Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“That's 19 times , Earth Stink!” Zim hissed angrily as they drove the Voot back to the base. 

“Geez, Zim. If you're going to keep track of the number of times you save my life I’m starting to wish you would just let me die.” Dib grumbled in annoyance. He was not in the mood to hear Zim’s constant whining about everything. 

It had been three months since he’d discovered the truth about his father's lab: Professor Membrane had been using a drug called Psychohapptinnoil in all his products for years, essentially ensuring that the population of Earth was always a little high. Now with the release of Membrane Labs for Better Living and their line of “Mood-Drinks,” mind and mood-altering drugs were accessible in every vending machine. 

Dib, Zim, and Gaz were the only ones who knew the truth about the Mood-Drinks and Membrane’s vision of a “happier” world. Because of this and Membrane's influence over the government, Zim and Dib were now wanted criminals. The story was that Zim was a Russian terrorist who had manipulated the mentally unstable Dib into helping his attacks. As far as they were able to tell, however, Gaz was only considered missing. 

So it had been three months. 

Three months of sabotaging trucks and vandalizing vending machines. 

Three months of scheming, planning, experimenting, and trying to decide the best long-term plan to stop production and expose membrane labs. 

Three months of living in a converted service station in the middle of the desert. Having to sneak into town to steal and scavenge food, which had to be done by Gir and Gaz.

And three long long months of spending almost 24 hours a day with the little ex-invader who complained about everything . 

“I’m so fucking sorry that I can’t see what's going on when I’m under a truck, Zim ! Which is exactly why you were there as a lookout in the first place!” The mission hadn’t gone well. They were trying to put trackers on each of the shipment trucks to be able to map out their roots better, but they’d been caught before they could get more than two of the trucks bugged. “Maybe if you hadn’t been so fucking loud and attracted the attention of the guards you wouldn’t have needed to ‘save’ me!”

“Zim?! Loud?!” Zim said loudly, “I am the embodiment of stealth and sneak!”

Dib rolled his eyes, fixing his gaze outside the window so he didn’t have to look at Zim. “Sure, whatever.” He saw the top of Gir’s radio tower come into view. At least they were almost back to the base. He could get a little bit of time away from the alien. 

“Saving this stinking Earth is such a waste of Zim’s time!” Zim snapped, preparing the Voot to land and parking it in the station's garage. “We could have just left this filthy planet and found another world to conquer. A world less hostile where no one knows who we are! But you insist on staying here! On this stupid dirt ball that doesn’t even appreciate all you do for it!” 

Dib clenched his jaw, trying just to tune Zim out. Why did Zim’s pissy moods always have to sync up with Dib’s desire to be left alone?

“And then you keep throwing your fragile, inferior human body into situations you can’t escape! Explosion backfires, enemy ambushes, sneak attacks, falling buildings!”

“Fuck, Zim!” Dib exploded on the alien as the door to the Voot opened. “Could you stop bitching for 5 fucking minutes! I think you have fully expressed your opinion about everything ! The heat, the inferior tech, the fact that I don’t want to kill people, the fact Gaz and I aren’t indestructible robots and could fucking die if we make the wrong move!”

Zim looked at Dib and then quickly looked away again in a huff, jumping out of the Voot and closing the door. “Not Gaz…” he grumbled something else as well but Dib didn’t hear it.

“What?”

Zim glared at him again. “Zim does not complain about human female's mortality! Your sister doesn’t need worrying about! YOU are the one that keeps needing rescuing! Because you're so worried about the human race you can’t fight back even when they have a gun to your head!”

“That didn’t happen!” Dib shouted, “Don’t make me out to be some helpless damsel in distress!”

Zim glared at him. “Well then, Dib-shit! You should stop ACTING like a distressed damsel with a death wish!” Zim started to walk out of the garage, storming off towards the station.

“That’s bullshit, Zim!” Dib shouted at the alien, almost running out after him. He grabbed Zim by the collar of his shirt, pulling him back to face him. “I don’t act like that at all! And I don’t need you to come and rescue me! I can handle myself fine ! So if you hate everything so much why don't you just fucking leave?!”

Zim looked at Dib’s grip on his shirt and then at Dib’s face, his green face flushed a deep blue color. “Because!”

“Because what!” Dib hissed, “You don’t want to be alone? Bullshit! You spend all your time just bitching about how much you hate Earth and how much you hate living with us stinking humans! Half the time you slink off to the garage to work on the Voot or sulk or whatever the fuck you do out here! The Voot is fixed! You hate it here so much, you hate the Earth, you hate saving it, you hate me ! So why don’t you just fucking leave!” He shoved him back again holding back from hitting him he was so annoyed.

Zim stumbled back, looking away from Dib and glaring down at the ground for a moment. He clenched his jaw, opening his mouth and closing it like he was trying to think of what to say. Dib was about to say something else when Zim finally looked at him. Well glared at him. He looked like he was trying to force down a different emotion. If Dib didn’t know better he would have thought that he’d hurt the alien’s feelings somehow. “Oh, Zim will leave, Earth-Pig.” Zim hissed at him, “But the Voot still needs repairs to be space ready. I don’t need you or your pitiful quest to defend your inferior planet. I will take Gir and leave once I can break through this filthy dirt ball’s atmosphere.” He turned and stormed off, heading back into the garage and closing the big door behind him with a slam.

Dib huffed. Fucking Zim. Fucking stupid Zim. They seemed to fight like this every other mission. Any time Dib so much as stubbed his toe the “superior” Irken would be on a tirade about his vulnerability and stupid squishy human body. But Dib had to admit (to himself he would never say it to Zim) that it had been a close call today. Dib had been focused on setting up the tracking devices under the trucks that he hadn’t seen the security drone creeping around the corner. “Security” for the labs was becoming increasingly more like military guards. This particular drone had rolled a close combat grenade under the truck that Dib had been working on. Zim had seen it just in time and pulled him out from under the truck, using his PAK to create a forcefield shield to protect them from the shrapnel. 

So yes, Zim had saved his life. Again. But it was really hard to be grateful to someone when they start yelling at you for being an idiot. And Dib hated how Zim acted like he was some kind of helpless, fragile, little kid. Like he was a fucking glass doll or something. 

But there was that moment before he started yelling. Zim had been on top of Dib as the grenade went off. The PAK was protecting him from the explosion but Zim had thrown himself on top of Dib like he was trying to protect him with his own body. It had all happened so fast but when Dib looked up at Zim, the alien… Dib had never seen Zim so scared. And, he couldn’t say why, but he was sure that Zim was scared for him . And it was that more than the explosion that had made Dib’s heart seem to shoot up to his throat. But then the moment was gone. Zim’s horror for Dib’s safety morphed into rage at his stupidity and Dib was being flung into the Voot and subjected to Zim’s tirade.

It had happened, though. But what did it even mean ? His relationship with Zim had changed so much and so fast in a very short period and everything was so confusing. He and Zim had gone from mortal enemies to allies and partners overnight, and nothing had made any sense about their interactions ever since.

Then there was that look. The look Zim would give him as if he had something desperately important to tell him but couldn’t. There had been several times that he had caught the alien staring at him or looking away quickly, and it was always with that look. He’d tried to come up with some kind of pattern of when Zim would look at him like that but there didn’t seem to be any. It wasn’t consistently brought on by anything that Dib did. He would just… look at him. Sometimes when they were just talking, when they were bickering, when Dib was talking to Gaz, or working on something that didn’t even involve Zim at all. The worst part was when they were alone at night. Their beds were across the room from each other yet Dib seemed to feel those magenta eyes boring into him every night. When he would look over at Zim the alien was either usually asleep or doing something on his alien tablet, not looking at him at all. Then it was Dib’s turn to stare.

There was something about watching Zim sleep that was… satisfying? Appealing? Maybe it was the fact that, until Zim had fallen in through his bedroom window three months ago demanding Dib hide him from a swarm of assassins, Dib didn’t think that the alien needed sleep. He’d never seemed to get tired and he always seemed to be doing stuff through the night when they had been enemies. And with all his cameras Dib had never seen a bedroom in Zim’s house. Or maybe his fascination was just because of the direct contrast between loud, aggressive, waking Zim and quiet peaceful sleeping Zim. He just looked… cute asleep. Like some kind of alien cat-bug; curled up into a ball, antennae twitching here and there. Curled up in a cocoon of blankets, occasionally making little grunting chirpy sounds which Dib guessed was him speaking his native Irken in his sleep. Once Dib thought he’d heard the alien say his name in his sleep, but, after about an hour of overthinking, he’d decided that he probably just imagined it. 

It was all so weird. Zim was weird. And annoying. Dib would have thought that becoming… well, maybe not friends but teammates with Zim would mean they would fight less. Yet somehow it seemed like they were just bickering more. Zim was constantly complaining about every single thing that happened, but mostly about Dib. Dib was starting to have to be overly careful about everything he did or said, knowing that Zim and Gaz would both gang up on him if he did anything the slightest bit stupid. Honestly, Dib hated how much Gaz and Zim had bonded. 

Even with all those weird moments with Zim, the alien was still a bigger agitation in Dib’s life than any kind of help. He should have been relieved at the idea of Zim leaving Earth. Finally leaving him the fuck alone, even if it did mean that he would have to fight his dad's labs with just Gaz. They were both more than capable of taking down MLBL. Gaz would just have to spend less time playing video games and more time helping. 

Yet the idea of Zim actually leaving… going away from the earth and never coming back… honestly, he couldn’t describe what that feeling was. It made him want to do something crazy. Made him want to try to change the weather to accommodate Zim’s hatred for the heat, or personally upgrade all of their tech so that it could work as efficiently as The technology that Zim had lost when his house was destroyed by assassins. Or to let Zim go ahead and blow up his dad’s lab to put an end to their whole mission and go with Zim to find a safer world for them both, somewhere they could belong. Craziest of all, it made Dib almost want to go after Zim right now, apologize, and beg him to stay. 

Yeah… almost.

Dib huffed and crossed his arms, glaring at the garage door where Zim had disappeared. He turned on his heel and went into the station. 

“Fucking weird little space bug…”

Chapter Text

Dib sulked into the station, still grumbling to himself about Zim as he grabbed a bottle of water. “Annoying, arrogant, impulsive… keeping track of fucking saving my life… treating me like some kind fragile-”

“Geez, Dib, you’re 22. When are you going to stop talking to yourself?” 

Dib looked around for his sister, flinching slightly when he finally saw her on the couch playing her game. “God… I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you being blonde.” Dib said, coming around to sit on the couch next to her. 

“If you ever do, let me know so I can change it again.” Gaz didn’t even look away from the screen of her video game. She’d bleached her hair the week after they had established the base. Without warning anyone. She came back from sneaking into a drug store for supplies, went to take a shower, and came back hours later, her signature purple bob replaced by short, straight silvery blonde hair. She’d scared the shit out of Zim. He’d thought she was an intruder and almost blasted her with his PAK blaster. She had reasoned that she saw a missing poster for herself and wanted to make herself harder to identify, but Dib suspected she’d had another motive. Gaz had always been a fiercely independent individual, not giving a shit about what anyone thought of her. She'd said that she didn’t care about the news that she was a clone of Membrane’s wife and Dib’s mother, but Dib suspected that the change in hair was just as much a way for Gaz to reclaim her individuality as it was a disguise. 

“Guess the mission didn’t go well,” Gaz said, still not looking away from her game. 

“You think?” Dib sipped his water. “We only rigged two trucks before we got caught. And chances are they found the trackers anyway so the whole thing was just a waste of time. And fucking Zim is out there sulking and bitching at me because he had to actually do his part of the job and keep me from getting blown up.”

“Yeah, I heard you guys outside.” She huffed, “You two and your flirting. You’re gonna drive me crazy.”

Dib scowled at her. “Could you shut up with that? It’s not funny. I’m being serious!”

“So am I.” Gaz said in a monotone, “seriously, it’s sickening.”

Dib rolled his eyes and ignored her comment. “Zim’s not telling me something, Gaz! We’ve been out here for months working together and he still acts like he’s just here doing me a favor!”

“Well, isn’t he?” Gaz raised an eyebrow glancing at him from the corner of her eye before looking back at the screen. “I mean he’s not even human so why should he care what happens to the planet? It’s not like he’s just saving it because he wants credit for destroying it or something. He has no reason to destroy the Earth now.” 

Dib sighed, “Maybe… I guess I’ll just do the best I can with the little shit while he’s here. He said he’s going to leave once the Voot is working well enough to go into space.” Dib had to work way too hard to keep his voice level as he said this. God, what was wrong with him?

Gaz glanced at him. “What are you talking about? Zim finished with the Voot weeks ago. It’s ready to go.”

“No, like ready to go into space.” Dib clarified. 

“Yeah, it’s done. The whole thing is fixed. Zim could leave any time he wants- HEY!”

Dib had reached over and paused her game for her. “How do you know that?”

Gaz glared at him. “He told me. I went out to offer some help and he was just sitting in the cockpit playing my GS4.” She started her game again. “He said it wouldn’t be flying at all if it wasn’t space-ready. You’re lucky I’m in the middle of a boss battle or I would have to destroy you for touching my game.”

“That lying little sack of- UGH!!” Dib threw his water bottle across the room. 

“It’s Zim, why does that surprise you?” 

“Exactly, Gaz! It’s Zim ! The only times he's ever really lied to me was when he was up to something! Something evil !” Dib was on his feet and pacing now. “I knew it! I knew he was hiding something! But what? ”

Gaz sighed in annoyance. “Fuck, Dib. Don’t we have enough to be worried about without you getting all worked up about Zim again?”

“Gaz, he’s supposed to be on our team ! If he’s up to something he could betray us both! Doesn’t that scare you? This is like Peace Day all over again!”

“No, it’s not…” Gaz huffed, getting more annoyed by the second. She paused her game and glared at her brother. “Dib, what are you really mad about? The fact that Zim lied or the fact that he could actually leave?”

Dib stopped, mid-tirade and looked at her in confusion. “What?”

“I can promise you if Zim was going to pull something we’d know about it by now. You know he doesn’t have the attention span for that kind of long game.” She said flatly, “But he could leave at any time. He’s not trapped here. So… What if he does leave?”

Dib tensed. Speculating about Zim’s motives had distracted him from that very real possibility. And the pit in his stomach that had started developing since Zim had first started talking about leaving. Back before all of this started and they’d both become wanted criminals. Dib tried to imagine Earth without Zim. Without his chaotic crazy schemes and his terrible disguises. Without Zim watching his back and then tirelessly nagging at him for being careless and counting how many times he’d saved his life. Without having to deal with those little bug eyes on him all the time or sharing the room with the annoying alien. Without hearing his little purring chips as he slept. Those funny little sounds seemed to be the only thing that cool soothe Dib’s insomniac brain enough to help him sleep. 

Suddenly, Dib had a word for that feeling in his chest and stomach. Because it’s what his world would be without Zim in it: Empty. He knew that if Zim left, he would take a part of Dib along with him. 

“That’s what I thought,” Gaz said going back to her game.

“But… but why would he lie about leaving then? What’s he trying to do? It doesn’t change that he’s hiding something.”

Gaz huffed. “God, you’re stupid.”

Dib frowned. “What are you talking about?”

Gaz gritted her teeth in annoyance. “I’m in the middle of a major fight in this game! So could you do your overthinking bullshit somewhere else? Or, better yet, actually talk to Zim about this shit? cause that’s the only way you’re gonna get your answers.”

Dib scoffed. “Zim isn’t going to tell me anything.”

“Not if you’re in here bitching to me.“ Gaz said, glancing at him again. “He’s on the team, Dib. You can’t keep using me as a buffer.”

Dib huffed and walked out of the station again as Gaz resumed her gameplay. Gir wondered in with a bag of popcorn, hoping on the couch next to Gaz. “Mary gonna play nice wit’ my Master?” He asked, watching her play her game. 

“God, I hope so,“ Gaz sighed, ”You could cut the sexual tension between those two with a fucking knife.”

“Mhm…” Gir stuffed a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “They so cute.”

“Yeah… Sure,” Gaz said, in annoyance.

“Can we play the ponies game, Scary?”

Gaz glanced at the little robot and sighed. “Let me beat this boss first”

“Yay!”

Chapter Text

“Fucking Gaz…”

Dib walked out of the station, took one look at the garage, and slunk back inside. He went directly to the bedroom he shared with Zim, flopping onto his bed. The base was barely functioning and hardly could generate enough power for the computer and the lab, yet she still insisted on playing her fucking video games.

“We’re fucking outlaws, for God's sake!” Dib hissed out loud to himself. Even out in the fucking desert, with his own team of outcasts that had actually agreed that Dib was technically the leader, he was somehow still a fucking loser. Gaz was his sister (or, technically his mom clone? It’s better not to think about that) why did she have to side with stupid fucking Zim? All the damn time! 

“What did she mean that I was being stupid?” Dib wondered out loud to himself. “Just because I don't know what Zim’s plan is? If she’s so smart why doesn’t she just tell me why she thinks he’s here? That would be more helpful than making stupid jokes about us flirting.”

As if. Irkens didn’t express affection or even feel those kinds of emotions. Their PAKs regulate their hormones to prevent anything like that from developing.

So what was he up to? He doesn’t give a shit about the Earth and he could leave at any time. So why should he stay? In the beginning, he’d said he didn’t want to be alone, but since then he had been threatening to leave at every turn, saying he was only there because he was stuck. 

Gaz was right about Zim not having the attention span to lie for three months, but he hadn’t necessarily been lying that long. Just since the Voot was working. Could he have come up with a final desperate attempt to win over his Tallests? 

Dib sighed, rolling over to look at Zim’s side of the room. The thought briefly crossed his mind to search through Zim’s things for answers, but that felt like setting himself up to be stabled with a PAK leg. And there was no way Zim wouldn’t know. You could almost draw a line between where Dib’s side ended and Zim’s began. Dib’s side was a mess of dirty clothes, scrapped paper, a few piles of books, while Zim’s side was immaculate. 

Dib rubbed his forehead a bit. He was getting a headache. He should have finished drinking his bottle of water; out in the hot desert, in August, dehydration was no joke. And the impossible circular thinking wasn’t helping. 

God, why did he do this to himself? And why did he feel so shitty about the idea of Zim leaving? He wasn’t even gone yet, he wasn’t even saying he was going to go yet and Dib already felt so miserable and lonely he could throw up. What was wrong with him? 

They had been sworn mortal enemies for 10 years. And, yeah, they weren’t enemies anymore but it was still hard to really say they were friends. They share a room, do missions together, watch each other’s back on those missions, and look out for each other. It would really throw a wrench in their plan to lose Zim’s help. 

But if Zim did leave, he’d still have Gaz. He wouldn’t be alone in this. So why did it matter so much that the annoying, evil, little alien might leave? Just out of habit? Had Zim really become such a fixed part of Dib’s life that his leaving would be like… Find proof that Bigfeets and ghosts were all a hoax… or… 

Orifalloftheoxygenweresuckedoutoftheair. FUCK! What was that? 

“We do work well together…” Dib said out loud to the empty room. 

It was amazing how well they could fall into sync together. Dib was a planner and Zim was all about rolling with the punches. Working against each other always brought out the worst in them both, but working together brought out the best. It was almost like… they completed each other. Gaz liked to say that Zim’s stupid canceled out Dib’s stupid and made them both into semi-functional individuals. Dib pulled Zim back and Zim pushed Dib forward. Now Dib couldn’t imagine coming up with a plan of attack without Zim there. He couldn’t imagine executing a plan without Zim’s help. Sometimes Zim’s impulses just got them into more trouble, but there was a reason that Zim’s count for saving Dib’s life was up to 19 Dib's count for saving Zim was… like many twice? Fuck…he really would miss Zim if he left…

All the more reason to find out what Zim was hiding. Gaz was right. He needed to talk to Zim. He needed to confront him about whatever it was he was hiding. 

*****

Of course, Dib’s worst-case scenario-generating brain didn’t slow down as he walked out to the garage. By the time he got out there, he may as well have been the 12-year-old sole defender of the Earth again: all drama and force and absolutely no tact. He nearly kicked down the door instead of just opening it. 

“I know you’re up to something, ZIM! ”

Zim, who had been just sitting in the Voot, apparently talking to his computer, jumped, shutting off whatever he had been looking at. “Dib!” He shouted defensively. “What are you talking-”

Dib grabbed Zim out of the Voot. The alien was so light he easily could lift him out and drop him on the ground. “Gaz told me the cruiser is already repaired! You could leave the planet at any time, Zim.”

Zim was clearly caught off guard, both by what Dib did and what he said. His antenna lay flat against his head and Dib could almost see his mind desperately trying to come up with an excuse or lie to smooth this over as he scrambled to get to his feet. “Er… I was, eh… It’s- SO WHAT??” Zim switched tactics at the speed of light. “So the cruiser is functional for space travel! What does that matter to you?”

“You said you would leave when the cruiser was space ready!” Dib hissed, leaning over Zim menacingly. He knew Zim hated that he was so much taller than him and he wasn’t afraid to use all 6 feet and 3 inches of his height to his advantage against the Irken. 

“W-well-” Zim stammered, still getting his bearings back.

“Well, why are you still here then, ZIM !” Dib shoved him back. “You don’t want to be here, so why don’t you just leave?!”

“Because!“ Zim stepped back from Dib, a hint of a blue flush creeping into his cheeks. He looked scared. “I… because I said I’d help! “

“Bullshit!” Dib snapped, “Since when have you ever felt bound to your promises? Why are you here and helping us! You’re holding something back, Zim! You can’t lie to me !”

There was no denying it now. Zim was definitely blushing. His whole face had gone blue. I knew it! Dib thought. I knew he was hiding something! Zim saw the look of triumph in his eyes and scowled at him, shoving him back and away from him. “If Zim had something to say Zim would be saying it, Dib-worm!” Zim huffed, shoving past him and going outside. 

Dib ran after him, blocking his path again. “I’m not interested in what you want to say, Zim! I’m interested in what you don’t want to say! You’ve been holding something back from the beginning! What is it!” Dib was yelling into Zim’s face now.

Zim winced trying to push past Dib again. “I- Zim holds nothing back! Why can’t you just accept my help and leave me alone!” 

Dib caught Zim by his tunic and shoved him against the wall of the garage. “No! You don’t want to help! You don’t have to help! You don’t even have to be here! Your mission is over! Your ship is fixed! What is it, Zim? Are you waiting for my dad to subdue the human race so you can go back to destroying the Earth?” 

Zim actually looked offended at that. “What? No! Insolent stink-beast! Zim does not-”

“Not going to make one last effort to prove yourself to your fucking tallests?!”

“ERG! No!” Zim struggled against Dib’s grip, but the taller male held him fast.

“Then what is it? What are you planning? You don’t care about mankind! You don’t care about the Earth! You don't care about anything on this planet so-“

“YOU!!” Zim screamed in Dib’s face, looking angrier than Dib had ever seen him (which was saying something). Dib’s grip slackened slightly and the next thing he knew he’d been knocked back on his ass. Zim’s pack legs sprang up, lifting him over Dib, a sharp leg stabbing down right next to Dib. “I. CARE. ABOUT. YOU !! YOU STUPID!! FUCKING…!” Zim was so angry he couldn’t think of an insult bad enough to call Dib. 

Dib hadn’t moved from the ground. He was staring at Zim in shock. “What?”

“FILTHY STUPID BEAN WHORE FUCK WEASEL WORM STINK… PIG!!” Zim screamed, apparently trying to think of the worst possible thing imaginable. “I CAN'T LEAVE BECAUSE YOU ARE HERE !! YOUR WHOLE PLANET IS OUT TO GET YOU AND YOU ARE NOT SAFE HERE ALONE!! BUT YOU HAVE YOUR STUPID HERO COMPLEX  AND YOU’LL NEVER BE HAPPY WHEN EARTH IS IN DANGER! SO I’M STUCK HERE UNTIL YOUR FILTHY GIANT FUCK HEAD IS SAFE AGAIN!!”

Dib stared at him still in shock. Eventually, he realized he was still on the ground and pulled himself up. “You care about me?”

Zim put his face in his hands, though Dib couldn’t tell if it was still out of irritation or… shame. His PAK legs retracted and lowered him back to his feet. He took a deep breath but still didn’t look at Dib. “Yes.”

“What… What do you mean you… how long have you… cared about me? I mean.. we were still fighting up until the whole thing with the assassins and the happy juice. So you-”

“Before the assassins started coming,” Zim wouldn’t look at Dib. He kept his eyes on the ground. “I haven’t been trying to take over this awful rock for years. I’m not stupid, I knew the Tallests wouldn’t welcome me back even if I did conquer the planet. I did conquer the planet! With the Peace Day bracelet thing! And I had to force them to acknowledge it and they tried to blow it up with me on it! They would never come back to Earth. I kept sending in reports for the empire's data banks. And because I knew it annoyed Red and Purple.” he smirked to himself. “They wouldn’t get rid of me that easily. I was still surviving the empire, even if they would never use the information about Earth. I could play dumb to their lies. And it was satisfying to watch their excuses grow more and more feeble…” For a moment he looked more like his old self: the chaotic glint of self-satisfaction in his eyes. Then he sighed looking at Dib finally. “But I couldn’t let you know any of that. I couldn’t let you know that I’d failed! You kept fighting! You still believed I could destroy mankind. You were… In a way, my new mission…” he looked away from Dib again. “You… are the only life form I’ve ever met that… actually believed I could succeed at something. The only one who saw any value in me. Even just as a nemesis or specimen.” Zim rubbed his hand over his eyes but not before Dib saw the moisture forming. His chest felt tight. He was about to say… something, anything to try to comfort his former nemesis when Zim scowled and spoke again, “and then it didn’t help when you started growing and became so tall and… good-smelling.” 

Dib blinked. That last part sounded like… 

“So there. That’s what I was trying to hide. That’s why I have not left your worthless planet yet.”

“Wait, Zim-”

“Are you satisfied with Zim’s motivations now, Human?” He shoved passed Dib, quickly moving towards the station. 

“Wait, Zim, do you mean that you-”

“Zim had already answered your question!” Zim snapped at him, his hand on the door to the station. 

Dib ran after him, stopping him from opening the door. “Do you love me?”

Zim stopped, looking at Dib’s hand on the door. Then he looked up at him. That look again. The look that had been driving Dib crazy for the last three months, and the last puzzle piece finally slipped into place. God… Gaz was right. He was stupid. He’d had all the pieces there in front of him but didn’t see the whole picture. The obvious truth. 

Zim’s eyes were accumulating moisture again as he looked away.

“Zim…”

Dib took his hand off the door, reaching to put his hand on Zim’s shoulder, but the moment he wasn’t blocking the door Zim shoved past. 

“Leave Zim alone, Dib-monster.”

Dib tried to stop him again but this time the alien was too fast. Zim slipped inside, leaving Dib out in the hot sun, staring at his own shocked reflection.

Chapter Text

Dib only hesitated for a moment before going after Zim. 

HolyshitHolyshitHolyshitHolyshitHOLYSHIT!!

He felt like his brain was screaming. Thoughts were darting through his head so fast it felt like white noise. Or was that just the sound of his heart beating a million miles a minute?

He threw open the door, running after Zim with all the grace of a newborn giraffe. He grabbed Zim by the shoulder to stop him. 

“Zim, do you-“ he broke off realizing that Gaz and Gir were five feet away in the common area, playing that weird Kawaii fighting game that Gir loved. He lowered his voice. “Can you answer my question?”

Zim pulled his arm free, heading for the lab which had once been the walled-in counter and employee break room.  “That was the word I found when I was researching my symptoms, yes.” 

Dib followed him “Symptoms?”

“It is not a normal Irken condition, Earth-Stink! Irkens have evolved past  such disgusting… primitive impulses.” Zim turned and glared at him. “You wanted to know my motivations and now you know! And now none of it matters! Invader Zim is a short, defective failure. He destroys everything he touches, failed to conquer a planet that no one even wanted, and couldn't even get it right to be your nemesis! I don’t need you to tell me how pathetic that is.” He scowled “now leave Zim alone. Zim has much work to do. Then Zim will leave.”

“Zim, Hold on!” Dib managed to get ahead of Zim, blocking his path. “I'm sorry I.. I was being a jerk. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard to tell me. Can you please talk to me?”

Zim glared at Dib, and he looked so angry yet in so much pain that Dib had to hold himself back from schooling him into his arms and never letting him go. 

“Zim has talked enough. Why won’t you leave Zim alone?” he hissed low, fists and jaw clenched. 

“I… I don’t-“

“Oh for the sake of everyones last serviving braincell, JUST FUCK ALREADY!” 

They both jumped, stepping back out of the lab and looking around at Gaz. She’d paused the game and turned around to glare at them over the back of the couch. 

“What?” Zim blinked, looking between the two humans.

“You two have been dancing around your stupid feelings since hi skool .“ Gaz hissed in annoyance “And you’ve been roping me into being your buffer all summer! Let me make this easy on you both! Zim is in love with Dib! Dib is in love with Zim! Now can we please just stop with the most angsty game of grab ass the universe has ever seen?”

Zim’s face had flushed a deep shade of blue, and Dib could feel his whole face burning. 

“How do you know of Zim’s secret feelings, human?” Zim demanded from Gaz.

Gaz rolled her eyes. “For one thing you’ve been mooning over Dib for months. Every time he looks away from you you just stare at him like he’s… I donno, some giant stack of strawberry surgery donuts.Like he’s some wonderful magical thing that you want and don’t think you can have. Also I read your data log. All your ’research’ on love and ‘human mating‘ rituals.” she raised an eyebrow. “And your research on human anatomy…seriously, how much porn did you watch?”

“How! HOW DARE YOU!! How did you access my private computer logs!”

“I was bored.“ she shrugged, ”Gir gave me the access codes.”

“GIR!!!” Zim glared at the little antenna poking out over the back of the couch. The little robot poked his face up, antenna drooping.

“Master loooooves Mary!” Gir whined. “Mary makes master sooooo sad! Because he LOVE HIM!! I just wanna help you feel better master! YOU SOOO CUUUUTE!!”

“And Mary loves Master…” Gaz patted the robot's head lightly, looking at Dib. ”even if he’s too stubborn and stupid to admit it.”

Dib snapped back to reality from wherever his mind had been wondering at the idea of Zim watching porn. “Huh? What do you… what?” He felt Zim’s eyes on him again. There was a tight feeling in his chest that was making it hard to breathe. 

“Seriously Dib?“ Gaz raised an eyebrow. “I know you. You wouldn’t be this worked up over Zim threatening to leave if you didn’t care about him. And don’t you remember when we got really drunk in hi skool? You spent the whole time talking about Zim and wondering about alien anatomy.” Dib didn’t have to see Dib to feel those magenta eyes boring into him. “And how many times have you ditched a date to go be with Zim ! Fuck, senior prom you had Gretchen hanging on you, practically begging to put your dick in her mouth and you took off to fight Zim !”

Dibs face was a bright red. He tried to stammer out a response but couldn’t think of anything to say. ”I… I um…” but of course she was right. It had always been Zim. Ever since the “perfectly normal human worm-baby” had first appeared in his class. Because the final puzzle piece hadn’t just been that Zim loved him. 

Dib was, again, snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of a door slamming. He blinked and looked around. Zim was gone. 

“Zim?”

He looked at Gaz who was facing the screen again. “Your room.”

Gir poked his head up. “Go get him, Mary! He loveses you so much!”

Dib rolled his eyes, running over to the door to his and Zim’s room. He pulled at the door knob but it was stuck. Zim had locked him out. Dib sighed and closed his eyes, pounding on the door. “Zim! Zim, come on! Please let me in!”

Chapter Text

“Zim! Come on!” Dib knocked on the door a few more times. “Please just talk to me! Can you let me in?”

“Is it true?” Zim wouldn’t open the door. Dib could hear him doing… something in there. He could hear some sort of scuffling noises. 

“Zim, just let me in!” Dib tried the door again and then pounded in it. 

“Answer Zim!”

“Just let me in and we can talk about-”

“Zim is done with the talking! Just answer Zim!”

Dib sighed and leaned his head against the door. “I… I don't know, Zim it’s… it’s so complicated…” he closed his eyes. “I don't know if I’ve ever really… like really thought about it… but… I think I do… It’s always been you for me, Zim. I guess… I guess I’m…fuck, we spent so much time fighting and trying to kill each other… Now everything is different. I… But I mean we’re not even the same species! How… I don’t know, how would we even-“

Dib felt something hit the other side of the door and jumped.

“Dib-shit,” Zim’s voice was annoyed, “I'm going to ask you a simple question and you are going to answer, just that question, in 4 words or less. And until I hear the simple answer, this door is staying closed.”

Dib sighed. “Zim…”

“Do you have human love feelings for Zim?”

“Zim, I-“

“That’s two words!” Zim cut him off. 

Dib closed his eyes in annoyance. Why was this so hard? Why did fucking Zim have to make this so hard? It had been like an overwhelming wave of clarity just a few minutes ago. Why was it so hard to say now? Because of all the issues of interspecies relationships that they couldn’t even begin to predict? Or was it just that, admitting it to Zim, or even just to himself, would make it real? Would make him vulnerable to Zim in a way he’d never been before. Stupid fucking Zim… stupid impatient Zim… stupid fucking beautiful, brilliant, ridiculous, unpredictable, wonderful, sexy Zim… 

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes again. “I love you… I love you, Zim.” 

There was another pause. Long enough for Dib’s heart to fall from his throat into his stomach.

“Zim? Are you-“

“Be quiet, Dib-stink.” Zim threw the door open. Dib had just enough time to register that something was different before Zim yanked him into the room. 

And then Zim was kissing him. And everything else melted away. Dib closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around Zim as he returned the kiss with a soft moan. He felt Zim pulling him further into the room and followed almost drunkenly. Zim’s mouth was amazing, and when he felt that weird, long, corrugated tongue slip past his lips and wrap around his own tongue he almost buckled at the knees. 

Dib didn’t want the kiss to end but he was starting to feel a little light-headed from lack of air. He and Zim both gasped as they broke the kiss, though neither of them moved away from each other.

“Wow…“ Dib panted, the word hanging stupidly in the air for a moment. Then he finally registered part of what was different. There was no pink in his peripheral vision, and there was no fabric under his hands. Just surprisingly soft green skin. “Y-You took off your uniform?” 

Zim was still wearing his leggings and gloves but his tunic was completely gone. 

“Removing my uniform means momentarily disconnecting my PAK. It can be a bit tricky.” Zim smirked, leaning up to kiss his neck.  “I thought I’d save you the trouble.”

Dib let out a soft breath and closed his eyes for a moment, holding Zim’s smaller body close to him. 

“I thought Irkens didn’t… uh..”

“We don’t…” Zim purred, running his fingers through dibs hair. 

Dib pulled Zim’s face up a little and kissed his lips once again. “You’re really good at this for someone whose species doesn’t-”

“There were… similar… mating rituals before we advanced…” Zim kissed him again, kissing his neck and down his chest. “The specifics have been wiped from the database, but the instinct is there… and I’ve researched human mating rituals… and they appear to be compatible.”

Dib smirked a little, tilting his head back. “So you have been watching porn? Is that what you were doing while you were pretending to work on the Voot?”

“Among other things.” Zim hissed, pushing Dib back now until his calves hit…

“You push the beds together?” 

“Yes.” Zim sounded impatient. 

“When did-”

“While you were yammering at the door.”  He tugged on the hem of Dib’s shirt, trying to push it off, but he was too short to reach over Dib’s head.

Enough blood moved back up to his brain for Dib to really think about what they were about to do. “Zim… are you-“

“DIB!” Zims’s PAK legs lifted him up to be at equal height with Dib. “ENOUGH BABBLING! Do you want to fuck Zim or not!”

Dib looked at Zim, his eyes trailing over his smaller green body. He didn’t have nipples or a belly button. Just completely smooth green skin over a muscular torso. And just the slightest hint of a bulge under the black fabric in his pants. 

“Oh, fuck yes.” Dib caught Zim around the waist, turning and throwing him down on the two twin beds.

Zim yelped in surprise, but he was smiling when Dib looked at his face. Dib cupped Zim’s face in his hands, kissing him again. He felt the little hands tugging at his shirt again and paused the kiss long enough to pull it up and off of him. 

Zim’s hands immediately moved down to Dib’s pants but there Dib stopped him. “Slow down, space boy,” Dib said softly, lightly biting Zim’s neck. 

He heard Zim moan softly. “Zim has waited long enough. I want-“

“I know what you want, space boy.” He kissed him again on the lips. “But I’m not going to let you rush me through this.” He sat up a bit on his knees, hooking his fingers under Zim’s waistband. “Besides, you’ve had the benefit of the internet to study human anatomy. You know how long I’ve wanted to study your beautiful body.”

Zim was blushing again. For the first time, he looked a little nervous. 

Oh my God…

Seeing Zim under him like this, so small, half-naked, blushing, and shy. Oh, Dib could get used to seeing Zim like this… 

Unfortunately, Zim’s pride and impatience intervened. “Then study quickly!” Zim said, crossing his arms in annoyance. “Zim wants to study you as well, and see how you compare to my research!”

 “Yeah, knowing that you're going to be comparing me to a porn star really doesn't make me want to take off my pants,” Dib said, his eyes moving to Zim’s hands. “Why did you leave your gloves on?” Zim hesitated, but then Dib remembered something Zim had said the last time that he’d tried to take off his gloves. “ It's indecent for an Irken to be ungloved.”  

Dib took one of Zim’s hands kissing his gloved palm. “Are your hands.. erogenous zones?”

Zim shivered. “Eh…sort of…” 

Oh god, he’s blushing again. 

He leaned down and kissed Zim’s lips lightly. “You’re so cute when you blush.”

Zim glared at him. “Cute? Zim is not cute. Gir is cute. Disgusting fur monsters are cute. Zim is-“

“Sexy.” Dib finished for him with a nod. “Beautiful. Gorgeous.” He bit the edge of Zim’s glove, pulling it off with his teeth. He wanted to keep that little blue blush in Zim’s cheeks. That little shy smile. Zim shivered at how Dib took his glove off, closing his eyes. He was clearly fighting between two desires: wanting to maintain some kind of control and wanting to let Dib ravish every inch of him. 

Dib tossed the glove aside and took a look at Zim’s bare hand. His claw-like fingers looked even sharper exposed like this, and there was a slight webbing at the base of his fingers. Dib pulled Zim’s hand up to kiss his wrist and then his palm, eliciting a soft sigh from the Irken. He ran the tip of his tongue over the webbing next, then slowly sucked a long claw into his mouth, reaching to take Zim's other glove off. 

Zim gave a soft breathy moan and Dib grinned around his finger. He ran a hand down between his legs and was a little surprised to feel his crotch completely soaked and radiating heat. 

“You like that, space-boy?” Dib purred in his best sultry voice. 

Zim opened his eyes and gave Dib an annoyed look. “Don’t ask stupid questions.” He pulled his hand from Dib’s mouth, “None of your disgusting sex talk. If you insist on continuing I will ridicule you mercilessly.”

Dib couldn’t help chuckling a little. “You’ll ridicule me?” 

Zim crossed his arms, pushing Dib out from between his legs with his foot and pressing his knees together. “Yes. And your little breeding stick that you are so afraid to show me.”

“Hey,” Dib frowned, receiving a triumphant look from Zim that made him smirk. “Okay,” he said, pushing his knees back apart and leaning over him. “Okay, okay… no dirty talk. I suck at it anyway.” He kissed Zim lightly. “Seriously asking though, you liked what I was doing with your hands?”

Zim returned the kiss but didn't uncross his arms, looking at Dib with annoyance. “Dib-smell, if you're going to get all paranormal scientist about this-“

“Okay, okay, I’ll shut up, I’ll shut up!!” Dib kissed Zim’s mouth again, pressing his lips apart and coaxing out Zim’s tongue with his own. He ran his hands down Zim’s body, taking hold of his hips and pressing his body against Zim’s, grinding against him. He could feel the heat coming from Zim’s crotch through his jeans. His jeans which were becoming painfully tight. He broke the kiss to Zim’s lips, kissing down his neck again, then down to his smooth chest. He felt Zim’s hand start playing with his hair. 

Dib moved down further, kissing Zim’s flat stomach. 

“Dib…?”

The human looked up from his stomach. “Yes?”

“This is taking too long.” 

Dib snorted. “So impatient.” He slipped his fingers under Zim’s leggings, lightly tugging them down, kissing Zim’s waist and his hips. 

“You’re going to be there when you look at me??”

Dib looked up at Zim. He’d hidden his face in his hands but Dib could still see how blue his face had gone. He was as nervous about Dib seeing him naked as Dib was about Zim seeing him. 

Dib came back up to kiss his hips again, still inching his leggings down. “Just relax, Zim. I need to know what I’m working with. And I can promise that you’ll like what I'm going to do.” 

The first surprise was that Zim wasn't wearing any kind of underwear. 

Is that an Irken thing or just a Zim thing? Dib wondered as he dropped the pants on the floor. He nudged his legs apart again, staring at the second surprise between Zim’s legs:

There was definitely something akin to a dick, though Zim’s looked way more interesting. It was a lot like his tongue, red and grooved and… flexible, but it looked a bit more like a tentacle. The thought crossed his mind of how amazing it would feel to be fucked by that . But then Dib saw what was beneath it. 

“Holy shit…” he mumbled, looking at Zim’s bright blue face hidden behind his hands. “You have a puss-“

“A BREEDING TUBE!” Zim snapped his legs together, “do not use your filthy human porn slang for Zim’s anatomy.”

“Okay!” Dib pushed his legs back open and looked at the entrance to the “breeding tube.” He hesitated before lightly brushing his thumb over the slit. So that explained where all that moisture in Zim’s pants had come from. He was almost dripping with a translucent pink fluid. Now that it was exposed to the open air, Dib could smell the incredible sweet scent of Zim’s pheromones. It seemed that Zim’s biology was about as subtle as the alien himself; the pheromones were intoxicating. Successfully wiping Dib's overactive brain of anything but Zim’s amazing body. 

Zim’s eyes fluttered shut as Dib started rubbing his entrance. He made a soft chirping noise and laid his head back on the bed. His tentacle twitched, reaching down for Dib’s hand and pulling it closer to his entrance. 

Fuck, that's hot… 

Dib ran his finger over the opening again, nudging the tentacle away so he could focus. Zim was soaked with his own self-lubricant and Dib was suddenly overwhelmed with the need to know if it tasted as sweet as it smelled. He leaned his head down, kissing Zim’s inner thigh before running his tongue over the wet slit.

It did taste as good as it smelled. Like candy. 

Zim gasped, making a purring clicking sound like the ones he’d heard him make in his sleep. Dib lightly pressed the lips of Zim’s opening apart, getting a good look at the sensitive skin below, the same hot pink color as his eyes. He licked the layer of skin before pressing his tongue inside of Zim, earning another loud gasp from the alien. He felt Zim’s hand in his hair, pulling his face in closer to him, so he continued pressing his tongue in and out of that delicious hole. Zim’s tentacle nudged against his face lightly, looking for some attention. Dib wrapped his hand around the base and began pumping him lightly.

Zim’s hand tightened around Dib's hair, tugging slightly while still pushing his face deeper. Dib moaned, sending vibrations up Zim’s body. 

“Dib…” 

Zim moaned his name amid a series of gasps and moans. 

Fuck!

Dib could feel his dick throbbing against the inside of his pants. Fuck he could listen to Zim say his name like that for the rest of his life.

He pulled back from Zim’s slit running his tongue over his tentacle and circling his opening with his index finger. He slowly pressed one finger into Zim, just to the first knuckle, and… fuck he was tight. 

“Dib… I- ahh.. ung!” Zim moaned as Dib slid his finger in farther. “E-enough… with the fingers!” 

Zim trying to regain some element of control in his shaking voice was adorable.

“Not yet,” Dib pressed his finger in as deep as it would go, moving it about for a moment and letting Zim get used to it.

“Dib-“

“Have you ever done this before, Zim?” Dib sat up a bit to look at Zim, stretched out and writhing on the bed, his face flushed with blue.

Zim looked at Dib for a moment before he finally answered. “No…”

“I have.” Dib told him, “and it hurts like crazy if you jump into it too fast.” He leaned down and kissed Zim’s lips tenderly for a moment. “So just trust me, okay?”

Zim paused, looking at Dib for a moment. “Okay…” he hesitated. “But take off your pants.”

“Zim-“

“Zim will not be the only one exposed.” The little alien pulled Dib down to him, kissing him with a soft moan. “And I want to see you.” 

Dib felt the little hands running down his sides to the waistline of his jeans. He moaned softly himself, going back to finger fucking Zim. He let Zim unfasten his pants and push them down with his underwear. He tentatively Looked at Zim’s face as he felt his throbbing dick spring free from his confines. Dib may not exactly be a porn star but he knew that his size wasn't bad. He had a perfectly normal dick. Still… he felt nervous about what Zim would think

Zim blinked at Dib’s naked body, his antennae standing up slightly. 

Dib felt his cheeks getting hot as the irken continued staring at him like that. “It- I mean… You know that porn is always really exaggerated-” Dib broke off as he felt the Irken’s little hand wrap around his length and begin stroking him. 

“The size of your sex organ is more than sufficient. You may continue with the fingering.” Zim smirked a little, wrapping his other arm around Dib’s neck. “But stay close to Zim.”

Dib rolled his eyes but smiled. “‘Sufficient’” He repeated, continuing to move his finger into Zim. “Only you could make being a brat sound almost endearing.” Dib kissed Zim’s lips again.

The little irken moaned loudly against Dib’s mouth, running his fingers through his hair. Dib slowly began to press a second finger into him.

Zim gasped loudly, arching his back and tightening his grip slightly on Dib. Then, it was Dib’s turn to gasp. Zim’s little hand felt amazing on his hard cock. It wrapped perfectly around his shaft as he pumped him in rhythm with the movement of Dib’s fingers. Dib remembered a technique he’d heard about once and tried curling his finger against the front wall of Zim’s breeding tube in a “come hither” motion. 

Zim’s gasp was almost a scream and his little hands let go of Dib to cover his own mouth. Dib leaned his head against Zim’s neck to hide his smirk. 

Seems the little alien did have a G-Spot. There was so much about Zim that Dib wanted to know. Every little discovery about Zim’s body, every little moan and gasp as Dib found all the different pleasure points on Zim’s body, filled Dib with an excitement that he couldn’t put into words. 

Dib felt something wrap around his dick even though both of Zim’s hands were still pressed over his mouth. He looked down and saw that Zim’s tentacle had wrapped around him and was pulling him in closer to his opening. 

“Zim-”

“I don’t care!” Zim shouted in Dib’s face. “Fuck Zim!”

This time, Dib didn’t argue. He pulled his fingers from Zim’s opening and allowed the tentacle to pull him into him. Dib pressed against him and slowly began to push into him. Zim’s hands dropped to the bed, grabbing the sheets and gasping loudly. 

Dib had barely pushed in past the head of his cock. It was taking all of his willpower not to shove all the way into Zim. Fuck, Zim felt so good. He was so tight Dib felt like his dick was being choked out. 

“Are you okay?” Dib panted softly. 

Zim’s eyes were clenched shut, his jaw set. But he nodded. “G-Gimme a sec…”

Dib kissed Zim’s lips lightly. “Just try to relax, space-boy. I won’t move until you’re ready.”

The kissing seemed to be helping. Zim gave a shaky breath, loosening his grip on the sheets and then wrapping his arms around him as he returned the kiss. He chirped softly again, pulling back to look at him, his eyes lidded and his breathing heavy. “I love you, Dib-stink.” He moaned softly, “Keep going.”

Dib smiled and kissed Zim again, pushing in further until he was completely buried inside the alien. “I love you too, Zim.”

Chapter Text

Dib pulled Zim down to him after they finished. They were both drenched in sweat, as well as several other bodily fluids, and gasping for air. Zim had been riding Dib for most of their second round. Having Zim looming over him like that, his sharp claws digging into his chest, was a little terrifying. He’d had nightmares about Zim being in a similar position. Now he had a feeling they’d be a completely different kind of dream. Now, both panting and exhausted, Dib couldn’t seem to hold Zim close enough. 

He pressed a gentle kiss against Zim’s lips and smiled. “I wish you’d told me about your feelings sooner… we could have been doing this all Summer.” Dib teased, tracing a finger over Zim’s scalp. Zim’s eyes were closed but his antenna twitched at the light touch. He chirped softly, giving a content purr. 

“I tried…” he mumbled, peeking up at Dib. “But then you’d make some stupid human face and I’d lose my nerve.”

“A stupid human face.” Dib repeated with a soft chuckle. He couldn’t stop smiling or pull his eyes away from the drowsy little Irken. 

“Can I ask you some… what did you call it? Paranormal science questions?”

Zim groaned and buried his face in Dib‘s shoulder, grumbling something that sounded like a reluctant confirmation. 

“Are all Irkens hermaphroditic?” Dib asked, lightly rubbing Zim’s back. 

The Irken sighed, like he'd been expecting this question. “Yes.” he paused before adding “I believe so.”

“You believe so?”

“Irken sexes are more complicated than humans.” Zim continued. “The differences are more subtle. Both are capable of producing and fertilizing eggs. Just at different levels of efficiency.” Dib started to ask another question but Zim interrupted. “It's not usually important. No Irken has reproduced organically in centuries.”

“Well, yeah,” Dib remembered that Irkens reproduced through cloning from the data on Tak’s ship. 

“Irkens don’t experience love or sexual arousal or attraction.” Zim continued, unprompted, “Sex is an unclean, primitive act like…” he paused searching for something in human culture to compare it too. “Like… how human dog monsters clean themselves by licking.” Zim paused, then seemed to remember something. “Humans have had similar views of sex. In the.. Victor-in age?”

“Victorian area?” Dib clarified.

“Yes.” Zim paused for a moment. “It’s… against Irken law to form romantic pairings.”

That was a surprise for Dib. “Seriously?” 

Zim nodded, not looking at Dib‘s face. “Under Irken law I could be called to an existence evaluation trial for what we just did… though that's more of a formality. And an excuse to broadcast the defective Irken’s shame before execution.” 

That last part hung in the air for a few minutes as the weight of everything started to settle in for Dib. “So… you-“

“Though considering I already have assassins waiting to rip my PAK off and bring it back to the tallests, I don't think adding one more death sentence really makes much of a difference.”

Zim’s voice was calm and nonchalant, however he’d rolled over in the bed, away from Dib. 

“Why… how do they justify a law like that ?” Dib asked, wanting Zim to turn over again but not wanting to push him. 

“It’s an obvious sign of defection.” Zim said with a shrug. “Irken PAKs usually emit certain drugs to suppress any feelings of love or attraction. An Irken who falls in love or feels sexually attracted to someone has a malfunctioning PAK. Acting on those feelings means acknowledging that the PAK isn’t working and doing nothing about it.” He took another breath before continuing. “My feelings for you are just one more example of my failings. Another reminder that I’m defective and should have been deactivated years ago.”

Dib didn't know what to say. He put his hand on Zim’s shoulder, moving as close as he could without touching his PAK. “Is that why you didn’t want to tell me?”

Zim paused a moment before nodding.  “Telling you that I love you meant admitting my failure and my defect. Zim is… not… a perfect example of the incredible Irken race.” He sighed with a shrug. “Ironically, my very ability to feel and crave love in itself makes me unlovable.”

“You’re not unlovable, Zim.” Dib propped himself up on his elbow. ”I don’t care if your world thinks you're defective. For humans, love is… the greatest achievement you can reach. To find the one person who you love completely and who loves you back? That's what all the best books, poems, paintings, and music is about.” He gently pulled Zim around to lay on his back and look at him, seeing that he had moisture in his eyes again. ”Zim… I love everything that's defective about you. I love… all of you. Even when your being a sedistic, murderous ghoul with no regard for human life. When you're yelling at me about how much you hate everything, being annoying, just… yelling in general…and none of the annoying stuff is the stuff you say makes you defective. I know I was an ass today… because I was terrified that you could leave and I could lose you. I love you, Zim. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Zim still wouldn’t look at him. He was keeping his eyes on a point just past Dib’s neck. It was hard to tell if the tears in Zim’s eyes were actually tinted pink or if it was a reflection from his magenta eyes. Dib lightly brushed his thumb under his eye. There was a slight tint to Zim’s tears. Zim rubbed his eyes and sighed “Well, that’s because you’re stupid.”

Dib rolled his eyes. “Geeze, why do I even-”

Zim cut him off, pulling Dib close and kissing him. “But I love you for it.”

Dib scoffed and shook his head, smirking at Zim. “You're such a shit,” he teased affectionately, kissing his face again. He wanted to get off of the subject Irken defection. “So, how did I stand up against your research, space-boy?” Dib pulled Zim a little closer, lightly rubbing his fingers against the back of his neck. “Anything you’d rather I did differently?”

There was that cute little blush again as Zim smiled slightly. “Zim is satisfied with the Dib-stink’s performance.”

Dib chuckled and kissed his alien’s mouth lightly. “Well, Zim’s performance was especially amazing considering sex is illegal on his planet.”

Zim sat up a bit propping his chin on Dib’s chest. “So where did my human learn his tricks?” 

Zim had gotten better at asking probing questions without revealing his true motivation or how much he really wanted the information. Still, “better” did not necessarily mean “good.” Dib knew exactly what Zim was asking. 

“I’ve only had three other partners.” Dib admitted, stroking the Irkens antenna lightly. “None of whom I really cared about, and half the time I was kinda drunk.”

“Three?!” Zim sat up further, looking slightly murderous. “Who??”

“Calm down!” Dib told him to pull him to lay against his chest. “It was all a long time ago. And None of them really mattered much to me.”

Zim looked at him irritably then sighed, “Zim is calm.” His magenta eyes studied Dib’s face. “Tell me about your first time.”

“Why?” Dib lightly stroked a finger over Zim’s antenna.

“Because Zim wasn’t there.” 

Dib smiled. “Well… honestly it was awful. I think it lasted less than a full minute, neither of us came. It was just super awkward and uncomfortable. We were both kinda drunk and I wasn’t that into it.”

Zim raised an eyebrow. “Why not?” 

Dib shrugged. “I just didn’t really care that much. I guess I really only did it because she really wanted to and I was trying to make it up to her for ditching her at prom.”

“Wait,” Zim sat up a bit again, “your first sex was with Gretchen ? The metal mouth beast?”

“Hey, she didn’t have braces by that point.” Dib said a little defensively. “She was actually kinda cute once we hit hi skool.”

Zim really did look murderous now. “I will kill her.”

“Zim-“

“I WILL KILL THE GRETCHEN STINK BEAST IF SHE COMES NEAR MY DIB AGAIN!”

Dib couldn’t hide a grin at Zim’s choice of words. “ Your Dib?” He repeated.

“Yes!” Zim was suddenly on top of him. “ My Dib! My mate! I will destroy anyone who touches you! Anyone who hurt you or touches you where only ZIM should t-“

Dib flipped the little Irken over on his back and kissed him, capturing that long amazing tongue again. “Your Dib… and my Zim.” He grinned, kissing him once more and looking at him. Maybe someday he’d tell Zim about his other two experiences: the drunken one-night-stand with some guy from Membrane Labs and the awkward two week “relationship” with a guy from the College TruthSeekers Club who turned out to believe in vampires and Pigfoot but not Aliens. For now though… Dib was too busy using his mouth for more important things. Like kissing every inch on Zim he could. His Zim. 

The Irken moaned softly, wrapping his arms around Dib’s neck. “Get on your back, Human. It’s my turn.”

Dib grinned, “oh really?” A look from Zim and Dib figured it would be safer to comply. Besides… he was honestly dying to find out how that tentacle would feel.