Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Carlos!”

His partner's panic call of his name was the only thing that alerted him to the fact that something was wrong. 

Carlos turned in the direction of his partner’s voice, lips forming a question that would never leave his mouth because before he could say anything he felt the worst pain he had ever felt in his life in his stomach.

His hands fly up, pressing against the wound and he feels that it’s wet and even before he looks at his hands he knows that it’s his own blood.

He looks up, eyes frantically searching for TK before he remembers that TK’s team isn’t on this call.

Carlos' last thoughts before his world goes black is wondering if he would ever see the love of his life again.

-o-

On the other side of town TK is enjoying a fresh cup of coffee and a pastry that Carlos had baked for him that morning and left him to find. It was one of those rare weekends where he had the days off and didn’t have to spend a 48 hour shift at the firehouse. His plans were to spend the day getting caught up on his favorite shows and then treating Carlos to some delightful take out later that evening when his boyfriend got home. 

TK should have known better than to assume that he would be able to just enjoy the day without anything going wrong. When he had woken up that morning he had felt like something was off but he pushed it aside and focused on having the day off and treating himself to things he couldn’t do when he was at work. He would make it a good day even if his feelings told him otherwise.

He’s just settled down on the couch, snacks within reach and a drink in hand to start his binge watching when his phone starts to ring. He groans as he reaches for it, wanting to ignore it but he had learned in his line of work to not to ignore his phone. He frowns when he sees that it’s Carlos’ partner, Mitchell, calling him.

“Hello?” He asks, already feeling on edge because this couldn’t be good. There wasn’t a situation that he could think of where Mitchell called him for a good reason.

“TK, I, I’m sorry I really don’t want to have to give you this news but, um, Carlos is on his way to the hospital.” Mitchell says and TK can hear in her voice that the situation was bad.

“Is he alive?” TK asks, his heart pounding in his chest. He knows that she just said that Carlos was on the way to the hospital but he had to ask her. He had to have her tell him that his boyfriend was still alive. 

“Yes, he’s alive.” Mitchell says, her voice wavering a little. “I don’t want to give you hope but I think he’ll pull through this. Just meet us at the hospital and the doctors can tell you more.”

“I’ll be there.” TK says before he hangs up the phone.

He moves as if he’s an auto pilot, his mind racing but not aware of his actions as he grabs a few things and his keys, finding the car quickly and driving the all too familiar drive to the hospital. Most of the time the drives were made for him because TK was a danger magnet and could never stay out of trouble, he had never thought there would be a time when he would be making that drive for Carlos.

Time passes weirdly between the time he got the phone call to when he’s standing in front of Mitchell, and TK is a bit unsure how he got to the hospital because the drive was a blur to him.

“Have you heard anything?” TK asks her, his voice thick with emotion as he searches her face for any signs that Carlos had taken a turn for the worse.

She shakes her head. “No, he’s still in surgery.”

TK has questions, of course he does, a million of them running through his mind but he isn’t sure he wants to know the answers to any of them right now. He nods at Mitchell and stumbles his way over to a seat in the waiting area, clasping his shaking hands together in an attempt to hide his twitching fingers. 

His heart feels like it’s been broken into a million tiny pieces, the feelings he had when he learned his mom had died was coming back but in a way it felt worse because this was Carlos. This was the love of his life, the man he stayed sober for, the man he fought for and loved with every fiber of his being. If he didn’t have Carlos he didn’t have a reason for any of it. He needed Carlos because Carlos was his anchor. He couldn’t lose him like this. 

TK’s eyes grow blurry as tears well up and he thinks about how Carlos didn’t wake him up that morning to kiss him goodbye, allowing TK to sleep in because of the double shift he had just gotten off of the night before. He curses it, thinking about all the other times they woke each other up before leaving for work just to tell each other that they loved each other. TK wished Carlos had woken him up just so that he would have that to hold onto.

TK’s body shakes as he lets the sobs out, his fears that the doctors were going to come out and tell TK that they couldn’t save the person that he loved more than anything in the world. That they were too late or the bullet had done too much damage. Try as he might, he couldn't stop thinking about the worst case scenario and how he would have to say goodbye to the one person who truly knew TK.

He’s vaguely aware of the people that start to filter in over the course of the next couple of hours - Carlos’ parents, his team, his father and a few other people that TK wasn’t sure who they were but they were there for Carlos so it warmed his heart. Another wave of tears comes over him when he thinks about just how loved his boyfriend was and how many people would be affected by his loss if he didn’t make it through the surgery.

People hug him, tell him Carlos will make it through, give him comforting touches but none of it does anything to patch his broken heart or pull him out of his head. There’s a moment his father asks him if he needs to speak to his sponsor and while he knows that his dad means well he can’t help but glare at him in offense because it hadn’t even crossed his mind to use. Not right now. He had been sober for almost three years now and therapy had helped him not want to turn to drugs in the first case of a tragedy.

And he couldn’t do that to Carlos. It would kill TK to have to tell Carlos he relapsed while he was struggling to live and make it through a surgery and then Carlos’ recovery would become about TK and how he was feeling and what he was struggling with. TK didn’t want that. He needed, wanted , to be strong for Carlos because he was going to need TK to take care of him and nurse him back to health. He couldn’t do that if he relapsed. 

TK isn’t sure how long he’s been sitting in the waiting room when a doctor finally comes out and asks for him. He stands, but tells the doctor that whatever he needs to tell him he can do it in front of everyone because they’re a family. He sounds stronger than he feels as he says it, eyes trained on the doctor and not looking at anyone else because he knows that he would break if he caught a glimpse of anyone’s worried expression.

The doctor explains to them that Carlos is stable and made it through the surgery with little complication, but that he had lost a lot of blood. The bullet didn’t do any major damage but there was enough that Carlos would be down for awhile and they had put him into a medically induced coma so that his body could have time to heal but they were expecting him to make a full recovery.

TK lets the tears of relief roll down his face for a few moments before he asks if he can go back and see Carlos and sit with him. The doctor nods and then leads him to the hospital room. TK can’t hold back the sob that escapes his lips as he sees Carlos in the hospital bed.

He looks small in ways that TK had never seen Carlos look and it broke him all over again. TK hated seeing him in the bed, attached to machines that would help keep him alive and heal. It wasn’t right, Carlos didn't deserve to be in the same spot that TK had been in so often. 

He stumbles over to the bed, grabbing Carlos’ hand and holding it in his own as he sits down.

“You’re in my spot.” TK says even though his joke falls flat and there’s no one to really hear it but him. “I hate that you’re here. You’re not supposed to be here. You’re the one who’s supposed to not get hurt.”

TK’s voice breaks and he clutches Carlos’ hand tightly, afraid that if he let go then something would happen and he would lose Carlos.

“The doctor said you’re going to be okay but I have a hard time wrapping my head around that when I see you like this.” TK keeps talking, mostly for his own comfort but also hoping that his voice brings comfort to Carlos too. “Is this how you feel when I’m here like this? God, I’m so sorry for every single time I’ve put you through this. This is… this is the worst pain I’ve felt since that time we broke up. I… I want to promise you that I won’t end up here again but we both know that’s a promise I might not be able to keep but I’ll promise you that I’ll try harder not to end up here like this again.”

TK never leaves Carlos’ bedside. People filter in and out, talking to him, talking to Carlos, but TK stays. His father brings him food at one point and TK eats it even though he’s not hungry because he knows he needs to keep up his strength. At night, when everyone else goes away, TK lays his head against Carlos’ bed, keeping a tight hold on his hand, and falls asleep.

For four days he does this. 

Carlos gives them all a couple of scares over the four days and there’s one moment when TK really does think he’s going to lose him, but everything smooths out and the doctors explain to him that sometimes things happen but they're still positive that Carlos will make a full recovery.

On day five, Carlos wakes up.

TK’s reading to him from the book that Carlos had been reading before bed every night when it happens. One moment TK is lost, reading out loud and the next he’s dropping the book because he feels Carlos’ fingers twitch in his hand. He stares at their joined hands, waiting for it to happen again and when it does his eyes snap to Carlos’ face.

He lets out a soft whimper when Carlos’ eyes open and meet him for the first time in five days. TK had missed his eyes, had missed the way that Carlos looked at him so much.

“‘Los.” TK whispers, launching himself at him without much thought. He wraps his arms around Carlos and presses a kiss to his temple.

“TK?” Carlos' voice is rough from not being used and there’s a question laced in it as he brings his arms up to hold TK.

“You’re okay.” TK whispers, eyes wet again. “You’re okay. I, fuck I love you Carlos.”

“I love you too TK. Where.. What happened?” Carlos asks when TK finally pulls back enough to look at Carlos’ face.

“You were shot and you’re in the hospital but you’re okay.” TK runs his fingers through Carlos’ loose curls. “Do you remember anything?”

Carlos shakes his head. “Not much, but I think it’ll come back to me later.”

TK leans down and kisses him, staying close to him until the doctor comes to talk to Carlos and do a checkup to make sure everything's okay now that he’s awake. TK allows himself to be pushed to the side for the moment, impatiently waiting until the doctor leaves the room again.

He sits back in the chair and grabs Carlos hand, fingers rubbing along his knuckles. 

“Marry me.” TK says suddenly, looking at the love of his life.

“What?” Carlos blinks, as if he’s unsure he heard TK right.”

“Marry me.” TK says again. “I know I’m not doing this right and I promise you I will do it right when you get out of here and I’ll buy you the best ring money can buy but marry me. I.. I know we haven’t brought it up because it’s a sensitive subject with me but seeing you here, almost losing you.. I don’t want.. I want you. I want you to be my husband. I’ve wanted that for awhile but didn’t know how to say it. I-”

“Yes.” Carlos cuts him off before he starts to ramble and never stops. “I’ll marry you TK.”

TK beams at him and leans over, kissing him.

Everything was okay.