biggie, right?” Seulgi didn’t know if she was saying it to remind herself. She didn’t want to find out.

Joohyun squealed and threw herself in her arms. Seulgi let out a yelp and hugged back but hid the worried expression behind Joohyun’s shoulder. Her brain was telling her she was making a mistake. The funny thing was that she knew that but didn’t have the strength to care anymore. And this scared her more than anything.

“Would you rather have no nose or no arms?” asked Sooyoung in a serious tone.

It was the lesson before lunch and the only class Seulgi shared with Sooyoung. Naturally, neither of them got any work completed. Sooyoung tended to talk a lot and Seulgi became distracted easily. They were a dangerous pair together.

Sooyoung’s legs were laid across Seulgi’s lap as she leaned back in her chair. The teacher had left to run an errand so most of the class had abandoned their work and were chatting to themselves. Even if Seulgi wanted to do the work, Sooyoung would keep poking her in the shoulder until she gave up.

“No nose, definitely,” answered Seulgi without hesitation.

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. “Wait really?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you? I need my arms for, like, basic functions and running in soccer. I can deal with no nose.”

Sooyoung hummed in thought. “Interesting. Yeri said no arms.”

Seulgi snorted in amusement. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes, gaining a few seconds of quiet. Just then, she heard something from behind her, causing her to frown.

“ – I don’t know why he went for her anyway?” came a voice filled with envy. “She’s not even that pretty.”

“I know,” said her friend soothingly. “Suho can do so much better.”

Seulgi’s eyes snapped open. She had a pretty good idea about whom they were talking about. Their voices became quieter and Seulgi strained her ears to hear.

“He probably feels sorry for her, you know.” The voice came out in a tone of amusement and satisfaction like they solved the key to a crime. “She’s like a little charity case he picked up off the street.”

Seulgi’s fists clenched and her cheeks burned red. She spun around, glaring at the two girls, her mouth flying furiously open to defend her friend.

“You shut your mouth,” she hissed. “Joohyun is better and prettier than both of you combined ten times.”

The first girl scoffed, not appearing at all contrived, while her friend appeared sheepish and embarrassed at being caught.

“Touched a nerve, have I, Seulgi?” said the first girl, raising her eyebrow and crossing her arms. “Can’t face the truth? Then again, I’m not surprised that you jumped to her defence.”

She scoffed with a look of disdain at the two. “What are you talking about?” Seulgi snapped angrily.

She laughed mockingly, a glint of malice in her eyes. “I mean I shouldn’t be surprised – the way you two go about, it makes you wonder about certain things. . .”

Seulgi clenched her jaw, feeling as if the classroom walls were too close to her. She couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating.

She was about to retort back when Sooyoung spoke. She hadn’t moved from her position and merely scrunched up her nose at the two girls like they were cockroaches found near her shoe.

“God, it stinks around here,” she announced, catching multiple people’s attention. “I thought I smelled a pile of shit near me – turns out it was only you two,” said Sooyoung loudly, garnering laughs from nearby classmates.

The two girls flushed red in embarrassment and the first girl glared at Sooyoung. “Yah! You stupid bitch” she yelled.

Sooyoung eyed them. “No, really. It skinks of shit around you and it’s clogging up my nostrils. Deodorant and perfume do exist, you know. If you want, I can buy it for you. It’s no problem. No, I insist .”

More fierce laughter erupted at this and the first girl looked like she was going to blow steam out of her ears. Seulgi let out a chuckle. Sooyoung caught her eye and winked.

“What’s all this?” entered the stern voice of the teacher, and all noise abruptly vanished as people raced back to their desks to make it look like they weren’t up to any mischief. “I thought I told you all to get on with your work quietly?”

Sooyoung leaned over when the teacher wasn’t looking. “Ignore them, Seul,” she murmured. “They’re just jealous bitches.”

Seulgi nodded and smiled. “I know, thanks for stepping in.”

Sooyoung was quiet for a minute. There was an unreadable expression on her face as she looked at Seulgi. Seulgi shifted uncomfortably in her seat, feeling self-conscious.

“What is it?” she asked quietly.

“Seul. . .” began Sooyoung slowly. “You know I’m always here for you, right?”

Seulgi furrowed her brows. “Yeah, I know that.”

Sooyoung patted her arm softly. “Just making sure you knew that.”

Seulgi shrugged. Oookay. That was weird. Sooyoung wasn’t usually known for her heart-to-heart conversations.

Joohyun came over at five o’clock. Tomorrow wasn’t a school day and her father was still at work like he always was, so they could stay up as late as they wanted. They ate dinner and cleaned up.

Joohyun stood at the sink, with dishes in huge foam waiting to be washed. She wore her signature apron that Seulgi kept whenever she came around.

Joohyun stuck her hand out into the water and started humming a little. Seulgi stood next to her, drying each plate as Joohyun passed them along. Her eyes followed the movement of the hands with a small smile on her face. It was moments like this that she truly felt content. No worries or stress about school. Just her and Joohyun cleaning in quiet peace. An unbidden thought popped into her mind – as they have been lately.

This is so domestic, she thought. She quickly scrapped it, however. Thoughts like that are not what she should be having about her best friend.

Joohyun turned around to look at her. “What?”

“What?”

“I thought you said something,” said Joohyun with a curious eyebrow.

“I didn’t say anything. Are you sure you aren’t losing your hearing, Hyun, seeing as you are getting old?” teased Seulgi with a smirk. 

Joohyun narrowed her eyes and flicked some water at Seulgi. “Yah! How dare you, Kang Seulgi.”

Seulgi gasped as water lay on her cheek. Joohyun had a surprisingly good aim and the girl burst out laughing.

“You should see the look on your face, Seul! It's priceless.”  

Seulgi rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah – laugh it up. Come on, hurry up with the dishes then.”

Afterwards, they sat on the sofa. Seulgi’s mind and nerves were racing.

“So, er, how do you want to do this?” she asked Joohyun awkwardly after a few seconds of silence, taking a deep breath

Joohyun bit her lip. “Just tell me if I’m doing anything wrong, okay? Just give me some advice.”

“Okay. So, um, a good kiss just sort of happens naturally. So don’t wait for the exact moment for it.”

“Right,” nodded Joohyun, listening attentively with wide eyes. “But how do I know when the right moment is?”

“You don’t,” Seulgi shrugged. “It’s just a gut feeling and you’re not supposed to force it. If you’re not feeling it then it’s not the time. Simple as that.”

“All right, understand so far.”

Seulgi took a shaky breath inward, forcing her eyes to stay focused on Joohyun’s. “Now, lean in and just sort of gently come into my mouth and keep your lips relaxed while you do so. Don't tense up.”

Joohyun nodded and leaned in close. Seulgi thought all of a sudden that this was a bad idea. She swallowed hard, telling herself to get a grip. No big deal. No big de–

Her thoughts were cut off when their lips touched for the second time, and it was even better than she remembered. She flinched but didn’t pull away, determined to bulldoze through it. She drew her hands up to cup Joohyun’s face between them and then pulled away.

Joohyun looked anxious. “So, how was it? Was it worse than before?”

“That – that was good,” Seulgi said breathlessly, her mind working harder to catch up to reality.

Joohyun groaned in despair. “I can’t be just good, Seul. I have to be amazing like you.” Her face turned resolute. “Show me again. Tell me what I need to improve on.”

Seulgi shut her eyes for a millisecond before shortly nodding. “Just relax a little, okay? Otherwise, he’ll be able to tell if you’re not enjoying yourself.”

They leaned in again. This time, Joohyun’s mouth was a little more relaxed and Seulgi felt a pair of hands tugging at her shirt lightly. She’ll call it stupidity later, but at the moment it was pure instinct that made her lick Joohyun’s lips. But what she couldn’t explain was why Joohyun gasped and let her deepen the kiss. Heat curled in her abdomen in response as sparks of pleasure tripped down her spine. 

Her lips tasted like strawberries. It probably had something to do with the lip gloss she was wearing, Seulgi thought dazedly. Her hands moved to grip Joohyun’s waist delicately. Without warning, Joohyun twisted around to straddle her, her upper thighs clutching her waist. Seulgi’s brain became numb and a light moan escaped before she could stop it.

Joohyun was the first one to break away. There was a dazed look in her eye and her lips appeared wet and redder than usual. Seulgi felt a low throbbing in her lower areas, causing her to panic as she recognised the feeling. She swiftly placed Joohyun on the sofa and rose from her seat, placing as much distance as she could.

“That – that was better,” she forced out with a strained smile. “Well done.”

“Huh. . .?” replied Joohyun, peering up at her but not quite seeing her.

“I said you were better this time round, Hyun.”

Joohyun stared and then blinked, escaping whatever trance she was in before.

“Oh. Oh! Right. Yes, thank you, Seul-bear.” Her bright beaming smile was back on her face. “It’ll be better with Suho this time round.” She nodded firmly to herself. “It has to be.”

Oh.

Suho.

Seulgi felt her heart drop. Guilt ran through her veins. Through all the kissing not once did Joohyun’s potential boyfriend cross her mind.

Suho had no idea why Joohyun was avoiding him. Suho who Joohyun was interested in.

It was like a drop of cold water had been drenched all over her. Her chest ached painfully as she watched Joohyun’s infatuated grin at the thought of him.

She couldn’t put a name to the feeling before. But now she knew, innately. It scarily appeared like romantic feelings. Stronger than she had for her ex-boyfriend. That she shouldn’t be having for her best friend, who was a girl.

She liked Joohyun.

A surge of emotion coursed through her. Too fast to identify and pick out. As Seulgi gazed at Joohyun, she watched her lips move and form a sentence without really hearing it, her heart hammering loudly in her ears, her mind still reeling from her split-second realisation.

But just as soon as she realised, Seulgi knew there was no hope. The spark hadn’t even been lit. Because Joohyun liked Suho and had done for a long time. There was no changing that.

Joohyun doesn’t like her back. Seulgi felt knives stab her heart. There was just friendship between them.

Chapter Text

David was good at most things. He knew that clouds weren’t weightless and could weigh around a million pounds; he knew from watching National Geographic that rats laughed when they were tickled; that the circulatory system is more than 60,000 miles (about 96560.64 km) long, and that zero is the only number that can't be represented in roman numerals.   

Yet, David also knew from a young age how cruel people, kids, in particular, could be. He was five years old when kids yelled that he couldn’t be friends with them because they didn’t like him. At nine, his money for lunch was stolen and he was shoved into a locker; at thirteen his PE clothes were stolen by the boys, who sniggered, and he was forced to shamefully go home by the teachers.  

He’s been told that he was smart and polite more times than he can remember during the parent-teacher meetings – that he’s different from his peers. David could guess what they meant really: that he couldn’t read people as easily as he would like or make friends like the others. Sure, his grades were amazing, but it was his social intelligence that was lacking. That’s what those teachers meant to say.  

His mum didn’t feel like it was something to worry about, though. She just smiled and hugged him, telling him not to think about it – so what if people didn’t like him all that much? It revealed a lot more about them than it did him. 

David didn’t want to tell her that he did care about that. He wanted people to like him, just like anyone else. For people’s eyes to light up when they saw him or call out his name excitedly in a crowded hallway. 

He hadn’t experienced it yet, however. 

Not to say that he hasn’t tried to make friends. He has. Yet, some of the boys flat out refused to have him on their team as they thought him too weak and not good at football – or any sports for that matter. The girls wanted nothing to do with him. PE lessons were the worst for David.   

It didn’t help that he was gangly and awkward looking, his hand-to-eye coordination practically rubbish. He was clumsy on some occasions, which led to some adults being annoyed. His uncle had yelled once and hit him over the head, asking “what the matter with him was” for dropping a plate on the floor. Needless to say, anything that required thinking or solving he could do no problem but kicking balls and running for long periods were out of the question.  

So, when his mum said that they’d be moving to Korea because of his father’s new job, David wasn’t too fussed to be leaving England. He didn’t have that many relatives there either as both his grandparents had died when he was just a baby.  

Korea was going to be a new experience for him. He was hopeful and could speak Korean to the level where he could understand but maybe not to a native level. It was going well on the morning of his first day. People looked curious, and David had a ball of hope bubbling in his stomach.   

Until the teacher instructed him to introduce himself to the class. The moment he started talking snickers and giggles erupted from the class, causing him to feel bewildered. He’d wondered if something was on his face. It was then that he realised that they were laughing at him and his ‘funny little accent’.   

David’s heart sank, and his smile was wiped from his face. So, it was to be set in stone. He was the weird foreign boy from England who couldn’t speak Korean properly. He doubled down on getting his pronunciation correct after that by studying just as hard to fit in, but it was hard to change the students’ minds.   

Some people were amazed at how smart he was in lessens and vocalised that admiration, but it never went anywhere, much to David’s dismay.  

Nobody would let him sit at their table in the cafeteria or team up with him during group projects, as people already had their friendship groups set up, some of them since the beginning of their school lives. He was the interloper, the outsider who’d never belong with them. So, David shifted all his hopes onto university and making friends there, where they’d all be in the same boat – lost and clueless.   

When he was assigned as Kang Seulgi's desk partner in Maths – sorry, Math class (he’ll never get used to saying that) – he never thought something would come out of it.

Everyone knew who she was: the star soccer player, the charming athlete, and one of the prettiest girls in school. She was popular while he wasn’t. David was in awe of her. She radiated this easy, unattainable aura that made him feel out of his depth. Like a shiny light in the distance, he could never reach. 

He barely spoke to her or interacted before. He threw glances at her when she wasn’t looking, feeling his heart pound faster than was necessary. He admitted to himself that he may harbour a tiny crush on her, but who wouldn’t? Most people in the school liked her, even if she wasn’t aware of it, and he was just another straw in a pile of hay. One of the numerous admirers.  

Sometimes he’d attend a football game and watch in shocked revere as she effortlessly dribbled and scored goals like it was a normal Tuesday for her. Seulgi was everything he wasn’t: charming, sociable, athletic, confident and funny. She had her life, and he had his, lonesome as it was.   

One day, during math class, David sensed that Seulgi seemed troubled and irritated for some reason and kept staring at the clock every few seconds. He also realised, looking down at her answers, that she’d also gotten most of the questions wrong and Miss Lee would not let her off the hook.  

“What?” snapped Seulgi, glaring at him with daggers in her eyes. His heart dropped as she swivelled around towards him. “Why do you keep staring at him?”   

He didn’t realise that his staring had grabbed her attention. Her expression was so far from the warm Seulgi he was usually used to. Then, David didn’t know how it happened, but he offered her his worksheet to copy from. For a minute, he thought she was going to reject it and laugh in his face. But Seulgi looked at him intriguingly, like he was something she couldn’t figure out, and David could feel his ears burn red as he avoided her gaze nervously.    

She wanted to know his name, which he told her excitedly. He couldn’t remember the last time someone was eager to know his name instead of the answer to a question or whether they could borrow a pen. It felt nice for a change.   

They spent the rest of the lesson chatting out of Miss Lee’s earshot. He told some jokes he’d read from a book and grinned as she laughed along with him. His chest had a warm feeling, and he couldn’t stop smiling. It’d been the first time since that he hadn’t completed a worksheet and instead became distracted.   

At the end of the class, when everyone was packing up their things, David turned around to Seulgi, taking a deep breath, steeling his nerves and plucking up the courage to say, “Hey, er, Seulgi – would you like to sit with –” But David never got to finish his sentence.  

“See you David – it was nice chatting with you,” said Seulgi distractedly, waving a hand over her shoulder.  

He followed her gaze and saw that it was focused on her Bae Joohyun, her best and closest friend. David knew of her, but they’d never spoken. She was usually stuck to Seulgi’s arm the whole day and was always seen laughing, their eyes bright and mirthful. If Seulgi was the light, then Bae Joohyun was the distant moon – just as mysterious and ethereal. 

“Oh. . . yeah, er, I'll see you later, Seulgi,” trailed off David, his smile fading, but Seulgi hadn’t heard him at all as she was halfway out of the door. “Or whenever, you know,” he muttered quietly under his breath then sighed as he made his way to PE class.   

If David thought that meant he and Seulgi were friends, then he was mistaken. Seulgi was never rude to him by any means – it wasn’t in her nature – and she did wave to him in the hallways, but there was no opportunity for them to speak again. He tried not to seem too downhearted, but he couldn’t help thinking that he might have captured her interest only to be proven wrong.  

Miss Lee, his math teacher, provided an opportunity. He’d been standing at his locker, but a flurry of footsteps interrupted him and saw Seulgi marching towards him with a determined expression. His eyes widened.   

“I need your help,” announced Seulgi, causing David to wonder whether he heard her correctly. “We’re friends, right?”  

David’s lips parted in disbelief. He felt so far beyond reality that he wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not. Seulgi coming to him and needing his help while calling them friends? He was confident before this that she’d forgotten him after their conversation.

“I-I mean. . . I guess so. We’ve spoken, I’m not sure if you remember?” he piped up hopefully. “You know, during math class.” She stared blankly at him, her brows furrowing in confusion. His body deflated. He knew it was too good to be true. “Oh, well, never mind.” He flushed and looked nervously over her shoulder.  

She blinked. “Right. . . so, anyway, I need your help.”  

Turned out, Seulgi needed a math tutor to help her pass overwise she was going to be kicked off the soccer team. She seemed desperate, and David’s heart went out to her. He knew how heartbreaking it would be for her if she couldn’t play anymore. So, he agreed to be her tutor.   

She turned to him before she left, a look of gratitude shining in her eyes. “Thank you, David. I appreciate this.”  

David grinned shyly. It took everything to keep himself from trembling in excitement. “Anything to help a friend, Seulgi. I’ll see you later.”  

For the first time, David felt happy. Seulgi considered him a friend and he could help her with something he was good at. Things were looking up.   

His third encounter with Seulgi, however, hadn’t gone how he’d hoped. It was after school when he was unexpectedly slammed into a locker, a tight fist gripped his collar, preventing anyway of escape. He groaned as the metal hit the back of his head, throbbing painfully.  

A bolt of fear ran through him as the other boy stared down with a malicious smirk. He’d forgotten about these two lately.   

“Where’re you been, lately, huh?” asked the shorter one. David didn’t even know their names, only that they tormented him with every opportunity they had. He knew they were older, and they felt like he was an easy victim to prey upon.

“Think you can hide from us?”  

“No, I, please –” David groaned as a fist slammed into his stomach and he doubled over.   

“Talk only when you’re asked to,” snapped the taller one, “you hear me you little bitch-boy.”   

Tears prickled in the back of David’s eyes, but he refused to look vulnerable in front of them. A voice snapped his head to the side.   

“Something wrong here?” Seulgi approached slowly, her hands behind her back as she watched the scene with hawk eyes. Her expression was one of caution.   

David could barely raise his head to look at her. Humiliation burned through him at her seeing him like this.  

“Everything’s swimmingly,” answered the shorter one, showing his hands in his trouser pockets. “We were just having a little chat, isn’t that right?”  

David wanted to laugh. A chat was hardly what anyone would call it, and it seemed like Seulgi agreed. She kept trying to catch his eye, but David wouldn’t let her. His cheeks felt hot, and his jaw clenched tight. What he wouldn’t give to disappear right now and avoid everyone.  

“Right. . .” She drawled sarcastically; her face was hard as she stared at the two bullies. “In that case, you can both get lost, then. I need to talk to David.”  

David feared that they’d hit Seulgi and tensed in response, but Seulgi didn’t look one smidge afraid. If anything, she seemed annoyed and angry about the whole thing. “Crawl back to whatever loser den you came out of,” she spat with a scrunched-up face.  

The taller one growled low and took a step forward. David removed himself from their grip, ready to jump in. He would be damned to let them hit a girl. But thankfully a teacher chose to walk in at that time. The boys gave a last glare at David, then disappeared.  

“Are you okay?” Seulgi asked, staring. “What was that all about?”  

David smiled, though not very well. “Nothing,” he replied swiftly. “I’m fine,” he repeated, swallowing the lump in his throat. “No need to worry. Believe me. I think they were just joking around.” He turned his tone into one of fake light-heartedness.  

“Are you sure?” Seulgi raised an eyebrow, eying him with worry.  

“Positive. You don’t have to worry.”  

When they started their tutoring session, David discovered that Seulgi wasn’t as simple as he’d imagined her. He grinned proudly as he told her all about becoming a maths professor when he was older. She didn’t scoff and make fun of him as he’d anticipated. Seulgi blinked in surprise then shrugged, accepting it. 

David asked her what she wanted to be, a note of curiosity in his voice. She didn’t want to be a soccer player like he’d expected like everyone else in the school. She didn’t know what she wanted.  

David paused. His perception of Seulgi had changed. She seemed so much more unsure of life, not like the confident athlete who could barge her way through life without anyone telling her what to do. She wasn’t this unattainable emblem people could only glimpse at in the corridors. She was just as lost and alone as him. Very much. . . human.  

David watched her smile softly while lost in thought. “My best friend and I always said we’ll buy twin houses next to each other when we were younger and live by the beach every day, so that’s something at least,” she laughed tenderly.   

David knew she meant Joohyun. He’d never seen the two girls without each other, and he could tell Seulgi cared for her with the soft look in her eye. He felt a deep sense of longing that he tried to push away, wishing that someone could feel that lovingly and deeply for him. That they’d imagine him with them in their future. It was a sweet dream.   

“It’s a delightful dream to strive towards,” encouraged David. “Very picturesque.” He could see her and Bae Joohyun in a beach setting and thought they suited very well there.   

Suddenly, Seulgi’s smile wiped off and she straightened in her seat. David wondered what he said wrong. He was worried Seulgi would have nothing to do with him anymore. Her voice came out emotionless and dismissive like she was trying hard not to think about something.  

“Come on,” she remarked breezily, leaning forward to peer at the worksheet. “Explain this to me again. I still don’t quite get it.”  

He frowned in confusion but did as she suggested.

A few days later, they were in the library after school and David was teaching her about math. He tried for the hundredth time to get Seulgi to pay attention to an explanation of an equation. Her mind seemed elsewhere.  

Seulgi was withdrawn lately; she’d stare at him when he was talking like she was seeing through him; her replies were slower, and her eyes glazed over. He was beginning to get worried, but he didn’t want to pry too deeply and scare her off.  

“So, what would that be?” asked David, raising an eyebrow. “Seulgi? Seulgi?”   

Seulgi blinked. “Huh? Sorry, what was that?”   

David sighed. “Come on, the question?” He tapped the end of his pencil against the question in the textbook.  

Seulgi shrugged. “Oh, I, er, don’t know.”   

“Is ─ is something wrong?” he asked, fiddling with his fingers. “Has something happened to you?”   

“Nothing’s happened,” snapped Seulgi sharply, causing David to lean back in surprise. Her expression softened as she ran a hand across her face, appearing weary. “Sorry, didn’t mean to yell at you like that.”  

“It’s okay,” he smiled. He knew something was bothering her, but David refused to push. He’s always been a people-pleaser like that. Nothing ever good came from confrontation. He switched the subject. “Why don’t we take a break? How was your weekend? Got up to anything?” he asked kindly.   

“Not much,” said Seulgi after a while. “I mean I did –” She glanced up at him and David watched as a myriad of emotions ran through her eyes, too quick for him to catch, before she closed her mouth and shook her head, clearing her throat. “Nothing. Nothing happened.” She focused her attention on him. “What about you? Did you do anything fun that didn’t include a textbook?”   

He sighed, rolling his eyes playfully. “Well, no. I didn’t go out then.”  

“Do you ever go out?” said Seulgi.  

“What, of course, I do.” His mouth dropped. “I’m not some hermit.”   

She snorted, her eyes glinting. She looked lighter than she had a moment ago. But that quickly changed as her eyes fell over his shoulder. David turned around and followed her gaze to fall upon Bae Joohyun and Park Sooyoung. They were laughing and then made a beeline to Seulgi when they spotted her.   

David looked away, flicking through the textbook and feeling awkward as she greeted her friends. Girls made him feel awkward. Always has done and always will. 

“What are you doing here?” asked Joohyun, eyeing Seulgi curiously. David watched as Joohyun stood near Seulgi, touching her shoulder.   

Seulgi tensed and swallowed visibly. David wondered why she looked nervous. He’d never seen her look so on edge.   

“I’m here for my tutoring, remember?” she said.  

“Urgh, yeah, Miss Lee is an utter bitch,” scowled Sooyoung, and earned a few shushes from people in the library for her loud voice. “You know, she gave me detention the other day for asking a simple question. Can’t you believe her?”  

“Yeah, she’s not backing down,” said Seulgi with a sad sigh.  

David noticed Joohyun rub Seulgi’s shoulder soothingly. Seulgi glanced up at her and there was a tender look that passed between the girls. David got the sense that perhaps he was intruding on something private – that he and the rest of the people shouldn’t be here to witness. 

He looked to the side and saw Sooyoung looking quite bored at the display as she examined her nails. Seulgi closed her eyes as Joohyun grabbed her hand. 

“So, this is your tutor,” remarked Sooyoung, eyeing David, and he was quite glad for her breaking the tension between the two girls. He cringed when the attention turned towards him.  

“Hmm, oh, yes, this is David,” Seulgi introduced. “David, meet my friends, Sooyoung and Joohyun.” Her voice softened at Joohyun’s name.   

“Hey,” he tried to smile.  

Sooyoung appraised him with a confused look. “Are you sure you go to our school?” she asked rather bluntly.  

“I do,” he nodded.  

“Weird, I’ve never seen you around.”   

Joohyun was staring at him with a thoughtful expression. David shifted anxiously, ducking his head. “Aren’t you that foreign boy that eats alone every day?” Her voice was curious. “The one Suho says has no friends?”  

David flushed red, shame coating his cheeks.   

“He’s my friend,” said Seulgi sharply, frowning.  

Joohyun blinked. “Oh. . .” Now there was a different kind of tension.   

Sooyoung sighed, rolling her eyes. “Right, so anyway. We are going to go now. See you later, Seul. And Davod, nice to meet you. See you whenever.”   

“It’s David,” he mumbled but didn’t think anyone heard.  

“So, what were you telling me about Suho?” Sooyoung’s voice trailed off as they walked away.  

“Your friends are interesting people,” remarked David, peeking at Seulgi next to him. However, her gaze was focused entirely on the spot where her friends had disappeared. Her hands were clenching her pen tightly and her breathier had become heavier too. “Seulgi?” he prodded.  

Seulgi blinked and removed her expression. “What? Oh, yeah, I guess they are,” she replied absentmindedly, “Hey, I wanted to ask you something?”  

David sensed a shift in her tone. “Yes?” he said, thinking it was going to be another one of those math questions.  

“Do you want to go out on a date with me?” 

Chapter Text

Seulgi wasn’t sure why she did it. Everything in her mind was screaming that it wasn’t a good idea. She didn’t even like David like that. Sure, he was nice and had kind eyes, but she could never be interested in him romantically.   

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Her mouth moved faster than she could think, and she just blurted it out. Maybe she regretted it, maybe it was a bad idea. She didn’t know, her head was spinning from the flurry of thoughts bouncing through her mind.   

After her realisation about her. . . feelings, all she wanted was for them to disappear. They had made a house inside her body, and she wanted them gone. She wanted to grind them in a blender and throw them away until there was nothing left. God, she’d trembled like a loser when Joohyun grabbed her arm and leaned against her. Every nerve of her body had been on edge.   

Before all this, she’d never minded Joohyun’s touchy-feely nature but now she loathed every second of it. She wondered how Joohyun couldn’t hear the rapid beating of her heart, or the shaky breath every time they practised kissing for a minute or two when they were alone.

Yeah, that was still happening, much to Seulgi’s dismay and delight. It was like being pulled between two ends of a rope. Joohyun still wasn’t satisfied with her kissing technique, something to do with her perfectionist nature. But it meant that Seulgi was being roped into her schemes and nor could she say no to her best friend. Some mental block was preventing her from doing it.   

Enough was enough, Seulgi had decided.  

It wouldn’t do. She had to do something if only to get her to act like a normal person again. Maybe get a hold of her emotions. Sit in the driver’s seat this time instead of fearfully going along for the ride.   

She longed to be the Seulgi she used to be. Calm and collected and didn’t get butterflies in her stomach every time she looked at her best friend. Oh, how far she’d come. So, with desperation burning in her chest and driving her every thought, she latched onto the first person she saw, which turned out to be David.

However, to her surprise, it wasn’t like David had said no to her. He stared at her for a minute, his eyes wide, probably thinking it was a joke or something. He asked if she was pulling his leg. That was the moment when she should have put a stop to it and said that she didn’t mean it.  

If only.   

But hearing Joohyun’s giggles in the background with Sooyoung’s voice becoming fainter, gushing about Suho, solidified her decision. She was sure she wanted to go on a date with him.   

David hesitated before nodding, more bewildered than happy. Seulgi didn’t blame him. She wanted to take back her words as soon as she said them, but it was too late by then.   

So, here she was, going on a date with David.   

Seulgi didn’t know how she felt. There was a great pit in the bottom of her stomach, but she forced herself to not pay attention to it. The only way she was going to get through this was by not questioning things too hard. And it wasn’t like she could ignore Joohyun ─ the girl was pretty much glued to her life ─ so this was the next best thing.  

She just prayed that it worked. By this time next week probably, she’ll be Joohyun’s best friend again and her touch and kisses won’t affect her at all. She’ll be like a frozen block of ice, cool and unmoved.   

Hopefully.   

David and she had decided to go out to a café on a Saturday. It wasn’t very original, but David had left the planning to her seeing as she’d been the one to ask him and he’d let her decide. And Seulgi wasn’t in the mood to be creative or put a hundred per cent effort into it. A cliché café date will have to do.   

Truthfully speaking, she’d even forgotten about the date until the day before and it wasn’t even Seulgi who remembered, it was David himself. 

She sat at the cafeteria table with Joohyun next to her and Wendy opposite them. Seulgi had slowly been shifting closer to the edge every few minutes, but Joohyun found a way to get closer, their shoulders grazing. It seemed luck was on Seulgi’s side because not even Wendy noticed how much of a mess inside Seulgi was and she was the most observant of the lot.   

“Yes?” said Wendy, pausing mid-bite of her yoghurt to stare across Seulgi’s shoulder. “Can we help you?” Her voice was polite and curious.

Seulgi turned around to see David, hands in his jacket pockets and shuffling uncomfortably at the attention that was now focused on him solely. She sat up straight, removing her arm from Joohyun’s grip.  

“David?” she began, feeling Joohyun’s eyes shift towards her.  

“Hi, um ─” he mumbled, with a half-smile. He appeared very uncertain as he fiddled with his fingers. He settled his gaze on Seulgi. “I, er, wanted to ask Seulgi something.” Seulgi grimaced slightly as her chest tightened. “Are we ─ are we still on for tomorrow?” he asked nervously.   

Seulgi's mind turned blank until it hit her like a freight train. Her hand clapped to her temple. “Oh, shit! Right the thing.” She turned her head to see Joohyun’s curious glance already on her. This, of course, didn’t make her any less unsettled. “I’ll text you the details later,” she offered. “And we can go from there.”  

David blinked then smiled shyly. “Okay, cool, thanks, Seul. I’ll see you then.”   

Seulgi frowned as she noticed a purple bruise on the back of his arm as he walked away. Joohyun’s eyes narrowed.   

“What was that all about? What thing?” she asked slowly with a raised eyebrow.  

Seulgi preoccupied herself with her half-eaten sandwich. “Nothing,” she answered.  

“Didn’t seem like nothing,” Joohyun snarked. “And why did he call you Seul ?” She frowned. “Only us as your friends call you that.”   

“So? David’s my friend too.” Seulgi squirmed as Joohyun kept staring.   

Wendy gasped, breaking their intense eye connection. “You’re going out with him, aren’t you?” she addressed Seulgi. “I can tell by the way he was acting.”   

Seulgi sighed. Nothing could get past Wendy, and David did make it pretty obvious.   

“Okay, yes, you got me,” she replied with an undercurrent of resignation, a small smile pulling at her lips as Wendy grinned.   

“I knew it,” beamed Wendy. “Well, good for you, Seulgi. You’re finally over them.”   

Seulgi’s head snapped up fast. “Over whom?” she yelped, her breathing turning shallow. Wendy can’t have known.  

Wendy’s brow furrowed. “You know, your ex, hellooo ─ who else did you think I meant?” She raised an eyebrow.  

Seulgi bit the inside of her cheek, cursing herself inwardly. She smiled forcibly. “Oh, right! Yes – yes, I’m – er – over him.” She honestly couldn’t give two shits about her ex. She hadn’t thought about that asshole in months. God, now her emotions were seeping outwardly where other people could tell.

Wendy blinked and then smiled softly. “Oh, well, glad to hear it, Seul. I hope –”  

“You’re going on a date?” Joohyun interrupted. Seulgi realised she’d been quiet for a while. “Answer me?” she demanded.   

Seulgi swallowed and glanced at Wendy. The latter shrugged as if to say, ‘she’s your best friend, it’s all on you.’  

“I ─ yes, I guess I am,” answered Seulgi, taking a bite of her sandwich.   

“And you didn’t think to tell me before?” insisted Joohyun with a tiny scowl. “Don’t I mean anything to you?”   

Seulgi sighed. “Of course, you do. You’re my best friend, Hyun, I just got a bit preoccupied with things.”  

Joohyun snorted, crossing her arms. Seulgi wondered why there was a crease between her brows.   

“Where are you going anyway?” Joohyun questioned, staring rather intently at Seulgi, who couldn’t make out her tone.   

“Dunno yet,” Seulgi shrugged. She could sense something weird in the atmosphere. “Maybe that café a few minutes from my house, haven’t decided yet.”   

“What time?”  

Seulgi huffed a laugh. Joohyun hadn’t smiled since and she’d been holding her fork tight enough that her knuckles turned white. Seulgi frowned.   

“Six, maybe, depends,” she replied confusedly. “What’s with all the questions?”  

Wendy was shifting her gaze between the two, and Seulgi with a titled head, something in her expression that Seulgi couldn’t make out.  

Joohyun blinked and then relaxed her features. She smiled but Seulgi could tell it wasn’t genuine. “Just interested, you know?” Something flashed into her eyes. “You're not taking him to our place, Sunday Funday, are you?” she asked sharply, gripping her arm.  

Seulgi felt surprised. “No ─ no, I'm not.”   

Joohyun relapsed her grip. “Oh, right. . .” She wasn’t staring at Seulgi anymore and seemed to be deep in thought.   

The bell rang suddenly, signalling their time for lunch was over.

David scrubbed up well. He was wearing black slacks and a white shirt with a jacket thrown over it; his shoes, though, were trainers. Seulgi felt underdressed. She’d just thrown on some jeans and a leather jacket. David hadn’t said anything, however.   

He gave a soft smile, hands in his jacket pocket. “You look nice.”   

“Thanks, so do you,” Seulgi replied with a half-smile. She’d rather be at home watching her show, but she made the decision, so she’d have to take responsibility. “Shall we go?”   

The café wasn’t that packed. The warm air welcomed them with a coffee smell, mixing the smell of chocolate and cakes. The smell was so sweet that Seulgi felt like she was having a honey bath. It had a quiet ambience with a jukebox in the corner.  

Seulgi ordered a hot chocolate and a cream roll. There had been silence for a while. She couldn’t think of anything to say. And while David tried to make conversation, Seulgi spoke half-committed, or nor-verbal sayings. She sunk deeper into her seat, glancing repeatedly at her watch and wondering when this was going to be over.   

To be honest, Seulgi didn’t feel that different being with David than if they were at a tutoring session. Her heart rate was normal, her hands weren’t sweaty, and she didn’t feel out of her depth. It was like going out for a drink with Wendy or Sooyoung.   

David was sweet and kind, but she had a sneaky feeling all he would be is a friend. This made her feel worse because she knew David must have felt something for her if he agreed to this date. Why else would he?  

“This is nice?” prodded David. “Strawberry cake is my favourite.”  

Seulgi shrugged. “Yeah, suppose so.” Her gaze ran over the café. A server wiped a table with a cloth. She noticed David’s smile dim from the corner of her eye and a sigh escaped him.  

“Can I ask you something? Did ─ did you truly want to be here with me, Seulgi?” David asked suddenly, causing her to snap her head around.   

“What?” she said swiftly. “Why would you ask that?”  

David wrapped his arms around himself, appearing uncertain. “I don’t know,” he said softly, in a sorrowful tone. “You don’t seem like you want to be here. And you haven’t really been paying attention to anything.”   

Seulgi felt defensive. “No, I have! I have been paying attention. You were just talking about how nice the music was.”  

“Seulgi, I mentioned that about ten minutes ago.”   

Seulgi flailed for words. “No ─ I-I ─”   

David smiled sadly, reaching out to grab her hand. He gave a comforting pat. “Hey, it’s okay. Seulgi, if you don’t want to go out with me then it’s absolutely fine. We can just be friends, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with me, please. I’d prefer honesty over anything else.”  

Seulgi swallowed the lump in her throat, her bottom lip quivering. David waited for her to speak with patience. She opened her mouth, about to agree to his suggestion when she was interrupted by a familiar voice.   

“Seulgi-sii,” came a deep baritone voice full of cheer.   

Seulgi rearranged her features to appear neutral, but her stomach dropped at the sight of Suho walking towards them and behind him, holding his hand, trailed Joohyun. Seulgi’s mouth parted a tad, and she felt like she’d been smacked in the face with a soccer ball from a hundred yards away.   

“Seulgi-sii, fancy seeing you here,” smiled Suho.  

“What ─” Her voice came out in a faint whisper. Her gaze was focused solely on Joohyun, even though she addressed Suho.  

“I didn’t realise you’d be here,” Suho said, blissfully unaware of the wave running through Seulgi’s mind. “Joohyun insisted we’d go here tonight ─ something about the coffee being good.” Suho chuckled good-naturedly, smiling at Joohyun.   

Seulgi felt like she was going to be sick witnessing that. She swallowed. Control and focus, she reminded herself. She was a block of ice. She attempted a smile. Suho had been nothing but nice, yet she still wanted to pull him away from Joohyun and claw his eyes out. 

“Try the hot chocolate,” she muttered. “It’s the best.” 

“So how long have you two been here?” Joohyun spoke suddenly, but she stared at David.   

David blinked at her in surprise. “Oh, er, about half an hour, I think.”   

Joohyun nodded. “Enjoying yourselves, I’m sure?” Her tone was dry.  

David glanced at Seulgi before nodding at Joohyun. “Yeah, it’s a nice place. I think ─”   

Suho interrupted him, eyeing him curiously. “Hey, aren’t you that kid who speaks oddly? From yesterday,” he said. “You are, aren’t you?” Suho’s expression turned apologetic and sheepish. “Hey, listen, man, I didn’t know my friends would go that far. I tried to talk them out of it, but they wouldn’t listen. It was meant as a joke, you get me. I apologise on their behalf.”  

David stared at the pattern of the tablecloth, appearing withdrawn. Seulgi frowned; she could tell he felt uncomfortable.  

“It’s not that big of a deal, it’s nothing,” he mumbled quietly.   

Suho smiled charmingly and smacked his hand gently against David’s shoulder. “That’s the spirit, my guy. I knew you’d see sense.”   

“What’s this about?” asked Joohyun, raising an eyebrow.   

Suho waved a hand. “Ah, nothing. Just the guys thought it would be funny to stick a piece of paper behind his back the whole day. It said something childish like ‘punch me,’ I think.”

Joohyun blinked and smiled. “Oh, right. . . he speaks funny as well.”  

“Yes, he does, right?” Suho chuckled. “I thought it was just me. One of the guys said he resembled a giraffe as well.”   

Seulgi hated how high-pitched and cruel her laugh sounded at that moment. She peeked at David, who had slumped into his seat and pulled his jacket tighter over himself. She stood up suddenly, glaring at Joohyun, who couldn’t meet her eyes.   

“Excuse me, I need to borrow Joohyun. We’re going to the bathroom,” she said with a hard tone, and booking no room for resistance, she grabbed Joohyun’s arm and pulled her along.   

There was no one in the stalls.  

“What was that all about?” she demanded coldly.   

Joohyun widened her eyes. “What do you mean, Seulgi? And did you have to grip that hard?” she groused, rubbing the area. 

Seulgi ignored her. “Don’t play dumb with me, it doesn’t suit you.”   

Joohyun’s hand dropped and her jaw set. “I’m not sure what you’re accusing me of actually.”  

Seulgi shook her head, scoffing. “I never realised you could be so cruel, Hyun. You come here after you knew I'd be here for my date ─ dragging Suho in turn, might I add ─ and then you continue to bully and ridicule David right in front of him. Badly done, indeed, Joohyun!”

“I wasn’t bullying him,” snapped Joohyun, aiming a glare right back at her.   

“Right!” Seulgi laughed darkly. “You just giggled along with Suho – who might I add is content just to sit there and twiddle his thumbs while he watches his friends bully someone.”  

“He already apologised for that,” scowled Joohyun.   

“Oh, and what a saint that makes him!”  

Joohyun’s expression darkened. She stepped forwards. “What exactly is your problem? And if you must know, I came here for our date night. It’s a free café, isn’t it?”  

“Oh, that is such bullshit!” snapped Seulgi, her lower stomach burning with something she couldn’t describe. “You expect me to believe it was just a coincidence that you happen to turn up here after I told you the exact time and place, I was coming.” Her tone was full of disbelief. “So why? Go on? Tell me why exactly you came here?”  

Joohyun crossed her arms. “Is it so hard to believe that I'm looking out for your best interests?” she spat, eyes flaming.   

The bathroom door creaked open, and a woman walked in. She took in Seulgi and Joohyun’s furious expressions. “I’ll, er, just come back later then,” she muttered lowly and walked back out.   

“My best interests?” accused Seulgi, her chest rising heavily. “What exactly does that mean?”   

“Yes!” glowered Joohyun. “Have you ever considered that perhaps David isn’t a good match for you? Huh?” There was a sour expression on her face.  

Seulgi furrowed her brow. “Oh, and you’re such an expert on what’s a good match for me? So, who is, Miss High and Mighty? Who’s good enough for me?” 

She watched hungrily for an answer. There was a wild panic in Joohyun's eyes as they darted around the bathroom as if looking for some escape. Seulgi had never seen her look so positively unravelled. She glared at Seulgi and then lunged forwards. Seulgi, for one moment, believed Joohyun was going to smack her, until she gripped a handful of her hair and slammed her lips onto hers, pushing Seulgi back into the wall.  

Oh.  

Seulgi, however, didn’t hesitate. There was nothing tender about this. It was fierce and passionate, driven by lust and anger, leaving her head spinning madly and a low ache in a lower area. Joohyun’s hands ran through her hair.   

Both could not will themselves to move away. Seulgi was sure that if someone burst in on them like this at this very moment, she would not be able to push Joohyun away from her.  

Joohyun was like an addicting drug. The girl’s hands brushed the skin of her arms, and then her own moved down to grip Joohyun’s waist steadfastly.  

Seulgi’s worries and struggles were erased from her mind, and all she could process was Joohyun.  

Joohyun’s soft, cherry lips.  

Joohyun’s heavy breathing.  

Joohyun’s sneaky hands, which were sneakily creeping up her shirt.  

She could do this forever.   

A sound of laughter from outside broke them out of their daze. Seulgi broke the kiss, looking at Joohyun’s messy appearance. Her hair was messy, her eyes darkened considerably, and her dress was ruffled. A deep throb of desire ran through Seulgi again, almost making her crush her lips against the other girl again.  

“Why – why did you do that?” Seulgi asked.   

Joohyun frowned, appearing uncertain. “I don’t –” She couldn’t finish her sentence.  

Anger erupted again with Seulgi but this time there were sparks of hurt as well. She felt awful. How dare she?  

“You can’t keep doing this, Joohyun!” she snapped. “You can’t kiss me when I’m on a date. It’s wrong.”   

Joohyun’s eyes cleared, and she was back to pointing daggers. “A date you clearly weren’t interested in. Anyone with eyes could tell.”  

Fury rolled around her chest. “Yeah, well, what’s it to you, who I date or not? And I was interested. I am,” she emphasised.   

“When are you going to stop lying, Seulgi,” Joohyun smirked smugly. “I know you very well.”  

“You have no idea about me,” fumed Seulgi. She watched as Joohyun’s bottom lip trembled but then turned her back and stormed out of the bathroom.   

She marched back towards David, who peered up in surprise. “Oh, Seulgi, there you are –”   

Maybe it was spite burning in her chest or her awareness of her desire for Joohyun still lingering. Whatever it was, it caused her to blurt out: “I’m being honest about this. I do want to go out with you.”

Chapter Text

The grass beneath her feet was wet. Seulgi had lost count of the number of times she had tripped over as she dribbled the ball or kicked it with her left foot towards the clear goal. Wet mud smeared across her pinkish cheeks when she hit the ground face-first. Yet, every time she’d peer up to see Ga-ram grinning like a maniac and throwing his fist in the air, whooping with cheers at her goal even though it meant that he’d failed to save it once again. 

“Woo, yes, that’s Kang Seulgi again with a hat-trick, ladies and gentlemen!” he yelled, waving his arms and looking like a crazed asylum patient instead of her annoying older brother. Other people in the park threw him weird glances. “How does she do it, we’ll never know.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes but Ga-ram’s smile was infectious; the corner of her mouth twisted upwards and giggles burst forth from her chest. Sure, Ga-ram was a lousy goalkeeper so it didn’t mean much for her soccer skills, but her brother’s enthusiasm was the best part about scoring a goal. She anticipated it when the rough-looking, tattered-up ball hit the back of the net. 

“Come on, Ga-ram,” she whined with a tiny pout. “You're not even trying to save it now.”

Ga-ram shook his head and let out a sound of disbelief. “I am trying ─ you're just too good for me. You’ll be a professional at this rate.” 

Seulgi scoffed and crossed her arms. “You say that every time we play. It’s kind of hard to take you seriously.”

“I’m as serious as Dad can be,” countered Ga-ram in a solemn tone. His stern voice and furrowed brows were exactly like their father’s, and Seulgi laughed at his imitation. 

“Well, it’s a good thing he’s not here,” Seulgi said, her hands over her mouth as she marvelled at the courage with which he mocked their father. Ga-ram was always the braver one out of the two siblings.

“Urgh, yeah,” Ga-ram grimaced. “Probably receive another lecture more like. He never learns to quit.” Ga-ram’s expression darkened somewhat and he muttered under his breath, but it was too quiet for Seulgi to catch.

“He ─ he cares about us in his own way, Ram,” said Seulgi hesitantly, peering curiously at her brother, unable to understand why his mood felt different suddenly. She offered, “Maybe he just doesn’t like to show it.”

Ga-ram snorted. “Funny way of showing it.” He squinted at her with a sad smile. “You always look for the positive things, Seul. Just remember to not defend him so often, okay?”

Seulgi nodded but she didn’t comprehend why or what exactly Ga-ram meant. “Um, okay.”

Her brother shook himself from his thoughts and aimed a grin at her, spreading his arms as he stood in front of the goal. “Now, come one, let’s go again. Bet you can’t get it in again. It was a lucky shot before,” he motioned, throwing the ball back to her and appearing all smug and superior like Seulgi didn’t score a million times before and embarrass his talents.

Seulgi narrowed her gaze and felt the weight of the ball behind her feet, her veins buzzing with excitement. “Oh, keep dreaming. But you’re on. I propose all or nothing. Loser has to buy ice cream,” she suggested, wiggling her eyebrows in a taunt.

“Oh, bring it on, Seul. I’m ready. Get ready to lose.” 

After a spectacular win, Seulgi grinned, satisfaction and joy bubbling in her chest, as she licked her ice cream. Ga-ram groaned all the way to Sundae Funday, rolling his eyes when a jolly Mr Park laughed at him and Seulgi called him a sore loser. She felt rather smug as she watched Ga-ram make a big deal of sighing and grumbling under his breath as he opened his wallet and handed over some cash. But Seulgi noticed the way her brother pressed his lips together when he was trying not to smile. He’d always been easy to read. 

“Don’t tell Dad,” warned Ga-ram as they sat by the window with their respective ice creams. “He’ll kill me if he finds out I took you here and ruined your appetite.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” 

Ga-ram remarked that she’d just recently started fifth grade. He asked her about school and how she felt about her classes. Seulgi lit up as she raved eagerly about what subjects she enjoyed and some that she hated. Her brother hummed and interjected with a few comments throughout as he listened. 

“ ─ I don’t like Math, it’s boring,” she gushed, making a face. “But Hyun helps me out sometimes, whenever she’s not practising for the school play that is, and she so clever, Ram, like, cleverer than me, so it’s not too bad when she’s there.”

Ga-ram raised an eyebrow as he listened attentively. “Pretty sure cleverer is not a word, Seul,” he pointed out.

“Yes it is,” she frowned at him.

“No, I’m sure it’s not,” he goaded with a tiny smirk.

She huffed, sticking her chin up in a stubborn manner. “It is. Besides, even if it’s not, it now is because I said so.” She stuck her tongue out.

Ga-ram shrugged but didn’t argue anymore. “Alright, word expert, very mature.” He laughed, stretching an arm across the back of the chair. “Aw, growing up so fast, Seully-belly,” he teased, causing disgust to roll in her stomach. “I still remember your pigtails.”

“Shut up, Ga-ram,” she grumbled, cheeks heating up at the memory despite the coldness of the ice cream swirling in her stomach. “You can’t call me that anymore, I’m not a child.”

“Right, sorry, I forgot ─ you’re clearly an old lady at ten years old,” he smiled mischievously, doe eyes similar to hers sparkling in mirth.

Seulgi kicked his leg under the table but not too hard and smirked in satisfaction as he lamented his pain.

On the way home, Seulgi heard a noise coming from the alleyway nearby. She stopped in her tracks and quietened her breathing. Her brother turned around and raised a confused brow at her. He opened his mouth to protest but she placed her finger on her lips. There was silence and then. . . 

A squeak. There it was again! She heard something. 

Ga-ram sighed, knowing exactly what she was thinking. “Come on, Seul. We don’t have time for this. We’re already late. Dad’s going to go mental.”

Seulgi ignored him and went into the alleyway, biting her lip and she scanned the area. Ga-ram muttered under his breath but chose to follow her. In the corner stood the tiniest kitten all huddled up against the wall. There was no collar and it was pretty much alone. 

“Oh, poor baby. Who could leave you here?” cooed Seulgi, slowly approaching. “Where’s your mother, kitty?” 

She scooped the kitten into her hands as it meowed softly, staring up at Seulgi with wide button eyes. Her heart instantly melted. She cuddled the creature inside her jacket, where the kitten made a series of little pathetic mewls. She tried to help warm it up, rubbing a few fingers up and down its back. The kitten calmed down in her arms and started purring.

She turned to glance at Ga-ram with a pleading expression. “Can we keep her, please, Ga-ram, pretty please. I’ll promise I’ll take care of her,” she implored.

“I don’t know, Seul. . .” he said hesitantly. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Please,” she said again, pushing the kitten towards her brother, hoping its heart-wrenching eyes would make him consider. “We can’t leave her like this, she’s all alone, you saw.”

Ga-ram chewed on his bottom lip. “Oh, alright.” He made a big show of sighing. “You and your big heart will be the death of you one day, I swear. I couldn’t have had a heartless sister or anything,” he mumbled, yet shook his head fondly at her, and Seulgi beamed. “But Dad won’t be happy, I’m warning you.”

Seulgi didn’t find it in herself to care. She cooed at her kitten, who she decided to name Duchess after watching the Arisotcracts for the millionth time.

But Ga-ram was right. Her father wasn’t pleased. Not at all. They were both sat on the sofa or sprawled out more like in her brother’s case.

“You’re both late, and you dare bring a dirty animal into my house,” growled their father, glaring at Duchess as she trembled under Seulgi’s jacket. “Get rid of it now. Chuck it in the trashcan or something, I don’t care. I don’t want it in my house.”

“No,” she argued stubbornly. “It’ll die if we do. It was abandoned, someone just left her. And she’s not dirty, Dad.”

Her father was unmoved and shook his head in disgust. “Was this your foolish idea, Seulgi? Speak up. Answer me, god dammit!”

Seulgi looked down at the floor from her seat on the sofa, her chest tight and her hands trembling a tad, which she placed under her thighs. Ga-ram interrupted.

“No. Seulgi had nothing to do with this,” he said in a steady voice and he throw her a pointed glance. “I’m the one who found it and I want to keep the kitten,” he declared, staring their father in the eye as he then drawled, “I’ve taken quite a liking to it.”

Dad closed his eyes, scoffed loudly and paced angrily in front of the TV. “Of course, this was your idea, I didn’t even have to ask.”

“Yeah, what’s the big deal?”

Dad looked like he could explode at Ga-ram’s careless attitude. “Oh, I’ll tell you the big deal.” 

“Enlighten me.”

“First, you and your sister show up late, then you bring this ─ this filth into my house without considering how many diseases it could carry, and now I find out from your teachers that you’ve been bunking school and your lessons.” 

Seulgi watched from the corner of her eye as Ga-ram’s face dropped. Her father didn’t leave any space for him to interrupt, however.

“ ─ you’ve been smoking cheap cigarettes and drinking non-stop and now you’re in a gang. The next thing I’m going to hear is that you’ve got a girl pregnant at this rate.” He slammed his fist on the top of the TV. “Dammit, are you in the right mindset, Ga-ram? I mean it seriously. This is the example you want to set your sister?” Dad was breathing heavily.

“Ah,” uttered Ga-ram simply. “The school called, did they?”

Dad glowered daggers at him. “Of course, they did,” he yelled, and Seulgi flinched at the tone. Duchess meowed at how tight she’d gripped her. “I tell you this right now, Kang Ga-ram, you’ve disappointed me and your sister.”

Ga-ram was quiet for a second before lifting his gaze, his bangs falling over his eyes. “Well, Dad, I’m glad to hear that I haven’t disappointed our mother yet.” He winked discreetly at Seulgi, who held back a laugh.

“This is no time for a joke!” snapped their Dad furiously. He pointed a finger at her brother. “Did you assume this stupid decision of yours was going to be kept secret? Have you given any shred of thought to how this might affect your chances at university next year? At being successful in life?” 

“No, not particularly. But looks like I will with the amount you go on about it,” said Ga-ram in a tone Seulgi couldn’t make out. 

Their father scoffed disbelievingly. “Will you ever take things seriously for once in your life? Become something so I can be proud instead of being fed disappointment constantly. You are my son, I have high expectations from you ─ from both of my children,” her father spat, flickering his cold eyes at her before meeting Ga-ram’s gaze again. “So start acting like it.”

Seulgi watched nervously as Ga-ram sat up properly, a flame burning in his eyes, one so intense that she worried her father was going to be burnt. “What’s the point of trying if it just proves that I’ll never be good enough for you? I learnt that the hard way.” 

“But you haven’t tried,” uttered Dad coldly, his hands crossed behind his back. “So how would you know? Your mother would be so disappointed if she was here.”

The knuckles of Ga-ram’s hands turned a vivid white as he clenched his fists tightly. “But she’s not ─ she’s dead in a grave in case you’ve forgotten,” he snapped harshly. “And newsflash, but I don’t want to live my life being stifled under the weight of your expectations and disappointment. It’s exhausting. And I won’t let you do the same to Seulgi.”

“We’re not talking out your sister here, we’re talking about you ─ where are you going? Ga-ram, come back here, I’m not finished yet!”

“Well, I am!” snapped her brother, grabbing his jacket from the floor and the next thing they heard is the door slamming shut, which caused the coat hanger to tumble with a large thud.

The silence was deafening. Her father clenched his jaw so tight, Seulgi worried he was going to burst a blood vessel. But he exhaled slowly and turned his gaze at her before walking off. 

At dinner that evening, it was only her and her father. Seulgi heard the clatter of the plates and the scrapping of cutlery as they ate their dinner in silence. It surprised her when her father broke the silence.

“Oh, I wanted to let you know, now that you’re here, Seulgi,” began her father, without looking up as he cut his steak.“I’ve signed you up for soccer practice after school with a coach I know. I think it can be good for you, so every day after school, I’ll expect you to be ready so I can drop you off. It’s high time you start taking your future seriously. If your skills improve with the rate you’re going at and if you train hard, and dedicate yourself, I have no doubt that you could get a professional scout and maybe play for a professional team one day.”

Seulgi, staring into her father’s cold, expectant eyes, could only nod and answer in a subdued voice. “Okay, Dad. . .”

Seulgi sharply inhaled, breaking the pages of her memory. She stared down at the framed photograph that she kept hidden away in her desk drawer. It was of her and Ga-ram and they wore matching caps. She looked younger, around nine or ten, while her brother was in high school. His relaxed, mischievous smirk towards the camera was a clear contrast to her awkward, embarrassing thumbs up. 

A deep pang of longing hit her chest. She didn’t know why she had the urge to take out the photo. But she’d never wished for her brother’s presence more than she did these days. For him to wrap an arm around her, throw his signature smirk and tell her it’ll all be alright and she’ll get through this as she was strong. 

She’d never felt as far from strong as now.

“Seulgi!” came her father’s voice from downstairs. “You’re going to be late to school, hurry up.”

“Coming,” she shouted. She opened her bedside drawer and shoved the photograph back under a pile of folders and books. She didn’t want to dwell on it any longer. 

Before she left her father said, “I hear your first match is this weekend, isn’t it?” 

Seulgi paused and gave a curt nod. “Yes, it is.”

Her father hummed, peering up from his newspaper. “Good, I shall expect to be there to watch you then. Do me proud, yes, Seulgi?”

Seulgi swallowed, gripping the straps of her backpack tighter. “Yes, Dad.”

Seulgi had just finished grabbing her books for class when she spotted David standing in front of her with an eager smile and a Tupperware box clutched to his chest. He bounced on his tip-toes as he stared at her.

“Is it cookies again?” she asked amusedly, eyeing the box in his hands curiously.

“No, not cookies, but very close,” he replied cheerfully. He shoved the box towards her and beamed as she took it. “It’s muffins. I was going to bake chocolate chip ones, seeing as you like them, but I didn’t have any left, so I made the blueberry ones instead. I do hope that’s okay?” He appeared more hesitant, biting his bottom lip as he waited for her reply.

“It’s. . . fine, don’t worry,” Seulgi reassured. She sighed in exasperation. “You don’t have to bake me stuff, David, I already told you.” 

Seulgi didn’t know what to make of David’s baking. When she told him that she wanted to date he started bringing her tiny baked good in the mornings for some reason. She hadn’t expected it but David seemed eager to please and keen for her opinion. It annoyed her sometimes that he was so persistent but she guessed that’s who he was. 

Dating him didn’t feel any different than when they were friends. He waited for her in the mornings near the school gate; he still tutored her and they chattered about common subjects, but he didn’t feel like a boyfriend. Seulgi assumed it was because they hadn’t done much without school and soccer practice taking up her life, but David appeared content to let her take the pace. She did appreciate that.

David shook his head, looking more like his awkward, smiling self. “No, no, I want to. We’re dating now and I want to do something special. It’s no bother if that’s what you’re thinking.”

It wasn’t what she was thinking but David didn’t know that. “Where did you even learn to bake anyway?” she asked, opening the lid as the delicious smell wafted through her nostrils. God, that smelt good. She took a bite. They tasted as good as they looked.

“I mostly taught myself but my Mum and Dad gave me some points growing up too,” explained David, looking pleased with her question. “It’s my favourite thing to do when I’m free. Well, that and crossword puzzles.”

Seulgi wrinkled her nose. “Crossword puzzles. I can’t think of anything so boring.” 

Using her brain to solve word problems outside of school was not on her bucket list, and neither was baking. She was a terrible cook and baker ─ as Joohyun had previously pointed out to her ─ and it was a miracle the kitchen didn’t burn when she tried. That, of course, ended up in a food fight between the two girls and Seulgi recalled her chest aching after laughing too much and being covered head to toe in flour. Her lips twitched upwards at the memory before she stamped it down. 

No thinking about Joohyun, remember, she reminded herself. But speaking of the she-devil, Seulgi caught her eye across the hallway. To her surprise, Joohyun was already staring straight at Seulgi with a piercing stare, not even listening to Suho as he chattered away next to her ear. Seulgi shivered involuntarily and broke eye contact, forcing herself not to look back.

“I like doing them,” David defended with a shrug. “It’s boring when it’s too easy, I’ll admit, but they can be fun when they’re challenging.”

Seulgi snorted, shutting her locker. “You and me have different ideas of fun,” she said in amusement. 

“It’s ‘you and I’ actually,” he corrected sheepishly, unable to help himself. Seulgi didn’t mind his quirks and found them interesting from time to time. 

She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Whatever, nerd, come on, we’re got Math next.”

David nodded. Seulgi jumped, not expecting how cold he felt as he unexpectedly picked up her hand. She threw him an odd look. 

“Uh, what the hell are you doing?” she asked slowly, throwing him an odd look.

David appeared uncertain and swallowed. “Um, holding your hand. . .” He posed it as a question. “Or, we don’t have to, I don’t know. I just thought that’s what you do when you date.” He went silent and stared at the ground. He looked like a caterpillar still in its cocoon. 

Seulgi blinked and furrowed her brows. She exhaled slowly. David was right, they did do that. She just hadn’t expected it that’s all. She plastered a smile and reached out to pick up his hand tentatively. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry ─ just have a lot on my mind. Come, let’s go.”

A beam spread throughout his face and Seulgi tried to ignore the way David gripped her hand tighter than she did. As they passed Joohyun without a word, the other girl narrowed her gaze to their hands and then glared accusatorily at Seulgi, who didn’t know what her problem was and steadfastly ignored her.

She squeezed firmly and threw a half-smile at David as he turned his head at her in surprise. A bolt of satisfaction ran through her as Joohyun looked furious. Hah!

Seulgi leaned back in her chair and tapped her leg as the teacher droned on. This class couldn’t end quickly enough. Her gaze was focused on the teacher rather than the girl who was currently poking holes in the side of her head. As Joohyun crossed her legs and flicked her hair back, Seulgi’s eyes traitorously drifted to the miles of perfect skin on display, all ready and ─

No. Absolutely not. Not going down that road, no way.

“Okay, young chemists,” said Mr Kim, the Science teacher, rubbing his hands together like an evil scientist even though most of the class thought he looked cringy. “The time has come for lab partners.” A collective groan echoed through the room. Mr Kim raised his voice over the din and wagged his finger. “Ah, ah, ah ─ none of that, please.”

“Come on, sir, why?” groaned a student near the back, to which Seulgi agreed with a nod.

“Because it’s required for the course, however, I’ll be fair and let you pick your own partners; but take heed please that whoever you pick will affect your grades so choose wisely.”

Seulgi’s ears pricked up at this but her heart sank as Joohyun’s gaze narrowed on her. God, she would have settled for the random picking of names out of a hat compared to this. Her heart beat faster as she noticed Joohyun making a beeline for her with a determined expression. She panicked and lunged towards David’s direction, who was sitting near the front.

“David, come, we’re part─” She was cut off before she could finish.

“No, Seulgi, you’re so not doing this. We’re going to be partners right now like we always have been,” growled Joohyun, reaching out to grab her wrist. Seulgi flinched at the touch. 

David had a deer-in-headlights expression and he swivelled his gaze between the two girls. “Oh, um. . .” he trailed. 

Seulgi glared at her but Joohyun glowered even more. “No,” said Seulgi, refusing to let Joohyun her way this time. “I already said I was going to be partners with David first. Let it go.”

Joohyun’s eyes flashed. She reached up to grip Seulgi’s tie and pull her closer. “You can change your mind,” she snarled. “Don’t make a scene, and let’s go. Don’t be stubborn about this, Seulgi.”

“Girls,” said Mr Kim in a confused tone. “Please find your partners and take a seat, please. There’s an even number for everyone to get one, I promise, so no one will be left out.”

Anger bloomed in Seulgi’s chest and she ignored the teacher. “I’m making a scene?” she scoffed in her face. “That’s a bit rich considering you’re the one who came here like a child who didn’t get their toy. And I already said I was going to be partners with my boyfriend. So quit acting like a child, Hyun.” 

She became aware that their voices had raised.

“Girls, please!” called Mr Kim in vain.

Joohyun laughed. “Oh, don’t make me laugh, Seul,” she mocked in a sweet tone, “No one in the school even knows you’re dating. And not that anyone’s even interested considering you’re dating a pathetic fucking loser,” she spat. “Not exactly newsworthy.”

Seulgi tore off the grip on her tie. “Shut up,” she fumed, her mouth moving faster than her brain could process. “At least I don’t broadcast my relationship to every Tom, Dick, and Harry in the area. Even the pigeons are sick of hearing about you and Suho at this point. Get a new personality, Joohyun, I mean it.” 

If their glares were bullets both would have died multiple times over. Seulgi’s chest rose and fell violently and her breaths were coming out in harsh exhales. Joohyun looked just as dishevelled and Seulgi hated herself for how badly she wanted to kiss her. Curse her mind. Her lips drifted down to Joohyun’s pink, full lips, which were pulled into an angry sneer while her eyes were blown dark. Seulgi’s breath hitched. It then registered that David was right next to her. Guilt came at her in full force. 

“Ladies, please,” shouted Mr Kim, but he might as well have been a fly in the room, buzzing around their heads and going on ignored. Joohyun had consumed her completely at that moment. 

“At least what Suho and I have is true and real ─ you don’t even like him,” said Joohyun, pointing to a bewildered and wounded David, switching between the two girls. Seulgi could barely look at him.

A smirk twisted Seulgi’s lips. “That’s what you’d call you and Suho?” She snickered and stepped forwards, delighting in how Joohyun’s expression faltered. She was close enough to brush up against Joohyun’s nose. “Oh, you’re so full of shit you know that, Hyun?”

Joohyun swallowed but made no move to step backwards. Her breathing harshened. “I speak the truth.”

“My tongue still remembers the way you taste. How’s that for truth, huh?” she whispered delicately and watched as Joohyun’s lashes fluttered shut.

“Ladies, I will not repeat myself, sit down!” 

“Seulgi, it’s okay, you can be partners with Joohyun, I’ll just find someone. . .” muttered David, causing her to spin her head around and glare at him.

“You don’t have any fucking friends, David. Who else are you going to find?” Seulgi snapped, her muscles tense since Joohyun approached her. David winced and stared at a spot on the desk. 

“Language, Miss Kang!” yelled Mr Kim, who appeared at his wit’s end. “I told you, girls, to do what I say. If you speak again, I’ll be forced to give you detention. That’s a warning.”

“Why are you acting so difficult, Seulgi?” asked Joohyun, who’d taken a step back. “What is it that you want exactly?”

“I want you to stop interfering in my life and to just leave me alone,” Seulgi burst out, feeling her head about to explode. Her mouth burned as she said it.

Joohyun clenched her jaw before her face turned blank. Seulgi’s heart felt as if it’d been pierced with a sword. Her throat was as dry as sandpaper.

“Fine,” declared Joohyun coldly. “Have it your way then.”

“Right, that’s enough,” bellowed Mr Kim, who was red in the face. He waved in arms angrily. “Detention! Detention for you both. Never in all my years of teaching. . .”

Chapter Text

One thing about Sooyoung was that she could sense when something was wrong. It was a feeling she’d always had, almost like a tingly sensation in the back of her neck. It’d creep up randomly and chances were that most of the time her instincts were accurate - ish.

It was how she figured out that her favourite top had gone missing from her closet (courtesy of Yeri, the little snake), how her greedy sister ate the last slice of the strawberry cheesecake she was saving in the fridge and that her ex was cheating on her (urgh, fuck him). 

Anyway.

People assumed her to be an airhead, lost in her head and problems. Most of the time, sure. But when it comes to those she cares about, of course, she’ll pay attention. 

Granted, she might not be the most comforting of individuals compared to Wendy, whose warm eyes could put anyone at ease and cause them to spill their darkest secrets. Though Wendy was too much of a softy if you asked her. 

Her unique instinct, however, led her to believe that something was bothering Joohyun and Seulgi. No, in fact, she knew there was. She wasn’t stupid. No matter how secretive those two were of late, they couldn’t hide it. Not when it was written so clearly. Well, for Sooyoung it was at least. They were as close as two peas in a pod, friendship bracelets and all that business and then all of a sudden, there seemed to be some cold war brewing between them. 

Odd. Very odd indeed. 

For mere mortals like the other students, it may have passed their senses. But a good friend pays attention and Sooyoung prides herself on being a good friend. She could tell something was simmering underneath. 

Now, strictly speaking, the two were as normal as anyone else expected them to be; Seulgi focused on her soccer and laughed brightly with the rest of them while Joohyun gushed about different brands of fabric softener like the nerd that she was and (Sooyoung inwardly rolled her eyes) about Suho any chance she got. 

Seriously, Sooyoung liked chatting about the next cute boy but if she had to hear her friend mention Suho’s smile or what he did on their date again for the hundredth time she was going to pull out her hair from the scalp. It was almost excessive to some degree. She concluded that if she was to name her future son, the name ‘Suho’ was banned. 

Granted the guy wasn’t her usual type, yet Sooyoung didn’t get what was so special about him. He had all the personality of cardboard, tasteless and dull. Joohyun had been obsessed, to say the least ever since she laid eyes on him. And that obsession hadn’t diminished when she started properly dating him. You’d think Suho was an extra limb the way she’d been glued to his side. Even Sooyoung took breaks from her ex-boyfriend. And she remembered the bastard having the most amazing abs that were to die for.

Ahem. So back to the point. 

Before all this business, she and Seulgi would share subtle glances when Joohyun mentioned him ─ as if to indicate a small ‘here we go again’ joke between the two. It was only Wendy that listened properly, though how she managed to listen to that bore Sooyoung will never know. Nowadays, Seulgi frowned whenever she would mention him and appeared less amused. There’d been a shift of some sort.

At first, Sooyoung believed her to be annoyed that Joohyun was spending less time with them, with her closest friends, and dedicating all her time to a boy; perhaps Seulgi was annoyed by the constant reminder that it had been a while since she had a partner. God knows, Sooyoung felt a little envious at times. She wouldn’t mind cuddling up with a warm body too. 

Yet, she couldn’t help the tiny niggling feeling that this was more than that. She just couldn’t pinpoint what exactly. And that was annoying. Incredibly annoying. Sooyoung huffed. How dare they keep secrets from her, from all of them? Friendship meant nothing to them apparently. That wouldn’t do. Not at all. 

To sum it up, everything you’d expect to be normal was, it was all sunshine and rainbows and all that crap. Except, however, it wasn’t. 

One afternoon, her suspicions were proven correct. She received wind of some hushed rumours between a handful of students who were whispering about the argument Joohyun and Seulgi had gotten into during Mr Kim’s class. 

Sooyoung had never seen Joohyun and Seulgi fight. Well, not a serious, life-altering one at least. It was mostly petty arguments at lunch that Sooyoung would deliberately tune out. She knew it pretty much ended up as usual: with relentless bickering and then Joohyun pouting and Seulgi giving in to her demands. See, pathetic. 

But something was off this time. Even Yeri could detect it. Seulgi had marched into their physics class two days ago with a thunderous expression. Sooyoung and Yeri exchanged looks. Seulgi being angry was not a common sight. The girl resembled an upbeat, cheery bear most of the time. Talk about a shift in personality. 

Sooyoung asked her what was wrong but she’d gruffly responded that everything was okay. She just had detention from Mr Kim, that was all. After that, Seulgi glowered in her seat and watched the hands on the clock go by with crossed arms. That was the quietest Sooyoung and Yeri had been in that class. 

It was also the little things that Sooyoung had noticed that added to her suspicions. Seulgi had such an expressive face that it was easy to understand her emotions. Her features dropped whenever someone mentioned Joohyun and the tips of her ears turned red. Sooyoung confronted her about it recently, never being one to shy away from things and wearied with overthinking, but Seulgi had denied it in a high-pitched voice and couldn’t meet her eyes.

The old lady, on the other hand, was much harder to read sadly. Joohyun had an annoying habit of altering her face to be as blank and indecipherable as canvas paper. Sooyoung would have accepted nothing was wrong if she didn’t notice how tight Joohyun would grab her pencil in class or how purposefully she would avoid Seulgi’s gaze. Both would look away as if they were burnt when their eyes met accidentally. 

The most glaring issue was that Joohyun had suddenly stopped coming to their lunch table. Yeri had noticed her across the cafeteria and raised her arm to wave like a windmill.

“Hey, Joohyun unnie. Over here,” Yeri called.

Joohyun turned her head and politely smiled at them but in any case, did not approach the table and pretty much stuck to Suho’s side. Yeri called again but Joohyun pretended as if she couldn’t hear this time around. Sooyoung frowned, finding this to be very odd. The back of her neck prickled. Joohyun would usually walk over after saying goodbye to him and join them. 

“Why the hell is she ignoring us?” demanded Sooyoung. 

“Stop being so dramatic, Sooyoung ─ she might just want to spend some time with Suho,” said Wendy, taking a bite of her pasta and not at all finding this peculiar much to Sooyoung’s displeasure. 

“As if she hasn’t already,” snorted Yeri, voicing Sooyoung thoughts, who threw her a nod. 

Wendy and Yeri had let it go. And Sooyoung had wanted to, she really did. But how could she when it was most strikingly obvious? 

Just then, Seulgi had arrived at their table. Seeing Joohyun laughing and slapping Suho's shoulder, she clenched her jaw and her face dropped before glancing away and giving Wendy a forced smile. Sooyoung watched in disbelief as she simply shrugged and grabbed an apple from Yeri, who yelled at her and lunged across the table, calling Seulgi a dirty thief.

Sooyoung ignored the commotion and pursed her lips. Something had defo happened. As clear as daylight. No way would Seulgi and Joohyun sit apart from each other at lunch. This was Seulgi and Joohyun. You couldn’t mention one without the other, it was a package deal, it was like they were intertwined. 

Sooyoung narrowed her eyes. One way or another she would get to the bottom of this. Their friendship group wasn’t going to end because these two idiots wouldn’t talk to each other. Otherwise, she’ll have to start sitting with the other losers at school. And that was a notion that didn’t please her very much. For the sake of her sanity, they would have to just kiss and make up. Or else.

Sooyoung had met Joohyun back in elementary school. Joohyun had been new to the school, a shy, introverted kid who moved to the city because of her dad’s new job. But all Sooyoung could think about was how constipated she looked when the teacher pulled to the front and asked her to introduce herself to the class. She mumbled a soft hello and looked down, avoiding eye contact with anyone. 

A loud-mouthed, exuberant Sooyoung hadn’t thought much of her. All her mind could focus on was what she was going to have for lunch later and whether her mother would be angry at her for spilling a tiny bit of juice down her white dress. 

Joohyun never seemed to go out of her way to talk to the rest of the class. She simply sat in the corner and did the tasks the teacher asked of her. When the bell rang for the end of the day she’d wait alone for her mother or father to appear and walk off to a car parked nearby.

Seulgi sometimes shared her milk with Sooyoung and always allowed her to play tag with the rest of the other kids, even when some would roll their eyes and become disgruntled. Seulgi had a sweet word for everyone, which made her so popular with kids and adults alike. 

Nobody had attempted to approach Joohyun for a while. She gave off an intimidating aura and Sooyoung wasn’t the type of person to go out of her way to make friends, plus the new girl was simply weird. She barely spoke and when she did, you had to lean in to properly hear her. 

One day, when their teacher announced that it was time for a colouring class, a thrill of excitement buzzed through the children as they whooped. As she was trying to shade her trees, Sooyoung noticed how hesitant Seulgi appeared from the desk next to hers. She stood up from her desk awkwardly and clutched a pink crayon in her hands while staring at the new girl. Sooyoung raised an eyebrow, thinking how uncertain and nervous she appeared. This was new for Seulgi as she was always so eager to talk to everyone and back then, in their eyes, she was the bravest child they knew simply for being able to confront kids a few years ahead of them. She didn’t even cry when she was hit in the face with a ball at playtime. 

It was therefore a surprise to Sooyoung when she watched Seulgi walk over timidly and offered the pink crayon to Joohyun with a few inaudible words. The other girl looked up and blinked several times before a shy smile overtook her face. Moving across her seat, she offered Seulgi the chance to sit next to her. Sooyoung didn’t know what Seulgi said but whatever it was, it seemed to have made the two instant best friends, inseparable from then on. 

Seulgi and Joohyun had a bond like no other and no one could mirror it even if they tried. Even Sooyoung no matter how close she’d think herself to Wendy or Yeri paled in comparison. 

It was baffling when you think about it. They all wondered it: Seulgi, outgoing, enthusiastic, and warm-natured, best friends with Joohyun, quiet, level-headed, and sensible, the exact opposite. It shouldn’t have worked and yet it did. One of those paradoxes that supposedly couldn't be solved. 

Over time it became something they all accepted. Seulgi shared her lunch with Joohyun, Joohyun would make sure that Seulgi was wearing a coat on a chilly day, and Seulgi would carry Joohyun’s bag when it was too heavy (though she never offered to hold Sooyoung’s bags once, how very rude). You know, things that just screamed Joohyun and Seulgi. 

Seulgi was relatively easy to understand and read. Her eyes crinkled when she was laughing, her nose twitched when she was lying and, especially when Sooyoung and Yeri would tease her, her face would scrunch up in exasperation. In essence, the cause of Seulgi’s emotions mainly was easy to explain and comprehend. 

So imagine Sooyoung’s surprise when Seulgi arrived at their lunch table with that unfamiliar foreign boy ─ Davod or whatever ─ tagging alongside her and then randomly announced that she was dating him as if she was announcing the weather or something. You’d be able to hear a pin drop with the number of stunned looks that flitted across their faces. Seulgi raised an eyebrow and took a seat. 

“What’s for lunch today?” Seulgi asked in a frank manner. 

She couldn’t seriously look so unaffected, thought Sooyoung. Not when she’d dropped a literal bomb on them. What if it caused her to have a heart attack? She couldn’t die so young and beautiful. She still had time to become a dog trainer. To attend an Ariana Grande concert. Watch the new episode of her favourite show that comes out this Friday. She huffed. Honestly, it was completely careless of Seulgi. 

“What?” voiced Yeri for them, choking on her fries mid-bite.

“What,” shrugged Seulgi, opening her food container. “I said that this was David.” As she stared back at the lanky, fidgety kid, he scuffed his shoe because he was too afraid to look any of them in the eye. “Well, aren’t you going to sit down?” she prodded with a tilted head.

The boy looked up from the ground and nodded furiously. He fiddled with the lunch tray in his hand and kept his eyes firmly fixed on the table as he moved next to Seulgi. What the hell? Sooyoung and Yeri exchanged matching bewildered looks. 

“Er, hi,” began the foreign boy timidly. “I’m David. But she, er, already mentioned that. Um, it’s nice to meet you guys. I feel like I already know with the amount Seulgi talks about you.” He offered a smile at them that came out looking crooked as if he were in pain or something. 

“That’s weird, she’s never mentioned you,” muttered Yeri candidly. 

“Oh, um. . .” David paused, nervously shifting his gaze. Seulgi fixed her eyes on her pasta, bringing the fork to her mouth, appearing as if she wasn’t paying attention. 

“Who are you?” asked Sooyoung bluntly, seeing as no one else was going to speak.  

Seulgi raised her head. “Losing your hearing, Park Sooyoung?” she said dryly. “He said his name was David.” 

Sooyoung wasn’t impressed. “I know that, I meant what do you mean you’re dating him? I’ve never heard of this before.” 

Who was this guy to Seulgi anyway? He was tall, browned-haired and awkward looking as if he permanently couldn’t fit inside his shoes. Nothing about him seemed impressive. So what was Seulgi doing with him? No way did she actually like him. Were they all being pranked? 

David’s face slipped for a mere moment. “You didn’t tell them?” he asked Seulgi quietly. 

Seulgi froze and then blinked. “Sorry, must have slipped my mind.” She placed a smile and waved a hand at each of them. “David, these are my friends. They give me headaches now and then but they’re a friendly bunch I promise. They don’t bite. Well, Sooyoung might.” That was all they were going to get out of her.

“Ha, ha,” drawled Sooyoung, narrowing her eyes. 

 David nodded at each of them eagerly. Sooyoung was still trying to make sense of him. Wendy was the first to address him. 

“It’s nice to meet you, David. I like your sweater.”

David returned a shy smile, leaning forwards as he smoothed out his red knitted sweater. Sooyoung curled her lips. It was the ugliest piece of clothing she'd seen, something she’ll see her grandma wear, but then again Wendy was too sweet for her own good. You couldn’t blame the girl for having poor taste. 

He beamed, looking like an excited puppy. This must have triggered something in him as his voice became high with glee. “Oh, thanks so much. I appreciate it. You know, I got it on sale a week ago, it looked so nice so I had to get it. You get me? You can get really nice clothes down at the market for decent prices sometimes. I go with my mum very often and she loves it too. It’s like our little outing. She actually picked this out for me, so it’s extra special.”

It was a wonder the boy could breathe when speaking that fast. Yeri studied him with interest as if he were a science experiment to dissect. Sooyoung shivered. There was an image she wanted to remove from her brain. 

“You should’ve burned it for being such an eyesore instead,” Sooyoung mumbled out of his earshot, earning a giggle from Yeri but quietened as Seulgi threw her a sharp look. Jeez, Seulgi could be scary when she wanted to be.

“So, um, how did you guys meet?” asked Wendy curiously.

“Oh, I knew her in Math class for a while,” explained David with a smile, sneaking a glance at the girl beside him, who was concentrating on her food. “But we actually started to know each other when she asked me to tutor her because she was failing.” He gave a tiny laugh. 

Sooyoung snorted, leaning back in her chair. “The romance of the century, I’m sure.”

David blinked at her, smile still in place but didn’t comment. Seulgi narrowed her eyes but Sooyoung was nothing but innocent as she nibbled on her cookie. 

“That’s sweet,” continued Wendy with a soft gaze as if she hadn’t heard Sooyoung. “Did you ask Seulgi out?”

David’s face bloomed red like a huge beetroot. “Ah, no, she asked me out first, if you can believe it. I, er, was scared she was going to reject me,” he admitted as if revealing a weakness. “Thought someone was playing a prank on me. But. . . I was lucky thankfully.” 

He softly smiled at Seulgi who shifted in her seat with a neutral expression, glancing around the cafeteria like she was looking for something. Sooyoung narrowed her eyes as David droned on in the background. Seulgi hadn’t interjected once when David spoke. Although she seemed to be happy for him to talk and for her to listen, the problem was that she wasn't listening at all. She seemed more. . . distracted. 

“Well, I’m happy for you guys,” offered Wendy kindly. “I wish you well.”

David beamed, ducking his head. “Thank you, Wendy. That means a lot to us, right, Seulgi?” He turned his head at the girl.

Honestly, if the guy smiled any more his cheeks would fall off. Seulgi hummed but didn’t look at him. David chose to accept this as confirmation. Huh. There was that feeling in the back of her neck again. 

Yeri chimed in too, and the three started discussing some unrelated topic but Sooyoung couldn’t help further noticing how unresponsive Seulgi was. She was twirling her straw in her drink, her features relaxed as if she were in a physics class waiting for the bell to ring. Now, Sooyoung wasn’t a master of relationships or anything but surely you’d make an effort to be engaged with what your partner is saying. Judging by the glazed-over eyes of Seulgi’s, the girl had probably tuned out. 

Sooyoung narrowed her eyes. Super weird, she thought. She wasn’t one to judge ─ actually no, that was a lie, she tended to judge everyone in her eyesight but she meant well, hand on her heart. But David seemed more into Seulgi than Seulgi was. Did she even like the guy? Hell, even Wendy was more engaged with him than she was. There had to be a logical explanation. Maybe she was just shy. 

“Hey, by the way, where’s Joohyun unnie?” asked Yeri suddenly, turning to Seulgi with an inquisitive brow, bringing Sooyoung’s attention back. “Is she still with Suho again?”

Seulgi froze mid-chew. Her facial muscles twitched and then she swallowed rather harshly. She straightened up in her chair and her hands flexed. Oh. That was the most reaction they’d received from her since she arrived. 

“I, er ─” Seulgi faltered. “I. . .”

“I haven’t seen her today but she mentioned she had a lot of work to catch up on yesterday so she’ll be in the library, I’m guessing,” Wendy told them. 

Sooyoung’s lips drooped downwards. What a series of oddities. Seulgi had begun bouncing her knee up and down. 

“I never knew she was so studious lately,” Sooyoung remarked.

“You’ll meet her later hopefully if she decides to appear,” joked Wendy to a curious David. Seulgi’s lips were pressed together in a thin line as her knee kept bouncing. “She’s Seulgi’s best friend. They’re as close as a thorn is to a rose.” She chuckled.

“Bae. . . Joohyun?” said David hesitantly. “I-I’ve met her, I think.” He swallowed and looked at Seulgi for reassurance but the latter clenched her jaw a tad and continued swirling her drink. He smiled nervously. “I got the sense that she doesn’t like me very much. . .” 

Sooyoung’s eyebrows raised. Whatever happened there? Neither Seulgi nor Joohyun had mentioned this before. She barely knew of David’s existence until now but somehow Joohyun had met him. That possibly made sense because they were best friends but still. When? Wendy shook her head with a fond chuckle. 

“Ah, don’t mind Joohyun very much,” she reassured. “She’s not good with first impressions and can come across as quite prickly. You probably caught her on a bad day. I promise she’s a softie inside. Seulgi knows that better than anyone, I bet you.”

Seulgi didn’t choose to comment. The knuckles of her fingers turned white as she clutched her drink and Sooyoung caught a flash of something in her eyes before it disappeared.

Sooyoung cornered David later on, shoving him against a locker by the collar of his shirt with a steely look. He’d been walking in the empty hallway when she saw him and her feet were moving towards him, her mind nothing but determined. With wide eyes that flashed with shock and a tiny bit of fear, he peered at her with an open mouth and wide eyes. 

“You,” she said, pointing a finger.

“S-Sooyoung, what─” he stammered. 

“Shush for a minute,” she interrupted, her gaze boring at him and her grip on his collar tightening. His Adam’s apple bobbed. “I’m going to speak and you’re going to listen. Shut up, don’t speak, just nod if you understand me. Good. Now, tell me the truth, are you and Seulgi really dating?” 

He looked bewildered. “I-what, yes, yes. Yes, we are.”

Sooyoung hummed, rolling the idea around in her mind. She released her grip and he straightened out the creases, though Sooyoung still stood in front of him, not allowing him to move. To an outsider, it must have appeared strange: him, so tall and lanky, hunched against a locker facing Sooyoung, whose hands were clasped around her waist.

“If that’s true then I’m only going to say this once, so listen up,” she declared frankly with a hard tone. “I’m not sure why on God’s green earth Seulgi chose you to date out of everyone in the world, you’re not her usual type. But she did, so she must care about you in some way.”

David watched with alert eyes as she spoke, his breathing coming out heavily. Sooyoung might have felt a tiny pang in her heart for scaring him but this needed to be done, no way around it. 

“I don’t understand, what does─” he said.

“I said to not interrupt me when I’m speaking, foreign boy,” she warned, taking a step forwards. He quickly shut up. “Where was I? Oh, yes. She chose to date you. But bear in mind, that Seulgi is my friend, and above all, I protect my friends, understand me? I would do this for Yeri, for Wendy, and for Joohyun.”

He nodded. “Yes. Yes, I get it.” 

He was listening. Good, thought Sooyoung with brief delight. A rare sight. A man that listens. Her voice lowered, sharp enough to pierce the skin. 

“She’s sweet and kind and all that, yes. So I’m only going to say this once.” She leaned in, intensifying her glare and her voice coming out in a deadly whisper. “If you do anything, and I mean anything, to hurt Seulgi I will cut your dick off and feed it to you while the whole school watches. And not even Seulgi will be able to stop me. Do I make myself clear? Don’t hurt her, foreign boy, or there’ll be a world of pain waiting for you.” 

Much to her surprise, David smiled gently though his voice was trembling. She scowled. Did she not put the fear of God into him enough? Did he not comprehend her words?

“I understand, very well,” he said and lifted his head to catch her gaze. “You don’t want me to hurt your friend, I admire that. I promise you that I won’t do anything to hurt her. She was my first friend here, and now my girlfriend.” He smoothed his blazer, his expression earnest and open. The guy was an open book with no hidden writing. “I wouldn’t even dare think of it.” 

Sooyoung was quiet for a moment before shoving his shoulder more gently than before. “Good, glad we agree on that count.”

He grinned at her, the sunlight from the open doors slanting across his face, the rays making his eyes appear so wide and soft and hazel and his smile sincere. At that moment, Sooyoung got the sense that David couldn’t hurt Seulgi, it wasn’t in his nature. A small, terrible feeling prickled in her chest, whispering that perhaps David shouldn’t be the person to worry about. Maybe, just maybe Seulgi would be the one to break his heart and shatter the warmth of his heartfelt expression. 

Sooyoung hoped firmly that Seulgi wouldn’t do that. That she wouldn’t erode his innocence and sincerity. Because if she did. . . well, then. Sooyoung could help the itchings of sympathy that scrapped at her chest. It wasn’t her place to take his side, and if the time came, she would support Seulgi without a doubt. But it occurred to her that to see David crumpled and broken would be a tragic, awful sight indeed.

Sooyoung entered the library to find Joohyun. She spotted the other girl at a nearby table with a book open in front of her. She pursed her lips and made a beeline towards her. Joohyun looked up and her eyes widened when she saw her.

“Soo,” she began.

Sooyoung went straight to the point. “Why are you avoiding Seulgi?” she demanded, placing her hands down on the table. 

Joohyun blinked, her mouth parted in surprise. “What?”

“You heard me ─ I know you’re avoiding her for some reason, you’re both avoiding each other. I just can’t figure out why. So spill. What happened between you two?”

Joohyun sighed, her expression hardening at Sooyoung’s words as she picked up her pen. “Everything’s fine, go back to your class, Park Sooyoung.”

“It’s a free period,” she replied. “Well?”

“Well what? Why don’t you ask her yourself if you’re so interested?” snapped Joohyun. “I’m not hearing any complaints from Seulgi anyway.” 

“How long are you going to give each other the silent treatment?” Sooyoung tilted her head, wondering why Joohyun looked so agitated. “You’re supposed to be friends. It’s not cute anymore.”

Joohyun scoffed. “Right, friends.” Her voice came out mocking. “I’m not sure that means anything to her right now. She’s made it perfectly clear that she doesn’t need me in her life.” 

Sooyoung frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means to stop disturbing me for once!” rebuffed Joohyun, her voice sharp and tethering on the edge of anger. “Just let me finish this.”

Sooyoung realised she wasn’t going to get anything out of them. Well, not willingly. She took a final glance at Joohyun, who was glowering at her textbook and turned on her heels. Sooyoung didn’t give up so easily. Perhaps there was a way where this could be fixed. Ideas began to roll around in her head.

Music pumped loudly in the room. Rambunctious laughter rang from a nearby group who looked completely drunk judging by the half-empty glass bottles clutched in their hands. Some were dangerously close to tipping the liquid over with the amount they swayed back and forth. Sooyoung pursed her lips and pointed a finger. 

“Hey, watch it!” she growled. That white rug was expensive and it’d be her ass on the line if her mother found out there was a large stain on it. “You’ll all be paying for it if I find it dirty in any shape or form.”

“Aw, come on, Soo,” cooed one of her classmates. “Don’t be such a buzzkill.”

She gave them a withering stare and walked away. Her eyes scanned each room. Where were they? Wendy had declined to come and Yeri was grounded by her parents, so it looked like Sooyoung was on her own. An arm caught her wrist and pulled her in. 

“Hey, babe, there you are,” grinned the face of the handsome boy in front. Sooyoung’s heart jumped. “I’ve been looking all over for your beautiful face. What do you think about sharing a bottle of the finest together? I especially bought it for us.” He playfully wiggled his eyebrows.

“Sungjae, not now, please,” Sooyoung sighed breathlessly but couldn’t help the smile and giggles that escaped as he softly tickled her stomach. “No, seriously.”

Sungjae pouted, his lips looking deliciously tempting for her to lean in. What she wouldn’t give to stumble upon him once again for an unforgettable night, erasing her mind and letting herself become consumed. No. This was a bad idea. But then again she was struggling to resist, to think why this was a bad idea. Your friends, she reminded herself. Oh, right. 

She sighed regretfully. The things she sacrificed for her friends. She could be cuddled up with a warm, hard body right now. They should call her Mother Teresa. Mother Sooyoung. Hmm. She pulled away and with a quick kiss on the cheek whispered a promise of a next time. 

She reached the living room, which was dotted with a few people and her gaze fell on her two targets. There they were. Joohyun was sitting down next to Suho, chatting with one of his friends, her expression blank. While Seulgi, a few feet away, looked desperately as though she wasn't trying to look at Joohyun, but failing miserably with her wet puppy dog eyes, Sooyoung may add. Urgh, those two were pathetically hopeless. Anyone with eyes could see that they were miserable and longed to make up. Idiots, she sighed inwardly. Guess she was going to have to solve everything for them. Time to get this show on the road.

She clapped her hands. “Who’s up for a game!” she yelled and most of the participants cheered in delight, most of them drunk off their asses. Sooyoung had decided to forgo any alcohol on this occasion because she wanted to be of sound mind. “Everyone gather round,” she motioned, eyeing Joohyun and Seulgi, who both didn’t look happy. Suho seemed to have persuaded Joohyun as she followed him with a miffed look. Looks like the guy had done half of Sooyoung’s job and wasn’t so useless after all. 

“I’m not really in the mood, Soo,” groaned Seulgi in exasperation when Sooyoung approached and threw her a pointed look. “Leave me out of it.” 

“Ha, no. Now come on, this is my party so what I say goes, remember?” Sooyoung gripped her hand and pulled her along. “You and your sheep can come too.” She gesticulated to a bewildered David who looked out of place and stiff, like a fish out of the sea, compared to everyone else. Seulgi had probably dragged him to this party for some reason. 

“What are we playing?” asked one curious girl as they huddled around in a circle. 

Sooyoung rubbed her hands, anticipation swirling around in her gut. “Never Have I Ever.” 

“What’s that?” 

“It’s a game where someone says something they’ve never done and if you have done it then you drink. Okay, clear then let’s play.” Sooyoung was eager to move swiftly ahead. “Who wants to start? I’ll start then─”

“Hang on, Soo, I don’t want to get completely wasted,” Seulgi cut in with a frown. “I would like to get up tomorrow without a pounding headache, thanks.”

Sooyoung resisted the urge to throw her head back in exasperation. “Fine, then drink water ─ that works too,” she said tersely. She decided to start tame. “Never Have I Ever attended a party.” 

Everyone drank from their cup or bottle. Someone else asked about cheating on a test paper, another asked about eating an entire carton of ice cream in one sitting and one guy asked about wearing the same underwear for a week (one person had, earning them revolted glances from everyone else). The questions were relatively easy. Then came Sooyoung’s turn.

“Never Have I Ever. . . had a serious argument with my friend,” she said, her gaze directed discreetly at the two. This would confirm her suspicions. 

Joohyun frowned but then took a tiny sip, barely looking in Seulgi’s direction while Seulgi froze for a second and then raised the cup to her lip. It was only David and a couple of others who didn’t drink. 

It was the turn of a guy in the year above, who smirked and said, “Never Have I Ever had a sex dream about someone here.”

Sooyoung’s eyebrow rose. Oh, now it was getting interesting. She gulped her juice, not ashamed in any way. Her most recent one had been of Sungjae and an empty classroom before her alarm clock disturbed her. Her gaze travelled. Once again her friends took a sip though Joohyun hesitated for one second. Suho murmured something to her but Joohyun didn’t reply. David shot Seulgi a curious glance but the latter clenched her jaw and didn’t want to look in his direction. Her eyes were focused more on her best friend. Ah, there it was again. The tingling in the back of Sooyoung’s neck. 

“Never Have I Ever kissed my best friend.” 

There was a silence before snickers broke out across the room. Two people clinked their cups together with a grin and drank, the others cheering them on. Observing Seulgi, she watched her clutch her water tightly as her face drew tight like a live wire; she resembled a cornered rabbit where a simple break in a branch would trigger her. She didn’t raise her cup, however. Sooyoung thought this a rather out-of-place reaction. Surprisingly, Joohyun’s expression darkened as she scowled and shoved Suho’s hand off her knee. What was all that about?

It was another few rounds before it was Joohyun’s turn. As all eyes turned to her, Joohyun’s eyes glinted, dark and hazy, her gaze still aimed at Seulgi. Sooyoung shifted uncomfortably. 

“Never Have I Ever. . . had a passionate kiss,” said Joohyun. After a moment, she then asked, “Aren’t you going to drink, Seul?” Her voice was sugar-sweet as she waited for a response. “I mean surely you’ve shared that with your boyfriend over there, right? I think you must have mentioned it before.”

There was a hushing as murmurs ran through the circle. Sooyoung waited to see how it would play out. Seulgi’s mouth was parted in surprise at the sudden attention before she swallowed harshly. 

“I-I don’t know what you mean,” she replied with an edge to her tone. 

“No? Oh, come on.” Joohyun’s eyes were wide and innocent, her lips quirked up in fake amusement. “You expected us, for me to believe that you’re into David, that you’re deeply in love with him, yes? So surely you’ve shared a passionate kiss as well? Come on now, take a sip.”

Seulgi stared at her. “I think you’ve had too much to drink.” 

“Really?” mocked Joohyun, her voice rising. Some liquid spilt from her cup as she waved her hand around carelessly. “That’s all you’ve got to say?” Joohyun’s voice lowered as she smirked with a hidden glint in her misty eyes. Sooyoung was at the edge of her seat, breath hitched. “You wanna know what I think? I think you’re a huge fucking liar, both to me, to yourself and to your dear, dear boyfriend.” 

Seulgi flinched as if she’d been wounded. Suho tried to place a hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder but he might as well have been a fly on the wall with the way he was ignored. People were sharing disoriented, awkward glances. They thought this was supposed to be a fun game. Sooyoung knew most would barely remember this in the morning.

“Stop it, you’re drunk,” Seulgi snapped. 

Joohyun sneered and carried on as if she hadn’t heard. She may as well have been in her own world. She gave a contemptuous smirk. Sooyoung wondered how they’d got here. But this was working out because it meant the two could finally address their issues. If they didn’t rip each other’s heads off first. And it seemed like David had something to do with it. She just didn’t know what.

“He’s your safe space, isn’t he, Seul,” Joohyun pointed, scoffing. “Safe, kind and boring all in a package. The person who you decided to settle for. Well, you know what, if you had paid enough attention, you might have seen that other people have cared about you long before him.” She threw a scathing glare at a flinching David before Seulgi blocked her view, hands clenched into fists. 

Sooyoung barely knew what they were arguing about. But she had to get a hold of the situation before it escalated. Seulgi looked two seconds away from throwing her cup at Joohyun. Sooyoung wanted the truth, not a Greek tragedy waiting to happen. She cleared her throat loudly and approached Joohyun, wrapping a hand around her forearm. 

“Alright, babes, let’s get you some water, hmm? You’ll feel much better after that. And perhaps lay off the drinks.” 

That seemed to have broken the tension. Joohyun took a deep and hopefully calming breath and accepted the drink of water. She muttered that she was fine and walked back, tucking herself under Suho’s arm again. Sooyoung didn’t miss the scowl on Seulgi’s face at that. Great, now they were both back to not talking to each other. That wouldn’t do at all. They both just needed to be locked in a room until they were forced to make up. Wait. It was like a lightbulb had gone off in Sooyoung’s brain. Alone, that was it. She cleared her throat. 

“That’s enough of that. If you’re up for it, next game: Seven Minutes in Heaven!” she announced as a TV presenter and excited whispers erupted. 

Seulgi groaned, rolling her eyes. “Yes, as if this hasn’t been thirty minutes of hell already,” she snarked, rubbing her temple. 

Everyone wrote their names down on a piece of paper and, as the host, Sooyoung declared that she was going to announce the names. Someone started to complain but she shot them her best death glare, shutting them up instantly. She loved it when she could do that. She would not let someone else mess this up. 

Her hand went inside the bowl and she mixed up the papers before bringing up two. She opened them and squinted at the written scrawls of ‘Eun-Kyung’ and ‘Ji-hoon’. Sooyoung had no idea who they were. She looked up into several eager eyes. 

“Oh, would you look at that! What are the chances? Joohyun and. . . Seulgi!” she declared, holding the papers up and out of reach, glee seeping into her tone. “Come on you two, you’re up.” 

“Um, but they’re both girls?” pointed out a stupid guy with a furrowed brow.

“So?” rebuffed Sooyoung, glaring at him and he winced. “Who the fuck cares?” 

“Are you sure, Park Sooyoung?” demanded Seulgi, displeased, voice full of suspicion. 

Sooyoung blinked innocently at her. “Of course, Seul. I wouldn’t lie to you, would I? How can you think that of me? Now, come on, into the closet you both go.” 

Joohyun pursed her lips but moved to walk to the nearby storage room, which supposedly counted as a closet. Seulgi stared after her for a moment, biting her bottom lip, but snapped out of it and lumbered after, dragging her feet as if someone held a gun to her back.

“You’re not coming out until seven minutes have passed, so make the most of it,” said Sooyoung with a stern voice, standing by the door and looking at their faces, emphasising her words. 

“We heard you the first time,” sighed Joohyun, leaning back against the wall and crossing her arms.

“Good, more time for it to sink in then.” The two girls stood far apart from each other and would barely glance in each other’s direction. Sooyoung inwardly huffed. Honestly, you’d think one of them had the bubonic plague or something with the way they were avoiding each other. Sooyoung gave a final word. “Just don’t kill each other.” 

With that, she slammed the door shut and took a deep breath. She looked at the big watch that hung on the wall. Cool, seven minutes, should be a breeze. They can solve their issues in seven minutes, right? She tapped her feet and stared at the closed door. She couldn’t hear a sound. Gritting her teeth, she hoped they weren’t simply going to wait in silence. 

Then, something muffled. Voices. 

She grinned. About time. Hallelujah! Some communication was happening at last. Nobody could deny Park Sooyoung of being a mastermind. 

Everyone else in the room was either huddled around with murmurings and laughter echoing from them or drinking again. David stood alone in the room, unnoticed by anyone. He wouldn’t be her first choice of a companion, yet he was tucked away in a corner, almost as if trying to make himself disappear. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for him sometimes. She sighed and made her way over. At least this would kill time.

“It's better to look as if you’re trying to enjoy yourself, foreign boy,” she said as a greeting and leaned onto the wall next to him.

“Oh, er, Sooyoung  ─ hi,” he blinked, flustered. She supposed that he was thinking about their last, violent encounter. 

“Relax, I’m not here to threaten you. Didn’t think I’d see you here, not really your scene, is it?” she muttered, watching as someone tried to chug a whole bottle. “Aren’t you meant to be doing crossword puzzles and that shit, I dunno? Did Seulgi drag you?” 

“Huh? Oh, uh,” he chuckled nervously. “No, I offered to come but Seulgi drove me here. Thought I could push my comfort zone once in a while, which is what she tells me. Decided to take her advice.” 

Sooyoung hummed. “Oh, yeah, and how’s that working out for you?” 

“It’s more lively than I expected. Is it always like this by the way? Where did all the alcohol come from? Surely the majority here are underage.”

She smirked. “I have my sources,” she revealed. She walked over to an open carton of cheap beer placed on the table and grabbed one, knowing David’s eyes were following her with confusion. “Have you ever been drunk, foreign boy?” she asked curiously. 

He eyed the bottle warily. “Ah, no. I can’t say that I’ve ever had that pleasure. My mum warned me about the dangers of alcohol poisoning and all that.”

“Sounds like your mum could do with some fun in her life. Here.” She offered the bottle and gave him a look after seeing his expression. “One bottle won’t kill you, I promise,” she said in amusement. “Live a little.” 

David grabbed it hesitantly and took a sip, his face instantly scrunching up. “Urgh, that’s awful,” he exclaimed. 

Sooyoung laughed. “A few more of that and you’d be ready to declare yourself King of the world.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” There was a comfortable silence before he spoke again in a more uncertain, quiet voice. “Hey, can I ask you something?” She turned her head slightly to show that she was listening. “What-what do you think your friend Joohyun meant when she said that Seulgi was lying to me?” 

Sooyoung’s head snapped to the side, taken aback by the sudden question. David was biting his lip, his brows furrowed. Before she could open her mouth to speak the closet door slammed open, causing her to jump.

“Where the fuck are you going?” That was Joohyun, voice rising and filled with anger and frustration. “We’re not finished, Seulgi, come back here and talk to me!” 

“Anywhere away from you,” Seulgi growled, her hard gaze directed straight ahead as she marched forwards. People moved out of the way. Both their faces were flushed red. Sooyoung could’ve sworn Seulgi’s hair was in a ponytail before and now it was draped down her back. Her vein was throbbing on her temple and weirdly enough Sooyoung, narrowing her eyes, noticed a purple bruise on Seulgi’s neck. 

Joohyun stopped and glared so angrily that Sooyoung was glad that it wasn’t aimed at her. “Fine! Run away then, I’ve had enough of you!” 

She left the living room, leaving a trail of whispers behind her. Suho frowned in perplexity but made an excuse to his friends and followed after her. What the fuck just happened? Sooyoung looked around in confusion. She thought things had been going well. She heard a loud slam of the front door echoing from the open windows, followed by the roar of a car engine before it vanished.

David’s mouth was open. “Oh, she left. . .” 

Sooyoung sighed. “Yeah. Come on, foreign boy, I’ll drive you home.”

Today was a good day. The sun shone high up in the bright blue sky with not a single cloud present and the soft breeze added to the pleasant air. It was perfect conditions for the first soccer game of the year. Excitement was rife across their school and the opponents. 

“Ah, there you are,” came Wendy’s voice. “I’ve been looking for you, come on, let’s grab our seats.” She hooked her arm through Sooyoung’s and dragged them towards the stands. 

“Mm, nothing more exciting than watching people run after a ball for ninety minutes,” muttered Sooyoung drolly but allowed herself to be led. 

“Oh, as if you don’t enjoy throwing insults at the other school,” laughed Wendy in a carefree manner. “Besides, we’re here to support Seulgi, remember? Our friend, ring a bell?”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. As they wound through the seats they finally approached their section where Yeri was sitting and holding a huge cup of coke and a box of nachos. Sooyoung immediately swiped a tortilla, earning a dirty look from Yeri. She paused mid-step as her eyes fell on a familiar figure. 

“Oh, er, Mr Kang, sir ─ I didn’t think you’d be here,” said Sooyoung, blinking in disbelief. 

The man in question took a while to look at her after scanning the pitch. His expression was calculating and cold, and his body was straight as a pin. Sooyoung fought the urge to shiver. He was probably looking for Seulgi. Every time there was a soccer game the man would be there but she didn’t realise they’d be sitting so close to him. 

“Yes, hello, Sooyoung ─ girls.” They all chimed their quiet greetings to him. 

Seulgi’s father had always been an intimidating figure in their lives despite not seeing him often. The man never spoke much but he had these dark, grey eyes that seemed to bore into you as if he was seeing your soul. It used to freak her out when she was younger and she’d hide behind her mother’s leg whenever she visited their house; she’s become better now that she’s older. But still, those eyes remained as unnerving as ever. 

Sooyoung noticed that when Seulgi was in the presence of her father, she was much more compliant and less animated. It was like she became this robot that could only utter a few phrases. Sooyoung didn’t like it at all but it wasn’t her business to interfere. She’d always thought that their house was so cold and quiet, like an icy draft wafting in because someone left the windows open. She wondered how Seulgi could live like that when she was so warm-hearted and affectionate most of the time. 

She had a brief memory of Seulgi’s older brother though she can’t remember his name. He’d always tease them when they visited the house and gave them small treats with a secretive wink - which her mother wouldn’t allow her to eat because of it rotting her teeth - and tell them to not tell anyone. Seulgi had the biggest smile on her face when he was around. But one day, she came to school and Seulgi didn’t smile for a whole two weeks. 

“Look, there she is!” pointed Yeri elatedly, as the players started gathering on the pitch for the match to begin. “Go Seulgi!”

A soft voice sounded closer and closer to them. Wendy perked up.  

“Oh, Joohyun, there you are. I almost thought you weren’t coming,” chuckled Wendy as she stared at the girl that was weaving through the people sitting in their chairs to reach them. 

Sooyoung’s head snapped around and sure enough, Joohyun, irresolute and wary, stood near them. She blinked, surprised that Joohyun had even shown up. Her mind recalled the last time.

“Can I join you,” asked Joohyun stiffly, motioning towards the seat next to Sooyoung. 

“Er, sure, yeah,” Sooyoung answered, and couldn’t stop staring into the side of the other girl’s face. Why had she decided to come? It wasn’t for Suho that was for sure. 

Joohyun caught her gaze. “What?”

“Nothing.” 

Mr Kang noticed the other girl’s arrival and shot a teentsy half-smile. “Hello, Joohyun, dear. I thought I’d see you here. How are you?”

“I’m good, Mr Kang, thank you for asking,” said Joohyun, fiddling around with the sleeves of her sweater. 

“Good, good.”

The shrill blow of the whistle signalled that the game had started and Sooyoung focused her attention on her pitch. She and Yeri whooped every time Seulgi had the ball and groaned in displeasure whenever a shot missed the net. Mr Kang sniffed in disapproval whenever Seulgi missed. His silent reprimand was as severe as the scrutinising look he often gave Seulgi. She could also feel Joohyun’s breath hitching and her body tensing at intervals, whatever that meant. 

It was midway through the game when it happened. Seulgi was waiting near the stands for her teammate to kick the ball. She looked out into the audience for a split second, her gaze pausing on her father for a second before falling on Joohyun. Sooyoung watched as her face flickered through different emotions. Suddenly, something clicked in Sooyoung’s mind as it occurred to her, like a puzzle piece fitting into place to finish the picture. God, she’d been so stupid. 

No fucking way . . .

Then came a shout with the sound of someone kicking the ball very hard. Sooyoung’s expression fell in horror as she watched in slo-mo. The ball travelled in the air, uncontrollably; Seulgi turned her head at that moment and then ─

A loud crunching sound reverberated and immediately Seulgi fell back flat onto the ground. A loud gasp rang out, it might have been her. Sooyoung couldn’t see much but she saw a splatter of scarlet all over Seulgi’s face and her body wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t she moving? The referee shot a panicked look at the Coach. Joohyun grabbed her arm, her nails dug painfully and her face contorted into fear and shock as a scream escaped her mouth, piercing the sudden silence of the crowd. 

Chapter Text

Joohyun couldn’t breathe, her lungs had collapsed and her airways closed up. The world had shrunken and someone had wrapped a tightly-coiled fist around her throat, sucking out all the air as they squeezed hard. 

There was only one other time she remembered feeling this helpless, this breathless, this terrified. When she was a child, she accidentally swam towards the swimming pool’s deep end without anyone knowing. Suddenly, her feet couldn’t touch the ground anymore and her head sunk under and all she could see was blue, blue, blue as her eyes stung, her nose filling. Her arms flay and pure panic fills her body. She lets out a deep breath despite every instinct telling her to hold onto it as long as possible; she stops thinking as water fills her lungs and makes her heavier, sending her sinking a little bit faster. A welcome, dark calm takes its place —

Hands had grasped her just before her consciousness slipped and she was left spluttering, coughing and gasping for air as the frightened, wide eyes of the lifeguard stood looming over her shivering frame. 

Joohyun was positive she was experiencing that same panic, that same terror at this very moment. There was a faint ringing in her ear like a bell — or it could have been her heart beating against her ear, she couldn’t be sure — and her body had gone numb. Somebody could’ve poked a sharp needle against her arm and she wouldn’t have felt it. No, all that remained, all that plugged her mind was the splatter of scarlet, like paint against a white canvas. So much crimson, viscous and plenty, against a green field. Her lip trembled. And a fallen figure on the ground, their limbs unmoving. 

“—hyun. Joohyun. Hello, can you hear me? Joohyun!” 

A hand waved in front of her face and firm fingers grabbed her bicep, shaking her slightly. 

“Huh?” Joohyun could only mutter, turning her head away. 

“Are you alright?” asked Sooyoung, her brows creased with worry as she stared at her. “I’ve been calling your name for, like, two minutes. You weren’t answering. Jeez, you can scream loud. Almost lost my eardrums, Grandma.” 

“What?” Her brain still felt disorientated. Scarlet flashed behind her eyes and her breath hitched. 

“I know you’re worried but she’ll be fine, I think,” muttered Sooyoung, standing on her tiptoes to peer over people’s heads towards the pitch. A huddle of players had formed with the Coach muttering worriedly into her walkie-talkie. She paused, biting her lip. “Or, well I hope so at least. That was a nasty hit, god. That dumb bitch when I get my hands on her for doing this to Seulgi. . .” 

“Sooyoung!” scolded Wendy, her head snapping around. She stressed, “It was an accident.”

Sooyoung snorted. “Accident my ass, it’s sabotage. I saw the other team had made Seulgi a target throughout the match. Some of us aren’t blind to these things. This clearly works in their favour.”

“I sure hope Seulgi-unnie is okay,” mumbled Yeri, still munching on a tortilla though there was a slight frown on her face as they all watched the commotion. Yeri had jumped to her feet at the dreaded moment, scared for her friend, but had somehow managed to not drop her snacks. “She’s taken worse hits than that though, right?” 

“Well, we’ll find out, won’t we,” said Wendy, crossing her arms. “Hope they’ll tell us soon rather than later.”

The stands erupted into a hush and the game was paused. Joohyun hadn’t said a word still, her tongue lodged to the roof of her mouth as if she had her teeth clamped with fudge, specifically the special kind she and Seulgi used to share at lunch. Her gaze was fixed on the pitch. Her breath came out heavily. In. Out. In. Out. Why wasn’t she moving? She should be moving by now. 

Two people came out on the stands carrying a stretcher, student nurses by the looks of them. Joohyun blinked. They stopped to talk with the Coach and then moved to pick up Seulgi’s prone figure and placed her on the stretcher. A burst of anger burned through her. They should handle her with more care. What if they joggled a broken bone? Or caused some permanent damage? 

“Urgh, finally,” scowled Sooyoung. “Took them long enough standing there chatting all this time Seulgi’s been losing blood.”

“Will you stop with that,” glared Wendy at Sooyoung. 

“ What ?”

“Do’ya think they’ll be able to let us see her,” asked Yeri. “They have to, right? I mean we’re, like, her best friends. Her only friends to be fair.” 

“Oh, I doubt it. You know what the school nurse is like,” sighed Wendy, watching as the stretcher carried Seulgi down the pitch. 

“Yeah, she’s a right prickly bitch, I’ll tell you that,” mumbled Sooyoung under her breath, but Joohyun didn’t have the strength to say anything in response. “Wouldn’t let me rest even when I had the worst cramps of my life.”

“Sooyoung, you’re being rude,” warned Wendy.

Sooyoung scoffed defensively. “How? It’s true though. Honestly, it’s like the nurse has a stick up her ass or something. Wouldn’t hurt to smile once in a while.” 

Joohyun tuned out her friends’ bickering. She clenched her jaw as the stretcher disappeared with Seulgi out of sight. It was the final nail in the coffin. A loud whistle chimed from the referee. 

“Wait, are they continuing the game?” remarked Yeri in confusion. 

Sooyoung furrowed her brows as she watched the players rearrange themselves in formation. “Seems like it,” she said.

“Well, we’ve lost, seeing as our best player has just left. We might as well just leave now. What’s the point?” 

“Your faith in our soccer team is truly inspiring, Yerim.” Wendy shook her head, her voice with undertones of exasperation. 

“Well, she’s right though, isn’t she?” supported Sooyoung. “This is going to be a bore-fest without Seulgi. I only came because of her.”

“Still, that doesn’t mean — Joohyun?”

“Joohyun, wait — where are you going? It’s not over yet.”

“Oi, Grandma, wait for us at least!” 

Joohyun pushed her way through the crowd in the stands, not even stopping to mutter an ‘excuse me’. She earned a few dirty looks and shouts after her but she couldn’t find it in her to care. Her heart was in her throat. She was aimless, her head still underneath the deep blue the second Seulgi lost consciousness, still drowning. Her pace was quick as she reached the bottom and might have given the best runner in school a run for their money. 

“Slow down, Joohyun! We’re not all Usain Bolt, you know,” called Yeri behind her as they struggled to keep up.  

She almost made it towards the double doors that lead to the school, her eyes focused when a figure stepped out in front of her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her underneath a pillar and stopping her in her tracks. 

“Oh, Joohyun, there you are. I was looking for you earlier actually.” 

“Suho. . .” 

Joohyun looked up blankly at Suho’s relieved expression. It was like someone had thrown ice-cold water while she was sleeping and her body, sheets and clothes were soaked through. He held an unopened bag of popcorn and a drink with two straws poking in the middle. He threw her a boyish, half-eager smile and wiggled his eyebrows. 

“Here’s an idea — what do you say about opening this with me? I got your favourite: it’s buttery and sweet,” he said in a sing-song voice, rattling the bag as it crinkled. 

Suho’s easy grin and relaxed features should have eased her emotions and usually it did, never failing to put a smile on her face. But today it only left her feeling annoyed and irritated, like a deflated balloon. Her boyfriend hadn’t sensed her mood yet. It was as if she was driving somewhere and had encountered an unexpected pothole. Relax, she reminded herself. It’s just Suho. She clamped this feeling down and offered a thin smile. 

“Not right now, Suho, please. Another time, maybe.”

She tried to step around him but he frowned and tightened his grip on her wrist. 

“Woah, hey, hey. What’s wrong? You seem off — you don’t look yourself,” he asked in what he believed to be a consoling voice but it only made Joohyun want to dump that jumbo-size cherry coke all over his face. He moved his arms up to her shoulders and rubbed them gently. It only sought to itch her skin against her knitted sweater. 

“I’m fine, really,” she said tersely. “I’m just in a hurry, Suho. I’ll tell you later, I promise — just not right now.”

Suho frowned and caught her arms as he brought her closer towards him. Heavy cologne filled her nostrils. Joohyun wrinkled her nose. 

“Wait, wait, Joohyun, just hold on a moment, please.” He gave a short laugh but Joohyun found nothing funny in the situation. “I’m your boyfriend. You’re supposed to tell me these things, remember — we — we talked about this earlier, you can trust me. Maybe I can help, you know, I can—” 

Joohyun pushed against his chest, sending him a sharp look. Suho stumbled back with a light dazed expression. 

“The only thing you can do is stop crowding me and just let me go,” she snapped. 

She almost regretted her words as Suho recoiled with a wounded expression. Perhaps she should have regretted it. Or ought to at least. Maybe later she will. Or Suho might demand an explanation from her. But an image of crimson, green and motionless limbs seeped into her brain again. 

That was her opportunity and she jerked back from his hold as he stood there in frozen shock, unblinking and eyes wide in astonishment before she turned on her heels and made a break for it through the double doors. Suho didn’t call after her and Joohyun couldn’t find it in her to care enough. She burst into the hallways, catching a look or two as the doors slammed shut behind her. It took her under a minute to reach the school Infirmary. 

“You’re not supposed to be in here,” said the school nurse, aiming a stern look at Joohyun as she looked up.

She was a plump, middle-aged woman with a tight bun and a no-nonsense demeanour. Also in the room was her assistant, a younger girl who appeared a few years older than the rest of the students, and probably graduated university recently by the looks of it. The girl looked surprised as she peered up, a soaked cloth in her hand drenched with scarlet. 

Joohyun ignored them both and examined her friend, who lay upon the single infirmary bed. She looked so pale and frail. The blood had been cleared from her face but thin, wet strands of hair stuck to her face and forehead. Joohyun frowned and stepped forwards, her right hand outstretched before the older nurse stepped in front of her. Gritting her teeth, she glowered. God, she was getting really fed up with people getting in her way. Seulgi is fucking hurt, she’s hurt!

“Hello, Miss, didn’t you hear what I said? This room is barred from all students,” stressed the nurse. “You’ll have to step outside.”

“Is she going to be okay,” demanded Joohyun. 

“Excuse me — are you listening or not? Step outside.” 

The door burst open once more and the nurse’s flabbergasted expression was caused by the arrival of her other three friends, who had seemed to follow her. Sooyoung was panting and clutched the edge of the door for support as she kneeled over, panting heavily. 

“Hi,” she wheezed.

“God, there you are,” muttered Wendy, looking better but still panting too. “You could have waited for us.”

The nurse’s face had slackened into indignation. Any other time it would have been funny if only Joohyun’s stomach weren’t twisted up, eating her up from the insides. Seulgi still wasn’t awake. When the nurse wasn't paying attention, she stepped to the side and moved to the other side of the bed, her heart thumping loudly.

“What in the world—” the nurse’s voice raised. “Does this look like a circus to you — I am trying to treat my patient, a little privacy please !” 

Like the world was out to get the nurse, the door swung open again but Joohyun didn’t move her head to notice whoever it was. She blocked out the spluttering ire of the nurse and reached out to push the strands of Seulgi’s hair to the side. Her hand lingered on her skin, so soft and smooth but warm to the touch. She just laid there on those white sheets, looking positively like some sort of injured angel. Which she isn't, Joohyun knows that. She’s infuriating, stubborn and pig-headed, but that’s part of her charm. And she was her best friend. 

A tall shadow fell over the bed and a familiar, grating voice spoke. 

“I, er, came as soon as I heard — is — is she going to be okay?” 

Joohyun looked up and locked eyes with a worried David at the end of the bed. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, she thought. A burning flame burst through her, one coursing through her veins so fiercely that it threatened to consume her and everything around them. 

“Hey, David,” Wendy raised a hand in greeting. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” she spat harshly without thinking, her eyes narrowed into small daggers at the boy. 

She looked at him like he was the annoying pest that flew in through an open window and had disturbed her once-growing peace. David flinched under her heated gaze but didn’t stumble back. 

“I’m here to see Seulgi. I wasn’t at the game but I heard she got injured so I—”

“You just what?” she mocked. “Decided to show up? Now?”

“I-I—”

“Joohyun,” frowned Wendy. 

Joohyun’s fists clenched into tight balls. “You're not meant to be here. You can’t be here.”

“None of you is supposed to be here,” exploded the fuming older nurse, appearing at her wit’s end. Everybody ignored her once again.  

“Woah, what’s up with unnie?” asked Yeri with a shouted whisper at Sooyoung. 

“Dunno, I think she’s probably on her monthly I’m guessing. Hey, pass me some of your snacks. This is way more interesting than some dull soccer game.”

“Hey, hands off — get your own,” denied Yeri, clutching her snacks protectively to her chest.

“Ah, c’mon, stop, being so stingy.” 

“Absolutely not! No food or drinks are permitted in the Infirmary,” yelled the nurse, and marched forwards, pointing a finger towards the doors. “Out, all of you! Right this minute.” 

“Aww, c’mon, Nurse Park, we’re not even —”

Joohyun ignored them as she glowered at the boy across from her. He couldn’t look her in the eyes properly as he shuffled uncomfortably. Something about him set her the wrong way like a fervent itch underneath her skin. He was staring worriedly at Seulgi, hands in the pockets of his ugly jacket too. Joohyun hated that, hated everything about him. His awkward, clumsy demeanour; the soft smile on his face; the stupid, scrunched-up way his face lit up when Seulgi paid attention to him; the wobbly, hesitant lilt of his voice; his ugly sweaters. It made her want to rip his hair out and claw his eyes out, which was crazy she knew because he was a stranger to her. She shouldn’t be feeling this intensely. And technically David hadn’t done anything for her to be feeling this. . . this out of balance, this unsteady. It wasn’t right.

“How did this happen?” he asked, swallowing. 

“You’d know if you were there,” she muttered, watching him like a hawk. He was the puny, pathetic prey she was waiting to pounce on. “Aren’t you meant to be her boyfriend?”

She spat out the word like it was dirt in her mouth. David’s voice sounded upset. Joohyun couldn’t stand the sound of it. It made her want to pluck her ears out.

“I know — I just don’t like big crowds very much,” he explained anxiously, shutting his eyes. “They tend to make me uneasy.”

Joohyun snorted.  “How very surprising.” 

David caught her gaze. His brows furrowed. “Um, you know, please don’t take this the wrong way because I don’t mean it in that way — but I sort of get the sense that you don’t like me very much, which isn’t saying much I know because granted not a lot of people do around here but I know I’m right because I can sense it like spiderman’s spidey senses, you know.” His short laugh was awkward. “Um, ignore that part, please, I don’t have spidey senses — obviously. Or any powers, really, though it would be nice. But — you —” He stopped to gulp and his rhythm slowed. “You, er, don’t seem to like me, I think. . .”

Joohyun clenched her jaw. Her breathing quickened. Why the hell was he still talking? 

“Look, I get it,” he continued hesitantly. “Seriously, I do. I’m the outsider, the stranger — the mean, asshole of a boyfriend in those teen movies. Even though I like to think I don’t fall into that category hopefully.” His joke fell flat as Joohyun peered at him blankly. “You’re protective of your friend. I mean you and Seulgi are close — very close I get the sense with the number of times she mentions you and—”

“She talks about me?” she interrupted, stopping him mid-flow. 

David closed his mouth and nodded. “Well, yeah. It’s good stuff sometimes, I promise,” he reassured. “She doesn’t think of you as some monster if that’s what you’re wondering. Though she does rant mostly. And call you a, uh. . . a bitch.” 

Joohyun leaned back on her heels, her mind still reeling. She thought Seulgi hated her given the way she was acting lately. Well, other than — A flash of brunette hair and a hint of cherry lips. Joohyun blinked, pushing the image from her mind. God! She felt like throwing her hands in the air. Why did Seulgi have to be so complicated? She couldn’t win with her. 

“Come on, you two as well,” interjected the nurse, addressing the two. “Both of you. I’ve had just about enough. Out now, before I called the Headmaster.” 

“Nurse Park, just a minute, please I — we want —” pleaded David.

“—yun. H-yun. . .” 

A silence settled. Joohyun’s head snapped around. The faint murmur came from the bid-ridden figure. David’s eyes widened, though he looked a bit confused as he shared a glance with Joohyun. 

“Hyun,” murmured Seulgi again, and Joohyun was frozen in place. 

With a twitch of the fingers, Seulgi’s hand finally had enough strength to raise it to her forehead. An eye peeked open and soft brown eyes appeared. Joohyun’s heart quivered. She hardly dared breathe.

“Seulgi. . .” prompted David, taking a step towards hers. 

“Don’t move!” snapped Joohyun, glaring at him while he resembled a deer-in-headlights. “You don’t want to crowd around her.”

A loud snort echoed from Sooyoung. Joohyun had forgotten her friends were still there.

“Oh, but it’s alright for you,” drawled Sooyoung with amusement. 

“Miss Kang, can you hear me?” asked the nurse. 

The nurse moved promptly, snapping her fingers at her assistant, who handed her a tiny torch. Seulgi’s eyes had fully opened and she winced as a bright light shone into her eye. She attempted to get up but the assistant pushed her back.

“Do not move, Miss,” warned the younger nurse. “You could still be concussed. That was a nasty hit.” 

Seulgi’s eyes travelled around the room, moving past a smiling David before settling on Joohyun intensely. They widened like she was surprised to see her there. Those eyes said so much yet Joohyun could still never figure out her best friend. Were they still even best friends? She was too scared to ask. 

“Hyun. . .” 

Joohyun had a sudden urge, building up inside her like lava in a volcano ready to erupt, to turn on her heels and run out of the doors towards. . . towards somewhere — she just didn’t know yet.

A steady thumping like a train chugging down the railway, ferocious and persistent. That’s all that Seulgi could make sense of. It echoed in her ears and her head was killing her. Her vision was hazy and everything shimmered like opaque glass. She winced as bright light filtered into her eyes. 

“Miss, can you hear me? Can you see me?”

“Seulgi.” 

Someone was speaking. A boy by the sound of it. Then a girl. Then another voice. Ah, Seulgi. That’s right. She was Seulgi. Her name was Seulgi. Fractured images flickered through her mind. Oh, now she remembered. She was hit in the face with a ball. God, that hurt like a bitch. She grimaced. 

Feeling more steady than before, her gaze sharpened and she eyed the figures in the room. Huh, David was here apparently. She didn’t linger on him and instead stopped on the object of her waking dreams and emotions. 

Something flashed in Joohyun’s face before her features shifted to blank. Neither of them knew what to say and the longer they stared the worse it was getting. Seulgi didn’t know where to begin. Her headache began to strengthen as if someone was smacking a metal bat against her forehead repeatedly. Her throat felt drier than a desert, causing her to cough. 

“Miss, here, drink some of this — it’ll help.” 

A young nurse pushed a cup of tepid water in her hand. Seulgi took a gulp and then wiped her mouth. 

“How are you feeling?” asked David softly. 

“Dreadful,” she replied. “Like I’ve been run over by a train.” 

“Yes, I expect so,” brokered an older nurse with a stern look as she cupped Seulgi’s chin and turned her head to each side, inspecting her face. “You have a slight concussion. But I expect you’ll be fine after a day or two.”

Ah, that explained the terrible headache at least and the lump on her head. The door swung open with a loud creek and everyone turned to glance at the newcomer. Seulgi’s heart jumped to her throat as silence took hold. Her father, stoic and rigid in his body language, stood near the door with his hands crossed behind his back as he gazed on with a stern look at Seulgi. 

The nurse groaned aloud. “Give me strength, not another one. Who are you?” 

His eyes, unblinking, landed on the nurse. “Her father,” he answered coolly. 

“Hey, Mr Kang,” Sooyoung said with a one-handed wave. 

Yeri chimed in. “Great to see you again, Mr K.” 

“They told me you’d be here,” said her father, taking small steps forward. “Now that I see she is well, I wish to have a word with my daughter, alone. It’ll only take a few minutes.” 

The nurse looked as if she was going to reject his request but something in his face caused her to close her mouth and nod curtly. Wendy and Yeri waved her goodbye with the latter throwing up a peace sign. Sooyoung glanced at her worriedly as if she was about to say something but thought the better of it. She gestured towards David, whose wide eyes hadn’t looked away from her father for some weird reason. 

“Come on, foreign boy, let’s go,” said Sooyoung. 

David threw her a small smile, which she returned and took a final glance at her father — who hadn’t even acknowledged his presence — and left. Now it was just Joohyun. 

“I, er,” Joohyun began. She swallowed visibly. “I’m glad you’re okay,” she muttered. 

It was so quiet that Seulgi almost missed it but the second the words reached her ears, her chest warmed considerably. Sure, it wasn’t an apology or any type of acceptance or understanding but it was something at least, unspoken and invisible but still present. Right now, Seulgi would take it. There was a silent understanding that passed through them: they’ll talk later but not right now. 

Joohyun murmured a pleasant goodbye to her father and turned on her heels before the nurses followed after her, warning them that they only had five minutes. Seulgi watched Joohyun go and deeply exhaled. The urge to sink into the fluffy pillows behind her and block out everything wrong in her life was tempting. She just felt so unbelievably tired all of a sudden. Like her limbs were being weighed down by an anchor dragging her into eternal suffering. She imagined herself as a feather on a cloud drifting far, far away in the distance. . .

“I came to watch you today,” spoke her father, jerking her away from her thoughts and pulling her back down to Earth. His gaze was focused on the window overlooking the school grounds. “To watch you play — my daughter play — just as I said I would, didn’t I?”

“You did, yes.” Her voice came out in a whisper. 

“Yes, so imagine how I would feel coming and watching your performance at the match. What do you think?” 

His cold, dark eyes — one’s so different yet familiar — bore into her as they locked onto hers. He had none of Ga-ram’s warmth. Seulgi swallowed, feeling as though she had a rock lodged in her throat. It was coming but she didn’t realise it’d be so soon.

“I-Dad, please, you must understand—”

“Oh, must I? Must I really understand?”

“It wasn’t my fault, it was an accident—” she hastened to explain. 

Her father raised an eyebrow. “Accidents are events beyond control. Your performance today was no accident, Seulgi. It could have been avoided if you were focused on your skills and the match, now isn’t that right? Good, you’re nodding so that means you understand. So we can conclude that it wasn’t an accident.”

Seulgi sat up and swung her legs over the bed as her father turned his back on her. Her head lurched dizzily. She blinked repeatedly to erase the feeling. “Dad, it won’t happen again — I got distracted for one second, okay, and I just really feel like—”

“Exactly!” he snapped, his voice rising as he cut her off. “You — got — distracted.” He thumped his hand on the bed with each word, making a muffled sound. “Why? Why should you get distracted? Why should you fail and cost the match because of your distraction? What was so interesting to you that you felt it would cost your team the match?”

“N-nothing, I,” she said in a distressed voice, her mind recalling who had distracted her for just a split second during the match. “We — we haven’t lost. The game is still playing and we have a chance—” She denied it, desperately trying to believe that for a moment. 

Her father scoffed harshly. “Of course you have. Your team will lose — they failed.” 

Her heart sank, and her breathing grew heavy. Her palms were sweaty as she wiped them against her side. “I-I’m sorry,” she said, deflating. 

“Sorry won’t change your dismal performance,” he remarked harshly with a twitch of his jaw. A vein throbbed near his temple, which it only did when her father was angry. “Next time I would like to see no distractions, am I clear?”

“Yes. . .” she murmured, staring at the ground. 

“Louder.”

“Yes, Dad.” 

“Good.” He gave a short nod and turned to look at her. He paused, considering her for a moment. Then his mouth opened and there was a crease on his brow as if he wanted to say something but thought better of it as he gave a brief shake of the head. “Right, so, I will see you at home then and we can talk about how to avoid distractions like that. That sounds okay?”

“Okay.”

“So, do you need a ride home?”

“No, Sooyoung’s mom can drop me off later.” 

“I see. Well then.”

And with that, he gave her a final glance and walked out. It took her a moment to realize that not once had he asked her if she was feeling okay or how she was doing.

It turned out that her father was correct. The first game of the season and it was already blown. Seulgi went home disheartened after being discharged by the nurse, her headache lessened to a faint throb. The painkillers were working at least and the nurse recommended a day or two of rest.

She spent the whole of Saturday in bed with the blanket over her, munching pringles and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine episodes all day. She’d ordered pizza in the evening as she couldn’t be bothered to cook. This was her caterpillar cocoon, her retreat. Her friends texted her occasionally to check up on her. Seulgi chose to ignore the obvious fact she hadn’t received one text from Joohyun, not even an emoji. Not even a stupid thumbs-up sign or a waving hand one. But it was whatever and chose not to dwell on it longer, focusing her attention on Captain Holt screaming Vindication on her screen. It was just her, her pringles and her can of Coke this weekend. 

Sunday morning she took a shower and put on new clothes and decided to move into the living room for a change of scenery, seeing as her father had gone to work and the house was empty. It made her feel as if she hadn’t been a slob the whole time. Leftover pizza lay on the coffee table as she took a bite of one slice. It was mid-afternoon when just as Jake and Amy were about to kiss on her TV, the doorbell rang. Hitting pause on the remote, she rose and walked to the door. It probably was her package; she had ordered that top and jacket a few days ago so it must’ve been the delivery guy.

Her eyes widened and her grip tightened on the edge of the door as her gaze landed on a nervous, fidgeting Joohyun. 

“Hey. . .” began Joohyun softly. 

She wore a flowery dress with her hair draped over her shoulder. Seulgi finally remembered to speak. 

“Hey,” she said faintly and with tiny undertones of curiosity. 

All of a sudden, Seulgi was extremely glad she’d decided to shower today. She subtly wiped away any crumbs from her hoodie. On the front read the words in bold ‘Fresh Out of Fucks”. She cringed. Yeah, maybe she should have reconsidered her clothing choices. She was ninety per cent sure Sooyoung had gifted her this hoodie anyway. 

“You’re looking well,” remarked Joohyun. 

“Yeah, I, er, took some medicine. For the head, you know. It’s helping bring the swelling down too.”

“Right. . .” A silence settled. “Is — uh, is your dad home?” 

Seulgi shook her head and released the grip from the door but still kept it close to her side as if it’ll protect her for some odd reason. 

“No, he’s at work right now.” 

“Oh.”

Seulgi watched her carefully. Joohyun appeared a lot more hesitant and quiet than when she had last seen her. When they’d been alone together in that closet. Trying to block out that image over the weekend hadn’t worked and now it was worse when Joohyun stood in front of her. She hadn’t meant for it to get so out of control but they’d both been so angry, so upset and drunk that everything had clashed. She swallowed. And that’s all it was: a stupid, drunk mistake that only came to her in flashes. Which had ended in an angry argument anyway and that was it. She wondered if Joohyun was thinking about it at this moment. 

“I-I like your hoodie,” muttered Joohyun, motioning with a finger as a small smile played on her lips. 

“Hmm, oh, er, yeah,” Seulgi flushed. “Sorry about that. Present from Sooyoung I think.”

Joohyun giggled, causing Seulgi to smile back. “Yes, I can imagine.” She settled down and took a deep breath as if steeling herself for something. “How are you feeling today?”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow. “Fine. Better than Friday at least.”

“Good, good, I’m glad.”

“Did you come all this way to ask me that? You could have asked over the phone too,” said Seulgi with vague amusement. 

“No, I—” Joohyun paused to consider her words. Her hands fiddled with the front of her dress unconsciously. “I — I think we should talk.”

Seulgi felt something heavy settle in her stomach and her back as if someone had dumped a ton of rocks against her to carry. Resignation sank in her bones. 

“Yes, I suppose we should,” she murmured. “Hang on.” 

She went back inside and grabbed the house key before coming back out. 

She led Joohyun towards the front garden and they took a seat on a chipped, white-painted bench that lay in front of some overgrown brushes teeming with roses. For a few minutes, the two sat there watching Seulgi's neighbour across the street water his plants or for a passerby walking their dog. It was a beautiful day with the sun in the clear sky and the birds chirping musically. Seulgi heard Joohyun’s steady breathing and if she leaned just an inch to the left, her bare shoulder would brush against hers. 

“I should have called or texted,” started Joohyun, her gaze remaining straight ahead. “Checked up on you and all that. I know that.”

Seulgi swallowed. “Why didn’t you?” she asked out of mild curiosity than anything accusatory. 

“I don’t know. . .” Joohyun tugged on her bottom lip. “Every time I picked up my phone, I would just hover on the keyboard and my fingers remained stuck. And I just sat there staring and looking. Even when I wrote a word or two, I would just scrap it because it didn’t sound right. I just—” She sighed. 

“I would have settled for a simple hello too,” Seulgi said half-joking, half-honest. 

Joohyun smiled sadly. “I know.” 

Silence took over again. Seulgi felt the breeze rustle her hair and the wooden bench press into her back. She adjusted her seat, which made her somehow close to Joohyun. She cursed in her mind. 

“Can — can I ask you something?” Seulgi began hesitantly, not being able to look her in the face. “Why do you have such a problem with David?”

Joohyun’s eyes fluttered and her mouth parted at the sudden change in topic. “I-I don’t have—”

“Don’t lie to me, Hyun, please. We both know you do, I just don’t know why. I’ve never said anything about Suho in all the times that you’ve liked him. And you’ve never had any issues with who Sooyoung or Yeri or even Wendy is dating. Why him, why David? He’s not a bad person but somehow you’ve made your mind up to hate him.”

Joohyun’s brows creased. She didn’t appear angry or upset just pensive in a sense. “I suppose it’s not him as a person that bothers me. More so what he can do.”

Seulgi raised a confused brow. “What do you mean by that?” 

“In the beginning, I just thought he was your tutor and your friend and I didn’t think much of it. You were struggling with Math like you mentioned so it was just one of those situations. But then I had to find out from Wendy that you’re going out with him and now you’re spending all your time with him and pushing me out of the picture and hiding things and you now have all these secrets, I don’t know I. . .” She sighed frustratedly. Her voice lowered as she glanced at Seulgi mournfully. “I’m scared I’m going to lose you to him, Seul.”

Seulgi felt the force of her words as hard as the soccer ball. She said it like it was a dirty secret, one that could get her imprisoned for life. 

“Hyun. . .”

Joohyun shook her head. “I know, I know but I see it every day at school and in class.”

Her bottom lip trembled as she refused to look at her. “You’re replacing me and soon I won’t be a part of your life anymore.” 

Seulgi couldn’t help it. That silly, silly girl. It was one of the most absurd things she’d ever heard. She burst into laughter, her body shaking and it got even worse the more she stared at Joohyun’s offended expression. 

“No, I’m — sorry — I — just —” She raised a hand as she tried to get her laughter under control. 

“I’m telling you what I feel and you’re just laughing,” hissed Joohyun, glaring at her all of a sudden. Her eyes had hardened into two pieces of rock and she shifted away from Seulgi. 

“Wait, no I didn’t mean it like that.” She calmed down and reached out to hold Joohyun’s hand firmly though Joohyun tried to tug back with an unpleased look. Her voice turned gentle but firm. “Look, Joohyun, no one is going to replace you, okay, no one could even if they tried. I don’t know where you got this idea from but just know that you will never lose me. I’m right here and I’ll always be here, no matter how many ridiculous fights we’ll get into.” 

As Joohyun stared back at her with those eyes so big and brown and desperate to believe her, Seulgi remembered what it is to want and feel the warmth of the girl beside her. Joohyun’s voice was as soft as petals on a rose. 

“Promise?”

“Yeah, I promise.” 

They shared a gentle smile, hands still grasping each other. Seulgi noticed she was caressing the other girl’s smooth palm with her thumb, running it around in a circle. Her heart pounded ever louder. A loud bark broke their connection. 

Joohyun’s lips unleashed a shaky exhale. “I was so scared. . .” she whispered, grabbing Seulgi’s attention once more. “When I saw you lying there on the ground, unmoving and with all that blood on your face — god, so much blood — I didn’t know what to think. I think I pretty much stopped breathing, to be honest.”

Ah, this was about her accident. Seulgi blinked and tried to smile. “It was just a minor concussion, Hyun,” she said lightly but broke off when Joohun’s hands trembled. “I wasn’t dying.”

Joohyun’s voice was shaky. Thankfully no tears fell. “I know that but at that moment I guess I panicked. I’ve never seen that much blood in real life and it was — it was like. . . like my body was on autopilot. I wasn’t controlling anything, someone else was. But I could feel everything. All the fear, distress and panic, so yes, I did think you were about to die.” She glanced down, shaking her head. “It’s stupid I know what you’re thinking, I know, but I was — it was —”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Seulgi comforted, reaching out to grab her hand as Joohyun’s voice broke and a tiny sob escaped her lips. Seeing Joohyun this emotionally was a rare sight. “I’m okay, see.” She squeezed. 

Joohyun threw a weak smile and inhaled shakily. “I know, I’m glad. I was so happy when I saw your eyes open. You were back here, present in the world.”

“Yeah, it was a trip seeing that many people in the Infirmary when waking up,” grimaced Seulgi.  

“And it got me thinking — why — why can’t we fix what’s wrong with us?” questioned Joohyun, disheartened, as her sad, brown eyes locked on Seulgi.

“What do you mean?”

“Listen, we’ve both said so many horrible things since and ignored each other’s presence. Some days I couldn’t even stand the sight of you at school or in class and it made me want to scream and cry and throw something,” said Joohyun. Seulgi couldn’t find it in herself to look away. “All that negativity, all that emotion just to sizzle to nothing when I saw you on the pitch. How fickle my emotions must be, huh?”

Seulgi looked down, removing her grip from the other girl’s hand. Her heart clenched as she recalled how cold they’d been to each other and the spiteful words thrown like daggers. They’ve been so silly and hurtful and vile that it hurt. Her chest still ached when the voices played over in her mind. 

“And now I feel like there’s this great big chasm between us, Seul,” continued Joohyun, her eyes glimmering. “And I don’t know why. How did we get like this? Every time we’re together that chasm widens and widens and I can’t help feeling that one day one of us is going to fall in and never be able to get out again. Because it’ll be too wide and too late to escape from it.”

Seulgi’s vision turned blurry. She sniffled. Joohyun’s words had some element of truth but how could she explain that the reason for their conflict was her and her feelings? She was the cause. There were times when she felt like she wanted to become a butcher and imagined cutting out the complicated bundle of feelings from her heart, body, and soul with a sharp knife. They had reached deep down inside her and only a blade could slice and tear it out, leaving the knife dripping with crimson and her chest gaping and serene and normal once more. 

I’m sorry,” she murmured, earnestly, shutting her eyes. It was the only thing she could say. “I’m so sorry, Hyun.” She didn’t know what she was apologising for: her feelings for Joohyun, the hurtful, mean things, her behaviour, the way they’ve treated each other, the stupid situation they’ve found themselves in, the way that she was. Perhaps it was all of it. 

“I’m sorry too,” said Joohyun, tears falling down her cheek as she looked at Seulgi. “You’re my best friend, Seul. I love you so much.” 

“And you’re mine too.” 

Despite how insufferable, how cruel, how demeaning Joohyun was, she was Seulgi’s best friend. Her Joohyun. She had accepted that long ago. Joohyun wiped the tears away and Seulgi wiped her cheeks, taking a deep breath. She smiled to herself. God, they probably looked like messes, sitting there on a Sunday afternoon in the front garden, tears glinting in their eyes and hands clasped together like they were afraid the other was going to drift away like an untied balloon in the wind. 

Joohyun sniffled and directed her gaze at the roses. “These look good,” she gestured, her voice a bit more steady. “A bit of a mess but they look as if they were well tended to. Who does your garden?”

Seulgi stiffened, the half-smile fading from her lip. It took a while to answer. “My brother used to tend to them. They were his favourite flowers in the whole garden.” 

Despite Ga-ram’s tough personality, he did love his gardening. It was one of the things she remembered about him. Joohyun sensed that this was a thorny subject. She gripped Seulgi’s forearm and changed the subject, her eyes appeared lighter and with a new-found sparkle. Seulgi was grateful for the change, pushing away thoughts of her brother and his roses out of mind.

“Hey, what do you say about having a girl’s night?” asked a perkier Joohyun. “We haven’t had one in so long.”  

Seulgi snorted. “It’s a school night.”

“So, who cares? I can wake up early in the morning to collect my things anyway. How about it?”

Seulgi sighed, rolling her eyes. “You won’t get up, I know that from experience but fine. I guess we can.”

Joohyun squealed and Seulgi smiled back. When they went back inside the house, Seulgi blushed as Joohyun raised an eyebrow at the pizza boxes, crumbs and mess around the room. Yeah, not her finest moment. 

They decided to cook some pasta for dinner that evening as Joohyun felt like Seulgi had enough of ordering takeaways. Seulgi didn’t argue. It was nice for once to have someone else in the house that wasn’t her father. She chopped the vegetables while Joohyun boiled the pasta and cooked the chicken. Joohyun cooked some extra for Seulgi’s father even though Seulgi knew he wouldn’t have it but the other girl insisted and said it’d be rude not to. They worked seamlessly and smoothly, each knowing what the other was thinking and saying before they said it. Seulgi felt comfortable for the first time since she’d realised her feelings and wondered why that was. 

After dinner, they put away the plates (Seulgi dried, Joohyun’s washed) and spoke comfortably about meaningless subjects. They made a conscious decision to steer far away from topics of boyfriends and dates. Instead, they discussed music they’d recently listened to, films they’d watched, the food they’d tried for the first time, their friends’ odd habits got dragged in — leaving them a laughing mess — and even dipped in nostalgic memories. It was a perfect evening and the warmth in Seulgi’s chest had never left the longer she stared at the delicate twinkle in Joohyun’s gaze or the way she threw her head back. 

After when they’d got tired of talking, they both just sat there on the couch in pleasant silence as the sun sank, bathing the house to a faint amber. Seulgi leaned back and doodled in her sketchbook casually while Joohyun concentrated on reading a play for her class. Seulgi felt like this was the closest she was going to get to peace, serenity and normality. It was the calm after a hurricane. She felt as if she was lying on a boat in the middle of the ocean, her eyes shut and drifting along with the calm waves as they bobbed her to and fro. 

Of course, Seulgi wasn’t stupid. Her feelings remained and every time Joohyun so much as grazed her hand or grinned at her, her stomach was alight in a flutter and she had to force herself to not stare as long or allow her palms to sweat so much. She couldn’t help that, it was a natural reaction. And perhaps their friendship might not be in the same, stable place as it used to be. This was a start but it wasn’t perfect or concrete. There was still some danger of turbulent waves. 

But as she sat there, soaking in Joohyun’s presence and feeling every flutter of her heart as the girl so much as sighed, she felt a cool blanket of acceptance wrap around her. She just felt so tired. Her feelings will be there and yes she had a crush or maybe more than a crush on her best friend without meaning to. It was what it was, she had to face that stark truth in the face. She wondered if that soccer ball had given her more than a slight concussion.

She’d been so afraid and confused and angry lately that she pushed away Joohyun and caused a rift between them all because she couldn’t comprehend how she could feel so strongly about one of the most important people in life in a way that shouldn’t have been in the first place. Not once had she come to consider the hypothetical scenario. Suppose that Joohyun did feel the same, was she ready for their status to change? For them to shift into that boundary of lovers and partners and eternal promises? Would she be able to take the plunge? For their friendship to no longer be present?

The short answer was no. Joohyun had been her best friend for so long that she wasn’t ready to give that up. Because becoming lovers meant giving that up and if she lost Joohyun one day for some reason. . . Well, that would be a heartbreak worse than unrequited love. And she couldn’t confront that. Not even to ease the aching in her heart. So yeah, Joohyun was her best friend and David was her boyfriend — she’d come to care about him in her way. Joohyun had been right to some degree; he was safe and comfortable and she never had to worry about those very real fears with him. He didn’t make her feel so out of control, so unbalanced. She was content with that. 

Besides, there was a possibility that all this could be temporary. She didn’t need to avoid Joohyun to run away from her feelings. Time itself might fix that for her. What was the saying? Time heals all rifts and that kind. Something along those lines. The point was that eventually her feelings will vanish and fade into dust but Joohyun and their friendship would remain close to her heart. 

Relationships were complicated without a doubt. Feelings, romance, and passion were huge, throbbing headaches, one guaranteed to destroy a person’s life and cause upheaval. Friendship, however, was peace. It was a long, quiet morning; a gentle breeze, bringing about a sense of calmness and refreshment. 

So maybe there was no cause to be afraid or bewildered. This would all blow over soon enough like a fallen leaf on the ground. It had to. 

Chapter Text

7.

The world above her was spinning round and round. She’d been warned that she might get dizzy after a while but she didn’t care. The clouds were big fluff balls of cotton wool smeared against blue paint. They were so pretty and nice. Seulgi grinned upwards, her head thrown back as she rocked back and forth on the park swing, the wind flapping her hair around like a fluttering kite on a string. She pushed her tiny legs as hard as they could go. 

“Look, oh look, Seul,” babbled a gleeful voice beside her. Joohyun turned to her with a gap-toothed smile, her forefinger pointed upwards. “That one looks like a bunny, doesn’t it?” 

Seulgi tilted her head, squinting. “Looks like an egg to me. Or a golf ball.” 

“It does not! It’s a bunny, see right there. Okay, what about that one then?”

“Hmm, a . . . a bowl of fruit?” 

Joohyun shot her a glance. “What? No, Seul. It’s a crown. One a princess wears.”

“No, no,” grinned Seulgi, the swing coming to a slow stop as her flat shoes hit the gravel. “That part looks like the end of a banana.” 

Joohyun pouted and crossed her arms against her tiny chest. “Now you’re just making me hungry.” 

Seulgi came to a stop and dug into the pockets of her jeans. She’d been saving these for later but she supposed it wouldn’t hurt to share them with Joohyun. Because she was her best friend and always will be. They even pinky-promised on pain of death. 

“Here, Hyunie, I have some crackers with me. Do you want some? They are really nice. My brother gave them.” 

Joohyun blinked and eyed the small packet with deep brown orbs as big and bright as the tiny dog in that cartoon Seulgi had watched last night. Well, before her dad had unfairly turned off the TV and sent her to bed in a sulky mood. She refused to cry though as big girls didn’t cry now. It took Ga-ram coaxing her with a bedtime story for her to smile again; he always did the best voices when reading. 

Joohyun beamed at her as she opened the packet and took a bite. It made Seulgi feel as though she could float off her feet and right up to those clouds. It felt warm like the hugs her brother would suddenly wrap her in. A soft giggle escaped her as she grabbed one and took a bite. Joohyun then jumped off the swing and landed in front of Seulgi. 

“Come on, Seul. Let’s go play Kings and Queens.”

Seulgi sighed. Joohyun could be so unpredictable sometimes. “Again. We’ve played that before — can’t we play Cops and Robbers this time?”

Joohyun wrinkled her nose as if there was a speck of dirt on her shiny new dress. “No,” she said petulantly, frowning.“That’s a boy’s game. I wanna play Kings and Queens.” 

Seulgi thought better than to argue. She didn’t want Joohyun to hate her and stop being her best friend if she didn’t want to play what she wanted. It’d be the end of the world. And she didn’t want to sit or share her milk with any of the other girls in school. She wanted Joohyun beside her. 

“Okay, fine.”

Joohyun squealed, eyes sparkling like fairy lights. She grabbed Seulgi’s hand, pulling her towards a wooden playbox, which was to be the dark tower she was trapped in. 

“So I’ll be the princess and you’re the knight who’s come to rescue me.” She glanced around and leaned to pick up a long, crooked stick. “Oh, here’s your sword.” 

Seulgi blinked. “No, that’s a stick.” 

“No, it’s your mighty sword,” Joohyun said in a serious voice which almost made Seulgi want to laugh. 

“Well, can’t I be the evil mean dragon instead?” she asked with a hopeful voice. 

“Why do you want to be that?”

“He seems more fun,” shugged Seulgi. “And his lines are funnier.”

Joohyun placed her hands on her hips and had a stern look on her face. It was like she was trying to emulate her mother when she caught the two of them sneakily eating cookies from the hidden tin. 

“Oh, don’t be silly, Seul. There’ll be no one to recuse me then. Plus he’s ugly and mean and nasty and you’re not like that at all. Now come. Let’s play.”   

Seulgi swung her sword, sharp and pointy against any foe that dared to meet her. She waded through treacherous grass and endless mountains to reach the princess. With one strong swing, she pictured cutting off the head of the large, green dragon, vanquishing the terror and saving the princess. 

“What happens now?” she asked Joohyun as she’d come down from her dark tower. 

“I don’t know. I think sometimes the princess and the knight kiss each other.” She grabbed Seulgi’s shoulders, still being in character and pressed her lips roughly for a split moment. It was awkward and clumsy and over before Seulgi could realise. 

“Bleh!” Seulgi pulled away, face twisting up, losing their game of pretend, “Why did you have to do that!”

Joohyun smirked proudly: “I was being a true princess!”

Seulgi grumbled and rubbed her lips with the back of her hand. An uncomfortable feeling twisted in her stomach, similar to what happened when she saw adults kissing on the TV. 

“Next time we’re playing Cops and Robbers,” she muttered. 

“Seulgi! Joohyun!” shouted Joohyun’s dad. “Come on, time to go. Your mother’s got dinner ready.”

Joohyun nudged her, a playful glint in her eyes. “Hey, I’ll race you. The last one there is a rotten egg!”

She raced off before Seulgi could blink. All thoughts were forgotten and excitement hummed in her chest as she narrowed her eyes against her best friend’s back. 

“Oi! Not so fast.”  

11.

“What’s it like do you think? To kiss a boy?” 

“Hmm?” 

Seulgi was half-listening as she tried to spin a soccer ball on her pinky finger. It was the ultimate test of whether you were good enough to be a professional. Naturally, she kept dropping it. She didn’t catch what Joohyun said until the other girl had to repeat it. The ball slipped from her grasp and rolled over the bed. Seulgi looked over towards Joohyun with a bewildered expression. 

“What?” 

“What ?”

A beat passed. Joohyun peered up from painting her toenails a vibrant purple, biting her bottom lip. Seulgi’s mouth had turned dry. 

“Why do you ask?” asked Seulgi, clearing her throat. 

Joohyun shrugged shiftily. “I dunno just wondered I guessed.” She was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. That was the thing about her. Joohyun never outright said what she was thinking. Most of the time she expected Seulgi to understand her ideas. “Well, I, er, heard that Soyun kissed one of the upper-class boys. All the girls were talking about it.”

“Gross,” replied Seulgi automatically, expecting Joohyun to laugh and agree but then frowned when Joohyun shrugged non-committedly. 

“So.” 

“So what?”

“What is it like to kiss a boy.” 

Seulgi pulled on the strings of her Winnie the Pooh hoodie. Why were they talking about this again? “Um, I can’t imagine it’ll be good, right?” A thought occurred to her.  “Wait. You. . . you haven’t kissed someone, have you?” Her breathing had turned heavier like when she’d finished doing warm-ups. 

“No, of course not,” said Joohyun soothingly. “I’ll tell you if I did. But. . .” She appeared hesitant and nervous. “Na-rae from my maths class said you were a prude and weird if you haven’t kissed someone yet. And I just —”

Seulgi laughed. “Nothing that comes out of Na-rae's mouth is worth listening to. She also said her dad was the President of PlayStation. She’s a great big snake.” 

Joohyun’s lips twitched upwards. “Yeah, but still. . .”

Seulgi frowned. “You don’t believe her, do you?”

“No, no, I don’t,” said Joohyun rather quickly. 

“Right.”

“Yeah.”

“Do—do you like anyone?” asked Joohyun after a while. 

Seulgi stared at her. “I like you,” she said as if it were obvious fact. 

Joohyun rolled her eyes. She’d been doing a lot lately as if she thought herself above everyone’s childish nonsense. “Well, duh, Seul, obviously. I meant like like a boy .”

She whispered the last word as if worried someone was going to overhear her. Seulgi flushed red to the tips of her ears and glanced away from Joohyun’s eyes. She couldn’t help feeling as if she’d done someone wrong. Seulgi had no idea why they were talking about this. Boys had cooties. Why had it changed? Hadn’t they agreed a long while ago that boys were gross and disgusting and not half as pretty or neat as girls were? Joohyun had giggled and agreed with the rest of them. 

“I, er, no. . .” she settled on. 

“Okay. Seulgi?”

“Yeah?”

“You’d tell me if you did, right? If you liked any boy.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, good.” 

15.

Seulgi’s first time with her ex-boyfriend was botched, bumbling and imperfect. Whoever said it was going to be fireworks and all that nonsense seriously underestimated the dissatisfying, few short minutes, the feeling of unpleasantness and undercooked spaghetti all rolling around in her stomach, causing her to feel nauseous. Whatever. It is over and done with now. It was a bad decision which didn’t seem like it at the moment. She can learn and grow from this. Besides, there’ll be other people who’ll be better. 

But it wasn’t going through with it that she regretted, she’d discovered: it was choosing to not tell Joohyun about it. Of course, when Joohyun discovered that Seulgi had lost her virginity the first words out of her mouth were “ without me ?” 

Seulgi blinked and crossed her arms against her chest. 

Joohyun shook her head, a scowl on her face. “I mean without telling me? Why? How?”

“It’s not exactly something that comes up in normal conversation, Hyun,” she said dryly.

“No, I know that,” she snapped. “I just meant that we’re meant to be best friends. How can you not tell me something as important as this?” Her voice was accusatory and her eyes flashed with a tiny bit of anger. 

“Because I don’t consider it to be important,” said Seulgi in an obvious tone of voice, her eyebrows raised. “I didn’t enjoy it and it’s all under the rug. Besides we’ve broken up, or well I broke up with him. So must have slipped my mind. Come on, cheer up, we can go get ice cream later or something.”

Joohyun scoffed and shot her one final look before muttering “unbelievable” under her breath and storming off, pushing everyone out of her way. 

It took two whole weeks before Joohyun finally broke her silence and decided to speak to Seulgi again. Seulgi was relieved and finally felt as if she wasn’t going crazy in turn. It’d been a miserable two weeks for them both. 

Chapter Text

There lingered an eerie stillness in the house when Seulgi woke up in the early hours of the morning, her alarm blaring like a lighthouse foghorn. The remnants of her dream, one she couldn’t remember this time (she had chosen to deliberately ignore the several enticing fantasies lately), disappeared in a wisp of smoke. She was pretty sure it featured something about a pool and maybe her brother. She closed her eyes. That was another route she didn’t want to trail down. 

Trying to remove the grogginess from her body as she freshened up, Seulgi was grateful that her dad had already left for work, signifying the palatable silence. She relished the quietude, as it was better than the stilted conversations and stony looks she usually encountered when her father appeared in the mornings, clad in a tailored suit, hair combed, with thin grey lines near his ear. 

It was hard not to feel self-conscious when he noticed the sloppiness of her clothes or the sneer he’d give at the minuscule stain she’d forgotten to check for. Often, she believed that her father would never be happy even if she met all his expectations; he’d still find something or another wrong, if indirectly. Seulgi knew this like it was a fact stamped in the dictionary. Her father was a difficult man to please with a cold demeanour and very rarely smiled. Of course, she still tried hard to please him, to make him proud. It became a habit, like wearing a second skin she didn’t know how to shed. She didn’t know any other way and still doesn’t. 

Now, her father wasn’t this emotionless, callous creature with no regard for anyone but himself. That simply wasn’t true or realistic. Seulgi had seen him laugh and crack a joke or two. Back when her mother was alive, and Ga-ram was here. When they used to go on family outings to the beach or the park, he’d look at her and ruffle her hair playfully with a witty quip or challenge her for a fun game of soccer. He was her dad and she’d fully believe it. Ga-ram would join in, and her chest would end up feeling full to burst. That was then. And this is now.

He does so less often now that it is just her and him. 

A buzzing resonated near her bedside table followed by a familiar ringtone of a song from the musical Chicago. Joohyun had been obsessed with the movie a few years ago and they’d watch it religiously over and over again every weekend until Seulgi found the showtunes unbearable. She also took the liberty of customising Seulgi’s ringtone, and Seulgi hadn’t gotten around to changing it since. She didn’t think there was a need to. She picked it up and swiped her thumb to the right on the green phone symbol. 

“Hello,” greeted Seulgi distractedly, phone held between her shoulder and ear as she tried to put her wristwatch on. 

“Seul. . .” came a hesitant voice.  “Er, hi.” Joohyun.

Seulgi caught her phone before it slipped from her grasp and smashed onto the floor, her head snapping up and her body alert. She blinked multiple times, dismissing the unnatural way her heart leapt to her throat and thumped harder and faster than usual. 

“Hyun,” she exclaimed, probably louder than she meant to as it echoed in her room. She cleared her throat and spoke quieter. “Hey, uh, good morning.” 

“Morning. You good?” asked Joohyun, still soft-voiced as ever.  

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“I didn’t wake you or anything?”

“No, no, you’re good — I was already up, just getting ready.”

“Ah, right.” 

A hush settled, and Seulgi could hear Joohyun’s heavy breathing through the phone. She bit her lip, wondering how to express her words. She prayed that the other girl wouldn’t hear her heart going haywire. She sat down on the edge of her bed, gripping her phone tighter. 

“Are you still picking me up?” came Joohyun’s tentative voice, almost spoken in a whisper as if she was afraid to pose the question. 

Seulgi blinked in wonder. Whatever she was expecting Joohyun to say it wasn’t that. “Oh, uh, you still want me to?” 

Driving to school together had been a staple tradition for them. Seulgi would pick up Joohyun every morning and drive her back after soccer practice had finished. Joohyun had refused after Seulgi had suggested that she could catch a ride with Wendy or Sooyoung’s mom. She’d wait and they’d go together because that’s what true best friends did, Joohyun had proclaimed. Seulgi had grinned and hugged her in turn, her core warming at her resolute words. It was nice to know that Joohyun wouldn’t ditch her that’s all. 

Seulgi’s car was some old, light blue Kia Picanto which originally belonged to her brother. Ga-ram had begged and pleaded until her father got sick of hearing his voice and allowed him to buy a second-hand car from some guy he knew in high school. He’d worshipped that car like mad much to her father’s displeasure. After he went to college, Ga-ram passed it down to Seulgi after she passed her driving test. He said it was a gift and Seulgi had never loved her brother more. She’d instantly driven to Joohyun’s to show off her newly owned car, which they’d both gushed about. Sure, the car wasn’t glamorous, and she would’ve preferred a cherry red Mustang any other day, but it got her from one place to another which was the vital thing. 

“Yeah, of course, I do,” Joohyun replied rather fast before lowering to a shy tone. “But o-only if you want to that is.” She paused before continuing. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“No, no, I’ll be there.” Seulgi smiled in a teasing way then remembered she couldn’t see her. “Sounds like you don’t want me to, Hyun.”

“What, of course, I do! I just didn’t think you’d want to, you know, after everything. I figured you wanted to go with someone else instead of me.” 

“I don’t,” Seulgi frowned, thinking of David and then pushing him from her mind. There was no way she wanted to be in his company so early in the morning. His constant babbling would compel her to smash into a tree just to stop his lively, buoyant interjections. Seriously, who is that happy in the morning? She ignored the guilt rolling around in her stomach like a half-bitten piece of toast. “We’re still going together, okay? I’ll be there soon.”

A tiny, relieved sigh sounded from Joohyun’s lips. “Okay, Seul, thank you.”

“Besides, how else are you going to get to school? You can’t drive yet, remember?” 

“Hey, I’ll get my license any day now, you watch.” 

Seulgi could hear the haughtiness and pictured Joohyun with a smug tilt of her head and a pouting bottom lip. She snorted while dabbing lipgloss on her own rather chapped ones and placed her phone on speaker. 

“Uh, huh, sure, whatever you say, Hyun. Is that before or after you run through a million road signs?”

A sweet whine erupted. “God, you’re never going to let that go — it was one time for your information, and it came out of nowhere. They shouldn’t have placed it for any car to just bump into it.”

Seulgi hummed. “Right and don’t forget the time you almost ran over that old lady .”

“Oh, come on now, she was in the wrong for that — she came out in the middle of the road in between two parked cars! How is that my fault?” 

“Say that to the bruises I got afterwards from you braking too hard,” laughed Seulgi, picking up her bag pack.

“Wait, you got bruises?” said Joohyun in a slightly alarmed voice. “Why didn’t you tell me? You should’ve told me if you were hurt.”

“I’m joking, Hyun — I didn’t really. But it’s very precious to hear that you care about me. And may I say you’re a very safe driver, hand on heart.” 

Joohyun sighed like she was tired of dealing with Seulgi’s mischievous antics. Seulgi could practically hear the other girl rolling her eyes and crossing her arms. 

“You’re a meanie — you shouldn’t tease your best friend so much — I’m the only one you’ve got.”

“Aww, Hyun, Wendy’s poor, fragile heart will shatter when I tell her that. We were about to make friendship bracelets.” 

“I hope for your sake you better be joking, Kang Seulgi,” warned Joohyun in a dark tone and Seulgi bit her lip. “ I’m the only friend you have friendship bracelets with.”

“Don’t be jealous.”  

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, when are you going to get here?”

“I’m almost ready, just looking for the keys. Be there in ten—fifteen minutes max I’d say,” said Seulgi, hopping on one foot as she tried to get her shoe to fit. 

“Don’t be late then. Bye, babe, see you soon, love you.”

Seulgi slammed her foot forcefully on the wooden floor, enough to make an echo. Her throat felt dry as she swallowed. Joohyun blew a kiss through the phone as Seulgi muttered a more subdued goodbye and ‘I love you.’

Seulgi pulled up in front of Joohyn’s picture-perfect house, matching with a manicured lawn and white picket fence. Most of the surrounding rich houses looked like that: all as neatly cut and sat in rows, gleaming as if they were all trying to outdo each other. She’d been here multiple times and yet every time it managed to make her out of place like all the competing houses were pointing an accusing finger at her and shrieking that she was an outsider. She sure felt like one. It was suburbia hell, plain and simple. 

Seulgi sent a text telling Joohyun that she’d arrived and then stepped out of her car and walked up to the front door. The freshly painted red door reminded her of how scruffy her blue converses looked compared to it. She pressed the bell and listened to a long, chiming ring that seemed to go on for eternity. The door opened and a woman in a lavender dress stood with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Seulgi plastered on a smile. 

“Good morning, Mrs Bae, is Joohyun ready?” she asked, subtly trying to wipe the mark on her shoe. She remembered to put perfume on, right?

Mrs Bae was tall and stately with high cheekbones and a critical demeanour. Her green, piercing eyes never failed to unnerve Seulgi, acting like they were boring into her very soul and wanting to pick it apart piece by piece. There was an empty glass held in her hand. Seulgi resisted the urge to raise her eyebrow. Already? She knew Joohyun’s dad — suffice it to say a doormat of a man — was already at work. Not that they saw much of him anyway. He tended to stay late working with his secretary he’d claimed. 

“She’ll be down in a moment,” said Mrs Bae, who hadn’t moved to the side and was blocking the entrance.

“Ah. . .”

There was an uncomfortable silence that settled. Seulgi placed her hands in her jacket pockets, peering at the ground. 

She didn’t know why but she had always got the sense that Mrs Bae hadn’t warmed up to her for some reason even after all these years. Outside of her critical comments to Joohyun about calorie intake and clothing — which grated on Seulgi’s nerves immensely especially when she’d see Joohyun pick at her small portion of chips or merely order a side salad because she was watching her figure — Mrs Bae mostly neglected her daughter in favour of the weekly, trashy reality shows and bottles of red wine. Most of the time Joohyun spent at Seulgi’s house whenever she got the chance. 

“Seul, you’re here already,” came a soft lilting voice from behind Miss Bae. She was dressed in a light pink blouse and faded blue jeans and looked radiant. “That was quick.” She beamed, her full teeth on display. 

“Yeah, well, I’m a good, fast driver unlike some,” Seulgi smiled as Mrs Bae faded from her vision. 

Joohyun chuckled as she put her shoes on and swung her bag on her shoulder. “Okay, I’m ready, let’s go. Bye, Mom.” 

Before she stepped out, Mrs Bae spoke, halting Joohyun and causing her smile to fade into a thin line. 

“Hang on, Joohyun, not too hasty. Where are your manners? When are we going to see that polite young man again, Suho his name I think was, yes? You should bring him round for dinner with your father and me. We’d love to see him again.” 

Seulgi busied herself with her phone, scrolling aimlessly if only to ignore the hot flush that surged to the tips of her ears and spread across her cheeks. 

Joohyun sighed and picked at the loose thread of her shoulder bag. Her tone was apathetic as if she were discussing what was for dinner. “Um, I don’t know, maybe — he might be busy who knows.” 

“Hmm, well, I’m sure he’ll be free soon. You be sure to keep a hold of him, Joohyun. He’s a good man. You won’t find many like him anytime soon, okay?” 

Joohyun nodded and reached out to grab Seulgi’s arm as she led them down the drive and away. “Yeah, okay, Mom, whatever.” 

Mrs Bae frowned, and her voice sharpened as she called after them. “Not ‘whatever’ Joohyun. Speak like a lady — you’re not a barbarian. We have raised you better than that.”

Joohyun didn’t answer as they finally reached the car. Seulgi moved to the driver’s seat and saw that Mrs Bae was still watching them from her spot, eyes tightened, and arms crossed across her chest. Seulgi didn’t linger in her stare and swiftly turned the engine on, hearing it splutter for a few seconds and then hum as it came to life, her fingers vibrating against the steering wheel. Good girl, she thought, patting the dashboard. 

“Urgh, sorry about my mom, she can be a pain as you know,” complained Joohyun, rolling her eyes as she settled back into the tattered front seat and made herself comfortable by placing her feet on the dashboard. If it was any other person, Seulgi would’ve snapped at them to put their dirty feet down, but this was Joohyun. “Can’t believe she didn’t let you inside — god and she moans about manners. Talk about hypocritical.”

“It’s okay,” said Seulgi, throwing her a reassuring half-smile. “I don’t mind, and we were going to go anyway.” 

“Yeah, but still. . . don’t defend her, okay?”

“Okay.”

Joohyun groaned and slumped into the seat further. “Oh, my god, Seul, hurry up and put the heating on or something — I’m freezing my ass off in your car. It’s like the Artic honestly.”

Seulgi laughed as she placed the car into the third gear, one hand on the wheel. “It’s already on — just takes a while to heat up. Should be soon I think, give it a few minutes. And anyway, the sun is out, how are you still cold?”

“I’m cold-blooded, okay,” pouted Joohyun adorably. “It’s not my fault I get chilly all the time. And your car is like the inside of the freezer. And it doesn’t have an aux cord or any CDs to listen to music. When did you get it from: the Stone Ages?”

“Hey, hey, don’t diss the car, Hyun. She’ll get upset.” Seulgi patted the wheel soothingly. 

“She? Oh, my god, no way,” Joohyun burst into giggles, eyes crinkling at the edges. 

Seulgi smirked and leaned a hand into the back seat, her fingers rummaging until a piece of material was clutched in her hand. It was one of the million soccer sweaters that she’d probably thrown there without thinking. 

“Here, Hyun, I knew I had a spare sweater lying around. You can wear that in the meantime.”

Joohyun’s eyes landed on the white sweater with Seulgi’s name printed on the back. She squealed softly with relief and grabbed it instantly, her arms poking through the holes. It looked slightly oversized on her as she pulled the sleeves of her arms over her hands until she was burrowed, an expression of bliss itched all over her face. Seulgi once again ignored her traitorous heart that jumped when she saw how good Joohyun looked in her clothes and clenched her hands more firmly on the wheel. She didn’t look cute. Not at all. No way. Instead of drifting towards the other girl, she kept her eyes peeled on the road where they should be of course. 

Joohyun turned her body towards Seulgi, leaning over. “So, what are you doing later by the way? I was thinking we should hit up the cinema and get some food afterwards. That small little chicken place we saw earlier. What do you say?”

Seulgi’s heart sank. “Oh, er, that’s. . . that sounds great, Hyun, really, but I, uh, I can’t actually. I’m sorry.” 

“Why not?”

“I, um, promised David I’d spend some time with him, you know since I haven’t in a long time and it’s. . . it’s not fair on him to cancel.” 

“Oh. . .” Joohyun’s voice turned faint. Her features slackened and she twisted around to face the front. Seulgi watched her from the corner of her eye, wishing she could reach out and grab her hand. “No, no, that’s okay. That’s right, David, of course,” muttered Joohyun, staring out of the window. 

“I really would’ve come I just. . .” hastened Seulgi, unable to bear it. “I can’t—”

“No, it’s okay, I know. I-I’ll make plans with Suho or something, it’s fine, believe me.” Joohyun shook her head, squirming with the sleeves of the sweater. 

Seulgi bit her lip, trying to read any facial signs of vexation on the other girl. “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, ‘course.” Joohyun smiled once more though it wasn’t as bright as her previous ones. “What were you guys thinking of doing?” 

Seulgi was surprised at the question. It wasn’t common for her to inquire about her plans with David or him in general. Joohyun had promised to make more of an effort, and she was keeping it.

“Oh, uh, I don’t know yet — haven’t planned that far ahead. We’ll see where it takes us.” She was well and truly stumped. 

“Okay. . .”

There was an awkward atmosphere in the car as silence settled between them. Seulgi couldn’t help but feel as if she’d ruined something but had no idea what. She tried opening her mouth but closed it again, not knowing what to say. Joohyun was still fiddling with the sleeves and had removed her legs from the dashboard. 

Seulgi wasn’t lying, however. She truthfully didn’t know what they were going to do. She didn’t know what he liked doing or what he wanted to avoid. David had persuaded her to go out together and Seulgi didn’t want to argue with him so had simply agreed. She remembered the keen expression on his face as he hugged her and said he couldn’t wait. The sick, twisting knots in her stomach tumbled like washing in a never-ending tumble dryer. 

Joohyun reached out and switched on the old radio, which crinkled as it came to life, sending out static. She kept switching channels until an upbeat pop song came on the radio, causing Joohyun to smile and bop her head. They stayed like that, with the sounds of the music filling up the space until the familiar car park sign of the school came into view. 

Seulgi placed one hand on the wheel and the other on the back of Joohyun’s seat and twisted her body around to check behind the car as she reversed into a spot. While checking her rearview mirrors, she caught Joohyun staring at her with wide eyes, her irises darkened to an almost jet-black colour as her gaze focused intensely on Seulgi’s hands. Seulgi unconsciously flexed them. Joohyun looked away instantly as if she’d been burned by fire. Seulgi blinked, thinking it was rather odd. 

“I’m surprised the bell hasn’t rung yet,” remarked Joohyun as she closed the car door when they got out. “Thought for sure we’d be late.” 

“We still have a few minutes,” snorted Seulgi as she placed her bag on the top of the car to turn off the engine, slightly relieved that the prior awkwardness had vanished. She picked up her bag and locked all the doors. “Miss Lee would have my ass on a platter if I was late again and I’m too young to die so there.”

“Ah, don’t worry, Seul, I’ll make sure to DJ your funeral if she does,” smirked Joohyun, batting her eyelashes teasingly as she nudged her shoulder against hers.

“Only top hits are all I ask for.” Seulgi’s voice came out with a mock sombre and a matching grave expression while they weaved in between students. “And everyone dressed in velvet and black.”

Joohyun threw her head back and laughed, her eyes full of mirth. Seulgi grinned as she watched her side profile, her chest as warm as if she’d soaked herself in a hot bath. After putting their things in their lockers, Joohyun reached out and stroked Seulgi's arm softly in circles. Seulgi looked down at the hand on hers, trying hard not to shiver from the tingly sensation. 

“Hey, walk me to my class — it’s nearer,” suggested Joohyun with a hopeful glint in her eye. 

Seulgi looked away, trying not to meet those depthless pools of brown but failing miserably as she did in all aspects of her life. “Where’s, er, Suho? Doesn’t he usually do this?” She was proud to say that her voice didn’t waver. 

Joohyun wrinkled her nose and shrugged. “I don’t know, he’s around I think.” 

Seulgi’s mouth ran dry, and her pulse quickened. “O-oh, are you guys — did you both have an argument or. .?”

Joohyun shrugged non-committedly. “He’s probably hanging around with his friends already, I think. So, is that a yes?” she asked, large dark eyes impossibly wide.

Seulgi sighed but nodded her head as Joohyun beamed and clutched her arm as they walked down the hallway to their lessons.

As Mrs Carmichael, their English teacher, marched into the classroom, she seemed to be in a state of elation, and it appeared like she would start jumping around like a kid who’d been given some candy. She was a reasonably pretty middle-aged French lady who came to Korea years ago to teach English for some unexplainable reason to high school students. 

“I have got some great news to share with you guys,” she declared eagerly, hands clasped together. 

Most of the students simply blinked at her with deep silence, clearly not sharing her enthusiasm. Seulgi believed they were going to be forced to write short stories and then read them out loud in front of the class. She wouldn’t put it past her. Seulgi caught Joohyun’s eye near the front as they shared a hidden smile, a glint in their eyes.

“Um,” spoke a blonde-haired boy, hair most likely dyed, in a hopeful tone, “Are we finishing early for lunch?”

Mrs Carmicheal frowned at him for a moment, her excitement forgotten. “What? No, of course not. Come on, is anyone else going to guess?”

“Are we starting a new project?” 

“No, even better than that,” gushed their English teacher. “I have managed to persuade the principal to allow us to read, study and eventually perform a play by William Shakespeare to the rest of the school.” She paused to allow them to gasp in delight. “What’s the matter with you people, aren’t you excited? Shakespeare.” She gesticulated ardently with rapid hand motions. 

“Is he the one that wrote about those two cities?” asked a girl in front of Seulgi. 

“Close but no. That was Charles Dickens, a few centuries later. We are talking about Shakespeare, one of the most brilliant, talented writers in history. His plays have been performed for hundreds of years.”

“If we’re doing Macbeth, I call dibs on Lady Macbeth,” drawled Sooyoung a few desks away, filing at her manicured nails casually. “She’s an icon, I’m an icon, etc. I’d totally kill that role better than anyone.” 

Seulgi didn’t know if she was more surprised at Sooyoung having read Shakespeare or the amount of confidence in her voice. 

“Mrs Carmichael, I can’t speak in the olden days, English language, let alone memorise all those lines,” worried Minho, shaking his head. “I struggle speaking modern English and performing in front of the whole school, I’ll throw up.” 

“We’re not doing Macbeth, Sooyoung,” stated Mrs Carmichael, hands on hips as she gazed around in confusion at why not many of them seemed that keen. “And, Minho, you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to.” 

Wendy suddenly gasped next to Joohyun. “Oh, my god!” she raved, “Are we doing Romeo and, er, oh, I can’t remember her name—”

Mrs Carmichael beamed once more. “Indeed we are, Wendy. We are going to perform Romeo and Juliet. One of the best love stories ever written.”

“Um, I don’t know about that, Mrs Carmichael,” said a sceptical Joohyun. “I mean weren’t they both children who didn’t know any better? And they both died in the end. I’m not sure how that’s a love story.”

“Babe, spoilers much,” complained Suho, and Seulgi got the sense that he was being earnest. 

“You cannot be serious, Suho,” scoffed Joohyun, echoing Seulgi’s thoughts with a look of profound disbelief, “It’s been out there for hundreds of years, get a grip.”   

“Well, I’m obviously Juliet,” scoffed Sooyoung, flipping her hair back. “Duh.”

“Um, actually, I would like to volunteer Joohyun for that part if I may,” said a sheepish Wendy, raising a hand. “She fits the part more I feel.”

Joohyun blushed at the unintended attention. “I don’t. . .”

Seulgi smiled. She knew it made sense in a way. Nobody could dispute Joohyun’s beauty and therefore a natural choice for Juliet Capulet, the heroine and object of Romeo Montague’s dreams and desires. 

“So, you’re saying I’m ugly,” deadpanned Sooyoung. 

Wendy gave an exasperated laugh. “That’s not what I’m saying at all, Sooyoung, stop twisting my words. I just meant that—”

“Girls, girls, please. Yes, while I love the enthusiasm, Sooyoung and Wendy, I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that. Everyone will have to audition for a role and based on performance and how suited you are to it, you’ll then be assigned to one.” She paused in afterthought, turning her attention to Joohyun. “Although, I do hope to see you try out as Juliet, Joohyun. I’m sure you’ll do great.” 

“Do we have to?” groaned Minho, eliciting numerous nods from the majority who agreed with him. Seulgi had to admit she wasn’t jumping for joy at the prospect. “Can’t we sit this one out?” 

A stormy glare appeared on Mrs Carmichael’s face, wrinkling the deep lines on her face as she bore into them. “No, you cannot,” she snapped. “And may I remind every one of you that participation is compulsory and counts towards forty per cent of your overall final grade. I suggest you start taking this more seriously if you want to pass.” She sniffed in disapproval. “And look, I didn’t want to reveal this too early but there’ll be a chance for a Paris trip later on as part of the learning opportunity.”

Excited whispers broke out among them, most of them interested in the new possibility. Seulgi had to admit it was enticing. Who didn’t want to travel to Paris and see the city of love?  

Someone raised a hand. “Yes, Nayeon?” asked Mrs Carmichael, a satisfied look on her face at the curious, eager responses. 

“Er, how do we know what role to perform?” she asked hesitantly. 

“That’ll be your choice so I’m hoping you’ll choose wisely. Besides, for those of you who do not enjoy speaking parts, we have several background parts available impersonating guards, servants, chambermaids and the like. There’ll be something for all of you, not to worry.” 

Seulgi sighed in relief. Ah, now that didn’t sound bad at all. She could dress in a maid’s outfit and scurry around the stage for two hours and not say a word. Yes, that was more welcoming. 

“Mrs Carmichael, can I be a chambermaid?” smirked Minho, eliciting giggles. 

The teacher’s voice came out saccharine sweet. “I do hope you’re not trying to be funny, Choi Minho because if you are then detention would be a lovely place to spend your time. Don’t you agree?” 

Minho flinched and Seulgi covered her amusement with her fist held over her mouth.

“No, Mrs Carmichael,” he said timidly. 

“No? Yes, that’s what I thought.” She clapped her hands, drawing their attention. “Now, everyone, get out your books and start taking some notes. We’re going to be going over the context for this play and what life was like in the early seventeenth-century Elizabethan era.” 

“Psst, babe,” Seulgi heard Minho mutter to Joohyun as she was getting her notebook out. “How wicked would it be if you auditioned for Juliet and I was Romeo? That’d be amazing, right?”

Seulgi didn’t hear Joohyun’s reply as she was too busy rolling her eyes to heaven. Of course. Talk about cliché. She had a feeling this whole was going to drag out and the end couldn't come fast enough.

Chapter Text

The dimly lit auditorium seemed cavernous as Seulgi stepped onto the stage, her heart hammering against her ribs like a caged bird desperate for escape. Dressed in the humble attire of a maid and clutching a stage prop broom in her hands, she felt the familiar weight of expectation settle upon her shoulders like a heavy shroud. She wasn’t even trying out for an important role, and she still felt tense as hell. 

They were expected to select a costume from the basket that had a bunch of hats, jackets, breeches, and canes all lumped together. She didn’t want to think about how long these costumes had been in the school. The less she knew, the better. Seulgi wrinkled her nose as the musty smell that emitted from them grew stronger. She picked a long, faded white dress, which came to her knees, and then placed it over her clothes. 

She stood waiting near the edge of the stage by the heavy velvet curtains, watching as Minho stomped around, his heavy boots echoing with a loud thud as he spoke in the most broken English she had ever heard. She winced and crossed her arms. They were one of the first people to audition because they had chosen this particular time slot. Joohyun’s audition was at the end of the week. Finally, Minho finished, and he approached her with a satisfied smile and a mocking tip of his feathered hat. 

“Break an arm, Seulgi,” he said. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. And, hey, it’s only Mrs Carmichael, so you’ll be fine.” 

“It’s actually ‘break a leg’, Minho,” she replied. Seulgi couldn’t help but chuckle softly at Minho’s earnest attempt at encouragement, despite the slightly mangled phrase. “You know if I do end up breaking a leg,” she continued, her tone light and teasing, “maybe she’ll let me play the role from a cosy armchair instead. Who needs to stand when you can recline like royalty, right?”

Minho grinned. “Hey, if you can make getting smacked in the face with a ball look like a graceful soccer move, I wouldn’t put it past you to turn an armchair into a throne fit for a queen. Just don’t forget to demand a red carpet for your grand entrance!” He chuckled and added, “And maybe a personal popcorn holder too because even royalty needs snacks.”

They shared a laugh, and Seulgi heard her name called out. She took a deep breath as Minho patted her on the back. She muttered a subdued thanks and walked out onto the fairly spacious stage. 

Mrs Carmichael, with her elegant yet imposing presence, sat at the front under the glare of a single spotlight, her gaze penetrating as she observed Seulgi with a discerning eye. Seulgi felt like a delicate bird perched under the keen scrutiny of a falcon, each movement measured and cautious. She didn’t know why she was so nervous. It wasn’t as if she was reciting a soliloquy or anything. She just had to say a word or two. Still, any form of critical judgement that didn’t come from soccer had her feeling like a kite in a hurricane, buffeted by unseen forces and unsure if she’d soar or crash.

“Kang Seulgi,” announced Mrs Carmichael. 

“Y-Yes,” she said, clearing her throat. Her palms were sweaty despite the chill in the air coming from the aircon. “I’m, uh, here for the part of a — a maid.” 

“Hmm, well, off you go, then,” the teacher said dismissively, waving a hand in Seulgi’s direction.

Seulgi swept her broom and moved around the stage. Every movement was intentional, every gesture calculated to convey her character’s presence without drawing undue attention. She stopped for a moment and looked over with a hesitant expression, wondering if she needed to do anymore. 

“Thank you, Seulgi. That was done well,” Mrs Carmichael remarked, her tone uplifting as she scribbled something on the paper in front of her.

Seulgi let out a sigh of relief, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “Thank you, Mrs Carmichael,” she replied, grateful for the praise.

“Please bear in mind that the results will be published at the end of the week after careful consideration.”

Seulgi nodded and walked off the stage with a tiny smile. She couldn’t imagine how scary performing in front of hundreds of people would be. It seemed very daunting, and she prayed that her role would be small.

Nestled beneath the sprawling branches of large trees lay the park — a serene oasis where laughter danced in the air and the vibrant hues of nature painted the landscape. It was here that Seulgi and David found themselves the next sunny afternoon. 

David’s eyes lit up at the mere mention of going to Serenity Park, a grin spreading across his face. Seulgi couldn’t help but notice his enthusiasm, realising he might find joy in even the most unlikely places — perhaps a trash heap if she proposed it. It was kinda sad she had to admit. And for her part, the prospect of strolling through the park seemed infinitely more appealing than enduring awkward small talk across a dinner date where her knees would knock against the table. Just the thought alone caused her skin to crawl — she’d never been much of a talker as she usually left that for Joohyun. 

This is the same park where she and Ga-ram used to hang out and play, back when soccer was actually fun, and she enjoyed kicking her brother’s ass every time. It was a repository of cherished memories; here, she had scraped her knee tumbling off the climbing frame and was then comforted by her mother’s gentle touch and a protective plaster; it was where her father would hoist her high, spinning her around in mimicry of Superman after watching Christopher Reeves in the ‘78 movie. This was also the stage for her and Joohyun’s imaginative games of Knights and Princesses, Cops and Robbers, where promises of eternal friendship were sealed amidst mouths stained with blueberries, clandestine giggles drifting in the wind, and arms adorned with playful bruises from endless days of rollicking.

Seulgi couldn’t help but look at the playground area, where moms with pushchairs and kids were playfully running around. Her heart leapt to her throat as she imagined Ga-ram’s dark hair rustling in the wind as he would turn around and flash her that infectious grin when he knew she would run into his arms. An echo of her name reverberated and—

“Seulgi. . . are you okay?” asked David, glancing at her with furrowed brows. “You’ve gone all weird.” 

Seulgi sharply inhaled, pushing away her thoughts. “Hmm, oh, yeah, sorry, I’m good. Just. . . thinking.” 

“Oh, anything in particular?” 

“Nothing important.” 

“Okay.” It was quiet for a moment with only the sounds of laughing children filling their ears. David then remarked thoughtfully as he scanned the area, “I don’t think I’ve ever been here. Not really my scene I’d say.” 

“You’ve never been to a park?” Seulgi raised an eyebrow. 

David chuckled. “No, ‘course I have, just not this one. Well, okay, I guess parks aren’t somewhere I would typically go, you know. And when I was younger, I always preferred staying indoors, doing some reading, playing crossword puzzles, the works.” 

“Ah, how thrilling.” 

Seulgi quirked a smile. She was the opposite; as a child, she was active and playful, curious about the world and her place in it. Exploring every nook and cranny, she’d climb trees, chase butterflies, and splash in puddles without a care in the world.

David smiled, scratching his head sheepishly. “Alright, I guess I missed out on the whole outdoor adventure phase. But, uh, I’m open to giving it a shot. And who knows, maybe I’ll discover a newfound love for nature and all that jazz.” He flashed a grin, his curiosity piqued. 

As they strolled along the winding paths, the sound of children’s chants beckoned them towards a grassy field. Seulgi’s eyes sparkled with excitement as she turned to David and suggested, gesturing to the soccer ball, “Hey, wanna give it a try?”

David blinked, looking very much like a fish out of water. “Try what?” 

She poked him on the shoulder teasingly. “Come on. How about a game? It’ll be fun. You wanted to be closer to nature, right?” 

David appeared very unsure all of a sudden. His gaze lingered on the soccer ball, a perplexed expression crossing his face as if he were encountering an alien artefact, utterly unfamiliar and out of place in his world of baking and crossword puzzles. Seulgi chortled and spun the ball on her finger. 

“Oh, I, I don’t exactly think, this, uh, constitutes really as close per se, and I’m not, er, sure—”

Seulgi wouldn’t take no for an answer. “Less talking, come on. I can teach you. It’s easy, promise. Think of it as a challenge like one of your nerdy puzzles. You like challenges, don’t you?” 

“Hmm, gee, I always dreamed of starring in my very own sports documentary,” David quipped, his sarcasm dripping like honey. He held his hands up in surrender. “Okay, fine, let’s give it a shot. But, like, don’t say I didn’t warn you if I end up face-planting in front of an audience of pigeons or — or tripping over my own feet.” He shot Seulgi a wry smile, already envisioning the embarrassing highlight reel in his mind.

Seulgi laughed brightly. “Ah, don’t be so hard on yourself; we’ll make a Messi out of you yet.” 

As Seulgi patiently coached David through the basics of soccer, the late afternoon sun cast a warm glow over the park, painting the scene with hues of gold and amber. David’s lack of coordination on the field was evident, and yet, between fits of giggles, Seulgi noticed his genuine effort and felt a swell of appreciation for his willingness to try something outside of his comfort zone. Few people would be open to that, and it showed strength on his part. 

“You’re doing great,” she exhorted, her voice gentle and encouraging as he tried to dribble the ball. He took a shot between the marked goalposts and hit the bar instead. “Woah, that was close!” she added. “Way better than last time.” 

“Thanks,” he answered with a tired smile, wiping the sweat off his brow. “You’re a good teacher, you know. Have you ever taught anyone else?” 

“Oh. . . yeah, I, uh, I taught Joohyun a couple of times.” A fond smile graced her lips, a hint of nostalgia colouring her expression. “She’s worse than you if you can believe it. Had to coax her with ice cream and everything to get her to learn even one basic point.” 

Seulgi kicks the ball gently towards Joohyun. “Okay, Hyun, let’s start with passing. Just kick it back to me when it comes to you.”

Joohyun stares at the ball as if it is a foreign language she’s never encountered. “Like this?” she asks tentatively, giving the ball a feeble tap with the tip of her shoe.

Seulgi stares in disbelief, stifling a laugh. Joohyun will not appreciate it if she suddenly bursts out laughing. “Um, not quite. Here, let me show you again.” 

She demonstrates the proper technique, her foot connecting with the ball in a clean, precise motion. Joohyun watches with wide eyes and then attempts to mimic Seulgi’s movements. This time, the ball barely moves an inch before rolling to a stop.

Seulgi grins. “Close enough. Let’s try passing it back and forth a few times, alright?”

“And then can we get ice cream?” Joohyun’s tone was hopeful. 

“Yes, yes, then we can get whatever flavour of ice cream you want.”

The scene then resembles something out of a slapstick comedy routine for the next few minutes. Joohyun’s kicks send the ball veering off in all directions except the intended one, while Seulgi dashes around trying to intercept it before it rolls into the bushes or, worse, the nearby pond. She doesn’t need to wade in the water in her jeans and get attacked by an irritated mother duck or something. 

Seulgi shook her head. Jeez, she has got to stop thinking about Joohyun. She was meant to be spending time with David, not thinking about her best friend. A bundle of irritation nestled in her skin. God, even when she was doing something completely unrelated, Joohyun managed to find a way to weave herself into the fabric of Seulgi’s mind. It was the single most annoying fucking thing she’d ever discovered. Has Seulgi’s life truly been tethered to Joohyun for so long that she couldn’t break free from it — from Joohyun — like a vine entwined around a sturdy tree, no matter how hard she tried to pull away?

“You guys have been friends long, I assume?” asked David curiously, one hand resting on his hip. 

“Since elementary school.” 

His eyes widened. “Oh, blimey, that’s a long time. I admire that. Must be nice to have that kind of history.”

“Uh. I guess so.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t really have a lot of friends growing up. Or, well, any truthfully. But I did have a cat, a scruffy tabby named Sir Isaac Mewton, would you believe it?” David gave a half-smile. “My mum hated him because he’d leave dead rats all over the house and hairballs on the sofa. But I. . . I loved him. He’d curl up on my lap and purr so loudly that sometimes I could feel the vibrations resonating through my entire body.” 

“Oh. What — what happened to him?”

David’s countenance shifted, the glimmer of sentimentality giving way to a profound sadness. His eyes, once lively, now held a sorrowful depth. “One day, he, uh, he snuck out of the house when I was at school, and he must have wandered across the other side of the road on our street and he — he was hit by a passing car. My neighbour saw the whole thing and she wasn’t quick enough. We had a whole funeral and I buried him in our back garden, in our old house. But I still miss him sometimes.” 

“I’m very sorry,” said Seulgi softly. She knew loss, grief, and haunting echoes that plagued her mind. It was silent for a moment as they basked in their thoughts. Seulgi picked up the soccer ball in her arms and smiled at David. “Hey, you hungry?” she asked in a lighter tone. “Wanna go get something to eat?” 

“No, it’s fine, really, I—”

“David, shut up. I literally heard your stomach grumble a second ago.” 

He spoke after a beat of silence. “Well, I guess I could eat.” 

Seulgi laughed, shoving his arm. “Thought so. Oh , there’s this great food truck that does the most mouthwatering bibimbap just down the street — it’s to die for! Let’s grab some.”

The sun was setting outside, casting a warm orange glow through the window as Seulgi settled on the sofa, surrounded by an array of textbooks and scrunched-up pieces of paper. Her brain was aching from all the thinking, and she was close to calling it quits. She glanced at her phone, checking the time, and at that second the screen buzzed with an incoming call. Ignoring the way her heart leapt to her mouth, she answered the call with a grin.

“Hey, Hyun! What’s up?” Seulgi greeted cheerfully.

“Hi, Seul,” Joohyun’s voice came through the line, sounding slightly nervous. “Nothing much. Is, um, your dad home today?”

“My dad, no, he’s working late, like always.”

“Okay, cool. So, like, what are you doing now?”

“Right now? Oh, I’m just battling the forces of evil, also known as Mr Park’s homework, the usual. What about you? Anything more exciting than the treacherous lands of Physics.” 

“Not exactly. But I was wondering if you could help me with something.”

“Of course.” If it’d get her away from this dreaded homework, then she’d welcome anything. 

“So, you know how my audition for Mrs Carmichael’s class is in two days, yeah? Well, I have a bunch of lines to memorise, and I was wondering — hoping really — if I could come over and you could help me practise,” Joohyun explained.

Seulgi blinked. “Oh. . .”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, obviously, I know you don’t like performing but I just thought I’d ask, yeah? No biggie if you’re busy,” Joohyun quickly backtracked. 

Seulgi furrowed her brows. “No, no, it’s not that, just — well, didn’t you wanna ask Suho instead?” 

“Suho?”

“Yeah, aren’t you guys trying out for the main roles? So, wouldn’t it be better to practise with him?” 

“I mean, eventually, yeah, that’s — that’s the plan. But I don’t know. . .” Joohyun sighed. “I just. . . I’d feel more comfortable practising with you , you know? Like, I can be myself without worrying about judgement. You’re my best friend. Do you know what I mean?” 

Seulgi couldn’t help the flutter in her chest at Joohyun’s words, but she quickly masked it with a playful tone. “Ah, so you’re saying my superior coaching skills and dazzling presence are just too hard to resist, huh? I get it, I get it,” she teased, her heart beating a little faster despite her efforts to keep it light. “But hey, if you feel more comfortable practising with me, then I’m all in. Consider me your personal drama guru, ready to tackle any role with you, judgement-free.” She forced a laugh, hoping Joohyun wouldn’t catch the slight waver in her voice.

Joohyun exhaled a sigh of relief and it crackled against the mic of the phone. “Thank you, Seul. I — I appreciate it. Really. I’m grateful to have you as a friend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Seulgi felt her cheeks warm at Joohyun’s words, a spark of familiar emotion stirring in her chest. “Ah, don’t mention it. Anytime, and look, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”

Joohyun chuckled softly on the other end of the line, her voice wrapping around Seulgi like a cosy blanket on a chilly evening, warm with affection.

A while later, the soft glow of the living room bulb illuminated the room as Joohyun settled onto the floor, her back leaning against a single armchair, script in hand as she wordlessly mouthed the lines. Seulgi was sprawled out on the larger, leather sofa, a stack of textbooks looming ominously in front of her. She glanced up from the deluge of electromagnetism equations that seemed determined to send her into a spiral of confusion.

“So, how’s the tragic romance coming along?” Seulgi teased, her lips curling into a playful smirk, eager to procrastinate. 

Joohyun shot her a mock glare. “Oh, you know, just preparing to die for love. The standard.”

Seulgi chuckled, shaking her head. “Ah, the things we do for drama. Well, just don’t go full Juliet and stab yourself with a knife anytime soon, alright? I’m totally not in the mood for a Shakespearean tragedy in real life.”

Joohyun laughed, tossing a pencil at her friend. “Don’t worry, I’ll save the theatrics for the stage, Seul. And shouldn’t you be concentrating on Mr Park’s homework?” 

“Mr Park can go bury himself in a ditch.” Seulgi scoffed, crossing her arms. 

“Say that when he’s giving you detention next time.” 

“I’m pretty sure he’s too busy plotting his next pop quiz to bother with detention.”

Seulgi swung her legs out from the sofa and stood up. She grabbed the extra sheet that Joohyun had brought with her. “Okay, okay, let us try it one more time. What better to practice than out loud, but this time put a little more ‘oomph’ into it,’ she encouraged, trying to muster up some energy herself.

“Sure thing. But if I put any more ‘oomph’ into it, I might end up launching myself off the balcony instead of just reciting lines,” joked Joohyun, flashing a mischievous smirk, her dark eyes glowing.

“Well, let’s hope your on-stage Romeo’s there to catch you if you do,” she replied with a wink, already feeling the energy of their banter lifting her spirits.

“I still can’t believe you auditioned as a maid, Seul. I think you only have, like, two or three lines in the whole thing. Doesn’t that bother you?” 

Seulgi chuckled, scratching the back of her head sheepishly. “Look, I’m all about efficiency. Fewer lines mean less chance of forgetting them and making a fool of myself on stage,” she explained with a grin, hoping her friend would understand her rationale.

“Fair point, Seul. But I have a feeling you could charm the audience even if you just stood there in silence.” Joohyun threw a playful wink.

“Thanks, Hyun,” Seulgi replied, her voice slightly softer than usual as she avoided making eye contact, her heart quaking. “But, uh, I think the audience might appreciate a bit more substance than just my silent presence,” she added with a nervous laugh, hoping her words sounded casual.

Joohyun stared at her. Her expression was earnest and soft. “Don’t sell yourself short, Seulgi. I think you have a way of captivating people, even without saying a word.” Her voice was sincere, and her gaze lingered on Seulgi for a moment longer than usual before she turned her attention back to the script.

Seulgi turned quiet. She stared at Joohyun, trying to calm her racing heart. Joohyun said things like this sometimes that had her entire world flipped upside down and Seulgi grasping for stability as if she were a lone tree caught in a sudden storm, roots desperately seeking purchase in the shifting earth beneath her. She didn’t know if she’d ever get used to it. 

Joohyun peered up, taking a deep breath before launching into the infamous balcony scene. “Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love!” she exclaimed dramatically, waving her arms.

Seulgi couldn’t help but chuckle. Joohyun paused and scowled at her. “What? Why are you laughing?” 

“Alright, Juliet, calm down there. We’re not auditioning for a soap opera,” Seulgi teased, trying to lighten the mood and shed off her moment of weakness. She had to remain calm and keep her emotions in check. She had no other option. 

“Well, you could at least give some tips instead of just standing there. What kind of a scene partner are you?” Joohyun pouted. 

“You want tips? Well then, here’s the inside scoop. It’s not just about saying the words. It's about feeling them,” Seulgi explained, her eyes locking with Joohyun. “You’ve got to make the audience believe in love, in heartache, in your joy. Let’s make them feel every emotion right along with us. Okay?”

Joohyun nodded wordlessly, a flicker of something unreadable crossing her eyes. The air between them crackled with tension, something stirring unspoken beneath the surface. They began again.

Joohyun’s voice came out soft and tremulous this time in Juliet’s soliloquy. “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?”

Seulgi felt her heart skip a beat as she watched Joohyun, her eyes shimmering with much more intensity. She knew it was just a scene, but in that moment, it felt like so much more. Joohyun stared at her, and Seulgi remembered all of a sudden that she was meant to say the next line.

“Uh, s-shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?” Seulgi responded awkwardly as Romeo, trying to match Joohyun’s fervour.

Their eyes met, and for a heartbeat, time seemed to stand still. Joohyun’s voice wobbled slightly as she continued, but her words were weighted with unspoken sentiment. 

“What’s Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot, nor arm, nor face, nor any other part belonging to a man.”

Seulgi felt a lump form in her throat, the weight of Joohyun’s words settling heavily upon her. It was a declaration of love, not just for Romeo, but for anyone who dared to listen. This was starting to border into dangerous territory for her. She had to place herself within the confines of the script. She glanced down, the bold ink swimming in front of her vision.

“I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptised; henceforth I never will be Romeo.”

Joohyun’s gaze softened, understanding flickering in her eyes as she recognised the struggle mirrored in Seulgi’s expression. “Art thou not Romeo, and a Montague?” she questioned, her voice a whisper laced with longing, her hand reaching out, almost imperceptibly, toward Seulgi.

“Neither, fair saint, if either thee dislike,” she replied, her voice barely above a whisper, her hand trembling as it reached out to meet Joohyun’s. The words of the script blurred in her mind.

Their fingers brushed, sending a shiver down Seulgi’s spine as she dared to take a step closer to Joohyun. 

“How camest thou hither, tell me, and wherefore?” Joohyun’s lips curved into a soft smile. “The orchard walls are high and hard to climb,” she murmured, her hand finding Seulgi’s and intertwining their fingers. “And the place death, considering who thou art. If they do see thee, they will murder thee.” 

“With love’s light wings did I o’er-perch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out,” Seulgi whispered, her voice trembling, her eyes searching Joohyun for any sign of hesitation.

But Joohyun only smiled, her gaze resolute as she drew Seulgi closer, their hands clasped tightly together in defiance of fate. “I would not for the world they saw thee here.”

“Alack, there lies more peril in thine eye than twenty of their swords: look thou but sweet, and I am proof against their enmity.”

As they finished the scene, there was a moment of silence between them, the air charged with unspoken truths.

“H-How was that?” Joohyun was the first to break it, letting go of her hand, and it was like a sudden gust of wind in a stagnant room, refreshing yet unsettling, stirring up emotions like fallen leaves in autumn. 

Seulgi swallowed harshly, her throat parched. She unconsciously flexed her hand. “Good. Uh, really good. That — that was better. I think you’ll blow Mrs Carmichael away with your performance. You’ve practically got Juliet in the bag.” 

Joohyun’s face lit up like the dawn breaking over a tranquil horizon, her joy radiating brightly. With a delighted squeal that echoed through the room, she leapt into Seulgi’s embrace, which threatened to unleash a torrent of feelings Seulgi had struggled to rein in. This play seriously couldn’t be over in time.

The school hallway was abuzz with excitement as students hurried to their lockers between classes. Suddenly, whispers rippled through the crowd like a wave as everyone’s attention was drawn to the bulletin board at the end of the corridor. A piece of paper was pinned to it and surrounding it was a throng of curious onlookers.

Wendy gasped next to Seulgi and clutched her arm. “Oh, my god!” she exclaimed. “She’s — she’s—”

“Anytime now, Wendy,” said Sooyoung dryly as she checked her makeup through her pocket mirror. “Preferably before we all get white hair.” 

Wendy pointed with her finger and hissed, “Look! The roles have finally been published. We get to see who we’re playing.” 

Joohyun suddenly appeared worried, and Seulgi gave a comforting squeeze of her arm, silently reassuring her that it was going to be okay. Sooyoung and Yeri’s heads snapped around towards the board, their eyes widening with anticipation. In a motion that would make synchronised swimmers jealous, they marched towards it, their determination palpable. Their steps were more hurried than a stampede of elephants, each pushing the other in a friendly but fierce competition to get a glimpse of the list first. Elbows flew and whispers of “move over” and “I was here first” punctuated the air.

“God, they’re both like animals,” muttered Wendy with a light scowl then hooked her arm through Seulgi’s and Joohyun’s. “Come on, you two, let’s follow them and see what we got.” 

Seulgi found herself labelled as ‘MAID #1’ in block capitals next to her name. She exhaled in relief and felt a huge weight off her shoulders. Her position was fixed thank god. Nothing could change that. She scanned the sheet: Joohyun, to nobody’s surprise, was predictably cast as Juliet; Wendy was Juliet’s Nurse; David was Mercutio. Sooyoung, however, grumbling louder than a malfunctioning lawnmower, was assigned the role of Lady Capulet.

“Why the fuck are you complaining? At least you’re not maid number 4,” snapped Yeri, her frown resembling that of a disgruntled cat. “Not even number 2, for fuck’s sake!” 

Sooyoung’s eyebrows shot up in mock horror. “Oh, you mean maid number 4, the unsung hero of pillow fluffing and water fetching? How could I forget?” she retorted, her sarcasm dripping like syrup.

Yeri rolled her eyes, unable to suppress a smirk. “Hey, somebody’s gotta keep those pillows fluffy.”

Sooyoung threw her hands up in defeat, a dramatic sigh escaping her lips as she then flipped her hair. “Fine, fine. I’ll embrace my Lady Capulet status with dignity and grace.”

“How considerate of you,” said Seulgi, snorting. 

But then came the bombshell that sent her heart plummeting faster than a lead balloon: Suho was to play Romeo. Seulgi groaned and cursed her luck. Why couldn’t Minho’s English have been slightly better, so he could’ve gotten the role? Instead, he was cast as ‘GENTLEMAN #1’.

“Oh, my god, babe! Did you see it? I got Romeo!” Suho announced proudly, his grin threatening to split his face in two.

In a scene that could have been lifted straight out of a cheesy romance novel, Joohyun squealed and launched herself into Suho’s waiting arms as he twirled her around. Seulgi caught sight of Sooyoung and Yeri, their faces contorted in mockery as they mimicked the act of vomiting, their fingers jabbing at their throats. 

Seulgi rolled her eyes so hard she nearly gave herself a concussion. “Great,” she muttered under her breath, “now we’re all going to be subjected to the golden couple’s theatrical display of affection.”

Seulgi couldn’t help but feel like a character in her own personal tragedy. The scene in front of her felt like a jab of the proverbial knife in her chest, watching Joohyun and Suho’s exaggerated moment. It was enough to make even Shakespeare himself roll around and groan in disbelief from his grave. Again, this fucking play couldn’t be finished sooner. She had a feeling that she’d be saying that a lot more. 

Chapter Text

Seulgi slouched comfortably into the vintage, plush armchair, her gaze fixed on the steam curling from the mug of hot chocolate cradled in her hands. The café, a quaint little place with worn-out bookshelves and mismatched furniture, was a haven from the relentless pace of school life, a pocket of tranquillity where time seemed to slow down. Joohyun had suggested they’d go here after school, just to relax and Seulgi had agreed. She needed to reset her limbs after a gruelling practice. A gentle melody crooned from the speakers. 

As she took a tentative sip, the warm, rich chocolate taste spread across her tongue. Across from her, Joohyun — always more composed — mirrored her actions, her eyes carrying an easy calm that Seulgi often envied. Half the time Seulgi felt like an emotional mess. Their eyes locked and Seulgi quickly looked away, though not before sensing that traitorous jolt of her heart. No, she thought, shoving the idea away. 

The café buzzed with a soft hum of conversations, the clink of spoons against ceramic, and the occasional whoosh of the espresso machine, but in their cosy corner, a gentle quietude prevailed. Seulgi leaned back, letting her eyes roam over the haphazard array of decorations — a fusion of art and literature. She breathed in deeply. 

She came here once with Ga-ram. He always had a knack for finding such places. He would joke about it, calling himself a ‘connoisseur of hidden gems,’ his eyes twinkling with mischief. Seulgi could still picture him sitting across from her, his fingers idly tracing patterns on the table as he launched into one of his animated stories. There was something about the way he spoke — full of enthusiasm and warmth — that made every tale, no matter how mundane, feel like an adventure. She missed that, missed him. She rarely went there anymore, not by herself.

Joohyun smiled, her eyes gleaming. “It’s nice, isn’t it? To just sit and not worry about school or soccer or parents or boys for a while,” she said, her voice a soothing balm to Seulgi’s frayed nerves.

Seulgi nodded, her mind drifting. Here, away from the stacks of books and looming deadlines, she could breathe. She watched how the light filtered through the large window, casting patterns on Joohyun’s face, highlighting her serene expression. Seulgi smiled to herself. It was moments like these — simple, unadorned, and genuine — that she cherished the most.

“It really is,” Seulgi replied, her words floating softly between them. “If only we could stay here forever.” 

Joohyun’s smile widened, and she leaned in a little closer. “Do you remember the first time we met?” she asked, her eyes glinting with the light of a thousand shared memories. Seulgi found it hard to tear her gaze away. 

She chuckled, the sound warm and rich like the gentle crackle of a cosy fire on a winter’s night. “Oh, how could I forget? You were the new girl in kindergarten, standing in the corner with your elegant braids and shiny shoes, looking so lost. I didn’t know what to make of you.”

Joohyun nodded, her expression softening as she recalled the moment. “And you came over with your big box of crayons, but you only offered me one. A pink crayon.”

Seulgi chuckled, leaning forward on her elbows. “Lisen, I thought pink was the best colour, okay, and I wanted to share the best with you. I wanted to make a good impression. Plus, I was convinced that the colour you chose first would determine our friendship.”

Joohyun’s laughter joined hers, the sound of a beautiful melody that filled the space between them. “Well, it worked. We’ve been best friends ever since. To be honest, I was just glad that someone finally spoke to me, and you were the only one brave enough to do so.”

“It took some courage and a few moments of stalling.” Seulgi shrugged sheepishly. 

The two girls sat in companionable silence for a moment, each lost in their thoughts. Then Joohyun’s eyes lit up again as she said, “Do you also remember the time we tried to bake a cake for your mom’s birthday?”

Seulgi groaned, covering her face with her hands. “How could I forget? We ended up with flour everywhere except in the bowl, and the cake was more like a brick than something edible. Not one of our best moments I’d say.”

Joohyun was laughing so hard now that tears sprang to her eyes. “Your mom was so sweet about it, though. She pretended to eat it and said it was the best cake she’d ever had.”

Seulgi’s laughter faded, replaced by a sombre expression. She set her mug down and stared into the swirling chocolate. “Yeah, she was always like that,” she murmured, a hint of melancholy in her voice. Always knew how to make us feel like we had done something amazing, even when we messed up. It’s funny, sometimes I wonder how she ended up with my dad.” 

Joohyun’s smile softened as she reached across the table, placing a comforting hand over Seulgi’s. “She was amazing, Seul. She really was.”

Seulgi nodded, feeling the familiar sting. “It’s been years now, but sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. So fresh, so raw, you know.” Her voice wavered slightly, but she took a deep breath, steadying herself.

Joohyun squeezed her hand gently. “I miss her too. She always made me feel so welcome, like part of the family.”

“You are family,” frowns Seulgi, looking up. 

A beautiful smile, so breathtaking that it caused Seulgi to become winded, blossomed on Joohyun’s face. 

They continued to share stories. There was the time they built a fort in Joohyun’s backyard and spent the night under the stars, whispering secrets and dreams to each other. The fort, a ramshackle assembly of old blankets and sheets, had felt like a magical castle to their younger selves. Under the vast expanse of the night sky, with only the soft rustling of leaves and the distant hum of crickets, they had felt invincible, like they could conquer the world with their dreams. At their first dance in middle school, they had both shown up in outfits that now made them cringe. Seulgi remembered her overly glittery dress and Joohyun’s neon ensemble. They spent most of the night awkwardly standing by the punch bowl, too shy to join the dance floor. They decided to just dance with each other, making silly moves and laughing until their sides hurt.

As they laughed and reminisced, Seulgi felt a warmth spread through her chest, different from the comforting heat of the hot chocolate. It was a warmth born of love and familiarity, a reminder of just how much Joohyun meant to her, beyond the complication of her feelings. Joohyun was more than a friend, more than a constant presence in her life. She was the steady heartbeat that kept Seulgi grounded, the light that guided her through the darkest of times during her mom’s death and the tragedy of losing Ga-ram in her life. 

Her feelings for Joohyun transcended the simplicity of words. 

It wasn’t just friendship, nor was it the fluttering infatuation that had confused her heart. It was something deeper, more sacred — a connection that defied the boundaries of labels and definitions. Joohyun was her anchor, her safe haven in a world that often felt overwhelming, chaotic and at times lonely. 

Joohyun’s voice broke through her thoughts. “It’s funny how things change, but also stay the same. No matter what happens, we always find our way back to each other, don’t we?”

Seulgi met her gaze, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Yeah, we do. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Joohyun reached across the table, her hand covering Seulgi’s in a gesture that spoke volumes. “Neither would I, Seulgi. Neither would I. You’ll always be in my life, I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“And you in mine.” 

A brief lull fell over the café, and Seulgi took the moment to truly appreciate the serenity of their surroundings — the soft chatter around them now a gentle backdrop to their private oasis.

“Do you ever think about Ga-ram?” asked Joohyun softly and suddenly. “Talking about your mom reminded me of him actually.” 

Seulgi’s expression shifted slightly, the mention of Ga-ram tugging at a different, yet equally tender part of her heart. She nodded slowly, her eyes dropping to the table, tracing the grain of the wood. “All the time,” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper. “He was such a big part of my life. It’s hard not to think about him.”

Joohyun’s hand squeezed Seulgi’s a little tighter. “Losing him was hard for you, I remember.”

Seulgi nodded, the weight of memories pressing down on her. “He was always so full of life, always there to make me laugh, even when things were tough. I miss that. I miss him.”

Joohyun’s eyes softened with understanding. “He’d want you to remember the good times, to keep those memories close. He wouldn’t want you to be sad, Seul. You think I don’t know but I see the look on your face sometimes when you think no one notices.”

“I know,” Seulgi replied, her voice trembling slightly and offering a shaky smile. “But it feels like I didn’t appreciate him enough when he was here. I keep thinking of all the things I should have said, should have done.”

Joohyun shook her head gently, her expression resolute. “You were always there for him, Seulgi. He knew how much you cared. You don’t have to doubt that.”

Seulgi swallowed hard, the lump in her throat making it difficult to speak. “Sometimes, I just wish he’d never left. That he’d skipped college and avoided all those fights with Dad. Or. . . or never gotten into that car. I always told him to slow down. On that, Dad was right. But he’d just laugh, ruffle my hair, and ignore my pleas. And now he’s—” 

“Seul. . .”

“—he’s gone,” Seulgi finished, her voice cracking with the weight of her grief. She pressed her lips together, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. 

Joohyun’s grip on her hand tightened, a steady anchor. “Seulgi, it’s okay to feel this way, you know that, right? It’s okay to miss him and to wish things were different. But don’t forget to forgive yourself. You did everything you could. Some things in life are out of our control. And Ga-ram. . . he loved you. He knew you cared.”

Seulgi nodded, drawing in a shaky breath. “I know. I just. . . I can’t help but feel guilty. Like I should have done more to stop him. To keep him safe.”

“It’s not your fault, okay? He made his own choices and no amount of ‘what ifs’ can change what happened. But he loved you, I know that for a fact, and he wouldn’t want you to carry this burden. You’re stronger than you think, Seulgi. And you have so many people who care about you, including me. You’re never alone.”

Seulgi offered a small, grateful smile. “I guess I’m lucky to have you, huh?”

Joohyun’s eyes sparkled with warmth. “I’d say we’re both pretty lucky.”

The café around them seemed to cocoon them in its cosy warmth, the hum of conversations and the clinking of dishes blending into a soothing symphony.

Joohyun reached for her mug, taking a thoughtful sip. “You know, I think Ga-ram and your mom would be proud of you. For everything you’ve accomplished, and for the person you are.”

Seulgi glanced at her, a flicker of hope lighting her eyes. “You really think so?”

Joohyun nodded firmly. “Absolutely. They loved you, Seulgi. And they believed in you. It’s time you start believing in yourself too.”

Seulgi's gaze softened, a sense of peace washing over her. “Maybe you’re right. It’s just. . . it’s hard to see it. Especially when it’s just me and my dad.”

Joohyun smiled gently. “That’s what I'm here for, silly. To remind you, whenever you forget.”

Seulgi’s heart swelled with gratitude, affection and something ineffable. She reached across the table, their fingers intertwining. “I don’t know how I got so lucky to have you in my life, Joohyun.”

Joohyun squeezed her hand, her smile radiant. “We found each other for a reason, Seulgi. And no matter what happens, we’ll always have each other.”

Seugi felt the thickness of her tongue latched to the roof of her mouth. There was something inexplicable bubbling up inside her. She stared back at Joohyun, wondering with a heavy heart all of a sudden if Suho had the chance to see her like this. Did she smile at him like that too, all big and bright? The thought twisted in her chest like a knife. She tried to shake it off, focusing instead on the softness of Joohyun’s hand enveloping hers. The evening sun cast a golden hue over Joohyun’s face, making her look almost ethereal like an angel descended just for her. Seulgi’s heart ached with the weight of her unspoken feelings, the ones she had kept buried for so long. 

Joohyun looked down at their entwined fingers, her expression turning thoughtful. “Seulgi, can I admit something to you?”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow and nodded, squeezing Joohyun’s hand gently. It wasn’t even a question. “Of course you can. You can tell me anything, Hyun.”

Joohyun hesitated, then took a deep breath. “I’m, like, really nervous about my performance as Juliet. My mom, uh, she said she’s coming this time, and. . . I don’t know. She’s always so critical, and I just want to make her proud for once.”

Seulgi’s heart ached at the vulnerability in Joohyun’s voice. “Joohyun, you’re going to be incredible. You’ve put so much effort into this. Your mom will see that. I know she will. She has to.”

Joohyun’s eyes flickered with uncertainty. “I wish I could believe that. It feels like nothing I do is ever good enough for her.”

Seulgi shook her head, her voice firm. “Trust me. You have this way of drawing people in, making them feel everything you feel. When you’re on that stage, your mom will see how amazing you are. She won’t be able to deny it.”

A vague sound escaped Joohyun’s lips. “I hope so.” 

The waitress approached with a tray of cream rolls and croissants, placing them in front of them. Joohyun, despite having her own, couldn’t resist reaching over to swipe a pastry from Seulgi’s plate. Seulgi snorted and shook her head, amused by Joohyun’s predictability. The habit of sharing dates back to when they were girls. Seulgi didn’t have the heart to reject her. Moments later, Joohyun’s playful demeanour faded, replaced by a thoughtful expression.

“Seul, have you ever thought about the future?” she asked. “Like, what do you want to do after we graduate?”

Seulgi’s smile dimmed slightly as she pondered the question. “You mean like career-wise, or just in general?”

“Both, I guess.” Joohyun’s gaze was steady, filled with a genuine curiosity that made Seulgi feel seen, truly seen.

Seulgi blinked, slightly taken aback by the sudden shift in conversation. She set her pastry down, wiping her fingers on a napkin. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s hard to picture. Everything feels so uncertain right now. With soccer and my dad. . . I think I just need to get through this season first if I’m being honest before I think about anything else.”

“Cool. Um, so, I basically applied to a few colleges recently,” said Joohyun. “I don’t know if I’m going to get in but just thought I should try my luck.” 

Seulgi’s eyes widened slightly. This was something new. She never realised Joohyun was already thinking about life after graduation. It seemed so far away. “Really? That’s — er — that’s good, Hyun. Which. . . which colleges?”

Joohyun hesitated, then smiled a bit shyly. “A few places like Yonsei, Sogang, and even Seoul National. But my first choice is actually the acting school in New York. I know it’s a long shot, but I had to try.”

Seulgi felt a pang in her chest, an unfamiliar, stomach-churning fear emerging. New York. That was so far. She pictured the distance in her mind. It was usually a sixteen-hour flight, right? She swallowed harshly. “Oh. . . New York, huh? That’s great, Hyun, but don’t you think that’s, uh, pretty far away?”

Joohyun nodded, her expression contemplative. “I know, I know. But it’s always been a dream of mine. To really pursue acting, to see what I can do. And New York. . . it’s like the heart of everything. I’d be stupid to not give it a try and see where I get up to.”

Seulgi managed a smile, trying to keep her voice light. “You’ll be incredible, Joohyun. I know you will. You’re going to wow everyone there, just like you do here.”

Joohyun’s eyes softened, gratitude evident in her gaze. “Thanks, Seulgi. That means a lot to me.”

The sun had dipped lower in the sky, casting a warm, orange glow over the café. As they gathered their things and prepared to leave, Joohyun turned to Seulgi with a playful grin. “Hey, do you want to make a pact?”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “A pact? What kind of pact?”

Joohyun’s eyes sparkled. “Promise me that no matter where we end up, no matter what happens, we’ll always find time for moments like this. Just us, sitting in a cosy café, talking about whatever comes to life.”

“You wanna pinkie promise too?” 

“Seriously, Seul, don’t be a stranger, okay? Even if we end up old and wrinkly in opposite corners of the world. . . or if we drift apart or something — because that’s what happens, right? I’ve seen it in movies.” 

Seulgi felt her heart swell with affection. “That’s not going to happen, Hyun. You’ll never be a stranger to me. I know you like the back of my hand. But if it’ll set your mind at ease then sure. Deal.” They linked pinkies, sealing the pact with a smile.

The room buzzed with a mixture of excitement and anxiety as the class gathered for their first costume fitting after days of simple rehearsal. The smell of fresh fabric and the soft rustling of garments added to the atmosphere of anticipation. Seulgi stood by a rack of costumes. She, who had just finished putting on her maid’s costume — a modest black dress with a crisp white apron — caught sight of Joohyun and felt her breath hitch. 

Joohyun, already in her Juliet costume, emerged from the dressing area, and the room seemed to pause for a moment. The elegant dress hugged her figure perfectly, the soft hues and delicate embroidery making her look every bit the part of the Shakespearean heroine. Seulgi’s breath caught in her throat, her heart doing an unexpected flip at the sight. Joohyun looked absolutely stunning, an ethereal beauty that left Seulgi momentarily speechless. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she quickly averted her gaze, feeling a flush creep up her cheeks.

Joohyun’s eyes met Seulgi’s, and she instantly smiled. “How do I look?” she asked, twirling slightly to give Seulgi a full view of the costume.

Seulgi blinked, trying to find her voice. “You look. . . amazing, Joohyun. Really, just. . . wow.”

Joohyun’s smile widened, her cheeks tinged with a hint of colour. “Thanks, Seul. You look great too.”

As they moved into position for their scene, Seulgi couldn’t help but steal glances at Joohyun. The way she moved, the way the light caught her hair, the subtle expressions that played across her face — everything about her seemed to draw Seulgi in. They began their rehearsal with the clap of Mrs Carmichael’s hand indicating ‘action’ and the lines of Shakespeare’s timeless play flowed between them, or more accurately, between Joohyun and the various actors playing Romeo, Mercutio, and the other speaking roles. 

Joohyun’s voice rang out, filled with emotion, as she delivered Juliet’s lines. “O Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name; Or, if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love, And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.”

Seulgi, busy dusting an already spotless vase, glanced over and nearly knocked it over when Joohyun’s gaze briefly met hers. She quickly steadied it, her face turning red as she tried to focus on her ‘important’ maid duties.

The rehearsal continued, with Suho making a grand entrance as Romeo, dramatically clutching his chest and reciting his lines with enough gusto to make the audience cringe. Seulgi couldn’t help but roll her eyes, though she quickly masked it by pretending to fluff a cushion with unusual vigour.

Suho, oblivious to the collective eye rolls, turned to Joohyun, his voice dripping with faux sincerity. “But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.”

Joohyun, ever the professional, delivered her lines flawlessly, even as Seulgi continued her over-the-top maid antics in the background. At one point, she mimed sweeping the floor, her actions so exaggerated that a few students stifled giggles.

Joohyun’s voice rose, her expression one of longing and despair. “Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, That I shall say good night till it be morrow.”

Seulgi’s broom paused mid-sweep as she was struck by the sheer emotion in Joohyun’s voice. At that moment, Joohyun was not just a high school student in a play, but Juliet herself, radiating a beauty and talent that took Seulgi’s breath away. The world around them seemed to fade, leaving only Joohyun and the raw vulnerability of her performance. Seulgi’s heart ached, her admiration for Joohyun deepening with every word. She felt a lump in her throat and swallowed hard, trying to suppress the tempest that threatened to overwhelm her. The intensity, the deep connection she felt to Joohyun, was almost too much to bear. It was as if Joohyun’s performance had unlocked something within her, a realisation of just how much her best friend meant to her, not just as a friend but as something more.

As Joohyun finished her lines, she turned her gaze to Seulgi, a soft smile playing on her lips as if sensing the impact she had made. Seulgi quickly averted her eyes, focusing on the broom in her hands and hoping Joohyun hadn’t noticed the turmoil in her expression.

Mrs Carmichael clapped her hands, drawing everyone’s attention. A wide grin stretched across her face. “Excellent work, Joohyun!” she exclaimed. “Your portrayal of Juliet is truly captivating. And Seulgi, your maid certainly is. . . uh, enthusiastic. Perhaps tone it down a bit, okay?” 

Seulgi smiled awkwardly. “Er, yes, will do.” 

“Alright then, everyone! For the next task,” announced Mrs Caramichael, gazing around the room and narrowing her eyes on two laughing boys. “Pair up with someone you rarely interact with in the play. Let’s see how well you know your characters and how they might act outside the script. Remember, stay in character, and let the scene unfold naturally.”

Seulgi glanced around the room, her heart pounding. Her eyes met Joohyun’s, and they exchanged a small, knowing smile before making their way to a quieter corner of the stage. Joohyun’s costume swayed slightly as she moved.

“Juliet and the Maid,” Mrs Carmichael called out, her voice filled with anticipation. “You girls are up. Now as for your scene. . . you’re alone in the Capulet garden, discussing your secret dreams and fears. Begin!”

Seulgi took a deep breath, slipping into the role of the Maid. She straightened her posture, adopting a more deferential stance. Joohyun, embodying Juliet, sat gracefully on a low stone bench, her hands clasped in her lap, eyes distant as if lost in thought. Seulgi cleared her throat and looked away from the eyes focused on her.

“There you are, my lady. Your mother was, um, pertaining to your whereabouts.” Seulgi hesitated for a moment, feeling a sudden rush of nerves with the class watching. She stepped forward stiffly, her movements jerky and awkward. “My lady, um, you seem, uh, troubled,” she said, her voice cracking slightly.

Joohyun turned her head slightly, a small, amused smile playing on her lips. “Indeed, my dear Maid. The night is beautiful, yet my heart is heavy. There are so many expectations placed upon me, and I find myself yearning for a life of my choosing.”

Seulgi nodded, her eyes wide and panicked. She took a step closer, nearly tripping over her own feet. “Y-You are more than the sum of those, um, expectations, my lady. What is it that you, uh, truly. . . truly desire?” Her hands flailed slightly as she spoke, making exaggerated gestures.

Joohyun’s gaze grew distant, her fingers playing with the folds of her dress to hide a smile. “Freedom,” she whispered. “To make my own choices, to love whom I wish, and to be loved without constraint. But such dreams seem impossible in our world.”

Seulgi’s heart ached at the vulnerability in Joohyun’s voice, but her nerves got the better of her. She knelt beside her, almost falling over in the process, and reached out to take Juliet’s hand with exaggerated care. “You deserve that, um, freedom, my lady. And, uh, perhaps, one day, you will find it. The, um, stars are known to grant wishes to those who dare to, uh, dream.”

Joohyun looked down at their joined hands, her expression softening with gratitude. “You always know how to comfort me, even in the darkest of times. Tell me, dear Maid, do you have dreams of your own?”

“Me?” 

“Yes. What do you wish for?”

A lot, thought Seulgi. Things that can never be mine. Seulgi felt a lump form in her throat. She took a deep breath, her voice trembling slightly as she spoke. She doubted that she was truly speaking as the maid now. “I do, my lady. I, uh, dream of a love that is pure and true, one that transcends the boundaries of status and expectation. But, like you, I fear that such dreams are, uh, beyond my reach.”

Joohyun’s eyes shimmered with understanding. She squeezed Seulgi’s hand gently. “Perhaps we are not so different, you and I. Both yearning for a love that defies the constraints of our world.” Joohyun took a deep breath, then pulled out a folded piece of paper from the folds of her dress. “Behold! I have written a letter, dear Maid. It is meant for Romeo, but I hesitate to send it. Will you listen as I read?”

“Of course, my lady. I am here for you.”

Joohyun unfolded the letter, her hands trembling slightly. She began to read, her voice soft and filled with emotion. “My dearest Romeo, the days grow darker as I ponder our future. Our families’ feud looms over us like a storm, threatening to tear us apart. I love you with all my heart, yet I fear what lies ahead. How can we find happiness amidst such chaos?”

As Joohyun continued reading, her voice grew more intense, her emotions raw and palpable. “I doubt my own strength, my courage to defy my family. Can our love truly conquer all, or are we destined for sorrow? The thought of losing you terrifies me, yet I cannot bear the thought of living without you.”

Tears began to well up in Joohyun’s eyes, her voice breaking. Seulgi, fully immersed in her role, reached out to hold Joohyun’s hand, offering silent support.

Joohyun looked up at Seulgi with teary eyes, her vulnerability laid bare. “I don’t know what I would do without you,” she whispered, her voice trembling.

The line, though meant for improvisation, resonated deeply. Seulgi’s heart shook like a leaf caught in a fierce wind. She squeezed Joohyun’s hand gently, her own eyes misting.

“My lady,” Seulgi said softly, her voice surprisingly steady despite the storm within her. “You are not alone. Whatever the future holds, we will face it together. Your strength lies not just in defying the world, but in the love you hold in your heart.”

Joohyun’s tears spilt over. “Thank you, dear Maid. Your words are a balm to my soul.”

Mrs Carmichael clapped her hands, breaking the spell. “Wonderful, girls! That was beautiful.”

Seulgi and Joohyun stood up, their hands lingering in each other’s for a moment longer than necessary. Seulgi felt her cheeks flush, slightly embarrassed at her earlier awkwardness, but pleased with how the scene had turned out. She had felt a connection, a depth of emotion that went beyond mere acting.

The stage was a chaotic mess of half-assembled props and scattered set pieces. Seulgi stood in the centre, hands on her hips, surveying the disarray with a growing sense of frustration. Trust her luck to be instructed to clean this up. She sighed, grabbed a nearby chair and began moving it into place.

“Hey, Sooyung, could you help me move this table?” Seulgi called out, her eyes narrowing as she spotted Sooyoung lounging on a prop couch like a haughty Empress, meticulously painting her nails a bright shade of red.

Sooyoung glanced up briefly, a lazy smile playing on her lips. “Sure thing, Seul. Just give me a second. This coat needs to dry.” She blew on her nails, clearly in no hurry to help.

Seulgi glared at her and then turned to Wendy, who was sorting through a box of miscellaneous props. “Hey, uh, Wendy, can you help me with the backdrop? We need to get it up before Mrs Carmichael comes back.”

“Of course,” Wendy replied, setting aside a cane she’d been inspecting. She walked over to Seulgi, glancing at Sooyoung and shaking her head with a scoff. “Typical, huh?”

Seulgi rolled her eyes, lifting one end of the backdrop. “Yeah, she’s really getting into the spirit of teamwork,” she muttered.

As they worked together to secure the backdrop, Wendy’s sharp eyes darted around the room. “Hey, Seulgi,” she said casually, “have you noticed Joohyun looking a bit. . . off lately?”

Seulgi paused, tilting her head. “Off? How do you mean?”

“Well,” Wendy began, her tone serious, “I saw her looking really upset the other day. I don’t know if she told you. Like, almost in tears. And it’s not like her to let things get to her that much.”

Sooyung, finally taking an interest in the conversation, sat up and waved her freshly painted nails in the air to dry them faster. “Oh, yeah, I heard about that!” she exclaimed. “From a very reliable source, I might add,” she said, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.

Seulgi’s curiosity was piqued. “What did you hear?”

Sooyung leaned in, her eyes wide with the thrill of gossip. “Oh my gosh, yeah, you won’t believe it, but Joohyun and Suho totally had this huge blowout. Like, epic meltdown level! Seriously, you could hear them screaming from, like, forever away. My friend told me it got so bad that Joohyun ended up sobbing in the bathroom afterwards. Can you even imagine?”

Seulgi’s heart sank. She had noticed Joohyun seemed more stressed lately, but she hadn’t realised it was this bad. “Crying? Why were they arguing?”

Wendy stepped closer, lowering her voice. “From what I’ve gathered, Suho has been pressuring Joohyun. You know, to take their relationship to the next level.”

Sooyung shook her head and curled her lips upward. “Seriously, what are you, a nun? Just say sex already. But yeah, poor Joohyun is super torn up about it. She’s not into rushing things, but Suho? He’s just not getting it. It’s like guys always have just one thing on their minds!”

Seulgi’s stomach twisted as she paced back and forth, her brows knotted in worry and her lips pressed into a thin line of anger for Joohyun. The urge to confront Suho pulsed through her, her fingers tightening around the pillow she clutched like a lifeline. As she imagined his face on the soft fabric, a sudden stop in her step betrayed her realisation — she had been so consumed by her troubles that Joohyun’s silent battles had gone unnoticed. A heavy sigh escaped her, her shoulders drooping under the weight of newfound guilt. “I didn’t even notice,” she muttered more to herself. 

Sooyoung snorted. “Well, ‘course not. Joohyun doesn’t show her emotions very easily, does she? She’s not going to outright come out and say it. Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeves like you.” 

Seulgi shot her a withering glare. If her emotions were so obvious then why does Joohyun not realise the immense weight of her unrequited feelings? Would she simply ignore it or deny it? She scoffed in response to Sooyoung and kept quiet. Still, something beneath her ribs fluttered, a tiny fluttering sensation that she didn’t on any terms want to name as hope.

The early morning light cast a pale glow on their tired faces. Most of the English students were visibly exhausted, dragging their suitcases and yawning. Mrs Carmichael, trying to maintain a cheerful demeanour, stood at the entrance near the glass doors, coffee cup in one hand and a clipboard in another. There were barely any other people around the airport apart from a security guard or two. Seulgi’s dad had woken her up at an ungodly hour to drive her to the airport for their one-week trip to Paris. She was already regretting her choice of going. But she had to otherwise Joohyun would never forgive her if she left her alone. 

Seulgi’s gaze drifted outside, where rain streaked down the foggy windows in the dim light of early dawn. It was far too early for her liking. As her eyes refocused, they accidentally met David’s. Instantly, her patience thinned — his quirks and that unmistakable high-pitched squeak weren’t what she needed right now. Quickly breaking the connection, she shuffled between Sooyoung and Wendy, effectively disappearing from his view and into the comforting anonymity of her friends’ presence.

“Alright, everyone!” Mrs Carmichael called out, her voice a bit too chipper for the hour. “Make sure you have your passports ready! We don’t want anyone getting left behind.”

Seulgi stifled a yawn as she dragged her suitcase behind her, the wheels making a loud clattering noise against the tiled floor. In her apparent haste to pack last night, she’d accidentally grabbed the old, weathered suitcase from the closet. She sighed. Brilliant, this was just what she needed. Wendy and Sooyoung trailed behind, both looking like they might fall asleep standing up.

“Why do we have to travel so early?” Wendy mumbled, rubbing her eyes. “It’s not even daylight yet.”

“Yeah, I thought this was a drama trip, not some kind of endurance test,” Sooyoung added, adjusting the straps of her tiny purse. Seulgi stared, wondering how she could even fit lipgloss in there. “Mrs Carmichael’s pushing it this time.”

Seulgi smiled softly, her voice mingling with the sounds of tired grumbling around them as she mumbled, “I think she just wants to make sure we get to the hotel with enough time to settle in. But yeah, this is brutal.”

“Brutal is an understatement,” Wendy replied, her eyes half-closed. “I need coffee. Lots and lots of coffee. Maybe even an IV drip of it.”

“Right there with you,” Sooyoung muttered. “I feel like a fucking zombie.”

The sound of more students arriving filled the air as they moved towards the check-in counter. Seulgi’s eyes scanned the crowd, spotting Joohyun shuffling closer, looking equally tired but somehow managing to still look composed. She held Seulgi’s hand, a comforting gesture that made Seulgi’s heart flutter.

“Hey,” Joohyun said softly, squeezing Seulgi’s hand. “Come sit next to me on the plane, okay? Even if our seat numbers are different.”

Seulgi sighed, noticing the frosty look Joohyun threw at a laughing Suho across the room. She nodded, feeling a mix of relief and anticipation. “Okay.”

Joohyun’s smile was small but grateful, and she leaned her head on Seulgi’s shoulder for a moment. Seulgi felt a surge of protectiveness and a desire to make Joohyun feel better, no matter how early it was or how tired they both were.

David, who had been standing nearby with hopeful eyes, saw Joohyun’s gesture and Seulgi’s slack expression. His face fell, and his disappointment was evident in his expression. Seulgi caught his eye briefly and shrugged apologetically, mouthing, “Sorry,” before turning back to Joohyun without much remorse. 

As they moved through security, Seulgi felt the weight of exhaustion pressing down on her. All she could focus on was the warmth of Joohyun’s hand in hers and the steady rhythm of her footsteps next to her.

Chapter Text

Seulgi stood at the edge of a vast cliff, veiled in a dense, whispering fog. The boundary spanned an unseen chasm, its far reaches obscured by the thick mist that hung like a veil. 

She glanced around widely, hoping to catch a glint of something familiar, something that would indicate why she was there. She only wore light blue jeans and a thin T-shirt studded with sequins that caught the dim light, scattering prisms across the fog like tiny lighthouses. She shivered as the fabric clung to her damp skin and felt the cold breeze slam against her throat like ice shards. Where the hell was she? What was this place and how had she ended up here?

There was a distance whistling, faint and hard to make out. Seulgi couldn’t tell if it was a person or something else. She raised her hand across her temple, narrowed her eyes, squinting, and then suddenly felt the light patter of rain. Her shivering became worse, and her teeth started chattering. The noise was eerie, almost ethereal, weaving through the fog as though carried by the wind itself. While the rain began to fall more heavily, the tiny drops splattered against the sequins on her T-shirt, creating a soft, rhythmic sound that mingled with the distant whistle.

She noticed that she was standing at the edge of a wooden bridge held up by ropes. Seulgi glanced over the edge and saw more undiscernible fog that swirled like untamed waters. Panic clawed against her chest. Her eyes scanned the obscured horizon, desperate for any sign of life or landmark that could offer a clue to her location or purpose. The bridge beneath her feet felt solid, yet every slight movement sent a tremor of fear that it might crumble at any moment, plunging her into the abyss below. The fog seemed to thicken with her every breath, enveloping her in a cold, damp embrace.

The cold intensified, penetrating her light clothing and gnawing at her bones. Her breath emerged in short, visible puffs, blending into the surrounding mist. As the whistle grew slightly louder, a form began to materialise in the distance — a shadowy figure, barely distinguishable at first, but gradually becoming clearer as it approached.

Seulgi’s heart pounded in her chest, a mix of fear and anticipation gripping her. Who — or what — was approaching? Friend, foe, or something altogether different? Her fingers curled into fists, her body tensed for any outcome.

Suddenly, the figure stepped into a small pool of light cast by an unseen source above the bridge. It was a woman, her features soft yet obscured by the shadows. She wore a long, flowing coat that fluttered in the wind, and her hair was loose, cascading around her shoulders, shimmering with droplets of rain. Despite the cold and the bizarre setting, the woman’s presence seemed calming, almost familiar.

“Hello!” called Seulgi and waved her arms around. 

“Seulgi!” the woman called out, her voice clear even through the howling wind and rain. 

Seulgi blinked and felt recognition warm her body. She shouted with sheer delight and waved harder. “Joohyun! Hyun is that you? Wait — I’m coming, okay? Stay right there.” 

But as Seulgi moved forward, a startling realisation dawned upon her. The bridge, as though sentient and mocking, began to crumble with each step she took. The sound of splintering wood echoed through the still air. Alarm clawed at her chest as she quickened her pace, her eyes fixed on Joohyun, who remained a constant, serene figure. Her jeans, heavy and slightly too long, dragged at her ankles as she ran, soaked from the dense mist that settled like a second skin over everything. The practical sneakers on her feet slapped against the wet planks. 

“Seulgi!” Joohyun called once more. “Hurry!” 

“I’m coming!” 

Seulgi’s legs pumped with urgency and she could hear the splintering wood behind her more piercing than the howling wind. The gap between her and Joohyun appeared to stretch with each passing second. Her heart raced, thundering in her ears, drowning out even the sound of the bridge’s demise. Her breaths were harsh and irregular, her chest burning with the cold air she gulped down.

“Joohyun!” she screamed, her voice cracking. “Don’t move, I’m almost there!”

Joohyun stood motionless. She seemed like a mirage, ghostly and untouchable, her coat billowing around her in the wind. Her face was calm, composed as if she stood not on the same perilous edge but somewhere far removed from danger.

Seulgi dared not look back as she felt the bridge give way piece by piece, each plank falling away into the abyss with a haunting finality. With one final burst of energy, Seulgi sprinted towards the end of the bridge. Joohyun extended her hand, reaching into the treacherous gap that separated them. Seulgi leapt, her fingers stretching towards Joohyun’s. Nearly there. . .

Joohyun’s form began to waver, her features blurring as the mist thickened once more. The cold haze swallowed her, leaving Seulgi grasping at empty air. The bridge that had connected them, precarious and fragile, was gone. Seulgi landed on solid ground, her heart hammering in her chest. She stood there, alone, unable to move forward, her body trembling from the chill that had seeped deep into her bones. 

Seulgi blinked, her breath still ragged from the harrowing sprint, the ice still clinging to her skin. But the cold abyss beneath her feet was gone. The disorienting bridge had vanished, replaced by the sterile, flat surface of a floor. She glanced around. How strange, this looks like her Math classroom, she thought. 

She was seated at a small wooden desk, its edges worn smooth by years of use. The room was eerily quiet, the kind of silence that pressed against the ears. The air was warm now, a sharp contrast to the biting cold from moments before, but it felt heavy, as though charged with something unseen.

Her eyes darted around, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. It looked like her Math classroom and yet there was something unnatural about it. The walls were a dull beige, lined with tall windows that should have let in sunlight, yet they were blank and empty, covered in thick, grey fog that obscured the outside world. A chalkboard stretched across the front of the room, black and spotless, untouched by any lesson. Fog again, she thought, staring. 

She peeked down at her body. The dampness from the moisture was gone, replaced by a dry, soft warmth that was almost comforting. The light blue jeans she wore were now dry, though the sequins on her T-shirt still caught the dim overhead light, scattering faint rainbows across the room. Her hands trembled slightly as she reached out to touch the surface of the desk. It felt solid, real, but the memory of the bridge’s splintering wood made her distrustful of its stability. She looked around again, the sense of unease growing. The classroom was empty, save for her.

Then, she noticed a figure at the front of the room, partially obscured by the desk. Her heart skipped a beat as the figure moved, stepping into the light. It was Joohyun. The same hair cascaded down in loose waves, still shimmering as if it had just been kissed by rain.

But this Joohyun was different. Her presence was no longer the calm, serene figure from the bridge. She was dressed sharply now, a neat blouse tucked into a knee-length skirt, her long coat draped over a chair behind the teacher’s desk. She stood tall, her posture immaculate, and her expression was one of focused intent. She didn’t speak, but instead picked up a piece of chalk from the tray and began to write on the board. The sound of the chalk against the slate was the first noise that cut through the silence, a faint scraping that sent a shiver down Seulgi’s spine. She couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. 

Joohyun’s handwriting was elegant, almost too perfect, as she wrote a single word across the board: ‘Lesson.’

Seulgi felt her pulse quicken. She looked down at the desk again and found an open notebook in front of her, a pencil lying across its blank pages, waiting.

Joohyun turned to face her, her eyes meeting Seulgi’s with an intensity that made her chest tighten. There was no warmth in her gaze, only a quiet, inscrutable expectation. Seulgi’s mouth felt dry as she tried to form words, but her voice failed her. The room, the fog outside the windows, the ghostly quiet — it all pressed in on her, squeezing her mind into a tight coil of confusion and fear.

Joohyun raised an eyebrow slightly, tilting her head as though waiting for Seulgi to do something, to respond. But Seulgi remained frozen, her hands gripping the edges of the desk as if it were the only concrete thing left in this surreal reality.

And then, with a graceful flick of her wrist, Joohyun tapped the chalk against the board, signalling the start of something. The fog outside the windows seemed to pulse in time with the soft sound, as though it were alive, responding to Joohyun’s command.

Seulgi’s heart pounded louder. She looked down at the notebook again, feeling the weight of the pencil in her hand, its smooth wood cool against her skin. What was she supposed to write? What lesson was this? And where was everyone else? But before she could lift the pencil, Joohyun spoke, her voice clear and firm, cutting through the air like a knife.

“Seulgi,” she said, her tone devoid of the familiarity, of the friend Seulgi had known before. “Pay attention.”

The words hung in the air, heavy with meaning. Seulgi’s grip on the pencil tightened, her mind racing, but no thoughts formed, only a deepening sense of apprehension. The mist outside thickened, swirling in slow, deliberate patterns as if waiting for her to make a move. She wanted to scream herself hoarse. What did Joohyun want from her? 

Without warning, Joohyun began to write again, her movements fluid, almost hypnotic. But this time, instead of the orderly letters spelling out a lesson, strange, twisted words appeared on the board. Seulgi’s stomach churned as she recognised them — fragments of her thoughts, her fears, things she had never spoken aloud to anyone.

The chalk scrawled across the slate, revealing each word with cruel precision: Alone. Inadequate. Afraid. Imposter. Each one struck Seulgi like a physical blow, her heart lurching in her chest. She wanted to look away, to deny what was unfolding before her, but her eyes were glued to the board, unable to rip herself from the repulsiveness of it all.

A faint rustling filled the room, and Seulgi’s eyes darted around. At first, the classroom had been empty, but now, shapes began to arise outside the windows, growing clearer with each passing second. Figures pressed against the glass, faceless silhouettes that blurred and wavered like shadows in a dream. They were watching her, she realised, their presence palpable despite the lack of features.

The whispering started softly, a low murmur that slithered through the silence. It was like the wind whispering through the trees, indistinct but insidious. The figures seemed to be talking amongst themselves, their faceless heads turning toward one another, then back to Seulgi. She could feel their attention, their judgment, and it sent a shiver of dread down her spine.

Joohyun turned to face her once more, her expression unreadable. She said nothing, but her eyes bore into Seulgi’s as if she could see right through her. Seulgi wanted to speak, to beg her to stop, but her voice had evaporated, swallowed by the thickening fog and the growing sense of doom.

The chalk moved again, and this time, the words on the board shifted from single phrases to full sentences, each one more personal, more painful than the last. You never belonged. They only tolerate you. You’ll never be enough.

The whispering intensified, a hissing racket that filled Seulgi’s ears, growing louder and more distinctive. The faceless dummies began to press closer, their outlines darkening, becoming more solid. Seulgi could see their heads turning toward her, their shadowy forms leaning in as though they were hanging on every word Joohyun wrote. Eerie smiles stretched across their faces, wicked and mocking. 

Seulgi’s hands shook violently, the pencil slipping from her grasp and clattering onto the desk. She felt exposed in a way she had never known, like all her defences had been stripped away, leaving her bare before this growing audience. Her skin prickled with a cold sweat, and her breath came in ragged gasps.  

“When Seulgi was eight,” Joohyun’s voice rang out, clear and chilling, breaking the growing crescendo of whispers around the room. “She stole her neighbour’s favourite doll. She lied and said she found it outside, covered in mud.”

Seulgi squirmed in her seat, her hands clenched into fists. “It was an accident,” she whispered, her voice hoarse. But Joohyun didn’t seem to hear.

“She kept the doll hidden under her bed,” Joohyun continued. “At night, she could hear it whispering, calling her a thief, a liar. But she was too afraid to give it back.”

The words sent a shudder through Seulgi. She remembered that all too well, the guilt gnawing at her insides, the soft, accusatory whispers that seemed to echo from the shadows of her room. It was a childish mistake, but in this room, under Joohyun’s unforgiving gaze, it felt monstrous.

“Why are you doing this?” Seulgi managed to say, her voice trembling.

“When Seulgi was fourteen,” Joohyun began again, her tone even, almost clinical, “she played soccer for her school team. She was good — talented, even. But there was a game, an important one, where everything changed. It was the semi-final. The score was tied, and Seulgi had the ball. She was supposed to pass it to her teammate, a girl who had never scored a goal in her life. The coach had instructed her to give the girl a chance, to boost her confidence.”

Seulgi’s throat tightened. She remembered the weight of the ball at her feet, the adrenaline coursing through her veins, the roar of the crowd echoing in her ears. Her dad was watching in the stands. 

“But Seulgi didn’t pass,” Joohyun said, her voice tinged with a faint edge of accusation. “She saw an opening and took the shot herself. She scored the winning goal and was celebrated as the hero of the game. But her teammate. . . the girl who had waited for her chance, who had trusted Seulgi to follow through. . . was devastated.”

Seulgi’s eyes burned with unshed tears. The memory of that day was sharp, the excitement of the win overshadowed by the guilt that gnawed at her afterwards. She had seen the crushed look on her teammate’s face, the way her shoulders slumped as the rest of the team cheered for Seulgi. She had wanted to apologise but the words never came. Instead, she had basked in the praise, pushing the guilt aside.

Joohyun’s voice was relentless. “That girl quit the team after that game. She never played soccer again. And Seulgi, the hero of the hour, pretended it didn’t matter. But it did, didn’t it?”

Seulgi’s head bowed, her hands trembling. “I. . . I didn’t mean to hurt her,” she whispered, her voice shaking. “I just. . . I thought I could win the game for us. I wasn’t thinking.”

“But you were,” Joohyun countered, her gaze piercing. “You were thinking about the glory, the praise, the thrill of being the one who scored the winning goal. You were thinking about yourself.”

Joohyun watched Seulgi carefully, her eyes dull yet probing. Seulgi had a lump in her throat. She felt as if she was going to hurl all over the desk. 

“Seulgi, you know Ha-joon. Your first boyfriend, remember? Back when we were freshmen. You didn’t mean to hurt him,” Joohyun continued with a steady voice laced with a quiet intensity. “But you did. You were cruel, even if you didn’t realize it at the time.”

Seulgi felt a pang of guilt. She had been young, naïve, caught up in the whirlwind of her first relationship and the excitement of being with someone new. But she hadn’t been in love with Ha-joon — not really. He had been more of a milestone, a rite of passage that she felt she needed to go through. 

“Do you remember that weekend at the amusement park?” Joohyun asked. “Ha-joon had planned the whole thing. He bought the tickets, arranged for transportation, and even saved up to buy you that silly plush bear you mentioned once in passing. He wanted it to be special for you.”

Seulgi nodded slowly, the memory resurfacing. She had been distracted, more focused on spending time with Joohyun and their other friends who had tagged along. Her father and Ga-ram had a huge argument that day and she wanted to forget. 

“Do you remember what happened on the Ferris wheel?” Joohyun pressed, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Ha-joon had arranged for the two of you to ride together, thinking it would be a romantic moment. But you insisted on riding with me instead, leaving him to ride alone.”

Seulgi felt a pang of guilt as the memory became clearer. She had laughed it off at the time, thinking it was no big deal. She had been so caught up with Joohyun that she hadn’t considered how Ha-joon might feel, sitting alone on what was supposed to be a special ride.

“He was hurt, Seulgi,” Joohyun said, her voice now tinged with judgment. “You left him there, watching as you laughed and had fun with me, completely ignoring the effort he had put into making that moment special. He’d planned it for you, and you brushed it off like it didn’t matter.”

Seulgi’s chest tightened with regret. She could picture Ha-joon’s face, the way his smile had faltered when she casually chose Joohyun over him. She remembered mostly thinking how annoyed and upset he’d been that day and had no patience to deal with his stroppy attitude.

“And then, later,” Joohyun continued, her voice hardening, “he tried to talk to you about it, to tell you how he felt. But what did you do? You laughed in his face, told him he was being ridiculous, that it was just a ride and that he needed to stop being so sensitive.”

Seulgi winced at the memory. She had thought she was being playful, that her teasing wouldn’t be taken seriously. But she could see now how hurtful it had been, how her words had cut deeper than she intended.

“He tried so hard to make you happy. But you were too wrapped up in your own world, in your friendship with me, in your family, soccer and the others, to notice. You didn’t mean to be cruel, but you were. You dismissed his feelings, made him feel small and unimportant, all because you couldn’t be bothered to see how much he cared.”

Seulgi couldn’t speak. She felt like she was on a criminal trial.  

And then Joohyun turned to face her, her eyes intense and unforgiving, her voice no longer calm but piercing, relentless. “Why do you hide from your own feelings, Seulgi? Why do you push people away? You’re so afraid of being alone again, yet you’ve built walls so high no one can reach you.”

Seulgi’s eyes snapped open, and she stared at Joohyun, her heart pounding in her ears. The faceless figures began to murmur, their voices a low, unsettling hum that filled the room, drowning out everything else. The words were indistinct, but the tone was clear — disappointment, disapproval, disdain. The sound built, growing louder, more insistent, until it was all Seulgi could hear.

Her throat tightened, and she fought the urge to scream, to drown out the noise with her own voice. But no sound came, just a desperate, choked sob that escaped before she could stop it. The notebook in front of her blurred as tears welled up, and the pencil slipped from her grasp, clattering onto the desk with a hollow sound that seemed to echo in the suffocating silence.

Joohyun’s gaze never wavered. “Why won’t you let yourself be vulnerable, Seulgi? What are you so afraid of?”

Seulgi shook her head, her vision swimming with tears. The faceless figures were leaning closer now, their whispers like nails on a chalkboard, scratching at her sanity. She wanted to run, to escape this nightmare, but there was nowhere to go. The smiles closed in around her, pressing against the windows, the shadows creeping across the floor.

“I’m not afraid,” Seulgi finally whispered, but the words were hollow, even to her own ears. Her voice cracked, and she wrapped her arms around herself. 

“Your father,” Joohyun continued, the words like a knife twisting in Seulgi’s chest. “You’ve spent so much of your life trying to please him, to make him proud. But nothing was ever enough, was it?”

“Joohyun. . . what. . . what is this?”

Joohyun took a step closer, and the darkness seemed to follow her, the shadows lengthening, twisting into grotesque shapes. The faceless figures outside were no longer just muttering — they were chanting as they smiled, their voices a low, guttural drone that vibrated through Seulgi’s bones. Their heads tilted as they stared at her, their presence suffocating, censorious.

“Do you remember, Seulgi?” Joohyun’s voice was lower now, almost a growl. “Do you remember how he looked at you, how he blamed you? How you’ve always known it was your fault?”

The words clawed at Seulgi’s mind. Her father’s face loomed in her mind. The faceless figures around her began to take on distorted forms — vague, monstrous imitations of her father, their eyes burning with the same disdain, the same loathing.

“You were never enough,” Joohyun hissed, her voice slithering through Seulgi’s mind like a serpent. “No matter how hard you tried, how hard you practised at soccer, at school, you were always a failure in his eyes. You could never be what he wanted.”

Seulgi felt the room closing in, the walls shrinking, the shadows reaching out to her, grasping at her, cold tendrils that wrapped around her wrists, her ankles, pulling her down, down, down. The whispers grew louder, the figures circling her like vultures, their voices now a clamour of accusatory screams. She hadn’t realised they were now inside the classroom. 

“Stop! Stop this now, I beg you,” Seulgi choked out, but her voice was feeble. She tried to pull away, but the shadows tightened their grip, dragging her down, her body heavy, her limbs numb.

Joohyun’s eyes gleamed in the dim light, her smile a twisted, cruel thing like a dagger. “You can’t run from this, my sweet, sweet Seul. You have to stop being a coward. You can’t escape what you are. . . a disappointment, a letdown. You’re just like him. You can feel it, can’t you?” Joohyun continued, her voice a low, menacing hiss. “The guilt, the shame. It’s been eating away at you for years, festering in the dark corners of your mind, poisoning everything you do.”

The shadows were all around her now, wrapping around her like a shroud, squeezing the air from her lungs. Joohyun’s words were like poison, seeping into her mind.

“You let him go, Seulgi,” Joohyun whispered, her eyes boring into Seulgi’s soul. “You let Ga-ram leave, just like you let your father slip away. You weren’t strong enough to hold them together, to keep them with you.”

Seulgi felt like she was drowning, the cold, inky blackness filling her lungs.

“Do you hear it, Seulgi?” Joohyun’s voice was barely audible now, a whisper in the dark. “Do you hear the way they blame you? The way they despise you? You were supposed to be strong, but you were weak. You let them go, and now. . . now you’re all alone. A scared little girl. Your mother left you, Ga-ram left, and so will your father. It’s time you face the truth, Seul-bear.”

Seulgi’s vision blurred. “W—Why are you doing this. . .?” she managed to croak. 

“You failed them,” Joohyun’s voice was relentless, cold, devoid of any warmth. “You failed your father. You failed Ga-ram. And now, you’ve failed yourself. Don’t you agree?”

Seulgi had always loved Joohyun’s laughter, but right now it sent a chill straight to her heart, as callous and vicious as a frigid wind slicing through bare branches in the dead of winter.

“But I’m not finished, Seul,” Joohyun said, stepping closer. “You’ve kept so much hidden, haven’t you? So much buried under those walls you’ve built. The fear, the guilt. . . but there’s more, isn’t there?”

Seulgi’s heart raced, each beat thudding painfully in her chest as though trying to warn her, trying to escape. Her palms were clammy. She could barely manage to choke out the words, her throat tight, her voice nothing but a weak whisper. “No. . . don’t. . .”

“Oh, Seul-bear,” Joohyun cooed, her tone mockingly sweet, sending another shiver down Seulgi’s spine. She wanted to shove this fake Joohyun away. This girl was so empty, so heartless, and didn’t have the warmth or tenderness that Seulgi’s Joohyun always had. “You’ve always been so afraid. Afraid of disappointing everyone. Terrified of being alone. But the truth isn’t just about them, is it?” Her smile twisted further, eyes gleaming with something malicious. “There’s one thing you’ve never admitted. . . one thing you can’t even admit to yourself.”

Seulgi’s chest tightened as Joohyun’s words crawled under her skin like a creeping, cold hand. Her pulse was erratic, her mind scrambling for a way out, any way to escape the truth she knew was coming. She shook her head violently like she could force it away as if denying it could keep it locked in the shadows where it belonged.

The faceless figures pressing against the windows were gone now, replaced by an eerie silence, as if the world itself had stopped, holding its breath for what was about to come. Joohyun’s gaze bore into her, unforgiving, relentless. The classroom around them seemed to warp and shift, the chalkboard behind Joohyun dissolving into nothing, the walls disappearing.

The fog outside consumed everything, leaving only the two of them standing in what felt like endless, suffocating darkness. Seulgi’s breath came in shallow gasps, her mind spinning, trying to anchor herself to something, anything — but there was nothing. Just Joohyun. And the truth that was closing in on her.

Joohyun took another step forward, her voice lowering to a whisper, intimate and dangerous. “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? That secret. . . that feeling you’ve tried so hard to bury.” She leaned in closer, her breath ghosting across Seulgi’s cheek. Her nails traced across Seulgi’s cheek. “You’ve loved me all along, haven’t you, my dear Seulgi?”

The words hung in the air, weighty and stifling, each syllable sinking into Seulgi’s skin like lead. She staggered back, her heart nearly stopping in her chest. The confession she had fought to deny, the truth she had locked away — Joohyun had spoken it aloud, unravelling everything in an instant.

Seulgi’s mind screamed at her. Her lips parted, but no sound came out. She was paralysed. She had always loved Joohyun, but she had never allowed herself to accept it. Not even in her most vulnerable moments. And now, here she was, stripped bare, her secret laid out before her by the very person she had loved.

Joohyun’s laughter rang out again, crueler now, sterner. “You couldn’t even tell me, could you? All this time, hiding behind your walls, pretending like you were okay, pretending like you didn’t feel anything.” Her eyes gleamed with something darker, more dangerous than before. “But I’ve always known, Seulgi. It’s sad really.”

Seulgi opened her mouth to speak, to say something, anything, but the words refused to come. She could feel herself fraying, piece by piece. The figures had returned, but they were no longer faceless. Instead, they wore grotesque, twisted versions of Joohyun’s face, their mouths curled into taunting smiles, eyes hollow and accusing. They surrounded her, and the whispering started again, but this time it was louder, more insistent, a chorus of Joohyun’s voice repeating the same words over and over with mirth in their tones. 

“You’ll always be alone, Seul. No one will ever love you, least of all me. You’re worthless. You’re nothing.”

Chapter Text

The class inched closer to the security checkpoint, and the line seemed to stretch forever ahead of them. The morning was still dim, and the fluorescent lights of the airport cast a stark glow over the tired travellers. Each member carried their pre-dawn irritability, wrapped tightly like the scarves around their necks. The sound of yawns and the squeaking of shoes against linoleum were deafening.  

Seulgi, with each step closer to the checkpoint, felt the weight of her suitcase dragging, the wheels stubborn against the slick airport floor. Her thoughts drifted to the absurdity of their situation — here they were, a group of high school students, treated as if they might be carrying the blueprints to an elaborate heist or some kind of bomb. 

Joohyun, usually more observant and quiet, leaned closer to Seulgi as they waited for their turn. Seulgi felt the warmth of her body but chose to ignore it. 

“Do you ever think about how strange all of this is?” Joohyun whispered. Her brows were furrowed in deep thought. 

“What is?” said Seulgi. 

“How we’re all just playing parts in these little procedures?”

Seulgi looked at her, noticing the weariness in her eyes. Joohyun blurted out weird statements like that without any build-up as if she was saying the first thing on her mind. Seulgi had learnt to roll with it at this point. “Kinda I guess,” she admitted. “It sometimes feels like we’re all just going through the motions, doesn’t it, if that’s what you mean? Like none of it really makes a difference in the end.”

Joohyun nodded, squeezing Seulgi’s hand gently. “But it’s the little moments, like now, that feel real. Not the routines, but the spaces in between.”

The guard’s voice broke into their conversation, a gentle reminder that they were up next. Seulgi’s eyes lingered on Joohyun momentarily, trying to decipher that cryptic comment, before she broke contact and stepped forward. The guard, a tall figure clad in the blue uniform that seemed too stiff for comfort, called them forward one by one with a meticulousness that bordered on the comical. Seulgi watched as he picked up her notebook, flipping through the pages with an intensity that made her want to laugh. It was just a collection of class notes and random sketches, yet he scrutinised each page as if he might find something between the lines.

“What is this?” he asked, pausing at a page filled with abstract doodles.

“Just trying to keep awake in class,” Seulgi replied, her voice low but her tone light.

He didn’t smile. Tough crowd today, she thought. The guard’s eyes flicked toward Seulgi, then back down to the notebook, his thick brows knitting together as though staring at some unfathomable enigma. “You’re telling me you drew all this in class?” His tone was flat, but there was an edge to it, as he half-expected her to confess to some grand conspiracy.

Seulgi nodded. “Yeah, just. . . zoning out.”

“Interesting,” the guard muttered again as if trying to decode something from the squiggly lines and half-finished doodles. He snapped the notebook shut with a sharp thwap, then glanced at Joohyun’s bag. “What’s in here?” he asked, already reaching for it.

Joohyun sighed softly, but a ghost of a smile played on her lips. “Not much, just the usual stuff — phone charger, snacks, a stick of gum.”

The guard’s expression didn’t change as he meticulously unzipped her bag, his hands moving with deliberate care. He fished out the small pack of gum and held it up to the light like it was some rare artefact. “This?” He squinted at Joohyun.

“Yes. That,” Joohyun confirmed, biting her lip to keep herself from laughing.

Seulgi leaned closer, muttering, “Watch out. That’s the kind they use for top-secret messages. Maybe there’s a hidden code in the spearmint flavour.”

Joohyun stifled a snort, her eyes sparkling. The guard wasn’t amused, his eyes narrowing. He placed the gum back down as though he’d just finished a comprehensive analysis and moved on to the next item: a single bobby pin nestled at the bottom of Joohyun’s bag.

“What’s this?” he demanded, holding it up like he had just unearthed a rare relic.

Joohyun stared at him for a moment, then blinked. “It’s. . . a hairpin? You know, for doing your hair.”

“Hmm, if you say so.” He murmured to himself, examining the hairpin from each side. “Closely compact. . . could be weaponised.” 

Is this guy for real? She and Joohyun exchanged a look of disbelief. He took his job way too seriously. Seulgi barely had time to process the ridiculousness of the situation when the guard, still eyeing Joohyun’s bobby pin as if it were a potential weapon, turned his gaze back to the group behind them. His eyes landed on Wendy, who had been watching the whole thing with a thinly veiled smirk.

“Anything in your shoes I should know about?” the guard asked.

Wendy blinked in surprise, but a mischievous gleam appeared in her eyes. “Well, actually,” she began, her voice deadpan, “I’ve been told my right shoe has a hidden compartment. Could be smuggling country secrets in there.”

The group members stifled their laughter, but Seulgi could already sense where this was heading.

The guard didn’t blink. His brows furrowed deeper as though he were genuinely considering the possibility. His voice came out sharp. “Let me see those shoes.”

Wendy’s grin faltered slightly. “Wait, I was just joking. I mean—”

“Shoes,” the guard repeated, his voice firm.

They all exchanged dismayed, wide-eyed glances, while Wendy sighed, reaching down to untie her sneakers. “Okay, sure, but just so you know, there’s nothing in here but a lifetime supply of foot odour.”

Joohyun snorted, covering her mouth as Seulgi bit her lip. But the guard wasn’t playing along, taking Wendy’s shoe with all the seriousness of examining contraband. He held it up to the light, peering inside and tapping the sole with his fingers.

Wendy rolled her eyes. “It’s literally just a shoe,” she snapped.

“Footwear can be used to conceal illicit items,” the guard retorted, his tone grave. Finally, he handed it back to her with no further comment. 

Wendy slipped her shoe back on, grumbling under her breath, “At least buy me dinner first if you’re going to be that thorough.”

Seulgi couldn’t hold it in anymore and let out a soft laugh. Joohyun elbowed her playfully, but even she couldn’t hide her grin.

The guard, however, was immune to the humour. He motioned toward the next person in line and waved the group through. “Next.” They gathered their belongings and shuffled away from the checkpoint with relief. 

After a long, painful wait Seulgi finally settled into her seat on the plane, the stiff fabric of the chair pressing against her back as she adjusted her position. The faint hum of the aircraft’s engines buzzed in her ears, the vibration of the plane’s body under her feet providing a rhythmic thrum that almost felt soothing. She leaned her head against the seat and stared out the window, a soft layer of morning fog casting everything in a dreamy haze.

Joohyun, seated next to her, was already making herself comfortable. She adjusted her neck pillow with a soft sigh, her eyes fluttering shut when she leaned back. Seulgi watched her momentarily, half-smiling at how quickly Joohyun could slip into these peaceful states.

The cabin lights dimmed further as the plane readied for takeoff, and a familiar, weightless sensation crept into her chest. Seulgi stared out at the dark tarmac, the blinking lights of the runway flickering in the distance, a sea of shadows and glowing signs stretching out like an endless labyrinth. She loved this part — the anticipation of being suspended in the sky, between two worlds. For a brief moment, she felt like time stopped, like they were floating somewhere outside of reality.

Her thoughts danced from one thing to another. She thought about the trip ahead, the group’s plans, the mundane bits of life that had somehow made the whole day feel surreal. And then, almost without realising it, she thought about Joohyun again. She’s been doing that a lot lately to her dismay. It was inevitable. Seulgi glanced at her, noticing the soft rise and fall of her chest, the way her lips were parted just slightly, already lost in sleep.

It didn’t take long before Joohyun’s head lolled to the side, her body inching closer, and without hesitation, her head found Seulgi’s shoulder. It was a faint weight at first, barely noticeable, but the gesture felt intimate. Seulgi froze, unsure of what to do with her arm, but she quickly relaxed, letting it rest in her lap. Joohyun’s hair tickled her neck, the faint scent of her shampoo lingering in the air. Something warm filled her chest as she picked up the scratchy blanket provided by the airline and draped it across Joohyun. She had selected the aisle seat while the other girl took the window. 

She took out her cringy romance book and flicked open to the front page. She had brought this specifically for this flight to pass the time. She could feel a cramp from her shoulder, but Seulgi didn’t dare move for fear of disturbing Joohyun. It’d been too long since the other girl had been this close to her without expecting much or anything in return and it felt so damn good just to relax. . .

Seulgi blinked her eyes open, adjusting to the dim lighting of the cabin. The hum of the plane filled her ears, and she slowly came to her senses, feeling that faint, lingering ache from sleeping at an awkward angle. Joohyun was no longer resting against her, her body now angled slightly toward the window as she curled up beneath the airline’s thin blanket.

Seulgi watched her for a moment longer, feeling an odd mix of comfort and disappointment. The fleeting moment of closeness had passed, but the heat it left behind still lingered. She stretched subtly, trying to ease the cramp in her shoulder, then glanced around the cabin. Most of their classmates were already deep in sleep, heads slumped against the backs of their seats or tucked into neck pillows. The occasional flicker of a phone screen illuminated the dim space, but otherwise, the plane was quiet.

She tapped the screen in front and noticed that the flight path indicated that they still had about five hours to go for the eleven-hour flight. Huh, not too bad, she thought. Nearly there. Seulgi sighed softly, rubbing her eyes before glancing around. Without meaning to, she locked eyes with David two seats in front of her, who rose to let the heavy-set man next to him rise towards the toilet. She grimaced. As always, David received the short end of the stick as if the universe was conspiring against him due to something he did in his previous life. It couldn’t have been comfortable sitting next to a stranger. 

She swiftly looked away as if she’d been burnt. Somehow, the warmth from before had vanished like smoke fumes across an abandoned campfire, leaving only a bitter coldness and guilt in its wake. Why did it feel like she was doing something wrong? Something about the quiet moments with Joohyun, the sudden intimacy that had slipped in so easily between them, made her feel like she was treading a line she wasn’t supposed to cross. Not because anyone had said so, but because of an unspoken rule she didn’t quite understand herself. The thought left a knot in her chest, an uncomfortable strain she couldn’t shake. She watched Joohyun sleep for a few moments longer, her beautiful features calm, rosy lips parted in a way that created stomach flutters. No, stop that. It’s just Joohyun.

A sudden turbulence caused her to grip the armrest tightly, snapping her out of her reverie. Joohyun stirred, her eyes fluttering open, blinking groggily at the dim cabin lights.

“Sorry,” Seulgi whispered, though she wasn’t sure why. Joohyun blinked sleepily, a small smile tugging at her lips.

“S’okay,” Joohyun mumbled, her voice heavy with sleep. She shifted under the blanket, her head dipping toward Seulgi’s shoulder again, though she didn’t fully touch her this time. “We almost there?”

“About five more hours give or take,” Seulgi replied quietly, her voice soft, so as not to disturb the other passengers. “You should go back to sleep. We’ve still got a while.”

There came a sudden jolt that had Seulgi’s heart launching to her mouth. She instinctively gripped the armrest tighter, her heart thudding in her chest. Around them, other passengers stirred, some glancing nervously at the overhead compartments as the seatbelt signs flickered back on.

Next to her, Joohyun’s sleepy haze vanished. Her almond eyes widened as the plane shuddered, her hand reaching out, almost instinctually, for something to hold on to. Before Seulgi could react, Joohyun’s fingers wrapped tightly around hers, squeezing hard enough that Seulgi felt her pulse quicken. For a split second, neither of them moved. Seulgi stared down at their joined hands, her mind racing. She could feel Joohyun’s skin, soft and slightly cool from the cabin air. Her heart pounded harder, but not from the turbulence.

“It’s okay,” Seulgi murmured, trying to sound calm despite the rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins. She squeezed Joohyun’s hand reassuringly, letting her fingers linger a little longer than necessary. “It’s just a little turbulence. Nothing to worry about, I promise.”

Joohyun glanced at her, her lips parted as if she wanted to say something, but no words came out. Instead, her grip on Seulgi’s hand remained firm. There was a streak of vulnerability in her eyes, a trace of uncertainty that Seulgi hadn’t seen before. 

It quickly cleared, and Joohyun smiled as if the sun had appeared from behind the clouds. Seulgi stared for a moment longer, wishing that Joohyun sometimes didn’t keep her emotions and thoughts locked in a secret bottle beneath her breast. If only she could penetrate the enigmatic mind and dig for the heart of the matter, she could understand her best friend more. 

When they were younger, mere children, Seulgi knew all there was to know about Joohyun — the way her laugh always started with a soft hum, the way her fingers absentmindedly twirled strands of her hair when she were lost in thought, how her eyes lit up just before she shared a secret, like they were holding back the very strands of the universe itself. Seulgi understood every subtle shift in her moods, every unspoken word between them because Joohyun’s heart was a language only she had learned to speak fluently. Seulgi could predict Joohyun’s moods with a single glance, the slightest furrow in her brow or the way she tilted her head. They had shared everything, or at least it had felt that way — until recently.

Now, Joohyun appeared more distant, harder to read. Seulgi had forgotten the language of the heart. 

There were moments, like now, when Seulgi caught glimpses of the girl she used to know so well, but they were fleeting, like shadows at dusk. It frustrated her, though she tried to push the feeling away, reminding herself that people change, and maybe she just needed to be patient. Joohyun would let her in again when she was ready. Seulgi hoped so with all her might that they could go back to how they used to be before this wretched business of practising kissing started. 

If Seulgi hadn’t accepted Joohyun’s offer all those weeks ago, how different would her life look right now? 

When the plane finally landed a few restless hours later without any further hitch, Seulgi stretched her legs and stiff muscles, a tiny moan escaping her mouth. God, it felt good to finally be walking somewhere that wasn’t the plane bathroom. She tilted her head and sharply inhaled the cool, Parisian air as they dragged their suitcases behind them; they approached the bus that was waiting for them to take the arrivals towards the main airport to collect their luggage. 

“Boys, don’t rush — Minho!” Mrs Carmichael’s voice sliced through the air like a whip. The boy, already halfway through his sprint toward the bus, skidded to a stop. His suitcase, apparently not getting the memo, kept going, teetering on its wheels before toppling sideways with a dull thud.

“Oops,” he muttered, straightening up and flashing an awkward grin. “Just. . . excited about France, I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly while Mrs Carmichael shot him a look that could melt steel.

Seulgi, dragging her suitcase with far less energy, stifled a giggle. Joohyun was beside her, still looking groggy from the flight, but her lips quirked up at the corners.

“Bet he’s rushing to eat all the croissants,” Wendy muttered from behind them. “He wouldn’t shut up about them on the plane. Or maybe tackle a baguette while he’s at it.”

“Or smuggle one out in his shoes,” Seulgi whispered back.

Joohyun’s laugh came out like a soft puff of air, and Seulgi smiled at the sound.

They all boarded the bus, which was designed with the express purpose of making everyone as uncomfortable as possible. The seats were crammed together like sardines in a tin, and the overhead space was about as spacious as a shoebox. Seulgi found herself squeezed between Joohyun and Wendy, whose knees were practically jammed against the back of the seat in front of her. Joohyun was already slipping into her sleepy state again, head dangerously close to Seulgi’s shoulder.

Wendy raised an eyebrow at the two. “Careful, Seulgi. She’s going to claim you as her personal pillow.”

Before Seulgi could retort, the bus jerked forward, throwing Joohyun against her with all the grace of a bag of rocks. Seulgi’s shoulder took the brunt of it, but Joohyun, oblivious, let out a sleepy hum and snuggled closer, completely undeterred.

“Well, that settles it,” Wendy snickered. “You’re officially a human pillow.”

Seulgi, now trying to maintain some semblance of dignity while pinned under Joohyun’s head, gave up on trying to shove her off. Her arm was going numb, but there was something. . . oddly comforting about the situation. Joohyun’s soft breaths tickled her neck, and Seulgi hoped the bus ride would last just a bit longer. Please, she thought, let there be some road work or obstacle or. . . or some dead pigeon or some shit for us to stay just a bit longer. It was a grim thought. 

The driver, however, had other plans. He took a sharp corner as though auditioning for a Fast and Furious film, and the whole bus lurched violently to the side. Joohyun jolted awake, her head whipping up from Seulgi’s shoulder with a dazed look in her eyes. For a moment, she blinked at Seulgi as if trying to remember where she was. It was adorable, and a thick hand gripped Seulgi’s heart and squeezed. 

“Sorry,” Joohyun mumbled, though her voice was still thick with sleep. She pushed herself upright, brushing her hair out of her face. Her cheeks were smeared with a light pink. “Did I drool on you?”

Seulgi chuckled softly, shaking her head. “Not at all.” 

Finally, finally, they had made it. Despite the teacher’s scowling look at the back of his head, Minho expressed a loud whoop. The group moved in a disjointed line, pulling their suitcases behind them as they headed toward the luggage claim inside Charles de Gaulle Airport. 

The airport was bustling, filled with the noise of travellers from all over the world. The intercom crackled every few minutes, announcing flights in both French and English that they couldn’t make out a word of. Seulgi felt a sense of thrill wash over her. It was her first time in Paris, and despite the jet lag pulling at the edges of her awareness, she couldn’t help but feel the buzz of excitement that came with being in a new city.

As they waited by the luggage carousel, Joohyun leaned against a pillar, her arms crossed over her chest. The cool, unbothered demeanour she had perfected was back in place, but Seulgi knew better. Beneath that composed exterior, Joohyun was probably just as excited as the rest of them — maybe even more. Paris had been on her list of places to visit in her lifetime. 

Seulgi leaned against the cold metal railing of the luggage carousel, her fingers tracing idle patterns as she tried not to stare too obviously. Joohyun stood a little distance away, Suho now beside her as he approached, speaking in his usual slow drawl, hands moving with each sentence. To anyone else, they might have looked like a normal couple — Suho doing most of the talking, Joohyun listening. But Seulgi noticed the details others might have missed.

Joohyun wasn’t her usual self.

She stood slightly apart from Suho, arms crossed over her chest, her posture tense in a way that screamed discomfort. Her expression was neutral, her gaze focused somewhere in the distance rather than on Suho. She nodded occasionally at his words but didn’t seem truly engaged, offering little more than one-word responses.

It wasn’t like Joohyun at all.

Seulgi’s chest tightened as she watched them. Something wasn’t right, but Seulgi couldn’t quite figure out what. Joohyun looked. . . detached as if she was merely doing laundry or drying the dishes. There was a coolness in her eyes, and her usual warmth, the light that made her Joohyun, was missing.

Suho, either oblivious or deliberately ignoring the signs, kept talking, his voice bright as he gestured toward their bags that had just rolled onto the carousel. Joohyun barely glanced at them while her fingers twisted the sleeve of her shirt — a familiar nervous habit Seulgi recognised immediately.

She felt an urge to step in, to break up the moment, even if she didn’t quite know why. Maybe it was the protective instinct that had always lingered between them since they were kids, or maybe it was something else entirely — something Seulgi didn’t want to think about too deeply right now. Yeah, fuck that. No thanks. All she knew was that Joohyun didn’t look like herself, and it made Seulgi’s heart twist in a way that was becoming all too familiar lately.

Joohyun’s eyes suddenly lifted, catching Seulgi’s gaze from across the luggage area. For a split second, they locked eyes, and something unspoken passed between them. It was subtle like a small tug on an invisible thread connecting them — but it was there. She looked away. 

It wasn’t long before Mrs Carmichael gathered the students for a headcount and Joohyun grasped her chance to move away from Suho. There was a sharp twist of satisfaction that settled in Seulgi’s chest as she spotted the furrowed brows and dumb expression that crossed the boy’s face as Joohyun stole away like a breeze through tall grass. Hah. Suck it up.  

Mrs Carmichael, noticing their weary and disgruntled expressions, suggested they take a brief detour to a nearby café for a quick coffee or tea before heading to their reserved hotel. To her surprise, the group instantly brightened, their fatigue seemingly vanishing as they broke into cheerful murmurs and light conversation, as though exhaustion had never weighed them down.

The café they found wasn’t far from the airport terminal, tucked into a quiet corner. Despite the location, the cosy, dim lighting and the smell of freshly brewed coffee made it feel worlds away from the fluorescent chaos of the arrival gates. Seulgi and Joohyun sat at a small round table by the window, their cups of coffee steaming between them. Outside, the runway stretched endlessly, planes taking off and landing in the soft Parisian rain.

Joohyun blew softly on her latte before taking a careful sip. “It’s kind of crazy, isn’t it?” she said, her voice gentle. “We’re actually in Paris.”

Seulgi nodded. She watched Joohyun from the corner of her eye, noticing how the tension in her shoulders had finally eased. “Yeah,” she said, her voice low. “Feels a little surreal.”

Joohyun’s eyes gleamed for a moment. “I, for one, can’t wait to try the food here. I’ve heard the croissants are supposed to be amazing, and I’ve been dreaming about all the pastries we’re going to eat.” She leaned in slightly, her excitement growing. “And the macarons! Did you know there’s this place near the Champs-Élysées that has over 30 different flavours? I searched for them online. We need to try them all.”

Seulgi chuckled. “You’re really serious about the food, huh?”

“Absolutely,” Joohyun replied with a firm nod. “The first thing I want to do once we settle in is find a bakery. Maybe we can sneak out after dinner and grab something.”

“We’d have to avoid Mrs Carmichael though. She’d go ballistic if she found out.”

Joohyun tilted her head, studying her for a moment before nodding. “Yeah, Mrs Carmichael’s schedule is pretty packed. She probably has so much for us to do.” She sighed lightly, her fingers tracing the rim of her cup. “But I’m sure we can sneak in some time for ourselves. Paris is too big to stick to a strict plan.”

Seulgi smiled at that, feeling a flicker at Joohyun’s words. “Yeah. We’ll make it work.”

Seulgi leaned back in her chair. Being with Joohyun like this — quiet, calm — always made her feel grounded like they had their own little world carved out just for them.

“I’m glad you’re here on this trip too,” Joohyun said softly, her gaze distant again as she watched the rain trickle down the window. “It feels like a break from. . . everything. You know?”

Seulgi glanced at her, sensing there was more behind her words. “From Suho?” she asked, only half-joking.

Joohyun huffed a quiet laugh but didn’t meet her eyes. “Maybe.”

Seulgi stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

Joohyun swirled her coffee absently, her fingers brushing against the ceramic cup. “It’s just. . . I don’t know. I don’t want to think about him right now. I just want to enjoy this. Be here, in the moment. With you, just us. Like old times, right?”

Seulgi’s chest tightened at the way Joohyun said the last part, her voice delicate but certain. She swallowed, trying to keep her tone light. “Yeah, well, I’m always up for that. And, uh, pastries too.” 

Joohyun smiled, her eyes finally meeting Seulgi. There was a whole bright constellation in there. “Good.”

The warmth lingered in Seulgi’s chest as the group reassembled in the terminal, waiting for their transportation to the hotel. Most of the students were milling about, stretching their legs, or scrolling through their phones. Seulgi caught sight of Joohyun wandering towards a nearby souvenir stand, a curious look in her eyes. Without thinking, Seulgi followed, drawn by the small pull that Joohyun always seemed to have on her: where she goes, Seulgi wasn’t far behind. Invisible string, once again. 

The stand was filled with typical tourist trinkets — miniature Eiffel Towers, berets, and postcards. Joohyun picked up a tiny, silver Eiffel Tower keychain, holding it between her fingers as if it were something flimsy. She turned to Seulgi, her expression playful. 

“Hey, do you think Mrs Carmichael would like it if I bought her one of these?”

Seulgi grinned, leaning over to get a better look. “Only if you plan on using it to bribe her. Maybe if she gets one, she’ll turn a blind eye when we sneak out later.”

Joohyun let out a small laugh, setting the keychain down and picking up a brightly coloured maroon beret next. She held it up to her head, pretending to pose dramatically. “What do you think? Très chic?”

Seulgi tilted her head as if seriously considering the look. “Oh, definitely. I think you could pull off the whole Parisian artist vibe.”

Joohyun giggled, setting the beret back with a fond shake of her head. “Thanks but I don’t know if I’m cut out for the whole ‘starving artist’ thing. I think I’d rather just eat the pastries.”

“Well, I think you’d make a very fashionable pastry enthusiast,” Seulgi teased, watching as Joohyun’s eyes lit up at the idea.

Joohyun’s attention shifted to a display of snow globes, each featuring miniature versions of Parisian monuments inside. She picked one up and shook it, watching as the glittering snow fell softly over the tiny Eiffel Tower inside. Her expression softened, a quiet smile playing at the corners of her lips.

“Do you think it ever really snows like this in Paris?” Joohyun asked, her voice almost wistful as she held the globe out for Seulgi to see.

Seulgi glanced at the tender scene inside the globe, feeling a strange warmth at how much Joohyun seemed to care about the little things. “Should do. Maybe we’ll get a chance to see it, who knows, would be good for pictures,” Seulgi mused, leaning closer. “But I bet the real thing wouldn’t be as pretty as that. No glitter, for one. And it’d be more ice and sleet than anything.”

Joohyun hummed, her gaze still on the swirling flakes. “Yeah, I guess. But sometimes it’s nice to imagine things being perfect, even if they’re not.”

There was something in Joohyun’s tone that made Seulgi pause, something alien. Seulgi opened her mouth to say something — she wasn’t even sure what — but Joohyun set the snow globe down before Seulgi could find her voice. A pang of frustration stung against her ribs. Even when she thought she’d figured Joohyun out, moments like this reminded her that she hadn’t, not even close. Perhaps she’d always feel like her best friend was an enigma, like those computer wires you’d spend hours untangling. Seulgi would spend the time untangling her if Joohyun would permit her. 

When they arrived at the hotel, the group gathered in the lobby, suitcases stacked haphazardly around them as Mrs Carmichael read off the room assignments. The hotel's plush interior, with its golden accents and marble floors, gave off an air of opulence that excited the students.

“Alright, room assignments!” Mrs Carmichael’s voice rang out, capturing everyone’s attention. “Remember, we’re here for educational purposes. Keep the fun in check and be respectful of the other guests!”

Seulgi stood with her suitcase, already feeling the exhaustion creep in from the long flight. She couldn’t wait to simply throw herself under clean, white covers. She scanned the crowd, catching Joohyun’s eye and sharing a smile. She knew the chances of them getting a room together were slim, seeing as they’d been assigned at random, but still, a sliver of hope remained. 

“Bae Joohyun,” Mrs Carmichael announced, peering over her clipboard. “You’ll be with Son Seungwan.”

And just like that, the sliver of hope vanished like a candle flickering out in the wind. Joohyun blinked, a brief flash of surprise crossing her face before she quickly schooled her expression. Seungwan — Wendy — was standing a few feet away, oblivious as she adjusted the strap on her backpack. Joohyun turned to look at Seulgi, who gave a small shrug, masking her expression as neutral as possible. For a moment, Seulgi thought she saw something more than mere surprise flicker in Joohyun’s eyes. Disappointment, maybe? But it was gone in an instant.

“Great,” Joohyun muttered under her breath, barely audible.

Seulgi cleared her throat and nudged Joohyun. Her voice was thin though she kept it playful. “Guess you’re off the hook. You don’t have to listen to me talking in my sleep tonight.”

Joohyun let out a soft laugh, her eyes flicking to Seulgi for a moment longer than necessary. “Lucky me,” she teased lightly, though there was a flicker of something unreadable in her expression.

Seulgi shifted, feeling the growing awkwardness. She didn’t even have time to process before Mrs Carmichael called her name.

“Kang Seulgi, you’ll be rooming with Park Sooyoung.”

Seulgi smiled awkwardly at Sooyoung, who was already tossing her suitcase aside, pulling out a snack. Sooyoung raised an eyebrow as if daring someone to question her choice of mid-afternoon chips. 

“This’ll be fun, don’t you think,” Sooyoung said. “Just don’t touch my skincare, okay?”

Seulgi forced a grin and turned to Sooyoung, trying to make light of the situation. “As long as you don’t snore, we’re good.”

“Excuse me?” Sooyoung snapped, crossing her arms and fixing Seulgi with a pointed glare. “I’ll have you know I sleep like a graceful swan.”

“Pretty sure swans honk,” Seulgi muttered under her breath, earning a huff from Sooyoung. Joohyun snorted, quickly covering it with a cough, though the corners of her lips twitched in amusement. 

As Mrs Carmichael continued down the list, assigning roommates with the authority of someone who’d seen too many field trips go wrong, Seulgi couldn’t shake the feeling of that brief, strange moment with Joohyun. It wasn’t like they always had to room together — they didn’t even always sit next to each other on the bus. But somehow, this time, it felt different. Wrong, almost.

Sooyoung popped another chip into her mouth, looking over at Seulgi. “You better not be a blanket hog, Seul.”

“I was about to say the same to you,” Seulgi shot back, grinning despite herself. She was glad it was Sooyoung as it could’ve been much worse, like the girl who played loud rock music through her headphones to get to sleep. Yeah, no thanks.   

“Don’t worry. I’ll just kick you off the bed if you try.” Sooyoung’s grin was smug as she crunched on another chip, as though the issue was already settled.

Seulgi stole one last glance at Joohyun, catching the quick way her friend looked back before turning to a clueless Wendy. 

“Alright, get to your rooms, everyone! And please remember — no wandering off,” Mrs Carmichael warned, giving them all a pointed look that only half the group paid attention to. Yeah, no chance there, thought Seulgi with a half-smile. 

“Catch you guys later,” Seulgi called to Joohyun. She could barely watch them turn around before Sooyoung was already pulling her along, clearly more excited about finding out whether the minibar had snacks.

Seulgi sighed and threw one last look over her shoulder as Joohyun and Wendy disappeared down the hall. They were all friends, close-knit and comfortable. Still, something about not rooming with Joohyun felt. . . strange. Like a puzzle piece that’d gone missing. 

“Oh, come on, stop pouting,” Sooyoung taunted, snapping Seulgi out of her thoughts. “Most people would kill to be alone with me for a couple of nights. You’re with me now. The fun is just beginning.”

“Right. Just don’t steal all the pillows,” Seulgi responded with a smirk.

“I make no promises.”

The door clicked shut behind them, sealing Seulgi and Sooyoung in the soft glow of the hotel room. The heavy curtains draped by the window let in a pinch of afternoon light, casting long shadows on the polished floors. The space was lush — plush pillows neatly arranged on two fairly sized beds for an individual, soft cream linen with golden accents matching the lobby’s grandeur. Sooyoung marched over and pulled the curtains apart and a blast of brilliant, illuminating rays flared into the room. She then hauled her large suitcase on the bed closest to the windows. 

“Ah, the joys of first dibs,” Sooyoung announced, flopping onto the bed with an exaggerated sigh of contentment. “This is mine. I’ve claimed it.” 

Seulgi chuckled softly, wheeling her suitcase over to the other bed. “Fine by me.” 

When they started unpacking their clothes, Sooyoung raised an eyebrow when she spotted the familiar logo of a Pringles can sticking out from under Seulgi’s neatly folded clothes. “Seulgi, please tell me you didn’t pack multiple cans of Pringles?” Her voice sounded demanding. 

“Uh. . . maybe just two?”

“Two? Two whole cans for what? In case the minibar betrays you?”

“Well, you never know when hunger strikes,” Seulgi replied, leaning down to unzip the rest of her suitcase. “And besides, Pringles are non-negotiable on a trip.”

“Not when you’re supposed to be in a fancy hotel like this,” Sooyoung said, shaking her head. “I thought you’d at least go for something classier, like imported chocolate. But Pringles? Really?”

“Hey, Pringles are classy in their own way.” Seulgi frowned, grabbing one of the cans and holding it up as if it were a prized bottle of wine. “Crisp. Elegant. Timeless.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, throwing a pillow at Seulgi, who ducked just in time. “I swear, if I hear you munching on those at 2 AM, I’m kicking your ass out of this room.”

Seulgi chuckled, tossing the pillow back at Sooyoung. Seulgi tugged the last of her clothes from the suitcase, her familiar grey hoodie, while Sooyoung lounged on the opposite bed, already tired of unpacking her clothes and watching her with a gleam in her eye. It hadn’t been five minutes, and Sooyoung was already plotting.

“So,” Sooyoung began, her tone oozing mischief, “what tragic fashion choices have you blessed this trip with?” She rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow as Seulgi pulled out another sweatshirt.

“Are we really doing this?” Seulgi shot her a look, but Sooyoung was undeterred.

“Obviously. This is my entertainment for the night,” she quipped, eyes darting to the stack of monochrome clothing Seulgi had started piling on the bed. “Wow, grey. Shocking. I never would’ve guessed. And what’s next? Another hoodie?”

Seulgi, without a hint of shame, lifted a dark blue hoodie out of her bag.

“Ha!” Sooyoung pointed like she’d won the lottery. “Called it! You’re like a walking storm cloud. Are all your clothes designed to match the rain?”

“I like hoodies. And they’re comfortable. Not everyone wants to dress like a human disco ball, Park Sooyoung.”

Sooyoung clutched her chest like Seulgi had wounded her deeply. “My wardrobe is full of tasteful choices. You should be honoured even to gaze upon my collection. You could learn a thing or two.”

As if on cue, Sooyoung flung open her own suitcase, revealing a blinding array of colours: electric yellows, shimmering pinks, and bold, patterned dresses, each one louder than the last. She held up a green sundress and waved it triumphantly in the air.

“Now this,” Sooyoung said, her grin wide, “is how you make an entrance. You wear this, and bam — everyone knows you’ve arrived.”

Seulgi squinted at the dress. “That thing’s so bright it might cause accidents.”

Sooyoung shook her head, chuckling. “No, no, darling. It’s called confidence. Something you could use a little more of.” She eyed Seulgi’s half-empty suitcase and tilted her head. “Please tell me you brought at least one thing that’s not grey or black or, like, shapeless.”

Seulgi dug through the bottom of her suitcase and pulled out a simple black dress, nothing fancy, just enough for dinner in case Mrs Carmichael forced them into something more formal.

Sooyoung squinted. “Okay, that’s cute I guess. But it’s still black.”

“Black is classic. It’s timeless.”

“I suppose,” Sooyoung smirked, her tone teasing but playful. 

As Seulgi continued unpacking, her mind began to wander. Joohyun’s face, the brief look of something unreadable earlier — was it dismay? Or was she imagining it? She wasn’t usually one to overthink, but there was something strange about the way Joohyun had glanced at her. Maybe it was the fact that they hadn’t been assigned as roommates when they’d always kind of naturally paired off together. Or maybe she was upset about Suho. 

She blinked, noticing that she’d been staring at the pair of socks in her hands a lot longer than necessary.

“Earth to Seulgi?” Sooyoung’s voice cut through her thoughts like a dart, and Seulgi quickly looked up. “What’s with the daydreaming? You haven’t seen a hole in those socks, have you?”

Seulgi let out a small laugh, shaking her head. “No, just. . . tired from the flight.”

“Mm-hmm.” Sooyoung didn’t sound convinced. She plopped up on her bed and crossed her legs, her eyes narrowing as she watched Seulgi. “You’re never this quiet usually. Spill it, Seul. I’m a great listener.”

“I’m fine, really.” Seulgi forced a smile, shoving a hoodie into the drawer and trying to brush it off. “Just jet lag, that’s all.”

Chapter Text

Sooyoung had never been one for sharing. Not her snacks, clothes, and certainly not her thoughts — at least, not the real ones. But secrets were different. They were meant to be discovered, turned over in the palm like a smooth stone. And, right now, Seulgi was keeping one.

Sooyoung had sensed something had been up. Call it intuition, and she had a sneaking suspicion she knew what it was. Seulgi was always a little absentminded, a little dreamy, but there was something new to it — a certain delay in her responses, the way her fingers lingered a beat too long over the pages of the script Mrs Caramichael had given them. Sooyoung, lying on her stomach on her own bed, kicked her feet idly, watching, waiting.

She had noticed it from the moment they stepped off the plane. A little too much silence, staring into space, and hesitancy in Seulgi’s voice whenever Joohyun’s name came up. Seulgi wasn’t the kind to let things fester, but this was something else.

Which meant Sooyoung had a job to do.

“You know, I was kinda surprised you and Joohyun weren’t roommates.”

Seulgi’s hands faltered — just slightly — as she stopped scribbling in her notebook. She peered up, clearing her throat. “Yeah, well. Didn’t have a choice seeing that it was already assigned.”

“Mm.” Sooyoung let the hum drag out. “Still. You two have been attached at the hip since kindergarten. Pretty sure Carmichael must have done it on purpose, right? Separate the duo, reduce the chaos.”

Seulgi gave a half-laugh, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Maybe. I mean, it’s not a big deal. We’ll still see each other.”

“Right, right,” Sooyoung nodded, stretching lazily before adding, “So, does this mean Suho finally gets uninterrupted time? That’s cute. Oh, and hey, maybe you can spend time with David too. You know, your boyfriend. Is he your boyfriend? Have you guys even made it official?”

There. A flicker. A twitch of Seulgi’s fingers against the fabric of her hoodie, so slight that most people wouldn’t have noticed it. But Sooyoung did. Oh, she definitely did. Seulgi played it off well, though, shrugging as if it didn’t matter. 

“Suho and Joohyun have been dating for a while,” she said. “It’s normal.”

“Sure,” Sooyoung mused, dragging the word out just enough to make Seulgi shift uncomfortably. “Super normal.”

Sooyoung had always been good at picking at loose threads, tugging just enough to see where they unravelled. She wasn’t cruel about it, just curious. And if curiosity occasionally led to things breaking open, well, that wasn’t really her fault, was it?

Seulgi didn’t look up; she just kept doodling absentmindedly in the margins of her notebook. But Sooyoung knew that kind of distraction for what it was — a shield. A way to busy her hands so her face wouldn’t give anything away.

“David’s nice, right?” Sooyoung went on, tapping her nails against her knee. “Sweet guy. Seems smitten with you, poor thing.”

Seulgi made a noncommittal noise, something between a hum and a shrug. “David?”

“No, the Pope.” Sooyoung rolled her eyes. “Yes, David.”

Seulgi huffed a laugh, but it was soft, breathy, more of an exhale than actual amusement. “Yeah. He’s nice.”

Sooyoung scoffed inwardly. That was such a non-answer. Nice was how you described a partner you were paired with during an assignment and barely tolerated or a neighbour your mom made small talk with. Nice was bland, careful, and nothing at all. Sooyoung could think of many things about Seulgi and David, but nice wasn’t on the list.

For one, Sooyoung had eyes. She’d seen the way Seulgi was with him: smiling, but never quite in a way that reached her eyes. Like she was playing a part in some half-hearted play, dutifully hitting her marks but never really there. David, on the other hand? Oh, he was there. Way too much, if Sooyoung was being honest. The guy looked at her like she’d hung the moon, like he was one well-timed love confession away from sweeping her off her feet and riding into the sunset. Or would Seulgi be doing the sweeping? Whatever, the point was that it would have been sweet if it wasn’t so obviously doomed.

Seulgi never met him halfway. She never gushed about him the way she used to talk about—

Sooyoung stopped herself before the name even formed. Instead, she shifted, propping her chin on her palm as she watched Seulgi doodle nonsense. Little circles, looping lines, nothing with any real shape or meaning. A distraction. A delay tactic. Interesting.

“You know,” Sooyoung sighed, keeping her tone light, “it’s funny. I feel like I hear more about David from other people than I do from you.”

Seulgi’s pen stilled for just a fraction of a second. “Yeah?”

“Mm.” Sooyoung tilted her head, pretending to think. “Like, Yeri the other day, she was going on about how cute you two are together. I don’t think you’ve ever called him cute. Or fun. Or anything really.”

Seulgi let out a small laugh, but it was thin, stretched too tight. “I guess I just don’t talk about that kind of stuff much. I like to keep my relationship stuff quiet.”

Lie.

Sooyoung had known Seulgi long enough to know when she was holding back. There was a time when she did talk about that kind of stuff — when she used to light up at the mention of someone’s name her words would come fast and eager as if she couldn’t hold them in if she tried. But this was forced, controlled, careful.

Too careful like she was afraid of unleashing Pandora’s box. 

Sooyoung let her gaze drift back to the notebook, to the restless scrawl of Seulgi’s pen. An obvious thought settled in the back of her mind, quiet but insistent. Seulgi didn’t like David. Maybe she had at first, or she’d convinced herself she did. But now it was obvious. So why was she still pretending? 

Sooyoung wasn’t sure what was worse — the fact that Seulgi was lying to everyone else, or that she might be lying to herself.

She let the topic hang there, just long enough for Seulgi to think she’d let it go. Then she changed gears and launched into a dramatic monologue about the horrors of shared bathrooms on school trips, effectively steering the conversation into safer waters. She even let Seulgi get comfortable again, and let her believe that the interrogation was over.

Then, when Seulgi was in the bathroom brushing her teeth, she struck. It wasn’t snooping. Not truly. It was investigating. And, if Seulgi truly wanted to keep secrets, she should’ve hidden her notebook somewhere better than the bottom of the drawer, right next to her absurd Pringles stash. Sooyoung flipped it open casually, expecting half-finished doodles of landscapes or weird abstract shapes Seulgi liked to draw when she was bored. She wasn’t expecting a half-finished sketch of a figure she would recognise anywhere.

Joohyun.

Sooyoung’s eyes widened, a slow grin spreading across her face as she took in the details. It wasn’t just a casual doodle — there was too much care in the strokes, too much detail in Joohyun’s hair falling over her shoulders and the soft curve of her smile. It was delicate, almost reverent.

Oh, this was fucking gold.

Seulgi stepped back into the room just in time to hear Sooyoung’s dramatic gasp.

“Oh. My. God.”

Seulgi froze, her toothbrush still in her mouth, eyes widening in horror as she saw what Sooyoung held. She nearly choked on the toothpaste.

“SOOYOUNG—”

“Seulgi,” Sooyoung said, flipping the sketchbook toward her. “Care to explain why you’re out here drawing Joohyun like she’s the Mona Lisa?”

Seulgi was still staring at her, frozen in place, a drop of toothpaste slipping down her chin. She was probably debating whether to snatch the notebook back or pretend it didn’t exist. Maybe both. Sooyoung just arched a brow, holding it up like evidence at a trial. For someone who was into her ‘nice’ boyfriend, Seulgi sure did spend a lot of time sketching someone else. If she were dating a guy but spent her free time drawing another girl with the kind of detail usually reserved for Renaissance paintings, Sooyoung would probably have some inner reflection to do. 

Seulgi lunged for the notebook.

Predictable.

Sooyoung was swifter. Years of dodging grabby cousins and sneaky sisters had made her reflexes impeccable. She hopped back onto her bed, holding the notebook high above her head, out of Seulgi’s reach.

“Ah-ah-ah,” Sooyoung sing-songed, waggling a finger with her free hand. “Is that any way to treat your dear friend? Trying to silence me before I’ve even had the chance to properly investigate? For shame, Seulgi.”

Seulgi groaned, toothbrush hastily abandoned on the nightstand as she scrambled up onto the mattress, stretching her hand up. “Sooyoung, I swear to — just give it back!”

“You know, you could just say you’re a tortured artist and this is your muse,” Sooyoung observed, tilting her head as she studied the sketch again. “But no, this isn’t just some random art study, is it? This—” she turned the book so Seulgi could see, her grin widening when Seulgi immediately turned a fierce pink, “—this is a work of devotion.”

“I swear to God—”

“Oh, no need to swear. The evidence speaks for itself.” Sooyoung flopped back against the pillows dramatically, holding the notebook up as if she were admiring a masterpiece in a museum. “The shading, the detail, the way you captured her eyes like they hold the meaning of life itself — Seulgi, love, this is, like, a love letter in graphite.”

Seulgi let out an exasperated scream somewhere between a yell, a groan and a whimper, slapping a hand over her face. Her words were spoken through gritted teeth. “It’s just a drawing, that’s all.”

“Oh sure, sure,” Sooyoung agreed easily, flipping through the pages. “Just like how you ‘just happen’ to leave snacks on Joohyun’s desk when she looks stressed. Totally random. Not a pattern at all.” She glanced back at Seulgi, whose expression had shifted from embarrassment to full-on dread.

There were more sketches. Not just one, not just a fleeting moment of artistic inspiration, but several — Joohyun laughing, Joohyun frowning in concentration, Joohyun gazing off into the distance with that unreadable expression she always had when she thought no one was looking. And these weren’t quick, mindless doodles. No, these were meticulous. Time has been spent here. Thought. Care.

Affection.

Everything that Sooyoung had suspected was somehow proven. She shut the sketchbook with a triumphant snap, raising a brow at the girl in front of her. 

“Seulgi. My dear, dear Seulgi. Do you have something to tell me?”

Seulgi crossed her arms, scowling. “No.”

“Really? Nothing?”

“Nothing.”

Sooyoung sighed, shaking her head. “You wound me. Here I am, offering you a safe space, and yet you still choose to lie to my face.”

Seulgi glared, but there was no real heat behind it, just sheer stubbornness. “There’s nothing to tell.”

“Okay,” Sooyoung said easily. “If you say so.” She hummed, snapping the notebook shut and tossing it back to Seulgi like it was of no consequence. 

Seulgi blinked. “Wait — what?”

“I mean, if it’s nothing, it’s nothing,” Sooyoung shrugged, stretching out on her bed like a lazy tiger. She rolled onto her side, effectively dismissing the conversation as she reached for her phone. “Anyway, I’m exhausted,” she continued. “Tomorrow’s gonna be a long day of sightseeing, and I need my beauty sleep. You should, too. You wanna look all lovesick for dear nice David in the morning, don’t you? Sweet dreams, artist.”

Seulgi groaned, shoving her face into her hands as she muttered something unintelligible under her breath. Sooyoung grinned to herself and snuggled deeper into the soft pillow, which felt like she was lying on clouds. 

The next day, as their group strolled through the cobbled paths of Montmartre, scattering like dandelion seeds in the breeze, Sooyoung naturally assumed her rightful role as the ever-watchful eye of the universe.

And her gaze was locked on Joohyun, who walked a few paces ahead, side by side with Suho. Sooyoung adjusted her sunglasses, not because the Parisian sun was particularly blinding, but because good detectives needed props. From behind her oversized lenses, she took in the scene like a connoisseur inspecting fine art. And what did she see? Well. . .

It wasn’t exactly a picture of romance.

Joohyun had her arms crossed, which could mean anything, but in this case, Sooyoung knew she was either cold (unlikely, given the weather) or barricading herself from the person next to her. And Suho — predictably Suho — was talking. Probably about some ‘fascinating’ historical fact he’d googled five minutes ago. He had that proud little tilt to his chin like he was bestowing great wisdom upon the masses as if they hadn’t all been given the same guidebook.

Joohyun was nodding at all the right moments, making all the correct polite sounds, but her eyes — those sharp, dark eyes — were distant. Not dreamy, not thoughtful. Just. . . somewhere else entirely. Somewhere that wasn’t next to Suho.

Very, very interesting.

Sooyoung could feel a grin tug at the corner of her mouth. If Suho had even the slightest bit of self-awareness, he’d pick up on the fact that Joohyun looked as entertained as a cat at a dog show. But Suho had the emotional range of a baguette, so he kept talking, hands gesturing enthusiastically as he no doubt recited some Wikipedia-level trivia about the Basilica.

The thing was Joohyun had been obsessed with Suho since forever. Emphasis on the forever. Since middle school, at least which, in Sooyoung’s opinion, was a ridiculous amount of time to dedicate to one person. It was one thing to have a childhood crush, but this was loyalty on a level that even she found impressive.

The problem was that Suho was as dull as day-old oatmeal. He wasn’t a bad guy — he was good in the way bland soup was good when you were sick. He was perfectly acceptable, passably good-looking, and responsible in that boring, dependable way that moms loved. But exciting? Charming? Worth the years of devotion Joohyun had poured into her one-sided affections? Absolutely not.

And now, after all this time, Joohyun finally had him. He was hers. The dream, the goal, the endgame are right within reach. So then why the fuck did she look like she was listening to a lecture on tax law instead of basking in the glory of her long-awaited romance?

Sooyoung folded her arms, leaning casually against a lamppost as their friends scattered toward souvenir stands and cafés. Joohyun and Suho kept walking, unaware of their audience. She tilted her head, watching Joohyun closely. The tension in her shoulders. The way she kept adjusting her bag strap as if she needed something to do with her hands, that despite Suho being right next to her, she wasn’t really with him at all.

With grace, Sooyoung pushed off the lamppost and glided towards them. “Wow, look at that view!” she declared, voice honeyed with delight, as she slid effortlessly into the wide space between Joohyun and Suho.

Suho, ever the scholar, turned his head with mild interest. “Oh, yeah, the architecture is—”

“Oh no, I meant the lighting, duh,” Sooyoung gasped, grabbing Joohyun’s wrist as if she’d just discovered the Holy Grail. “Yo, Joohyun, the lighting is perfect for a photo right now. You know how rare that is? Paris in the sunlight? We have to capture this.”

Joohyun blinked. After a split second of hesitation, she nodded, a small, almost relieved smile breaking through. “Oh, yeah, sure. A photo sounds nice.”

Suho hesitated. “Well, I—”

“Great!” Sooyoung chirped, already steering Joohyun away before Suho could lodge a real protest. “Oh! Seulgi should take it — she has the best angles.”

She made sure to say it loud enough, a casual summoning call. Seulgi perked up at the sound of her name. When she looked up, her gaze flickered to Joohyun before quickly settling back down, like she wasn’t sure she had permission to look for too long. Sooyoung barely contained her smirk.

“Oh, Seulgi,” she called sweetly, all wide eyes and innocence. “Would you mind taking a quick picture of us? Make sure to get all the best angles.”

Seulgi, caught in the headlights, nodded a little too quickly. “Uh, yeah. Sure.”

As Joohyun moved into position, Sooyoung turned back just in time to catch the way Suho’s mouth opened and closed. Ah, poor thing. He’d get over it.

“Don’t worry, Suho,” Sooyoung added lightly, throwing him a casual smile over her shoulder. “You can jump back into your history lesson right after this.”

Suho sighed, stepping back with a resigned nod. Joohyun, on the other hand, had already fully turned away, adjusting her hair as she positioned herself near the stone railing, the Seine shimmering behind her. Sooyoung mentally patted herself on the back. Seulgi took a moment to adjust the settings on her phone. But even in that brief moment, Sooyoung saw it — the way her fingers tightened just slightly around the device, the way her breath hitched before she lifted it to frame the shot. The way she looked at Joohyun.

It wasn’t just focus. It wasn’t just an artist’s eye seeking symmetry or perfect lighting. It was something else entirely, something that lived in the tiny, careful details of a notebook. Sooyoung let the silence stretch just long enough to be meaningful before she finally spoke.

“Oh, come on, Seulgi,” she teased lightly. “It’s not like you haven’t studied her face before.”

Seulgi nearly dropped the phone.

Joohyun turned slightly. “Huh?”

“Nothing!” Seulgi rushed out, cheeks burning as she lifted the phone higher. “Just — stay still.”

Sooyoung grinned. Oh, this was too good.

Click.

The photo was taken. Sooyoung, a benevolent friend (and maybe a little bit of a meddler, but that was beside the point), simply tucked her hands behind her back and beamed.

The bistro smelled like butter and herbs, the warm clatter of plates and the low hum of conversation wrapping around them like a comfortable shawl. The air had that slight golden tint of an early Parisian evening, the kind that made everything feel just a little more cinematic. It would’ve made a great Instagram photo , Sooyoung thought. If Mrs Caramichael wasn’t such a grouch about phones at the table. Urgh, honestly.  

Mrs Carmichael was at the head of the main table, beaming as she gestured toward the little chalkboard menu propped against the wall. She rambled about authentic cuisine and cultural experiences. The students, mostly, were paying half attention at best.

Sooyoung twirled her fork idly between her fingers, her plate only half-touched as she leaned slightly toward Wendy, her supposed dinner companion for the evening. Not that she wasn’t enjoying Wendy’s presence — Wendy was great. Reliable, easy to talk to, and good at pretending she didn’t notice when Sooyoung was only half-listening.

Joohyun laughed at something Yeri said. Her head tilted slightly, and her smile was luminous under the soft glow of the overhead lights. Seated a few seats away, Seulgi failed miserably at pretending not to watch. Oh, she was subtle. Or at least, she thought she was. Eyes flickering up between bites of her food, just long enough to track Joohyun’s movements before dropping back down to her plate. The way her fingers tapped absently against the edge of the table, her usual fidgeting heightened. Her posture shifted ever so slightly when Joohyun’s laugh rang a little too bright.

And, most telling of all — Joohyun, despite being thoroughly engaged in conversation, kept glancing back.

It was quick, almost imperceptible. A flicker in Seulgi’s direction before she turned back to Yeri, to Suho, to whoever was speaking. But it was there. And the moments their gazes met — brief, fleeting — something in Joohyun’s expression wavered. The corners of her smile twitched, just barely, as if she had suddenly remembered something important. Then, just as quickly, she would look away again, schooling her face back into pleasant amusement, as if the moment hadn’t happened at all.

Oh, this was downright delicious.

Sooyoung hid her smirk behind a sip of water. There was a certain art to people-watching.

“Are you even paying attention?” Wendy’s voice broke through her thoughts, half exasperated, half amused.

“Hmm?” Sooyoung hummed, blinking as if she’d just been jolted out of a dream.

Wendy gave her a flat look. “You’ve been staring for the past ten minutes.”

“Oh, please. Five, at most.” Sooyoung grinned, setting her glass down with a quiet clink. “Besides, can you blame me? This is the most entertaining thing happening in this entire restaurant.”

Wendy followed her gaze, then sighed, shaking her head. “You’re terrible.”

“I’m efficient.” Sooyoung propped her chin on her hand. “I see things. It’s a talent.”

Wendy rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. She had long since learned that when Sooyoung set her mind to something there was little point in trying to stop her. 

Sooyoung let her gaze drift back, casually twirling the stem of her glass between her fingers. Joohyun, mid-conversation, laughed again at something. The moment she thought no one was looking, her eyes flickered once more across the room.

To Seulgi. Seulgi, who was now very pointedly looking anywhere but at Joohyun.

Oh, fuck me they’re both disasters, Sooyoung thought. What was she supposed to say to them? Good luck, babe.

Across, a few seats down, David was perched on his chair and seemed to be the only person listening to Mrs Caramichael. He looked comfortable, content in his little world of fun facts and mildly interesting historical tidbits. He was not an inherently bad guy, really — if you were into nerds. 

Seulgi, however, wasn’t looking at him. No, she was gripping her fork like it was the only thing tethering her to reality. She was still pink-cheeked from their little photography session, flustered in a way Sooyoung found far too amusing. A good friend would probably let her recover.

The moment Seulgi mumbled an excuse for the bathroom, Sooyoung, sharp as a hawk, followed her. The bathroom was down a narrow hallway, the kind with framed vintage posters trying way too hard to be chic. Seulgi was at the sink when Sooyoung slipped in, splashing cold water on her face. 

“Wow,” Sooyoung said, leaning casually against the door. “You’re real subtle, you know that?”

Seulgi jumped, nearly elbowing the soap dispenser in the process. “Jesus, Sooyoung! What the hell?”

“Just checking in on my favourite emotional disaster,” Sooyoung replied sweetly, sauntering over. She perched on the edge of the counter, crossing one leg over the other. “You okay there, champ? Looked like you were about to combust back at the table.”

Seulgi groaned, burying her face in her hands. “I’m fine.”

“Alright. So,” she began, stretching out the word like she was easing into a luxurious bath. “You and David seem solid.”

Seulgi blinked, clearly still catching up. “Huh?”

“You know, Mr Dependable. The guy who probably sent you good morning texts before realising you’d never actually send one back.”

Seulgi exhaled sharply through her nose. “He’s not—” She cut herself off, shaking her head. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

Sooyoung hummed, tapping a finger against her chin. “I mean, I was just thinking about how most couples would probably take advantage of this setting, you know? The city of love, all that nonsense. But you—” She flicked her gaze toward Seulgi, watching as the other girl’s grip on the sink tightened ever so slightly. “You guys seem really secure. And that’s, like, really admirable. Most couples are way too clingy during this stage — it’s like a health hazard.” 

“We’re not that kind of couple.”

“That kind of couple? You mean a couple that acts like one?”

Seulgi didn’t answer right away. Instead, she looked down. When she finally spoke, her voice was careful, measured. “David and I. . . we’re taking things slow.”

“Slow like a leisurely stroll?”

That earned her a sharp glance, but Seulgi didn’t take the bait. She sighed. “Not everything has to be fireworks, Sooyoung.”

“True,” Sooyoung conceded, shrugging. “But it shouldn’t feel like a group project where one person is doing all the work, either. Just saying.”

“That’s not what it is.”

“If you say so.” 

“You’re one to talk,” Seulgi muttered, crossing her arms. “When was the last time you actually dated someone?”

Sooyoung smirked, unfazed. “Oh, I never claimed to be an example of romantic success. I’m just an observer. A commentator, if you will.” She leaned back slightly on both hands, catching Seulgi’s gaze as she smirked wickedly. “I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you?” Seulgi countered, sharp now. “Or do you just keep people at arm’s length so you don’t have to risk truly feeling anything?”

Sooyoung’s smile didn’t waver, but something in her stomach twisted just a little, something she ignored just as quickly as it had surfaced. “Seulgi-ah,” she cooed. “That almost sounded like concern.”

“. . . I hate you.”

Sooyoung patted her shoulder and then jumped down from the counter. “I know, darling. Now hurry up before everyone thinks you drowned in the sink.”

Back at the hotel room, Sooyoung flopped onto Seulgi’s bed, a bag of chips crinkling in her grasp. She popped one into her mouth, chewing thoughtfully as she watched Seulgi sit stiffly against the headboard, arms crossed, shoulders tense. It was almost too easy.

“So, like,” Sooyoung drawled, dragging the word out just to watch Seulgi stiffen, “I’ve been thinking.”

Seulgi sighed, rubbing a hand down her face. “Oh no.”

“Yes, yes, I know, my thoughts are a gift, you’re welcome.” Sooyoung tossed a chip in her mouth, chewing deliberately. “And I’ve come to some very enlightening conclusions.”

“Please don’t.”

Sooyoung grinned. “You’re jealous.”

“What ?”

“Jealous,” Sooyoung repeated, shifting to her side, eyes gleaming with mischief. “Green with envy, eaten alive with possessiveness, plagued by the insidious beast.” She waved her hand dramatically, enjoying how Seulgi’s ears were starting to turn pink. “It’s kinda tragic.”

Seulgi scoffed, crossing her arms. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Is it?” Sooyoung raised a brow. “Because you’ve been acting pretty weird every time Joohyun and Suho breathe the same air.” 

Seulgi clenched her jaw, looking anywhere but at Sooyoung. “I don’t — I’m not!”

“And yet, here we are.” Sooyoung popped another chip into her mouth. “Listen, Seul-bear. I’m not judging you. I’m just a humble spectator of the human condition.” She gestured vaguely between them. “And right now, I’m observing that you, my dear, are one step away from setting Suho on fire with your mind.”

“I don’t give a shit about Suho!”

“Oh, I know. That’s what makes this so fun.”

“Jesus Christ, you’re impossible!” 

The room suddenly turned quiet in a way that felt too loud. Seulgi sat rigidly against the headboard, arms drawn tightly around her as if she could physically hold everything in. Her face was turned away, but Sooyoung could see the way her hands curled into the fabric of her hoodie, knuckles pressing white. Sooyoung narrowed her eyes but kept quiet. 

And then, finally—

“I know.”

Sooyoung stilled. She had expected resistance, another deflection, a huff of frustration followed by an attempt to shove her off the bed. But Seulgi just sat there, unmoving, the words settling into the space between them.

“I know,” Seulgi said again like she feared how it sounded out loud. “I must’ve known for a while now.” A pause. Then, quieter, “I just don’t know what to do with it.”

Sooyoung didn’t speak right away. She set the chip bag aside, sitting up properly now. It was strange, this moment — fragile in a way she wasn’t used to. The teasing was easy. This was different.

Sooyoung blinked. “What?”

Seulgi exhaled, shaking her head like she was angry with herself. “I know,” she repeated, voice tight. “I — it’s not — look, I didn’t want—” She made a frustrated noise, pressing the heels of her hands against her eyes. “I don’t know what to do.”

For a long moment, Sooyoung didn’t say anything. Just watched as Seulgi crumbled. And it hit her, then. How this wasn’t just about Joohyun. It wasn’t just about some crush, some longing that had gone unspoken for too long. This was something bigger. Something that scared Seulgi.

Seulgi wasn’t just confused about her feelings. She was confused about herself.

Sooyoung felt something in her chest tighten, almost making her mad at herself for not noticing sooner. She always noticed things, but she should have seen this before it got this bad.

“Hey.” Her voice was quiet and careful. She shifted, pushing herself upright so she wasn’t lounging anymore and wasn’t looking down at Seulgi like this was still some kind of game. “It’s okay.”

Seulgi let out a shaky laugh, one that didn’t sound like a laugh at all. “It’s not.”

“It is.” Sooyoung tilted her head. “I might not know everything but I do know that you don’t need to have it all figured out right now.”

Seulgi’s fingers twisted together. “I just — I don’t know how to—” She broke off, frustrated. “I’ve always liked Joohyun. She’s — she’s my best friend, you know. She’s always been there. And I thought it was just — I don’t know, habit? Or just. . . I mean, I always thought I’d end up with a guy. That’s just how it’s supposed to go, right? I always thought I liked guys, and I do. I dated guys, I’m attracted to them. And it was. . . fine. Nice. But this — it’s different. It’s not just nice.”

Sooyoung didn’t say anything. Just let Seulgi get it out.

Seulgi’s breath hitched again, and when she spoke, it was barely above a whisper. “But I look at her, and I feel—” She shut her eyes, shaking her head. “I feel so much, Soo, that I think I’m going to collapse under the weight of it. . . Because how can one person feel that much?”

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” said Sooyoung.

Seulgi let out another weak, breathy laugh. “Feels like I do.”

“You don’t. It’s okay not to know what it means yet. It’s okay to be figuring it out.”

Seulgi blinked at her, startled by the sudden lack of teasing. By the fact that Sooyoung, of all people, wasn’t making this harder.

“You think way too much for a soccer player,” Sooyoung said lightly, nudging her knee. “You’re always trying to have the right answer before you even know the question. Maybe just. . . let yourself feel what you feel. Without trying to make it fit into some perfect little box.”

Seulgi’s throat bobbed as she swallowed. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yeah, it kind of is.” Sooyoung crossed her legs. “You’re overthinking it. It’s not a puzzle you have to solve, Seul. It’s just — feelings. Messy, annoying, unavoidable feelings.” She gestured vaguely toward Seulgi. “And from what I can see, you’ve got ‘em bad.”

Seulgi groaned, flopping backwards dramatically. “God, why are you like this?”

Sooyoung grinned. “Gifted, really.”

Seulgi sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “So then what do I do?”

Sooyoung considered her. “Right now? Nothing.”

Seulgi turned her head up to look at her, confused. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” Sooyoung confirmed. “You don’t need to make some grand confession. You don’t need to freak yourself out trying to define everything. You just. . . sit with it. Let yourself feel it. See where it takes you.” 

Seulgi groaned. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Thanks, I try.”

A beat of silence stretched between them, but this time, it wasn’t heavy or tense. Seulgi turned onto her side, pressing her face into her pillow. Her teary eyes locked onto Sooyoung’s.

“You won’t tell anyone?”

Sooyoung scoffed. “What do you take me for?”

Seulgi lifted her head just enough to give her a look.

Sooyoung held up her hands. “Okay, fine, fair. But this isn’t something to tease about.” She reached out and placed a hand on her knee. “You’re my friend, Seulgi. I care about you. And I promise, whatever happens, I’m on your side.”

Seulgi didn’t move at first. She just lay there, her face half-buried in the crook of her arm. Without warning, Seulgi pushed herself up, sitting cross-legged on the bed, and wrapped her arms around Sooyoung. It was clumsy, messy and tight like she wasn’t sure how to hold on properly but needed to anyway. 

Sooyoung froze for half a second, caught off guard. Affection wasn’t exactly their thing — not like this. But then her arms came up, looping around Seulgi, pulling her in tighter. Sooyoung swallowed hard, the familiar burn creeping up the back of her throat, that tight, traitorous pinch right behind her eyes. No. Nope. Absolutely not. She blinked it away with the kind of force usually reserved for stubborn contact lenses. 

“Thanks,” mumbled Seulgi in a shaky, weepy voice. 

Sooyoung cleared her throat, her voice slipping back into that familiar, easy tone as she smiled. “Yeah, anytime.”

She let the moment settle. Then, casually, she reached over and stole one of the Pringles from Seulgi’s absurd stash.

Seulgi shot her an incredulous look. “Seriously?”

“What?” Sooyoung crunched down, grinning. “Thought I’d lighten the mood. Also, you have, like, three whole cans in there. Don’t be stingy.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes, but some of the tension in her shoulders finally eased.

A few hours later, Sooyoung lay sprawled across her bed, staring at the ceiling, the dim hotel light casting soft, uneven shadows across the room. Jetlag was fucking killer. Seulgi had turned in early, mumbling something about exhaustion and an early start. Now, the room was quiet save for the occasional rustle of sheets and the muffled hum of the city outside.

Boredom was an ache in her bones.

She’d already scrolled through the same photos on her camera roll twice, flipped through the TV channels (all in French, zero subtitles), and even considered reading the emergency exit pamphlet by the door just for something to do.

Her phone buzzed. Sunjae.

roommate’s sleeping somewhere else [11:10 pm]

Just that. No punctuation, no embellishments, just an invitation tucked between the words. Sooyoung smirked. Men were so typical.

you texting everyone or just me? [11:10 pm]

A few seconds later—

just you [11:11 pm]

And then:

unless you want me to invite others. always happy to host [11:11 pm]

She scoffed, rolling onto her stomach, fingers already moving.

what, afraid you can’t keep up? [11:11 pm]

A beat. 

try me [11:11 pm]

She exhaled a quiet laugh, biting her lip. Maybe she should ignore him. She should roll over, pull the blanket up, and let sleep take her. Pretend she wasn’t already slipping off the bed and reaching for her hoodie. Yeah, maybe.

But where was the fun in that?

Navigating the hotel in the dead of night was an art. Mrs Carmichael was a hawk, but even hawks had blind spots.

Sunjae’s door was already cracked open when she got there.

“Wow,” she whispered, slipping inside, “what a gentleman.”

He stood there, leaning against the doorframe, looking at her with that knowing amusement. He was shirtless, only in sweatpants, his hair slightly tousled like he had just rolled out of bed — but they both knew he had been waiting.

“Took you long enough,” he murmured.

She hummed, stepping past him, deliberately and slowly, until she was inside and the door clicked shut behind her. “Had to make sure no one saw me,” she said, tilting her head. “I’m a professional, you know. A lady doesn’t kiss and tell. So, tell me, you always this desperate for company, Jae?”

He let out a soft chuckle. “Only when the company’s you.”

She huffed a laugh, moving closer. “Flattery won’t get you anywhere.”

“Doesn’t need to. You’re already here.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. The air between them buzzed, playful, charged. It always was.

He was watching her, eyes piercing. His voice was a low drawl. “You’re really bad at pretending you don’t like me.”

She scoffed, leaning in, voice dropping just slightly. “You’re really bad at pretending this isn’t just for fun.”

Sunjae hummed, lifting a hand to brush his fingers along her arms, slow, teasing. Sooyoung might’ve shivered but she’d never let his ego get that big. 

“Who said I was pretending?” he purred. 

It was effortless, the way she leaned into him, the way their breaths tangled, his tongue tasting of mint and the cologne he must sprayed earlier; the way his hands found their way to her waist, gripping tight and pulling her in. She liked this part — the build-up, the unspoken challenge. She enjoyed the way his fingers pressed a little harder, causing her pulse to kick up when he tilted his head and their lips finally brushed—

Footsteps. Voices. Right outside the window.

Sooyoung stiffened. Sunjae exhaled, pulling back. She felt annoyance bloom in her chest at being disturbed until she heard the familiar voices. The curtains were pulled back and the window was swung open. 

“What—” Sunjae started, but she shushed him, pressing a hand to his chest as she turned her head toward the sound.

Joohyun. And Suho.

And they weren’t just talking.

They were arguing.

Sooyoung’s eyes narrowed. She gestured for Sunjae to stay quiet, barely breathing as she listened.

“. . . always like this,” Suho was saying, voice low but heated. “You keep me at arm’s length, Joohyun. I feel like I’m dating a fucking ghost.”

Joohyun’s response was sharp, clipped. “That’s not fair!”

“Isn’t it?” Suho let out a short, bitter laugh. “You don’t let me in. You never have.”

Silence. Then. . . 

“I’m not ready I keep telling you,” Joohyun said, and this time, her voice was quieter. Unsteady. “You keep pushing like I should be, like I owe you—”

“Oh, come on,” Suho snapped. “It’s not like I’m asking for much, am I?”

“So?”

“So, what the hell are we even doing?”

Joohyun exhaled sharply. “I don’t know.”

That seemed to knock the air out of him. “You don’t—” He let out a frustrated noise. “All this time, and you don’t fucking know? What the fuck? You won’t even let me touch you! I’m supposed to be your boyfriend. You pull away every time. It’s like — like you don’t even want me.”

Sooyoung glanced at Sunjae, who was watching her with raised brows, clearly enjoying the show just as much as she was.

Joohyun inhaled sharply. “I already told you I’m not ready. And if you actually cared about me, you’d respect that.”

“Jesus, Joohyun, it’s been months. How long am I supposed to wait?”

Joohyun’s voice, when it came, was steel. “If that’s your biggest fucking concern, Suho, then maybe you should find someone who doesn’t need time!”

More silence. And then, a sharp exhale. A muttered curse. Then, footsteps. Fast. Fading.

Sooyoung waited, counting the beats, until she heard Suho’s ragged breathing before he, too, walked away.

The moment stretched. 

“Well,” Sunjae said. “That was dramatic.”

She sighed, finally turning back toward him. “Yeah, that was a train wreck and a half.”

Sunjae let out a chuckle. “Didn’t know I was getting dinner and a show tonight.”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, but the corner of her mouth tugged upward despite herself. She nudged his arm playfully. “You are so annoying.”

He smirked. “And yet, here you are.”

She huffed, letting the silence settle between them. Seulgi, Joohyun and Suho had too many issues and not for the first time, Sooyoung was glad that she didn’t date. Standing there, the room felt warmer now, not because of anything in particular, just. . . close. Comfortable, maybe. Or maybe she was just too tired to overanalyse it.

She leaned her head forward, her nose nearly brushing Sunjae’s shoulder. Something stupid and warm twisted in her stomach, something she refused to name.

Sooyoung sighed. “God, you’re so warm. You’d make an excellent heater.”

Sunjae laughed, the sound low and amused. “Happy to be of service.”

“I’ll be the judge of your service, mister, come, show me.”

Chapter Text

Seulgi woke up from the kind of sleep that didn’t leave her feeling fully rested, but something close to it. She’d been unhooked from something heavy, though she was not naïve enough to think she was free of it. The room was dim, and early morning light crept through the thin curtains, washing everything in soft grey. She stared at the ceiling, her eyes tracing the uneven patches. She felt lighter. Not fixed or anything close to whole. Just — lighter. It made all the difference. There was a strange sense of calm in her bones as if she’d waded through deep waters and somehow, against all odds, found a place to stand.

Maybe it was because Sooyoung knows now. The thought flickered through her mind, tentative, cautious. She didn’t have to pretend so hard with her anymore. She didn’t have to think about every word, every reaction, or plaster on a version of herself that felt safer and more acceptable. Sooyoung knew, and she was still here, looking at her the same way, speaking with that sharp, familiar teasing edge that made Seulgi feel more like herself than she had in a long time.

She turned her head toward the hotel window, which revealed the faint outline of the city beyond it. The world still moved, hummed along like it always did, and she was still here, tangled in the sheets, in her own head, but maybe not drowning in it anymore.

The sheets beside her were empty, creased but cooling. Sooyoung must have been up for a while. Seulgi let out a slow breath, listening to the quiet. It was early. The walls here were thin; she could hear the faint rustle of sheets through them and muffled footsteps in the hallway. It wasn’t a fancy hotel by any means, courtesy of their school’s budget, but it wasn’t a garbage dump either. 

Seulgi peeled back the covers, stepping onto the cold floor. Sooyoung was probably still with Sunjae. It wasn’t like she’d tried to hide it last night, the way she’d tugged her hoodie on, grinning at Seulgi before slipping out with an easy, “Don’t miss me too much.”

She wandered toward the window, pressing her forehead lightly against the cool glass. Paris was waking up, stretching into the early light. There was a whole itinerary waiting for them — museums, long walks, too many croissants. 

And then, at some point, there’d be Joohyun.

Seulgi swallowed. It shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be something she had to brace herself for. But Joohyun had a way of tilting the world, making it feel like it wasn’t as solid as it should be. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed, turning away from the window. There was no point in standing here, wrapped in her own head. She needed to get dressed and go downstairs, needed to—

The door clicked open, and Sooyoung slipped back inside, her hair slightly mussed and her hoodie too big for her frame. She looked at Seulgi, raising one brow as if she already knew — she always did annoyingly.

“Couldn’t sleep?” she asked, voice still rough with the remnants of the night.

Seulgi huffed out something close to a laugh. “I slept.”

Sooyoung gave her a look that made it clear she didn’t believe her but wasn’t going to push. She tossed her phone onto the bed and stretched. “You ready for another day of suffering through Caramichael’s educational activities?”

“Hardly,” Seulgi murmured.

Sooyoung nudged her shoulder as she passed. “Come on. Breakfast. They won’t run out of those tiny pastries if we’re lucky. They’re literally to die for.”

Seulgi let herself smile. She followed Sooyoung out the door.

The dining area wasn’t anything special, just a modest hotel breakfast spread with baskets of croissants and fresh baguettes with small cartons of yoghurt stacked in neat rows. The coffee smelled a little burnt, but it was hot, and at this hour, that was enough. Mrs Caramichael was already there, seated at one of the corner tables with a cup of tea in hand, her expression cheerful despite the early hour. She had that uncanny ability to look both exhausted and unwavering at the same time as if years of wrangling teenagers had left her permanently on guard. 

Seulgi grabbed a table by the window with her tray. Outside, the city was still shaking off the last of its slumber, the streets filling little by little with movement, but here, it was quiet, save for the distant clatter of silverware and the hum of the coffee machine. Sooyoung slid into the seat across from her, balancing a plate with an alarming amount of croissants. 

“I come bearing gossip,” she announced, tearing off a flaky piece. “Well, not so much gossip as an update.”

Seulgi raised a brow, already half-dreading whatever Sooyoung was about to say.

“Joohyun and Suho broke up last night.” 

Sooyoung didn’t even try to sound delicate about it. She said it like she was reading off a menu, casual but firm, letting it land as if it weren’t a bomb. Seulgi’s fingers tightened around her coffee cup. The words hit like a punch to the stomach, knocking the air out of her lungs. She hadn’t been expecting that. 

“They — what?”

Sooyoung smirked. “I knew that’d wake you up.” She leaned back in her chair, stretching lazily before tilting her head toward the doorway. “Guess you’ll see for yourself soon enough.”

Seulgi turned before she could stop herself, gaze landing on the group that had trickled in. Yeri, Hyejin, and Minhyuk were laughing about something, half-asleep but still lively. A few others followed, some making a beeline for the food, some yawning into their sleeves. And then. . . Joohyun.

She walked in like nothing was different. Like the ground hadn’t shifted under her feet just hours ago. Her hair was smooth, neatly combed over one shoulder, her sweater perfectly in place. She didn’t look wrecked, or even a little thrown. If anything, she looked. . . calm. There was no puffy redness around her eyes, no stiff posture, no trace of anything that suggested she’d just broken up with her boyfriend. Seulgi wasn’t sure if it was real or if Joohyun was just really, really good at making it look that way. 

Suho trailed in behind the rest, hands shoved in his pockets, face carefully blank. He didn’t sit next to Joohyun or even look at her. But she didn’t spare a glance at him either. Huh, so they really have broken up then, Seulgi thought in awe. He was talking to one of the other guys, keeping up the appearance of someone completely unbothered, but Seulgi could see the way his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, the way he kept checking his phone, waiting for a message that wouldn’t come.

The scrape of a chair pulled her out of her thoughts. She barely had time to process it before Joohyun was there, sliding into the empty seat beside her. Close enough that Seulgi could feel the warmth of her, even with the slight space between them. Seulgi’s stomach lurched. 

“Morning,” Joohyun said, voice light, easy.

Seulgi swallowed. “Morning.”

She wasn’t sure how long she stared before she forced herself to look away. It was easier to focus on the small details: the faint clink of silverware, the hum of conversation, the way Sooyoung was watching her out of the corner of her eye but pretending not to. Joohyun and Suho were over. It should’ve meant something, right? Something bigger and noticeable that left a mark on the world. But the sun still rose, the city still stretched awake, and Joohyun — Joohyun sat here as if nothing had changed at all.

Seulgi forced herself to breathe. To move. She picked up her coffee, took a sip, and willed herself to act normal.

“So,” Joohyun said, her tone light. “What’s on the schedule today? More walking until our legs give out?”

“Caramichael’s taking us to see some landmarks,” Sooyoung supplied, only half paying attention as she scrolled through her phone. “Then probably another ‘cultural appreciation’ thing where we pretend to care so she doesn’t guilt-trip us later. It’s meant to be that auditorium thing she keeps going on about.”

Joohyun hummed, tapping her fingers lightly against the table. “Sounds like a blast.” 

“Caramichael’s gonna have a meltdown if anyone forgets a line today.”

“She always has a meltdown. I think it’s how she stays young.”

“You think she was ever young? I just assumed she was born fully formed in a black turtleneck with a stack of printed scripts in her hand.”

“She definitely came out quoting Shakespeare.” Joohyun, spoon halfway to her mouth, mimicked their teacher’s voice: “All are punished!”

They broke into soft laughter. Seulgi stared down at her plate, trying to remember if she’d even eaten anything yet. Her appetite had shrivelled, replaced by something restless and uncertain. Then, without warning, Joohyun’s hand darted out, plucking a piece of Seulgi’s croissant right off her plate.

Seulgi blinked. “What—”

Joohyun didn’t look remotely guilty as she popped it into her mouth. If anything, she appeared amused, eyes flicking up to meet Seulgi. “You weren’t eating it, Seul.”

Seulgi opened her mouth, then shut it. She had no idea what to say to that. Because Joohyun was right — she hadn’t been eating — but that wasn’t the point. Or maybe that was the point. Maybe there was no point at all. God, her brain had turned as scrambled as the eggs she’d been smelling. She glanced at Sooyoung, but she was already smirking, shaking her head like she’d expected this. Seulgi fought the urge to scowl. This was all Sooyoung’s fault for telling her in the first place.  

“Mm,” Joohyun hummed, chewing thoughtfully. “Tastes better when it’s yours.”

Seulgi stared at her, half-annoyed, half—whatever the hell else she was feeling. Her brain was still catching up.

Sooyoung let out a bark of laughter, practically choking on her coffee. “God, you’re a menace.”

“You know, I was just thinking,” Joohyun said thoughtfully, “that in an ideal world, food would just be brought to me. Like, room service. All the time. Don’t you think so?”

Sooyoung, halfway through buttering a croissant, snorted. “You literally just described being rich.”

“Okay, but I’m not asking for, like, a yacht. Just. . . someone to bring me pastries while I’m still in bed.”

“That’s called being spoiled,” Seulgi muttered.

“Maybe I should get a butler then.”

Sooyoung pointed her knife at her. “You would be the worst person to work for. I can already see it.”

Joohyun tilted her head. “Would I?”

“Yeah. Like, you’d be on Zoom in a silk robe, ringing a tiny bell and asking for a single peeled grape.” 

Joohyun considered it. “I suppose I would like that.”

Seulgi sighed, exhausted. “Do you hear yourself?”

“Would you peel a grape for me, Seul?” Joohyun asked, eyes twinkling. Her voice was light, almost absentminded. 

It wasn’t the question itself that got to her. It was the way Joohyun said it — too casual and easy; she was tossing it into the air just to see how Seulgi would catch it. Her eyes sparkled across the table, sharp and knowing like they always did when she was about to ruin someone’s day in the most polite, charming way possible.

Seulgi blinked, hesitating. “Uh, sure. . .”

Across the table, Sooyoung looked from Seulgi to Joohyun, and then down at her croissant. She muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like oh my god, but thankfully didn’t say it louder. Seulgi could feel the heat creeping up the back of her neck. She felt as if she had to explain herself. 

Seulgi finally looked up. “I wouldn’t want to peel grapes for you, just so we’re clear.”

Joohyun raised an eyebrow, intrigued. “But you would?”

“I mean, yeah. Probably. If you were sick. Or dying. Or emotionally blackmailing me.”

Sooyoung snorted. “That third one’s basically how she lives.”

“I’m just saying,” Seulgi continued, forcing her voice into something dry, something detached, “don’t get used to it.”

Joohyun’s smile softened, just a fraction. She didn’t say anything right away, just looked at Seulgi for a long moment. Then she said, quietly and amused, “Too late.”

Seulgi didn’t know what to do with that. Because it wasn’t flirtation exactly — not the loud, obvious kind — but it wasn’t nothing either. It was Joohyun being Joohyun: impossible and infuriating and always a little bit dangerous in the way she spoke like there was more she wasn’t saying.

Sooyoung clapped her hands together. “See what I mean? She’d make someone peel grapes and then complain they didn’t do it right.”

Joohyun swirled her coffee thoughtfully. “I’d tip well.”

“You’d have to,” Sooyoung said. “I’m picturing some poor assistant sprinting through Paris looking for a specific brand of sparkling water because you ‘don’t like the bubbles in the cheap one.’ Oh, wait, that’d just be Seulgi.”

“Hey!” Seulgi frowned, but they both ignored her.

Joohyun’s lips curled slightly. “Well, why are the bubbles different? That’s a real issue.”

“Oh my god,” Sooyoung groaned. “You are rich-coded.”

Yeri arrived then, dropping into the seat beside Sooyoung. “I knew I was hearing nonsense from across the room.”

“Perfect timing,” Sooyoung said, nodding at Joohyun. “She’s plotting how to become a modern-day aristocrat.”

Yeri took a yoghurt cup from her tray and peeled the lid back. “Right. I’ll be sure to curtsy next time I see you.”

“No, I was just saying that, in an ideal world, I would never have to get up for food,” shrugged Joohyun.

“Okay, but, like, realistically?” Yeri asked, popping a spoonful of yoghurt into her mouth. “If we were all, like, thirty, and you had to get a real job, what would you even do?”

Joohyun didn’t answer right away.

Sooyoung smirked. “See? She doesn’t even know. She’s just gonna marry rich.”

Joohyun tapped a finger against her chin, then nodded. “Maybe.”

“That’s your big life plan? Marry someone with a trust fund and never lift a finger?”

“It’s efficient. Fulfillment is overrated. You know what’s not? Health insurance.”

Sooyoung pointed. “Okay, now that’s the most realistic thing you’ve ever said.”

Yeri snorted. “This is why you guys have no fucking future.”

Joohyun had already stolen three bites of Seulgi’s croissant, and Seulgi had said nothing. She just let it happen, quietly pushing her plate a little closer. It was easier pretending it was just breakfast and her heart didn’t stutter every time Joohyun leaned in; she wasn’t noticing the way Joohyun’s fingers brushed the edge of her plate as if she belonged there. 

The conversation had shifted drastically without Seulgi realising and Sooyoung was in the middle of explaining why she thought she could survive in the wilderness for a maximum of four days. 

“I mean, I’ve watched some survival shows. Not all of them, obviously, because most of those people eat bugs, and I have standards. But I could start a fire.”

Yeri raised a sceptical eyebrow. “You once had to Google how to boil an egg.”

“That’s different,” Sooyoung said dismissively. “Cooking is an art. Survival is just. . . instincts.”

“You don’t have instincts,” Yeri shot back.

Joohyun smirked. “That’s true. You’d last one day. Maybe two if you’re lucky.”

Seulgi didn’t even think before she spoke. “She wouldn’t.”

The table quieted just slightly, not enough for anyone else to notice, but enough that she felt it, a subtle shift in the air. Joohyun’s fingers stilled on the rim of her coffee cup.

Sooyoung turned to look at her, her smirk softening, like she wasn’t sure whether to be surprised or pleased. “Oh? Seulgi thinks I have survival skills?”

Seulgi shrugged, picking at the corner of her napkin. “I think you’d figure it out, eventually at least.”

Yeri snorted. “You think Sooyoung would suddenly develop basic survival instincts?”

“She’s good at adapting.” The words left her before she could stop them, but they felt right. “And she’s stubborn. That counts for something.”

Sooyoung grinned. “Aw, Seul-bear. That was almost sweet.”

Seulgi rolled her eyes, but there was no bite to it. Joohyun’s gaze was steady, watching, though her face gave nothing away. She picked up her spoon and stirred her coffee, slow and thoughtful, though it didn’t seem like she was paying much attention to it. Seulgi wasn’t sure why, but she could feel it, that slight tightening in the air, the way Joohyun’s shoulders were just a little too still, the way her focus lingered just a little too long.

“Alright, alright,” Sooyoung finally said, leaning back with a stretch. “Since Seulgi believes in me, I’ll take it. I’ll survive. And when I do, I’ll make you all regret doubting me.”

Just then Mrs Caramichael appeared like an omen at the front of the dining area, clutching her ever-present clipboard.

“Good morning, budding scholars and performers!” she called, clutching her clipboard like it was her life’s purpose. She beamed at them all, clearly thrilled. “I hope you’re all ready for an exciting afternoon!”

A few students groaned. Yeri muttered under her breath, “She’s way too happy for this hour.”

Mrs Caramichael pressed on, undeterred. “As you all know, this trip is not just about seeing Paris but about immersing ourselves in culture! Which is why this late afternoon, we will be visiting a charming little Parisian theatre, where you will all be participating in a hands-on workshop!”

Suho paled. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes!” Mrs. Caramichael clutched her clipboard tighter. “You will all have the privilege of performing selected scenes from Romeo and Juliet alongside trained actors! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. We leave at ten sharp, everyone, so I expect you all to be prepared! We’ll regroup in the lobby so I’ll see you all there hopefully.” With one last approving nod, she strode off.

The streets of Paris sprawled before them, winding and uneven, old stone tucked between modern life. The group moved in loose clusters, some walking ahead, some lingering, but always shifting, like tidewater lapping at the shore. 

David walked beside her. He had a way of always ending up there, not imposing, just there. His steps fell in line with hers naturally, but she felt his presence even if he didn’t say a word. He was like that: never asking for much, never pushing. And maybe that was the problem.

They were nearing Montmartre now, the air thick with the scent of fresh bread and roasted chestnuts from street vendors. Montmartre was a painter’s dream. Artists lined the narrow sidewalks, their easels set up in tight rows, their paint-splattered hands diligently working on portraits, landscapes, and quick sketches for passing tourists. The sound of their group ebbed and flowed behind her, but Seulgi barely registered it. She had stopped without really meaning to, her gaze catching on a display of paintings laid out on the pavement.

David stopped too, standing just beside her, waiting. Not impatiently. Just. . . waiting. She didn’t know why it bothered her.

The paintings were beautiful, done in soft strokes and careful colours. A city skyline in the rain, a woman’s silhouette against golden light, a quiet café scene where no one looked up. The kind of art that felt lived in. Real in a way that photography sometimes wasn’t. Seulgi exhaled slowly. She wasn’t sure why she was looking at them so long. It wasn’t like she was going to buy one.

David turned his head slightly, and when she glanced at him, he smiled. Gentle. Unassuming. Just like always. And something about it made her stomach twist horribly. It wasn’t his fault. She knew that. It wasn’t anything. But Seulgi still felt the irritation spike, sharp and unprompted. It made no sense, but she was already too tired of trying to make sense of herself. 

He would always be like this: steady and soft. And maybe that was why it frustrated her. Because she wasn’t. Because she didn’t know what to do with steady. Something uncertain stormed inside her that felt too big for quiet understanding. She clenched her jaw slightly, then looked back at the paintings, though she wasn’t seeing them anymore.

“Do you like that one?” David asked.

Seulgi hesitated. “I don’t know,” she said finally. “Maybe.” She glanced away, staring down at the uneven pavement, the way the cracks ran through it like veins. “You don’t have to wait for me every time, you know.”

David tilted his head slightly, taken aback by her tone. “Wait for what?”

“For me.” Her fingers brushed the edge of her jacket pocket, restless. “You always do that. Just. . . go along with whatever I do.”

David furrowed his brows. “I like spending time with you.”

That made something inside her snap, sharp and quick before she even knew what she was reaching for. “Yeah, but you never — you never argue. You never get mad. You never—”

She stopped short, teeth clenching around the words before they could spill out because she didn’t even know what she was trying to say.

“Do you want me to get mad at you?” His voice was careful and full of confusion.

“I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I just don’t get how you can be like this all the time.”

David exhaled through his nose, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck before dropping it back to his side. “I don’t know how else I can be, Seulgi.” He paused. “I’m not trying to frustrate you. I just — I don’t like fighting. I don’t want to fight with you.”

“It’s not about fighting.”

“Then what is it about?”

“I just—” She hesitated, then let out a slow, shaky sigh. “You never push back. You never call me out. You never—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s like. . . I could say or do anything, and you’d still just—” She didn’t finish.

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”

“I’m not saying it is.”

David nodded slowly, but his expression had shifted to a faint crease between his brows, something quiet and wounded in his eyes. He looked like he was trying to understand a language he didn’t speak fluently. The sounds of the city moved around them — a bike bell, a distant laugh, the scratch of pencil on paper from one of the nearby artists. It felt wrong, how beautiful everything was when her chest felt like it was caving in.

“I don’t want to be someone you have to brace yourself around,” said David. “That’s not—” He shook his head. “I don’t see the point in making things harder. If I don’t have to argue with you, why would I? It just makes people miserable.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. “Because people argue. People get mad. People. . .” She swallowed hard. “They care enough to fight sometimes.”

David blinked. “You think I don’t care? I. . . I care a lot, Seulgi. I do. I’m your boyfriend and you’re my girlfriend. Shouldn’t I try to make life brighter and happier for you?”

“No, that’s not — David, I just don’t get how you can be like this all the time,” she said. 

David scratched the back of his neck. “My parents used to fight a lot. Not the kind of fighting that gets loud like throwing things or screaming. It was more like. . . ice.”

Seulgi raised an eyebrow. “Ice?”

David nodded. “Yeah. Like, my dad would say something a little too sharp, my mom would close off, and suddenly, dinner was quiet. It was mostly about me, I guess. About what to do with me; how I was at school or with other kids; what was wrong with me; what I needed; and who was failing who. The air in the house felt thick and heavy. No one yelled, but you could feel it anyway.” He exhaled. “It always lasted for days. Sometimes weeks. And I hated it. I used to think,” he continued, “if I was just good enough — quiet enough — maybe they’d stop. Somedays I wished I could just disappear. . .”

Seulgi stayed quiet. She hadn’t expected that.

David rubbed at his wrist, his thumb pressing over the veins like he was grounding himself. “I guess I just told myself that when I got older and into a relationship — which, honestly, I never thought would happen this soon — I’d never make the other person feel like they had to walk on eggshells. That I’d always be easy to be around. That I wouldn’t be someone who made things worse. So I got good at being easy. Good at not giving anyone a reason to raise their voice. Good at staying just. . . soft enough not to cause damage.”

Seulgi looked at him, really looked, and for a second the irritation she’d been nursing cracked open into something else. Not pity. Not guilt, exactly. Just an ache. A kind of quiet recognition. She didn’t know what she’d expected him to say, but it hadn’t been the small, worn truth he’d just handed her like it didn’t cost anything.

“David. . .” she started and then faltered. Because what was there to say to something like that? I’m sorry? Me too? I didn’t know? Her chest felt tight. God, it would be so much fucking easier if she could just be grateful for him. David was good. Not just good in the way people said when they didn’t know what else to say, but actually, truly good. The kind of good that wasn’t performative. 

“I’m sorry,” she said finally, her voice quieter than she meant it to be. “I didn’t sleep well last night. Just in a mood, and I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” 

David gave her a small, cautious look. “Okay.”

She nodded, but something inside her twisted. She wanted to get it. She wanted to be the kind of person who could take his words at face value, tuck them away and let them soften whatever restless thing was clawing at her ribs. But she couldn’t. Because even if she understood why he was the way he was, it didn’t change the fact that she still felt like she was floating in something too smooth, too still. Nothing was anchoring her down or making her believe that if she slipped, he’d reach out and hold on.

Seulgi felt like shit. She almost apologised, but the words got stuck in her throat. Instead, David gives her a small smile. 

“Come on. Let’s catch up with the others. Don’t wanna get in trouble with Mrs Caramichael.”

In the late afternoon, the small Parisian theatre had a musty charm, its red velvet seats and dimly lit chandeliers casting a glow. Mrs Caramichael was in her element. She stood at the front, beaming at them like this was the culmination of all her hopes and dreams.

“Now, as you know, Romeo and Juliet is a story of passion, conflict, and—” she paused for dramatic effect, “—of connection.” She clapped her hands together. “And as performers, you must commit! Shakespeare is not meant to be mumbled! It is meant to be lived!”

They were running Act 3, Scene 5 — not the famous balcony, not the desperate final moments, but the morning after Romeo and Juliet had spent their only night together, the one where the real world pressed back in, where dawn meant parting.

Joohyun was at the far side of the stage, stretching her arms out and rolling her shoulders back. She looked composed with the usual ease in the way she carried herself. But something was different. Seulgi had seen Joohyun in rehearsals before, seen the way she sharpened when she felt like she had something to prove when Suho’s eyes were on her. She had seen Joohyun turn every line into a performance of something more than the words written on the page.

Now, her movements were fluid but unforced. She wasn’t pushing herself too hard or standing too stiff. And when she delivered her first lines, her voice was strong. Seulgi watched. She didn’t mean to, but she did.

Suho, in contrast, was barely there. His posture was slouched, his delivery flat, his eyes skimming past Joohyun without ever fully meeting hers. If Mrs Caramichael noticed, she didn’t comment just yet, but Seulgi could tell she was already filing it away, her eyes narrowing slightly whenever he missed a cue or rushed through a line.

But Joohyun didn’t seem to care. She wasn’t waiting for Suho to catch up. She wasn’t watching him out of the corner of her eye, gauging his reaction. She wasn’t acting like she needed him to see her at all. It shouldn’t have felt like a shift, but it did. Joohyun and Suho stood centre stage, three feet apart; an invisible barrier had been drawn between them. 

Among the group, seated in the front row or lingering just offstage, were the professionals. Hired by the program — “guest artists,” Mrs Caramichael called them — actors from London or New York or somewhere in between, flown in for a week to “elevate the student work” and “foster collaboration.” Most of them looked bored. One of them — a woman with cropped hair and a leather-bound script — was chewing gum slowly.

Seulgi had half-forgotten the professionals were even here. Most of them had been giving notes, hanging around the edges, offering the occasional vaguely insightful comment like remember, you don’t need to show pain — just let it live in the silence.  

Suho shuffled his feet, barely glancing at Joohyun as he spoke. His voice was flat like he was reading off a grocery list. “It was the lark that sang so out of tune, straining harsh discords and unpleasing sharps.”

“Some say the lark makes sweet division,” read Joohyun, “This doth not so, for she divideth us.”

Suho was supposed to reach for Joohyun’s hands, hesitant but aching like Romeo clinging to whatever time was left. He hesitated, and then, too late, grasped for her fingers. But it was just that — a grasp. Not a reach, not a need, just an action to get through. Joohyun let it happen, but she didn’t lean into it.

Mrs Caramichael’s lips pressed into a thin line. “More conviction, Suho,” she interjected. “You are leaving Juliet, your love, possibly forever. A bit of urgency would not go amiss.”

Suho barely reacted, just exhaled sharply and tried again, this time with a little more effort, but it still felt like he was checking a box. “Let me be put to death,” he recited, sighing because the line required it. “I am content, so thou wilt have it so.”

Joohyun’s gaze flicked upward, watching him. She did not soften. She did not waver. She gave her next line as though it had only occurred to her, the words slow. “It is not yet near day.” She studied him, then added, “It was the nightingale and not the lark.” She wasn’t pleading. She wasn’t convincing. 

Suho hesitated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Let me stay here, let me be taken, and let me die.”

The line landed like a brick. Hollow, final. Joohyun’s brows lifted just slightly. Then, instead of reacting in kind, she let the silence stretch between them. She let it hang there, full and uncomfortable. It was awkward. Joohyun wasn’t looking at Suho like she was in love with him. Suho wasn’t looking at Joohyun at all.

Mrs Caramichael’s nostrils flared. “Stop.”

Suho blinked, startled. Joohyun merely tilted her head, waiting.

“That was,” Mrs Caramichael said, exhaling sharply through her nose, “lacking. Lacking in passion, lacking in investment, and, quite frankly, lacking in anything resembling human emotion.” She pinned Suho with a look. “Your character is desperate. Romeo is reckless, ridiculous, and passionate! He is defying fate itself to stay by Juliet’s side. He is frantic, in love, and doomed, but you,” she jabbed a finger, “you are standing there like you’re waiting for your Uber.”

Suho’s jaw tensed. “I am trying.”

“Try harder.”

Joohyun stood perfectly still, not coming to his defence.

Mrs Caramichael turned her scrutiny to her. “And you. While I appreciate that you can say Shakespeare without it sounding like a poor recital, Joohyun, you are not giving me a Juliet who is in love.”

Joohyun lifted a brow. “You want me to be more in love?”

“I want you to make me believe that Romeo walking out that door is the worst possible thing that could happen to you.”

Joohyun’s lips parted slightly, her eyes glinting with something unreadable. Then she smiled, just a little. “I see.”

Mrs Caramichael sighed, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “Let’s retake it from the top.”

Suho exhaled harshly, running a hand through his hair. “Fine.”

Joohyun rolled her shoulders back, adjusting her posture. 

There was a soft click as the gum-popping woman snapped her leather-bound script shut, the sound somehow cutting through the tension more effectively than Mrs Caramichael’s theatrical exhale. She stood, unfurling with the kind of presence that made everyone else sit straighter without even realizing they were doing it.

“Wait, stop. This isn’t going to work,” she said, her voice crisp, London-tinged, and suddenly far more commanding. “Mrs Caramichael, if I may?”

Mrs Caramichael stepped aside at once, her indignation replaced by something close to reverence. “Of course, Gwen.”

The woman — Gwen — stepped forward, scanning the stage with a gaze that landed squarely on Joohyun. Her gum cracked once.

“Your teacher’s right. You’ve got control,” she said, to Joohyun. “There’s technique. There’s rhythm. But you’re withholding. You’re giving us the illusion of emotion, not the mess of it. It’s tidy. Juliet is not tidy.” Gwen’s eyes flicked to Suho. “You’re checked out,” she said flatly. “I don’t know what’s happening with you — and frankly, I don’t care — but whatever it is, you’ve brought it into the scene and not in a good way. Romeo cannot afford to be bored.”

Suho’s jaw clenched. He didn’t reply.

“And,” Gwen said, turning her gaze toward the ensemble lingering at the edge of the stage, “if I’m going to sit through this scene one more time, I’d rather see someone who might actually want to be here.”

Mrs Caramichael blinked. “Do you mean—”

“I mean let’s shake it up,” Gwen said. “You’ve got students playing roles because you had to cast them, not because they’re the best fit. No shade. I get it. Time crunch, school politics, the usual nonsense.”

She gestured toward the wings, her voice rising just enough to carry.

Gwen’s eyes skimmed the edges of the stage, landing on Seulgi again. “You — the one playing the maid.”

Seulgi blinked. “Me?”

“You’ve been in the wings, haven’t you? Watching. I’ve seen you.” Gwen’s tone was casual, but it had a hook in it. “You’ve got a decent ear. I heard you in Act I — minimal lines, but you land them clean.”

Seulgi’s ears burned. “I’m just — I only have two scenes.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Gwen said, snapping her gum. “You’re present. More than I can say for most.”

Mrs Caramichael looked visibly torn between alarm and fascination. “Seulgi isn’t cast as Romeo, Gwen. She’s playing a maid in the Capulet household. A servant. She’s not even rehearsed the scene—”

“Neither has Romeo, apparently,” Gwen said without looking back. Gwen’s gaze flicked back to Seulgi. “You know the rhythm of the scene?”

“I’ve heard it enough,” Seulgi said carefully. She’d gone over it with Joohyun plenty of times. Her palms were damp. She could feel Joohyun’s gaze pressing into her.

“Great.” Gwen gestured with her script like it was a baton. “Let’s see what happens when someone unexpected plays the lover.”

Suho looked like he wanted to protest, but he didn’t. He took a step back, stiff and stunned, but Gwen didn’t even glance at him.

Seulgi hesitated. She wasn’t meant for this kind of thing. This was Joohyun’s territory — centre stage, lit from every angle. Seulgi was more comfortable on a soccer field, just focusing on the ball, something that didn’t make her feel so out of control. 

But she stepped forward anyway. Slowly. Like wading into the water. Her heart was hammering. Joohyun didn’t blink as Seulgi approached. Then Joohyun turned her head slightly, catching Seulgi’s gaze across the room, her eyes dark. And suddenly, Seulgi couldn’t breathe. She swallowed, forcing herself to look away, to fix her eyes on the faded patterns of the theatre’s carpet, on the rows of empty red seats, on anything but the way Joohyun’s expression had shifted. It was nothing. It had to be nothing.

Seulgi took another step, then another. The stage creaked beneath her shoes, quiet but noticeable. It wasn’t until she reached the centre that she realised how silent the theatre had gone — the professionals, the other students, even Gwen — all of them watching her now. 

Seulgi didn’t think. She didn’t have to. The words came like they’d been waiting. “It was the lark that sang so out of tune.”

Her voice wasn’t loud. It wasn’t polished. But it was real. It cracked slightly around the edges — not because she forgot the line, but because something in her chest tightened the moment she looked at Joohyun.

Joohyun replied without missing a beat. But her voice had changed too. “Some say the lark makes sweet division. This doth not so, for she divideth us.”

Seulgi moved closer. Just a half-step. But her body just went, following something unspoken. She reached for Joohyun’s hands, and when her fingers brushed skin, it was electric: sharp and warm and terrifying. 

“Let me be put to death,” she said, not performing now. Her voice trembled. “I am content, so thou wilt have it so.”

Joohyun stared at her like she’d never seen her before. “It is not yet near day. . .” For a second, her eyes darted to Seulgi’s mouth, then back to her eyes. Her fingers didn’t pull away.

Seulgi could feel herself unravelling. Everything she’d tucked away — the way she always noticed the curve of Joohyun’s jaw, the way her laugh stayed in Seulgi’s head too long, the way she couldn’t breathe when they stood too close — all of it was surfacing now. It bled into every word.

“It was the nightingale and not the lark,” Joohyun said, quieter now. “That pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear. . .”

There was a pause. Seulgi looked at her — really looked. And when she said: “Let me stay here. Let me be taken, and let me die. . .” — her voice cracked, but she didn’t care. It felt like a confession.

Joohyun’s lashes fluttered. Her gaze dropped to Seulgi’s chest, where her heart was visibly racing. “Yon light is not daylight. . .”

The rest of the line trembled in her mouth. It didn’t sound like Juliet anymore. It sounded like Joohyun. The silence after the scene was deafening.

Then Gwen exhaled, slow. “That,” she said, “was interesting.”

It broke the spell just enough for Seulgi to take a shaky step back, letting go of Joohyun’s hand as if it burned. Joohyun looked at her — a lingering look — before she turned away. Gwen was saying something, praising the rawness or the risk or the fact that they finally felt something. But it was background noise. Seulgi couldn’t hear past the ringing in her ears.

It hadn’t been Romeo speaking on that stage. 

It had been her.

And she didn’t know if Joohyun had noticed — or if she’d felt it too.

Seulgi didn’t go back to her room. She wasn’t sure where she was going at first, only that she needed to move, to get away from her mind. She walked without thinking, the corridors of the hotel passing in a blur, until she pushed open the rooftop door and stepped outside.

Joohyun was already there.

She stood by the railing, arms folded over the cool metal, gazing out at the city like it belonged to her. The glow of the streetlights cast a golden sheen over her skin, catching in the dark waves of her hair. She didn’t turn at first, but Seulgi knew she had heard her.

Joohyun had always had a way of tilting the world. Seulgi had felt it in small ways before: Joohyun never had to raise her voice to be heard, people gravitated toward her without her ever asking them to. She could cut someone down with a single look and, in the same breath, make them feel like the most important person in the room. 

Finally, Joohyun glanced over her shoulder. “Can’t sleep?” she said.

Seulgi let out a slow breath. “Something like that.”

Joohyun offered the barest hint of a smile. “Me too.”

“You don’t think Caramichael’s going to catch us up here?” 

Joohyun huffed out a quiet laugh. “If she does, I’ll say I’m studying the Parisian skyline for cultural appreciation purposes.”

Seulgi shook her head, amused despite herself. “Think she’ll buy that?”

Joohyun finally turned, leaning her hip against the railing as she met Seulgi’s gaze. “Probably not. But she likes me enough to pretend.”

For a moment, neither of them spoke. The night air was cool, and the sounds of Paris murmured below them. Somewhere in the distance, soft laughter drifted up. Seulgi stepped forward, leaning against the railing beside her, crossing her arms over the metal. She watched the city lights flicker.

“You were good today,” she said eventually.

Joohyun’s brow arched slightly. “At rehearsal?”

Seulgi nodded. “Yeah, you seemed. . . different.”

Joohyun hummed. Then, with a slight tilt of her lips, she said, “I think I just stopped pretending.”

Seulgi’s fingers tightened around the railing. “. . . Pretending what?”

Joohyun didn’t answer right away. She kept her gaze fixed on the skyline. Then, quietly, she said, “That I was in love with Suho.”

The words landed like a stone in Seulgi’s chest, sinking deep, unsettling something she hadn’t wanted to examine too closely. She swallowed. “Then, uh, why. . . why did you stay with him for so long?”

Joohyun let out a soft breath. “Because it was easier.”

Joohyun was still looking at the city, her face calm in a way that didn’t quite feel real. Seulgi’s throat was dry.

“Easier than what?”

For a long moment, Joohyun didn’t answer. She curled her fingers slightly around the railing, jaw tightening as if she were weighing something in her mind. Then, she turned — just enough to face Seulgi fully, her gaze settling on her with quiet intensity. She stepped closer, close enough that Seulgi could feel her warmth, even in the cool night air.

“Easier than wanting something I knew I couldn’t have,” murmured Joohyun.

Seulgi swallowed, willing herself to say something, anything, but her mind was stuck on that last thing Joohyun had said. The words looped in her mind, and Seulgi felt something lurch inside her. Should she retreat or move forward? She forced her hands to loosen their grip on the railing.

“Joohyun. . .”

Joohyun turned her head slightly, not quite facing her, but enough that Seulgi could see the curve of her mouth, the way her lashes dipped low. She was waiting. Seulgi clenched her jaw, staring down at the city, letting the lights blur together until they didn’t look like anything at all. Her pulse was loud in her ears. There were so many things she could say. So many things she wanted to ask.

But Joohyun was looking at her now, really looking, and suddenly, Seulgi was scared. Because if she asked, if she reached for the truth, she wouldn’t be able to take it back. Knowing and admitting were two entirely different things. She had spent so long shoving her feelings down, pressing them into something small, something manageable, something she could live with. 

Seulgi wasn’t ready for real.

She felt it in the way her fingers trembled against the railing, in the way her breath came too shallow, in the way her body felt like it was betraying her, leaning toward Joohyun, aching for something she had spent so much time convincing herself she didn’t want. Joohyun took another step forward, and Seulgi swore she could feel everything.

“Seulgi. . .” Joohyun murmured.

And Seulgi did something she wasn’t proud of. She closed her eyes. Because looking at Joohyun, at the way she was standing so close but not touching her, was too much. Seulgi had always been so good at running from the things that scared her. 

Joohyun moved. It wasn’t sudden. It wasn’t rushed. It was deliberate, the space between them disappearing in a breath, and then—

Joohyun kissed her.

She felt the way Joohyun’s lips were warm against hers; her hand hovered just barely at her waist, close but not holding. Seulgi’s body wanted to melt into it, wanted to stop fighting, wanted to let herself have this.

It felt too big.

The world narrowed to the press of Joohyun’s lips. She should have pulled away. She should have stopped this before it began. But Joohyun was kissing her, and her body — traitorous, desperate — refused to listen. It wasn’t a grand, sweeping moment. It wasn’t all fireworks and sharp gasps, the kind of kiss that demanded to be remembered. It was softer than that. Slower like the steady, creeping warmth of the first sunlight after a long, endless night. It was everything Seulgi had spent so long pretending not to want.

And it fucking terrified her.

Because she had spent too long constructing walls around herself, pretending she didn’t care, didn’t notice, didn’t feel the way her heart stumbled every time Joohyun tilted her head just so, every time she stole food off Seulgi’s plate as if it belonged to her.

She could not shove this kiss into a box and label it as nothing. It wasn’t practice. Her heart pounded, racing so fast she felt dizzy, but she didn’t pull away. Joohyun’s hand, which had hovered near her waist before, finally settled there. 

When they parted for air, Seulgi barely remembered how to breathe. Joohyun was so close, her breath warm against Seulgi’s skin, her dark eyes searching, intense but gentle. 

Joohyun studied her for a second longer before murmuring, “Goodnight, Seulgi.”

Seulgi barely heard her.

She didn’t move, didn’t say anything, didn’t even blink as Joohyun stepped back, watching her for just a moment longer before turning and slipping back through the door.

Seulgi was alone on the rooftop. And she felt like she was burning. Her mind was a mess, thoughts tangled and frantic, crashing into each other. The rush of the kiss and yet — what the hell had she just done? The panic settled in slowly, wrapping around her ribs like a vice. She had let herself feel too much. And that had never ended well for her. 

Joohyun was going to get back together with Suho again. Of course, she was. This break was just that — a break. Temporary. A pause before the inevitable. The golden couple always found their way back to each other. They had history. They had expectations. They had an entire audience waiting for them to return to their perfect script. Seulgi would be pushed to the side like she always was. Seulgi could still feel the imprint of it on her lips, the ghost of Joohyun’s touch at her waist. It couldn’t mean anything.

She’s going to go back to him. The thought was a hammer in her skull, pounding in sync with her pulse, refusing to quiet.

Seulgi barely remembered how she got off the rooftop, her body moving on instinct, her hands shoved into the pockets of her hoodie as if that could hold her together. The hotel hallways blurred past her. She didn’t go to her room. Instead, she stopped in front of a familiar door. Her knuckles rapped against the wood before she could talk herself out of it. A pause. 

Then the door creaked open, and David blinked at her. His hair was messy from sleep, and his expression shifted from confusion to quiet surprise.

“Seulgi?” His voice was soft.

She couldn’t look at him. Instead, she had stepped forward, closing the distance between them with an intense, rushed, urgent kiss. David stiffened instantly, his entire body rigid, the shock clear even without words. His arms hovered midair, unsure whether to hold her or push her away. She could practically hear the gears turning in his head, the slow realisation catching up to his body. Then, cautiously, he kissed her back. He tried to match her intensity, but it didn’t come naturally to him. David kissed with thoughtfulness, not urgency. His lips moved with care, not fire.

It wasn’t enough. Seulgi pushed harder, deepening the kiss, fingers curling into the worn fabric of his oversized sleep shirt — one of those nerdy math-related ones he liked to wear. She barely processed what it said. Something about Schrödinger’s equation with a cartoon cat next to it.

This was David. Soft. Steady. Logical. Nothing like Joohyun. And that was the fucking problem, wasn’t it? His fingers brushed along her back but the warmth that should have followed never came. There was no spark, no wild rush in her veins, no dizziness that made her forget herself. She tried to force it. She tilted her head, deepening the kiss, grasping at him like she could pull something from him that wasn’t there. Maybe if she just—

David pulled back slightly, just enough to look at her. His breathing was uneven, his eyes searching hers, blinking rapidly like he was trying to process a complex equation in real-time.

“Seulgi,” he murmured, confusion flickering in his voice, “What — what’s going on?”

She didn’t answer. David’s grip loosened, his fingers twitching, a nervous habit.

“I—” he hesitated, wetting his lips, his brows drawing together. “Are you. . . okay? This just seems a bit sudden.”

Seulgi’s stomach twisted. She could still taste Joohyun on her lips. Her tongue pressed to the roof of her mouth like it might scrub the memory clean. It didn’t. The taste lingered, sweet and sharp, like citrus and static, like everything she wasn’t ready to admit. And suddenly, she felt sick.

Seulgi nodded quickly, breathless, desperate not to lose momentum. “Yeah,” she said, too fast. “I just — want this.”

She saw the hesitation in David’s eyes, how he studied her, searching for something he couldn’t quite name. He wasn’t the type to rush or move without thinking, but Seulgi couldn’t let him think. She couldn’t let herself think, either. 

“I’m fine,” Seulgi said, too quickly.

David searched her face. “You don’t have to—”

“I want to.” She cut him off, barely above a whisper. Her eyes flicked up to meet his, steady but hollow. She didn’t blink. “Please.”

David hesitated. Then, slowly, he nodded. So she kissed him. David didn’t resist. She led him and he let himself be led. Seulgi pushed him toward the bed, hands steady despite the storm inside her. She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, what she was trying to prove, to bury, but she knew she needed to keep moving. Needed to drown out the memory of Joohyun’s lips, Joohyun’s warmth, Joohyun’s voice saying her name like it meant something. 

She tried not to picture it — Joohyun’s eyes in the dark, her lips parted right before, and she’d tasted mint and fear and certainty. But the memory lodged in her throat like a splinter. So, Seulgi clung harder. She kissed David like she was trying to climb out of herself. If she stayed in motion, the ache wouldn’t catch up. And still, the thought circled back.

She’s going to go back to him.

Seulgi turned her face into David’s neck, eyes squeezed shut. She hated the way the tears pricked anyway, unwanted, uninvited. Her breath caught in her chest, but she didn’t let it break. Not yet. His fingers brushed the hem of her hoodie. Seulgi pulled it off herself and let it drop to the floor, moving without pause. She guided his hands to her waist, over the fabric of her shirt, urging him forward. David let out a breath, shaky and overwhelmed, in a way that made her stomach twist. He wasn’t used to this. His hands trembled slightly, but he wasn’t afraid. Just careful. Always careful. She didn’t want care. She wanted distraction. She wanted something solid to hold onto so she wouldn’t have to think about why she was here. She’s going to go back to him. Seulgi pushed past it. Until it was just motion, heat, urgency.

Joohyun wouldn’t be careful.

Seulgi knew it with a certainty that burned. Knew that if Joohyun had touched her like this, it wouldn’t be hesitant or soft. It would have been deliberate, possessive — Joohyun didn’t do anything halfway. She would take and claim and devour, and Seulgi would let her.

She imagined eyes turned black in the dark, fingers in her hair, nails digging into her hips, not out of fear but out of want. She imagined lips parting against hers, a sharp intake of breath, the scrape of teeth against her skin.

She imagined Joohyun, only Joohyun. JoohyunJoohyunJoohyun. It never stopped. The thought was a punch to the ribs. She squeezed her eyes shut. Stop it, stop it, stop it. David murmured something — her name maybe, or a question — but she didn’t hear it. She didn’t want to. She just pulled him closer, guiding his hands under her shirt, forcing his touch to match the temperature in her head. He flinched a little, surprised by her insistence, but he didn’t resist.

I want her I want her I want her—

She pressed herself closer. Moved against him like that would help, like friction could burn the truth out of her.

I don’t. It’s not like that. It was just a kiss.

David’s lips found her neck. She tipped her head back. Let him.

It didn’t mean anything. She kissed me first. It was curiosity. She was probably confused. She’ll go back to him.

Her mind screamed over it all.

I want her I want her I want her—

She gritted her teeth. No. No.

I don’t.

I didn’t.

It didn’t mean anything.

I want her.

I don’t.

I can’t.

I want her I want her I want her—

Afterwards, the room was quiet.

David lay beside her, his breathing still a little uneven. His fingers ghosted across her bare shoulder in absentminded patterns. He was smiling, small and content, his eyes half-lidded in the dim light. He looked happy like he thought this meant something.

Seulgi felt nothing. No, not nothing. Something worse.

Hollow.

It pressed into her ribs, nausea creeping up the back of her throat. She stared at the ceiling, at the uneven patches of light from the city filtering through the curtains, at the way the sheets felt scratchy against her skin. She had thought — hoped — that this would fix something. That she could erase the way Joohyun had made her feel with something simpler, something cleaner.

But all she felt was guilt. She could still feel the tears she hadn’t wiped away, dried and tight against her temples. Could still feel Joohyun’s ghost in her mouth, her skin, her spine. It was like she’d been marked by it, and no matter how hard she tried to overwrite it, it wouldn’t fade.

David shifted beside her, then turned onto his side, propping his head up with his arm. He was still smiling, soft and open in a way that made Seulgi’s stomach twist even more. His fingers brushed over her cheek, a featherlight touch. 

“That was—” He let out a small, breathy laugh, shaking his head. “God, I don’t even know what to say. I didn’t think — I mean, I hoped — but I didn’t know it would feel like that.”

Seulgi didn’t say anything. Her mouth was full of rocks. It was his first time. Her fingers curled into the sheets, gripping the fabric hard enough to hurt. I took something from him that I can’t give back.

David kept talking, his voice low, close. “I don’t know. I just. . . I’m glad it was with you.” He paused and his voice turned cautious. “Was it. . . was it okay? For you, I mean. I didn’t, like, hurt you or anything?”

Seulgi forced a small, brittle smile. “Yeah,” she said, voice too light, too empty. “It was fine.”

“Oh, good, I was worried I might have. . . Seulgi, I. . .” he lost his words for a moment before, “I love you.” 

Seulgi froze. Her mouth was dry, her throat tight, her body locked in place. It was such a small word, but it landed like a stone in her stomach. 

He looked down at the sheets, his fingers curling slightly around the edge of the fabric. “You don’t have to say it,” he added quickly. “I — I didn’t mean to pressure you or anything. I just—” He let out a quiet, breathless laugh, shaking his head at himself. “I don’t know. It just felt right to say.”

Seulgi’s chest tightened. She didn’t say anything back. She squeezed her eyes shut. She had made a mistake. A big one. And she didn’t know how to fix it. Her breath hitched just enough that her chest stuttered beneath it. David didn’t notice. If he’d looked at her again, if he’d touched her or asked if she was okay, she would’ve shattered.

She turned onto her side, away from him. Curled in on herself, her fingers twisting into the corner of the sheet like they could hold her together. She wished she could disappear. Instead, she closed her eyes and saw Joohyun.

Chapter Text

Since Joohyun could remember, being a pretty girl meant something different. 

It meant being watched. Before she had words for it, she knew what it felt like, a picture in a frame, delicate and untouchable, but only if she stayed still. It meant being praised not for what she thought or did, but for how she appeared walking into a room. She learned early that smiling at the right moment could smooth over tension. That people — adults, boys, even teachers — were softer with her when she looked agreeable.

Pretty wasn’t something she earned. It was something she wore, like a uniform or a role. And roles came with rules. Pretty girls didn’t make trouble. They didn’t raise their voice or contradict you too harshly. They didn’t sulk or take up too much space. They were polite and good at sitting still and looking interested. Pretty girls got picked for group projects and class president. Pretty girls were wanted.

Being pretty also came with the way other girls looked at her. They turned their heads like she was something to be assessed, copied, or torn apart. Being pretty wasn’t just an asset; it was a weapon. Or maybe a curse. A language she had to speak fluently, even when she didn’t want to. Her mother taught her that language: the perfect tilt of the head, the modest laugh, the way to smooth her skirt when standing up so that it didn’t bunch in awkward places; how to apply lip gloss so the shimmer caught the light but never looked tacky. “If you’re going to be looked at, Joohyun,” her mother once said, brushing out her long, black hair with deft, even strokes, “at least make sure they see what you want them to see.”

It meant good posture, brushing her hair a hundred strokes each night, and sitting with her knees crossed even when she wore jeans. It meant letting her aunt pinch her cheeks and say she looked just like her mother had at that age, polished, quiet, obedient. It meant doing things “just right,” even if no one ever told her what that meant, only when she’d done it wrong. It meant answering boys politely when they spoke to her, even if she didn’t care what they had to say. It meant being admired but never too bold; complimented, but not loud; clever, but never threatening.

Joohyun became fluent in smiles that weren’t quite smiles, in nods that ended conversations before they could begin. She knew how to make her approval feel like a gift and her disapproval a wound. Joohyun was good at lying to herself, arranging her world into neat, acceptable boxes. She had been doing it since she was five years old, winning ‘best smile’ in kindergarten, the teacher’s pet, the good girl. She wore the title like a badge, even when it chafed because she was supposed to want certain things. A good grade. A good boyfriend. A good reputation. A life you could fold up into an Instagram grid: smiling selfies, pretty coffee cups, perfect scores.

Joohyun knew how to read the room with her face. She knew how to say “thank you” like she meant it, even when her skin crawled under the weight of some older boys’ attention. She knew how to accept flowers on Valentine’s Day and laugh gently when they called her an ice queen because she hadn’t said yes. Boys liked her. She was supposed to like that. And maybe she did, at first. In that distant, automatic way that you like doing well on a test or being told you’re someone’s favourite. 

It wasn’t until middle school that it all started to feel strange. When Yena cried in the locker room because the boy she liked had called her ugly, Joohyun had held her hand, brushed her bangs away, and whispered, “He’s stupid. You’re the prettiest girl I know.”

Yena had blinked at her, red-rimmed, and said, “Yeah, but not prettier than you.”

That should have made Joohyun feel proud. Instead, she’d felt something cold twist in her chest. It felt like being misunderstood. She never talked about that moment. But she remembered it as well as the time Sooyoung teased her about being too perfect, too polished. 

“You’re like a princess doll,” she’d said. “Beautiful, but fake.”

Joohyun had laughed with the others, but that night she’d stood in front of the mirror and wiped off all her makeup with the heel of her hand. Scrubbed until her skin stung. Just to see what her face looked like without it. She thought maybe she hated it. Or maybe, she hated how much she needed it. How much easier things were when she looked and acted a certain way.

The older she got, the more the world handed her scripts she didn’t remember auditioning for. Girls liked boys. Pretty girls dated handsome boys and took pictures in matching couple outfits and let their hair fall perfectly over a boy’s shoulder on dates. No one told her she had a choice.

Until Seulgi.

Seulgi, who didn’t flinch when Joohyun was sharp, who knew how to make her laugh from her gut, who looked at her like she was a real person, not just an image to uphold. Seulgi, who let her rest her head on her shoulder without saying anything stupid, who shared apple slices and offered up her lap when Joohyun was tired, rubbing her temple gently when she had headaches.

Joohyun didn’t remember a time she hadn’t been watched. Not just looked at — watched. Assessed, corrected, praised, judged. Her mother’s eyes were the first mirror she ever knew, sharp and exacting. Love could sound like critique in a gentle voice. “Keep your back straight.” “Smile with your eyes, not just your lips.” “Don’t slouch, Joohyun, it ruins the line of your blouse.” Her mother called it discipline. Beauty was a kind of performance art. “Presentation,” she’d say, as if Joohyun were a gift to be unwrapped slowly. 

Her father was quieter in the way a shut door is quiet. He never raised his voice because he didn’t have to. His silence was a verdict. Disinterest sharpened into dismissal. He loved her, maybe. In the abstract, respectable way one might love a well-behaved child from a distance. He certainly paid for her tuition, applauded politely at recitals, and smiled in photos. But Joohyun could never remember a conversation with him that lasted longer than two minutes or didn’t end with her fidgeting under the weight of her own stillness.

By the time she was twelve, Joohyun had learnt the rules. Be graceful. Be kind. Be agreeable. Want the right things. Want them the right way. Don’t want too much. Don’t be difficult. Difficult was the worst thing a girl like her could be. Difficult girls didn’t get good reputations or good schools, good futures, or good boys.

So Joohyun became good. Perfect, even. The kind of girl who remembered everyone’s birthdays, brought extra pens to class, and got asked to model in school flyers. The kind of girl who knew exactly how to say “no” without ever quite saying it. She occupied the space people left for her. She didn’t ask questions she didn’t already know the answers to.

Then there was Seulgi. Seulgi, who never looked at her like she was porcelain. Seulgi, who made her laugh in a way that left her throat raw and her eyes damp. Seulgi was chaos and revelry and didn’t fit into the world of rules. 

Joohyun remembered kindergarten the way one remembers a bruise. Faint, but still sore when pressed. Her mother had woken her early that morning and braided her hair so tightly that it pulled at the scalp. She was given shiny shoes and a pink lunchbox. Her mother had crouched to adjust her collar, fingers cool and precise, before murmuring, “First impressions matter, darling. Be good. Be polite. Smile like I taught you. You don’t want to be difficult.” Her father had driven her to school in silence. His attention tethered to the traffic, the radio, anything but her. He said she’d do fine. He said it like a closing remark, not encouragement. 

At five years old, Joohyun knew what was expected of her. She stood in front of the class, palms damp, head down. When the teacher asked her to introduce herself, her voice came out small. She didn’t look up. She didn’t want to see how they’d already decided things about her. Girls like Joohyun were meant to be admired from afar. A doll in a display case. No one spoke to her at recess. No one invited her to play. She wasn’t surprised, but she wasn’t sad, either. That was how it always was.

And then. . . Seulgi. A blur of scraped knees and gap-toothed grin. Seulgi barreled into Joohyun’s corner with a box of crayons and all the subtlety of a thunderclap.

“You can have pink,” Seulgi announced, thrusting the crayon at her like a peace offering.

Joohyun didn’t know what to do with that, someone choosing her without hesitation, without calculation. Not because she was the new girl, or the pretty girl, but because, simply, she was there. Looking back, Joohyun wondered if that was the first time someone had ever offered her something without expecting anything in return.

Seulgi didn’t care about first impressions. She didn’t care that Joohyun was quiet or careful. She just sat beside her, legs swinging, chatting about dinosaurs and puppies and how she thought pink was the best colour in the world.  That was the moment Joohyun’s neat little world cracked open. She hadn’t understood it then, why exactly Seulgi’s attention felt different. Why her laughter settled in Joohyun’s chest and stayed there, stubborn and warm. She told herself it was relief.

But as the years passed and the roles became clearer — girls liked boys, pretty girls dated popular boys — Joohyun clung to those scripts like a lifeline. She couldn’t afford to question why Seulgi’s smile meant more than any boy’s compliment. Or why the thought of Seulgi offering that same pink crayon to someone else made her stomach knot. It was easier to pretend. Easier to talk about boys like she was supposed to. Easier to perform the part her mother had trained her for. Discipline. Presentation. Control.

But even now, years later, when Seulgi laughed at something stupid and looked at Joohyun like she was real, not a doll, not a display, something inside her fractured. Seulgi had been the first to see her. And that terrified her more than she could ever admit.

Joohyun never knew how to name that feeling. She told herself it was comfort. A kind of friendship so old and easy it didn’t need words. But sometimes, when she was alone, brushing her teeth or folding her uniform or lying awake at night with Seulgi’s laugh still ringing in her ears, the comfort bent into something else. A tightness in her chest. A flicker of heat in the base of her spine. An ache that didn’t have a name.

She called it admiration. It was normal to care so much about your best friend. To get a little jealous when Seulgi talked to other girls, to feel a little sick when she mentioned boys. To dream about her and then spend the whole morning pretending she hadn’t. It was just friendship, Joohyun told herself, just very intense, very secret friendship.

When Sooyoung teased her about kissing Suho, the panic wasn’t about Suho. It was about the idea of Suho. About doing what she was supposed to do. What a girl like her was expected to want. She’d stared at her reflection, long after their group chat had gone quiet, and imagined what Seulgi would say. Probably something reassuring and soft, like always. Something teasing, like “You? A bad kisser? No way.”

That was when the idea had taken root. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. It was just active. She told herself it was fine and normal. Plenty of girls faked it until they figured it out. She just needed practice. That was why she asked Seulgi, her favourite person, whom she trusted the most. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything. It was natural. Still. . . a part of her wished for the normal of her childhood, when things were as clear as black and white. 

When Joohyun was little, boys were gross. They wiped their noses on their sleeves, shouted and threw things just to see them break. It was an unspoken agreement among the girls: boys were to be avoided, tolerated at best. Seulgi had agreed with her, and that mattered so much.

But middle school was different. Somewhere between sixth and seventh grade, the rules had shifted. Boys hadn’t changed much — they were still loud and reckless as ever — but suddenly, you were supposed to like them and for them to like you back. Joohyun had watched her friends adjust effortlessly by crushing on upperclassmen, giggling over text messages, and dissecting every glance like it meant something life-changing. 

Joohyun tried. Or at least, she thought she did. She picked names at random, boys who were decent enough, boys who smiled in her direction or had good handwriting or didn’t talk with food in their mouths. She wrote their names in the margins of her notebooks, practised how her name might sound with theirs, as if saying it enough times could make her feel something. She mimicked the way her friends blushed and stammered, told herself it was all part of the process and the fluttering was just delayed: the wanting would come later.

Joohyun’s first real kiss — the one that was supposed to count — happened in the sixth grade. His name was Jihoon. He was popular in the way twelve-year-old boys are popular: loud, fast, always the first to climb something he shouldn’t. He smelled like sweat and mint gum, and Joohyun didn’t like him. But her friends liked the idea of her liking him.

“You should do it,” Yena had urged, wide-eyed. “Get it over with. Everyone says he wants to kiss you.”

It wasn’t a dare. But it felt like something she was supposed to do. Seulgi had been there, sitting cross-legged on the playground curb, peeling an orange with messy fingers. When Yena prodded Joohyun’s shoulder and whispered, “Jihoon is waiting by the bike racks,” Seulgi hadn’t said anything. She’d just glanced up, eyes curious, mouth full of fruit. Joohyun remembered wishing she’d say something. Tell her it was stupid and she didn’t have to. But Seulgi just watched, like she always did. She was waiting to see what Joohyun would choose.

So Joohyun went. Jihoon was there, just like Yena had said. He had a Band-Aid on his chin from some stunt he bragged about earlier that week, and a basketball under one arm. The kiss was quick, awkward, a collision more than anything. Jihoon had leaned in too fast, and his lips had been chapped, and she’d felt nothing. Just the vague thought of this is it? She stayed behind for a moment, staring at the chain-link fence, her heart not racing the way it was supposed to. Nothing inside her had shifted. There was no breathless magic, no fireworks, but just the faint taste of mint and the stubborn sting of disappointment.

When she came back, Yena was squealing, clutching her arm. “So?” she demanded. “Was it good? Did you like it?”

Joohyun had opened her mouth to say yes — because that’s what everyone wanted to hear — but Sooyoung, lounging nearby, snorted.

“Boys are gross,” she declared confidently. “Bet he slobbered all over you.”

The other girls laughed. Joohyun laughed too. Relief washed over her, warm and immediate because if it was gross, if it was funny, then it didn’t matter that she hadn’t liked it. She caught Seulgi’s eye across the playground, orange peel curled in her palm like a ribbon. Seulgi smiled, crooked and knowing. She offered Joohyun an orange slice, the peel still clinging stubbornly to its edge. Joohyun took it.

Later, in the quiet of their walk home, Seulgi nudged her shoulder. “So. Was it really that bad?”

Joohyun wrinkled her nose. “Worse. His lips were dry.”

Seulgi laughed, loud and delighted, and Joohyun felt the tightness in her chest ease. They never talked about it again.

There was a moment, once. Some other girl — Hyerin, maybe, from cram class. They’d been paired up for a project, knees touching under the table. Hyerin had leaned in close enough that Joohyun could feel her breath when she whispered, “You’re really pretty up close.” It hadn’t been teasing. Not the way boys said it. Just a quiet observation, as if it were simply a fact. Joohyun had flushed, her heart stuttering, and she didn’t know why. She’d laughed it off, of course. Shifted away, smoothed her skirt, said nothing. But the heat had lingered. She never told anyone about it, not even Seulgi.

It was inevitable, the way things changed as they grew older. “Boys are gross” had turned into something else entirely. Now it was, “When will you lose your virginity?” asked with smirks and whispers. It was “You haven’t even kissed anyone properly?” with faux shock and knowing glances. It was, “Don’t you think it’s time?” Joohyun could feel the weight of it building, quiet but constant, pressing down in the locker room, at sleepovers, in bathrooms thick with perfume and practised laughter. Like she was failing at something fundamental. 

Virginity had become an obsession. Not just hers. Everyone’s. It was currency, gossip fodder, a badge of experience, a rite of passage she was meant to care about. She wasn’t even sure when it had started. Maybe somewhere between Yeri’s breathless retelling of a party make-out and Sooyoung’s unabashed recounting of how far she’d gone with her summer fling. It was a game of numbers. Scores. Points.

Joohyun didn’t want to fall behind. But the truth was far messier. She wasn’t afraid of being “bad at kissing.” She was afraid of what it would mean if she wasn’t. What if she kissed Suho, let him press closer, let things go further, and still felt nothing but the sharp edges of pretending? If she went through the motions and still couldn’t understand why everyone was so obsessed. If she came out of it with that same hollowness she’d felt since Jihoon in sixth grade. Since that cram school girl, Hyerin, and her soft-spoken compliment had unsettled Joohyun far more than Jihoon’s clumsy mouth ever had.

So when she heard — not from Seulgi, but in the casual, careless way news gets passed around — that Seulgi had obtained a boyfriend over winter break, it hit differently. It wasn’t a long relationship, just a few months, a handful of weekends, and some texts Joohyun pretended not to read over Seulgi’s shoulder. She never said anything. She smiled and nodded. Asked the right questions in the right voice. “Do you like him?” “Is he nice to you?” “Does he make you laugh?” She hadn’t believed it would ever go anywhere. Why would she cross that line? Yet here it was, a half-whispered secret that hit Joohyun like a shove. Anger flared first. Sharp, hot, unreasonable. How dare Seulgi? How dare she make it look so casual, like it didn’t matter that Joohyun was left chewing on rumours? 

Inside, she was unravelling because Seulgi had liked him. Maybe not in some grand, earth-shattering way, but enough to smile at her phone at midnight, enough to get nervous before dates, enough to let him kiss her in the back stairwell and come back flushed, grinning. Joohyun had watched all of it. And it made her want to scream. Not because Seulgi was happy. She wanted Seulgi to be happy. God, she did. 

But because Seulgi could be. Seulgi could want that. Want him. Feel that dizzy, swooping thing in her stomach and not have it feel like a betrayal. She could lean into a boy’s kiss and mean it. Joohyun had watched her walk into it, open-eyed and easy, and felt like she was drowning in concrete.

Seulgi could want a boy.  

That was the part Joohyun couldn’t swallow. Seulgi could want someone in a way that Joohyun didn’t understand, couldn’t imitate, or had never been able to feel. Seulgi could give herself over to it, just like everyone else. She was capable of it.

Joohyun hadn’t expected it to bother her, Seulgi liking boys. Of course she did. She was normal. That’s what girls did. Liked boys, dated them, giggled about them over bubble tea. It was supposed to be fine. But the first time Seulgi said she thought that boy — what was his name, Minhyuk? — was cute, Joohyun felt sick. It didn’t make sense. Seulgi was allowed to like boys. Joohyun wanted her to like boys. That was right. That was normal.

And yet. The words had lodged themselves under Joohyun’s skin, prickling like thorns.

She remembered how Seulgi had laughed, all easy and careless, when she mentioned Minhyuk’s stupid, crooked smile. “He’s kinda dumb, but in a funny way,” she’d said, kicking her legs up onto the bench like it was nothing. Joohyun had wanted to throw up because Seulgi could feel that way. She could look at a boy and think, I want him to like me. She could flirt back, imagine kissing him, and holding his hand, all the things Joohyun herself had spent years pretending to want. 

When Joohyun tried to picture herself with a boy, it was like wearing clothes that didn’t fit. Like trying to breathe underwater. Tight and suffocating. Wrong. She told herself it was nerves. She’d get used to it. If she tried hard enough, eventually it would feel right. That was what you were supposed to do, wasn’t it? Fake it until it stops feeling fake.

Except with Seulgi, it had never been fake. That was the difference, the thing that gnawed at her late at night when the world was quiet. Seulgi’s smile, Seulgi’s laughter, the casual, unconscious way she reached for Joohyun’s hand, those things had always felt natural. Warm. Real. Not forced. Not practised.

She met Suho in a group project. He was easy to talk to, polite, the kind of boy her mother would approve of. He smiled at her like she was impressive, not intimidating. When he asked her out, Joohyun said yes without thinking. This was what she was supposed to want. A nice boy. A nice date. A nice, tidy experience to cross off the checklist. If Seulgi could like a boy, then so could Joohyun.

Sooyoung had said, in that blunt way of hers, that Joohyun was obsessed. Joohyun had laughed it off. Suho was safe. Handsome. Popular. The right choice. If she could kiss him and feel what she was supposed to feel, then maybe she could stop asking herself the wrong questions. She could prove Sooyoung right and herself wrong. So when Sooyoung said Joohyun was obsessed, she wasn’t wrong. It wasn’t Suho that Joohyun was obsessed with; it was the idea of normalcy. With the hope that he could fix something inside her. That a good kiss, a right kiss, would settle the noise in her head. It would make her want what she was supposed to want.

That was why she asked Seulgi. Because Seulgi was the safest person she knew. And also the most dangerous. Because Seulgi’s attention had always felt different. When Seulgi kissed her back, carefully, sweetly, Joohyun knew she’d made a mistake. No boy, no matter how nice, could make her feel what Seulgi’s lips had sparked under her skin. If she let herself admit what that meant, it would unravel everything. Her mother’s careful lessons, her father’s sharp expectations. The perfect script she’d memorised since childhood. Pretty girls like her didn’t get to rewrite the rules.

So she kept pretending. She said yes when Suho asked her out.  She smiled, giggling, when her friends asked about him. She said all the right things. But in the quiet moments, when Seulgi’s voice lingered in her head, when her mind wandered to that kiss — their kiss, not Suho’s — Joohyun’s chest would twist in a way that no boy had ever made her feel. 

Joohyun remembered when Seulgi lost her virginity. Not the details, obviously. Seulgi had spared her those. Joohyun didn’t remember when it started to feel like a betrayal. Not the act itself. Seulgi sleeping with a boy wasn’t a surprise. Joohyun had been expecting it, in the same way she expected the seasons to change. But when she heard — when Sooyoung mentioned it so casually, in the middle of some inane lunch conversation — something cold had settled in Joohyun’s stomach. Without me. That was what slipped out first. A stupid, childish thing. She hadn’t even thought about the words before they were tumbling out, bitter on her tongue.

“Without telling me,” she clarified quickly, sharply, before Seulgi could misunderstand. But even that was a lie, wasn’t it?

Joohyun didn’t understand why it hurt. They were best friends. They told each other everything. That was how she justified the sharpness in her tone, the way her arms folded across her chest like armour. Her mother had taught her how to hold herself still. How to accept things with grace. “Never show your feelings too plainly, Joohyun. A lady keeps her composure.”

But Seulgi had gone and done this thing — this important thing — and Joohyun hadn’t known. Seulgi hadn’t told her. Seulgi had gone off and done it with a boy who didn’t even matter. And it felt like losing something. She couldn’t name what.

“You’re my best friend,” she had said, like it was a fact that should fix everything. Best friends were supposed to make these milestones together. Joohyun had thought that if Seulgi ever crossed that invisible line, it would be with her. Not like that. Not in the way people assumed. But in the way that mattered, where Joohyun would never be left behind. Joohyun didn’t know what it was like to want the things she was supposed to want. But she knew what it was like to want Seulgi close. Closer than anyone else.

Seulgi’s breezy answer — “I didn’t enjoy it, it’s done, it didn’t mean anything” — made Joohyun’s throat tighten. She should have been relieved.

But all she could think about was how Seulgi hadn’t told her. She hated how petty it sounded in her own head, how irrational. As if the problem was information, not. . . everything else. 

Joohyun stormed off. It was easier than staying. Easier than sitting with the ugly, suffocating thought that maybe she wasn’t angry because Seulgi slept with a boy. She was angry because, for one small, stupid moment, she’d thought Seulgi was hers — that was far harder to forgive.

Later that night, alone in her room, Joohyun stared at her ceiling and thought: Shouldn’t I want that too? A boyfriend. A first time. A story to tell. She tried to picture it. A boy’s hands on her waist. A boy’s mouth pressed against hers. The image came blurry, detached, like watching someone else’s memory. Kissing them always felt like going through the motions, reciting lines in a play she hadn’t auditioned for. She was good at it. Of course, she was. She knew how to be what people wanted. But she never felt what she was supposed to feel. Not the fluttering excitement, nor the spark her friends described in hushed whispers. It was like listening to a song on mute, watching everyone else dance to a rhythm she couldn’t hear.

Every time she was with Suho, Joohyun told herself it was enough. He was nice. Sweet in that dependable, boring way that girls were supposed to want. He texted her good morning and carried her books when she forgot her bag. He knew her coffee order without asking. Her friends thought they were cute together, and sometimes, when she remembered to, she smiled back at him, touched his arm and played the part.

But then Seulgi would laugh at something dumb across the room, or tilt her head in that way she did when she was focused, or glance at Joohyun with that unguarded softness only she ever seemed to get, and something in Joohyun’s chest would twist. Sharp. Familiar. She knew that feeling too well. That low ache, the one that had no name but lived like a secret under her skin. That feeling always came with Seulgi.

And every time it rose, Joohyun reached for Suho and clung to him just a tiny bit harder. She wrapped her fingers around Suho’s wrist when Seulgi looked too beautiful in the late afternoon light. She laughed a little louder when she saw Seulgi watching and also let herself be kissed like it meant something.

She wasn’t thinking about him when she did it. She was thinking about how Seulgi used to tuck her hair behind her ear during cram school. About the way Seulgi’s voice dropped when she whispered something only Joohyun was meant to hear. Suho didn’t notice. Or maybe he did and didn’t care. He leaned into her touches, smiled like he’d earned something.

Joohyun wished she could be grateful. Instead, she felt like she was drowning.

Sometimes, after school, Suho would kiss her in the courtyard. Nothing deep, just lips pressed together, clumsy and brief. Joohyun would close her eyes, willing herself to feel something. Anything. But always her mind drifted: to the way Seulgi’s breath had caught when their lips met that day in the empty classroom; the way her hands had trembled against Joohyun’s back; the quiet shock in her eyes afterwards, like they’d both opened a door they weren’t supposed to find. She remembered that kiss more vividly than anything she’d done with Suho. And that scared her. 

For a period, it was stable, and Joohyun could lie to herself about everything being fine. 

But the appearance of David Bennett set her whole life off-kilter.  He was nothing, at first. A new transfer, awkward in that endearing, British kind of way. Quiet in class, unremarkable in the halls. Harmless. The kind of boy Joohyun was supposed to like, if she’d met him first — the kind who’d hold doors open and ask for permission before touching your hand.

But then Seulgi started sitting with him. Laughing with him. Texting him. It started small. She mentioned him offhandedly — some joke he’d made in Math class, the way he pronounced “schedule” wrong, how he helped her with some worksheet she hadn’t finished. Seulgi wasn’t even trying to make Joohyun jealous. And that made it worse. Because Joohyun could feel it — that shift, that new gravity pulling Seulgi just out of reach. It was quiet. Seulgi wasn’t trying to escape her. But she was slipping anyway. Joohyun told herself it was fine. She had Suho. She had her friends. She was still Seulgi’s best friend. Nothing had changed.

Except everything had.

Joohyun caught herself watching them. Seulgi and David, walking together after class. Heads tipped close. Seulgi grinning, that kind of grin she used to save for Joohyun, lopsided, unfiltered, stupidly beautiful. Joohyun told herself it didn’t sting. That it didn’t matter. It did. It stung like betrayal.

David wasn’t the problem. Joohyun tried to hate him. It would’ve been easier. But he was kind. He helped Seulgi with her homework. He laughed at her stupid jokes. He never interrupted. Never tried to make her smaller. He was everything a good boyfriend should be. And Joohyun wanted to break his nose. She sat through conversations with clenched teeth and perfect smiles. “That’s so cute,” she’d say when Seulgi mentioned David. “He seems sweet.”

She wanted to fucking scream.

She started dressing nicer. Lip gloss every day. Perfume spritzed twice instead of once. She told herself it was for Suho. For herself. For the sake of routine. But part of her knew it was because Seulgi had stopped looking at her. And Joohyun didn’t know how to live in a world where Seulgi’s eyes didn’t find her, instinctively, like a habit.

Joohyun hadn’t meant to end up there. She just happened to remember Seulgi had mentioned the café. The timing was coincidental and not planned. Definitely not something she’d obsessed over the entire evening. She wasn’t stalking Seulgi. God, no. She had Suho’s hand in hers. She was grounded. Composed. Normal.

It just so happened that she’d chosen that café. That day. That hour. The place smelled too sweet. Joohyun’s eyes flicked over him, sharp and cutting. His shirt was too crisp, like he was trying too hard, or maybe not trying at all; she couldn’t decide which was worse. His hair was neatly combed but slightly damp at the edges like he’d rushed to meet Seulgi, like he cared too much, or maybe not enough. He wasn’t ugly, Joohyun supposed, but he wasn’t interesting either. She imagined he’d said something self-important just before they walked in, something pretentious and soft-voiced that made Seulgi tilt her head and smile politely.

He was the kind of boy Joohyun had always found vaguely laughable: the ones who wore their nerves like badges, who thought fumbling charm was irresistible. Seulgi was just being kind. That she had to be. David was one of those charity cases Seulgi collected, the way she always did, drawing in awkward people like moths and pretending it didn’t drain her.

Joohyun’s grip on Suho’s hand tightened again. Her eyes were already on them. Seulgi looked up, brief, startled, like a deer in headlights — and Joohyun felt that familiar crackle of static between them that didn’t mean anything. Just surprise or history.

Joohyun didn’t dislike David. She barely thought about him. He was harmless. But the way he was looking at Seulgi — like she was the answer to a question he’d been too afraid to ask — it made something in Joohyun’s jaw tighten. She said nothing at first and allowed Suho to do the talking. Let her silence stretch just long enough for Seulgi to squirm. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was being polite.

Until she wasn’t.

It wasn’t jealousy. Joohyun told herself that as she sipped her drink and smiled so precisely, it almost hurt. She wasn’t looking at Seulgi’s hand on the table, inching just a little too close to David’s. She wasn’t imagining how warm Seulgi’s palms used to be, or the way she’d once looped their pinkies under the table in middle school for no reason at all. This was fine. David was fine. Just a boy with unfortunate hair and a nervous laugh. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t understand Seulgi the way Joohyun did. No one really could.

She laughed at Suho’s joke even though it wasn’t funny. It was loud enough to fill the space between her and Seulgi like a wall. It was easier that way. To perform and pretend she hadn’t noticed the way David’s eyes lingered when Seulgi smiled, or how Seulgi looked down like she was flustered. Joohyun wasn’t bothered. Of course not. She had no reason to be. She was just observing. Protecting. It wasn’t personal. 

David started to answer, but Suho — bless his timing — cut in with a comment about how David “speaks oddly.” David looked down, shoulders drawing in slightly, the tips of his ears turning faintly pink. Joohyun laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was expected. A girl like her laughed when her boyfriend made jokes, even when they didn’t land. But when Suho mentioned the prank, and David looked down at the table like he wanted to disappear, Joohyun faltered. She hadn’t meant to humiliate him. She’d just joined in to keep the peace. She wasn’t cruel. She wasn’t petty. She didn’t have a problem with David. He was just—

Too visible. Too close to Seulgi.

Seulgi’s jaw clenched. Her shoulders squared. And Joohyun knew she’d gone too far. Seulgi was about to do something reckless. When Seulgi pulled her into the bathroom, her voice sharp and angry, Joohyun felt something bitter bloom in her chest. Not guilt, just the sinking, breathless knowledge that she was no longer the only one who made Seulgi look like that.

She had Suho, she knew. He was supposed to be the centre of her life. But Suho came with his own set of problems. 

It started small, like most things did. Suho’s hand lingered a second too long on her waist. A thumb brushed the edge of her ribs beneath the hem of her sweater. The pause before he pulled away, as if waiting for permission that Joohyun wasn’t sure she knew how to give. She didn’t recoil. That would’ve been obvious. Girls like her didn’t flinch. She smiled instead and her fingers curled gently around his wrist, not too tightly. Just enough to seem affectionate.

He was patient, at first. Respectful and sweet. He walked her home after study sessions and offered his jacket when it rained. Always with that open, eager expression. The kind of boy you were supposed to be grateful for.

But then it changed. Slowly, almost imperceptibly. A shift in temperature. A glance that lingered too long. The way his texts grew more insistent: miss you already, can’t stop thinking about you, wish I were there. He started mentioning how late his parents got home and offered to cancel plans so they could hang out somewhere private. Joohyun nodded, smiled. She said she’d check her schedule. But something tight began to form behind her ribs. She kept thinking about the checklist and how her friends spoke in codes, bases and firsts, and how far you got. About how Sooyoung joked, you’re not gonna graduate a virgin, are you?

Suho didn’t say it outright. He never had to. He kissed her longer now and with more purpose. His stubble brushed her skin, rougher than she expected, leaving a faint burn along her jaw, her neck. She’d tilt her head, let him press closer, and wonder if this was what it was supposed to feel like. His hands, big and bruising, would settle on her hips and stay there. When he pulled her into the quiet corner by the vending machines, his mouth was warm, familiar. She knew the rhythm by heart: where to tilt her head, when to part her lips, how to pretend she wasn’t holding her breath the entire time.

Sometimes, his hands would trail lower. Fingertips brushing the top of her thighs, the small of her back. He’d murmur, "Just tell me if you’re not okay with this. Joohyun would smile. Nod. Lie. Because it wasn’t about not being okay. It was about not knowing what okay even meant. It was about how her skin prickled when he touched her, not from excitement, but from effort. From the strain of pretending this was something she wanted. Her body moved like muscle memory. Her voice was syrupy sweet. All of it felt like a performance.

The first time he asked — really asked — they were sitting on his couch. Some old movie was playing in the background. His hand was warm on her thigh, his breath steady against her cheek.

“You know I really like you, right?” he said, fingers threading through hers.

Joohyun smiled. “I know.”

He leaned in closer. “You’re so pretty.”

She nodded. She’d heard that one before.

His voice dropped, soft and careful. “I want to be close to you, Joohyun. Like. . . really close. Only if you want that too.”

Joohyun blinked. Her heart didn’t race. Her stomach didn’t flip. Her skin didn’t flush with wanting. She just sat there, staring at his mouth, wondering what was wrong with her.

She said, “Maybe. Not tonight.”

His smile faltered. Just a hair. But he recovered. “Of course. Totally fine.”

Joohyun didn’t know how to say no without sounding like she was being dramatic. Nice girls didn’t make a fuss. Nice girlfriends were understanding. She didn’t want him to think she didn’t like him. That wasn’t the point. She liked him enough to keep trying and hoping that eventually it would feel the way it was supposed to. But every time his lips pressed lower, his fingers bolder, something in her chest tightened like a knot being pulled too tight.

He’d pause sometimes, glance up, his voice low: “Is this okay?”

She’d nod, always nod, because it wasn’t not okay. It wasn’t awful. He wasn’t cruel. He wasn’t forcing. He was just. . . there, wanting something from her that she didn’t know how to give. Not because she didn’t care about him, but because she couldn’t stop thinking about how her body had never lit up the way everyone said it should. Not with Jihoon. Not with Suho. Not even with those dreamy, distant daydreams about boys in dramas with sharp jawlines and slow smiles.

And never, not once, had she craved it the way she craved closeness with Seulgi. That was the real betrayal. The one she kept hidden like a bruise under long sleeves.

One evening, Suho kissed her longer than usual. Slower. He tasted like mint, and the iced coffee he always drank too fast. His hands crept under her shirt, fingertips featherlight, and she froze for a second. It was barely noticeable, but it was enough.

He pulled back, blinking. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she said quickly. “I’m fine. Just. . . ticklish.”

He smiled sheepishly. “You’re always fine.”

Joohyun’s throat went dry. She didn’t know how to explain that fine was the only thing she knew how to be. That she didn’t have the language for whatever was wrong with her. That when he touched her like that, all she could think about was how it didn’t feel like anything. Not good. Not bad. Just nothing. 

She laughed it off. Let the moment pass. But the next time he asked if she wanted to go further — his voice low, coaxing, like they were conspiring about something — Joohyun felt her stomach twist.

“We don’t have to rush,” he said. “I just. . . I want to feel closer to you.”

And she wanted that too. Or thought she should. But when she tried to picture it — his weight over her, the room too quiet, her limbs tangled with his — it felt like a memory someone else had told her. Not a want. Not a wish. Just obligation dressed in affection.

Still, she nodded. Because saying no felt impossible. Saying no meant explaining herself. And she didn’t even know what she’d say. I don’t want to because I’ve never wanted to. The only time I ever wanted anything was when Seulgi kissed me, and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. Instead, she kissed him again. Just enough to distract him. Just enough to hold him at a distance that still looked like closeness.

Later that night, brushing her teeth in the mirror, Joohyun stared at her reflection and tried to imagine what would happen if she stopped pretending. If she stopped nodding and told Suho the truth.

But then she thought of her mother. Of her father. The word difficult ringing in her ears like a warning bell. Of what it would mean if she said it out loud. So she rinsed her mouth, smoothed her hair, and went to bed pretending again. She was good at it. She had to be.

Paris was a whole different thing. It wasn’t just the change in skyline or how the air tasted older, softer somehow, like breath held in a cathedral. It wasn’t even the language, though that helped, the way French curled in her ear like a secret she didn’t have to translate. No, Paris was different because she was different in it. She was far from her parents, from school, from the version of herself that never stepped out of line. Here, she could almost pretend there wasn’t a line. Just narrow streets and late evenings, and Seulgi beside her with wind-chapped cheeks and warm hands she kept tucking into her coat sleeves. She didn’t have to be the good girl, or Suho’s girlfriend or her mother’s mirror. She could just be Joohyun — tired and wanting.

The truth lived closer to her skin in Paris. It pressed in when Seulgi dozed against her shoulder on the plane, mouth slack with sleep, one hand curled between them. It hummed beneath her ribs when Seulgi laughed at something a street performer said, head tossed back, joy unscripted. It bloomed like a bruise when Seulgi reached for her scarf without thinking, tugged it tighter, said, “You always forget to cover your throat.”

Joohyun thought: How long have I been holding my breath? She kept trying to remember why she’d said yes to Suho. Why did she keep kissing him like it meant something? Why did she let his hand stay on her waist when all she wanted was Seulgi’s sleeve brushing hers? Why did she keep choosing closeness that made her feel more alone?

In Paris, it was very easy for those choices to rot.

There was one cold and clear night. The kind made for confessions, bad decisions, or both. Joohyun stepped out onto the rooftop. The air was sharp and alive, brushing her face like a question she hadn’t dared ask out loud. This wasn’t the plan. She didn’t have a plan. She looked over to where Seulgi was watching the sky.

“Do you ever think,” Joohyun said, voice thin, like she wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the answer, “that maybe we’re pretending too much?”

Seulgi blinked, turned, and met her eyes. “Pretending what?”

But Joohyun didn’t answer. She couldn’t, not with the whole city watching. She stared at the sky and counted all the things she wanted and couldn’t name. And when she closed her eyes, it wasn’t Suho she pictured. It never had been. It was always Seulgi. The soft dip of her collarbone. The slope of her mouth. The way her voice dropped when she was tired. Joohyun pressed a hand to her chest. Stop it, she told herself. Stop being difficult.

But it wasn’t difficult anymore. It was truth — old, patient and sharp around the edges. She couldn’t go on pretending. Not when every glance at Seulgi made her ache. The distance between them felt like a lie she was choking on.

She didn’t plan to do it. It just happened like a breath she finally let go of. Seulgi was there, and Joohyun was done pretending. She leaned in and this time, she kissed her on purpose. Seulgi’s breath stuttered, and her hands hovered just shy of touching her back. She felt the warmth of her, the solid truth of her, and something inside Joohyun stopped spinning. It wasn’t like kissing a boy. It wasn’t like kissing anyone else. It was like coming home.

Joohyun pulled back slowly, heart pounding, and looked at her. “Goodnight, Seulgi,” she whispered. Then she left before she could lose her nerve.

Joohyun hesitated in the doorway. The dining room was warm and golden, the kind of light that tried too hard to be comforting. Chairs scraped softly, plates clinked, and a low hum of conversation filled the space like static, distant and dull. 

Seulgi was already seated, hunched over a bowl of yoghurt and fruit, her spoon turning slowly through the swirl. Her hoodie sleeves were pushed halfway up her arms. Her hair was damp from the shower. She looked tired, but when she glanced up and saw Joohyun in the doorway, her mouth curved into a grin so familiar it made Joohyun’s stomach twist.

“You’re late,” she said, voice light, like always.

Joohyun’s heart didn’t so much beat as flinch. She crossed the room on autopilot and sat down across from her, hands folded neatly on the table like she hadn’t kissed this girl under a sky full of stars and silence just hours ago. Seulgi offered her half of a banana without a word. She held it out across the table as if they were still in middle school and nothing hurt yet.

“Sorry,” Joohyun said. Her voice felt smaller than usual. “I overslept.”

Seulgi shrugged. “We’ve got time.” 

She peeled the other half of her banana. An old habit. One that went back years: sleepovers, field trips, lunches shared in rushed pockets of time; Seulgi always offering half. She never thought twice about it. Joohyun stared at the fruit like it had teeth. Still, her hand reached out. Their fingers brushed. For one unbearable second, she didn’t breathe.

Seulgi didn’t flinch. She popped the last bite of her half in her mouth and started talking about the plans for the day — some museum, a bakery someone on the internet said was “life-changing.” Joohyun nodded. She even smiled once. But inside, she was fraying. She’s acting like nothing happened. Or maybe. . . this is how she’s trying to tell me it’s okay. That we’re okay. Her eyes flicked to Seulgi’s face, searching for something. A clue. A crack. But Seulgi just kept eating, calm and soft around the edges like she always was in the morning. Her hair was slightly messy from sleep, her hoodie sleeves were too long, and there was a smear of honey near the corner of her mouth. 

Joohyun didn’t know if it made her want to cry or reach across the table and kiss her again. She swallowed the bite of banana. It sat wrong in her mouth, too sweet, like guilt. I kissed her. And she’s still being this gentle with me. A breath caught in her throat. She covered it with a sip of orange juice. What did I ever do to deserve her? There was a sharpness to the thought. A fragile ache, so quiet it barely had a shape. She could almost ignore it. If Seulgi was pretending, she was doing a damn good job. She was laughing at her own bad joke, stirring honey into her yoghurt and licking it off the spoon without looking up. Joohyun couldn’t tell if the softness was for her or in spite of her.

Maybe this was forgiveness. Maybe this was dismissal.

She tried to match Seulgi’s ease, her rhythm. But her chest was full of thorns, and her mouth tasted like maybe this was the beginning of something she couldn’t undo. Seulgi’s kindness had always steadied her; now it made her feel like she was standing on glass. She wanted to reach out and ask: Did it mean something to you, too? But she was too scared of the answer. Too scared that this softness, this quiet way of pretending, was the only way Seulgi knew how to let her down.

So she said nothing. She just sat there, chewing a banana, nodding along, pretending she hadn’t left part of herself on a rooftop the night before. Seulgi kept smiling and offering jam packets. Nothing had changed. And maybe nothing had. Except Joohyun. She wasn’t sure how to be in her own skin anymore.

Seulgi didn’t seem tense. But there was something about the way she kept her eyes low, the way she didn’t ask about last night. The way she didn’t mention David. Not once. And Joohyun thought: Maybe she’s being kind because she feels guilty. But then the thought recoiled inside her like a slap. Because she didn’t want Seulgi’s guilt. She didn’t want her gentleness to be a penance. She wanted it to be real and chosen.

Joohyun smiled at something Seulgi said about the breakfast pastries, but it didn’t reach her eyes. This is what you wanted, she told herself. You kissed her, and she didn’t pull away. She’s still here. But some part of her — some small, traitorous thing — wanted more. She needed Seulgi to bring it up. To name it. To say that kiss last night, it mattered. But Seulgi didn’t. She passed Joohyun the honey. Nudged her cup of coffee closer so she didn’t spill it. Tapped her foot against Joohyun’s under the table like it was an accident.

Joohyun washed her face in the narrow sink, fingers trembling slightly as she pressed her palms to her cheeks. The cold water shocked her skin, but not enough to bring clarity. Her eyes stayed closed longer than necessary, as if she waited just a moment more, the world would reorder itself. Her reflection wavered in the mirror, blurred by droplets. She didn’t reach for the towel right away. She looked tired in the way a person looks when they have run too far from something and finally turned around to find it still following them.

The mirror was merciless in that it made it hard to lie. Her lips were a little chapped. There was a crease on her cheek from the pillow. Her hair clung to her temples, damp and unbrushed. Nothing about her looked polished. Not like the girls in magazines. Not how her mother had taught her. She used to think that looking perfect could protect her from everything. Now she just looked like someone trying too hard not to fall apart.

She didn’t regret the kiss; that was what scared her most. She had kissed Seulgi — on purpose, with both eyes closed, with the kind of ache behind her ribs that felt like honesty — and she didn’t feel sorry for wanting it, for doing it. Even now, standing barefoot on the cold tile floor, stomach hollow and chest sore, she didn’t wish it away. 

Seulgi hadn’t asked her why. Not once. Not with her voice, not with her eyes. She hadn’t looked startled, or uncomfortable, or afraid. She hadn’t pulled away. Yet, she hadn’t leaned in, either. She had just stood there, quiet and steady, while Joohyun unravelled in front of her.

And now, this morning, at breakfast, she’d acted like nothing had changed. Joohyun gripped the edge of the sink, her knuckles turning white. What if that was kindness? What if Seulgi hadn’t wanted to embarrass her? What if she was pretending, not because the kiss hadn’t mattered, but because she didn’t want Joohyun to feel worse than she already did? What if she’s still here because she doesn’t want to hurt me? Joohyun swallowed, throat tight. The words sat in her chest like stones.

She picked up her brush from the counter, thumb running over the handle like it might give her instructions. Muscle memory kicked in. She parted her hair and dragged the bristles through with careful, practised strokes. Left side. Right. No tangles. No frizz. Just like her mother taught her. The routine was muscle-deep. This was the version of herself she’d always built in mirrors. Not too pretty, not too plain. Not too loud, not too soft. Smile like you’ve got nothing to hide. Tilt your chin. Straighten your back. Wear the kind of face people expect. She opened her lip gloss. It smelled like strawberries and something plastic. Something girlish. She applied it automatically, the shimmer catching faintly in the cheap light.

Then she stopped. Her fingers stilled. She looked at herself, and the image felt foreign. All shine and precision. All gloss and distance like someone she’d been taught to play. None of it fit anymore.

She reached for a tissue and wiped the gloss away in one slow drag. It left a smear across her mouth, pink and sticky. She didn’t bother fixing it. She didn’t reach for the gloss again. She just stared. Her lips were bare now. Her face was clean. It was the first time in a long time she looked like someone real.

She watched herself breathe. Her chest rose and fell. She didn’t smile. Didn’t try to pose. And then, so quietly she barely heard it, Joohyun whispered: “I don’t want to go back to pretending.”

That afternoon, the cobblestones were uneven beneath her feet, catching at the edges of her sneakers as she walked. The sun had begun to soften, casting the narrow Parisian street in a kind of glow that felt too gentle for how unsettled Joohyun felt.

Around her, the girls chatted easily. Someone was talking about souvenir stands near the cathedral — how they’d seen postcards that glittered, miniature Eiffel Towers in every colour. Yeri mentioned something about buying perfume for her sister. Laughter sparked, light and unthinking.

Joohyun didn’t join in. She let their voices drift to the edges of her hearing, like distant radio static. Her gaze stayed on the back of Seulgi’s head. The sunlight caught on the tips of her hair, and there was a slight bounce in her step when she walked downhill. Seulgi was a few steps ahead, her hood pushed down, hair messy from the wind. She turned slightly at the sound of laughter, her mouth pulling into a small, private smile. The kind Joohyun used to think was hers. She looked away, her hands tightening inside her coat sleeves. The past felt too close, too sharp. It was walking just behind her, whispering all the things she hadn’t let herself hear. . . 

Suddenly, she was somewhere else entirely. The memory came uninvited. The last time she and Seulgi had shared a bed. At Seulgi’s house, maybe a year ago, during exam week. The night had stretched long and frayed. They’d both collapsed on Seulgi’s bed after hours of pretending to study and quietly failing to keep their eyes open.

There hadn’t been a conversation about it. No shy offer. Just the natural way Seulgi pulled back the blanket and said, “Get in, dummy,” like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Joohyun had climbed in carefully, still in her jeans, still too alert, too aware. Seulgi had taken the outside. Given Joohyun the good side, the warmer one near the wall. She’d yawned mid-sentence, curled in loosely, and reached over without looking, rubbing her palm gently up and down Joohyun’s back.

“Helps you fall asleep, right?” she’d murmured. Her hand was warm. So familiar it hurt.

Joohyun remembered the rhythm of it. The way Seulgi’s fingers slowed over time, softened into stillness. The room had been dark with only the occasional sound of a car passing outside and the hum of the floor heater. Seulgi’s breathing was steady, real, so close Joohyun could feel it in the mattress.

She hadn’t slept for a long time. Instead, she’d kept her eyes on the ceiling, counting the seconds between each breath. She held her own body still as if movement might shatter something. She remembered how badly she’d wanted to turn toward Seulgi just to feel the front of their bodies touch. To fold herself into the curve of Seulgi’s side, let her forehead press into the soft cotton of her sleep shirt.

But she hadn’t. Because she’d known — even then — that wanting that meant something. I think I knew then. I just didn’t want to know.

A voice brought her back. Yeri was laughing at something. Joohyun blinked, the air suddenly cooler against her cheeks. Someone bumped her arm. 

“Hey,” Sooyoung said, frowning. “You good?”

“I’m fine,” she said quickly. “Just zoned out.”

Seulgi glanced back at her then, only for a second, and smiled. It was a small smile that was easy and distant. The one she used on strangers.

Joohyun’s chest went tight. Seulgi wasn’t gone. She was still here, still walking with them, still peeling bananas and tapping her foot under the table. But she was changing. Moving further away somehow, whereas Joohyun was still holding that night like it meant something. 

She was still awake in that dark room, wishing she’d turned over.