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They were just starting to doze when the door creaked open. Ashton's hand was around the grip of their hammer before they could sit up, but in an instant, their shoulders slumped.
"Fuck, Fearne."
"I'm sorry." She didn't sound it. "Were you asleep?"
She asked it like it was a surprise. Like it was weird of him to be sleeping at this hour.
"Trying to." Ashton ran a hand down their face. "What do you want?"
A lot of people would be repelled by his sharp tone, but Fearne wasn't like a lot of people. She approached the bed quietly, and Ashton looked down, curious how she managed to be near silent with hooves. As she walked, moss seemed to grow around her hooves, little tendrils of vine and flowers wrapping around her ankles and underneath her footfalls to cushion the impact with the hard wood floors.
"Orym couldn't sleep, so he went for a walk." She reached the side of their bed. "But I think sometimes when he says that, it's because he had a sexy dream so he's going to go jerk off."
Ashton snorted despite himself. "I'd pay to see his face if he heard you say that."
"I'd offer to help, but Dorian says I'd just embarrass him and that some people only swing one way."
He laughed outright this time, automatically glancing at FCG in the corner to make sure they were still in stasis. They never woke up from sound, but Ashton still felt weird about completely ignoring them.
"Yeah okay- if you ask to help, make sure I'm around. Cuz I'd kill to see his reaction. I'd kill and pay."
Fearne looked pleased that they were so entertained by her matter-of-fact approach to her friend's sexual needs. They were about to ask what any of this had to do with her coming into their room, but before they could open their mouth, she was climbing into bed next to them.
"Hey- what-"
"I don't like to sleep alone." She still sounded cheerful, but went on a little quieter. "I don't like to be alone."
"Oh." Ashton didn't know what to say to that. "Ah- okay."
"Oh," she sounded like she only just remembered that she maybe should ask about such things. "Do you mind if I join you?"
"Naw, go for it."
Making a little pleased hum, she continued until her long, soft figure was sprawled out next to him. She stared, unblinking at his face. Ashton tried not to squirm. Fearne stared differently than other people. Other people stared like they couldn't help themselves if they tried. In disgust or dismay, sometimes pity and discomfort. Then, if they realized he had seen them, they looked away.
Fearne just stared. In curiosity? Appreciation? Fascination? Something of all three. And she didn't look away. It was like it never occurred to her that she shouldn't stare.
But she was on their good side now. She was staring at the less damaged side of their face like it was just as fascinating to her as the sparkling glass side.
"What?"
Again, their harsh tone didn't seem to bother her.
"I was just thinking... the gold and glass is beautiful, but I'm glad it's only on half. Because you're very pretty on your own, you know?"
Ashton had no fucking idea what to say to that.
"I've got no fucking idea what to say to that."
"That's okay."
She didn't stop staring, was the thing. Ashton was at the point where he had to decide if and how he wanted to go to sleep with her there. "If" was easier. He slept near the other Hells sometimes. Sure, it felt a little different with just the two of them and an out of commission Fresh, but still. He didn't distrust Fearne that much. He didn't trust her, obviously, but he didn't think she would do anything too terribly harmful to him in his sleep.
"How" was harder. Ashton didn't think they had ever managed to sleep on their back. When indoors, they liked to keep their back to the wall and face the door. But now, that would mean facing Fearne- seeing her wide, staring eyes every time they opened their own. But the other option meant... well. They weren't sure their not-quite-trust in her extended to feeling comfortable with her at their back while they were unconscious.
"Ashton- was there anyone in the Nobodies you were close to?"
Well, that decided things. Ashton turned to face the wall, giving himself a moment to decide whether or not to answer.
"Yeah. All of them."
"I mean sex close."
Ashton grinned at her lack of subtlety. "Yeah. All of them." He laughed at her delighted gasp. "Not really. I'm joking."
"Oh."
She sounded disappointed. They wondered if she had been hoping for a lewd bedtime story.
"But... some of them?"
Ashton wished they were already asleep. They let out something between a sigh and a toneless hum, like it might cushion the answer. "One."
"The person you thought you were in love with, but now you don't think so."
"Mhm."
He should be lying right now. At some point he'd stopped lying to her and the others. At least, for the most part. He realized too late that during their game, he'd said his confusing feelings for someone had been about ten years ago. And the Hells had found out his fall was far more recent than that. But if she caught the inconsistency, Fearne didn't call him out.
"What was their name?"
Ashton didn't want to tell her. They didn't want to have this conversation. "Sally."
"Were they pretty?"
"Yeah. And she hated it."
He tried not to smile. Didn't want to smile. Cuz he didn't love Sally. He liked her. They had sexual chemistry and a mess of young hormones. He admired her. But that wasn't love. At least not the way they'd once thought.
"She was too cute. Always said she looked like one of those expensive dolls made of china that the rich kids got. All round cheeks and big eyes. So she'd put on just- a ton of black makeup so people would take her more seriously. It worked- and it looked fucking awesome. But it was still fun. Seeing it come off and seeing how cute she was."
"Mmm. That sounds nice."
She was quiet for a few moments. Ashton could feel the drowsiness start to take hold again. Despite the subject of the conversation, they could fall asleep like this. Even when Fearne moved closer and her... generous chest brushed against their back. That was not something to think about right now. They did not want any inconvenient dreams to cause them problems that Fearne Calloway didn't have the tact to ignore.
"Do you miss her?"
"Not a lot."
She didn't call him out on this lie either.
~
"Do you miss her?"
"Not a lot."
Fearne wasn't sure that was true, but she thought Ashton might be mad if she said so. So she just continued to examine the back of their head, fascinated at how the dim light of the hearth's glowing coals slid along the angles and points of amethyst.
"Ashton?"
"Mm."
"Why don't you blame them for leaving you?"
It was careless of them-the Nobodies, Ashton's old 'friends'- to leave him behind. Who could be that careless? He was fun and strong and so beautiful. How could you lose track of him? How could you not look and find him again? She would never be so careless with anyone or anything that was hers.
"I woulda done the same."
"That's not true." She couldn't stop herself. Ashton was always the last to leave danger. They always made sure no one was left behind. They looked after people like they were scared of losing them the way they'd been lost. Like they never wanted anyone to feel the way they'd felt.
He only made a small hum in response, clearly halfway to sleep and getting closer fast. Fearne moved closer, propping herself up on one elbow so she could just see the side of his face.
"I'd hurt them if we ever met them."
A small snort. "Sounds good."
They didn't believe her. That was fine. They didn't have to. It was true anyway.
"...Ashton?"
There was enough of a pause that Fearne thought he had fallen asleep. There was just enough light she could see his eyelids fluttering. She wondered how they felt. How could stone flutter the way the most delicate skin could?
"Hm..."
Fearne leaned in as close as she could so she only had to breathe into their ear.
"Can I keep you?"
"Hm..."
It wasn't a clear answer, but it wasn't a rejection either. She'd take it. She'd take him.
Fearne hesitated only a moment, wanting to hold them, but remembering all the lectures she had received from her boys about grabbing people without asking- yes even if they are very beautiful and you want to grab them in a nice way. And even she noticed that Ashton was very particular about who touched them- even for someone on the material plane. But they had said they didn't mind her touching them when she asked to touch their glass...
She compromised, positioning herself with both hands under his pillow and an ankle slid between his, her nose pressed to the very base of his neck. He smelled almost like sea salt, but not in a sweaty way. It was a dry salt- like a lump in a horse pasture. It was nice. Salt and sun and leather.
"I'll never be careless with you." She promised, quiet enough not to wake them, but hoping they could hear it in their dreams- that her words would chase any bad memories away from their minds for the night. "I'll keep you. And you know how hard it is to take things from me."